No need to shout, Newt.

This is a rare time when I’ve already watched the video before reviewing it. Well, the first 20 minutes at least. There are so many “hidden gems” in here that I have to go back and watch this again for review purposes.

Newt says that he became BFF’s with Donald Farmer after Donald Farmer wanted to show some piece of shit movie at the theatre that Newt was working in at the time.

1:30 – “The only people who showed up were my former Screenwave friends. Former friends. 8 Bit Eric was there as well, who I’m still friends with.”

Yeah. The guy who you show your penis to, along with Joe from Game Sack.

2:00 – From that experience, where only a few people showed up for this movie, Donald Farmer was apparently so impressed that he offered Newt a job directing his movies. “It was the Redhead, it was the Italian Guy, and it was the Heavyset Guy.”

The reason why Newt uses these stupid names for these people is because they told him to stop fucking talking about them. It’s been YEARS at this point. But Newt continues to talk about them. He doesn’t seem to understand that it’s not their NAMES that’s the problem, it’s talking about them AT ALL. Newt thinks that he gets a free pass if he just talks about the Heavyset Guy instead of Justin Silverman even though we all know it’s Justin Silverman.

So anyway, they shot some scene in the parking lot of Screenwave.

3:15 – Newt digresses by talking about how he grew up watching Donald Farmer films. Uh huh. And he found this inspiring. Newt wanted to grow up and make shitty movies that nobody watches too.

4:00 – Newt starts talking about all the sexy ladies (prostitues) who he befriended (became the johns of) through the course of his “movie” work with Donald Farmer.

5:30 – Newt is talking about this scene that he shot with the Redhead aka Horseface aka Crystal Quin. Or maybe he was just going to shoot. I can’t tell what’s going on. “It would be a lot of this cool underwater, like between her legs, and like going toward her butt underwater, and stuff going over the top because I’m coming in.”

Uh huh. Sounds like a real cinematic masterpiece. And you’re saying that this woman DOESN’T want to talk to you any more? Even after this amazing butt-centric movie that you were filming or planning to film?

6:00 – “It would end with her popping up as a skeleton and still wearing the bikini top and stuff like that.”

Sounds like a real piece of shit, Ideas Man. What else have you got?

7:30 – He’s talking about some other scene, from the same movie, the same movie that never got made, that he was going to shoot involving the Redhead. Even though it’s a different character. Same actress, different character, same movie. The Redhead is just every character. The Redhead is his muse, after all.

7:45 – “So obviously all that stuff happens. I lose my job, I lose my friends, and all of this kind of stuff.”

For wholesale plagiarism and saying heinous stuff to them. Go on.

So after he got fired, Donald Farmer contacted Screenwave to try to get this footage of Horseface’s ass. Screenwave declined. They also, allegedly, deleted the footage. There’s some lost media that Bobdunga could search for. The Lost Footage of Horseface’s Ass.

8:30 – After Screenwave deleted the footage (allegedly) Donald Farmer asked Newt if he wanted to direct a different scene for the movie. Even though he lost the footage of this other scene. Newt agreed and that’s when Newt hooked up with Fallon the Old Prostitute. He hadn’t spoken to her since Satan’s Slumberparty, “This movie that never happened.” That seems to be a theme with The Ideas Man.

Newt is just talking about various theatres that he worked at and was filming in and then had to stop filming because he stopped working there. So while he’s droning on, I can give an update of my own job search. I got a request to come in for a job interview. The town is like an hour from my home. I knew that going in but I like the town and I thought I can relocate if the job is going well.

Then I looked into it more. The place is way out in the sticks. I’d have to take three fucking trains and a bus to get there. Five days a week. Each way. The job was also only for 12 months and then it might not get renewed. So I said fuck this. I’m not doing that. So I declined the interview.

9:45 – Newt is talking about a scene from some other movie that never got released, possibly the scene was never even filmed, involving sexy prostitutes in their underwear having a pillow fight in the popular “Jell-o” style of cinematography. Who doesn’t like Jell-o?

“There’s a lot of hit to the chest, hit to the butt, and all of that kind of stuff.”

You’re a true visionary, Ideas Man. Who could have possibly come up with that? Hitting them in the breasts, you say? Hmm. Interesting. If you’re running low on ideas, can I suggest the pussy?

10:15 – “She was huge, helpful to me because she also dealt with the internet coming for her because of some dumb shit that people did.”

Oh? Did she plagiarise 20 episodes of Monster Madness too? Is that the kind of “dumb shit” that you’re talking about? Dumb shit that YOU did, Mr No Fucking Ideas Man?

What a fucking piece of shit. He takes no responsibility for ANYTHING. Why did I get fired? Why does nobody talk to me any more? Why are all of my friends prostitutes?

Because you’re an asshole, Newt. YOU’RE the problem. Don’t you get it?

10:30 – Newt is thrilled that Tim Ritter was supposed to edit this movie that never got released. THE Tim Ritter. Distant cousin of…god, who’s that guy who played Jack Tripper? John Ritter. That’s it. So who’s Tim Ritter?

Well, he’s not noteworthy enough for Wikipedia.

There’s his information from his own website that appears to originally have been designed in GeoCities. It screams delusion. A guy making shitty “movies”, that nobody watches, that probably don’t even get released, in his mother’s basement. “He was still in high school when he scripted, directed, and produced his first feature film.” Uh huh. Real James Rolfe levels of delusion.

Newt was excited that THIS guy was editing his movie that never got released. This total nobody. This delusional loser.

Why don’t these people aspire to do something good? James Rolfe, Newt, Tony, Justin Silverman, whatever, these delusional losers all seem to find each other. “I want to make a piece of shit!” And then they don’t even fucking make it. They can’t even make a piece of shit.

I had a couple of people contact me to appear in different movies. They wanted me to rent some equipment to them and then they asked if I wanted to be in the movie. Fuck no. I’m not getting involved in this bullshit. And these were professional productions for Netflix and BBC or something. I rented the equipment, though. That was an easy £200.

How desperate does somebody have to be to agree to appear in a NEWT WALLEN production? NOTHING he does ever gets released. And it’s all shit anyway.

12:00 – Newt is talking about “making his art”. Eugh.

“It’s going to live beyond me.”

Yeah. Like nuclear waste. This is shit, Newt. Everything you do is shit. Stop this nonsense. You have no talent whatsoever for any of this. Pretending that you’re making bad movies on purpose isn’t fooling anyone. You CAN’T make a good movie. You can’t even make a bad movie. You can’t make ANY movie. Nothing ever gets released.

12:45 – “Getting involved with Shark Exorcist 2, there were people who I used to associate with who were like, ‘Aren’t you embarrassed? Why wouldn’t you want to make good stuff?'”

Exactly. Newt has told this story before. Ryan Schott told Newt that all of his ideas are shit and that she shouldn’t bother with them. Ryan was 100% right.

“It is good stuff. Eye of the beholder.”

Who is the person saying that Swamp Zombies 2 is anything other than pure, unadulterated dog shit? You’re delusional, Newt. This is all trash. Everything you do is garbage.

13:45 – It just dawned on me. Newt has all of these framed posters in his living room. Every inch of every wall. Is he just not going to get his rental deposit back or what? Maybe he’s using those 3M wall strips.

But that’s got to be…each poster probably requires $5 worth of those strips. And I think they’re just velcro, so how well are they staying on the wall? But $5 times…well, I’m seeing 10 posters just from this shot. That’s $50. He must be spending hundreds of dollars just on these shitty wall strips. This guy who talks about not having money to pay for healthcare is spending hundreds of dollars on adhesive.

14:15 – “It sucks that nobody is going to see the original opening because I was really proud of that one.”

He’s talking about the scene involving Horseface’s ass.

17:15 – Newt is talking about how XXX-Mas was a very Jell-o-esque movies. Yeah. That thing. That thing with that crackhead and that old whore. Well, two old whores. It really reminds me of Jell-o.

I used to eat Jell-o with a straw as a kid. Anyone try that? It was a real culinary experience.

20:30 – Newt is talking about how he writes all of his characters to sound like him (i.e. shitty, unfunny puns). He goes on to say, “You know, Newt, if you wrote it more to sound like James and less to sound like you, you still would have a job at Cinemassacre.”

But he didn’t write those scripts to sound like him. He just copied wholesale from existing reviews. So that makes no fucking sense.

Okay, I’m calling a halt at 25:00. He’s going nowhere. Not just in this video but in life.


  1. Jesus. Redlettermedia and their subreddit would have a field day with this topic. Donald Farmer (who they labeled as a creepy sex pervert after watching Shark Exorcist 1) and Tim Ritter are already infamous for years because of them, as is Swamp Zombies and Len Kabasinksi’s shit “films”. They also know about the plagiarism because they mocked it years ago in one video where they blatantly reference it. I guarantee Newt knows this too. So this is the kind of video they would collectively cringe over based on their experiences with these peoples’ work. They are *very* aware of this fucked up world Newt lives in and has people he idolizes from. So do a lot of people thanks to that exposure. It doesn’t surprise at ALL that Newt claims he is BFF’s with Donald Farmer. That tracks big time.

    1. Newt mentions in this very video that Red Letter Media talked about Donald Farmer and Shark Exorcist. He mentions it regularly. He says that because of Red Letter Media and their “negative” attention, it garnered greater awareness of Donald Farmer and increased sales of his shitty movies.

      1. Yes and in his bottom of the barrel, fucked up, twisted world, being infamous for being a sex pervert and your films selling a bit more than they should because everyone likes to watch a train wreck, doesn’t translate at all to him and Farmer being garbage creators. It doesn’t register at all to him and he has deluded himself yet again into wording things like that.

  2. It’s a shame that he was busted on monster madness day 1 because had they did all 31 days, a lot of shit would have come out. A lot more damage done. Too bad.

    1. Could you imagine? Jesus….remember the brouhaha that ensued after just ONE was found to be plagiarized?…well there was the “Bad taste review” but they seemed to have successfully swept that one under the rug fairly well. But yeah…lol all 31 episodes come out, with James taking credit for everything then maybe a month later, the tsunami hits and NEVER stops….I honestly think that would have been the end of James if that happened. It would have been absolutely epic. I never thought of that.

      1. Considering Newt ripped off actual (I guess) journalists, there could have been lawsuits. It is theft after all, profiting over someone else work without credit or compensation. Kinda sad it didn’t happen.

  3. Separate post because very off topic. I was on TCT and at the bottom of every page on Reddit there’s recommendations and there was one that was not AVGN related. It was just for posting images when a video glitches up or something (?) but there was one of Bimmy. You could tell it was the “nerd room and couch” The post was 5+ years ago. The player fucked up but the captions were readable. Anyway the CC said “hit it straight and it goes hard” no idea what that video was. But sure as fucking god damn shit there was one comment thread on there user name [Deleted] talking to himself with the first comment “it’s like Mike’s penis. I love it” fucking faggotron garbage stabber!! 5 years ago!!!!!! Mother fuck!

    1. There’s no guarantee that that was even GarbageStabber. I don’t think that he was posting five years ago. Love of Mike’s penis is pretty widespread on that sub and always has been. It was the basis for founding the sub in the first place.

  4. “So obviously all that stuff happens. I lose my job, I lose my friends, and all of this kind of stuff”
    All well deserved. Stop fishing for sympathy Newt, you brought this on yourself. You’re lucky you didn’t get sued.

  5. newt has officially replaced erinplays as the blog’s mascot. I welcome the change, though I will miss erinplays posts, especially the commentary on the horntards’ replies in the videos.

  6. Newt’s faux 80’s boner comedy trailer is out on a blu-ray of an actual 80s b-movie boner comedy called Joysticks. I found that oddly amusing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *