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The Faculty is Scream Meets The Thing – Tony from Hack the Movies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMhSo8IWRLA
Back to the old school format of summarising a horror movie. Great! It worked so well.
I was listening to Quentin Tarantino’s podcast recently. It can be found here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-video-archives-podcast-with-quentin-tarantino/id1627069896
Similar format to to Hack the Movies. It’s Quentin Tarantino and the guy who co-directed Pulp Fiction or something. And in each podcast they talk about two or three movies. One after another.
But here’s where it differs: they’re not just going over the fucking movie scene by scene. They’re having an intelligent conversation about the movie. And I haven’t even seen any of the movies that they talk about or even 90% of references that they reference within these talks but I’m still able to listen, follow along, and enjoy it. This shit doesn’t insult your intelligence.
Well…usually. There’s like a 24 year old female co-host they also bring in for her own segments and she’s awful. Clearly just there to pander to some kind of diversity quota. We need to hear a woman’s perspective.
But all it does is highlight how fucking bad she is compared to Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avary. They’re having an intelligent conversation about cinema and then they kick it to Briana who says, “Dur…I like colours.”
Maybe it’s intentional. Because they didn’t have to get this 24 year old woman. They could have got somebody nearer to their own age. Somebody who actually knows something about movies and can have an intelligent discussion about it.
Oh. I looked it up. This is Gala Avary, daughter of the guy I never heard of who’s the co-host of this thing. Now it’s starting to make sense. Some of that glorious nepotism that everybody enjoys.
Anyway, on to the talented Mr Piluso.
0:15 – The co-host is Joey C from Screen Rant. He’s REALLY annoying. But maybe he’ll tone it down as we go on. Come on. Give him a chance.
This guy has an earing in each ear. When I was a kid, the rumours around the schoolyard were that if you had an earing in your left ear, you were gay. Or something. I’m not sure which ear it is. But one ear was the gay ear.
Because back then, this was the 1980s, straight men were getting earrings. But just one. It’s crazy. Why was this popular?
But here we have a guy getting BOTH ears pierced. This solves the problem of not knowing which ear is the gay ear. This faggot probably didn’t know which ear was the gay ear either. So he went to the piercer and said, “You better pierce them both just to make sure.”
Let me look this up. Is in this fashion now? I haven’t seen guys with pierced ears, either or both, in ages. Maybe I’m crazy.
Yeah. I searched for “guys pierced ears” and the results were:
“Which ear should straight guys pierce?”
“Is it normal for guys to have their ears pierced?”
“Do straight guys have both ears pierced?”Shit like this. So it seems like this is still a gay thing. There’s still a stigma over which ear should be pierced. And the consensus seems to be that only gay men have both ears pierced.
This isn’t really related but for some reason, I’m reminded of a Dave Chappelle routine where he talks about how AIDS came from guys in Africa having sex with monkeys. And years ago I had a discussion with some nerd on the internet about this. This guy insisted that the whole routine was made up.
But no. I was taught the same thing. I was told that AIDS came from guys in Africa having sex with chimpanzees. It was somehow forbidden to have sex with a woman while she was menstruating so when their wives were having their period, these guys would go out and fuck chimps.
I don’t know if this is true. I don’t know how widespread this practice was. I don’t know what the religion was. But I was definitely told this, by a teacher, in a classroom, during a sex education class. This is what was being taught as late as 1994.
1:15 – Tony goes over his thought process on what movie to pick. “What do people on my show like? They like 90s kind of horror stuff.”
Just concentrate on putting out a good product.
1:30 – This guy says that he’s 26. What is he doing with his life?
Oh, I’m looking up the Wikipedia article for The Faculty. It says that the movie has “developed a cult following.” Tony used this exact phrase earlier in the review. Way to do your research, Tony. Wikipedia dot com.
3:30 – Tony is just reading a list of songs from this movie. He’s up to like 20. It just keeps going. This is not entertaining material.
5:15 – Now he’s listing everyone who appeared in the movie. Come on. This is terrible and he knows it.
Here’s Joey’s Twitter.
https://mobile.twitter.com/TheDorkknight23
“Aspiring film editor and Barber but more importantly I’m a father to the greatest son.”
And there’s a picture of a baby. What? How did this guy…with a woman? I don’t think so.
11:15 – Tony answers a phone call from some scammer or something. Why is this happening?
I made it to 20 minutes. It’s tough to describe. This guy is annoying but…it’s watchable. But I don’t want to watch any more. So…I don’t know
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyZVMTasW3I] -
Castlevania Anniversary Collection: Ultimate Edition Unboxing! Limited Run – Erin Plays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IitUjVMAjCU
Hey guys! Remember unboxings? Well, Erin is bringing them back.
What’s next? The Cinnamon Challenge? Planking?
So let’s watch as Erin opens this piece of shit that she doesn’t even want. FOR EIGHTEEN MINUTES! How long does it take her to open a box? Maybe she forgot how to open boxes. She “always” “forgets” how to open boxes.
0:00 – What is this shirt? A sort of anime girl with bunny ears riding a phallic rocket?
And we’re treated to seeing Erin’s god awful tattoo. Just get that shit removed. She doesn’t like it either. Mike has the money. Have him pay for the laser removal. I think that it’s fairly painless and doesn’t leave much scarring. In any event, however you look afterwards will be an improvement over this horrendous candy cane/ice cream trucker tattoo.
0:15 – She’s struggling to get it out of the shipping box. And she’s not showing this because, presumably, her address is on the box and she doesn’t want Shishi banging on her door tomorrow.
But then why not spend two fucking seconds taking it out of the shipping box BEFORE you start the video? Because that would require effort and Erin doesn’t like putting effort into anything.
0:30 – There are so many fucking edits already in this. She doesn’t know what this thing is called. She keeps having to look at the screen to remind herself of the name of this thing. She keeps mispronouncing it. This is awful.
1:00 – A “trading card” came with this thing. Just loose. Outside of the box. She holds it up and you can’t even fucking see it. How about holding it close to the camera?
She keeps looking at the computer. I assume that she did this on stream, for money. Let me check.
Yeah. Of course she did. This was during a Castlevania 64 stream. I flat out refuse to watch any of these Castlevania streams. And she streamed Castlevania for three hours one day and four hours another day. What happened to her carpal tunnel syndrome?
1:30 – She shows some…”poster” that she got. But it’s just a shitty black and white promotional thing for the company who released this shit.
Then she just reads the games that are on this thing. Fortunately, the titles are all on there, otherwise she would have no fucking clue. This is Erin reading Star Trek t-shirts all over again.
2:30 – “Oh is that the — I don’t even remember everything that came with it.”
Erin “always” “forgets” what came in this Castlevania thing.
“This is going to look so pretty on my shelf behind me.”
Pathetic in the extreme.
She keeps editing out every time she struggles with opening the box. Why? Who gives a shit?
3:00 – “I forget. The shadowbox, I think it lights up or it plays music or something.”
Erin “always” “forgets” if the shadowbox lights up or plays music or something.
Then Erin starts talking about her shirt. It’s a Parodius shirt that she got from some website who’s probably paying her to talk about it. She said that she “needed” this shirt. You know…because she’s such a Parodius fan. She played it once, on stream, for money, and then never again.
3:45 – It came with a Castlevania pin. What is Erin going to do with this? Put it on her jeans jacket?
“That’s cool”.
Great stuff, Erin.
4:30 – “This is a nice box.”
She’s literally talking about the empty box. She’s taken everything out of the box because she was too inept to just show things as she takes them out of the box. So she’s showing the empty box at the end and says that it’s a nice box. Really riveting content, Erin.
4:45 – She’s showing the shadowbox. That probably should have been the thing that she showed last as the grand finale. Has she never seen an unboxing video before? They show the cheap shit first and save the main thing for the end.
It lights up. It plays music. Then she puts it on the little table behind her. You can’t even fucking see it. She puts it off to the side. Off-camera.
5:45 – She shows the “NES version slip cover thing”. Whatever that is. She doesn’t know and I don’t know. But she has the advantage of holding the thing and being able to read what was in this thing.
6:00 – It also comes with a book. It’s more like a pamphlet with a hard cover.
“I don’t think I’ve ever done an unboxing. I’ve done like blind bag openings on stream but I don’t think that I’ve ever done anything like this. I feel a little awkward.”
You don’t say. Your natural charisma and confidence is just shining through.
7:00 – She’s reading from the chat. “I should do more unboxing on the channel? Maybe.”
That would require Erin actually buying video game shit. So don’t you see the problem, retards?
7:15 – “Then we’ve got Dracula’s Curse.”
What is this thing? We don’t know. And Erin doesn’t know. It’s just a piece of paper that says “Dracula’s Curse” so Erin read this piece of paper.
9:00 – Tiny Castlevania boxes in some kind of frame. It’s blurry as fuck.
Then she reads the titles. I knew it.
“This is cute.”
Good stuff, Erin. You’re a real entertainer.
9:45 – A Genesis box.
10:00 – “Unboxing stuff is fun. I like watching it. I just feel silly doing it.”
Because you don’t have any idea what any of this shit is. And you don’t care.
10:30 – “Oh my god. There’s more. This makes me feel better about all of the money that I spent on this.”
All of Mike’s money, surely. How could it be her own money? She’s making fifty bucks a month on Youtube and like $6,000/year on Twitch. Then whatever she’s getting from her various promoted tweets and videos. It can’t be much.
11:30 – “Thank you so much Shishi for subscribing for 31 whole months.”
It comes with a poster but it’s all folded up. She says that she wants to frame it but doesn’t like that it came all folded.
Surely, this poster is available somewhere, in rolled format, for five bucks. Let me look.
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1277699063/poster-castlevania-artwork-cover-konami
There’s something on Etsy for about $30. I can’t figure out exactly what it is but it’s the same artwork. I think this guy just makes these in his basement. Some kind of bootleg art prints.
12:45 – “And there’s more. Are you guys sick of this yet?”
Yes.
13:00 – “So this is like the tin case.”
There’s a word for this. I don’t know what it is. But these things come in a lot of these nerdy “premium” boxes.
13:15 – “It’s so cute.”
Great stuff, Erin. Keep up the good work.
A horntard is talking about the double-sided folded poster that she was talking about earlier. “Frame it so it’s glass on both sides. Yeah, I’ll probably do something like that.”
It would cost a hundred bucks easily to get this thing professionally framed. That’s why I was looking for a rolled version of this poster. Because you’re going to spend $100+ to frame a fucking folded poster that came in some stupid video game collection?
Even if she did it herself, the frame is going to cost, whatever, forty dollars. Absolute minimum. And then you’re going to spend hours trying to frame it and it’s going to look like shit?
13:30 – “This is the actual game and it comes in a little NES slip cover which is a cute touch.”
Great commentary, Erin.
13:45 – “I have a PS4. I bought it for Doom Eternal.”
A game that she played once, on stream, for money. And there’s no way that she bought it. Mike bought it.
“Then right after I bought it, I remember that’s when my carpal tunnel started getting insanely bad so I haven’t touched my PS4.”
Uh huh. Fucking ridiculous. Constant lies.
15:00 – “So anyway, look at this box. It’s a very pretty cardboard box.”
Uh huh.
17:30 – She’s showing the small video game boxes again. She says that they’re cute. Great stuff, Erin.
17:45 – She shows the larger boxes again. She says that they’re cute. You don’t say.
So that’s the video. That was really interesting stuff. I was on the edge of my seat.
This thing was $175, I think. It’s trash. Who would want this? What adult would want these fucking trinkets, most of which are paper or cardboard? And what kid today would want a collection of old games? Or a physical copy of anything?
The target demographic seems to be emotionally-stunted men who are giant nerds and can’t get dates.
Erin has absolutely no interest in any of this shit, of course. This is just one of her fake interests. But this thing is just a piece of shit. And you had to pre-order a year in advance? No. No sensible person would do this.
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Crystal Quin is Plagiarising from Newt Wallen
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1566933735668387840
Let me transcribe this 28 second clip that Horseface made and try to suppress my gag reflex.
Horseface: I’m all wet and salty from skinny dipping. I sure hope no big, sexy sharkmen show up and try to eat me.
(Sharkman appears)
Horseface: What a big fin you have. We’re going to need a bigger bed.
Then the words “chum shot” appear on screen.
Is there any integrity whatsoever with these fucking losers? Horseface is in a “sexy” (giant quotation marks) bikini during all of this, by the way..
This is a “joke” (giant quotation marks) that Newt Wallen wrote YEARS ago for his epic non-movie Shark Vampire. He’s talked about it many times including back in June. I talk about that video here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/06/wtf-wednesday-review-sharkula-newt.html
“I wrote a line where one of the women who’s bitten by the Sharkula turns into like a Bride of Sharkula and she tricks this dude, who’s like one of our main characters, into going to a side room and they’re making out and she kind of dips down below camera. And when he looks down, she’s got like a shark mouth. She’s a Bride of Sharkula. And she says, ‘chum shot’, head dips below camera, and then blood sprays all over his face.”
He goes on to say, “I fucking thought ‘chum shot’, I wrote that and God high-fived me. You know? I thought that that was really funny.”
It’s not funny. It’s fucking stupid and doesn’t even make any sense.
Nevertheless, Horseface took this stupid joke that doesn’t make any sense and CLEARLY stole it from The Ideas Man. This is outrageous.
Although…it’s tough to feel much sympathy for Newt Wallen when it comes to plagiarism. This is his bread and butter. How does it feel, Newt? It’s not nice when people rip off your ideas, is it?
This is the best “joke” that The Ideas Man ever wrote, according to him. And Horseface just fucking steals it. No shame whatsoever.
And why even rip off a “joke” that’s this bad and unfunny and doesn’t even make any sense? Because as dumb as Newt is, Horseface is even dumber. There’s nothing going on in that equine head of hers.
So let’s check out the replies.
– “Still laughing about “chum shot”.
Which part was funny? But this guy is obviously just trying to have sex with Horseface so he’s pretending that she’s funny.
Johanna says “CHRIST HAHAHA”. Great contribution there.
Oh, Erin replies.. She says “omg” and a few emojis. Uh huh. These women really have a lot of interesting things to say.
Kris Glavin replies. Of course he does. “Awesome segment keep up the incredible work on hack the movies crystal Queen”
– “Dafuq I just watch….??”
Stolen, unfunny material from Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen.
Does Newt talk about this on his Twitter? No. Well…anything he says it going to be hypocritical. Basically, anything that Newt does is free for the taking because this is his attitude to all creative endeavours. If he doesn’t respect anyone’s intellectual property why should anybody respect his?
And let’s be honest. Did Newt come up with “chum shot”? Probably not. Maybe it was Crystal’s idea and Newt just took the credit for it. Or maybe somebody else came up with it and Newt ripped it off. Who knows? But Newt has no original ideas so why would he start with “chum shot”?
So what else has Horseface been up to?
Here’s a “sexy” (giant quotation marks) picture of Horseface on Tony from Hack the Movies’ floor.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1567547043740061703
I won’t be jerking off to this but I know a certain Mr Glavin who will be. So let’s check out the comments.
– “Smokeshow stunningly beautiful young lady happy Wednesday babe I hope you have a great day with your family beautiful ❤️❤️❤️ sending you lots of love and hugs and positive vibes babe”
That was from Kris Glavin, of course. He writes the same fucking messages over and over again. “Smokeshow”, “young lady”, “Happy (whatever day it is)”, Crystal Queen”. It’s pathetic. He should just create an AI to write this shit and save himself a little time.
About six “hilarious” pictures that people stole from the internet. I wish that there was a way to filter out these “memes”. They’re NEVER funny. AT ALL.
And then Kris Glavin replies again with just “Crystal queen”. Good work, Rainman.
Horseface advertises her Fansly.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1566229886058090498
“Very angry! My Walmart does not have Halloween squishmellows.”
Well, stop being a scumbag who shops at Walmart. And what does she need children’s toys for?
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565848797980381184
Here’s a “sexy” (giant quotation marks) picture of Horseface and Johanna. They’re both holding up beverages that they got from Starbucks, I assume. Why? Why would anybody want to see this? And there’s only like two swallows left in these cups. It’s gross. I don’t want to see a cup of backwash.
Who wants to bet that Kris Glavin replied? I’ll guess that he says “smokeshow” and “Crystal Queen”.
– “your likely random cup and Crystal placement makes your already fabulous self look like you’ve lost 50lbs. 👍 to be clear I mean this 1,000% complimentary and hope it does not seem rude or awkward.”
What a rude and awkward hopeless virgin. “Hey, fatass! Looks like you lost 50 pounds!”
Then you go to his Twitter and it’s all about Transformers.
https://twitter.com/Stargrave18
Here’s Kris Glavin.
– “Spooky and gorgeous hope you have a great weekend ladies”
Fuck. I knew I should have went with “have a great (whatever day)”.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565823922288951297
Horseface says that she spent $100 on…some cheap toys. I don’t know what these are. Just some trash that you get from the 99 cent store. And she says that she’s going to be opening them on stream, for money.
Why? Why would anybody want to watch that? Is this compelling to anyone? “Wow, I really want to see a horsefaced-woman opening up trash.
And then what is she going to do with this garbage bag full of cheap children’s toys? She’s just going to throw this out. Right? So what was the point? She spent $100 on cheap garbage just to have something to do on her shitty Twitch stream and then she’s going to throw it out? This is wasteful in the extreme.
I’ll bet that Kris Glavin replied. I’m going with “have a nice (whatever day)”.
Fuck. He said “awesome haul”. I never would have guessed that. That’s a new one.
Horseface also says, “Please note my Fansly account is to support therapy and my spooky time spending habits.” and she links to her Fansly. In case you haven’t seen the previous 50 times that she’s linked to it.
But yeah, I don’t think that any competent therapist is going to advise somebody to do bad porn in order to pay for therapy. And if you’re that strapped for cash, maybe don’t spend $100 on trash that you’re literally going to throw out after you stream this shit.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565424665807527939
Here are yet more pictures of Horseface and Johanna. Whoa! I’m fully erect here! A horseface woman is wearing a tank top! That’s all that I need to get going!
So Kris Glavin…I’m going with “smokeshow”. Come on. It has to be.
– “Stunningly beautiful young ladies”
FUCK. It was “stunningly beautiful” and “young ladies” this time.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565413153718009857
Here’s another “sexy” (giant quotation marks) picture of Horseface. She’s looking annoyed, boys! That’s funny! And totally hot!
Okay, Glavin. No fucking around this time. I want to see “smokeshow.”
– “So adorable and cute and sexy hunny”
COME ON! NONE of those are catchphrases of yours. You couldn’t put fucking “smokeshow” in there?
And the rest I’ve seen already. Let me check out her Twitch.
God, this is one unattractive woman. She’s unattractive WITH the filters and makeup and Photoshopping. But this stream is…just a closeup of Crystal’s giant face and she keeps contorting her face so you see how many wrinkles she has. Come on. Not even Kris Glavin can be jerking off to this shit.
Oh, Johanna is in the chat. She calls Horseface her “wife”. That’s hot, right? When fat chicks call horsefaced women their “wife”? Am I supposed to be jerking off to this? Because I’m totally flaccid here. I don’t think that it will work.
Then she ends the stream by blowing a kiss (eugh…) and I think that she “raided” Erin Plays.
Fucking trash. Absolute subhuman garbage.
And you have fucking Newt Wallen STILL jerking off to this. Even after she stole his “chum shot” idea. Even when she’s on stream and you get a closeup shot of that face and…oh god. Plus, there’s the god awful personality. Oh fuck. These losers all deserve each other. Wallow in the filth together.
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Fall Guys! (part 4 of 4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7OehZH8FH4
Previous parts:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/09/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-fall.html
1:37:45 – Mike asks Erin who she would like to see as a costume in Fall Guys. Erin says Hello Kitty.
JUST ONCE I want Erin to come up with a new answer. Something that isn’t Hello Kitty, Sailor Moon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Castlevania, Disney, Rainbow Brite, or Britney Spears. One time. Is that asking too much? Can we get a new fake interest, please? I’m sick of the old fake interests. I want new fake interests.
Ask Erin anything about Hello Kitty. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know the names of the characters. She doesn’t know anything about this shit.
Then Mike reads from the chat. They’re having to prompt Erin with answers again. They suggest Ghostbusters and…Britney Spears. It’s so fucking predictable. Then somebody suggests Sailor Moon…it goes on like this.
And why are people having to prompt Erin with answers for what SHE likes? Erin has to be reminded of what she likes? It’s ridiculous. It’s because these interests are all fake and everybody knows it so the horntards try to help her keep the lies straight.
1:40:30 – Mike says that he wants “old school Sesame Street” skins. He suggests Guy Smiley. Erin says, “mmhmm”. She clearly has NO IDEA who this is. Why pretend?
I don’t even fucking know who it is and I’m about the same age as Mike. I’ve heard the name but as I’ve explained, I have NO MEMORIES of watching Sesame Street because if I watched that shit, it was before I was school aged. I don’t fucking remember anything from when I was four years old. Unlike, apparently, Mike. Mike must have really been living it up when he was four years old. He remembers everything from that age. That was his era.
1:46:00 – “Thank you Games and Movies for gifting a sub to MikeMateiLive.”
This guy is literally mentally retarded. I’ve talked about him a few times before. He’s the guy who goes to Disneyland and hugs all of the costumed characters. And he constantly talks about Disneyland. He counts down the days until he’s next going to Disneyland. Shit like this. He also always says “HUGS”.
These are the people giving Erin money. Doesn’t she feel at all bad? They’re literally retarded.
1:46:30 – Now it’s Erin’s turn. Mike got first place in the last game, by the way.
She sure enjoys jumping.
1:50:30 – Erin failed to get past the first round. Absolute shit-tier gameplay.
1:55:00 – Erin has said that this game is making her stressed probably…20 times in the past five minutes.
1:55:45 – “And people wonder why I don’t play online multiplayer.”
Are people really wondering that? Spoiler, retards. She’s not interested in video games.
1:57:30 – She barely got through this level. It’s the one where you have to jump through some rings. She kept missing. Repeatedly. She was only ever able to get through the first one. The other people must have all been mentally challenged.
2:01:45 – Erin failed badly so it’s Mike’s turn.
Nothing has really happened for the past hour. Is it worth watching the last 45 minutes of this shit? Let’s see who else has been uploading.
Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining did her monthly update and she’s wearing a pink tank top. Views must be down again. Getting the melons out.
I think that we can officially say that Retro Ali is done with Youtube. She hasn’t uploaded in six months. She made a very brief return like seven months ago, she said that she moved and was going to upload more frequently, but…she didn’t. She also looked like she gained about thirty pounds.
She has a second channel where she uploads her Twitch streams. As here:
https://www.youtube.com/c/RetroAliLive/videos
But NOBODY watches that shit. Eight views. Twelve views. Shit like this. And she doesn’t appear on camera. She must have doubled in size since we’ve last seen her.
So it’s an interesting way to end a Youtube channel. You become so obese that you can no longer bring yourself to appear on camera any more.
Speaking of obesity, let’s see what Tony from Hack the Movies has been up to.
He has some nerdy crack addict as the co-host. Joey C from Screen Rant. Well, that’s a new one for me. Let me check it out.
Well, eight million subscribers but the videos only get like 20,000 views. What the fuck? Must be some real quality control issues.
Oh, I think I might have seen this channel before. He/They/Whoever do a lot of “20 Mistakes in (some movie)” videos. But then you watch it and…these aren’t mistakes. It’s just some dumb, “comedy” nitpicks. Clickbait titles. People quickly catch on and just stop watching the videos.
This guy is really annoying, by the way. I’m a minute in. Maybe I’ll watch it.
Same old bullshit from Pelvic Gamer.
Nothing from Madam Fomo.
Saint Dungalous just straight up posted a copyrighted Sailor Moon video. This video was also shown in its entirety in her “documentary”. She also has a separate video of just the intro. She’s going after those Youtube ad pennies. With copyrighted material.
John Riggs was in PAX recently. Was he creeping on any ladies? Let me skim. Not that I’m seeing. But that’s some mask, on John Riggs. He’s afraid of getting a cold. Germs. Germs are everywhere. My tiny mask will protect me.
What the fuck. It’s like a doll’s mask. Why is he wearing that?
Nothing interesting from Zap Cristal or TheGebs24.
Oh, I almost forgot about The Ideas Man. No, nothing.
So I don’t know. Maybe I’ll finish this Erin Plays video tomorrow but I don’t think so. What are the odds she’s going to say anything noteworthy in the last 45 minutes? So I think I’m just going to check out this obnoxious homo on Tony’s channel tomorrow.
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Fall Guys! (part 3 of 4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7OehZH8FH4
Parts 1 and 2:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/09/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-fall.html
1:06:45 – Erin failed to get past the first round…BECAUSE SHE SUCKS ASS AT VIDEO GAMES, YO!
