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WTF Wednesday Review: Guns Girls and Gambling (2012) review – Newt Wallen
As you may know, I’ve been working on a new nickname for this woman. I wasn’t happy with Skeletor. So after many hours of wrestling with these woke AI’s, I finally managed to get an appropriately insulting nickname for an underweight, red-haired prostitute: Gaunt Scarlet Harlot.
0:15 – “Alright, look who’s back.”
And she waves spastically. She doesn’t have a genuine bone in her body. And she’s slim enough that we ccan pretty well see most of her bones. She’s only interested in selling her body for money. A total fraud. A waste of a human being.
“We’re getting ready to go film a scene for Donald Farmer’s movie.”
Then she actually cups one of her tits. Not in an exaggerated way. But this is just what she does. It’s so common for her to try to sell her body that she probably doesn’t even know that she’s doing it.
0:30 – The Gaunt Scarlet Harlot says, “Guns, girls, and gambling: three of my favourite things.”
No charisma. No intellect. No sense of humour. No sincerity. None of this is getting my penis even slightly erect.
It’s just this old fucking whore, with an eating disorder, trying to titilate retards.
What does that comment even mean? Okay, I get the girls part. She’s pretending to be a sexy lesbian like it’s fucking 1992 when that was still a slightly exciting prospect.
But guns? I’m supposed to jerk off because she likes guns? And gambling? I don’t get it. And she doesn’t get it. Her comment made no fucking sense. She’s just saying things because in her mind they vaguely sound maybe slightly sexy. Come on, we have to make these retards cum. Just say whatever and hopefully we can get some pennies.
0:30 – Then she pulls her top down to show more cleavage. I’ve commented on this before. I have never seen this behaviour in my life. This is what she does. She constantly adjusts her top to show MORE cleavage.
She also keeps looking into the camera, presumably it’s showing how they look, and she’ll adjust herself so that her tits are better in frame. It’s constant.
1:15 – She says “Native American reservation.” You know that things are bad when even whores are bowing to PC culture. If you can’t even rely on a whore to say “Indian”, I think that this particular war has been lost.
I always just said “American Indian”. Because I don’t think that a lot of these people like the term “Native American”.
Let’s just go back to “Redskin Savage”. Why not? Wear it as a badge of honour. You’d be filling out the census form or whatever and the choices would be “White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, or Redskin Savage.”
Or you know how some people like to ask personal questions about your ethnicity if it’s not easily identifiable. “Are you southeast Asian or Filipino or –” “No, I’m a Redskin Savage.” “Holy shit. Really? That’s impressive.”
It would be HUGE for dating. Are you telling me that people wouldn’t want to date a Redskin Savage? Men and women would both benefit from this term.
1:45 – She’s again obviously showing off her tits. This doesn’t end. She’s not even focusing on what The Ideas Man is saying. She’s just obsessed with her own breasts. Well, somebody has to be, I guess.
2:15 – Newt calls a character “the Indian”. Please, Newt. Let’s be sensitive. They prefer to be called Redskin Savages.
2:30 – Gaunt Scarlet Harlot says that she loves The Rock and then makes an exaggerated dreamy face. What are we supposed to get out of this? Does she think that any of the horntards are built like The Rock? They’re more Mike Shaw.
And let’s say that you were built like The Rock. Would you give this woman the time of day? Get real. And anway she’s gay. She started this video by saying that girls are one of her three favourite things. Along with gun and gambling. That’s hot, right? Lesbian gun nuts with gambling problems.
3:15 – Gaunt Scarlet Harlot says that Newt’s cat likes her. Newt says, “She might think that you’re…you know, she liked you and she liked the other red-head.”
Newt…fucking stop with this shit. What is going to be achieved by constantly talking about Horseface? Tell me. Is Horseface going to be impressed with this? No. She’s going to continue to be creeped the fuck out. Is any woman going to be impressed with this? No. They’re going to be creeped the fuck out. So tell me what your plan is with this bullshit, Ideas Man. How is any of this going to get you a date? I know that you’re paying this woman but come on. Whores get creeped out too.
3:45 – Now Gaunt Scarlet Harlot is re-applying her makeup. Because that’s important. And throughout the video, when she wasn’t adjusting her top to show MORE cleavage, she was playing with her lip. Because that’s hot, I guess? I don’t know.
Watching these videos, it’s like entering some Bizarro world where thoroughly average-looking women AT BEST are somehow hot chicks. Gaunt Scarlet Harlot, Horseface, PVC Bondage Guy, Johanna, Mint Salad, I wouldn’t touch any of these women. For one thing, I’d be afraid of getting a social disease from them just from being in their vicinity. And their personalities are all repellant. But I’m saying just from appearance, they’re all hard passes from me.
This is apparently what passes for a hot chick in rural Pennsylvania. It’s a terrifying thought. What does the average person in rural Pennsylvania look like? It’s a state full of Quasimodos.
6:15 – “I wrote a female Escape from New York movie for my friend Abby…”
Newt, we don’t fucking care about your abysmal, plagiarised tits and gore scripts that will never go anywhere. Can we just end this video, please?
8:15 – Newt is talking about a prostitute character and Gaunt Scarlet Harlot says, “Don’t spoil it.”
Newt says, “So there’s tits in the movie so that’s great.” Then Gaunt Scarlet Harlot brushes her hair away from her chest, as she’s done CONSTANTLY throughout this video, to give a better shot of her tits.
It’s awful. All of this is awful, Newt. This woman has not said a single thing that’s even REMOTELY interesting. She’s a complete airhead.
8:45 – “It could have used a little more gore.”
Eugh. Newt, I’m done. I can’t take this boring fucking bullshit. I don’t want to hear every fucking movie being reduced to how much tits and gore it has in it. I’M AN ADULT!
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Let’s talk about controllers! – Erin Plays
Oh, Erin. You’re really spoiling us. Another video and only ten days after your last one.
It’s zero effort, of course. She’s just going to show controllers. But she’s a big video game fan. She knows a lot about controllers. Just look at the background of her Youtube closet, after all. It’s full of video game shit. What more proof do you need of Erin’s slavish devotion to video games?
0:00 – “Hey guys. Erin Plays here.”
She actually refers to herself as “Erin Plays”. How insane in that? Doesn’t she usually just say “Erin”?
She starts with the SN30 Pro from 8 Bit Do.
Oh, of course. That’s a classic. I remember as a kid playing on the SN30 Pro from 8 Bit Do. I used it on my SN30 Pro 64. Great controller, great console. So many memories. What a fantastic choice for the first controller to highlight.
This must be a fucking ad. Why would she start with this? Why not start with, “Hey, here’s the SNES controller. It’s pretty cute. Next”?
Nobody fucking has this. Nobody wants this.
0:30 – The 6 button Sega Genesis controller. Uh huh. Let’s hear it.
Oh. It’s from Retro Bit.
What the fuck is this? SHOW THE ORIGINAL CONTROLLERS, YOU DUMB BITCH. NOBODY WANTS THESE ADS.
1:15 – “Speaking of translucent eee-lectronics.”
It’s so fucking annoying. And she says “electronics” like ten times. Weirdly. She’s a big fan of the long “E” sound, guys.
But now she’s showing N64 controllers. The actual ones this time. She’s just talking about the colours. One is watermelon, the other is grape. We really needed to know that. You guys like colours, right?
Erin, I’m all about colours. But we can see them. I’m not fucking blind. I can see what the colours are. You don’t need to point them out.
2:00 – She told her mother that she wanted a “watermelon red” N64 to match the “watermelon red” controller that she had. But her mother declined, stating that Erin already has an N64.
Was Erin retarded? Why would she want another N64 just for the colour? The stupidity is off the fucking charts. Let’s just move on. I don’t want to get worked up over colours here.
2:30 – “Do you remember when this was new and people were debating, like, on how to hold it correctly?”
No, Erin.
I don’t actually remember anything about the Nintendo 64. I remember Atari 2600. I remember when the NES came out. I remember SNES. And then…it’s not until Playstation that I remember anything about console video games.
Wasn’t Playstation a contemporary of Nintendo 64? It was totally off my radar. What year was it out?
It was 1996. I would have been in college. But I bought a Playstation in like 1997 or 1998. I must not have even considered a Nintendo 64. It was considered a console for children.
I played it a lot in emulator form a few years later. There were a lot of good games. I played it even though the emulation was slow and buggy.
I did almost no Playstation emulation, though. There was that fucking Bleem. I had a pirated version of that. I don’t think that I ever got it to work. And I had ePSXe or whatever. But there weren’t really rom sites for Playstation games. You had to get ISOs from Kazaa or whatever. And the ISOs were big. Like 600mb or whatever. And I was on dialup.
They had what were called “mini ISO rips”, which stripped out the videos and other shit and lowered the file size to like 30 mb but only of a handful of games. Tekken 3 as a mini ISO rip was everywhere and I also managed to get Tenchu. But that was the extent of my Playstation emulation experience. Those two games.
On the other hand, I think that I had every N64 rom. You were able to get them from rom sites. Mame dot dk or JoseQ’s site or whatever. Downloading from rom sites was better than Kazaa because you could resume the downloads on websites (using Filezilla or something) but I don’t think that Kazaa allowed you to resume downloads. I could be wrong. There was just something that made websites better than file sharing programs.
3:00 – Erin says that the N64 controller is “iconic”. It’s one of her favourite words. Right up there with “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-lectronic”.
3:15 – Vectrex. She’s a big Vectrex fan, guys.
Why isn’t this done in any sort of order? Logically, she should have done this in chronological order. But no. She just does whatever because she puts no fucking effort into anything. Also, she doesn’t know the chronological order that these systems came out in.
4:15 – “Now let’s enter the world of NES controllers. That is Nintendo Entertainment System controllers.”
She’s proud of herself that she finally “remembered” what “NES” stands for.
4:45 – She doesn’t like some controller. She says, “Can you imagine playing Castlevania with this?”
Can you imagine talking about a different fucking game?
5:45 – Interesting pronunciation of Arkanoid. It’s Arkanoid, right? Not Arknoid? There’s an “A” in the middle, isn’t there? Not according to Miss Plays. She’s a big Arknoid fan.
6:30 – She finds it funny that some controller has three turbo settings. You know…exactly like the Turbo Grafx controller. She’s seen a Turbo Grafx controller, right? Because we know that she’s a big “PC Engine” fan. Same thing. Same controller. She must have seen it.
Then she talks about the various colours that this controller came in. AT CONSIDERABLE LENGTH. Fucking fuck off.
Then she says “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-lectronics” again. Dumb fucking bitch.
“You know what’s great about turbo controllers?” And then she says that it makes it so you don’t have to tap the button repeatedly. Well, no fucking shit. That’s the whole fucking point of them. Un-fucking-believeable.
By the way, all of these controllers that NES controlers that she’s showing are Mike’s. They’re a bunch of obscure controllers.
I’m only halfway through this video. Is this ever going to ever end? I’m about to give up.
8:45 – Nintendo Switch controller. So she really skipped a lot of generations of controllers. Like…a lot. I mean…no Atari stuff. No Sega Master System. No Sega Genesis (except for that ad in the beginning). No Turbo Grafx 16. No Playstation 1, 2, 3, or 4. No X-Box or any of the follow up consoles. No GameCube. No Dreamcast.
9:30 – “A Pingu controller. I love Pingu. I think it’s so cute.”
Here’s where we end the video. Go get a fucking job, Erin. I’m sick of this fake fucking bullshit. The constant god damn lies. And POINTLESS lies. WHO CARES if you like Pingu or not? NOBODY. Develop ACTUAL interests. It’s not that hard.
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The Complete Degeneracy of Screenwave Media
Has a more detestable group of people ever assembled? You look at the obvious examples like the founding members of the German Worker’s Party or the Khmer Rouge or whatever but those people have genuinely-held political beliefs. You can question the rights and wrongs of their views but were they inherently immoral people? I don’t think that they went out seeking to be evil.
Screenwave on the other hand do seem to revel in being degenerate, immoral fucks.
Let’s start at the top: Ryan Schott. He’s running this business. This business that provides NOTHING to anyone. It’s a parasitic middleman. And according to Kieran, he has real issues with paying people a fair wage.
Then one day, he says, “You know what? I’m a lady now.” What? This 300 pound guy is a lady now? Where did this come from?
Because he’s a complete reprobate. His entire life is based on hedonism and immorality.
Look at the workforce that he managed to assemble. Why do all of these low-lifes seem to gravitate toward each other?
Justin Silverman. Do we know much about his sex life? Not really. Maybe there’s nothing to know.
But he was married. To a woman. This 500 pound man was married to a woman. That alone raises questions. How could he have managed to do this in any legitimate fashion? There had to be some level of coersion or manipulation or something. Come on. Fucking 500 pounds? Something was going on there. And apparently the woman was a normal weight.
The fags on Reddit will talk about this friend who was arrested. I don’t draw any adverse opinion about Justin about this per se. But you look at his reaction to the arrest. He joked about it. It’s an odd reaction. This is a serious situation and he’s playing it for laughs.
Tony from Hack the Movies. I watched the recent reboot of the Godzilla podcast. Awful. TERRIBLE. Unwatchable. And that’s just Johanna.
But in the video, he mentions Mint Salad. And later, he specifically mentions somebody at TheCinemassacreTruth suggesting that he’s abusing Mint Salad. He says that the porn video that he appeared in for Mint Salad’s OnlyFans has him dressed at a pterodactyl or something.
I’m not sure how that changes anything. I haven’t seen the video. But let’s assume the best, that it was purely a comedy, non-sex cameo in Mint Salad’s porn video.
Who cares? This is still somebody who actively promotes and encourages a 21 year old autistic orphan who’s getting pimped out by her fat, hillbilly boyfriend. “Oh, look at her getting pissed on. That’s so empowering.”
There’s no justification whatsoever for any of this. Anybody who supports that behaviour is a disgusting piece of shit. And Tony knows better than I do what’s going on. He knows all of the depraved bullshit that goes on. He’s close personal friends with these people. He openly supports it.
Crystal Qun aka Horseface McGee. Same exact thing. “Look at her drinking all of that pee. This is some real next level feminism here.”
Horseface goes to Mint Salad’s Fansly streams. Fully supports all of this behaviour that is as vile and repugant as human behaviour can possibly get. This is also somebody who’s obsessed with serial killers. And she dresses like whore every day. And behaves like a whore every day. And is scamming retards out of pennies.
All part of the Screenwave family.
Newt Wallen. Where to even begin with this guy? His ex-girlfriend dies and all he can talk about is all of the times that he fucked her in the ass. Obsessed with the complete piece of shit that is Horseface McGee. Spends all of his time and money on prostitutes. Has sex with a mentally ill woman who he knew since she was 17 and was her manager. And films it to be shown on the internet for money.
What about Kieran? Well, I’ve got nothing concrete but he’s got to be a scumbag. Look at the company he keeps.
Anybody who associates with Screenwave has to be a complete scumbag.
Look at Johanna. That 300 pound woman is doing porn. She thinks that we want to see that. And she talks about her limp-wristed fiance having two anuses. And she wants us to believe that she’s gay. She’s gay for Horseface. Despite the fact that she’s getting married to this guy with two anuses soon.
She also fully supports Mint Salad. “Tee hee. Isn’t that cute how she swallows all of that fat guy’s piss?”
Mike Matei. Showing his dick, whether his or not, is absolutely nothing in comparison to all of this. But this is a guy who’s involved in a buttsex for Youtube promotion sugardaddy relationship with the world’s least charismatic whore.
And he’s condemned none of the behaviour from Screenwave. Indeed, he said that he was the one who brought all of these people in. He hired Screenwave. He said, “This group of fat sexual deviants? They’re the ones who I want handling my Youtube channel.”
Look at what happened to the Cinemassacre sub-reddit. Out with the old moderators, in with BukkakeFace. You know, that guy who wanted to know how to be a better “dom” to his “sub” wife. “Should I stick an apple up her ass or what? Come on, guys. The fate of my marriage hangs in the balance.”
This is another scumbag associated with Screenwave. Probably works there. We know that fucking faggot from Movie Dumpster, who’s also a moderator there, works at Screenwave. What is that guy doing in his spare time? I don’t even want to know. Fucking chickens.
James Rolfe knows all of this. James Rolfe’s wife knows all of this. They know all of this and more. They know these people personally. And yet they continue to do business with them. Why? What is going on? Do they have pictures of James Rolfe with a dog?
Maybe James Rolfe is a disgusting deviant as well. We know that he loves scat. He can’t get enough piss and shit. In that most recent video where he’s playing Primal Rage or whatever, the only time when he showed any interest, whatsoever, is when he started talking about the character urinating on another character. He couldn’t stop talking about it.
We can assume that James is actively supporting Mint Salad’s watersports career. He’s paying for private videos. “Can you take a dump on her? That would be super empowering.”
There’s’ not a deviant behaviour that these people haven’t covered. We even have bestiality thanks to Horseface.
How has this company managed to stay in business for as long as they have? Who would possibly go to these people to “manage” their channel?
Aside from their abhorrent personal lives, they’re all entirely talentless. Aggressively so. Newt has the world’s worst fucking ideas, they’re all plagiarised, they’re all about tits and gore, and yet that guy insists that his ideas are great. These idiotic, toddler-level ideas. A guy who can’t even write a single Tweet without it being full of spelling and grammar errors is writing 90 page scripts. How awful must those scripts look? Especially given that he shits them out in a day.
It’s no wonder that Screenwave is moving on to music. Just go on to the next scam. Find a new market of people who don’t know about you.
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How to fix GHOSTBUSTERS (2016) – Newt Wallen
(Note: I wrote this before I learned of Newt having sex with mental patient PVC Bondage Guy.)
This is a new series that the Ideas Man is trying. He’s already filmed a few of them, apparently. They’re scheduled for release weeks in advance. Really annoying. I hate the schedule feature on Youtube. Just upload the fucking video when you want. No hype is built by teasing it. Nobody cares.
So he’s going to talk about how he would “fix” various franchises. Why would we care what Newt has to say about any of this? We know Newt’s ideas. He only has two of them: 1) tits and; 2) gore.
He’s had plenty of opportunities to make his own films. He’s written thousands of scripts. Show me these good ideas that he apparently has. Because all that I’ve seen is tits and gore. Every fucking script exactly the same.
I’ve seen no evidence of any creativity. Any humor. Any intellect. It’s just this lowbrow bullshit that a fourth grader would be embarassed to turn in as a school assignment. And it’s all plagiarised.
So let’s check it out, I guess. Would the 2016 Ghostbusters improve with the addition of tits and gore? I’m thinking no but maybe Newt really makes a good case for the addition of tits and gore.
0:00 – Newt says that he wanted to do this type of video for a while but wasn’t sure if it would be a waste of time or not.
What? He’s concerned about wasting time? Everything he does in the creative realm is a waste of time. I assumed that he wasn’t concerned about it.
Then he says that he’s calling this series “Re-Newt”. This is his “creative process”. He comes up with a pun title which is PAINFULLY unfunny, stupid, and non-creative and then builds a plagiarised idea around that.
What about a series called Prosti-Newt where Newt interviews his “actress” “friends” and asks them to share interesting hooking stories?
Or “Desti-Newt” where Newt shows himself selling all of his shit on Ebay to fund his god awful “movies” starring the aforementioned whores, thereby becoming destitute? That one requires a little more explaining.
