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Erin is Absolutely Killing it on TikTok
This video got over half a million views. What the fuck? That’s TWICE as many as her Power Pad video. Finally some good news for old ErinPlays87. Her years of…well, I can’t say “hard work”. But her years of existing have finally paid off! She probably made about twenty bucks off of this video. Good for her. Some of that folding money.
The video is just a one minute clip of Erin going through an old Sears catalogue and talking about video games that she sees in the catalogue but never owned. It’s the same sort of video that she makes on Twitch when her “carpal tunnel syndrome” gets to be too much but…only a minute of it.
This must be what the hip young people on TikTok want to watch these days. Fuck sexy dance videos. That trend is over. The new trend is watching videos from a woman old enough to be your mother, lazily going through an old Sears catalogue, and pointing out what’s in the catalogue in the most boring, monotone fashion possible. Maybe these kids are watching this shit ironically. I don’t know.
So that video was posted in December 2021. Around Christmas time. But Erin knew that she was on to something. Half a million views. Doesn’t take a genius to figure this one out. She wanted to capitalise on her success. So two days later, she made ANOTHER video where she looked at a Sears catalogue.
Same format. A middle-aged, unemployed woman going through an old catalogue and pointing out games that she never had, saying that things are cute, and reading the prices. And this video is nearly FIVE minutes. So you’re getting five times the content as the previous video.
Only 17,000 views on this one. What happened? The fickle young people of TikTok moved on, I guess. Listening to some senile old woman thumbing through a Sears catalogue from 30 years ago just isn’t a draw any more. They’ve moved on to prank videos or something.
But Erin isn’t one to give up. So three days later, she came back strong with a video about a JC Penney catalogue. Changing the formula. Keeping it fresh. It can’t be Sears every time.
Three thousand views. Party’s over, Erin. People watched that second Sears video and said, “What the fuck were we thinking watching this trash?” and then blocked Erin’s channel from their recommended video feed. Or however it works on TikTok.
What must have happened is that her first video got promoted for whatever baffling reason. And then she tried to milk it but no. The videos are complete dogshit. You can’t go through an old catalogue, talk about games that you have no clue about, and just read the fucking titles and prices out. That’s fucking stupid. People don’t want to watch that shit.
So her next video, published a few days after the previous one, uses some kind of excited AI woman’s voice as the narrator. Because Erin’s own monotone voice is fucking poison for views. And it has this loud, upbeat, public domain music throughout.
But here’s the problem: IT’S STILL BORING AS FUCK! All she does is show some random footage of a toy store. Who gives a shit? This is 2023 and I’m an adult. I don’t need to see footage from some fake Toys R Us that’s being recreated in Macys. Is this even her footage? I doubt it. When was she in New York? The only place she ever goes is Los Angeles to visit her parents and go to Disneyland. Twice a month.
Here’s where the wheels completely fall off the Erin Plays gravy train. She’s looking at a Seventeen magazine from 2001 with Britney Spears on the cover. It’s too long at two minutes. It’s just Erin reading the fucking headlines of these articles. IT’S AWFUL. Why does she continue with this? She has NO personality, NO talent, NO charisma, NO life experience, and for that matter NO knowledge of music. What has she ever said that demonstrated knowledge about music? She knows trivia about the lives of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake and shit like this, but not the music.
One thousand views. What a crash. From half a million to one thousand all within the span of two weeks. People saw that first video, because it was being promoted by TikTok, and then said, “I never want to listen to this boring woman ever again. She has absolutely nothing to say.” That’s clearly what happened.
Nintendo Power. Another complete dogshit video. Same old shit over and over again.
Here’s she’s pretending to be interested in the Vectrex. I’m almost positive that it’s just re-using footage from her Youtube videos. Dogshit.
Hello Kitty. Again, it’s just recycled footage from her Youtube videos from YEARS ago. She’s wearing her “iconic” Hamburglar top. Dogshit.
More of the same. This time it’s about the Casio Loopy. Same fucking top. It’s footage from the same Youtube video. I think that there’s a video where she shows some different consoles that Mike bought for her.
This one got 24,000 views. So something of an improvement over the last several videos. A complete fluke, though.
Then she’s right back to 1,000 views with this fucking piece of shit. All it is is a one minute video of Erin WAY too close to the camera and then footage of this complete non-event. Footage which is the intellectual property of Viacom or whoever owns MTv.
Do you want to watch two minutes of a box for a children’s toy? No. Nobody does. Five hundred views.
Thirty-eight seconds of an In-N-Out. Not the original In-N-Out because she couldn’t get into that one. So she just went to ANY In-N-Out. She went to the one that was open. Literally that’s what she says. Then she shows a PICTURE that that she got from Wikipedia or something, of the original store, and she says that the store is cute. That’s how the video ends.
WHO WANTS TO WATCH THIS? SHE THINKS THAT THERE’S A MARKET FOR THIS? A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WITH NO CHARISMA, TALKING ABOUT NOTHING? FUCK OFF!
She’s using the AI voice again with the upbeat public domain music and she’s showing the most boring fucking VHS boxes you can possibly imagine. It’s some mainstream children’s cartoons and Spice Girls shit. Why would anybody POSSIBLY want to watch this?
And finally, Erin’s most recent TikTok video, the AI voice and public domain music while Erin shows some t-shirts that she owns. It’s the same shit. They’re almost all Jimmy Eats World and The Strokes shirts. Is even one person on earth even remotely interested in this? Including Erin.
So that’s what Erin has been doing for the past five months. That’s why she’s not been on Youtube. She’s been trying to make it big on TikTok. She had one video go viral, as a total fluke, and that encouraged her delusions that she was going to be the next big TikTok star.
No. Nobody wants to watch these boring as fuck videos. Put your fucking booty shorts from the Power Pad video back on and start making some “sexy” dance videos. That’s what people want to watch on TikTok. Not a middle aged, unemployed woman, with no charisma talking about nothing. It’s fucking ridiculous. How can she not know this? How delusional can she possibly be?
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ASMR Saria prepares Link to leave Kokiri Forest (Ocarina of Time) – PixelWeaver
Let me start off by saying that this person, allegedly, has a degree in psychology or psychiatry. She is/was looking for work as a psychologist/psychiatrist.
I wonder why I stopped hearing about that job search. I remember her classmates telling an administrator that she was on OnlyFans. I remember PixelWeaver (as she likes to be called now, although that will change any day now) saying that she was moving from Washington state to…Boston or something to look for professional work. And then that’s the last I heard about this job search. This was years ago. Before covid. What happened? Do you mean to tell me that this complete lunatic, who had the second worst OnlyFans in the universe (second only to Destiny Fomo’s OnlyFans) couldn’t find a job in a professional field? That’s shocking.
So here she is dressed as an elf and doing “ASMR”. Is this even a thing any more? Do people still watch this shit?
I don’t know who the character is, by the way. I’ve never played a Zelda game.
0:00 – SPEAK UP, YOU FAT BITCH! I CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING!
Now I have to crank this up.
“Oh. You’re leaving. (smacks lips). I knew you’d leave the forrest some day.”
What the fuck is this? It’s disgusting. I want to hear this mastodon smacking her lips. And she’s referencing the game, I guess, but who’s POSSIBLY jerking off to this?
In the thumbnail, her fat tits are shown but not in the actual video. So I’m just supposed to jerk off to her fat face?
There’s some greenscreen shit in the background, by the way. It’s like a video game thing…a fairie is flying around or something.
Oh my god. I’m not even 30 seconds in. This is the cringiest thing in the history of cringe. And it goes on for FORTY MINUTES.
Come on. Is anybody expected to actually watch this? It’s insane. It’s an insane video by an insane woman.
0:30 – “I want you to have this ocarina.”
And then she starts tapping…this plastic instrument. Even calling it an “instrument” is too far. It’s a child’s toy.
What the fuck. Is anybody watching this? It got 1,000 views after a month. She completely humiliated herself for 1,000 views.
Haha. I’m reading the comments. She “hearted” every single comment, no matter how stupid, except for this one: “u should do try ons, bikinis, lingeries”
Why didn’t that one get a heart? This video is CLEARLY intended to arouse horny retards. Is a try on haul any worse? I want to see this fat lunatic squeezing into some retro lingerie. A corset. Stocking. I don’t know. Those pointy bras from the 1950s.
Back to the video. I’m not even a minute in. This is fucking torture.
I’ve skimmed through the video, by the way. She never moves the camera. So this is what you’re going to see for the next 40 minutes. She never gets her fat tits in frame, like she did in the thumbnail.
She keeps teasing that she’s going to play a song but she doesn’t. I don’t think so, anyway. I’m skimming through the video. All she does is tap her fingernails on this toy and explain that if you hold different holes, it will make a different sound. And she shows where you blow into this toy. But she never blows shit. She’s just tapping her fucking fingernails on this plastic children’s toy.
I’ve skimmed to 10 minutes and she’s still just tapping her fingernails on this children’s toy. She says, “Do you remember my song?” NO! YOU DIDN’T PLAY ANYTHING!
Is her song tapping her fingernails on this children’s toy? That’s not much of a song.
10:15 – So that was that. That was her song. Tapping her fingernails on a plastic children’s toy. And I assure you that at NO POINT did she play a song. Not one fucking note. But then she took out some plastic gems. More children’s toys. And she’s tapping her fingernails on these plastic gems while talking about what you can buy with these gems.
THIS IS AWFUL. This isn’t ASMR. Is ASMR just some fat lunatic tapping her fingernails on various objects? I don’t think so.
15:00 – Now she’s tapping her fingernails on a green gem. Does it make a different sound than tapping her fingernails on the red gem? NO! OF COURSE NOT! What the fuck is this? Why did she think that this was a good idea?
19:15 – So after she tapped her fingernails on two children’s toys in the shape of gems, she now brings a bag out. It’s a children’s toy. Made of felt or something. And she rubs the felt. Well, at least it makes a change from tapping her fingernails on plastic.
Oh god. This isn’t even something you want to listen to. Not that tapping fingernails on plastic was aurally appealing either. But somebody rubbing felt? No. Felt is cheap shit. It doesn’t feel good when you rub felt. It doesn’t sound good. This is shit.
21:00 – So then she reaches inside of the bag, and made a sexually suggestive remark while doing it, and shows a…toy nut? Is that what this is? And then she taps her fingernails on this plastic, toy nut.
Come on. People are expected to watch this? People are expected to enjoy this? I think that we’re expected to jack off to this. It’s so far beyond what any reasonable, rational person would do.
23:30 – Then she takes two of these toy, plastic nuts (or whatever they are) and says, “They sound so good together. Let’s listen to them” and smacks them together. You know what it sounds like? Two plastic children’s toys knocking against each other. Is that a sound that you want to listen to? Are people jerking off to plastic being banged against plastic? It’s…NOBODY IS JERKING OFF TO THIS. NOBODY! I DON’T CARE HOW RETARDED YOU ARE. I DON’T CARE WHAT KIND OF BIZARRE FETISH YOU HAVE. NOBODY IS JERKING OFF TO THIS. NOT ONE PERSON.
But inexplicably, SupaCrazyWoman thinks that they are. She thinks that people are jerking off to a CLEARLY mentally ill, 40 year old unemployed woman, who’s overweight, wearing a children’s Halloween costume, and banging plastic children’s toys against each other.
26:00 – She’s still banging these nuts together (not in a good way) and says, “They’re so cute.”
This is…this is astonishingly bad content. Even by the standards of the videos that I cover.
28:00 – Now she’s feeling this felt children’s toy bag again. It’s gross. I dont’ want to listen to this.
I mean…if she was feeling leather or velvet or fur…you know, some kind of classy material, I could maybe get behind it. But felt? No. There’s nothing good about felt. It sounds gross. It feels gross. It’s an entirely synthetic material. It’s cheap. That’s why it’s used so much in children’s toys. I don’t want to listen to this. I don’t want felt anywhere in my home. And indeed, I can’t think of a single thing that I own that’s made of felt. Why would I? I’m an adult. Felt is not used in my products that adults purchase for themselves.
28:45 – “Do you like these little wooden things I made?”
And then she starts tapping her fingernails on them. What are they? She doesn’t even know. Just more children’s toys. And she’s going to tap her fingernails on them for the next five to ten minutes while whispering weird comments.
Oh, they’re the end pieces on the string for this felt bag.
29:15 – Now she has a toy fairie. Plastic, of course. Is she going to tap her fingernails on the fairie? We just have to wait and see.
So far, she’s just zooming it in and out of of the camera. The fairie lights up.
31:15 – She starts clicking her tongue or something, while continuing to move this lightbulb fairie around. She hasn’t tapped it with her fingernails yet but here’s to hoping.
36:30 – No. She never tapped her fingernails on the fairie. But now she has some other plastic children’s toy that she’s tapping her fingernails on. There should be a law against producing content this bad.
Oh, it’s a plastic heart. “The more that you collect, the stronger you get.” Like in the game, you know? Link collects hearts. But not plastic children’s toys. And he doesn’t tap his fingernails on them for forty minutes.
38:15 – Then she says, “Goodbye, Link” and for the next 45 seconds, it’s just this greenscreen.
This was a complete abomination. Somebody should be held accountable for this. Why is SupaPixelGirl or whatever her name is now, even allowed to live in society? She should be locked up for her own safety and the safety of others. She’s completely fucking insane. And she should not be allowed to make videos any more.
This isn’t the only one that she’s done either. She also did one on some Resident Evil character. I haven’t watched that. But the Resident Evil video came out shortly before the Zelda one and that got 5,000 views. Her Zelda video only got 1,000. So I think that she gave up. Even the horntards were watching this shit and thinking, “What the fuck? I think that I’ll watch Erin Plays stumble through a video game instead.”
It’s completely mental.
Oh, you know how earlier I was suggesting that SupaLunatic should do a video where she tries on a corset? Well, here you go:
Ummm…that’s a corset?
Somebody says, “That elastic fabric is the real hero here… good heavens.” SupaLunatic replies, “It’s not elastic hater”
What…there’s something not right about this. That is not a corset. It’s a dress. A weird dress that has some type of corset type thing integrated into it.
Here’s a close up picture of SupaLunatic’s face, looking derranged. She posted this. She thought that this was a good idea.
And if you still need proof that SupaLunatic is completely insane, look no further than this:
She claims to enjoy the podcast of Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining and Pele.
If there’s anybody out there who knows SupaLunatic in real life, do the right thing and get her the help that she needs. She is clearly mentally ill. It’s not funny, it’s not insulting, it’s sad. She needs urgent help.
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BAD GAMES from Beam Software! NES and Game Boy – Erin Plays
Why does Erin even make videos at this point? This is another absolutely zero effort, three minute video from her. “Here are three games that I’ve never played before and will never play again but I’m going to talk about them for a minute each anyway.”
Why bother? Her last four videos have all been under four minutes. Just extreme laziness. In the past 12 months, she’s made nine videos. Just stop. Nobody’s watching this shit anyway. She’s clearly given up. Why not just stop entirely?
0:00 – Bad Street Brawler. My friend had this game on PC. It wasn’t good but we played it. Then he gave me a copy? Maybe? Somehow I played it. Maybe I downloaded it years later. Maybe I played the NES rom. I don’t know. But I’m pretty familiar with the game so I must have played it a fair amount.
0:30 – She describes a weapon as a “bag of nickels”. It’s a bat. What are you fucking retarded?
0:45 – “I totally thought that this was a bat with a slinky attached to it.”
Hehe. “X looks like Y”. Am I right, guys? The height of Erin’s comedy.
She clearly only got to the second level in this game. Briefly.
1:00 – Days of Thunder. I had this game too. On the Game Boy. It sucked but I played it a fair amount. Yes, it’s boring to play a racing game where you go around a track 40 times but I appreciated the realism. I played it for many hours. This is what we had and at the time it was great. It was a huge step up from handheld games from just a few years earlier like…let me see if I can find it.
Yeah. Electronic Basketball. This thing:
Or, you can see a variant version in video form here:
The gameplay looks similar to what I had. I had the red one in the link. I played it for hours. Just a dot playing basketball. Kind of. You were able to get into a certain pattern and score repeatedly.
So go from that to Days of Thunder. It’s a massive shift. Yeah, I don’t want to play Days of Thunder today but when the choices were Days of Thunder or this weird Hong Kong basketball game where you play as a dot, I’m going with Days of Thunder.
1:15 – So Erin describes Days of Thunder as, “The most boring racing game I’ve ever played.”
Well, that doesn’t cover much ground. How many racing games has she played? I can’t think of any. If she hasn’t played it on stream, for money, she hasn’t played it. So…the comment is totally meaningless.
“At least the intro screen is kind of cute.”
Great commentary, Erin.
“I guess the beginning is some kind of practice stage where you have to finish the lap within 24 seconds”.
It’s the qualifying lap, you fucking idiot. I assume that it determines your order in the race. It’s been years since I’ve played so I don’t remember but that’s the usually the way with racing games. You didn’t know this, Erin? In the pantheon of racing games that you’ve played, you’ve never picked up on this?
1:45 – “The first race is 12 laps long. How are you supposed to get in front of the other cars when the acceleration sucks?”
By hugging the turns? How the fuck does Erin not know this? This is day one racing game knowledge.
“I was bored out of my mind by lap two.”
So she played the qualifying lap and one lap of the race. She played the game for about two minutes. She thinks that this qualifies her to do a review of the game. It’s fucking ridiculous.
2:00 – Itchy & Scratchy in Miniature Golf Madness. “I never played this before.” That’s me saying that. Erin, of course, is obsessed with the game and she’s going to give all of us gaming n00bs a complete rundown. Critique it for its brilliance.
“This isn’t a traditional golf game like you’d expect.”
Why would I expect that from an Itchy & Scratchy game? I don’t expect PGA Tour 2k23 from a game called Itchy & Scratchy Miniature Golf.
So Erin is bad at the game but she clearly only played it for a couple of minutes.
3:00 – “Do you agree with these choices being labelled as bad games?”
Well, I guess not. It’s not the conclusion that I disagree with, it’s your alleged expertise. You can’t play a game for two minutes and then do a review of it. It’s fucking preposterous. But this is what she does. This is what her entire Youtube “career” is based on.
That’s the video. By the way, she didn’t appear in it for ever one second. How is Shishi supposed to masturbate to this? I’m sure that he still found a way.
- “Your videos have become a lot shorter with a bigger gap between them.”
Erin replies, “Yeah they’ve been shorter, but I’ve actually been putting out content roughly every two weeks where before that it could be as long as a month in between videos. This time though it was three weeks in between due to going out of town, but yeah. It’s helping me be a little more consistent actually. If I do a letsplay or something though in the future then it will be as long as it needs to be.”
Yeah. Erin has been “out of town”. This is her euphamism for when she visits her parents once every two weeks.
But she used to make a video every week. Why did that stop? Fake carpal tunnel?
She must have accepted by now that her videos are complete trash and she’s never going to make money from this. Why it took her this long to figure out, I have absolutely no idea. I could have told her from day one that this shit was not going to work.
Then some horntard replies, “Who would complain about free entertainment? Thanks for your efforts.”
How dare somebody complain about this free, god awful, scam content? We should all be thankful that Erin graces us with these absolutely abysmal videos.
- “Yo, IRL Jessica Rabbit here to slay us internet nerd bois again? ❤ fucking AYYOOOOOGGGAAAAAAAAAA”
She didn’t even appear in the fucking video. What is this guy jerking off to?
- “Hi Erin, I was wondering if you can do a video of my challenge? I sent you an email about it describing what it’s about and what you have to do for it! I know it’s not exactly what you do on your channel but I’m asking everyone!”
Then he continues, “I was thinking, since you are a gamer, it can be Nintendo themed too. Like put the tub of shaving cream on top of the power pad before putting your feet in. Or maybe have a design in the shaving cream of like a NES controller or the Triforce from Zelda which would be pretty amazing. Anyway, let me know!”
What the fuck is this guy’s challenge? Something to do with shaving cream and the Power Pad. Obviously some weird sexual thing for this guy. Oh….what? She has to put her the shaving cream on her feet and then use the Power Pad. I think that that’s the challenge. Yeah, it’s clearly a sexual thing.
Well, maybe she’ll do it. It depends how desperate she gets for money. Maybe if Mike ever wakes up and kicks her out, she’ll do the video. This assumes that omega orbiter Joe from Gamesack isn’t there to swoop in.
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Mike Matei shows Erin Plays Roger Rabbit on NES! – Erin Plays
So…this is a stream where Mike plays a game and Erin just watches. Why would anybody…it makes no fucking sense. If we want to watch Mike play the game…he’s already done this. Recently. On stream, for money. What does Erin add to any of this? Her great commentary? Is she going to mention colours and cute sprites?
It’s like that Zuvi Japanese prostitute who I’ve written about a few times. Her pimp will be off-screen playing the game and she’s just there delivering her completely banal commentary on what she had for lunch or whatever. And it’s not a secret. They’re not trying to pull anything over on the viewer. It’s blatantly her pimp playing the game. She says as much. Anyway, here’s the latest time that I wrote about her, if you’re interested.
0:15 – “Every time I’ve tried to play this, I give it like five minutes and I just don’t get it and I want to just not play it any more.”
Five minutes is surely an exaggeration. Tell us exactly how many times you’ve played the game, Erin. And whether or not it was on stream, for money.
So Erin is framing this Mike teaching her how to play the game to inspire her to become interested in it. What? Why didn’t she just watch Mike fairly recent stream of the game then? Or why doesn’t she ask Mike to teach her about the game in her spare time like a normal person? Why does this have to be a stream?
This is unbelievably lazy “content”. Erin can’t even be bothered playing the games any more. That’s too much work. She has fake carpal tunnel syndrome.
1:00 – Mike thinks that there’s a carrot on a window sill in this game. Erin corrects him, saying that it’s a potted plant. She then, rightly, expresses completely bewilderment as to why Mike thought that this was a carrot. Mike then asks why there would be a potted plant on a window sill. Erin pronounces this as “window seal” but we’ll ignore that.
Why is there a potted plant on a window sill? What? Because that’s where potted plants go. It’s also somewhat of a staple in video games. Has he not played Urban Champion for the Nintendo Entertainment System?
Erin changed up her background in her gaming closet, by the way. Now there’s some neon cherries and a neon Saturn. The planet, not the Roman god or the car. Erin is all about neon. The 80s! Am I right? Erin was born in 1987.
3:00 – Erin says, “I saw palm trees on the overworld map and I just had an idea for an Erin video that nobody would watch.”
That could be anything, but go on.
“Top Ten Palm Trees in Games.”
