XXX-MAS Completion Fundraiser – Newt Wallen

I’m two minutes in. I want this woman to stop talking. But she isn’t. She’s still talking. And she’s annoying as fuck.

She’s making rape “jokes”.

3:30 – I can’t even…fuck off.

4:30 – Fuck the fuck off.

She’s still talking.

She thinks that she’s a hot chick.

6:00 – “James, I don’t know how you did it but you knew exactly who I was.”

She’s been saying stuff like this the whole fucking time. She refers to people by their first name. People who WE DON’T FUCKING KNOW.

Oh, Steve was in that movie too? Really? Steve? In that movie that I’ve never heard of? Sounds great.

Who the fuck is the audience for this?

6:30 – She’s suggesting that you should get XXX-Mas as a gift, “For friends and family members, anyone who likes sleaze or horror” and Newt interjects, “Or Christmas.”

Are you fucking retards out of your fucking minds? You’re going to give this shitty zero budget softcore porn movie to your friends and family as gifts? I don’t care how much of a scumbag your friends and family are, they’re going to be creeped the fuck out by such a gift.

“Hey, I know you like jerking off to zero budget softcore porn movies, so I thought I’d get you this. It’s called XXX-Mas.”

“Umm…well, I do enjoy jerking off to zero budget softcore porn movies but…it’s kind of a private matter. Can you please take this back? I’m not comfortable accepting this.”

And Newt suggests giving this to anyone who likes CHRISTMAS.

“Here you go, Mom. I know how much you like Christmas so I thought you might like it.”

“Newt, you know how I never told you that I loved you? It’s because of things like this.”

7:00 – Amber is doing something with some plagiarised, zero budget Amityville thing. Who’s Amber, you might be asking? I don’t know. Nothing is explained. We’re just supposed to know these people. Amber Melons, I guess. That would be my stripper name.

7:45 – “If you want me to sign stuff, you can send it to the theatre.”

I think I’ll pass, Newt. He’d probably plagiarise the signature anyway.

8:00 – This horrible woman suggests that she’s leaving soon. Oh thank fuck. But then suggests that she might be back in a couple of weeks. The Ideas Man must be paying her for some shitty movie that will never get released. Eugh. Well, at least she’ll be gone for a while.

8:15 – This awful woman continues to shill for the DVD and blueray and t-shirts. And if you can’t do that, you should at least re-tweet or…something this movie. “Sharing is caring”. Well, I’m doing my part, I guess. I’m sure that everybody is going to rush out and buy this piece of shit on my glowing recommendation here.

Why are they even saying this? The movie isn’t out, as far as I’m aware. I’m supposed to talk about how great a movie is based on…what? I have to see the movie first, Newt. It’s sort of the first rule of movie recommendations.

9:00 – Eugh. Fuck off. This shit is so objectionable that I don’t want even talk about it. Fuck Newt. Fuck this fucking emaciated troll. Go away and don’t come back.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/xxx-mas-christmas-slasher-film#/

According to this, they’ve sold eight copies of the movie. Well, that’s more than I thought.

I don’t know how they raised $35,000 from that.

Oh, and two t-shirts have been sold. This woman was constantly shilling for them. It’s a limited edition design. Supplies are limited.

Well, it’s true. They seem to be limited to 45. But I think that they’ve grossly over-estimated demand for these t-shirts.

Who the fuck is going to wear a t-shirt that says “XXX-Mas” on it. Again, imagine the fattest, smelliest, most pathetic loser on earth. Would even they not have enough self-respect and common sense not to wear this?

These are the sorts of things you have to consider when you’re a big time movie maker like…Bill or whoever made this thing. The marketing. The merchandise.

Here’s another problem: there are already a billion other things called XXX-Mas. This is not a REMOTELY original name. So when you search for it, you get completely unrelated projects.

Present a single scenario where it would be appropriate to wear a t-shirt that says “XXX-Mas” on it. Birth of your child? No. Going to church? No. Grocery shopping? No. Going to the AVN Awards? No because it’s not even relevant there. AVN is for hardcore porn, not this weird zero budget softcore shit that hasn’t been popular in 40 years.

And yet there are two people out there who, apparently, have found an appropriate venue to showcase this shirt. Who are these people? Where do they plan on wearing this?

7 thoughts on “XXX-MAS Completion Fundraiser – Newt Wallen

  1. Newt says under his breath “like me” to the concept of not celebrating Christmas shortly into the video. I’m confused because either he is saying he is Jewish (is he?) or he is saying he doesn’t celebrate Christmas because well, he has no fucking money and nobody can stand being around him for that long and his family barely tolerates him. I mean let’s be real here that’s exactly why it would be that if he isn’t just religiously opposed. He has to prod his own mother to get her to say she loves him. So I found that an interesting comment since I don’t know anyone who just blurts out they don’t celebrate a holiday. Except Newt of course because well, you got me with the bait dude, and I noticed you being a weirdo there yes. You got me. Also yes, the first 5 minutes of this is excruriating and them trying to scam their viewers into buying a shirt for not $50 (what a bargain! What price is it then? $49.99?) and a $30 bluray (bruh, even AAA films are usually $19.99 on Amazon not long after release) is just so scummy and desperate. I can’t imagine even his most diehards are buying these items hardly at all.

    1. I don’t think he’s Jewish, despite the bizarre use of Yiddish in Schlock & Awe. If I recall correctly, he doesn’t celebrate Christmas because unfortuante stuff happened to him around that time. He was diagnosed with cancer and a girlfriend broke up with him.

      1. I mean that’s harsh all at once, sure, but it’s also like…get the fuck over it by now? He seems to eternally want to be an angsty teenager the rest of his life. Just seems like yet another thing he wants to ride to death about.

  2. I found this if your low on material

    https://www.reddit.com/r/NewTubers/comments/15g1b0n/comment/juqp5fj/

    He says he spent $10,000 on a video and it took 1600 hours to make?! He only has 100 subscribers and maybe some of those were from pity after posting on Reddit.

    https://youtu.be/Qsoqs80v4ys

    Here’s the video. It’s only 18 minutes. 3,000 views. His other videos have 200-300 views. All 7 of them.

    He spent supposedly ten thousand dollars to make a video?! And it’s this?! It’s not complete shit like the usual gamer grrls favs, but where in the hell did the money go?? How the fuck did this video take 1600 hours to edit? 40 hours a week would be 40 weeks right? This should take 10 hours tops to edit. I guess it took a whole day to film. But if you can’t finalize 1 minute of video per hour something is seriously wrong.

  3. She knows her looks are slipping and is trying to use her last few years of “””attractiveness””” before she’s thrown away. Likely no kids… once her looks and the attention is gone, life is gonna hit her HARD. It will be funny, and deserved.

  4. These two are an absolute mess! I can’t believe that they raised 35k for a movie that still isn’t funded enough to be released? I know Newt works in a movie theater, so I doubt he’s rolling in money. I’m thinking this is a scam and I’m sure that’s not above Newt. I doubt red scarecrow stays with him long. Especially when he can only offer free movies to watch and review with a mentally ill person. He said she’s also a stripper so best case for her is to find a rich customer and have a kid before it’s too late! yikes!!

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