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NEW Turbo-Grafx-16 Game – Strife Sisters – John Riggs
Hey, it’s your boy John Riggs here. He’s playing Strife Sisters, a “new” game for Turbo Grafx 16.
I mean…I’m not saying that it’s not a new game but my issue is the gimmicky bullshit where people release games for old consoles. It’s just a way to sell shitty old-style games for an inflated price.
If you sold this game on Steam, you’d have to charge 99 cents and it would be a struggle to sell any. But if you put it on an NES cartridge or something and sell them to losers in their mothers’ basements then you can charge fifty bucks for the game. Even if you only sell a couple of hundred, you made out like a bandit.
There’s a landline behind John Riggs. Do people still use landlines? I have still have the physical phone but I don’t plug it in because all I get are sales calls. And A LOT of sales calls. They must be preying on the elderly because who else uses a landline any more?
Anyway, this game is available right now. Link in the description.
John Riggs really pushes the shit that you can buy: games, hats, air freshners, electric bicycles. It’s less a Youtube channel and more a Turkish bazaar. Nobody fucking wants this. If I want an air freshner, I’ll go to the drug store and pick one up for 50p or whatever. I’m not going to go to John Riggs’ website and get one for ten bucks. Air freshners are not a luxury item.
Who are these people who are even using air freshners? The only time I’ve ever seen them is in cars. DECADES ago. Back when people smoked. And those air freshners didn’t work.
Anyway, you can get this game for $25 digitally, $60 physically, or $80 if you want the outer box too. There was also a limited edition version for $100 but that’s, unbelievably, sold out. $24.87 for a t-shirt. Interesting price.
Who’s getting this shit? I mean, I guess it’s kind of cool that there’s some factory in China that’s cranking out these Hu-cards but the whole thing is stupid. We don’t need Hu-cards. Just release it digitally. This fucking shitty game.
Well, maybe it’s not shitty. Maybe it’s awesome. Let’s check it out.
John Riggs never played the game and doesn’t know what he’s doing. Great stuff.
There doesn’t seem to be a walking animation during the battle sequences. The character just slides into position. Not good.
It’s some kind of…what’s the genre? Like X-Com or something. Turn-based combat.
So JOHN RIGGS plays the game, REALLY poorly, has no idea what he’s doing, obviously has no interest in the game, and then tells you to go buy it. Use his link, of course. This is an ad. A shitty ad. This didn’t make me want to buy the game. Maybe the game is awesome but not from what John Riggs showed.
I’m reminded of RPG Maker games. Has there ever been a good one?
Anyway, the people in the comments are much harsher on the game than I am.
- “Looks terrible”
- “This game looks boring….”
- “Ugly game it looks like nothing more than a reallly colorful nes game”
- “Misspellings in the text (“Tthe”) and the “g” and “p” characters in the text sit offset vertically from the rest of the characters in lines of text.”
Is there a better video about this game?
Wow. The official trailer actually makes me want the game LESS. It focuses on how cute it is. And that there are “cat people” in the game. Who is this for? Creepy sexual deviant nerds.
I have absolutely no confidence in this guy. I thought maybe the game might have some deep, strategic gameplay or something but if even the developer is focusing on this surface level weirdo shit, forget it. And there’s misspellings and things aren’t animated and there were reams of text. No. That’s a hard pass from me.
And to put that on a Hu-card as a finished game. Shameful. If it was released digitally only, you can say, “Well, he’ll presumably release patches.” He’s not going to be able to update these Hu-cards.
Just more mindless shilling from Riggs.
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Sega Genesis Variety Stream! – Erin Plays
More of that delicious “variety stream” action from Ms Excitement herself: Erin Plays.
I think that I’ve figured out why she likes “variety streams” so much. It allows her to suck dick at video games and then have the built-in excuse of, “I’ve never played this before.”
0:00 – Erin expresses her displeasure at the term “shmup”. This is something that Mike mentions in just about every stream where he’s playing a game in that particular genre. Gee, Erin. Do you have any of your own thoughts about video games that you’d care to share with the class?
0:45 – There’s an edit but I don’t give a fuck. I’m not going to check her Twitch unedited video. It was probably just her saying hello to the horntards. And if it was something embarrassing, no big deal. She can’t possibly edit out ALL of the embarrassing content. Everything she says is embarrassing.
1:15 – The game is very colourful. She’s playing something called Insector X, by the way. You guys like colours, right? You want to know which games are colourful? Erin here is lay the colour news out.
7:45 – “He looks like he’s shooting Babybel cheese at us.”
Ha! Classic comedy, am I right, Joe from Game Sack? You find this funny, do you? When Erin points out “cute” stuff? “X looks like Y”? This is Erin’s only joke. “Something looks like something that it clearly isn’t.” And fucking Joe from Game Sack jerks off to all of it.
Of course, Joe from Game Sack also jerks off to Newt Wallen’s penis so he’s a man of eclectic tastes.
8:00 – “What does ‘PP’ stand for? Plus power? Power plus? I was going to say something else but it would be very inappropriate.”
And very unfunny and very unoriginal. But Joe from Game Sack would still jerk off to it.
8:30 – “Why am I sucking so hard?”
Do you have to ask, Erin?
12:45 – “They fly over you. That makes things easier.”
This is like the fourth time that she said this. It’s a horizontal shooter. The enemies progress in a straight line. That’s not uncommon. What is she thinking that they’re going to do? Hone in on her?
So she thinks that she has this pro strat in just avoiding the enemies and letting them fly past. No. It’s fucking common sense.
13:15 – Somebody gave 20 subs. These are $5. So somebody just gave Erin $100…for what? For playing this game terribly, on stream, for money? For talking about colours? For coming up with that great idea to just avoid the enemies?
People make $100/day doing actual jobs. What’s the minimum wage in the US? $7.25/hour. I know it varies by state but plenty of states use the federal minimum. An eight hour day at that rate is $58. Then there’s taxes on that.
I worked as a substitute teacher and I got $72/day.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minimum_wage_in_the_United_States
Wow. Some states have a lower minimum wage than the federal minimum. I didn’t even know that that was possible. They’re almost all in the South, of course. Oh wait. Those are states that have NO minimum wage. It’s unbelievable. Those fucking backward hillbillies setting the country back.
13:30 – Hungry Goriya aka Horny Goriya was one of the people who got a sub from this horntard. Erin takes a moment to say hello to her. She doesn’t hello to anyone else but Horny Goriya and gets a hello because she a woman. A boring woman. A woman so boring that Pam aka CannotBeTamed looks slightly interesting by comparison.
15:30 – Erin says that she wants cute mushrooms to shoot lazers outside of “her” house. It’s a reference to an enemy in the game. She says “cute” about 17 times.
There is no way that Mike put Erin’s name on the title deed or the mortgage or whatever. He’d be a complete idiot to do that. She makes about $6,000/year from Twitch, according to the latest leaked data (from about 2021, I think) and they’re not married.
16:30 – Erin says that she has a bomb in this game. She’s repeatedly said that she doesn’t know if the game has bombs or not. She refuses to press the buttons to find out if the game has bombs or not.
I don’t believe that the game does have bombs. Or if it does, there’s nothing on the HUD to indicate as such.
What Erin is looking at is her remaining lives. She has one remaining life. Not one bomb. You fucking cretin.
Then she died LITERALLY the first time that the boss shot.
17:15 – She’s at the boss again and did a little better. She died the SECOND time he shot.
As Mike would say, and as Erin apes, “It’s progress.”
17:30 – “See? I don’t get it. It says ‘1’ is that my life or…oh. I thought they were bombs.”
