Metz Is Back – Newt Wallen

0:00 – The stream starts with PVC Bondage Guy talking about her earrings…and then Newt says that he contacted the company who did his hockey jersey but they never got back to him…this is somehow related to the earrings. Then PVC Bondage Guy says, “That’s okay. You don’t have to do things for me.” Newt replies, “I do. People will only be my friend if I do things for them.”

He’s right. It’s not the case with all of humanity but it’s the case with the segment of humanity who Newt chooses to associate with: prostitutes.

But there’s a whole world of people out there who aren’t prostitutes and…might want to spend time with The Ideas Man? Maybe? I don’t know.

I’m just thinking in terms of relationships. The problem is Newt thinks that he deserves hot chicks. That’s why he spends so much time with prostitutes. And as a result, he gets this warped idea that this is how all women are. No. Just the prostitute segment, Newt.

Find a nice single mother with a few pounds on her and have yourself a good time. Go on normal dates. Maybe go to PVC Bondage Guy’s bowling alley for a wholesome time. Treat her like a normal human being. Try it out for a change. It doesn’t all have to be about depraved buttsex.

I’m just thinking back on single mothers who contacted me on Tinder or whatever. They actually weren’t fat chicks. There were a good few smokeshows. I didn’t respond, of course, because they were single mothers and I was in my early to mid 30s and not interested. The fat chicks were the women without children.

It’s just reality that when you have children, your value in the dating market goes down. So a hot chick who wouldn’t give you the time of day when she didn’t have children, suddenly might start finding you attractive after a failed relationship and a couple of kids.

Anyway, back to this fucking clueless idiot and his mentally ill “friend” who he’s paying for, either directly or indirectly.

1:30 – Newt says that he started a Patreon. Oh yeah. I think somebody left a comment about this on the blog.

Well, he’s getting about $100/month from that shit. That’s more than I expected.

I was checking my bank account today and noticed that I’m getting that much in interest. It’s dogshit. It’s a ridiculously low interest rate. I know that I should invest the money or at least put it into a higher interest account. But it’s money for doing nothing. So whatever. A free £100/month? It pays for my lunches during the month, I guess.

But I was also looking at Newt’s view rates on his Youtube videos. They’re pretty low. It’s not unusual for a video to get 200 views.

So anyway, what do you get for your Patreon dollars?

I don’t know the dollars, the prices are in pounds for me, but £3 gets you the Patreon posts and “chat community”. Whatever that means. The Discord, I guess. The Discord that he promotes regularly and you can join for free.

£8.50 gets you “all of that” (all of nothing) plus “early access”. To what? Maybe he uploads the Youtube videos to Patreon a day earlier or something.

Then a massive jump to £21.50. This one has to give you free blowjobs from PVC Bondage Guy or something.

No. Just “livestreams”. What livestreams? Like the one I’m watching now for free?

Where did he get these prices?

But the fact that he’s getting $100 a month for this, for basically doing nothing, is impressive. I guess. I mean, given how few people seem to be watching his videos.

Maybe I should start a Patreon. Shake down the readership. I don’t think I’d bother with tiers, though. Because look at what fucking Newt did. There’s basically no difference in what you get with these tiers, it’s all nothing, but there’s a huge difference in prices.

I think I’d say five bucks a month and…free life coaching. Advice about moving abroad, picking up chicks or not picking up chicks, writing seminars. It would be like Andrew Tate’s thing but without the prostitution and weird bullshit.

Speaking of writing seminars, Newt could benefit from my proposed Patreon. Because on his Patreon, Mr “I Wrote 1,000 Scripts” says, “Submit your patreon exclusive AMA questions for Metz and I”.

Should be “Metz and me”. Here’s the tip to help you know when to use “I” and when to use “me”, Newt. I learned this hidden gem in the fourth grade. If you take out the other person’s name you should see what’s right. So:

“Submit your Patreon-exclusive AMA questions for I.”


“Submit your Patreon-exclusive AMA questions for me.”

Clearly the latter. Also, I cleaned up the capitalisation and dash usage.

Anyway, how much more of this livestream do I have left? What? I’m only 90 seconds in? We’re going to be here for a while. Another 97 minutes to go.

1:45 – Some horntard got a job at Dollar Tree. Now, I don’t want to sound like I’m denigrating anyone for working at Dollar Tree. It’s a job. There are a lot of problems in late-stage capitalism. It’s not a moral failing if you can’t find a decent job. There are few decent jobs out there.

But I strongly suspect that this guy is mentally retarded. Not because he’s working at Dollar Tree, per se, but because he’s working at Dollar Tree AND in a Newt Wallen livestream. The people who go to these channels, whether it’s Erin or Destiny Fomo or Mike Matei or whoever, are often legit retards.

I’m not making fun of these people. It’s just the way some people are. You can only work with what you’re given. Whatever.

