Erin Plays and Mike Matei play spooky NES games! – Erin Plays (part 1 of 3)

That’s some costume, Erin. Thanks for making the effort.

It wasn’t too long ago that Erin would release four Youtube videos in October and however many Twitch streams and she’d be in a “sexy” costume in every one of these videos. She even once said that she was going to wear “sexy” costumes YEAR-ROUND. Not just for October.

Now what do we get? Erin in a jacket. This isn’t sexy. Shishi is watching this, he waited all year for this, his tiny dick is in his hand and…this. Erin in a jacket.

Oh, but they’re going to be playing WANPAKU GRAFFITI. This is one of Erin’s “favourite” games. She doesn’t even know the fucking name of the game. She made a Youtube video on this game and played it a couple of times on stream, for money.

0:15 – Mike is talking about WANKPAKU GRAFFITI and says, “You get a shotgun”. Erin says, “Yeah. I always forget about that part.”

What a way to start a stream. Erin “always” “forgets” that there’s a shotgun in WANKPAKU GRAFFITI. Probably because she only played the game three times in her life. Briefly. But yeah, it’s well known that there’s a shotgun in the Splatterhouse games, amongst people who have actually played the games.

0:30 – Mike describes the game as a “cute em’ up” because, presumably, he doesn’t know what the fuck the term means.

Erin has an inkling that what Mike is saying is incorrect. But she can’t put it into words. Because she doesn’t know anything about video games. But she knows that something isn’t right about this.

So after some hemming and hawing, she says, “Cute versions of games is what we’re saying.”

Well, it’s not what Mike was saying. He was saying that WANPAKU GRAFFITI, a side-scrolling platform game, is a “cute em up”.

By the way, this is off topic and I feel bad saying this, but Mike really struggles to read. Watch him reading anything in a game. There will be text in a game and he’ll read it out loud. He just skips any proper names because can’t read it. I don’t get it. Was he not taught phonics? It was all the rage when we were kids. He’s about the same age as me. Just sound the word out, Mike. He can’t do it. It’s unfortunate. He wasn’t given a proper education. He’s been failed.

4:30 – “I am very open. I’m probably too open. I’ll be like, ‘Hey, guys. I can’t breathe right now’ or ‘Oh, yeah. My hand doesn’t work today’. ‘Bad carpal tunnel day. I can’t breathe.”

This isn’t being open. These are lies. It’s the opposite of being open.

9:15 – “I like this game a lot. This is second year Erin Plays, I did a video on this.”

The first of three times, in her life, that she’s played this game. She likes it “a lot”.

So she’s playing the game, WANPAKU GRAFFITI, by the way, and she keeps hitting the attack button even when there’s not a single enemy on screen. Why is she doing this? I guess that she forgot how to play video games. Erin “always” “forgets” how to play video games.

10:30 – Some flying cross hit her. She says, “Fuck, I forgot about this part.”


This is not a result of “forgetting” the game. She doesn’t fucking play it. She played this three times in her life. Briefly. For a Youtube video or on stream, for money. That’s it. Just admit it. We all know and we don’t care.

It’s the first level, by the way.

11:00 – Erin is talking about a TikTok video that she made. What? Is she back on that? She made a handful of GOD AWFUL videos, years ago, and then I thought she gave up. Let me check.

Oh, she has indeed. Six videos this year. I missed all of these. I’ll have to review them in a separate video. I’m sure that they’re all excellent.

14:30 – “This is kind of like Adventures in the Magic Kingdom, isn’t it?”

A game that she played for a Youtube video. And I think streamed once or twice, for money.

16:15 – “I forget if I have to kill the chairs too.”

Eugh. Moving on.

18:45 –

Mike: I always like this game.

Erin: It’s so good. It makes me happy.

Literally. THREE TIMES IN HER LIFE. That’s the number of times that she played this. Why can she not just be honest?

20:15 – She died so handed the controller to Mike, citing hand problems. Uh huh.

21:30 – Mike is at a boss.

Mike: What do you do here?

Erin: You…have to keep killing — this is hard. So you have to keep…uhhh…you have to keep trying to go forward.

Mike: How? That’s what I’m asking.

Erin: You have to…hit…every mouse. In like…I forget. There’s like a technique to it and I’m blanking. Trying to remember. Yeah, you have to like jump and do it. I think. I don’t know. I don’t remember. I just remember this part sucks.

Brutal. Just be honest with people and then you don’t have to repeatedly look like a lying jackass in every stream.

So when Mike said, “How do you do this part?” Erin could have just said, “I don’t know, Mike. I only played the game three times in my life. So your guess is as good as mine.”

What’s so hard about that? What’s so hard about being honest? Nothing is easier than telling the truth. Lying is difficult. Try telling the truth for once, Erin.

Then Mike figures it out. You had to press some other button. Like a “run” button. Erin “always” “forgets” about the run button.

Then Erin is reading from the chat. “I did beat this before”.

You couldn’t guess by her complete lack of “remembering” ANYTHING about the game.

24:15 – Erin is reading from the chat. “Erin changes her name to ‘1 HP Erin’ and then she’s literally put on life support for her terrible allergy and the doctor says, ‘She’s literally 1 HP Erin.'”

This is comedy to these people? Imagining Erin on her deathbed? I don’t care much for Erin but that’s going too far.

25:30 – She’s talking about some game. I don’t know. “People will say, ‘Well, are you playing it on a CRT?’ Yes. I have a fucking retro game Youtube channel for five years. Like, I think I know that you play it on a fucking CRT. ‘Well, are you doing this?’ And I’m like, ‘It didn’t fucking work. That’s why I’m using the D-pad.’ Because I did a video on it like two years ago.

She’s a real retro gaming pro, that Erin Plays. How dare anybody question her retro gaming knowledge and experience? Five years of having the world’s worst, most ill-informed, fraudulent, retro gaming Youtube channel. This makes her an expert. Anyone who doesn’t recognise this is a sexist retard.

“I love that video but there are so many comments like, ‘Well, did you know that it has to be not on an HD television?’ Motherfucker, do you know who I am?”

Is she being serious?

“It’s like, look at my fucking channel. All of my videos are retro gaming videos.”

Yes. And you exhibit a shocking lack of interest, knowledge, or ability in ALL of them. We see the videos. That’s exactly why people are questioning your fucking credentials. You’re a fucking fraud.

Mike: (in retard voice) Are you sure it’s a CRT and not like a flatscreen LCD?

Erin: I’m going to be like, “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Some normie ass bitch? I know what I’m doing.”

She can’t be serious. But I think that she is. She doesn’t have a fucking clue what she’s doing. She’s a total fraud. Any moron can see this.

Is it possible that she thinks that she’s a real “gamer”? She’s convinced herself? She’s told so many lies about this that now even she believes it?

If you only play video games for Youtube videos or on stream, for money, you’re not…do I even need to explain this? I have three years worth of articles detailing exactly why Erin is a complete and total fraud. She knows NOTHING about video games. She only started playing them when she started her fucking channel five years ago. And she NEVER plays games in her spare time. Not for one fucking second. She has no interest in any of this. It’s a scam to shake down retards for money. Erin is the epitome of the fake gamer grrl.

Mike: Meanwhile, that fucker has like a plasma television from like 2006.

Can Mike possibly believe any of this? Mike thinks that Erin is genuinely interested in video games? He can’t think that.

And his argument is insane. The type of television that one has determines whether or not one is a real “gamer”? It’s ridiculous. Nobody uses this as the test for determining if somebody is a “gamer” or not. There are plenty of people without CRTs who enjoy retro video games. And there are plenty of people who have CRTs who are complete and utter frauds. Like Erin Plays, for example.

