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NES Panesian Adult Video Games pt. 1 (Censored Version) – Irate Gamer
If you want the uncensored version, you have to subscribe to his Patreon. You know…for people who really want to see uncensored Nintendo games from 35 years ago.
First of all, the roms are readily available. You can play the games yourself. Secondly, let’s find out just how difficult it is to find uncensored footage from this game.
I searched for “bubble bath babes nes uncensored” on Google Images. First result is exactly that on Giant Bomb.
So what am I paying Chris BORES for? He clearly wants us to jerk off to his video. It’s gay. Well, I mean, he is a gay man so I guess it’s to be expected.
0:15 – He says that it’s after midnight so he can finally play some NES porn games. What? Why does he have to wait until midnight. I know that he has at least one young step-daughter (unfortunately for her) but is she going to sleep at midnight? Why is midnight the time?
0:30 – “The Irate Gamer is turning up the heat so lube up because things are about to get super sexy up in here.”
I swear that I did not make this up. Chris BORES, a known homosexual, is inviting his viewers to lube their anuses up in preparation for some sexy Chris BORES action.
What else could “lube up” refer to? Do circumcised men actually use lube? Maybe they do. I don’t know. Let me…eugh…tentatively look this up.
https://new.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k87c1/do_guys_with_circumcised_penises_always_need_to
Answer: no? Not really? At least those guys don’t seem to.
And I don’t think that circumcision is nearly as popular now as it was, whenever, 40 years ago. So this lube reference isn’t hitting the mark for the younger 30 and under crowd. If such a crowd watches Chris BORES’ videos. Plus, international viewers.
1:45 – “It took me a few years but I was able to track down every single one of these games.”
It took me about two seconds to find a site that has the roms. You can play the game right on the site. Don’t even have to download anything. Cost me nothing.
2:15 – “As the Irate Gamer, I don’t just like to play hard, I like to review hard too.”
And he pops his collar up like he’s a cool guy from a 1980s movie. This is his idea of sexy. Having a popped up collar. And we’re supposed to be jerking off to this. To the idea of Chris BORES being “hard”. I don’t want to think about this. Come on. What the fuck was he possibly thinking with this?
I mean, even if you’re gay is Chris BORES your idea of sexy? It’s ridiculous.
2:45 – Hot Slots.
3:15 – “Any horned up guy ready to see some textiled tatas isn’t thinking clearly enough to figure out how to get past these looping screens.”
He’s talking about the intro screen. But what does “textiled tatas” mean? Did mean “pixelated”? “Textiled” makes no fucking sense.
4:45 – Fake “irate” bullshit from this…I mean…I know that he’s not a professional actor but stop this phony fucking bullshit. It looks awful and you’re just making an ass of yourself.
5:00 – He’s showing a cutscene of a woman in a dress. “You think I’d be excited by this but…”
No. I didn’t think that you’d be excited by a woman. By a “boner biting dog”? Yes. But a woman, no.
6:15 – He encounters a spelling error. “Thank you (game developer). That took me right out of the fantasy. Now I’ve gone limp.”
Does anybody want to think about Chris BORES’ limp penis? Maybe play some Shadow Dancer to get you back in the mood. That sexy dog. Probably biting Shinobi’s boner, right?
6:45 – He shows the censored screens from this game. “I’m not sure who exactly is turned on by this stuff.”
Heterosexual boys in 1990. You wouldn’t understand, Chris.
7:00 – “It makes more sense to just save all that aggravation and just pop in a stupid porno tape.”
The year was 1990. I have to imagine that it was at least as difficult for a young person to get these games as it would be to get a porn video. I don’t know where they even sold these games. Was it mail order only? Where would you get a catalogue that has these games in it?
So let’s assume that the target market was heterosexual men over 18. Obviously, a pornographic video tape would give you more pleasure in terms of erotica. But I’m thinking that these games are sort of for the novelty. Seeing nudity on your NES. And Bubble Bath Babes is a decent game. I don’t think that people were really jerking off to the games.
You look at something like Leisure Suit Larry. It was a very popular game series. My friend had a copy and played it openly in front of his family. Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining said that she had a copy of the third game, I think, that she played at her lesbian aunt’s house and it turned Pam gay. I can see those games having some erotic appeal, especially if you don’t have access to anything more explicit. But not really these NES games where there’s just a brief flash of nudity. You’d really have to time your boner and keep the dog away from it.
7:00- Peekaboo Poker. What? He’s going to review another game? In the two minutes we have remaining? It’s so shit. He’s presumably going to fit TWO games in the two minutes left. So that’s 7 minutes that he dedicated to Hot Slots or Hot Slot (I think he called it Hot Slots but it’s actually Hot Slot) and one minute each for the other two games. Great time management, Chris BORES. He just got bored and rushed the last two “reviews”.
8:00 – Chris BORES complains that you can’t bluff the computer by betting a lot and having them drop out, like in other games. He counts this as a flaw in the game. You can’t just bet loads of money and have the computer drop out. The computer will call.
He’s complaining about not being able to do some stupid exploit to beat the game quickly. You have to actually play the game of poker in order to win.
8:15 – Chris BORES can’t figure out why the character looks angry when they lose a hand and happy when they win a hand.
I did not mis-type that. Chris BORES can’t figure out why the character behaves in the way you would expect. He’s a fucking moron.
He’s basing this bizarre argument on the initial cutscene where the character is imploring you to have sex with her. And in order to have sex, you have to win the poker hands.
But that doesn’t mean that she’s going to throw the fucking game, you retard. You still have to win the hands. If she smiled when she lost and was angry when she won it would make no fucking sense. God, he’s an idiot.
Then it just abruptly ends. I assume that he edited stuff out. And he didn’t even review Bubble Bath Babes. That’s for a future shitty episode.
Comments.
- “Completely failed to copy your idols so now you larp as a ghost hunter”
Chris BORES replies, “This statement makes no sense”. “LARP” is nerd-speak for “pretend”. Once you know that, it makes perfect sense and is accurate.
- “Is Season 8 ongoing, or are we at season 9?”
Somebody replies, “Youtubers claiming to have seasons, so pretentious”
Nothing I can add to that.
- “Hopefully the wife doesn’t wake up and catch you playing these”
First of all, she would know that it’s for a shitty video. Secondly, would anybody possibly get upset over these extremely tame games from 35 years ago? Maybe an Amish wife but that’s just because of the electricity usage.
What do you suppose the Amish jerk off to? I guess that they can get magazines. Maybe they genuinely don’t have time to masturbate. They’re waking up at dawn, they’re working all day, raising barns and whatnot. Then they get home and the wife has a seven course meal that she prepared all day using no electrical devices at all. Churned her own butter and everything. And they have big families so he’s probably fucking her every night or at least on the nights when he has the energy.
