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The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror XIV (2000s) – Monster Madness 2023 – Cinemassacre
This is so unbelievably lazy. Of all the shows in the 2000s that he could have done an episode on, he chose THE SIMPSONS? Couldn’t he choose a show that peaked in the 2000s?
Well, let’s watch. I’m sure that he’ll give a run down of better shows that he could have talked about but didn’t.
0:00 – “But first a word from our sponsor…Bitcher?”
2:00 – He’s giving his autistic definition of when the new millenium began. WE DON’T CARE, JIMMY.
“Do you like when I rant about stupid shit?”
No. It’s boring as anything you ever talk about.
He says that he stopped watching tv in the 2000s so he had to Google all of this. Fucking great.
Malcolm in the Middle, That’s So Raven, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Spongebob.
Weren’t Friends and Spongebob more 1990s?
“I got to admit, I don’t really know a whole lot about any of those shows.”
So don’t do the video.
3:45 – “I’ve never understood why they’re called Treehouse of Horror because, from what I’ve seen, only the first one actually has a treehouse.”
So there’s your answer, retard. It’s fucking unbelievable.
4:00 – “I especially like the 90s episodes but we’re in the 2000s now.”
James…this is YOUR stupid criteria. If you don’t like it, don’t have the criteria. If you’ve never watched anything past 1999, don’t do episodes on anything past 1999. NOBODY was asking for one episode per decade. You could have done whatever you wanted.
“I sat down and watched every Simpsons Halloween episode from 2000 to 2009.
It just seems idiotic and a waste of time to me.
5:45 – He’s complaining about how the episodes aired in November. Even though he says that he didn’t know this because he never watched any of these when they originally aired. He only knows this from looking at Wikipedia. But he’s outraged by it. Because this means that his autistic criteria, that nobody cares about, hasn’t been met.
I made it to 8:45. He’s just summarising the episode. As usual. I can’t fucking do this.
It’s like James lost his mind. But no. He was always an idiot. We just didn’t know because he used to be controlled by Mike Matei and Mike was must better at puppeting Jimmy than Screenwave are.
You’re watching a literal retard.
How am I going to pad this out? Talking about the Simpsons? What can I say that hasn’t been said a billion times already?
I watched the show. I remember when it first started, I was in, I don’t know, fifth grade or something. One time, I was at a Cub Scouts meeting in the “rectory” and a friend of mine found a piece of cardbord with a zig zag pattern cut at the top. Like Bart’s hair. So he held the piece of cardboard behind his head and said, “I’m Bart Simpson, who are you?” He couldn’t say “hell” because we were in the “rectory” and our “den mother” was with us.
Then there were a couple of kids who were drawing Simpsons characters for 25 cents each. And they were really making a racket. It was all the rage. Everyone wanted a picture. They couldn’t keep up with demand.
When the teachers found out, they shut it down. They said that all proceeds had to go to the church. What? Why? They’re just selling drawings. How is that a sin? But the teachers were presenting this as though it was some big moral failing on these kids.
So by the time I got on board and asked the guy for a picture he said that the business was already shut down. Because they weren’t going this shit and then give the money to the church. That’s idiotic.
We had uniforms but but gym we got to wear whatever we wanted. But if you wore a Simpsons shirt, you had to turn it inside out. This was something that schools were doing all over the country. It was in the news. That’s how the idea spread.
So one day, I saw the principal’s son with his t-shirt inside out. I said, “Why is your t-shirt inside out?” He said, “Shut up.” Then I looked at it closer and I said, “Oh.” His father was also the gym teacher.
I watched the show up until I left the US in the mid 2000s. In the UK, you needed like cable in order to watch new episodes but they showed repeats from the start of the show to maybe two years before the current year every day so I’d watch that.
When I was in the US, I bought the first four seasons of the DVDs. Those came in handy in the UK because whenever I moved, I wouldn’t have the internet for a few days, up to a couple of weeks. An engineer had to arrive to turn the internet on. So I’d watch the DVDs to keep me entertained.
Is that it for my Simpsons stories? I think it might be. Oh, I had the comics too. I had a few Radioactive Man comics, I had the first Simpsons comic from Bongo, I had the earlier Simpsons comic from Welsh Publishing, and I had the first Bartman comic. I didn’t buy any others, I was just speculating. Trying to save for my retirement. None of that shit is worth anything.
That was it. I liked the show but I wasn’t getting the merchandise. Was there even merchandise? I had t-shirts, I guess. Bootleg and authentic. I bet those bootleg shirts might be worth something today, as a rarity, but my mother threw everything out, of course.
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Happy Birthday to Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen!
In case you didn’t see his tweet about his birthday, he also made a video about it. And apparently he also wrote about it on Facebook and Instagram. Jesus Christ, Newt. You’re not 10 years old. Who cares that it’s your birthday?
0:45 – He starts getting teary eyed.
1:00 – “There isn’t a single day that goes by where I don’t miss Crystal with all my heart.”
That woman needs to get take a restraining order out on Newt. This is completely psychotic behavior.
2:30 – “I have a lot of good people in my corner who care about what I’m doing.”
They’re prostitutes and you’re paying them. It’s just sad.
He says that he cares about people. Uh huh. As long as your name is Newt Wallen, anyway.
That’s the video. Newt, be a man. Stop this whiny bitch stuff. Everybody has problems.
The thumbnail is little Newt on his mother’s lap daydreaming about plagiarism. And his mother is like 16 or 17 years old in that picture. Do you think she didn’t have problems? Did she wander the streets and whine about it like a bitch?
I called my mother recently. She’s a horrible person but she’s elderly so I manage to talk to her about once every month or two. And I was telling her about an interesting job that I did recently that involved members of British high society. Sorry for being so vague.
So she interrupts me and says, “How did you get to the job?” I was slighly confused because she knows that I don’t drive. So I said, “I took a train.” She said, “YOU TOOK A TRAIN? It’s so old-fashioned.”
Now, you might think that she’s an extremely sheltered American who doesn’t know anything about the world outside of the US. Because of course in the US, you basically need a car to get anywhere outside of certain large cities.
But no. She was born and raised in Europe. She also lived in the UK for years as an adult. So she knows how it is. Her home country has an extensive train and light rail system. She knows that it’s not at all uncommon not to drive. She knows that I haven’t driven for TWENTY YEARS.
But she’s a total narcissist. She’s constantly looking for ways to put you down. She doesn’t like hearing that you’re doing better than her.
So okay. You don’t want to hear about this work story. I told her that I’ve been learning German for the past two years and I’m thinking of moving to Germany. I’m planning these things, by the way, because my job is coming to an end. She had absolutely no interest. Zero. She started talking about how she can’t figure out how the tv works. Oh.