Eugh. I had absolutely rock bottom expectations and this was even more boring that I anticipated. How is she possibly going to come up with a top ten palm trees in video games video? She doesn’t fucking play video games. She doesn’t know which games have palm trees.
Then Mike suggests making a top ten chairs in video games video. So what games does Erin suggest? Well, obviously the two games that she played most recently, on stream, for money: Splatterhouse and some Castlevania game.
This is exactly what I’m talking about. She has NO EXPERIENCE with video games. So she can’t make these types of videos.
4:30 – Mike goes into a building marked “13”. Erin says, “Thirteen is Sailor Moon’s favourite number.” This is some top tier commentary. I really want to hear more Sailor Moon trivia from a 35 year old chronically unemployed woman.
6:45 – “Oh, you can search through trash? This is like…umm…Princess Tomato and the Salad Kingdom.”
A game that Erin played one time, on stream, for money, and then never again. But she mentions it constantly.
7:30 – Mike says, “This game is RNG”. Erin says, “Oh.”
I can almost guarantee that Erin has no idea what “RNG” means. But she pretended that she understood because this is what she does. She doesn’t know ANYTHING.
Erin is taking notes on the game. For when she (potentially) plays this on stream, for money. Notes that she’ll never use, even if she does play the game. This isn’t your SAT prep course, Erin. You don’t need to take notes.
I wonder what Erin got on her SATs. I think that they changed the scoring system shortly after I took the test so it’s probably going to be hard to compare in any event. I did marginally better than average on the reading section but significantly worse than average on the math section. I never took any prep course, though. That’s the problem. I just went in totally blind and winged it. I didn’t retake the test either.
There’s a huge advantage when you have parents who are clued up and engaged. I didn’t have that. So I just had to figure everything out on my own.
Perhaps it doesn’t matter. I got into every school that I wanted to get into. I wasn’t applying to Harvard. And even if I got 200 points higher, which is surely much more than a prep course would give you, I wouldn’t have got into Harvard.
8:45 – “I’m taking notes because this video is going to be part of a video that I’m going to be making.”
So she’s not even going to stream this. It’s just going to be for a Youtube video. She’s going to make a Youtube video where she presents herself as an expert at the game, despite the fact that she’s openly admitting that she only played the game a few times, for a matter of minutes, on stream, for money.
21:00 – Somebody in the chat says that they just ate 52 Chicken McNuggets. You want to know what Erin said to that momentous announcement? “That’s great.”
Good chat, Erin.
And she doesn’t even have the excuse that she’s trying to talk while playing the game. She’s doing NOTHING. She can focus her entire attention on the chat.
32:30 – Erin says that she needs another cup of coffee. She’s bored out of her fucking mind. So she asks Mike if they should pause the stream or if he can continue without her.
What the fuck does she think that she’s contributing to any of this? It’s Mike playing the game and she’s saying totally banal bullshit.
34:30 – They’re talking about some ninja game that Mike recently beat, on stream, for money and then Erin says, “The furthest I got was to the boss but then I couldn’t beat him.” She goes on to ask about how she recorded the video. So this was for a stream or Youtube video, of course. That’s the only time when Erin plays video games.
I’m turning this off now. Mike is going into nerdy detail about this game and Erin clearly does not give the slightest of fucks. Nor do I.
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WTF Wednesday Review : Burial Ground: Night of Terror – Newt Wallen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXDv-Ihf1Z0
Sorry for just making this a link. The thumbnail is disgusting. I’m not having that on a respectable blog like Gamer Girls.
So we have…who does PVC Bondage Guy remind me of? I’m getting a 1970s vibe. Barney Miller? My mother’s friend who had tinted 1970s glasses? I know that his glasses aren’t tinted, it’s just the enormous amount of eye makeup that he wears but…it reminds me of somebody. Or at least the 1970s broadly. I’m all about the 1970s. That’s my era. I was two years old in 1979. It was a turbulent decade. I experienced it all as a two year old.
You know, it might be Barney Miller.
Similar frames. And Barney’s glasses aren’t tinted but it was obviously a popular style in the 1970s. And Barney Miller is a show from the 1970s.
Maybe PVC Bondage Guy can grow a moustache to complete the look. He’s a guy, right? Guys grow moustaches. Then she can get a job as a wise-cracking New York City detective.
What the fuck is PVC Bondage Guy wearing? He keeps adjusting the straps because his boobs are almost out.
This video was shot shortly before Newt moved. So he’s still in his old place.
By the way, this is some boring tits and gore zombie movie. From Italy, I guess. Maybe? I don’t give a shit.
5:15 – Newt is drinking…some beverage. It’s in a bottle. The bottle appears too big to be a single serving bottle but too small to be a “family-sized” bottle. So whatever it would be. I don’t remember the units in the US. Bigger than a 16 ounce bottle but smaller than a gallon.
I’m probably the only person who cares about this but I find it interesting. They’re obviously selling large-sized bottles of high-calorie, sugary beverages that are intended to be consumed in one sitting. It all adds to the obesity epidemic in the US.
5:45 – PVC Bondage Guy says that he “took Latin”. In high school? Did PVC Bondage Guy go to college? We’ll never know.
6:15 – Then PVC Bondage Guy says that the characters in the movie “cock blocked” him. I’d give you the context for this but I don’t know it.
8:00 – “Leslie is a very attractive brunette. Great tits.”
This is the sort of cinematic insight that The Ideas Man provides. I want to know which characters have the best breasts. That’s what I go to the cinema for. Sure, I could just stay at home and jack off to hardcore pornography instead but no. That’s not my style. I only masturbate to 1970s, low-budget, tits and gore zombie movies from Italy. And I want The Ideas Man to tell me which women in this very specific genre are worth my masturbatory time.
By the way, PVC Bondage Guy agreed that Leslie had a nice chest. Great. So that’s confirmed. I’m going to go check this out.
8:45 – Newt asks PVC Bondage Guy if she ever heard of the show Coach. PVC Bondage Guy says that she has.
First of all, I barely remember the show and I’m two years older than Newt. I mean…I was probably at least 10 when the show was on. Let me look this up, actually.
Wow. It was on from 1989 to 1997. That’s way longer than I thought. So I was like 12 to 20 years old. So anyway, I remember watching it. I remember that Dick van Dyke’s brother was on the show. I remember a dumb character named Dauber who started as an athlete and later became assistant coach or something. I remember the main character. I remember that he had a wife. But I don’t remember a single episode or plot point or anything.
So anyway, Newt says that a character looked like Dauber. So whatever. I thought that he was going to give a more specific example about the show. But no, just the existence of a character named Dauber. Yes, I remember what Dauber looked like. But does PVC Bondage Guy? She must have been born…I don’t know…let’s say that she’s about 25…1998. The show was cancelled by then. Was it ever shown in syndication? Not that I can recall.
9:15 – Newt is talking about somebody making a ripoff of a movie “That’s basically softcore porn”. PVC Bondage Guy says, “Nice.”
Hey…gentlemen…are you at all familiar with Pornhub? You don’t have to look at vintage, low-budget horror films to get your fix of nudity any more.
This is exactly why these softcore porn movies don’t exist any more. We all have the internet. We can look at all of the porn that we want. I don’t need to wait for Cinemax to show The Bikini Carwash Company.
12:00 – PVC Bondage Guy is talking about “cheeky pants” or something. She says that a woman in the film has a “nice ass”.
Then Newt says that he wants to do a brand deal for this particular style of women’s undergarment and he says that he’ll wear them. Ummm…okay.
15:30 – PVC Bondage Guy starts talking about a character who gets her “titties” sucked on.
18:00 – PVC Bondage Guy was upset at the bear trap scene in this movie because the guy was trying to open the bear trap in an unrealistic fashion. So PVC Bondage Guy starts giving her expert opinion on bear traps.
