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Rarity: Retro Video Game Collecting in the Modern Era | Full Movie (Part 3 of 3)
35:00 – “I’m glad that there are people grading video games because they’re doing history a favour.”
This is shameful. I don’t know who this guy is, by the way. He appeared earlier in the video but I don’t know him. But no, people who grade video games are not doing anything. This is completely inconsequential. When I go to the museum, I don’t see baseball cards and Elvis commemorative plates. This is not history that’s particularly worth preserving in this fashion. We certainly don’t need thousands of sealed copies of Super Mario Bros 2. There aren’t enough museums in the world for keeping this shit and it’s of limited historical value.
How many books do you even see in museums? It’s boring as fuck. Who wants to look at an old book? You obviously can’t flip through it. It’s just open to one page in a display cabinet. You can look at the nice handwriting (because if a book is old enough to be displayed in a museum it probably pre-dates the printing press) and then you move on.
But there must be loads of books that are are of historical significance. Maybe this all-American hero Deniz Kahn or whatever should start “preserving” those. For free. Because this guy who was talking was kind of suggesting that this is an altruistic act.
35:30 – Now we get Deniz Kahn openly promoting his company.
By the way, Deniz Kahn is not a big fat guy with a beard. So we know what that means. FAKE GAMER! This is all just a money-making endevour for him.
They’re showing footage of these sealed games behind a glass display case, like in a museum. And it just dawned on me how preposterous this would be. Who the fuck would go to a museum to see BOXES?
38:15 – Some complete lunatic in front of shelves of games. He says that he has $20 million worth of sealed games. He promotes Deniz Kahn’s company. This is fucking shameless. This is just an ad for the guy’s company.
Then this guy starts shitting on VGA, which is another company who grades video games. It’s unbelievable.
43:00 – This guy goes on and on about how people are jealous of him. What the fuck? How sensitive is this guy? This is playground behaviour. Nobody cares about your fucking game collection. Nobody says, “Oh, I wish that I had an alleged $20 million worth of boxes.” You do your thing and if you’re confident in yourself, you won’t give a shit what other people have to say. Even if they are saying these things, which they aren’t.
By the way, this guy is in a cavernous room, sitting behind a huge table, and there’s a huge painting behind him like he’s some mafia don. He’s a dentist. He’s a dentist with a small penis so he’s buying all of this extravagant shit to make himself feel better about himself. No. You’re still a giant nerd who women aren’t interested in. No amount of boxes will overcome that.
44:30 – Now some other nerd is confirming what this dentist nerd had to say about jealousy. Yes, you fucking faggots. We’re all deeply jealous at your VIDEO GAME collection. That’s right. I wish that I had that pussy repellant in my home.
You look at Justin Silverman, for example, and he had that Gengar collection. He made a video on it. And I thought, “Well, that’s kind of cool. He has some interesting stuff here. It’s nice that he has a hobby.”
Not once did I think, “Oh, I wish I had a Gengar collection. I’m so jealous of Justin Silverman and his Gengar collection.”
It’s completely delusional. NOBODY is jealous of these giant fucking sexless nerds. If you want to spend money on video games, feel free. Is this a bad investment? I don’t know and I don’t care. You do your own thing. I don’t give a shit.
45:30 – Fedora Faggot is talking about Deniz Kahn getting death threats. WHAT IS THIS ABOUT? WHY IS THIS IN THE “DOCUMENTARY”? It’s totally irrelevant. Why is there this hyperfocus on on Deniz Kahn’s business? THIS IS AN ADVERTISEMENT. And now we’re supposed to see Deniz Kahn as some persecuted Christ-like figure.
Then Fedora Faggot starts talking about his long “relationship” with Deniz Kahn. Uh huh. I’ll bet. And what a great guy Deniz Kahn and how he’s a true collector.
WHO CARES? WHY IS ALL OF THIS IN HERE? THIS IS NOT THE DENIZ KAHN STORY!
46:45 – Now we get to hear from our Lord and Saviour Deniz Kahn some more. He’s showing some Disney art that he got. What the fuck is this? What does this have to do with…this is supposed to be about collecting retro video games, right? Not The Life and Times of Deniz Kahn.
46:45 – Now Deniz Kahn is showing some “standees” (large cardboard cutouts). It’s Goro from Mortal Kombat wearing an uncomfortably small thong. And a plastic statue of Mario is pointing at Goro’s genitals. What the fuck? Does anybody really need to see this particular part of this man’s collection? Maybe Fedora Faggot would be interested in this but I’m not.
52:30 – Now we’re on Level 3. Like in video games, you know. “The Rarest Console in the World”.
Oh, I’m on tenterhooks over here.
52:45 – Donny Fillerup. Uh huh. He’s from the Netherlands. And you know that he’s from the Netherlands because they have fruity music playing and stock footage of canals and people on bicycles.
God. Fuck off, Edward Whoever, who “directed” this piece of shit. Enough with the casual racism. People are not stereotypes. Your identity is more than the place that you were born or the place where you live. People from the Netherlands have a wide range of behaviours and beliefs, just like people from the US do. They’re not all jacking each other off in romantic canal trips.
When JOHN RIGGS was introduced, where was the stock footage of cowboys and 1920s gangsters? John Riggs is an American, right? That means that he’s a cowboy and/or a 1920s gangster. Show us via stock footage. We need to know what to expect when John Riggs talks. He’s going to be talking about his love of wrangling cattle in his thick American drawl. “Yes, ma’am I reckon I do enjoy ya’ll purple-haired ladies.” That’s totally John Riggs. He’s an American after all, isn’t he?
By the way, Donny Fillerup is quite possibly the fattest man in the Netherlands but probably only average-sized when compared to the rest of the people in this video.
53:15 – I could swear that this guy was talking about a “condom controller” but maybe he said Gundam.
They’re playing weird, staticky tecno music throughout this. You know, because he’s from the Netherlands. They love staticky techno music over there.
58:30 – Now we’re on Level 4. So Level 3 was a short level. Who designed this game? It was just this Dutch guy talking about his console collection. It was interesting enough but it seems out of place.
So Level 4 is “The Anti-Nintendo Game”. Whatever that means. Non-kid-friendly, I guess. Maybe John Riggs is going to talk about his hentai game collection.
58:45 – John Hancock is talking about his childhood in rural California. But…the story is just about renting video games. I don’t care. Why did he introduce rural California? I was expecting a story about…you know…life in rural California.
59:45 – John Riggs. He’s talking about going to the video game rental store even when he didn’t have money, just to look at the games. Why his parents didn’t take him to see a therapist, I have no idea. But this is what happens when you neglect your child’s mental health needs. You end up with John Riggs.
By the way, I think that they’re showing footage of a game that John Riggs made. So…it’s an ad for his game.
1:01:45 – Finally, we see this amazing director again, Edward Payson. I’d recognise that hair anywhere.
1:06:45 – By the way, this Frank Zappa impersonator gets my award for the least annoying person in the video. For whatever that’s worth. He’s also the only person in this thing to denounce graded video games.
1:07:21 – What the fuck? If you’re jerking off to this video, time yourself to here. Inexplicably, there’s public domain footage of two Slavic strippers. This is in reference to some guy talking about how people were trying to make “adult” games for the NES. But…what do the strippers add to this? It doesn’t help illustrate anything. This is just gratuitous.
And then immediately after that, this guy is talking about companies wanting to sell Christian games so there’s public domain footage of a family eating dinner. Somehow this indicates that they’re Christian? Maybe they were praying. It only flashed on screen for a second.
1:07:30 – Fedora Fag holding a copy of Bible Adventures. Leviticus 18:22, my friend.
Hallelujah is playing. Thanks for really plumbing the depths of theological music. This guy is clearly a scholar on the subject.
1:09:45 – Deniz Kahn again. Eugh. Fuck this guy. I understand why people hate him.
He finds the word “dongle” funny. It seems that he’s never encountered the word before and thinks that it’s unique to these games that he’s showing. No, you moron. It’s common in high end commercial software.
He just thought it was funny because of “dong”. He was thinking about Fedora Fag’s dong.
1:14:15 – This Swedish woman again. She’s talking about erotic video games. Uh huh. Tell me more.
Actually, for the past five minutes, that’s been the topic. Porn games and that retarded Chiller game. Not interested when fat, bearded gay men were talking about this shit, but suddenly my interest is piqued.
1:16:30 – This Swedish woman is talking about a game called Softporn Adventure, which was apparently the prequel (of sorts) to Leisure Suit Larry. She points out that Roberta Williams is on the cover and she made the game. Let me look this up.
Oh, it’s a text-only adventure game and the first Leisure Suit Larry does seem to be based on this game.
Is Roberta Williams really on the cover in this hot tub though? Holy shit, she is. I learned something then.
