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Trying out Shantae on Game Boy Color! – Erin Plays
0:00 – “People have been telling me to try out Shantae games for a few years now.”
And I’ve just never bothered because I don’t give a shit about any of this.
“So I’m excited to see what it’s all about.”
After being asked FOR YEARS, she finally tries the game out. On stream, for money, of course. She’s really excited about it. YEARS later.
0:15 – Takes her a while to remember what a Game Cube is. What a gamer!
0:30 – “I think she’s really cute.”
And then she makes a face and there’s an awkward pause like she’s thinking, “Oh no. That GamerGirls guys is going to comment on this one.”
She just can’t help it. She can’t help making the same asinine comments over and over and over again. Things that are cute. Colors. “X looks like Y”. She knows NOTHING about video games so these are the only sorts of comments that she can make.
What else is she going to talk about? She can’t compare the game to other games. She can’t talk about the controls. She can’t talk about the genre. She can’t talk about the developer. She certainly can’t talk about the history of the game. Sequels. Whatever. Because she knows NOTHING about any of this. So it’s cute things, colours, and “X looks like Y”.
1:15 – “Oh look. She kind of wiggles her butt.”
We’re all jerking off here, Erin. Tell us more about this video game character’s backside.
1:30 – “I find it funny that when the cannon ball goes in the hole, the hole then closes up. Look at that.”
This is like retard levels of stupidity. She thinks that the SHADOW of the cannon ball, what’s CLEARLY the shadow, is a HOLE. A hole that gets filled when then cannon reaches it. A hole, by the way, that just magically appears for no reason.
It’s unbelievable. I think that even somebody who never played a video game before would be able to figure this one out. Who would possibly think that it’s a HOLE?
And ShiShi and the Retard Gang are there jerking off to this. I don’t get it. Why everybody leaving right now? It’s the world’s dumbest fucking comment.
3:15 – She’s reading from the chat. “You love playing Shantae? Okay, cool.”
It’s a complete mystery to me why anybody is in there. She’s a charisma blackhole. She never has ANYTHING to say. Her gameplay is atrocious. And I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not jacking off to a 4/10, 35 year old woman in a sweater.
3:30 – She’s reading another comment. “Shantae games are cool? Oh, cool.”
Fuck off.
3:45 – “Risky Boots, the lady pirate, that is so cute.”
Riveting stuff, Erin. This sure beats getting a job. £6,000/year for this trash.
4:30 – Somebody is talking about a game that had a Shantae DLC outfit. You know what Erin said? “That’s cool.”
6:45 – Erin keeps sniffling. Really annoying. Shove tissue up your nose like you usually do.
8:15 – “Now everything’s blue and purple”.
Earlier, she commented on how things are red. This is great stuff.
11:30 – “Now the sun’s out again.”
This is all that she’s doing.
You know, you watch Mike’s streams and you see how he does it. He’ll find a topic, usually inspired by something said in the chat, and he’ll just talk about that topic while playing the game. So he’ll talk about the time that he met Brent Spiner or that he’s coming back to James & Mike Mondays in February 2083 or whatever. When he runs out of stuff to say, he’ll look at the chat again for inspiration for a new topic.
He’s not talking about philosophy or critiquing great works of Western literature but it’s something. He’s at least semi-engaging. I watch these streams for hours. Just for my own enjoyment.
What he’s not doing is talking about cute things in the game, colours, and “X looks like Y”. Because that’s boring as fuck. Who the fuck wants to listen to that?
I don’t know how Mike can stand to live with this woman. She’s a total fucking moron. And a parasite. He’s spending untold thousands of dollars on her just on trips to visit her parents. Never mind all the other shit.
I’d say, “You want to visit your parents? Dip into that $6,000 that you make every year. I’m not paying for that shit.” But Mike is paying for flights to California every two fucking weeks. For this. For Erin Plays. A boring as fuck 35 year old woman who has never had an interesting thing to say in her entire miserable life.
Mike is a man who enjoys buttsex. I can’t really identify. I get the concept. I get the idea of dominating a woman. If you’re fucking her in the ass, it’s pretty clear who’s in control. But from a practical perspective, I’m not fucking putting my dick in there. It’s disgusting. You might as well fuck dudes if that’s what you’re into.
Even pussies, I tolerate them. They’re okay. But I don’t get these guys who are really into pussy. They’re out there hoping to find some pussy. They want to lick pussies. They want to put their dick in there. I mean…you do you but personally…they’re alright at best.
So Mike and his buttsex fetish. Let’s assume that Erin is really receptive to buttsex. We almost have to assume that. Mike talks about buttsex constantly and what other explanation is there for him staying with a total dullard like Erin?
Are there no other women who are into this? Maybe there aren’t, or at least not to the extend that Mike demands it. Maybe Erin is getting fucked in the ass ten times a day. Not many women are going to tolerate that. Maybe he’s fucking her ass so much that she has problems with passing stool.
It’s the only thing that makes sense. It’s the only plausible explanation that I can think of for why Mike remains with this total moron Erin. Spends a fortune on her. She’s giving up her ass far more than an average woman and Mike is really into the sodomy.
Because just watch this video. I’ll give it another few minutes.
13:00 – “Men, spank this one extra hard for Mommy.”
Well, this was timely. She’s quoting from the game but I’m sure it has parallels to her personal life.
14:30 – Somebody is giving some trivia about the game. Erin says, “That’s cool”.
18:00 – There’s a long cut scene and Erin is bored as fucking having to read all of this. I am too. So I’ll stop here.
- “Back in 2001, I wanted this game so badly, but I couldn’t get it because it was one of those rare games that you hardly find in your local Wal-Mart, and because I was going through puberty during that year.”
Umm…not sure what puberty has to do with anything.
So yeah. Is there anything more that I can say about Erin’s ass and theorising how often Mike is fucking it? I think that I’ve exhausted that topic.
I think that buttsex really took off in the 90s and it’s because of porn. Certainly buttsex in porn took off in the 1990s. Everything was anal. You couldn’t make a porn video with just vaginal sex. And of course there were whole series of videos that were nothing but anal.
