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Erin Plays and Mike Matei play random arcade games
2:00 – “I was diddly-daddlying, whatever the word is.”
Then Mike corrects her. “Dilly dallying”. What an idiot.
And I don’t even know what they’re playing. It’s the game in the screenshot. Is this even a real game or is it a hack? They talk about how it was made by Sega and Sega must have had a brand deal with KFC. But neither one of these idiots noticed that it’s Kentucky Friends Chicken. “Friends”, not “Fried.” So it’s obviously not a sponsor deal.
Erin is just commenting on how all of the enemies are cute.
3:00 – Now they’re at a 7-11. Mike says, “Oh, wow. There’s a 7-11.”
No, you fucking morons. It’s 7-Yleven”. These are all parodies. I don’t know what they’re parodying but they’re taking advantage of the lax copyright laws in Japan. If you just change the name slightly, that’s enough. At least it was when this game was released, which, according to Mike, was 1988.
4:30 –
Mike: Erin is a fan of Pixie and Dixie
Erin: I didn’t know what that was until…Mike Matei
(awkward pause)
Mike: I’m very sorry.
Good chat, Erin.
In case it needs to be stated, Erin is terrible at the game. She’s also terrible at conversation.
6:45 – “Steam sucks because it’s like…it’s like…I don’t know. It really hurt me when I would accidentally walk through it.”
Great chat, Erin.
8:15 –
Mike: So, Erin, there was a deleted scene from Star Trek V with a rock monster.
Erin: A rock monster?
Mike: Yeah. So he ended up in this game.
Great, chat Mike. You too, Erin.
8:45 – Mike is reading from that chat.
Mike: “Looks like a forgotten Sonic character?”
Erin: Kind of. Like Woody the Woodpecker mixed with Sonic.
Mike: Woody THE Woodpecker.
Erin: Woody THE Woodpecker, as Britney would say.
This is a reference to some insane comment that Erin made and I talked about in a previous article. Let me look for it.
Yeah. Mike referred to the character as Woody the Woodpecker. So then Erin just copied that name because she has no idea who the character is. The character’s name is Woody Woodpecker. There’s no definite article anywhere.
So here in this most recent video, Erin again referred to the character as “Woody THE Woodpecker”, because that’s what Mike calls the character and Erin’s only exposure to Woody Woodpecker is through Mike.
Also, in the article that I linked to, Erin makes a vague reference to Britney Spears doing an impression of Woody Woodpecker. This was her only experience with the character prior to Mike mentioning the character, albeit as “Woody THE Woodpecker.”
So anyway, this was just a little reference to the blog. The Gamer Grrls blog must be a popular topic of conversation around the Matei/Plays household. A passion for the blog is one of the few things that they have in common. I’m glad to hear it.
10:30 – Mike correctly calls the character Woody Woodpecker.
11:00 –
Mike: So the plot of this game is that Colonel Sanders wanted a new pool.
Erin: I don’t think he was alive still.
Holy shit. Erin actually made a semi-intelligent comment. And it was semi-amusing, albeit probably unintentionally. Colonel Sanders was indeed no longer with us when this game was made, assuming it was 1988.
12:00 – Mike is talking about some bullshit, Erin has no idea what he’s saying, and she just says “yeah” like six times in a row.
14:30 – She hands the controller to Mike because she wants nothing to do with video games.
15:00 – Erin is reading from the chat. “Can Erin be the new co-host on Talking About Games?” Mike tries to ignore this. But Erin continues. “Can you imagine if you and me did a podcast? It would be a mess.”
Indeed, Erin. As if these streams aren’t bad enough. Imagine a format where it’s nothing but Erin talking off the cuff.
Then Mike gets all defensive and suggests that these streams are basically a podcast. No.
15:45 –
Mike: So the difference is, I guess, that we wouldn’t have the game. We’d just be talking. So what would we talk about?”
Erin: Well, we would have topics.
NO SHIT! THAT WAS HIS QUESTION, YOU MORON!
Mike: So I have a topic.
Erin: What’s your topic?
Mike: Dynamite Dude.
I think that’s the game that they’re playing. I don’t know if I have the name right.
Erin: Well, I would like to play it as we’re…so I guess that this is the podcast.
Then they just end the discussion. TERRIBLE. Erin is completely incapable of having a conversation. About ANYTHING.
16:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. “I’m sorry to hear that, KTrain. I’d reach out to TeeSpring to see if they have a tracking thing.”
Some guy isn’t getting his “merch” and Erin just tells him to take it up with TeeSpring. She’s right, it has nothing really to do with her, but she doesn’t stand by her products? If TeeSpring is unreliable, maybe she shouldn’t do business with them.
19:00 – Erin reads from the chat. “What do I want for Christmas? I don’t know.”
How old is this?
It’s from two weeks ago. Erin has been doing A LOT of Splatterhouse “practice streams” lately. For hours. Every couple of days. Most people would this sort of thing in their spare time, for their own enjoyment, but not Erin because she has no interest in this shit. So everything has to be done on stream, for money.
She’s going to run Splatterhouse into the ground like she’s done with Castlevania and, more recently, Vampire Survivors. She’s all about these spooky goth type games. On stream, for money, anyway.
But anyway, back to the question. What does Erin want for Christmas? She doesn’t know. Because she has absolutely no hobbies or interests.
Then she says that she wants a bat Squishmallow. She’s 35 years old.
19:45 – They’re describing who the character in the game looks like.
Mike: It’s not really Donald Duck. It’s like Woody Woodpecker.
Erin: Yeah. Woody THE Woodpecker, yeah, and Sonic.
(Mike starts laughing)
Erin: Did I say it again?
Mike: I love that she has to say Woody the Woodpecker.
Erin: Woody the Woodpecker.
It was Mike’s initial mistake that caused this. Then Erin, in her usual attempt to pretend to know what’s going on, just repeated what Mike said.
21:00 – The next level takes place in Chicago.
Mike: Maybe we’ll see Al Bundy.
Erin: I hope so.
She has no idea who this is. She’s just pretending, as usual. Poorly.
23:15 – They’re switching games.
Mike: So you wanted to play Shinobi.
Erin: Yeah, I haven’t played that in a long time and I like the arcade one best.
I guess that playing in your spare time like a normal person was out of the question.
23:30 – Erin says, “This was one of my early videos.”
That must have been the first and last time that she played this.
25:30 – Erin is just rehashing everything that she said in the video that she made of this game. All the stupid fucking comments.
In case it needs to be said, Erin is terrible at the game.
27:15 – Spider-Man kills Erin. Erin says. “Fuck. I forget how I deal with that.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” how to deal with Spider-Man.
31:00 – “I forget what I do there.”
It’s the second time that she’s said that she “forgets” what to do at this spot. Erin “always” “forgets” what to do here.
She also said that this is the Shinobi game that she knows the most. She played it twice in her life. Once for a Youtube video and once, on stream, for money. This is her third time.
33:30 – Erin dies to a guy who clearly can not be attacked from crouch attacking, but she constantly tries to crouch attack anyway. “Fuck. I’ve done it before but I just can’t remember what I do.”
Yeah. I think that I’ve reached my limit. But I was skimming and I noticed that they play Donkey Kong 3 briefly. Let me check this out. Erin recently expressed surprise to see that Donkey Kong was getting sprayed up his ass in this game. Erin “always” “forgets” that Donkey Kong’s ass gets sprayed in Donkey Kong 3.
1:21:15 – Erin is saying something to the horntards about Britney Spears. I have no idea what.
Mike: This is Donkey Kong 3.
Erin: Oh, I like this one.
Mike: This is Stanley. Do you know Stanley?
Erin: (long pause) I…ummm…no. Like what else he’s in besides this? I’m confused.
Mike: He’s in Donkey Kong 3.
Erin: Yes. Is the only game he’s in?
Mike: I guess.
Erin: Oh, I thought that you were going to continue, like he’s in something else.
She’s a big Donkey Kong 3 fan.
Where was this video where she expressed surprise at the fundamental gameplay mechanic of Donkey Kong 3? Let me peruse the archives.
Erin says, “This game stresses me out. I get stressed with everything.”
Then a few seconds later, Erin says, “You’re shooting bug spray up his ass.”
She’s clearly never seen the game before. Why would she say this otherwise? Why would she be surprised at the major thing that happens in the game?
And in this most recent video, Mike asks her if she knows Stanley and she clearly does not. She doesn’t have a fucking clue.
And yet she says that she likes the game. How can we reconcile all of this? Easy. She’s a lying bitch. That’s how.
By the way, Stanley was in LOADS of games.
https://www.mariowiki.com/Stanley
Right there on Mariopedia. Or whatever this is. He was in the WarioWare games. Erin has said before that she LOVES the WarioWare games. She played at least one of them on stream, for money.