Then this woman goes on to say that Roberta Williams also made “Knight’s Quest”. It’s just an interpretation error from this woman, presumably.
I had a deck of playing cards from Sweden as a kid and the jacks were called knights. Instead of a “J”, there was a “K”. How crazy is that? Playing card differences. Wild stuff. Makes more sense, though. What the fuck is a jack?
1:18:00 – Level 5. This better be it.
1:21:15 – This guy is basically saying that his hoarding of video games prevents him from getting a girlfriend. Or probably in his case a boyfriend.
1:21:45 – Deniz Kahn talking about his family in Turkey, presumably. “It’s a cultural thing, like I said. It’s very American to collect stuff.”
This guy doesn’t have a fucking clue. And in this very video, they showed a Swedish woman and a Dutch man showing off their collections.
But this fucking imbecile keeps insisting that obsessive consumerism is unique to America. And he’s presenting it as a POSITIVE thing.
He says that his relatives in Turkey don’t understand this guy’s hoarding because it’s not part of Turkish culture. I don’t even know where to begin with this. He’s a fucking moron. Let’s move on.
1:22:15 – Now “Kid” Shoryuken is talking about how collecting video games is kind of “taboo” in Japan. He gives examples of people who are obsessed with manga, for example, so they have extensive manga collections.
Please explain how this disdain for giant nerds is in any way unique to Japan. IT’S UNIVERSAL!
1:24:30 – Super Video Gamer Gal aka Super Retro Gal aka Super Awkward Gal. She says that she met her husband two weeks after she bought a Nintendo 64. What’s the relevance?
She says that for her marriage, she walked down the aisle to a Legend of Zelda song. And she says this without even a hint of embarrassment or regret.
There was also a Nintendo 64 at her wedding, which was in like 2015, I assume. Maybe later. They met in 2014. I don’t think she gives the date of the wedding. And there are pictures of her and her husband holding N64 controllers at their wedding. How fucking humiliating is this?
How awkward must it have been for the people who attended the wedding? You go to a wedding and you expect a certain level of decorum. These fucking morons have a Nintendo 64-themed wedding. They’re playing Donkey Kong Country music at the wedding. And I don’t just mean the reception, which would be bad enough, but I mean during the actual wedding.
1:25:30 – Now she’s showing her husband’s Mario Underoos from when he was a child. What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Vintage skidmarks?
She says that she loves them. Direct quote. “I love them.”
When she found them in a box of her husband’s old shit, she said, “We’re putting these on the wall.”
What? WHO HANGS UNDERWEAR ON THEIR WALL? And these are CHILDREN’S underwear. Not that it even makes a difference. I can’t think of ANY underwear that’s suitable to be displayed on a wall.
Imagine going to somebody’s house and seeing a pair of children’s underpants on the wall. You would jump from the nearest window to get out of that place. These people are obviously lunatics and they’re going to torture you if you stay any longer. This is John Wayne Gacy shit.
1:25:45 – “We’re really not too sure where these came from.”
FROM YOUR HUSBAND’S ASS! AS AN EIGHT YEAR OLD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
By the way, speaking of John Wayne Gacy, this is a woman who killed her husband’s grandfather to inherit his house. I documented all of this. Here’s a particularly egregious video that she made when this poor man was still alive.
He had dementia or something. One morning he fell and was disorientated. So Super Awkward Gal said, “Oopsie. Up you go, Pops” and then went to work, leaving this man with severe dementia alone all day. When she came home, he fell again. He probably fell numerous times during the day. So they took him to the hospital and it turned out that he had a stroke or a heart attack. Probably multiple strokes and/or heart attacks.
I talk about this here:
She HATED that man. You saw it in every video. Hated him. Resented him. She was unable to work because she had to take care of him. But then one day she just said, “Fuck it. I’m going back to work. You’re on your own, Pops.” And he died shortly after.
Absolutely hated that man. I’ve never seen something so evil. She would take videos with that man and the contempt was obvious. In that first article I link to, she’s shown PUTTING HIM IN THE BATHTUB. Right there on fucking Youtube. How undignified. Do you think Pops wanted his bathtime activities to be on fucking Youtube?
Well, they got his house now so mission accomplished.
1:26:15 – Super Awkward Gal is still holding these children’s underpants and she says, “Everybody is always like, ‘Oh, that’s gross’ but you wash underwear and you wear it all the time.”
Yeah. You wear it. You don’t display it on your fucking wall. What is wrong with this lunatic?
People are telling her, “Hey. Take the fucking underwear down from the wall. It’s making me uncomfortable” and she still doesn’t get it.
Are these even worth anything? Let me check Ebay. I do not want to know who’s selling used children’s underpants.
I’m not really seeing anything similar and frankly, I don’t want to look any more.
1:26:30 – “If my husband one day walked away from the retro video game world, I would be so excited because I would get all of these video games.”
What? How does that follow? Same way that she got the house from Pops, I guess. Is she suggesting that she’s going to kill her husband too?
What a bizarre comment. Why would she assume that she would get all of his games? It doesn’t make sense. They’re his games. If he’s not longer interested in them, he would sell them, surely. He wouldn’t just say, “I’m not interested in this shit any more. Here, you take this collection that’s worth thousands of dollars.”
And her response is all about her. What she would get if her husband stopped collecting.
Why is this even a question? What would she do if her husband stopped collecting? Who asked this question? I suspect that she did.
Oh my god. Then she says that she would divorce her husband if he stopped being interested in video games. Not even joking. I have to get the quote now because people won’t believe me otherwise.
“If he walked away from it and said, ‘I don’t want to see a retro video game for the rest of my life’, we would probably have a bigger issue than just our collection because there’s no way I think I could be with somebody who could not be into video games or support somebody who likes something. It’s a big thing to be supportive of each other and have those connections with something.”
Unbelieveable. This is straight up psycopath behaviour. No empathy for other people. It’s all about her.
She talks about being supportive of each other but she’s just talking about him being supportive of her. Because she made it clear that he’s out the door if he ever loses interest in video games. Forget about all of these other shared interested and experiences and whatever that they presumably have. Video games is it. I don’t care about all of the time that we’ve spent together, the connections we’ve made, or you as a human being. If you don’t like video games, it’s over and I’m going to get Pops’ house in the divorce.
It’s fucking digusting. And she submitted this video. She thinks that these are appropriate comments.
1:27:15 – So now there’s some other psychopath talking about how his wife had cancer. Unfortunately, it’s not Super Awkard Gal’s husband speaking. So he says that he needed something to distract himself from his wife having cancer.
Un-fucking-believable. He’s actually going to tell a story about how he sunk all of his money into video games after his wife’s CANCER DIAGNOSIS. You know, instead of maybe saving it for the inevitable MEDICAL BILLS.
“I needed something to distract myself from that part of my life and wanting to get into something new.”
I’m completely speechless. His wife gets diagnosed with cancer. So what’s his response? “Well, out with the old (my cancer-ridden wife), in with the new (video games).”
This guy saw nothing wrong with any of this. He released this video. And there are pictures shown throughout this of this guy’s wife, bald from chemotherapy, and their daughter. Fuck those people. I want to play some Wario’s Woods now.
“So I basically started liquidating my toys and comics and started funneling, it en masse, into a video game collection.”
And there’s footage of this man’s daughter, whose mother is near death, toddling along and putting video games into a bag. This guy sold his toy collection over this. Toys that this girl probably enjoyed and played with. So first she loses her toys, then she loses her mother. And this was all orchestrated. This guy is in a “documentary” BOASTING about this. Boasting about how he sold his comic book and toy collection to buy VIDEO GAMES right after his wife was diagnosed with CANCER.
This guy really needs to get with Super Awkward Gal after Super Awkward Gal kills her husband. This is a couple who were made for each other.
Then he says that his wife died and he was her primary caretaker, “For that entire journey, which was about four years.”
It’s the same fucking disdain and resentment that Super Awkard Gal would give when talking about her husband’s grandfather. What a burden it is to have to care for somebody. IT’S YOUR WIFE, YOU FAGGOT.
“When she was diagnosed terminal, which means no chance of ultimate survival, she wouldn’t be able to be cured at that point, then her life insurance policy unexpectedly paid out.”
AND HE’S LAUGHING AT THIS! His eyes lit up when he mentioned the life insurance. I can’t fucking believe this. Have the police been shown this video? It seems like this guy should be prosecuted for something. Check under the floorboards of this guy’s home.
Oh my…what? I have to back up and quote this too.
1:28:00 – He’s talking about what he did with the money. “So we did lots of responsible, adult things with most of that money but then afterwards, she had some left over and she came to me and she said, ‘Hey, you stuck through me with this, and you took care of me, and I love you. I’d love to do something for you. What do you want? This was the copy of Stadium Events that my wife bought me.”
Unbelieveable. This guy thinks that he deserves a reward for taking care of his WIFE.
My girlfriend comes to me and says, “I have cancer. It’s terminal. I don’t have long to live. But I appreciate you sticking with me and taking care of me. What can I do for you? What do you want?”
I’d tell her that what I want is to spend as much time as possible with her. I’d tell her not worry about how I took care of her. I’d tell her that I was happy to take care of her.
You know what I wouldn’t say? “Well, I could use a Stadium Events.”
It’s unbelievable. This guy’s wife, the mother of his child, is dying from cancer, and while she’s still alive, he’s spending TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS on a VIDEO GAME.
This is so beyond deplorable that I don’t even know what to say. And this is being presented as a positive thing?
Maybe put that money away FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. No, I’m going to get Stadium Events.
Then he says that it’s his favourite “piece” but not because of the monetary value, but because of the sentimental value. Oh my fucking god. This guy is insane.
And he only started collecting like four years earlier. After his wife’s cancer diagnosis. But now he’s all about video games.
And he’s showing this game in his room that’s full of shelves of games. Shelves of games that he purchased within the past five years or so. And he’s a single father to a young child. He must have put tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars into this.
Then he just starts talking about the goals he set for his video game collection. Okay, dead wife, that part is over. Now it’s time to focus on video games.
He says that he got an entire Super Nintendo set of games in two and a half months. Reminder: his daughter’s mother recently died or was terminally ill. And he’s spending this money on VIDEO GAMES.
1:29:45 – “I started to get to the point where I started to get bored with games.”
Just like he got bored with his wife. Presumably, this guy has a large insurance policy on his game collection. Expect a house fire soon. Hopefully, he’s not also bored with his daughter so he brings her with him while the house is ablaze.
So anyway, this guy is showing the various non-video game shit that he has in his collection now. They’re video game related but not actual cartridges or whatever. He’s showing a lot of rare and expensive stuff. Reminder: he only started collecting within the last five years, when his wife was diagnosed with cancer.
I just can’t get over this. Let me get this guy’s name.
Stephan Reese. He owns something called The Art of Nintendo Power. Whatever that means. Let’s see if I can find this guy. Hopefully he’s in prison.
https://www.instagram.com/art_of_nintendo_power/
There’s his Instagram. Bunch of pictures of his unfortuante daughter who has short, pink/purple hair. In some of these, she’s nearly bald. Hopefully she doesn’t have cancer too. Well, if she does have cancer that just means another copy of Stadium Events for this guy.
https://www.youtube.com/@ArtofNintendoPower
There’s his Youtube channel. Three thousand subscribers, he rarely uploads, and nobody is watching the videos. So at least there’s that.
“I’m Stephan. I have been collecting rare and unique retro gaming artifacts for a number of years now”
That’s from his description. Yeah. FIVE years. Why be vague about it? It’s FIVE. Since your wife’s cancer diagnosis. You wanted a distraction from that unpleasantness.
God, this might just be the worst human being I’ve ever encountered.
“Please remember to be kind to those of us having a hard day today for whatever the reason. It takes no effort to be kind.”
This from a man who absolutely reveled in his wife’s painful, cancer-ridden death. Fuck you, asshole.
1:35:45 – Back to the video. We’re at Deniz Kahn. You know things are bad when it’s a relief to see Deniz Kahn. Deniz Kahn is a complete scumbag piece of shit but he’s Mother Theresa compared to Stephan Reese.
So anyway, Deniz is apparently BFFs with Stephan Reese. Eugh. I should have guessed.
1:37:00 – Stephan is back. “Rarity is a subjective thing to talk about especially when you’re talking about the value of things. At the very rare end, where you’re talking about one of a kind or just a couple of something in existence, it’s very hard to talk about value.”
This faggot’s wife was one of a kind and he easily placed a value on her: $0.
This guy has apparently spent hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars on this collection that he only started within the past five years, after his wife’s cancer diagnosis. Where did this money come from? According to his Twitter, he works at some video game company. How much can that job possibly pay? Maybe his wife had an enormous life insurance policy.
Then the video just abruptly ends. WITH THIS GUY! This is how they ended the video. With this complete psychopath.
8,800 views after ten months. This thing was not a hit. But Edward Whatever, according to his IMDB, is already working on a “sequel”.
Let’s check out the comments. This article went on WAY too long but I just could not believe that last guy and his unconscionable behaviour towards his wife and daughter. And it was just presented like this was normal. Oh, sure, everybody disposes of their wife after her cancer diagnosis and moves on to video games instead. Totally normal.
- “Screw this, i didn’t know this was a giant commercial. Stopped watch, get this trash out of my feed”
It’s true. This was an ad for this grading company. It was also full of complete psychopaths from Stephan to Super Awkward Gal to Deniz Kahn.
- “Did wata sponsor this? All the wata stuff felt so scripted, especially the dentist dude.”
- “One of the most irresponsible “documentaries” I’ve ever seen. There is some good stuff peppered throughout but the shilling for WATA and the time spent with that disgusting dentist upset me when I watched this a year ago and I’m still mad.”
A lot of comments like this.
- “Old mate that lost his wife to cancer, rough story, I bet he’d give it all back for his wife. I don’t say that to be an arsehole, just an observation on the important of ephemera. Very very cool collection though.”
I’m not sure that we were watching the same video.
- “What a weird way to start the documentary with the quote of a child murderer.”
I didn’t even notice but it’s fitting, given the inclusions of Stephan and Super Awkward Gal.
I was watching the credits just now, because somebody in the comments mentioned Screenwave, and at 1:40:30, it says, “In Memory of Heather Reese.” This is the woman who Stephan reveled in the death of. Absolutely disgusting. Would she want to be associated with a video where her husband talked about how he wanted to move on from her cancer diagnosis by purchasing video games?
Anyway, did Screenwave have some involvement with this “documentary”? It would make sense if they did.
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Rarity: Retro Video Game Collecting in the Modern Era | Full Movie (Part 2)
Let’s resume the “fun”.
10:15 – This is Heidi. She’s a big “gamer” from Sweden. She has a blog here:
https://retro-video-gaming.com/about/
Hasn’t been updated since 2018.
She’s also on Youtube. That ended in 2017. Her Twitter must still be active though, right? No. She quit Twitter in 2019. Instagram? “Site not found.”
So why is she in the video? Because the video exists just as a circle jerk promotional vehicle. The “Youtubers” get to advertise their channels in this “documentary”, and in turn the “Youtubers” will advertise this “documentary” on their channels. But this woman has nothing to promote and no way to promote the “documentary.” So what’s the point? This “director” just decided that he needed to fill a quota? “It can’t just be all fat guys. Let’s try to find some reasonably slim women.”
Oh my god. It took me a while to figure out what she’s saying. She’s talking about vinyl records. And she says “vin-el” as opposed to “vine-l”. Short “I” instead of long “I”.
I know that she’s Swedish and English isn’t her first language and it makes sense that “vinyl” would be pronounced with a short “I” but why didn’t this “director” tell her about this and ask her to re-do her segment? Or at least ask her if she wants to redo it.
11:15 – Literal fat bearded guy in a fedora with a nasally voice.
12:00 – Pretty sure that this is a gay couple. The one guy has numerous piercings and is wearing nail polish. Couple of fat old bears.
Can we get some twinks in here? Why is everybody a fat bearded guy in the retro gaming sphere? And it’s not just the “Youtubers”. Whenever I see a video of one of these nerd conventions, 90% of the people in attendance are big, fat, bearded guys. Hot young studs aren’t interested in video games, I guess.
12:30 – Speaking of fags, we’ve got this guy again. I can’t remember his name or why he was annoying but he was.
13:30 – James Rolfe is back. He’s not a big, gay, bearded bear at least. Of course, he’s also not interested in video games.
Oh my god. The truth was right in front of us the whole time. We should have known that James wasn’t a “gamer” from day one. “Wait a minute…a gamer who isn’t a big fat guy with a beard? Impossible.”
“I wouldn’t recommend to the common person to fill up an entire room in their house of video games…or movies or anything, which is what I do.”
Yeah. Movies. James hordes movies. But…this is about video games. So why even include this guy? He’s at pains to CONSTANTLY say that he’s not fucking interested in video games. And that’s fine. What the fuck do I care what hobbies anyone has? But he doesn’t belong in this “documentary”.
And his use of the phrase “common person” is telling. James has an extremely inflated sense of his own self-worth. You saw this constantly in his autobiography. I reviewed his horrible book here, by the way:
I did a pretty good job of it, I have to say. The omnibus is better but the review is shorter so it’s up to you and your time commitments. Something for everybody.
Then after James gets through talking, there’s a weird animated credit sequence…like the video is over. But…sadly…it’s not. That was…a really weird artistic choice by my new favourite director Edward whatever his last name is.
By the way, speaking of this director, he constantly will intersplice some kind of random, possibly public domain “gaming” footage into these talking head videos. Footage of somebody playing a video game or footage from a video game store or something. It’s really distracting because you know that he’s only doing this to break up the monotony of having to stare at John Riggs for 30 straight seconds or whatever.
14:15 – James says that it’s more special to find a game in person. Then he concludes with “That’s a lot more rare for me nowadays.” Yet again, he’s saying that he doesn’t fucking buy video games. SO WHY IS HE IN THE VIDEO?
16:30 – Some other guy guy with a beard. At least he seems reasonably fit.
17:15 – Fedora faggot again. I mean, I know it’s not entertaining for me to just call everybody gay and move on but this is fucking painful and there’s nothing else to say. It’s a gay fat man with a beard and a fedora. Does it get any more stereotypical than this? Where’s that fucking Swedish woman? Bring her back.
So this guy tells a story about getting into a guy’s car, a guy who he didn’t know, being driven 45 minutes away, and going to a house full of “cocaine-addicted swingers.” He never mentions anyone’s gender, by the way. THESE ARE ALL DUDES. I GUARANTEE IT. And this guy got into this stranger’s car, not because he wanted to check out video games but because he wanted in on this gay, coke-fueled orgy.
Amazingly, this director was able to get public domain footage of a gay orgy involving a guy wearing a fedora. I’m not even joking. So I give full marks to the director for being able to find footage that specific.
20:45 – This gay duo is back. The one guy says, “So much pain. So much misery.” And they’re in a dimly-lit sex dungeon or something. I really don’t need to know about this. I mean, I’m an open-minded guy but I don’t want to think about this. This is supposed to be a video about retro video games. Not gay BDSM.
I’d be equally outraged if I was watching a video about gay BDSM and then suddenly somebody started talking about retro video games. It’s just that there’s a time and a place.
By the way, the topic of this segment of the video is how these various scumbag “Youtubers” got video games for pennies from impoverished people who didn’t know any better.
24:30 – Back to Deniz Kahn. Fuck this guy. He’s going to talk about how graded games are the bedrock of America.
Then he’s showing home videos. I could swear that this guy is Jewish. Is he not Jewish? No. Deniz is a Turkish name and he had on Linkedin that he spoke Turkish. Well, his lust for money accords with the Chosen People anyway.
Wait…is it possible that he’s a Turkish Jew? Are there Jewish people in Turkey? Who knows?
26:00 – Oh, it’s “Kid” Shoryuken. He’s wearing his trademark beanie because he’s a bald man who’s self-conscious. He has the bangs of an 8 year old boy, though.
Credit where credit is due, he’s a big fat guy but at least he doesn’t have a beard. So at least he has that going for him. Mix it up a little. It’s not a strict uniform, guys. You can do you what you want.
Why do these fat nerds seem to gravitate to beards? Does it make their face look slimmer? I think that might be it. But you know what else would make your face look slimmer? Diet and exercise.
So anyway, “Kid” whatever is talking about how he moved to Japan in 2005 and that’s when he started buying games, in stores at least. And as soon as he says “Japan” some racist Japanese music starts playing. The music itself isn’t racist but it’s stereotypical Japanese music. Why include this? When that Swedish woman was talking, they didn’t start playing Abba’s greatest hits.
27:30 – I’m on chapter 2 now. I guess. They call it “level 2”. Get it? Like a video game.
28:00 – You have got to be kidding me. “Kid” whatever says that Japanese people take good care of their games because of the history of Shintoism in Japan. Oh, do tell. I have to hear this.
“You can have an attachment to something. It’s my understanding that in Shinto, even something like a doll can develop a soul if you attach an emotion, an attachment to it. Maybe there’s some soul that’s attached to a piece of art because of the emotion that you attach to it. It compels people to take better care of things that you can put into an artistic context. You could argue that this box is a piece of art. This manual is a piece of art. The cartridge, all of this, it’s all art.”
This New York prostitute is a piece of art. This 20 year old ladyboy is a piece of art. I just want to stick my dick into all of this art and give it a soul. That’s what Shintoism is all about. Oh, and taking good care of your video game collection.
Yeah, I think I’ll do a little more research on Shintoism before I take your word on this one, “Kid” Whatever.
28:45 – Oh, John Hancock. I never got into him. I know that a lot of people hate him but I just never watched his videos or investigated his scam museum or whatever the problem is. But I’m sure he’s an asshole like the rest of these people.
30:15 – Fedora Fag is back.
31:45 – Some other fag is talking about how great it is to get your games graded. A significant portion of this video seems like an advertisement for that one asshole’s video game grading company. The guy who owns the company also shilled for his company during a segment.
Well, the next guy does start out by saying that grading games has had a negative effect on collecting. So maybe it’s not a straight forward advertisement.
32:45 – Some new guy is talking. A fat Indian guy. You don’t see that often. You don’t see many fat Indian guys. So this guy must have REALLY tried to fit in with the fatass “gamer” demographic. No beard, though. That’s disappointing.
I made it to 35:00. That’s as much as I can do today.
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Checking out Erin’s Instagram for the First Time
https://www.instagram.com/erinplays.jpeg/
I can’t believe that I’ve never done this before. I must have looked at her Instagram at some point but I never really wrote about it.
So it’s “erinplays dot jpeg”. She doesn’t even know what a fucking jpeg is. But this is supposed to be “cute”. We’re supposed to be laughing at how cute and witty Erin is by using such a stupid Instagram account name.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CtmRMSRRqGK/
There’s a picture of some Power Rangers soap that she found in her parents’ home. She must be in California yet again on one of her twice-monthly trips there.
“I’ve been meaning to post this for months- This Power Rangers soap has been in my parents house since the mid 90s and it’s never leaving at this point”
Yeah. Erin “always” “forgets” to post this Power Rangers soap during her constant trips to visit her parents.
By the way, I don’t have an Instagram account so I can only ready the first seven comments. That sucks. But I’m not getting an Instagram account just for this shit.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CtiWNS6r90Z/
Here’s a creepy picture of Erin that ShiShi made showing Erin in the Doom world getting her ass eaten out by a demon while another demon licks her feet. We can expect this sort of creepy behavior from ShiShi. He’s a horny, mentally retarded man.
But why would Erin think that it’s remotely appropriate to encourage this? Shishi can not be giving her that much money. What kind of job can Shishi possibly have? He’s ALWAYS available when Erin starts streaming. Even in the middle of the night. He’s in these streams day or night. He can’t have a job. So how much money can Shishi possibly be giving to Erin that she would encourage this?
Somebody in the comments asks if Erin is on Onlyfans. I suspect that that’s about 1/3 of the comments.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CsUh5DvxKFW/
Here’s Erin’s outfit at that Taylor Swift show that Mike embarrassingly took her to. And bought the tickets for, of course. Because Erin has no job and no money. Some gay man on Reddit said that tickets were like $1000 each.
Anyway, Erin’s outfit is just that jeans jacket that she often wears on stream and some gray dress. Who cares? I’m supposed to be jerking off to this? Who…I just don’t get it. In what universe is this woman a sex symbol?
https://www.instagram.com/p/CsBp0ibuz9h/
Here she is pretending to drink from her Erin Plays mug, which is obviously just an advertisement for her “merch” store. I will bet anything that the one mug I sold, when I had a “merch” store, was purchased by Mike and given to Erin. It was a mug of the anime Erin from the banner. Maybe she’ll take a picture of her pretending to drink from that one day.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cr4p8sZL1Fz/
Just another picture of Erin in an airplane on one of her twice-monthly flights to visit her parents. How much can she possibly hate Mike that she has to visit her parents this often? She can’t stand being with him for even two weeks straight.
Plus, think of the environmental impact of taking a 4000 mile trip every two weeks. And for what? Nothing. Erin is destroying the planet with this shit. Just fucking move back in with your parents. Or Joe from Gamesack. Or somebody who you can stand being with and don’t need to get away from every two weeks.
Maybe she just really loves her parents, even though from all accounts they were awful people who never engaged with her AT ALL. Fine. Find a guy who’s local to Los Angeles and move in with him. Then when you want to visit your parents, you can just drive. What’s the problem? Who the fuck flies 4000 miles every two weeks to visit their parents? It’s completely insane.
Somebody in the comments asks where Erin got her frames. Erin says LensCrafters.