What the fuck is this? Why does she know about bear traps? Some other disgusting fetish of hers. A bear trap fetish. What…let’s just move on.
Oh, and I mistakenly called PVC Bondage Guy “her” in the previous paragraph. Please excuse my mis-gendering.
Okay, so I made it to 20 minutes. There’s another 25 mintues but I’m bored out of my fucking mind here. We don’t need a shot for shot summary of some stupid tits and gore move that nobody cares about.
“Oh, yeah. She really had some big titties. I’d like to do stuff to her.”
Guys…this is not erotic. To anyone.
-
Hot Babes of the Internet
When I moved to London, like 20 years ago, I was looking for a girlfriend. So I went to the internet. This was before Tinder. I think even before OkCupid. I used both OkCupid and Tinder subsequently but in these early days, it was Gumtree. Gumtree was a ripoff version of Craigslist. Gumtree was popular in the UK and possibly Australia (where I think it originated). Craigslist was not popular in the UK.
They had a dating section. It was kind of like an old-fashioned newspaper personals section. You would just describe yourself and maybe what you’re looking for and people would reply.
There were women who would post these ads, I guess, but I never looked at them. I assumed that they were getting swamped with replies so what’s the point?
Instead, I just wrote my own ads and people would reply. It was entirely in text. No pictures.
So I’d write sort of funny ads and I would usually say that I was looking for Asian women. My thinking here was that I didn’t want fat chicks. At the time, internet dating wasn’t so popular. You were considered desperate if you used the internet to get a date. So I didn’t want desperate fat chicks replying to my message. How many fat Asian women are there? Not many. Perfect. Say that I’m looking for an Asian woman.
And it worked. They didn’t give a fuck that I was some weirdo specifically looking for Asian women. I got loads of replies and I went out on loads of dates.
What would happen is you’d get a response to your email address and then you’d email the person a few times. Sometimes you would exchange pictures but not always. Often when I would send a picture, that would be the last time that I’d hear from them. That’s just the way with things unless you’re Clark Gable or that Frank guy from Hack the Movies.
One of the first women I met was from Singapore. I could swear that I told this story before so I’ll keep it brief.
She was painfully unattractive. We went to a cafe or restaurant. She told a story about how when she first arrived in the UK, somebody at the airport approached her and told her to follow him. So she did. And then she realised that something might be up so she stopped. I asked why she possibly thought that it was a good idea and she didn’t know.
She was also Muslim. But during the “date” she said that she would like to go and see different churches. Just as a tourist thing, I guess, see the architecture. So I told her that we can do that and she was really surprised. She also at some point said that she thought that I would vomit upon seeing her. She had really low self-esteem.
I was much the same, I guess, and I was desperate as fuck so the next day I texted her or emailed saying that I had a nice time and I’d like to go out again. She gave kind of a non-committal response. We talked for a little while after that and she asked if I found a job yet, I said that I hadn’t, and that was pretty much the end of it. She worked in an office or something. It wasn’t anything impressive. But I didn’t have a job so she thought that I would always be unemployed, I guess.
There was a Malaysian woman. I could swear that I told this story as well but maybe it’s in one of the posts that got lost.
She worked doing some pyramid scheme called Success University. It’s subsequently been shut down for being a pyramid scheme. But she was really proud of this “job”.
What she would do is con people into signing up for courses on how to make money. And then when you would go to these courses, their solution for making money was to sign people up for the courses. She would get a percentage for every person she signed up for the course and cuts would be given up the pyramid. She was targetting her fellow Malyasian immigrants, which I think makes it particularly disgusting.
She knew that it was a scam but she said that all jobs are scams. There’s always somebody above you taking your money.
So I met her, because I was desperate as fuck, and she was painfully unattractive. She was also a giant bitch. In most of my stories, the woman is painfully unattractive. But very few of them involve giant bitches. Most of the women I met were pleasant people. Not this woman. Huge bitch. I can’t remember specific examples but I hated her. She was awful.
Then after the date, she suggested that I should read How to Make Friends and Influence People. And she made this suggestion totally genuinely. Like this was some obscure book that I didn’t know about. It was obscure to her because she’s from Malaysia but no. I know about the book. It’s obviously insulting but I don’t even know if she intended it that way. Maybe she was genuinely trying to be helpful. But given her horrendous personality, I’m inclined to think that it was intended to be insulting as opposed to some kind of cultural misunderstanding.
She also recommended Rich Dad, Poor Dad. And she denigrated the fact that I was doing data entry work, which, while low-paying, is at least an actual job. “Success University” is not a job. It’s a scam. You’re a scammer.
Anyway, as desperate as I was, I was not interested in this horrible woman.
There was also a Japanese woman. She was a few years older than me. Smoking hot. Hottest woman I met from the internet, by far. She was dressed in some crazy Japanese outfit. Knee-high white boots is all I remember. And she would walk behind me. Some cultural thing in Japan. I once tried to nudge her to walk next to me and she just stopped. She wouldn’t move. She did not like it. She wanted to walk behind. Well, okay. Have to be sensitive to cultural differences.
So we went to a restaurant and I was just really bad at conversation. I didn’t say much. So she didn’t want to go out again. That was that. She worked as a dental nurse or something so good for her.
I also went out with a Korean woman. She was also…well, I’m not sure if “hot” is the word but she was cute. She was maybe 5’2″, really crooked teeth (as a lot of Asian people have), but giant fucking tits. I don’t mean big just by Asian standards. These were huge by anyone’s standards.
So I was…oh my fucking god. Massive. I’m on a date with a Korean woman with huge fucking tits. I couldn’t believe my luck.
I was really on form that day. I was witty. I was sophisticated. And I don’t think that I looked at her face even one time.
But I tried to play it cool. So even though things were going well, I cut the date short. We could have gone somewhere after our coffee but I didn’t want to appear too eager. So I thanked her for coming and I think just gave her a hug.
Then afterwards, things were fine. She was telling me that she was going a trip somewhere but that we should go out again after her trip. I can’t remember where it was. But I kept talking about how I’ve been there and how awful the place is. And I don’t know. She just stopped replying. I was too negative. Should have talked about something else. Well, there are plenty of other giant-breasted Korean women out there. Oh wait. There aren’t? Then I really blew it.
That Korean woman and the Japanese woman are the only two even REMOTELY attractive women that I ever met off the internet.
There was also a British Indian woman. She described herself as “half-American” because one of her parents was American. An American of Indian descent, presumably. I found this odd at the time, but I guess it makes as much sense as anything else. You don’t really think of American as an ethnicity, as you would English or Polish or Japanese or whatever but why not? If somebody said that they’re “half-Mexican” you wouldn’t think anything of it even though people in Mexico come various cultures and they have different skin tones and whatever. So why not be half-American?
Very early on, she told me that she was an asexual virgin. Well, okay. You do you. I don’t particularly need to know this. But she was fucking nuttier than a fruitcake.
She told me that she was drawing an erotic comic. I was interested in seeing that. What would an erotic comic from an asexual virgin look like? But she never showed me the comic.
She also wrote a book. It was some psychology book. I saw it on Amazon. It had two reviews and both were extremely negative. They said that it was just copy and pasted from other sources. She had a degree in psychology or psychiatry or something.
Now that I think about it, she was a real Newt Wallen. Except for the asexual virgin thing. Newt is getting busy with the ladies (or whatever) all the time. But in terms of erotic comics and love of plagiarism, they’re both very similar.
She would also tell me to call her a lot. She would text me and make it seem like it’s an emergency and I have to call right now and then it was nothing. She just wanted to talk.
One time she said, “Your deep voice is really making me aroused. Maybe I shouldn’t say that.” And I made whatever borderline autistic comment in response. But I don’t even have a deep voice which makes the whole thing even weirder.
