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Alan Wake Remastered, Mythforce, The Lost Crown, Toem, Brotato and more updates – Cannot be Tamed
Hey, she’s got the melons on display AND she’s doing something with her hair today. What’s the occasion? Maybe she had a good session with her dog. New brand of peanut butter?
It’s so refreshing to be able to speak your mind about Pam fucking dogs and whatnot. If this was on one of the blogging platforms that I used before, I’d have to moderate these sorts of comments. Because you never know what’s going to get your account removed. Can I say “fag”, can I talk about how ridiculous PVC Bondage Guy’s “transmasc” thing is, can I make comments about racial matters, can I point out that Destiny Fomo is a prostitute? I don’t know. So I’d moderate my behaviour.
But here, it’s all the free speech you can eat.
0:15 – She went to Magfest. What is that? I’ve heard of it but…is this a Screenwave thing?
I don’t think so. And from what I can gather from Wikipedia, it’s in Maryland. I think that Pam lesbian girlfriend Pele aka…I don’t even know what her real name is, oh Petee aka Michelle. Yeah, she lives in or around Maryland. So that’s what this was. Pam went to visit her girlfriend.
Then she says that she didn’t actually go into Magfest or buy a ticket. She was just there with some friends (female friends, of course, wink, wink) who rented a house. And Pam just wanted to hang out at the house rather than go to Magfest.
Jesus Christ, Pam. How much lesbian orgy action can you handle? Take a break and go to Magfest for a couple of hours.
Then Pam encourages you to check out her podcast with Pele. God. I can’t, Pam. Maybe when I’ve got absolutely nothing else to talk about and I’m bored out of my mind I’ll check it out.
I’ve been doing a lot of work lately. I still have to pay my taxes. I’m a couple of days late. If this was the US, I think that there are massive pentalties for this. But in the UK, nothing happens. I think that they charge interest after a while but that’s it.
In fact, when I checked the website a couple of weeks ago, they said that I’m owed a refund of over £1,000. I don’t even know why. But whatever. Send it over.
Years ago, they just sent me a cheque in the mail for like £500 or something. Some overpayment. I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t know that I was owed it, they just sent it.
2:00 – Her girlfriend Pele gave her some video game.
Why don’t they just move in together? Why the long-distance relationship? I know that somebody would have to quit their job but I think that that person should be Pam. Pele works in some alcohol job, that I think would be difficult to find a similar job elsewhere, but Pam works in IT so she should be able to get a job anywhere. Or work remotely.
Pam would need a visa to move to the US, of course. But just get married to Pele. Surely, that’s allowed now. Gay marriage is allowed for visa purposes.
Or here’s an idea: find a local woman. Is there really such a shortage? Why do you have to go with somebody who lives hundreds of miles away in another country?
I suppose that they’re both fans of alcohol. Pam being a giant drunk. But surely there are other lesbian alcohol enthusiasts in the greater Ontario metropolitan area.
Anyway, I made it to the four minute mark and then briefly skimmed the rest of this video. There’s nothing that’s worth watching.
Let’s see what old Jasyla has to say on Twitter.
Oh, she’s from Toronto. I said Ontario. That’s the province, right? I thought it was a city.
Nothing interesting on there. She’s barely even tweeted anything. We need tweets, Pam. Get tweeting.
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SHERMA CON wrap up – Newt Wallen
What’s fucking Shermacon?
SIXTY DOLLAR NERD CONVENTION? Who the fuck is paying $60 to go to a rural Pennyslvania nerd convention?
Wait…$60 for six weeks? What the fuck is this? The flyer just mentions the frisbee golf tournament that you can enter.
From tabletop to video games, SHERMA-CON is an all-inclusive gamer’s paradise. Gamers from all fandoms come together to share their unique passions. There will be a variety of board games available, like Everdell, to check out and learn, as well as free-play video game consoles, and more.
See a Magic the Gathering demo, the Dungeons and Dragons showcase, and watch experienced game players in action. There will be comic and anime artists and a cosplay contest judged by accomplished cosplayers!
That’s the description on Facebook. So yeah, just a nerd convention. But is it for six weeks or…what?
Well, maybe The Ideas Man can shed some light on this.
0:00 – Newt is shooting this on a new phone because his old one died.
I get a new phone probably every…fuck, I don’t know…five to seven years? I got my last one about two years ago. I keep it going until they break down. I don’t even have a contract. I use the phone so infrequently that I’m just on pay-as-you go. I put like £10 on the phone every couple of months.
So anyway, Newt was at this nerd convention with PVC Bondage Guy and that old prostitute Fallon.
0:45 – Shoutout to the “redhead”. Newt, fuck right off.
2:00 – “I like being able to talk to people who know us already and are obviously fans.”
I can not imagine that there are enough people ON EARTH to fill a little convention room of Newt Wallen fans. Fortunately, Newt took pictures and we can confirm exactly how many people were there for this big event.
I count 11 people and the two in the back are probably crew or something. So not including the crew or Newt and his hos, we’ve got:
- First row on the left: Weirdo masked guy doing some kind of lame as fuck Mario cosplay.
- Second row on the left: Generic bearded fat guy
- Back row on the right: Face paint afro wig wild and crazy guy
- Next to him: His unfortunate fat girlfriend
- Middle row on the right: Homeboy embarrassing his race with this nerd trash
- Next to him: His fat white girlfriend. Black guys do like the fat white chicks
- Front row right: Damaged goth slut who’s filling the hole where her self-esteem should be with fat, smelly nerd sex
- Two seats over: 300 pound chick
- Next to her: Her 300 pound boyfriend
What a group. These are Newt’s fans.
And come on. These people are not Newt’s fans. They came to this fucking nerd convention, they wanted to sit down for a little while, and they saw that there was going to be a talk soon. So they walked into the room. That’s it. They didn’t go to this nerd convention to see Newt. Did Newt even advertise that he was going to be there?
3:30 – He’s talking about the panel that he did. “We had 15 people out there.”
So I guess, if we include the possible crew, four people were hiding in that picture. Well, it’s possible. There’s a lot of fat to hide behind in that group.
“I’ve never heard of this con before.”
Well, duh. Because this was the first one. Didn’t you do ANY research before agreeing to go, Newt? I knew this from the two fucking seconds that it took me to find their Facebook page.
Newt will just agree to anything, I guess.
Then Newt says that last year’s convention had more people. What? Let me look this up again.
Oh, I was looking at an advertisement for 2023 that said it was the first one.
4:00 – “We had 15 people at our panel and we just made it up as we went.”
What professionals. Why bother preparing for anything? These people paid between $25 and $75 for this shit. These are Newt’s fans who were in attendance. All 15 of them. Even that hot goth chick with no standards. Couldn’t be bothered preparing.
“We’ll just wing it. Talk about tits and gore, do a little soft shoe routine, .and then call it a day.”
4:30 – Newt says, “It costs nothing to pat an artist on the back” or something, and then immediately says that he’s not an artist.
