Godzilla Minus One First Impressions – Castzilla vs. The Pod Monster – Tony from Hack the Movies

I’ve basically eliminated Tony from my rotation of people who I talk about. But I was watching this recently for “fun”. I used to listen to the Godzilla podcast that he has. He rebooted it a few months ago into a “live” format, which is disasterous.

This shit is unwatchable. I know that I say this regularly but Johanna is completely insufferable. She has no charisma at all and when she does say something, it’s annoying as fuck. Let me just try to get through a few minutes of this to illustrate my point.

Oh, this is 90 minutes, by the way. I want to see the statistics of how many people, if any, watch the entire video.

0:30 – Before it even begins, Tony begs the chat for “super chats”. This is where you give money in order to have your question read. And it’s not even guaranteed that it will be read. I remember somebody having a “super chat” about Newt and they weren’t even going to acknowledge it and then when they did, they just told the guy to fuck off and go to Newt’s channel. This guy who just gave them money.

1:00- Johanna is wearing headphones that have cat ears on them. Annoying.

2:00 – Some lunatic just gave Tony $20. For what? He’s advertising his shit “merch” store now.

3:45 – They were talking about some lesbian scene in some Godzilla movie. Johanna starts her bullshit, “As you know, I hate the gays. If I was gay, I would just kill myself.”

She’s pretending to be gay again. You know, this woman who’s engaged to be married to a man.

This is sexy, right? Women who pretend to be gay? Horseface certainly shares this opinion.

Let’s look at an actual gay woman: Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining. Has she once said that she’s gay? No. She doesn’t advertise. She doesn’t have to. It’s blindingly obvious that she’s gay. She’s doing her thing and doesn’t give a shit what people on Youtube know about her private life. It’s irrelevant.

Real homosexual just go about their lives. Fake homosexuals have to constantly remind you that they’re gay.

4:00 – Tony puts a picture of the women up on screen who had a kissing scene or something. Tony says, “Who would want to watch these women making out?” Johanna, with her usual energy vampirism, says, “I sure wouldn’t. They’re not attractive at all.”

What does it even matter what they look like? I understand Tony focusing on their appearance because he’s approaching it as a heterosexual man who fetishises lesbians and just wants to view it as pornography. But would an actual lesbian take that same sexist, meatheaded view? I don’t think so.

5:00 – “Tony, you have to get rid of this picture. I’m just staring.”

It’s a picture of these two women. Get it? Because Johanna is so fucking horny right now. She’s horny for these ladies.

The point I’m making here is a subtle one and I don’t really know how to describe it. But I’m suggesting that lesbians view sexuality differently than heterosexual men. Because they’re women. Women don’t suddenly start thinking like men just because they’re gay. They’re still women.

So a heterosexual man might look at a picture of sexy lady and think, “Oh, yeah. I’d like to do all kinds of sexual stuff to that woman.” And they might even voice that opinion.

But would a woman think that? Even a homosexual woman? I don’t think so. I don’t think that women immediately start thinking about fucking. I think that they’re more nuanced than that.

I think that a lesbian looking at a picture of a sexy lady would think, “Oh, I like the outfit. I like the makeup. She’s obviously put some work into this. Maybe I can use some of this for updating my own wardrobe and makeup regime.”

A lesbian is not looking at a sexy lady and saying, “Oh, yeah. I’d love to put a strap on dildo on and really fuck that bitch up the ass.” Am I wrong?

But Johanna is so far removed from lesbianism that she thinks that it’s just co-opting how heterosexual men behave with women. “Oh, I’m getting really horny looking at this picture of two completely clothed ladies.” Really? Are you? You’re an adolescent boy? Is that how lesbians think?

Look at gay men. Does a gay man behave like a woman? Is a gay man quiet and demure and submissive? No. They’re just as aggressive and obnoxious as heterosexual men, if not moreso, but they’re fucking dudes instead of women.

7:00 – Johanna says that she’s married so can’t always see movies with Tony. So…she’s married, to a man, and…yet she’s gay. Isn’t there something in the marriage vows about forsaking all others? Including sexy ladies, presumably.

Why get married to a man if you’re a lesbian? Isn’t this just common sense? She’s not doing this as part of some visa scam or to help her movie career or anything. Try to squash rumours that she’s gay. It seems to be a legitimate marriage. So…why? If you like women, why marry a man?

Especially when you like women as much as Johanna apparently does. She can’t even look at a non-pornographic photo of two not particularly attractive women without becoming a raging sex maniac.

It’s completely fucking retarded.

8:15 – Some Youtuber nobody has heard of called Adam Olinger is brought in.

9:15 – Tony shills for the “super chats” again, despite the fact that he hasn’t read any of the “super chats” so far.

You know what? I’m done. This is shit. It’s totally unwatchable. Newt sitting on his sofa with prostitutes and drug addicts and losers off the street is more entertaining than this shit. I don’t want to watch the totally charisma-free Johanna pretending to be a lesbian while Tony shills for “super chats”. That’s not interesting to me. It’s not interesting to anyone.

6 thoughts on “Godzilla Minus One First Impressions – Castzilla vs. The Pod Monster – Tony from Hack the Movies

  1. “I remember somebody having a “super chat” about Newt and they weren’t even going to acknowledge it and then when they did, they just told the guy to fuck off and go to Newt’s channel. This guy who just gave them money.”

    Biting the hand that feeds you, great customer service there. Mike also gets pissy for inoffensive questions as well. These thin-skinned clowns wouldn’t last a day in a real job where a customer can whine to you all they want and you just have stand there and take it.

    1. Well, these aren’t the Rockefellers. They’ve done shitty jobs. They’re doing shitty jobs. And a question about Newt is clearly just done for trolling. But the guy did pay so they should answer the question and at least not tell him to fuck off.

  2. Lol my god, the community post Tony posted on his YouTube channel 6 hours ago about how he moved back in with his dad when he quit Screenwave and it’s his dad’s basement that he converted. I knew he didn’t have his own place. He gave off this impression earlier this year like he did and simply converted the basement of wherever he was at. It all makes sense now. He’s a jobless loser in reality and bumming off his father for room and board. His claim that it’s going to probably take a bit longer to get his own place is so fucking stupid too. If you got a REAL job Tony maybe you could move out of your dad’s house and afford your own place. But you would rather leech off him while you play in his basement at this fantasy of an actual job you pretend you have. It’s not much of a “job” dude if you leech off your parent still and don’t live on your own. You’re kidding yourself Chuckles.

    1. That is disingenuous. Wait a minute. He had Horseface and that abortion nut and possibly that intern over and there was a video of them in what looked like an apartment. It was stated to be Tony’s apartment. So I don’t know. Was it not? Did he have his own place for a while and then move in with his father?

      1. Yeah he must have switched to his dad’s house quickly after that and had this plan in mind when he quit Screenwave. He clarified in a later comment 4 hours ago: “I needed a place that had space for the set when I went full time, and my apartment wasn’t cutting it. The housing market sucks at the moment.” So yeah like the second he made his youtube channel his “full time” career he talked his dad into letting him move in with him and turning his basement into his dumbass mess of a set for his channel. So he’s definitely been leeching off his father and living there a long time now. Really puts things in context. I knew he couldn’t afford to live on his own. No wonder he’s constantly begging for patreon stuff. Should have gotten a real job you idiot.

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