Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM9rWCPVQF8

Fifty-seven seconds of pure ignorance.  It’s not even worth discussing.  It’s exactly what you’d expect.  Erin talks about colours; cute games; and games that she played once, on stream, for money, and then never again.  Oh, and “remember cellophane”?  

But you know who replied?  Joe from Gamesack.  

Just ask her to go to the movies with you, Joe.  And maybe have a nice meal at Burger King afterwards.  The worst she can do is say “no”.  

– “Oh comments are finally enabled again. I guess Youtube feels that “Shorts” are like TikTok, and TikTok is for kids, so comments must be disabled, because kids.”

I review Erin’s HORRENDOUS TikTok experiment here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/04/erin-is-on-tiktok-now.html

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/06/erins-recent-tiktok-output.html

She put absolutely zero effort into that shit, as per usual.  I don’t know.  Maybe this is her trying.  But if that’s the case, it’s absolutely baffling.

I used to take martial arts as a kid.  I went to one place when I was like 10 and I did that for maybe three or four years.  Then he shut down and I tried some other places but they were all scams.  They call them McDojos on the internet.  Those people didn’t know shit and you could see it in the students.  I was kicking the shit out of those kids because they weren’t taught anything.  It exposed these places as scams.

So as I got older, I really got tired of it.  I’d go to a place for three to six months, it would suck ass, and I’d look for another place.  They were all terrible.  

I ended up running out of taekwondo places so went to a karate school.  They didn’t even do any free sparring or whatever it would be called.  “Free sparring” might be a taekwondo term.  But I mean fighting.  Fighting against the other students.

Presumably, they didn’t do this because it was yet another scam, nobody was taught anything, and as a result they all sucked ass.  I was like 16 by this point.  

The guy who owned the place would come in, do the initial bowing, and then hang out in his office until it was time for the class to end.  The person who actually taught the class was just another student.  He was some middle aged guy and he seemed to be fairly experienced in various martial arts but why is this guy teaching?  Why isn’t the owner of the place teaching?  What is he doing in that office?  This is his fucking job.  His job is to teach karate.

He was also a giant creep.  I didn’t wear a cup because what’s the fucking point?  We never fight.  There’s never any contact whatsoever between anyone.  

So one day he’s “teaching” for a few minutes and we’re supposed to demonstrate a block or something.  And he hits me in the testicles.  The “lesson” was like a simulated attack and he was “teaching” how by not blocking, you’d get hit in the testicles.  

So he did that.  Then he did it again.  And again.  And again.  And he said, “are you not wearing a cup?” and I said, “no”.  

He was obviously just feeling my crotch.  And this all happened with like ten people around, including this middle aged guy who’s the actual instructor, and nobody said anything.  They might not have exactly seen but it’s just weird.  

So I didn’t much care for this guy.  He did a lot of creepy shit.  

Time comes to do the belt testing.  I had previously skipped the belt testing because I didn’t care about belts and I didn’t plan on being in this place for very long anyway.  But he decided to do an impromptu belt test for me and some other guy there.  We needed to get that coveted yellow belt.  By this time, I had already been doing taekwondo for like six years and was kicking everybody’s ass.  

By the way, I never got a black belt because the first guy I went to didn’t care about belts.  Years went by between belt tests.  For reference, in most McDojos, there’s a belt test every couple of months and you get a black belt in about two years.

So I’m doing this impromptu belt test.  This was all sprung on me as a surprise.  And I was feeling sick.  And I didn’t give a shit about belts anyway.  

We had to demonstrate some punches and kicks and whatnot.  Then we had to do the forms.  Whatever they are.  Kata?  It’s probably called something else in karate.  But it’s a series of blocks and punches, mostly, and you move in a particular pattern.

So I’m doing this, and I’m sick, and I don’t want to be there, and I hate this creepy owner so I don’t put full effort into it.  Or much of any effort.  

The owner gets upset.  Makes me do it a couple more times.  Then he says, “That can’t possibly be as well as you can do it.”  I don’t say anything.  Then he ends the test.  By the way, I don’t even think that he indicated that this was a belt test until afterwards, but I suspected that it was.

So then as we’re leaving, we were required to shake this guy’s hand.  That was a normal thing at every place I went to.  You line up and then shake the instructor’s hand at the end of the lesson.  

We do this and he gives the other guy his yellow belt.  Great.  Then it’s my turn and he says that I didn’t pass the test.  I’d have to try again another time.  I didn’t say anything.  He says, “oss?”  I said, “yes.”  So he yelled, “OSS?” and I meekly said “oss”.

“Oss” was a common word at this karate McDojo.  I didn’t know what it means but it was used all the time for anything.  “Yes”, “no”, “hello”, “goodbye”, “can I touch your penis?” whatever.

According to the internet, that seems to be right.  It’s one of those stupid made up words that American karate schools would use.  It’s another way to veil everything in mysticism.  Oh, we have magic Japanese words that we use so you know this is legit.  You can definitely win a fight on the street with this shit.  Just say “oss” and people will run in terror.