Then why mention it? Because he thinks that he is an artist.
He’s also apparently unaware of the fact that it also costs nothing to tell an “artist” that his “art” sucks dick.
5:15 – Newt longs for the day when Youtube is no longer a viable career path and professional “Youtubers” have to get real jobs. He’s talking about James Rolfe, of course. Newt hates that James Rolfe is making money on Youtube and Newt isn’t. Newt also blames James for Newt losing his job at Screenwave.
No, Newt. You were the one doing the plagiarism. Accept responsibility.
Oh, wait. Maybe he was talking about Tony from Hack the Movies because Newt complains about “Youtubers” who do “reviews” that are longer than the actual movie.
Well, I don’t think that Tony is making much money from this. It can’t be enough to live on, certainly. But anyway, Newt happily did those reviews with Tony but now that they’re not talking, because Newt is a plagiarist and apparently said some crazy shit to Tony and Horseface, Newt thinks it’s appropriate to take shots at Tony.
7:45 – Newt says that he sold ten issues of the comic at this thing.
I used to read a communist newspaper when I was in college. A professor supplied them. I studied politics. I took a lot of political theory classes. It was basically a New York newspaper. And they would run stories about how they were helping at a union strike or whatever and they’d talk about how many newspapers they sold. And it was always something ridiculously low like, “We sold seven newspapers.” And you’d think, “How pathetic is this? Why even mention it?”
But one day, they were at some big rally and at the end of the article, they said, “We sold 2,000 newspapers.” What? And you know it wasn’t bullshit because usually they gave these ridiculously low figures and seemingly had no problem admitting to that.
Anyway, I was just reminded of that with Newt’s ten comics sold. When is he going to offer them to the general public? I’ve got the money in my hot little hand, Newt. I’m itching for some Florida Man Saves Christmas action.
I’m not going to pirate it. I’ll do a review, of course, but I won’t scan all of the pages.
It’s like James Rolfe’s autobiography. I did a review of that. And the fags on Reddit were all like, “Someboy pirate it! I don’t want to give James any money.”
Then don’t get it. I suspect that you boys just don’t have the eight bucks. Go get a job. But anyway, I didn’t pirate it. I just did a review. You can read it here but set aside some time. It’s long:
8:00 – Issue six should be out before the summer. I’m still waiting for issue 1, Newt. Where is it? We were promised this shit YEARS ago.
He says he’s going to release all six issues this summer. I’ve heard this before. But usually he ties the release date with Christmas. You know…what with it being Florida Man Saves CHRISTMAS and all.
8:15 – Newt is pleased that 20 people subscribed to the channel thanks to his convention appearance.
This is absolutely not worth doing. It’s not worth the fucking gas money to get there never mind you have to clear your whole fucking schedule for the day. Wasn’t Newt working this day? It was presumably a Saturday but I assume that Newt works weekends. Weekends are surely the busiest days down at the movie theatre.
I used to work in casinos and you had to have YEARS of seniority before you got to work Monday to Friday. Almost everybody worked weekends because that was the busiest time. People had different schedules. They’d work Wednesday to Sunday or Thursday to Monday or whatever. So on their last day before their two break, they would say, “Today is my Friday.” You’d hear that all the time and it drove me insane. Because it was every fucking day. It was ALWAYS somebody’s “Friday” and people felt the need to tell you. Look, I don’t fucking care. I’m just here to ogle the big-titted MILF cocktail waitresses in their skimpy outfits and collect my fifty-six bucks.
8:30 – “Metz got to talk about wrestling with people.”
Eugh. Imagine paying $25 to $75 to hear a crazy woman who only started watching wrestling six months ago talk about wrestling.
“People got to look at pictures of Fallon being sexy.”
Eugh. No thanks, Newt. If I want to look at some old whore, I’ll go to the red light district at 3.00 am and see what’s still available.
9:00 – Newt told the organiser of this event to invite him back next year.
FOR WHAT? He put not fucking effort into this.
Stop and think about it for two seconds. You’re invited to give a speech. Never mind that it’s a nerd convention. It’s a speech of some sort, I assume that there’s some remuneration involved. Wouldn’t you prepare something? You’d write some shit on some file cards? You’d prepare an outline? Maybe even some PowerPoint presentation?
You wouldn’t just show up and say, “Hey guys! You like tits and gore? Let’s do this then. You, the fat guy in the back, any questions for this old whore?”
9:45 – “It takes a lot of energy to be on for 12 hours, you know, to be in sell mode.”
This was Newt’s idea of “sell mode”? HE DIDN’T PREPARE A SINGLE THING.
10:30 – Newt advertises some nerd convention in Ohio that he’s going to be at along with PVC Bondage Guy and that fucking crack addict. So another nerd convention that he put no effort into. Come check it out. He’ll be selling Florida Man. You can also see the Shark Vampire puppet.
I’m stopping the video at 14:00. There’s another few minutes, but I think I’m good.
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Amico Home is Ok – CutieinCosplay
Well, here’s somebody who’s wasting her life.
Cutie In Cosplay. Is she even cute? I don’t know. I can’t find a clear image of her. She’s really shiny in all of these videos. Small tits. She’s also always in stupid outfits, which I guess she’s considering “cosplay”.
I was watching some wrestling interview and the guy was talking about Hardbody Harrison, convicted pimp and rapist. And the advice of “don’t make your body your gimmick” was given. So in this case, don’t call yourself “Hardbody” because in 10 or 20 years, your body might not be so hard.
Actually, I think it was a Buff Bagwell interview and he was talking about himself.
Anyway, Cutie in Cosplay. Is she still going to be cute in 10 or 20 years? I don’t even know if she’s cute now.
That’s another thing, you open yourself up to scrutiny when you call yourself “HotChick69” or whatever. If you’re not a hot chick, people are going to comment.
0:00 – “Today, we’re going to get into a niche, seemingly hot topic.”
You mean the Amico? When was this video published? A month ago? What? Amico stopped being news like two years ago. Right?
I’m three minutes in and losing the will to live. I’m going to look at her Patreon while this plays in the background.
https://www.patreon.com/CutieinCosplay
£11.43/month. Let the good times roll.
And you get NOTHING for your Patreon money. Not even posts. There’s nothing there.
Her description is “Hi there, I’m a cute and nerdy gamer, cosplayer, and anime fan.”
Well…so you say.
I feel bad saying this but years ago, before Tinder or anything, I met a Japanese woman online. And we were talking for a bit, she was fine, and we decided to exchange pictures. She described herself as “cute” and then she sent her picture and…umm…well, there must be a wide range of what people consider “cute”. And about yourself…I mean…I don’t know. I suppose that most people have an inflated idea of what they look like but…I don’t think many guys would say, “Hey, I’m a hot dude” before sending a picture of themselves. You’re setting yourself up for failure and I think that most guys have a more realistic view of their appearance than women have of themselves. Because guys aren’t getting compliments on their looks whereas women are inundated with them.