This seemed to normalise the behaviour for society at large.
I’ll watch it as long as they’re not doing any gaping shots. That’s fucking disgusting. But I don’t think the butt stuff particularly does anything for me. I think that I’d be equally content, if not more content with the traditional vaginal intercourse.
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NEWTrition: COKE SPICED review – Newt Wallen
0:30 – Newt says that Dune is his “Favourite white saviour story.”
Everything has to be about race with this guy. Usually about how white people are terrible. Newt, we get it, YOU’RE terrible but you can’t condemn every person who happens to be white over your own failings.
0:45 – PVC Bondage Guy doesn’t have a favourite Spice Girl. Well, she is 10 years too young for this.
When were the Spice Girls popular? 1995, let’s say. The target demographic was probably 10 to 12 year old girls. PVC Bondage Guy is 27, I think. So she was born two years after the Spice Girls’ heyday.
It’s like asking Newt who his favourite member of the Go-Go’s is. Who the fuck knows?
Anyway, Scary Spice for me. I’m not even particularly into black women but it’s just that the other women are fucking trash. It’s not like English women are known for their looks.
Realistically, I’d fucking any of them, of course. But if I had to choose one, it would be Melanie Brown getting some loving.
Then PVC Bondage Guy says, “I know Ice Spice is hot.”
What the fuck is she saying? I listened ten times. There are only five options. None of the Spice Girls seem to be what she’s saying. But Newt said that this particular Spice Girl was in the Superbowl. So he must have understood her. Which Spice Girl was in the Super Bowl? I can’t figure it out.
Oh. She did say “Ice Spice”. She wasn’t talking about the Spice Girls.
This is hot? These are some really unflattering pictures. It’s a mixed race woman with like a Little Orphan Annie wig on. This is a fetish for somebody? Little Orphan Annie?
No. Not hot. Come on. She’s not even attractive in pictures where she doesn’t have this weird wig. Has the hotness bar been lowered this far? I’d take any of the Spice Girls TODAY over this Ice Spice.
I used to go to the IMDB forums. And people would talk, non-ironically about how hot Nell Carter was. It was a way to normalise fat chicks. “Hey, fat chicks can be sexy too. Like Nell Carter.”
Nell Carter was not a hot chick. She was obese. I’m not saying that she was unattractive. But she was fucking huge. There are no huge hot chicks.
What you never saw on that Gimme A Break forum was people talking about how hot Kari Michaelsen was. This was the girl who played Katie, the stereotypical hot blonde girl. Nobody ever said that she was hot because it was obvious. It didn’t need stating. But these people promoting Nell Carter were doing so because they had a political agenda to push. “Hey, fat black chicks can be sexy.”
Same with PVC Bondage Guy promoting Ice Spice. “Hey, it’s a mixed race woman with a gut and no tits in a Little Orphan Annie wig. Isn’t that hot?”
No. Not hot, PVC Bondage Guy. Don’t try that shit on me. I’m all for being open-minded. There are a wide range of hot chicks. It’s not about race. But this particular woman? Fuck no. Being mixed race and wearing a clown wig does not give you a free pass to the World of Hot Chicks. That’s an exclusive club and I am denying Ice Spice from entry.
1:00 – Newt claims to be a “Huge Spice Girls fan” and that the movie is “awesome.” Well, he is gay.
1:30 – Newt reads how many calories this can is. 150, by the way. He always seems to count the calories.
Just don’t fucking drink this shit if you’re worried about calories. I’ve been drinking basically nothing but water my entire adult life. I didn’t plan it that way. It wasn’t about losing weight. I just didn’t want to carry heavy shit from the grocery store. It’s particularly a problem since moving to the UK because I don’t drive. I’m not going to fucking lug a 24 case of soda home along with the rest of my groceries. I don’t even know if they sell soda by the 24 can case in the UK. I’ve never been in the soda aisle.
But even if it’s a two litre bottle, that’s too much. I’m not doing it. I don’t even like getting a tiny thing of milk for my cereal.
Anyway, the point is that I don’t miss soda or any of that shit. You take it one day at a time and then one day, you’ve gone 25 years without drinking soda.
1:45 – Newt takes a sip of this, after putting his nose right next to the open can, and then gives it to PVC Bondage Guy.
Couldn’t he at least let her drink first? I couldn’t imagine doing this. “Here, let me rub my nose and ass on the can and then you drink from it, PVC Bondage Guy.” No. I’m a gentleman. PVC Bondage Guy drinks first.
Then Newt says, “Oh, no. We’re sharing a soda. Scandalous.”
Exactly. I think that I mentioned something about this before but I can’t find it. I think that’s what he’s referencing.
Then PVC Bondage Guy says, “I know what you’re referencing.” So yeah, it must be something that I wrote about.
Oh, here it is:
2:45 – They reference how scandalous it is to share a soda.
It’s obviously not a big deal but it’s a little gross. Especially when we’re looking at the two people involved. Would you share a can that was given to you by Newt or PVC Bondage Guy? I’m not saying that you’re going to get herpes or something, although it might be possible, it’s just gross. Not in general terms, really but with these two? Fuck no.
Sharing a can of soda with my girlfriend? Fine. With a casual acquaintance? I don’t think so. And I suspect on some level, Newt is doing this for the same reason he does everything: to try to get Horseface’s attention. “Look at me engaging in this 7th grader’s idea of an intimate activity with a crazy chick.”
Anyway, that’s the video. Oh, yeah. They liked the beverage. They were disappointed by the lack of spice, though.
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Is It All Good In Leprechaun Back 2 Tha Hood? – Tony from Hack the Movies
We’ve got Tony and Mushmouth for this one.
I made it to 2:30. I think I’m good.
But this is the big St Patrick’s Day episode. When is St Patrick’s Day? Did I miss it?
Oh, no. It’s tomorrow. So today, when you’re reading this. So this is timely.
Nobody talks about St Patrick’s Day in the UK. At least not in England or Scotland. It doesn’t exist. Nobody gives a shit.
