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  • Job Advice for Kieran

    Kieran quit his job at Screenwave a few weeks ago. He talked about it during one of his streams. The stream is somewhere. I don’t know where. I saw it, though. He had a number of gripes but let’s just say that he quit because of dissatisfaction.

    He says that he was living pay check to pay check. While fucking Ryan was living in a mansion and wanting to get giant breast implants.

    I seem to remember the homosexuals on Reddit saying that Kieran made $40,000 and they suggested that it was a low wage. Is it, though? I don’t know.

    About twenty years ago, I was making $8.50/hour. How much would that be per year? $17,500. My rent was $500/month. So yeah, that would be about 1/3 of my income was going to rent. That’s the general guide. You shouldn’t spend more than 1/3 of your income on rent. And I was doing that. It was fine.

    I remember people at the time, co-workers of mine, asking how I managed to afford my own place. They had roommates. Well…you’re making $1500/month, rent is $500, that leaves you $1000/month for utilities, car insurance, gas, food, whatever. It’s enough.

    Kieran was possibly making more than twice that. Why was he living pay check to pay check?

    I know that my example is from 20 years ago and prices have gone up but can it really have gone up that much?

    Anyway, I just have my standard advice: get citizenship in Ireland and move. Why not? Everybody always talks about how Irish Kieran is. I think that all you need is one grandparent who was an Irish citizen and you can get Irish citizenship. Does Kieran not have this?

    You don’t have to pay any lawyer or company to do this. You just gather the required information (proof that your grandparent was a citizen, your birth certificate, shit like this), fill out the form, send the $2000 or whatever it’s going to be, and then you get the citizenship. It’s not a problem. And it’s all in English.

    Then you can move. Go to Dublin. I did it myself. You can read about my fabulous four weeks in Dublin right here on the blog.

    Then you can get a job doing whatever. It doesn’t matter. Anything is fine. Anything is an improvement over living in rural Pennsylvania doing some shit job. Wouldn’t it be much more impressive to do a shit job in Dublin?

    You can also immediately claim benefits. Or at least I did. Maybe the rules have changed.

    Kieran would also have an advantage with the ladies if he moved. I’m not saying that he’d be swamped by interested women but if you’re an American in America, that’s worth nothing. But an American in Ireland is worth something. It’s a slight advantage over your previous position in the US.

    Or he’d be able to go to Spain with Irish citizenship. He says that he speaks Spanish. He can get some low-paying job at a TEFL school. Or maybe even a legitimate school if he’s fluent in Spanish.

    Or you can go anywhere. Germany, Italy, Sweden, France, Poland. Anywhere in the European Union. If you don’t speak the language, it doesn’t matter. You can just go there and collect welfare until you learn. Check the laws before you go. Some countries are more generous than others.

    Think of the possibilities. And it’s not some crazy bullshit idea like thinking that you’re going to make money with tits and gore movies or the world’s dullest movie reviews. This can all be done with reasonable ease. I moved with $2000. I know people who moved to the UK with $200. This happens all the time.

    What is Kieran hanging on to in rural Pennsylvania? Family? Friends? Why let them hold you back from all the fun and adventure in Spain? Fucking the big-titted ladies.

    And if it doesn’t work out, you can go back to rural Pennsylvania. But at least you’d have a story to tell of the one time in your life when you actually tried to do something.

    The alternative, if we’re focusing on staying in rural Pennsylavania, is that Kieran goes back to his porn store job or Walmart or whatever. So it seems obvious that he would try the Ireland thing.

    People just don’t seem to do it. I can think of two people who I knew from school who lived abroad. One did some veterinarian course in Ireland, met an Irish guy, and I think she still lives in Ireland. And the other did some medical degree in one of those shady Caribbean medical schools and she’s a doctor somewhere in the US.

    But most everyone else I know from school, they just stayed in the ghetto and hoped to win the lottery or something. I don’t get it. Why were they content with that life?

    I suppose when you have children you can’t really uproot your family and move abroad with no job. You’re just committed to stay where you are for the next 20 years. And after 20 years, you’re looking at your seniority in your job and thinking about retirement and the opportunity to do anything interesting is long gone.

    But Kieran is still a swinging bachelor and a reasonably young man. So by this time next year, I expect Kieran to be in Ireland. Or whatever. Holland.

  • Newt Wallen’s Penis

    Nobody wants this, Newt. Well, maybe Joe from Gamesack and whoever those other “Youtubers” were who asked to see Newt’s penis presumably want this. But I don’t. I’m a heterosexual man.

    And then in the comments, he says, “I think he undersold but maybe 1 day ill post reference photo if people ask nice”.

    No. You’re not listening, Newt. We don’t want this.

    He must have also sent this picture to the guy who made the drawing. It’s completely insane.

    Newt seems to be taking a break from his channel. I remember him saying something about this. He’s didn’t want to keep shitting out videos for the sake of it and/or he was working on his mental health. Good for him. Continue with that work. Doing this weird, gay bullshit isn’t going to help with your mental health.

    What else do I want to say about Newt’s penis? I think that’s it. I think that I’ve said all that I want to say about Newt’s penis. So how am I going to pad this article out? Something life-affirming. And non-gay.

    Oh, I thought of something. And it’s penis-related so it works.

    In like the 4th to 7th grade, I was on the track team. I’m not saying that I was good by any means but, unlike in other sports, I wasn’t embarassingly bad. I mean, it’s just running. I can run.

    It was track and field, actually. I wasn’t so good at the field stuff. It’s like discuss, shot put, long jump, high jump…I think that was it. You had to do one field event and one track event, at least. I did long jump. I wasn’t very good but, again, I did a respectable job. I never got a ribbon, only the top 8 finishers would get ribbons, and there would be like 50 kids doing this shit, but whatever. There’s more to life than ribbons. And at least I beat the fat kids.

    Track was better. The 200 meter race seemed to be my distance. Because I didn’t run particularly fast, so wasn’t good for the short distance sprints. And I couldn’t run for long distances without quickly tiring so 400m and up were out. So 200m was it. The perfect distance for somebody who isn’t particularly good at running any distance.

    I never won but I might have got third place once in a while. Out of 8, I guess. Eight man races.

    Anyway, we had to train a lot. I don’t remember exactly how often. Maybe twice a week, after school. We’d do some exercises in the school gym and then run out to the high school track, which was like…I don’t know…two miles away and then we’d practice at the track. We were in grade school but the high school let us use their track. Probably rented it out to schools who were interested.

    But back at the school gym, we would do stretching exercises. Leg stretches. “Butterflies” were a common one. If you’re unaware, this is where you sit with your legs outstreched and you pull your feet to your crotch as close as possible and then bounce your legs, like a butterly flapping its wings. It sounds pretty gay when I describe it.

    Our coaches were a husband and wife. I think that the team was co-ed but I don’t actually remember any girls. No, it couldn’t have been co-ed because of what comes next in this story.

    The wife was telling us to do 50 “butterflies” or whatever. So we’re sitting there bouncing our legs. But she’s not happy with this. She thinks that we should do more stretching. She says, “I’m worried about your groins.”

    What the fuck? Worry about your own “groin”, madam. Not the “groins” of a bunch of 12 year olds.

    I just found the comment really awkward and weird. So much so that I still remember it 30 years later.

    There was another time when we went to a field trip to the Big City. This was probably in the 7th grade. I can’t remember where the trip was but there was a speaker talking about advertising. The evils of advertising. Something like this. And he showed a picture of Joe Camel and said that the face looks like a penis and testicles.

    This might have been an appropriate comment in a university lecture. Or maybe even high school. Maybe. But not to a bunch of seventh graders in a Catholic grade school.

    I remember our teacher smiling politely but uncomfortably at his comment and everybody else being uncomfortable too. And then the guy swifly moved on.

    After the trip, I was talking to a classmate and we agreed that this guy was a total pervert for making this observation. “Only somebody with a sick mind would see that in Joe Camel.”

