Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGzm386EF8c

0:00 – “I don’t want to be a whiny bitch.”

That ship has sailed, Newt.

“You see nothing but negative of everything any more from thirty-something to forty-something year old white dudes on Youtube complaining about The Little Mermaid or Lord of the Rings or Batgirl or whatever.”

Newt really hates white people.  A lot of people who have this belief will have a lot of black friends or whatever.  But Newt’s friends are all white.  Maybe Newt tried to make friends with black men but the soul brothers just weren’t interested.  

Newt: Hey, Darnell.  Want to go to a midnight screening of Blacula with me and then maybe we can go to the all-night fried chicken place?

Darnell: Uhhhh…yo, yo, yo.  I think I’m busy that day, dawg.  But thanks for looking out.  Gotta go now.  Bye.

But here’s why people don’t like a black Little Mermaid and shit like this: it’s pandering.  Nobody wants that. It’s the same with the female Ghostbusters and shit like this.  

There’s nothing righteous about any of this.  It’s just the usual Chosen People cynically trying to cash in on this lowest common denominator bullshit.  Take an existing property, change all of the characters to be black/women/transgender/whatever and hope that enough of the people in this demographic and their “right on” “allies” pay to see this shit.

If you want to make a movie about a black mermaid, by all means do so.  But don’t use the existing movie.  It’s lazy and it’s pandering and it’s insulting to one’s intelligence.  

If these people were racist, they’d be boycotting all films that have predominately black casts.  But nobody is doing that.  Nobody has a problem with films that have predominately black casts or predominately female casts or whatever.  The problem is this fake, bullshit pandering where they take an existing movie (or whatever) and make everybody black/female/transgender/whatever.

0:30 – Then Newt tells his riveting story about how he learned about Kevin Smith in the fifth grade and it really inspired a young Newt Wallen to pursue his plagiarised tits and gore dreams.

2:15 – Newt doesn’t like the movie because, in reference to Kevin Smith, “Everything he says in this movie, he’s already said elsewhere and better.”

Yeah.  It is annoying when somebody keeps repeating himself.  You know what I mean, Ideas Man?  Tits and gore?  New Jersey?  

3:00 – Newt went to see this movie and the Screenwave crew (presumably Horseface too) happened to be at the same cinema and Newt says, “There was some whispering and that kind of stuff and that sucked.”

It is petty.  Yeah, Newt is a scumbag and a plagiarist.  And Horseface is a scumbag.  Tony is a scumbag.  Justin is a scumbag.  But just get on with it.  You don’t have to talk to each other.  But apparently, rural Pennsylvania is so small a community that you just happen to bump into each other.  So just ignore each other but be adults about it.  

3:30 – He says that he intentionally didn’t laugh during the movie because he didn’t want Horseface and the gang to hear him.

9:45 – Newt says that he went to the same film school as Kevin Smith.

Oh yeah.  This seems to check out.  It was apparently Vancouver Film School and Newt has said in the past, many times, that he lived in Vancouver.

Established in 1987.  I see.  I’m getting scam vibes here.  Let me look for the acceptance rate.

It’s 84%.  Tuition is between $25,000 and $40,000 a year.  Yeah.  I see.  

It’s not too far off from that lunatic abortion nut from Hack the Movies who went to a “film school” that had a 100% acceptance rate.  Literally 100%.  

https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/comments/1xmwh5/honestly_how_hard_and_expensive_is_it_to_get_into/

This thread confirms my suspicions.  It’s a predatory school.  Why are these things so common in the US and, apparently, Canada?  Why is nobody cracking down on this shit?  People are being enslaved for the rest of their lives with these fucking scam schools.  

I’m at 12 minutes.  I’m sorry but this is boring.  I can’t watch another 15 of this.  Newt didn’t like the movie.  Okay.  Great.  Moving on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmPQGNc814c

Here’s some *bonus* content.  Newt is talking about how he made it to the second round of some weird Twitter “contest”.

This one minute video was “filmed” on the same day as he saw that movie and Horseface was in the same cinema.  He starts crying in this video.  He’s so moved by the support of his loyal ladyboys who gave him a thumbs up or whatever was required in this thing.

Oh.  I just looked this up.  It’s even weirder than I suspected.  

You can vote every day.  So it’s obviously just promotion for the website.  They want people to keep going to the website every day for whatever reason.

But you can also just give them money and you’ll get more votes.  Who would do this?  

And if you win, you get $13,000, a “walk on role” in an “independent film”, and a two night stay at Buffalo Bill’s House.  Whatever that is.  Oh, and the winner will also “go head-to-head with horror legend Kane Hodder in a photoshoot for Rue Morgue Magazine”.  That’s even more confusing.  What exactly is being awarded here, if anything?

It’s just a stupid popularity contest.  There’s no way to see who the “competitors” are.  You only know who they are if they’re spamming this shit on their social media and telling you to vote, like Newt was doing.

There are a lot of easier ways to make $13,000.  I wouldn’t even want this other shit.  The other shit is just a chore.  It’s a job.  For $13,000 you want me to be a background character in some shitty student movie, travel to some shitty house or something for two days, and take part in a photoshoot with some 67 year old man?  Fuck no.  Maybe add a zero to that sum and I’ll consider it.

But these are the PRIZES.  The “prize” is having to deal with all of this weird bullshit.  Just give me the money and fuck off.  No.  I’m sure that you have to do all of this weird bullshit to get the money.  And even then you might not get it.

Well, he did better than Macy Jarry, the Horror Whore.

https://faceofhorror.org/2022/macy-jarry

It just shows how pointless this “contest” is.  You’re telling me that you’d vote for Newt Wallen over her?  It’s just some weird promotional thing for the website.  But I can’t even figure out what they’re promoting.

Whether they give a prize away or not, it’s a scam.  Just like Newt’s film school.  They’re selling a dream that 99.99% of the people won’t get.  You’re better off buying lottery tickets.  

 https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1569814807108538368

In 94 I was in 5th grade. I read an article in the paper about a guy in a town 30 mins away who made a #movie and It blew my mind. And set me on the path. Anything is possible. No matter where you are from @ThatKevinSmith#clerks3 #NewJersey

WE KNOW, NEWT!  Why does he have to repeat himself so often?  We get it.  New Jersey.  Great.

Why would he think that New Jersey disadvantages him in any way?  I could see, for example, somebody from a rural coal mining town in West Virginia who has ten siblings and two unemployed parents thinking that they’re disadvantaged.

But now that I say that, I knew somebody from a poor West Virginia family like that.  She moved.  Moved to New England.  Worked the same fairly shitty job that I was doing.  But it wasn’t retail or fast food or dealing with food in any way.  

God, that woman had the biggest tits I’ve ever seen in my life.  No exaggeration.  She’s the all-time champion.  I’m never going to see tits bigger than those.  She was in her late 30s, I’d guess, and not a looker but they were like…there had to be a medical explanation for this.  Or maybe it’s from all of the inbreeding.  But just massive.  They nearly went down to her waist but they were also really out in front of her.  They had to custom make her uniform they were so huge.  There was nothing erotic about any of this, it was just interesting from a medical standpoint.  They must have weighed 15 or 20 pounds each.

Oh, the point of my story is that she said that when she was a child, she never felt that she was poor or couldn’t do whatever she wanted.  Even though she was poor.  But her parents never gave that impression to her.  

Or take somebody from the inner city.  Madam Fomo, for example.  One of the places that she claims to be from is New York, although she’s also said Florida.  For the purposes of this story, let’s go with New York.  And she said that she had a lot of siblings.  And my suspicion is that her mother was a prostitute and her father was her mother’s pimp.

I can see somebody in that situation saying, “Hey.  This is awful.  I’m never going to be able to achieve my dream of being a dentist” or whatever.  And unfortunately, in Madam Fomo’s case, she did just get into prostitution.

But New Jersey?  No.  There’s nothing especially terrible about New Jersey.  

I know that Newt’s mother was 16 when she had him, and that suggests an upbringing that probably wasn’t ideal, but that’s separate from living in New Jersey.  Everybody in New Jersey isn’t having children at 16.  