What? Maybe Mike isn’t showering her with money as much as I thought he was. LensCrafters? Glasses in an hour? You’d think that somebody who travels across country every two weeks, for absolutely no reason, would have the disposable income to go somewhere a little upscale for her spectacle frames.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cr03nElL6f-/
She’s still in California and claims to have played Sunset Riders at this arcade in 2006. Uh huh. Let me figure this out. Erin would have been about 19. None of it makes sense. By Erin’s own admission, she didn’t play video games in college. She had Mario All-Stars in high school and Yoshi’s Island and her emotionally-absentee father had a PC compilation of 1980s arcade games. That’s it. That’s Erin’s experience with video games before she started the channel as a 29 year old. But now she wants us to forget all of that and believe this new story that she was hanging out in arcades, in 2006, as a 19 year old, playing Sunset Riders all day. Fuck off.
So that’s the fascinating Instagram of Erin Plays. She also had band t-shirts, other band “memorabilia”, and Disney shit. Who the fuck wants to see any of this?
Oh, I notice that Erin no longer has her Mastodon on her Linktree.
https://mstdn.social/@ErinPlays
Remember when people were panicking that Twitter was going to shut down so they signed up to Mastodon? That didn’t take off.
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Newt is Still Working on the Puppet Plan 9 from Outer Space
I was worried because I haven’t seen anything about this lately. But no. He’s actively spamming this project all over Twitter. Whenever somebody mentions the movie, he replies saying that he’s making a puppet remake. He’s been doing this for at least a year and as recently as a few days ago.
It’s entirely plagiarised, of course. It’s in the public domain but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s entirely plagiarised. This is all that Newt knows how to do.
Not only that, this is something that James Rolfe has already done. James Rolfe was somehow involved in some shitty, plagiarised version of Plan 9 from Outer Space.
I remember somebody asking Newt about this Plan 9 that James was in and Newt claims that he never saw it. Even if that’s true, which it very may be, Newt still knows about it.
There was another time when Newt was talking lovingly about how Winnie the Pooh is in the public domain now and how he’d like to make some tits and gore version of Winnie the Pooh. This was in response to somebody else already doing just that.
Just get an original idea, Newt. It’s not that hard.
Here’s another one. The nerd on the right made the puppets and the nerd on the left thinks that she’s in Africa. I don’t know much about puppeteering but don’t the puppeteers typically wear black so as to reduce the likelihood of them being seen? Not this woman. She wants to be seen.
And they’re doing it in front of a green screen, of course. Everybody loves green screen movies. Especially amateur ones. All you need to make a movie is some puppets and a green screen.
Why not just reduce the scope of your vision and make a movie that takes place in, let’s say, a movie theatre? Or your apartment? Or the park? Or some covered bridge in rural Pennsylvania? Some place that you have access to and can make the fucking movie? No need for green screen.
This way you can focus on the script, which is where Newt needs ALL of his attention to be. Newt needs to be focusing 100% on writing a script that doesn’t suck complete ass. Forget about the exotic green screen locations or the cool zooming shots or the sexy ladies you’re going to get to hang out with. Script, Newt. Write a script that’s halfway decent. And isn’t plagiarised.
It can still be a tits and gore movie. Why not? A tits and gore movie that takes place in Newt’s apartment, for example. Topless women can’t run around Newt’s apartment covered in fake blood? Why are they running around topless and covered in blood? Because there’s some crazy person trying to kill them in Newt’s apartment. What more do you need? Why does this have to be green screened? I just wrote the movie for you.
James Rolfe has done a similar thing repeatedly. Most of his “movies” are just an inanimate object trying to kill James. But with the exception of the GOD AWFUL The Head Returns that he did a few years ago, typically it’s filmed in James’ house or whatever. Like the Mr Bucket “movie”. And it works for what it is. It’s shit but that’s just because the writing is awful and the story is simplistic beyond belief. But in terms of visuals, it’s fine. He’s filming in his house. It works. There’s no fake green screen shit.
I reviewed The Head Returns here, by the way:
Newt regularly talks about Clerks and how amazing Clerks is. I believe it was filmed in a liquor store because that’s all that the guy who made it was able to get. Maybe he worked in a liquor store. I don’t know the details. But yeah, it’s fine. If you have a decent script, you don’t need all of this extra bullshit. Indeed, by limiting yourself it forces you to focus on the dialogue being good.
But no. Let’s do a green screen rehash of something that’s been rehashed a thousand times already and wasn’t even good the first time.
What about ripping off 12 Angry Men? That might be in the public domain. Mostly takes place in one room. Just get a table, some chairs, and 11 of your gay friends. Joe from Gamesack, that other guy who looked at Newt’s dick (RGT something, I think). PVC Bondage Guy. Whoever. It would be so much more straight forward. They could crank the movie out in a day.
Because that’s another problem. Newt has all of these alleged “ideas” and projects going and…where are they? Show me the completed works of Newt Wallen.
Twelve Angry Men, you just give people the scripts, put them around your dining room table, and start filming. Done. One day. Finally, Newt has something that he can put on his film resume.
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WTF Wednesday Review: Q the Winged Serpent – Newt Wallen
Newt has “guest hosts” for these WTF Wednesdays. There’s that guy from Argentina or where ever and now there’s this guy. Before I get to this guy, let me just speak broadly about the idea of guest hosts.
When Roger Ebert was near the end of his life, he brought in a team of writers to review movies on his website. It was a way to reduce the workload for Roger and probably an attempt to extend the life of the brand after Roger dies. He wanted to create a “Roger Ebert” brand of movie reviewers who people would trust and enjoy as much as if Roger Ebert himself was reviewing the movies.
It didn’t take off. Maybe the guest reviewers were good. I don’t know. But when people go to RogerEbert dot com, they expect to read the movie reviews of Roger Ebert. Not Susan Wloszczyna. No disrespect to Susan Wloszczyna, she may well be a fine writer and knowledgeable about cinema but I’m there to see what Roger Ebert thinks of the movie.
After Roger Ebert died, they continued with these guest writers. Obviously, Roger was no longer in a position to write any reviews. But I just don’t think that anybody went to the site after he died. And this was the idea in getting the guest writers to come in but it just didn’t work.
I’m looking at the site now. I haven’t gone there in years. And this old crew from ten years ago of Susan Wloszczyna and whatever other writers are all gone. Now the site is all about black writers, black movies, and the blog of “Chaz”, who is Roger Ebert’s black widow.
Come on. This woman is so about black empowerment that she married a white man.
And is this what people are going to RogerEbert dot com for? They want to read this militant black bullshit like it’s the 1970s? This is a disgrace to Roger Ebert’s memory. This woman should be ashamed of herself.
I’m not saying that the writers aren’t capable, I’m not suggesting that they shouldn’t review movies with predominantly black casts, I’m saying why not create an inclusive website where people of all races and ethnicities can write about all types of movies?
Can’t do it. Because “Chaz”, who married an old white man, is all about that 1970s racist black nationalist bullshit that hasn’t been in vogue for 50 years.
And they’re so desperate to review “black films” that they review OLD movies. White Men Can’t Jump got a recent review.
It’s just offensive on so many levels. It’s implying that black people are only interested in films that star black people. And are only capable of writing about films that star black people. It’s not the case. Any idiot knows this.
Back to The Ideas Man. This guest reviewer is known as “Old School”. I don’t think that this is his given name. And he drank about 50 Red Bulls before recording this.
I think that what Newt is doing is finding people who are so off-putting that it makes you appreciate when Newt is doing a review. Newt looks competent and engaging in comparision to these guest reviewers.
“Old School” is a man in his mid to late 40s, I’d guess. He’s standing in front of a bunch of shelves that have toys from the 1980s and 1990s on them. Like any normal man his age would have.
0:30 – “So real quick, if you don’t know. I don’t actually script my reviews.”
I’m beginning to see the problem. Maybe you should.
This guy is fucking awful. I’m sorry. He needs to tone it WAY down. I know what he’s going for. He wants to bring some energy and excitement into the video. But this is too much. This is fake and annoying.
He says “dude” constantly. He also had the unusual pairing of ending a sentence with “man, dude”. You know. Like how some people will end a sentence with “man” like, “That was really awesome, man.” Or they’ll end the sentence with “dude”, same premise, “That was really awesome, dude.” But this guy was so hyped that he combined them. “That was really awesome, man, dude.”
It’s awful. This is unwatchable. If I wasn’t writing a review, I would have turned this off within the first five seconds.
He also has a tattoo of a smiley face on the back of his hand. Oh, and he’s wearing a baseball cap indoors. Because he’s bald and self-conscious.
He also says “schlock” a lot because he’s trying to incorporate Newt’s AWFUL name for his channel. Or his “movie studio” or whatever Newt considers this. Production company. The Schlock and Awe empire.