My issue is these scumbag Youtubers taking advantage of literal retards. And they know it. They all know it. Erin and Mike know full well that Games & Movies and ShiShi and Geoffrey are legit, no-fooling, card-carrying, helmet-wearing retards. But they happily take their money month after month. It’s disgusting. This is the business that they’re in. Conning retards.

If I suspect that anyone who comes to the blog is retarded, they’re banned. Just ask GarbageStabber. Because I can’t in good conscious entertain that. If you spent a few years in special education, like GarbageStabber, for example, that’s cool but the blog isn’t for you. There are other ways to spend your time. James Rolfe enjoys Family Matters, for example. Maybe give that a shot.

And I’m not even charging for this “content”. I could not imagine taking money from literal retards.

2:15 – PVC Bondage Guy says that she likes…Twizzlers and Milk Duds? What? This is the most…well, she’s not a confectionary connoisseur, I’ll tell you that.

Twizzlers are fine. If they were in front of me, I’d eat them. They’re a typical waxy, fake, American candy that’s produced in a lab and packed with cancer-causing chemicals. But Red Vines are clearly the superior product.

And Milk Duds? She said that she liked chocolate and this was her example. Milk Duds. I don’t think that Milk Duds even advertise themselves as being chocolate. It’s like fucking Tootsie Rolls. Those aren’t chocolate and they don’t claim to be, if you read the fine print. It’s “chocolate-flavored”.

And the interior of Milk Duds is fucking putrid.

This isn’t me talking down to anyone about the superiority of European chocolate to American chocolate, although, it’s true that Europen chocolate is superior. That’s not worth a discussion. I’m saying that even by the low standards of American chocolate, Milk Duds ARE NOT CHOCOLATE. And whatever they are, they’re shit. It tastes like shit.

4:00 – PVC Bondage Guy is talking about her Christmas wish list that she gave to her mother. It was fucking wrestling shit (books and shit, I assume) and blackout curtains. She’s thrilled with the blackout curtains. I’ve never seen anybody so enthused about blackout curtains.

Stuffed animals were also on her list. Well, that’s…well, is that endearing or should I be creeped out? Because I was thinking that she was going to have weird shit on there. Nipple clamps or whatever. But stuffed animals for a 25 year old woman? Well, whatever. Women like girlie things.

I enjoyed my stuffed animals as a youth. I had maybe 100. I don’t know. Maybe more than that. They all had names. They were all cherished.

Then one day, when I was maybe 14, my mother took them all and put them into our moldy basement, which was basically a death sentence for them. And I panicked and did everything I could to stop it but she couldn’t be reasoned with. A few days later, I secretly hid a large bag of them in my room but she found them and was upset and put them back in the basement.

They were taking up no usable space. They were in my dead father’s closet, where they had been all of my life. He didn’t need the closet.

And it’s not like I was playing with them. I was 14. I was a normal kid. Normal development. But they had sentimental value.

About a year later, my sister was coming out of the basement with arms full of these stuffed animals. She was bringing them to her part-time job at a nursery. This job that meant nothing. This job where the children had toys already. This job where these three year old children are obviously going to destroy these old fucking stuffed animals that have been in the basement for a year now and are moldy.

I tried to prevent my sister from taking them. I was crying. And my scumbag mother physically prevented me from taking those stuffed animals and my bitch sister gleefully left the house with dozens of my stuffed animals to bring to this meaningless job while I’m standing there crying and begging her not to.

A couple of weeks later, my sister’s boss at that job threw all of the stuffed animals into the trash. She said that they were dirty.

Nobody apologised to me for any of this. Nobody even told me about it. I just overheard it.

Why my mother behaved like this, I don’t know. She wasn’t like this with my sisters. But she revelled in cruelty with me. And taking these stuffed animals, which meant a lot to me, kind of teaches you not to care about things and not to care about people.

So she’s old now. She has a nurse living with her. Probably going to die soon. I don’t give the slightest of fucks.

She would always pressure me to visit for Christmas or whatever. Nope. Not doing it. I didn’t even give a reason. I just said no, I don’t want to. Twenty years of this. The one time I did visit, she was her usual scumbag self. Fuck that. I don’t need that. She was a piece of shit as a middle aged woman and she’s a piece of shit as an old woman.

Anyway, stuffed animals. They’re something of a sensitive topic for me.

5:15 – PVC Bondage Guy makes a reference to not being strong and not having the body of a wrestler. I think it’s a reference to this article:

6:00 – Some horntard gave PVC Bondage a Funco Pop but I don’t know who it is and she doesn’t say. It’s some wrestler, I guess. Mick Foley, maybe.

7:15 – PVC Bondage Guy says that she’s recently started going to the gym. This is related to her wrestling school nonsense. The time to go to the gym is BEFORE you start the training. You should already be in shape when you go to a wrestling school. This is not going to work. There’s no chance. And I don’t say this with any pleasure. It’s unforunate. What was she thinking with this? She started watching wrestling like six months ago and now she’s going to a wrestling school? It’s mental illness.