Kiai was another one.  That’s the yelling that’s so commonly associated with martial arts.  Like when Bruce Lee would yell after kicking some guy in the head.  It’s bullshit.  I hated it.  That was my single most hated aspect of martial arts.  Even worse that the molestation.  I knew that it was ridiculous and I was right.

If it’s so effective, why don’t any MMA guys do it?  It’s idiotic.  

So where was I?  Oh yeah, I failed that yellow belt test.  So yeah, that was the last time that I went to that McDojo.  And I gave up on martial arts after that because there was just nowhere else to go and I had been burned so many times before on shitty schools.  

But I was really good.  Had I stuck with it and found a proper school and had proper training and started lifting weights and whatnot, I could have been in the UFC.  It was just starting when I was like 15 years old.  I’m not saying that I would have won but a lot of these guys in the early UFCs were terrible.  I probably could have given Ray Wizard a run for his money.  

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNYOctd_9hQ

Back to the grind with this fucking horse shit.  She’s “reviewing” bootleg consoles now.  Why?  She’s never going to play this shit and neither is anyone in the audience.  She’s not going to have a single interesting thing to say about this.  

Well, maybe I shouldn’t assume.  The first of January was the five year anniversary of the Erin Plays channel.  Maybe she made a resolution to stop making shit “content”.  

0:00 – She has a dis-assembled Game Boy in a frame.  This is something that some company gave to her to promote.  

Dendy?  What?  Somebody did a video on this recently.  Who was it?

Well, I see that John Riggs did an unboxing video on this six months ago but I don’t think that I was thinking of him.  Who’s that fucking British Indian woman who screeches at her audience?  Lady Decade.  No, I’m not seeing a Dendy video from her.

I definitely saw one recently, though.  And I’m not seeking this shit out.  There are only a handful of “Youtubers” who I watch.  So I suspect that Erin stole this idea from somebody but I can’t be sure.

0:45 – Oh my god.  She’s reading the games list on the back of the box.  Is this really happening?  The list seems to be in alphabetical order.  She started with Aladdin, then Arkanoid.  Is she going to read the names of 440 games?  

Oh, no.  She just suddenly moved to Contra and then “Felix the Cat 2” after that.

1:00 – Oh, but first a word from our sponsor.  She’s promoting that piece of shit disassembled Game Boy that some company sent her.  She also tweeted this because I saw this thing before.  She does “sponsored” tweets as well.  

1:15 – Extended hue discussion.  She likes that it’s green.  Because she never had a green Game Boy before.  Umm…okay.  Then she thinks that this colour is actually called kiwi.

Erin…listen…here’s some constructive criticism for you.  Nobody ON EARTH gives the slightest of fucks about your hue talk. Not one person.  They’re there to jerk off.  So maybe, I don’t know, say something that would help them along with this.  I don’t think that anyone is blowing their load over colour talk.

1:30 – “So first thing’s first, we have to talk about the menu aesthetic that we have going on here.”

No, Erin, you’re not listening.  Nobody gives a fuck about your colour talk.

1:45 – Mike (or maybe one of the horntards) drew a picture of some stupid “X looks like Y” comment that Erin made.

Oh this is brutal.  She’s just going through games looking for “homebrews”.  

She’s playing these games and she says things like, “I don’t know what I’m doing”.  

Why is this happening?  Why are we expected to watch 20 minutes of this trash?

2:45 – She plays a game called Burbles.  Then says, “Okay, this is not what I was expecting.  When I thought of Burbles, I thought of things from ThunderCats”.  Then there’s a Thundercats clip.   I was like, “Oh, is it like, a Thundercats like type thing?  Like, what’s happening?”

You’re like a moron, Erin.  Thundercats.  We all know Thundercats, right?

Not me.  And I was actually in the proper age demographic at the time.  Erin wasn’t even born when Thundercats was on.  But now she’s a big Thundercats fan, guys.  As a 35 year old woman.  Because Erin thinks that Thundercats were popular in the 1980s.  Spoiler: they weren’t.  It was a short-lived cartoon and there was a short-lived toy line.  But Mike talks about this shit so she just stole this from him.

3:30 – She’s playing a different game now.  “I don’t understand what’s happening.”  She didn’t understand the previous game either.  Or the first one.  Is this the third game?  Or fourth?  I’ve already lost track.  But she hasn’t understood any of the games and she can’t be bothered to play the games long enough to figure things out.  So it’s going to be this for 20 minutes.  Twenty minutes of this mentally defective fraud playing games for two seconds, not understanding them, and moving on.  

4:15 – “Let’s see what Bruce Lee 2 is”.  Then there’s an edit and she says, “Okay, so this is actually Kung Fu 2”.

This is at least the second time in the video that she’s done this.  She’ll start a game, there’s an edit, and then she’ll tell you what the game’s actual name is.  She has to edit out the part where Mike tells her what the game actually is.  It’s fucking ridiculous.  

She’s horrible at the game, by the way.  She never played it before.

