Gamer Girls

I was checking out Newt’s Discord. Here’s one of the rules, written by PVC Bondage Guy:

In general, please avoid mentioning Cinemassacre/”Retroware”/AVGN/Hack the Movies/especially the CinemassacreTruth subreddit. I know we have our jokes, and sometimes Newt’s the one bringing it up, but this shit was like two years ago now. We’ve been trying to move on, and randomly talking about people who have caused a lot of pain in Newt’s life is, frankly speaking, extremely rude. We know a lot of you still watch them, and Newt has said that he’ll never ask you to stop, but that doesn’t mean their news needs to be brought up here. That goes double for the livestreams.

What a fucking victim Newt is. HE’S THE CAUSE OF ALL OF THE PROBLEMS! Like somebody forced this piece of shit to plagiarise 20 scripts for Monster Madness. No. That was his bright idea.

You also can’t be “transphobic” or “homophobic.”

Newt posts a screenshot of some Youtube analytics showing that…I don’t even know…he was allegedly shadowbanned and lost subscribers but now he’s gaining subscribers again. Who gives a shit?

God, I keep getting fucking annoying notifications. Newt and the ladyboys are sending me messages welcoming me to the Discord. Newt. I’m trying to fucking do some journalistic research here. I don’t want to talk to you degenerates. Fuck off.

Oh, there’s a draft of Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls here. Newt asks for feedback. Well, there’s another article for me.

You know, as big as a piece of shit as Newt is, I don’t want to engage in uncover journalism, posing as a ladyboy, exposing the no doubt disgusting bullshit that goes on in his Discord. I’m feeling nauseous just from these creepy notifications that I keep getting from Newt and the ladyboys. Fuck off with this.

The “tv” section of the Discord is overwhelmingly cartoons. These are some real retards. Creepy retarded ladyboys.

There are names here like “Sparkle Scarzilla”. It’s a self-injury name. Mentally ill girls who cut themselves. It’s mostly girls, anyway. Most people outgrow it. I assume that Sparkle Scarzilla is over 18. Some guys who are trying to pick up chicks who cut themselves will also indulge. It’s not a bad strategy, really. Girls who cut themselves probably outnumber guys 10 to 1. It’s good odds.

There’s a “hotties” section here but it’s a lot of pictures of the people who post there. Dudes. Weird, creepy, bald, bearded, fat, middle aged, sexless dudes, many of whom probably wear dresses.

There are also a lot of pictures of attractive or “attractive” male celebrities. This is clearly homosexual men posting pictures of guys who they find attractive for the consumption of other homosexual men.

Some ladyboy posts a picture of Newt with the caption, “The Master and Commander of Schlock and Awe himself… NEWT WALLEN!!!! aka Adam Stardust, aka Walt Jizzney, aka Mr. Jiggle Daddy, AKA Rumpleforeskin!!”

It’s gay. These people are CLEARLY gay. As is Newt.

That Sparkle lunatic posted disgusting pictures of damage to her chest that a heart monitor apparently did to her. It’s just her thing. She likes posting pictures of her injuries and self-injury scars and whatever. Fuck off. Help is available. Don’t inflict this shit on others. Simply saying “trigger warning” doesn’t negate anything. Take your “trigger warning” and shove it up your scarred-up ass. Attention-seeking bitch.

There’s a section for wrestling shit. Boring. Just pictures. Homoerotic pictures.

And there’s a section for Dungeons & Dragons. Not much in there, though.

Newt says, “Most people tend to just wanna be around when I’m making shit”. Yeah. Figure it out, Newt. They’re whores.

“Seeing pics of exs an their bfs or people living. As I grind 3 jobs. It’s just really left me feeling low”

He’s talking about Horseface posting a picture of her nerd-bro boyfriend. Almost all of Newt’s comments are just about how depressed he is and people should pity him.

The most inspirational quote from a video game (not a medium known for its philosophical insights) that I ever got was from Animal Crossing on the Gamecube. I was walking around, collecting bugs and whatnot, when I spoke to one of the animal villagers. They said something like, “Sometimes even when you do your best, you still fail.”

