Crystal Quin aka Horseface is Showing Off Her New Boyfriend

What the fuck? I don’t even know what I’m looking at. Is he fat or muscular? Is he a giant nerd or a total badass? Is he bald or does he have long, flowing locks? This guy is a total contradiction.

He’s wearing a bandana because he’s bald and self-conscious. Absolutely 100% that’s the reason.

He looks like a giant fucking nerd who’s cosplaying as a badass. He has the bad rub on tattoos and everything.

And…I can’t figure out if that’s fat or muscle.

Of course, we’ve got Horseface in half a top. Nothing interesting there.

But…it’s interesting who she managed to get. I mean, Horseface isn’t a looker. But she thinks that she is. So this is the guy. A nerd who’s PRETENDING to be a badass. It’s as much as she can hope for.

I’m all for it, though. This is what I’ve been telling these fucking nerds for years now. You can be a nerd but if you want to get the chicks, you have to put some effort in. PRETEND to be a badass. This guy is walking proof that with a little bit of effort, even a fat nerd can get a “hot” chick like Horseface.

This guy probably works in IT. He has a large collection of anime figurines. He has the Doctor Who DVD box set Collector’s Edition. But he puts all of that aside when he’s out trying to woo the ladies.

Somebody in the comments asks who’s paying. That raises an interesting point. This guy looks a fair bit younger than Horseface. Is this some Sugar Momma situation? Horseface is paying for this guy with all of that “modeling” and “events” money that she’s raking in?

Oh, the guy actually asked who was “playing”. Not paying. Well, I don’t give a fuck about that. They went to a concert.

From the comments, it’s clear that this guy knows about Horseface’s Twitter. Did she tell him about it? Because that’s a terrible move. She probably told him about her Twitter so she can boast about…whatever it is that she’s trying to boast about. Being on Tony from Hack the Movies’ channel six times a year, a handful of mentally challenged weirdos like Kris Glavin fawning over her, and of course her awful Fansly.

It’s an unbelievably bad decision. Keep this shit to yourself. People in your private life don’t have to know about your nerdish, pathetic internet life.

What kind of a man would be okay with this? Being a sex object for the mentally challenged? It’s disgusting. And we can see the pictures. They’re not flattering.

Well, we see the kind of man who’s okay with all of this. A giant fucking nerd cosplaying as a badass. Horseface is cosplaying as a hot chick so it’s two delusional buffoons who found each other. It’s magical. I anticipate this being a long, rewarding relationship.

Newt must be fuming. How does Newt stack up to this guy? Let me rate the superhunks. I’d say that they’re about even.

According to IMDB, Horseface is 5’8″. I dont’ know the veracity of that but this guy is only slightly taller. Maybe 5’9 or 5’10. That’s probably the average height of an American man, isn’t it? Yeah. And Newt is like 5’4″ or something. So this guy has Newt beat there.

The guy is probably in better shape than Newt. I mean, almost certainly. Even if this is fat, Newt is also pretty big, as we saw in that revolting kimono video where he flashed the camera. And I don’t mean “big” in the way that Joe from Game Sack appreciates Newt. I mean Newt had a significant gut.

The tattoos are fucking shit. As far as I’m aware, Newt doesn’t have any tattoos so Newt gets this point.

The nerd beard on this guy is a big negative as well. Newt at least bothers to shave.

They’re both balding but Newt is significantly older than this guy. And at least Newt isn’t hiding it with a bandana.

So I’d say that they’re pretty even. A couple of 3’s, I guess. Horseface herself is probably a 4. But she’s a 1 if you factor in her personality so this checks out that women tend to date up and men date down.

But yeah, Horseface showing off her hunky new boyfriend. It’s kind of quaint, really. It will be over in a couple of weeks and she’ll delete this tweet.

6 thoughts on “Crystal Quin aka Horseface is Showing Off Her New Boyfriend

  1. Not that I disagree with your ratings but I’d like to know an example of what you think 8 9 and 10 is. Sure horseface has a horse face but she’s also not 240 lbs like nearly all American women, including her friends. So I say she moves up a bit because none of this shit lasts and her horse face goes away in the dark. Fat gut doesn’t. But anyway I swear that dude is permanently crosseyed. That would be funny. And Newt. Oh Jesus God poor newt!! If I care one shit about you I’d feel bad. But you’re already plotting how to burn this guys house down, I’m sure.

    1. To be honest, I bumped her down to a 4 to fit the narrative that she’s roughly in the same league as this guy. If we’re saying that a 5 is average…Horseface might be a 6. I stand by the 1 when you factor in personality.

      Body-wise, it doesn’t really impress me. I appreciate that she’s slim and presumably works out but I’m not interested in a woman with abs. If I’m into muscles, I’ll go out with a guy. She has a small chest. The horse face, of course.

      Absolutely no way would she be as high as an 8. Maybe Kelsey Lewin of Metal Jesus fame would be an 8, or at least she was 10 years ago when I last saw her. Or that Italian woman who was on Tony’s show.

      1. I wouldn’t even worry about looks when her personality is a 0 since she’s a self-absorbed, obnoxious, loud idiot who jokes even her sister can’t really stand (you joke, but I think she actually wishes you weren’t the way you are in a lot of ways).

      2. If we’re just grading YouTubers the. Yeah Kelsey Lavin is pretty high up there. That’s because she looks a lot like Mika Kim who was a short lived porno actress. Half Asian, but passed as White. Took it up the ass a lot and disappeared by the time she was 22. I think she’d be 35 today. I wonder who gets to fuck that today?

  2. LMAO…this is the guy? Really? The one she’s been fawning over and posting about how “He loves my crazy ass. Gosh I’m just so quirky and wacky and self-deprecating!”. If that really is who you “bagged” then that is sad as hell.

  3. the guy strikes me as a regular normie, perhaps a little below average, but that would be too apt an assumption to make without knowing him better. not a sperg nor someone socially inept, as evidenced by the fact that he can get women, even if they aren’t top tier material. he likely votes democrat and is prone to ‘orange man bad’ rants on the internet, although he may not have an active online life. his tats are the most unfortunate tell that he’s not fully grown up despite his age and he doesn’t dress like a man either. chances are he has faced some bouts of depression in the past and may be a casual alcoholic, although eventual drug abuse isn’t totally ruled out. what he has going for him: sociable and maybe above average iq.

    I don’t think he is a youtuber, although it’s almost certain that he has a minor youtube channel. it’d be interesting if our esteemed host could dig up some information on him

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