Gamer Girls

Sorry for the tits and gore but I was just thinking about Newt Wallen and PVC Bondage Guy’s wrestling aspirations and it reminded me of this. I consider myself somewhat of an authority on this particular event, having spent years trying to learn as much as I can about this short-lived promotion.

It’s the Naked Women’s Wrestling League. According to Wikipedia, they existed from 2004 to 2009.

There was apparently a pay per view in 2004 called Vegas Stripped. I’ve never seen that. The main pay per view, and the one you’ll see all over the internet is Naked Revolution from 2006.

Over the years, I’ve seen other clips, individual matches, but a lot of them, surprisingly given the name of the company, don’t feature nudity. If memory serves, they might be in a bikini or something. They might just be wearing the skimpy costumes that women wrestlers tend to wear anyway. Some of the matches are topless. But the only fully nude matches are from this Naked Revolution show.

They went all out for this Naked Revolution. They hired Carmen Electra to host the show (and then apparently didn’t pay her). And the women are completely naked. It is surprisingly scandalous. Maybe I’m just easily scandalised. But they seem to be in a pretty sizeable venue and there are women in the audience. I don’t know if they were plants or what but these women seem to not be particularly into the show, which tends to suggest that they weren’t plants. These are genuine disgusted attitudes.

They have genuine professional wrestlers on this thing but also just local strippers. The strippers not only can’t wrestle, but a lot of them are hard to look at. This was filmed in Canada so it doesn’t bode well for the hot chicks of Canada. I mean, if these are the strippers, what does the average woman on the street look like?

Also, I believe that this was filmed in Canada because Canada has more lax laws on…whatever this is, public nudity than the US does. I think that’s why Naked News is also filmed in Canada.

Jimmy Hart is also in this thing. He’s clearly the biggest name.

You can watch this on SpankBang. I won’t link to it but it’s easily found. I downloaded I guess the DVD rip or something many years ago.

0:00 – Carmen Electra starts the show. She’s awful. And spoiler: she never gets naked. She deserved not to get paid.

1:00 – There’s some skank who’s acting as the attorney in this thing. If memory serves, she gets naked later and it’s pretty good but it’s just brief nudity, unfortunately. I don’t know who this is. Just a local stripper, I guess. I don’t think that she’s a practicing attorney.

They also advertise that Mandy Weaver is in this. I don’t know who this is but I’m looking it up and she was on some Gilligan’s Island reality tv show. I don’t know if she wrestles or what. We’ll have to find out.

Jimmy Hart is also in the ring.

2:30 – He introduces April Hunter. He’s “managing” her. She’s one of the “big” names on this thing. But apparently she was in WCW, TNA, and did independent wrestling. She was in Playboy as well. She’s one of the few women in this thing that might give you an erection.

Is it too crude to talk about erections? Well, it is porn.

Then Jimmy gets into an argument with the two skanks in the ring. I don’t know why. This isn’t scripted very well. They’re angry about something.

4:15 – They introduce the referee for all of the matches, Miss Bunny. She has heart-shaped areola. It’s pretty gross. There’s a reason why this hasn’t taken off. It looks diseased. But she’s topless and wears like some little referee skirt. It’s possible that this woman did or does porn. I don’t know. But terrible implants and revolting areola.

5:00 – Annie Social is the first wrestler introduced. She was a legitimate wrestler on the indy scene. She’s from Pennsylvania, not sure if rural or urban.

I saw an interview of her where she expressed regret over appearing on this show. No need to worry, baby. You looked fantastic.

5:45 – She does the splits a few times while some black woman takes her clothes off. This black woman will appear later as a wrestler called Cleopatra. I think that she’s just a local stripper but she’s one of the few local strippers in this thing who’s actually attractive.

So now Annie Social is totally buck ass naked in the ring. I don’t know. There’s just something shocking about it. Even though I’ve watched this 100 times, it’s still shocking.

And think about how desperate she must have been to take this job. She thought this was going to be her big break. If I just do some naked wrestling, I’ll get in the WWE. It doesn’t seem to have happened but at least we have the video to enjoy.

7:00 – Her opponent is Trish the Dish. Just a local stripper. If you’re jerking off to this woman, you have some real problems. Is this the best they could have found? Do strippers in Canada not have breasts? And I guess her gimmick is that she’s a school girl. You know, because she doesn’t have breasts. I’m not into it.