0:15- “I’m not very creative.”
Newt is a master of the understatement.
0:30 – “If I was given a chance, what would I do with a reboot or a sequel?”
But we know what you’d do. You’d do what you do repeatedly. Tits and gore. It’s the only thing you know. This is ridiculous.
0:45 – Shout out to James Rolfe.
1:45 – Shout out to Hack the Movies.
3:00 – Finally we get to his first idea. The 2016 Ghostbusters needs a stronger script.
Wait. What? You can say that about every movie. That’s the difficulty. We can all agree that the script should have been better. So come up with something better. What are you ideas? You can’t just say, “We need a better script?” That’s absurd.
You know what would have really helped Thunderpants? If it had a better script.
Well, sure. That whole farting yourself into space stuff was pretty stupid. But what’s your idea? Come on. This is ridiculous. “Better script.”
3:30 – Okay, he’s giving some ideas now. He says that the 2016 movie should have been in the same continuity as the previous movies. And that could have been achieved by saying that it’s a franchise.
His version would be a franchise in Salem, Massachusetts.
“Bored suburban housewives” buy into a Ghostbusters franchise. I thought that he was going to go somewhere else with this “bored suburban housewives” thing.
4:30 – “So it would be a little bit like the Pretzel Wagon episode of the Simpsons.”
Eugh. Newt, we want NEW ideas. Not the old plagiarised ones. He can’t do it. This is just how he thinks. Everything has to be plagiarised.
“And you go, ‘You ripped it off’, well, motherfucker, go watch Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and tell me that entire plot’s not ripped off from the Futurama episode…”
Newt…you’re an idiot. Of course other things are derivative. That doesn’t make derivative work any less shit.
5:45 – When breaking ground for a new golf course, the town disturbs the grave of a powerful witch.
Umm…this is completely cliche. Indian burial ground leads to haunting. It’s been done a million times.
6:45 – “Somebody told me that ‘Karen’ is a racist term and I was like, ‘Hey, white people, be better and it wouldn’t be.’”
Start with bettering yourself, Newt. You’re letting the team down. You’re one of the worst white people out there.
So anyway, that’s his idea. A franchise in Salem, opened by suburban housewives, and they fight a witch. Based on that Simpsons episode. Umm…this wasn’t very good.
Let me take a stab at it. What if there was a haunted brothel? And it’s being haunted by the men who died from syphilis and whatnot that they got from the prostitutes. And the problem spreads out throughout New York. There are all of these ghost johns who have syphilis. And these ghost johns are going around and having sex with living women and giving them syphilis.
The whole town is demonising prostitutes, current, living prostitutes as well as the dead prostitutes. The idea is that if it weren’t for these prostitutes, these men wouldn’t have got syphilis and died, and therefore they wouldn’t come back to haunt New York. There are purges of living prostitutes and there are seances to try to reach the ghost prostitutes and find out a way to appease these ghost johns.
While all of that is going on, the lady Ghostbusters are defending the honour of the prostitutes. It’s a feminist movie. They’re saying that it’s not right to demonise the prostitutes, these men chose to go to the prostitutes so they took their chances. And the lives of the prostitutes who also had syphilis, are also important. They’re victims at least as much as the johns were.
So the Ghostbusters are capturing a ghost john here and there but they realise that the problem is too wide-spread. They’ll never catch up. The problem is going to continue to spread.
So the get the idea to advertise the world’s biggest ghost gangbang. And the bait will be the Ghostbusters themselves. The four of them are going to fuck all of the ghosts. It’s going to be huge.
The ghost johns are totally up for it because they’re all horny dudes. Oh, and I should have mentioned that the Ghostbusters are all hot chicks.
They realise that they can’t just go to the site of the gangbang with their proton packs on and ready to go. That’s too obvious. The ghosts would leave. They have to be naked and ready to go so that the ghost johns are eager.
So the scientist Ghostbuster develops a breast implant that, when squeezed, releases proton streams out from the nipples. All of the Ghostbusters get these implants. So now there are these four giant-titted Ghostbusters going to the gangbang.
Word quickly spreads among the ghost johns that there are these four huge-titted women who want to take part in this ghost gangbang. So all of the ghost johns are there. They’re all jerking their ghost dicks off getting ready. There’s just these four naked women with massive tits on some kind of bed/altar waiting to get fucked.
Then they squeeze their tits. The proton streams shoot out. All of the ghost johns are stunned.
Then they open their legs. It’s revealed that they installed ghost traps in their pussies. It opens up and the ghosts start getting sucked up into there. And it’s really instense and the women are having difficulty with this pleasure overload and the one of the Ghostbusters has to try to keep everyone calm and just tell them to keep their legs open and take it because the fate of the city is at stake.
Everything gets resolved and the familiar theme music plays and the credits roll and everybody leaves the theatre happy.
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PVC Bondage Guy Having Sex with Newt Wallen for Money
For the first 40 minutes or so, it’s PVC Bondage Guy talking about going to a wrestling convention and the wrestlers all wanting to have sex with her. She mentions that she only started watching wrestling TWO MONTHS AGO but now she’s all about. She’s really into ECW because of all of the blood and cutting and whatnot.
Two months. She’s been watching wrestling for two months. And now she’s going to wrestling conventions. And some guy who she met there, who of course wants to have sex with her (everybody does, apparently) is taking her to WrestleMania.
What 26 year old woman suddenly gets into professional wrestling? And she’s only watching stuff from the 1990s. ECW stuff.
Who gets this obsessed over ANYTHING? Let’s say that you decide to take up crocheting as a new hobby. Are you going to go out and buy every type and colour of yarn you can find and get to work on an ornate tapestry? Do you go to knitting conventions? No. You take things slowly. You learn the basic stitches. You make a shitty scarf.
It screams mental illness. Everything she does screams mental illness.
Speaking of which, she talked about not “correcting” some wrestlter who used female pronouns for her. You know…because PVC Bondage Guy is a man. That’s what she wants us to believe. Like we’re fucking retards.
Not even retards. Because a retard would say, “Wait a minute. You don’t look like a guy. Why do you want us to say you’re a guy?”
If it doesn’t pass the retard test, you’re not a guy.
So anyway, Newt is talking about a video of his that got flagged for nudity. It had PVC Bondage Guy in it.
46:15 – After shooting this video that got flagged for nudity, PVC Bondage Guy said that she did a review that she tried to upload to her OnlyFans.
PVC Bondage Guy: I’m currently running into some minor issues.
Newt: I hope you’re not a minor
I’ll come back to this creepy comment later.