I found comfort in this, which is why I still remember is 25 years later. Because you’re always told, “If you stick with it, eventually you’ll succeed. Winners don’t quit. Keep fucking that chicken.” Whatever.

But it’s not true and that’s dangerous advice and totally disingenuous advice. How many people want to be big movie stars and how many actually succeed? Whatever you want to do, there needs to come a point where you say, “This isn’t going to work. I’m not suited to this. I have to come up with a new plan for my life.”

Life is a series of compromises. Ten years ago, do you think that Erin wanted to make $6,000 a year, entertaining retards, and crying in the bathtub of a man she doesn’t love? She made a series of compromises on her dreams in order to reach that stage.

Newt needs to do the same. He needs to face reality. This idea that he’s a great writer and filmmaker is 100% delusion. Stop all of this shit. Get rid of the whores. Stop the Youtube channel. Just focus on your job, your health, and getting into a healthy relationship.

This was originally a Patreon-exclusive video but then he decided that he wanted to reach an audience of more than six people.

Looking at his view numbers, they’re pretty low. Maybe 250 or 300 views on average. His awful live streams actually get slightly more views than this. Presumably, because the horntards want to watch PVC Bondage Guy doing her mukbang.

0:00 – The video is in black and white.

1:45 – Newt says that he learned more at his childhood video store than he did at film school. That’s right. Newt went to some scam film school in Canada. Look where that got him. They’re all just degree mills.

4:00 – Newt calls his cat a “mensch”. Or something. He’s a big Yiddish fan.

4:15 – Newt says that he wrote scripts as a child. I wonder if there’s been any improvement since then.

7:15 – Newt learned about Clerks because his mother brought a newspaper to one of his Little League games and showed him an article about it. Seems kind of weird. Bringing a newspaper to your child’s Little League game? She can’t pay attention to the game so she’s sitting in the stands reading the paper?

10:00 – Anyway, Newt was inspired by Kevin Smith making movies “with his friends” in a convenience store near Newt’s home. So this inspired Newt to make terrible tits and gore “movies” that never get released with prostitutes. I guess. I don’t quite see the connection to Kevin Smith.

12:45 – Newt describes Mallrats as a “Smart, teen, titty comedy.” Uh huh. It’s always the same shit with this guy.

I’m halfway through. Nothing is going on.

15:00 – Newt learned how to write in a screenplay format by purchasing scripts from some guy at a nerd convention.

16:30 – Newt says that his passion for writing scripts with a lot of “stylised but raw conversations” came from Kevin Smith. Or something. Uh huh. Do we see ANY examples of that in your shitty tits and gore scripts that you shit out in a day?

I’ve totally tuned out, by the way. I’m almost done with the video. It’s over 30 minutes long.

Eugh. How am I going to pad this out? This was a dud, Newt.

28:45 – “My ex, Christie, who passed away last June…”

Had a sweet ass who you liked fucking. Go on.

Actually, speaking of which, he tweeted a picture of her recently, I think.

2 years ago. I wish I knew it was the last time I would see you. I'm glad I made you laugh so hard that day you snorted pic.twitter.com/pORiVSoIGn

— Newt Wallen (@stillnewtwallen) June 4, 2024

“2 years ago. I wish I knew it was the last time I would see you. I’m glad I made you laugh so hard that day you snorted”

Uh huh. “I wish I could fuck that ass one last time.” You’re human garbage, Newt. What a way to speak about somebody right after they died.

29:45 – “I miss those days, I miss that feeling.”

He misses that feeling of his dick in her ass.

“But I’m glad it was there.”

I’ll bet.

Then Newt finishes by saying that Kevin Smith inspired him to create “art”. And he’s been feeling sentimental. He’s so glad that his mother gave him that newspaper on that fateful day. God, it’s just such a weird thing to do. Maybe it’s just the way he told it. Maybe there was a reason she had a newspaper with her.

In the comments, Newt says, “I did the hack thing an tagged him on Twitter. But I doubt this will get more than the 200 to 400 views I seem to be only able to get now.”

Did he get more views in the past? Umm…maybe? I’m looking at videos from a year ago and a lot of them are still around 300 views but some of them get a few thousand. Actually, I guess most of these have at least two or three thousand views.

Well, here’s the problem, Ideas Man: you’re a piece of shit. It’s kind of off-putting.

The 1990s. Fuck the 1990s. I’m living today.

Newt is in his bathroom/office again. What if it the bathroom of this place is genuinely also his office? He has his files and whatnot laying on the cistern.

And he’s wearing his sweater again but a blue shirt. Not the red shirt that he wore last time. It’s the same style of shirt, the type that people who work in retail might wear as a uniform, but…why would it be a different colour? We need to get Erin on the case. She likes colours.

0:00 – “We are making a feature film: Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls because somebody beat me to the title OnlyFangs.”

Well, that would suck dick and just be more plagiarism from your fucking zero idea ass. It would also immediately date the “film”. I mean, it’s going to be a piece of shit anyway, assuming that anything even gets released (which is highly improbable) but at least TRY to come up with a good title. Something original. Something that isn’t piggybacking on an existing IP. He can’t do it. He’s seemingly hard-wired to plagiarise. He doesn’t even realise that he’s doing it.

0:15 – “A couple of months ago, an investor came about from one of the livestreams.”

Oh my god no. Newt is taking money from the horntards to make his shitty fucking movies. And not even crowdfunding. He found a whale of a horntard with deep pockets. Well, I don’t know how deep. How much money can this “investor” possibly be giving? If it’s as much as $5,000, I’d be astonished.

But who would give Newt ANY money to make some shitty tits and gore, plagiarised movie? Can’t you just do it yourself? What skills and experience does Newt Wallen bring to the table? “Oh, I want the movie to be plagiarised and full of unfunny puns and it should revolve around a red-haired woman and star old prostitues.”

It’s ridiculous. Just go to the red light district, pick out some live ones, and make your own shitty movie. Why would you PAY Newt Wallen to do this?

And think about this in terms of an investment. There’s no godly way that you’re going to see a penny of this money returned to you. What’s the business plan here? Put it on DailyMotion and hope for the best?

1:15 – “You don’t think that people are going to come out of the blue and say, ‘Here you go. Try this.’”

Yeah. You don’t think that because no person of normal intelligence would ever do that. You’re dealing with LITERAL retards, Newt. Did you do any checks on this person before accepting their money?

“The original plan was to do a shark movie.”

It’s shit, Newt. Everything you do is shit. We don’t need Shark Vampire, Shark Exorcist, Shark District Attorney. Fuck all of this idiotic, unfunny, worthless bullshit.

Then he says that his shitty shark movies are big in Japan.

1:30 – “I had written maybe a year or two ago Kung Fu Bikini Shark Planet.”

It’s shit, Newt. It’s all shit. You’re plagiarising your own plagiarised bullshit at this point.

After describing the various things that he ripped off for the movie, he describes it as a “Very satirical take on toxic masculinity.”

Oh, I’m sure that that piece of shit was multi-layered. Lots of subtle, insightful, witty jabs at the subject matter. Lots of high brow comedy in Kung Fu Bikini Shark Planet, something that Newt shat out in a day. Entirely plagiarised.

2:15 – Newt sent the “investor” a bunch of scripts and let him choose which one to do.

I’m sorry but none of this makes any sense whatsoever. Why would you pay somebody to make their own fucking movie? This “investor” can’t possibly expect a return on the investment.

MAYBE if the guy had his own script and he wanted it turned into a movie, I could see him asking somebody semi-competent to do it. Not Newt Wallen but somebody semi-competent. But this guy is giving money to Newt so that Newt can make Newt’s shitty movie. It’s clear retard shit.

2:45 – Newt says that there’s a lot of down-time in his job so he uses this time to shit out awful, plagiarised scripts. “A couple of Saturdays ago, I had all of these ideas kicking around in my head.”

Oh, do tell. There was Busty Cyborg Ninjas from Uranus, there was Shark Crack Whore, there was Red-Headed Vixen Band Camp. He was just bursting with the same fucking plagiarised tits and gore trash that he always comes up with.

3:00 – “So I wrote an entire screenplay in one night.”

Of course. This is what he does. And I can assure you that it’s complete, unadulterated shit on every single page. People who have actually seen excerpts of his scripts, which he never shows in their entirety, interestlingly enough, have commented that they’re full of spelling and grammar errors. Not to mention the fucking god awful basic premise. We don’t even have to get into character development or story arc or any of this because I assure you that there’s none of this. It’s just shit. He might as well pull his pants down right now in that bathroom/office of his, get Joe from Game Sack all excited, and take a dump on a sheet of paper. It would be just as worthwhile as his actual scripts.

This whole thing is preposterous. Newt is working three jobs, he has serious health problems, he himself says that he has no time to make a movie, and yet he’s taking money from a legitimately mentally-challenged viewer of his channel to make some shitty movie, using a script that he shat out in a day, for a movie that that will never get released.

3:15 – “In eight hours, I knocked out an entire first draft.”

That’s an enormous amount of “down time” at this job of yours. What are they paying you for? Where can I get this job where you do absolutely nothing all day?

3:30 – “The ladies really liked it so that’s what I went with was Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls.”

Oh sure. It sounds like a real chick flick. Something for the ladies about feelings and emotions. With tits and gore.

3:45 – Newt says that he’s looking for the “haunted attraction” that he needs for the set piece for this shitty movie that’s never going to be released. So he’s plagiarising from James Rolfe’s idea of the haunted…god…I don’t even know…whatever that shit was. The haunted amusement park ride. And of course this is an idea that’s been done a billion times already.

4:00 – Then Newt openly admits that he stole the idea from an episode of the Monkees and from every single episode of Scooby-Doo. Including, presumably, the episode where Scooby Doo meets the Harlem Globetrotters. Well, maybe it will be an excuse for Newt to finally spend some time with his people: black folk.

He continues with other things that he plagiarised for this script: Ed Wood’s Orgy of the Dead, Frankenhooker. “There’s a million different ideas floating into what created this.”

EXISTING IDEAS FROM MOVIES (and children’s cartoons, and shitty sitcoms) THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN MADE, YOU FUCKING CRETIN. COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL.

Somebody is PAYING for this. They’re PAYING to have Newt plagiarise yet another god awful tits and gore script that he shit out in a day.

If this “investor” wants to recreate an episode of the Monkees, why doesn’t he just find a script on some Monkees fan site and make his own verison of it? What does Newt bring to any of this? It’s complete madness.

4:30 – Then Newt goes into some detail about what this script that he shat out in a day is all about. Spoiler: it’s shit.

5:30 – Frankenstein’s distant relative decides to build “sexy versions of the monsters” for an OnlyFans type site.

Somebody is paying actual money for this. This is disgusting. He’s taking advantage of literal retards.

Then he says some more things that he plagiarised from to “create” this “script”.

All of the monsters have unfunny “sexy” pun names, which he delights in telling us about.

7:00 – “Everybody who’s read the script so far has really enjoyed it.”

Oh, let me remind you that he showed this script to several people who he knows and “the ladies seemed to like it.” They liked this script that he shat out in a day about a woman who creates “sexy” classic monsters with “sexy” pun names. This is what the women are interested in today.

And the women he showed this to were all prostitutes. They couldn’t even possibly have enjoyed this. They might have said that they liked it because they’re trying to milk money out of him. He’s the biggest retard of them all.

Then he talks about the various camera tricks that he wants to use in this “movie”. No. Newt. The script is fucking dog shit. It doesn’t matter what the cinematography is like when it’s based on a foundation of excrement. Newt Wallen: The Man Who Built his House on Shit.

7:30 – This script is also plagiarising from something called Monster Girl and Bikini Car Wash Company.

8:00 – “It’s full of bad puns.”

Yeah. Bad and unfunny. If you know this yourself, why do it? Don’t listen to these literal whores who are telling you that this thing is better than The Godfather. They’re lying to you. Don’t you get it? Who can possibly be this stupid?

“It’s a satire about exploiting the last drops of an IP, about toxic masculinity, about sex workers controlling their own bodies and autonomy and all that kind of stuff.”