Doesn’t know what other games Stanley was in. Doesn’t even know who Stanley is.
1:23:00 – “I’m so bad at this. I’ve only played this game a few times.”
Well, we’re getting close to the truth at least. Finally. Why not just say that from the beginning? Why did she start off by saying that she likes the game? She obviously has virtually no familiarity with the game. And that’s okay. Nobody gives a shit if Erin played Donkey Kong 3 before. Or if all of her experience with the game is on stream, for money. JUST ADMIT IT! STOP THE FUCKING LIES!
“I’m not good at it but I like it.”
She can’t. She’s a compulsive liar. Even after she said that she only played a few times, she said that she likes the game. Fuck. Off.
1:23:45 – Mike was explaining the game to Erin. Erin says, “It’s a very interesting concept. I like it. And you’re shooting bug spray up his ass.”
We know, Erin. We know this. I’ve know this since I was a kid and I first saw the game. The game was released in 1983. This is not news to anyone watching this. You’re the only person watching this stream who doesn’t know this.
1:24:15 – “I like how he knows that the bees won’t hurt him even though he’s the one banging on their hives.”
Then two seconds later, a hive lands on Donkey Kong’s head and kills him.
Erin really likes the game. And she knows all about it.
“I like when he does that. It’s like tsh-tsh-tsh.”
She’s talking about how Donkey Kong bangs on the beehives.
Why is this all so surprising to her? Erin seems to really like this game. It’s super cute. So why isn’t she playing it? In her spare time like a normal person?
1:25:15 – She’s reading from the chat. “Is Stanley from Game and Watch? That would make sense. I don’t know.”
Why don’t you know, Erin? You don’t seem to know much about Stanley at all.
I remember him from Mr Game and Watch on Smash Bros Melee. Erin obviously never played that game either. Show me the stream. If it’s not on stream, she hasn’t played it.
Then they turn the game off. What’s going on? Why didn’t Mike give the controller to Erin? It sounded like she was really interested in the game. It was cute. She liked the premise. Why didn’t she play it?
I guess that Erin “always” “forgets” to play Donkey Kong 3.
1:27:15 – After an abysmal attempt to explain what Mr Do is, Erin says, “I think that I’ve only had a candy apple once. No, it wasn’t a candy apple, it was a caramel apple. From Disneyland.”
It’s the same fucking thing, you cretin. Regional terms.
But of course, Erin only had the one. Because from birth to the age of 29, when she started her Youtube channel, Erin just sat in front of a wall and stared. No candy apples for Erin. No caramel apples either. Unless she goes to Disneyland. She goes to Disneyland a lot. Mike pays, of course, because Erin refuses to get a job like a normal adult.
Erin is describing this Disney candy apple like nobody ever had one before.
Erin: It was good but really hard to eat. Have you ever had like a straight up candied apple?
Mike: (exasperated) Like a thousand times.
Erin: But what’s like — sorry. Fuck. The attitude in that answer.
Because you’re the product of a sick social experiment, Erin. What would happen if you take somebody and have them do absolutely nothing for 30 years? No stimuli whatsoever. What you get is Erin. “I’ve never played this before. I’ve never seen this before. I’ve never eaten this before.” CONSTANTLY. She’s never seen or done ANYTHING.
Mike: I was shocked that you said you only had a candy apple one time.
Erin: Well, like a candied apple. Because it’s like different from a caramel apple.
Mike: It is.
It’s not. I know that they sell a product, at Disneyland, where they put candy on the apple instead of nuts. Or something. I’ve seen a picture. But it’s still fucking caramel that the candy is being stuck to. It’s still a caramel apple. “Candy apple” and “caramel apple” are just two different terms for the same thing. And there might be regional preferences for the terms.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caramel_apple
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_apple
It’s the same fucking product. Look at the pictures. An apple with a stick in it, coated with caramel and nuts.
But Erin’s only experience with the food is at Disneyland, and they do in fact have this product where it’s caramel and candy as opposed to caramel and nuts. So this is why she’s confused. This is why she thinks that there’s a different product called “candy apple” or “candied apple”.
And Mike, being a normal person, who wasn’t raised in this deeply immoral social experiment, can’t fathom any of this. Who the fuck has never eaten a candy apple before? Also known as a caramel apple. Same fucking product.
Actually, are these popular outside of the US? I’m thinking no. I’ve certainly never seen one outside of the US.
Allegedly, they’re popular in the UK on Guy Fawkes Night. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never partaken in that deeply troubling holiday.
They also say that they’re popular in Canada, Australia, Japan, Israel, there’s a whole list of countries. I’ve only seen them in the US, though. They’re sold commercially. In the grocery store. You can pick them up. Ready made.
Erin never had one before. Never even saw one before.
1:28:15 – “I guess I haven’t lived.”
Indeed, Erin. AT ALL.
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Living with Brazilian Guys in London
After everyone got kicked out of my previous place, I found a new place to live that was near to my previous place. So still in this impoverished area of London.
By the way, I never felt unsafe or anything in London. The only minor incident I can remember from this time was a HIDEOUS young white English woman approached me and asked if I have a “fag.” I did not. Then her boyfriend or somebody came walking by and he was eyeballing me. He seemed upset that I was talking to his girlfriend. Even though it was her who spoke to me and all I said is that I don’t have a cigarette.
But I wasn’t afraid at any point in this encounter. I was just insulted. I was insulted that this guy thought that I was interested in this absolutely repulsive-looking woman.
Anyway, I had to move my stuff. The reason I was looking for a place nearby was because I couldn’t afford any kind of transportation costs. I didn’t have a lot of stuff to move so everything would fit in a taxi but even a taxi was too expensive for me.
So I moved everything by hand. I took a few trips. I had like a 15 inch CRT that I moved. That was the biggest thing that I had to move. But it all got done.
When I originally viewed the place, I was shown two sets of drawers: one that looked new and one that was totally dilapidated. The drawers weren’t aligned, it didn’t look like you could even open some drawers, this kind of thing. I was told that the drawers would be shared. Like we’d each get half of each set of drawers.
No. That’s not what happened. The roommate immediately said that one set of drawers were his and the other set were mine. No prizes for guessing which set were mine.
It was the same situation as the previous place. There was a guy who was on the lease, he had his own room, and he sublet the place out to four other people. The guy who was actually on the lease paid nothing for rent because he was overcharging everyone else. I think that it was the same £50/week that I was paying at my previous place or maybe it was £55.
Everybody was from Brazil. I didn’t talk to them. I didn’t hang out with anyone. But everyone was fine except for my roommate. He was a giant fucking asshole.
He played in some band and he would regularly boast to the other flatmates about all of the sex that he got up to. It’s surprising because this was not an attractive guy. Chicks must really dig musicians, I guess.
Right after I moved in, he would complain about the large tv box in the room. There was no place to put it and I was still sort of unpacking. “Get rid of the box. Get rid of the box.”
He complained about me being in the room too much. He made passive aggressive comments about how I should find a job.
I’d be watching television and he’d suddenly turn his radio on. And it would be on all day. He would do this constantly.
There was a time when he was taking a shower, he had the radio on, and I turned it down. He saw me doing this and asked what I was doing. I said, “You’re taking a shower. Why is the radio on?” He said, “Don’t touch my stuff.”
He had a friend over. Just some Brazilian guy. The guy picked up my newspaper. There was a picture of that guy falling from the World Trade Center. This guy showed it to my roommate and started talking about this. My roommate said, “That’s not mine” and this guy just dropped the newspaper.
So I go to the guy who’s name is on the lease. And I wrote out a list of incidents like I’ve done above. And I said that something has to be done, this guy is a giant asshole.
The head tenant says that this guy didn’t want a roommate. So this head tenant told the guy that if he doesn’t want a roommate, he has to pay double the rent. He didn’t want to do that.
So I don’t know if this guy was intentionally an asshole hoping that I’d move out or if this was just his natural behaviour.
In any event, during this discussion the head tenant says that it doesn’t matter because we all have to leave. The landlord raised the rent and this guy doesn’t want to pay the new amount. I was there about two months.
During this time, I was also going to job interviews. I went to an employment agency for a teaching assistant job. An Eastern European woman was conducting the “interview”. We get to the subject of references. I explain to her the cultural differences between the US and the UK. In the US, they do not fill out detailed questionnaires for job references but if you just call them, they’ll confirm that I worked there and there weren’t any problems. She said, “It’s just a short form.” I explained again that they will not do it but if you call, they’ll confirm everything. She said, “I’m just supposed to call them? That would be pretty stupid.”
So I got up and left. She started panicking. “No. No. It’s just a short form. I — oh.”
Hey. Moron. Listen to what I’m telling you. They don’t fucking do it. I’ve been through this process dozens of times already.
These employers in the UK refused to change their policy at all as did my previous employer in the US. This could have all been easily resolved. All that my previous employer had to do was fill out a short form. All that the employment agencies had to do was call my previous employer. But neither party wanted to deviate from their protocol.
This reference was a huge problem. I had to get a UK reference. So I started looking at volunteer work. I can use the volunteer work to get the reference.
Political parties need volunteers. That sounds like it might be interesting. Maybe it would even lead to a job. So I sent my resume to every political party in the country. The major parties, of course, but also everyone I could think of. Green Party. British National Party. Everyone. I don’t give a fuck. I just need the reference. Although, looking back, perhaps a reference from the BNP wouldn’t have helped.
I got one reply. I won’t say who the party was but it was one of the major parties. They invited me to come in for an interview at their headquarters.
So I went there. There was a short “interview”. They explained what the job was. And then they asked when I can start. Great.
But this was all happening right at the time that I was looking for a new place to live. So it was difficult.
I was able to find a new place, though. It wasn’t nearby. It was in Wembley, which is in North London. According to the most recent census data, Wembley is 50% Asian. And when they say “Asian” they mean “South Asian”. Like Indian. But I don’t think that these people were Indian. They were Sri Lankan. Sri Lanka is an independent island nation off the coast of India.
Wikipedia doesn’t mention Sri Lankans AT ALL on their Wembley page. They seem to suggest that the overwhelming majority of Asians in Wembley are Pakistani. But I don’t think so. Because you didn’t see Muslim shit there. The ninja garb and whatnot. You saw saris. Women walking around in saris. Like they do in Sri Lanka. Or India.
Also, 50% Asian seems WAY lower than the reality. I’d put it at 90% Asian. No exaggeration.
Anyway, the new place I found was with four guys from Sri Lanka.
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The Most Disappointing Games of 2022 – Cannot be Tamed (also Wesley “2 Scoops” Berry)
Oh, Pam is back from her depression vacation. Has she lost weight? Hopefully, not where it counts, am I right, fellas?
I worked with a woman who had huge tits and a huge ass. She was a normal weight, just had huge tits and ass.
Then she went on a diet. And she’s telling everyone about all of the weight that she lost and how good she feels. Lost a lot of the weight from her boobs and ass.
People were going out of their minds begging her to stop this madness. She looked way better before. But whatever, it’s her body. And she probably gained it all back and then some.
0:45 – Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands. Never heard of it.
2:15 – Chinatown Detective Agency. Never heard of it.
It’s based on some Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego game. Not the main game, I don’t think, but some adventure game. Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining says that she enjoyed the Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego tv show.
This is off-topic but Pam is boring the shit out of me. I was recently looking up Wesley “Two Scoops” Berry. He was on American Gladiators back in the day. He steamrolled through everybody. Then he was on International Gladiators, which combined the gladiators and contestants of the US, UK, Russian, and Finnish versions of the show and he steamrolled through everybody there too. He was great. It was like he was competing against children.
I’d look him up every so often. He apparently went to prison for taking part in an armed robbery of a bank not too long after appearing on the show. This was in the 1990s or 2000s, I guess. And I remember seeing a Youtube comment from somebody claiming to be his niece. She denied that he had any part in the robbery. But from what I gather, he was the driver. So maybe that’s what she was talking about. He didn’t actually go in carry a gun or whatever.
I see that in 2020, he appeared on a podcast. As here:
So he’s apparently out of prison. Or at least he was in 2020. Good for him. I’m going to listen to this podcast after I’m done with this tedious Pam video.
Actually, it’s only about 40 minutes. I’ll listen to this now.
What? Why is he talking about Black Lives Matter? Who cares? Talk about what the fuck you’ve been doing since American Gladiators.
And this website is just…it’s just a website to sell quasi-legal steroids. The podcast is a honeytrap to sell steroids. This is completely bizarre.
There’s another 2 Scoops podcast, from 2017. Maybe this one is better.
Yeah, this is way more interesting. Why am I wasting my time with Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining when I can be listening to 2 Scoops relive his glory days on American Gladiators?
Well, let’s just get through this.
3:45 – Two Point Campus. Never heard of it.
5:00 – Souldiers. Never heard of it.
6:30 – Circus Electrique. Never heard of it.
So that’s the video. Riveting stuff as always, Pam.
Let’s hear what 2 Scoops has to say.
At first, I was concerned that this guy might be a fraud. How do we know that it’s really Wesley Berry? But no, this is the real deal. He’s able to give a lot of detail on the show and the things that he saw.
Unfortunately, the guy interviewing him doesn’t know shit. He never even saw the show before. He wasn’t even born at the time. He’s just giving quotes from random people on Youtube and shit. “Gemini69 thought that you were really awesome. How does that make you feel?” Who gives a shit?
He says that he applied to be on Ninja Warriors, or whatever that show is called, and was declined because he already won American Gladiators. That’s surprising.
Also…how old must he have been in 2017, when this podcast was recorded?
Here’s his Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/2xscoops/?hl=en
It’s mostly pictures of muscular women. Umm….okay.
Anyway, he was on the show in 1993. Let’s just say that he was 25 at the time. That would make him 49 in 2017. When did Ninja Warriors start, though? American Ninja Warrior. Nearly 2010. So he would have been maybe 42 at the youngest? Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe. He could have at least been given a chance to do it.
He says that he gave $70,000 to a girl whose father needed a kidney. If this is real…he’s an idiot. How much was the prize money on this show?
When he was on the show, he would have got about $50,000 for all of his appearances in a year, including winning the whole season. He did that twice. Then there were two International Gladiators competitions. Let’s say that he won $200,000 in total from his Gladiators experiences. It might be more or less than that.
That’s not going to last. He’s not going to be on American Gladiators for the next forty years. Plus, this is like four years of his life when he, presumably, wasn’t working. Or was only working some of the year. And he’s cutting $70,000 cheques to random junior high school students who he meets during his local speaking tours?
Then he says this woman left a comment on Youtube in response to somebody trying to slander his name. This is a reference to the alleged bank robbery.
So I don’t know. I mean, the only place I’ve ever seen reference of this bank robbery was in Youtube comments. I’ve never seen an article or anything.
But if he didn’t rob a bank what was he doing since American Gladiators?
Well, I say that but what was anyone doing after American Gladiators? What did Kyler Storm get up to after American Gladiators? No idea. None of these people went to become athletes in other sports, as far as I’m aware. Or famous in any other way.
Then he says, “Whether what they say he did in the media is true or not, I can bear witness for what he did for me and my family.” He’s sort of attributing this quote to this woman who got a cheque for $70,000 as a child to pay for her father’s kidney transplant.”
So now he’s implying that he was imprisoned for bank robbery. But he also did this good thing.
Well, maybe if you weren’t spending your money so willy-nilly, you wouldn’t have needed to rob a bank. But that aside, good for you giving this girl’s family the $70,000. It’s obviously a kind thing to do, although perhaps to the point of foolishness.
And so he was involved in a bank robbery. Everybody makes mistakes. This was like 20 years ago. And he apparently went to prison for it. I don’t think that it should be held against him for the rest of his life. He did it, he went to prison for it, now let’s move on.
Then he tells a bizarre story about he and Sabre (who he says was a former gang member) became friends. And Wesley went to Sabre’s “hood”, they saw a house burning, and they hatched a plan to save kids from this burning house. Sabre tied a water hose around Wesley’s waist, Wesley went into the house and saved two kids. The hose was used to pull him out of the house…somehow.
Now I’m beginning to question the truth-telling abilities of Saint 2 Scoops.
Then he talks about dealing with law enforcement after Gladiators came to an end. So yeah, it’s confirmation that he was involved in robbing a bank.
He says that a car exploded when he was near it and it caused burns to his body.
This was documented on an episode of American Gladiators. They showed pictures of him in the hospital with burn damage.
But in this podcast, he says that this car was rigged to explode when you started the ignition. He claims that it exploded merely by him being near the car.
No. Come on. My intelligence is being insulted with these stories.
First of all, why would a car be rigged to explode upon starting the ignition? That’s something that mafia hitmen do.
Just admit that you were attempting to steal the car and it exploded. It still leaves a lot of questions hanging but we don’t need all of the details. But this bullshit of you just happened to be near to a booby-trapped car and it just happened to explode…no. It’s an untruth, 2 Scoops.
Then he starts talking about Black Lives Matter. This is…some weirdo shit.
“TV stands for ‘tell lies to your vision’”
This is an example of the completely mental stuff that he’s saying. It stands for “television”, 2 Scoops. Come on.
He’s giving 2000 per cent to these bizarre conspiracy theories. It’s sad.
Nevertheless, the man did jump a car from a standing position. So I respect him for that.
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A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) Reaction – JessDaydreaming
Oh, it’s the editor/intern from Screenwave/Hack the Movies. She has a Youtube channel. She’s had one for about six years. In the early days, she mostly “reacted” to anime. I guess. There’s a lot of anime shit here. I think that she might have been in high school during these so I’ll give this nerdy shit a pass.
But interestingly, she also had really short hair back then. But…she assures us that she’s not a lesbian. Really?
I’ll also mention a tweet of hers that I saw.
I have NO IDEA what that video is supposed to even be showing but that doesn’t matter. The point is that Jess over here likes sports. Specifically, football.
NOT a lesbian. Come on. How do you explain all of this if she’s not a lesbian? She’s just a heterosexual woman who enjoys sports and looking like a guy? It’s theoretically possible, I guess.
Anyway, she basically stopped uploading videos four years ago. But three months ago, she started up again. She’s still doing “reaction” videos but instead of “reacting” to anime, now she’s “reacting” to horror films. Eugh.
I’m not fucking interested in this horror bullshit. Why are all these people doing the exact same fucking thing? She likes anime. Why doesn’t she continue with anime? Do we need a billion channels dedicated to shit horror films?
Tony from Hack the Movies recently did a video on Black Christmas, like two days after Newt released a video on Black Christmas. This has all been done. The horror market is totally saturated. We don’t fucking care. Fuck these shit movies. How about reviewing good movies? Movies that normal, well-adjusted adults enjoy? No, let’s just keep doing this lowest common denominator bullshit.
So do you guys remember Nightmare on Elm Street? Well, yes but I never watched it. I never watched any of them. It’s shit. I don’t watch shit. Even as a child, that shit didn’t appeal to me. It certainly doesn’t appeal as an adult.
Well, Jess is going to “react” to it.
0:00 – She’s a Pokemon onesie. Uh huh. Let’s just move on. It’s a totally heterosexual woman in a onesie reviewing a horror film. What’s not to like? This is my thing.
1:30 – She counts to ten. This is riveting. What comes next? Come on…
She also makes a number of references to the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial. She really seems to hate Amber Heard. And I remember her tweeting about this a lot too. It’s weird. Who cares?
3:00 – She’s talking about a character having a small penis. What? Is this actually referenced in the film? If not, what is this?
She also regularly calls the characters “bitch”.
Okay, I made it to six minutes. I think that I’m good.
I’ll be kind and just say don’t quit your day job, Jess.
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Is Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness on N64 just misunderstood? – Erin Plays
Oh, it’s Erin’s bi-monthly video. What a treat. And she’s going to set all of us gaming noobs straight on Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness. It’s not a bad game. It’s just misunderstood. Let’s watch a pro fucking gamer like Erin Plays explain the reasons why.
She played the game on stream, for money. That’s it. That’s her only experience with the game. It’s preposterous. Why is she presenting herself as an expert on the game? Why is she making videos about games at all?
0:00 – Oh, she’s using that Famicom disc intro. Because Erin is a big Famicom fan. She’s also trying to sell her “merch” which, inexplicably, has this same image on it. Fucking Bitch Duo made this. For free. You get what you pay for.
She’s showing footage of her playing the game on stream, for money. That’s what this video is going to be? Just a rehash of her fucking stream?
“The first time I ever played regular Castlevania 64 was on stream.”
WHAT? It’s a Christmas miracle! Erin finally said it! She’s being truthful for once in her fucking life.
That’s some top, Erin. Raided your grandmother’s closet?
0:30 – “If you don’t know already…” and then she starts reading from Wikipedia dot com. Wonderful stuff, Erin.
She’s just showing footage of her streams, of course. This is all that the video is going to be. Her fake carpal tunnel syndrome only allows her to play games on stream, for money now. Never on Youtube.
So I’m at the ten minute mark. This is boring as fuck. She’s just talking about what happens in the game level by level. Who cares?
She also hasn’t said the word “cute” even once so far. Or talked about colours that she likes. What’s going on here?
14:15 – “Gnarliest”.
Like whoa…remember in the 1980s when California surfer talk was all the rage in Hollywood movies? Erin is bringing it back. Radical.
Oh god is this tedious. She’s giving pro tips on how to beat the end boss. Pro tips that she fully admits she got from the horntards during her stream.
18:30 – Shout out to Rainbow Brite. You guys remember Rainbow Brite, right? That doll for girls in like 1984? Well, Erin, who was born in 1986 or 1987 is all about Rainbow Brite.
So that’s the video. It was just boring. Really boring. She took footage from her streams and summarised what happens, level by level.
At least she was honest in this video, saying that she only plays the game on stream, for money. At least she said that about Castlevania 64. It was implied that it’s the same situation for Legacy of Darkness. And she didn’t make her usual idiotic comments about how everything is cute and colours that she enjoys.
I think that Erin said on Twitter that this is her best video yet. Oh, yeah. Here it is.
She’s probably right. Everything that I’ve been complaining about for years, she’s resolved. But still, the video boring as fuck. She can’t fix the negative charisma problem. Or the total lack of knowledge, experience, or interest in video games. Plus, this was just lazy as fuck footage from her streams.
Shishi leaves a comment disputing that it’s her best video. He suggests that her video on Lunchables was better. What a pathetic loser Shishi is.
Let’s check out the Youtube comments for anything interesting.
No. Nothing. Even the comments are boring.
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Lets Make cookies and talk about Black Christmas – Newt Wallen
Oh, this is…Tony from Hack the Movies doesn’t have shit on this. Newt has outdone himself.
He has a fat chick with purple hair in a “sexy” dress. And when I say that she’s fat, I’m talking Justin Silverman levels of obesity. Maybe even bigger.
And then that tatted up old prostitute who Newt pays to hang out with him enters. This is going to be something special.
Newt is wearing a Bartman t-shirt from like thirty years ago.
What’s the video about? Who gives a shit. Just lay it on me, Ideas Man. You have my full attention.
The prostitute introduces herself as Fallon. The fat chick is Sophie. It seems to be a genuine woman. I was concerned for a minute, given the sort of people that Newt hangs around with, that this might be a man in a dress. But no, it’s either a woman or a man with a convincing feminine voice. And she looks feminine. Just…corpulent.
They’re from something called Haunted Attraction. Newt asks where they can find them. The prostitute says, “We’re going to be on the Schlock and Awe channel right here on Youtube.”
So…what? What is this? It’s some kind of faction within Schlock and Awe? Why? It doesn’t make any sense. Why give a name to this?
It would be like if Johanna and Horseface teamed together and called themselves, whatever, The Revolting Fansly Twins. And Tony would introduce them as The Revolting Fansly Twins. And when asked where we can find more Revolting Fansly Twins content, Johanna would say, “Right here on Hack the Movies.”
0:15 – “So today, I am at Haunted Attraction’s HQ.”
What is any of this? All of this was created by Newt. I guess. For these two skanks to appear in his shitty videos. Why are they being presented as their own thing? It doesn’t make any fucking sense.
The prostitute is regularly demeaning Newt. She called him an elf and she complained that he took a drink of eggnog without toasting first. This is uncomfortable. I don’t want to watch this. I’m not even a minute in. I don’t want to watch some creepy dominatrix emasculating Newt. I mean…maybe some people are into that but not me.
And there’s really weird lighting or something in this. Everybody looks strange. I think that this was done to make this prostitute look younger. Maybe there’s a filter on the camera or something.
Bad audio on this too. I can barely hear this fat chick. Maybe that’s a good thing.
2:45 – So anyway, nobody except Newt has even seen this movie. So the prostitute tells Newt to give a synopsis. Great stuff, Newt. This is what people want to see. A movie review from three scumbags where only one of the scumbags actually saw the film.
This is so fucking terrible. Now I have to listen to Newt summarise the fucking movie.
3:15 – Newt says, in reference to some movie, “It’s the first boobs I ever saw in school.”
We get it, Newt. Tits and gore. And none of these women who Newt has on these videos is ever in any way impressed with his tits and gore stories. They’re always visibly put off by this shit. Just like these skanks. It’s gross. We don’t fucking care about your adolescent jerk off stories. We don’t want to hear this shit. And women in particular don’t want to hear about hot chicks who you jacked off to.
It makes people uncomfortable. Women in particular. Do you think that that fat chick feels good about her body? She’s doing her best to appear confident, she squeezed into an XL size dress when she’s actually an XXXL, but no. She doesn’t want to hear about hot chicks with big tits when she’s over there weighing fucking 400 pounds. It’s bad enough that she has to sit next to this tatted up old prostitute with her big fake tits.
This whole thing is disturbing. Why were these two even paired up? I bet that this old prostitute intentionally chose a fat chick as some kind of sick joke and to make herself look better by comparison.
What happened to that fucking soccer mom who was in, like, the pilot version of Haunted…whatever this is called? Where did she go?
3:30 – The prostitute says, “You hate Christmas because of boobs?” And then Newt says, “No. I hate Christmas because…” and he starts talking about his cancer diagnosis and getting “dumped”. Nobody wants to hear this. This is not how you pick up the ladies.
He’s PAYING these women and they don’t even want to be there. Right now they’re re-considering this whole thing. Is it worth the $100 or whatever Newt is paying to have to endure Newt Wallen and his creepy comments for thirty minutes? And you have to appear in a Youtube video that the whole world can see?
4:30 – Newt is sort of quoting from some movie. “‘I’m going to lick your pretty pink pussy’ and stuff.”
Everybody is clearly uncomfortable. Then Newt makes a joke to the prostitute, “I get calls from you all the time like that.”
Then Newt says that his pussy isn’t pink, it’s teal. Then he mentions a joke that he heard on The Office about a man with blue urine.
What the fuck is he doing? THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PICK UP CHICKS.
Newt is paying these women. That’s the only reason why they haven’t left already. But even with the payment, this is not how you speak to women. Women don’t want to hear this disgusting, weird, perverted shit. And they certainly don’t want to hear these comments in regards to OTHER WOMEN.
Saying creepy shit to a woman like, “Oh, I’d like to motorboat those big melons of yours” MIGHT work in certain circumstances, depending what you look like, depending what the woman looks like, whatever. There are a lot of variables.
But what will NEVER work, for ANYONE, is saying creepy shit about OTHER women. “Look at the juggs on that chick. I want to dip them in honey.” No woman is going to be remotely turned on by that. It’s going to be a huge turn off. Do I really need to explain this? Newt is over 40 years old.
7:00 – So now Newt has finished summarising the movie, I guess, I wasn’t really listening, and he hands over to this fat chick. The fat chick saw a different movie in this series. So she’s going to summarise the movie now. Riveting stuff.
9:00 – Now they’re decorating cookies. No set up.
Then the fat chick says some sexual stuff…I won’t even…eugh…then the prostitute encourages this…then Newt says some creepy shit and the ladies are really turned off by that.
This is horrible. Everything about this is horrible.
I can’t. I’m at 12:00. This prostitute is TERRIBLE. I can’t take it. I can’t take her lame jokes. I can’t take her “too cool for school” patronising bullshit. I’m turning this shit off. Newt. This is awful. Don’t fucking pursue this for one more second.
Apparently, Newt is working in movie theatres again. He’s made passing comments along these lines in recent videos. Stick with that. Do that full time. Forget these fucking videos. Forget your awful comic book and movie ideas. Everything that you create is shit. I’m sorry. I wish that I could say something more encouraging but this is the reality.
Get a full-time job in a movie theatre and stop all of this other bullshit. You’re wasting your time and money on this objectively unwatchable shit.
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LIFE UPDATE – FACE REVEAL (?!?!) CAT REVEAL, and STUDIO TOUR! – PushingUpRoses
This fucking lunatic. She has the hair of Erin Plays, the face of Crystal Quin, the mental illness of Bobdunga, and the body of Justin Silverman.
I rarely talk about this woman because she’s fucking infuriating. She’s the worst person I’ve ever seen on Youtube. She’s completely repellent both physically and in terms of her personality.
0:15 – She moved. That’s why she didn’t upload anything that month. But she did find time to do a Q&A video for Patrons only. So she invites you to subscriber to her Patreon (i.e. give her money).
“If you’re interested in becoming a Patron and support me…and help me through this insanely expensive move, insanely expensive, that would be great.”
What about getting a job? Have you considered that? That’s what most people do when they need money. They don’t beg mentally retarded men for money.
And how can a move be expensive? I’ve moved many times. I hire a man with a van or even a big moving truck. It costs £100 tops. You don’t have to do shit. The guy does everything. He moves everything into the van or the truck. Sometimes he has an assistant. I always help but it’s not required. It’s £100. That’s like $120. And it can be as little as half that amount.
How much is a similar service costing in the US? I’ve looked at a few threads on Reddit just now. Maybe $200 is average for moving within Chicago. PushingUpRoses lives in Chicago. That’s “insanely expensive”? Go get a fucking job.
2:30 – “As some of you guys already know, I am a featured artist in the Andersonville Galleria.”
Let me look this up.
It’s a shop. Anyone can open a little stall there. There’s a section called “Meet our vendors”. That’s what these people are. Vendors. Not artists. And anyone can do this. There’s a form on the website that you have to fill out. Then you probably have to pay money. That’s it. And she’s not even listed on this vendor page. This video is five months old so maybe she couldn’t afford to pay for the stall any more.
“I would like to get my stuff more around Chicago. You know, become a cool Chicago artist.”
Well, I think that you can really only open one stall at a time. Unless you hire somebody to man your other stalls. And I don’t think that you have money for that. You couldn’t even afford movers.
It’s completely delusional. She’s not an “artist”. I’ve seen this “spin art” that she does. It’s something a child would create in a third grade art class. She drips paint on a spinning canvas. That’s it. That’s the “art”.
https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/DysmorphicArt
There’s her Etsy store. “DysmorphicArt”. Because she has “body dysmorphia”, as she’ll remind you every five minutes or so.
So…like she thinks that she’s fat. No. That’s not body dysmorphia. That’s body accuracy. She’s dead on. She IS fat.
3:45 – “I love living in the city. I love living in a progressive part of the neighbourhood.”
What a scumbag. WHO CARES about the political beliefs of your yuppie neighbours?
4:00 – Now she’s showing her “studio”. It’s where she makes that “art” on the spinning canvas. I guess that it’s just a room in her apartment.
She starts by showing her neighbour’s birds. Her neighbours have birds in an “outdoor/indoor aviary”.
5:30 – She’s talking about finding a more appropriate place to record videos where she appears on camera, “In case I feel better about my BBD”.
See? She mentions this “body dysmorphia” CONSTANTLY. But it’s not body dysmorphia. SHE’S FAT! Body dysmorphia, in this case, would be if she thought that she was slim.
And she posts “sexy” pictures of herself CONSTANTLY on Twitter and Instagram and whatever. REVOLTING “sexy” pictures.
6:00 – She shows a stuffed sloth that her boyfriend won for her in some claw game. The fact that this woman has a boyfriend really shows how easy it is for women to get boyfriends. She’s fucking rock bottom. No job. Seriously mental ill. And fucking look at her. Some guy looked at all of that and said, “Ehh…I’ll take it.”
How difficult do you think it would be for an obese, mentally ill, unemployed man to get a date with a woman? It would be fucking impossible.
6:45 – She shows her cat. She mentions that it’s a “rescue”. That’s very important information. She loves…what’s it called…when you have to announce all of your “progressive” views and whatnot. I can’t remember.
7:00 – She attached pillow cases to her wall in an effort to “sound proof” the room. Pillow cases. Small, decorative pillow cases.
What the fuck? This is…this is mental illness.
7:45 – She’s showing a homemade sign that says “Subscribe to PushingUpRoses”. The “H” and “I” are missing. Then she says, “I try to be really humble as a Youtuber, but of course I had to do this.”
First of all, where is the humility? Every video is just about herself and how awesome and funny and hot and progressive she is. Even the videos about Murder She Wrote.
Secondly, why wouldn’t she be humble about being a “Youtuber”? “Youtuber”, for 99.99% of “Youtubers” is just a euphemism for “unemployed”. It’s nothing to aspire to. I don’t admire any “Youtubers”.
How much is she making from this shit? Let me check SocialBlade.
About $13,000/year. What are the yearly earnings to be considered impoverished in the US? Oh, I found a helpful chart.
https://aspe.hhs.gov/topics/poverty-economic-mobility/poverty-guidelines/prior-hhs-poverty-guidelines-federal-register-references/2021-poverty-guidelines
For a single person, living alone, if you’re making $12,880/year or less, you’re considered living in poverty.
That seems EXTREMELY low to me. But she’s just barely above that. So congratulations, PushingUpRoses. You’re just barely above the poverty level. Be sure to remain humble. Don’t let all of this success go to your head.
8:00 – She’s showing her new easel. “I’ve been doing art since I was 10 and I’ve never owned an easel.”
Well, when you’re doing fucking finger painting and similar levels of “art”, you don’t need an easel.
9:30 – She’s showing her messy room and says, “I know it’s random but I’m an artist so I can be random, right?”
You’re not an artist. You drip paint on a spinning canvas. Any toddler can do that. But even if you were an artist, that does not excuse the fact that you’re living in filth.
Then she ends the video by encouraging us to “stay spooky”. Ummm…okay. I will. Whatever that means.
- “Them things are lovely…i’d pay an only fans just to see it once”
It’s vile. Who the fuck would want to see this woman naked? I don’t want to be offensive but…fucking look at her.
Let’s check out her Twitter…if I can stand it.
Eugh. Her banner has a drawing of an angry girl and the words “fuck depression” on it. It’s all about her. Everything has to be about her and her mental health.
And there’s a disgusting picture of her in bondage gear.
She gives her pronouns as “she/her/they”. Well…this might be the first time that I agree with using “they” for somebody. This is a “they”. Or an “it”.
Fuck off. She’s having a panic attack so she’s on Twitter. More “look at me, I’m a crazy person” bullshit. And she posted that on Christmas Day.
She posts pictures of herself, pictures so disgusting that I won’t subject you to them, she says that she’s unhappy with the way she looks in the pictures, and then she immediately re-tweets compliments that the horntards give her on these pictures.
That’s what this is about. She just wants compliments. But fucking look at her.
You’re an unattractive, middle-aged woman. Who cares? There’s more to life than appearance. Work on your fucking abysmal personality.
This is the same syndrome that Horseface has. Looks like shit, thinks that she’s a hot chick, and has a horrible personality. Just work on being a better person. Appearance isn’t important.
Somebody writes, “She’s a hateful woman, you don’t need any reason to not support an artist but if you did that right there is a good one.” PushingUpRoses replies, “Absolutely. Some artists make it easier to not want to support them, and if you don’t want to support them anymore, you should be able to express that without the artist themself coming for you. It’s weird.”
I don’t know who they’re talking about but it might as well be about PushingUpRoses. She’s awful. She’s an awful person. So don’t give this woman money.
Oh. They were talking about JK Rowling. Yeah. It’s terrible that she said that men in dresses aren’t women.
I….eww. A garbage bag full of rancid meat.
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Erin’s 2022 Youtube Output
https://www.youtube.com/@ErinPlays/videos
According to her Twitter, she’s working on another video that may be out before the end of the year. It’s a video about a Castlevania game. That’s some riveting fucking stuff, Erin. But I’m calling an end to the year right here.
Eight videos. She made eight videos this year.
In case anybody is new here, Erin used to release one video a week. Fifty-two videos a year. For 2022, she released EIGHT videos.
The channel is done. Let’s see what these eight videos were about. I’ll link to my full review after each summary.
Bizarre Bootleg NES Console with Over 400 Games
She played a handful of these games, briefly, for the purposes of this video and then never again. And it was well short of the 400 games that this thing allegedly has.
Trash Bags FULL of NES Games
Extremely lazy video where she went through Mike’s video game collection, that just happened to be in trash bags for storage purposes. She sits on the floor, goes through the cartridges, and says, “This game looks cute. I like the font colour on this game.” Shit like this. Unbelievably bad video, even by Erin’s standards.
Ten Awesome Enemies from Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow
Just ten random enemies in the game. Not the top ten, of course. Erin doesn’t do top ten videos. Not expressly by name, anyway. She just does ten random whatever videos. So she’ll show an enemy and say, “This guy is cute.” This sort of thing.
BAD NES Games in 30 Seconds
This was her attempt to capitalise on the early James Rolfe video called “Bad NES Games” or something.
Erin’s video is so fucking bad that I couldn’t even watch it. It’s Mike saying the name of the game (that Erin played on stream, for money) and then Erin has to do a 30 second “review” of the game just off the top of her head. And Erin has absolutely no capacity for this. She has negative charisma, knows nothing about video games, and can’t speak. Fuck this shit.
Playdate Review
It’s an ad. Erin was given this thing in exchange for doing a video on it. She plays the games briefly, for the purposes of this video, and then never again. She can’t even figure out how the first game works.
Five BAD Games from Ocean Software
Another bizarre attempt to cash in on that video that James Rolfe made like 15 years ago.
It’s just five random games from this developer. And I don’t even think that it’s Erin playing these games. Mike had played a lot of these games on stream, for money. I think that it’s just footage from his streams. But it’s negative charisma Erin talking about these five random games for like 90 seconds each.
Five BAD Games from Hi-Tech Expressions
Same exact video as the previous one, same problems, but a different developer.
10 Spooky Levels from Non-Horror Games
She talks about cute enemies in ten random games and her usual braindead bullshit.
That’s it. This was her output for 2022.
She didn’t review a single fucking game. That used to be her thing. Reviewing games. She’d review some old NES game or something. The “reviews” were absolute dogshit but it was a relative golden age in Erin’s Youtube career.
Now it’s just absolute rock-bottom, lazy content. Compilation shit where it’s not even her playing the games.
Carpal tunnel syndrome will be her excuse. But it’s all complete bullshit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her hands and/or wrists. This is just another one of her many, many lies. Bad lies. I should do a compilation video of Erin’s lies. Not her top ten lies but just ten random lies.
The channel is done. There’s no question of that. Let’s see what she’s making on SocialBlade.
She’s making about $450/year from Youtube. That works out to $37/month. It’s an all-time low. At least from the past three years or whatever that I’ve been covering Erin.
When I started, the joke was that she was making fifty bucks a month from Youtube. I based this figure on what SocialBlade said. But then gradually, she started making more.
There’s the first article that I can find where I look at Erin’s channel on SocialBlade. This was in April, 2020. She was making about $100/month at this point.
In March 2021, I did this exercise again. She was making a whopping $275/month at this point. Not bad. It’s almost as much money as a child’s part-time paper route job might pay.
I didn’t do this for 2022, unless you include this article right here. She’s making $37/month from Youtube. That would be a child’s allowance. Possibly only if they did all of their chores. Erin is making pocket money. She’s 35 years old.
There’s perhaps the most important piece of investigative journalism that I’ve ever done. There was a leak of Twitch data and it showed how much money people made. Erin made $6,900 in one year on Twitch. This was in 2020. Is she still streaming as much as she was in 2020? I assume not. “Carpal tunnel”.
She has 72,000 subscribers. According to the “future projections” page, she’ll get 100,000 subscribers in 2026. When I looked at SocialBlade in 2020, the “future projections” page said that she’d get to 100,000 in 2024. The date was pushed back because her channel has self-destructed.
She’s making nothing. It’s a joke. A sad joke. A joke about a woman who has totally wasted her life.
Every year that goes by makes it that much more difficult to re-enter the workforce. But it’s not like it’s impossible. Plenty of women take years off from work to raise their children. Erin wasn’t raising any children, she was getting fucked in the ass for Youtube promotion, but it’s a similar (although less rewarding) premise.
Just go back to California and send some resumes out. DON’T put “Youtube content creator” on your resume. Because then people might ask to see the videos and you don’t want that. If somebody asks why there’s a five year gap in your resume, just say that you took time off to raise a child. It’s fine. People will understand. And nobody is going to check. They’re not going to ask for proof that you have a child.
Maybe getting married might be an idea. I don’t think that this sugar daddy thing with Mike is the healthiest way to go. I’m talking about getting into a real relationship, not some prostitute shit. Try it out. You might like it.
But marriage shouldn’t be the goal to financial stability because that’s pretty shady. Getting a job should be the goal. Be able to support yourself.
The jobs are out there. And working isn’t so bad. Even if it’s Walmart or a record store or whatever, it’s a job. You’re making money. And when the job gets too soul destroying, look for another job. This is how things work. You don’t have to do the same shitty job for the rest of your life. Opportunities present themselves. You can stumble into a better job. But you have to be actively engaged in the employment market for any of this to happen. Not sitting in Mike’s fucking bathtub and crying.
So it could be a good sign that Erin is winding down her “career” as an internet “celebrity”. Maybe she’s going to make some big changes in her life. I’m all for it. I welcome the day when Erin just shuts all of her shit down and we never hear about her again. Not in a mean-spirited way, but it would mean that hopefully she’s getting her life together. She’s working. She doesn’t have to prey on the mentally challenged for thirty-five bucks a month. I want Erin to be a confident, independent woman.
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My First Apartment in England
After about four to six months of living in hostels, I finally found a place to live. It was a dilapidated flat (apartment) in an impoverished area of London (Tower Hamlets). It was a tower block and it had construction scaffolding all around it but I don’t know what, if anything, was being repaired.
I shared the place with a guy from the Czech Republic, two women from Eastern Europe who I didn’t see much of so don’t know much about, and a guy from Lithuania. I shared a room with this guy from the Czech Republic, the two women shared a room, and the guy from Lithuania had his own room.
I don’t remember anyone’s names so apologies for referring to them by their nationality. The Czech guy, who I shared the room with, was fine. He was a nice guy. He worked at Starbucks or something. He would bring doughnuts home on a semi-regular basis. He’d get them for free after work.
I didn’t have a blanket when I moved in so he gave me the blanket that his previous roommate had. I still have this blanket and still use it today.
So there’s no problem from my end. I liked him and he was a pleasant guy. But he HATED living with me. I’m a reserved guy at the best of times. And at the time, I wasn’t working and I was in a precarious situation. So I didn’t want to fucking have chit chat and pretend that everything is great. I was embarrassed and stressed out about not being able to find a job and I really hated not only having to share an apartment but having to share the room. I’m just not that kind of person. I’m not some bubbly, “Hey, let’s go hang out and go drinking” kind of guy. I’m a “Hey, I’d like to to be left alone” kind of guy.
This guy, like many others, hated that shit like poison. But it was nothing personal against him.
That’s the way that people take it, though. I’ve had this problem for many years. It’s not as bad now because I’ve worked on it but it was a huge problem for a long time. People say, “Why isn’t this guy talking to me? Is there something wrong with me? He must not like me” when what they should have been saying is, “This guy just isn’t interested in talking. It’s his problem.”
So one of the women moved out maybe a week or two after I moved in. I assume that it was coincidental because I don’t even remember seeing her.
But when she moved out, this Czech guy moved in with the other woman. That wasn’t coincidental. He didn’t want to share the room with me. He was still friendly to me but he clearly didn’t like me, which is fine, and I get it.
So then an Italian guy moved in. He became my new roommate. He was a graduate student or whatever the equivalent is. Some IT shit.
He was fine. We got along. We even went out for drinks a few times. He knew some women from Hungary and they were visiting. And the chubby one liked me. She kept trying to talk to me and I was doing my usual awkward thing. But she kept persisting so we all went out. I don’t know. I wasn’t remotely charming but we talked. She told me about Hungary or whatever and I told her about the difficulties in finding employment. And then that was that. They went back to Hungary.
This Italian guy was really talkative and knew a lot of people so it helped. He took dance lessons not because he was interested in dancing but as a way to pick up the ladies. So this sort of thing.
The Lithuanian guy was an asshole. He worked as a waiter. He had a few tattoos on his hands that the Czech guy said were from prison. I don’t know what he was in prison for but he would often make some odd comments about young girls.
We were all in our mid-20s except for the Lithuanian guy who was in his early to mid-30s. He had the lease to the place and he sub-let the place to everyone else. We all paid £50/week. So he was getting £800/month from the four of us.
He paid nothing in rent. Rent was probably £700/month. He was making money off of this.
Utilities weren’t included so we also had to pay £10 periodically. He would just come in and say that he needs £10. I don’t remember the frequency. Again, he probably contributed nothing to the cost of the utilities.
He was also drunk all the time. He would wake up and start drinking. Every day. He worked nights.
The other Eastern European woman moved out after she had a dispute with this guy over the cleanliness of the sink. This Lithuanian guy told her that she left a mess in the sink, she disagreed, they started yelling about it, and she moved out.
This all happened within the first three or four weeks of me moving in. Both of these women left within three or four weeks.
So now this Italian guy decided that he wanted to move in with this Czech guy, partly because I’m not a fun person to be around but also this Czech guy was vociferously lobbying for this. So whatever. I don’t give a fuck.
The Italian guy moved in with the Czech guy. The next day, the Czech guy threw a pillow at the Italian guy for snoring too loudly. The next day, the Italian guy moved back in with me, citing a need to sleep.
We need another flatmate. I wasn’t working so I was able to show people the flat. Most people took a brief look around, saw that it was shit, and made a hasty retreat. But there was a Muslim guy who seemed to like the flat. He asked if it was a problem that he was Muslim. Not knowing any better, I said, no. Of course not. Islam is the religion of peace. What’s not to like?
But he had a few questions about the place. Like why are bills not included? Because usually bills are included in these sorts of arrangements. I didn’t know. So I asked if he wanted to speak to the guy who’s on the lease. He said that he did, I called the Lithuanian guy up, and handed this Muslim guy the phone. The Muslim guy raised his concerns and the Lithuanian guy said, “If you don’t like it, don’t take it.”
So that was that. We probably dodged a bullet there.
Then there was a Polish guy who was interested in the place. Really, really, SUPER gay. Flaming. Richard Simmons would see this shit and say, “Come on. That’s a bit much.”
But he was interested, I was entrusted with finding a new roommate, and what do I care? So he’s gay. He’s not going to fucking bum everyone. So I took his deposit and said that he can move in whenever he wants.
The Czech guy and the Lithuanian guy were not overly pleased with this but it turned out fine. He was SUPER gay and came on to all of us but once it was clear that nobody was interested in that shit, he stopped doing it. And here was a case when my awkward and withdrawn behaviour really worked to my advantage. Not interested in that shit. Not interested in being polite or humouring you in any way. I’m shutting that shit down. Go to the leather bar if you’re looking for a good time.
He spent time with the Italian guy, though, because that guy was really outgoing and friendly.
While all of this was going on, I was looking for work. Every fucking day. I didn’t have a computer or the internet so I’d go to the internet cafe and send out resumes. I also sent out resumes just randomly to local businesses. Nothing ever came of that second thing.
I’d get an interview once in a while, they’d tell me that I’m too quiet and won’t fit in, rinse and repeat.
So I started looking for teaching jobs. I had the previous experience, having worked as a substitute teacher in the US. I wasn’t qualified to be a teacher or even a substitute teacher but I could be a classroom assistant or an “exam invigilator.” It paid, whatever, £80/day.
These jobs are all controlled by employment agencies, at least in London, at least 20 years ago. Not just teaching jobs but all jobs. If you want a job ANYWHERE, you almost certainly have to go through these parasitic middlemen. They offer absolutely no value to you, the employee, but employers like using employment agencies to find staff because agency staff don’t get the same legal protections that actual staff have. For example, you can fire agency staff for any reason at all, with no notice. You can’t do that with staff that you’re employing directly.
Employment agencies also skim money from your pay. So the school, in this case, might be paying £150/day but the agency is only paying you £80/day. They’re just pocketing that £70/day. For doing literally nothing. It’s a complete parasitic relationship and I would do everything I possibly could not to use an agency but it was extremely difficult because they controlled like 100% of the market.
You couldn’t just go to a school, in this case, and say, “Hey, I’d like to work here.” You had to go through an employment agency.
So I’d go to these agencies and it was always the same process. “Hey, your resume is really impressive. We have a lot of work. We’ll contact you as soon as something comes up.” And then you’d never hear from them again.
I eventually figured out what one of the problems was. The school district that I worked for refused to fill out the reference forms that these agencies would send.
It was a cultural difference. The questions on these forms would ask things like, “Would you hire this person again?” Employers in the US are not going to answer that because if you give a negative reference, it opens you up to lawsuits. So all they’ll say is, “This person worked here between X date and Y date.”
I would call this school district in the US, explain the situation to them, and beg them to fill out the form. There was no fucking problem. I left on good terms. I was never reprimanded or anything.
And they’d say, “Yeah. It’s no problem. We’ll fill out the forms.” But they never fucking did. Dozens of agencies sent these people reference forms and they fucking flat out refused to fill them out. Dozens of them. They would just lie on the phone when I’d call them.
I tried creating a fake reference with a Hotmail account or something but that didn’t convince anyone. So I decided that what I need to do now is find a place in the UK that will provide a reference. Maybe do some volunteer work.
Christmas is coming Everybody is leaving to go visit their families. The Czech guy asks what I’m doing over Christmas. I say, “Nothing. Just staying here.” He said, “That’s depressing.”
But I was doing it. I was living in London. I got away from that massive student loan debt. I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. Minus the not having a job and living in squalor part.
The next door neighbours were a completely impoverished white English couple with a teenage daughter. The parents would yell constantly. The woman in particular seemed to be a real scumbag. And the walls were really thin so we heard all of this.
One day, the Italian guy starts knocking on the walls during one of these arguments. So the woman comes out and starts banging on our windows and yelling while the husband is trying to get her to stop.
I was getting £72/week from benefits. I couldn’t really go anywhere. I was eating peanut butter sandwiches every day. And I was having enormous difficulty in getting a job.
So I said to this Lithuanian guy that in order for me to get housing benefits, which would pay for my rent, I need a copy of the lease. He didn’t want to do that. He got really nervous when I asked that. He didn’t want me to see that he’s paying nothing in rent.
So I said, “Just give me something saying that I’m paying £50/week for rent.” He did that.
I took it to the Job Centre and they said that it’s not sufficient. I need something from the landlord.
So I asked the landlord. He was a Muslim guy. From Bangladesh or something. He gave me something. I don’t remember what. I took it down to the Job Centre and they said that it’s not going to work. My name needs to be on an actual lease.
Then the next thing I know, we’re all getting kicked out. Whatever I showed the Job Centre, triggered somebody that this guy owned the property and there was some illegal goings on. He told us himself that he owned several properties but he put them in different family members’ names. This is a common scam, particularly among Muslims, who have large families.
So the council, I guess, was coming after this guy for fraud or taxes or whatever.
I didn’t know that any of this would happen. I was just trying to get Housing benefit because I was living on £72/week and paying my rent and everything else with that.
So we all had to look for another place to live. We had one month’s notice. The Lithuanian guy blamed me for us getting evicted. I was there for about six months.