You complete imbecile.
18:00 – She’s at the boss again. How many shots is it going to take for the boss to kill her this time? I’m saying one again.
Two.
This is the worst Insector X gameplay ever recorded, by the way.
18.30 – One of the horntards suggests doing a Genesis A-Z “variety stream”. Erin says that she’ll probably do it. She loves that built in, “I’ve never played this before” excuse.
19:15 – She dies from the second bullet yet again.
It’s unbelievably bad.
19:45 – She’s at the boss again. “If I die to the same bullet again, I’m going to switch to another game.”
She made it to the third shot this time.
She turns the game off.
“So that was Insector X. I like it. It’s fun.”
Oh sure. You were having a blast repeatedly dying on the first level. This is Erin’s passion. She’s all about those video games, guys.
She’s checking her list of games that she claims to want to play.
My friend was spending the post-Christmas season with me and she had a list of movies that she wanted to see. So I said okay, no problem. She goes to the pirate streaming site that we use and we start watching the first movie on her list. It’s about a girl who tortures and kills Neo-Nazis in a forest.
So we’re getting to the end. I’ve barely been watching. I’m looking at shit on my phone. But I hear the screams constantly. I look up and this girl is digging her thumbs into the eye sockets of some Neo-Nazi. And I say, “This is fucking trash.” This was all more impactful because I don’t use profanity around my friend.
Then I say, “Why would you come here with a list of Nazi torture porn that you want to see? You remember what my choice was? Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Was there any Nazi torture porn in that one?”
I went on and on about how disgusting this is and how I chose life-affirming movies and she’s choosing this complete shit that has no redeeming value. And over fucking Christmas.
So she says, “I didn’t know. I didn’t read any reviews.” This is always her excuse.
So I go to Wikipedia. First paragraph clearly describes the movie as a girl in the woods torturing and killing Nazis.
She says, “I didn’t read Wikipedia.”
So I say, “Okay, let me see the list.” There were like 20 movies on there. I look them up and 90% of them are disgusting torture porn movies. I’m reading the Wikipedia summaries. She agrees that all of the movies sound like things that she wouldn’t be interested in but that she didn’t read Wikipedia or the reviews so she didn’t know.
These are the movies that she likes watching. I know that they’re the movies that she likes watching. I’ve seen these sorts of movies with her many, many times. So I ask her how she came up with this list if she didn’t read the reviews or anything. She gave some vague answer about seeing them while browsing this pirate streaming site.
So I say, “So it’s just a coincidence that 90% of these movies are torture porn? And you don’t actually like the torture porn genre?” She effectively says yes.
It’s preposterous. So I say, “Look, it’s fine if you like these sort of movies. But what doesn’t make sense is for you to come here with a list of movies that you DON’T like. Why would anyone do that?” She just repeats that she didn’t read the reviews and didn’t read Wikipedia.
There was no getting through to her. I cited the many torture porn movies that we’ve seen together as evidence that she likes the genre. She denied it and cited the handful of movies that she’s chosen over the years that weren’t torture porn.
It’s completely mental. She came here with this disgusting list of torture porn movies for us to watch over Christmas and then when I challenged her on them, she said, “Oopsie! Actually all of these movies are shit. Hehe. Sorry about that.”
I told her ten times that we can watch the movies but she just has to admit that she likes them. And that’s okay. She refused to do it. She was apparently just picking movies at random and by some giant coincidence, 90% of them happened to be in the torture porn genre. She was totally unaware.
Fucking disgusting. And then to present this clear lie on top of it. Then it was my turn to pick a movie so we watched the Charlie Brown Christmas thing. Not a single Nazi got tortured.
So where was I going with this? Erin Plays? Fuck Erin Plays.
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Newt Talking about Plagiarism on Reddit
This is from a month ago but I saw it on TheCinemassacreTruth today. That’s what these people do. They go through old shit, desperately looking for stuff to talk about. And it’s late and I’m tired so I’m going with it too.
Newt’s comments will be in bold.
I am glad people are able to monetize the worst period of my life. I dont plan on ever watching this. Nor any other video made about the situation or me.
Uh huh.
I lived it. I was there man. I deal with it every f’n day. I made a HUGE mistake. and why I did it and what I was dealing at the time and all the factors that led to me doing someone elses job for no money or credit and no one checking it nor anyone else suffering any consequences does not matter.
The most baffling of Newt’s laundry list of excuses is “Nobody checked my work.” He always trots this one out. “Hey, somebody should have been checking to make sure that I wasn’t plagiarising.”
WHY WOULD ANYONE ASSUME THAT YOU’RE PLAGIARISING? Most people don’t do that. You hire somebody to do a job, you assume that they’re going to do it properly. Newt is a professional. He’s written 1,000 scripts. But somebody should have been checking his scripts for plagiarism? It’s ridiculous.
And how difficult is it to check for plagiarism? The way it was discovered is some complete fucking autist on Reddit went line by line Googling the review. Who the fuck would do that? Who at Screenwave would have this as their assigned task? It would take many hours. Who would even think to do that? This is not a normal task that people have. You just assume that a man who’s written 1,000 scripts is going to do things without plagiarising.
But Newt takes umbrance with that. It’s insane. “How dare somebody not go through my 20 scripts line by line checking for plagiarism?”
If Newt was even remotely subtle with the plagiarism, he would have got away with it. Change the fucking words, Newt. Don’t plagiarise from just one source. Plagiarise from multiple sources.
No. He couldn’t do it. He found the first result from Google and copied the entire article basically verbatim.
My fault. I live with it. and i have said i am sorry more times than I can count. yet still people troll me across all social medias. I am plagiarist guy .
I’ve watched Newt’s videos since this whole plagiarism thing happened. He’s NEVER given an apology. Not a proper one, anyway. It’s always couched with, “Somebody should have been checking my work, James Rolfe should have been writing his own scripts, I was given too much work to do.”
Either accept responsibility or tell everybody to go fuck themselves. But he does this middle ground wishy-washy bullshit where he says, “I’m sorry but it wasn’t my fault.” Did that work for James Rolfe? I don’t think so because the fags on Reddit still talk about that.
people call my job trying to get me fired. people attack people I am working with to get them to abandon me like screenwavers did. friends have told me we can remain friends but need to do so on the down low as not to attract attention or get screenwave people to stop working with them.
It’s insane that people are calling his job and whatnot. I have a strong suspicion who it is. But, contrary to Newt’s beliefs, it’s not me.
I say over and over I am in therapy. I am on meds.
What’s the relevance? Are you blaming the plagiarism on mental illness?
I’m sure that we’ve all plagiarised. I wouldn’t have got through college without it. But I wasn’t plagiarising because I was mentally ill. I was plagiarising because I was lazy. Same fucking reason that you did it. Don’t try to put this on mental illness.
Or is he suggesting that he’s better now because he’s in therapy and on “meds”? Show me the proof of that. If you read my articles about Newt chronologically, he’s only gotten worse. I was sympathetic towards Newt when this plagiarism shit happened but then I saw all of the other horrible personality traits that this guy has and all of the vile shit that he does. Shit that makes plagiarism look completely petty.
I am working hard to try and prove to people I am more than my mistakes. some will never allow that. Its always gonna be leverage over me
I agree with Newt. I think that the fags on Reddit should move on. Forget the plagiarism. That’s small potatoes. Let’s focus on his stalking of horse-faced women, giving a eulogy to his friend that consisted entirely of butt sex talk, having sex with mentally ill women half his age, consorting with prostitutes. These are much more damning topics.