So I was sick of the nonsense and said that we should just meet up. She agreed. We were going to get coffee and meet up at a train station.
My train was delayed so I texted her saying that I’m going to be about 15 minutes late. So I get there, I apologise for being late, and she says that she already got coffee because she was thirsty but that I should get coffee. What? So she’s just going to watch me drink coffee? Why couldn’t she wait?
But whatever. I went to some stall in the train station. Some old Indian guy was selling the coffee. He flirted with this woman for a bit and then I got my coffee.
Oh. I should mention her appearance. Painfully unattractive. The only thing I remember is really horrible teeth. The worst teeth I’ve ever seen on anyone, including the homeless. They were brown. They were green. They were rotted. They were chipped. And I remember there being a hole through the centre of one of her front teeth.
I look back and think, “How is it possible? Am I maybe misremembering things? How could a non-homeless person possibly have teeth that are this bad? This was a woman in her mid to late 20s.”
I don’t know. This is what I remember. And why would I misremember this?
So we sit on a bench in this outdoors area of the train station. She’s watching me drink my coffee and she’s talking a mile a minute. I’m saying, “uh huh” periodically. And then she says, “Okay, now you say something.”
No. She’s talking insanely quickly, I’m trying to focus on my coffee, I’m not good at conversations at the best of times, and now I’m just supposed to come up with something on command? It’s not going to happen. So I suggested that we go for a walk.
We’re walking around the block. It was just a commercial area. Tall buildings and shit. There was construction work going on. It was nothing romantic.
She starts telling me about her job. She worked as somebody who goes to companies and tells the company how they can be more efficient. Basically, which people they can fire. And she said that the workers at these places really resent her because she’s a young woman coming in and telling them how they can do their jobs more efficiently.
So I say, “Well, that’s understandable. These people might have been working there for many years and they know how the job should be done.”
She shut right up. Really offended. “What difference does it make how old I am as long as I know what I’m talking about?” Shit like this.
I didn’t care. I was just trying to contribute to the conversation. It’s just a matter of common sense that people would resent her coming in and telling them how they should do their job. It’s not about her age or gender.
But I apologised and we continued our walk around the block. She didn’t say much after that. She was stewing.
We circled back to the train station and I thanked her for coming, apologised again for my earlier transgression, and gave her the most chaste of hugs. She just stood there and was really uncomfortable with it. That’s when I remembered the asexual virgin thing.
I get home and she’d already texted me saying that she had a nice time and wants to do it again. I tell her that she needs to find somebody more talkative. She disagrees and says again that we should go out again. I tell her that I don’t think we’re really compatible. This goes on for a few more messages until finally she gets the hint and decides that I’m not the right guy for her.
I really wish that I would have seen that comic, though. She said that she was going to send it but then that awful date happened. Actually, I guess the date wasn’t that bad. It was just the teeth. If she had teeth that even approached normality, I think that I might have given it another shot. I mean, she was fucking insane but I really wanted to see the comic. I would have gone out again just to see the comic. But not with those teeth. I’m sorry to say that, I know that it’s superficial but…how do teeth even get that bad? That’s decades of neglect.
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Game Hunting in Japan with MadPanicGaming – Destiny Fomo
So we’ve got Madam Fomo with MadPanicGaming (or as he used to be called, “Kid” Shoryuken. He changed his name. The previous name must have become “toxic”. Perhaps because word was getting out that he’s a well-known corsorter of prostitutes. Like Madam Fomo over here.
For those unfamiliar with “Kid” Shoryuken, he was in the US military. Navy or something. And then he moved to Japan to do the whole perverted sex-pat thing. He’s approaching 50 if he’s not there already. He’s openly made it known that he goes to massage parlours. He’s done creepy videos with young Japanese ladyboys who he was obviously paying for and having sex with. He’s fucking disgusting. He works as a TEFL “teacher”.
He also pays Destiny Fomo to come to Japan so that he can have sex with her. None of this is even remotely subtle. He did a video where he unboxed a “gift” from her. It was a bunch of food and video games. It was like $1000 worth of stuff. Why would Madam Fomo send this guy $1000 worth of stuff if he wasn’t spending many magnitudes more than that on her?
He’s done a couple of videos with Madam Fomo where they travel around Japanese video game shops. It’s always creepy as fuck. This guy really needs to get his life together. There’s more to life than being a creepy sex monger.
0:00 – So we’ve got Madam Fomo out here, a confirmed prostitute, showing a foot of cleavage on the streets of Japan.
There’s a black guy walking past and an Asian woman holding his arm. That’s surprising.
0:15 – Then she introduces “Kid” Shoryuken. He is awkward as fuck. I don’t even want to describe it.
He’s about 300 pounds, by the way. And he’s paying Madam Fomo to have sex with her. Madam Fomo, do you have any dignity whatsoever?
1:15 –
Madam Fomo: Was it good for you when there were no tourists here?
Kid Shoryuken: Oh, it was good for me alright, yeah. Was it good for you?
Madam Fomo: I mean, no. I couldn’t come. That’s what she said. (weird yelling)
Some delightful sexual innuendo between a prostitute and her old, overweight, disgusting john.
Then they show some video game stores like this is all normal. Madam Fomo talks about buying Kirby merchandise, for example. No. She’s going there to have sex with “Kid” Shoryuken and no doubt other guys. Her pimp TuanX set this all up.
Is TuanX still making videos?
https://www.youtube.com/@tuanx/videos
Not really. His last video was four months ago and he’s only uploaded twice in the past year. That’s good. He used to have young girls writing in the comments section, which is very unusual for a Youtube channel about video games. And he had a website, possibly still does, where he asked for your name, date of birth, and Instagram page. He was using this to expand his prostitution empire, I assume.
3:45 – Back to Madam Fomo and “Kid” Shoryuken. Madam Fomo has her mask half-off and it’s full of brown stuff. Maybe she just got done giving “Kid” Shoryuken a rimjob. And “Kid” Shoryuken is behind her making stupid faces.
5:30 – More awkward bullshit from “Kid” Shoryuken.
I wonder why this guy can’t get a girlfriend. Not even in Japan. He can’t even get a girlfriend in Japan.
6:30 – Yet more awkward shit from “Kid” Shoryuken. He couldn’t have a conversation to save his life.
He also has the haircut of a ten year old boy. But he always wears a hat. So you know he’s bald. He’s bald but has the haircut of a ten year old boy. How creepy is this?
8:00 – Weird pronunciation of “Famicom” from Madam Fomo. She’s done this throughout the video.
8:45 – Yet more creepy shit from the King of Creeps, “Kid” Shoryuken.
Remind yourself that Madam Fomo is having sex with that guy. Whatever she’s getting paid, she earns it. Although, TuanX takes 100% of the money so she’s getting nothing.
That’s the video. At the end of the video, an ad popped up promoting this recent video of Madam Fomo’s.
Well, it’s not even a question. How much was Madam Fomo charging back when she was openly advertising her services as a prostitute? Let me check.
$250/hour incall or $300/hour outcall. That was back when she was allegedly 21, though. The prices have surely fallen. Especially given the ABYSMAL reviews that she got.
On a different site, she gives her rates as $200/hour.
On yet another site, she says to contact her if you only need 15 minutes. No price is given. “Kid” Shoryuken is probably getting a rate for 2 minutes.
Anyway, at the most, you’re going to pay $300 for Madam Fomo. That’s if you’re getting taken advantage of. And according to her escort reviews, ANY price is too much.
Now let’s see how much a PS5 is.
Base price is $500.
So the PS5 is the clear choice. And she’s not even offering sex in this video. Not explicitly, anyway. She’s just offering going into her weird kiddie pool that she has in her sex dungeon. Obviously, sex would take place there, though.
How regularly do you suppose she cleans the balls in that pool? Because they must get filthy quickly. I mean…would you even want to have sex in there after ONE guy had sex in there? Those balls must get completely encrusted with sweat and semen really quickly. She’s cleaning every one after every session? It’s impossible.
Maybe she puts them all in the dishwasher or something. Just loads the dishwasher with the balls from her weird little sex pool. But then you couldn’t possibly put plates in there in the future. Are you going to put your eating utensils in the same machine that you clean your sex balls in?
Prostitution raises so many issues just with cleanliness. Maybe TuanX has it all figured out, I don’t know. Maybe they have a separate dishwasher that’s just for the sex balls.
Anyway, with the PS5 you don’t have to worry about all of that unpleasantness. So that’s another reason to opt for the PS5. Plus, I just don’t want to have sex with Madam Fomo at any price. And under no circumstances would I get into that disgusting ball pool.
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What Erin Spends Her Time Thinking About
It’s a clip from 1995 of an MTV interview of Madonna. Courtney Love throws something at the stage and the interviewer invites Courtney Love to come join them. Madonna clearly does not want this to happen because it’s stealing focus from her. Nevertheless, Courtney Love joins them on the set, Madonna and Courtney Love have an awkward handshake, and they exchange pleasantries.
That’s the clip. Okay? NOTHING HAPPENS. And Erin says that she’s been thinking about that clip at least once a week for the past 20 years.
Why is she occupying her mind this complete nothingness? It’s like when she mentioned Britney Spears doing a Woody “the” Woodpecker impression like we all know what she’s talking about. Like we’ve all seen this important clip of Britney Spears doing the impression.
What a total fucking moron.
Also, Erin was 7 or 8 years old when this “event” from 1995 ocurred. She was watching MTV at that age? And she remembers this?
Actually, she says that she’s been thinking about this for the past 20 years. So that would take us to 2003. Why they show this clip from 1995, a clip where NOTHING HAPPENED, in 2003? Maybe she was searching this out on Youtube or something? But what would the keywords even be? “Madonna”, “Courtney Love”, and “nothing”?
This helps explain why she has nothing to talk about, ever. She’s a complete airhead. She’s never seen or done anything even remotely interesting. If you’re recounting this incident, this incident where NOTHING HAPPENED, at least weekly, you’re a fucking imbecile.
I know that she’s not literally thinking about this every week. At least I hope not. But this is exactly the sort of braindead shit that she regularly mentions. 1990s pop music. She was born in 1987, as a reminder.
So some other complete vapid moron from Los Angeles called Amanda replies, “lmaooo dude i have NEVER seen this. madonna saying “should we invite her? no, dont.. please” hahahahah this was so messy”. Erin replies, “Omg this whole moment is ICONIC.”
WHAT’S “ICONIC” ABOUT IT? NOTHING HAPPENS!
It’s fucking ridiculous. If I want to watch a video where absolutely nothing of note happens, I’ll just watch an Erin Plays video. What about this can possibly be iconic?
Oh, fucking Joe from Gamesack replies. Of course he does. Fucking Omega orbiter. Stop trying to steal the love of Mike’s life, you fucking goblin.
He says, “Quit lying to Twitter you lying liar! You’ve only thought about this maybe once every 9 or 10 days AT BEST!”
Pretty funny stuff, Joe. Good luck with wooing the ladies with this shit. But Erin replies, “Okay you caught me. It’s about every 9 days. *hangs head in shame*”.
Nothing. She just repeated his “joke”. Because she’s a total fucking moron. She never has anything to say. Even in text form. Even when she has all the time in the world to think of stuff to say.
I can understand getting flustered or just being bad with speaking off the cuff. It’s difficult. But Erin can’t even do it in text form, where she has the benefit of time to formulate interesting things to say, because she has absolutely nothing going on in her head. She’s a moron.
By the way, if you want to buy Amanda’s used clothes, you can do so here:
https://www.depop.com/coffeemug_/
She seems to be selling this stuff for MORE than the original price. You’re expected to pay a premium because she’s worn them. It’s like how porn stars sell their used bras and panties to horny retards for more than what they paid for them.
- “the ‘and i think about it every week’ has to be the most cringe shit of the last few years”
It’s true. It’s nice to see some sensible people in the comments. And it’s good that Erin didn’t delete the comment.
It’s a video where nothing happens. And Erin is spending what little brainpower she has on this. It’s iconic. That iconic moment in 1995 when NOTHING HAPPENED.
But the videos still suck dick so who cares?
Well, who the fuck told you to talk about video games? That was your decision. It’s your channel. You can talk about whatever you want. So why the attitude?
I’m looking at Destiny Fomo’s Twitter. Seeing who she links to. She links to prostitutes because Destiny Fomo is a prostitute, albeit the lowest-rated prostitute in the history of the profession.
One of the people she links to is Lisa Ann, the porn star.
Another one is Liv.
https://twitter.com/queenoftheeeast
This must be some prostitute who Madam Fomo knows. She appears to also live in New York City.
It’s a black woman who describes herself as a “Financial dominatrix”. She posts many times a day, usually just of her feet, and instructs people to send her money. As far as I can tell, nobody replies to ANY of these messages.
Why would they?
“Who wants to take Me shopping and get Me a new pair of sunglasses?”
Nobody. Zero replies.
“Are you a doormat for hot sorority girls?”
No. Zero replies. But my question is, are you a hot sorority girl? From everything that I can see, no. It’s just this black woman’s feet which don’t look like anything special to me.
“You’re such a little jerk addict for me”
What are you basing that on? Again, zero replies.
“If you want to see a video of me and my sorority sisters partying your money away send $50”
But I don’t. Nobody does. Zero replies. And you’re not a hot sorority sister.
“Going out with my sorority girls, I expect all my drinks to be paid for by beta males”
Well, best of luck with that, madam. Because once again, you got ZERO replies.
This seems to be a thing. She links to a few other women doing this. They tend to post pictures of themselves (other than just their feet) which is a step in the right direction but still, they’re getting zero replies. There can’t be a market for this. And they also all seem to say that they’re sorority girls. No. These women have never seen the inside of a university.
And these women aren’t even attractive. Maybe that’s part of the appeal. I don’t know. Like they don’t even deserve to give their money to an attractive woman.
One of these women posts the balance in some sort of cash app every day. She seems to get about $40 a day. Is this worth doing? Just go get a job and you can make WAY more than $40/day. And it’s not like this is money for nothing. She posts pictures of herself, and humiliates herself for the whole world to see. She also tweets a lot. So people are going to say, “Hey, are you that crazy woman who thinks that people are going to send you money for doing nothing? Good luck with that.”
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WTF Wednesday Review: Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005) – Newt Wallen
0:00 – “Hello. It’s me again.”
What? Who is this guy? Where’s The Ideas Man?
Apparently, this is Marat Letoso. You all know Marat, right? He’s on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/maratletoso
Not only does he re-tweet all of Newt’s tweets but he also re-tweets all of the tweets that Newt re-tweets. So stuff about that Koni Waves comic, for example.
Marat is from Chile. He also has a Youtube channel.
https://www.youtube.com/@Maratletoso/videos
He almost never posts. In 12 years, he has 13 videos. They’re Oscar predictions. In Spanish.
He also has a blog. It was last updated in 2017. It seems to just exist to promote his 13 Youtube videos.
http://maratletoso.blogspot.com/
Okay so I’ve watched…enough of this video and he reviews the movie. He’s just not summarising. So points for that. And it was a reasonable 15 minutes. I watched half of it before I had to stop. I just don’t give a fuck about horror movies. I’m an adult. Come on. Give me some credit.
Nearly 6,000 views for this video. That’s about twice as much as his normal WTF Wednesday videos get. People must be really into Marat.
Oh, Marat was also chatting in one of Newt and PVC Bondage Guy’s recent four hour livestreams.
2:52:45 – He leaves a message about the recent history of Chile. PVC Bondage Guy reads the message and then immediately moves on.
3:27:30 – PVC Bondage Guy asks if Johanna from Hack the Movies is “trans”. Newt says, “No”. I don’t know the reference for any of this. I’m just skipping around. But I found it funny.
Newt is in his new apartment, I think. There’s a bunch of movie posters on the wall. Like all movie posters. I don’t think that Newt is getting his deposit back. Well, maybe he’s using some kind of adhesive strip as opposed to putting nails all over the walls.
3:30:00 – Newt is talking about how horny he gets. PVC Bondage Guy also chimes in about how horny he (PVC Bondage Guy) gets. Then Newt says, “I haven’t done anything since I moved here.”
Oh really. So an entire week without intercourse. Newt must really be fucking the ladies of rural Pennysylvania left, right, and centre if he considers a week without intercourse to be a long time. Or fucking the guys of rural Pennsylvania. Or ladyboys. How many ladyboys can there possibly be in rural Pennslyvania?
Anyway, good for Newt. It seems like whoever or whatever is having sex with Newt is really an open-minded sort of person. They overlook him being short, being in his 40s, working a low-paying job, being a giant pervert, and the whole plagiarism thing. Not that plagiarism really factors into dating decisions so much.
Maybe they’re attracted to his personality. Or his brilliance. He’s The Ideas Man, after all. He has more ideas than he knows what to do with. Shark Vampire. Hippo Mummy. Sexy Creature from the Black Lagoon.
One of the earliest pornographic things that I saw was on the Spice Channel. In between movies, they used to show like mud wrestling or wet t-shirt contests or alleged casting videos for porn. I don’t know where they got this footage but they’d show it. It was just filler between movies.
But I liked this filler material better than the movies. They had some interesting shit.
One of these was some kind of porn audition where three women, one after another, donned a Creature from the Black Lagoon mask and were otherwise naked. Then, one at a time, they would jump into a pool, hug some guy who was in there, and say, “And now you’re all mine.” That was the line that they had to say. The last part of it, anyway. I don’t remember the full thing.
So the first two women did their thing. Wasn’t so interesting. Normal bodies.
The third woman comes out there, big tits, and she smacks the guy in the head with them as she delivers her line. Really enthusiastic.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Newt Wallen. Tits and gore. Maybe he can find that video for me. Or recreate it with PVC Bondage Guy.
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Looking Back At Batman. Is It Still Good? – Tony from Hack the Movies
Tony is hacking some movies and he’s with Horseface and the world’s greatest actor…Frank? Is that his name? Whatever his name, he’s a real dreamboat.
They’re outside for some reason. In front of a Batmobile. And they’re talking about the 1989 Batman movie. Another rare time when I’ve seen the movie that he’s talking about. This tends to happen when he dares to review a non-horror movie.
Frank is dressed as Robin. A sexy Robin. Although, any character that Frank plays is going to be sexy.
And Horseface is…I’m not sure yet.
Oh. She’s not wearing a costume. I thought maybe she was supposed to be Comet or something.
Who was that eight-legged horse? Odin’s horse? Yeah. Sleipnir. Why did I know that?
1:45 – Tony says that if they miss something in this video, don’t worry, it will be covered in the commentary tracks. You can get the commentary tracks on Patreon, presumably. So if this 1 hour and 45 minute “review” isn’t enough for you, don’t panic. You can get even more on Tony’s Patreon.
Who the fuck wants more? I want LESS. Give me a fucking 10 minute review. Twenty minutes at the absolute maximum. Nearly two hours? FUCK NO.
2:00 – Then there’s footage of Tony doing the commentary track with Kevin from Pegwarmers.
What happened to Pegwarmers? Since Screenwave abandoned podcasts, he’s been doing the show from his basement. It’s unwatchable. I don’t understand why he can’t get a table in there and have “guests” like he did before. And the audio is bad, if memory serves. Whatever.
4:45 – Tony says, “Directed by Tim Burton” and Horseface says “Woo!”
Really? She’s going to talk about how hot Tim Burton is? What does he even look like?
Jesus Christ. Horseface will literally talk about how hot ANYBODY is. It’s the only thing she can say. She can’t contibute anything else to any topic other than, “Woo! That’s person’s hot!”
Fuck off.
5:30 – Horseface is talking about how hot Jack Nicholson is.
6:45 – Now she’s talking about how hot Danny Elfman is.
I mean, she’s not expressly saying that these people are hot. But it’s implied. That’s the only thing that she can talk about.
7:30 – Now they’re talking about a horseback riding scene. Come on, Horseface. Talk about how hot the horse is. You can do it.
8:00 – Horseface is talking about how “hot and sexy” Kim Basinger is. Expressly.
9:15 – Tony is talking about a movie about prostitutes and Horseface gets excited and says that she wants to see it. She wants to see the hot prostitutes. Good contribution, Horseface.
You know what? I think I’m done.
Comments.
- “Where’s Nute? you’d think Nute would be in this one.”
Tony replies, “We kicked him off the show when we found out he stole other people’s work and treated us like shit. He admitted to all of this in one of his kitchen videos.”
I wonder what Newt could have possibly said to cause this kind of reaction.
- “I just wanna say, if you’re a grown woman who’s over 5’4″ and you weigh less than 130 pounds, you probably aren’t healthy. If you weigh 108 pounds, you’re most likely at death’s door.”
Was Horseface talking about her weight in this? Eugh. Pathetic.
- “I’m glad we finally got to see Crystal’s legs! Wish she was wearing shorts though.”
- “Love the episode reminds me of my film school days. Tony feels like a guy I would be best friends with. Also, I have a major crush on Crystal.”
These type of comments completely baffle me. Are they seeing the same Horseface that I’m seeing? That woman with the face of a horse and the jiggly arms? No thanks.
- “Frank as Robin is… making me have feelings rn”
Now this I can get behind. What a hunk! And such a great actor.
What has he been in lately?
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm3531665/
He was Patron #1 in the 2023 short film D’wize Guys. Oh, I’ve got to see that. I bet that he gives a tremendous performance.
He seems to do a lot of short films in the Philadelphia area. I guess that they’re student films or something.
No. You’re wasting your talents on this shit. You have to go to Hollywood. This is how you get seen. Get yourself an agent and start going to auditions. A sexy guy like Frank will have no trouble getting work.
I’m subscribed to this Fresh Out guy.
https://www.youtube.com/@FreshOutSeries
He told a story about going to an audition to be an underwear model. And his agent told him that if he wants the part, he’s going to have to take his underwear off during the audition.
So he gets to the audition and there are these three or however many fucking gay men doing the audition. And they tell him to come out. So he does so. Then they awkwardly wait for him to take his underwear off. Because apparently this is what most of the other people who came to this audition did. But this guy didn’t do it. So they thanked him for coming. He didn’t get the underwear modeling gig.
Imagine sexy boy Frank over there in Hollywood. Going to all of the casting couches. Hot! Am I right, Horseface? Hot stuff.
- “Damm Crystal’s thighs lookin thicc”
Never mind her thighs. Look at those thicc upper arms! Whoa! Did my pants just get tighter? This is my fetish. Jiggly upper arm fat.
So that’s another Hack the Movies review in the bag. I don’t want to toot my own horn but I think that I do a pretty good job on them. I really cover all of the important material that’s discussed in the videos. Now I’m going to go jack off to that very sexy Danny Elfman.