I’m three minutes in. I don’t even know what to say. This guy needs to take a Xanax or something. He’s going to have a heart attack if he keeps up like this. This is not a young man, in spite of his desperate attempts to appear as such.
3:30 – He starts talking about Bill Burr for some…unknown reason. I’m not following any of this. He’s just really loud and annoying. Just like his hero Bill Burr.
I just noticed that this guy has a wedding ring on. How? What woman would marry this guy? Well, maybe it’s not a woman.
Ummm…so I’ve managed to watch the rest of this video. I don’t know. It’s a movie about a monster who attacks the Chrysler Building and there are police in the movie too. This guy enjoyed the movie. So…that was something.
He suggests that you check out his channel. As here:
https://www.youtube.com/@oldschoolpresents/videos
He’s been making videos for 11 years. His recent videos seem to be mostly in his car. They’re in the same style as this video that I just “reviewed”. He talks non-stop, at a fast pace, and there are a lot of edits where he removes any time when he takes a breath so that he can make the video even more frantic. The videos struggle to get 50 views.
There’s no market for this. Why do it?
And I know that I’m basically saying that there’s no market for this guy’s personality and that sounds harsh but it’s true. It would be the same if I made videos. Nobody would watch them, people would say that I’m boring and can’t string two words together, and that the videos are unwatchable.
But it’s not really an attack on me as a person or an attack on this guy as a person. It’s just…the videos are unwatchable. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have positive qualities and you might be a nice person to hang out with. It’s just…not on Youtube. That’s all I’m saying. Youtube is not your forte. And that’s okay.
Doing these videos for 11 years and struggling to get 50 views. He’s obviously just doing it because he enjoys it. But why does he enjoy it? Nobody is watching the videos. He’s just making these for himself. This is his legacy. If he has children, maybe one day his child will show Old School’s grandchildren these videos and say, “Here are 200 videos of grandpa reviewing shitty old horror movies.” And the grandchild will say, “Why is grandpa so hyper?” To which the response will be, “It’s just how he was. He was a passionate guy. I really miss him. But at least we have these 200 videos to remind ourselves of him.”
So it’s nice in that sense, I guess. But as media that a human being not related to this guy would want to watch? No. Unwatchable.
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I Shrunk Myself into a Figure with Shrunk3D – John Riggs
It’s an ad. He got paid to make this video by this company.
Wait…he says in the description, “This video is not sponsored or endorsed and I paid for it myself.” Well, I guess all we can do is take his word for it. But I’m sceptical.
It’s a company who takes a bunch of pictures of you in a 3d fashion and then turns these images into a little figure. I went to their website to look for the prices of these things and instead I was greeted with bizarre videos that automatically played on each page and constant hammering to get you to become an “entrepreneur” by starting a franchise. They actually suggest that retired people use their life’s savings for this shit. It’s $150,000 to start a “franchise”, which consists of a trailer filled with cameras.
How fucking creepy is this? Some old man driving around town asking people to get into this trailer so that he can take dozens of pictures of them.
So no. I’m going to pass on this franchising “opportunity.” I did continue my sleuthing and discover that the prices are $100 for a four inch figure and $300 for a nine inch figure.
Totally not worth it. At least I don’t find it to be a good use of money. Three hundred bucks for a shitty statue of yourself? What’s the point? This is a particular type of bizarre vanity.
If you’re a vain person, I can understand wanting your essence to be immortalised. But with this? A shitty plastic statue? No, I’m going to go for a painting. Or I’ll go to a photographer and get some professionally done photos and have them printed on glossy, high-quality paper stock and put in a nice frame.
Not this fucking nerd shit that nobody cares about.
0:45 – John Riggs is at some nerd convention where this photo trailer is. And he’s talking to a young woman and he holds up a statue of this woman. She works for this company or she’s a franchisee or…I don’t know. But she’s trying to sell people on the product.
John Riggs: Is it weird seeing yourself in toy form, I guess?
Woman: It’s interesting, I would say. Yeah.
John Riggs: Do you ever get self-conscious like, “Oh really? That’s what my hair looks like?”
What a smooth operator John Riggs is.
Wait a minute. Maybe there’s more to this clumsy attempt at conversation than I originally thought. Maybe John Riggs is using the “negging” technique to try to pick up the ladies. You know, the idea is that women are so used to receiving ass-licking comments from horny guys that if you do the opposite, by lightly insulting them, you stand out and establish yourself as an alpha. You reverse the tables. Instead of you trying to impress the woman, the woman is now trying to impress you.
This is next level stuff from John Riggs. I just wasn’t expecting it. Nor was the woman. That’s the idea. I have no doubt that John Riggs later had sex with this woman. Perhaps they even did it in the photo trailer and he now has a nine inch statue of him bending this woman over and giving it to her.
2:45 – So John Riggs is now in this photo trailer. The retired guy who’s operating this franchise says that he loves John Riggs’ hat. John Riggs says, “I’ll leave the hat on. The bald spot might get too much glare here.”
What bald spot? HE’S COMPLETELY BALD! Typical late-stage male pattern baldness in the horseshoe pattern.
By the way, this photographer is pretty creepy. As photographers tend to be. And this guy is driving this trailer around town like he’s a fucking ice cream man and asking kids to get in so that he can take 180 pictures of them.
I know that it’s not actually like that. I don’t think that he’s actually driving around town and just hoping that people off the street want to pay $300 for a shitty plastic statue of themselves. But I guess that he could do that.
4:45 – Then John Riggs pushes the franchising opporunities of this business.
I don’t see this taking off. Call me crazy. But I’m going to spend my $150,000 elsewhere.
5:00 – He shows the figure but…either the camera refuses to focus or this is really shitty. Could be both.
So that’s the video. He says that he doesn’t know what he’s going to do with them. Well, yeah. That’s the problem . Shove them up your ass, I guess. You just bought a $300 dildo.
I’m still thinking about creepy photographers. We would take pictures every year in school. Everybody had to get their portrait taken for the yearbook. And you could buy prints.
Anyway, this photographer had a list of cartoon characters that he would use. “Come on, Bam Bam. Smile.” “Come on Scrappy Doo. Smile.” Shit like this. And then we’d always ask each other what name the photographer called us.
Then in high school, I went to some guy and he kept insisting that I have to smile. This was for my senior picture. We had to go, at our own expense, and in our own free time, to this guy’s studio. And he keeps hassling me to smile. I knew full well that a smiling picture of me looks like shit. So I wouldn’t do it. But the guy flat out refused to take the fucking picture until I smiled. So I gave a ridiculous smile and now my senior picture is immortalised in the yearbook looking like complete shit.
How could he take a picture like that? And I looked at the other pictures in the yearbook…not everybody was smiling. So he’s perfectly capable of taking a picture of somebody who isn’t smiling. Why didn’t he do it in my case?
Anyway, fuck that guy. He’s probably dead now.
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Point and Drink Adventure Episode 13 – We love the sex – Cannot Be Tamed
Oh, these ladies are getting desperate here. They’re going to talk about intercourse! And Pam is showing her tits in the thumbnail! Get your ding-a-lings ready for this one.
Pelee is at Pam’s apartment again. Pelee sure is spending a lot of time in Pam’s apartment. And as a reminder, Pam lives in…Ontario? And Pele lives in…I’m thinking Maryland or something. So it’s a bit of a journey and requires a passport. They’re clearly an item.
0:30 – Pele says that she’s been to visit Pam three times in the past year. Uh huh.
Then they start with What’Chu Drinkin’. They’re drinking alcohol. Who could have guessed?
I’m skipping to the next chapter.
6:00 – What’Chu Watchin’. Mamma Mia. Ummm…next chapter, please.
11:45 – Drops of God. Whatever that is. Oh, it’s about an Asian woman who works in the alcohol industry and she’s in love with a white woman who speaks French. I’m not even joking. This is a little on the nose. This is not remotely subtle.
Anyway, Pele says that she got a Apple’s streaming thing but doesn’t like subscribing to streaming services.
Hey…ladies…are you familiar with pirate streaming websites? I’ve been using the same pirate streaming site FOR YEARS. They have everything. Doesn’t seem to get shut down. I don’t want to give the address but it’s hardly some underground thing. I just went to Google and search for “pirate” “stream” and “reddit” or something. Some nerds on Reddit were sharing good websites.
Then Pam starts talking again. She’s talking about “rom coms”. I can’t. Pam is UNWATCHABLE. I’m skipping to the next chapter again.
22:15 – Pele watched some Dungeons & Dragons…movie? What? Pele is a big Dungeons & Dragons fan…I guess? Come on. Fuck off. Next chapter.
25:45 – Dead Ringers.
26:00 – Pam is explaining what it is and she says the…whatever this is…is about twins. Then a graphic pops up saying, “Like us.” Suggesting that Pam and Pele are twins.
It’s possibly racist. But whatever it is, this is some “cute” thing that Pam inserted into the video because she wants the world to know about her relationship with Pele.
I can’t watch this. Pam is talking about some feminism…thing. Unwatchable. Next chapter.
28:45 – I actually had to back up a little because they started talking about sex. Pam is saying that some…piece of media has a lot of sex. So Pele says, “Hell, yeah. We love the sex.”
Ummm…this is just uncomfortable. I’m glad that you ladies have found each other but…you’re both in your 40s. Why are you making these suggestive comments in a Youtube video? We get it. You’re having sex. Is this unusual for you? You have to boast about it like a high school kid who gets his first girlfriend? It’s weird.
29:15
Pele: Speaking of sex…
Pam: Which we love.
Pele: We love sex.
So anyway, that’s it. That’s all that this sex talk was about. That’s what this clickbait title was referring to. Just this stupid, pointless exchange.
30:00 – Pele starts talking about how hot Glenn Close was in Dangerous Liasions. Uh huh. The Crystal Quin school of movie reviews.
Can’t do it. Next chapter.
33:45 – Pam is talking about ANOTHER movie about Asian people. God, it’s so fucking offensive. It’s a misguided attempt to woo Pele. But Pele isn’t fucking interested in Asian movies and shit. Just because she’s Asian doesn’t mean that she can’t enjoy movies that feature people who aren’t Asian.
Wait…is this person on the cover Asian? She looked Asian to me but I looked it up and it doesn’t seem that anyone is Asian in this thing.
37:00 – Battlestar Galactica. They’re big Battlestar Galactica fans, guys. Pele referred to Star Trek as simply “Trek” because she’s also a big Star Trek fan, guys.
Even if these women are fans of this nerdy shit. Let’s just assume that they are. Who gives a shit? I’m not interested in that nerdy shit. I’m an adult man. I’m not interested in how many Tribbles Odo can shove in his ass. I stopped watching that shit when I was 15, like a normal person. It’s called maturing. Your tastes change.
46:00 – Pele started streaming. Pam advertises Pele’s Twitch channel. Link in the description.
https://www.twitch.tv/petee_puff
Well, she only started streaming within the past month or so, and she doesn’t appear on screen, but she still managed to attract three horntards into the stream.
So that’s the video. That was awful as ever.
Think of how easy it is for women to get viewers on Twitch. Even a woman who doesn’t appear on screen is able to quickly get viewers. Not a lot of viewers. It was literally three people leaving comments in her latest video. But how many thousands or millions of guys must be on Twitch and aren’t getting ANY viewers? Even after years of trying?
I don’t use Twitch so I don’t know but I’m assuming it’s a common issue.
And you look at somebody like Retro Ali. She gained 40 pounds so she started appearing as an anime girl because she didn’t want to appear on screen any more. She has horntards regularly going to her abysmal streams. Why? And again, I don’t think a lot of people are going but it’s some. It should be none.
How many people are coming to the blog? Let me check my stats, Newt Wallen style.
I’m getting about 65 viewers a day. I’m talking viewers, not hits. So 65 unique viewers a day. That’s maybe 2/3 as many as I got on my old blog, but I obviously lost people when the old site got shut down. People couldn’t find the new one.
I’ve been doing the blog for three years.
Is this good or bad? An average of 65 people reading a blog every day? It has to be pretty good. Especially given the limited appeal of the blog.
If this was Twitch and I had 65 people in the stream, that would be pretty good, right? I’d be alright with 65. Because I have, very occasionally, gone to Twitch and seen people with two people in the stream. And that’s sad as fuck.
The guy who played Donkey Lips on Salute Your Shorts has a Youtube channel. I’ve been following him around the internet for years. He used to post on his IMDB forum back when it had forums.
Anyway, his Youtube videos get about 300 hits, on average. That’s about the same average number of hits as I get.
So I’m doing at least as well as Donkey Lips. And I’m writing a blog. A blog is much less popular than Youtube.
Where was I going with this? Oh, that it’s easier for women to build an audience than men. Yeah, it’s true, of course. But if you’re putting out a good product, you’ll build an audience. And being a woman is no guarantee of success on Youtube or Twitch or whatever as is evidenced by just about all of these failed women Youtubers who I write about.
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Is the Cedar Point Drink Pass Worth it? – CayCayette
I found this video when I was searching for “point and drink adventure”, Pam and Pele’s boring as fuck lesbian podcast. And when I saw the title asking if this “drink pass” was worth the money, I immediately thought, “Who gives a fuck?”
But having now watched the video twice, I’m obsessed with finding out the answer.
So these two women are at some amusement park in Ohio. They’re trying to figure out if the drink pass is worth paying for.
One of the women says that the cost of the drink pass is $35. But if you pause the video at 0:10, they show the prices. It’s $34.99 for the SEASON pass and $16.99 for the day pass. I’m only interested in the day pass because there’s no fucking way that I’m going to go to this amusement park more than once in a season. I won’t even go once. But for these purposes, I’m pretending that I’m going to go one day.
The season and the day passes each offer a second option. Either you can get a reusuable plastic cup or you can get new paper cup whenever you get a new drink. These ladies chose the paper cups, which I found slightly peculiar. They just didn’t want to lug a cup around, I guess. Plus, it would get sticky and unhygenic. The drink flavours would merge with each refill. I suppose that there are a lot of disadvantages to the reusable cup but the advantage is you get a cup that’s yours to keep forever as a memento of your time at this amusement park.
0:15 – This woman says that you can only get a new drink every 15 minutes. I’m not sure how this is enforced. I assume that it’s a card that you get and the card won’t let you get more than one drink every 15 minutes.
0:30 – They show the drinks machine. It’s one of those fancy newer machines that gives you a bunch of different options. I saw a similar thing at a Pizza Hut a few years ago. Wow. The marvels of the modern age.
1:00 – The one woman said that her machine had a lot of sold out items so she panicked and just got a Hi-C. Nothing wrong with Hi-C.
The beverages average about $5 each. That’s without the pass. And what these women are doing are tallying up how much it would cost without the pass and then seeing how much it costs with the pass. But again, I’m pretty sure that they’re basing this on the SEASON pass instead of the day pass. I don’t know why.
1:15 – They’re showing their second drinks now. The one woman got a no-sugar soda (as she did for the previous drink too) and the other woman, the one who panicked the first time, seemed to panic again and she got a half-something and half-something else. This is one of the main benefits of these machines. You can combine beverages. But she seemed to have panicked again and just got whatever.
By the way, are these drinks actually worth $5 each? They’re pretty small cups. What’s the going rate for a cup of soda? I know it’s an amusement park so they jack up the prices but is $5 reasonable even in those circumstances? I’m not sure. It may be.
https://ziggyknowsdisney.com/big-price-increase-on-walt-disney-world-snacks-soda-and-water/
According to that, a fountain beverage, is $4.29 at DISNEY WORLD. So $5 seems too high. If even Disney World is cheaper, it can’t be a fair price. But it’s not a massive price difference, I guess.
2:00 – They got some more beverages. They’re up to four. I might have missed one.
Oh. Now I get it. They got the season pass because they plan on going back to this place. So they admit that they didn’t save any money today by getting the season pass but they say that had they got the day pass, they would have saved $5.
That’s about right. The beverages are about $5 each and the day pass is $16.99 so it’s about $3 that they saved.
So as long as you get at least four beverages a day, you’re better off with the drinks pass. But I’m not sure if I would drink four beverages in a day. I’m thinking that I would only drink three at a push. And I wouldn’t be there all day. I don’t even like amusement parks. Let’s say that I get there at 10.00…I’d like to be out of there by…4.00 maybe? Maybe 6.00 if I’m with one of these sexy young Midwestern ladies. Trying to ply them with sugary beverages and work my magic.
But I’m probably only going to eat once during my time at the amusement park. MAYBE a small second meal. An elephant ear or something. So I’d have a drink during those ocassions. But am I going to wander around just drinking a soda for no reason? Not really. That’s not my thing.
So for me personally, I think that the drinks pass is NOT worth it. But it all comes down to how much you enjoy sugary beverages. If you engorge yourself on these sodas and enjoy stumbling around with a full bladder and a sugar high, then the drinks pass might be worth it. From a financial standpoint, anyway. I would still recommend drinking fewer of these beverages.
What other kinds of videos do these women make? They should do an OnlyFans where we get to see them peeing after drinking all of this soda.
https://www.youtube.com/@caycayette/videos
Beauty, college, and lifestyle. Well, at least it’s honest. She’s not pretending to be interested in video games or something. She’s making videos on the boring, vain shit that women tend to be interested in.
Ooh mama. Never mind your back, I want to hear more about your front. And she calls me “girl”. Don’t assume my gender.
Anyway, it’s just a Jansport backpack. It’s the same shit that kids in my day had. It’s quaint, I guess but what’s the appeal? What’s in this woman’s backpack? I’m guessing books, pens, and a bottle of water.
I never had a Jansport backpack, by the way. I had just generic bullshit. When I was in grade school, I had a fucking backpack that was purchased on a cruise in Europe. It had the name of this cruise ship operator in big letters on it. NOBODY knew what this was. All of my classmates have their Jansport backpacks and I’m fucking tooling around like I just got off the boat. “GO BACK TO GERMANIA, GERMAN BOY!” No. You don’t understand. I’m as American as any of you. It’s just that my idiot parents are completely clueless and disengaged.
Even in high school, I didn’t have anything cool. Not even approaching cool. I had a generic, plasticy backpack that was purchased at the drug store. I think that I got it in the 8th grade and I had it all through high school. It quickly got a large rip on the bottom but I still used it all through high school.
I couldn’t even use it as a backpack because it was so ergonomically poorly-designed that it was really uncomfortable to use as a backpack. It had thin straps. There was no protective material on the part of the bag that’s in contact with your back. And it had a drawstring top. So not a zipper or anything. So I would just carry it by hand.
Wait a minute. I think that I still have this bag. Let me find it.
Completely shameful that this was my bag throughout high school. “Escape: The First Travel Bag” in pastel pink and purple letters. No zipper at the top, just this drawstring and plastic clasp. And look at the back. There’s no way that you could use that as a backpack. Thin straps, poorly placed, and if you have books or whatever in the bag, it would just poke you because there’s no protection.
Who thought that this was a good idea to use as a bag for school? Why were the parents of all of my classmates able to figure out that Jansport was the bag to get? Why was I was given no guidance, whatsoever, about ANYTHING from my parents?
That bag was so embarassing that I went out of my way not to use it. So I wouldn’t bring books to or from school. This meant that I wouldn’t do homework. I just couldn’t bring myself to use that fucking bag. I’d rather fail the class than use that bag.
Four years of this. Was it really that difficult to say, “Son, it’s a new school year. Let’s go get you a decent bag. Something a bit more stylish. Here’s $30.”
Couldn’t do it. It wasn’t even about the money. It was about the effort. Nobody wanted to put any effort into parenting. Better to watch trash talk shows for ten hours a day. Paul the Pee Drinker and the other degenerate Club Kids on Geraldo are more important than my own children.
And thinking back further, I had a GREEN BRIEFCASE as a bag when I was in the first through third grade or so. It had a tastefully small silhouette of a turtle on it and it was clearly for children but the point stands. A GREEN BRIEFCASE. I’d carry it to and from school. Then I got that bag from the cruise line.
Anyway, enough of my traumatic bag stories. Let’s find out what’s in this woman’s bag.
Hand sanitiser. “It’s so important to keep yourself clean during this time.” She made this video during covid. Whatever happened to covid? We shut the world down for two years over this. What for? There’s still covid, right? Are the bodies piling up in the streets? When is somebody going to apologise for this complete bullshit? At best, it was a massive overreaction. At worst, this was some conspiracy shit and I’ll leave it to Chris BORES to uncover the truth.
Anyway, she has various academic supplies in her bag and a hairbrush and whatnot. Great. Let’s see that hairbrush in action on her OnlyFans.
No, she’s a pleasant person. We don’t need that filth. Good luck with the channel, madam.
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The Many Ideas of Newt Wallen
He shit out another script. This one is called “Scissors”. It’s about sexy lesbians who kill people. Just in time for Pride Month.
He only gives the title page. Come on, Newt. I’m not going to steal your idea. I’m not Newt Wallen over here. Give us some sample pages.
Newt describes it as, “This is a queer centric giallo inspired flick”.
I don’t know what that means but this is all of his scripts. He describes all of his scripts as “(Film A) combined with (Film B)”. We don’t want that, Newt. That’s derivative. Don’t you get it? Just come up with an entirely new film, Film C.
Now I have to look up this fucking Jello shit.
It means “tits and gore”. I’m not even joking. “A genre of murder mystery fiction that often contains slasher, thriller, psychological horror, sexploitation, and, less frequently, supernatural horror elements.”
So that was boring as fuck. What else do you have, Ideas Man?
Indeed, Newt. 10,800 is close to 11,000. That all important milestone of 11,000. Keep counting those numbers.
Wait…what? This is still about that Scissors script, I think. How is this outside of what he usually does? The ONLY thing he seems to do is completely unoriginal tits and gore movies and then he puts a shitty pun title on it. Actually, that’s the reverse of his “creative” process. He STARTS with the shitty pun title and then builds a movie script around the title.
Newt CONSTANTLY talks about celebrities dying. I’ve already skipped a couple of recent ones that he did. But yeah, Pat Robertson. I don’t know anything about him. Why not? He wasn’t in my orbit. I wasn’t watching whatever that weird religious channel was. Was Newt watching it? He was watching The 700 Club?
I’m looking at the “controversies” section on Pat Robertson’s Wikipedia and I’m not seeing anything too controversial. He didn’t care much for Hinduism, Buddhism, or Islam. That’s understandable given his beliefs. I mean, if you genuinely believe that the only path to salvation is following the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth then it follows that you wouldn’t care much for religions that don’t espouse this belief.
He had the normal Christian views of feminism, homosexuality, and abortion. Nothing odd about any of that. We can all read the Bible for ourselves and see the relevant passages.
He suggests that certain natural disasters were the result of God’s wrath. Again, read the fucking Bible and you’ll see that God did this kind of shit. It’s not surprising that somebody who believes what’s written in the Bible would believe that God still behaves this way. Why would God change his view and such a relatively short span of time? He’s smiting people and calling down plagues and flooding the earth and whatnot 4,000 years ago or whatever but now God is just chill? God let’s people do whatever they want with no retribution? I don’t think so. Not if you follow the logic of the Bible, anyway.
So…it’s just different strokes for different folks. You don’t have to agree with him. But he’s perfectly entitled to voice these opinions. That’s what makes America so great, you liberal fascist piece of shit trying to silence people who have opinions different from your own.
Newt talks about more celebrities dying. He gives more meaningless Twitter stats. He retweets a picture of a woman with her breasts out.
Some gay man on Reddit posted something about Newt talking about a script deal that fell through. Where is that? He must have deleted it. So I’ll just copy and paste the pictures.
I don’t know what any of this means. He was offered some money to write and direct a movie and then the offer was rescinded because…something happened. Newt is light on the details but it’s something about taking somebody’s ideas and presenting them as his own. This is all that Newt ever does. He never comes up with anything even APPROACHING originality. It’s all based on existing movies or other people’s…whatever…scripts or movie reviews or whatever.
Maybe there was some kind of agreement here between Newt and the guy who he ripped off but that’s not my point. Why is EVERYTHING that Newt writes so blatantly derivative?
He’s basically writing PORN and yet it’s still derivative. Even his sexual fantasies are stolen. He’s so creatively bankrupt that he can’t even come up with a sexual situation that’s at all original.
What about this for an idea? A movie about a guy (“Nate”) who manages a cinema. And it starts showing his life, belittling and insulting his employees and what an asshole he is.
Then Nate goes home to his modest apartment and starts watching the news on tv. He’s astonished to see a zombie Pat Robertson has taken over the broadcast. Pat Robertson says that God himself has risen him from the dead. He says that he’s here to lead the righteous in the final battle against evil, as foretold in Revelation.
Pat Robertson says that Satan’s representatives in this apocolyptic battle are the Whore of Babylon, The Four Horsemen of the Apocolpyse, and the seven-headed red dragon who wears PVC bondage gear. It dawns on Nate that Pat Robertson is talking about Fallon, Crystal Quin (representing one of the horses), and PVC Bondage Guy. Obviously, you would introduce these characters in the beginning of the movie to make the reveal more impactful.
So Nate knows that he has no chance in joining the righteous what with his decadent lifestyle and overall poor choices in life. So he tries to get in with the forces of evil. But the Whore of Babylon, the Horse of the Apocolpyse, and PVC Bondage Dragon all say that they’ll only grant him protection if they agree to have sex with him. Nate is thinking, “Oh, great. I get to fuck a whore, a horse, and a dragon. I’m in.” But then the twist is revealed. Nate is going to be the female in this setup.
Now, is this going to win an Oscar? No. It’s pretty derivative. I’ve borrowed heavily from the Book of Revelation. But it beats a vampire with a shark’s head who fucks sexy ladies. And if I was getting paid or trying to get paid, I’d put much more time and effort into this.