Anyway, the video has ended. She talked about the Amico. It came out as…software that you can play on your phone. And holy shit was that some tedious, monotone drivel.
Two thousand subscribers after a year. I don’t know. Is that good? Is it worth the effort? You’re humiliating yourself for all the world to see for peanuts.
Maybe the problem is that all of these women are presenting themselves as “nerds”. I want to see non-nerds. I want to see women with normal interests and social lives and jobs. Maybe they’d be more interesting people. Better orators.
Show me a woman who’s working at the delicatessen and can talk about what cuts of meat we should all be getting.
Oh god. Do not look up “woman butcher”. It’s all videos of amateurs. I do not want to see your stupid fucking hunting videos or some woman in the third world slaughtering pigs. I just wanted to get some advice on interesting cuts of meat.
Well, what else? How about a lady…accountant.
Now here’s something I can get behind. I’d give her some loving while I’m behind there too. Unfortunately, she’s probably either married or arranged to be married.
She’s mostly on TikTok now.
“Financial Hot Girl Budgeting”. You’ve already lost me, Devamsha. For a normal woman who’s grounded and sensible, she’s attractive. As a self-proclaimed “hot girl”…not with those eyebrows, honey. And you can afford to skip some meals.
You see how easy this is? You see how far a little humility goes and the depths that you sink when you let conceit creep into your psyche? It’s a huge turnoff and it opens you up to criticism.
Wait a minute. She’s on Gumroad? Isn’t that that porn site that Zuvi is on?
Oh. She’s not selling porn there, she’s selling knowledge. And it seems to all be free. Free e-books and spreadsheets. Well, the price is right. I can’t vouche for the quality.
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FIVE of the most rented N64 Games at Blockbuster Video in 1999 – Erin Plays
This video was actually promoted on the Cinemassacre channel. This complete zero-effort video from this zero-effort “series” that nobody gives the slightest of fucks about. Why this one?
I recently mentioned that I haven’t seen Erin’s channel being promoted on Cinemasscre lately. Is that why? I mean, I’m pretty sure that Erin and Mike read the blog.
I think that’s the entire “series”. They’re all terrible. In fact, they get progressively worse. It’s like the original Planet of the Apes series of five movies. Each one is worse than the last. I still watch them, though.
There used to be a Planet of the Apes 48 hour marathon and I’d watch all day, both days, stopping only for sleep. It was on TBS or TNT or something.
0:00 – “In January 1999, we were still feeling the effects of a jam-packed 1998.”
What in the name of fuck does this even mean?
“Titanic was everywhere, Britney Spears made her debut, and TRL was introduced.”
This so god damned stupid that I’m not even going to dignify it with a response.
0:15 – She says that she got this information from one of Mike’s old Game Pro magazines. She doesn’t say that it was Mike’s but…of course it was Mike’s. And there’s a screenshot of the list. So that’s it. She doesn’t need to continue the video. We can see the list.
And she’s not even going to give the top five. That’s what makes these videos even more puzzling than they already are. She’s just going to give ANY five from this list of twenty. What’s the point? What’s the point of any of this?
She wants pennies from horntards.
0:30 – Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Then she just reads from Nintendo Power. Why is any of this happening?
1:00 – She starts talking about the iQue, some obscure system that nobody knows about and Mike obviously told her about. But she presents herself as an expert who knows about this shit and promises a video on this system soon, presumably using Mike’s iQue.
1:15 – “Anyway, after capturing some footage for this video, it made me interested to possibly stream this some day.”
Go fuck yourself. Everything has to be for a fucking stream or a video. She has no fucking interest in any of this. No interest in video games. She doesn’t play games in her spare time at all. It could not be any more obvious. Why do people continue to watch the videos? Why does she continue the charade?
Then she starts talking about how she streamed the two Castlevania games for the N64 and there’s extended, totally off-topic commentary about that. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ZELDA: OCEAN…WHATEVER OF TIME?
1:45 – “If I do end up having more to say about it, we’ll see if I stream it some day.”
It doesn’t even make sense. Why would she have more to say about a game that she’s never played before? Why would that dictate whether or not she streams it? NOTHING SHE’S SAYING MAKES ANY SENSE.
“Many also regard this as the best Zelda game. Do you?”
Terrible line-reading. Terrible script. This whole thing is terrible.
2:00 – Star Wars: Rogue Squadron.
2:30 – She starts reading from Nintendo Power again because she has absolutely nothing to say about this game that she’s never played before.
3:45 – Spacestation Silicon Valley. She’s a big Spacestation Silicon Valley fan, I’m sure.
“I’ve always been curious about this game but I never gave it a chance before now.”
Die in a fire, Erin.
4:30 – She’s reading from Nintendo Power again because, as she makes clear, she’s never played any of these games before. So why in the name of fuck does she think that she should do a video on this? It’s ridiculous.
6:30 – “I know the first thing that people think of when they hear ‘Buck Bumble’ is the insane theme song.”
Erin…I don’t know any of these games. Not the last two, anyway. But she’s so fucking clueless about video games that she pretends that this is all common knowledge even though she herself knows NOTHING about these games and only discovered them through this video.
7:45 – Second time within 60 seconds that Erin said “gnarly”. I was willing to let the first one pass but she’s a big fan of 1980s California surfer slang, guys. This is not at all put on.
Erin, end the video. I’m nine minutes in and she’s still talking about this.
9:30 – F-Zero. Fucking finally. Why was she talking about that fucking bug game so long? Needed to get to the ten minute mark or whatever the requirement is for monetisation.
9:45 – Nintendo Power again. This is really stale, Erin. REALLY stale.
11:45 – “Did you rent any of these back then?”
None of your fucking business, you fraud. Tell us about what YOU were doing in 1999. It wasn’t renting video games, I’ll tell you that.
“What other systems would you like to know the rental stats on?”
NONE! She’s not even doing that. She’s giving you five basically random games from this list of 20. THERE’S NO POINT TO ANY OF THIS.
Unbelieveably bad video. But Mike wanted to promote this via the Cinemassacre community page.
I don’t think his promotion even helps. This video is at 17,000 views after about a day. Her previous awful Blockbuster video, from a two months ago, which got no promotion, is at 37,000 views.
- “What is this, Did James just asked an AI to make a video for him?”
By the way, she didn’t appear on camera so ShiShi and Joe from Game Sack are REALLY disappointed right now.
A few comments from the brainless faggots on Reddit. “540” and whatnot. Get it? Repetition is funny.
This is the video that’s going to make Erin a superstar. This generic as fuck video that had no purpose about games that she openly admits she never played before. Mike decided that the world needed to know about this video. “Hey, guys! Check out my 40 year old girlfriend’s latest cookie-cutter, pointless video about video games.”
