The Original Willy Wonka Needs No Prequel! Guest: Josie from Fishtank – Tony from Hack the Movies

I’ve actually seen the movie so maybe I can get through some of this.

But what the fuck is this? Why is he doing this by Skype or whatever now? And why is this the co-host? This Chinese woman? What does she know about Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

According to the description, she’s never seen the movie. And if you go to the links for her social media, she’s 21. Why the fuck is this the guest? Somebody who’s never seen the movie?

At first, I thought that he was doing this by Skype because he lined up some expert on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory who didn’t live nearby so they had to this by Skype. Okay, fine. But no. It’s this 21 year old woman who knows nothing about the movie.

Tony quit his job to make these videos. This is not going to be a success. He’s not going to make money off of this. He makes horrible decisions and the videos are unwatchable.

And with respect to this woman, she’s not even a hot chick. Here’s her Youtube channel, which, oddly, is not linked to in the description:

She makes some kind of “comedy” videos but, no discourtesy intended, the videos are as funny as cancer. I know that she’s trying but come on. This is some of that awful female “comedy” that nobody enjoys.

She only has a few videos but apparently she’s trying to get back into it. She’s livestreaming a lot, for example. Trying to get those horntard pennies. Are horntards interested in goth Chinese women?

I’ll tell you who Tony needs as a guest if he’s trying to pull in the Asian-loving horntards: that fucking woman who was in that AVGN episode where they did the Gordon Ramsay parody. Apparently, she works or worked at Screenwave. She also modeled their t-shirts. I wrote about her a few times. Every time I saw her. Let me see if I can find a reference.

Get that fucking chubby Asian woman to do the podcast.

Maybe I should start a podcast with that chubby Asian woman. But what could the topic be? She presumably doesn’t know much or care about the Youtubers who I cover. And the only thing that I know about her is that she’s a chubby Asian woman. Food? We can do a podcast about food? I don’t know. We can work out the details later.

0:30 – So she introduces herself. Zero charisma. ZERO.

I don’t want to be too harsh on her. She’s 21, she’s trying to milk horntards for money, and Tony asked her to do this. So it’s not really her that I’m criticising. I’m criticising Tony. He’s the fucking retard who thought that it was a good idea to bring this charisma black hole onto the show. And to what end? Is she going to increase views? This fucking plain looking Asian woman? There are a billion better looking Asian women, not to be racist or anything, but we can all look up the statistics. There are a lot of Chinese people out there. Almost all of them look better than this woman.

Not that she’s unattractive but…really? THIS? This goth Chinese woman. This is what’s going to make the channel a hit?

Tony says that “fans” of this woman will understand why he wanted her to do this episode. WHAT FANS? She only started making videos again within the past month. And they do get a surprising amount of views. Maybe 20,000 on average. But I can’t figure out from what. She has an art Instagram that I can’t open.

1:15 – Tony mentions that the movie is based off of the book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but doesn’t mention the important trivia as to why they changed the name for the movie. It’s because the movie was released in the 1970s, during the Vietnam War, and “Charlie” was a popular racial slur for the Vietnamese. A reference to Charlie Chan. This would have been a good reference to include in this episode. We could get some feedback from this woman if she finds the term “Charlie” to be insulting. Because as far as racial slurs go, it’s pretty lame. Who cares? Charlie Chan was a popular character for many years. In fact, many contemporary Asian people liked the character.

I’m three minutes in and losing the will to live. Tony is loud and this woman has nothing to say and knows nothing about the movie.

Okay, I’m turning this off now. I made it to the eight minute mark. I tried to make it to ten minutes but I just couldn’t. UNWATCHABLE, TONY.

He couldn’t get fucking Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory right. From somebody who, like me, enjoys the movie.

I don’t want to be too harsh but this woman…holy shit. She’s like Jess the Intern if Jess the Intern was really nervous. Absolutely horrendous. She might be a pleasant person, I’m not making any comment on her character, and maybe one day, if she works on her podcasting skills, she can become halfway decent at this. But she’s a long way from halfway decent at the moment.

So Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I have a lot to say about it. And I wanted to intersperse my ancedotes with the fucking review. But I couldn’t. UNWATCHABLE, TONY! So I’ll just have to put them all out there now.

I saw the movie at least once, possibly twice in school. Actually, have I told this story before? I have not. But I briefly mentioned the film twice before:

I saw the movie in maybe the fourth grade. It was in the school auditorium. Once a year, we’d see a movie in there. It was always some piece of shit. The Shaggy Dog. The Shaggy DA. The Red Balloon. What a pretentious piece of shit The Red Balloon is.

One year, we watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. I enjoyed it. It was the only good movie we saw in school. Fuck The Shaggy Dog and all of its shitty sequels.

The tunnel scene was scary, of course. But otherwise, it was a magical movie full of wonderment and adventure.

I’ve probably seen it ten times subsequently and it still holds up.

Wait, maybe I don’t have a lot to say about it. I only wanted to talk about Charlie’s hair looking like a wig and that the film was intentionally made to look like it had an ambiguous setting but I’ve already covered those two topics in the previous posts that I’ve linked to.

How am I going to pad this out then? Oh, maybe I should check the comments. Maybe people are roasting that woman.

  • “OMG Mint Salad has turned Asian. Cancel Tony”
  • “I never imagined Tony would have a guest on that would make me miss Crystal.”
  • “Lame guest. Do better Tony”
  • “Being from UK I have no idea who this Josie is or what Fishtank is. TBH it looks awful.”
  • “that was an odd guest…who doesn’t know how many grandparents someone would possibly have?”
  • “Josie legit had nothing interesting to say. Maybe you should’ve got somebody who actually grew up w the movie”
  • “Im getting short bus vibes from your awful choice of cohost this week”
  • “Mintsalad is too busy posting spicy pics, so Tony had to find a new Mintsalad.”
  • “I cant do it. Im tapping out… Youre on a looooooooong ass rant about some other wierd show that has the tiniest connection to the movie…. This shoulda been a private zoom call where you just asked her what you wanted to know. Bad co-host choice makes a bad show”
  • “Ive got nothing nice to say about this cohost… But the list of bad things deeper than a river of chocolate. Give her a fizzy pop and send her on her way.”
  • “Tony you picked the absolute worse person to riff a movie. She’s clearly an autist who’s not into pop culture and doesn’t know most of the references you bring up. You carried the show cz she’s lame AF!”
  • “I don’t know if I can make it to the end… She’s so boring.”

So yeah, everybody agrees that she’s awful.

But from what I can figure out, she was on a tv show called Fish Tank. Or Fishtank. Or maybe it was just an internet show? I don’t know. It’s not noteworthy enough for Wikipedia, as far as I can determine.

And it was a show where they livestreamed from people’s…bedrooms? I guess? Like Big Brother. Or Voyeur Dorm.

Here’s the Youtube channel. They have less than 10,000 subscribers.

Anyway, I’m glad that I stopped when I did. Never again. You can’t have fucking shit guests like this on the show and expect people to continue to watch. People have limits to how much shit they put up with. They’re not going to devote 60 to 90 minutes of their life to watch a fucking Youtube show every week when you’re insulting them with these fucking god awful guests. Don’t waste my time with this shit. Have respect for the audience.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. They ruined Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. If it was one of their usual shitty horror movies that they “review” that would be one thing. But they ruined one of the greatest movies of all time. And it has mass appeal. And he obviously chose this movie to try to get clicks from the upcoming prequel or whatever. And he has this fucking zombie on as the guest.

Maybe it’s time to let bygones be bygones and let Newt back on the show. Sure, he plagiarised a few dozen scripts for Monster Madness and he called you a fat loser or whatever it is that he said but we all make mistakes. Let’s see a merger of Schlock & Awe and Hack the Movies. You two can put your “creative talents” together and start making something good. Or least watchable. Because these Hack the Movie things…come on. TERRIBLE.

And I don’t want fucking Horseface involved. I suppose that that could be a difficulty. Because if Newt and Tony ever forgive each other and start making videos again, you just know that Horseface is going to be involved. And she’s AWFUL at the best of times but she was particularly bad when Newt was on the show. She brought out all of the worst qualities of Newt. She was so awful that she made him awful.

Tony and Newt. That’s the show. Don’t bring anybody else on. No third host.

Or continue your terrible show as you’ve been doing it and continue to alienate viewers with these horrendous guests.

8 thoughts on “The Original Willy Wonka Needs No Prequel! Guest: Josie from Fishtank – Tony from Hack the Movies

  1. She has a video called Cooking by the Book 3, or something. Where the hell is 1 or 2? And how does it have 60,000 views? She’s not unattractive like you say but there’s nothing sexy about it and you can’t even see her clearly. What the fuck did 60,000 people want to watch this for?!

    There is always a built in advantage for women. It’s white knighting. I don’t care what anyone says. Take a man and a woman and side by side make the exact same videos shot for shot and the woman will have way more views every time. Give a girl a YouTube channel and put a cute face, put A face in the thumbnail and you got a +10,000 subscriber advantage built in. Many of these retards just watch these girls to beat off to them. Why when there’s porn? And the rest think they can somehow win her over and marry her. Tony is using these girls. Well, not using but utilizing them to gain views. And it’s obvious, painfully obvious the videos are an hour long in the hopes that people just leave it on, fall asleep or leave the room or whatever and let the ads roll. They probably jam it full of ads. If you choose to put an ad in a YouTube video, it doesn’t always play. If you put a bunch of them in, a few will play and that’s how he can pull in this money. However little it is. If you care about a movie, just say it and end it. 20 months max!

    Imagine starting a job the same as as fuck the movies and see how far you can advance in that career track for however long he decides to keep this shit going.

    1. She’s apparently in this Fishbowl thing. I don’t know how popular it was. Can’t be that popular given that I can’t find much information about it. But this seems to the source of whatever popularity she has.

      I’m sure it’s an advantage to be a woman on Youtube, particularly in a male-dominated subject area like retro video games. But saying that, none of these women I talk about are making money. And a lot of them are doing really poorly. I’m thinking Retro Ali or Zap Cristal. So you can’t just coast on being a woman. If the content is absolutely god awful, as it is with Retro Ali and Zap Cristal, people aren’t going to watch.

      Even with Erin Plays, she had the might of Cinemassacre (as then owned by Mike Matei) constantly promoting her channel and it made some difference, she’d probably be at half as many subscribers if she weren’t so aggressively promoted by Cinemassacre (Mike Matei) but the numbers are still pretty low because her content is horrendous.

      Destiny Fomo similar thing. Sure, getting your tits out helps but the videos have to be watchable or people aren’t going to bother.

      Mint Salad puts out a desperate video every day with accompanying nude content. Nobody’s watching that shit.

      There are a lot of guys out there with ten subscribers or whatever who would love to have the 3,000 subscribers that Mint Salad has but still none of this is remotely successful.

  2. I remember reading before that Charlie for the Vietnamese comes from military spelling alphabet for VC (Viet Cong), Victor Charlie, rather than Charlie Chan.

  3. “What fans?” <– Josie was on Fishtank, a reality show which livestreamed a few months ago, and involved Sam Hyde.
    That's where her current fans come from; it's nothing to do with any YouTube content from years ago.

    "Can’t be that popular given that I can’t find much information about it." <– Tony's video title says "Guest: Josie from Fishtank." – If you do the simplest Google search for: Josie Fishtank, there are plenty of results, including a whole-ass subreddit for the show. I know you're familiar with Reddit. — Did you even TRY to find information about it or her? It's fine if you didn't, but don't claim that you did.

  4. Probably a Sam Hyde fan more likely. Since they are fairly hostile insufferable virgins, and take the time to mention him at any chance.

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