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WTF Wednesday Review: THE LAST AMITYVILLE MOVIE – Newt Wallen
0:00 – At first, I thought that he was in a bathroom. But I think he’s in an office at one of his jobs. I think his red shirt is part of the uniform. Some retail job. I don’t know what the Mr Rogers sweater is all about. Surely, that’s not part of the uniform. That’s just his own style choice.
0:30 – “Working these overnights has allowed me to get some writing done.”
We’re not paying you to write shitty tits and gore movies, Newt. We’re paying you to manage the store. Get to work, asshole.
2:15 – Newt is talking about some shitty “director” (I think) of tits and gore movies. He says that he, “Keeps up with his blog.” Newt is a big blog fan.
4:00 – Shout out to how shitty the AVGN Movie is. Newt. Get over it. You were fired for WHOLESALE plagiarism. It’s not retard James Rolfe’s fault. It’s yours.
The sweater is really confusing me. He’s worn this before, I think. Can it POSSIBLY be part of the uniform? Why else would he wear it? But he also wears a bracelet so his fashion choices can’t all be easily explained.
Maybe he’s wearing it to cover up the logo on his shirt because he doesn’t want people to know where he works. But…I don’t know. Why this? Why a sweater? I guess a jacket would be more awkward but…I don’t know. On one hand, the sweater does seem the best option but on the other hand…it’s hella gay. So maybe just don’t make the videos while you’re at work. Maybe do your fucking job instead.
9:15 – “I’ve got somebody who wants to give me an investment to make a movie and I’m like, ‘What if I’m not any good.’”
Newt. You’re not. This is an easy one. Don’t take the money. Don’t make the movie. You suck ass.
He’s the worst. Aggressively bad.. Absolutely no talent AT ALL for this. It’s like he’s TRYING to suck penis. But, inexplicably, he thinks that he’s good. He thinks that he has talent for this. Show me. Show me ANYTHING that you made that was good. It doesn’t have to be a completed project (because there’s scandalously few of those) just show me ANYTHING that’s good. A scene, a few lines of dialogue, a page from a script, a Youtube video. ANYTHING. It all sucks cock, Newt. Face the reality and move on. You’re wasting your fucking life with this delusional shit.
Then he theorizes that Screenwave was responsible for making his projects looks good. Oh. What? I mean, he’s probably right. But when SCREENWAVE is an improvement to your projects, you know that you have some massive fucking problems.
11:15 – Newt says “taking the piss” and it comes off as so awkward and put on. It’s a British phrase. Why did he say this?
I worked in a place that had an Australian woman working there. And one of the English women there said, “No worries”. And one of the English guys took her to task for saying “no worries”, which is obviously an Australian term. He theorized that she only said it to impress this Australian woman. The English woman denied it, saying that “no worries” isn’t an Australian term, which, of course, it is.
So I’m saying that Newt is trying to impress the British ladyboys who watch his videos.
11:45 – “If you’re a fan of those micro-budget, in a box style movies…”
Nobody is. Nobody is a fan of these fucking shit, zero budget tits and gore “movies”.
13:15 – Newt begs this complete nobody to review Swamp Zombie 2 and says that he deserves it because he just gave his movie a good review and he comments on his channel. What a shameless piece of shit.
“This is why I don’t watch these videos back because I just assume that I sound like a fucking dickhole.”
Yeah. That’s the video.
So the channel that Newt was talking about is Movie Timelines.
https://www.youtube.com/@movietimelines
59,000 subscribers. They’re hardly setting the world on fire.
I was going to write more about this guy’s channel but I tried to watch two videos, quickly got bored, and closed the window.
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Destiny Fomo’s Recent Youtube Shorts
Shaking her tits.
Showing her ass and tits.
Showing her tits while lipsyncing to something stupid.
Showing her tits while lip syncing to “Some people have a boyfriend, some people have a girlfriend, and some people have video games.”
Some people have pimps.
So that’s it. We’re done. Nobody’s watching this shit. How could they? It’s totally without merit. None of this is REMOTELY interesting. Madam Fomo has done the impossible: she’s made tits and ass boring. I don’t want to see it. Do something interesting, you complete fucking buffoon.
Her Twitter is entirely pictures of her cleavage. It’s fucking boring.
I saw some topless pictures of her years ago. I don’t know what I did with them. That’s how bad they were. You don’t want to see them.
She has a 70% off “sale” on her OnlyFans. It’s perpetual sales for Destiny Fomo’s OnlyFans. Nobody wants this shit. “I do lewds only”. Then fuck off.
It’s a legitimate prostitute and she won’t get naked. TuanX is the world’s worst pimp. He has NO IDEA what people want. It’s not these shitty fucking “shorts” and “lewds” on OnlyFans, I’ll tell you that much.
He hasn’t posted in a year, by the way. Thank fuck. It was creepy as shit. He had little kids commenting on his videos and he was actively soliciting for girls to work for him. “Give me your name, your phone number, your address, your age, your social media.” Dude. Come on. This is completely deplorable. Do better with fucking Whore Fomo and then you won’t have to actively target 13 year olds for your prostitution empire.
I’m looking at his Instagram and he has pictures from November 2023 of him with a heavily pregnant woman. Then a few months later, there’s pictures of him with a baby. In 2021, there’s pictures of him with this same woman in a wedding dress.
I don’t know. It’s definitely Destiny Fomo’s pimp. What kind of pimp gets married? That’s weird.
His Instagram describes him as “Aria’s daddy”. He’s Whore Fomo’s “daddy” too.
His Twitter describes himself as “husband/father/entertainer…” You left an important one off: pimp. I’m not saying that this revelation that he’s married and has a child with somebody other than Whore Fomo doesn’t make things more confusing but I’m still convinced that this man is Whore Fomo’s pimp. Where was that article where I broke this all down?
That’s from 2020. I could swear that I did one more recently than that. That article might not break everything down including that creepy as fuck website that he had/has that had a scam phone number to call (same scam that Whore Fomo ran at the time) but it has some information in it.
Here are her prostitute reviews. I kind of hid them in an unrelated article. I got these reviews from some New York prostitute website. After I said that I had them, Madam Fomo contacted those people and got the reviews taken down but fortunately, I saved them all and still have them.
Biggest takeaway: her pussy has a foul smell.
On his Twitter, he’s extremely angry about everything. Wrestling, corporate mergers, people overestimating the price of housing, a video of somebody jumping over a bunch of chairs. EVERYTHING sets this guy off. He also has the same exact interests as Whore Fomo: wrestling, video games, and comics. It’s not a coincidence. He’s behind Whore Fomo’s fucking Twitter and Youtube and TikTok and Twitch and OnlyFans and everything else.