Okay. I’ve seen it, Mike. Now what? What are you hoping to achieve with this? She is never going to be a success with this. You’re not fucking retarded. You must know this. You’re seeing the same videos I am.
This is Erin’s JOB. She’s doing nothing else with her life.
Retro Ali works at Disney World and makes videos on the side.
Pam works in IT and makes videos on the side.
Destiny Fomo works as a prostitute and makes videos on the side.
Pelvic Gamer works…somewhere and makes videos on the side.
Newt works in a movie theatre and makes videos on the side.
John Riggs works as a radio dj and makes videos on the side.
I think that everyone who I write about has an actual job and makes these videos just for some extra money or fun or whatever. Not Erin. Erin is doing NOTHING with her life except these fucking atrocious videos. What is the plan here? You’re going to leech off of Mike forever? She can live to be 1000 and she’ll never be a success on Youtube. We can all see the videos. THEY’RE AWFUL!
No charisma. No interest in video games. No knowledge about video games. It’s been the same for the six years or however long she’s been doing this. I’ve been talking about this for the past five years or however long it’s been. I’ve given her plenty of notice. This is never going to work. You’re a personality blackhole, Erin. You’re not getting any more engaging, you’re not getting any more attractive, and you’re not even getting any more knoweldgable about video games. DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH YOUR LIFE. DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE.
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Retro Ali Met Belle from Beauty and the Beast
Or at least a young woman pretending to be Belle and willing to work for minimum wage.
I don’t know. I always imagined Belle as having breasts.
I’ll bet that Disney intentionally chooses women with small chests for these characters so as to make them as non-sexual as possible, and therefore kid-friendly. Let me look this up. Surely there aren’t any jumbo-breasted Cinderellas walking around Disney World.
I don’t know. I’m seeing a mixed bag on Google images. I mean, nobody is obviously large chested but some of the dresses do seem to emphasise the chest more than I expected and one of these women had a big of cleavage showing.
Oh, you know who would be great here? Games & Movies. He has nothing but videos of him hugging the characters at Disney World or Disneyland.
https://www.youtube.com/@gamesandmoviesentertainmen4259/videos
Here’s his channel. This is a guy who goes to every Erin stream, every Mike stream, he gives them money every month…and just look at that guy and his channel. It’s not subtle.
Here’s a compilation. I think he uploads basically the same compilation every couple of months.
In the first fifteen seconds of the video, he’s having a debate with a real duck. And I think that the duck got the better of him.
17:30 – Here he is with the Evil Queen. Whoever that is. From Snow White? Oh, yeah. He mentions that in the caption.
God, this is humiliating. He approaches her and says “your majesty” but she’s “entertaining” a group of kids with her community theatre bullshit. She has to do deal with this very unfortunate guy. She’s earning every penny of that $12.
I’m surprised that the minimum wage in Florida is $12.
Anyway, no, these women do not have breasts. To the point where I thought that the Evil Queen here was a man. Snow White is ridiculously flat-chested too but I can maybe understand that. She’s supposed to be young, isn’t she?
I want to see an Evil Queen with a couple of melons. Is that asking too much?
I can’t even watch this any more. This fucking Games & Movies guy keeps interrupting this poor woman while she’s trying to do her stupid routine with Snow White.
This is the guy who has given probably thousands of dollars to Erin and Mike and god knows how many women on Twitch. A literal retard. And they all know it.
19:30 – The Evil Queen and Games and Movies are taking a picture where they’re crossing their arms. This woman literally has no breasts. Like where did they even find this woman? It’s not natural. Is Disney recruiting women who got double mastectomies?
19:45 – Now Sleeping Beauty aka Princess Aurora. Let’s hope she’s got a little more something.
Well, yeah. She’s maybe a B cup. But she’s in some indoor area. So it’s a more controlled environment.
Then he rattles off the characters who he met. It’s so fucking uncomfortable. Disney should be ashamed of themselves for indulging this guy.
I don’t know. What’s the solution? You have this autistic retard. He likes certain things. The things that he likes…I mean, it’s not like Disney or Erin are targetting autistic retards. Are they? No. I mean, Disney is targetting children with these characters. It’s just autistic retards who seem to like them as well.
Is Disney supposed to ban retards? That wouldn’t be good public relations. There has to be a solution though because these characters are encouraging this. That doesn’t seem right either.
And then this guy dances with this woman. I guess that that’s part of the “experience”. Now this is…this woman must take ten showers a day to try to cleanse the grime from her. It’s not right. This should not even be a thing that exists. You should not be able to dance with the characters. But I think that’s what this is. That’s why she’s indoors. You’re allowed to dance with her.
What kid would even want that? Let me look this up. Is this really a thing? Are adults allowed to dance with the characters? Because I can foresee a lot of problems with that. I think that these characters get harassed a lot by horny men.
I don’t know. That’s all I really found. Apparently, it’s normal for adults to take pictures with the characters but I don’t know about the dancing.
22:00 – Snow White is creeped out by this guy too. Of course. And yeah, not much in the way of breasts for her but not to the disturbing levels that the Evil Queen was. What the hell was that? Maybe the characters wear some kind of…what’s it called…breast bindings.
24:45 – Here’s another character. No breasts.
He seems to be interested in having chats with these characters. Awkward, painful chats.
He calls Aladin “Al” like they’re close personal friends.
I think that’s it for the characters who aren’t entirely covered in costumes.
It’s not right. None of this is right.
But anyway, yeah, the women don’t have breasts. Weird.
There’s also a video where he goes to his first anime convention. These women can be a little more full-figured. And they’re not professionals and don’t have handlers so don’t know how to manage this guy.
1:45:30 – There’s a woman in a revealing costume sticking her ass out and he rewinds and replays this footage repeatedly in the video. So this is clearly a sexual thing for him.
It’s gross. I assume it’s his parents who are enabling all of this. Why are they doing this?
Where was I going with all of this? Oh, yeah. Retro Ali is still working at Disney World. Good for her, I guess.
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Retard Tries to Enter Blog 104 Times in One Day
Retard has been banned since May 2023. He tried to enter 104 times three days ago. At what point do you say, “I’m probably not going to get through”?
Here are the logs. Date banned/reason/duration/number of times blocked/last time they were blocked
May 16, 2023 8:50 pm asshole Permanent 234 January 25, 2024 6:51 pm May 16, 2023 8:49 pm asshole Permanent 16 January 2, 2024 2:46 pm May 16, 2023 8:48 pm asshole Permanent 118 December 5, 2023 5:45 pm May 16, 2023 8:47 pm asshole Permanent 26 January 19, 2024 6:46 pm May 16, 2023 8:47 pm asshole Permanent 17 January 23, 2024 11:57 pm April 21, 2023 3:21 pm Asshole Permanent 244 January 17, 2024 1:45 am Why were they banned? Well, obsessively posting dozens of comments like this every day:
- I’d kick your ass you dumb fucking loser.
- I love dressing as a woman and going to a women’s bathroom to listen to them poop. It makes me so sexually aroused.
- You’re a fucking scumbag. I wish I could fly out to the UK and beat the fucking crap out of you.
- I’M GONNA SPAM LIKE A RETARD SOME MORE! I’M GONNA TAKE OFF MUH TWO YEAR OLD’S DIAPER AND EAT HIS POOP! MUH SPECIAL EDUCATION!
- I sent you rape threats because you spammed messages about me attending special ed and publicly humiliated me and shamed me for it. Yeah I WAS in special ed, it’s why I behave like a retard, deal with it. What you did is proof of your discrimination. The rape threats were deserved because since you’re a homophobe, you deserve to be raped for it
And this is him toning it down. He used to send detailed death and rape threats but toned it down when I posted some of them and he realised that the messages get saved. So then he switched to, “I’m going to beat you up” messages instead and messages about wanting to eat various people’s excrement, including his imaginary children.
Anyway, he can’t even enter the site any more. I’m not saying that he can’t leave comments, I’m saying that he can’t even access the site. He gets some sort of error message if he tries. And yet he continues to try every few days, up to 104 times in a day. Why? Hopefully this fucking dangerous retard gets the help that he so desperately needs.
Speaking of people who got banned, there’s also a guy from Maine who it seems has fairly recently managed to bypass his ban. Maybe he got a new ISP or something. I banned this guy for aggressively boring messages. “You’re a doody head” level stuff.
It’s not that I don’t like “negative” comments. I do like them. But there has to be some basic level of intelligence behind them.
So anyway, he’s a regular visitor to the site now and he tried posting. Unfortunately for him, he’s still blocked by the comment filter so all of his shit automatically goes to the trash.
Now that I think about it, I wonder why he’s able to access the site but his comments still get filtered. Because I used the same criteria for banning people from the site that I did for filtering comments. Oh well.
So let’s see what gems were lost from this guy.
- “Have you ever married?”
He posted that twice, having realized that he was banned and wanting to make sure. Yeah, you’re still banned.
It’s a reference to the blog. I have some stupid “he never married” “flair” that I use when cross-posting stuff from TheCinemassacreTruth. The original idea was that the stuff I was cross-posting was all gay. “He never married” is a euphamism for somebody who’s gay. Like “Prefers the company of men” or “Friend of Dorothy” or something.
- “Who, Newt or the author of this article? Your statement could apply to both”
I don’t know what this is a reference to. Something about me being a doody head, no doubt.
- “John Frigged is such a bitch. He deletes comments about his shitty midlife crisis tattoos.”
That was his last message. It was on 13 January. So I think he’s given up. Still comes to the site, though.
It’s harmless enough so I won’t ban him. I just don’t want this brainless posts polluting the site, though, so the filter will stay in place.
Speaking of banned users, there was this complete fucking lunatic from Reddit who would send me messages like, “How was your weekend?” and whatnot. I’m all for being friendly but…this was some weirdo shit.
He’d send me chat messages and I wouldn’t even see them so he’d send them day after day after day. And I’d see this months later and it’s like what the fuck? You’re telling me about your trip to the dentist? What?
If it was a normal guy who was lonely and looking to have a conversation, that would be one thing. But this guy was a dick and kept insinuating that I have autism. When clearly he had autism. But he would say this weirdo shit and then when I’d call him out on it, he’d frame it like he was just trying to be friendly. No. It’s fucking crazy man bullshit. Let’s assume that I have autism. Who cares? It’s none of your fucking business. It’s not friendly to point that out. You haven’t figured this out yet? You don’t know how social situations operate?
But I’ll never forget the guy who asked me to write a story about The Singularity. You know…because the blog is a haven for science fiction aficionados. I’m regularly debuting my short stories about mankind versus robots and whatnot.
So I filed that idea in my “maybe” pile and then he sent me something about Jesus. So I told him to fuck off. Then he left a message on TheCinemassacreTruth talking about what a jerk I was to him just for trying to “reach out” to me.
But who knows? Maybe tomorrow I’ll get to work on that Singularity story. First step: reading the Wikipedia article to find out what the fuck this even is.
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Easily the WORST Playstation 1 Game of All Time – John Riggs
It’s something called Time Commando.
0:30 – John Riggs says that he was working at Rite Aid when he was 19 or 20.
I never did any of that. Working in retail or fast food. I was delivering pizza when I was 20. This was a fairly lucrative job before these delivery companies took over. I’d make between $100 and $150/day, all cash. By comparison, the next job I had was working in a casino and that paid $7.25/hour so $58/day. Like five years later, I was working as a substitute teacher and making $72/day. So that pizza delivery job was the most lucrative job I had for many years.
Although, I made $15/hour in the mental asylum so that’s $120. Comparable, I guess. But I’d much rather deliver pizzas than deal with that nightmare factory.
I was reading an interesting webcomic recently. As here:
It really reminded me of my own life. Right down to the anal fissures. I wouldn’t wish anal fissures on anyone, not even Newt Wallen.
Now for the revolting part of the story. If you don’t want to read about anal fissures, and you definitely don’t, just stop reading at this point. I’m giving a clear anal fissure trigger warning.
So I was like 25 years old. I was living with my mother. This wasn’t long before I moved. I’m sitting at my computer, playing Civilization II or something, when suddenly my anus spasmed. I remember this vividly. I wasn’t doing anything weird. I wasn’t sticking a finger up there or anything. I was just sitting and playing the game.
So I thought, “Well, that was weird.” Then maybe 30 seconds later, it happened again. And again and again and again. Every 30 seconds or so.
I go to the bathroom and I’m thinking maybe I have to take a shit or something. No. And these spasms just keep happening. The room starts spinning and before I know it, I’m on the floor, passed out.
This spasming went on for like nine months. Diffiicult to sleep. Difficult to do anything. Every 30 seconds your anus is spasming. It’s torture. Nine months of that. It doesn’t stop.
I didn’t go to a doctor because I didn’t have insurance and it’s not something you want to go to a doctor for anyway. Is there anything that a doctor could have done? I don’t know and I don’t want to look it up.
Gradually, after months, The spasms would become less frequent. Once a minute and then gradually it was once every two minutes, whatever. Like that. And eventually it stopped entirely. But what a horrendous experience that was.
I don’t know what the cause was. I think that constipation. Because it’s damage that causes this and I read that constipation can do it.
Maybe five years later, I was living in London, and I took a shit and the toilet was full of blood. And ever since then, I’ve had sporadic problems with blood in the stool. Not so much in the past…ten years or so. I don’t know if these two things are related or not. If I avoid spicy food, it basically never happens.
So that’s the story of my ass. And the guy in this comic also describes being similarly afflicted. This isn’t really a spoiler, it’s just a throw away line in the comic, but I found it interesting.
I’ve never considered donating to anyone but this comic really spoke to me. Aside from the anal stuff, the “school” that he went to reminded me of the mental health facility that I worked in. And there are a lot of other similarities, I don’t want to ruin the story. So I think I’ll send him some money.
So back to John Riggs who may or may not have had anal fissures. I mean, he seems to have had a lot of afflictions. And he’s a big fat guy. I think that big fat guys have particular problems with digestive tract problems due to increased use.
3:45 – And now a word from our scam sponsor. What is it this time, Riggs? Buying shares of sneakers again?
Oh, it’s a service where you pay money to these scam websites that publish people’s phone numbers and addresses and criminal records and whatever and this service will contact these companies and, allegedly, the companies will take the information down.
Yeah, I don’t think so. First of all, those websites are scams and they’re run by criminals. They often charge a fee to take your name off and even then they might not remove your name. And you’d have to do the same for the thousand other sites like this.
This is only a problem in the US, by the way. This does not happen anywhere else. There’s no website where I can look up somebody’s name in the UK and they’ll list the person’s phone number, address, where they work, their relatives, their criminal record, et cetera. It would be totally unheard of. But the fat cats running the US don’t give a fuck about people’s personal autonomy or data protection or anything like this. So these scam websites have free reign.
This scam app that John Riggs is promoting won’t do shit. Even he says that the companies, “Have a legal obligation to remove your name.” Who gives a shit? Even if it’s true, which I’m not sure it is, the people running these websites have no regard for the law.
Only $12/month for this useless, scam product. And you need it in perpetuity because new sites pop up all the time and they’re not going to fucking remove your details anyway.
5:00 – So John Riggs starts playing the game. Finally. After that boring as fuck story. He just got the game at Toys R Us. Wow. Tell us more, John Riggs.
7:45 – He puts it on “easy” mode. The Erin Plays school of “gaming”.
Anyway, John Riggs sucks ass at the game and quickly gives up.
Pinned comment is John Riggs promoting this scam product. Somebody replies with “Vote Trump.”
I’m glad to see Trump doing well in these primary elections. Why do the Jews who control the media have it out for this guy so much? What did he do during his presidency that was so awful? What did he do that was any different from any other American president? None of them give a shit about the average person. They’re all working for big business. What did he do that was so egregious?
I know about some of the conspiracy theories but why is the average person on the street so outraged by Trump? Is it merely that they’ve bought the media hysterics about him? He was talking about building that wall on the southern border. That seems to be the main thing. Right? But why would people give a shit about that? Poland built a wall to keep immigrants out. Finland built a wall to keep immigrants out. Nobody is calling Poland and Finland out for this. Neither Poland nor Finland are fascist countries. It’s not outrageous to secure one’s borders.
To be clear, I’m not saying that people should vote for Trump. I’m saying that he’s as callous and destructive as any other US president for the past 50 years. He has the same agenda as every other president since Reagan: redistribution of the wealth upwards. If you think that Biden or any other presidential candidate is any different, you’re not paying very close attention.
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Metz Is Back – Newt Wallen
0:00 – The stream starts with PVC Bondage Guy talking about her earrings…and then Newt says that he contacted the company who did his hockey jersey but they never got back to him…this is somehow related to the earrings. Then PVC Bondage Guy says, “That’s okay. You don’t have to do things for me.” Newt replies, “I do. People will only be my friend if I do things for them.”
He’s right. It’s not the case with all of humanity but it’s the case with the segment of humanity who Newt chooses to associate with: prostitutes.
But there’s a whole world of people out there who aren’t prostitutes and…might want to spend time with The Ideas Man? Maybe? I don’t know.
I’m just thinking in terms of relationships. The problem is Newt thinks that he deserves hot chicks. That’s why he spends so much time with prostitutes. And as a result, he gets this warped idea that this is how all women are. No. Just the prostitute segment, Newt.
Find a nice single mother with a few pounds on her and have yourself a good time. Go on normal dates. Maybe go to PVC Bondage Guy’s bowling alley for a wholesome time. Treat her like a normal human being. Try it out for a change. It doesn’t all have to be about depraved buttsex.
I’m just thinking back on single mothers who contacted me on Tinder or whatever. They actually weren’t fat chicks. There were a good few smokeshows. I didn’t respond, of course, because they were single mothers and I was in my early to mid 30s and not interested. The fat chicks were the women without children.
It’s just reality that when you have children, your value in the dating market goes down. So a hot chick who wouldn’t give you the time of day when she didn’t have children, suddenly might start finding you attractive after a failed relationship and a couple of kids.
Anyway, back to this fucking clueless idiot and his mentally ill “friend” who he’s paying for, either directly or indirectly.
1:30 – Newt says that he started a Patreon. Oh yeah. I think somebody left a comment about this on the blog.
https://www.patreon.com/SchlockandAweFilms
Well, he’s getting about $100/month from that shit. That’s more than I expected.
I was checking my bank account today and noticed that I’m getting that much in interest. It’s dogshit. It’s a ridiculously low interest rate. I know that I should invest the money or at least put it into a higher interest account. But it’s money for doing nothing. So whatever. A free £100/month? It pays for my lunches during the month, I guess.
But I was also looking at Newt’s view rates on his Youtube videos. They’re pretty low. It’s not unusual for a video to get 200 views.
So anyway, what do you get for your Patreon dollars?
I don’t know the dollars, the prices are in pounds for me, but £3 gets you the Patreon posts and “chat community”. Whatever that means. The Discord, I guess. The Discord that he promotes regularly and you can join for free.
£8.50 gets you “all of that” (all of nothing) plus “early access”. To what? Maybe he uploads the Youtube videos to Patreon a day earlier or something.
Then a massive jump to £21.50. This one has to give you free blowjobs from PVC Bondage Guy or something.
No. Just “livestreams”. What livestreams? Like the one I’m watching now for free?
Where did he get these prices?
But the fact that he’s getting $100 a month for this, for basically doing nothing, is impressive. I guess. I mean, given how few people seem to be watching his videos.
Maybe I should start a Patreon. Shake down the readership. I don’t think I’d bother with tiers, though. Because look at what fucking Newt did. There’s basically no difference in what you get with these tiers, it’s all nothing, but there’s a huge difference in prices.
I think I’d say five bucks a month and…free life coaching. Advice about moving abroad, picking up chicks or not picking up chicks, writing seminars. It would be like Andrew Tate’s thing but without the prostitution and weird bullshit.
Speaking of writing seminars, Newt could benefit from my proposed Patreon. Because on his Patreon, Mr “I Wrote 1,000 Scripts” says, “Submit your patreon exclusive AMA questions for Metz and I”.
Should be “Metz and me”. Here’s the tip to help you know when to use “I” and when to use “me”, Newt. I learned this hidden gem in the fourth grade. If you take out the other person’s name you should see what’s right. So:
“Submit your Patreon-exclusive AMA questions for I.”
Or
“Submit your Patreon-exclusive AMA questions for me.”
Clearly the latter. Also, I cleaned up the capitalisation and dash usage.
Anyway, how much more of this livestream do I have left? What? I’m only 90 seconds in? We’re going to be here for a while. Another 97 minutes to go.
1:45 – Some horntard got a job at Dollar Tree. Now, I don’t want to sound like I’m denigrating anyone for working at Dollar Tree. It’s a job. There are a lot of problems in late-stage capitalism. It’s not a moral failing if you can’t find a decent job. There are few decent jobs out there.
But I strongly suspect that this guy is mentally retarded. Not because he’s working at Dollar Tree, per se, but because he’s working at Dollar Tree AND in a Newt Wallen livestream. The people who go to these channels, whether it’s Erin or Destiny Fomo or Mike Matei or whoever, are often legit retards.
I’m not making fun of these people. It’s just the way some people are. You can only work with what you’re given. Whatever.
My issue is these scumbag Youtubers taking advantage of literal retards. And they know it. They all know it. Erin and Mike know full well that Games & Movies and ShiShi and Geoffrey are legit, no-fooling, card-carrying, helmet-wearing retards. But they happily take their money month after month. It’s disgusting. This is the business that they’re in. Conning retards.
If I suspect that anyone who comes to the blog is retarded, they’re banned. Just ask GarbageStabber. Because I can’t in good conscious entertain that. If you spent a few years in special education, like GarbageStabber, for example, that’s cool but the blog isn’t for you. There are other ways to spend your time. James Rolfe enjoys Family Matters, for example. Maybe give that a shot.
And I’m not even charging for this “content”. I could not imagine taking money from literal retards.
2:15 – PVC Bondage Guy says that she likes…Twizzlers and Milk Duds? What? This is the most…well, she’s not a confectionary connoisseur, I’ll tell you that.
Twizzlers are fine. If they were in front of me, I’d eat them. They’re a typical waxy, fake, American candy that’s produced in a lab and packed with cancer-causing chemicals. But Red Vines are clearly the superior product.
And Milk Duds? She said that she liked chocolate and this was her example. Milk Duds. I don’t think that Milk Duds even advertise themselves as being chocolate. It’s like fucking Tootsie Rolls. Those aren’t chocolate and they don’t claim to be, if you read the fine print. It’s “chocolate-flavored”.
And the interior of Milk Duds is fucking putrid.
This isn’t me talking down to anyone about the superiority of European chocolate to American chocolate, although, it’s true that Europen chocolate is superior. That’s not worth a discussion. I’m saying that even by the low standards of American chocolate, Milk Duds ARE NOT CHOCOLATE. And whatever they are, they’re shit. It tastes like shit.
4:00 – PVC Bondage Guy is talking about her Christmas wish list that she gave to her mother. It was fucking wrestling shit (books and shit, I assume) and blackout curtains. She’s thrilled with the blackout curtains. I’ve never seen anybody so enthused about blackout curtains.
Stuffed animals were also on her list. Well, that’s…well, is that endearing or should I be creeped out? Because I was thinking that she was going to have weird shit on there. Nipple clamps or whatever. But stuffed animals for a 25 year old woman? Well, whatever. Women like girlie things.
I enjoyed my stuffed animals as a youth. I had maybe 100. I don’t know. Maybe more than that. They all had names. They were all cherished.
Then one day, when I was maybe 14, my mother took them all and put them into our moldy basement, which was basically a death sentence for them. And I panicked and did everything I could to stop it but she couldn’t be reasoned with. A few days later, I secretly hid a large bag of them in my room but she found them and was upset and put them back in the basement.
They were taking up no usable space. They were in my dead father’s closet, where they had been all of my life. He didn’t need the closet.
And it’s not like I was playing with them. I was 14. I was a normal kid. Normal development. But they had sentimental value.
About a year later, my sister was coming out of the basement with arms full of these stuffed animals. She was bringing them to her part-time job at a nursery. This job that meant nothing. This job where the children had toys already. This job where these three year old children are obviously going to destroy these old fucking stuffed animals that have been in the basement for a year now and are moldy.
I tried to prevent my sister from taking them. I was crying. And my scumbag mother physically prevented me from taking those stuffed animals and my bitch sister gleefully left the house with dozens of my stuffed animals to bring to this meaningless job while I’m standing there crying and begging her not to.
A couple of weeks later, my sister’s boss at that job threw all of the stuffed animals into the trash. She said that they were dirty.
Nobody apologised to me for any of this. Nobody even told me about it. I just overheard it.
Why my mother behaved like this, I don’t know. She wasn’t like this with my sisters. But she revelled in cruelty with me. And taking these stuffed animals, which meant a lot to me, kind of teaches you not to care about things and not to care about people.
So she’s old now. She has a nurse living with her. Probably going to die soon. I don’t give the slightest of fucks.
She would always pressure me to visit for Christmas or whatever. Nope. Not doing it. I didn’t even give a reason. I just said no, I don’t want to. Twenty years of this. The one time I did visit, she was her usual scumbag self. Fuck that. I don’t need that. She was a piece of shit as a middle aged woman and she’s a piece of shit as an old woman.
Anyway, stuffed animals. They’re something of a sensitive topic for me.
5:15 – PVC Bondage Guy makes a reference to not being strong and not having the body of a wrestler. I think it’s a reference to this article:
6:00 – Some horntard gave PVC Bondage a Funco Pop but I don’t know who it is and she doesn’t say. It’s some wrestler, I guess. Mick Foley, maybe.
7:15 – PVC Bondage Guy says that she’s recently started going to the gym. This is related to her wrestling school nonsense. The time to go to the gym is BEFORE you start the training. You should already be in shape when you go to a wrestling school. This is not going to work. There’s no chance. And I don’t say this with any pleasure. It’s unforunate. What was she thinking with this? She started watching wrestling like six months ago and now she’s going to a wrestling school? It’s mental illness.
8:00 – She shows her bruise that she got from this school….as if anyone wants to see this. But this is part of her weird sexual…something.
9:00 – PVC Bondage Guy says that she doesn’t want to flex on camera. And she’s talking about how much her physique has improved…after one week of going to the gym. ONE WEEK!
Why is nobody stopping this woman? I understand that she’s delusional and has mental health problems but why is nobody around her clueing her in? You’re not getting massive gains after a week. This isn’t the way that human physiology works.
12:15 – PVC Bondage Guy takes her sweater off and says, “You can see that my arms are a lot more toned now.” Umm…let’s move on.
She also injured her arm at this training. This is all boding well.
She says that she can carry bowling balls at work more easily now. This is…let’s just move on.
20:15 – Horseface reference, I think. Or Newt was drunk with somebody in his bathtub. Who gives a shit? This perverted shit doesn’t do it for me, guys. There was a lot of this, of course. People asking if PVC Bondage Guy is more sado than masochist. Cunningulus while on one’s period. Shit like this. I don’t give a fuck. This isn’t the seventh grade. I don’t find this shit shocking. I find it boring.