So I said more recently, I’ve been learning her language and thinking about moving to her home country. Surely, she’d be interested in that. Maybe practice the language a little. Ask where in the country I’d like to move to.
None of that. Didn’t give a single fuck. Started talking about how expensive her medication is. Can’t afford it.
Then she says, “So are you thinking of moving back home?”
She’s asked this for twenty years. I’ve never given even the slightest hint that that was something that I wanted to do. I was always adamant that I’m NOT going to do that. Why keep asking?
Why would I go to that fucking shithole where people can’t afford medication and the public transportation system is all but non-existent among the myriad of other problems? Why would I go and be around this complete scumbag family who doesn’t give the slightest of fucks about anything that I do?
The woman never parented a day in her life. I just had to figure everything out. Everything I’ve achieved has been entirely through my own efforts. She’s never offered so much as a single word of advice about anything. And yet she expects me to say, “Oh, mother dearest, I’d love to come ‘home’ and take care of you in your twillight years.” Drop dead.
I remember that I told her that I was going to to visit family in her home country with my girlfriend. My girlfriend is black. First thing she said was, “There are a lot of Nazis there.”
Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, there are few, if any, “Nazis” there. Secondly, this is her immediate reaction. Immediately find something to criticise. Instead of saying, “Oh, how wonderful. Your family there will be happy to see you and your girlfriend will enjoy the trip”, she says, “Look out for the National Socialists.”
It was a nice trip and Nazi-free, by the way.
I told her that I gained weight over covid and that I had lost it. She asked what my highest weight was. I told her. Even my highest weight was at the “underweight” category of the BMI scale. She said, “YOU WEIGHED HOW MUCH?”
She’s a piece of shit. And I’ve not even scratched the surface of her depraved behaviour. But my point is that you can’t let these things get you down. You have Newt crying about his mother never saying that he loved him. Who gives a shit? Take care of your own business.
I’m not crying about ex-girlfriends. I’m not crying about losing my job. I just take care of my fucking business. Try it out, Newt. Everybody has problems. It’s not just you, you self-obsessed homo.
If your mother is a problem, get rid of her. That’s what you did to your father. That’s what Horseface did to you. Crying on the streets of Philadelphia at 5.00 am isn’t going to solve anything.
But Newt wants all the sympathy like an adolescent girl. “Oh, please pity me because I plagiarised 31 episodes of Monster Madness.” Newt, you did that. You don’t get sympathy for that. That’s entirely on you. You made the decision to say horrible stuff to Horseface. Accept it and move on. Fuck Horseface anyway. She the only person on earth worse than you. Maybe that’s why he’s so attached to her. She makes him seem slightly less awful in comparison.
Let’s check out the comments of this fucking pity party.
- “The world needs people like you. People who care.”
I actually laughed out loud at this comment. Newt doesn’t give a fuck about anyone. And not in a good way.
- “Good people deserve second chances, also people who are more talented absolutely deserve their own spotlight ^_^ it’s fun being yourself sometimes lol happy birthday”
He was fired from a shitty job for wholesale plagiarism and then his friends stopped talking to him because he said some heinous shit to them. Move on.
- “Feliz cumpleaños amigo”
That means, “Happy birthday, friend.” A little culture.
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Beetlejuice on Game Boy – Erin Plays
What is this costume? She looks like a damned fool. Let me look this up.
Lydia from Beetlejuice. I’ve never seen the movie. I’ve hated everything about it. The commercials, the cartoon. Fuck that stupid gross out shit. That shit never appealed to me as a kid and it certainly doesn’t appeal to me as an adult.
Anyway, I’m having a hard time finding pictures of actual Lydia. All I’m finding are cosplay losers. But from what I can tell, Erin isn’t it. Erin is just some buffoon in a bouffant wig.
Let’s just get on with this shit.
0:00 – “This is based on the cartoon??? I used to really like the cartoon when I was little. I don’t really remember much of it.”
Uh huh. But you liked it. You liked it but don’t remember it.
Well, let’s see, I was probably 12 when it was on which would mean that Erin was 2. Let’s check the actual dates.
1989 to 1991. I was dead on. Erin aka Cykill1986 says that she was born in 1987. So she watched the cartoon from the ages of 2 to 4? And she liked it? But she remembers nothing about it?
I can understand remembering nothing about it, given she was no older than four. What I can’t understand is her claiming that she watched it and she liked it.
What was I doing as a four year old? I have no fucking idea. None. But Erin remember liking the Beetlejuice cartoon from the ages of two to four.
She has clearly never played this game before. It’s the worst Beetlejuice for the Gameboy footage ever recorded.
1:00 – “I like this. I think that this is really cute.”
It’s the second time in 60 seconds that she said that the game is cute. And she’s surprised by everything, having never played the game before. Doesn’t know what she’s doing. And yet, she’s presenting herself as somebody who has experience with this game.
1:15 – “Oh no, I’m in the bubble. How do I get out of the bubble?”
You don’t know how to navigate the first level of the game, Erin?
3:00 – “So this part I remember.”
She’s on a different part of the level. She didn’t remember the very first room in the game but she remembers this room. Okay. That makes sense.
5:30 – “You got to jump just right and I’m not entirely sure how to jump just right.”
No shit, Erin. You’ve never played the game. That’s why you keep failing.
By the way, what’s CLEARLY happening here is that some of the stairs are trapped and cause the stairs to turn into a slide. So you have to jump over those particular steps. Erin doesn’t get it because she’s a fucking idiot and has no experience with video games.
8:00 – She’s playing a mini-game based on Pipe Mania and clearly has absolutely no experience with it. She’s never seen Pipe Mania before.
9:45 – “Oh, I just realised that there’s a picture of Lydia back there. That’s cute.”
Fuck off.
10:00 – She dies repeatedly on the stairs because she still hasn’t figured out what triggers the stairs to turn into a slide. So she just keep jumping on the booby trapped stair because she’s a fucking moron.
11:15 – She dies and then gives up. She’s probably been playing the game for about 30 minutes. That’s too much for her. It’s only her JOB, after all. Her JOB is to play video games while dressed like a fucking jackass.
I haven’t heard “jackass” in years. Is it still popular in the US?
- “Erin I love you, you are a woman’s dream”
I don’t think that it’s a woman who wrote that comment. It’s just a guy with difficulties with English.
- “You have to be Elvira for Halloween!”
She’s missing a couple of things.
She’s a big 80s fan, guys. Even though she “wasn’t really alive” then. Let’s bring Erin on the show anyway. She can talk about how she “forgot” everything about the 80s.
Jared Genesis leaves a comment.
https://twitter.com/GenesisJar87300
There’s his Twitter. Be quick, I think his accounts get deleted often.
https://www.youtube.com/@JaredGenesis-de3zk/videos
There’s his Youtube channel. Again, it will be deleted soon.
I wrote about this guy before. As here:
He’s some mentally ill guy, probably reads the blog. He talked about my sub-reddit in the article that I link to above. He seems to go to these Cinemassacre/gamer girl channels.
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Full Breakdown of my Short Story: Down and Out in Rural Pennsylvania – PVC Bondage Guy
Somehow I missed this stream. They have a discount JOHN RIGGS here. He’s some nerd from their Discord who actually flew out to hang out with Newt and PVC Bondage Guy. That’s sad for everybody involved. This guy is so fucking lonely that he’s flying out to hang out with internet “friends” of his and Newt is…I don’t even know. Presumably Newt isn’t having sex with this guy. But is PVC Bondage Guy? For money, presumably.
Whether or not anybody is taking advantage of this guy, it’s pathetic. Hanging out with lonely, fat fuck from your Discord. And this guy is exactly what I imagine the average viewer of these videos looks like.
I get a shout out at 1:55:30.
PVC Bondage Guy was reading some weird, long comment by a horntard and Discount John Riggs says that it sounds like fan fiction. Newt then says, “It’s the ghost orgy in the Confederate graveyard.”
Then something is edited out. Who knows or cares what.
But Newt is talking about my short story Down and Out in Rural Pennsylvania. As here:
It doesn’t particularly matter but just to clarify, the story takes place in rural Pennyslvania (so not a Confederate graveyard) and they weren’t ghosts. They were zombies. I even state as much in the story. I call them zombies.
1:56:45 – PVC Bondage Guy calls me the “British blogger guy” and says, “He thought that I still worked for Newt.”
I don’t think this is true. I think that I knew that she wasn’t working for Newt. But the story, which is obviously a work of fiction, has her working for Newt.
Then Newt says, “I think he was the one who contacted the theatre and said, ‘You’re doing something inappropriate with an employee.’”
No. Of course not. I even said at the time that whoever did that is a lunatic.
1:57:15 – PVC Bondage Guy says that the blog has been taken down “a few times” because I’m “super transphobic” against her. I don’t entirely know why the blogs were taken down but it wasn’t because of my “transphobia” against PVC Bondage Guy. I’ve never said anything offensive about her in that regard. I mean, I jokingly go along with her delusion that she’s a man but obstensively, I’m being positive.
This discount John Riggs walks with a crutch, by the way. He’s so obese that he can’t even move under his own power any more. Next stop is the mobility scooter, if he’s not already there.
1:58:30 – PVC Bondage Guy says that she screencapped the story. Well, it’s good that people appreciate my work. But it’s up. You can read it.
1:58:45 – Newt says, “I reported a dude who was making considerable threats to me on Twitter.” I think that Newt is suggesting that I did this. Again, I’m not doing any of this. I’m writing a comedy blog and I’ve told people many times not to harass you. Not that I think it’s any sensible person who comes here. It’s almost certainly that faggot GarbageStabber from Reddit who sent me literally thousands of rape and death threats right here on the blog.
1:59:15 – So PVC Bondage Guy starts summarising the story. She’s confused by the fact that she lives with her mother in the story.
First of all, as should be plainly obvious, I wasn’t writing a biography. It’s a story about zombie prostitutes. Certain creative liberties were taken.
But secondly, I didn’t know anything about her. I knew that she wore PVC bondage outfits in Newt’s videos and that she used to work for him. That’s it. That’s the totality of what I knew. I wrote a story based on that.
“It’s kind of nuts what he nailed about me and what he absolutely got wrong.”
I’d be interested to hear what I got right. I’ve already listened to this and she doesn’t explain. I have no idea what she can be referring to because she seems to suggest that it was all inaccurate. You know…this story about zombie prostitutes wasn’t quite true to life.
Discount John Riggs says, “You can tell that he doesn’t actively follow the lore.” PVC Bondage Guy says, “No, but he does.” Newt says, “He purposely chooses to take certain stances that are not, you know.”
I don’t know. I have no idea. As I’ve said, I knew nothing about her. I still don’t know much about her. What you see on the blog is the extent of my involvement with any of this shit. I don’t care about these, people, with respect. I’m not calling Newt’s job. I’m not spending my time trying to learn more about PVC Bondage Guy. I’ve got other stuff going on. You’re flattering yourself if you think I’m spending all of my time obsessed with the life and times of PVC Bondage Guy.
1:59:45 – PVC Bondage Guy says, “Basically, he’s painting Newt as this sex pest who’s never going anywhere in life.”
Well, she got that right at least.
PVC Bondage Guy “corrects” the part of the story where she goes to a graveyard. She says that that’s sacreligious.
PVC Bondage Guy…do you not understand that this is a FICTIONAL story? Without going to the graveyard, there’s no story. The character is loosely based on you. Very loosely. I had no information to go on. The story was written as a parody of the shitty tits and gore stuff that Newt writes.
Then PVC Bondage Guy takes umbrage with the fact that I had her running away from the ghosts (zombies) instead of having sex with them.
PVC Bondage Guy, write your own fucking story about what you’d do with zombie prostitutes. This was my story. I decide what happens.
2:01:45 – “So I ran away from this ghost orgy and then quit my job on the spot, for some reason.”
She didn’t even get the fucking point of the story.
It’s about these zombies who wasted their lives working in a movie theatre. And there’s a manager zombie, loosely based on Newt, who’s talking about his shitty movie ideas for movies that will never get made.
There are references in the story about how this is a cycle of people wasting their lives. So when the zombies are talking about their own wasted lives in the theatre, going back nearly 100 years, it’s a wakeup call for the PVC Bondage Guy character to make changes to his life. He doesn’t want to be like his lazy mother who watches trash tv all day. He doesn’t want to be like the Newt character. He doesn’t want to be like the zombies. He wants to shake things up and try to do something with his life.
It’s an uplifting, positive story about zombie prositutes that PVC Bondage Guy completely missed the point of.
Then they just go back to their creepy bullshit. Not that this wasn’t creepy bullshit.
So let me give some background about this story.
The story is loosely plagiarised from a book Down and Out in Shoreditch and Hoxton from my favourite author, Stewart Home. I’ve read a lot of his stuff. I’ve also enjoyed Red London and Tainted Love. I haven’t read 69 Things to Do with a Dead Princess, which is his most famous work.
He’s a well-known plagiarist. He’s open about it. Much of what he writes can be described as “tits and gore”. His work is often poorly received by critics.
So this was all added irony when I was choosing what to write about. I was plagiarisng from a plagiarist when writing a story about a plagiarist. And it was a tits and gore story.
