What Is the Best Castlevania? – 20th Anniversary of Angry Video Game Nerd – Cinemassacre

James Rolfe, who has autism and is obsessed with numbers, chooses THIS to “celebrate” the 20th anniversary of “the nerd”? Some boring as fuck, “What’s the best Castlevania?”

0:15 – “But first, a word from our sponsor.”

That’s all that this is about. Getting these fucking sponsorships out.

James is dressed as a bald vampire, by the way.

2:15 – “I became somebody who you now know as the fucking Nerd.”

I HATE when he refers to himself as “the Nerd”. It’s the second time in this fucking video that he’s said this. Does anybody actually call him that? Not “AVGN”?

He says that’s not going to appear in this video because he didn’t appear in his first video. Or, much more likely, he’s doing this because he’s lazy as fuck and just threw this video together last minute.

3:15 – “Spiteful fart cloud of frustration”. And a disgusting CGI graphic of a fart cloud appears along with the accompanying sound effect.

Even after 20 years, this guy has NO IDEA why people watch his videos. I’ll give you a hint, Jimmy: it’s not the disgusting scat fetish references.

4:15 – He says that he’s already said what the best Castlevania game is in his Castlevania IV video. So what, pray tell, is the fucking point of this?

7:30 – James says that he beat some Playstation Castlevania game in three hours on “easy” mode. God. This guy is all about not spending time on anything and playing games on “easy” mode. Erin, a complete fraud, does the same exact shit.

Why even pretend that you’re interested in this shit? Why do it at all? Why force to play video games? Just get that faggot Sean to play the games, you read the script, and that’s that.

And he keeps just saying that Castlevania IV is the best game. Because you can whip in eight directions. That’s his only criteria.

Mike Matei recently made a tweet or something where he said that Castlevania IV is the easiest Castlevania game because you can whip in eight directions. That’s clearly where this video came from. Mike was already writing the script for this episode when he tweeted that.

Oh god. I’m only halfway throught this shit. It’s 25 minutes long. I’m bored as fuck. We get it, James. You just want a game where you can whip in all directions. And can be beat in under three hours on easy mode.

14:00 – For the 100th time in this video, he says that whatever game he’s playing (Rondo of Blood, I think) isn’t better than Castlevania IV BECAUSE YOU CAN’T WHIP IN EVERY DIRECTION.

Can somebody just sit this moron down and explain to him that it was a gameplay choice because otherwise the game becomes too easy? I’m sick of fucking hearing this. Twenty five fucking minutes of James Rolfe complaining that you can’t whip in all directions?

18:00 – “It still bugs me that they never brought back the eight directional whipping.”

WE KNOW!!! This is unfuckingbelievable. He’s talking about yet some other Castlevania game and he can not stop fucking talking about this. It’s his complaint in every fucking game. If a game has eight directional attacking: good. If it doesn’t: bad.

This was the big 20th anniversary video. James Rolfe’s autistic fixation on eight directional attacking.

21:15 – He’s talking about why Castlevania IV is his favourite. “Why is the eight directional whipping so important?”


22:15 – “If it wasn’t for Simon’s Quest, you might not have known about me and I might not have known about you.”

What the fuck does he know about his audience? He doesn’t engage AT ALL with the people who go to his channel. He doesn’t respond to a single comment. His Twitter is run by Justin Silverman. He’s certainly not interacting with those homos on Reddit.

Is he reading the blog? I dare say that he is. Like half of the hits that I get are from Pennsylvania. And a blog is James Rolfe’s idea of the internet. Every time a new Cinemassacre video comes out, he’s eagerly checking the blog. “What did he think of THIS episode? Aww…dang.”

23:00 – Then it ends with a montage of James Rolfe’s receding hairline. It’s in black and white with maudlin copyright-free music playing throughout.

Let’s see what the homos on Reddit had to say.

They seem to mostly be complaining that he doesn’t appear on screen (making it more difficult to jerk off) and that this is recycling Mike’s work. Does nobody mention his obsession with the eight directional attack? That was the whole fucking video. Maybe they haven’t watched it yet. I’m writing this shortly after the video was released.

Anyway, another awful video from Screenwave, Inc. If anyone at Screenwave knew how to make an interesting video, why wouldn’t they be doing it themselves? It’s not like it’s difficult to get on Youtube. So you get these guys have absolutely no talent for this shit.

4 thoughts on “What Is the Best Castlevania? – 20th Anniversary of Angry Video Game Nerd – Cinemassacre

  1. Autistic retard faggot bitches non stop about having no time but manages to put out two (shitty and gay) videos in a 2 weeks span. Something he’s never done once before. Fuck him! He should be thanking god he wasn’t relegated to “regular” work, which he thinks is beneath him. He would have eaten a gun a long time ago if his friends didn’t make a wish his entire adult existence.

    1. Dude, why so mad?

      Do you watch every new video, waiting for “the magic” to come back? You are discussing a 40 something year old YouTuber committing suicide over a video that isn’t good. He’s been making shitty videos for YEARS.

      1. I don’t think he will kill himself over a video. But in his book he admits that he tried to kill himself because of a one year suspension from film school. Trying to drown in 3 inches of water. He also tried to slit his wrists with a box cutter because he had to push carts in a woman’s coat or something. So he should be grateful he doesn’t have to “work” because if he wasn’t this hero who saved many lives he would be a nobody with a “regular job” and would have surely chosen game over instead of continue. But he’s not grateful. He’s stuck up and an ingrate.

  2. “James says that he beat some Playstation Castlevania game in three hours on “easy” mode.”
    Lies. He didn’t play these games. Mike or one of the Screenwave guys did. Dude is just reacting to someone elses gameplay. He barely makes videos now and the few times he does they require no prepwork or effort. And he STILL has the nerve to complain about time. Dude, your kids are away at school half the day and you make like two videos per month, you have all the time in the world you lying asshole.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *