https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNYOctd_9hQ
Back to the grind with this fucking horse shit. She’s “reviewing” bootleg consoles now. Why? She’s never going to play this shit and neither is anyone in the audience. She’s not going to have a single interesting thing to say about this.
Well, maybe I shouldn’t assume. The first of January was the five year anniversary of the Erin Plays channel. Maybe she made a resolution to stop making shit “content”.
0:00 – She has a dis-assembled Game Boy in a frame. This is something that some company gave to her to promote.
Dendy? What? Somebody did a video on this recently. Who was it?
Well, I see that John Riggs did an unboxing video on this six months ago but I don’t think that I was thinking of him. Who’s that fucking British Indian woman who screeches at her audience? Lady Decade. No, I’m not seeing a Dendy video from her.
I definitely saw one recently, though. And I’m not seeking this shit out. There are only a handful of “Youtubers” who I watch. So I suspect that Erin stole this idea from somebody but I can’t be sure.
0:45 – Oh my god. She’s reading the games list on the back of the box. Is this really happening? The list seems to be in alphabetical order. She started with Aladdin, then Arkanoid. Is she going to read the names of 440 games?
Oh, no. She just suddenly moved to Contra and then “Felix the Cat 2” after that.
1:00 – Oh, but first a word from our sponsor. She’s promoting that piece of shit disassembled Game Boy that some company sent her. She also tweeted this because I saw this thing before. She does “sponsored” tweets as well.
1:15 – Extended hue discussion. She likes that it’s green. Because she never had a green Game Boy before. Umm…okay. Then she thinks that this colour is actually called kiwi.
Erin…listen…here’s some constructive criticism for you. Nobody ON EARTH gives the slightest of fucks about your hue talk. Not one person. They’re there to jerk off. So maybe, I don’t know, say something that would help them along with this. I don’t think that anyone is blowing their load over colour talk.
1:30 – “So first thing’s first, we have to talk about the menu aesthetic that we have going on here.”
No, Erin, you’re not listening. Nobody gives a fuck about your colour talk.
1:45 – Mike (or maybe one of the horntards) drew a picture of some stupid “X looks like Y” comment that Erin made.
Oh this is brutal. She’s just going through games looking for “homebrews”.
She’s playing these games and she says things like, “I don’t know what I’m doing”.
Why is this happening? Why are we expected to watch 20 minutes of this trash?
2:45 – She plays a game called Burbles. Then says, “Okay, this is not what I was expecting. When I thought of Burbles, I thought of things from ThunderCats”. Then there’s a Thundercats clip. I was like, “Oh, is it like, a Thundercats like type thing? Like, what’s happening?”
You’re like a moron, Erin. Thundercats. We all know Thundercats, right?
Not me. And I was actually in the proper age demographic at the time. Erin wasn’t even born when Thundercats was on. But now she’s a big Thundercats fan, guys. As a 35 year old woman. Because Erin thinks that Thundercats were popular in the 1980s. Spoiler: they weren’t. It was a short-lived cartoon and there was a short-lived toy line. But Mike talks about this shit so she just stole this from him.
3:30 – She’s playing a different game now. “I don’t understand what’s happening.” She didn’t understand the previous game either. Or the first one. Is this the third game? Or fourth? I’ve already lost track. But she hasn’t understood any of the games and she can’t be bothered to play the games long enough to figure things out. So it’s going to be this for 20 minutes. Twenty minutes of this mentally defective fraud playing games for two seconds, not understanding them, and moving on.
4:15 – “Let’s see what Bruce Lee 2 is”. Then there’s an edit and she says, “Okay, so this is actually Kung Fu 2”.
This is at least the second time in the video that she’s done this. She’ll start a game, there’s an edit, and then she’ll tell you what the game’s actual name is. She has to edit out the part where Mike tells her what the game actually is. It’s fucking ridiculous.
She’s horrible at the game, by the way. She never played it before.
4:45 – She’s playing a “cute” game. “Is the cookie box on fire?”
No, Erin. It is not. Why did you even say that? How does that all resemble a cookie box on fire? But this is all that she can do. This is the extent of her idiotic commentary. “X looks like Y”, colours, Wikipedia.com/Mike Matei telling her what the games are, shit like this.
She’s horrible at the game, of course. And she blames it on the controller.
Here’s an idea, why not show us the console? And the controller? Tell us about it. You know, like a normal review of these things. No, Erin just started playing these games for the first and last time ever.
Even though that game had no enemies whatsoever, she was still awful at it. How is it possible? All she had to do was navigate the Pac-Man style maze and she couldn’t do it.
5:45 – Now she’s playing “Double Dragon 4” and just gets hit by the first enemy repeatedly.
She clearly is not enjoying this whatsoever. Any of this. Why does she continue?
God…I really don’t want to watch any more. I’m at 7:15. But this is an Erin Plays video. I have an obligation to continue. I’ll watch it but I won’t give a running commentary of her inane remarks or mention that she’s bad at every game. Just take it as a given that she’s bad at every game and never says anything remotely interesting.
7:30 – She’s playing some racing game now but Mike neglected to tell her that the music is from…Adventures of Lolo or something. So Erin doesn’t mention it. She doesn’t recognise the music because she never played the game. Whatever the game is. I at least recognised that the music is from some other game.
7:45 – “It’s like Pole Position meets Moon Patrol meets F-Zero”.
Nice prompting, Mike. That comment was made after an edit, of course.
10:45 – She’s playing Felix the Cat 2. “I should probably stream this entire thing.”
Or, you know, play it in your spare time. Like how a normal person who enjoys video games would do.
12:00 – She’s playing a game called Harry Potter. After an edit, she says, “So this is like Cotton but with Harry Potter.”
Hey guys! You all know the game Cotton, right? No? Well, Mike does. And Mike told Erin about it right before Erin said this. Because Erin is trying to portray herself as a real gamer who knows all of the games. She’s a total fraud.
13:00 – “Oh, my god. It’s a little…it’s a little…bartending…teddy bear!”
It’s a mouse waiter. She got the job wrong and the animal. How is it possible?
14:00 – She’s playing a different game. “Candy Workshop? What’s Candy Workshop? Oh, it’s the bear again.”
This one actually is a bear. But it’s a different character from the other one, who was clearly a mouse.
She has no idea how to play the game and can’t be bothered figuring it out. Of course.
By the way, she was going in alphabetical order up until the letter “F” or so but now she’s started over with the alphabet. She got bored.
15:15 – “Oh, it’s Space Harrier.”
This was said after an edit, of course. Mike coming in with the all important video game names again.
15:45 – This is another game and it’s definitely based on a real game. In the real game, you’re a penguin, I think, and you’re trying to get an egg down a series of platforms. I think that Mike actually played this game not long ago, on stream, for money. But, oddly, Erin hasn’t mentioned the name of the game that this game is based on. Maybe Mike forgot the name of the game.
17:30 – Another game that’s using the Adventures of Lolo music. Or whatever it is. And, again, Erin doesn’t mention this.
18:30 – “It’s a cute little cannon. I want a cute little cannon.”
Who is possibly being entertained by any of this? Do something else with your life, Erin. This is awful. It’s fucking horrendous. Five years of zero charisma, zero video game knowledge, and zero video game experience. When is this going to become popular? When is a personality black hole who has no interest or knowledge about video games going to suddenly become on-trend?
18:45 – She’s playing a game based on Bubble Bath Babes. She never played it before, of course. But this is the big finale for the horntards.
19:15 – “Is she farting these bubbles?
Ummm…this is probably erotic to somebody but I don’t want to think about who.
She has absolutely no idea how to play the game and isn’t interested in figuring it out.
19:45 – Then she says that she doesn’t want to play any more games. She’s bored as fuck with this shit. But then she says, “Maybe I’ll do a stream of these.”
This is what this was about. Everything is just about getting more “content”. More content of a woman with no personality playing games that she hates. She hates all of this. She wants nothing to do with this shit . But she’s doing it because she doesn’t know what else to do with her life. She thinks that it’s this or the record store and she’d rather do this. As humiliating as this Youtube scam is, she still prefers it to the record store. I guess. Why else would she keep doing this for five years? It can’t be for the money. $10,000/year?
That’s the video. How much did Mike spend on this shit? Let me look this up.
It’s sold out on Ali Baba but they have a similar one for about $50.
Mike spent $50 so that Erin could make pennies on this video and the various streams that she can get out of this shit. This is not a profitable enterprise.