Erin Plays and Mike Matei have a NES Variety Stream with a PLiNKO Twist! (Part 2)

Here’s part 1:

I left off at 9:45.

9:45 – “I’m thinking of a way to choose.  See, it’s hard.

Why didn’t she think of this BEFORE the stream?  It’s fucking ridiculous.  She puts absolutely no effort into anything.  This is why she’s at where she’s at in life.  She should go on some kind of speaking tour, like how former prisoners will do talks in high schools or whatever.  Scared Straight stuff.  “If you don’t put any effort into your life, you’re going to end up making shitty Youtube and Twitch videos for $10,000/year while getting fucked in the ass by a man you don’t love.”  Then she steals everyone’s shoes.

That last comment is probably too deep of a cut.  Let me look for a clip.  Oh, here we go.


10:30 – After yet another edit, she says, “Whoever types the number 122 first gets to choose.”

How fucking stupid is this?  Before she even finished the sentence, somebody probably typed 122.  

What about trivia?  Ask a trivia question.  Could be about video games, could be about Britney Spears, could be about your favourite colour, whatever.  The options are wide open.  And it would make things significantly more interesting.  

No.  Who can type “122” the fastest.  This is fucking moronic.

Then another edit.  There’s more stuff that’s been edited out of this video than has been left in.

11:00 – Another edit.  This is so badly edited that I don’t even know what’s happening any more.

11:30 – It’s Mach Rider.  Erin says, “I’ll play this one.  I can do this one.”

Why can’t she do all of them?  This is her fucking stream.

Erin should be playing and Mike should be entertaining the chat.  He can talk about what Star Trek characters he wants to fuck in the ass or whatever while Erin plays the games, poorly.

12:00 – “I’ve never played this before.”

It’s just endless.

“Oh you can shoot people.  Wait.  Why aren’t I going?

There are two buttons, you fucking cretin.  Press them.

It’s a motorcycle racing game where you can shoot things, by the way.  I guess.

“Am I trying to shoot oil tanks?”

This is brutal.  She has no idea what the controls are or what the objective is.

13:30 – Mike says that he doesn’t remember this game.  Erin says, “Sometimes somebody will say, ‘You played dadada for 30 minutes’ and I’m like, ‘I don’t remember that'”.

So a horntard will remind Erin that she played a particular game, for 30 minutes, on stream, for money, and Erin doesn’t remember it.  Well of course not.  Why would she?  Why would anyone?  Playing a game for 30 minutes, on stream, for money is not particularly memorable.  But Erin actually thinks that playing a game for 30 minutes is a long time.  She’s surprised that she doesn’t remember such a thing.  She’s a real gamer, guys.

14:30 – 

Erin: Isn’t this over now?  

Mike: No, you have three more minutes

.Erin is already done.  She doesn’t want to play any more.  She played for two minutes and wants to quit already.  Playing a game for five minutes is too much for her.

16:15 – “I should set a timer on my phone?  I really should.  That’s a good idea.”

That was a suggestion from the horntards.  The mentally retarded people in the chat are smarter than Erin.

16:30 – “So is it over yet?”

She can’t stand this.  Five fucking minutes.  Can’t do it.

Mike says, “That’s about enough.”

So that guy who picked the game just got fucked.  This wasn’t five minutes.  Actually, I think it was over five minutes.  But just play until Mike tells you to stop.  Why keep bitching about this?  

16:45 – “So how do you want to pick a person?”

Mike is going to say a word and the first person to type the word can play this stupid Plinko game.  It’s just idiotic.  Why is this a fucking typing test?  Or possibly a spelling test.  These people are mentally retarded.  Come on.  Figure out a random way to do this or do some kind of trivia thing.  Don’t tax these people’s brains.

The word is “fart.”  Mike Matei is over 40 years old.

Then this guy picks number 9.  Why would anybody pick a number other than 5?  Five is right in the middle of the board.  Nine is on the very edge.  I’m going to say that it’s impossible to get the 10,000 jackpot if you put the chip in 9.  The jackpot is the middle section.

Well…these people are retarded.  

18:00 – So now it’s Mike playing Donkey Kong 3 for five minutes.  I’m surprised that he got into the 5 minute slot.

18:30 – “This game stresses me out.  I get stressed with everything.”

Get a job, Erin.  This is not for you.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever played this on stream, but when I play it, I’m just going all over the place.”

Fuck off.  If you didn’t play it on stream, you didn’t play it.  Stop the blatant lies.

19:45 – “You’re shooting bug spray up his ass.”

Yeah.  We know, Erin.  That’s the game.  How did you not know this?  You said that you’ve played this before.  How is it possible that she missed this in any of her no doubt thousands of playthroughs of Donkey Kong 3?  It’s the entire point of the game.  It’s the only thing that happens in the game.  But this is all new to Erin.  How?  

Because she’s a lying bitch and she never played this before.  She’s never even seen the game before.

20:45 – “Yellow Devil is a pain in the ass in Megaman 1?  I like the Yellow Devil.  He makes me laugh.”

Brilliant commentary, Erin.  She’s never played the game.  She has no idea what this guy is talking about.  Or if she does have some vague idea of who this character is, the only thing that she can say is, effectively, that he’s “cute” because she has no fucking experience playing the game.

Then Mike is talking about the “start trick” and Erin just says “mmm”.  She has NO IDEA what he’s talking about.  

I’ve never played any Mega Man game in my life but even I know what he’s talking about.

21:30 – A horntard asks Erin what her favourite and least favourite 2d Castlevania games are.  She’s going to struggle with this, I just know it.

She gave two favourites, no least favourite, and then Mike interrupted, presumably to try to save her.

21:45 – 

Mike: I’ve got a Castlevania thing.  So you’ve played more Castlevania…games than me at this point.

Erin: Yeah!  I’m a better gamer grrl than you are.

Hey, a shout out to the blog.  

But note how Mike had to add “games” to his comment.  He was about to say that Erin played more Castlevania than him, but he knew that that wasn’t right.  Because Erin only plays on stream, for money, whereas Mike surely played these NES Castlevania games for many hours as a kid, in his spare time, off-stream, as was the style at the time.  

But just by sheer volume of games, Erin has played more Castlevania games than Mike.  Because she’ll play a game once, on stream, for money, and then…that counts for something in this stupid discussion that they’re having.

Mike says, “However, when are you going to do Haunted Castle?”

What?  Who gives a shit?  He just had to ask a question right away to save her from that “What’s your least favourite 2d Castlevania game.”  That question was too much of a brainteaser for Erin.

Erin says, “I’m not saying I’ll beat it but I’m saying that I’ll dedicate a stream to it.”

Fucking pathetic.  Moving on.

22:15 –

Mike: You need to do the second one on Nintendo 64.

Erin: Oh my god, yeah.  Because I streamed it for like two hours, the beginning of it, and it’s like, really good.  It’s not really good.  I take that —

Mike: What’s the name of that game?

Erin: Castlevania Legends?  64 Legends?  It’s so much better than just normal Castlevania 64.

Mike: I thought that it was like Legacy of Darkness.

Erin: (Reading from the chat) Legacy of Darkness!  That’s right.  Thank you.  

She’s a real Castlevania fan, boys.  Doesn’t even know the name of the game.  Moving on.

23:00 – “Castlevania for Dreamcast?  I did a video on that.”

That’s great, Erin.  Everything is for a stream or a shitty Youtube video.

23:30 – Another edit.  Donkey Kong 3 is over.  Erin is coming up with a way to select the next contestant.

You have to put the chair “emote” in.  It took her a while to come up with this brilliant idea.  She used this idea earlier in the stream.  It was the first one.

23:45 – He picks 6.

Mike: Everyone is picking 6.

Erin: They must think it’s the good one.  I don’t know.

Great commentary, Erin.  They’re probably picking it because it’s one of the few logical choices.  You want to pick something in the middle because the $10,000 jackpot is in the middle.  

Just watch The Price is Right.  Nobody is going all the way to end to drop their fucking Plinko chip.  You’d be a moron to do that.  They’re all dropping it in the middle.

Erin has never seen The Price is Right, of course.

24:15 – Then Erin starts singing Believe.  Oh.  Because somebody in the chat thought that she said “Cher” instead of “chair”.  

Then Mike starts barking like a cartoon dog for some reason.

Erin says, “That song was fucking everywhere when I was in fourth or fifth grade and I hated it.”

Really?  When was this released?  1998?  Wow, that’s way later than I thought.  

