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Summum Aeterna – A chaotic roguelite – Cannot be Tamed
Whoa, she’s got the melons out AND a choker. Views must be WAY down. What’s next? She should ask PVC Bondage Guy where he gets his gear. Although, PVC Bondage Guy hasn’t worn his titular bondage gear in quite some time.
I made it to 2:30. It’s boring. She’s reviewing the game. It’s a “roguelike”. She doesn’t like “roguelikes”. But this one seems to be okay. Great.
I’ve been playing We Who Are About to Die lately. It’s a “roguelike”, I guess, but the definition seems to have been stretched beyond any comprehension. Just any game where you die a lot is a “roguelike”, apparently.
Dungeon Crawl: Stone Soup is a legitimate roguelike. We Who Are About to Die or this game that Pam is reviewing, I don’t think so. Although, I don’t know much about this game that Pam is playing. If the levels are randomly generated then maybe. But they don’t seem to be.
We Who Are About to Die is…tough to say. It’s in alpha or whatever they want to call it but they’re selling the game at full price so I think that whole thing is just a marketing scam. “Oh, our game sucks dick but it’s in alpha so you can’t expect it to be good. Pay us the full price for the game, though, and maybe in a few years it will get better. Maybe.”
How many hours do I have on this thing? Thirty. So that’s a fair amount.
It’s a gladitorial combat game. I had fun with it but I don’t know. After I beat the game, I realised a lot of the somewhat nitpicky flaws in it.
Well, let’s start with the combat. That’s what the game is all about. You go from one gladitorial bout to the next.
At first I thought, “This is fucking impossible” and I’d get killed on my second or third fight consistently. But then I figured out that you can hit the guy and then dash backwards. And when he runs at you, about to hit you, just dash backwards again when he swings. It doesn’t work 100% of the time but it’s good enough to get you pretty far into the game.
Also, you need to train stamina. And if you train anything other than stamina, you’re wasting your time. Stamina is the only thing that you need to train. And without a high enough stamina, you’re going to be completely fucked. It’s the only stat that seems to matter.
There are four…rich people or something that run these gladitorial bouts. And every week you have to compete in one bout. The person whose bout you choose to do will raise their opinion of you after the bout and the other three will lower their opinion. It’s impossible to please all of them or even one of them, really.
But it doesn’t matter. If they have a high opinion of you, there’s no great bonus and if they have a low opinion of you, there’s no great malus. So I don’t even bother looking at that unless it gets to the end game and that’s a win condition.
I like the game, though. The concept is good. There’s a lot that can be done with it. Apparently, the developer has a lot of ideas. It was just one guy making the game for a long time but I think he has a small team now. So I bought it legitimately. I only buy maybe one or two games a year.
People talk about wanting animals added to the game and whatnot. And that would be fine, I guess. But I’m more concerned with improving the existing features.
It’s a balancing act to get everything right. The weapons and armor…I don’t know. Once I got maxed out weapons and armor, I didn’t feel any more powerful. I probably was but the opponents constantly get more powerful so it doesn’t really make a difference.
And as for the AI…they’re not great but I don’t know if you even want them to be great. If they’re too good, that’s no fun. You should be able to beat them. And I do inevitably die, evern as it is.
So We Who Are About to Die is good but flawed but I don’t really know how to fix the flaws.
As for Pam’s video, who gives a shit?
- “Oh my god this looks hard!”
He’s looking down at his penis after looking at Pam’s thumbnail.
- “Great video, beautiful hair, and an amazing dress. Hope you have a great day!”
- “You look amazing”
- “You’re hair is beautiful.”
Pam replied to all of these horntards thanking them for their desperate compliments.
She dyed her hair black, by the way. Or she stopped dying her hair. And there’s a slight flip in her hair. So…that counts as her trying to do something with her hair. She mentions in the comments that she’s trying to do something with her hair.
Hair advice for Pam…I’ve got none. Who cares? That’s my advice. Nobody gives a shit. You’re a 40+ year old angry lesbian. There’s nothing you can do with your hair that will change what a horrible, repellent person you are.
I always wanted to get my hair done like Tong Po from Kickboxer. Why is nobody doing that? It’s not even that much of a committment. You wouldn’t have to grow it out for years. You’d just have to grow it long enough so that you can weave extensions in.
You see people with purple hair or a they shaved a small line into the side of their head or whatever and that’s supposed to be edgy. There’s nothing edgy about that. I want to see Tong Po.
It was all the rage in Manchu China. Bring it back. Why not? Because people “rebel” in a very mainstream, safe, non-rebelious fashion.
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Family Matters (1990s) – Monster Madness 2023 – Cinemassacre
I think that we know what to expect by now. James Rolfe in front of a green screen, wearing his orange pumpkin shirt, will set out his criteria for what a Halloween episode is. He’ll possibly break his own criteria. He’ll set out a list of more interesting shows that he could have “reviewed”. And then he’ll summarise an episode of fucking Family Matters.
How embarrassing is it that Family Matters is one of James’ favourite shows? Along with such highbrow TGIF fare as Full House? These are shows for CHILDREN.
I had a discussion with some nerd on Reddit about this. He insisted that Family Matters isn’t a children’s show. Oh, do tell. Do you think many childless adults were tuning in every Friday to catch the latest antics of Urkel? Oh, he built a robot version of himself this week and it’s destroying the Winslow’s kitchen. This is some real sophisticated comedy. I can’t decide if I should watch this or Frasier.
0:30 – He’s giving the honourable mentions. Full House (of course), Married with Children, Boy Meets World. God. Boy Meets World. That’s even more of a children’s show than Family Matters.
Roseanne and Home Improvement get shout outs too.
I watched all of these shows. Married with Children was obviously a raunchy show and geared to adolescent boys, as opposed to children who were the target audience of, say, Family Matters. And Roseanne dealt with adult situations but the Halloween episodes were clearly aimed at children. Home Imrprovement had little to nothing to appeal to adults.
1:30 – “So what about Seinfeld, one of the biggest shows of the 1990s, if not the biggest show of the 1990s, did not have a Halloween episode.”
Yeah…Jimmy…it’s a show for ADULTS. It centres around four childless ADULTS. Adults who live in New York City, by the way. There’s no fucking trick or treaters going to the various apartments.
But somehow this concept totally baffles Jimmy.
Then he goes on to talk about The Adventures of Pete and Pete, a show that was squarely aimed at children and broadcast on Nickelodeon “the only channel for kids”, and describes the show as “family oriented”.
No. Jimmy. CHILD-orientated. The only adults watching that trash are doing so because their children are watching it. What single adult in the 1990s was watching The Adventures of Pete and Pete? Some fucking giant creep perhaps but I don’t think that they were the target audience.
Then he talks about Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark, two more shows squarely aimed at children. I’ve never even seem them. I’ve never seen The Adventures of Pete and Pete either. I was too old by the time those shows were on. I was probably 13.
2:15 – He starts talking about Halloween specials of the 1990s and how they therefore don’t meet his criteria. Never mind the fact that his previous video was about that Garfield Halloween special. God. If anybody knows “special”, it’s James “Seven and a Half Years in Special Education” Rolfe.
2:30 – “Who can forget The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror?”
Well, you, for example. Hasn’t James said that he never watched the Simpsons? Or stopped after the first season or something?
2:45 – “And what about South Park?”
WHAT ABOUT GETTING ON TO THE FUCKING “REVIEW”, JIMMY? ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.
3:00 – “So we could have just had a whole marathon about the 90s.”
But you were too fucking lazy to do your job.
3:15 – “I’m going to have to go with my favourite sitcom of the 90s, Family Matters.”
“Did I do that?” Isn’t that funny, adult comedy?
God, he’s such a fucking retard. Before you knew that he went to special education you must have just thought, “Oh, he’s a quirky guy who can appreciate children’s shows.” No. He’s a straight up retard who can ONLY appreciate children’s shows because he has the mind of a child.
4:00 – “Urkel was my hero.”
How? You were building cloning machines in your basement? What about Urkel is possibly relatable? He’s a completely stereotypical nerd with effectively mystical powers and totally one-dimensional.
5:00 – He’s finally talking about the episode. After five minutes of filibustering.
5:15 – “It opens with Urkel, with a jack-o-lantern, warning the audience that this episode is going to be scary. Already, this has got to the most festive way to start a Halloween episode. You can’t ask for any better. But what’s funny is that it’s kind of true. I wouldn’t say that it’s actually scary but it’s definitely much scarier than a regular Family Matters episodes.”
Well no fucking shit, James. It’s a comedy show. God, he’s so fucking stupid.
Let’s recap. Urkel comes on and says that the show is going to be scary. James says that what Urkel says is true. James then goes on to say that the episode ISN’T scary.
So what was true about Urkel’s statement? That it’s scarier than a typical episode where Urkel is crashing a car into the Winslow’s kitchen or something? That’s just common sense.
6:30 – Urkel moved in with the Winslows? I didn’t know that. It apparently happened in a later season. I stopped watching the show right around the time I reached puberty. Like a normal person.
But James was still watching this shit in college.
Why would he move in with the Winslows? He was living with his mother or something. Nearby. Let me look this up.
https://familymatters.fandom.com/wiki/Home_Sweet_Home
Urkel’s parents moved to Russia as a result of their contempt of Urkel. The Winslows agree to let Urkel live with them.
Why? He was constantly trying to fuck Laura. Not to mention destroying their kitchen every week. This is the world’s worst idea.
Back to Jimmy. He’s just continuining to summarise the episode. It’s about a doll that comes to life. It doesn’t look scary but it does look more scary than a typical Family Matters episode. So that was a real astute observation by Jimmy.
How are we going to talk about porn from this? Well, obviously, we have to mention the girl who played the daughter who disappeared from the show and later appeared in a handful of adult movies under the name Crave.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaimee_Foxworth
I saw her on Oprah or something talking about a discussion that she was having with an adult film co-star of hers. They were discussing how degrading the job is or something and the woman said, “Well, we’re just sluts so we have to do it.” And this spurred Miss Foxworth, who just got done taking a double anal penetration, to say, “Wait, a minute. I’m not a slut” and decide to get out of the industry.
What has she done subsequently? According to Wikipedia, substance abuse and depression. That won’t pay the bills.
She also had a baby in 2009. Good for her.
https://twitter.com/jaimeethefoxx
There’s her Twitter. Her Instagram is similar. Full of highly Photoshopped pictures of her, as a 43 year old woman, bending over and pushing her tits together and whatnot. So much for not being a slut.
She said in this interview that she realised that she was only doing porn because she liked the attention. She missed from being an actor. But she decided that it was unhealthy.
But look at that Twitter or, worse, the Instagram. She’s on TikTok too. All the exact same shit. Softcore porn. For who? Who wants to see this? Even her hardcore stuff 20 years ago wasn’t interesting.
According to a Youtube video from five years ago, where she talks about dating, she was single at that time.
https://www.cameo.com/jaimeethefoxx
She’s also on Cameo. $66 for a video. How?
You can choose “roast” as a video option. Maybe she can roast James Rolfe. “Hey, it’s yo fly girl Jaime. Just wanted to let you know that you’re a grown man and you can stop watching that faggot Urkel. He was the one who caused me to get fired from the show. But whatever, this was 30 years ago. I’ve moved on and so should you.”
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Important Update and Giveaway – Gamester81
Talk about channels that have fallen. This guy has loads of videos that got over 100,000 views but they’re all from over ten years ago.
His channel plummetted, I don’t know, around the time of that Amico thing. Was that what it was? John aka Gamester81 was supporting the Amico and Pat the NES Fag called Gamester81 out or…something. Somehow this had an effect on Gamester81. I definitely remember the quality of his videos going way down for quite a while. Months? Years? He said that he sold all of his recording equipment. For what, I don’t know. Rent? Games? Meth? But it was really bad quality for a while. Like he just gave up on the channel.
But he’s still here cranking out shit and he apparently bought his equipment back from the pawn shop. So good for him but his videos are now getting about 1,000 views on average.
I unsubscribed years ago after he banned me. It’s actually my favourite banning of all time just for how utterly preposterous it is.
There was discussion in the comments about how Gamester should shave his head. Not from me. I didn’t start the discussion. But somebody was saying that Gamester should shave his head. Because he was balding. And he usually wore a baseball cap because he was obviously self-conscious about it.
So some kid, at least I assume it was a kid, said something like, “Ew, he shouldn’t shave his head. He’d look awful with a shaved head.”
I then entered the discussion and said that he wouldn’t look awful and it’s probably a good idea if he does shave his head.
