Gamer Girls

With covid came a rise of online schooling and taking tests online. A company called ProctorU came in to fill this demand.

It started as an American company but it wasn’t long before they closed all of their American offices and went completely to the Philippines. Anything to maximise profit.

Now there are colleges and universities all over the US using this company to administer their tests. And businesses are also using this company. If you want to take a nursing test or something, you might be required to use these buffoons.

Apparently if you want to take the standardised test to get into graduate school, that’s done using ProctorU as well. It’s a complete scandal. I could not imagine taking a test of that level of importance with these incompetent cowboys. The American higher education system has outsourced their testing to some fly by night company in the Phillipines. It’s a national disgrace.

So I was recently interested in taking a test to improve my professional qualifications. And it was to be done online. Well, okay. That’s fine. It was being done through ProctorU.

I looked into the company and the process. There are privacy concerns. They take control of your computer. They use your mouse and click through whatever they want to click through. You have to have your webcam on at all times. They’re recording everything. They look at what programs you’re running. It’s extremely invasive.

So what you’ll see is people online talking about ways to try to minimise the intrusiveness. Because you don’t want them going through your shit. People say to create a new user for Windows that doesn’t have permissions for anything. People say to run Windows through a virtual machine. Shit like this. I just said fuck it. I’ll get a new laptop and use that.

So that was, whatever, £600. Then I had to pay for the test. The test was a few hundred dollars. I paid the company that I was dealing with, not ProctorU, but presumably the company paid ProctorU for their service. What they paid, I don’t know.

I book the test date and time. It’s not straight forward by any means. But I figure it all out and the time comes for the test.

The “proctor”, who’s just some young woman from the Phillipines desperate for a job, makes me take a picture of myself from the webcam. She takes control of the computer. She makes me show my passport. She makes me take a picture of the passport. Then she says, “Your computer is too slow. We have to send you to our technician.”

Now, I was using a new computer. And it wasn’t a piece of shit. I got a decent laptop. It should be more than sufficient to take an online test. We’re not talking about being able to play Cyberpunk 2077 here. I just need to be able to take an online test. The computer specifications bar should be extremely low.

I reluctantly agreed, knowing full well that there was nothing wrong with my computer or the connection.

The “technician”, who’s just a young guy in the Phillipines desperate for a job, takes control of my computer, downloads all of my computer specifications, and says “Well, this seems fine.” Then he goes to an online speed test thing. Runs the test. I don’t know what a normal result is but it seemed fine. Then he says, “Can you turn your router off and on?”

I say no. It’s not going to help. There’s nothing wrong with my connection. It’s fine. It’s the same connection I’ve always had. I’d like to start the test now. He says, “Are you sure? It’s going to affect the test.” I say yes, I’m sure.

So he sends me back to the “proctor”. The proctor takes control of my computer. We go through the same shit again. I take a picture of myself. I take a picture of my passport. Then she says, “It’s still too slow. I have to send you back to the technician.”

I say, “It is not going to help. There is nothing wrong with my computer or the connection. Just start the test, please.” Bear in mind that at this point, I’ve been dealing with these people for 40 minutes. It’s complete fucking bullshit. And I’m noticing no problem whatsoever with my connection.

She refuses to start the test. Says that I have to go back to the “technician”. So this guy’s brilliant idea is for me to turn the computer off and on. I tell him that it absolutely will not help but fine. I’ll do it.

I restart. Obviously, there’s no change. So I manage to log back into this horrible website and I’m with a new “proctor” now. It’s a different young woman from the Phillipines who’s desperate for a job. By the way, you don’t see any of these people. Their webcams aren’t on. But sometimes they talk to you, sometimes they type in the little chat window. It’s now been an hour since I’ve attempted to start this test.

So she says:

Bitch: Hello, my name is (whatever). How are you today?

Me: I’m good. Thank you.

Bitch: Well, that’s good to hear. I’m also doing well, thank you so much for asking. So your connection is still —

Me: Am I required to ask you how you are?

Bitch: What?

Me: Am I required to ask you how you are?

There’s a pause and she just moves on.

She thought that she could be cute with me. “Oh, you didn’t ask how I am. You’re so rude.” Fuck you. I don’t give a shit how you are. I just want to take this fucking test. Can we get on with it, please?

But she’s so used to dealing with American college students, who are at the mercy of their colleges or universities, that she thinks that she can say whatever she wants and there’s no repercussions. Nobody is going to stand up to her bullshit.

So then says that the connection is still too slow. I say, “Listen. There is nothing wrong with the connection. I’ve been through this already. Just start the test, please.”

She disconnects me.

So I copied this log, fortunately a log is kept of your conversation, and I sent it to the company who had this deal with ProctorU. I said that they kept insisting that there’s something wrong with my connection despite the fact that there was nothing wrong with my computer or the connection. So I’d like my money back for this test.

A few days later they get back to me. Oh, you should have restarted your router like they told you to do. That would have either solved the problem or eliminated that as a potential solution. We’ll refund your money but there’s a small charge for this.

So I emailed them back. Told them that they should be embarassed to apportion any of the blame on me. Obviously, restarting the router isn’t going to solve anything. I agreed to take this test with you, on the assumption that you were dealing with a competent company to administer the test. They refused to adminster the test. How was I possibly supposed to know that they’d refuse to administer the test? And for absolutely no valid reason?

So I got a full refund. Fuck ProctorU and fuck this scumbag company who tried to pin any of the blame on me. Take your qualifications and shove them up your fucking ass.

It means giving up on my idea of going back to the US but I don’t give a shit. Fuck it. Why would I want to go back to that shithole? There’s all of the political bullshit there, the “trans” nonsense, the poor state of healthcare, I’d have to get a car, all of the genetically modified food, the obsession with drugging everyone (legally and illegally), the poor working conditions, the appalling work/life balance, the wanton abuses by employers, widespread police corruption, the violence, the crime. Who needs it?

I can live anywhere in the UK and the European Union. I can be in France tomorrow with those rude fucking assholes. Or in Slovenia fucking some big titted skank. Or in Sweden, living off of the state. Why go back to the US and deal with all of that fucking fascist bullshit?