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Little Nemo: The Dream Master on NES – Erin Plays
She’s a big Little Nemo fan, guys.
Purely by coincdence, she recently finished the “L” streams in her PAINFULLY boring NES A-Z streams on Twitch.
0:00 – “Hey guys. Today I thought it would be fun to do a let’s play on Little Nemo: The Dream Master on NES.”
Why now? Why a day after you finished the “L” stream in your NES A-Z bullshit? Can you just be honest with the audience for once in your pathetic life? You recently played the gamel, for the first time in your life, on stream, for money. Fine. Nobody cares. It’s the dishonesty that’s disgusting.
“So a lot of people grew up with this game.”
But not you. Who gives a shit what a lot of people did? A lot of people have jobs. A lot of people don’t get fucked in the ass for Youtube promotion. Focus on what YOU’RE doing. We want to know what YOU did. What’s YOUR experience with Little Nemo: The Dream Master?
“And a lot of people really like it.”
But YOU don’t. It’s fucking ridiculous. Why can’t she just say, “I never played this before”? NOBODY WOULD CARE.
“I’ve never gotten too far into it.”
AT ALL! BECAUSE SHE’S NEVER PLAYED IT BEFORE. The only time that she played this game was recently, on stream, for money, for a few minutes. THAT’S IT. Why can’t she just admit to this?
You know. I’m suddenly reminded of where I saw this game before. Mike was playing it with Erin. On stream, of course. And he was trying to explain the game to her and she didn’t give the SLIGHTEST of fucks about it. But now she wants you to think that she’s all about it. Let me look this up.
I don’t mention the game but it’s Little Nemo.
Mike: Why can’t you touch these fucking things? You know why? Because you’re supposed to put the candy in them before you can get in them or whatever.
Erin: (sarcastically) Put the candy in them, Mike.
In that video she also says, “I feel like I should enjoy it more than I do but I made it to the second area and I was like fuck it, I can’t.”
That’s not a direct quote but it’s a paraphrase. Second “area”. She stopped on the second “area”.
And this was after Mike asking her if she ever played this on stream. He actually said “Have you played this on stream before” because he knows that that’s the only time when she plays video games. And she says that she has played it on stream before.
It’s a fucking joke. She’s playing this game for this Youtube video of a game that a year and a half ago she said that she didn’t like. And the only experience she has with the game is briefly, on stream, for money.
By the way, that stream was responsible for my best article.
1:30 – This is the worst Little Nemo: The Dream Master footage ever recorded, by the way. And it’s edited. Even in edited form, this is the worst. She’s constantly jumping. Why? Stop jumping. And she doesn’t know where anything is. She keeps going around in circles.
“I don’t remember if you have to find literally all of the keys to progress.”
It’s not a matter of not “remembering”, Erin. It’s a matter of never having possesed that information in the first place. You don’t fucking play the game. You never have. Your experience is entirely on stream, for money. Briefly.
2:00 – “I’m not an expert in this game, obviously.”
Well no fucking shit. So stop trying to present yourself as one. “Guys, I only played the game recently for a stream and I thought it looked cute so I’m making a Youtube video.” Cool. Nobody would care. Not one fucking person. But she has to constantly lie about it.
2:15 – “If I remember, I think it’s the…second stage that I have a hard time with.”
I can’t fucking do this.
5:45 – “Look at these spiders. They’re like ‘hmmmmmm.’”
Watch out, Rich Little.
That guy’s dead, right? Let me look this up.
No. He’s 84.
“I think they’re spiders or maybe they’re like weird, alternate universe Popples.”
This is actually a fake interest that I gave Erin and she’s subsequently adopted.
I mentioned Popples twice, in April and June 2021. I mentioned them as a joke of things that Erin could pretend to be interested in that were before her time.
After writing those articles, Erin genuinely started dropping Popples references. What a coincidence. Never mentioned Popples before, then I mention them as a joke fake interest that she can adopt, and then suddenly she’s a big Popples fan.
6:30 – I’m starting to think that this is a just an edited version of her stream. Because she’s saying stuff like, “What should I do now?” when she gets stuck, which is often. Then there’s an edit. Like she looked at the chat and the horntards told her what to do.
So she didn’t even play this for the purposes of making a Youtube video. This is just a repackaged stream. Unbelievably lazy content.
Let me just check. I can compare the shirts that she’s wearing.
No, it’s a different shirt. She’s wearing a Jimmy Eat World shirt on the stream. So apparently this video is just for Youtube. She’s a big Jimmy Eat World fan, by the way.
So after the edit, she says, “So I think now we turn into this Honey Nuts Cheerios bee over here. Isn’t he cute.”
Fuck off.
8:30 – “I like the background with all of the little flowers. I think it’s really cute.”
Die in a fire.
By the way, she has no idea what she’s doing, where she’s going, how to play the game, where anything is, what the powerups are, how to do anything. She’s surprised by everything. It’s almost as if she’s never played this before. Oh right.
10:45 – “So now we have to be this lizard guy. I still think that he looks like a dinosaur. Maybe that’s just because he’s purple.”
Great paleontolgy knowledge, Erin.
12:30 – “So that was my attempt at getting further in (checks title screen) Little Nemo: Dream Master on the NES.”
Why didn’t you do this in your spare time, Erin? Get decent at the game and then make the video? Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense?
She can not bring herself to play these games in her spare time. She HATES video games. She hates everything about this. She hates her life and she hates you, the viewer.
Terrible, terrible, dog shit, horrible, piece of shit, fuck that dumb bitch video.
Comments. Let’s see if Joe from GameSack gave her some protips.
- “Erin is DREAMY”
- “watch a walkthrough before streaming games it will really help you”
Are you suggesting putting the tiniest bit of effort into these videos? Don’t be ridiculous.
- “I thought Alice from Elm St 4 and 5 was The Dream Master! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!”
That was from Tony from Hack the Movies. What a card. He’s trying to replace Joe from Gamesack as the Alpha Omega orbiter.
- “Another video awesome your spoiling us. Thank you so much !!!”
Erin replies, “Haha, I’m trying to get out videos more quickly. Thanks so much for watching!”
Just keep churning out the total shit. This is how you’ll become a big hit on Youtube. That and getting fucked in the ass by Mike Matei.
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Caddicarus delves into the past, present, and future of Retrogaming
This is from Youtube’s official channel. I didn’t even know that Youtube had a channel. It appears to be really boring, corporate videos. This one is no exception.
0:00 – So we see Caddicarus. Who is this? Let me look this up.
https://www.youtube.com/@Caddicarus/videos
Some English fag with a posh accent and a ponytail. A million subscribers. Makes god awful videos about video games.
Oh, and the previous video on Youtube’s official channel was by somebody called Safiya. This is a guy in a dress, right? Oh. Wow. No. It isn’t. That’s an actual woman. I would have lost that bet. I’m seeing ladyboys everywhere.
Game Mistress is here. She has nearly 4,000 subscribers. From Sweden.
https://www.youtube.com/@GameMistress/about
But you go to her Twitter and it says that she’s from Norway.
https://twitter.com/GameMistress/
Well, it does say that she’s also a “mental health advocate”. Maybe different personalities have different nationalities.
WHY THE CONSTANT MENTAL HEALTH BULLSHIT? Fucking 75% of the women “Youtubers” are just nut jobs who claim to be interested in mental health advocacy. How about some sane women? Are sane women not interested in video games? Well, maybe they’re not. Most women I’ve known have been interested in shopping, cooking, reality television, makeup, fashion, cute animals, the usual crop of shit that women are interested in. Video games is never on the list.
Skimming through her videos, yeah, this is crazy woman alright. But she has her big tits on display in most of the thumbnails. Just put them to work, baby. Find yourself a husband. Problem solved. Guys are willing to overlook a lot. Big tits trumps craziness for a lot of guys.
0:15 – Oh, JOHN RIGGS. That handsome devil. Of course he would appear right after the ladies.
0:30 – Black Comedy Nerd. You guys like Black Comedy Nerd, right? Let me look this racist bullshit up.
800,000 subscribers. Unbelievable. Stepin Fetchit was less offensive than this asshole.
1:45 – Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” appears and just does a cringy as fuck rendition of the Donkey Kong Country theme (or something) for like two seconds. What was the point of this?
What’s the point of any of this? Nothing is being said. It’s just “Hey, people like retro video games.” What? This required a video?
There’s a brief shot of TheGebs24.
There’s also random Japanese guys who nobody ever heard of. They seem intent on fulfilling some kind of diversity quota. We need a certain number of women, a certain number of black people (just one, I think), Asian people, fat people, slim people, Swedish people.
What about the non-cringy, clean-shaven, mentally-sound male who watches what he eats? That seems to be the most underrepesented segment of the population when it comes to retro gamers on Youtube.
And then the video just ends with Metal Jesus saying “bye”. This was totally pointless.
- “Thanks for having me guys ❤ Truly appreciate the love 🎉”
That was from Zap Cristal. She should be deeply embarassed by this video.
Top comment is:
- i’m beyond excited about caddy being the face of this, but it is weird af how AVGN is not mentioned in this when he’s literally the person who kickstarted comedic retro game reviews in the first place.”
I think that the only women in this thing were Zap Cristal and that Swedish/Norwegian nutjob. How were these the two who were picked? They each have like 3,000 subscribers. I don’t even like talking about Zap Cristal on the blog because she’s too insignifant to talk about. Too insignicant for my BLOG. My 80 visitors a day deserve somebody with wider appeal.
Let me check the statistics.
Posts about Zap Cristal tend to get about 50% fewer views than posts about anyone else. People see that a post is tagged “Zap Cristal” and they say, “I didn’t come here for this shit” and move on.
- “THis was a nice surprise to wake up to. Thank you, YouTube!”
That was from John Riggs. What? He didn’t know that he was going to be in the video? Youtube didn’t pay him for this? Or even ask to use the footage? They must have asked because he was saying something germaine to the video. Presumably. I don’t remember what he, or anybody said.
- “Soy overload”
I guess so.
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Is The Buffy The Vampire Slayer Movie Actually BETTER Than The Show? – Tony from Hack the Movies
This is basically confirmation that Erin will never appear on the show again. What a fucking disaster that was. How long ago was that? Let me check.
July 2021. Over two years ago. Time really flies.
She must know that she’s awful on these things so doesn’t do them again but then why doesn’t the same apply to her channel broadly? I suppose that she has really scaled back. She used to post a video every week. Now it’s like ten videos a year.
Anyway, if Erin was going to subject herself to further humilitation, this would be the episode that Erin would be on. Because she’s all about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But she was too busy getting fucked in the ass for Youtube promotion to appear on this one.
Instead, we’re treated to Johanna and my second grade music teacher. She was a hippie. Had hair down to her knees. Glasses. She was Miss Something, I’m pretty sure. Unmarried. She only taught there for a year, as far as I’m aware. She was a nice woman.
But how old must she have been? Because as a second grader, she seemed pretty old to me. But she reminds me of this woman on Hack the Movies, who is probably in her mid 30s.
The year was like 1985. And you have this woman, who’s clearly a hippie, teaching music in a Catholic grade school. Peak hippie culture was 20 years earlier. If she was 35 in 1985, she would have been a teenager in the late 60s, so that tracks.