4:45 – She’s playing a “cute” game.  “Is the cookie box on fire?”

No, Erin.  It is not.  Why did you even say that?  How does that all resemble a cookie box on fire?  But this is all that she can do.  This is the extent of her idiotic commentary.  “X looks like Y”, colours, Wikipedia.com/Mike Matei telling her what the games are, shit like this.

She’s horrible at the game, of course.  And she blames it on the controller.  

Here’s an idea, why not show us the console?  And the controller?  Tell us about it.  You know, like a normal review of these things.  No, Erin just started playing these games for the first and last time ever.

Even though that game had no enemies whatsoever, she was still awful at it.  How is it possible?  All she had to do was navigate the Pac-Man style maze and she couldn’t do it.

5:45 – Now she’s playing “Double Dragon 4” and just gets hit by the first enemy repeatedly.

She clearly is not enjoying this whatsoever.  Any of this.  Why does she continue?  

God…I really don’t want to watch any more.  I’m at 7:15.  But this is an Erin Plays video.  I have an obligation to continue.  I’ll watch it but I won’t give a running commentary of her inane remarks or mention that she’s bad at every game.  Just take it as a given that she’s bad at every game and never says anything remotely interesting.

7:30 – She’s playing some racing game now but Mike neglected to tell her that the music is from…Adventures of Lolo or something.  So Erin doesn’t mention it.  She doesn’t recognise the music because she never played the game.  Whatever the game is.  I at least recognised that the music is from some other game.

7:45 – “It’s like Pole Position meets Moon Patrol meets F-Zero”.

Nice prompting, Mike.  That comment was made after an edit, of course.

10:45 – She’s playing Felix the Cat 2.  “I should probably stream this entire thing.”

Or, you know, play it in your spare time.  Like how a normal person who enjoys video games would do.

12:00 – She’s playing a game called Harry Potter.  After an edit, she says, “So this is like Cotton but with Harry Potter.”

Hey guys!  You all know the game Cotton, right?  No?  Well, Mike does.  And Mike told Erin about it right before Erin said this.  Because Erin is trying to portray herself as a real gamer who knows all of the games.  She’s a total fraud.

13:00 – “Oh, my god.  It’s a little…it’s a little…bartending…teddy bear!”

It’s a mouse waiter.  She got the job wrong and the animal.  How is it possible?  

14:00 – She’s playing a different game.  “Candy Workshop?  What’s Candy Workshop?  Oh, it’s the bear again.”

This one actually is a bear.  But it’s a different character from the other one, who was clearly a mouse.

She has no idea how to play the game and can’t be bothered figuring it out.  Of course.  

By the way, she was going in alphabetical order up until the letter “F” or so but now she’s started over with the alphabet.  She got bored.

15:15 – “Oh, it’s Space Harrier.”

This was said after an edit, of course.  Mike coming in with the all important video game names again.  

15:45 – This is another game and it’s definitely based on a real game.  In the real game, you’re a penguin, I think, and you’re trying to get an egg down a series of platforms.  I think that Mike actually played this game not long ago, on stream, for money.  But, oddly, Erin hasn’t mentioned the name of the game that this game is based on.  Maybe Mike forgot the name of the game.

17:30 – Another game that’s using the Adventures of Lolo music.  Or whatever it is.  And, again, Erin doesn’t mention this.

18:30 – “It’s a cute little cannon.  I want a cute little cannon.”

Who is possibly being entertained by any of this?  Do something else with your life, Erin.  This is awful.  It’s fucking horrendous.  Five years of zero charisma, zero video game knowledge, and zero video game experience.  When is this going to become popular?  When is a personality black hole who has no interest or knowledge about video games going to suddenly become on-trend?  

18:45 – She’s playing a game based on Bubble Bath Babes.  She never played it before, of course.  But this is the big finale for the horntards.

19:15 – “Is she farting these bubbles?  

Ummm…this is probably erotic to somebody but I don’t want to think about who.

She has absolutely no idea how to play the game and isn’t interested in figuring it out.

19:45 – Then she says that she doesn’t want to play any more games.  She’s bored as fuck with this shit.  But then she says, “Maybe I’ll do a stream of these.”

This is what this was about.  Everything is just about getting more “content”.  More content of a woman with no personality playing games that she hates.  She hates all of this.  She wants nothing to do with this shit . But she’s doing it because she doesn’t know what else to do with her life.  She thinks that it’s this or the record store and she’d rather do this.  As humiliating as this Youtube scam is, she still prefers it to the record store.  I guess.  Why else would she keep doing this for five years?  It can’t be for the money.  $10,000/year?  

That’s the video.  How much did Mike spend on this shit?  Let me look this up.

It’s sold out on Ali Baba but they have a similar one for about $50.

Mike spent $50 so that Erin could make pennies on this video and the various streams that she can get out of this shit.  This is not a profitable enterprise.

 https://www.patreon.com/posts/60631684

She wrote some weird post commemorating the occasion.  I’ll add my comments in bold.