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Christmas Apology video – Newt Wallen
What could The Ideas Man be apologising for? Plagiarising 20 episodes of Monster Madness? Stalking Crystal Quin? His shameful eulogy of a friend of his who died where all he talked about was how he enjoyed fucking her up the ass? Taking advantage of the mentally ill PVC Bondage Guy? Showing his penis to Joe from Gamesack and 8 Bit Eric? Employing prostitutes to make shitty films that nobody wants to see? Repeatedly failing on his comic book release dates? Sullying my good name by claiming that I’m trying to get him fired from jobs? Being a general sleazebag without a shred of talent?
This guy has a lot to apologise for. And these are only the things that I know about. How can he possibly fit all of this in a video that’s six minutes long?
0:00 – He has puffy, reddened eyes. People told him not to make the video.
0:30 – “You’re going to think of me what you will. You know, Reddit, and ‘Oh, we thought you knew a lot about movies.’”
Wait. Is this what he’s going to apologise about? Not knowing much about movies? Because that’s never been a complaint of mine. That’s also never been a complaint that I’ve seen.
This better be good, Ideas Man.
0:45 – “I have been making steps to go back and fix as many of the mistakes that I’ve made as possible.”
Well, I’ve provided a helpful list. Let’s see how many he addresses.
“But obviously this one keeps popping up.”
This better not fucking be about you not knowing about movies.
1:15 – “I’ve seen a lot of movies in my life. I like to think that I know something about film.”
Is this really happening? He’s apologising for something that NOBODY HAS EVER COMPLAINED ABOUT.
1:30 – “I made the mistake of parroting information that I had gathered from other places.”
Oh. So it’s about the plagiarism. Well, I don’t care about that.
You know the problem with the fags on TheCinemassacreTruth? Well, one of many problems. But the problem I’m thinking of is that they repeat the same fucking three things over and over and over again.
So this is what we get. They’re complaining about something that’s frankly small potatoes. Newt has WAY bigger issues that plagiarising fucking Monster Madness. Keep up. I’ve provided a list. He’s a total degenerate. If “plagiarist” was the worst thing you could say about him, he’d be an upstanding guy.
2:00 – Then he starts talking about how he’s never seen Jingle All the Way and he knows that this is disappointing to some people. What the fuck is he talking about?
What is this? He’s still talking about this two minutes later. Apparently, people have called him out for not seeing Jingle All the Way? Is he insane? I’ve never seen this and why would this bother him?
Oh my fucking god. What? Apparently, he said that he liked Jingle All the Way despite the fact that he’s never seen it. So now when people ask him about the movie, he just smiles and nods and pretends that he’s seen it.
WHO GIVES A SHIT? WHY IS HE CRYING OVER THIS?
Newt. Read my fucking list of shit you should be apologising for. You claming to like Jingle All the Way despite never having seen it wouldn’t even make my top 1000 list of things you should apologise for. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Then he starts listing popular movies that he’s never seen. NOBODY CARES! What is this?
“I know Jingle All the Way means a lot to you guys.”
Is this a joke? Is this a parody video? Because the comments seem to be treating this as real.
I’ve Googled “Newt Wallen” and “Jingle all the way”. Nothing. This is fucking idiotic. You need to make another apology video for wasting my time with this apology video.
5:30 – “I’m tired of constantly defending myself when it comes to this stuff.”
This is complete madness. NOBODY cares that that he didn’t see Jingle All the Way.
That’s the video. It has to be a joke but you read the comments and everybody’s treating it seriously. Are they just not in on the joke?
- “Wasn’t expecting to hear “I’ve never seen Jingle All The Way” with that intro build up. Hate to say i had a laugh at that at first. Idk the context to this but whatever the case, we all appreciate the work you do and your passion for movies. Here’s to a better 2024″
Yeah. What the fuck is this?
I’m putting this down as a joke video. Newt was crying on Christmas so wanted some attention. He should have put out an actual apology video.
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Top Twelve Erin Plays Horntard Comments of 2023
Another delightful year of Erin Plays. She released 18 videos in 2023. I’m not including her second channel Erin Plays Extras. I won’t even look at that shit since she started doing her aggressively boring NES A-Z thing, which is a blatant Mike Matei rip-off. And I didn’t even watch that tedious shit when Mike did it.
So let’s get to it. Why twelve? Because there were a couple of good ones that didn’t make the cut but they set the scene.
12) “It’s weird how much more views you get for cosplay thumbnails. Your fans are creeps. Live by the algo die by the algo” – tylermichaelb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA6qY3VEX9Q
This was from the video where she dressed as Jessica Rabbit. She did cosplay for a lot of videos this year. Hello, desperation. Seven of them, in fact. This wasn’t confined to Halloween. She did four for Halloween and three just when she was desperate for horntard pennies, as is the case with this Jessica Rabbit video.
So the guy, rightly, points out that her “fans” are creeps. This is what they’re there for. They’re there to jerk off. I know it’s insane to jerk off to a fully-clothed woman pretending to be interested in video games but this is their fetish. They’re mentally retarded. I don’t know what retards are into. This, apparently.
11) “Erin, I love your videos.I also wanna know where do I find a nerdy video game player like you at and the reason I ask this is because every woman I have ever had always tries to get me to get rid of my video games and comic books and I always tell them that they will go before my video games and comics Erin,have you ever played Metal Gear Solid on PS1 it’s a great game.” – jarredsmith918
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bYJdNyl2lo
This was from her video where she gave all of us gaming noobs some pro tips on how to beat Splatterhouse but it could have been from any video. His comment had no relation, at all, to the video.
There are lot of posts along these lines. People asking Erin where they can find a girlfriend who likes video games. This guy is particularly oblivious to the fact that being a nerd is a giant turn off for the ladies. That’s why the bottom-feeding women who he does manage to find all tell him that the hentai has to go or it’s over. He’s looking for a more open-minded hot chick who will accept his extreme nerd behaviour. He’s also oblivious to the fact that Erin is in no way, shape, or form interested in video games. It’s a con. A con to take the pennies from your pocket and put them into hers.
10) “visibly nervous …. Hey…… sweating profusely ……. I … uh ….. think you’re beautiful ….. runs away” – jeremiahw3168
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhg7Iivv
AND
“I’m … uh …….. in love with you ….” – jeremiahw3168
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqV5a8dK2S4
This is the same guy commenting on two different videos with the same “joke” about how he’s an awkward nerd who loves Erin. He thinks that this is going to work. This is his strategy. Why else would he do it? He thinks that Erin is going to take pity on him and have sex with him. That’s what’s going on in his warped mind. This is his genuinely held belief.
9) “Erin, a lot of us are so grateful for your videos. 2020/21/22 was an harrowing time for many people, and you and your friends helped coping with all that Have some rest, you all, and never be scared bc no one should See ya” – pacopd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA6qY3VEX9Q
Here’s another one from the Jessica Rabbit video. Seeing Erin dressed in a shitty costume is all that kept this guy going through covid. Also, presumably, Erin’s covid advice of speaking to an elderly neighbour to see if they need anything from the store. I would love to know if Erin actually did that herself. I guarantee you 100% that she did not. She doesn’t know her neighbours. She never leaves the house unless it’s to fly to or from her parents’ home in Los Angeles.
And what does this guy’s last sentence even mean? “Never be scared because no one should see you”? I think he’s encouraging her to continue to do the “sexy” cosplay. “Don’t be ashamed of showing your body.” He’s doing the old, “Turn pornography into something empowering” trick. “Hey, ladies. Show me your tits. It will be empowering, I promise.”
8) “Ok Erin, obviously you have always been smart, pretty, funny, knowledgeable about your topics and very easy on the eyes, Now where was this sexyness coming since the pad episode, passing by the nurse cosplay, and this Jessica rabbit, please please stay sexy and u will be the perfect YouTuber, do not misunderstand me please you are always beautiful, we want a sexy Erin now” – mikedestazador5116
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA6qY3VEX9Q
Here’s yet another one from the Jessica Rabbit video. I wonder why that particular video attracted so many horny losers.
Here’s a guy encouraging Erin to keep doing the “sexy” videos. This is what the people want. Mike Destazador knows it, I know, Erin knows it, we all know it.
Nobody gives a shit about the video games. Nobody cares that she doesn’t know jack shit about video games. They just want to watch porn and they can’t get around the parental block on their computer so Youtube is all that they have. He pays lip service to her being “smart”, “funny”, and “knowledgeable” but that’s just his attempt at being polite. It’s the “sexiness” that he’s here for. He’s a horny guy. A horny guy who inexplicably wants to look at Youtubers for his porn fix.
7) “Hey Erin are you married or in a relationship? If not you should hit me up and let me take you out sometime. Then we can go back to either one of our places and play video games all night. I’ve never met a girl that was good looking and not only like video games but are actually good at them as well. That’s such a rarity that I’ve only known 1 girl like that in real life. Lol if the video games aren’t good enough to keep you occupied, you can always just sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart! That would probably get you to like me quicker than my video game skills would. That’s cuz my tongue is even more talented than my hands (winking emoji)” – austinpowers8550
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bYJdNyl2lo
Here’s another one from the Splatterhouse video. He starts off fairly gentle. He’s looking to take Erin out on a date. Nothing crazy. Just see a movie or something. Maybe hold hands if they’re feeling it. He thinks that she’s really pretty and it might be nice to play video games together some time.
But then he just goes for it. Why not? You have to take chances in life. So he starts boasting about his cunningulus skills. He figures, probably rightly, that this is a better way to impress the ladies. What woman is impressed by video game skills? None. But if you can take good care of their lady parts, that’s a sound basis for a relationship.
But what about his intercourse skills? We need the full resume. Maybe he has erectile dysfunction so he focused on his oral skills. It makes sense. You always hear that women prefer oral anyway.
This isn’t just some guy on the internet either. If you go to his profile, there’s a picture of Joe Biden in a Taliban baseball cap, and his description is, “International pussy eating champion”. So he has the credentials. He has the title. Erin would be a damn fool to pass this up. It’s not just some regional championship either. “Pennysylvania Pussy Eating Champion” or something. He’s got the world title. I don’t know who the sanctioning body is but you can message him and I’m sure he’d be happy to tell you.
6) “U guys have a staus of celebrity not many can match so if u only stay on you tube well there’s a lot of ppl who know u guys all exist and James Rolf pioneered this type of fame something u can be very proud of even if u never make one Hollywood appearance u done things in ur life most ppl can only dream of ppl like me this girl the fact she likes games and is pretty and on camera has a really chill personality makes it seem possible to get a woman like her they far and few between but good luck to the whole crew here” – fantasticdavidson1179
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkfgAXCkF_0
This is from the food mascots video. She talked about Chester Cheetah and whatnot.
And this guy is saying, “Hey, you’ve done it, Erin. You might not have achieved your dreams of being a bigshot in Hollywood, but you’re making shitty Youtube videos and that’s close enough.”
Then he says, “Hey, you’re pretty and I wish I had a girlfriend who plays video games and likes me for me.” That’s a common theme in a lot of these messages. They’re lonely men looking for a woman who will accept them in spite of the fact that they’re giant nerds and quite possibly mentally challenged. It’s sad. But Erin happily takes money from these very unfortunate men.
This guy actually has a channel. I wouldn’t say that he’s retarded in the sense of a drooling imbecile but something isn’t right. He’s a single, middle aged, fat guy who plays the guitar. According to his sweatpants, he lives in the Minnesota region.
5) “Omg you’re adorable. Wish she was my girlfriend. Why can’t I ever meet a nice gamer girl. I always end up meeting mentally unstable women.” – jamescava8867
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JQxBSR68D4
Another lonely man looking for a girlfriend who plays video games and buying into the fantasy that Erin is such a woman. This guy is only meeting crazy women. Well, what are you bringing to the table? If you’re Rondo Hatton, you’re not going to get Mae West. You need to be realistic with your expectations. And if you want a higher calibre of women, you have to up your game. Get a better job, start working out, lose weight, bathe, improve your personality, become a world champion pussy eater.
It’s a huge task and I can’t even promise that it will make much difference. So you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it. Maybe these crazy women are good enough. Maybe you don’t need a hot chick who plays video games.
And think about it from the woman’s perspective. Do you think a woman, even a crazy woman, wants a giant fucking nerd who’s jacking off to gamer girls on Youtube? If you can find somebody who will put up with that weirdo shit, hold on to her with both hands and be grateful.
4) “A hat makes a poor personality substitute.” – meh3247
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k_UKANkpDo
This is from the video where Erin dresses as a cowgirl and gives basic bitch Wikipedia information about Cowboys of Moo Mesa.
I just thought that the comment was funny and accurate. Erin tries her stand up comedy routine in this video with “jokes” that don’t even make sense, of course. “Salad Dakota” and whatnot.
3) “Hi Erin, I was wondering if you can do a video of my challenge? I sent you an email about it describing what it’s about and what you have to do for it! I know it’s not exactly what you do on your channel but I’m asking everyone!”
FOLLOW UP
“I was thinking, since you are a gamer, it can be Nintendo themed too. Like put the tub of shaving cream on top of the power pad before putting your feet in. Or maybe have a design in the shaving cream of like a NES controller or the Triforce from Zelda which would be pretty amazing. Anyway, let me know!” – The_MDA_Challenge
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht2c-xrGMyg
It’s just from a Beam Software throwaway video but the guy’s comment isn’t relevant to the video.
His first comment is vague as to what the “challenge” is. But in his follow up response, it becomes more clear. He wants Erin to put shaving cream on a Power Pad and start stomping on it in her bare feet. Or maybe have the shaving cream in the design of a Triforce or something. But the important thing is that you get your feet full of shaving cream. It would be amazing.
Clearly a fetish. Wants to see her put her booty shorts on again and slip around on a Power Pad. When Erin inevitably falls, it would be a convenient excuse for her to say the word “ass” again. “Ooh, my ass. My aching ass. My ass hurts so much. Who will rub my ass?”
Now here’s where things get really sad. You click on that guy’s channel and it’s a guy in a wheelchair who has muscular dystrophy. This is what he does. This is his fetish. Putting feet in shaving cream.
There’s a video where he’s encouraging women to put their feet in a tub of shaving cream. And while he’s saying this, there’s a tub of shaving cream in front of him and a nurse or something to his side. The nurse puts his feet in shaving cream and then the woman filming says “ooh” in a sexual way. Then this guy says that it feels really good and all of these women who he’s sending these creepy messages to should try it out.
Then there’s a bunch of videos of MILFs putting their feet into tubs of shaving cream. And they all read from the same script saying that they’re doing this to raise awareness of muscular dystrophy. I don’t know who these women are. I assume friends of this guy’s mother who got roped into this or nurses or whatever. But there is NOTHING about this that raises awareness of muscular dystrophy. This is all about catering to this guy’s bizarre sexual fantasies. And these women know that. They have to. Are they retarded?
There’s a video where he explains why he wants people to put their feet in shaving cream because apparently people were leaving comments asking what the fuck this sicko shit is about. So he explains that it’s because it’s, “simple, fun, and inexpensive.”
I don’t buy it for one fucking second. Loads of things are simple, fun, and inexpensive. Why feet in shaving cream?