But why in 1985 would she still be holding on to this? It’s interesting. I’d like to know how it all came about and what she did with her life subsequently. What must the dating scene have been like in that small town for a hippie music teacher? She was unmarried, so you think maybe things weren’t going great for her, but maybe marriage just wasn’t her thing. She was anti-establishment. Maybe she was fucking everybody. Some of that free love.
But whatever. Pleasant woman. I hope she found what she was looking for.
0:30 – This is Angela. She has no social media or at least no social media that she wants the horntards to know about. Good for her.
Tony talks about how he experimented with only having men on the channel for the past month. He says that views dropped so he won’t do that again. Tony is all about those views. Bring in the pennies, however we can get them.
Then he shows a screenshot indicating that he had 318,000 views and that this is 20,000 less than usual. This is total views in a month, I guess.
Who cares? That’s a miniscule change. But no, we have to bring in the hot chicks. Or, failing that, Horseface and Johanna. It’s pathetic.
1:00 – There’s a screenshot of JoeyC, who’s some fag who they have on the show ocassionally, wearing a dress and bondage gear. As desperate as Tony is, he aspires to be as desperate as this JoeyC faggot.
1:15 – Angela says that she met Tony in college and that they were both fim majors. Well, we see how that worked out for the two of you.
2:45 – Tony suggests that the course was a waste of money. Well, at least he’s aware of it.
3:30 – Neither Johanna nor Angela ever watched the show. Great guests, Tony.
I’m eight minutes in. This is brutal. I mean, it’s no more boring than a typical Hack the Movies episode. I’m mostly trying to figure out if Angela has big tits or not. If she would just raise her chair an inch, this conundrum would be solved.
Let me look at the comments. I don’t think I can watch more of this.
- “Johanna is an energy vampire…”
- “Get rid of Johanna the other lady is sweet.”
- “I see Johanna I click off.”
- “Its great to have Johanna back in the store!!” – Somebody replies, “No the hell it’s not.”
Well, it’s good to see some sanity in the comments.
Not really much about written about Angela, though.
I watched for another few minutes. I made it to the 12 minute mark. I can’t. Let me just skip around. Maybe we get a better shot of this woman’s chest.
Tony…Tony…Tony…Tony…Tony…Tony…Tony…Tony…oh, finally a shot that isn’t Tony. But no, she doesn’t move.
So…final thoughts. Well, this was unwatchable, as usual. Johanna is horrible. One hour and fifty minutes is about 90 minutes longer than the video should be. And this woman may or may not have big tits. So this was a good use of the past hour of my day.
Oh, you can get t-shirts at Tony’s TeeSpring. I won’t link to it because it’s in some weird bullshit format, probably a referrer link or something. But a lot of the t-shirts say “Fun and Fine” in different fonts.
Explain to me who would want this. And if you do want a t-shirt that says “Fun and Fine”, why wouldn’t you just create a TeeSpring account yourself, design the shirt, and buy it? You can but the shirt’s at the minimum cost if you do this.
It’s not like Tony did anything with these “Fun and Fine” shirts. All he did was use the “text” tool on TeeSpring and fucking type it out and put it on the shirt. Anyone can do this and be done in five minutes, from start to finish.
At least the “Hack the Movies” t-shirts have a somewhat stylised logo. He didn’t just use the text editor. But absolutely nobody is buying any of this stuff. Why would they? Nobody is buying any of this TeeSpring shit.
Apparently, TeeSpring uses poor-quality printing as well. It’s all rock-bottom, cheapest possible shit. It’s just print on demand garbage.
If Tony is committed to this, he should get 100 t-shirts printed out, or whatever the minimum order might be, from a reputable printing company, high-quality printing, high-quality shirts, keep them in his room, and send them out as orders come in. This way he’d be able to show you the actual product that you’d get instead of the virtual bullshit that TeeSpring shows.
He doesn’t do that because he knows that nobody buys the fucking shirts.
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Sexy Demon Behind the scenes stuff – Newt Wallen
It seems like that old prostitute Fallon is back in Newt Wallen’s good graces. Because he got her another job.
Skeletor is also in this. I’ve got to come up with a better name than Skelator. I just use the first name that I think of but this one needs a definite review.
It’s interesting which people I give nickname to.
- CannotBeTamed = Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining
- Tony = Tony from Hack the Movies (not really a nickname because he uses the name but I always make sure to use his full “title”)
- Bobdunga = Saint Dungalous
- Pelvic Gaming = Pelvic Gamer
- Newt Wallen = The Ideas Man
- Destiny Fomo = Madam Fomo
- John Riggs = JOHN RIGGS
- Metz = PVC Bondage Guy
- Crystal Quin = Horseface McGee
- Gamesack = Joe from Gamesack
- Zap Cristal = Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” Cristal
- Zap’s new husband = Mr Wright Way II
So most people have nicknames, even though a few of these nicknames barely qualify as nicknames. More like style guides. But interestingly, Erin is just Erin. Her content is so dreadful that there’s no need to embelish with stupid nicknames.
But Skeletor…I don’t know. Aside from the lack of creativity, it’s just mean-spirited. She has an obvious eating disorder. Am I going to insult somebody for having an eating disorder?
Anyway, the Ideas Man is working on a new “movie” (giant air quotes) with these two “sexy” (again) ladies. It’s the same thing that he did recently. He’s “directing” a scene for some patchwork “movie” that Donald Farmer is “directing”. Yes, the Donald Farmer.
So what Donald Farmer does is get a bunch of delusional lunatics like Newt Wallen, tell them to “direct” a scene using local prostitutes, and then Donald Farmer takes these various “scenes”, of varying levels of shittiness, and cobbles them into a “movie”. A “movie” that nobody buys.
I’m suddenly reminded of Bum Fights. Similar premise, I guess. Exploit people at the lowest level of society: the homeless, prostitutes, the mentally ill.
0:00 – That old prostitute is running.
See? That’s another thing. Fallon’s nickname is basically, “That old prostitute”. But I can’t use that any more because now we have another old prostitute. There are two old prostitutes in this very video. So I’ll just have to use “Fallon”. Reluctantly. I don’t know what the other fucking woman’s name is. That’s why nicknames get used to begin with. Well, whatever. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
So Fallon is running. She’s running toward the camera. The idea is that the audience wants to see her tits bouncing. Really? I didn’t want to see that. This wasn’t remotely titilating.
I’ll tell you what else it wasn’t. It wasn’t cinema. This had no relation whatsoever to a movie. This is just a delusional lunatic and a prostitute wasting their time.
0:15 – Now she’s running away. The idea, wrongly, is that people want to see her ass. And it’s night. And the lighting is bad. You can’t fucking see anything. Come on. This is fucking trash.
0:30 – Now we’ve Fallon and…whatever, the other prostitute. The other prostitute is opening a door and sees Fallon and Newt’s brilliant direction is “Grab her fucking face.”
Hollywood will be calling any day now.
New scene. “Hit us with some of that seductive eye shit.”
God, it’s fucking awful. Horrible. This is not professional. It’s not erotic. It’s not how a movie gets directed. It’s trash. It’s bullshit. It’s a farce. It’s a complete waste of everybody’s time.
Then a few seconds later he says, “It’s pretty seductive.”
Nobody will hire Newt after this. It’s pathetic.
Then he says, “I’ve seen better.”
1:30 = The other prostitute is straddling Fallon. The other prostitute is wearing a sheer top with crosses on the nipples. She spits blood on Fallon’s tits.
That’s it. That’s the video. A little behind the scenes of the “magic” that goes on at Schlock & Awe Industries.
When I was a kid, there was a news story on 60 Minutes or something about a child prodigy who could direct an orchestra. It was an Indian kid, I believe. And they showed footage of him in action and he was just waving that baton.
And I’m watching this, as a 10 year old or however old I was, and I said, “Well, I can do that. All he’s doing is this” and I motioned just waving a baton around. And my parents laughed at how ridiculous this comment was. Of course I can’t be an orchestral conductor.
But I wasn’t too far from the truth. I’m not saying that I’m an expert on orchestras but I was in the school band. The teacher/conductor knew a lot about music and he could play all of the instruments and whatnot but the actual job of conducting was just waving the baton around. When a particular section of the orchestra was due to come in, he would point at them dramatically but they knew when to come in. They were reading the fucking music. They didn’t need the prompt.
I was just reminded of this because if this video is any representation of what it takes to be a director, ANYONE can do this. Anyone can say “cut” and “action”. Anyone can make creepy comments.
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Checking out Crystal Quin’s Twitter
Alright, Horseface. It’s late and I’m tired. I don’t want to watch any of these long fucking boring Youtube videos. If you’re not bringing the goods, I’ll have to miss a day of the blog.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin
Oh, she has a rainbow emoji in her description. Because she likes the ladies, guys. Crystal Quin, who was in a relationship for ten years with a man, and has never talked about being in a relationship with a woman, likes the ladies.
Whoa! Look at that. Horseface in half a top and contorting her body in that Instagram “Here’s my ass, guys” pose. Ding! Turkey’s done! Did my pants suddenly get tighter?
You know who I’m not seeing in the comments? Kris Glavin. Maybe he disappeared again. You’d think that Horseface might be concerned about him. Do some kind of wellness check. He’s her biggest fan.
She doesn’t give a fuck.
Whoa! Horseface in half a top with some loser and Kieran in the background. And see that guy to the right of Kieran, in the background, covering his crotch? That’s me. I walked around the whole convention like that trying to cover up my raging boner because I kept running into Horseface. Just look at her. She’s a fucking smokeshow. Am I right, Kris Glavin?
Anyway, interesting that Kieran is still involved with these people. Maybe it shouldn’t be because who cares that Kieran isn’t working at Screenwave anymore. He should still be able to associate with people who do. But…they removed Newt from their social circle after he was fired for plagiarism. He apparently said stuff but what could he have said that was so awful?
And you might think, “Oh, Tony doesn’t work for Screenwave any more either” but he apparently kind of does. According to Kieran, anyway. His Youtube show is part-owned by Screenwave or something.
But also more broadly, once you leave a job, that’s typically the end of these work “friendships”. You’re only friends with these people because you work with them.
I might have told this story before but I started a job on the same day as some woman. We did the training together. We worked in the same place. We had basically the same career trajectory. I went out with her, socially, with other coworkers to pubs and whatnot.
And then like three years later, I quit the job. I found another job. The job that I found paid twice as much as the previous job.
So one day, like a year later, I saw her walking down the street, obviously going to work. And I was also going to work. So I said hello. Asked her how the job was going. Just normal stuff. I wasn’t coming on to her or anything. I was genuinely interested in how the job was going.
She gave one sylable answers to everything. Didn’t even look at me. Oh.
Whoa! Here’s Horseface saying that she wants to date some high school cheerleaders. That’s hot, right? “I need to date more girls.” Yeah. How about one, Horseface? Start with one.
But we’re all supposed to be jerking off to this. “Oh yeah. Thirty-five year old Horseface with a woman! Smokeshow, young lady.”
And the horntards all reply with, “Yeah, I need to date some women too.” I’m not even joking.