1:07:45 – Mike is talking about how he played No Man’s Sky on stream, for money. Erin is pretending to know what the game is. She has NO IDEA what he’s talking about. But she’s pretending. This is what she does.
1:09:30 – Mike left to get Elmo or something.
1:10:00 – Erin got lost on this level. I don’t even know how it’s possible. She was on a platform…and she got lost on a platform. Unbelievable.
1:13:00 – A horntard talks about some Arachnaphobia game for the Amiga or something. You play as John Goodman. Erin says, “I want to play that.” Then she says, “You play as John Goodman? Was he in that?”
She doesn’t know ANYTHING about ANYTHING. So this is what she does. She just pretends. She pretends to be interested in this shit, she pretends to follow the conversation. But in reality, she doesn’t have a fucking clue what anybody is talking about. It’s like she’s Charlie Brown and everyone else are adults. It’s just trombone noises to her. She has NO IDEA what anybody is talking about. Ever.
1:15:00 – Now a horntard is talking about Joe’s Apartment. Erin says, “I’ve never seen Joe’s Apartment but I do want to watch it. Was it MTV’s first film? I don’t know.”
Great stuff, Erin. Another thing that Erin didn’t do but she wants to do. What’s holding her back? She has all of these hopes and dreams of games she wants to play and movies she wants to watch and toys she wants to buy but…nothing ever happens with that. Unless it’s on stream, for money.
1:15:30 – It’s Mike’s turn and Erin leaves. Maybe she’s going to get the Elmo puppet. Or cry in the bathtub.
1:22:15 – Erin is back. She was off taking a dump, I guess.
1:25:00 – Erin claims to have loved Goldeneye for the N64 as a kid. Uh huh. This is the first I’m hearing of this. But no. She was a big Goldeneye fan.
Okay. So do a stream, Erin. Show us your pro skills.
1:26:00 – “N64 hacks. That’s like unexplored territory for me.”
You don’t say, Erin. What the fuck. Well, at least for once she’s admitting that she doesn’t know something about a segment of video games.
1:27:00 – Now it’s Erin’s turn.
1:27:15 – “Did I check out the Splatoon demo? I don’t totally love Splatoon. I know that’s, like, an unpopular thing. I don’t know. I never could get into it.”
Well, it is a video game. I can see the problem for you.
1:29:15 – Erin got first place in this map. There were only like 40 people there and earlier somebody said that matchmaking is done based on skill level. So Erin must be in the “retard” skill level.
1:32:30 – Mike says that he “doesn’t buy a tonne of games any more.” Erin says, “Yeah, I’m the same.”
At what point was Erin buying games by tonnage? She doesn’t buy fucking video games.
Then she says that she wants a complete Castlevania collection. Every Castlevania game. And they recently bought a Castlevania game while they were in California visiting her parents.
Why? Why any of this? Why is she wasting Mike’s money on this shit? She has NO INTEREST in any of this shit.
Then she wants all of the Sanrio games. Fuck off.
1:35:15 – It’s Mike’s turn. Let’s stop here.
Final part:
-
Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Fall Guys! (part 2 of 4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7OehZH8FH4
Part 1 here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/09/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-fall.html
30:00 – “This is pissing me off so much! But it’s fun.”
She has no interest in this whatsoever.
31:00 – Mike is going through all the shit you can unlock. There are 100 levels. You probably have to play the game for thousands of hours to unlock all of this shit. But Mike suggests that they can do it. Erin agrees.
Yeah. It’s not happening, Mike. She does not play video games unless it’s on stream, for money.
38:45 – Erin says, “I remember the Valheim streams. Those were comfy — when you were streaming Valheim.”
Mike just ignores this complete idiocy.
41:15 – Somebody in the chat asks Erin what people buy at Woolworth’s. I guess that this is a reference to her recent mindless tweet where she said that she doesn’t even remember going to Woolworth’s but “it was fun”.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/08/erin-getting-nostalgic-about-woolworths.html
So Mike, knowing that Erin has no idea, says, “Yeah, what do they buy at Woolworth’s?” He’s setting her up for failure.
Erin’s answer is that she was very young when it closed but she remembers “candle blow molds.” I don’t even want to know what that is.
Then Mike re-tells his riveting story about how he used to sit on stools while in Woolworth. Erin thinks that this is awesome and wishes that she could have done something like that. She’s never done ANYTHING so these are the non-stories that you get from her.
42:00 – Somebody says that Woolworth’s is still open in Australia. Erin’s response: “That’s cool”.
Anyway, now it’s Erin’s turn. Let’s see if she can get past the first level.
It’s the same level that she had the first two times she played this today with all of the spinning blades. So she should be pretty familiar with it now.
She’s constantly jumping. Right. That helps.
43:45 – Mike is talking about something called “Hess NES games” that were released in Australia. And then he’s trying to remember what they were called in Asia and Erin says, “I forget.”
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE’S TALKING ABOUT! This is extremely obscure bullshit that NOBODY cares about. But Erin is pretending that she knows what he’s talking about. But she just “forgot” what these things were called in Asia. Whatever they even are. Erin “always” “forgets” what these things are, whatever they are.
“In Spain, they were Gluck”.
No fucking idea what he’s talking about. But Erin occasionally chimes in with, “I don’t remember either.”
Well, no shit. What on earth is he fucking talking about? But Erin is pretending that she’s following along.
44:30 – Erin got fifth place because early in the map, she got flung across like half of the map. So by sheer luck, she got a huge lead on everyone early on. She thinks that this is skill. No. She fucked up and by happenstance, it was advantageous.
44:45 – Mike says “Sachin” and Erin just looks at him blankly for a while. Then he starts to explain that this is what these games, or whatever they are, were called in Asia. So Erin pretends to know what he’s talking about at this point. Oh, yeah. Sachin. Of course. And Gluck. And Hess. I know what you mean Mike. Video games.
She actually says, “Okay, that sounds right.”
WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK IS MIKE TALKING ABOUT? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.
But Erin does. Erin is following all of this.
I’d like to see Mike just totally make something up and watch Erin pretend to know what he’s talking about. Is that what he’s doing now? I don’t even know.
45:15 – A horntard says that Fall Guys is a smooth running game. So Mike says, “Yeah, it’s Epic Games.” Erin says, “Yeah, we’re not playing on Switch or anything.”
What? Isn’t the game available on Switch?
Yes. It is. And the publisher is Epic Games. That’s what he was talking about. The publisher. He’s saying that Epic is a good company who releases stable games that run smoothly.
But Erin thinks that this was a comment on…the Epic Game store? She thinks that the Epic Game store is like…god, this is so retarded that I can’t even put it into words. But like…if you play a game on Steam, it’s going to play differently than if you play it on the Epic Game store. Or something. No. God, she’s a fucking moron. Let’s move on.
45:30 – A horntard asks Erin what her favourite Famicom-exclusive game is. She doesn’t know. OF COURSE. Maybe the chat can prompt her.
“I like the Famicom version of Dracula’s Curse.”
Oh my fucking god. I don’t even want to get into it. Let’s just move on. She doesn’t know anything about video games. Everything has to be a reference to something that she did on stream, for money.
46:30 – “I like the one with the penguins.”
Just stop racking your brain over this bullshit. All she’s doing is digging herself deeper into this hole of idiocy.
Erin is REALLY bad at this game. There are two spinning blades. You have to jump over the bottom one and avoid the top one. And she’s just running around chasing the top blade. For no reason. Nobody else is doing this.
Then Erin mentions some more games that she played once, on stream, for money. Sexy Parodius, for example.
Somehow, Erin got past this level.
48:15 – Now a horntard is asking Erin about her thoughts about Batman Forever: The Arcade Game.
SHE DOESN’T HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON IT, YOU RETARD. SHE DOESN’T KNOW THE GAME. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU ASKING THESE QUESTIONS?
And why does Erin read them? Why does she set herself up for failure?
“I don’t know if I’ve played that one.”
You don’t say. Fuck off.
49:15 – She got through this round too. Then she says, “Yeah! I survived.”
The word “survived” appeared on screen so that’s why she said “survived”. This is a common coping strategy with Erin. If she sees a word in a video game or on a Star Trek t-shirt or whatever, she’ll read it to try to fool people into thinking that she knows what she’s talking about.