So we’ve got another deep satire about toxic masculinity from The Ideas Man. This is the level of satire that he was talking about with his previous script that satirised toxic masulinity: sexy monsters. Oh, it’s so satirical. This is real biting wit, Newt.

And it’s also a satire of prostitutes, another obsession of his. Or “sex workers” as he always calls them. Everybody he knows is a prostitute. These are the only people who will spend any time with him. He has to pay these women to hang out with him.

8:30 – “Obviously, I’m a terrible writer.”

Oh, it’s beyond obvious, Newt. But it begs the question, why the fuck are you doing it then? You can’t on the one hand big this shit up about how all the ladies love your “sexy monsters” satirical script and then on the other hand say, “Oh, by the way, I can’t write.” No. Newt thinks that he can write. Why else would he persist with this complete and utter trash?

“So far, all the ladies who have read it have really liked it.”

Second time that he said this. They’re whores, Newt. They know that you’ll pay them to be in this shitty movie that will never get released and doing that beats what they usually do for money.

8:45 – “In my exhaustion, I didn’t plan anything out and I thought, ‘This is actually pretty funny’”.

Hysterical, Newt. This script that you shat out in a day, and put no planning into, is fucking hilarious. This script from somebody who you yourself said can’t write. Mummy Big Tits. Get it? Because it’s a mummy who has big tits. Isn’t that some awesome satire?

“I can definitely see my friends coming and doing this.”

It’s so fucking sad. Newt took money from a retard so that he can pay his prostitute “friends” to be in this shitty tits and gore “movie” that will never get released. And he shit the script out in a day.

9:00 – “Fallon’s attached right now” and he mentions some other whores who he pays to hang out with him.

“Now it’s like, if you still put up with me, do you want to come and be in a movie?”

It’s just depressing that he thinks that any of this is in any way positve or good or beneficial. He’s wasting his fucking time with this complete trash. He’s wasting his money, he’s wasting this retard’s money, and he’s just blowing it on prostitutes. And what’s the reason for all of this? He wants to get back with Horseface: The World’s Most Detestable Woman.

9:15 – Newt says that this “film” is just going to be the first one. The “producer” is planning on at least two.

BASED ON WHAT? THIS SCRIPT THAT NEWT SHAT OUT IN A DAY? This “producer”, who I assume is the “investor” apparently gave the money BEFORE there was a script. So…what was this “investment” based on? “I want TWO plagiarised tits and gore movies with scripts that you shat out in a day and are full of unfunny puns and prostitutes.” It makes no fucking sense. None of this does.

9:30 – “He has a great idea for a second one and I have 26 fucking screenplays”

That all suck dick and you shit them out in a day. It’s all worthless trash, Newt. Why can’t you understand this?

9:45 – Newt is talking about having to reshoot scenes for Midnight Show to replace scenes that had Horseface in them. This is a “movie” that he’s been “making” for over TEN YEARS. And believe me, it will not look like ten years worth of effort. It won’t look like ten hours worth of effort.

10:00 – “I’m trying to get back into a creative headspace again.”

Get BACK into it? When have you EVER been in a “creative headspace”? The creative headspace is a totally foreign place for you. You don’t speak the language and you don’t understand the customs.

Newt has been listening to the Quentin Tarantino podcast and it’s inspired him to want to start making longer Youtube videos. Oh great. So like the six hour livestreams where PVC Bondage Guy eats an entire ham? That’s some riveting shit.

10:30 – Newt says that he watched a bunch of Frankenstein movies to put himself in the “right headspace” to plagiarise this script that he shat out in a day.

10:45 – “Hopefully it’s good. Hopefully it happens. Hopefully it pans out.”

None of that will be true. I don’t know why he doesn’t seem to get it. This is completely fucking idiotic. All of it. There’s not a single good idea in any of this.

11:00 – “I did some great AI artwork.”

What the hell is he talking about now? The script is probably AI too. But making AI artwork is hardly an accomplishment. You type what you want and it gives you a picture. “Big titty cyborg.” You get a cyborg with large breasts. There’s no talent involved.

“I’ve worked on a lot of other people’s stuff but I haven’t had a chance to work on my own stuff.”

This IS somebody else’s stuff. They’re PAYING you. Although…they do seem to be paying you to make your own shitty movie. God. There is no way that this is going to happen. It doesn’t make any sense. This is total retard shit.

It would be like somebody paying me to write blog articles and they say, “I’ll give you $500 for an article but can you make it about Newt Wallen?” It was going to be about Newt Wallen anyway. You’d be a total retard to do this.

11:30 – Newt says that he wants to “continue” to write “weird, unique shit.”

Well, it’s all shit. We’ve established that. But when does the “unique” stuff start? This is all plagiarised tits and gore bullshit full of unfunny puns, starring whores, and backed by a literal retard. This is not how movies get made.

13:00 – He says that he wants to make movies that aren’t “preachy” and yet he says that he has at least two movies that “satirise” “toxic masculinity”…by being about “sexy” monsters.

“I’m not out here sucking my own dick.”

Joe from Game Sack just turned the video off, his disappointment evident.

13:15 – “If you’re into sexy Frankenstein and sexy wolf…girl and all that kind of stuff…”

I’ll be honest, Newt. I’m not. I’m into good movies, with a smart, carefully-crafted script, starring professional actors and actresses, and created by people who actually know how to make a movie. Can you do that? If not, do something else with your time. This is preposterous.

“And some biting satire.” Where’s the biting satire? How are “sexy” monsters satirising “toxic masculinity”?

14:00 – “It was always the goal just to make art with my friends.”

No. You’re making SHIT with WHORES. God, it’s fucking infuriating. How clueless can this guy possibly be about his own fucking life?

14:15 – “The goal is for people to get paid, get seen, and do work that they’re proud of.”

Hey, you, the prostitute dressed as a sexy vampire, Count Whoreula, are you feeling proud of yourself right now?

Fuck you, asshole. Don’t turn your whore Make-A-Wish fetish into something more than it is. You’re a lonely john who’s wasted his fucking life and you surround yourself with prostitutes. You’ve found a literal retard to give you money for this. I would be astounded if any money is actually transferred. Who would possibly fucking do this? As soon as that “investor’s” nurse finds out about this, she’s putting a stop to it.

15:45 – “It all came from friends of mine who do OnlyFans and Fansly.”

They’re not friends, Newt. They’re whores. You’re paying them.

You know what I’m reminded of? You get those old men who get a hot Russian or Asian bride and then they’re shocked when the woman runs off with their money. What the fuck did you expect? This impoverished woman half your age was just interested in your sweet personality? You deserve to have all of your money taken from you, you fucking moron.

That’s the video. Somebody leaves a thoughtful comment.

• “Have you ever tried making something serious rather than cheesy, derivative, non-sensical poorly acted trash with awful dialogue, costumes, effects and cinematography that serve no purpose other than to showcase bad puns for character names and movie titles? That you wrote a script overnight is evident and not the flex you think it is. You seem to be somewhat intelligent and definitely versed in cinema so I just wonder if you would ever actually apply yourself to try and make something original and worthwhile rather than Asylum level trash. There is a big difference between classic B movies and this and if you don’t get it then you just don’t get it.”

One of the horntards says, “Let the man make what he wants. Success is in the eye of the beholder.”

Obviously, that horntard effectively agrees with the original poster but wants to perpetuate Newt’s delusions. That seems to be a common thing with the horntards. For whatever reason, they feel the need to feed the delusions of Newt or whoever the “Youtuber” is.

Newt replies. “I grew up on Roger corman. Fred olen ray. B movie elements are window dressing. No one wants to see an amateur try to be an autuer. I don’t want awards. I want to make people laugh. Or let them disconnect for an hour. You can get a lot of interesting ideas in and interesting cinematography in when people are distracted”

So….he addressed NONE of that guy’s issues. Okay, Newt. Continue your delusional bullshit. Continue spending money on your prositute “friends” so that they appear in “movies” of yours that will never get released. Continue to take money from literal retards. This is all a good use of your limited time on earth.

By the way, Newt “hearted” every single comment except for that guy’s. The one guy speaking the fucking truth.