Whoa! Horseface in some kind of dress (for a change) lipsycing to some gay black man talking about liking rough sex. That’s hot, right? Ummm….I’ve already used all of my euphamisms for erections. I need to get some new ones. But my dick is hard, guys.
She’s on Tiktok, though? Well, sure. That’s where the young people go. Young people like 35 year old Horseface McGee. Let’s check it out.
She’s been on there for three years and has ten videos.
I won’t link to individual videos because they’re annoying as fuck but in one of them, the description says, “When you work your dream job full time and have amazing side gigs”. And in the video, you see the “amazing side gig” that she’s talking about is being on Hack the Movies.
Let’s move on.
Whoa! Horseface in a bikini. Ummm…there’s a five alarm…something…fire, I guess…in my pants!
“Labor Day is officially over.” She’s a big Labor Day fan, guys.
Interesting story about Labor Day. Labor Day is only celebrated in the US, of course. In the rest of the world, May Day is the traditional day to raise the consciousness of the working class. And it was the same in the US until the the fat cats got worried about the burgeoning socialist/communist movement in the US. So they created this fake holiday of Labor Day, which was totally neutered, and devoid of any radical politics.
Here are some more facts for you. Most Americans think of May Day as some weird European bullshit. No. It started in the US. It was to commemorate the Haymarket Square riot in Chicago in 1886 where there was a general strike and some police instigators started a riot. I quoted from this just recently. August Spies was one of the people who was hanged as a result of this. Wrongly hanged. He was a labour organiser.
And now May Day (the first day of May) in the US is “Law Day”. It’s the day when you’re supposed to celebrate law and order and the police. How fucked up is that? On a day that’s supposed to commemorate the false imprisonment and execution of labor organisers as a result of a riot instigated by the police in order to break up a general strike. Law Day.
The guys at the top must think that we’re a bunch of a fucking retards not to see through this shit.
Oh. They might have a point.
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R.I.P. Regal movie quotes commercial – Newt Wallen
Now Newt is announcing the death of COMMERCIALS.
And he’s in his car with this couple who are absolutely petrified of black folk. Especially the toddler range and the elderly.
I don’t even know what he’s talking about. I’ve never seen this, of course. It’s some commercial that plays in movie theatres in the US, apparently. Maybe elsewhere. I don’t know. I haven’t been to the cinema in…since before covid.
1:45 – Newt makes numerous references to people having “punchable faces” and this culminates in Newt saying, “If I had cancer and had one wish, it would be to hunt this guy for sport.” An odd comment to make given that Newt did have cancer. And also this constant reference to people’s appearance. It opens up comments about your own appearance. I’m going to take the high road here but it’s just not a good idea.
2:30 – He makes a reference to the 2012 shooting in a movie theatre in Aurora, Colorado.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_Aurora,_Colorado_shooting
You know…because there’s a COMMERCIAL that he doesn’t like. Twelve people died. Isn’t that hilarious? I wonder if Newt Tweeted their deaths. Was there Twitter in 2012? I think so.
Then this horrible woman makes some kind of “joke” about wanting to make a commercial where somebody shoots people in a movie theatre and then picks up a Pepsi and promotes the taste of Pepsi. What? What is any of this? It’s not comedy, I’ll tell you that.
3:45 – Now she’s talking about a commercial about “A white kid who’s pretending to be black”. I have NO IDEA what she’s talking about. With any of this. But I have to assume that it’s more racist fucking bullshit from this fucking hillbilly Klanswoman.
4:30 – Now she’s describing a commercial where there’s a pirate…and a bird…and somebody wants food…and…then there’s an old lady…and somebody’s dancing…and…WHAT? Look. Get this fucking toothless meth addict out of here. I don’t have the slightest fucking clue what she’s talking about. And she’s a horrible, horrible person. As ugly inside as she is on the outside.
5:45 – Now Newt is pronouncing Fanta with a short “a” sound. Is he fucking retarded?
And then to answer that question, Newt says that “Fahn-ta” is “Basically, Nazi soda”.
What? That should be right up your alley then. You fucking piece of shit.
This horrible woman also pronounces it “Fahn-ta”. Have I been saying it wrong all this time? I don’t think so.
5:45 – Then this woman says that “Germans make good stuff.”
So you’re thinking, “She’s going to talk about cars or some other high end product, right?”
No. She starts talking about a RETRACTABLE LEASH.
Then Newt starts talking about a tits and gore movie about Nazi torture. Or something. And how much he enjoyed the movie. What a fucking piece of shit.
7:15 – Interesting pronunciation of “Nuremberg” from Newt. “Norm-berg”.
8:45 – Newt talks about somebody stealing somebody else’s ideas (I dont’ know what or who) and then says, “Plagiarising motherfuckers.”
9:00 – Newt says “I can smell your cunt.” Why does he say this? I don’t know. I don’t know anything that’s going on. But there’s a lot of laughter. I’m missing out on some quality jokes, I guess.
9:45 – “I’m an old man and my joints don’t work perfectly any more.”
What? Am I the only person in his 40s who’s in reasonably good health? Mike always says the same shit about how he’s old and decrepit. And he gained like fucking 100 pounds. JOHN RIGGS said something about how he has arthritis or something. Most of these guys on Youtube are fucking obese. I mean…I don’t know what to say. It’s important to take care of your health. You should not be broken down at 40. This isn’t 10th century Europe and you’re not a serf.
10:45 – Now Newt is talking Cardi B. I have no idea why. None. However, this is a good excuse to end the video. I’m not going to waste my fucking time with this shit any more. I’d rather jack off to the Wet Ass Pussy video.