47:00 – PVC Bondage Guy says, “We’re big proponents of talking about mental health.”
Don’t be. Keep it to yourself. Nobody gives a shit.
Why do the mentally ill seem to want to tell everybody that they’re mentally ill? At least the mentally ill on Youtube. And it’s overwhelmingly women. Newt does it too because he’s an effeminate faggot.
What makes mental illness so special? Let’s say that you have a physical illness or condition. Incontinence, for example. Would you go on Youtube and constantly talk about shitting yourself? I mean, you can. And I’d be sympathetic. There’s no shame in being incontenent. But we don’t want to hear about it every fucking time you upload a video. Talk about something else. Don’t you have other things going on in your life? Are you completely defined by your medical conditions? It’s ridiculous.
And there’s nothing wrong with keeping some things private. Again, there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you have incontinence or mental illness or whatever. But why advertise? Why not keep some things to yourself? Because we don’t need to know your full medical history. I’m not your fucking doctor. It’s irrelevant.
But these mentally ill losers, and they are losers, make no mistake. Being mentally ill does not give you a pass from being a loser. These mentally ill losers LOVE talking about themselves. They can’t get enough of it. They love talking about their “meds” and all of the crazy bullshit that they do. Because they think that they’re more important than you. “Look at me and all of this crazy shit I do. Aren’t I wacky?”
Go get a job. How would that be for a wacky idea?
By the way, in this video PVC Bondage Guy reveals what her job is. He/she/it works in a bowling alley.
How is the bowling industry in the US holding up? In this day and age, what with the internet and all, are people still going bowling? Are the young people joining leagues and whatnot? I think that bowling peaked in the 1960s and has been on a steady decline ever since.
I went to a bowling party for my school band when I was a kid. Just about everybody knew how to bowl. Even the girls. I didn’t. I never went bowling because my parents were completely absent. So that was an awkward party for me. But everyone else knew how to bowl. It was normal to go bowling. Some of them were in leagues.
But not kids nowadays. It’s impossible.
I was watching a bowling show just recently that had actors from the Brady Bunch on it.
I won’t spoil it but Barry Williams is clearly the only one who knew how to bowl. But his partner Maureen McCormick was whacked out of her mind on cocaine. So who will win? Find out.
Back to Newt. Newt says that he’s been going to therapy for two years. Nobody cares. But just wait. We’re building. Let’s see what good all of this therapy has done for Newt.
47:30 – PVC Bondage Guy says, “At this point, I don’t think it’s a secret. You guys have probably figured this out. But I have been making some form of adult content since literally the day I turned 18.”
Then Newt makes a joke surprised face.
PVC Bondage Guy continues, “That’s not why I’m here. That’s not why I’m talking to you guys. If you find it, you find it. But it wasn’t under Metz. It wasn’t under my deadname either.”
Nobody cares.
50:00 –
Newt: We had a bet with the Discord that if we reached 12,000, we would fuck.
PVC: Which you guys have been waiting for forever.
Newt: We’ve known each other for eight years.
So since she was 17/18. Uh huh. This is the call back to that “minor” “joke” that he made earlier.
Newt: And it was always a joke but do we want to give away anything? You can. Anyone who sees the review is going to see you topless so that’s reason for them to sign up for it.
PVC: That’s true. I did do the review topless.
Well, she is using my idea. I’ve long advocated for topless OnlyFans reviews for these women to make some easy money. But now that it’s happened, this is just sad.
Then Newt says that Blue Chew contacted him for an ad recently.
Then they just change the subject. Newt got up to jerk off and PVC Bondage Guy started talking about wrestling again.
52:00 –
Newt: Was it good? Was it awesome?
PVC: It was good. I have no complaints.
Newt: I hope not.
They’re talking about this sex video that they apparently made.
What a complete scumbag. There is no bottom to Newt’s scumbag behaviour.
PVC Bondage Guy, as she repeatedly makes clear, is mentally ill. And he’s clearly taking advantage of this woman sexually and for Youtube pennies.
53:00 – PVC Bondage Guy says, “I asked my brother to get my old laptop because it has my old sex partners spreadsheet.”
That must have been an awkward conversation. I mean, in a normal family it would be. But not with this family of lunatics.
54:45 – Newt says, “It wasn’t awkward or weird or anything like that. It was fun.”
Sure. Nothing awkward about having sex with a deeply mentally ill woman, 20 years younger than you, while filming it for money.
I think that I can skip the next seven hours of this stream. I’ve got other stuff going on in my life. I can’t watch this derranged bullshit the rest of the day.
What was the point of any of this? I get that Newt is a horny loser who has sex with prostitutes and that PVC Bondage Guy will have sex with anyone but how does this advance the channel at all? Or how does it improve their lives? Newt made it clear in this video that he’s not interested in having a relationship with PVC Bondage Guy and he just wanted to have sex with her. Because he’s a scumbag. So where does any of this get us?
It’s just bringing PVC Bondage Guy and Newt further into their mental illness that they love talking about so much. None of this is healthy behaviour, of course. It’s degenerate and exploitive behaviour. Is he going to bring this up with his alleged therapist? “Oh, I had sex with a deeply mentally ill woman half my age recently. That’s good, right?”
What about his dear mother that he cares so much about? Is she going to say, “I’m proud of you, Newt. I’m proud of you for fucking that lunatic half your age”? Is his mother going to tell Newt that she loves him? She’d have to be mentally ill herself to have any love for this piece of shit. I know that it’s her son and everything but fuck him. Sometimes you have to cut your losses. She probably wishes that she got an abortion.
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Arby’s NEW Big Game Burger Review! – TheReportOfTheWeek
This guy. I used to watch his videos. They were interesting in brief doses, for a short period, but he quickly wore out his welcome in my subscription feed.
Also, he banned me because I pointed out his obvious homosexuality. You know what I’ve noticed? People don’t like it when you call them gay. Even when it’s true. Maybe especially when it’s true.
What’s the problem? There’s no shame in being gay. If that’s what you’re into, that’s what you’re into. But be out and proud. That’s all I’m saying. Here’s how the discussion should have went.
Commentator: Report of the Week is so quirky! I love him!
GamerGirls: It’s not that he’s quirky. He’s clearly gay.
Report of the Week: Yeah. I’m gay. Big deal.
GameGirls: I agree entirely. It’s perfectly fine.
Instead, he banned me.
So anyway, this is a guy who makes Youtube videos in oversized double-breasted suits that he finds in thrift stores. He’s been doing this since he was like 20? Maybe younger than that. He’s maybe in his mid to late 20s now. It’s no longer cute, if it ever was.