Oh.  Then Mike suggests that they should do a K-pop version and it should be Scooby-Doo singing.  So that’s what he was doing.  I guess.  I thought that he was just making an ass out of himself, but no.  He was demonstrating the K-pop version of Believe, as sung by Scooby Doo that he wants to see happen.

24:30 – Erin says, “I’ve got a treat for you guys.  If you’re ever bored, look up the Kids Bop version of Mariah Carey’s We Belong Together and they didn’t edit out this part, where, like, it’s a really long note and a girl just starts, like, coughing at the end of it.”

Erin…we don’t fucking care.  We’re here to watch somebody play RC Pro Am.  If it’s not going to be you for whatever bizarre reason, this being your stream and all, at least shut the fuck up and let Mike play.  It’s only going to be two minutes anyway.  Not even because you’re not even using a stopwatch.  

25:00 – “Oh shit, the time.  I can’t do this.”

She was too busy regaling us with her Kids Bop story to note what time Mike started playing RC Pro Am.

25:15 – “This game stresses me the fuck out.”

Eugh.  Just go away, Erin.  We’re sick of this shit.  It’s never going to be a success.  Put your music trivia skills to good use.  Find the last surviving record store in America and apply for a job.

26:45 – A horntard asks Erin what game she would speedrun.  Erin says, “Probably Yoshi’s Island.”  It’s the same three games over and over and over again.  And she’s barely even played the three games that she always mentions.

27:00 – So that was two minutes.  Sort of.  Mike just guessed because Erin wasn’t paying attention.

Mike is about to pick a word that the horntards have to type.  Erin interrupts.

Erin: I thought of a word that I would pick.

Mike: Do you want to pick a word?

Erin: Can I?

Mike: Yeah.

Erin: Casserole!

Mike looks confused as fuck.  This is a “joke” in Erin’s diseased mind.  Why?  What’s funny about this?  But she looks at Mike with a big smile like she’s expecting him to bust a gut over this.  It’s…this is not comedy.  It’s just a random word.  

I’d be interested if the winner actually spelled the word correctly.  I can’t check the original video because Erin didn’t upload it.

Then the guy lost his turn.  Then there was about the 100th edit in this video thus far.

28:30 – So Mike chooses a word that they have to type now.  It’s Epcot.  It’s just so stupid.

29:00 – Erin suggests that if they do this again, she should dress up like “one of the girls” and Mike should dress up like Bob Barker.

You mean one of Barker’s Beauties, Erin?  You’ve seen the show, right?  The models were called “Barker’s Beauties.”  It’s a little weird and sexist but times were different.  

And…yeah, Erin is no Dian Parkinson.  She’s not even Dian Parkinson today, at 77 years old.

30:30 – This new contestant picks Bubble Bath Babes but Erin says they can’t do it.  So he goes for Rivercity Ransom.  For two minutes.  Give or take.  Erin is playing.

30:45 – “So I’m horrible at this game”.

She’s at the starting screen.  You can pick the message speed.  She starts to pick “slow” before seeing that it’s just for message speed.  She wants to put this on easy.  It’s the next option.  Just fucking go.  The clock is ticking.

God.  This is the worst Rivercity Ransom footage ever recorded.  She’s just spamming the punch and kick buttons but the enemies just keep backing up to stay out of range.  

32:00 – “I like when Bob would be like, ‘What do you do for a living’ and he would just roast people.”

What?  I’ve never seen that.  What the fuck is she talking about?  

Or he would say, “Oh, are you really 29?  I see a few wrinkles there.”

I’ve never seen Bob Barker make a comment like this.  Not once.  She’s never seen the fucking show.  She’s just completely making this up.  Bob Barker did not behave like an asshole on the show.  She’s the asshole.  I’m sure that Bob Barker was also an asshole when not on camera but on the show, no.  He was witty and urbane.

“And he wouldn’t let it go.  He kept roasting this woman for her age and her skin.”

What is she talking about?  She might have seen a clip on Youtube or something and now this is her only experience with the show.

Then Mike starts contributing to this story so they must have watched an episode together, recently.  They say that this was an episode from the 70s.  This is Erin’s only experience with the show.  An episode that she saw recently upon Mike’s insistence.

33:15 – Erin says, “Alright, I think that’s been two minutes.”

Mike will tell you when it’s over.  She can’t even play a game for two fucking minutes.

We can stop here.  Part three of this epic saga tomorrow.

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