Also, we can update the plagiarism talk by looking at his obsession with public domain films that he can now legally plagiarise from, the Florida Man comic, how every film idea he talks about is, “It’s basically this film plus this other film.” The man does not have an original idea in his head.
And yet he expects us to worship at the almighty altar of the self-proclaimed “Ideas Man”. Oh, when will you grace us mere mortals with Shark Vampire? Or Amityville Slut Cheerleaders? We can’t wait to feast our eyes on your artistic vision. These shitty movies that are all ad-libbed by fucking literal whores.
It is what it is. I cant stop people from making these videos, saying what they wanna say. It sucks when the spotlights turns back to me again and the cycle begins all over. feel like every time I get a little advancement, this shit knocks me back.
Newt is getting off lightly with these plagiarism allegations.
I wish I never went to go work for them. I knew the stories. the toxic lazy, blame shifting and i still took part and became part of the problem.
Newt, YOU’RE toxic. YOU’RE lazy. YOU enjoy shifting blame. This is you to a tee.
Your laziness caused your plagiariasm. You blamed everybody but yourself when you got caught out. And you’re a toxic consorter of prostitutes and abuser of the mentally ill.
I am an adult. i chose to do things. say things. copy things and expect them to be rewritten. its my fault. and every single day the last 2 years its been on my head and heart and that sucks but……
Newt is upset because he turned in plagiarised work and expected somebody else to re-write that plagiarised work. It’s insane. How can he possibly offer this up as any kind of justification?
Somebody else should have hidden your plagiarism better? This is actually what he’s proposing. In his mind, he was failed because other people at Screenwave didn’t fix his plagiarised work.
No, Newt. YOU should have hidden your plagiarism better. It doesn’t take long to change a few words around. Get a fucking thesaurus out. That’s what I did back in college. I’d get the fucking library book, it would say something like, “As readers have noted since its publication, the plot of Huckleberry Finn , for example, deteriorates markedly at the end.” Then I’d look up some of the “big” words in a thesaurus and change them to simpler words so it looks like I’m the one writing it. “As people have observed since it’s release, the plot of Huckleberry Finn, for example, weakens at the end.” Done. Nobody will ever know that I plagiarised. Bonus points for changing the sentence structure around.
Or, here’s a crazy idea, Newt, DON’T PLAGIARISE! Don’t submit plagiarised work AT YOUR JOB. The job that you’re getting PAID for.
And then he has the nerve to shit on Screenwave for giving him a job. How dare Screenwave assume that Newt is going to be a professional? It’s Ryan’s fault for being an idiot. Ryan should have known that Newt is completely unprofessional. Newt is actually blaming Screenwave for hiring him. They should have known better.
I mean, he’s right. They should have known better. They should have better vetting processes. They shouldn’t just hire people because they’re friends with existing employees. But does Newt want to advertise this? “Anybody who hires me is an idiot and should know that I’m going to fuck up”?
The leaps in logic that this guy will jump through to blame everybody except himself. And then he says, “Oh, but I apologised.” He apologises and then immediately blames every single person he’s ever known or ever will know for this plagiarism. The guy who restocks the water cooler was late one day so Newt got a little dehydrated and this caused him to not have enough energy to write an original script. The chubby Asian chick was too damned sexy and it was distracting Newt from his work so he had no choice but to plagiarise. Daylight savings time fucked with his sleep pattern so it was inevitable that he would copy from that website.
Newt, go fuck yourself, you complete degenerate.
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A Brand NEW Studio! + Channel updates – Zap Cristal
Oh yeah. A new studio for the Reset & Zap podcast. Is that what it’s called? I’m the only person watching so I feel a responsibility to get the name right. Oh, Reset n’ Zap.
Is that right? Does the apostrophy go after the “n”? What does Chip and Dales do?
“Chip ‘n Dales”. I knew that didn’t look right. The apostrophy goes BEFORE the “n”.
What’s another example of this? Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? Not really but, again, the apostrophy goes before the “Em”.
Oh yeah. The Indian subcontinent to the rescue again.
https://www.quora.com/Punctuation-When-shortening-the-word-and-should-I-use-n-n-or-n
“According to the Oxford English Dictionary, ‘n’, ‘n, and n are all acceptable (but not n’!)”
Well, Zap is a fucking dope in the extreme. What do you expect?
0:00 – “Welcome you beautiful Zaps to the Zap Cristal channel.”
That’s what she’s calling the three people who are watching this shit now? “Zaps”? I don’t think that that works.
She used to start with, “It’s your girl Zap Cristal.” Maybe Mr Wright Way II got jealous and didn’t want her saying that any more.
“First of all, we’re bring back the Reset n’ Zap podcast.”
It’s death. This podcast totally killed her channel. She went from getting thousands of views to a couple of hundred tops. Nobody is clamouring for this.
0:30 – She says if you want to know when the podcast is coming back, you should check out her website.
Why? They can just fucking subscribe to your Youtube channel.
It’s because she desperately wants people to go to her website. But why? There’s nothing even there. The website is just links to her social media shit. It’s a Linktree, effectively. But she’s paying the six bucks a year for a domain name and the $20/year for the server space so she wants to justify her purchase.
0:45 – Zap says that there’s an email list you can sign up to on her website. What is this? 1999? Who in their right mind would even sign up for an email list these days? And a fucking Zap Cristal email list? You really want updates on Zap Cristal?
“Do expect the Reset ‘n Zap podcast SEASON TWO to come back fully refreshed with a brand new set.”
Nobody cares about your seasons. Nobody cares about your set. Nobody cares about your podcast.
She can be doing these podcasts naked and nobody would watch. They’re unwatchable. And frankly, I think that the nudity would be another reason not to watch, in this case.
1:15 – There’s going to be a new series called Couples Game Night.
All of her “new” ideas involve her and Mr Wright Way II. This is fucking embarrassing. I suspect that Mr Wright Way II is behind all of this. He’s telling her that all new “content” has to involve him.
1:30 – “We wanted to bring up this idea for other couples that are looking for streamers that are married as well.”
What? This sounds like some fucking swinging thing. Who’s the unfortunate couple who’s going to be wife-swapping with Zap and Mr Wright Way II? And how does it even work in the context of streaming?
Maybe they’re just hoping to have sex while the other couple also has sex. On webcam, of course. Seems boring to me, frankly.
Then she says even if you’re married, you can watch.
Well, no shit. Although, there’s a reason that these swinging parties don’t allow single men. They’d be inundated with single men.
2:00 – “My Video Game Diary” is yet another new “series” that she’s introducing. She’s introducing a lot of new series. I haven’t mentioned all of them.
“It’s about revealing myself to the world more as a gamer.”
Ew. I don’t want to think about Zap revealing herself to the world.
2:45 – She’s also releasing her second album. Where was the first one? It’s fucking trash that Mr Wright Way II “produced” in Zap’s basement.
3:00 – Then there’s a LOUD rendition of “Our Love Journey” which is Zap’s new hit single. It’s some hip hop shit. Yeah, Zap is all about that hip hop.
I was in a chicken shop a few months ago, in some small, impoverished town. It was owned by Pakistani guys, I think, and most of the people working there were Pakistani. I was the only person in there. And they’re playing this hip hop music through the store’s speakers where the word “nigger” was said literally like every 15 seconds. And it went on and on. It wasn’t a three minute song. I was there for like 30 minutes and the song played throughout. Completely insane. I’ve never seen anything like it.
3:15 – “I told you I’m coming back and we’re coming back strong.”
This video got 200 views after five days. Her channel has completely imploded since she got with Mr Wright Way II and started putting out this god awful podcast. She’s delusional if she thinks otherwise.
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Newt Wallen and PVC Bondage Guy’s Facebooks
I was checking out The Idea Man’s Twitter and found these hilarious pictures:
I think that I laughed for five full minutes at PVC Bondage Guy’s picture. Why the fuck would she use that as her photo? She must have thousands of softcore porn pictures that she could have used.
And Newt went with some sad sack picture of him sitting on a casket or something.
They could not have picked worse pictures.
But come see them in Ohio! They’re going to be at…what is this…MonsterFest Mania. What a terrible name. Presumably, “MonsterFest” was taken, as was “MonsterMania” so they just awkwardly combined them.
PVC Bondage Guy used her name on this thing. Or whatever her “trans” name is. So I looked it up. It’s not a secret or anything. She presumably agreed to this flyer. And I found her Facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/people/Metz-Donato
I assumed that Metz was her screen name. No. That’s her legal name. She changed it when she realised that she was a “they/he”. Whatever that means.
She says that she recently started with that wrestling school. It is such a giant waste of money. She’s being made a fool of. They accept ANYONE. They’re just there to collect money. What percent of “graduates” go on to make a single penny as professional wrestlers? I’ll say about 1 in 500. Even that’s probably too high.
And she posted a picture of two of the current people in this school’s little “promotion.”
https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=819371330231677
With the greatest of respect to PVC Bondage Guy, she doesn’t look ANYTHING NEAR what this Notorious Mimi looks like.
Maybe this is just a really Photoshopped picture. Let me look for other pictures.
No, I think that’s pretty much her. Big tits. Fairly slim. Fairly muscular arms.
So what has this woman who looks fairly decent achieved in the wrestling world? Not a whole lot.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sloane_Jacobs
She’s 21 and apparently started training when she was 15. She went to this Monster Factory, same as PVC Bondage Guy is doing. She independent shows for years. Probably got paid little, if anything. It wasn’t until 2021 when she did some dark matches for AEW. She was jobbed out in NXT for less than a year, probably in untelevised matches. Two appearances in Ring of Honor, which I understand isn’t even a thing any more. And she made some appearance in Major League Wrestling.
Now, this is for a reasonably good looking 21 year old woman, who’s in shape, has big tits, and has six years of wrestling experience.
PVC Bondage Guy is at least 25 years old and…how to be tactful…well, she’s too slim to be a big fat chick like Awesome Kong and she’s too out of shape to be…any other female wrestler. There’s simply no market for a pudgy woman to be a wrestler. And she has no experience. She didn’t even grow up with wrestling. She only started watching it six months ago. So she even doesn’t know anything about it.
She is going to crash and burn at this. Hard. And that’s unfortunate. I’m sure that she has big ideas of what she’s going to do. No. It’s pure delusion.
Her profile used to say that she worked at Adult World. This is a strip club that also has like a shop that sells vibrators and whatever. I assume that she worked in the retail part of this operation but I don’t know.
She has pictures of herself on this thing. Some of the pictures are pretty old. She’s slimmed down fairly substantially from like five years ago which is another reason why I don’t want to comment on her weight. Maybe it’s an issue for her. I don’t want to give anybody a complex.
She also went to prom or something with some black guy, by the way. And some old Middle Eastern guy leaves a comment on a lot of her pictures from when she was really underage.
But the only reason I mention weight is because of this wrestling thing. Come on. If you’ve never exercised a day in your life, why would you choose to go to a wrestling school? Use your common sense.
Here’s something she posted in March 2022:
Getting real tired of people asking what my “””real name””” is. It’s Metz.
My brothers call me Metz. *Their* friends and partners call me Metz. My doctors call me Metz. My last four therapists called me Metz. Every friend and partner I’ve had in the past 6 years has called me Metz. My coworkers and manager call me Metz. Even my mom calls me Metz.
The only people who don’t are my dad and stepmom. I asked, but. Yeah. My legal name only exists to them and on legal documents.
It’s Metz.
You know why people are confused? It’s not about not being sensitive to her being “trans” or whatever. It’s the fact that Metz ISN’T A REAL NAME. People assume, sensibly, that it’s a fucking internet screen name.
At least her father isn’t going along with that nonsense.
And it seems like she didn’t even change her name. What’s the process to do this? It can’t be that expensive.
It’s $50 to $500, depending on what state you live in and…I don’t know…other shit. But none of that price range is unreasonable.
And how much is Monster Factory? If she money to piss away on that, she has money to change her name.
I don’t know. $1000 and then $260/year. I’d be really surprised if it’s that cheap. Or if it is, what good it can possibly be.
So anyway, that’s PVC Bondage Guy. Here’s Newt R Wallen:
https://www.facebook.com/newton.r.wallen
“I need a Philly area actress next Sunday in Delaware to play the queen of a race of Amazon Warrior Women to wrap all green screen footage for a production with Red Cup Films. They will supply gas money. Anyone available”
He posted that just recently. Looking for an actress who’s available on a week’s notice and is willing to work for gas money.
Newt, this is not…this not anything. This is preposterous. You want the star of the movie to work for GAS MONEY?
Why didn’t he ask his prostitute “friends”? Because presumably, they’re not working for gas money.
Speaking of which, here’s that prostitute’s page. Not Fallon, but the other prostitute.
https://www.facebook.com/MissMadilynnPaige
Tell me that is not the page of a prostitute. Her “location” is a series of states. This must be the area that she’ll travel to for her “jobs”. There’s an online booking link. Her price is described as “$$$”. The more dollar signs, the more expensive. I think three is the maximum.
There are posts about marijuana. There’s a post about sending “spicy snaps” to her public profile. And I’m not seeing it now but somewhere it said that she works in a strip club.
Eugh. So that’s…that’s Newt’s big discovery. He’s going to find his next “actress” fishing for needles in the dumpster behind the free clinic.
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Game of the year 2023! The best games I’ve played this year from retro Sega to PS5 and Switch – Lydgendary
0:00 – “I can’t believe it’s the end of 2023.”
Uh huh. Just get on with it. Time moves at a consistent pace.
She played 23 games in 2023. Or something. What? This is autism. Who counts how many games they’ve played?
5:00 – Bully. I have this for the PC. I’ve never been more pissed off about a game in my life. First of all, it was slow as fuck on my computer. Rockstar has a history of unbelievably bad PC ports starting with GTA 3.
But secondly, they didn’t localise it AT ALL. There are mini-games where you have to press a certain button at a certain time. That braindead shit. But they didn’t change it to take into account that PC users tend to use their keyboard. So it tells you when to press the triangle button and the square button and shit like this. I DON’T HAVE THESE BUTTONS! I’M USING A KEYBOARD!
It’s fucking unbelievable. Who’s using a Playstation controller when playing PC games? Why assume that this is what the average PC player is doing? So these mini-games were unplayable because by the time you registered what key corresponded to what fucking Playstation button they were showing you, it was too late. And you’d probably get it wrong anyway. And these mini-games were integral to the game. If you couldn’t pass the mini-games, you couldn’t advance in the game. Fucking great.
6:30 – She says that she didn’t grow up with a console. Just a laptop.
Why would she start now then? As an adult? She says that she had a laptop. She played The Sims on it. Great. Why get consoles now? Even as a kid today, why get consoles? Virtually all of the consoles games come out on PC. Those that don’t can be emulated. Probably. I don’t know. Maybe not the current generation stuff. But there are a million fucking games that you can play for free, right now, on your computer.
I had an Atari 2600. It was my older sister’s, I guess. It was around for as long as I remember.