But Newt was really inspired by Kevin Smith and Clerks.  He saw it in the fifth grade, oddly. 

Why doesn’t he just rip off Clerks then?  It doesn’t have to be a direct rip off, as he’s so fond of doing, but something similar.  Do a movie about working in a movie theatre.  Write some snappy dialogue.  This is all you need.  Get PVC Bondage Girl to act in this and whatever other skanks you scrape up and you’re done.  You had the fucking job at the movie theatre.  You could have filmed there.  I’m sure that he still can.  He seems to be on good terms with the people at the cinema.

Here’s the problem: he can’t write snappy dialogue and he has no ideas.  All he knows is tits, gore, and plagiarism.  

But he’s right.  If you watch something like Clerks or Slacker or My Dinner with Andre, you realise that all you need to make a good movie is a good script.  You don’t need a huge budget and special effects and explosions and sexy ladies in bikinis.  Just take the time and write a good fucking script.  That’s all that you have to do.  

Newt refuses to do it.  Tits, gore, and plagiarism.  That’s his big plan.  That’s what he quit his job over.  This is what he thinks is going to make him a millionaire.  You know, because there are so many tits, gore, and plagiarism millionaires out there.

If Kevin Smith could write a good movie, why can’t Newt?  They’re both from New Jersey.  There seems to be some significance to this in Newt’s mind.  

Kevin Smith didn’t say, “I’m going to make a tits and gore plagiarised movie”.  He set out to do something new and original.  

What was I doing in 1994?  I was in the 10th grade.  I was slacking, as was the style at the time.  Didn’t care about school.  

The school let you pick what classes you wanted to take.  So even though I was in the “smart” track in grade school, I decided to take all remedial classes.  Basic math.  Business English.  Shit like this.  The people in these classes weren’t mentally retarded but they were pretty close.  Some of them had limited English abilities.

But I figured, what does it matter?  We’re all getting the same diploma.  Why take difficult classes when I can take easy classes?

I was dead on.  It’s kind of surprising that I figured this out so early and that I went through with it.  Because other people were concerned about their transcript and their grades and their extra-curricular activities and getting into a good college and whatnot.  But I didn’t give a shit about any of that.  I knew that it was all meaningless.

So I went to class with these remedial students.  Did the absolute bare minimum.  Passed most of my classes.  And that was that.  I got a diploma afterwards.  

Some of my classmates went to marginally better colleges than I did but not really.  Nothing that would make any difference.  Nobody went to Harvard or anything like that.  Nothing even close.  

And none of it mattered anyway.  I never had a job that required any education whatsoever.  Nobody ever asked to see any diploma or degree.  As a 13 year old, I knew that it was all a giant waste of time and I was proven right.

I took a lot of typing classes in high school.  I took a lot of these “business” classes.  It was just the re-named “remedial” shit.  That turned out to be a great decision.  I learned how to type really well.  I got a lot of jobs because of that.  

Everything else in high school was a waste of time.  How many times did my U-boat knowledge come in handy?  Or dividing fractions?  Or young adult novel I am the Cheese?  I haven’t used any of this shit even one time.

In 1994, there was a girl who liked me and would constantly flirt with me but I was like 15 years old.  I didn’t have a car or anything.  Are we going to hang out at my house and play Quest for Glory 2?  

So eventually she lost interest.  Then when she was 17, she got pregnant by some Mexican guy in his late 20s who quickly abandoned her.  Then she gained about 150 pounds.  She’s done a variety of low-paying jobs and still lives in that same ghetto.

I’d say that 90% of my former classmates still live in that ghetto.  How come?  Why am I the only who moved abroad?  

Pure moxie.  They’re not teaching that in the schools.  

Having a good plan also helps.  Take Newt, for example.  Newt’s plan is idiotic and doomed to failure.  It’s so stupid that he must intentionally be sabotaging his own life.  Plagiarised tits and gore movies made in his mother’s basement?  There is no conceivable chance of this ever working.

So New Jersey.  Newt is all about New Jersey.  That’s good because that’s where he’s going to stay.  This tits and gore shit is not his ticket out.  It’s his cursed guarantee of never getting out.