Gamer Girls

If you want the uncensored version, you have to subscribe to his Patreon. You know…for people who really want to see uncensored Nintendo games from 35 years ago.

First of all, the roms are readily available. You can play the games yourself. Secondly, let’s find out just how difficult it is to find uncensored footage from this game.

I searched for “bubble bath babes nes uncensored” on Google Images. First result is exactly that on Giant Bomb.

So what am I paying Chris BORES for? He clearly wants us to jerk off to his video. It’s gay. Well, I mean, he is a gay man so I guess it’s to be expected.

0:15 – He says that it’s after midnight so he can finally play some NES porn games. What? Why does he have to wait until midnight. I know that he has at least one young step-daughter (unfortunately for her) but is she going to sleep at midnight? Why is midnight the time?

0:30 – “The Irate Gamer is turning up the heat so lube up because things are about to get super sexy up in here.”

I swear that I did not make this up. Chris BORES, a known homosexual, is inviting his viewers to lube their anuses up in preparation for some sexy Chris BORES action.

What else could “lube up” refer to? Do circumcised men actually use lube? Maybe they do. I don’t know. Let me…eugh…tentatively look this up.

https://new.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k87c1/do_guys_with_circumcised_penises_always_need_to

Answer: no? Not really? At least those guys don’t seem to.

And I don’t think that circumcision is nearly as popular now as it was, whenever, 40 years ago. So this lube reference isn’t hitting the mark for the younger 30 and under crowd. If such a crowd watches Chris BORES’ videos. Plus, international viewers.

1:45 – “It took me a few years but I was able to track down every single one of these games.”

It took me about two seconds to find a site that has the roms. You can play the game right on the site. Don’t even have to download anything. Cost me nothing.

2:15 – “As the Irate Gamer, I don’t just like to play hard, I like to review hard too.”

And he pops his collar up like he’s a cool guy from a 1980s movie. This is his idea of sexy. Having a popped up collar. And we’re supposed to be jerking off to this. To the idea of Chris BORES being “hard”. I don’t want to think about this. Come on. What the fuck was he possibly thinking with this?

I mean, even if you’re gay is Chris BORES your idea of sexy? It’s ridiculous.

2:45 – Hot Slots.

3:15 – “Any horned up guy ready to see some textiled tatas isn’t thinking clearly enough to figure out how to get past these looping screens.”

He’s talking about the intro screen. But what does “textiled tatas” mean? Did mean “pixelated”? “Textiled” makes no fucking sense.

4:45 – Fake “irate” bullshit from this…I mean…I know that he’s not a professional actor but stop this phony fucking bullshit. It looks awful and you’re just making an ass of yourself.

5:00 – He’s showing a cutscene of a woman in a dress. “You think I’d be excited by this but…”

No. I didn’t think that you’d be excited by a woman. By a “boner biting dog”? Yes. But a woman, no.

6:15 – He encounters a spelling error. “Thank you (game developer). That took me right out of the fantasy. Now I’ve gone limp.”

Does anybody want to think about Chris BORES’ limp penis? Maybe play some Shadow Dancer to get you back in the mood. That sexy dog. Probably biting Shinobi’s boner, right?

6:45 – He shows the censored screens from this game. “I’m not sure who exactly is turned on by this stuff.”

Heterosexual boys in 1990. You wouldn’t understand, Chris.

7:00 – “It makes more sense to just save all that aggravation and just pop in a stupid porno tape.”

The year was 1990. I have to imagine that it was at least as difficult for a young person to get these games as it would be to get a porn video. I don’t know where they even sold these games. Was it mail order only? Where would you get a catalogue that has these games in it?

So let’s assume that the target market was heterosexual men over 18. Obviously, a pornographic video tape would give you more pleasure in terms of erotica. But I’m thinking that these games are sort of for the novelty. Seeing nudity on your NES. And Bubble Bath Babes is a decent game. I don’t think that people were really jerking off to the games.

You look at something like Leisure Suit Larry. It was a very popular game series. My friend had a copy and played it openly in front of his family. Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining said that she had a copy of the third game, I think, that she played at her lesbian aunt’s house and it turned Pam gay. I can see those games having some erotic appeal, especially if you don’t have access to anything more explicit. But not really these NES games where there’s just a brief flash of nudity. You’d really have to time your boner and keep the dog away from it.

7:00- Peekaboo Poker. What? He’s going to review another game? In the two minutes we have remaining? It’s so shit. He’s presumably going to fit TWO games in the two minutes left. So that’s 7 minutes that he dedicated to Hot Slots or Hot Slot (I think he called it Hot Slots but it’s actually Hot Slot) and one minute each for the other two games. Great time management, Chris BORES. He just got bored and rushed the last two “reviews”.

8:00 – Chris BORES complains that you can’t bluff the computer by betting a lot and having them drop out, like in other games. He counts this as a flaw in the game. You can’t just bet loads of money and have the computer drop out. The computer will call.

He’s complaining about not being able to do some stupid exploit to beat the game quickly. You have to actually play the game of poker in order to win.

8:15 – Chris BORES can’t figure out why the character looks angry when they lose a hand and happy when they win a hand.

I did not mis-type that. Chris BORES can’t figure out why the character behaves in the way you would expect. He’s a fucking moron.

He’s basing this bizarre argument on the initial cutscene where the character is imploring you to have sex with her. And in order to have sex, you have to win the poker hands.

But that doesn’t mean that she’s going to throw the fucking game, you retard. You still have to win the hands. If she smiled when she lost and was angry when she won it would make no fucking sense. God, he’s an idiot.

Then it just abruptly ends. I assume that he edited stuff out. And he didn’t even review Bubble Bath Babes. That’s for a future shitty episode.

Comments.

• “Completely failed to copy your idols so now you larp as a ghost hunter”

Chris BORES replies, “This statement makes no sense”. “LARP” is nerd-speak for “pretend”. Once you know that, it makes perfect sense and is accurate.

• “Is Season 8 ongoing, or are we at season 9?”

Somebody replies, “Youtubers claiming to have seasons, so pretentious”

Nothing I can add to that.

• “Hopefully the wife doesn’t wake up and catch you playing these”

First of all, she would know that it’s for a shitty video. Secondly, would anybody possibly get upset over these extremely tame games from 35 years ago? Maybe an Amish wife but that’s just because of the electricity usage.

What do you suppose the Amish jerk off to? I guess that they can get magazines. Maybe they genuinely don’t have time to masturbate. They’re waking up at dawn, they’re working all day, raising barns and whatnot. Then they get home and the wife has a seven course meal that she prepared all day using no electrical devices at all. Churned her own butter and everything. And they have big families so he’s probably fucking her every night or at least on the nights when he has the energy.