This is particularly noteworthy in Scotland, which has a large population of people of Irish descent, particularly in Glasgow. You know how British people will mock Americans for claiming to be Italian or Irish or whatever because they might have had an Italian or Irish great-grandmother or something? They do the same fucking thing in Scotland. People who have never been to Ireland, have no connection with Ireland, but have an Irish granny will claim to be Irish. Why? You’re Scottish, you fucking retard.
They have these marches in Glasgow. It’s a group called the Orange Order. It’s a quasi-fascist group of low-lifes who go around town beating drums and, at least historically, harassing Catholics (who were overwhelmingly people of Irish descent). The Orange folk are Scottish Protestants. Not that anybody in the UK goes to church or any of that shit, but they identify as Protestants.
So they march through town and bang their drums and it’s a nuisance.
They do the same thing in Northern Ireland. And it’s obvious that these Orange people are complete assholes. At least when they’re doing it in Northern Ireland. Because they’re celebrating British domination over Ireland in that sense.
But with these marches in Glasgow, these Orange assholes kind of have a point. It’s an anti-Irish march, of course. But the “Irish” people in Glasgow aren’t really Irish. It’s the same fucking bullshit that you see in the US where somebody who’s 12.5% Norwegian will claim to be Norwegian. If you’re so proud of being “Irish”, go “back” there. See what your fellow “countrymen” have to say. “What the fuck is this Scottish guy doing here?”
They have national days for every “country” in the UK. England has St George’s Day, Scotland has St Andrew’s Day, Wales has whatever the fuck they have. But again, nobody gives a shit. You don’t get the day off or anything like that. They don’t have a parade. As far as I’m aware, there’s no special shit going on at school.
But in the US, for whatever bizarre reason, St Patrick’s Day is a big thing. Why?
I look back and think why the fuck was this a holiday that I celebrated? We had to decorate the classroom with leprechauns and shamrocks. My mother made corned beef. Why were we doing this? My family wasn’t Irish AT ALL. Nobody at my school was remotely Irish. What the fuck was going on? How did this holiday get elevated so much in the US but things like St George’s Day are nowhere to be seen.
I know that there was a large wave of Irish immigrants, whatever, 200 years ago. But why is this still happening today?
Is there another example of a national holiday that’s popular in the US? I mean for a foreign country.
Cinco de Mayo, I guess. But that shit only seemed to take off in the 1990s. And the explanation is easy. A lot of Mexicans in the US. Real Mexicans. From Mexico. Recent immigrants. And that’s only celebrated by Mexicans, not the population at large, like St Patrick’s Day.
I’m looking at this list and no. There are no other holidays based on another country’s holiday other than St Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo. They also include Oktoberfest in this list but I have never heard of anybody celebrating that in the US. Not once.
Interestingly, German holidays used to be pretty big in the US. There are more people of German descent in the US than any other nationality, after all. More than English. More than Irish. Parents would teach their children German. The whole thing. But World War II but a damper on all of that.
I can maybe see people of Irish descent celebrating St Patrick’s Day. But why was I doing it? I don’t give a fuck about that bullshit story about driving snakes out of Ireland. Even if he did do it, who gives a shit? How does that guy driving the snakes out of Ireland help me, a kid living the US? And it had to have a huge ecological impact on the country. Should anybody be celebrating that? Man-created extinctions?
But you go to your fucking McDonald’s and order your Shamrock Shake, packed with cancer-causing chemicals.
In the sixth grade, we had to decorate anthropomorphic clovers. It was a clover and it had arms and legs and you had to draw him a face and whatever. The stem of the clover was between his legs. So after St Patrick’s Day, I remember my friend taking his clover down from the wall, by this time the clover was a little damaged, and him wiggling this stem. And he said, “Look at this. The ultimate torture” and he ripped the stem off. The stem obviously representing the character’s penis.
Anyway, I say fuck St Patrick’s Day. The only reason it still exists in the US is because people use it as an excuse to get drunk. If you’re a drunk, go get drunk whenever you want. We don’t need to set a whole day aside for you.
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Grand Theft Auto V – Neighbor Nerds – Cinemassacre
I hate the edited-to-fuck Neighbor Nerds videos but this is a pretty rare time when I actually played the game that they’re talking about so I’ll try to watch it.
0:30 – John says that it’s the best game ever. No. It sucks dick. I got it when it came out. I think that I beat it but it’s so unsatisfying. If there’s a mission that’s too difficult, you can just skip it. You can skip every fucking mission and “beat” the game. What’s the point?
I have all the Grand Theft Auto games and I don’t just mean the 3-d games. I have the original Grand Theft Auto, Grand Theft Auto 2 (which took place in the future), Grand Theft Auto: London (which took place in 1962 or something).
I was really pissed off when they went to 3-D. Especially the fucking 3-D game that we got, which was laggy as shit. I’m talking about the PC version of Grand Theft Auto 3. I never played on any fucking consoles. And the PC ports were awful. It’s insulting because Grand Theft Auto started off as a PC game. Then the PC market became a total afterthought, starting with Grand Theft Auto 3.
I have Vice City. I didn’t play it too much. I bought it years after it came out in some Grand Theft Auto bundle on Steam. I have San Andreas. I liked that but stopped playing after some impossible plane mission. Grand Theft Auto 4 sucks fucking cock. I didn’t play it too much before quitting in disgust. You keep flying out of the fucking windshield.
So compared to Grand Theft Auto 4, Grand Theft Auto 5 is pretty good. But it still sucks. I put about 100 hours into it. So that’s pretty good. I think that I’m qualified to give an opinion. Sucks penis.
And the multiplayer? I think that I tried it once and it was awful so never again. I think that they’ve made improvements since I played but fuck it. It wasn’t remotely fun when I tried.
What? And there’s DLC now? You can get a “whale pack” that gives you a bunch of shit for online play that would presumably take you ages to grind for. Yeah, this looks terrible. I never buy this sort of shit. I never even play games that offer this kind of shit.
Wow, this DLC has been around since 2017. I must not have played the game since then. And it’s not even really DLC. It’s just pay to win bullshit for the online mode.
0:30 – “But first, a word from this video’s sponsor.”
Shameful. It’s an app that lets you cancel subscriptions…like if you have a Netflix subscription or something. You can cancel it. It’s for people who have so many subscriptions to various shit that they can’t keep track of what they have.
What? Even if that’s the case, just look at your fucking online banking app and see where the money is going. Don’t want to spend that $10 or whatever for Netflix? Cancel it. This isn’t hard. You need an app for this?
This makes absolutely no fucking sense. Can this really be what this app is about? Let me look this up.
“I’ve used it to consolidate and cancel subscriptions, track my spending, allocate classifications to spending and I’ve also started to use the feature that automatically puts money into an emergency fund and or safety net. I look at it more than my actual bank account at this point.”
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/zz64l1/rocket_money_anyone_use_it/
I don’t get it. What are these people doing with their money that they can’t keep track of their subscriptions? What do the banking apps look like in the US? My banking app shows every transaction of money going in or money going out. Isn’t it the same for everyone? Isn’t that all you need?
Apparently, this app takes a chunk of your money for every dollar they “save” you by cancelling subscriptions. What? Who are these people who can’t cancel these memberships? It makes no fucking sense. Who is this thing for? Complete fucking retards?
I tried to cancel my broadband a few months ago. It was difficult. They raised a stink about it. They ignored my email where I said I was cancelling so they continued to bill me. But I cancelled my fucking Direct Debit (which allows them to take money from your account) at the same time that I sent the email so that’s it. They’re fucked. They’re not getting any money from me.
They want you to call to cancel. Fuck them. I’m not calling to cancel. I’ve had too many problems with that. Email is sufficient.
So then they sent my “debt” to a debt collector because they refused to acknowledge an email as a valid way to cancel. So I raised a complaint the Ombudsman. I lost the case because the women dealing with it was a complete cretin and those people at the Ombudsman have no legal training at all. They’re open about this. I asked her directly if she has any legal training and she said that she doesn’t.
Nevertheless, the debt collectors stopped bothering me after I raised the action. I suspect that the broadband company withdrew the debt, even though initially that they said they weren’t going to. You just have to stand up to these assholes and they back down. And cancel whatever fucking payment method is being used to take the money out of your account. It must be possible. I don’t know how things work in the US any more.
That totally pointless app is $8/month according to the comments in that thread. Plus they apparently take 40% of every dollar that they “save” for you. What a fucking scam. There is absolutely no need for this shit.
2:00 – Jimmy teases an old home video at the end of this video of him and John that he admits is totally unrelated to anything that they’re doing. We can all look forward to that.
Then Jimmy starts talking about he’s unable to play this game and/or record the footage on various consoles that he has collecting dust. Use a PC, asshole. This isn’t fucking 1992.
4:30 – Jimmy says that he plays the game just like he’s driving and taking a vacation. He’s said this before. It’s really stupid. He says that he gets sentimental about being in Los Angeles so he plays this game. Eugh. Don’t remind us of that awful AVGN Movie.
7:15 – They’re using some stupid cheat code, I think, that causes explosions when you punch or kick somebody. Mr Seven and a Half Years in Special Education finds this really funny. I find it stupid.
No. I’m turning this off. They’re just using stupid cheat codes. Play the game right, retards. They did this kind of video before. It was Mike showing wacky cheat codes of San Andreas or something. Get some new fucking ideas.
Let me see what this stupid fucking home video was about.
19:30 – Jimmy is showing a “movie” that he made as a kid called Spirit. He actually calls it a “movie”.
No. I’m not watching this. Come on. This is trash. James’ childhood home videos. Like I’m supposed to give a shit about this.
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Newt Talking
3:30 – He talks about his new part-time job. “Retail management.” He describes it as “babysitting.” Great way to endear yourself to your future co-workers. But he does have contempt for people, which is what makes him such a shitty manager.
Newt, if you think that you can get a better job, get a better job. Otherwise, suck it up and work like a professional. Treat people with respect at a minimum.
4:00 – Newt’s urine smells bad. You can go to the video if you’re interested in learning more about this. I’m not goign to sully the blog by talking about it.
4:30 – He plans on doing a “short” with PVC Bondage Guy where he talks about having sex with popcorn.
Am I not getting something? This is the second time in recent videos where Newt is talking about fornicating with popcorn. Is this a reference to something?
5:15 – Newt is talking about how he was recently “being intimate with a female friend of mine” and thought that he had a hernia and that’s what prompted all of this.
Why does he constantly have to boast about being such a scumbag? Get you a girlfriend. Stop fucking these prostitutes and mentally ill women.
9:00 – People who are working on the Florida Man comic got upset with Newt because he’s selling a Florida Man t-shirt with their artwork. They wanted the comic to be marketed. Or something. I don’t know. He’s The Ideas Man, not The Details Man.
11:00 – “Why am I wasting my time on stuff that’s not going anywhere, doing anything?”
Plus, it all sucks dick. But he’s saying this in answer to a question about why he doesn’t just move. He says that he’s thinking about it because nothing is going well for him.
12:15 – “I’m tired of writing. I don’t feel like it any more.”
Let’s hope.
25:45 – Newt is talking about all the sexy ladies that he’s had sex with. Fuck off.
30:30 – Newt strongly suggests that he had sex with that Melissa skank who he sometimes has on the show.
Done. Bored. Too bad it wasn’t cancer.
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The Last 5 Nintendo 64 Games Ever Released – Erin Plays
Erin has been teasing THIS for weeks. Another zero effort video, the idea of which she stole from JOHN RIGGS. She apparently uploaded this a week or two ago, there were audio problems, so she took it down. Then rather than re-uploading it immediately, she said that she had to wait until the next weekend because that’s when her analytics say that most of her viewers are on her channel. And she really wants everyone to see this. This completely no effort video, about information that she got from Wikipedia, that she barely even appears in.
0:00 – “Welcome back once again to MY series about the last games released during a console’s official lifespan.”
YOUR series? And she really emphasises the word “my”. It’s JOHN RIGGS’ series.
I mean, I’m sure that John Riggs didn’t invent this. He probably stole the idea from somebody else. But John Riggs definitely was making videos about this around the time that Erin started this “series”.
