https://www.tiktok.com/@erinplays87
I can’t believe she’s still doing this. She made a few GOD AWFUL TikTok videos last year. I talk about them here:
Don’t get excited. She’s not using TikTok the way it’s supposed to be used. There’s no dancing. She doesn’t even appear in the videos. She just shows “cute” games and shit that she got from some capsule machine during one of her many, many, many trips to visit her parents.
But maybe she’s improved. Let’s check out the new “content”.
This one is called, “Super cute Hello Kitty blind box unboxing! Polly Pocket vibes.”. Uh huh. Sounds like it could be a good one. Who doesn’t like super cute Hello Kitty blind box shit?
Ummm….this might be one of the most pointless videos I’ve ever seen. It’s 30 seconds of Erin showing some piece of shit little Hello Kitty trinket that she got. This is a 35 year old woman. And royalty-free “cute” music plays throughout. No commentary.
How many views did this thing get? 613. And it got comments? What?
Oh. Pity comments from Mike.
Mike: Why is it raining in Hello Kitty land?
Erin: It’s always raining in hello Kitty land
Mike: no it shouldn’t be
Negative charisma from Erin. She has no idea what to say to anything. Why would it always be raining in Hello Kitty Land? It’s a cute, happy place. That’s what Mike was clearly referencing. But she doesn’t know anything about anything, not even Hello Kitty (which is something that professes to like) so this is what you get. Weird comments that don’t make any sense.
Well, we’ve got five more of these so let’s not get discouraged. Maybe one of these will be good.
This one is called, “This Kirby blind box is insanely cute! I wish I bought more than one.” Oh fuck. It’s not looking good.
Some sort of Chinese bootleg version of the Kirby song is playing.
It’s a little Kirby guy holding a tray like he’s a waiter. He’s carrying a little glass.
That’s it. That’s the video. Does she think that this is going to take off? Nobody wants to watch this.
Let’s see Mike’s pity comment.
Oh, he didn’t bother this time. It’s just a couple of horntards.
“Lets see which Pokemon I got in this blindbox!”
Again with this. It’s not interesting. At all.
It’s a Pokemon in a bottle. Which Pokemon? I don’t know. Nor does Erin.
You know what MIGHT be interesting? MAYBE? If Erin actually spent some of Mike’s money to get some vintage Hello Kitty shit that was only released in Japan. Stuff from the 1970s. Start a little collection. But not a collection of cheap garbage like a child would do. Spend some money and get some good Hello Kitty shit. If you do it like this, you can present yourself as some kind of antiquarian as opposed to just a pathetic 35 year old woman collecting shitty children’s toys.
Erin actually appears in this one. It’s “Mario movie teaser trailer thoughts”. She gave her thoughts on Twitter not too long ago. What was that generic as fuck comment again?
“Actually pleasantly surprised with the Mario teaser trailer. I’m optimistic.”
Riveting. But she has 30 seconds here to flesh out her non-thoughts so let’s check it out.
Oh, it’s nearly two minutes. We’re in for a treat.
“First of all, I’m pretty optimistic.”
Yeah. We got that, Erin. Stop repeating the same fucking shit all the time.
Okay, this was nothing. This was NOTHING. She said NOTHING. For two minutes.
She ran out of non-stuff to say after a minute so she started talking about Mario’s buttocks. Why? Who cares? We’re supposed to be jerking off to this?
Anyway, that video got twice as many views as most of her other videos. Because she appears in the thumbnail. This is what people are watching the videos for. They want to jerk off. Then when these TikTok people see that it’s a 35 year old woman they’re like, “What the fuck? If I want to watch an old woman waffle about nothing, I’ll just talk to my mom.”
“My teens – mid 20s iPod”. So…oh, I think she’s going to show the songs that she had on her iPod from 20 years ago. Who cares?
Oh my god. No. Not even. What I described might have been half-way interesting to somebody out there somewhere in the universe. What this video actually is can’t be interesting to anybody. It’s impossible.
She just fucking turns the iPod on and says that she got it in 2007 after high school. THAT’S THE VIDEO. She doesn’t show what’s on the thing. Nothing. IT’S TOTAL DOGSHIT.
Why in the name of fuck would she make a video like this? It’s beyond pointless.
So some kid who stumbled on to the video asked the obvious question, “Who asked?” Erin replies with, “Your dad.”
Yeah, way to insult these 12 year olds, Erin. As if the video wasn’t insulting enough. It’s wasting people’s time. There’s absolutely no reason to show this. The video exists for no reason whatsoever. Nobody on earth can possibly find this interesting. It’s impossible. There’s no fucking “content” here.
Last video. Maybe she’ll redeem herself. Anything is possible, I guess.
“What is your favorite Atari 2600 game? Fast food is one of mine!”
Eugh. She won’t. She’s just going to talk about “cute food.”
Oh my god. Fifteen seconds of nothing. Is she fucking retarded? How could she possibly think that these videos are good?
I have the same question about her Youtube videos. And her Twitch streams. But these TikTok videos…it’s a whole other level of bad. They exist for no reason. The potential market for these videos is nobody. Nobody would ever want to watch these. They’re completely pointless.
Holy shit. Look at these videos in the “related videos”. Section. These videos are not related AT ALL.
There’s a woman in a nurse costume, at a nerd convention, sitting on some nerd for nine seconds. I won’t link to it because it’s annoying as fuck but I can see people wanting to watch this.
Another video is just 25 seconds of somebody’s big-titted teacher. Again, I can see the appeal.
And there’s another video of some skank showing her ass.
THIS is what TikTok is about. Not these as boring as fuck, pointless videos about garbage that you got from the 25 cent machine. As a 35 year old woman.
Now, maybe, MAYBE if Erin was showing this shit while wearing yoga pants it would make more sense. But even then. Come on. She’s 15 years too old to be on TikTok. She has no charisma. Nothing to talk about. She can’t dance. Personally, I don’t want to see her shaking her ass and/or tits. Just give this shit up. You’re done. Forget about TikTok.
Just go out and get a fucking job like a normal person. That’s the answer to all of her problems. Fucking TikTok. It’s ridiculous. And these fucking unbelievably pointless videos.