Anyway, now his website is just a TeeSpring page. You want a bootleg Toys R Us logo on a pillow? Well, now you can have one. But who the fuck would want that?
He’s the world’s worst businessman. And as a result, you get the world’s worst whore in Destiny Fomo. There’s got to be a better pimp out there who can start making some money with Whore Fomo.
Here’s what I’d do, if I can do some armchair pimping. Day 1: the OnlyFans is nude. All nude. Her tits aren’t looking great? Who gives a shit? People are going to pay. Put it out there.
These shitty Youtube shorts and TikTok videos where she just shakes her tits? Gone. Not wasting time on that shit. We’re putting out decent videos about video games. She used to do it, briefly, many years ago. Her videos weren’t complete shit. So it can be done.
She seems to “travel” a lot, not just to Japan but throughout the US. I assume that this is lucrative. This is all obviously for prostitution. But I’d have to see some figures before I can critique whether or not this should be changed.
Here’s another idea: have free sex with the horntards in exchange for having them sign a release for the sex videos to be posted on OnlyFans. Now we’re making some money. People are going to talk. You can fuck Whore Fomo for FREE? That’s the hook. Obviously, very few people will take the offer, not wanting to appear on the website, but some complete low-lifes will do it. And then you have the videos. Then you have people coming to watch the videos. They’re subscribing. You don’t even need to have the perpetual sales any more. You can charge the full ten bucks a month.
Have a fucking horntard gang bang if you want to really crank up some sales. You can have Super Geoff and Games & Movies and…I don’t think that ShiShi follows Whore Fomo but I’m sure that he can be tempted.
You can have the world’s biggest horntard gangbang. Get all of these mentally-challenged reprobates on the scene. And it would cost you NOTHING. You’re not paying for their flights or hotels or anything. They have to pay for all of their costs. And they would do it because they’re going to get to fuck Whore Fomo. Then you put the video on OnlyFans and everything you make is profit. There were no costs involved.
This is all just off the top of my head. All it takes is a man with a vision. TuanX has NO vision, which is why Whore Fomo is languishing doing the absolute trash that she is, that nobody is fucking interested in.
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Erin is Taking a Break from Youtube and Twitch
“Hi, I’m really sorry I haven’t been streaming & putting out as much video content lately. I’ve been dealing with some very serious family health issues and care taking. I hope to return to more consistent content production eventually when things get more under control”
She’ll be back next February along with James & Mike Mondays.
But I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe one or both of her parents got carpal tunnel syndrome.
Voultar, one of the horntards who has a Youtube channel that Erin appeared on, says, “I hope everything is getting better.” Erin says, “Thanks, hope things get better with you too”. What’s wrong with Voultar? Possibly nothing but Erin didn’t know what to say. Erin never knows what to say.
Oh, look at this. Joe from Game Sack left a reply. He’s crushed. Joe is a big Erin Plays fan. “Please, take your time. Real life is more important.” Words of wisdom from that fucking desperate pervert who’s trying to steal the love of Mike Matei’s life. Go back to ogling Newt Wallen’s penis, you fucking faggot. But Erin replies, “I try to remind myself of that”. Oh sure. Erin is usually so totally dedicated to her Twitch and Youtube “career”. She works a good five hours a week on this shit.
Horny Goriya, Erin’s lesbian Youtube love interest leaves reply too. We’re getting all of the big time perverts coming out for this tweet. “Sorry to hear. Wishing you and your family the best. It’s good that you’re able to help out and support your loved ones, but don’t forget to take some time to take care of yourself too.” God. She’s even boring in text form. Erin replies, “Thanks so much. I’m trying to find a balance but it’s not easy!”. Oh yeah. Erin is just so self-less. Always thinking of others. Like that time when she said you should ask your elderly neighbours if they need anything from the store during covid.
There are 40 other replies but they’re from people who DON’T have Youtube channels so Erin didn’t deem any of them worthy of a reply. Fuck these peasants who may or may not have jobs. I only deal with Youtubers.
Galactic Chat Wave Radio leaves a Star Trek gif to express his feelings. Uh huh.
BMK Retro Gaming says, “Take what time you need. Those who enjoy your content, (myself included), will still be around when you’re ready to go again”. He’ll be ready with his dick in his hand for your return, Erin. Don’t you worry.
Jamie A Rose leaves a picture of two anime school girls hugging each other to express his feelings.
And finally, Edwina says that her nudes are in her profile. Probably the most interesting post on here.
Oh, and Jared Genesis replied to that spam post. He’s…he’s an odd fellow.
So that explains the lack of hot new “content” from Erin. How will I cope? I need to know what colours she likes. I need to know what things she thinks look like other things. I need confirmation that everything that somebody in the chat says is “cool”. I need to see the worst fucking video game footage ever recorded for every game complete with totally ignorant commentary that betrays her complete lack of interest and lack of knowledge about video games. I need a total personality blackhole in my life.
Oddly, ShiShi didn’t reply to that message. Somebody should do a wellness check on him. Maybe he decided that life wasn’t worth living in a world with no god awful Erin videos.
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Cleaning/Testing NES/SNES/GameBoy games – John Riggs
About four months ago, JOHN RIGGS started streaming on Youtube. Sometimes he plays a game, sometimes he does…whatever this is. Cleaning and testing games. This is absolute rock bottom. What’s next? Cleaning your toilet?
0:00 – So it starts with a few minutes of John Riggs looking absolutely bamboozled that nobody is in the chat yet. Maybe offer them something more interesting to look at than you cleaning and testing old video games.
3:00 – So the first game works.
Oh my god. This is riveting. I can’t wait to find out if the next game works.
4:15 – The next game works too. And he revealed that he’s using a clone console to test this shit. So not even the original hardware. This sucks dick.
5:15 – Even John Riggs seems to be falling asleep.
He barely responds to anything the chat says. He’s totally checked out. Can’t even pretend to give a shit.
7:45 – He starts singing a weak rendition of The Sign. He’s a big Ace of Base fan.
8:00 – Third game works. Oh, this is great. This is complete anti-entertainment.
There’s TWO HOURS of this. It’s like some shit modern art.
10:00 – Fourth game works.
11:15 – He’s testing these games so that he can sell them on something called WhatNot. This is a scam company that he shilled for in some recent video where he bought a pile of games from some nerd convention. I don’t think that he actually bought them, it was some weird bullshit in relation to this scam company.
The company is not noteworthy enough for Wikipedia.
https://new.reddit.com/r/whatnotapp/comments/164jodf/whats_the_point_of_whatnot
From what I can gather, it’s a scam where “Youtubers” livestream shit that they want to sell. Like The Home Shopping Channel or QVC, business models that went out of business with the advent of the internet.