Banned. Banned for eternity for this. For DEFENDING Gamester81. For saying something positive about him.
And he did end up shaving his head. So what the fuck was I banned for?
“Well, you’re probably exaggerating. Surely, you called that kid a faggot or something.”
No. Nothing. It was a perfectly civil message simply stating that if Gamester81 wants to shave his head, he’s free to do that. Banned.
Well, karma came around. This guy is now effectively banned from all of Youtube. One thousand views for this video.
0:00 – “You may or may not be aware that I’m co-owner and founder of Game On Expo.”
I was not aware. I don’t even know what it is. Some fucking nerd convention. Just what the world needs. We don’t have enough nerd conventions.
It’s in Arizona.
What are these things actually called? I call them “nerd conventions” not as a joke but genuinely I don’t know the term. They’re not video game conventions because they usually have some other shit going on. Like Game On Expo has anime. I mean, come on. What else can this be called but a “nerd convention”?
0:45 – He describes the event as “Like Comic Con but for gamers and anime lovers.”
So yeah. Nerd convention. Who else but a giant nerd would go to such a thing?
And like comic conventions weren’t already full of nerds. These video game conventions are even worse.
Are there still Star Trek conventions?
https://trekmissionuk.com/guests/
Here’s one in the UK. Is this guest list some kind of a joke? There’s a red shirt guy and two random background women from the original series, some hobo in a baseball cap, an old black guy, and an ancient white guy. I’ve never heard of any of these people.
And the people from the original series must be 100 years old now. That’s why they’re using their pictures from the 1960s television show instead of their current picture.
Who would POSSIBLY go to see this? I’m saying what Star Trek fan would want to go see this? I’m not saying you have to get William Shatner but ANYONE. Anyone who’s recognisable. Get the woman who played Dax on Deep Space Nine. Come on. What can she possibly be doing now? Offer her £500, a free flight to England, and all the convention hot dogs she can eat.
1:00 – He says that there’s a “maid cafe” at this nerd convention. Come on. He should be deeply ashamed of himself. Anyone going to this thing really needs to sit down and have a serious look at what they’re doing with their life.
1:45 – He’s going over the guest list. John Hancock, Radical Reggie, Pixel Game Squad (whoever they are).
WHERE’S JOHN RIGGS? The three most important members of the Metal Jesus “crew”, as far as I’m concerned, having not watched the channel in probably ten years, are John Hancock, Radical Reggie, and JOHN RIGGS. How can you leave John Riggs out? He goes to every fucking nerd convention in the country. Was he not available for this one? He had pre-existing nerd convention obligations?
2:15 – Christopher Judge is also a guest. “You might recognise him from Stargate SG1”.
No. No, I’ve never seen a single episode. Don’t even know what it is.
Well, it was on from 1997 to 2007. Yeah, I wasn’t nerd shit by then. I was an adult.
Then he mentions all of the other guests. Just fucking video game and anime voice actors that nobody has ever heard of before.
Show me the person who wants to meet the guy who did the motion capture for Johnny Cage. What possible appeal is there? For anyone?
You go to a comic book convention and one of the guests is Rob Liefeld and you might say, “Well, the general population probably doesn’t give a fuck about Rob Liefeld but I can a certain segment of comic book fans being interested in seeing him and hearing what he has to say.”
Who’s the audience for the guy who did the motion capture for Johnny Cage? What is that guy possibly going to say that’s going to be of any interest to anyone? Do you want this guy’s autograph? Even if you’re the world’s biggest Mortal Kombat fan, why would you care?
So that’s Gamester81, that bald, hat-loving bastard.
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HOW TO Reboot THE MUMMY – Newt Wallen
He’s filming this one in his bedroom. This is where all the magic happens. With men. Men and prostitutes. And male prostitutes.
Is that even a full-sized bed? He’s sitting on the bed. It looks positively Lilliputian. I mean, I know that Newt is small but does that mean that he has to get a small bed too?
And there’s no headboard. I know that Ikea sells beds with no headboards but only on their cheapest models. Spend the extra $50 and get a headboard, Newt. Women don’t want to have sex in this tiny, headboard-less bed.
And he has the fucking cheapest blackout blinds that Ikea sells too. Newt, come on. You have to up your game.
A blue fucking bedspread too. Newt…the bedspread is not for you. None of this is for you. What the fuck do you care what your bed looks like? The bed should be aesthetically pleasing to WOMEN. They’re the ones who are going to be there. Theoretically.
Although, saying all of that, Newt is openly gay. So…I guess that gay men don’t particularly care about how the bedroom looks? Maybe? They’re just there for the ass pounding and then they’re out of there.
So enough about asses. The Mummy. Let’s hear your ideas, Ideas Man.
1:45 – He thinks it should be rebooted as a horror movie. Tits and gore. Great job, Newt. This is really original stuff.
3:00 – “They used to do mummy unwrapping parties where rich white people would desecrate tombs and unwrap bodies to all of their friends and then people would take pieces of it and stuff.”
Newt really seems to have a misguided view on race. Things aren’t divided by race so much as by class. A rich white person doesn’t give a fuck about you just like a rich black person doesn’t give a fuck about you. You don’t have to try to abandon your “race”, which is impossible, in order to chiill with the homies. All you have to do is understand that a poor black person or a poor Asian person or a poor Hispanic person is in the same position as you are. Once you have this newfound understanding, you won’t have any need to be ashamed by the cosmic accident of birth.
How many mummy unwrapping parties have you been to? Yeah, zero for me too. So there’s no need to be ashamed of what some rich people, who happened to be white, did in their spare time. It’s nothing to do with you. And denouncing white people as a whole won’t score you any points with the vatos. Anyone who’s remotely enlightened won’t give a shit. “Yo, ese, no need to try to impress me, I know you’re not a fat cat. Just be your normal, disgusting, self, dawg.”
5:30 – His idea…such as it is…is that there’s a cult who worships mummies from all over the world. So not just Egypt. He gives the examples of Aztec mummies and…English mummies? What? And he says that the movie would take place in “The moors of England.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moorland
According to Wikipedia, there are moors in England. But it’s something much more commonly associated with Scotland. The Highlands.
I was talking to a taxi driver and he was talking about the Highland Clearances of 1750-1860, according to Wikipedia. And he was talking about how the rich people in Scotland today are the descendants of the Scottish nobility who sold out their people to the English nobility lo those many centuries ago. And these people are on tv talking about how proud they are to be Scottish in their posh accents when all of their wealth came from their ancestors selling out the working or peasant class Scottish people with the forced removal from the Highlands.
So this guy wasn’t saying, “Oh, I’m really ashamed to be a white Scottish guy.” He was clued in. He saw where the problem lied: it’s a class issue.
The Norman invasion. It happened in 1066. French nobility invaded England and replaced the English nobility.
Studies have shown that even today, nearly 1000 years later, English people with French surnames are wealthier, on average, than people with English surnames. These people are the descendants of the French nobility and the advantage that they get from that can still be seen 1000 years later. It’s an advantage generation after generation based on class, not based on race.
13:00 – Newt references filming in his bed. “This is where the magic doesn’t happen. Just so you know, I’m sitting my bedroom because I’m folding laundry.”
What? Folding laundry? I’ve gone my whole life without folding laundry. What are you gay? Oh.
But seriously what are you folding laundry for? I just put my underwear in a drawer. It doesn’t need to be folded. Who cares? And shirts get hung up. Pants get folded and put away, I guess, but that takes two seconds.
I remember my mother folding clothes but…why? What was she doing? What was being folded?
Towels, I guess. You’d have to fold towels to store them. But I only have, whatever, three towels and they’re all hung up somewhere and in use at all times.
Bedsheets. I guess bedsheets get folded. I’ll be honest and say that I don’t change bedsheets too often, though.
But other than this…Newt is a single man. Why is he folding clothes? How many clothes does he have that they need to be folded? It just seems weird to me. Maybe I’m the weird one, though.
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Ghoul School on NES – Erin Plays
What is this? A skeleton oompa loompa?
She puts no effort into ANYTHING. “Well, I have an oompa loompa wig, I have a skeleton top, let’s put them together.”
Mike has money. Why doesn’t she say, “Mike, I need money for a costume. A good one this time, not the usual thrown together shit that I usually come up with.” Mike would be happy to do it. This is the agreement, Erin. This is how sugarbabying works. You ask for stuff and your sugardaddy provides it. It’s expected. You don’t have to embarrass yourself with these fucking horrible costumes.
0:00 – “Anyway, your character is called Spike and I’m guessing that he got that nickname from his hair.”
You mean the obvious 1980s punk rock spiked hair? Yeah. Erin. That’s the reference alright. We don’t need that pointed out. It’s obvious. What are you, fucking retarded?
She’s at the first SCREEN of the game and she says, “Can you go in this door?”
No. You can’t. She’s CLEARLY never played this before. But she starts the video by giving you the backstory, suggesting that she has played it before.
0:15 – “I guess you would say that it’s a Metroidvania because you’re kind of running around, going back and forth?”
First of all, no. This game, from the two seconds I’m seeing of this, no. Not a Metroidvania. God, what a fucking retard.
But secondly, stop talking about the game like you have any familiarity with you. YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT YOU CAN’T GO IN THE DOOR THAT’S ON THE FIRST SCREEN OF THE FUCKING GAME, YOU MISERABLE, DUMB, LYING BITCH.
She goes in the first room, walks around, and says, “So there’s nothing in that room. That’s something that kind of sucks, that there are empty rooms.”
You didn’t know that the room was empty? The first fucking room?
And I doubt that it was empty. There has to be a reason for that room. Let me look up a competent playthrough.
Maybe it is empty. Because that guy doesn’t bother going in the rooms. As you would, if you knew that it was empty. Erin didn’t know this because she’s never played the game before.
Erin clearly has NO CLUE what’s going on but she insists on maintaining the charade that she does. It’s fucking infuriating.
2:00 – “So I haven’t gotten super far in this game but I do remember one area: the gym.”
Stop the fucking lies. If you play a game briefly, on stream, for money, that does not count as having played the game. Stop presenting yourself as some kind of authority on the game.
2:30 – “This game isn’t great but I like it for some reason.”
Explain to me how you can like a game that you’re so unfamiliar with that you didn’t even know that you can’t enter the door on the first SCREEN of the game. And all of the other bullshit that surprised and confounded her that you would have picked up on during your first attempt at the game.
2:45 – “Ooh, is this an elevator. That looks like an elevator.”
You don’t know? You don’t know if there’s an elevator in this game, on the first level?
And then she can’t go in. Because it wasn’t an elevator. She didn’t know any of this.
Then she gets to a dead end and is surprised by this. Really? You can’t navigate the first fucking level of this game that you say that you like?
3:45 – “The music changes so are these considered bosses?”
You tell us, Erin. You’re the expert.
“Oh my god. His hand comes out?”
Fuck this shit. I’m skipping to the end.
11:00 – “I don’t understand what you’re supposed to do here.”
Then she dies and it’s a game over.
“So this game is just a lot of exploration. It’s just about finding new areas.”
I don’t think that it’s any of that and you don’t know jack shit about the fucking game. Why not just admit it?
“I don’t hate it. Do I think it’s a good game? No. But do I find it interesting and I want to come back to it? Yes.”
Here’s another question for you, Erin. Will you come back to it? “Only if it’s on stream, for money.”
Absolute fucking trash. There are jobs out there, Erin. Find one. This is not for you. This will never a success. You’re soon to be a 40 year old woman. Has any of this worked so far? Do you think that people are waiting for MILF fake gamers? That’s the untapped market?
First of all, you’re not going to be a MILF, you’re just going to be old. Secondly, you don’t have an ounce of personality. That’s why this whole fucking thing was doomed to begin with. If you were a fake gamer but you had personality, it might have worked. Maybe. But with no personality, no interest in video games, no experience with video games, and no experience with ANYTHING, forget it. Go get a fucking job. There’s no shame in getting a job. The shame is what you’re doing now. You’re debasing yourself for PENNIES.
- “I would simply transfer out of the ghoul school.”
That bit of “comedy” was from Tony from Hack the Movies. Doesn’t even make fucking sense. He just wanted to get a mention on the blog, I guess. No. Tony. You’re done. You’re out. Your sick, degenerate bullshit with pimped out orphans has crossed a line. You’re not getting an article on the blog ever again. Your videos are fucking unwatchable anyway so I find it a relief not to have to watch that shit any more.
He did a video with Mint Salad recently. This woman who’s getting urinated on by her pimp and it’s being filmed for money. This woman who Tony has appeared in a porn video with. This woman who Tony has undoubtedly had sex with for money possibly while this woman’s pimp was peeing on the both of them.
I’m supposed to watch this and say “Oh, tee hee. Tony said something kind of silly. What a goofy guy.”
No. It’s gross. You’re gross. You’re a total piece of shit and I derive no comedy from watching your shit videos.
- “There was a Genesis game that was cancelled called Zombie High that this reminds me a lot of. I reviewed the Proto many years ago. I remember it being hard as hell. The ROM is out there.”
That was from omega orbitter Joe from Gamesack. I don’t get it. Is it possible that he think that Erin gives the slightest of fucks about video games? Because he leaves comments like this all the time.
Joe. Get a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. I don’t know what you’re into. You’re looking at Newt Wallen’s cock so it sort of raises some questions. And Newt Wallen has sex with men. He’s open about it. Newt Wallen is openly gay. He has sex with Metz aka PVC Bondage GUY, a well-known man, the clue is in the name, and films it for OnlyFans.
And Joe from Gamesack is there with his dick in his hand asking to see a homosexual man’s penis along with 8 Bit Eric, another presumed homosexual.
Hey, boys, I’m not here to judge. Be loud and proud. I’m just saying give up on Erin. It’s not happening. Erin likes…wait a minute. Mike also shows his penis to other men. Well, whatever. I suppose that the entertainment industry does seem to attract flamboyant homosexual men. And yeah, Youtube isn’t exactly Hollywood but it’s still a kind of entertainment industry.
- “FANTASTIC as usual, rockin costume choice as well! yay for Spoopy Month”
- “Love the costume Erin. I do hope that someday you will consider doing a review of the Punisher on the NES and play it while wearing a leather jacket.”
- “Sexy skeleton Erin”
- “Omg Please marry me”
- “Love the costume. Great video, as you always do”
- “That’s a Great Looking Outfit Erin such a Beautiful Costume I Love it.”
- “The outfits are getting cooler by the episode”
- “I was thinking of someone else with Green hair and a Pinstripe Suit anyway Hi Erin”
- “I love your costume Erin! You look amazing!”
It’s crazy. This is Erin’s life. She puts no effort into ANYTHING and these fucking LEGITIMATE retards still praise her.
I mean…do you even want praise from retards? That would make me uncomfortable.
But maybe she doesn’t know that they’re retarded or she’s convinced herself that they’re not. I don’t know. But hearing that everything you do is great and you should stay the course has to have a warping influence on you. Especially when, objectively, everything that you do is SHIT. Because then you don’t know what to believe. “I’m putting no effort into anything but people still seem to love it so I must be some kind of a creative genius.”
No. Not a genius, Erin. These people are just retarded. What they’re telling you is not true. Your costume is total shit. Your videos are total shit.
“Well, why is everybody else saying that I’m so great then?”
Because they’re retards and they’re trying to have sex with you. It’s as simple as that. I’m giving you a dose of reality. That’s why the blog is important. A voice of sanity in a sea of horny retards. It’s beneficial to Erin to know that her content is shit. Because she can’t go through life believing the lies of the horntards. The reality is that everything that Erin does is shit. Once she accepts this, which I appreciate is a difficult thing to accept, maybe she’ll get a job. Something that suits her. This Youtube shit isn’t it.
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Atari MAIL-ORDER Video Games! Chase the Chuck Wagon, Tooth Protectors & More! – Irate Gamer
Here’s one that I missed. Seems like I wasn’t the only one. 15,000 views after two months.
It starts with Chris BORES doing a really bizarre line reading then there’s some terrible animation coupled with his usually god awful “comedy” facial contortions.
It looks like he forgot to shave too.
1:45 – He’s talking about some dog food game.
3:00 – I can not stand his terrible acting. Just stop with this. There has to be a better way to present the material. Pretending to be “irate” is not the way forward. Just review the game in a semi-interesting fashion.
And the needless profanity. I know that I say “fuck” ten times in every article but it’s not for comedic purposes. I’m just replicating my natural speech when I’m speaking to adult men in a casual setting.
Chris BORES’ forced use of profanity is not funny and it adds nothing to the video. It only detracts. Just like his horrible acting detracts.
He seems to have great difficulty navigating the maze in this game. I’ve never played the game but I strongly suspect that he’s doing something wrong.
Then he dies. Makes an idiotic face with his mouth agape. And says “fuck” in post-production.
15,000 views, Chris BORES. Is your dignity worth so little?
4:15 – “That’s it. Take the dog food and shove it up your asshole, asshole.”
That wasn’t very creative. But Chris BORES has a bizarre, homosexual obsession with asses and putting things into asses. And who can forget the extremely troubling “boner biting dogs” comment? I don’t even want to know what he’s into.
4:30 – Now he’s talking about a toothpaste game. I’m guessing that he’s going to perform poorly at the game, make dumb faces, and then get “irate”.
“Is this a game that really needed an existence?”
Bizarre turn of phrase.
6:00 – He’s complaining about how the enemy swoops in and kills you “with no warning whatsoever”. He obviously doesn’t know how to play the game. I’m suspecting, just based on his gameplay, that it’s because he missed too many of these balls that are being dropped on him. But Chris BORES has no explanation as to why he keeps dying and can’t be bothered to figure out the rules of this extremely simple game. It would have taken him two minutes to find the manual online and read it.
6:45 – This is so humiliating that I won’t even mention what’s happening. Get some dignity, Chris BORES.
6:45 – Kool Aid Man. It’s just going to be more of the same isn’t it?
He had surpisingly little to say about the game. Well, thank god for small mercies.
8:00 – Malagai. Whatever this is.
Chris BORES doesn’t know either. He spent about 30 seconds on this game just to capture the footage and then moved on.
8:45 – Some game called Gauntlet, but not the popular arcade game.
The character is called Robert Wittenbottom, which Chris BORES bizarrely pronounces “Witten-Bitten”. You’d think he’s welcome the opportunity to make another sodomy “joke”.
He describes the landscape of the game as “Having more objects than you’d ever find corn in your faeces.”
So…I mean…it’s just another disgusting scat “joke” that he oddly thinks that people find funny. But again, it makes no fucking sense. Jokes have to have some basis in reality.