And I think that she has a nipple ring. That’s just irresponsible to wear that in a naked wrestling match.

The ring is tiny, by the way. And the ropes seems really high up. Maybe everybody is just really short.

They do a lot of moves that spread the opponent’s legs or somehow show their pussy. The standard porno wrestling moves.

There aren’t going to be any five star matches in this thing, by the way.

14:45 – Annie Social gets the pin and pins her by doing the splits on her.

I suppose that it wasn’t terrible given that one of the women presumably had no wrestling experience at all. They must have gone through it. Practiced. Chroeographed it.

But this would have been so much better with just a hotter opponent. Annie Social has some big tits. You’re telling me there’s no strip club in the area that has women with breasts?

Saying all of that, I haven’t watched this in years, but I remember being really outraged at Trish the Dish’s inclusion in this. But she’s not that bad looking, I guess. She’s a slim woman. She watches what she eats. She’s doing what she can. She can’t help that she doesn’t have breasts.

16:00 – Some other skit with that lawyer and some Asian woman, I think. They’re the commisioners or something. I don’t know. I never figured it out.

17:30 – Next match. Ninja Chops. I think it’s just a local stripper. Some Asian woman. Not a looker. But I notice that she’s billed at 5’10” so maybe that explains it. That’s unusually tall, of course.

Gross tattoos around her pubic area. Tits are fine, I guess but I’m not jerking off to this.

And Carmen Electra is awful. Her commentary is horrendous.

Carmen Electra says that Ninja Chop’s opponent measures in at 36-24-22. That has to be a mistake. Did she misread it? Should it have been 32 as the last measurement? I’m not sure because then Carmen goes on to say that Carmen’s ass is bigger than that. Well, I think everybody’s is. Maybe she was just trying to cover up for her mistake.

19:30 – It’s Kylie Electra. The idea here is that it’s the alleged sister of Carmen Electra. I think it’s just another local stripper, although she’s billed as being from Ohio.

Big tits and she comes out already naked. Everyone else has come out in a costume of some sort and then undressed. It’s something different, I guess.

Ninja Chops has a naked valet called Lady Serpentine but she didn’t come out with her. She was just already at ringside.

No way does this woman have 22 inch hips, by the way.

I would have preferred to see Kylie Electra with Annie Social. Get a hot chick with her. I don’t get it. But here you have another match with a reasonably attractive woman and…well, I don’t know. I remember being really disappointed with Ninja Chops when I saw this years ago but looking at her now, maybe my standards have gone down. Yes, the tattoos are awful and she doesn’t have a porn star body but she’s in shape. I’d give her some loving. I mean, I’d give any of these women some loving. But I don’t know.

20:30 – The announcer mentions Kylie Electra’s stats that Carmen Electra read out and says, “Add those up and you pretty much have my belt size”. So yeah, I’m thinking it was a fuck up.

24:30 – Some sort of knuckle to the knee move. I’ve never seen that before.

For two local skanks who have never wrestled before, it’s not horrendous. What they’re doing resembles professional wrestling.

25:00 – Absolutely terrible chops from Ninja Chops. And this is apparently her special move, hence the name. It may be that Ninja Chops has appeared in other NWWL matches, by the way. I seem to recall seeing her before and the announcer is certainly promoting her as an NWWL veteran. Also, she may well be 5’10”. She’s taller than her opponent and the referee, certainly.

26:00 – Ninja Chops is selling her leg as being injured from that weird knuckle move, I think. So there’s some psychology to this.

26:30 – Ninja Chops ends the match by doing some move that exposes Kylie’s pussy to various parts of the audience and then does a “Dragon Roll” which shows Kylie’s pussy to all sides of the audience. It’s kind of like that rolling move that Terry Funk or Dory Funk would use. I don’t know the name.

The local strippers are really used as jobbers in this thing, which makes sense.

28:30 – Carmen Electra suggests that she should get into the ring. No. You’re awful. You’re awful at all of this. There’s a reason why Carmen Electra never got a job doing anything that required speaking.

What is she doing now anyway? Oh. OnlyFans. That’s what I want. 51 year old Carmen Electra nude.

I have one of her Playboys from 25 years ago. Even that didn’t do anything for me.

28:45 – Oh, here’s a skit with that Mandy Weaver from the Gilligan’s Island reality tv show. I never even noticed this. I have no idea who it is but I wonder if she wrestles.

Jimmy Hart hugs her and suggests that he got an erection. I can’t see how. This is one powerfully unattractive woman.

30:00 – Next match. Cleopatra. Black chick. I think she’s a local stripper. I found her to be pretty good jerk off material but your mileage may vary.

She’s just an attractive woman with a pretty face and a nice body. That’s something that’s kind of lacking on this show. There’s no gimmick like giant tits or a huge ass. She’s a slim woman who’s well proportioned.

31:45 – Josieanne the Pussycat. It’s a local stripper. Doesn’t even have a gimmick. They say that she’s local. They also said that Trish the Dish was local. They’re in Toronto, by the way. But I believe that…I don’t know. Maybe Cleopatra isn’t a local stripper. She looks much too attractive. I’m thinking she’s a model or something.

But this Joseianne is AWFUL. Come on. This woman has no business being in the audience. I don’t want to see this. I think that she’s from Eastern Europe or something. She has an accent.

She’s wearing some PVC bondage outfit.

They do a lot of arm drags. In all of the matches there were a lot of arm drags.

I don’t think that Joseianne even bothered shaving. Terrible name, by the way. It’s a play on Josie and the Pussycats. I get it. The word “pussy” is in there. But it’s a GROUP. Why would a single person use the name of a GROUP? It just doesn’t make sense in terms of the English language.

39:45 – Josie, inexpicably, gets the win. The least attractive woman on the show beats the most attractive woman on the show. And Cleopatra didn’t even get much offense in. It’s a complete outrage.

41:30 – Mary Carey is in the ring. She was a popular figure for about a week and a half. She did porn and she ran for governor of California in 2003 or so. She’s just giving a bad promo. She doesn’t wrestle. Doesn’t even get naked.

The idea with this promo is that NWWL doesn’t want Mary Carey to wrestle for them because she’s a porn star. The NWWL, a naked wrestling league, is too prudish to allow porn stars to compete. Half the roster is local strippers but porn stars aren’t allowed. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. A retard wrote these promos.

43:00 – Oh, she does get naked. Well, this wasn’t a total waste then.

43:30 – She says that she wants a “hot ass naked bitch to kick my ass”. And then it cuts to footage of, I think, Trish the Dish (who isn’t hot) and…I don’t even know. Looks like some human sex doll.

Oh, this is Candass Canuck. Does she wrestle? I don’t think so but there’s still another 45 minutes to go. Must be another local stripper.

44:45 – This was just promotion for the NWWL website. She wants you to vote in some poll.

45:15 – Then Trish the Dish and Candass Canuck strip and enter the ring but Mary Carey runs out.

46:15 – Another dumb promo. Jimmy Hart with April Hunter.

48:30 – This lawyer is like…I suspect that she does a lot of community theatre. Because her acting is competent but distractingly so. She’s clearly acting. The rest of these people just stumble through their lines. Even Mary Carey. She was awful. April Hunter is bad too.

50:45 – Melissa Coates is going to be April Hunter’s opponent. She’s some roided up body builder. I think she was married to Sabu. Let me look this up.

I don’t know if they were married but they were at least “dating.” And she died in 2021. She died from covid. Had to get her leg amputated from covid as well. That’s terrible.

But she also apparently wrestled and acted as Sabu’s valet.

This is a loser leaves town match, by the way. Kind of. Either Jimmy Hart leaves or this commision who I still don’t know anything about will leave.

51:30 – Then this lawyer strips to show how dedicated she is to wrestling. I probably came about ten times to just this short little section. I don’t know. There’s something about this community theatre enthusiast that does it for me. She doesn’t wrestle, though.

54:00 – Dumb promo with Mandy Weaver and this lawyer. They’re in the bathroom. So I guess that Mandy Weaver does wrestle. I totally forgot about. It’s probably a totally forgettable match.

55:30 – She’ll be taking on Candy Smith, who’s apparently the NWWL champion. Who is this? I don’t remember any of this. I’m not seeing anything online. Did I get the name right? She has large, muscular arms. I assume she’s a wrestler.

She’s a terrible actress. TERRIBLE.

https://prowrestling.fandom.com/wiki/Kandi_Smyth

Oh, it’s Kandi Smyth. But her Fandom page just says that she’s best known for being in NWWL. So she hasn’t done anything.

She’s being “managed” by Jimmy Hart, by the way. I think that he only appeared on this one pay per view which is why I’m disputing all of his “managing”. And the story here is that Jimmy wants Kandi to hurt Mandy Weaver but Kandi doesn’t want to because she’d get disqualified. Seriously, that’s the story. The retard who watched this must have just got done watching Karate Kid.

1:00:00 – Mandy Weaver comes out. I think that Kandi was supposed to say something but Carmen Electra interrupted her. She’s so unprofessional.

Terrible promo by Kandi. I’m doing everything I can not to fast forward.

No breasts on Mandi, by the way. None. She makes Trish the Dish look like Kitten Natividad.

And Kandi isn’t anything amazing either.

I’m not saying that women with small breasts don’t have any value. Of course not. But in porn? Come on.

Are there many guys with small penises making porn? There’s a certain look that’s required. You need the big sex organs. It’s just the way it is. Or should be, anyway.

1:04:00 – Mandy Weaver says, “Get ready to kiss that title and your white ass goodbye.” Mandy is a white woman. What is this? She’s a white woman from the South. She seems to have the same affliction that Newt has. Thinks that she isn’t white.

Maybe this would be more impactful if I knew who the fuck Mandy Weaver was. Was that Gilligan’s Island reality tv show popular? I think that I was out of the country by the time it was on.

She’s not noteworthy enough for Wikipedia. On Imdb, all she has is that Gilligan’s Island thing and this NWWL thing. And a tiny role in some 2006 film (so from around the same time) as “Jennifer’s Friend #1”.

So she’s done nothing. But she thought that this naked wrestling was her ticket to stardom.

I mean, it’s kind of hot to see people debase themselves like this in a desperate and misguided bid for fame. You can imagine Annie Social backstage trying to psyche herself up. “I just have to get out there and wrestle naked. It’s not that much different from what I normally wear anyway and this is going to be huge. It’s going to skyrocket me to the WWE. I’ll make millions.”

And then for the rest of her career, she’s accomplished nothing but she still has this video out there where she’s showing her pussy to some confused Canadians while play fighting with a stripper.

Mandy Weaver seems to have NO IDEA how to wrestle. They locked up three times so far and then just pushed each other off. She also keeps skipping around. Literally.

Fourth pointless lockup.

Fifth pointless lockup.

Can somebody do a move?

Sixth pointless lockup.

1:06:15 – Oh, finally an arm drag. Awful, of course, but at least it’s a wrestling move.

1:07:00 – It goes outside of the ring and you see the awkward people in attendance.

I was blaming Mandy Weaver for the awful wrestling. She’s awful, of course. But holy shit is Kandi Smyth terrible. This is the champion?

I understand that it’s a naked wrestling promotion and it’s tough to get legitimate wrestlers. But this is shockingly bad. She’s the worst. This is the worst match of the show. By far. And that’s saying a lot. Any one of those local strippers is a better wrestler than Kandi Smyth.

1:08:30 – Mandy Weaver attempted an arm bar, fucked it up bad, so then just starts pulling on Kandi’s arm and Kandi sells it. Instead of just getting back into the arm bar. Maybe she doesn’t want to put this woman’s arm on her pussy but…that’s the whole point of doing the move. I mean, in this context. I’m not saying that that was the motivation for Royce Gracie.

I can’t believe how bad this. I don’t want to watch this any more. They made naked wrestling unwatchable.

1:10:15 – Mandy Weaver wins. There was allegedly some shot from behind with the belt but I guess I missed that. Well…as horrible as Mandy Weaver was, I suppose that she was the better wrestler. I guess. I don’t even think that Kandi did anything.

Awful. Absolutely horrible. Negative five stars. Even by the rock bottom standard of the other matches on the card, this was horrendous. And this is the championship match.

So we have a new NWWL champion: Mandy Weaver. I don’t remember any of this. This is the one match I don’t remember. Now I see why. My mind blocked this match as a defence mechanism against extreme trauma.

1:11:45 – Another bad skit. Some woman we’ve never seen and will never see again starts yelling at the referee.

So then Sharona Hart and the referee start fighting. But they’re only topless because presumably this referee doesn’t want to take her skirt off. I don’t remember this either.

The play by play guy says that he doesn’t understand why any of this has happened. Yeah. Nobody does. This is completely nonsensical.

1:14:00 – Finally, we get to the main event. Get your ding-a-lings ready for this one. Massive tits on April Hunter. This is what we want to see. This should have been every match.

Well, how many women have giant implants like this and are willing to wrestle naked? But still, we should have got something better than we got. More women of the caliber of Annie Social, Kylie Electra, and Cleopatra and less of the Trish the Dish, Ninja Chops, and Mandy Weaver.

1:14:30 – Some skank in the audience shows her tits for the camera. Maybe these are plants. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just rowdy, drunk college students.

1:15:15 – Then shitty ass Carmen Electra interrupts just as April was about to take g-string off. God. Carmen Electra is fucking awful in this. No wonder they refused to pay her. She actually sued them over this? Whatever Jew started the NWWL should have sued Carmen Electra for ruining the fucking show.

1:15:30 – I think that Carmen Electra calls Melissa Coates “Melissa Goat.”

Anyway, she has giant fake tits but I’m not digging it.

This is definitely the right main event, though. Get the women with the biggest tits. This isn’t rocket science here.

1:17:30 – They exchange some chest bumps. Classic.

April Hunter bends over gratuitously to give the crowd a look. Nothing wrong there.

1:19:45 – They go to the outside to give the audience a better look.

1:20:00 – They pass the women in the audience who showed their breasts earlier and then a different woman offers to squeeze April’s breasts but April declines.

1:21:00 – April takes Steroid McGee and shoves her tits in the terrified face of some woman at ringside.

1:22:00 – For reasons that aren’t explained, the story is that they just start cooperating. They’re not actually having a competitive match. It’s some next level 4-d chess “double cross” that nobody understands.

Then Melissa Coates falls, without being hit, and April pins her with one finger ala Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan. I think that’s what they’re going for here but…I don’t get it. I don’t remember seeing the finish either. Probably because I always came within two minutes of watching the match. But are they going to explain any of this in the last five minutes of the show?

Oh right. Because this was a loser leaves town (kind of) match. So since April won, the commission, who I still don’t know anything about, have to leave the NWWL and Jimmy takes over.

1:23:45 – April starts spanking her ass.

Then it ends with a music video featuring that human sex doll who never wrestled. She doesn’t even get naked.

Anyway, this was awful. It was a bad final match. That championship match was abysmal. The storyline didn’t make sense. A lot of the women I didn’t even want to see fully clothed, never mind naked. The wrestling varied from horrendous to merely really, really bad.

I don’t even know who that Asian commissioner was. Was she even Asian? She was wearing sunglasses the whole time so I don’t know.

Maybe they could have explained some of this in a future pay per view but this was the last one. It was possibly the last show that they did of any kind.

Somebody in the comments says that he watched it because Mutiny was in this. And he indicates that Mutiny is Josieanne. Mutiny must be the name of a porn star. So this woman who was the least attractive woman on the show, is a porn star. I guess.

I don’t know. As a wrestling show, this was a failure. As pornography…I mean…I suppose the results speak for themselves. I probably watched this at least 20 times to full completion. But I think that’s just my particular interests. I don’t think that this video works as pornography for your average masturbator on the street.

I used to watch a lot of this wrestling porn. There’s a great Japanese series called Adult Video Wrestling or something like that. I remember one particular video called like Fuck Down or something. It’s wrestling, it takes place in an actual venue with an audience. It’s a respectable crowd (in terms of size, anyway). They put on a wrestling match, which is actually pretty decent (not like this NWWL shit). And then the loser gets fucked. And it happens right there with a crowd of perverts watching.

It’s pretty creative. There were a few videos in the series.

I also enjoyed Danube Wrestling…something. This was semi-legit if not totally legit naked wrestling. It took place in Hungary or something. And they did different shit. Oil wrestling and boxing and whatnot. It wasn’t the usual fake bullshit, the matches looked legitimate. Naked wrestling must be a time-honored tradition in Hungary.