He also broadcasts a show on shortwave radio.
He’s CLEARLY gay. CLEARLY. But we’re just supposed to ignore that. No, he’s not gay, he’s just wacky. Okay. You go believe that.
He’s reviewing an Arby’s hamburger. Let’s check it out.
2:30 – It’s a venison/elk/beef burger. That is interesting. They obviously aren’t just selling a venison burger because they’re trying to make this as low-cost as possible. So the beef makes things cheaper.
3:00 – “When you think of Arby’s you think of roast beef, chicken, that kind of thing.”
Chicken? It’s been too long. I haven’t been to an Arby’s in fucking 25 years. They sure as fuck weren’t selling chicken then. You’d get a roast beef sandwich and a potato cake. I was reading something a few years ago saying that apparently they don’t sell potato cakes any more.
Yeah, I looked it up. They don’t sell them any more.
I remember when the curly fries came in. They were really good and presented a problem. Because I liked the potato cakes but I also liked the curly fries. I could only get one. It seems that the curly fries won out.
As a kid, my grandfather was visiting us from the Old Country. I forget which one. And we were showing him around the ghetto. We stopped at an Arby’s. Brought the food home. And he’s eating this roast beef sandwich. He’s never seen something like this before. They didn’t have roast beef sandwiches anywhere in Europe in the 1980s.
Then he finished it, and in his language he said, “That was the worst hamburger I’ve ever eaten in my life.” And my mother translated this for us. And everybody laughed. It was a wholesome moment. This old man expressing bewilderment at American fast food. Thinking that a roast beef sandwich was in fact a hambuger.
It’s true, of course. If you’re expecting a hamburger and you’re eating a roast beef sandwich, it’s going to be the worst hamburger of your life.
Never in a million years would I eat an Arby’s again. I’m just recalling what they were like. It’s like half a pound of roast beef, which has congealed together, on some thin bun. And there’s nothing on it. No toppings. Not even onions. And you put that fucking Arby’s sauce on it. What even is Arby’s sauce? Let me look this up.
It’s a tomato-based sauce. If you say so.
Don’t get me wrong, I liked the sauce. They started selling them in bottles at the store. But it’s a terrible culinary experience. A fucking roast beef “sandwich” that’s clearly shaped like a hamburger, and you put this weird sauce on it. No thanks.
4:45 – It’s $9 just for the burger. That’s some crazy prices.
12:00 – He says that it tastes like a hamburger. It’s true. You can get venison burgers in the UK. They taste like hamburgers.
That’s all of that shit that I’m going to watch.
This Arby’s that I went to as a kid is no longer open. It’s a Mexican restaurant now. The town is mostly Mexican now. Going along Google Street View, you see a lot of signage in Spanish.
The place was like 80% white when I was a kid. What happened? You can’t have a country like this. Well, we already have a country like this. It’s called Mexico.
Believe me, I have no problem with the people of Mexico. They’re fantastic. They’re friendly. They’re rabid hemp enthusiasts. The ladies tend to have big melons. What’s not to like?
But guys…you have to learn the fucking language. That’s my only issue. You can’t come to a country and expect everybody to learn your language.
So that’s reason number ten billion why I don’t miss the US.
And you can’t talk about any of this sort of stuff in the US lest you be labelled a racist. Something as common sense as, “If you move to a country, you should learn the language”.
The UK is also pretty sensitive on these issues. But in mainland Europe, you can find some magnificent open talk about immigration and race issues. They’re not shy about stating the obvious. But in the US, and to a slightly lesser extent in the UK, you have to tiptoe around these sort of issues. You can’t state facts that everybody knows are facts or else some purple-haired freak is going to call you a doody head.
I think I’m going to move back to my ancestral country. Get in touch with…whatever there is to get in touch with. Some local ladies’ buttocks. Bond over our shared and righteous contempt of gypsies. Just people telling it like it is.
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Ray Mona Commercial and Character Voice Over Reel (2023)
It’s nuts. It’s embarassing. It’s Crazy Bobdunga’s commercial and character voice over reel.
She does like a California Valley Girl voice. She does a hillbilly voice. She does a little girl voice. She does her normal voice.
What is she hoping to achieve with this? Do the horntards have connections? Are any of them in the commercial or video game making industry?
Send this shit to…I don’t know…casting directors. Get an agent. Take some acting classes. Whatever it is that people do to try get acting jobs. It’s not this. I’ll tell you that much. Posting this on your Youtube channel will not help at all.
She’s in her early 30s and has all of these hair-brained schemes to get wacky jobs. She made a butter commercial before. Just for herself. She was trying to get a job in some Asian Youtube house. I think that she wanted to be an artist, or maybe I’m confusing her with Pelvic Gaming (who definitely wants to be an artist, but maybe Bobdunga does as well).
No. Just get a job. A normal job that pays you a wage. What is so terrible about that? Billions of people do it.
I’m a big Donkey Lips fan. Or Michael Ray Bower as he likes to be called. He makes sporadic videos on Youtube. He’s nuts. And he’s stupid. And he’s chronically unemployed. He lives in a tiny studio apartment in Los Angeles with no stove. I’ve never even heard of this. But he refuses to get a job because he says that he’s a creative person and as a creative person, he just can’t do it. He can’t work a regular job.
Look, Donkey Lips, I appreciate your role in Salute Your Shorts. I also thought you did a bang up job in those two episodes of The Wonder Years that you were in. And I saw your cameo in Dude Where’s My Car. But this was TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO. You might want to consider getting a job.
I’ve always respected Gary Coleman for getting a job after the acting roles dried up. People at the time made fun of him for working as a security guard. It’s absurd. He did the responsible thing. He did the thing that was most dignified. Instead of embarassing himself by continuing to try to get acting jobs, he got a regular job like a normal person. And the Jews in Hollywood made fun him for this.
Where’s your “natural habitat”? The unemployment line?
“Hey guys! Look at my ass from three years ago.”
No, Bobdunga. I’m not interested.
Bobdunga claims that a voice acting agency contacted her over this video. And separately, some production company wants to turn her Tales of the Lost or whatever series into a tv show. How is it possible? She released another one like a week or two ago and I can’t bring myself to watch even one second of it. That shit is unwatchable. They’re all the same. Bobdunga doing the world’s worst X-Files rip off.
Even if Bobdunga is the funniest woman in Canada, where does that get us? Watch out, Caroline Rhea.
