Christmas Trust Issues – Mouthfools

This is one of Screenwave’s assortment of podcasts.  They have an assortment now.  There’s this, Hack the Movies, Pegwarmers, Talk About Games, and The Cinemassacre Podcast.  All of these podcasts have been around in one form or another for at least a few months, some for years, but Mouthfools is entirely new from what I can determine.

I tried to watch the first episode whenever it came out just for my own “enjoyment”.  It was brutal.  Four guys who I don’t know, each on Skype, talking over each other.  I lasted about two minutes.

But this is the fourth episode.  Maybe they’ve worked some stuff out by now.

By the way, the boys on Reddit have called out some of these podcasts for having homosexually-suggestive names.  Pegwarmers, for example.  That’s just childish.  Yes, a peg bears a slight resemblance to a penis, particularly when comparing a peg from a cribbage board to the micropenises that these faggots on Reddit presumably possess but who has ever referred to a penis as a “peg”?  

It reminds me of a discussion that I had in the fourth grade.  It was common, for a brief period, for my schoolmates to make sexual innuendos about everything.  

“I was eating a chocolate bar.”  “Ha!  He was eating a penis!”

“I dropped my pencil.”  “Ha!  He dropped his penis!”

“I have to turn my homework in.”  “Ha!  He has to turn his penis in!”

So I was discussing this obnoxious behaviour with a classmate and he said, “ANYTHING can be a penis.  Any word in the English language.  It’s stupid.”  I concurred.  That really is what they were doing.

These homosexuals on Reddit have not advanced beyond this fourth grade mentality.  Nobody ON EARTH has EVER referred to a penis as a “pegwarmer”.  I get the homosexual meaning behind this suggestion but it’s ridiculous.  

On the other hand…Mouthfools?  Really?  Come on.  Somebody had to have said something when this suggestion was proffered.  “Isn’t this a little gay?”  Something like that.

You just want to stay away from the mouth entirely when naming your podcast.  I know that the mouth isn’t necessarily sexual or gay but…think of a different name.  In fact, I’m going to say that you should eschew body parts entirely when naming your podcast.

0:00 – Some guy I’ve never seen before is giving a self-deprecating intro and somebody else, not on screen, tries to talk over him.  Good start.

0:15 – Then they introduce the people on the podcast.  One of them is named Gab.  So the guy says, “Hello, Gab.  What’s your mouth full of?”

Umm…come on.  Nobody said anything at the brainstorming session?  Because this is their fucking catchphrase.  This is the whole thing.  They ask each other “What’s your mouth full of?”  The obvious answer is semen.  It’s ridiculous.  I’m trying to watch this and write a sophisticated article about it but this is obviously homosexual innuendo.

And then a limp-wristed man who speaks in a lisp…I mean…fuck…anyway, this guy says that his mouth is full of coffee.  And he takes a sip from a mug that says “Dad”.  Well, homosexuals can adopt now, can’t they?  

What about that show My Two Dads from the 1980s with Paul Reiser and what’s his name.  Remember that?  Not as gay as the title suggests.  Apparently, both guys had sex with some woman, and then the woman died in childbirth or something, so it was unclear who the actual father was.  As a result, these two totally heterosexual men decided to raise the child together.  

You couldn’t do that show today.  Just take a DNA test and the show would be over in ten minutes.  

0:45 – “(Something), What’s your mouth full of?”  And the guy says, “Uhhhh….I don’t know.  Shit.  Saliva?”

Did he not know that the question was going to be asked?  If he thought that the question was stupid, which it is, say something BEFORE recording.  Something like, “Hey, should we maybe skip the whole, ‘What is your mouth full of’ thing?  In fact, is it too late to change the name of the podcast entirely?  Because this is hella gay.”

Then another gay man…oh fuck.  By the way, the guy who didn’t want to take part in this didn’t seem obviously gay to me, but that’s not to say that he isn’t.  But this fourth guy…yeah, also gay.  And the second guy, the one with the “Dad” mug…fucking shit.  He’s Richard Simmons levels of gay.  The host of this thing, the only non-white guy, doesn’t seem obviously gay.

1:45 – Then this…god, I can’t do this.  I don’t even know anyone’s names, even though they’re introducing each other right here in this opening segment.  But this guy who said that he had saliva in his mouth called the black guy “kid” and then there was awkward silence.  The guy who said this is English or Australian or something so doesn’t know the racial background of this.

Oh fuck.  I looked this guy up.

He’s English and he gives his pronouns.  So he’s gay too.  That’s three out of the four.

Let me look this black guy up.  Maybe we’ll get a clean sweep.

He’s 21?  Really?  That can’t be right.  But why does he just randomly have the numbers 21 in his profile?

He tested positive for covid.  Right…nothing inherently gay about that.  Let me keep looking.  

No, I’m just seeing a lot of boring video game shit.

Alright, let’s continue.  

2:00 – Some gay man is stirring a pink beverage and says that he’s “on keto”.  Whatever that means.

I can’t.  I made it to 3:15.

I feel bad but this is awful.  The whole format is bad.  I’ve seen podcasts like this before where you have four (or however many) people talking over Skype.  It’s always unwatchable.  

So maybe it’s just me.  Maybe there are people out there who like this format.  

– “I’m usually not a podcast guy but this series is already fantastic. It helps me work and your banter always lifts my mood. This is getting a bit cheesy but thank you guys for the series so far and I can’t wait for more!”

Yeah, see?  That guy enjoyed it.

– “This is amazing, and funny.”

That guy too.

A lot of people mention their age and they’re teenagers.  So maybe I’m just in the wrong demographic.  This is what the young people want to watch.  Three gay men and a possibly gay man talking about video games and what is in each other’s mouths.  Whatever.  I’m just not with it.  I’m not down.  

– “These episodes always have me laughing, I love listening to these while I draw. “

That person didn’t expressly mention their age but I assume that it’s a kid because they talk about drawing.  

So I wish them nothing but the best for this podcast.  I foresee good things ahead.  This is on trend.  But personally, I find this completely unwatchable.   

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *