This video was actually promoted on the Cinemassacre channel. This complete zero-effort video from this zero-effort “series” that nobody gives the slightest of fucks about. Why this one?
I recently mentioned that I haven’t seen Erin’s channel being promoted on Cinemasscre lately. Is that why? I mean, I’m pretty sure that Erin and Mike read the blog.
I think that’s the entire “series”. They’re all terrible. In fact, they get progressively worse. It’s like the original Planet of the Apes series of five movies. Each one is worse than the last. I still watch them, though.
There used to be a Planet of the Apes 48 hour marathon and I’d watch all day, both days, stopping only for sleep. It was on TBS or TNT or something.
0:00 – “In January 1999, we were still feeling the effects of a jam-packed 1998.”
What in the name of fuck does this even mean?
“Titanic was everywhere, Britney Spears made her debut, and TRL was introduced.”
This so god damned stupid that I’m not even going to dignify it with a response.
0:15 – She says that she got this information from one of Mike’s old Game Pro magazines. She doesn’t say that it was Mike’s but…of course it was Mike’s. And there’s a screenshot of the list. So that’s it. She doesn’t need to continue the video. We can see the list.
And she’s not even going to give the top five. That’s what makes these videos even more puzzling than they already are. She’s just going to give ANY five from this list of twenty. What’s the point? What’s the point of any of this?
She wants pennies from horntards.
0:30 – Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Then she just reads from Nintendo Power. Why is any of this happening?
1:00 – She starts talking about the iQue, some obscure system that nobody knows about and Mike obviously told her about. But she presents herself as an expert who knows about this shit and promises a video on this system soon, presumably using Mike’s iQue.
1:15 – “Anyway, after capturing some footage for this video, it made me interested to possibly stream this some day.”
Go fuck yourself. Everything has to be for a fucking stream or a video. She has no fucking interest in any of this. No interest in video games. She doesn’t play games in her spare time at all. It could not be any more obvious. Why do people continue to watch the videos? Why does she continue the charade?
Then she starts talking about how she streamed the two Castlevania games for the N64 and there’s extended, totally off-topic commentary about that. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ZELDA: OCEAN…WHATEVER OF TIME?
1:45 – “If I do end up having more to say about it, we’ll see if I stream it some day.”
It doesn’t even make sense. Why would she have more to say about a game that she’s never played before? Why would that dictate whether or not she streams it? NOTHING SHE’S SAYING MAKES ANY SENSE.
“Many also regard this as the best Zelda game. Do you?”
Terrible line-reading. Terrible script. This whole thing is terrible.
2:00 – Star Wars: Rogue Squadron.
2:30 – She starts reading from Nintendo Power again because she has absolutely nothing to say about this game that she’s never played before.
3:45 – Spacestation Silicon Valley. She’s a big Spacestation Silicon Valley fan, I’m sure.
“I’ve always been curious about this game but I never gave it a chance before now.”
Die in a fire, Erin.
4:30 – She’s reading from Nintendo Power again because, as she makes clear, she’s never played any of these games before. So why in the name of fuck does she think that she should do a video on this? It’s ridiculous.
6:30 – “I know the first thing that people think of when they hear ‘Buck Bumble’ is the insane theme song.”
Erin…I don’t know any of these games. Not the last two, anyway. But she’s so fucking clueless about video games that she pretends that this is all common knowledge even though she herself knows NOTHING about these games and only discovered them through this video.
7:45 – Second time within 60 seconds that Erin said “gnarly”. I was willing to let the first one pass but she’s a big fan of 1980s California surfer slang, guys. This is not at all put on.
Erin, end the video. I’m nine minutes in and she’s still talking about this.
9:30 – F-Zero. Fucking finally. Why was she talking about that fucking bug game so long? Needed to get to the ten minute mark or whatever the requirement is for monetisation.
9:45 – Nintendo Power again. This is really stale, Erin. REALLY stale.
11:45 – “Did you rent any of these back then?”
None of your fucking business, you fraud. Tell us about what YOU were doing in 1999. It wasn’t renting video games, I’ll tell you that.
“What other systems would you like to know the rental stats on?”
NONE! She’s not even doing that. She’s giving you five basically random games from this list of 20. THERE’S NO POINT TO ANY OF THIS.
Unbelieveably bad video. But Mike wanted to promote this via the Cinemassacre community page.
I don’t think his promotion even helps. This video is at 17,000 views after about a day. Her previous awful Blockbuster video, from a two months ago, which got no promotion, is at 37,000 views.
- “What is this, Did James just asked an AI to make a video for him?”
By the way, she didn’t appear on camera so ShiShi and Joe from Game Sack are REALLY disappointed right now.
A few comments from the brainless faggots on Reddit. “540” and whatnot. Get it? Repetition is funny.
This is the video that’s going to make Erin a superstar. This generic as fuck video that had no purpose about games that she openly admits she never played before. Mike decided that the world needed to know about this video. “Hey, guys! Check out my 40 year old girlfriend’s latest cookie-cutter, pointless video about video games.”
Okay. I’ve seen it, Mike. Now what? What are you hoping to achieve with this? She is never going to be a success with this. You’re not fucking retarded. You must know this. You’re seeing the same videos I am.
This is Erin’s JOB. She’s doing nothing else with her life.
Retro Ali works at Disney World and makes videos on the side.
Pam works in IT and makes videos on the side.
Destiny Fomo works as a prostitute and makes videos on the side.
Pelvic Gamer works…somewhere and makes videos on the side.
Newt works in a movie theatre and makes videos on the side.
John Riggs works as a radio dj and makes videos on the side.
I think that everyone who I write about has an actual job and makes these videos just for some extra money or fun or whatever. Not Erin. Erin is doing NOTHING with her life except these fucking atrocious videos. What is the plan here? You’re going to leech off of Mike forever? She can live to be 1000 and she’ll never be a success on Youtube. We can all see the videos. THEY’RE AWFUL!
No charisma. No interest in video games. No knowledge about video games. It’s been the same for the six years or however long she’s been doing this. I’ve been talking about this for the past five years or however long it’s been. I’ve given her plenty of notice. This is never going to work. You’re a personality blackhole, Erin. You’re not getting any more engaging, you’re not getting any more attractive, and you’re not even getting any more knoweldgable about video games. DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH YOUR LIFE. DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE.
I actually liked the third and fifth Planet of the Apes in the original series. They were kind of funny. But they were shit compared to the original.
I never considered Planet of the Apes to be a comedy. The third one was an interesting twist on the series, assuming that’s Conquest of the Planet of the Apes where they show how the apes are trained and whatnot.
Oh, no, that was the fourth one. The third one is the one where the apes go to present day 1975 or whatever. No, I didn’t like that one. It had a sitcom feel. A lot of corny comedy instead of how society would actually react to the discovery of apes from the future who can talk.
And the fifth one? Where they were driving a schoolbus? And the actor were clearly just wearing ape masks instead of the prostetics? That was like after school tv movie quality. Ham-fisted political commentary as well like the apes doing a peace protest as opposed to the nuaned political commentary of the first movie.
Instead of each movie getting bigger and better, the budgets shrank with each movie. If it was just the special effects budget that was cut, that would be one thing, but the writing budget seemed to get cut.
I can’t remember the titles because they’re so confusing. The third one was so cheesy and bad it’s hilarious. The 4th was the worst of all but the last one closed the time loop and explained how the apes ran the world on the first place. But I watched those marathons too. The one guy who was in all the movies hosted them. Good stuff when you had nothing else to do.
This is one of the very few videos I actively stopped watching. I always give her videos a chance. I mean, they are not that long, and it’s not like I was doing something interesting in those 12 min. But this one really bothered me when she started talking about Castlevania. Yeah, it’s totally unrelated.
And again, with the patronizing. How many fucking times are we going to hear about The Legend Of Zelda 64, and how Doki Doki what-not was not really Mario Bros 2, and all the other “game facts” repeated forever and ever? Really? I mean… fucking really? Who is the intended audience here? Are there new retro gamers being created? Oh man, it’s on me; I should not watch those videos, nobody is forcing me, but… still. At least something funny came out of all this: “Die in a fire, Erin.”
Yeah. She’s completely phoning it in at this point. And even when she was trying, her videos were god awful, of course.
She was 10 or 11 in 1999. She is just lying about experiencing any of the stuff mentioned in this video. I mean, it tracks though, as anything associated with Cinemassacre is plagiarized content.
I was hoping that erin would say how much she was playing the vectrex and using the powerpad back in 1999. at least back then there was no one telling her to make videos of her stepping on shaving cream