27:30 – Newt is talking about a dream he had about porn now. I think I’m good.
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A Conversation with James Rolfe – Scott the Woz
2:30 – Scott was waffling on and on and on and then it cuts to the Rolfe Man who says “oh yeah, yeah, yeah.”
We’re off to a great start, gentlemen.
I’m reading the comments and people are complaing that Scott is talking to much. I…think I’m inclined to agree.
A lot of gay “meme” comments from the fags on Reddit too. They have to ruin everything. We get it, guys. You’re fucking gay. It’s fine. You do your thing. You don’t have to pollute the entire internet with your degeneracy.
When James does get a chance to speak, the audio is fucking terrible. I can’t even hear it over my own typing.
5:45 – James is doing his autistic thing where he counts how many videos he did per year and debates what the criteria is. NOBODY CARES!
10:00 – Scott asked the longest question possible about Screenwave and then James starts talking about how the labour is divided. James says, “First, I write the script.” Uh huh. Sure you do, Jimmy. Stop the fucking lies. Newt Wallen wouldn’t be where he is today if you wrote the scripts.
11:30 – I don’t know when this interview took place, it was uploaded three weeks ago, but James makes the second reference to Kieran in this video. Kieran is editing the videos. And James makes it very clear that he (James) is in charge and he just distributes the bitch work to Kieran and whoever else. It’s bullshit. James does NOTHING. He reads a script that somebody else wrote, the gameplay footage is all from Mike, and Kieran (or, now, that faggot from Movie Dumpster) edits this shit together. That’s the “creative process” over at Cinemassacre LLC.
I have to stop the video at 12:45. This is just fucking boring.
- “I can’t wait to see what Reddit does with this video.”
Jack off to it. What do you think?
Some guy on that gay sub-reddit made a drawing of James Rolfe in his underpants today. Another guy took a picture of Mike and drew a box around where he thinks his penis extends to. There was another post today that was a poll asking if you prefer Mike’s penis or John’s testicles.
So when I say, “What is this? Are you a bunch of faggots?” No. We’re just here for the “memes”.
Guys…it’s okay to admit that you’re gay. I have absolutely no problem with that. But admit what this is. It’s a homosexual harassment board. It’s a place for catty gay men to go and vent their frustration at the world. You can talk about how hot Bootsy is, you can talk about Mike’s penis, you can make Photoshopped pictures of the Screenwave guys as women. This is what the place is for. I know, you know, we all know it, just admit it. Why can’t you admit it? It’s not about exposing the “truth” of Cinemassacre. It’s about indulging in your homosexual fantasies about James Rolfe and his hangers on.
How many fucking “cuck” messages are posted there a day? Guys…we get it. You like the idea of black men with big dicks having sex with somebody’s wife. And you. In the ass. That’s what you’re into. No judgement from me. But just admit it. Don’t hide behind “memes”.
It’s like going to a gay porn site and saying, “Hey, I’m only here for the memes, guys.” Fuck off. You’re here to jerk off to homosexual erotica, the same as everyone else here. Just admit you fucking piece of shit. Don’t try to elevate the medium or yourself. You’re a horny homosexual man. And that’s alright. It’s only the dishonesty that I disapprove of.
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Lets talk about NIGHT SWIM – Newt Wallen
0:15 – “I didn’t know anything about this movie until a couple of months ago when people started messaging me and they were like, ‘Wait, Newt, this is a lot like a script that you wrote.’”
Uh huh. Im sure he was inundated with such messages.
Who are these people who are familiar with Newt’s scripts? I’ve never seen a single Newt script. He doesn’t publish them. I mean, that’s sensible, there are a lot of plagiarists out there, but he’s written THOUSANDS of scripts. Apparently. Give us one, Newt. And not that fucking Koni Waves bullshit.
0:30 – “This video is not me saying anybody ripped me off or any fucking shit like that so don’t start that crap.”
He spends the rest of the video talking about how they ripped off his idea.
0:45 – He reveals that he was working with a guy in Portland for some shit tits and gore script that would become Satan’s Slumber Party. The movie never got made, of course. But he’s going to explain how they stole his idea for this Night Swim.
2:45 – Joe from Movie Dumpster “cut” a trailer for this Satan’s Slumber Party. There were other people involved in…something. Military guys. I don’t know. I just have this bullshit on as background. It’s not worth listening to.
Oh, “Fallon and the redhead who I used to work with” get shout outs. Newt, just fuck off. Can you do that? I am so fucking sick of hearing about Horseface. And the way he refuses to say her name is infuriating. He presumably does this because Horseface told him to stop saying her name. But the constant references to her doesn’t follow the spirit of what Horseface is looking for.
Why not just call her Horseface? You wouldn’t be using her name that way.
3:15 – So after that Satan’s Slumber Party thing didn’t go anywhere, the guy who he was working with said that they should do something more low-budget, one location, and the women would need a reason to be in “bathing suits.” Newt actually said “bathing suits”. I don’t know, it just seems really old fashioned to me. Instead of saying “bikinis”. Or “swimsuits”. I think “swimsuits” is better than “bathing suits”. Because you’re not “bathing”. This isn’t the 1920s with those fucking sailor suits that they would wear.
4:00 – So Newt went to the Dollar Store, saw that they were having a sale on pool toys, bought a bunch of them, and then shit out a script called “Floaters”.
It’s some James Rolfe level bullshit about pool toys coming alive and killing people.
5:00 – Horseface was in this “movie” as was some other skank who Newt knew, who he descibes as a “real life Barbie.”
5:45 – After shooting the opening scene, the changed the title to The Amityville Pool Toy Massacre.
By the way, none of this shit ever gets done. He seems to film random scenes but never finishes anything.
6:00 – “I’m not saying that they ripped me off.”
Well, what are you saying then? Because to me, it sounds like you were saying that somebody ripped you off. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely following the story.
11:15 – I have to turn this off. There’s only a minute left but he keeps going on about how this SHIT idea and this SHIT script that he SHIT out in a couple of days was stolen from him. Somehow. I don’t know. Because it’s a movie about pool toys that come to life and that was his idea. He wants credit for this.
This is every fucking James Rolfe “movie”. An inanimate object comes to life and chases people. Literal RETARDS come up with this stuff. It’s not clever, Newt.
Here’s my idea for a movie: an umbrella comes to life and chases people and hot chicks get killed. And they’re out in the rain getting soaked while all of this is happening and they’re wearing white t-shirts so you see their tits.
I wouldn’t waste one fucking second of my life writing a script to that ridiculously juvenile, unfunny, uncreative, stupid bullshit. But Newt does this. And then he wants credit for it. “Hey, I wrote a piece of shit script about pool toys that come to life. Why aren’t I raking in the cash?”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_Swim_(film)
By Newt’s own admission, he wrote this script in 2018.
According to Wikipedia, Night Swim is based on a 2014 short film also called Night Swim.
Gee, Ideas Man. Where do you get your ideas?