Then we got a computer when I was like 9 or 10 years old. Great. Who needs consoles now? I didn’t give a shit about Nintendo or any of that bullshit. I had a computer. You can do so much more on it than these fucking shitty consoles for poor people.
9:15 – She’s talking about Kirby. “Sucking things up.” Umm…I’ll just move on. My pants are getting a little tight.
26:00 – She’s moving. She’s moving from Wiltshire (near Bath) to Nottingham City (or, as the rest of the world knows it as: Nottingham).
That is quite a move. I wonder why. University? New job? Trouble with her boyfriend?
Oh, she got a new job.
But wait a minute. The boyfriend just goes along with that? Doesn’t he have a job?
Oh. He’s from there.
That seems a move down to me. Bath seemed interesting but Nottingham doesn’t do anything for me.
Anyway, good for her. Keep up the good work.
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Quarter Arcade Review – Erin Plays
Aw yeah. Some Erin Plays action. How I’ve missed this. What a terrible thumbnail, by the way.
0:00 – “Numbskull Designs was kind enough to send me their latest product: a quarter-scale replica of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade machine.”
What? I waited a week for this? A crummy commercial?
She’s done NUMEROUS commercials for this company. Let me look this up.
Oh wait. That was…Retro Ali? Huh.
Here’s one by Bobdunga:
But here’s one from Erin:
I know that Erin has done many more, though. I probably just didn’t use the name “Numbskull” in the article. I often intentionally omit the name of the company so as not to add to the advertising.
Anyway, then Erin shills HARD for this thing. How did they pay her for this? It couldn’t have just been for the free…whatever this piece of shit is. She wouldn’t shill this hard merely in exchange for this thing.
1:30 – “It’s a classic Konami, side-scrolling, beat-em-up, from the golden age of arcades.”
Uh huh. The game sucks dick, that tiny machine sucks dick, and you suck dick. In exchange for Youtube promotion.
By the way, is Mike even promoting Erin any more? Not that I’m seeing. So does that mean that buttsex is over?
Oh, I should have mentioned that Erin is in the world’s laziest April costume. This is the only way she knows how to do things. Why bother putting effort into anything? Just any old yellow shirt will do.
2:30 – Now there’s extended talk about the NES game. IT’S TOTALLY IRRELEVANT. But I guess that she got desperate for things to talk about. Has she mentioned colours yet?
3:00 – She finishes the video by telling you what website to purchase this piece of shit from.
How much do you want to guess these things go for? I’ll say…$300.
I was about right. The prices vary. The official website doesn’t even sell them. There are just links to places where you can buy this shit. And there are a bunch of stupid variants if you want to spend more money for a stool and/or something signed by somebody.
Well, the comments but be heaving with angry vitriol, right?
No, of course not. But people are complaining about the price. It’s true. How much is a full sized machine? It can’t be much more than $300. I don’t mean TMNT, that’s probably more expensive because it’s four players, but how much is a cheap arcade cabinet?
I’m seeing a website that sells flatpack arcade cabinets for about $400. Monitor not included, so that’s another $200 or so. This thing looks like crap but…it’s full-size.
But I was thinking more an actual arcade cabinet.
From a quick search, I think about $1000 minimum. But that’s for a working game.
- “Company sends you something free and you talk about it #ad”
Oh, finally somebody is directing their ire at Erin instead of Numbskull. That’s where the ire is rightly placed.
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Newtastic New Year ramblegeddon – Newt Wallen
Well, I’m back. I was “out of town” for a while. That’s why posts were every other day and not terribly timely. But I’m ready to tackle the holiday backlog of crap, starting with The Ideas Man himself: Mr Newt Wallen.
0:00 – Newt is talking about the state of his channel in terms of subscribers and view numbers. He’s obsessed with this. He says that he’s saturated the market.
What market? Ladyboys who want to watch a complete scumbag talk about tits and gore movies with mental patients? Well, it’s definitely a niche audience. Maybe he’s right.
1:30 – “It’s cool to have people who want to be part of your team.” He’s talking about PVC Bondage Guy and that Venezuelan guy and whoever else he has on the channel. Prostitutes and whatnot. Team Newt!
1:45 – “It’s fairly positive, although every so often something I did like a year or two ago will get picked up by TheCinemassacreTruth and then somebody will do a re-edit of it to try to make me look like Aaron Rodgers or whoever the fuck it was who shot those girls was.”
Oh yeah. I thought that it was a contemporary tweet but I should have known better. Those fags on TheCinemassacreTruth have no fucking lives and just scroll through YEARS worth of stuff, desperately looking for shit to talk about. And they repeat the same three god damn things over and over and over again.
2:15 – “We were doing okay this year until that dude put out that fucking plagiarism video and a bunch of shit all got stirred up again.”
That’s right. That was a remarkably boring video. I think that I wrote about it.
2:30 – Newt says that anyone who watches his streams and videos knows that he’s apologised. What? Where was I?
He gave an “apology” in the sense that James Rolfe apologised. “I’m sorry even though I didn’t do it.” Newt blames everyone for this plagiarism and accepts no responsibility. They were giving him too much work, James should have been writing his own shit, somebody should have been checking Newt’s work, all he did was borrow from this plagiarised work, Newt was working “harder”, not “smarter” by plagiarising, whatever.
He never just says, “Okay, in spite of all of this other bullshit going on, it was me who plagiarised and I shouldn’t have done it.” That’s all you have to say. We know that James Rolfe is an autistic asshole who should been writing his own reviews. Let’s assume that you were over-worked. Let’s assume that Screenwave is a shitty place to work for. You were still the dumbass who plagiarised wholesale for twenty fucking scripts.
You know what I’d do if I plagiarised twenty scripts for Monster Madness? I’d say, “Yeah, I did it. You know why? Because fuck James Rolfe. I’m glad it impacted that lazy retard’s reputation.”
Done. You’d be a hero.
I suppose in a sense, Newt did say that. But he did it in a wishy-washy way. He blames his workload and people not checking his work and shit like this. As though it was inevitable that he’d plagiarise twenty scripts. No. Either give a sincere apology or come out and be unrepentant about it. But Newt tries to play the middle ground and that doesn’t please anyone.
2:45 – “I had to block about 50 dudes on Twitter. I’m pretty sure that a lot of them are the exact same dude.”
Uh huh. I think that it was a certain mentally ill hillbilly who went to special education in Alabama. Imagine how mentally challenged you have to be to go to special education in Alabama. Even by Alabama standards, this guy is mentally challenged.
Oh wait. No. Newt is suggesting that it was me. No. Newt, are you fucking retarded? I’m not on Twitter. I was hardly even on the internet this past week. I was entertaining the ladies. I’m not calling your job. I’m not doing anything other than the blog. Everything that I do in regards to you is contained within the blog. If I’m not writing about it, I’m not doing it.
For example, I’m not watching ANY of your videos except for the ones that I write about. I’m not going through your Twitter unless I’m writing about it. I’m not calling your work. I’m not calling your mayor. I’m not doing anything that isn’t discussed on the blog. I don’t give a shit. You’re delusional if you think I’m doing any of this stuff. You’re not that important, Newt. You’re just a vehicle to get some shitty blog articles out there. That’s it.
3:00 – “What’s your end game? I’m not quitting Youtube.”
Newt. Sit down and listen. I don’t care. For your own benefit, I think that you should quit Youtube. But personally, I don’t give a shit. And if you did quit, I’d be in some real trouble. You’re the star of the blog now. Articles about you get the most comments, the most views, and your crazy bullshit makes for a treasure trove of stuff to write about.