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Tony from Hack the Movies Shaved his Head
He apparently tweeted about this and then the boys at TheCinemassacreTruth on Reddit got excited (they love talking about men’s appearances) and then Tony deleted it. I guess. Because I’m not seeing the tweet. But here’s the picture:
Anyway, good for him. I think that he was cutting it short for a while. Maybe using a 4 guard or something on some clippers. And then he shaved it. This is what I’ve said I did so maybe he’s taking balding advice from the blog.
I was about 31 or 32 when I shaved my head. So a few years younger than Tony. Even though I started by gradually using shorter and shorter clippers, so that I didn’t just one day have a shaved head, people still made comments when I actually shaved it. But then they get used to it. And when you meet new people that’s the only way that they know you. So it’s fine.
I don’t think it had any impact one way or the other with the ladies.
But it’s just a necessary thing, really. What’s the alternative? Look like fucking James Rolfe? Get a hair transplant like some vain homo? Start using that snake oil that makes your dick go limp?
I used to shave it twice a week. Then once a week. Now I aim for once a week but if I go past a week, I don’t give a fuck. It’s not like I’m fooling anyone. People know that I’m shaving because I’m bald, not for fashion. And I’m in my mid 40s. Who cares?
But it’s a whole lot easier than going to a barber and having to worry about what you’re going to do with your hair. “Oh, give me the Ricky Nelson”. Fuck that gay shit. You can shave in, whatever, 10 or 15 minutes from the comfort of your own home.
I can’t think of any problems that I’ve had since shaving it. Once in a great while some kid will say something. “That guy looks like Hitman” or something. But it’s not even really an insult. It’s just a factual statement. I’m bald and wearing a suit, much like the beloved video game character Hitman.
So it’s a complete non-issue as far as I’m concerned. It was slightly traumatising at the time but just the realisation that I was balding was traumatising. Actually shaving was fine. It was a solution to the problem. And I’ve not been concerned about it since.
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Slay the Spire, The Last Case of Benedict Fox, Venba, RWX and more updates – Cannot be Tamed
0:00 – “Hi. I’m Pam and this is my monthly update video letting you know everything that I was up to in the month of August.”
Who cares? Think of how absurd this is. We’re supposed to care what Pam was doing in August? What a complete egotist.
0:30 – PolyMedia Group, who are the nerds responsible for Point and Drink Adventure (Pam’s AWFUL podcast with Petee aka Michelle aka Pele) did a charity…what? A charity stream for the Bit by Bit Foundation. This is a charity that gives video game consoles and whatnot to children’s hospitals. Uh huh.
Let me look this PolyMedia Group up. I think that she showed pictures with these people before. It’s just some bearded fat losers in Canada who she knows.
God, I don’t know. There are a billion companies called PolyMedia Group. Way to pick a unique name, you clowns.
So anyway, Pam raised $4,600 in a 24 hour stream. That doesn’t really seem worth it.
Apparently, Pam was only on the stream for two hours. So it was some other nobodies for the other 22 hours. Instead of doing a stream, why didn’t these people just donate a single day’s salary to the charity? Let’s say that they make an average of $200/day and there were ten of these people. That’s $2,000 right there. It’s less than $4,600 but not much less. And this way you’re not guilting people. “Oh, think of the poor, dying children who can’t play video games. Give me money.”
No. I’m not giving you a fucking penny. No offense to these poor, dying children but it’s not my problem. And their problems should not be solved by random horny retards donating money to this shit. If there’s some kind of console shortage in the hospitals, get the government involved. Get the Nintendo Corporation to to donate consoles. Don’t shake down poor, horny retards for pennies. That’s fucking disgraceful.
These people already give and give and many of them are surely poor. These people are deserving of charity themselves. But fucking Pam is bleeding them dry and she has no problem doing so. She knows that many of them are mentally challenged. “Give me money. Dying kids want to play Mario Kart.”
If you’re so concerned about this, Pam, put your own fucking money in and shut the fuck up. Don’t guilt your mentally challenged, impoverished viewers into donating on your behalf.
It’s always the common man who’s expected to give. It’s the man on the street who has to make all of the sacrifices. No. Start hitting up the fat cats for money. They can afford it. Fucking charity. Fuck you. They’re parasites feeding on the lowest of society and just perpetuating the inequality in society.
When I go out and see these charity buffoons in their jester caps harassing the public, it’s never a guy in a tophat and monocle who they’re jumping out in front of. It’s always some senile old fuck who doesn’t know where he is. “Oh, this pretty young lady is talking to me. Let’s see what she has to say.”
Whenever taxes are being raised it’s always the bottom 90% of society who pays. What about the guys at the top who can afford it? They don’t have to pay.
Oh, you better start recycling. You better watch your “carbon footprint.” You better start carpooling. Don’t you care about the environment?
Yeah. I care about the environment. That’s why I’m saying that you should go after the giant corporations who are responsible for the destruction of the environment. Not telling me to paw through my fucking trash.
1:30 – Now she’s shilling for Point and Drink Adventure. There was a live episode during this charity scam. I’m sure that that was riveting. Good old Pam aka Cannot Be Entertaining boring the masses.
1:45 – She also went to Retro World Expo. Some nerd convention in Connecticut.
I used to drive through Mystic, Connecticut on my way to work. And the sign to the town advertised the movie Mystic Pizza. I never stopped, though.
I’ve been thinking, I’m probably never going to move back to the US. It’s perhaps for the best. I owe all of that fucking money from student loans.
But it makes me think if I should have made a better use of my time in the US. Maybe stopped at Mystic Pizza, for example. See what the fuss was about.
But could I have done that? I didn’t have any money. I was doing the most with what I had.
I mean, I wish that I would been more outgoing. Made more friends. Shown the ladies a good time. Shit like this. But it’s just not me. You have to accept yourself for how you are.
3:00 – Pam is talking about playing Press Your Luck at the nerd convention. What? She just mentions this like she knows what it is. Was this shown in Canada? I’m talking about the 1980s tv game show. I think there was also a reboot in the 2000s on the Gameshow Network or something called Whammy. I could be wrong. But why does she know this?
Oh yeah. I looked it up. I was right about that remake. And there was another remake in 2019. Still not clear if any of these shows were broadcast in Canada, though.
3:45 – Pam’s girlfriend Pele got her a record. Whoopdeedoo.
Then she talks about video games that she played, on stream, for money for the rest of the video. No thanks, Pam. I have to wash my hair.
I do not intend to say that the condition of the wage-worker in Germany is better than in this country, but I will say that I never saw there such real suffering from want, as I have since seen in this country…And there is more protection for children and women in Germany than here.
– August Spies (1886)
As true today as when it was written.
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ProctorU is a Completely Disgraceful Company
With covid came a rise of online schooling and taking tests online. A company called ProctorU came in to fill this demand.
It started as an American company but it wasn’t long before they closed all of their American offices and went completely to the Philippines. Anything to maximise profit.
Now there are colleges and universities all over the US using this company to administer their tests. And businesses are also using this company. If you want to take a nursing test or something, you might be required to use these buffoons.
Apparently if you want to take the standardised test to get into graduate school, that’s done using ProctorU as well. It’s a complete scandal. I could not imagine taking a test of that level of importance with these incompetent cowboys. The American higher education system has outsourced their testing to some fly by night company in the Phillipines. It’s a national disgrace.
So I was recently interested in taking a test to improve my professional qualifications. And it was to be done online. Well, okay. That’s fine. It was being done through ProctorU.
I looked into the company and the process. There are privacy concerns. They take control of your computer. They use your mouse and click through whatever they want to click through. You have to have your webcam on at all times. They’re recording everything. They look at what programs you’re running. It’s extremely invasive.
So what you’ll see is people online talking about ways to try to minimise the intrusiveness. Because you don’t want them going through your shit. People say to create a new user for Windows that doesn’t have permissions for anything. People say to run Windows through a virtual machine. Shit like this. I just said fuck it. I’ll get a new laptop and use that.
So that was, whatever, £600. Then I had to pay for the test. The test was a few hundred dollars. I paid the company that I was dealing with, not ProctorU, but presumably the company paid ProctorU for their service. What they paid, I don’t know.
I book the test date and time. It’s not straight forward by any means. But I figure it all out and the time comes for the test.
The “proctor”, who’s just some young woman from the Phillipines desperate for a job, makes me take a picture of myself from the webcam. She takes control of the computer. She makes me show my passport. She makes me take a picture of the passport. Then she says, “Your computer is too slow. We have to send you to our technician.”
Now, I was using a new computer. And it wasn’t a piece of shit. I got a decent laptop. It should be more than sufficient to take an online test. We’re not talking about being able to play Cyberpunk 2077 here. I just need to be able to take an online test. The computer specifications bar should be extremely low.
I reluctantly agreed, knowing full well that there was nothing wrong with my computer or the connection.
The “technician”, who’s just a young guy in the Phillipines desperate for a job, takes control of my computer, downloads all of my computer specifications, and says “Well, this seems fine.” Then he goes to an online speed test thing. Runs the test. I don’t know what a normal result is but it seemed fine. Then he says, “Can you turn your router off and on?”
I say no. It’s not going to help. There’s nothing wrong with my connection. It’s fine. It’s the same connection I’ve always had. I’d like to start the test now. He says, “Are you sure? It’s going to affect the test.” I say yes, I’m sure.
So he sends me back to the “proctor”. The proctor takes control of my computer. We go through the same shit again. I take a picture of myself. I take a picture of my passport. Then she says, “It’s still too slow. I have to send you back to the technician.”
I say, “It is not going to help. There is nothing wrong with my computer or the connection. Just start the test, please.” Bear in mind that at this point, I’ve been dealing with these people for 40 minutes. It’s complete fucking bullshit. And I’m noticing no problem whatsoever with my connection.
She refuses to start the test. Says that I have to go back to the “technician”. So this guy’s brilliant idea is for me to turn the computer off and on. I tell him that it absolutely will not help but fine. I’ll do it.
I restart. Obviously, there’s no change. So I manage to log back into this horrible website and I’m with a new “proctor” now. It’s a different young woman from the Phillipines who’s desperate for a job. By the way, you don’t see any of these people. Their webcams aren’t on. But sometimes they talk to you, sometimes they type in the little chat window. It’s now been an hour since I’ve attempted to start this test.
So she says:
Bitch: Hello, my name is (whatever). How are you today?
Me: I’m good. Thank you.
Bitch: Well, that’s good to hear. I’m also doing well, thank you so much for asking. So your connection is still —
Me: Am I required to ask you how you are?
Bitch: What?
Me: Am I required to ask you how you are?
There’s a pause and she just moves on.
She thought that she could be cute with me. “Oh, you didn’t ask how I am. You’re so rude.” Fuck you. I don’t give a shit how you are. I just want to take this fucking test. Can we get on with it, please?
But she’s so used to dealing with American college students, who are at the mercy of their colleges or universities, that she thinks that she can say whatever she wants and there’s no repercussions. Nobody is going to stand up to her bullshit.
So then says that the connection is still too slow. I say, “Listen. There is nothing wrong with the connection. I’ve been through this already. Just start the test, please.”
She disconnects me.
So I copied this log, fortunately a log is kept of your conversation, and I sent it to the company who had this deal with ProctorU. I said that they kept insisting that there’s something wrong with my connection despite the fact that there was nothing wrong with my computer or the connection. So I’d like my money back for this test.
A few days later they get back to me. Oh, you should have restarted your router like they told you to do. That would have either solved the problem or eliminated that as a potential solution. We’ll refund your money but there’s a small charge for this.
So I emailed them back. Told them that they should be embarassed to apportion any of the blame on me. Obviously, restarting the router isn’t going to solve anything. I agreed to take this test with you, on the assumption that you were dealing with a competent company to administer the test. They refused to adminster the test. How was I possibly supposed to know that they’d refuse to administer the test? And for absolutely no valid reason?
So I got a full refund. Fuck ProctorU and fuck this scumbag company who tried to pin any of the blame on me. Take your qualifications and shove them up your fucking ass.
It means giving up on my idea of going back to the US but I don’t give a shit. Fuck it. Why would I want to go back to that shithole? There’s all of the political bullshit there, the “trans” nonsense, the poor state of healthcare, I’d have to get a car, all of the genetically modified food, the obsession with drugging everyone (legally and illegally), the poor working conditions, the appalling work/life balance, the wanton abuses by employers, widespread police corruption, the violence, the crime. Who needs it?
I can live anywhere in the UK and the European Union. I can be in France tomorrow with those rude fucking assholes. Or in Slovenia fucking some big titted skank. Or in Sweden, living off of the state. Why go back to the US and deal with all of that fucking fascist bullshit?
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My Godzilla 1998 Merch Collection! (Bonus Podcast Update)
0:00 – “Yes, the channel. We got it monetised.”
Bring in the pennies.
He says that the podcast is coming back in September with a new episode every other week. Don’t fucking promise anything. Just get it done. We’ll figure out the schedule or lack thereof.
0:45 – He says that it will be live and promises “audience engagement”. You know that’s going to be awful.
Has anybody EVER had anything interesting to say about ANYTHING? You look at like radio call in shows. You get some nervous yokel who can barely spit out their question and it’s always fucking idiotic. Or I would see this on the Donahue talk show from the 1980s and 1990s. He had a call in segment. Always awful. Or C-SPAN had a call-in show and there would be some nut job talking about how Hitler created the autobahn system so highways are evil. That was an actual call. It’s never good.
Plus, I mean, come on. Who’s watching these Godzilla podcasts? This got 1,600 views after a week. How many of those 1,600 are going to…well, he’s probably not taking calls. But maybe he is. But even if we limit this to chat, how many people are going to be in the chat?
By the way, I’m at the 8 minute mark and all he’s doing is showing Godzilla (1998) DVDs and the video tape that he has.
12:45 – For reasons that aren’t clear to anyone, Johanna says that Tony is homophobic and sexist. She goes on to say, “I’m trying to think of minority groups that I’m in that I can just be like, ‘You’re an asshole.’”
So…Johanna…who’s engaged to a man…is gay? Is this what we’re supposed to believe?
I think what she’s doing is pretending to be “bi” because she thinks that this is 1994 when that was still considered risque and hot (for women, anyway). It’s the same thing that Horseface does. Newsflash, ladies: it’s not remotely risque or hot.
And she has absolutely no charisma. Can’t have a conversation. It’s PAINFUL. And I feel bad saying this but it’s true.
13:30 – Johanna proposes that she’s going to start her own podcast where she talks about Star Wars. She goes on to say that she’ll get hate comments because she’s a woman and people will say that she doesn’t know anything about Star Wars. And she makes this comment right after she said something incorrect about Star Wars that Tony had to correct her about.
It begs the question what is Johanna actually interested in to the point where she can have a podcast? Because it has to be something that she knows a lot about. Is there anything?
It’s not a moral failing if there isn’t anything. I’m trying to think what I could do a podcast on. Do I know anything to a nerdy degree?
I watched a lot of Mystery Science Theater 3000 but it’s been years since I’ve seen an episode. And I never even watched them all. I gave up the second year after they moved to the Sci-Fi Channel. And I certainly didn’t watch the AWFUL reboot a few years ago. I mean, I tried but I failed. Couldn’t even get through one episode. Then wasn’t it rebooted again recently?
So no, I can’t do Mystery Science Theater 3000. Because then you also have to know about the actors in the show and you have to know about the movies that they watched and all of this shit. There are plenty of nerds who know more about the show than I do and I’d quickly get called out, “This guy doesn’t know anything Mystery Science Theater 3000. He doesn’t even know what year Joel Hodgson appeared on the David Letterman show” or whatever.
Fire Pro Wrestling? I know a lot about the Fire Pro Wrestling series of games. The appeal of such a podcast would be close to zero, though.
I could do a podcast on Erin Plays, I guess. What a massive fraud she is. I think that I’m the world’s pre-eminent expert on this topic.
So I guess my point is that not everybody has extreme, autistic interests. And I think that you need this sort of deep, autistic interest to do a podcast. You can’t just wing it. Because we see what happens when you wing it. You get Johanna stumbling through a podcast about Godzilla. Or about a movie that she doesn’t give a fuck about. It’s not enough to have a passing interest in this stuff. You have to be committed. You have to come in being an expert on this shit.
If you’re not an expert, that’s fine. That’s normal. Normal people don’t devote their lives to Godzilla. But then just do something else with your time because if I want to hear some casual Godzilla fan’s ill-informed, incoherent opinions on one of the movies, I can just have an internal monologue about Godzilla. People go to a podcast expecting a certain level of expertise on the subject matter.
So that’s the video. They waffle on. I wasn’t really listening for the last ten minutes or so.