Stewart Home writes a lot about skinheads and progressive politics and these are things that interest me as well. Many years ago, there were rumours that I was Stewart Home and this information reached him and he seemed to find it amusing.
Down and Out in Shoreditch and Hoxton isn’t my favourite book. I’m not a psychopath. But it’s my favourite book by Stewart Home. It’s a book about zombie prostitutes and time-travel. So if you’re interested in that sort of thing, check it out.
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Summum Aeterna – A chaotic roguelite – Cannot be Tamed
Whoa, she’s got the melons out AND a choker. Views must be WAY down. What’s next? She should ask PVC Bondage Guy where he gets his gear. Although, PVC Bondage Guy hasn’t worn his titular bondage gear in quite some time.
I made it to 2:30. It’s boring. She’s reviewing the game. It’s a “roguelike”. She doesn’t like “roguelikes”. But this one seems to be okay. Great.
I’ve been playing We Who Are About to Die lately. It’s a “roguelike”, I guess, but the definition seems to have been stretched beyond any comprehension. Just any game where you die a lot is a “roguelike”, apparently.
Dungeon Crawl: Stone Soup is a legitimate roguelike. We Who Are About to Die or this game that Pam is reviewing, I don’t think so. Although, I don’t know much about this game that Pam is playing. If the levels are randomly generated then maybe. But they don’t seem to be.
We Who Are About to Die is…tough to say. It’s in alpha or whatever they want to call it but they’re selling the game at full price so I think that whole thing is just a marketing scam. “Oh, our game sucks dick but it’s in alpha so you can’t expect it to be good. Pay us the full price for the game, though, and maybe in a few years it will get better. Maybe.”
How many hours do I have on this thing? Thirty. So that’s a fair amount.
It’s a gladitorial combat game. I had fun with it but I don’t know. After I beat the game, I realised a lot of the somewhat nitpicky flaws in it.
Well, let’s start with the combat. That’s what the game is all about. You go from one gladitorial bout to the next.
At first I thought, “This is fucking impossible” and I’d get killed on my second or third fight consistently. But then I figured out that you can hit the guy and then dash backwards. And when he runs at you, about to hit you, just dash backwards again when he swings. It doesn’t work 100% of the time but it’s good enough to get you pretty far into the game.
Also, you need to train stamina. And if you train anything other than stamina, you’re wasting your time. Stamina is the only thing that you need to train. And without a high enough stamina, you’re going to be completely fucked. It’s the only stat that seems to matter.
There are four…rich people or something that run these gladitorial bouts. And every week you have to compete in one bout. The person whose bout you choose to do will raise their opinion of you after the bout and the other three will lower their opinion. It’s impossible to please all of them or even one of them, really.
But it doesn’t matter. If they have a high opinion of you, there’s no great bonus and if they have a low opinion of you, there’s no great malus. So I don’t even bother looking at that unless it gets to the end game and that’s a win condition.
I like the game, though. The concept is good. There’s a lot that can be done with it. Apparently, the developer has a lot of ideas. It was just one guy making the game for a long time but I think he has a small team now. So I bought it legitimately. I only buy maybe one or two games a year.
People talk about wanting animals added to the game and whatnot. And that would be fine, I guess. But I’m more concerned with improving the existing features.
It’s a balancing act to get everything right. The weapons and armor…I don’t know. Once I got maxed out weapons and armor, I didn’t feel any more powerful. I probably was but the opponents constantly get more powerful so it doesn’t really make a difference.
And as for the AI…they’re not great but I don’t know if you even want them to be great. If they’re too good, that’s no fun. You should be able to beat them. And I do inevitably die, evern as it is.
So We Who Are About to Die is good but flawed but I don’t really know how to fix the flaws.
As for Pam’s video, who gives a shit?
- “Oh my god this looks hard!”
He’s looking down at his penis after looking at Pam’s thumbnail.
- “Great video, beautiful hair, and an amazing dress. Hope you have a great day!”
- “You look amazing”
- “You’re hair is beautiful.”
Pam replied to all of these horntards thanking them for their desperate compliments.
She dyed her hair black, by the way. Or she stopped dying her hair. And there’s a slight flip in her hair. So…that counts as her trying to do something with her hair. She mentions in the comments that she’s trying to do something with her hair.
Hair advice for Pam…I’ve got none. Who cares? That’s my advice. Nobody gives a shit. You’re a 40+ year old angry lesbian. There’s nothing you can do with your hair that will change what a horrible, repellent person you are.
I always wanted to get my hair done like Tong Po from Kickboxer. Why is nobody doing that? It’s not even that much of a committment. You wouldn’t have to grow it out for years. You’d just have to grow it long enough so that you can weave extensions in.
You see people with purple hair or a they shaved a small line into the side of their head or whatever and that’s supposed to be edgy. There’s nothing edgy about that. I want to see Tong Po.
It was all the rage in Manchu China. Bring it back. Why not? Because people “rebel” in a very mainstream, safe, non-rebelious fashion.
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Family Matters (1990s) – Monster Madness 2023 – Cinemassacre
I think that we know what to expect by now. James Rolfe in front of a green screen, wearing his orange pumpkin shirt, will set out his criteria for what a Halloween episode is. He’ll possibly break his own criteria. He’ll set out a list of more interesting shows that he could have “reviewed”. And then he’ll summarise an episode of fucking Family Matters.
How embarrassing is it that Family Matters is one of James’ favourite shows? Along with such highbrow TGIF fare as Full House? These are shows for CHILDREN.
I had a discussion with some nerd on Reddit about this. He insisted that Family Matters isn’t a children’s show. Oh, do tell. Do you think many childless adults were tuning in every Friday to catch the latest antics of Urkel? Oh, he built a robot version of himself this week and it’s destroying the Winslow’s kitchen. This is some real sophisticated comedy. I can’t decide if I should watch this or Frasier.
0:30 – He’s giving the honourable mentions. Full House (of course), Married with Children, Boy Meets World. God. Boy Meets World. That’s even more of a children’s show than Family Matters.
Roseanne and Home Improvement get shout outs too.
I watched all of these shows. Married with Children was obviously a raunchy show and geared to adolescent boys, as opposed to children who were the target audience of, say, Family Matters. And Roseanne dealt with adult situations but the Halloween episodes were clearly aimed at children. Home Imrprovement had little to nothing to appeal to adults.
1:30 – “So what about Seinfeld, one of the biggest shows of the 1990s, if not the biggest show of the 1990s, did not have a Halloween episode.”
Yeah…Jimmy…it’s a show for ADULTS. It centres around four childless ADULTS. Adults who live in New York City, by the way. There’s no fucking trick or treaters going to the various apartments.
But somehow this concept totally baffles Jimmy.