Strictly from a selfish point of view, I don’t want you to quit. I want you to continue to talk about fucking dead chicks up the ass. I want you to continue to obsess over your muse Horseface. I want you to continue your doomed projects involving prostitutes. I want you to continue with your homoerotic adventures with Joe from Game Sack. I want you to continue to exploit PVC Bondage Guy. This shit is the source of much merriment from me a strictly selfish and psycotic point of view and long may it continue.
But again, let me stress, that I would happily give all of that fun up to see you quitting all of this disgusting bullshit and getting your life together. Because what you’re doing is a path to ruin and you’re hurting not just yourself but everyone around you.
Nevertheless, to be honest, I don’t give a fuck and it’s hilarious. So believe me, I’m not trying to stop ANY of this. You do you, Newt. And if somebody is harassing you, as I’m sure they are, just get it out of your head that it’s me. I’ve got other stuff going on and I don’t give the slightest of fucks what you do with your life.
3:45 – Newt says that he’s bored of the plagiarist allegations and says that he wants to hear something new. Exactly. Fuck these homos on Reddit with their endless plagiarism allegations. You’re so much more than that, Newt. You’re a sick fuck who talks endlessly about having sex with a friend of yours who had recently died. You’re a stalker of horse-faced women. You’re a john who puts your favourite prostitutes into your shitty “movies” that nobody watches. You’re an exploiter of the mentally ill. And you’re a paranoid, delusional fuck who thinks that I’m hiding under your bed and plotting your downfall. THESE are the things that more people should be focusing on.
4:30 – Shark Exorcist 2 “premiered” in Japan. According to Newt, he’s now huge in Japan and people want him to appear on their…blogs?
Since Newt is such a bloggerhead, maybe I should invite him to answer some questions.
5:15 – Shout out to “the redhead, my former best friend.”
A lot of my questions would deal with his unhealthy obsession with Horseface. First question, simply, why? What is it about that woman with the horse face and the awful, awful, HORRENDOUS personality that’s just so god damned irresistible to this guy?
But back to this Japan thing, I did see Newt tweet something. It was a bunch of people in Japan at a movie theatre but I didn’t think that it was any film that Newt had anything to do with.
Here it is. I don’t know what this is and neither does anyone else. There are just two confused comments.
5:30 – Newt says that Justin and Horseface (Crystal Quin) were embarrassed to be involved in a Donald Farmer film, which apparently this Shark Exorcist is. Much be why he’s sunk to using prostitutes.
7:30 – “XXX-Mas came out. It made a lot of people’s top 10 list this year.”
What? Who? What lists? I can’t even say that it made anybody’s Top 10 Shitties Movies list. Nobody fucking saw this. He’s completely delusional.
8:00 – Another shout out to old Horseface.
I think that Newt thinks that I’m obsessed with him because this is how he thinks. He gets obsessed with people.
9:30 – “Yeah, we did a whole lot of shit, man.”
I couldn’t agree more, Newt. It’s all total shit.
9:45 – He mentions Sucks 2 Suck. He says, “We kind of butted heads creatively there for a while.”
This must explain why we’ve never heard anything about this piece of shit for so long. She thought that the movie was turning out to be a piece of shit, which, of course, it is, and just wanted to scrap it. It’s unsalvageable. What do you expect with fucking Newt involved in the project? There wasn’t even a script. Not one that anybody used. As with all of Newt’s “movies”, the script gets tossed out and it quickly becomes, “Just ad-lib everything.” What a professional.
10:15 – Newt says that he’s the district manager for some cinema chain. Good for him. Focus more on this, less on the doomed prostitute films.
10:30 – “We lost Christie Berger.”
Oh great. Are you going to talk about that tight asshole some more, Newt? She died of cancer, right? But what a hottie! Remember all of those times when you’d bend her over and really give it to her? Tell all of us creeps on Youtube about it.
“One of my favourite people ever.”
What a bizarre way to speak about a former girlfriend. He never mentions that she was his girlfriend. It was just a friends with benefits thing, wasn’t it, Newt? What a slut! Tell us more about this filthy whore who died of cancer.
10:45 – “Fallon, Christie, and I had shot a couple of reviews.”
Newt…what on earth are you doing? NOBODY CARES! Tell us about your sidepiece who died of cancer. About what SHE did. What was SHE like?
He doesn’t fucking get it. And he’s read these articles. He’s read every one. He keeps them in a personal archive. He knows my objection. He knows that I’ve repeatedly called him out for being an insensitive piece of shit, in the extreme, for not saying ONE WORD about this dead woman other than how much he enjoyed fucking her. And yet he CONTINUES.
So he talks about releasing a video with this dead woman, that old whore Fallon, and himself and says, “I think her parents would really appreciate that.”
It’s unbelievable. So her parents are watching Newt’s channel? Do you suppose that they appreciated him going on and on and on about how much he enjoyed fucking their daughter up the ass? He’s incapable of behaving like anything even approaching a normal, civilised human being.
“She and I just bounced off of each other really, really, really well.”
So you’ve said. In great detail. More cushion for the pushing, am I right?
11:00 – “The negative that came from it is a former best friend and a former ex-girlfriend both came to the funeral and apparently they were mocking my reaction to everything and the video that I put out.”
This is insanity. You mean the video where you talked endlessly about fucking this woman in the ass? Yeah, I can see mocking that. I can see getting punched in the face over that. I can see her parents banning you from the funeral over that.
And this is what Newt mentions as the one “negative” that came from this woman dying: Horseface made fun of him. It’s unbelivable. His friend died a painful cancer-ridden death but the REAL shame was Horseface making fun of him. Fuck you, you fucking degnerate piece of shit.
So it’s not just me who was aghast by those videos that Newt did where he talked about fucking that dead chick up the ass. Justin and Horseface were also disgusted by those videos. And they’ve expressed their displeasure to Newt. And yet, Newt STILL doesn’t see a problem with those videos. And even in this video, he’s CONTINUING the same fucking self-obsessed behaviour.
Not even when he’s talking about a friend of his dying can Newt talk about something other than himself. And what he’s talking about is disgusting. We don’t need to know about you sodomising this dead woman. What kind of a eulogy is that? And then he talks about how tragic it was…that Horseface made fun of him.
11:30 – “That’s why I go back to not apologising for things any more because I’ve paid my debt and I don’t get to hide behind the clout and the company and the ad revenue.”
Believe me, Justin Silverman and Horseface are not beyond criticism. But you, Newt Wallen, are a giant piece of shit who should greatly modify your behaviour. Forget about apologising, just stop being an asshole.
Do you really need to be told not to talk about having sex with a woman who just died? And that was the only thing that he talked about it. He talked about how how she was, how she was a dancer or something, the sexy pictures that he had of this woman, and how much he fucked her. That was his memorial video of this woman. This was the video that he was RIGHTLY mocked over. He got off lightly by merely being mocked.
11:45 – “A lot of the things I’ve been doing this year is to show people that I’m better than they ever could have imagined.”
I’m at a complete loss for words. If this is Newt on his best behaviour…let’s just move on.
12:30 – “I want people to do things that they’re actually excited by and proud of.”
Umm…you mean your tits and gore “movies” that star prostitutes? Is this really happening? Newt is presenting these as good movies. In the past, he’s basically admitted that they’re shit. But now…it’s high art. We should be proud of Sucks 2 Suck and XXX-Mas and Shark Vampire.
14:45 – “They’re going to call you a plagiarist for the rest of your life. What are you going to do about it?”
This is something that his new “friends” (prostitutes) who are only working with him because they want to see his artistic vision come to frution allegedly say to him.