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Spider-Man 2 ps5 Unboxing – Destiny Fomo
You guys like Spider-Man, right? Well, you’re in luck. We have 30 year old prostitute Destiny Fomo who’s going to tell you all about the latest Spider-Man game. Well, I guess not. But she’s going to unbox the game anyway. That’s…I don’t know. Maybe somebody will get something out of this.
0:00 – Oiled up titties. You don’t even see her face. Maybe her pimp TuanX was smacking her around. All you see if Madam Fomo’s oiled up tits and a Spider-Man box.
Oh, and she’s in front of her “play room”. There’s a ball pit behind her. That’s where her clients ask her to…I don’t even know. What’s the appeal of having sex in a ball pit? It’s some little girl thing. Her Amazon wish list is full of toys and whatnot, which she obviously incorporates into her prostitution job. But…a ball pit? And what the hell was that Lite Brite used for? How can you incorporate a Lite Brite into intercourse? Fill her pussy up with those light bulbs and then have her sit on that light box? I don’t think that that will work.
Anyway, back to the video. She’s jiggling her tits. In case you couldn’t figure out what this video was about.
I don’t think that she’s even speaking during this. She seems to be pretending that she’s speaking but…I don’t think she is. I think that the speaking is all done in post-production.
Oh, it’s a Spider-Man themed PS5. It comes with the game. I thought it was just the game that she was unboxing. I did wonder why the box is so big.
1:00 – “If you guys would like to see me use that ballpit behind me” and she advertises her Twitch. Well, there’s that. Or you can pay TuanX $100 and enjoy her ballpit services that way.
But what are we supposed to get out of this? I don’t get it. What is she doing in that ballpit on Twitch that’s so appealing? Let’s say she’s in a bikini and frolicking around in there. Who cares? Who’s getting off on that? It’s completely bizarre.
1:30 – She advertises her OnlyFans. It’s currently 70% off. Only $3/month. For the next 30 days only. Yeah, right. She CONSTANTLY has a “sale” price. She’s like a furniture store. Nobody fucking wants that scam shit so people don’t stay subscribed. You go there thinking, “Oh yeah. I’m going to see some titties” and then it’s fucking Madam Fomo trying to shake you down for $150 for a masturbation video WHERE SHE’S FULLY CLOTHED. Or the world’s most pathetic jerk off instructions. Who needs this? You need jerk off instructions, send me $20 and I’ll walk you through the process. Fucking retards haven’t figured out how to jerk off, I guess.
1:45 – Like, comment, and subscribe, boys. Fucking pathetic. She’s shilling CONSTANTLY. Just make a video, you fucking dumb prostitute. Then people will subscribe because they like the content. Nobody is going to subscribe because they’re being badgered. “Oh, she told me to subscribe. I better do it.”
2:15 – She said “tight” for the third time this video. And right before this, she emphasised the word “hard”. Get it? I’m getting all worked up over here.
4:00 – She said “comes” and “screws”. Hot.
4:15 – “I’m a big Spider-Man fan.”
Oh, do tell.
Has there ever been a prostitute story in Spider-Man? I’m sure there has. Let me look this up.
https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Yekaterina_(Earth-616)
There was a mutant Ukrainian prostitute who Electro was getting it on with. She could change her appearance into anyone, so that was the draw. But then one day, Electro was wanting a little something different so asked her to morph into X-Man. Just then, Spider-Man, a known homophobe, attacked.
It’s unknown what happened to Yekaterina after this.
This was in a 2004 comic. Bring her back. This is a character whose story must be told.
5:30 – After talking about her tits, she again tells you to go to her OnlyFans. No. We’re not doing it, you dumb whore. Knock it off.
8:30 – Like and subscribe, guys.
No. Listen. Stop this. It’s not helping.
Then she ends the video with her “send me a text” scam. God only knows what this is. She signs you up to premium rate texts or something. Every text she sends, you have to pay for. She used to aggressively promote this scam. Her pimp TuanX has the same scam.
- “Nice ad in my feed, did you really grease up your chest?”
See? It’s not just me. People don’t like this shit.
- “I can be the one who oils you up if needed”
Madam Fomo replies, “my girl friend does it for me lol”
Uh huh. So now she’s pretending to be gay. Well, this is new. She’s taking a page out of Johanna and Horseface’s book.
She lives with her pimp. We’re not fucking stupid.
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Erin’s Blogging “Career”
I saw on 4Chan people theorising that Erin used to be a camgirl before she got into Youtube. And this is why not much is known about her life before Youtube.
I regret to inform you that I really don’t think that that’s the case. She was just a really, really, REALLY boring woman.
I’m going to try to keep this vague and certainly not post links.
She used to write for a blog. This was from 2014 to 2017. She started the Youtube channel in 2017. So she would have been like 27 in 2014. It’s a music blog. She wrote about indie music, whatever that is.
You’ve never read more boring prose in your life. It’s one of those blogs where there’s a picture or video and then a tiny paragraph under it and then another picture and another tiny paragraph and so on. And she’s just saying, “Hey, I like this obscure band. And I like this obscrure band. And this obscure band is pretty cool too.” No real reasons are given. She just likes them.
And she gives a shoutout to Mayor McCheese. So this is an unfunny “joke” that she’s been using for a while.
At the bottom, there’s a…whatever…little description of the writer. It says that she has a degree in creative writing. She’s referred to this as having an English degree. She’s never said “creative writing”. But apparently it’s a creative writing degree that she has. You would never in a million years guess this from her BORING AS FUCK articles.
She basically went to a community college. I don’t believe that California has a community college system but she went to the California version of a community college.
Her fondness for Disneyland is also mentioned.
So it seems like in 2014, she was trying to make something happen as a blogger. She had the degree in creative writing, after all.
How much did this pay? I don’t know. I wrote for a blog briefly around this time. It was probably around 2010. I think that I got £25 per article. And my articles were much, MUCH more involved than this complete drivel that she’s writing. Many more words. And witty. And well-written.
I stopped doing it because they were butchering my work in the editing but the point is that you’re not making a living off of this shit. It’s impossible. You’d have to write like four articles a day, every day, at least at the rate I was getting. Good luck finding anywhere near that much work. And then each article takes at least like two hours to write, at least mine did. Erin was clearly shitting her articles out in 15 minutes.
It’s the same level of dedication, or lack thereof, that she put into her Youtube career. And then she sits in Mike’s home, rubbing her ass, and wondering why nothing panned out for her in life.
Because you’re completely talentless, Erin. And you put no effort into anything.
She was also, presumably, working at the record store during this time. It’s not like she was working full-time as a blogger. This was just for extra money, I guess.
She wrote over 300 articles for this blog. Or “articles”. Some of them are only a paragraph. Again, I can’t stress this enough, they’re all really, really low-effort and BORING. POINTLESS. But she was doing this for three years.