Then he goes on to talk about The Adventures of Pete and Pete, a show that was squarely aimed at children and broadcast on Nickelodeon “the only channel for kids”, and describes the show as “family oriented”.
No. Jimmy. CHILD-orientated. The only adults watching that trash are doing so because their children are watching it. What single adult in the 1990s was watching The Adventures of Pete and Pete? Some fucking giant creep perhaps but I don’t think that they were the target audience.
Then he talks about Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark, two more shows squarely aimed at children. I’ve never even seem them. I’ve never seen The Adventures of Pete and Pete either. I was too old by the time those shows were on. I was probably 13.
2:15 – He starts talking about Halloween specials of the 1990s and how they therefore don’t meet his criteria. Never mind the fact that his previous video was about that Garfield Halloween special. God. If anybody knows “special”, it’s James “Seven and a Half Years in Special Education” Rolfe.
2:30 – “Who can forget The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror?”
Well, you, for example. Hasn’t James said that he never watched the Simpsons? Or stopped after the first season or something?
2:45 – “And what about South Park?”
WHAT ABOUT GETTING ON TO THE FUCKING “REVIEW”, JIMMY? ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.
3:00 – “So we could have just had a whole marathon about the 90s.”
But you were too fucking lazy to do your job.
3:15 – “I’m going to have to go with my favourite sitcom of the 90s, Family Matters.”
“Did I do that?” Isn’t that funny, adult comedy?
God, he’s such a fucking retard. Before you knew that he went to special education you must have just thought, “Oh, he’s a quirky guy who can appreciate children’s shows.” No. He’s a straight up retard who can ONLY appreciate children’s shows because he has the mind of a child.
4:00 – “Urkel was my hero.”
How? You were building cloning machines in your basement? What about Urkel is possibly relatable? He’s a completely stereotypical nerd with effectively mystical powers and totally one-dimensional.
5:00 – He’s finally talking about the episode. After five minutes of filibustering.
5:15 – “It opens with Urkel, with a jack-o-lantern, warning the audience that this episode is going to be scary. Already, this has got to the most festive way to start a Halloween episode. You can’t ask for any better. But what’s funny is that it’s kind of true. I wouldn’t say that it’s actually scary but it’s definitely much scarier than a regular Family Matters episodes.”
Well no fucking shit, James. It’s a comedy show. God, he’s so fucking stupid.
Let’s recap. Urkel comes on and says that the show is going to be scary. James says that what Urkel says is true. James then goes on to say that the episode ISN’T scary.
So what was true about Urkel’s statement? That it’s scarier than a typical episode where Urkel is crashing a car into the Winslow’s kitchen or something? That’s just common sense.
6:30 – Urkel moved in with the Winslows? I didn’t know that. It apparently happened in a later season. I stopped watching the show right around the time I reached puberty. Like a normal person.
But James was still watching this shit in college.
Why would he move in with the Winslows? He was living with his mother or something. Nearby. Let me look this up.
https://familymatters.fandom.com/wiki/Home_Sweet_Home
Urkel’s parents moved to Russia as a result of their contempt of Urkel. The Winslows agree to let Urkel live with them.
Why? He was constantly trying to fuck Laura. Not to mention destroying their kitchen every week. This is the world’s worst idea.
Back to Jimmy. He’s just continuining to summarise the episode. It’s about a doll that comes to life. It doesn’t look scary but it does look more scary than a typical Family Matters episode. So that was a real astute observation by Jimmy.
How are we going to talk about porn from this? Well, obviously, we have to mention the girl who played the daughter who disappeared from the show and later appeared in a handful of adult movies under the name Crave.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaimee_Foxworth
I saw her on Oprah or something talking about a discussion that she was having with an adult film co-star of hers. They were discussing how degrading the job is or something and the woman said, “Well, we’re just sluts so we have to do it.” And this spurred Miss Foxworth, who just got done taking a double anal penetration, to say, “Wait, a minute. I’m not a slut” and decide to get out of the industry.
What has she done subsequently? According to Wikipedia, substance abuse and depression. That won’t pay the bills.
She also had a baby in 2009. Good for her.
https://twitter.com/jaimeethefoxx
There’s her Twitter. Her Instagram is similar. Full of highly Photoshopped pictures of her, as a 43 year old woman, bending over and pushing her tits together and whatnot. So much for not being a slut.
She said in this interview that she realised that she was only doing porn because she liked the attention. She missed from being an actor. But she decided that it was unhealthy.
But look at that Twitter or, worse, the Instagram. She’s on TikTok too. All the exact same shit. Softcore porn. For who? Who wants to see this? Even her hardcore stuff 20 years ago wasn’t interesting.
According to a Youtube video from five years ago, where she talks about dating, she was single at that time.
https://www.cameo.com/jaimeethefoxx
She’s also on Cameo. $66 for a video. How?
You can choose “roast” as a video option. Maybe she can roast James Rolfe. “Hey, it’s yo fly girl Jaime. Just wanted to let you know that you’re a grown man and you can stop watching that faggot Urkel. He was the one who caused me to get fired from the show. But whatever, this was 30 years ago. I’ve moved on and so should you.”
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Important Update and Giveaway – Gamester81
Talk about channels that have fallen. This guy has loads of videos that got over 100,000 views but they’re all from over ten years ago.
His channel plummetted, I don’t know, around the time of that Amico thing. Was that what it was? John aka Gamester81 was supporting the Amico and Pat the NES Fag called Gamester81 out or…something. Somehow this had an effect on Gamester81. I definitely remember the quality of his videos going way down for quite a while. Months? Years? He said that he sold all of his recording equipment. For what, I don’t know. Rent? Games? Meth? But it was really bad quality for a while. Like he just gave up on the channel.
But he’s still here cranking out shit and he apparently bought his equipment back from the pawn shop. So good for him but his videos are now getting about 1,000 views on average.
I unsubscribed years ago after he banned me. It’s actually my favourite banning of all time just for how utterly preposterous it is.
There was discussion in the comments about how Gamester should shave his head. Not from me. I didn’t start the discussion. But somebody was saying that Gamester should shave his head. Because he was balding. And he usually wore a baseball cap because he was obviously self-conscious about it.
So some kid, at least I assume it was a kid, said something like, “Ew, he shouldn’t shave his head. He’d look awful with a shaved head.”
I then entered the discussion and said that he wouldn’t look awful and it’s probably a good idea if he does shave his head.
Banned. Banned for eternity for this. For DEFENDING Gamester81. For saying something positive about him.
And he did end up shaving his head. So what the fuck was I banned for?
“Well, you’re probably exaggerating. Surely, you called that kid a faggot or something.”
No. Nothing. It was a perfectly civil message simply stating that if Gamester81 wants to shave his head, he’s free to do that. Banned.