Is corn in the faeces a common problem for Chris BORES? I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced that, even when I ate corn. I haven’t had corn in probably…I don’t know…25 years?
9:30 – He describes the game as being similar to Pitfall. What? I mean…both games have you playing as a man but beyond that, I don’t see the similarities.
Then, after a mercifully brief animated “joke”, the video ends. Thank fuck.
- “I can’t believe this only has 11K views. I’d take a 10 minute video like this over a 25 minute+ boring video filled with terrible acting and unfunny jokes that some other Angry reviewer puts out nowadays.”
Chris BORES says, “I pissed YouTube off in 2012 and it’s never been the same since.”
Plus, your videos suck dick.
Let’s check out the BORES man’s Twitter. It might be a while before I talk about him again.
https://twitter.com/ChrisBoresIG
“Chris Bores – Ghost Behaviorist”
Oh god. He really needs to stop this. He’s never going to make a penny off of this shit.
He’s the biggest ghost hunter in Toledo. All of the local news channels, which are dying and will let anybody on, really want him to appear on their show.
Chris, it’s bullshit. Nobody over the age of seven believes in ghosts. You must know this.
Nobody cares. There are two comments. Come on. Just get a job. It’s not that bad.
The channel has fewer than 4,000 subscribers, by the way.
https://www.youtube.com/@GhostDoctor
Here’s a video where a ghost pulls a piece of paper in front of Chris BORES.
A piece of paper slightly moves. It’s called gravity, BORES.
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I discovered these rare Sega Megadrive (Genesis) retro games! – Lydgendary
Oh baby. She’s back with another video.
0:00 – “Today I’m going to be doing a little video about some new Megadrive pickups that I got recently. I’m really excited to show you some of those.”
You’re not the only one who’s excited here. Show me the goods, baby. Really work it. Make me want it.
I don’t know what that is in her ear, by the way, but who cares? Maybe it’s a hearing aid. Maybe it’s headphones. Maybe it’s some hip accessory that the young people are using now. Whatever it is, I’m into it.
0:15 – Ristar. Great. Fabulous. Never heard of it but I’m sure it’s wondeful. You have fun with that one.
I don’t even care that she called the character “super cute”.
Then she shows a close up of the case. Then she sensually opens it up and shows the manual. Oh my god. Can you do this on Youtube?
She shows the condition. It’s a little worn but fantastic. No complaints from me, certainly.
1:30 – Puggsy. I think. She says that it’s from the same publisher that made Lemmings. So…Psygnosis?
Not too long ago, I was in the building that used to house DMA Designs. It’s a Mexican restaurant now. There must have been a sign in there indicating that it used to be where DMA is.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockstar_North
Oh yeah. There’s a picture of the building there. That was definitely it. But when I went, there was just a fat chick in there with her friend. And you had to order from the app. I hate that. I’m there, in person, can I not just tell you what I want? It’s not like the place was busy. No, I have to take ten minutes downloading the app and monkeying with that shit.
2:00 – “I think it looks really, really good. It’s really defined.”
Ooh. Speaking of things that look really, really good and are well-defined, let’s take a brief detour to check out Lydia’s Twitter.
Oof. Work those melons, baby.
Ummm…I’m finding it a little dubious that these three women happen to live in the same area, are about the same age, and all share the same extreme nerd interests. ALSO, they’re all “content creators” and the “content” that they “create” surrounds nerd activities.
I’m starting to doubt the veracity of all of this, Lydia. Is this all just a ploy to pull in horntards? Because that’s not attractive.
Even if this is genuine, it’s not attractive. Three giant nerds playing a boardgame and gossiping over view counts and giving each other thumbnail tips? It’s pathetic.
Nevertheless, I’d still give all of those women some loving. So let’s move on.
2:45 – Lemmings. She refers to it as “The Lemmings” twice so it’s not an accident. But she continues, “I’ve never played this before.” Fine. It’s an old game. Nobody expects you to have played it. I can appreciate the honesty.
But who would possibly want to play the console version of this? I downloaded some open source or something Lemmings thing a few years ago that had all of the levels from every game and probably new ones created by nerds in their mothers’ basements. I can’t find what it was now, though.
Oh, I think it was NeoLemmix.
But no, I’d rather play the watered down console version of this game on my “Mega Drive” like a cavewoman.
3:30 – Alisa Dragoon. I’m pretty sure that she said “Dragon”.
4:30 – “So that’s the games. Let’s go show you what they look like to play now”. And she raises her eyebrows.
What? Is she implying something here? This is all very suggestive.
So she plays the games in a darkened room while some mood-setting music plays. We can’t see Lydia but I assume that she’s in a sheer bra and panties set and nothing else. She’s filming her tv.
9:15 – “That concludes the video. Thank you so much for watching” and she encourages you to subscribe to all of her social media. I won’t be doing all of that but the pleasure was all mine, Lydia. Keep up the good work.
Let’s hope that Erin and these other clueless buffoons who I write about are taking notes. You have to be engaging, you have to have some semblance of a personality, you have to have some class, and you have to put work into your videos. This is how you get views.
Lydia didn’t just shit this video out. This was lovingly crafted. She had the different shots of the box art. She had the music for the gameplay portion of the video. She had different angles of the tv to keep things fresh. This was all laid out in advance. Work was put into this.
She didn’t just say, “Hey, guys. I’m going to play some game for ten minutes for the first last time in my life and see what happens.” That’s dogshit.
When she was familiar with a game, she said so. And when she wasn’t familiar with a game, she didn’t make shit up. She didn’t say, “Oh, I used to play Lemmings all the time but I just forgot what level 2 looks like.” She just said, “I’ve never played this before.” No big deal. Nobody cares. Nobody has played every game. There are loads of games that I haven’t played. Popular games. Who gives a shit?
And she doesn’t have to dress like a whore vampire to get views. Seeing those delicious melons in a sweater is enough. Dignity is attractive.
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NEWTrition SPRITE LEGACY Review – Newt Wallen
He’s a big…hockey fan? I know that he’s mentioned it before. He said that he played as a child but…I don’t know. I find it weird. I don’t think that I’ve ever known anyone who likes hockey.
He also enjoys carbonated beverages. And when it’s late at night, I enjoy talking about videos that are only four minutes long. So let’s check it out.
0:30 – He mentions the calorie count. He always does this. Just don’t drink it if you’re that concerned about calories.