0:30 – Dr Mario. Wikipedia dot com. Then she reads from Mike’s Nintendo Power collection.
1:30 – Things that she finds “cute” about the game.
1:45 – She finds the game “stressful”.
2:30 – Mario Party 3. Wikipedia dot com. No transition between games, by the way. She immediately moved on. I wasn’t even sure that she was going on to the next game at first.
2:45 – “Speaking of modes, the game has three modes.”
Eugh. What a useless setup, Erin.
3:45 – Mike’s Nintendo Power collection.
3:45 – Pointless Christina Aguilera reference that goes nowhere.
4:30 – Things that she finds “cute” in the game.
5:00 – Madden NFL 2002. Wikipedia dot com.
5:15 – Mike’s Nintendo Power collection.
She didn’t find anything “cute” in this one, I guess.
6:00 – NFL Blitz 2001. She says that doesn’t have anything to say about this one. Is it not on Wikipedia? Let me look this up.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NFL_Blitz_2001
No, it is. What the fuck, Erin? Too lazy to tell us that it was released in September 2000 by Midway Games?
But she does go to Mike’s Nintendo Power collection.
6:15 – “They gave the game an overrall rating of 7.9. How specific. I wonder what kept it from being a solid 8.”
Dumb, clueless bitch. This is how games were rated. It’s basically out of 100. Like so many things. 79/100. Not complicated. But she has absolutely no familiarity with video games so this is all new to her. New and cute.
6:30 – She finds the “buff” players to be cute and the cheerleaders.
6:45 – Power Puff Girls. She went to a Power Puff Girls birthday party. I think that she’s told this complete non-story before.
She eschewed Wikipedia dot com again. Must be really rushing through everything now. No time for Wikipedia.
9:15 – “I couldn’t find much information about this game online.”
It’s not on Wikipedia? Have to look this up too. Why am I doing Erin’s job?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Powerpuff_Girls:_Chemical_X-Traction
November 14, 2001. Released by VIS Entertainment.
9:45 – Mike’s Nintendo Power collection.
10:00 – Razor Freestyle Scooter. What? Isn’t this six games now?
- Dr Mario
- Mario Party 3
- Madden 2002
- NFL Blitz 2001
- Power Puff Girls
Yeah. What the fuck? Why are there six games in this “last five games of a console’s lifespan” series? Great name for a series, by the way. Really rolls off the tongue.
She just put no effort at all into this and didn’t realise that she’s talking about six games. Or seven games, apparently. I skimmed ahead and she talks about some Tony Hawk game too.
She talked about that Power Puff Girls game WAY more than any other game, by the way. She barely talked about those NFL games at all.
10:00 – “I still remember the first time I ever saw a Razor scooter.”
Oh, do tell. This is going to be fascinating. The first time she SAW a Razor scooter. It’s never about things that she personally owned because she never owned anything. Her parents have a lot of explaining to do. They raised this horrible woman with no personality and no conscience.
10:15 – “I begged my parents for one and I ended up getting one with orange wheels and orange handlebars.”
Uh huh. Colours. Any interesting stories, Erin? Colours are not interesting. Get it through your thick skull.
“That thing was very loved.”
Then she just moves on. What the fuck did you do with that scooter? Jump off ramps? Tool around town? Tell us something. TELL US ANYTHING.
No. It was orange. What else do you want to know?
10:30 – Wikipedia dot com.
10:45 – “Me and my friends never wore any protective gear with these things.”
Uh huh. Riveting, Erin.
11:00 – Mike’s Nintendo Power collection.
12:00 – “You could also pick out what colour scooter you want, which we all know was a very important choice growing up.”
It seems to be something that you’ve never got past, Erin. Colours. We get it, Erin. Hues. There are a lot of hues out there. You prefer some over others. Cool. Move the fuck on.
“Mine was orange so I went with that for the game as well.”
Fuck the fuck off.
She says that in Nintendo Power, they show you how to do some tricks. She says that she wished that she knew that before she started recording the footage.
So she must record the gameplay footage first. Then she goes to Wikipedia. Then she goes to Mike’s Nintendo Power collection. That’s the video. Also, talk about colours and cute things. It’s competely formulaic and BORING AS FUCK. And she clearly has no experience with or interest in any of these fucking games.
13:15 – Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3. The seventh game of the last five games released for the Nintendo 64.
Wikipedia dot com.
14:15 – “Games that include map editors like are cool, you know, like Excite Bike or Mario Maker.”
Yeah. Like those games. Those are the games the people think of when they think of games that have map editors.
What the fuck. She only mentions those because she played those two games fairly recently, on stream, for money. But no. Nobody fucking thinks of those games as games that have map editors. Doom. Civilization. Warcraft. Any fucking number of PC games.
14:15 – “I never played Tony Hawk games growing up.”
You don’t say. She never played ANY games growing up. So what she said was true but once again, intentionally misleading.
“But I do have a lot of friends who got into punk rock because of these games.”
Uh huh. Sure.
“So that’s pretty cool.”
Uh huh. “That’s cool”. Erin’s go to response for everything. She’s a total fucking airhead.
14:45 – She suggests listening to your own music while playing the game and there’s footage of her putting Mike’s copy of some TMNT soundtrack into a CD player.
That’s the video. I guess that this game wasn’t ever mentioned in Nintendo Power. Nothing cute about it either.
15:15 – “What console would you like to see me cover next?” None. John Riggs does a much better job of this. And he cranks these videos out like every two days. Not once every six weeks like Erin is doing these days.
Just another complete piece of shit video from Erin. Why bother? Why continue to do any of this?
- “Hi! Last week when I first tried to publish this video, there was unfortunately an audio glitch about half way through so I had to re-export it and upload it again. Thanks for your patience with this one!”
That was from Erin. Somebody replies with, “Mad respect for doubling back on your work due to an audio glitch. I love that kind of work ethic!”
Mad respect for WHAT? Doing the absolute bare minimum? “Yo, yo, yo. Mad respect for correcting a video that had terrible sound issues.”
Who wouldn’t do that? You expect her to keep a video that had bad audio problems for half of the video?
And why didn’t she catch this before she uploaded the video? Because she doesn’t listen to this shit. She doesn’t care. She puts no effort into anything.
- “FYI, Twilight Princess was built for the GameCube and ported to the Wii.”
Somebody replies, “Correct. When I hear something completely and obviously wrong like this in a video, I start to doubt other stuff I heard in said video.”
Yeah. You’re just figuring this out now? Erin doesn’t know shit about video games. This was one of her offhand comments that she didn’t get from Wikipedia. And it was apparently wrong. Of course it was. She knows NOTHING about video games. She doesn’t give a shit about any of this.
But of course, somebody has to come in to protect Erin from the truth.
“boohoo go watch another video”
Yeah. “We’re just here to jerk off. We don’t care that Erin doesn’t know or care about video games.”
Erin replies, “Sorry about the mistake!”
You want to explain why you got it wrong? Maybe take the video down, correct the mistake, and upload it again next weekend when your analytics say you get the most people on your channel.
“Is recognizing unreliable information for what it is a sin nowadays?”
Don’t talk shit about my girlfriend Erin. I love jerking off to her videos.
- “The problem with doing the final games for pretty much any platform is that a few sports games will always creep in. Surprised there were a few heavy-hitters at the end of this particular console!”
That was Joe from Game Sack replying to his girlfriend Erin’s video. He likes to pretend that Erin gives a shit about any of this. That’s his fetish.
Erin replies, “Yeah, I’m not sure if/how I’ll handle the systems where it is basically ALL sports gaes at the end!”
Don’t make the videos. Do something else with your life, Erin. This is not working.
- “Loved the razor scooter nostalgia, Erin.”
Sure. It was orange. How *nostalgic*. Remember orange?
- “My Razor was blue.”
Oh, here we go. We’re getting *nostalgic* now. Remember blue? That was one hell of a colour. What happened to blue? Blue reminds me so much of 2001. They don’t make blue like they used to. Blue was so much better back in the day.
- “I may be going senile in my 30’s but isn’t this 7 games? lol”
Finally, somebody mentions it.
- “You know monopoly was on n64 to”
She doesn’t.
- “Blue nails with red hair, flashy! Lol ever do green nails with red hair for Christmas? Probably that one kinda obvious one.”
This guy is really talking Erin’s language.
- “I like your green skeleton Erin.”
Uh huh. Green. Green’s cool too. That’s cool. Fucking retards.
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IRATE GAMER – Youtube Exclusive Videos Coming Soon
0:00 – He shills for the Irate Gamer blu-ray that he has/had on Kickstarter. As here:
142 people gave money to this. How is he able to make a blu-ray for 142 people?
And he’s apparently raised $11,784 from this. Let me work this out…that’s $82.99 per person. That’s less than I thought, I guess.
Then he says that he wants to put these blu-rays on Amazon but he ran into problems. I’m guessing the quality of the content. You can just put Youtube videos on a blu-ray and sell them on Amazon? Well, you probably can. There’s all sorts of bootleg shit on there so surely Chris BORES and his boring as fucking videos should be allowed on there.
0:45 – Here’s the main part of the video. Chris BORES wants to charge $5/month and he promises two videos a month. The reason is that his videos keep getting demonitised for copyright claims. He puts music in the videos and they get flagged.
It makes no fucking sense. How is putting your videos behind a paywall on Youtube going to stop copyright violations? Youtube still sees these videos, right? I mean, whatever program is used to detect copyrighted stuff can surely see these “private” videos on Youtube. So this doesn’t solve the problem.
And this is his whole reason for going to a subscription service, according to this video. The fucking music that he puts in the videos causes the videos to get demonitised.
I wasn’t even aware that he put music in his videos. Who’s going to the Irate Gamer videos to listen to some rockin’ tunes? Just don’t put any music in the videos. Problem solved.
1:45 – “I put in all this work, I have to alter my art?”
Yes. Because your “art” is using copyrighted music, you fucking imbecile. And nobody even notices it. If he took the music out, it would make no fucking difference to the videos.
Now I’m intrigued to know what music he’s even talking about. Not intrigued enough to suffer through any of his videos, though.
He makes vague references to his Puppet Steve channel but never mentions it by name. Why not? Those Puppet Steve videos are absolute trash and I can’t imagine anybody watching it, not even the five year olds who are the target market but why can’t he just admit that it’s his channel? It’s common knowledge.
So that’s basically it. Nobody is going to pay this. His channel barely gets any views. And he’s promising a video every two weeks? He couldn’t even make a video every two months. How bad are the videos going to be if he’s desperately cranking this shit out every two weeks?
Plus his responsibilities on Puppet Steve. Plus his ghost hunting videos. He has a full plate of absolute trash videos that he has to make.
- “This dude just doesn’t age”
There are a lot of weird homoerotic comments like this. No. He looks his age. At least. He’s like 45. He has a gaunt appearance, wrinkles, fully grey beard. At least 45. What kind of 45 year olds are these people seeing?
- “I guess I don’t understand how delaying a video would help with the YouTube annoyance part”
It doesn’t. It makes no fucking sense.
- “Am not gonna pay for your onlyfans Chris, make a new plan.”
I’m not even opposed to the idea of charging for this shit, like most of the people in the comments are. I’m just baffled by the reason. And there is no chance whatsoever of this being a success. He doesn’t have nearly enough people watching the videos as it is.
Apparently, 2.5% of Youtube’s userbase pays for the premium service. That’s way more than I would have expected. So if Chris BORES can achieve the same…he got about 25,000 views on a recent video…so he’d get about 625 views under this subscription model. I don’t know. Without knowing how many people are subscribing, it’s difficult to know if it’s worth doing.
I mean, if he gets 625 people paying five bucks a month, I say go for it. But there’s no chance of that, surely.
I need to monetise the blog. I’d want to charge the people who I write about. Why not? As it is, it’s free advertising for their shit channels. I should be compensated for this. What would be a fair price for this? Fifty bucks an article? Newt would be broke in a month.
What else? I liked how that “Kid” Shorykun sold boxes of Japanese candy and video games and shit. Say what you will about his consorting with prostitutes, that was the most innovative way to monetise his channel that I’ve ever seen. Maybe I could do something like that. Sell shit from Scotland. Canned haggis and those Tunnock’s tea cakes and Irn Bru and whatnot.
Or if you need some typing done, I can do that. Or proofreading.
If you live locally, I can do some gardening or something.
If there are any sexy ladies out there, we can arrange some discreet services. It works for Destiny Fomo.
How many women do you suppose come to the blog? Other than the women who I write about, I’m thinking nobody. And it’s not like I’m writing about a particularly masculine topic. I’m writing about women. It’s a pink blog. What more do you want?
What would be a topic that would appeal to women? Fashion? But I’d be writing about men’s fashion. Music? It would have to be music that women listen to, though. I’m not listening to that shit. Maybe literature. I think reading is largely done by women. Books.
That wouldn’t be a bad idea. Start doing book reviews. Attract some intellectual ladies to the blog. And then roll out my Destiny Fomo monetising plan.
So there are options. You have to think outside the box. Don’t just put your hand out like a beggar and say, “Give me money.” Do some work. Working for a living is a totally foreign idea to these “Youtubers”. They just want handouts.
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Newt Wallen Health and Job Update
Doesn’t have cancer but needs a bunch of work done.
He got a second job.
He stopped going to therapy after his insurance from his job was recently taken away.
His filmmaking aspirations might be over.
“I feel like the universe is telling me to start being more realistic about filmmaker dreams.”
Oh, please let that be the case. You might feel bad for a split second but remind yourself of the absolute shit movie ideas that he has. Shark Vampire. Big Titty Cheerleaders From Mars. Amityville Whore House.
He should not even think about making movies. They’re the worst fucking ideas in the world. And not in a good way. It’s all just an excuse to spend time with a horse-faced woman. He’s said as much himself. And every fucking idea is tits and gore.
James Rolfe made an absolutely terrible movie that didn’t even make sense. He just threw a bunch of unrelated, unconnected, half-baked ideas into a movie. This was not a one-off. This is what he does. This is what his seven and a half years in special education brain thinks makes a good movie. Go watch Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell, his animated short that he made in college or whatever. It’s the exact same thing as the AVGN Movie. Random, terrible, unrelated ideas all thrown into a movie.
At least James got a wakeup call with the AVGN Movie. He realised that what he does is shit and people don’t want to watch shit.
Could Newt also be reaching this point?
Both Newt and James Rolfe seem to treat the script as an obstacle to making a movie as opposed to the fundamental base of the movie. “I’ll just throw a bunch of random shit in there and tits and gore and call it a day.” No. Write something good and then the movie has a chance of being good. If the script is shit, as it always is with James and Newt, no amount of giant monsters, breasts, or gore can overcome that.
- “I’m glad to hear that you’re (relatively) ok. My mother died from colon cancer. It’s fucking horrific. I had a benign tumor cut out of my mouth fourteen years ago. Waiting for the result were four of the longest days of my life.”
Newt replies, “My ex passed away last June from cancer that spread fast. I feel like shit not getting this addressed sooner. I just imagine what she would say about this.”
Didn’t give a shit about this guy or his mother. It’s all about Newt, of course. Newt and that “ex” of his, who he repeatedly described as a “friend” while talking REPEATEDLY about how awesome it was to fuck her up the ass. Right after she died. He’s still broken up about this woman who he put multiple deplorable videos about.
You want to know what she’d say? She’d say, “Hey, Newt. Stop being a clueless scumbag for two minutes and talk about something other than my anus.”
But no, Newt thinks that if this woman came back from the afterlife, she’d be talking about how Newt should have gone to the doctor sooner. Newt…she doesn’t give a fuck. She has bigger fish to fry. She’s getting fucked in the ass by John Holmes.
I’m reminded of how completely clueless Erin is. She has absolutely no talent for making videos about video games, she’s a charisma blackhole, everybody can see it, but she persists in making these god awful videos. Why? Find something that you’re at least competent at. This is something that you’re really, really bad at.
It’s just people blindly marching to their doom.
Here’s a movie reference for you. It’s like Seven Samurai. Bandits are planning to attack this village. But the bandits know that the titular seven ronin have trained the villagers and set up traps all over. So why not just move on to the next village? You can come back later after the ronin are gone and the traps are taken down.
There’s no logical reason for the bandits to attack but they do anyway and they all get slaughtered.
This is how many people behave. Erin and Newt among them. Hopefully, something has gotten through to Newt and he can stop with this absolutely doomed movie delusions of his.
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Destiny Fomo’s TikTok
It’s this for every single video. She bounces her tits for ten seconds. Just off-screen, TuanX is pounding his fist into his hand.
As for views…I don’t know. She seems to get about 700 views after a day. Is that good? She’s been doing this for like two years. Her videos from six months ago have about 3,000 views.
TikTok pays about three cents for every 1,000 views. So when you look at it that way, none of this is worth it.
I know that she’s just putting on an outfit and bouncing her tits for ten seconds but would you even do that tiny amount of work for 9 cents? Never mind the fact that all of her money goes to TuanX.
TuanX is there, “Where’s my nine cents, bitch?”
Then there’s the complete humiliation and debasing of yourself. She’s a prostitute and doesn’t seem to have any self-respect so this doesn’t really apply to Whore Fomo but for a normal person…are you going to bounce your tits for $0.09? And have this be online forever?
Go up to a woman with nine cents in your hand and ask her to bounce her tits for ten seconds. There’s absolutely no chance. She wouldn’t give you a single jiggle. And that’s not even being filmed.
At least Whore Fomo and/or TuanX knows what TikTok is for. It’s for sexy or “sexy” dances and whatnot.
You have fucking Erin making videos where she’s looking through old JC Penney catalogues and showing you shit that she got in those 25 cent machines. No. Nobody wants that. What the fuck is she thinking?
Landed back in New York around 7:30am
Went home took a nap ✅
In person meeting with my lawyer done ✅
so many errands left while running on 3 hours of sleep and then back on a plane at 5am.People in the comments obviously ask her why she was meeting with a lawyer. No answer. Just more cryptic bullshit because her real life involves nothing but crime.