Well, karma came around. This guy is now effectively banned from all of Youtube. One thousand views for this video.
0:00 – “You may or may not be aware that I’m co-owner and founder of Game On Expo.”
I was not aware. I don’t even know what it is. Some fucking nerd convention. Just what the world needs. We don’t have enough nerd conventions.
It’s in Arizona.
What are these things actually called? I call them “nerd conventions” not as a joke but genuinely I don’t know the term. They’re not video game conventions because they usually have some other shit going on. Like Game On Expo has anime. I mean, come on. What else can this be called but a “nerd convention”?
0:45 – He describes the event as “Like Comic Con but for gamers and anime lovers.”
So yeah. Nerd convention. Who else but a giant nerd would go to such a thing?
And like comic conventions weren’t already full of nerds. These video game conventions are even worse.
Are there still Star Trek conventions?
https://trekmissionuk.com/guests/
Here’s one in the UK. Is this guest list some kind of a joke? There’s a red shirt guy and two random background women from the original series, some hobo in a baseball cap, an old black guy, and an ancient white guy. I’ve never heard of any of these people.
And the people from the original series must be 100 years old now. That’s why they’re using their pictures from the 1960s television show instead of their current picture.
Who would POSSIBLY go to see this? I’m saying what Star Trek fan would want to go see this? I’m not saying you have to get William Shatner but ANYONE. Anyone who’s recognisable. Get the woman who played Dax on Deep Space Nine. Come on. What can she possibly be doing now? Offer her £500, a free flight to England, and all the convention hot dogs she can eat.
1:00 – He says that there’s a “maid cafe” at this nerd convention. Come on. He should be deeply ashamed of himself. Anyone going to this thing really needs to sit down and have a serious look at what they’re doing with their life.
1:45 – He’s going over the guest list. John Hancock, Radical Reggie, Pixel Game Squad (whoever they are).
WHERE’S JOHN RIGGS? The three most important members of the Metal Jesus “crew”, as far as I’m concerned, having not watched the channel in probably ten years, are John Hancock, Radical Reggie, and JOHN RIGGS. How can you leave John Riggs out? He goes to every fucking nerd convention in the country. Was he not available for this one? He had pre-existing nerd convention obligations?
2:15 – Christopher Judge is also a guest. “You might recognise him from Stargate SG1”.
No. No, I’ve never seen a single episode. Don’t even know what it is.
Well, it was on from 1997 to 2007. Yeah, I wasn’t nerd shit by then. I was an adult.
Then he mentions all of the other guests. Just fucking video game and anime voice actors that nobody has ever heard of before.
Show me the person who wants to meet the guy who did the motion capture for Johnny Cage. What possible appeal is there? For anyone?
You go to a comic book convention and one of the guests is Rob Liefeld and you might say, “Well, the general population probably doesn’t give a fuck about Rob Liefeld but I can a certain segment of comic book fans being interested in seeing him and hearing what he has to say.”
Who’s the audience for the guy who did the motion capture for Johnny Cage? What is that guy possibly going to say that’s going to be of any interest to anyone? Do you want this guy’s autograph? Even if you’re the world’s biggest Mortal Kombat fan, why would you care?
So that’s Gamester81, that bald, hat-loving bastard.
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HOW TO Reboot THE MUMMY – Newt Wallen
He’s filming this one in his bedroom. This is where all the magic happens. With men. Men and prostitutes. And male prostitutes.
Is that even a full-sized bed? He’s sitting on the bed. It looks positively Lilliputian. I mean, I know that Newt is small but does that mean that he has to get a small bed too?
And there’s no headboard. I know that Ikea sells beds with no headboards but only on their cheapest models. Spend the extra $50 and get a headboard, Newt. Women don’t want to have sex in this tiny, headboard-less bed.
And he has the fucking cheapest blackout blinds that Ikea sells too. Newt, come on. You have to up your game.
A blue fucking bedspread too. Newt…the bedspread is not for you. None of this is for you. What the fuck do you care what your bed looks like? The bed should be aesthetically pleasing to WOMEN. They’re the ones who are going to be there. Theoretically.
Although, saying all of that, Newt is openly gay. So…I guess that gay men don’t particularly care about how the bedroom looks? Maybe? They’re just there for the ass pounding and then they’re out of there.
So enough about asses. The Mummy. Let’s hear your ideas, Ideas Man.
1:45 – He thinks it should be rebooted as a horror movie. Tits and gore. Great job, Newt. This is really original stuff.
3:00 – “They used to do mummy unwrapping parties where rich white people would desecrate tombs and unwrap bodies to all of their friends and then people would take pieces of it and stuff.”
Newt really seems to have a misguided view on race. Things aren’t divided by race so much as by class. A rich white person doesn’t give a fuck about you just like a rich black person doesn’t give a fuck about you. You don’t have to try to abandon your “race”, which is impossible, in order to chiill with the homies. All you have to do is understand that a poor black person or a poor Asian person or a poor Hispanic person is in the same position as you are. Once you have this newfound understanding, you won’t have any need to be ashamed by the cosmic accident of birth.
How many mummy unwrapping parties have you been to? Yeah, zero for me too. So there’s no need to be ashamed of what some rich people, who happened to be white, did in their spare time. It’s nothing to do with you. And denouncing white people as a whole won’t score you any points with the vatos. Anyone who’s remotely enlightened won’t give a shit. “Yo, ese, no need to try to impress me, I know you’re not a fat cat. Just be your normal, disgusting, self, dawg.”
5:30 – His idea…such as it is…is that there’s a cult who worships mummies from all over the world. So not just Egypt. He gives the examples of Aztec mummies and…English mummies? What? And he says that the movie would take place in “The moors of England.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moorland
According to Wikipedia, there are moors in England. But it’s something much more commonly associated with Scotland. The Highlands.
I was talking to a taxi driver and he was talking about the Highland Clearances of 1750-1860, according to Wikipedia. And he was talking about how the rich people in Scotland today are the descendants of the Scottish nobility who sold out their people to the English nobility lo those many centuries ago. And these people are on tv talking about how proud they are to be Scottish in their posh accents when all of their wealth came from their ancestors selling out the working or peasant class Scottish people with the forced removal from the Highlands.
So this guy wasn’t saying, “Oh, I’m really ashamed to be a white Scottish guy.” He was clued in. He saw where the problem lied: it’s a class issue.
The Norman invasion. It happened in 1066. French nobility invaded England and replaced the English nobility.
Studies have shown that even today, nearly 1000 years later, English people with French surnames are wealthier, on average, than people with English surnames. These people are the descendants of the French nobility and the advantage that they get from that can still be seen 1000 years later. It’s an advantage generation after generation based on class, not based on race.