I remember watching QVC and a guy was selling some cleaning product. And there was a big list of stains that appeared on screen: Dirt, grass, ink, whatever. One of the stains was “urine” but he skipped over that one. I found it hilarious as a ten year old.
11:30 – Fifth games works. This is Mario Kart. These are all going on John Riggs’ scam livestream. Check it out. Coming soon. Only on What Not!
John Riggs is talking about how he still has a landline because it’s only $20 a month. He goes on to say, “I’m not going to tell a doctor…I’m not going to give anyone who can collect a bill my cell phone number.”
First of all, this suggests that John Riggs is skipping out on hospital bills. But secondly, I find it weird that he finds a landline to be MORE anonymous than a cell phone number. A landline that’s connected to your home address. And that you can’t easily turn off.
Can’t you get cheap SIM cards in the US that are basically disposable? Pay as you go? You pay $10 or whatever, you put the SIM card in your phone, and you have $10 of credit? Use that number for people you don’t want to have your actual number.
And how said is it that people have to live like this? Dodging creditors. And John Riggs says that it’s the hospitals that he’s mainly concerned about. He has a son with severe problems who presumably needs a lot of medical care.
It’s complete bullshit. The fatcat Jews lock you into debt bondage in the US at every turn. From student loans to credit cards to medical bills. None of this shit is a problem, at least for me, in the UK. University is free (in Scotland, anyway). Medical care is free. And credit cards exist but it’s not the massive industry that it is in the US where it’s constantly promoted. I don’t owe anything.
12:30 – Next game works.
One of the horntards says, “Had trouble sleeping and i get to watch some Riggs live. Coolest night ever.” What a sad life this guy must lead that this unbelievably pointless stream is one of the highlights of his life.
15:30 – Next game works.
16:15 – He bumped his microphone or something and the audio went out.
17:30 – Now it’s back. Oh, this is a real adventure.
18:30 – Next game works.
21:00 – “I’ve been out of town these past few months.”
Yeah. We know. Trolling for purple-haired booty at nerd conventions. Who wants to have sex with 300 pound, father of of three, married, 45 year old, bald John Riggs over here? Form an orderly queue.
22:00 – Next game works. Sort of. But not really. So he’s setting this one aside to test on an actual console later.
Oh this is riveting. I can’t stand any more. My heart can’t take it. I’m stopping the video here. This video really set a new bar for what Youtube can be. It can be a fat man sitting in his home testing video games that he’s going to then sell on a scam website. What a time to be alive.
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Japanese Reaction on Shin Megami Tensei V getting removed from e-shop – Zuvi
She does a lot of these “Japanese reaction to (whatever)” videos. How the fuck would she know? She hasn’t lived in Japan in many years.
It would be like me doing a video about what America is like. “Well, they’re eagerly awaiting the Friends finale. And gas is $1/gallon. And George W Bush is doing a lot of wacky shit. And Terri Schiavo is all anyone is talking about.”
My information is woefully dated. I don’t fucking know what’s going on in the US.
Whatever happened to that Elian Gonzalez guy? Last I heard, he was an adult and happily living in Cuba with no desire to move to the US.
Yeah, that’s about right. He’s also involved in politics in Cuba.
0:15 – She calls Twitter “X”. This is the first time I’ve ever heard somebody call it that. I suspect that she calls it that because it’s easier to pronounce.
1:30 – All she’s doing is reading like message board comments from Japanese people about this game. And she’s using Google translate to translate this shit. So ANYONE can do this. This is totally pointless. She can’t even be bothered to translate this shit herself. Presumably, she can’t.
Totally pointless video. No wonder nobody watches this shit. And this is somebody who sells hardcore porn. Even selling hardcore porn isn’t enough to get people to watch these awful videos.
This woman has had cosmetic surgery done. I think a lot of it. She’s talked about getting her eyes done. She had that surgery that makes your eyes bigger. It’s apparently popular in parts of East Asia.
Why the fuck doesn’t she get her ears pinned back? That would be the first bit of cosmetic surgery I would get if I was her. Breast implants would really help too.
And she sells these porn videos for like $100 each. For a hundred bucks, you get a twelve minute video of her allegedly having sex with her husband. Who cares? Who would pay that? Where is she getting these prices? NOBODY is paying for this. You’re going to pay to see a 35 year old woman with not tits and jug ears having sex within the confines of marriage?
I’m not saying that it’s the worst channel out there. I think that Retro Ali takes that distinction. But it’s awful.
Her main Twitter (or “X”) is almost entirely pictures of cats and stuffed animals.
Her “cosplay” Twitter (or “X”) is what you’d expect. Well…I don’t know. More anuses than I expected. You guys like anuses, right? And there’s a heavily pixelated video of her masturbating with a dildo and even the heavily pixelated video made me nauseous. I don’t want to fucking see the clear version. It’s gross. Come on.
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My School Basketball Career
Nobody’s posting. So let’s do a deep dive into my basketball career.
I think that the team started in the 5th grade. Possibly the 4th. So for reasons that escape me, I joined the team. It just seemed like the thing to do, I guess. Although, there were definitely people who didn’t join. And I also didn’t join any baseball team for Little League, which is something that probably everybody except me and two other boys didn’t do.
Anyway, I joined the basketball team. I don’t know how other families really operated. Some fathers are more engaged than others, of course. But my father did NOTHING. So I didn’t know how to do any athletic stuff at all. Even if he had any interest in parenting, I doubt that he had any athletic aptitude anyway.
So I joined the team and I was terrible. Far and away the worst. Like retard levels of bad. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t dribble. I couldn’t shoot. I couldn’t rebound. I couldn’t pass. I couldn’t receive a pass. And I was there playing with other kids who all knew how to play. They played in their spare time and shit. Probably had been doing it for years.
I never even had the strength to get the ball to the backboard during free throws. Even up until the 8th grade. I think that I played until the 8th grade. I was still too weak to get the ball to even hit the backboard, never mind go in the basket. So when we’d practice free throws, the assholes on the team would always say “air ball”. Some kid asked me, “Do you even know what that means?” No. I didn’t. I have no fucking interest in any of this. Why was I on the team? Why did nobody say, “Hey, this is a terrible idea. You’re bad at this and you don’t like it”? My fucking shit parents should have said this.
I never watched basketball. I didn’t know any of the professional players. I didn’t know the teams. Total disinterest in all of that.
So I’d play in the games. The games were played in some shitty YMCA type thing. We’d play against other schools.