If he just came out and said, “Hey, I’m a horny guy. I have muscular dystrophy. Do me a favour. This is what I like. I don’t have many joys in life.” I’d respect that. But don’t turn it into some noble and innocent thing to raise awareness of muscular dystrophy. It’s CLEARLY a sexual thing. Muscular dystrophy doesn’t affect the brain. This guy is of normal intelligence. So don’t insult mine by trying to turn this into something that it isn’t.
“I want to see MILFs putting their feet into shaving cream.” Fine. You do you. But just be honest about your intentions.
2) “The problem with sexy stuff being on youtube is the content creators kids will go through puberty one day and start jacking off the the content creator. I don’t think young people understand that.” – dankhill685
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64doIZpDmhU
Here’s a guy presenting a problem that most people don’t think about. What happens if Erin has a child one day? And it’s a boy. And the boy grows up and discovers Erin’s Power Pad video. And the kid is a horntard. He finds Youtube videos of a woman in booty shorts playing an old Nintendo game to be sexy. And he starts, you know, jerking off. What then? Wouldn’t that fuck with his head? Jerking off to his mother’s Power Pad video? People really need to think about this stuff before they release “sexy” Youtube videos.
Dude. What the fuck? This is just this guy talking about his fantasy. His fantasy is boys jerking off to their mothers. Because he probably jerks off to his mother.
This was a response to the video where Erin dressed up as a “sexy” nurse, by the way.
Let’s just move on. The number one horntard comment of the year. It’s a long one so I’ll italicise it.
1) I’d love to hear Erin scream, not out of fear, but instead, as she alleges one description of 3D Crazy Coaster states, “scream in excitement,” or as I find more suitable, scream in immaculate ecstasy!
Also, what was that part which I found so enticing? Oh right, the careening “around gravity defying curves!” Yeah, that definitely sounds like a thrilling game from which I could derive countless hours of immeasurable pleasure, rendering me incapable of prematurely stopping any of the blissful play sessions, instead of allowing them to take their natural course of enduring the entirety of nighttide, and stretching into the late morning hours. Count me ready to “climb aboard the crazy!”
I would not be surprised if such an activity would be a “ride more dangerous and exciting than any I’ve experienced before!” Plus, I would never be able to complain about the ability to “control the movement of the passenger.” However, I wouldn’t possess the desire to maintain control of the movements of the “passenger” for any significant passage of time, rather only for brief moments scattered randomly across the duration of play. Besides, one is typically able to derive a higher degree of felicity by allowing the “passenger” to exercise free will, and self-control, over their own movements, for in such a manner, the thrill and pure joy of playtime is amplified to a more intense level than what can be derived through the exertion of controlling their movements over any significant portion of time. Further, I do not care for the utilization of the term “passenger”, for it is neither fitting, nor appropriate, and anything but accurate, especially when referring to a play partner.
To experience such a fantastically fortunate event to unfold over the course of an entire night, and delving into the late hours of morn would be nothing short of real magic!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fWw7FE9tTo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nAON-MwUPY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n6D8lB0A9w – ThinkerOnTheBus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9LLEJ63_Rw
It’s a giant fucking nerd describing his desire to tie Erin up and do BDSM shit with her. In response to a Vectrex video.
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Crystal Quin’s Pornographic Christmas
“Thirsty Thursday”. I think that this means that we’re supposed to be jerking off to this. It is so far removed from anything stroke-worthy that I don’t even know what to say. She’s completely delusional.
But you read the comments…I don’t know. There’s no accounting for tastes. No matter how unattractive somebody is, there will be people who find them attractive. Somehow.
Kris Glavin says, “Happy Thursday gorgeous”. Yeah. She’s a real smoke show, isn’t she? Maybe he’ll come back with that one.
Oh, no. He did come back but he went with “young lady” instead. “Super model vibes redhead goddess baby stunningly beautiful young lady”
Then he comes back AGAIN with, “Sending you lots of love and hugs and kisses and positive vibes”
That comment got buried. I guess that people were sick of his spam.
Horseface never responds to any of these people, by the way.
And here are her Christmas pictures. Oh god. Well, I guess that there was a donkey in the manger scene. A donkey is like a small horse. So it’s on point.
I know that all of my Horseface articles just focus on how unattractive she is but it just blows my mind that THIS woman thinks that she’s attractive. The delusion is off the charts. We’re supposed to PAY for cheesecake softcore pictures of this equine-like woman. She thinks that she deserves money because she’s just so hot that people should pay her.
What on earth do the women in Pennsylvania look like that THIS is considered a hot chick?
Top comment is fatass Johanna posting a disgusting picture of herself and writing “deer noises.” No. You’re close. I mean, a deer is like a horse, I guess. What’s the name of these sorts of animals? There must be a name. Let me look this up.
Equidae is the family. So “equine”. I thought there would be another name.
But yeah, Johanna, a fat, clearly unattractive woman, who’s married to a man, is pretending to be attracted to Horseface yet again. This is the thing that she does. And Horseface pretends that she’s attracted to fatass Johanna.
So Horseface says, “You’re so cute.” You know…to this HIDEOUS picture that this 300 pound woman posted.
Johanna replies with “No u”. Because they’re both lesbians. That’s what we’re supposed to believe. Two heterosexual women, one of whom is married to a man, the other one who was in a nine year relationship with a man in the marine corps up until fairly recently, are gay. They’re gay for each other.
So Horseface posts a “cute” gif a man in a hotdog costume and the caption is “Me? No you”. To which Joahna replies with her own “cute” gif of an anime character playing Uno and the card reads, “No, u”.
The only reason that these women do this is to receive compliments from each other. They want to add to their delusion that they’re hot chicks.
I’m reminded of Ircha Gaming going to a nerd convention and meeting a 300 pound “fan” of hers. And Ircha kept going on about how hot this 300 pound girl was.
It’s what a lot of women do and it’s not helpful. I understand wanting to build somebody’s self-esteem but it leads to outright delusion.
Why focus on appearance anyway? It’s a sexist notion. Guys aren’t doing this. They’re not talking about how hot other guys are. Not unless they’re gay, they’re not.
So why not focus on somebody’s personality or intellect or taste in music or anything other than appearance? Who cares if somebody is hot or not? Somebody’s worth and value does not come down to appearance. Fortunately for Johanna and Horseface.
Is this Fansly of Horseface’s even successful? Let me look it up.
1,800 followers. But you can follow for free. This doesn’t tell me anything.
I can’t believe I’m even posting these with titsmintsalad ! These are my sexiest photos yet!
– First time tits are shown on my page (Mint’s)
– Feet
– Fishnets
– So many sexy girl on girl photos
– Hair pulling
– Ass
– Over 60 seconds of hair pulling and spanking
– Almost a minute of pillow fighting
– And more!
– $180 worth of contentWhat a bizarre post. She can’t believe that she’s posting this. First time that you’ll see tits on her site BUT THEY’RE NOT HERS! SO WHO GIVES A SHIT?
You get to see hair pulling. You get to see “ass”. Just “ass” by itself. Hey, you guys like ass? We’ve got ass over here.
And over sixty seconds of hair pulling and spanking. SIXTY WHOLE SECONDS! Unbelieveable. What an epic video that must be. And another sixty seconds of pillow fighting.
This is worth $180. Where on earth is she getting that figure from? Because you can subscribe for $5 and I think you get this two minutes of footage, although maybe you don’t.
But $180 for two minutes of softcore footage. In what universe? You can get a 90 minute hardcore porn DVD of ACTUAL hot chicks engaged in all kinds of depraved activities for $20. How did Horseface arrive at $180 for two minutes of a pillow fight?
It’s utter delusion. She’s off living in her own fantasy world where she’s a hot chick and everybody wants to have sex with her. This 35 year old woman with the face of a horse and her jiggly arm fat.
People make somewhat ageist comments about what happens to these women when they get older. It’s going to be a big shock when people don’t want to pay for your pictures any more. But it’s not even about age. Horseface has posted pictures of herself as a 19 year old and, guess what, she wasn’t even hot then. She’s NEVER been even REMOTELY hot. And yet she’s built her ENTIRE personality on her being a hot chick. It’s madness.
Horseface will be 80 years old and still living in her fantasy land where she’s a hot chick. And Johanna, assuming that she isn’t long dead from heart disease or diabetes, will be enabling Horseface with preposterous compliments about how hot Horseface is.
I’m thinking that there should be some kind of intervention with Horseface. Sit her down with some close friends and gently explain to her that she’s not a hot chick. Maybe take a scientific poll of 1000 random people, show them pictures of Horseface, ask them to rate her, and then give Horseface the unfortunate results. Explain to her that it’s perfectly okay not to be a hot chick. Focus on what else Horseface has to offer like her personality…oh. Okay, maybe not that. But her intellect…oh. Well, think of something positive to say.
Obviously, a “You’re not a hot chick” intervention sounds cruel but I think that it’s necessary in this case. She’s making a total ass of herself with this delusion that she’s a hot chick. It’s not good. She needs to find something else that she can be proud of. Something GENUINE. Because her looks aren’t it. I’m sorry.
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Mike Matei’s Blog
https://www.mikematei.com/blog/
He’s been advertising this a lot lately. In the past few streams, he’s been telling you to go to his blog. He’s really jumping on the blog bandwagon.
He’s posted twice in the past month. His next oldest post is from December 2020, talking about why he left Cinemassacre. Or allegedly left.
When did he start this? I guess in May 2017.
Anyway, he has 30 articles. For comparison, I have 1,265.
That’s what you need for a successful blog. Consistent content. Are you going to go to a blog that 30 articles over the span of six years? “Ohhhh, today’s the day that he’s going to tell us about another hidden gem…aww fuck.”
But for the past few days, he’s been tearing it up on that blog. An article every week. First, an article on why he removed channel poitns from his Twitch streams.
He didn’t know what to do with them, they’re annoying, and it created inequality in the streams. The channel point bourgeoisie were lording it over the channel point proletariat.
Okay, well…great. What else have you got, Mike?
Who really created Donald Duck?
As it turns out, it was a collaborative effort over several cartoons and comic books and whatever.
Good stuff, Mike.
“Thanks to David G for research help.”
Oh great. So he couldn’t even write the fucking article. He has to give “help” credit just like fucking Retard Rolfe. How much of this was written by David G? Frankly, if I was David G, I wouldn’t want credit for this. It wasn’t exactly engaging. It was all, “Here’s who made Donald Duck. Oh! But not really! Because here’s this other guy who contributed. Oh! But hang on! Here’s this OTHER guy.”
Just present the material. Stop with these teasers. Quit teasing me about who created Donald Duck. Because nobody gives a shit anyway. Not even you. You couldn’t even do the research for this thing. Fucking David G did all of the work. I bet that David G is Bitch Duo.
David G. What the fuck. It’s how people complain about AVGN not being written by James. This is Mike’s blog and he’s farming the work out to David G. Who the fuck is David G? We never even got a proper introduction. I demand to know who David G is. And why is he writing Mike’s articles for him? I go to the Mike Matei blog to read about Mike Matei’s views on Donald Duck. Not David G’s views on Donald Duck.
It’s lazy in the extreme. And how can they not know that people don’t want this? Monster Madness written by Newt Wallen (plagiarised by some other person)? Nobody wants that. It doesn’t even make sense. How can somebody else present James Rolfe’s opinion on a movie?
Fucking Newt does this as well. He’s too lazy to do his WTF Wednesday reviews so he farms them out to some guy from Venezuela or somewhere. We’re not there to hear that Venezuelean guy’s opinion on a tits and gore movie. We’re there to hear Newt’s opinions on a tits and gore movie.
Although, saying that, I’ve noticed that this Venezuelan guy sometimes gets a lot of views. More than Newt gets for his videos. I have no idea why. I think because it’s some really obscure movie and this is the only video about it on Youtube.
Back to the blog, Mike disabled comments. He used to allow comments but now they’re disabled. Well, what the fuck? How am I going to thank David G for all of his fine research on the Donald Duck article? Mike doesn’t want to deal with having to interact with people. He’s some ivory tower Donald Duck intellectual who doesn’t want to mingle with the hoi polloi.
Let’s see what else is here. “About Me”. He worked on AVGN and…that TMNT Mario Paint animation and…he has a degree in Animation. Well, he’s lived a full life.
It’s fucking hilarious that he includes that Mario Paint animation as one of his lifetime achievements. He spent most of 2016 on that thing. And then it got taken down almost immediately.
“Games I’ve beaten Onstream”. I don’t think that “onstream” is a word but whatever.
Anyway, there’s a list of games depicted as box art. Great. Good for you, Mike. These are real achievements. Right up there with that Mario Paint animation.
FAQ section. Well…never in a million years would I expect these to be the questions. There’s a question about his audio setup on Twitch, a question about his video setup on Twitch, and “How can I support your channel.”
Really? These are the questions that you’re regularly fielding? “You have the momentum of a runaway freight train. How can I give you money?”
So that’s the blog. That was…well, there’s room for improvement. I don’t want to discourage Mike from continuing the joys of blogging. But here’s some advice that I have in easy-to-read bullet point format:
- Consistent content. At least one article a week.
- Write your own articles. David G can start his own blog.
- Enable comments. Engagement isn’t just about making things more fun for the handful of people who comment, it makes the blog more interesting for everybody because there’s more to read.
Actually, let me dissect that last point further. It’s like when you go to Youtube, you start the video, and then you immediately go to the comments. It adds tremendously to the content.
You see how much it adds to the content when you go to a video and the person turned comments off. Very often, I don’t even want to watch the video after that. The comments are an inducement to watch the video. They often talk about interesting parts of the video or they disagree about something or whatever. But when there’s just a blank space under the video you think, “Oh great. Now I just have to listen to this asshole drone on for however long. No thanks.”
Back to my suggestions.
- More interesting topics. 1930s Disney and Twitch and “hidden gems” are great and all but how about something more personal? Give us an insight into your day to day life. What do you do all day? What did you eat for breakfast? How much buttsex are you having with Erin? Whatever. Give us something. It’s a blog about Mike Matei. Let’s hear about Mike Matei.
- You should win stuff by reading. How about a giveaway? If somebody retweets your blog post or joins your mailing list or whatever, they’re entered into a random drawing to win some bullshit broken AVGN prop. You must have some of this shit just taking up space. Or go to your second home that’s full of Halloween shit and give some of that away. Or a picture of your penis. The boys at TheCinemassacreTruth would be all over that.
I think that Erin has a blog too. I mean, if Mike has one, it’s almost guaranteed that Erin does. She doesn’t have an original idea in her empty head. I can’t find anything but I know that she talked about keeping a list of games that she beat or “beat” on stream somewhere.
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Why the PlayStation 5 is the best console yet – Lydgendary
Oh baby. What a Kwanzaa gift this is. She’s wearing a Speed Valley shirt. Is that something? I’ll look it up.
Not that I’m seeing. There are many things called “Speed Valley” but none stand out and none really feature a car.
1:00 – She describes the Playstation 5 as both “beautiful” and “chunky”. Much like Lydia herself. She’s built more for comfort than for speed.
3:00 – She’s talking about how the controller is the right weight. Doesn’t feel too light or too heavy. “I don’t feel fatigued holding it in my hands.” Oh baby. This is giving me ideas.
3:30 – Now she’s showing her various games. I think that this is going to be the rest of the video. Talking about her individual games.
19:30 – Did she say “junky”? That’s weird. It’s not a term that I’ve ever heard in the UK. Or “junk”. Even in the US, “junk” was something that I rarely heard. You’d hear it on Ricki Lake or something, some urban lady would claim that somebody has too much junk in the trunk, as the lovely Lydia perhaps has.
21:00 – She claims that she’s a big Star Trek fan. Uh huh.
So that’s the video. She enjoys the Playstation 5. Those 24 minutes just flew by.
Some of the horntards argue with her about whether or not the Playstation 5 truly is the best console. Guys, nobody cares. This isn’t how you pick up chicks.
Anything interesting on her Twitter? Doubtful but you live in hope.
No. Just some pictures of her holding up video games.
So I went to the grocery store today. I’m writing this on 23 December, so I’m writing from the past. And there’s some asshole middle aged guy whipping around the store, pushing his cart.
Now, it’s not like in the US where everyone has one of those big, wheeled carts. Most people don’t have those. Most people just have a small hand cart. You get £20 or £30 worth of shit.
It was also really crowded because people are buying stuff for Christmas. But this piece of shit thought that he was the only person in the store and only his time mattered. So he’s running around like a fucking buffoon.
If you’re that stressed, if you’re that pressed for time, re-evaluate your life.
I also get annoyed at people running for buses or trains. Hey, asshole, it’s not my fault that you couldn’t set your alarm five minutes earlier. Don’t bring that panicky bullshit to me. I got here on time.
Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. This is the Christmas article.
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Final Fantasy 6 (SNES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) – Cinemassacre
Mike recently streamed this game. What a coincidence.
It’s one thing for James to be too lazy to write the episodes or play the games. But even Mike is too lazy to create new “content”. He just rehashes his streams, throws James out there to do his god awful “acting”, and then calls it a day.
This is as lazy as it possibly gets. They don’t put any effort into this whatsoever. And it’s not like this is some side project. Something that’s being done as a hobby. This is his JOB. James is making money from this. A considerable amount of money. And it’s just rehashed Mike Matei Twitch streams.
You’d think that James’ wife would say, “Hey, sweetheart, you have to put some effort into this job of yours or we’re going to be out on the streets soon.” If people are saying this to James, nobody seems to be getting through.
0:15 – But first, a word from our sponsors. “Happy holidays.” Which holiday, Jimmy? I don’t even think that he knows any more.
Oh, but then he says, “Ho. Ho. Ho. It’s the Christmas season and that means I’m watching all of the holiday classics.”
So Christmas. Right? That’s what we’re talking about. Not Eid. Not Hanukkah. Not Zarathosht Diso. Christmas. Although, I’d love to watch some Zarathosht Diso classic films using my VPN.
1:45 – James’ script that an intern wrote refers to a “flannel couch”. What? These were popular in the 1990s? Where was I? I’ve never heard of this. Flannel like the shirts? No. Never seen that.
3:45 – Santa hat for old Baldy here. He’s pretending that he used to play this game as a kid. Uh huh. Sure you did, Jimmy.
5:15 – He’s telling some “epic” story about how when he was a kid, he was getting to some big battle in the game and the game glitched out and his saves got deleted.
Oh. Well, I’m sorry to hear that, faggot from Movie Dumpster who wrote all of this. But who really cares?
6:00 – Jimmy says that this was traumatic because as a kid he had, “No real life responsibilities, no family to support.”
Jimmy…you have absolutely no interest in supporting your family. You put no effort at all into your job.
6:30 – “Now that so much time has passed, it’s time to give it a shot again.”
Well, helpfully Mike already did a full playthrough of the game on Twitch just recently. So you don’t have to do a thing, Jimmy. Just kick back, let Screenwave edit the footage together, and collect your money.
Then there’s a montage of Mike playing the game, presumably from his Twitch stream.
9:15 – Another montage of Mike playing the game.
12:30 – There’s a character who’s animal like and walks on all fours. Jimmy says, “Like when your pet leaves those shit (something).”
Get it? Poop. Jimmy can’t get enough of poop. And I listened to this ten times and I still can’t figure out what the fuck he said. Great enunciating, Jimmy.
15:30 – Jimmy doesn’t understand why your party is represented by just one character. Because that’s the artistic choice that was made, Jimmy. Instead of having one character and three characters following that character, it’s all represented by one character. You’ve never seen this before? It’s in loads of stuff.
Take the board game Risk, for example. The artillery piece represents ten armies. Yes, I know that it doesn’t look like ten armies but ten armies would be a lot, right? So instead of having to place 100,000 little plastic infantry men on the board to represent ten armies, the genius who created Risk said, “Let’s just make it a cannon instead.” You have to use your imagination, Jimmy. Very often stuff represents other stuff because it would be impractical to represent it accurately.
Fucking autistic retard can’t understand this concept.
“It is cool that the game shows you how much TIME you put in.”
Why is that cool? It’s just Jimmy’s obsession with losing time. And yet he’s doing nothing with his time. He has all the time in the world but he’s doing nothing with it. Look at these zero effort videos. What on earth is he doing with his time?
20:00 – Weird pronunciation of “outage”. “Autage”.
He’s still talking about time, by the way. A theoretical power “autage” causing you to lose your progress in the game.
24:30 – He says that the game is like…covid? What? I don’t give a shit. It’s just autistic Jimmy’s covid obsession coming out again.
25:00 – Yet another montage of Mike Matei’s Twitch stream while Jimmy pretends that he’s the one playing this. Mashing buttons and pumping his fist and whatnot. As you do with an RPG. RPGs require copious amounts of button mashing. And fist pumping.
26:45 – Jimmy pretends that he’s beating the game.
27:00 – Reference to a monster encounter in a bathroom. Scat obsession for autistic Jimmy.
Then it’s Chris BORES levels of bad acting as Jimmy pretends to get increasingly engrossed in the game. Mashing the buttons more frantically. Making stupid faces. Hitting his sofa like a retard.
27:45 – Then there’s a power “autage”. Don’t worry, Jimmy. Mike has all of the footage saved on his hard drive. It will still be there.
28:00 – Mike Matei as Santa arrives. Now we’re getting into the delicious skits that we all enjoy. You guys like skits, right? We used to do them in my Cub Scout troop and then…I’ve never seen skits since. Other than in Jimmy’s videos.
Why do you suppose skits aren’t popular in the entertainment industry broadly? What even is a skit? Is “sketch ‘comedy’” a type of skit?
“A skit is a short performance in which the actors make fun of people, events, and types of literature by imitating them.”
Well now I’m even more confused. We weren’t doing any biting social commentary in Cub Scouts. They were just bad little somewhat impromptu plays.
Then Mike says, “There’s nothing I love more than filming skits.” This is particularly amusing because Mike has said several times that he thinks that the skits are stupid and that he only went along with them because Jimmy likes them.
Then Mike (as Santa) trips over the cord and the game shuts off. Again, James, don’t worry. The footage is all there on Mike’s hard drive. This thing that you’re “playing” on wasn’t even plugged in to begin with. You’re just holding a controller and mashing buttons. It wasn’t plugged into anything. You’ll be fine. Close your agape mouth.
28:45 – Then James pretends to beat up Mike Matei. I’m pretty sure that this is green screened. Something doesn’t look right. Why would they green screen this? This whole video was probably green screened. Everything is green screen with Jimmy. Jimmy’s hair is green screened.
29:15 – His saves allegedly got deleted so James pretends to beat this game, which takes months, in one sitting. Why? Jimmy, you’re not listening. All of the footage is on Mike Matei’s hard drive. You don’t have to put yourself through all of this.
30:45 – Extended footage of Mike’s gameplay footage while Jimmy mashes buttons with his mouth agape.
33:45 – There’s a stupid graphic of a game scale and on the top tier it says, “Fuck me through the fucking ceiling.” Ummm…no, thanks, Jimmy. I don’t think that we’re compatible.
The video ends with Jimmy pretending to have beaten the game, received some sort of closure, and he reiterates that it was one of his favourite childhood games. This game that he’s never mentioned before.
“Directed and written by James Rolfe.” Uh huh. Sure it was, Jimmy.
Edited by Sean O’Rourke.
Gameplay by James, Mike, and Sean. In what percentages? I’m thinking that it’s a 0/100/0 split.
So that video was…poop. It was doody. It was caca. Sorry get you all excited, Jimmy.
Do you suppose James reads the blog? I get a lot of hits from the great state of Pennsylvania. Newt obviously reads the blog. And PVC Bondage Guy. Tony from Hack the Movies. I’d imagine that Justin Silverman is an avid blog reader. He likes this kind of “trolling” stuff. Maybe Kieran reads it. Oh, Mike and Erin read the blog.
So it stands to reason that James checks it out from time to time. He has to know about it. Everyone around him knows about it. Screenwave knows about it. And a blog is right up James’ alley. 2000s internet. Old school. James hasn’t done anything since about 2007.
Let’s see what the boys on Reddit had to say.
- “I’m only about 7 minutes in. He keeps saying how he was a kid playing FF6 and how when his save got erased that is how his childhood experience with that game ended. But he also mentioned it was 1995 when that happened which means he would have been 15 years old. Maybe I’m nitpicking but when I think of my childhood I don’t think of when I was 15. By the time you are 15 the magic of childhood is long over. Not to be mean but we know that James was in a special school and hung out with kids much younger than he was. So maybe for him he was still pretty much a child until his late teens.”
That’s a good point. That was by Calvera. He’s one of the few people worth reading over on that homosexual fest. MustardTiger1337 and Nanners are also good.
But yeah, 15 is too old to be *nostalgic* for this game. Assuming that even played it, which I’m not convinced that he did. I’ve never heard him talk about this game before.
By the way, Calvera got upset with me because I said that mac & cheese was for poor people. He said something like, “I like your posts but you went too far this time. I can’t agree with this.”
Hey, Calvera, the world a big place full of all kinds of people with different opinions and perspectives on life. I can respect your views on mac & cheese being the food of kings but you have to respect my view that there’s a reason that Kraft sells this shit three boxes for a dollar. It’s for poor people. Can’t we have a disagreement like gentlemen? Let’s not let this mac & cheese dispute continue to drive a wedge in our relationship.
- “I just noticed that not only did Mike stream this (in six parts), but James directly ripped off the story about how he saved up and bought the game for 80 bucks from part one of Mike’s stream of this game. The only difference is that Mike said he bought it at Toys R Us and James claims he bought it at Kaybee Toys. This is unbelievable.”
That was from ArgentoFox. Now that he says that, I vaguely remember that from Mike’s stream too.
Eighty bucks for a game. That’s a lot of money. You can get 240 boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese for that price. Let’s say you eat two a day, that’s a four months’ supply of food.
People talk about how to survive on $2 a day or whatever, this is how you do it. You stock up on Kraft mac & cheese. And hey, Calvera says that it’s good eating. He doesn’t have any problem with it. He’d love to eat mac & cheese every day. No shame in that. To the contrary. Mac & cheese is the nectar of the gods.
Remember when there was that marketing campaign to change the name to better reflect how amazing the product is?
And Katie grew up to be none other than Calvera.
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SuperRetroGal’s TikTok
She has to keep up with the young people. Make those pennies.
So her latest video, which is from over a year ago, is her trip to Versailles. It’s just a bunch of video clips of the palace. You get no sense of what the actual trip was like. She doesn’t even appear in the video.
I’m suddenly reminded of something I read where somebody was commenting about how Chinese people always stand in front of an object of interest and have somebody take the picture. Today, that probably seems normal because I’m trying to remember what the issue was. It was something about how ridiculous it is to see Chinese people standing in front of that mermaid statue in Denmark or whatever and making the “V” symbol. This was years ago, before “selfies” and whatnot, so it was considered borderline rude, perhaps.
But the explanation that this Chinese person gave was, “How else would anyone know that I was there? It could be anyone taking the pictures.”
It’s true. Because that’s my complaint with Super Awkward Gal’s video. It’s just clips of this tourist site. Anybody could have taken this. This could be from the official website for all I know.
It was definitely a noteworthy thing at the time for Chinese people to do this, though. Because now, I think most people would take these sorts of tourist pictures where you’re in the picture. Something for you to put on Instagram or whatever. I read this probably, I don’t know, 15 years ago at least.
Anyway, that video sucked. Moving on.
This is her 1970s/1980s inspired office. This must be a home office. I don’t think that a “food and beverage” manager at Disneyland gets an office this size. Or any office. And she wasn’t even working in “food and beverage” at the time, I don’t think.
Anyway, another shit video.
She’s “estate saling” (eugh) in Sun City Arizona. Shows her tits at the start of the video. See if they have any blouses at these estates sales. Nice old woman blouses. The sort you button all the way to the top.
I think her parents live there, by the way.
She’s talking about “Chachi” items again. I looked it up and it’s some Jewish New York term. Why she uses it, I have no fucking idea.
One of the “Chachi” items is a Star Wars commemorative plate.
She got a beret. She says that she wears berets “all the time.” I’ll bet. It’s exactly the sort of obnoxious bullshit that Super Awkward Gal would do.
Here’s Super Awkward Gal’s childhood art and homework and whatnot that her parents kept.
It seems weird not to keep this stuff. I mean, I know it’s trash and it takes up space but it’s your children. Most people have a basement and/or an attic that they can keep this stuff.
Of course, my parents kept nothing. I’d sometimes have a piece of art on the refrigerator but then it would just be gone one day. My mother would throw it out.
It would be interesting to see these things but it’s all gone. Report cards and drawings and stories and whatnot.
I remember specifically in the second grade or so looking at my stuff and saying, “If I just hold on to this for fifty years, it’s going to be worth something.” I was thinking of a recent trip to a museum where they have just every day trash in there from however many hundreds of years ago.
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t save my stuff because my psycotic mother thrived on throwing my stuff away or selling it for pennies at garage sales or letting my sisters take it. My father would regularly tell her to stop doing it but it just continued for whatever bizarre reason. And then when he died she had free reign.
You go to school and come back and suddenly your room has been “cleaned”. What happened to these toys that I took such good care of and had a sentimental attachment to? In the trash.
I read that it’s common for narcissistic parents to do this. They resent that the child likes the toys and thinks that the child likes the toys more than the parent. Probably true in my case but look at the parent.
My sister babysat for a couple of kids. And I hated when that kid would come over because he would take a liking to something of mine and my mother would make me give it to him. And it was seemingly beyond her comprehension why I didn’t want him to have it. The guy had his own fucking toys. His family weren’t any poorer than ours. He had loads of shit. You’d give him something of mine, something that I’ve cherished, and then he’d play with it for a day, throw it in the pile, and his own scumbag mother would end up throwing it away soon thereafter. There was no need for any of this. It’s completely unnecessary abuse.
But I mention this kid because one day he brought a couple of McDonalds Happy Meal toys. It was two of these things:
Jungle Book. 1993. Wind up toy. You wind up his arms and he does somersaults.
He was probably six to eight years old. And he has these two apes. He’s playing with them. Showing how they work. They’re kind of cool. I was like 15. I didn’t need them.
But the time comes for him to leave. And in the rush, he forgets these orangutans. As they’re driving off, he suddenly remembers that he forgot them in the house. So he tells his mother, who ignores him. He then hangs his head out of the car and starts screaming, “My monkeys”. His mother laughs hysterically as she drives off. My mother and sister also laugh and joke about it.
What kind of psycopaths are these people? They enjoy the distress of children? Distress that can easily be avoided? Just give him the fucking monkeys. If you think that your child has too many toys, stop buying so much. The problem is you. The solution is not to throw his stuff out.
So I put those monkeys in a drawer and my mother probably threw them out within six months.
It’s trash, of course. Shitty Happy Meal toys. But do you need to be a child psychologist to know that children have attachment to their toys? Were these women never children themselves? It’s completely bizarre to me that they would revel over a child in distress over his toys.
It’s a common issue. You always hear about this sort of thing. The mother who threw out the priceless baseball card collection and whatnot. You have to wonder why it’s so widespread and why it’s women in particular who seem to be afflicted with this disorder. You don’t hear many stories about fathers throwing their children’s prized possessions out. And when you do, it’s not subtle like throwing the stuff out when the child is at school under the guise of “de-cluttering.”. It’s some complete psycho shit like smashing the toys in front of him as a punishment. But this is extremely rare and universally condemned.
Anyway, it’s refreshing to see when parents actually get it right. When a parents saves their children’s stuff, it’s a sign that the parent actually wanted to have children.
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Sega Genesis Games You Got for Christmas ’89 – ’98 – John Riggs
John Riggs, always desperate for “content”, is trying to make this a “series” and it…doesn’t make sense. Games that you might have gotten for Christmas? Isn’t that just anything?
0:15 – Shout out to “Any gift-giving holiday at the end of the year.” That’s the kind of sensitivity that I like to see. I’m the final person celebrating Kwanzaa.
But back to this confusing concept for a video. He’s talking about games that were released in the later months of the year. So I guess like October, November, and December. The idea being that your parents would be hip to what the latest releases are.
It’s preposterous. I don’t think that there’s ever been a game that I got soon after release. I don’t think that I ever even knew what games were coming out soon. When I had the opportunity to get a game, I’d go to the store, look at the boxes, and make a decision based on that.
Even game series that I liked, I didn’t follow. I’d get the games years after they were released. I didn’t know when anything was released.
So that’s me, back in the day, as a young person, purchasing games. JOHN RIGGS thinks that people’s PARENTS were so hip and with it, they were reading all of the video game magazines, that they knew what the hot new games were. He’s on another planet.
0:30 – But first a word from our sponsor: my own shitty hats. Sure, who wouldn’t want a hat that says “John Riggs” on it? And it’s using the Legend of Zelda logo.
He’s also selling air-freshners. One smells like an arcade (whatever that means) and the other one smells like a high school cafeteria (which I also don’t understand).
Well, let’s just look at his shop. There’s still time for some last-minute gifts, I guess. For Kwanzaa.
The hat is $35. That seems expensive. What’s the price of a normal baseball cap for, say, a baseball team?
According to Lids dot com, $35 for an adjustable cap, $45 for a fitted cap. So I guess that is the price.
That cereal pamplet is $30.
The air freshners are $10 each. That’s probably the most outrageous price. Those things should be $1 tops.
Or you can get customised into some NES game that he made for $200. He’s given these to a few people: Metal Jesus, Erin Plays, probably some other favourite gamer girls of his. But I thought this product just changed the names. No, he makes a new sprite in your likeness and the second player gets a new sprite in the likeness of whoever you want. So that’s more effort that I expected. I can’t imagine anyone wanting this, but there we are.
3:00 – Joe Montana Football. I didn’t have this but I had some football game for the Genesis. Watching a John Hancock video, I guess it was a Madden game but none of the covers look familiar to me and I can’t tell which game I had. It was one of these, I think.
I didn’t know anything about football. I never watched football. But I got the game. It’s a game that I purchased. It’s not like how Mike Matei makes out like if you were a nerd who didn’t like sports, you also didn’t like video games about sports. That’s just his weird hangup.
I always picked the team that had the worst character in the game because he was crazy overpowered. Each character had stats for various things and one of them was “control”. So if you had a high “control” stat, when you would dive, you would dive, whatever a yard or two in front of you. But if you had low “control”, your character would dive and then slide for like ten yards. So all you had to do was get the ball to that guy and then have him dive and it’s first down again. When he’s sliding, he’s invincible. He can’t be stopped.
Oh, I know how I can look this game up. One of the taunts was “I own you”.
NFL ’95. That was the game.
7:00 – He’s talking about Eternal Champions, which is some Street Fighter rip off. Looks shitty.
But I’m reminded of some Marvel fighting game that I saw in a magazine and was really interested in.
Oh, no. I was thinking of Justice League: Task Force. So DC, not Marvel. Anyway, I never got it. It was apparently not good anyway. And I’m not good at fighting games. I’m not going to fucking memorise those moves.
7:30 – John Riggs admits to watching Power Rangers. He goes on to say that he was junior in high school at the time. In fairness, he says that he wasn’t interested in the show but…junior in high school?
I watched an episode at some point, I think when we were watching a neighbour kid. I remember being slightly intrigued. There was some sexual element to it. Rita’s bra, maybe. But I didn’t watch any further episodes.
8:45 – Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage. I wanted this game too. I’m sounding like Erin. Talking about games that I allegedly wanted but never got. But again, this game looks like a piece of shit.
I did have the Spider-Man game for the Game Boy, though. I wouldn’t call the game good but I did play it a lot and beat it probably 100 times. That’s just how it was. You had a handful of games, you had to make the best of it.
9:00 – He’s talking fondly about Gargoyles. This was apparently a cartoon from 1995. So John Riggs would have been like 19 or 20. I’m two years younger and never saw it. Never even heard about it until many years later when I read something on the internet about Jonathan Frakes doing a voice for it.
But John Riggs was sitting there in college in watching Gargoyles. Actually, did he go to college? He’ll have to send me his resume some day.
10:30 – Virtua Fighter 2. I had this for the PC. It was slow as fuck on my computer but I still played it. I was amazed how it was kind of based on actual martial arts, as opposed to the fantasy nonsense of Street Fighter and every subsequent game in the genre.
So I played it at five frames a second or whatever and I enjoyed it.
11:15 – Some Jurassic Park game. I didn’t have this but I had some Jurassic Park game for the Game Boy. Wow. You talking about sucking penis. I couldn’t have played it more than ten times. As deperate as I was for stuff to play, that thing is complete shit.
What games did I actually get for Christmas instead of the games that John Riggs insists that I got for Christmas? Mario’s Picross. “The salesman said there are over 200 games in here.”
This is what I’m talking about. Whose parents were savy enough to know what the good games were? I didn’t even know.
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Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining has Hot Takes
Let’s check out what old Jasayla (underscore) has to say. This miserable bitch.
God, what an autist. She posted that on 13 December. Are you expecting any great releases in the last two weeks of December? And who cares about video game awards anyway? I’ve never bought a game because it won PC Gamer magazine’s Game of the Year or whatever. I’m certainly not interested in whatever the main award-giving body is nowadays.
Oh, The Game Awards. Yeah. I reviewed some video where Pam watched this shit last year or the year before. All she did was condescendingly comment on the people’s clothes using the word “bold”. “That’s a bold skirt.” “That’s a bold colour combination.” “That’s bold of The Rock to come out shirtless.” Get a thesaurus, you dumb bitch.
Quest for Glory. I’m sure that I’ve written about this before. About how my mother made me give my copy of Quest for Glory II to my friend and I never got it back. I think that guy is some kind of crooked cop now. I read an article about him beating an elderly couple in a parking lot.
Oh, yeah. I wrote about him borrowing and then breaking the game here:
So now what am I going to do? Just check out the news, I guess.
British girl, 8, crowned best female player at European chess tournament
Wow, that’s some headline. Eight year old British girl wins the all-Europe women’s chess tournament. It goes to show you what the calibre is of women’s chess.
But then you click the thing and it’s an Indian girl with a dot on her forehead. Yeah. British, you say.
Her father claims that she “accidentally” got into chess. Uh huh.
It’s like how Indian kids seem to dominate the spelling bee competitions. It’s because they have insanely pushy parents. These aren’t accidents.
If there’s any game that should be co-ed, surely it’s chess. Physical advantages obviously aren’t an issue in the game. So why have a separate women’s division?
Because women would get crushed in an open chess tournament. Ask yourself why.
I was listening to Bobby Fischer’s final interview last night. I’ve heard it several times before. It’s with that Filipino radio station.
People try to paint him as some kind of lunatic because he makes comments like, “The Jew-controlled United States” being behind his persecution. It’s at 6:15 in the video above.
People will attack his character, say that he’s crazy, say that one or both of his parents were Jewish, whatever. But what they don’t attack is the validity of his statements. It’s all ad hominem distractions.
This is somebody who’s a master at analysing positions. Cause and effect. Looking at the big picture. He’s not throwing these comments around on a whim or to be controversial or offensive. These are his genuine assertions. I think that it’s worth looking at. Is there any merit in what he has to say? Who cares about whether or not his parents were Jewish? It’s irrelevant.
I never had any problems with Jews. I thought that the stereotypes were ridiculous. Then I met some Jewish people and I said, “Hold on a minute. Maybe I was mistaken.” That’s what makes life so interesting. You learn stuff.
Hitler himself describes a similar situation in Mein Kampf. He said that he knew Jewish people and they seemed perfectly fine, like anyone else and he found the anti-semitism so prevelent at the time to be disgraceful. But the more he got to know them, the more he started to say, “Maybe there’s something to this.”
It’s the opposite of the notion that racism is borne out of ignorance. “If you just to get to know people, you’ll see that they’re regular folk like anyone else.” No. The more you get to know people, the more you realise that the stereotypes are true. Stereotypes don’t come from nowhere.
Why is it old people who are the most racist? Because they have the experience. They’ve met people and have drawn the obvious conclusions. It’s young people, who haven’t met many people, who are the least racist. The least racist people you’ll find are young people in all-white communities.
Why is the American South so racist? Because there’s a large population of black people there. They see what they’re like.
I don’t take pleasure in saying any of this. There are plenty of good black people (genuinely) and Jewish people (theoretically) but you can’t ignore reality.
Americans have a reputation for being loud assholes. The stereotype is true. Whenever I see somebody being loud and an asshole, it tends to be an American. I’m not a loud asshole but I recognise the validity of the stereotype. You’d be a blind fool not to.
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The Stupidest Bid on The Price is Right
This is a classic. I must have watched it fifty times over the years.
0:00 – “Our top winner in the showcase is Gay!”
It’s always hilarious. It’s a woman with the unfortunate name of Gay.
Maybe it’s short for something. Gayle? But why shorten a name that’s already one sylable?
https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/details/gay-1808
There’s an interesting graph there showing the popularity of the name. It wasn’t very popular until the 1930s when the name really took off. I’m thinking that the word really gained traction in the 1930s. Wasn’t the decade called “The Gay 30s” or…something? Somehow the word “gay” is associated with the 1930s.
It maintained its popularity until the 1960s when it really fell off of a cliff. This coincides with homosexuals co-opting the word, of course. By 1973, NOBODY was naming their baby “Gay”. And it remains that way until today.
This all checks out. This episode of The Price is Right was probably from the mid 1990s. Gay appears to be in her late 30s at least. That gives her a birth year of about 1960.
Gay’s opponent on the Showcase Showdown is Jose. He’s in the navy. The Price is Right had a history of having military personnel on the show. They tended to be…how to be tactful…not the best and the brightest. And not to spoilt anything but Jose is no exception.
At the 10 second mark, Jose does a little Arsenio Hall “woo woo woo” rotating fist motion. I don’t know what it’s called but it was popular in the 1990s.
By the way, Gay is a dental hygenist, according to her t-shirt. She does have nice teeth.
Ew. I just read the rest of her shirt. “Dental Hygenists ‘Dig’…” something. I can’t see the rest of it. It’s either “Bob Barker” or “The Price is Right”, presumably. It’s probably not “anal”. But “dig” is in quotation marks to emphasise the joke. Do dental hygenists dig at teeth though? Scraping plaque, sure. But digging? What are they digging? I don’t want to think about it.
Oh, this episode is actually from 2006-2007. I wondered because one of the prizes is an LCD tv. But there’s an appearance of the 35th anniversary logo so that would make this 2006-2007. This must have been a contemporary episode when it was uploaded. It was uploaded in March 2007.
1:00 – A couple of Kawasaki motorcycles. There was also a living room set in this showcase. Gay, wisely, passes. Fuck this furniture. You know that one of the showcases is going to have a car in it.
So Jose has to bid. He looks to the audience for guidance, as is common on the show. So he’s obviously familiar with how the show operates. At least to this limited degree.
1:15 – “When I bid on the showcase, you mean for everything?” Bob, annoyed, says, “Everything.” So…maybe Jose isn’t familiar with the show. Then Bob immediately pressures Jose for his bid, as Bob was wont to do. He wasn’t there to mess around. It’s not one of these Who Wants to be Millionarire things where the contestant hems and haws for five minutes before giving an answer. Bob kept things moving.
1:45 – Jose bids $250,000. For two shitty motorcyles, a living room set, and a television. Who possibly told him to bid that? Was somebody saying $25,000 and he misinterpreted it?
Bob, incredulous, mishears him and says, “Two hundred and fifty dollars?” Jose corrects him and says “thousand.”
There’s immediate silence. The audience cannot believe what is happening.
So then Bob, even more confused, says “Two hundred and fifty thousand?” Jose goes back to the audience for advice.
Bob says, “Think about that for a moment now.”
For reference, there’s only space on the display in front of each contestant for five digits. So his bid wouldn’t even fit on the display.
Gay is completely giddy. She’s already imagining herself driving her new car.
2:00 – Then, out of nowhere, Jose says “sixty thousand.” Where is he getting these figures? He thought that the price of those motorcycles and the furniture was $250,000 and then suddenly he dropped down to $60,000? That’s a huge drop. It’s still way too high, of course, but he’s just picking numbers randomly. He doesn’t even know what he’s bidding on.
He’s probably, I don’t know, in his early to mid 20s. It’s possible that he’s never bought a car or furniture or a tv or any of this. I basically only know the prices of these things from the Price is Right. He’s clearly never watched the show. And he presumably joined the navy when he was 18. He doesn’t have to buy anything. He doesn’t know what things cost.
Bob accepts the bid of $60,000 because he wants to move things along. He shows Gay what she’ll be winning.
Unfortunately, the guy who recorded this cut her showcase out.
2:15 – Gay bids a dollar, of course.
Then we’re back from commercial. According to the label, Gay’s showcase was a ski boat. That sucks. No car. And who the fuck wants a ski boat? You’re just giving somebody a job to do, trying to sell that shit.
2:30 – Bob starts with Gay. Jose actually looks hopeful, like he has a shot at this.
Jose was over by nearly $40,000. Gay starts screaming, as you’re required to do on these shows.
The comments are hilarious.
- “Jose must have thought the models were being included..”
- “actually what happened is that he added up all the prices the audience was yelling which came to 250K.”
- “It would have been funnier if he bid higher for his 2nd bid. ‘Ok, Bob. You’re right. That was a ridiculous bid. What was I thinking? My REAL bid is gonna be….$488,600!’”
- “I think Jose just didn’t want to pay the taxes on the prizes. Good strategy”
- “Jose walked away thinking, ‘Dammit! I KNEW I should’ve stuck with 250,000!’”
But yeah, people in the military tend to be dopes. The military of course preys on the poorest and least educated members of society.