Then a horntard gives her the name of that penguin game. It’s a Japanese game that nobody on earth would ever remember. But Erin says that she “always” “forgets” the name. Well, no shit. She could be forgiven for “forgetting” the name of this game. It’s entirely in Japanese. But she’s “always” “forgetting” this name. Because that Japanese penguin game is just always coming up in conversation with Erin, I guess.
51:15 – So Erin lost but she got to the last round. She was terrible at it, as usual. And never saw the level before.
52:30 – Now it’s Mike’s turn again.
They’re talking about Doom skins in the game. Mike doesn’t know if you have pay real money for them or what. He says that you should be able to unlock them from playing the game a lot.
Ummm. No? That’s not how these games work. This is typical with these free games. They want you to spend money on them.
But of course Erin agrees. Because she has no fucking clue.
Then Erin says that she wants one of these Doom skins. WHY? She doesn’t play the fucking game. So now Mike is going to have to shell out real money for a Doom skin for a game that Erin doesn’t even play. What’s the fucking point? Just so she can say, “That’s cute” and then never play the game? It’s idiotic.
53:15 – She’s reading from the chat. “The real name of (some game) is (some other name). Oh, okay. That’s cool.”
She has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. Neither do I. So she just trots out her usual, “That’s cool”.
Then Mike starts talking about the game and Erin pretends to know what the game is. She clearly does not.
56:15 – A horntard says, “Sea of Thieves has the best water.” Erin says, “You mean taste? Because I hear people say that Starbucks has the best water. Oh, you mean like in the game. What it looks like. Oh.”
Holy shit. An actual joke with a setup and punchline and everything. Watch out, Jim Gaffigan.
You know, I was watching a recent Jim Gaffigan comedy “special”. It was from Netflix or something. I think that it was released in 2021. I’ve enjoyed his bacon-based comedy over the years so I thought I’d check it out.
No, this was bad. It was about covid and the importance of wearing masks and his contempt for Donald Trump and shit like this. We don’t fucking care. Can you get to bacon, please? Do you prefer smoked bacon or unsmoked bacon?
The bacon they have in the US is such fucking shit. Let me look for some pictures.
Here’s a picture that I’ve Newt Wallen’d from the internet. Obviously, the person who made this has a bias but ignore the labels. The pictures are accurate.
What would you rather eat? These charred strips of mystery meat or an actual meat product?
And if you do want these thin strips that you burn to a crisp, you can buy them in the UK. They’re sold as “streaky bacon”. Nobody buys it but the option is there for tourists or the mentally ill or whoever wants this shit.
But if you want actual bacon in the US, you’re out of luck. These burnt strips are all you can get.
It’s a different cut. It’s a different part of the pig. I don’t know the specifics. I’m not a butcher. But the British bacon has like the top 2/3 of the bacon (the fat part) from one part of the pig and the last 1/3 of the bacon is from another part. Obviously, an adjacent part. And that last 1/3 is a thin strip like what’s sold in the US.
In the US, it’s only this thin strip that they sell. Not the fat 2/3 of the bacon that one gets in the UK.
I believe that Canadian bacon only uses this fat part of the pig. That’s why it’s just round. But with the British bacon, you get the best of both worlds.
Anyway, back to Erin Plays.
57:15 – Mike got first place again. He’s really in the zone. He’s pwning these 10 year olds.
Erin is still talking about Starbucks, by the way. Different beverages that she likes. I don’t give a fuck.
59:45 – Erin is reading from the chat. “Is it true that coffee in American isn’t good? That’s what I’ve been told.”
No, you faggot. You’re thinking of bacon.
And how would Erin know? She’s never left the country. She never even left California before she moved in with Mike. And she goes back to California twice a month to visit her parents She’s like 35 year old
“I mean, I can’t compare it to anything else because I’ve only been in America”
See?
Then Mike starts talking about pizza in Italy It’s different from pizza in the US. Great.
1:01:45 – They’re talking about how Domino’s didn’t do well in Italy. Mike says that he thinks that people in Italy don’t like pizzeria chains. Then Erin says, “Even in America, different regions are different.”
Now, I wouldn’t mention this but then Erin gets really self-conscious about this and starts making what I assume are veiled references to the blog.
1:03:00 – “Sometimes I say things stupidly. It’s a live-stream. If I was typing things out, it would be better.”
Oh. Like her riveting story about Woolworth’s.
Then Mike uses a “dur dur idiot” voice and says, “I will be using this against you for the rest of your life. I also have absolutely nothing going on.”
Erin says, “There’s somebody watching and they’re going to be adding that to my ‘I hate Erin’ folder.”
Mike replies, “This will be going in the archives.”
It has to be a reference to me because I say “Let me check the archives” when I look stuff up on my blog. It’s obviously said in a jokey fashion but they’re not picking up on the nuance.
But yeah, Erin always seems to get worked up over things that…are completely trivial. Like this “different regions are different” thing. I didn’t even see anything wrong with that remark.
But the MASSIVE things that she gets wrong…she doesn’t see the problem.
1:04:15 – Mike got second place. That’s the end. It’s Erin’s turn. We can start there next time.
Next parts:
-
Erin Plays and Mike Matei Stream Fall Guys! (part 1 of 4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7OehZH8FH4
Erin must be back from her twice-monthly trip to visit her parents.
It starts with, “And we’re going to be playing some Fall Guys”. So she edited stuff out right from the start. Let’s see what she’s hiding.
Erin: I’m not used to clicking around Windows and streaming with Steam games or whatever. This is from the Microsoft store. I don’t know. I’m not used to it. Anyway, hello. Good to be here. I’m here with Mike.
Mike: Epic Games.
Erin: Epic Game store. Sorry.
She’s a big gamer, guys. Playing it up on the Microsoft store.
Is there even such a thing as the Microsoft store? For PC games? Let me check.
I don’t think so. There’s a Microsoft Store but it seems to be mostly for apps for your phone.
There’s also this:
https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/store/games/windows
It seems to be PC games. I’ve never heard of this, though. I know about Steam, of course. And I know about the Epic Games store. But Microsoft store? No. Maybe I’m just not the gamer that Erin is. Of course, she got the name wrong but…moving on.
Oh, so that’s what she edited out. Her not knowing what this is. So we’re back to the Youtube video.
0:00 – “I’m going to talk to the chat and we’re going to go off and on. I’ll play a little, he’ll play a little, et cetera.”
Can’t they play together? Maybe they can’t use the same computer. This would be a good game to play with the horntards, though. Mike can play too, just in a different room, on a different computer. But surely you can set up a private room, invite the horntards, and you can all play together. How many players are in this game? 30? 60? Make it subscriber only if you want to play. Or just straight up have a fee of five dollars or whatever if you want to play. It’s an easy money maker. Why is nobody doing this? Maybe they are. The only people I watch on Twitch are Mike and Erin. And I only watch their videos on Youtube.
Then she edited something out again. Let’s see what it is.
She says that she was “out of town”. Well, it’s true. Technically, she was out of town. But why can’t she just say, “I was visiting my parents”? Why can she never just be honest with people?
It was just two minutes of Erin being awkward as fuck. Who cares? She’s awkward as fuck all the time. What about this two minutes was so egregious that she had to edit it out?
Back to the video. “We haven’t played this in a long time but last time we played this, I had a lot of fun.”
So why has it been so long, Erin? Everything doesn’t have to be on stream, for money. All you have to do is say, “Hey, Mike. Want to play some Fall Guys with me?” He’d be happy to. What’s the problem?
She’s not remotely interested in video games.
0:15 – Some horntard makes a half-joke about Compuserve.
Mike: I used to use Compuserve.
Erin: You did?
Mike: Yeah.
Erin: That’s great.
Negative charisma. She can’t have a conversation with ANYBODY. It’s not just the horntards. Mike is sitting right there and she can’t have a conversation with him. “That’s great.” It’s just a variation of her “That’s cool” catchphrase.
What the hell are they talking about all day? Britney Spears and buttsex, I guess.
3:45 – “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this one or at least I don’t remember it.”
She’s talking about a minigame. Even I’ve seen it and I’ve never played the game. I just used to watch some fucking mentally challenged guy play the game on Youtube. Maybe Erin “forgot” about this minigame. Erin “always” “forgets” about this minigame.
The screenname is PumpkinN00dles. Maybe somebody can do something with this information. Try to add them on the Microsoft store or something. Erin also used the name “Cykill1986” on some console’s online gaming service. Then when you checked the profile, it was private. Why so secretive? Let the horntards add you. What’s the problem?
Erin says that they streamed this before. Really? I don’t remember. And there’s nothing in my archives. She must not have uploaded the video to Youtube. But yeah, earlier when she said that she played the game, that’s what she was talking about. She played it on stream, for money. Once. But it was fun.
5:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. Somebody says that he recently got some issues of Nintendo Power. You know what Erin said? No prizes for this.
“That’s cool.”
Somebody recommends a “Mike and Erin Chivalry 2 stream”. Erin pauses and says, “That would be chaotic.”
She clearly doesn’t even know what the fucking game is. So she just panicked and thought of a variant of “that’s cool”. She doesn’t want to do it, because it’s a video game, so it had to be a negative variant.
Then Mike starts explaining why he doesn’t like the game and Ern just says “yeah” a lot and “That would be stressful.” She has NO IDEA what he’s talking about. She doesn’t know what the game is. It’s obvious.
Oh, by the way, Mike lost but he’s still playing. It’s Erin’s turn. What’s going on here? Is she going to fucking play this shit?
7:00 – “I love how colourful this game is.”
Brutal.
8:30 – “So you have to, like, watch somebody else until the people qualify?”
YES, YOU FUCKING MORON. She said that she played this before. How could she POSSIBLY not know this? Even if she played it once, on stream, for money, that’s enough to know this.
I guess that this is another thing that Erin “forgot”. Erin “always” “forgets” that you have to wait for enough people to finish the game before you can move on.
How else can you even play? You’re just going to continue to the next game while other people are still playing the previous game? How is that going to work?
So Mike says, “Well, they have to qualify because it’s an online multiplayer game.” Then Erin gets annoyed and says, “Well, I understand that, Mike” and stares at him.
If you don’t want to be spoken down to, don’t ask a fucking retarded question.
It’s inconceivable how somebody can be this clueless about video games. And this is her fucking “job”. Her “job” is to play video games. She has NO IDEA what’s going on. She doesn’t fucking play video games. Never has, never will. Fifty bucks a month from Youtube.
9:00 – Erin asks Mike if he remembers AOL keywords. He says that he doesn’t but he’s clearly joking. Erin doesn’t realise that he’s joking so she tries to explain it to him but she doesn’t know what it is.
9:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. “You thought this was LiveJournal? I spent most of my teenage years on LiveJournal.”
That must have been some fascinating reading. “I’ve done nothing today. I’m going to do nothing tomorrow. Pink is a cute color.”
Then she says that she didn’t even write anything. “I mostly used it for communities for bands that I liked.” Well, that makes sense. She’s never fucking done anything so what is she going to write about? She’s also never thought about anything.
“You could make icons and then you could make your layout all cute. It was so much fun.”
Brutal. How does Mike fucking do it? YEARS with this shit. And for what? She’s a total parasite. She’s bringing in fifty bucks a month. And Mike isn’t getting any of that money, it’s all hers.
14:30 – She’s reading from the chat. “Do you or Mike have one game that you’re not interested in playing.”
Then she looks to Mike for an answer because, of course, she doesn’t know. ALL OF THEM, Erin. You’re not interested in playing ANY game.
Then Erin says Animal Crossing. She played it and didn’t like it. Great.
16:00 – “Yoshi says, ‘I think the very first thing I did when I got internet access was go look at Ultimate…Mortal Kombat III site for a moves list.’”
You know what Erin’s response was? “That’s awesome.”
“The first thing I ever did was I looked up a Spice Girls official website.”
That’s awesome. And boring as fuck.
“And like Sailor Moon stuff.”
See above.
It’s the same tedious bullshit with Erin over and over and over again.
Anyway, Mike died so I think Erin is going to start playing now. Let’s see how many seconds she can last. She’s not getting past the first round.
16:30 – Mike is explaining the game and during the explanation, Erin says, “Look at the tomato man.” Mike ignores this.
She has no interest whatsoever in any of this. How can he possibly put up with this? She’s fucking braindead.
Oh my god. This is so fucking bad. She keeps jumping for reasons that only she knows. Constantly jumping.
17:30 – They’re talking about Sonic the Hedgehog. Erin says, “I remember in the first grade, there was a girl who had Sonic the Hedgehog shoes and they were pretty cute.”
I just don’t get it. Has it been as long as five years that they’ve been together? What’s the appeal? Okay, buttsex, great. LOTS of women will let you put your thing in their butt. Erin isn’t special in this regard.
You know who else likes buttsex? Gay men. If you’re that into buttsex, as Mike clearly is, just find a gay man. Fucking Tony from Hack the Movies is single. Ask him. He’d be a much more interesting conversationalist too. Plus, he has a job.
17:45 – She managed to get through the next round. Maybe it was all the jumping that gave her the edge. Nobody else was jumping but Erin was. Constantly.
18:00 – “I like Pokemon. Like I’m a casual Pokemon fan.”
REALLY casual. At best. In the sense that she knows of Pokemon. She’s aware of the existence of Pokemon. So this makes her a fan.
18:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. “You were in the Smashing Pumpkins Yahoo chat room?”
You want to know Erin’s response? You’ll never guess in a million years.
“That’s awesome.”
Is it, though? Who gives a shit what chat rooms this guy went to in 1997? There’s nothing REMOTELY awesome about that non-story.
19:00 – So this is the second round. Can Erin do it? Let’s find out. She surprised me on the first one.
She’s constantly jumping again. Well, maybe that’s the key. Maybe Erin has uncovered a pro strat.
19:30 – “How do I grab? I forget how to grab. Oh, it just happens.”
She’s a real gamer.
20:00 – “Okay, now I’m stressed. I wasn’t stressed but now I’m a little stressed.”
She has no idea what to do. She’s never seen this level before.
Erin is terrible at the game and Mike just laughs at how bad she’s doing. Then she fails to qualify.
22:00 – Mike asks if she wants to go again or if it’s his turn. Erin says that she wants to go again. That’s surprising.
23:15 – “That’s cool, Dan.”
We don’t know what’s cool. It could be anything. She didn’t read his comment out.
Mike asks Erin what he likes. After thinking about it for a while, she says, “Donald Duck”. Then Mike makes a sad half-joke about how that’s the end of the list.
That’s all that she could think of. Donald Duck. She’s been with this guy for like five years. What have they been doing all this time? Donald Duck? That’s as much as she knows about him?
So she continues her list. “You like Zelda”. “You like it when I make you your coffee.”
This is unbelievable. What the fuck are they doing?
Does she not cook? Does she not do anything? They’re clearly not talking. She’s just mentioning things that any fucking horntard could have given.
Now she’s reading from the chat. She ran out of ideas so the chat has to prompt her. “Three’s Company” was what the horntards suggested.
Mike isn’t so sure that he likes Three’s Company so he makes an “ehh” sound.
Erin: You like Three’s Company.
Mike: I don’t like the later episodes, though.
Erin: I like a lot of things.
This isn’t about you, you dumb bitch. We’re talking about Mike. Can you fucking believe how outrageous this is?
She came up with NOTHING for Mike’s interests. Nothing. Donald Duck, Zelda, and when she makes him coffee. Then the horntards suggest Three’s Company. Then Erin says, “I like a lot of things.”
What the fuck. And she doesn’t even like a lot of things. MAYBE Disney and Britney Spears on some superficial level. Other than that, NOTHING. Colours? Cute things? She’s never done anything. She has no fucking interests.
But let’s get back to Mike because that’s the fucking topic here, even though Erin obviously wants to change it to herself. Star Trek. Did you think of that one, Erin? “Schmups”. That’s another good one. Buttsex. Racist comics. Inspector Gadget. Elvis. Halloween decorations. The Nintendo Entertainment System. Monkeyball. Air travel. Romania. Wawa. New Jersey. Don Bluth. Cartoons that were cancelled by the time he was four years old.
I can go on and on and I don’t even live with the guy. I’m giving the most superficial answers that anybody can possibly give.
Erin is in a fucking relationship with Mike. FOR YEARS. She lives with him. How can she not know anything?
But no. Fuck Mike. Erin wants to talk about herself. She likes a lot of things. She just steered the conversation this way because she totally ran out of stuff to say about Mike. So okay, let’s hear it. What does Erin like? I’ll say Sailor Moon, Buffy, Britney Spears, Hello Kitty, and Disney. The same fucking tedious shit that she talks about all the time in a pathetic attempt to try to portray herself as somebody who has interests and hobbies.
Mike: You like a lot more things than I do.
Erin: Yes.
Great conversation. What chemistry these two have.
Then a horntard suggests that Mike likes Alf.
Erin: Do you like Alf?
Mike: Yeah.
Erin: Yeah, you like Alf.
She didn’t even know this. She was totally unaware of Mike’s lifelong passion for Alf. It was a fucking horntard who had to tell her. And she doesn’t even know who Alf is. The show was cancelled by the time she was three years old.
25:00 – Mike says, “Sometimes people try to buy me Elvis things and it’s a mistake because I’m so particular about it. Not Erin, but like other people try to buy me Elvis things.”
Of course Erin isn’t getting you any Elvis shit. With what money? She’s making fifty bucks a month with this shit. Plus, she doesn’t give a single fuck about you. This is all for fucking Youtube promotion. You know it, Erin knows it, I know it, we all know it.
So as Mike is talking about Elvis merchandise, Erin is just complaining about how bad she’s doing at the game. She’s AWFUL. And this is the same fucking map that she played earlier and she was able to get through it. So she learned nothing from that experience.
She doesn’t even attempt to do this with any kind of skill. There are spinning blades, for example. You obviously have to time when you should go through the entrance. Obviously, you want to go when the blade isn’t there.
She doesn’t do this. She just goes whenever. As soon as possible. Even when it’s obvious as fuck that she’s going to get hit by the blade.
Then Mike explains this to her. “You have to wait.” She didn’t know this. She needed to be told this. She thinks that you’re supposed to just blindly jump right into the blades over and over and over again until you magically get through it.
Then, with that pro tip from Mike, she managed to get through the level. And she said, “Yay! I qualified!” and raised her hand and smiled broadly as though she gives a fuck about any of this.
28:15 – Erin says, “I’ve only seen one episode of The Beavis and Butthead Show but I liked it so I’ll watch the rest of it.”
Let’s just move on.
28:30 – “Look at this situation. I like the green and pink together. They look very nice.”
It’s just so terrible. You feel so bad for Mike when you watch this shit. Why does he do this? How much can he possibly hate himself to endure this?
And Erin has obviously never seen this level before. But she played this before. And she thought that it was fun.
Never bothered to play it again. That one time, on stream, for money, was enough for her.
30:00 – Erin failed to qualify. You know what might have helped? Having some experience with the game.
Now it’s Mike’s turn. We can stop here. There’s another…oh fuck. Two and a half hours of this shit.
Next parts:
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Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey (Trailer Reaction) – Newt Wallen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgTn0oE9fbQ
Four minutes. Let’s see what you’ve got, Ideas Man.
0:30 – “Winnie the Pooh has fallen into the public domain so you can do what you want with it.”
This is what this whole thing is about. Somebody made a shitty tits and gore movie based on Winnie the Pooh because Winnie the Pooh is in the public domain now. Newt really likes this. Newt loves ripping off existing ideas because he has none of his own.
0:45 – “It’s really cool that people are taking these properties when they fall into the public domain and doing something different with them.”
What about NEW ideas, Newt? Have you considered that?
1:15 – Newt starts talking about his plagiarised fake movie trailer called Paperboy 3: The Hard Way. NEW IDEAS, Newt. Try it out.
1:30 – Newt mentions another stupid, plagiarised idea of his: The Girl with the Purple Dragon Tattoo. It was ripping off the children’s show Barney and Friends as well as the obvious movie ripoff.
It’s fucking pathetic.
2:30 – “There’s a lot of shit you can do with this stuff. Just taking the bones of an idea and twisting it into something new.”
No, Newt. This is not new no matter how many times you say it. This is just ripping off existing ideas. That’s not remotely creative. It takes no talent to do that.
Then he admits that his Paperboy and Barney ideas aren’t in the public domain but…whatever. He doesn’t give a shit.
2:45 – “I can’t wait to check it out. The trailer looked — you know, there’s girls in it, there’s gore in it.”
Tits and gore. We get it, Newt. Do you have a single fucking original idea? It’s the same shit every god damn video. “I want to make a plagiarised tits and gore video.” WE KNOW!
3:00 – “People always go like, ‘Don’t you want to make anything good? Why are you wasting your time with pun titles and shit like that?’ Look at the attention that this got online.”
None. I never heard ANYTHING about this piece of shit.
Newt talks about how inspired he was by Kevin Smith.
See, here’s what Kevin Smith did. He wrote an ORIGINAL script and then made a movie on a limited budget. He put TIME into writing something GOOD. He didn’t just shit something out in two days. He carefully crafted the characters and the dialogue because he was interested in making a good movie.
And it worked. A lot of people enjoyed Clerks. It made Kevin Smith very wealthy. Probably. In any event, he’s well-known and he made at least one film that most everybody agrees was good or at least original.
Why doesn’t Newt go down this route? Because he can’t fucking write. He doesn’t have any ideas.
This formula of people making good movies on a low budget has been done time and time again. Greetings. Easy Rider. Mean Streets. Eraserhead. Blair Witch Project. Slacker. Welcome to the Dollhouse. Reservoir Dogs. Little Miss Sunshine. The Wrestler.
If Newt was attempting to make something good, I’d say go for it. Well…given when I know about his total lack of talent, actually, I probably wouldn’t.
But this plagiarised tits and gore shit has absolutely no merit and no prospect of success. So why bother? He’s wasting all of his time and money on this shit. He’s wasting his life on this stupid shit.
3:30 – “I really hope that as more shit falls into the public domain, more people find a way to mix it into something new and cool.”
It’s not new and it’s not cool. It’s untalented hacks making shit that nobody watches.
“I’m just mad that I didn’t think of it first.”
He’s mad that he didn’t think to steal this idea first.
Comments.
– “Yes, I agree with you said at the end. Basically is what Picasso said “creativity has you find you working”, you can’t sit and do nothing and wait for the right idea, you have to work work work…. Some of it, maybe, wouldn’t be as good as intended, but one need to do the heavy lifting, play with ideas, titles, concepts, etc”
Oh sure. Was Picasso ripping off other people’s ideas? I don’t know. I’m not an art historian. But I’m guessing no.
What a fucking ridiculous comment. Newt is no Pablo Picasso. And he’s not working and working and working. He’s plagiarising and plagiarising and plagiarising. That’s not creative. AT ALL.
– “I had an idea for a slasher story that involved all of the characters from television that just disappeared i.e; Chuck Cunningham from Happy Days, Judy Winslow from Family Matters, etc. Of course that would be logistically impossible considering how much money it would cost to license those characters.”
Plus, these people are all way too old for their roles. Or are you going to recast the characters? Nobody would fucking know who anybody is. This is a completely idiotic idea.
– “People who talk shit about you not making “good stuff” totally miss the fact that you LIKE and ENJOY the types of movies you make. Those are the movies I enjoy and a LOT of other people feel the same way.”
Newt replies, “I like B movies. I like fun trash. I mean i LOVE great films. And art but I cant write that kinda stuff. I can write an pull off schlock”
Well, it’s refreshing that he at least admits that he can’t write. So he’s just trying to make these shitty movies that nobody watches. It’s a borderline scam. And it’s a scam that’s not going to fucking work.
– “hack the movies is damn near unwatchable without you, by the way. just throwing that shit out there”
Newt replies, “I dont know. I saw a tweet saying its only gotten better without me”
I think that it was Tony who wrote that. But it’s pretty much true that the show is unwatchable now. They’re fucking awful without Newt. When Newt was there with Horseface, they were unwatchable but when he was there with just Tony, it was fine. Not good but fine.
Too bad you’re a giant, unabashed plagiarist, Newt.
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Crystal Quin Starts a Fansly
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1564736455083171843?s=20
Well, I finally gave in and I can have some fun with this. Therapy is expensive.
First subscriber: Newt Wallen. Second subscriber: Kris Glavin.
Other than those two degenerates, who the fuck wanted this? It’s revolting.
The description is:
Posting fun photos and having fun! I also love talking to all subscribers who message me! Subscribers also get some of my favorite photos!
So what does this mean? Nude or not? It’s intentionally vague to fool the mentally challenged into paying for this shit.
Why are these Hack the Movies people joining Fansly instead of OnlyFans anyway? Presumably, Fansly takes less of a cut.
So anyway, Horseface says, “Cheers to stufflikeheartsand titsmintsalad being my inspiration”
Like doing bad porn is inspirational.