The coach was required to play every kid on the team for at least…whatever it was…five minutes or whatever. Maybe there wasn’t a minimum time. So when I’d be out there, I wouldn’t do shit. It was basically four against five when I was playing. There was nothing I could have done. I was petrified of actually getting the ball because I couldn’t fucking move if I got it. I couldn’t dribble so I had to immediately pass it. And I was so weak that the person had to be fairly close to me to be able to pass it to them.
So I’d run up and down the court for a while, hoping that ball doesn’t come my way.
My school’s team was pretty good. Relative to the other schools. I think that we won the district-wide circuit that we did every year. But I was awful. I was a complete liability to the team.
What strikes me as peculiar is that nobody ever hassled me. Nobody ever told me to get off the team. There was no hazing. There was no, “You suck penis.” They were pretty supportive, actually.
The worst team, oddly, was from an all-black school. They were horrible. Far and away the worst. Presumably, it was a poor area, poor school, poor families, whatever but…these kids didn’t play basketball, I guess.
And now that I think of it, there was a better team than ours. We won the private school league but this other team was in the all-school league. It was some big, rich school, in a rich area. They were much better.
It makes a huge difference to have the infrastructure, the facilities, better coaches, switched on parents, whatever.
I remember the coach of this school actually apologising to the parents of the kids from this school for having to come to this shitty YMCA for the game.
In the 8th grade, we were allowed to enter two teams in these basketball leagues. Only our school was allowed to do it. Some kind of bullshit. Doesn’t seem fair to me.
So there’s big anticipation about who’s going to be on what team. And as the coaches are reading the names, it becomes clear that all of the good players will be on one team and all of the shit players on the other. The people who were on the good team were all high fiving each other and shit and the people on the shit team were talking about what bullshit this is.
It was obviously to give the school the best chance of winning. You stack one team with all of the best players and the other team…fuck them. Who cares?
But miraculously, I was picked to go to the good team. The coach told me that he was impressed by my quickness, which is bullshit. It was just some sort of social experiment. “If we put this terrible player on a team full of good players, will he get any better?” Answer: no.
I told my mother that they placed all of the good players on one team. She said, “So why are you on the team?” Talk about parenting. It’s true, of course, but if I’m so fucking lousy, which I was, why not direct my efforts to something more suitable for me?
Our first game was against this other team from our school. And my team was hyping it up. We’re going to destroy these people. What a gross mis-match this is.
I don’t know how it happened but the shit team won. Our team was over-confident or…I don’t know. But massive celebrations from that team after the game.
That turned out to be a fluke. We completely destroyed them in the follow up game. And we were running through everybody, except for this rich school. We had a game against them where they were doing full court press, which wasn’t allowed in these grade school games. And we didn’t know about it, we didn’t know how to do that, so it was more corrupt nonsense.
As the season is winding down, the coach gets the idea that he wants me to get some points. Because I never a single point in the, whatever, three or four years that I’d been playing. I never even shot the ball. I did nothing. I couldn’t do anything.
But we’re playing this shitty team full of black kids. And the coach tells everybody to give the ball to me for every play. So my team mates are just circles around these guys and then passing the ball to me. The first time was a guy throwing the ball from halfway across the court. It was thrown with such force, and I was so weak, that it knocked me over when I tried to catch it. So that wasn’t going to work.
So I got some more ginger passes, from up close, I aimed, and I shot. Because I couldn’t dribble. I just had to shoot instantly. And I got it in the basket. It happened three times. I hit every shot.
The coach cheered, everyone in the audience cheered, my teammates cheered, the opposing team cheered. I didn’t particularly give a shit.
That was the end of my basketball career. I didn’t join any sports in high school. Or clubs. Or anything.
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Unveiling ZapCristal’s Newest Album: Our Love Journey
Heavily-pregnant ZapCristal is livestreaming her new album. Her new album that she had ZERO interest in making before she met (and married) this random black man who’s desperately trying to make money as a musician.
0:30 – “We’re going to do a little interview session. We’re going to axe a few questions.”
That was from Mr Wright Way II. You know what I’d do if I was a black man and I couldn’t pronounce “ask”? I’d say “inquire” a lot more. People would respect you. “That black man sure says ‘inquire’ a lot. I like it. It sounds sophisticated.”
It might sound a little camp and put on but what’s the alternative? As soon as you say, “Axe”, people think, “What a fucking retard this guy is.”
So what’s the first question going to be? Challenges that she faced in her niche?
0:45 – Wait a minute. What? Is she drinking wine? While heavily pregnant?
MAYBE there are doctors out there who say that a glass of wine a day is okay for developing fetuses. But when you’re dealing with a couple of total morons like Zap Cristal and Mr Wright Way II, this baby needs all the help it can get in terms of its developing brain. Don’t risk it by drinking alcohol. Every IQ point matters with this baby.
Then Mr Wright Way II reveals that Zap Cristal released an album before when she was 17 or 18. There’s a “sexy” picture of the album cover. It appears to be Spanish language. Loque Somos en El. I believe that this translates to “Crazy Somas in Him”. Makes sense.
Is this available on my favourite streaming platforms?
https://soundcloud.com/cristal-laboy-soler
Maybe? The first eight tracks seem to be interviews. In Spanish. Some songs mixed in. But if you scroll all the way down, you get into the good stuff. There’s one called Tu Eres Fiel. That translates to “You Are…I don’t know…let’s just say ‘gay’”.
So it’s got that Latin American beat. Maracas and everything.
Boy, this just keeps going, doesn’t it? I’m going to have to stop it at the 1:45 mark. That Macarana guy has nothing to worry about.
1:00 – Footage of a young Zap “Too Hot To be an Influencer” Cristal at some Puerto Rican radio station.
1:15 – “After becoming a part of the Master Sword 2.0 family.”
Eugh. Gross. He has to promote his non-existent record label.
1:30 – “My first question is, what made you want to come back?
Boy. These people really know how to come up with interesting questions.
1:45 – Vintage footage of Zap Cristal’s father on some Puerto Rican tv show playing the ukulele. I’m not even joking.
Maybe it’s just a small guitar. I don’t know. Is this a ukelele or a small guitar?
Zap Cristal says that you can never run away from your origins and for her, it’s music. Uh huh. So…how do you square that with the fact that NOBODY is going to buy this fucking “album” of yours?
2:45 – “Our Love Journey. Why that title?”
Great questions, Mr Wright Way II.
This is a sequel to her previous “album”, also on the Master Sword 2.0 “label”. Both albums are about her love for Mr Wright Way II, a man who she married even though she barely knew the man.
Is this what people want? It’s not exactly a universal theme, is it? I don’t love Mr Wright Way II. What the fuck am I going to get out of the album?
I’ll go further than that. I don’t love ANY black man who I barely know. So how can I possibly identify with the songs?
4:00 – “It’s like going to an amusement park and you have all these rides and all of these rides offer different experiences, different thrills.”
She’s talking about black men, right? She’s comparing the cornucopia of random black men with the thrills you can experience at an amusement park..
4:30 – Disturbing footage of Mr Wright Way II grinding on a very overweight Zap Cristal.
5:00 – Running Away. This is the first track that we get treated to. But Mr Wright Way II immediately tells her to give her thoughts on the song. Before we even heard two notes.
This is brutal. She’s talking out of her giant ass about feelings and whatnot.
I think that she’s referencing the “trauma” that she “suffered” at the hands of the original Mr Wright Way. I am so fucking sick of these veiled, libelous comments against Mr Wright Way. Fuck off with this bullshit. You’re a nut. That was the problem with that relationship. That’s the problem with all of your relationships. Stop insinuating that he was smacking you around.
And they’re showing black and white footage from this “music video” where it’s a very overweight Zap Cristal running in a park, seemingly petrified. Well, at least she’s getting some much needed exercise.
7:00 – Mr Wright Way II talks about the “beat sessions” that he has. Zap Cristal wants us to believe that the original Mr Wright Way was also all about those “beat sessions.”
You know, domestic violence is a serious thing. I’m not here to make light of it. But Zap Cristal is completely full of shit. I don’t believe that Mr Wright Way did anything to this fucking lunatic.
And let’s say that he did. Let’s assume that Mr Wright Way was a complete monster. Why would she then go back to another black man? If we believe Zap Cristal, Mr Wright Way is at least the second black man who abused her. You can’t draw any conclusions from this? Stop marrying random black men. They seem to be prone to beating on you. YOU’RE picking these men.
8:45 – Footage of a VERY overweight Zap Cristal in bed. Maybe she’s pregnant in these videos. But why take music video footage when you’re heavily pregnant? Come on. This can’t wait? Nobody’s going to buy this shit anyway.
9:00 – Oh, and now we get the “waa waa waa…waa waa waa” song. I think that that’s my favourite Mr Wright Way II “beat”.
9:15 – There’s footage of Mr Wright Way II sitting on a bridge and the words, “And you got me addicted girl I’m acting like a feind (sic)” appear. Good spell checking, Mr Wright Way II.
“I’m whole. I’m a new person. You might not like this new person.”
NOBODY likes this new person, Zap Cristal. It’s reflected in the view numbers.
She also seems to have abandoned her absolutely dire podcast. Her last episode was over a month ago and before that, it was two months between uploads.
9:30 – Zap Cristal with TWO black men. Is one of these guys the future Mr Wright Way III?
This second black guy came down to help with the production of the album during a NERD CONVENTION.
Mr Wright Way II says, “You can have this beat but I have to get off.”
What the fuck? Is that really what he said? We don’t need to know this. Just take a ten minute break and go masturbate.
9:45 – “We both pretty much had the same story of coming from hurtful situations.”
So was Mr Wright Way being beat by a black man too? I’ve never laughed at domestic violence so much in my life. But what the fuck is this? This is bullshit.
10:30 – Then we hear some of…some song. And it’s awful. Absolutely dreadful.
“Trying to drag me in your lore” is one of the verses. What does that even mean? They just used that word because they wanted something to rhyme with “more”. But it’s completely shoehorned in. They might as well have used the word “whore”.
11:00 – Mr Wright Way II shills for the album again. “If you like what you’ve heard so far…” Let me stop you right there, Mr Wright Way II. NOBODY likes what they’ve heard so far. I’m the one listening to this shit.
12:00 – Water Temple Remix. This is actually one of Mr Wright Way II’s songs that’s, for some unknown reason, on Zap Cristal’s “album”. It’s there because this was all his idea. He put her up to all of this shit.
The song is about Zelda. You guys like songs about Zelda, right? It’s a love song to Zelda. The video game character. Not Zelda Fitzgerald. Zelda Fitzgerald I could see. One of history’s hottest crazy chicks.
Then they end the video by promoting Zap’s awful website that nobody will go to.
Wow. That was some real crap.
Who would win in a fight: F Scott Fitzgerald or Ernest Hemingway? Sure, Ernest Hemingway was an outdoorsman and a boxer and presented a macho attitude but I think that he was all talk. He was overcompensating. Possibly a closet homosexual.
If F Scott Fitzgerald could just stay out of range with his wirey frame and greater agility and get a few well-timed shots in, I think that he has a chance.
Gertrude Stein would outclass both of them, though.
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SHARK EXORCIST 2 AVAILABLE NOW FROM WILD EYE RELEASING – Newt Wallen
No need to shout, Newt.
This is a rare time when I’ve already watched the video before reviewing it. Well, the first 20 minutes at least. There are so many “hidden gems” in here that I have to go back and watch this again for review purposes.
Newt says that he became BFF’s with Donald Farmer after Donald Farmer wanted to show some piece of shit movie at the theatre that Newt was working in at the time.
1:30 – “The only people who showed up were my former Screenwave friends. Former friends. 8 Bit Eric was there as well, who I’m still friends with.”
Yeah. The guy who you show your penis to, along with Joe from Game Sack.
2:00 – From that experience, where only a few people showed up for this movie, Donald Farmer was apparently so impressed that he offered Newt a job directing his movies. “It was the Redhead, it was the Italian Guy, and it was the Heavyset Guy.”
The reason why Newt uses these stupid names for these people is because they told him to stop fucking talking about them. It’s been YEARS at this point. But Newt continues to talk about them. He doesn’t seem to understand that it’s not their NAMES that’s the problem, it’s talking about them AT ALL. Newt thinks that he gets a free pass if he just talks about the Heavyset Guy instead of Justin Silverman even though we all know it’s Justin Silverman.
So anyway, they shot some scene in the parking lot of Screenwave.
3:15 – Newt digresses by talking about how he grew up watching Donald Farmer films. Uh huh. And he found this inspiring. Newt wanted to grow up and make shitty movies that nobody watches too.
4:00 – Newt starts talking about all the sexy ladies (prostitues) who he befriended (became the johns of) through the course of his “movie” work with Donald Farmer.
5:30 – Newt is talking about this scene that he shot with the Redhead aka Horseface aka Crystal Quin. Or maybe he was just going to shoot. I can’t tell what’s going on. “It would be a lot of this cool underwater, like between her legs, and like going toward her butt underwater, and stuff going over the top because I’m coming in.”
Uh huh. Sounds like a real cinematic masterpiece. And you’re saying that this woman DOESN’T want to talk to you any more? Even after this amazing butt-centric movie that you were filming or planning to film?
6:00 – “It would end with her popping up as a skeleton and still wearing the bikini top and stuff like that.”
Sounds like a real piece of shit, Ideas Man. What else have you got?
7:30 – He’s talking about some other scene, from the same movie, the same movie that never got made, that he was going to shoot involving the Redhead. Even though it’s a different character. Same actress, different character, same movie. The Redhead is just every character. The Redhead is his muse, after all.
7:45 – “So obviously all that stuff happens. I lose my job, I lose my friends, and all of this kind of stuff.”
For wholesale plagiarism and saying heinous stuff to them. Go on.
So after he got fired, Donald Farmer contacted Screenwave to try to get this footage of Horseface’s ass. Screenwave declined. They also, allegedly, deleted the footage. There’s some lost media that Bobdunga could search for. The Lost Footage of Horseface’s Ass.
8:30 – After Screenwave deleted the footage (allegedly) Donald Farmer asked Newt if he wanted to direct a different scene for the movie. Even though he lost the footage of this other scene. Newt agreed and that’s when Newt hooked up with Fallon the Old Prostitute. He hadn’t spoken to her since Satan’s Slumberparty, “This movie that never happened.” That seems to be a theme with The Ideas Man.
Newt is just talking about various theatres that he worked at and was filming in and then had to stop filming because he stopped working there. So while he’s droning on, I can give an update of my own job search. I got a request to come in for a job interview. The town is like an hour from my home. I knew that going in but I like the town and I thought I can relocate if the job is going well.
Then I looked into it more. The place is way out in the sticks. I’d have to take three fucking trains and a bus to get there. Five days a week. Each way. The job was also only for 12 months and then it might not get renewed. So I said fuck this. I’m not doing that. So I declined the interview.
9:45 – Newt is talking about a scene from some other movie that never got released, possibly the scene was never even filmed, involving sexy prostitutes in their underwear having a pillow fight in the popular “Jell-o” style of cinematography. Who doesn’t like Jell-o?
“There’s a lot of hit to the chest, hit to the butt, and all of that kind of stuff.”
You’re a true visionary, Ideas Man. Who could have possibly come up with that? Hitting them in the breasts, you say? Hmm. Interesting. If you’re running low on ideas, can I suggest the pussy?
10:15 – “She was huge, helpful to me because she also dealt with the internet coming for her because of some dumb shit that people did.”
Oh? Did she plagiarise 20 episodes of Monster Madness too? Is that the kind of “dumb shit” that you’re talking about? Dumb shit that YOU did, Mr No Fucking Ideas Man?
What a fucking piece of shit. He takes no responsibility for ANYTHING. Why did I get fired? Why does nobody talk to me any more? Why are all of my friends prostitutes?
Because you’re an asshole, Newt. YOU’RE the problem. Don’t you get it?
10:30 – Newt is thrilled that Tim Ritter was supposed to edit this movie that never got released. THE Tim Ritter. Distant cousin of…god, who’s that guy who played Jack Tripper? John Ritter. That’s it. So who’s Tim Ritter?
Well, he’s not noteworthy enough for Wikipedia.
https://www.timritter.com/bio.html
There’s his information from his own website that appears to originally have been designed in GeoCities. It screams delusion. A guy making shitty “movies”, that nobody watches, that probably don’t even get released, in his mother’s basement. “He was still in high school when he scripted, directed, and produced his first feature film.” Uh huh. Real James Rolfe levels of delusion.
Newt was excited that THIS guy was editing his movie that never got released. This total nobody. This delusional loser.
Why don’t these people aspire to do something good? James Rolfe, Newt, Tony, Justin Silverman, whatever, these delusional losers all seem to find each other. “I want to make a piece of shit!” And then they don’t even fucking make it. They can’t even make a piece of shit.
I had a couple of people contact me to appear in different movies. They wanted me to rent some equipment to them and then they asked if I wanted to be in the movie. Fuck no. I’m not getting involved in this bullshit. And these were professional productions for Netflix and BBC or something. I rented the equipment, though. That was an easy £200.
How desperate does somebody have to be to agree to appear in a NEWT WALLEN production? NOTHING he does ever gets released. And it’s all shit anyway.
12:00 – Newt is talking about “making his art”. Eugh.
“It’s going to live beyond me.”
Yeah. Like nuclear waste. This is shit, Newt. Everything you do is shit. Stop this nonsense. You have no talent whatsoever for any of this. Pretending that you’re making bad movies on purpose isn’t fooling anyone. You CAN’T make a good movie. You can’t even make a bad movie. You can’t make ANY movie. Nothing ever gets released.
12:45 – “Getting involved with Shark Exorcist 2, there were people who I used to associate with who were like, ‘Aren’t you embarrassed? Why wouldn’t you want to make good stuff?’”
Exactly. Newt has told this story before. Ryan Schott told Newt that all of his ideas are shit and that she shouldn’t bother with them. Ryan was 100% right.
“It is good stuff. Eye of the beholder.”
Who is the person saying that Swamp Zombies 2 is anything other than pure, unadulterated dog shit? You’re delusional, Newt. This is all trash. Everything you do is garbage.
13:45 – It just dawned on me. Newt has all of these framed posters in his living room. Every inch of every wall. Is he just not going to get his rental deposit back or what? Maybe he’s using those 3M wall strips.
But that’s got to be…each poster probably requires $5 worth of those strips. And I think they’re just velcro, so how well are they staying on the wall? But $5 times…well, I’m seeing 10 posters just from this shot. That’s $50. He must be spending hundreds of dollars just on these shitty wall strips. This guy who talks about not having money to pay for healthcare is spending hundreds of dollars on adhesive.
14:15 – “It sucks that nobody is going to see the original opening because I was really proud of that one.”
He’s talking about the scene involving Horseface’s ass.
17:15 – Newt is talking about how XXX-Mas was a very Jell-o-esque movies. Yeah. That thing. That thing with that crackhead and that old whore. Well, two old whores. It really reminds me of Jell-o.
I used to eat Jell-o with a straw as a kid. Anyone try that? It was a real culinary experience.
20:30 – Newt is talking about how he writes all of his characters to sound like him (i.e. shitty, unfunny puns). He goes on to say, “You know, Newt, if you wrote it more to sound like James and less to sound like you, you still would have a job at Cinemassacre.”
But he didn’t write those scripts to sound like him. He just copied wholesale from existing reviews. So that makes no fucking sense.
Okay, I’m calling a halt at 25:00. He’s going nowhere. Not just in this video but in life.
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PVC Bondage Guy is Cosplaying as Bastion Booger
Newt says that he’s been working his three jobs.
I recently had somebody call about a part-time job that I applied for. They seemed to suggest that it might be possible for me to do this job in conjunction with my current job. I only work like 15 hours a week so if I do this part-time job, it would perhaps equal one full-time job. So…I don’t know. It would be more money, I guess. But it’s been many years since I’ve worked full time. And I always quit after three months. It’s too much.
1:15 – Newt mentions that PVC Bondage Guy will be here later for at least the fifth time. Five times in 75 seconds. He’s convinced that unless there’s a prostitute sitting next to him, nobody’s going to watch.
And I skimmed ahead just to see if she does appear. The outfit in the little thumbnail seemed…shockingly bad. Let me check this out.
1:47:45 – Just look at this. Recently, I commented that PVC Bondage Guy is going for the physique of Mike Shaw. She seems to really have taken this to heart because now she’s wearing The Bastion Booger’s ring gear, complete with giant fucking gut sticking out. It’s unbelievable. Does she possibly think that this looks attractive?
I have to do a side by side.
I did not edit this picture. She’s clearly wearing Bastion Booger-inspired ring gear and showing off her large gut. This is not attractive. She must know this. If she’s doing it just as a joke, I guess that it’s pretty funny but I’m not sure if she is doing it as a joke.
Let me look at the comments. Can the horntards POSSIBLY find this attractive?
1:49:30 – PVC Bondage Guy said that she got this outfit while watching Bash at the Beach 96. No. Mike Shaw wasn’t in WCW at that time. And he was never in WCW as Bastion Booger.
Did Bastion Booger ever make a Pay Per View appearance? I was really into the character but he was only around for a short while.
His only Pay Per View was 1993’s Survivor Series where he teamed up with Bam Bam Bigelow and The Headshrinkers versus Men on a Mission and the Bushwackers in a losing effort.
Well, what other big men’s ring gear could PVC Bondage Guy emulate? We want something that covers everything, obviously. Bam Bam Bigelow, I guess. The fat guy from Men on a Mission. He had those purple parachute pants. He was also Viscera. She could do something with that. The goth look.
Who else do we have? Earthquake. Tugboat. Andre the Giant. They all pretty much wore normal shit. And singlets. That’s the key when you’re a fat wrestler. Even as a guy. You need to cover up. Nobody wants to see that shit. Bastion Booger’s outfit was revealing to show how unappealing he looked.
What about Giant Gonzalez? He wasn’t particularly fat but I’m suggesting that PVC Bondage Guy can get an outfit with a sexy lady’s body on it. A picture would help.
So there’s his outfit. It was a full body suit with a muscular guy’s body on it. Like those t-shirts that have a suit on them.
Giant Gonzalez didn’t have a great physique so he wore this body suit. It fooled nobody and was one of the most puzzling ring attires of all time. I’m saying that PVC Bondage Guy can do the same thing. She’s a fat chick but she could wear something with a hot chick’s body on it. Hairy ass and pussy or not, you’re choice.
Do they sell something like this? Let me look this up. I don’t even know what search terms to use.
Well, I’m seeing female muscle suits but it’s just like actual muscles, like a creepy Halloween outfit. I’m looking for something where it’s like a sexy lady in a bikini. I don’t know. She might have to get this custom made.
By the way, the horntards are complimenting this HORRIBLE outfit.
1:52:45 – Newt shows some gift that a horntard gave him. A Rocky belt. It might have been $20.
Newt says that he’s going to take nude photos in it for OnlyFans. Well, Joe from Game Sack will look forward to that.
This horntard also gave PVC Bondage Guy a signed Al Snow figure and a WWF belt.
1:57:00 – Newt tells a story about a “rich white kid” who came to his comic book store and threw a fit over a “Stone Cold belt” (Smoking Skull belt). Newt is all about dissing the white folk.
When are we going to get a black prostitute co-host for any of this shit? Newt is all talk, no action.
I can’t watch this any more. I’m skipping ahead.
PVC Bondage Guy is eating from Domino’s again.
2:46:15 – “I broke the woman I’m working with today. She’s Trinidadian. She’s in her mid-50s. She’s an older lady. I think her accent’s hillarious. I’m the only white guy who works there. The other kid they’re training is like 20 something. He’s this white kid who came in. They were role playing how to set up things. So they were all sitting behind me. Then the new kid comes in, he’s a white kid (edit: YOU ALREADY SAID THIS, ASSHOLE) and he’s like, “Oh (something)”. And I’m like, “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t rent to white.”
Uh huh. Get it? No, I don’t think that anybody does.
God, imagine working with this asshole. He thinks he’s down with the black folk. He’s down with nothing. He talks about how hilarious that woman’s accent is. What a fucking penis. And then he makes this entirely pointless half-joke about white people.
Newt…you’re a fucking piece of shit and you couldn’t be funny to save your life.
I have never laughed at anything that Newt said. Not once. But he thinks that he’s some kind of fucking comedian. These lame fucking tits and gore puns that nobody on earth finds funny.
And if he’s so down with the homeys, where the fuck are they?
I’m not down with the homeys. I’m not down with any of that shit. Nevertheless, virtually all of my girlfriends have been black or Asian. When I was in the US, they were Mexican.
Women don’t want some fucking weirdo pretending to be black or Asian or Mexican. They want a guy who’s confident in himself, unashamed, knows what he likes, knows what he doesn’t like. And if one of the things that you don’t like is, for example, black folk, they’re into that. It’s not a dealbreaker by any means. If you’re willing to go out with them, they don’t give a fuck if you’re a Nazi. If anything, it’s a turn on.
I’d go out with these Chinese women and they were always brainwashed. They always had to tell you how great China is, everything is fabulous in China, it’s the world’s greatest country. I’d tell them straight up that I don’t give a fuck about China. I’m not living there. You’re not living there. Fuck China. Let’s talk about something interesting.
They couldn’t get enough of that. So refreshing to find a guy who isn’t kowtowing to China in a desperate attempt to get some terrible pussy.
If a black woman wants to go out with a black man, she’ll date a black man. She’s not going to date a white man who pretends to be black. That’s fucking weirdo shit.
You see it a lot with guys who are really into Asian shit. The guys who tend to date Asian women are really into anime and hentai and they want to find a stereotypical submissive Asian woman and their Tinder profile has them wearing a kimono and shit. Asian women hate that shit. They don’t want to be fetishised by some fucking weirdo who doesn’t realize that he’s white.
So you tell them straight up, fuck the entire Asian continent. They can’t get enough of it. Instant panty dropper.
Muslims. I can’t stand them. They love it.
I’m not saying be a dick to people. I treat everybody with respect and dignity. But I have likes and dislikes. I have opinions. My views might be different than yours and that’s alright. Doesn’t mean we can’t go out. Women are all about that. They don’t want some weird pussy who’s pretending to be something that he’s not.