She promotes her Twitch constantly. It’s in all of her tweets, all of her TikTok shit. Is that where she’s making the money?
Wow, her OnlyFans is $10/month. I’ve only ever seen it at $5.00/month with a constant 50% off “sale”. It’s like those matress stores that always have a sale going on.
But no, nobody is paying ten bucks a month for this “lewd” bullshit. Why is she seeimingly so prudish anyway? Just show that reeking pussy. You could have sex with her for $100 and she has videos all over the place of her shaking her tits but she won’t get naked on OnlyFans? What’s the point? Who’s paying for non-nude pictures? You have to be a real self-hating retard to do that.
If you’re going to spend ten bucks a month, spend it on somebody who’s going to get naked. You deserve it. It’s your ten bucks, you deserve to see some breasts. And maybe a smelly pussy.
Speaking of terrible OnlyFans, what’s Crystal Quin aka Horseface McGee up to?
Oh, she’s on Cameo now. For only $15, you can get a personalised video.
Where is she getting these prices? Who else can you get a video from for $15?
Tito Santana.
Oh, RGT85. Whoever that is. I only know the name. Some loser “Youtuber”.
A bunch of people I’ve never heard of.
An alleged Playboy model.
An alleged WNBA player.
Who would you rather get a birthday greeting from? 80 year old Tito Santana or Horseface?
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YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM – Newt Wallen
0:00 – Something about Pennywise. I don’t know who Pennywise is.
Oh. The clown from It. Yeah. I think that I saw part of that.
Is this what Newt is going to talk about? I don’t care about this. There’s some remake coming out, I guess.
5:00 – Newt says that companies are putting out intentionally bad movies to, “Anger up white dudes in a very white way.”
I haven’t seen this sort of behaviour since high school. White guys being ashamed of being white. But Newt is in his 40s and still in this mentality.
And where are the homeys? Newt’s not hanging out with any homeys. He lives in Philadelphia. Isn’t there a large black population there? Let me look this up.
- 33.7% white
- 37.8% black
- 15.7% Hispanic
- 8% Asian
So why is everybody who Newt brings on the channel white? If he’s so down with the homeys, go make at least one black friend or “friend”. There are more black people in Philadelphia than there are white people.
I want to see Newt “reviewing” a movie with some prostitute with big chocolate tits and a phat ass. Is that asking too much? Show what a champion of diversity you are.
It’s the same fucking prostitutes every time: PVC Bondage Guy, Fallon, and that red-haired old crack addict. There aren’t any black crack addicts in Philadelphia? Get them on the fucking show.
8:30 – Newt calls something “retarded” and then stops himself to explain that he didn’t mean “mentally-challenged”. So…he meant it as an insult. What? Why would that make things better? It makes things worse, obviously.
He’s saying, “Hold on a minute. I didn’t mean ‘retarded’ as in somebody with learning disabilities. I was saying ‘retarded’ as an insult.”
Then he goes on to compare it to calling somebody “gay”, not because they’re a homosexual but because you use it as an insult.
Is he fucking retarded? He doesn’t seem to understand what people’s objections are to these words. The objection is to people using these terms AS INSULTS. As he’s doing right now and at pains to explain.
9:00 – “I can have a conversation with Metz, who is queer, and be like, ‘Oh, yeah, we can have this converation because you get it.’”
So he’s using homosexual slurs around PVC Bondage Guy, somebody who Newt describes as “queer”? He’s a fucking retard. A gay retard.
Here’s a wacky idea. If you want to avoid using offensive language, don’t use it at all. And especially don’t use it around people who are the target of these offensive terms. He seems to think that it’s BETTER to use offensive terms around people about whom these terms are targetting. It makes no fucking sense.
10:30 – Newt starts talking about having intercourse with popcorn for no reason whatsoever and it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. I just explained what happened. I didn’t leave anything out. Newt just suddenly started talking about being intimate with popcorn.
11:00 – His thesis, I think, for this video is that if you want to show how “anti-woke” you are, just don’t talk about movies that you find to be “woke” because by talking about it, you give more publicity to the movie.
I’m turning this off. I made it to 19:30. I couldn’t even listen for 30 more seconds to say that I made it to the twenty minute mark.
How come it’s always black remakes of films? Wizard of Oz, The Honeymooners…ummm….oh, The Wonder Years. Why not a Hispanic remake of an older movie that had a mostly or entirely white cast? Or an Asian remake? Why is it always black?
Are black people the largest minority racial group in the US? I don’t think so. I’m thinking that there are more Hispanic people now. Let me look this up.
- 58.9% white, non-Hispanic
- 19.1% Hispanic
- 13.6% black, non-Hispanic
https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/US/PST045223
Right there on the official census website. “Hispanic” seems to include anyone with ethnicity from a Central or South American country, so this would include black people from those countries. It’s all nebulous anyway. I think that people in Central and South America refer to themselves by skin colour so if you’re light skinned, you’re white, if you’re dark, you’re black. I don’t think there’s an actual colour chart that’s used. They just eyeball it. But the people are considerably mixed, of course. Black, white, and American Indian.
So anyway, where’s the Hispanic…I don’t know…Perfect Strangers? Larry Appleton would be an American guy of Mexican descent named Lorenzo Martinez. He’s working in IT. And then his backward alleged cousin, Baldomero Ballesteros from rural Mexico moves in with him. Hilarity ensues as Baldomero tries to adjust to American customs and Lorenzo also learns to appreciate his own Mexican ancestry. In season two, they each get a couple of big-titted Mexican-American girlfriends to squelsh the rumours that the show is depicting a gay couple.
As for Newt’s new black co-host, let me see if I can find anyone. Black female Youtubers…how can I go about searching for this? If you search for “black woman philadelphia” on Youtube you just get a lot of crime videos.
Ooh. I found a winner.
0:30 – This woman invented a product (a headwrap) that solves a problem that’s allegedly big among black women: “How do we swim, work out, or do anything that involves getting wet or sweaty without ruining our hairstyle.”
Khadijah Robinson, I’m willing to test these products out all night if we have to. Get you all sweaty and wet.