Again, plagiarism is way down the list of Newt Wallen’s faults.
15:15 – Then he says that he’s making these horrible tits and gore “movies” as a tribute to his friend Christie whose ass he really enjoyed fucking.
By the way, we’ve NEVER heard about this woman before she died. NOT ONCE. But she’s a huge influence on everything that The Ideas Man does. That must have been some schincter. Maybe it was anal cancer and the tumours added to the experience. Ribbed for your pleasure.
16:15 – Florida Man. First four issues are done. Apparently.
Then he just moves on. Where are the comics, Newt? I’ve been waiting YEARS for these comics. I’m not going to buy his shitty movies but I’ll buy the fucking comics. Where are they?
By the way, the comic is a stolen idea. “Florida Man” is a “meme”. There was also already a comic book based on this “meme” character, also called “Florida Man”. It’s just more plagiarism. That’s all that this guy knows how to do. Monster Madness wasn’t a one-off. This guy could not come up with an original idea to save his life.
17:00 – Newt says that in a perfect world, “Reddit would go, ‘You know what? We were wrong about that Newt. He made a mistake but he owned up to it.’”
But that’s never happened. Newt never did his part. He never owned up to it.
“And my friends would say ‘We’re really sorry that we made fun of you during the two worst times of your life’”
What? You mean when you got fired for wholesale plagiarism and then said some heinous shit to Horseface and the gang so they stopped talking to you?
And the time when your friend died and you made Youtube videos that were all about how sweet her colon was?
Those are the two times, Newt? You expect apologies for this behaviour? YOU should be apologising to THEM, you fucking retard. You should apologise to that woman’s family. You should apologise to PVC Bondage Guy. You should apologise to the prostitutes.
Newt is so self-obsessed that he can’t even imagine that he’s ever done anything wrong. This is all on him. Nobody should apologise to Newt but Newt has a laundry list of people who he should apologise to.
Where’s my apology? Newt goes on his fucking Youtube channel and calls me crazy and makes totally baseless allegations that I’m calling his work and the mayor and I’m spamming shit on his Twitter. I’m not doing any of that, Newt. I await your apology.
I’ve done nothing except call Newt out for his bullshit. As his bullshit became more aggregious, I became less diplomatic with my language. That makes me crazy? I’m crazy for saying that his “movies” are all shit? No. That’s an objective fact.
I tell him that he should stop all of this shit and focus on his job because he has the world’s worst ideas and he has no fucking talent. These are facts. Anyone with a brain can see this. I’m just trying to help out by telling him not to waste any more time and money on these projects that are doomed to fail. He has no talent for any of this. Plainly. But in Newt’s twisted world, if you’re not encouraging him to waste his life on this shit, you’re a crazy person and you need to apologise.
Newt, you’re the one off who’s off in Cloud Cuckoo Land if you believe that anybody wants to watch Shark Vampire. You can’t write. You can’t make a movie. These are harsh realities. I don’t apologise for that. You should be thanking me. I’m telling it like it is. If you follow my advice, you won’t lose any more time or money on these idiotic projects and in the process, maybe you’ll find something that you’re actually good at and enjoy.
17:45 – “I’ve accomplished a lot when it comes to being a better person.”
Cite some examples of this, Newt.
None. Not one. He just moves on to his therapy and medication.
18:00 – “Giving up my time to people when it comes to charity.”
Really? Let’s hear more about that. What charity work are you doing, Newt? Because he says that he works 16 hour days. Where is he fitting in the soup kitchen duty?
18:15 – “Trying to re-energise relationships that I had in the past because they got fucked up and me giving attention to the wrong people. There are some ex-girlfriends, you guys have never met, who I’ve been able to be friends with again.”
WHO CARES? You’re just trying to fuck these women up the ass. Is this part of your charity work?
19:30 – Newt gave his phone number out in the Discord and said if anyone is feeling suicidal to call him. Maybe this is the mystery charity work that Newt was talking about.
Because really, if Newt was doing any charity work AT ALL, we would have heard about it. He would have filmed it. He’d be zooming in on hot hobos who he wants to have sex with.
21:00 – “There’s a lot of Youtubers who I’m big friends with, and, again, it’s hard for them to be friends with me but I tell them, ‘What you do is fucking great’”.
Joe from Game Sack? The guy who you showed your penis to? I see. You boys go have fun. Your secret is safe with me.
21:30 – “It’s an old saying, ‘It doesn’t cost anything to cheer on somebody who makes art.’”
What? That’s not an old saying. That’s nothing.
But you know what else doesn’t cost money? Telling somebody that their “art” sucks penis. Doesn’t cost a cent. Totally free.
22:00 – “Thank you to everyone who has stuck with us, who’s watched us, who comments, who gives criticism (whether it’s constructive or not).”
Yeah. That’s what I’m here for, Newt. So stop crying like a bitch. I’m entitled to my opinion. And, frankly, my opinions in regard to your shitty “movies” and your shitty behaviour are almost fact. I’m not saying any of this stuff to be a jerk. I’m saying it because it’s true.
I wish that it wasn’t true. I wish that Shark Vampire was a good idea. I wish that talking about fucking dead chicks up the ass was a cool thing to do. But it’s not. We don’t live in that world. We live in a world where shitty “movies” exist and shitty people exist. Your “movies” are shit and you’re shit. I’m sorry. I genuinely wish that it wasn’t so. But it is so.
22:45 – He says that he expected to make the puppet Plan 9 from Outer Space movie and Shark Vampire but he didn’t have time with work.
So yeah, speaking of plagiarism: puppet Plan 9 from Outer Space. I forgot about that one. Newt really likes stealing from movies that are in the public domain. Legalised plagiarism.
24:30 – “Ryan from Screenwave might say ‘It’s trash’”.
Newt is talking about how it was his childhood dream to make movies. Tits and gore movies, apparently.
Well, guess what, Newt: Ryan was right. Even that lunatic who dresses as a lady can see that your ideas have absolutely no merit.
Then Newt waffles on about supporting each other and his obsession with Horseface some more. That’s the video.
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Erin Plays Christmas Play List
Erin has great taste in music. Did you know she used to work in a record store? It’s true. She also wrote for a music blog. And she played the drums for a few months in grade school. So she’s an expert at music. Let’s check out her expert musical playlist.
Jimmy Eat World’s cover of Last Christmas. I have to say that this one passed me by. I was never a Jimmy Eat World fan.
I know of them. Let me look this up. Formed in 1993? I should be familiar then. I’ll look up their greatest hit.
Oh yeah. I know this one. It’s gay, though. I didn’t like this “The West Coast” pop punk bullshit.
Did they have any other hits? I’ll look at the top results on Youtube. Sweetness. Never heard of it. Pain. No. 555. No. Work. No. Big Casino. No. At least that one is more than one word, though.
So no. I think this was a one hit wonder band.
Let’s give a few seconds to Last Christmas which is already a homosexual song…I mean…who originally sang this? Wham. Yeah. Come on.
But let’s hear another homosexual band’s rendition.
I didn’t think it was possible but these boys out-gayed George Michael. I’m not even saying this as a joke. You have these guys with extremely effeminate voices. There are jingle bells. No thanks. I don’t associate sodomy with the birth of the Messiah.
What else do you have, Erin? That was a total dud.
“Julian Casablancas’ cover of the SNL song, ‘I Wish it was Christmas Today’ is a total banger.”
Uh huh. A “banger” you say. I hold out no hope for this. A cover of a song from Saturday Night Live: America’s Premiere Showcase of Bafflingly Unfunny “Comedy”.
And I don’t know who the fuck Julian Casablancas is.
“Best known as the lead vocalist and primary songwriter for the Strokes.”
Get some new bands, Erin. We’ve heard all of this shit before. The Strokes. Weezer. Britney Spears. That’s the extent of her musical tastes.
Gay.
I’ll be honest, it doesn’t matter who’s singing, ANY song about Christmas is going to be gay. Who wants to listen to this?
“and lastly, *Nsync’s “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” is a classic and you cannot tell me otherwise.”
I’m not an 11 year old girl in the year 1996, Erin. Who the fuck is this list for?
Well, it starts with the late, great Gary Coleman. That’s something in its favour at least.
Then it quickly descends into hardcore homosexuality. No adult woman can possibly find any enjoyment from that song? It’s for pre-adolescent girls. What is wrong with her? Her taste in music has not evolved since she was in the sixth grade.
“I would always get super stoked when KROQ would play No Doubt’s cover of Oi to the World lol”
Erin is a big skinheads fan, guys. Well, I wasn’t expecting this. I wonder what her favourite Skrewdriver song is.
It’s gay, of course.
This was a thing when I was in high school. Skinheads, not so much Gwen Stefani. And it was like the mid 1990s. They talked about “braces” (the British term for suspenders). They wore Doc Martens. They said “oi.” They listened to bands like Skrewdriver.
But it’s all from the 1970s. And it’s a British thing. How did they know about this? Maybe from movies. Romper Stomper. And there was that other Skinhead movie that came out in the 1990s…oh, I was thinking American History X but it couldn’t have been that because that was in 1998. Too late.
It was definitely a thing, though. And not just with this handful of kids who I knew in high school. Because even in grade school, I knew the names of skinhead “gangs”.
They were normal folk. They were friendly to me. I hung out with them. I didn’t give a fuck. But they all quit school by the 10th grade. It’s a shame. One of them works in a factory or something now, so good for him. But it’s crazy how many people I know who didn’t finish high school. I was there. I saw it happening. But it was totally removed from me. I couldn’t imagine quitting school in the tenth grade. What are you going to do?
But yeah, Erin is all about the skinheads. Who knew? It reminds me of when Horseface claimed that the best people were Norwegian or something. Let me look this up.
“I always associated Death Cab For Cutie’s “Transatlanticism” with the holidays because of this song and I didn’t know it had a music video until now lol”
It’s gay. Every male singer she likes has a soprano voice.
“And of course, it wasn’t Christmas for middle school Erin unless this Britney track was playing”
I won’t even listen to it for two seconds.
So that’s Erin’s horrible, terrible, boring Christmas playlist.
Oh, Erin was also experimenting with some AI art. Let me try it out.
Here’s Waffen Erin for your little Hitler Youth.
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Is Edward Scissorhands Tim Burton’s BEST Movie? – Talking About Tapes
So we’ve got Horseface and Cayley for this one. “Who’s Cayley?” you might be asking. Well, it’s another local skank who Tony knows who has a Youtube channel about movies. A Youtube channel that nobody watches. She started it a year ago and pretty much abandoned it once she found out that simply being a slutty woman wasn’t enough to get views.
She also goes by the name Lucy Tightbox. That’s hot, right? Are we all ready to jerk off? Lucy Tightbox is in the house. This fucking 35 year old heavily tattooed woman who’s a 4/10 at best. She allegedly has a tight pussy. We’re supposed to jerk off to this.
Here’s her Christmas tweet. Celebrate the birth of our Saviour by behaving like a whore. I don’t even know which one she is. It’s a trio of horse-faced 35 year old women. I think she’s the one in the middle in the second picture because she’s all tatted up but maybe all of them are tatted up. I don’t know.
If you looked like any of these women, would you put a “sexy” outfit on and go out and try to trade on your “sex appeal” at a public event? I’d be humiliated. I’d say, “Nobody wants to see this. Who am I kidding. I’ll dress with dignity instead.”
But these completely delusional women think that they’re hot chicks. They think that they’re porn star quality. Everybody is going to be excited to see these horse-faced, chubby, 35 year old, tatted up women.
In what universe? Is this all you need to be considered hot in Pennsylvania? Just dye your hair a kooky colour, put a lot of makeup on, get all tatted up, and dress like a whore? That’s all it takes? Fucking Tony from Hack the Movies can do that.
Let me check out one of her videos. Maybe she’s engaging.
Well, now that I see her up close, I was wrong to say that she’s 35. She’s at least 40.
And as for being engaging, this is just a boring, highly-edited, “review”. Every pause between sentences is edited out. I hate that shit.
So now that I’ve properly introduced this tight-pussied, 40 year old hot chick, let’s see what she, Tony, and Horseface have to say about…Edward Scissorhands. Oh, I can’t wait. Only two hours long.
1:00 – Tony makes a joke about how much he likes Mint Salad. I’m very close to turning this off already. It’s extremely distasteful that he encourages this woman getting pissed on by her pimp for money. I have no doubt that Tony himself has pissed on Mint Salad for money.
Tightbox over here sounds like she’s been chainsmoking for 30 years.
1:45 – Horseface says to Tightbox, “I really liked you before” in her usual flirty, complimentary, “Please love me and tell me that I’m a hot chick too”, faux lesbian way. FUCK OFF, HORSEFACE!
2:30 – Tony shilling for his Patreon with some guy nobody has ever heard of. He also advertises Mint Salad. It’s really gross.
7:30 – Horseface pretends to get excited over Angela Landsbury.
“Wait…you mean that old woman from Murder She Wrote?”
The very same. Because Horseface is a big time lesbian who finds all kinds of women to be sexy. She’s all about the sexy ladies. Even Angela Landsbury who was between the ages of 60 and 80 when Murder She Wrote was on.
I’ll just let these degenerates drone on in the background while I talk about the main reason I decided to talk about this video.
Tony made a community post. I have no idea who’s reading the community posts on Youtube but somebody left a comment on the blog about this which alerted me to this. Here’s Tony’s post:
So some of you have been asking, and I keep forgetting to make this post. I moved back in with my dad this year until I can afford a home of my own (which looks like it’s going to be awhile but let’s move on) earlier this month he got Covid the day before we were set to shoot the episode and I couldnt have people come in to shoot. This is why we did Homeward Bound as an emergency. We will be doing the episode eventually. Hopefully, next month. I just didn’t want to rush it, and also, our schedules are all over the place due to the holidays. So there you go. The episode will happen. It will hopefully happen sooner rather than later.
Now, I saw a video that had JessDayDreaming (the intern) and Horseface and I think Johanna in what was purported to be Tony’s apartment. This was, I don’t know, within the past six months. I must have written about it but I can’t find it.
He was moving in or something. So…was that not his apartment? Was it his father’s home?
Anyway, the guy quits his job and then moves in with his father? The job must have been absolutely unbearable.
He’s apparently not been able to find another job. Surely, he’s not planning on making Hack the Movies his full-time job.
Anyway, that’s unfortunate. I’m turning this video off at 13.00, by the way. It’s unbearable even as background noise.
Moving back in with your parents at 35 or whatever Tony is. I’m not here to criticise, it’s just an unfortunate situation. I moved back “home” in my mid 20s but I worked. And I was only there for a couple of years at the most. I did everything I could to get out of that place.
In your mid 30s, that has to be rough. And doing a Youtube show?
What he needs to do, obviously, is find a job. There are plenty of jobs out there. It doesn’t have to be Walmart but it could be Walmart. And he can still do the show. Film in the evenings or weekends or whevenever he’s off. If there’s a scheduling conflict with Horseface, all the better. Find somebody else.