1:00 – This is some kind of “hip hop” soda. Newt doesn’t understand what makes it hip hop, nor do I. But it’s on the label.
1:30 – “It just tastes like Sprite.”
Fantastic. So that’s the video.
What else can he try? How about beverages from around the world? It will cost money but if he has money to hire prostitute “actresses” for his “films” he has money for international soda.
I think that they just have the usual shit in the UK. Except for Irn Bru in Scotland. I read that it’s more popular in Scotland than Coke. It’s probably true. I see Irn Bru everywhere. It’s just a…I don’t know…mystery flavour beverage. It’s fine.
Oh, what if Newt got a can of American Coke, which I assume still have high fructose corn syrup and got, say, a Mexican can of Coke, which I believe uses sugar (like everywhere else on earth). Then he can do a taste comparison.
These limited time flavours kind of suck dick. I know that it’s all the rage in the US but I’m thinking it would be better to try actual, established sodas from around the world.
You don’t even have to order it, which might be expensive with shipping. Is there an import shop or an international grocery store anywhere in Philadelphia?
Yeah, of course. Queen Village Food Market, which sells Middle Eastern food.
I went to a Middle Eastern shop before. I was standing there at the counter with my purchase, actually, I think it was a soda, and the guy was just on his phone. For like…three minutes. No exaggeration. Then a customer in a fucking ninja outfit stood behind me which prompted another cashier to immediately open her register to assist this ninja. So I said fuck this and I left. Never went back. And I was a semi-regular. I enjoy all of the fine import shops.
Any time I see a Polish shop, which is fairly often, I stop in. Check out the fine selection of Polish candy. Maybe get some cookies. Maybe get a can of delicious Gołąbki.
I go to the Chinese shops. Get some Samyang spicy chicken ramen. Get some weird dried fruits. Get some Choco Pies.
I go to Indian shops. Get some samosas. Get some weird Indian savory snacks.
I was telling my girlfriend about my fondness for import shops and asked if she shares my passion for them. No. She says she’s never been in one. She asked why I go. She was completely perplexed and suggested that there was some sexual motivation. Like I’m trying to pick up immigrants in there.
No. It’s nothing like that. Although, I do appreciate helping out my fellow immigrants. I like the different food. Is that so crazy? And it’s usually fairly cheap.
And it is a more comfortable experience knowing that you’re largely with other immigrants. Even if other people don’t realise that I’m an immigrant or obviously that I’m not from their country, I just feel more comfortable. They’re people who more or less had a similar experience than me. Experienced similar struggles and discrimination and just random bullshit.
Not that I do my full shopping at these places. But I pick up a few things.
I’ll tell you what’s dogshit, though. Pakistani-run corner shops. Go fuck yourself with your price gouging and rude as fuck staff. And they don’t even sell Pakistani shit usually. It’s just the regular grocery store shit but at a 50% markup. Why? Why would I go here? The nearest normal grocery store is a ten minute walk at the most.
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Garfield’s Halloween Adventure (1980s) – Monster Madness 2023 – Cinemassacre
Now, before I begin, every single time that this cartoon has been brought up, I’ve mentioned that the book adaptation is remarkably faithful to the cartoon. It’s so faithful, that whenever the cartoon would be on tv, I’d rush to get the book so that I can read along with the cartoon.
I’ve mentioned this probably half a dozen times right here on the blog. It’s my thing that I say. I’m the go-to guy for talking about the how faithful the book is to the cartoon. And I’ve never seen this mentioned anywhere else on the internet and I’ve looked.
So if they mention this anywhere in the video, it’s just ripping off my observation Newt Wallen style. Let’s find out then.
0:15 – But first a word from our sponsor. Fuck off. And he gives a shout out to Rex Viper. Fuck off again.
0:45 – “Test your MET-al”. He REALLY pronounces the “T”. Why? It’s weird.
1:00 – Then he does an unbelievably bad “Kiss, Marry, Kill” thing that the company obviously told him to do. And he’s clearly never played the game before, even though he claims that he has. It’s Raid: Shadow Legends, by the way. And it’s the childish version of “Fuck, Marry, Kill”, not that “Fuck, Marry, Kill” is a game played by adults. But it’s the dumbed down toddler version of this game which is obviously inappropriate for toddlers in any event, even with the change. So why change it? Who are they trying to appease by changing “Fuck” to “Kiss”?
2:15 – He’s finally starting the video. By the way, in previous videos he was always adamant that it had to be a tv show, it had to be originally broadcast around Halloween time, they had to mention Halloween in the episode. He had a whole list of autistic criteria that nobody cares about.
So what about this? This wasn’t a tv show. I mean, I know there was a Garfield and Friends Saturday morning cartoon but this was a 30 minute (I think) special that was broadcast at night. It had the same animation and voice actors as the Saturday morning cartoon but it was a separate thing. So this fails his stupid autism test.
2:45 – He starts talking about Alf. James…we don’t fucking care. We don’t want to hear about these stupid honourable mentions. He did this in the previous two videos too. Just get on with it. This is mindless padding and we can all see that.
4:00 – “Just to clarify, it’s not actually an episode, it’s a special.”
Yeah, exactly, you dumb fucking autist. So it’s out. It doesn’t meet your criteria. Pick one of the ten other tv shows that you mentioned during your honourable mention segment.
Oh, and it preceded Garfield and Friends by a few YEARS.
James. You fucked up. Just admit it. Admit to your autistic self that this thing does not fit your criteria but you just wanted to talk about it anyway.
4:30 – “While I grew up with it, I actually remember more vividly the comic book version.”
OH, HERE WE GO! What fucking horseshit. And he’s holding up the book. Now I have to check the archives.
I said, “I had the book Garfield in Disguise and it follows the movie almost exactly. I used to be really amazed by that as a kid. The cartoon would come on, I’d race to get the book, and I’d go through it as the show goes on and it’s identical. Same words, same drawings. It’s the most faithful book adaptation I’ve ever seen. There were some minor differences but I don’t remember what they were.”
Fucking bullshit. Nobody has ever mentioned this anywhere on the internet. Just me. But now James Rolfe is reading this script prepared by some intern at Screenwave and talking about his fondness for the book. Obviously ripped this shit off from me.
“It’s almost exactly the same as the animated version. Every panel is near identical.”
UNBELIEVABLE! That was James Rolfe reading that. The same fucking thing that I wrote. Hopefully it was that faggot Sean from Movie Dumpster who wrote this script and he’ll get fired for plagiarism.
5:30 – Then Jimmy just starts summarising the fucking movie. Or whatever this is. It’s not a tv show. Animated special.
This is fucking awful. He’s literally just summaring the special. That’s it. That’s all that these things are. IT’S AWFUL.
So I listened to the rest of this as background noise while doing other stuff. He mentioned the book several more times. Complete bullshit. I can’t wait until Sean from Movie Dumpster gets fired for this shit. I don’t even care if he’s responsible for this.
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Eastward A Disappointing Indie | Eastward Review (Nintendo Switch) – Pelvic Gaming
God bless you if you’re jerking off to this thumbnail. You just made Pelvic Gamer’s whole week. She’s sitting in her mother’s home saying, “Please, somebody just jerk off to my thumbnail. I’ve even showing whatever cleavage I have in this one. Come on, guys. Why aren’t I getting any views?”
Well, your content is boring. There’s that.
So then she just reviews the game. I can’t. I made it two minutes in. She gives proper reviews. Talks about the game. What she likes. What she doesn’t like. “Fun factor”. Whatever. But it’s boring as fuck. I’m not interested in RPGs so I guess that’s a factor. I’m not sure that I’m the target audience.
I was thinking about AOL recently. How I tried to cancel my AOL account back in…it must have been 2003 or so.
So I’m on the phone and I tell them that I want to cancel my account. I tell them why. I don’t remember the reason. I just found another internet service provider or something. I might have only been using AOL because I recently moved and I wanted to get setup quickly. I had the AOL cds.
Then they transfer me to somebody else. And this guy was absolutely adamant that I need to change my phone…whatever it is….like AT&T or whatever. The people who operate your phone.
I told the guy that I’m not interested and I’m not going to tell him who my phone operator is. He was completely baffled by this. “Why are you afraid to tell me who your phone operator is?” Because it’s irrelevant. I’m here to cancel AOL. That’s it. You don’t need to know who my phone operator is.
I asked this guy repeatedly, “Do I need to do this?” as in do I need to have this conversation with you? And he didn’t answer. Because I was never told that my AOL was cancelled. That’s the only reason I was talking to this guy is because I wanted the AOL cancelled.
As it turns out, I didn’t have to talk to this guy. That’s why he kept not answering the question. This guy was nothing to do with AOL. The first guy I spoke to cancelled my AOL and then sent me to this asshole to try to get me to change phone providers.
So I finally told the guy that AT&T is my phone provider. And he said that his company offers lower rates. I said that I don’t care. I’m not interested in changing providers. He couldn’t seem to understand this.
I’ve never in my life been spoken to by such an aggressive salesman. Does he think that I’m just going to be badgered into changing phone providers? “Okay, I’ll change providers. Just please stop berating me.”
The only reason why people didn’t immediately put the phone down on these assholes is because AOL intentionally made it seem like you had to speak to them in order to cancel your AOL. And these assholes knew that and that’s why they refused to end the phone call.
I tried to cancel my ISP in the UK as well. Numerous times. Different ISPs. Always a hassle. One place offered me free internet for a year. I said no. The woman was incredulous. “Free internet for a year and you’d still like to cancel?” Yes. Of course. That’s why I called. So she cancelled it.
I told my girlfriend about it and she was completely bamboozled by my decision as well.
I’m not motivated by money. I’m not interested in your service so fucking cancel it. You can throw in unlimited buttsex with your hottest employee and I’m still not interested.
There was another one where I signed up with some ISP that requires you to relinquish control of your bank account so that they can take as much money as they want out of it. Similar to a Direct Debit, which I never use, but even worse.
So I said fuck you. I’m not doing that. Nowhere in the signup process did they say any of this, by the way.
So I cancelled right away. They said, “Well, you still have six months on your contract. We’ll have to charge you for that.” Okay, we’ll see about that.
I made a complaint some “ombudsman”. This is an independent organisation that’s allowed to facilitate disputes between consumers and…various companies. They have them for banks, energy companies, or in this case ISPs. These ombsusmen typically give absolute pitances. You’ll get £50 for whatever the complaint is, no matter how serious.
So I wrote my case out and sent it to the ombudsman. I said that they have this completely deplorable payment system that they force you to use and this is a payment system that’s only used by such disreputable services as shady gym memberships. So I told them that I want to be released from my contract without penalty.
The ISP sent me a settlement offer of £200 and they said that they’d cancel my contract with no penalty. So fine, I’ll take it. It’s better than the £50 that I would have gotten.
God, I’ve made so many complaints to the ombudsman over the years. I probably made £1000 just from that shit. I’ve never lost a case. Almost all of my complaints were to the energy ombudsman. Because the energy companies are unbelieveably incompetent. There’s always something that you can complain about because they never seem to get anything right. So it’s an easy £50 every time.
One time, I even made a complain ABOUT the ombudsman and I got money for that. I had a complaint about my energy company and was successful. I got my £50 or whatever but part of the judgement was that this company had to show proof that they cancelled their debt collection. My complaint was about them sending my bill to collections when in fact there was no such bill ever sent to me.
They didn’t send this proof. So I sent a message to the ombudsman stating that they need to follow this up. In this message, I made a remark about how the energy companies behave this way because the ombudsman routinely awards risible £50 judgements against these companies.
So the guy responds, “I’m sorry to hear that you’re unhappy with the ombudsman. It’s your responsibility to follow this up.”
I don’t think so. So I made a complaint about that guy to the ombudsman and they acknowledged that that guy should have followed up, that it wasn’t my responsibility, that he’ll be re-trained, apologised, and offered £100 in compensation. Okay, I’ll take it.
It’s basically a bank for free £50 notes. If you want to take the time to prepare your “case”, which takes, whatever, an hour or so, you’ll get £50.
Speaking of banks, some woman at a bank was a bitch to me. I got for £50 for that. That was me complaining directly to the bank, though. I didn’t see a need to escalate that to the ombudsman.
Oh, and letting agents. I probably got £5,000 from complaints about letting agents over the years. It’s glorious. But that’s a whole other thing.
Where was I going with this? Oh, Pelvic Gamer. Yeah, keep up the good work. I’m going to jerk off to your thumbnail now.