So I started looking for a new place and I found one down the street, in a small apartment block, with four guys from Brazil.
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Garfield – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) – Cinemassacre
0:15 – “Happy Holidays.”
Which holiday, Jimmy?
I hated this shit when I lived in the US. And it’s normal there. This is what people say. It became a big thing certainly by the start of the 1990s. Jews, allegedly, would get outraged over “Merry Christmas”. But here’s one Jewish conspiracy theory that I don’t buy. I don’t think that Jews gave a shit about “Merry Christmas”.
So why did “Happy Holidays” become so ubiquitous in the US? It’s all just part of the general liberal agenda. But to what end? Who’s profiting off of “Happy Holidays”? Why would somebody want to perpetuate this ridiculous phrase?
Of course, right-wing Jesus nuts get outraged over “Happy Holidays”. So maybe this is just another thing to divide the people. But are there enough right-wing Jesus nuts for this to even have any effect? I suppose in the 1990s there were more right wing Jesus nuts than there are today.
So maybe this was all part of a plan to erode Christianity in the US. There’s probably a parallel in the rise of the use of “Happy Holidays” and the decline of Americans who identify as Christians. But how much effect could it have had? I don’t know.
What I do know is that NOBODY outside of the US says “Happy Holidays”. So that just strengthens my resolve that this is the dumbest fucking phrase of all time. And only complete morons use it. Don’t you realise that you’re being taken for a fool? Maybe that’s what “Happy Holidays” is. It’s a test by our overlords to determine who the dimwits are. And with that introduction, I present James “Seven and Half Years in Special Education” Rolfe.
“It’s the season of giving.”
Which season? He’s clearly talking about Christmas, right? He’s wearing a Santa hat. His greenscreen has a still frame from a movie where there’s a Christmas tree. He’s wearing a t-shirt of Snoopy sleeping on top of a Christmas tree. This is CHRISTMAS, right? CHRISTMAS is the season of giving. Not Hanukkah, right? Not Ramadan? Not Kwanza?
Oh, that’s another thing. “Happy Holidays” coincided with the rise of popularity of Kwanza. Remember Kwanza? It was a fad in the 1990s. Fucking nobody celebrates that shit today.
“But haven’t you already given enough of your unencrypted data away?”
This is just offensive. He’s using the birth of our Lord and Saviour to sell shit. I know that this is what happens but this seems particularly egregious. There’s no subtlety here. Just “here’s a stupid commercial for a service that nobody needs.”
1:00 – “As the holiday season approaches, I like to watch the classics like…”
WHICH HOLIDAY? He’s going to mention Christmas movies, right? Not Hanukkah movies. Not Ramadan movies. Not Kwanzaa movies. Not Zartosht No-Diso movies.
Yeah. Home Alone, The Grinch, Christmas Vacation. Or as it’s called now, Holiday Vacation.
What are some good Zartosht No-Diso movies anyway? I’m not seeing any. Oh, wait. Maybe this one.
Wow. A bunch of shirtless Persian guys kicking the shit out of Alexander the Great. This really puts me in this holiday spirit.
Back to Jimmy.
2:00 – So we’re finally at the video, that was a two minute advertisement, and Jimmy gives a shoutout to the Santa hat that he’s wearing to cover up his baldness. Like we’re fucking idiots. Oh, no. James isn’t bald. He’s always wearing a hat. That’s how we know he has a full head of hair. Bald men never wear hats.
2:45 – Jimmy shows off his childhood Garfield book collection.
Garfield was shit. It was never funny. Not once. It was made by a committee of interns. But I can see an idiot like James Rolfe enjoying such a thing.
I was a more highbrow comic strip enthusiast. I had a collection of Calvin and Hobbes books. I enjoyed the likes of Mutts and Fox Trot and Sherman’s Lagoon and Get Fuzzy and The Far Side.
Wow. Get Fuzzy is no longer being produced? Not since 2013? Who knew?
5:15 – Terrible acting, Jimmy.
Maybe James should take an acting class. The Philadelphia Acting Studio has good reviews on Google. People really seem to like this Bernard guy who teaches the class.
It’s $500/month. What the fuck? And I think it’s all by Skype. And all you get is access to their video library of 100 classes and “Weekly live coaching.” So once a week, Bernard (or some intern) will talk to you for a few minutes. Over Skype. FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS A MONTH.
Or you can have twelve classes, which are…maybe in person but I’m not sure, for $1,000. Actually, there’s no address for this “school” so it’s probably done by Skype too. And probably a group thing.
Anyway, Jimmy has the money. And maybe it will help.
5:45 – Now he’s finally talking about the game. Or games. He’s starting with an Atari 2600 Garfield game.
6:00 – More atrocious acting as Jimmy starts rattling off random holidays. It’s sort of a reference to “Happy Holidays” but none of these holidays he’s mentioning take place in December. He’s just giving ridiculous holidays like Arbor Day. Why doesn’t he mention actual holidays that take place in December? Because that’s what “Happy Holidays” is supposed to be referencing? Couldn’t he just say, “Happy Hanukah”?
No because he doesn’t want to be accused of being an anti-Semite. Somehow, saying “Happy Hanukah” would be offensive to somebody so he doesn’t say it. But he had no problem saying, “Merry Fucking Christmas” which is obviously offensive.
7:00 – Now Kieran is reviewing some NES Garfield game.
9:00 – “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
Well, you can start by shaving your arms.
What about having Manscape as a sponsor? And then Jimmy shaves his arms with the product and he’s all metrosexual. Then he shaves his head with it. Just get rid of all hair. I want to see a fully shaved James Rolfe.
11:15 – “I happened to notice that if you scramble the words ‘Garfield Odie’ you can get ‘Fragile Die’”.
Where’s the comedy in any of this? This is just Kieran doing some of that “random” humour.
12:00 – Beatles reference. Who could have possibly written this? Is Kieran a Beatles fan? I guess that he must be. Who else could have written this shit?
12:45 – More terrible acting. You know, maybe Bernard can help with this.
15:15 – Garfield: Caught in the Act for the Sega Genesis. Is he going to make a joke about getting caught masturbating? I’ll say…yes.
I WAS RIGHT! “Caught in the act doing what?” Nice job, Kieran. Not at all predictable. And your “joke” didn’t even go anywhere.
16:00 – He refers to the game as, “Chocolate-covered diarrhoea”. Yet more scat fetish nonsense from this retard.
19:00 – “If you scramble the name ‘Jim Davis’ you get ‘Diva Jism’”.
It’s still not funny, Kieran. It doesn’t help that you have this fucking zombie reading your shit. But it’s still shit. Not even Bernard Glincosky could save that.
19:15 – Now Kieran is playing a Game Boy Garfield game.
23:15 – Somebody in a Bugs Bunny costume does some stuff. A really annoying sound plays for a long time.
25:00 – Then the video ends with Jimmy saying…”Happy Holidays”…to Bugs Bunny. I don’t know what holiday Bugs Bunny celebrates. But it’s just all of them. I guess.
You know what might have helped? Asking Bugs Bunny what holiday in December, if any, he celebrates. Then he’ll say “Kwanzaa” or whatever and Jimmy could have said, “Oh great. Happy Kwanzaa, Bugs Bunny.”
What’s wrong with that? That’s sensitivity. That’s actually taking an interest in people’s lives and showing proper respect for their religion and/or culture.
“Happy Holidays” is bullshit. You might as well say, “Happy whatever the fuck it is that you celebrate, but really I’m talking about Christmas.” It’s totally disingenuous.
Then we get to the credits. “Written, Directed by & Starring James Rolfe.” Uh huh. Sure it was, Jimmy.
Edited by Kieran Fallon. Why does he put with this? Kieran and whatever interns make these videos should contact SAG and see what they recommend doing. Because this is total bullshit. People are not getting properly credited for their work.
James didn’t write fucking shit. We know this. He presumably didn’t direct this either, whatever that would even entail.
So the actual people who are doing the actual work need to be properly credited and paid accordingly.
Then there’s a “special thanks” section which is just like Jim Davis and Lasagna Cat and whatever. Shit that was referenced in the video.
But no credit is given to the person who played Bugs Bunny. We’re presumably supposed to think that it’s Mike but whoever it is, why aren’t they credited?
Oh, maybe it was Sam Beddoes. That’s somebody who works at Screenwave. Why didn’t they just say, “Sam Beddoes as Bugs Bunny”? Or whatever he did. Give the proper credit.
Same with Tara T. What did Tara T do? Who even is Tara T? Must be another internet at Screenwave.
Oh, no. Sam Beddoes was that fat English guy in that Back to the Future episode of AVGN. The 300th episode extravaganza or whatever it was. So what the fuck did that guy do warrant a special thanks? We have no fucking idea because these credits are total bullshit.