13:00 – Newt references filming in his bed. “This is where the magic doesn’t happen. Just so you know, I’m sitting my bedroom because I’m folding laundry.”
What? Folding laundry? I’ve gone my whole life without folding laundry. What are you gay? Oh.
But seriously what are you folding laundry for? I just put my underwear in a drawer. It doesn’t need to be folded. Who cares? And shirts get hung up. Pants get folded and put away, I guess, but that takes two seconds.
I remember my mother folding clothes but…why? What was she doing? What was being folded?
Towels, I guess. You’d have to fold towels to store them. But I only have, whatever, three towels and they’re all hung up somewhere and in use at all times.
Bedsheets. I guess bedsheets get folded. I’ll be honest and say that I don’t change bedsheets too often, though.
But other than this…Newt is a single man. Why is he folding clothes? How many clothes does he have that they need to be folded? It just seems weird to me. Maybe I’m the weird one, though.
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Ghoul School on NES – Erin Plays
What is this? A skeleton oompa loompa?
She puts no effort into ANYTHING. “Well, I have an oompa loompa wig, I have a skeleton top, let’s put them together.”
Mike has money. Why doesn’t she say, “Mike, I need money for a costume. A good one this time, not the usual thrown together shit that I usually come up with.” Mike would be happy to do it. This is the agreement, Erin. This is how sugarbabying works. You ask for stuff and your sugardaddy provides it. It’s expected. You don’t have to embarrass yourself with these fucking horrible costumes.
0:00 – “Anyway, your character is called Spike and I’m guessing that he got that nickname from his hair.”
You mean the obvious 1980s punk rock spiked hair? Yeah. Erin. That’s the reference alright. We don’t need that pointed out. It’s obvious. What are you, fucking retarded?
She’s at the first SCREEN of the game and she says, “Can you go in this door?”
No. You can’t. She’s CLEARLY never played this before. But she starts the video by giving you the backstory, suggesting that she has played it before.
0:15 – “I guess you would say that it’s a Metroidvania because you’re kind of running around, going back and forth?”
First of all, no. This game, from the two seconds I’m seeing of this, no. Not a Metroidvania. God, what a fucking retard.
But secondly, stop talking about the game like you have any familiarity with you. YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT YOU CAN’T GO IN THE DOOR THAT’S ON THE FIRST SCREEN OF THE FUCKING GAME, YOU MISERABLE, DUMB, LYING BITCH.
She goes in the first room, walks around, and says, “So there’s nothing in that room. That’s something that kind of sucks, that there are empty rooms.”
You didn’t know that the room was empty? The first fucking room?
And I doubt that it was empty. There has to be a reason for that room. Let me look up a competent playthrough.
Maybe it is empty. Because that guy doesn’t bother going in the rooms. As you would, if you knew that it was empty. Erin didn’t know this because she’s never played the game before.
Erin clearly has NO CLUE what’s going on but she insists on maintaining the charade that she does. It’s fucking infuriating.
2:00 – “So I haven’t gotten super far in this game but I do remember one area: the gym.”
Stop the fucking lies. If you play a game briefly, on stream, for money, that does not count as having played the game. Stop presenting yourself as some kind of authority on the game.
2:30 – “This game isn’t great but I like it for some reason.”
Explain to me how you can like a game that you’re so unfamiliar with that you didn’t even know that you can’t enter the door on the first SCREEN of the game. And all of the other bullshit that surprised and confounded her that you would have picked up on during your first attempt at the game.
2:45 – “Ooh, is this an elevator. That looks like an elevator.”
You don’t know? You don’t know if there’s an elevator in this game, on the first level?
And then she can’t go in. Because it wasn’t an elevator. She didn’t know any of this.
Then she gets to a dead end and is surprised by this. Really? You can’t navigate the first fucking level of this game that you say that you like?
3:45 – “The music changes so are these considered bosses?”
You tell us, Erin. You’re the expert.
“Oh my god. His hand comes out?”
Fuck this shit. I’m skipping to the end.
11:00 – “I don’t understand what you’re supposed to do here.”
Then she dies and it’s a game over.
“So this game is just a lot of exploration. It’s just about finding new areas.”
I don’t think that it’s any of that and you don’t know jack shit about the fucking game. Why not just admit it?
“I don’t hate it. Do I think it’s a good game? No. But do I find it interesting and I want to come back to it? Yes.”
Here’s another question for you, Erin. Will you come back to it? “Only if it’s on stream, for money.”
Absolute fucking trash. There are jobs out there, Erin. Find one. This is not for you. This will never a success. You’re soon to be a 40 year old woman. Has any of this worked so far? Do you think that people are waiting for MILF fake gamers? That’s the untapped market?
First of all, you’re not going to be a MILF, you’re just going to be old. Secondly, you don’t have an ounce of personality. That’s why this whole fucking thing was doomed to begin with. If you were a fake gamer but you had personality, it might have worked. Maybe. But with no personality, no interest in video games, no experience with video games, and no experience with ANYTHING, forget it. Go get a fucking job. There’s no shame in getting a job. The shame is what you’re doing now. You’re debasing yourself for PENNIES.
- “I would simply transfer out of the ghoul school.”
That bit of “comedy” was from Tony from Hack the Movies. Doesn’t even make fucking sense. He just wanted to get a mention on the blog, I guess. No. Tony. You’re done. You’re out. Your sick, degenerate bullshit with pimped out orphans has crossed a line. You’re not getting an article on the blog ever again. Your videos are fucking unwatchable anyway so I find it a relief not to have to watch that shit any more.
He did a video with Mint Salad recently. This woman who’s getting urinated on by her pimp and it’s being filmed for money. This woman who Tony has appeared in a porn video with. This woman who Tony has undoubtedly had sex with for money possibly while this woman’s pimp was peeing on the both of them.
I’m supposed to watch this and say “Oh, tee hee. Tony said something kind of silly. What a goofy guy.”
No. It’s gross. You’re gross. You’re a total piece of shit and I derive no comedy from watching your shit videos.
- “There was a Genesis game that was cancelled called Zombie High that this reminds me a lot of. I reviewed the Proto many years ago. I remember it being hard as hell. The ROM is out there.”
That was from omega orbitter Joe from Gamesack. I don’t get it. Is it possible that he think that Erin gives the slightest of fucks about video games? Because he leaves comments like this all the time.
Joe. Get a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. I don’t know what you’re into. You’re looking at Newt Wallen’s cock so it sort of raises some questions. And Newt Wallen has sex with men. He’s open about it. Newt Wallen is openly gay. He has sex with Metz aka PVC Bondage GUY, a well-known man, the clue is in the name, and films it for OnlyFans.