All of the articles are completely cookie-cutter. “(City) native (Singer) is (age) and has a great new album out. I like this song and this song and this song.” It’s the most boring fucking shit in the world. No personality. No voice. This is accurate. This is Erin. She has no personality and no voice. Because she’s never fucking done anything in her entire life.
If she was a camgirl, would she behave like this in her videos? I don’t think so. She would have had some interesting life experience if she was a camgirl. She would have developed some kind of personality from having to entertain the horntards.
She also had some of her letters published in a music magazine. We’re talking about 2004/2005. So Erin aka Cykill86 would have been like 17/18 years old. I can’t be too harsh. I guess. But holy fucking shit. It’s the most boring shit you’ve ever read in your life. “I like this band and boo on everyone who disagrees.” NOBODY CARES!
So…this is Erin’s life. She played Super Mario All-Stars briefly in high school. Then she went to a community college. She threw up at a Pink Dog. Got a degree in creative writing. Got a job in a record store. Started writing for a blog. Started her Youtube channel. Got fucked in the ass by Mike Matei in exchange for Youtube promotion. Failed miserably at everything.
Well, I shouldn’t say that. Maybe she’s really good at the ass fucking. Mike doesn’t seem to have any complaints.
But in terms of careers, a totally wasted life.
Has it really only been six years that she’s been doing Youtube? Because I’ve writing about her for like four years, I guess. Yeah, I think that’s right. She started that Youtube channel and then immediately started looking for a sugardaddy. She was messaging Joe from Gamesack and Mike and whoever else.
So it’s not too late. There’s still time to turn her life around. She hasn’t sunk too much time into this. But effort has to be put into whatever she does. I think that this is the problem. She doesn’t put any effort into anything. She’s also completely talentless, and that doesn’t help, but find something that you’re decent at and enjoy doing. You’re not going to find it while crying in Mike Matei’s bathtub.
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This Heybike Tyson Ebike is the Best way to Ride – John Riggs
It’s an ad. Everything has to be a fucking ad with this guy. They sent him this bike in exchange for agreeing to do a “review” of it. Paid “review” = advertisement.
There’s also a referral link in the description in case you want to give John Riggs more money for this ad.
0:00 – So he’s in…I’m not sure. Either the backyard of his house or the parking lot of an apartment complex. Because he’s in parking spaces. He’s next to a shed. That doesn’t help us because that could be communal or something somebody with a house would get. But in the background you see what appears to be…I don’t know…a single story house? I don’t know what the houses in Yakima, Washington look like.
Oh yeah. I’m looking on Google Maps’ Street View. A lot of ranch-style houses. But why parking spaces if it’s a house?
Let me check Zillow. See if Yakima is within my budget. Maybe I can start hanging out with John Riggs. We can pick up some chicks together, you know?
What the fuck? I’m not paying these prices to live in fucking Yakima. It’s about $400,000 on average for a two-bedroom place. You’re out of your mind.
Anyway, John Riggs says that he’s 6’5″ and 290 pounds. Ummm…I guess? Maybe.
That’s a body mass index of 34.4, by the way. It’s classed as “obese” in this thing that I’m looking at. There’s a slider and the slider is all the way to the right. It’s off the chart. Anything over 30 is “obese”.
Then he says that he’s never ridden a bike. That might partially explain the obesity.
He claims that he walked everywhere. You know, because he’s so tall. What? As a child?
I mean, obviously it’s absurd to suggest that tall people are more prone to walking because they can cover more distance. But secondly, he wasn’t tall as a child. Even if he was relatively tall compared to other children…it’s not worth wasting brain power on this.
1:45 – “Little bit of the old…that action.”
He put the kickstand up. He didn’t know what it was called.
What was the real reason that he never learned to ride a bicycle? I had the world’s shittiest, most disengaged parents, I had few friends, I hated going outside, but even I learned how to ride a bicycle.
Was it because he was a big fat kid? Would that even play into anything? Do fat kids not ride bicycles?
Was it because he was playing video games all day? It was fucking Atari 2600 when he was a kid. Kids weren’t obsessed with that shit.
Anyway, now he’s at the high school running track for some odd reason. Why would this be the place to test the bike out? I guess it’s suitable in terms of…terrain and space and whatever. But wouldn’t you embarassed as fuck hanging around the high school track? Isn’t that creepy? I don’t know the culture of Yakima, maybe this is normal, but if I see a middle aged man hanging around the high school gym track, I’m thinking that’s some pervert.
He’s with his daughter, by the way. His daughter who…well, the one who says she’s a boy but…doesn’t appear to be a boy. As opposed to his other daughter who really goes all out to look like a guy.
So the daughter rides around for a while.
4:15 – Now John Riggs is going to try.
5:00 – He says that there three other people at this track, including a woman who he went to high school with so he’s obviously embarassed. He has his helmet on because he’s Mr Safety. It’s a child-sized helmet, presumably. His daughter was wearing the same helmet.
So he tools around for a while. He’s obviously afraid of falling. He has his foot like an inch from the ground. This former classmate of his is making a hasty exit and pretending that she didn’t see him.
8:00 – His daughter tries to teach him how ride the bike manually. Oh, in case I didn’t mention, this is motorised bicycle. You press a button and the little engine kicks in. Or you can use it like a regular bicycle.
8:45 – Then John Riggs managed to peddle for a while and his daughter was impressed. Kind of wholesome.
11:00 – Then John Riggs gets into hype man mode and says that we should all buy one. Using his promo code, of course.
11:30 – John Riggs says to his daughter, “I taught you how to swim I taught you…all these other things.”
Well, we have swimming, John Riggs. Do you want to list some of these other things? Hey, I taught you so much. I taught you how to swim and…well, there’s the swimming. You can’t discount the swimming. So I’m a great dad.
That’s the video. In the comments, John Riggs says that he never learned to ride a bicycle because he didn’t want to fall. Where were his parents? I learned at an age where I didn’t really have a choice. I must have been…I don’t know…seven? I remember learning so I wasn’t so young that I can’t remember. But it never occurred to me to say, “I don’t want to do this. I’m afraid of falling.”
These things are like $1,300. They’re just rebranded bicycles made in Chinese sweatshops.
Also in the comments, John Riggs basically apologises for the video. Not because it’s a commercial but because it wasn’t about video games.
No. That’s why I chose the video. Videos about video games are so fucking boring. How many times can you watch a video about River City Ransom or whatever? Fucking move on. Let’s see a video on Yakima’s botanical gardens.