Then there’s discussion of doing a “collab” with Johanna and Johanna replies…suggesting that she’d like it…eww. Come on. WHO’S THE AUDIENCE FOR THIS VILE SHIT?
It’s not that I don’t like naked ladies. I do. But not fucking fat chicks and horse-faced women. It’s gross.
And those disgusting pictures of Mint Salad bending over or with her legs spread or…god. They are so fucking nasty. It’s a fucking chubby autistic woman…I don’t even want to think about it.
But anyway, Mint Salad also says that she wants to “collab” with Horseface.
https://twitter.com/titsmintsalad/status/1564823753586053122
It’s just nauseating. The only person to reply to that tweet is fucking Kris Glavin. He’s looking forward to it, of course.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565194835862192128
Then Horseface went on a streak of posting pictures on Twitter. Kris Glavin replies, of course.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565369151765577731
Here’s another one. “Happy PSL Day”, whatever that is. She’s wearing bondage gear in public. Kris Glavin replies, of course. Twice.
https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1565126224657219584
She also re-tweeted this. It’s a guy who has “Proud Crystal Quin Simp” in his profile. Horseface is encouraging this.
Kris Glavin replies, of course.
Anyway, you go to the CartoonGuy’s Twitter. There’s a picture of, I think a white guy as his profile picture. And his description says that he’s 29 and “Black Lives Matter” and “Trans Lives Matter.”
So you think maybe it’s this white guy in the avatar.
No. You go to his Linktree.
https://linktr.ee/47cartoonguy
It has his Instagram there.
https://www.instagram.com/47cartoonguy/
Now the avatar is of a black cartoon character.
You look at the pictures and after scrolling past some cartoons, you start seeing pictures of a fat black guy. A REALLY fat black guy. Like 400 pounds. This is the guy. This is the guy who Horseface is encouraging to give her money. These are the people giving Horseface money. Extremely unfortunate men. The bottom 0.1% of the dating market.
And this guy has an Amazon Wishlist like he’s some fucking cam girl.
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3A7GHUSAG3UHG?ref_=wl_share
Who’s going to buy fucking cartoon books for a 400 black guy? Not to be racist about this. But who’s going to buy cartoon books for a 400 pound guy of any race?
It’s just sad. These guys are completely pathetic. And these are the guys giving money to these fucking bottom-feeding grifters. A lot of them are clearly mentally ill and/or mentally challenged. A lot of them have physical disabilities. And virtually all of them…how to put this delicately…they’re gargoyles. I’m not saying that I’m Brad Pitt but these guys…these are guys who absolutely can not get dates.
For a lot of guys, if you’re looking for a date, I’d recommend going on Tinder, dropping your standards to zero, and swiping right on everyone. You’ll find somebody. She might be 300 pounds. She might have children. But you’ll find somebody.
But for guys like Kris Glavin or this 400 pound cartoon guy…I don’t think that even this would work. It’s harsh to say but that’s the unfortunate reality. And it’s not just their appearance, it’s also their mental health problems and/or mental disabilities. And these fucking nerd hobbies that they’re obsessed with.
I mean, a guy who’s obsessed with cartoons? You’re going to have a hard time finding a date no matter what you look like if you’re obsessed with cartoons. Or video games. Or Star Trek. Or any of this shit. You can like this stuff. I don’t give a fuck. But don’t fucking advertise. Keep it to yourself. The ladies are not into that shit.
So Horseface. She just got out of a nine year relationship and she immediately goes to Fansly. It’s in such poor taste. She doesn’t give a fuck about that guy. She’s on The Tony Show talking about how she wants to have sex with everyone, including her father. It’s completely disrespectful. But the only person who Horseface cares about is Horseface.
She doesn’t care about conning retards out of their money. Doesn’t care about her boyfriend of nine years. Doesn’t care about her family. Doesn’t care about Newt Wallen. It’s all about Horseface.
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Hudson Hawk (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-GWV2HrW0c
0:15 – But first a word from our sponsor. Come on…KEEPS!
Oh. Fucking VPN. What happened to proxies? I used to use them all the time. There were websites that had massive lists of proxies. You just put that information into some setting in your browser and…assuming it works…you have a new IP address. A lot of times they didn’t work so you’d just have to try another one.
There were also what were called “CGI proxies” which were websites where you just have to type in what URL you want to go to and it would change your IP address. A lot of these weren’t very good, though. You were better off using the manual proxies.
I’m pretty sure that these proxy sites still exist. And they seem to do the exact same thing as these VPNs. And they’re free. So why not use them instead? Yeah, none of them are exactly fast but it’s free. You can’t beat free.
Yeah, and this ad is talking about how you can choose a VPN from a bunch of different countries. Same thing with proxies. I used some proxy site and there would be a little flag next to each proxy to tell you what country it’s from. Same exact shit. FREE.
1:30 – That’s some hairline, Jimmy. Why even bother at this point?
“When it comes to movie-based games, you’d think I’d covered them all by now.”
Indeed, Jimmy. It’s so obviously algorithm-based.
4:30 – God. Just shave your head. There’s no point to this. The hairline runs across the middle of his scalp. And you know that there’s nothing in the back. So it’s just this thin strip of hair that he’s working with and he’s having to consciously never show you the back. It’s ridiculous.
7:00 – Terrible CGI special effects of Jimmy trying to drink a beer and the beer exploding. This is all part of a terrible running gag wherein every time Jimmy tries to take a drink of beer, something happens to knock the glass out of his hands or something.
9:00 – Jimmy is pretending to play the game and he’s getting “angry”. Terrible, terrible acting.
10:30 – Shit Pickle appears and weirdly bald Jimmy says, “I’ve been to ask you this for the longest time but how did shit get on your head?”
This is so terrible. Doesn’t Jimmy respect his lore any more? If memory serves, Shit Pickle first appeared in Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell. One of the characters was holding a pickle, dropped the pickle, and the pickle bounced into a pig’s anus. It’s some real biting satire.
“Were you shat on? Were you up somebody’s butt? Were you dipped in shit that’s already been shat? Or have you always existed that way and there’s no faecal origin?”
YOU KNOW THE ANSWER, JIMMY. Whoever wrote this shit may not know but JIMMY knows. Doesn’t Jimmy care about his lore? This is somebody who REFUSES to make more more Board James because it would destroy the lore. Everybody dies at the end of Board James (or something) so Jimmy says that he can’t make any more. Everybody’s dead.
Nobody ON EARTH cares about the stupid lore of Board James. Everybody HATED the stupid stories that he would tack on to these videos, which got more and more elaborate with each video. People jsut want to see him review board games. But Jimmy will not do it because of his commitment to the lore.
But here he is asking for Shit Pickle’s origin.
Actually, maybe it works. Yeah, James Rolfe knows about Shit Pickle’s origin but I don’t think The Angry Video Game Nerd knows. So…whatever.
Then Shit Pickle says “shit pickle” about two hundred times and a bunch of clips from various wars play. This is funny to…James? Maybe? But who else?
12:00 – If you tap the “B” button, you throw a punch but if you hold “B” it punches. Kieran, or whoever wrote this, thinks that this is stupid. They suggest that a better control scheme would be to press select to switch between the two. Or hold up and “B” to throw the ball.
What? No, these are clearly worse methods. There are definitely games that have a similar control scheme.
16:00 – Kieran thinks that there’s something wrong with the sentence, “You may have saved the economic fate of the whole world.” He takes issue with the word “may”.
But no. That’s right. Perfectly acceptable use of the word. So this whole rant afterwards just makes Jimmy look like an idiot.
17:15 – Then Jimmy starts yelling about doody and whatnot.
17:45 – Then Jimmy (or somebody, you just see the arm) throws the game in the trash, which causes a bad CGI explosion and fire for some unexplained reason.
Let me try to freeze frame this. Is it really Jimmy’s arm? We can tell by the level of hair.
No. We don’t see the arm at all. There’s no way that this was Jimmy throwing this.
The video ends with Kieran singing the Folgers coffee theme song for some stupid reason.
So credits. Written, directed by, and starring James Rolfe. Uh huh. Sure it was.
Edited and filmed by Kieran Fallon.
Well, at least he got upgraded from “help”.
This was…not good. It wasn’t good. But there was nothing really rage-inducing. Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.
They seem to cover the same ground that I’ve done. James is bald, the acting is bad, but overall it was just a boring, inoffensive episode.