And Joe from Gamesack is there with his dick in his hand asking to see a homosexual man’s penis along with 8 Bit Eric, another presumed homosexual.
Hey, boys, I’m not here to judge. Be loud and proud. I’m just saying give up on Erin. It’s not happening. Erin likes…wait a minute. Mike also shows his penis to other men. Well, whatever. I suppose that the entertainment industry does seem to attract flamboyant homosexual men. And yeah, Youtube isn’t exactly Hollywood but it’s still a kind of entertainment industry.
- “FANTASTIC as usual, rockin costume choice as well! yay for Spoopy Month”
- “Love the costume Erin. I do hope that someday you will consider doing a review of the Punisher on the NES and play it while wearing a leather jacket.”
- “Sexy skeleton Erin”
- “Omg Please marry me”
- “Love the costume. Great video, as you always do”
- “That’s a Great Looking Outfit Erin such a Beautiful Costume I Love it.”
- “The outfits are getting cooler by the episode”
- “I was thinking of someone else with Green hair and a Pinstripe Suit anyway Hi Erin”
- “I love your costume Erin! You look amazing!”
It’s crazy. This is Erin’s life. She puts no effort into ANYTHING and these fucking LEGITIMATE retards still praise her.
I mean…do you even want praise from retards? That would make me uncomfortable.
But maybe she doesn’t know that they’re retarded or she’s convinced herself that they’re not. I don’t know. But hearing that everything you do is great and you should stay the course has to have a warping influence on you. Especially when, objectively, everything that you do is SHIT. Because then you don’t know what to believe. “I’m putting no effort into anything but people still seem to love it so I must be some kind of a creative genius.”
No. Not a genius, Erin. These people are just retarded. What they’re telling you is not true. Your costume is total shit. Your videos are total shit.
“Well, why is everybody else saying that I’m so great then?”
Because they’re retards and they’re trying to have sex with you. It’s as simple as that. I’m giving you a dose of reality. That’s why the blog is important. A voice of sanity in a sea of horny retards. It’s beneficial to Erin to know that her content is shit. Because she can’t go through life believing the lies of the horntards. The reality is that everything that Erin does is shit. Once she accepts this, which I appreciate is a difficult thing to accept, maybe she’ll get a job. Something that suits her. This Youtube shit isn’t it.
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Atari MAIL-ORDER Video Games! Chase the Chuck Wagon, Tooth Protectors & More! – Irate Gamer
Here’s one that I missed. Seems like I wasn’t the only one. 15,000 views after two months.
It starts with Chris BORES doing a really bizarre line reading then there’s some terrible animation coupled with his usually god awful “comedy” facial contortions.
It looks like he forgot to shave too.
1:45 – He’s talking about some dog food game.
3:00 – I can not stand his terrible acting. Just stop with this. There has to be a better way to present the material. Pretending to be “irate” is not the way forward. Just review the game in a semi-interesting fashion.
And the needless profanity. I know that I say “fuck” ten times in every article but it’s not for comedic purposes. I’m just replicating my natural speech when I’m speaking to adult men in a casual setting.
Chris BORES’ forced use of profanity is not funny and it adds nothing to the video. It only detracts. Just like his horrible acting detracts.
He seems to have great difficulty navigating the maze in this game. I’ve never played the game but I strongly suspect that he’s doing something wrong.
Then he dies. Makes an idiotic face with his mouth agape. And says “fuck” in post-production.
15,000 views, Chris BORES. Is your dignity worth so little?
4:15 – “That’s it. Take the dog food and shove it up your asshole, asshole.”
That wasn’t very creative. But Chris BORES has a bizarre, homosexual obsession with asses and putting things into asses. And who can forget the extremely troubling “boner biting dogs” comment? I don’t even want to know what he’s into.
4:30 – Now he’s talking about a toothpaste game. I’m guessing that he’s going to perform poorly at the game, make dumb faces, and then get “irate”.
“Is this a game that really needed an existence?”
Bizarre turn of phrase.
6:00 – He’s complaining about how the enemy swoops in and kills you “with no warning whatsoever”. He obviously doesn’t know how to play the game. I’m suspecting, just based on his gameplay, that it’s because he missed too many of these balls that are being dropped on him. But Chris BORES has no explanation as to why he keeps dying and can’t be bothered to figure out the rules of this extremely simple game. It would have taken him two minutes to find the manual online and read it.
6:45 – This is so humiliating that I won’t even mention what’s happening. Get some dignity, Chris BORES.
6:45 – Kool Aid Man. It’s just going to be more of the same isn’t it?
He had surpisingly little to say about the game. Well, thank god for small mercies.
8:00 – Malagai. Whatever this is.
Chris BORES doesn’t know either. He spent about 30 seconds on this game just to capture the footage and then moved on.
8:45 – Some game called Gauntlet, but not the popular arcade game.
The character is called Robert Wittenbottom, which Chris BORES bizarrely pronounces “Witten-Bitten”. You’d think he’s welcome the opportunity to make another sodomy “joke”.
He describes the landscape of the game as “Having more objects than you’d ever find corn in your faeces.”
So…I mean…it’s just another disgusting scat “joke” that he oddly thinks that people find funny. But again, it makes no fucking sense. Jokes have to have some basis in reality.
Is corn in the faeces a common problem for Chris BORES? I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced that, even when I ate corn. I haven’t had corn in probably…I don’t know…25 years?
9:30 – He describes the game as being similar to Pitfall. What? I mean…both games have you playing as a man but beyond that, I don’t see the similarities.
Then, after a mercifully brief animated “joke”, the video ends. Thank fuck.
- “I can’t believe this only has 11K views. I’d take a 10 minute video like this over a 25 minute+ boring video filled with terrible acting and unfunny jokes that some other Angry reviewer puts out nowadays.”
Chris BORES says, “I pissed YouTube off in 2012 and it’s never been the same since.”
Plus, your videos suck dick.
Let’s check out the BORES man’s Twitter. It might be a while before I talk about him again.
https://twitter.com/ChrisBoresIG
“Chris Bores – Ghost Behaviorist”
Oh god. He really needs to stop this. He’s never going to make a penny off of this shit.
He’s the biggest ghost hunter in Toledo. All of the local news channels, which are dying and will let anybody on, really want him to appear on their show.
Chris, it’s bullshit. Nobody over the age of seven believes in ghosts. You must know this.
Nobody cares. There are two comments. Come on. Just get a job. It’s not that bad.
The channel has fewer than 4,000 subscribers, by the way.
https://www.youtube.com/@GhostDoctor
Here’s a video where a ghost pulls a piece of paper in front of Chris BORES.
A piece of paper slightly moves. It’s called gravity, BORES.