26:45 – “I’d understand if I was somebody who’s like, “Hey guys! I usually play Overwatch but today I’m going to try a retro game. Like, if it was out of my realm of what I do then I would get it. But all I do is retro, pretty much.”

The person who plays Overwatch may very well be an actual “gamer”, though. On the other hand, you’re a total fraud, Erin. Having a fraudulent Youtube channel for five years and a CRT doesn’t change anything.

Although, it does raise a philosophical question. How many years of being a fake “gamer” on Youtube and Twitch does it take to become a real “gamer”? Because even though she’s just playing for Youtube videos or on stream, for money, she’s still playing the game. She’s gaining some experience with video games.

I can say that five years isn’t long enough because we can see that Erin still doesn’t know jack shit about video games. She “always” “forgets” everything. She has no interest in this shit.

But in ten years? Twenty years? I don’t know.

Maybe if you only play video games for money, you can never be a real “gamer”. Because real “gamers” play video games for their own enjoyment, not for money. Although, I suppose you could enjoy playing the game while getting paid. But Erin clearly doesn’t enjoy playing the games.

But just look at the volume of time that she’s playing video games. It’s maybe two hours a week? Something like that. Is that enough to consider yourself a “gamer”? Most “gamers” play video games two hours a day, easily.

Even two hours a week is a fairly long time to spend on a hobby, though. If you were a coin collector and you looked at your coins for two hours a week, I think that that’s enough to consider yourself a coin collector. Or if you crocheted for two hours a week, I think that’s enough to consider yourself a crochet enthusiast.

I don’t know. It raises some interesting questions. But what I know is that Erin, as of today, is not a “gamer”. She has no interest in video games. She has remarkably little experience with video games. She has almost no knowledge of video games. And she never plays video games in her spare time. Ergo, not a “gamer.”

31:30 – They’re talking about emulation versus real hardware. Erin says, “When I started Erin Plays, I was like, ‘Everything has to be authentic.'”

Uh huh. Erin is all about authenticity. She’s a real “gamer”. She’s using this bizarre definition, that she got from Mike, that having real hardware makes one a “gamer”.

No. It’s about what you enjoy doing. If you enjoy playing video games, you’re a “gamer”. It’s as easy as that. You can have all the consoles and CRTs in the world but if you don’t like playing the fucking games, as Erin doesn’t, you’re not a “gamer”.

32:15 – “Back in 2007, when I started getting more into retro stuff, because I grew up with the Super Nintendo but (incomprehensible mumbling) before that I started to learn with like DSNES(???) and shit. It’s like that got me REALLY into games again. You know?”

Oh, we know. When I think of retro gaming enthusiasts, Erin Fucking Plays. Who knows more about retro video games than her? NOBODY.

In 2007, she was just chilling with the DSNES. What the fuck is that? Is this an emulator that passed me by? Let me try to figure this out.

No. Not that I’m seeing. This is nothing. Let me listen to this again.

ZSNES? I think that’s what she’s saying. But she said “Zee-Sness”. She said “SNES” as a word. Like British people do. And how Americans DON’T do. And this is something that Mike regularly rants about. He doesn’t like people saying “SNES” as a word.

I always called this “Z-S-N-E-S”. Letters. Like a normal American who knows about video games. So of course, Erin didn’t pronounce it this way because she doesn’t have a fucking clue about video games.

“Because I got, like, kind of out of it for a while.”

This is…just constant lies. Lies and mendacity.

“And then I got into buying the original hardware stuff.”

Uh huh.

33:00 –

Mike: Wait. Do you like video games?

Erin: They’re alright.

Mike knows that she’s a total fraud but for whatever reason, he continues to feed the lies.

33:30 – “It’s so funny. Watching video game content used to be an escape for me, like after work, and now it’s not. It stresses me out.”

Remember going to work, Erin? Remember the feeling of doing an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay? Why don’t you try it out again? It beats scamming horntards for pennies, doesn’t it?

I’m at 35:30. We can stop here.

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