8:00 – She shows her bruise that she got from this school….as if anyone wants to see this. But this is part of her weird sexual…something.

9:00 – PVC Bondage Guy says that she doesn’t want to flex on camera. And she’s talking about how much her physique has improved…after one week of going to the gym. ONE WEEK!

Why is nobody stopping this woman? I understand that she’s delusional and has mental health problems but why is nobody around her clueing her in? You’re not getting massive gains after a week. This isn’t the way that human physiology works.

12:15 – PVC Bondage Guy takes her sweater off and says, “You can see that my arms are a lot more toned now.” Umm…let’s move on.

She also injured her arm at this training. This is all boding well.

She says that she can carry bowling balls at work more easily now. This is…let’s just move on.

20:15 – Horseface reference, I think. Or Newt was drunk with somebody in his bathtub. Who gives a shit? This perverted shit doesn’t do it for me, guys. There was a lot of this, of course. People asking if PVC Bondage Guy is more sado than masochist. Cunningulus while on one’s period. Shit like this. I don’t give a fuck. This isn’t the seventh grade. I don’t find this shit shocking. I find it boring.

27:30 – Newt is talking about a dream he had about porn now. I think I’m good.

5 thoughts on “Metz Is Back – Newt Wallen

  1. Thank you for documenting this madness, it’s dark and hilarious. One week at the gym? Get the F out of here. I haven’t been to one in years, unfortunately. But that first week is hell. It usually takes a week just to recover from insane soreness after your first go at it in a long time. If you actually do a proper, hard workout anyway. Then you ease into it and can do it more and more etc, we all know this. Anyway. Just fucking weird, all around.

    1. I’ve never been to the gym but I was working out with dumbbells when I was PVC Bondage Guy’s age for hours a day. Maybe I saw results after a week. But I was really slim.

      I did it for a year, maybe. Every day, hours a day. Never exactly got a wrestler’s physique from that.

      Good for her for working out, I guess. Kind of cool to see the progression, as she expressed in the video, being able to carry bowling balls more easily and whatnot. So keep up the good work, PVC Bondage Guy. But the wrestling school…eugh…you’re wasting your time.

  2. 1) It’s funny he says he deserves hot chicks or whatever. Boogie in his stupid paid promo documentary says the exact same thing “I deserve this” LA 10s(?) I guess this means hot women. Why? Why does he deserve this? He’s a retarded fat tub of shit who should have eaten a gun years ago. If he didn’t win the YouTube lottery he’d be in an oversized pine box in Hicksville. So he deserves hot women? What does he do? Pays a ladyboy for an “around the world” and he quits because it was such a disgusting experience! It could be a women but the voice changer thing was so deep it was like a queer man. But I’ve never heard a women on a voice changer sound like a queer man.
    Newt deserves this too apparently. Just say “I want this” that’s respectable that’s honest.
    2) the patreon is shit. He can’t even think up creative phrases to draw suckers in You can copy the same template everyone else does “pay me $10 and you’ll be officially super awesome!” Or some dumb shit. No he can’t be bothered to plagiarize that. I’d say that’s ok because every patreon is the same anyway.
    3) the “she and I” shit is funny. Like it’s the only thing anyone remembers from English class. Don’t say me and him! Or whatever. I saw someone on facebook with a photo caption “my friend and I” well yeah if your friend wasn’t there would you just say I? I period. How weird is it that English has a word for yourself that’s one letter and we capitalize it? It makes you wonder if Matei ever brought this up with discussing Mac & Me.
    4) I disagree with the concept of “late stage capitalism” as it implies the current system will end soon and replaced with something else, likely communism. I don’t work at dollar tree but I’ve had shitty low pay jobs and still thanked god daily I didn’t live in Cuba or some other hellhole where a job as cushy and high paying as dollar tree is impossible. Sure I want everyone to have more money but there’s never been a better way thought up than what we have. I don’t think there can be.
    5)big serious thanks for letting free speech rule here and at the same time keeping garbage stabber (fuck you!!) off here. I like all the comments here, few that there are. All intelligent and interesting with mostly good grammar and punctuation. Garbage stabber and his insanity is not speech. It is not. It produces nothing and has no value or meaning. Fuck him
    6) my mom was big on making me throw out stuff too. Magazines and books were “fire hazards.” How? They just were. Houses do burn down but it’s rare and it’s almost never a stack of Nintendo Powers in the closet.

    1. Newt never expressly said that he deserves hot chicks but it’s implied in everything he says and does.

      And then you see the hot chicks who he manages to get and it’s…what? A 3/10 prostitute? What’s the point?

      1. Yeah just say I want to fuck hot chicks. It’s natural and easy to understand and it’s honest. Not this I deserve shit like someone is holding you back

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