    Actually, I guess that the resemblance is there, if you have a small, mishapen penis and large balls but at the time, I was convinced that this guy was just warped in the head and destined for eternal damnation.

    In any event, it’s a weird thing to say to a bunch of 12 year olds.

    And then there was the guy who would shove his penis into the face of some boy at school. The guy who did it was the biggest bully in our class and he was kind of friends with the other guy, who was a bully, but I guess that sometimes they didn’t get along.

    So for a few weeks, this guy would run up to the other guy, pull his pants down, and shove his tiny penis into this other guy’s face. He’d get right up in there. Like one inch away. Maybe closer. Then he would say stuff like, “See? He likes it.”

    And I remember the guy who was having this done to him just looking so disgusted by this. And when this kid would shove his penis into this other kid’s face, the kid who was receiving it would always turn his head and look away.

    This was happening probably in the 6th grade. Maybe 5th. It was the first year that we would get changed in the lockerrooms, I think. There were four lockerrooms and each lockerroom had an “attendant” or something, whose job was to report any misbehaviour to the gym teacher. It was just a student who was appointed by the teacher.

    So this attendant was watching this whole penis thing. It was like the second or third week that this was going on. We had gym class once a week. And everybody was disgusted by this guy’s behaviour. Nobody was into it.

    So the attendant finally told this guy to stop. But he couldn’t be too forceful about it because this guy was a bully and prone to violence. But just through the general disgust that everybody had when this guy was doing that shit, I guess that this bully finally gave up this game of showing another boy his penis. And yet somehow suggesting that it’s the other boy who’s gay. Not him. Not the guy who’s trying to get a blowjob from another boy.

    That kid must have been getting sexually abused to be exhibiting behaviour like this. It would explain the bullying behaviour too. And the low grades. He went to a different school by the 7th grade. Thank fuck. He was an asshole.

    It’s kind of the same behaviour that Newt exhibits. Forcing people to look at his penis. And then saying, “Oh, I’m not gay. You’re the one who’s gay because you looked at it.”

  • 4 BAD GAMES from Probe Entertainment – Erin Plays

    Erin has worn this before.

    Oh, here it is:

    The search option on this site is great. I wonder what other shit I can add to the sidebar.

    So she’s wearing this zero-effort nurse costume. AGAIN. It’s a reference to some Blink 182 album but not a favourable one. The woman on the Blink 182 cover had breasts.

    So Probe Entertainment. Erin is all about Probe Entertainment. She knows all of the games from Probe Entertainment. And she’s going to tell you all about them in this four minute video.

    The outfit is a reference to rectal probing for like a prostate check. Erin snaps her glove. That’s sexy, right? Getting a prostate exam from Erin? I don’t know. I guess that somebody thinks that this is sexy. Erin apparently thinks that this is sexy. She thinks that people are jerking off to this. They’re jerking off to a nearly 40 year old woman, with no job, no personality, never done anything in her life, and she’s average-looking at best. Is this a fetish for anyone?

    0:15 – Wikipedia dot com.

    “So let’s look at four random games that probably infilitrated our lives at some point.”

    Well…not your life, Erin. Why continue the charade?

    Then she starts talking about Alien 3 for the NES. I’ve never played it, Erin. Have you? Tell us about it.

    1:00 – She talks about Alien 3 for a few seconds and then just immediately moves into Pagemaster. No transition. The video doesn’t even take a one second pause between games. She’s just immediately into Pagemaster.

    You guys all know Pagemaster, right? No. I’ve never heard of this. I’ve certainly never played any of the games. But fortunately, Erin is here to tell us all about it and share her personal experiences of playing the game as a child.

    She says that she saw the movie as a child, which is astonishing. She actually did something? She also went to birthday parties that had Pagemaster wrapping paper. What a bizarre, pointless, and uninteresting story that is.

    2:00 – Daffy Duck in Hollywood. You guys all know this one, right?

    No. I’ve never played it, Erin. Never even heard of it. Lucky for us, Erin will give a fantastic, in-depth review of the game.

    2:45 – Batman Forever. I never played this either. But surely Erin will bring the goods.

    Then that’s the video. This was total dogshit. And I’m pretty sure that Mike played all of these games within the past five years or so and her complaints all seemed to be complaints that I remember Mike making. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence. Mike should have got “help” credit for this video.

    And she only appeared in this zero effort nurse constume for like 10 seconds. Eight seconds at the beginning of the video and two seconds towards the end.

    This was awful. How could she possibly think that this video was worth releasing? All of her videos for the past two years at least have been this level of absolute dog shit. She’s totally given up on making videos. It’s just these zero-effort videos now. Her fake carpal tunnel syndrome doesn’t allow her to put any effort into the videos any more.

    A lot of horny comments. I won’t even dignify them by copying and pasting them.

    She was so proud of this video, or at least the thumbnail, that she posted this on Twitter. How? How could she possibly think that this is good? It’s an obviously unflattering comparison.

    The problem is that you get these horny men who inundate women with compliments. You see this everywhere. Internet dating, social media, whatever. No matter what the woman looks like there will be guys out there talking about how hot she is. And the reason that these guys do this is because they’re trying to get something going with these women. And they’re desperate. And they’re saying this to EVERY woman.

    But women don’t seem to realise this. So they internalise this. “Oh, this guy thinks that I’m hot. I must be hot.” And then you get shit like a 35 year old woman who’s average-looking at best, thinking that she’s a hot chick and everybody wants to have sex with her. No. These are just desperate, horny men who are saying this to EVERYONE.

    It creates delusion. That’s why you get fucking Johanna out there taking pictures of herself in lingerie and posting them on the internet. “Well, Horseface says that I’m hot. Kris Glavin says that I’m hot. I must be hot.”

    No. You’re not hot. You’re confusing a genuine compliment with horny losers who are saying this shit to everybody.

    I don’t know what the answer is. It’s a broken system. The internet is to blame. Before the internet, compliments were rare and only dished out when deserved so women had a somewhat accurate idea of where they fell in the hot chick department. Only hot chicks got compliments on their appearance. And even then, somewhat rarely.

    Now, some fucking 300 pound woman with the body of a truck driver can put some pictures on the internet and be absolutely swamped with compliments about how hot she is.

    It’s easy to give compliments on the internet. Anybody can do it. You don’t risk embarassment by the woman being creeped out or not into you. There’s nothing for men to lose. So they’ll say this to EVERYBODY and then maybe one woman in 10,000 will end up having sex with them as a result of this compliment. But the other 9,999 all think that they’re hot now too. So these women’s standards all go up.

    It’s a whole problem and it needs to be addressed perhaps at a government level but I don’t have a solution. We can’t have a society where Erin or Johanna or Horseface think that they’re hot chicks. It’s ruining society.

    Erin is a 4. Horseface is a 3. Johanna is a 2. But they all think that they’re 9s or 10s. It’s not a sustainable system. Because these women all now think that they deserve a man who’s a 9 or a 10. No. It’s not how it works. It’s not reality.

  • How much do you SPEND on VIDEO GAMES? – Gaming on a Budget Tips and Life Hacks – Ircha Gaming

    I think that Ircha Gaming is the only person who I cover who I’d give some loving to. Well, maybe PVC Bondage Guy too. I don’t often talk about Ircha Gaming’s videos though because…I don’t know. They’re not really interesting. And not in a good way.

    0:00 – “How much do you spend on video games?”

    What year is this? I basically stopped buying video games when I got the internet in 1998. You can get every fucking game for free.

    I remember being blown away that you could play SNES games on your computer. And they were all free. Costs nothing. And fucking MAME dot dk had everything. Every game for every console. The older ones, anyway. Certainly 16 bit and earlier. And they had virtually all of the arcade games. It was crazy. My mind was totally blown.

    I went from having, whatever, 100 games (my PC and console game collection that I had amassed over the years) to fucking every game. Tens of thousands of them. Even on dialup, I was able to download these games.

    Why would you possibly need any more games after that? If you have the entire library Atari 2600, NES, Sega Master System, SNES, Genesis, and Turbo Grafx, and arcade, what more could you possibly need? It will take ten lifetimes to get through all of those games.

    Of course, I still bought games after getting the internet but nowhere near the level that I previously did. I certainly stopped getting consoles. My last console was the GameCube and I only got like four games for that. There’s no need to get a console any more. There hasn’t been since at least 1998.

    I basically only got multiplayer games after 1998. So I got Half-Life, for example, because I wanted to play Team Fortress Classic. And I played Team Fortress Classic for…I don’t know…ten years. Whenever Team Fortress 2 came out. Then I played Team Fortress 2 for another ten years or whatever.

    That’s largely my video game buying experience since 1998. I bought Half-Life and Half-Life 2.

    How many fucking Steam games do I have? That’s the only way I’ve purchased games since…whenever Steam came out.

    I have like 70 games on Steam. So 70 games in 20 years. That’s an average of 3.5 games a year. Figure an average game costs $25. I’m spending an average of $87.50 on video games per year.

    I also used to pirate a lot of PC games. I still do but not so often. I don’t care about video games so much any more. Not that I was ever hugely in video games. I played them I still play them but I’ve always stuck to a few core titles that I play for years. Something has to look really spectacular before I decide to try it out. And it has to somehow reach my attention, which isn’t easy because I don’t read any “gaming news” shit.

    “More importantly, how much do you spend on video games that you end up never playing.”

    Zero. It’s never happened once. If you’re buying games that you don’t even play, you’re doing something massively wrong.

    “I think that these are interesting topics and I want to have a discussion.”

    Way ahead of you, Icha. I’ve already covered the topic just from the first 15 seconds of your video. Who gives a shit what you have to say? It’s going to be boring as fuck.

    Okay, so I’ve watched the video. Except for the last minute. I had to stop. She talks about playing the demos to see if you like the game and watching Youtube reviews and shit.

    It’s like she’s doing this video from 1995. Just replace “Youtube” with “Electronic Gaming Monthly”.

    She seems to mostly be talking about Switch games. I don’t know. Switch games aren’t being widely pirated? There’s no Switch emulator? That’s certainly possible. I haven’t really looked at emulators in many years but the newest stuff doesn’t tend to be emulated.

    But just play the older stuff then. Or PC games. PC games are superior anyway. Always have been. I enjoy the novelty of playing Super Mario Bros on my computer but PC games tend to be much more in depth, customiseable, better graphics, whatever. And it’s been this way down through the ages.

  • Crystal Quin and Johanna’s Fansly ‘Collab’

    This is absolutely revolting. This is one of the most disgusting things that I’ve ever seen in my life.

    I take absolutely no pleasure in saying this. I don’t want to say hurtful stuff. I don’t have any particular problem with Johanna. But fucking look at this. How could I let this pass without comment? It’s completely nauseating.

    You have fucking Horseface there, showing off her jiggly arm fat. And she looks pretty stocky here. Big legs. Big stomach. The jiggly arm fat that I’ve already mentioned. This is not appealing. And then you have the fucking equine face.

    And then you have Johanna and…oh my god. What? It’s like there’s a fucking truck driver sitting behind Horseface. She has all these bad tattoos and she’s fucking 300 pounds. COME ON. How could she POSSIBLY have thought that she could make money doing porn?

    And then you go to the fucking comments, and Ian, who is Johanna’s husband or fiance, posts a “funny” gif saying, “That’s my wife.” Horseface replies with, “That might be your wife but she’s also my girlfriend.”

    This is fucking disgusting. I don’t know where in the Greek alphabet Ian falls but he would really have to strive to reach beta. He might be somewhere around theta. I’m also pretty sure that he’s gay. He was on an episode of Hack the Movies and he kept talking about his fondness for musical theatre. He also had a gay voice.

    This is…this is just awful all around. You have this fucking gay man marrying Johanna as some kind of a beard and then Horseface constantly having to talk about how “hot” Johanna is and how she’s her girlfriend. Despite the fact that Horseface is a heterosexual woman and Johanna isn’t hot and Johanna is married. TO A GAY MAN.

    On behalf of the non-retarded community, let me tell you that we don’t want any of this. Get this shit off the fucking internet. I never want to see or hear anything from Horseface, Johanna, or her gay fucking husband ever again.

    At the absolute minimum PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. None of these people are even REMOTELY hot. They’re not even presentable. And to pretend otherwise is offensive.

    I know that people like different stuff. But show me the category on Pornhub for “horse-faced women.” Show me the category for “fat truck driving women.” It’s not there. NOBODY wants this.

    The rest of the comments on that Twitter thread are basically just, “You go, girl” very muted kind of replies. Even Kris Glavin only said, “Horror queen goddesses”. He’s just trying to be polite like the rest of the people who left comments. Nobody on earth genuinely wants to see this. How could they possibly? It’s vile.

    The most baffling thing about this is that everyone involved in this apparently have jobs. Horseface does “events”, whatever that means. She’s also a big time model, of course. The Paris runways are full of chubby, horse-faced women who are knocking on 40. Johanna presumably still works at Screenwave in the finance department. As far as I’m aware, her husband still sells Hyundais or Hondas or something. So why are they making the world’s worst pornography? For fucking pennies? There is NO WAY that they’re making any considerable amount of money with this.

    There are so many jobs out there. There are so many different things that you can be doing with your life. Why this? Why would two women approaching 40, neither of whom are remotely attractive, decide on pornography as their next career venture? And not even legitimate pornography. Just this weird, scammy, lingerie shit to con literal retards out of pennies. It’s still just as embarassing as legitimate pornography. More embarassing, in fact. I’d have more respect for these women if they were doing actual pornography as opposed to this scam bullshit for retards. If you’re going to do porn, do it right.

    Please for the love of Christ, stop all of this. How could they not be massively embarassed by this? How could Johanna go back to work the next day after these revolting pictures? MAYBE the people at Screenwave are unprofessional enough to be cool with this, but how is she going to get a job at any respectable organisation with these disgusting pictures out there?

    I’m not saying this to be a prude. If these were some hot pictures of women with nice bodies, I would say whatever. You do you. But look at that fucking picture. Would you want people to see you in a “sexy” picture if you looked like that?

    I’m focusing mainly on Johanna but the same applies to Horseface. She needs to stop her delusion that she’s some hot chick. She is not. AT ALL. I’m sorry. I hate to be the one to say this. But somebody has to. She doesn’t seem to be getting any slimmer and her face isn’t becoming any less horse-like.

    It’s just people totally destroying their own lives. This seems to be a common theme with the people I write about.

  • Tight outfit Try on haul – Destiny Fomo

    What the fuck? Madam Fomo hasn’t done a try on haul IN YEARS. Here are two posts I made about previous try on hauls:

    Those articles are from November 2020. And they’re re-posts of stuff that I wrote, I think from back when I was writing this stuff on Reddit. So I’m thinking perhaps 2019 was the last time that she did a try on haul. No later than 2020.

    But suddenly, the blog is gone and she goes right back to try on hauls.

    I don’t want to say that the blog is influential in any meaningful way. I was getting like 200 hits a day at my peak. But I think that the people who I write about think that the blog is significant. Madam Fomo has talked about the blog and tried repeatedly to get it shut down. Erin has talked about the blog. Newt has talked about the blog. Tony has talked about the blog. Horseface has talked about the blog. I think that half of my traffic is from the people who I write about.

    So why the sudden change in behaviour when the blog wasn’t around? Is it because they think that they’re free to do what they want now OR is it to encourage me to come back? Because nobody else is fucking writing about these people. And they surely like the attention. Even though I’m talking about how shit their videos are.

    Because suddenly, Erin is slutting it up, Madam Fomo is slutting it up…which…I mean…she’s a genuine prostitute so perhaps trying on tight clothes for a Youtube video isn’t really slutting it up for her but hopefully you see the point.

    I’d be astonished if they were moderating their behaviour while I was writing the blog. Why would they?

    Although, Pelvic Gamer became REALLY boring after I started writing about her. And Erin said just recently in that Mario 64 video something like, “He’s going to say that this is worst Mario footage ever recorded”, presumably in reference to me. It is something that I say. Retro Ali stopped making videos entirely. I don’t know. I don’t know what influence, if any, I have on the sort of content that these people make. Hopefully none. Other than the fact that these women should stop making videos entirely and get jobs, I don’t want to influence their content. Don’t let me stiffle your lack of creativity, talent, and judgement.

    So tight outfits. Tight outfits on Destiny Fomo. Let’s check them out. Nine minutes of this shit.

    0:15 – “I get requested to do this a lot.”

    She uses a lot of terrible English like this. But…this is her language. This is the only language that she speaks. It’s just…well, it’s sad. When did she stop going to school? What the hell was going on with her family? How did she end up with her pimp TuanX? Was her mother in the same line of work?

    0:30 – A sundress. It’s long and cute according to Madam Fomo. Looks like a grey dress to me. But let’s see it, Jessica Rabbit.

    1:00 – And then she tries it on. Yeah. That’s a dress all right.

    Oh wait. I think I’m supposed to be jerking off to this. Let me check. No totally flacid. Maybe this will get better.

    She shows front and back. Okay. Something for everything. Shout out to the ass men. I never understood the appeal of buttocks but life is full of mysteries.

    She’s doing a lot of poses. Okay. I’m not digging this. This is getting really boring now. Can we move on?

    She’s showing the back again. More posing. Okay. We get it. It’s a dress. And that’s your ass. And those are your tits. Right. I think I understand the video. Next outfit, please.

    Holy shit. This just keeps going.

    2:00 – FINALLY the next outfit. It’s a florescent orange dress. Madam Fomo says that she usually goes for muted colours. So this is going to be something special. I guess.

    She originally got this for a sexy Velma cosplay. Uh huh. Great. We’re all jerking off to Velma over here.

    3:00 – Yeah. That’s an outfit alright. An outfit that a prostitute would wear. So it’s fitting. But I’m sorry, there’s still nothing going on in my pants. Not to boast about impotence or anything but this just doesn’t do it for me.

    Then she does the same exact poses. Front and back. Come on, TuanX. Teach her some new poses. How about grabbing her ankles? Or pushing her tits together. Come on. This is Porn Poses 101.

    4:00 – “Backless mini dress.” Okay, Madam Fomo. We get it. Lay it on us.

    “I don’t normally wear backless things because I need so much support.”

    We get it, Fomo. You have big tits.

    I’ll say this about Madam Fomo, no visible tattoos. I like that. Especially with prostitutes, it’s so common for them to have tattoos. I’m sure that Madam Fomo has her pimp TuanX’s name tattooed somewhere on her. That’s normally how these work. But I haven’t seen it.

    4:45 – Then…she tries it on. It’s some weird dress with a separate…arm and shoulder piece. No. This is just confusing.

    5:00 – Then she takes the arm thing off. Oh man. Am I…no. Still nothing.

    5:30 – White dress.

    6:00 – “I’m afraid it might be a little too sheer but I guess we’re going to find out.”

    Alright. Come on, Madam Fomo. I’m ready to go. You made a promise. Let’s see what you got.

    Ummm….no. This doesn’t do anything for me in the slightest. It’s not sheer. Let me make this full screen.

    No. You can’t see anything. And she’s wearing a bra anyway. This is so disappointing.

    7:15 – Last dress is a black possible sun dress. Oh great. Saving the most boring for last. And these were all boring.

    7:45 – Then she tries it on. Yeah, that’s a dress alright, Madam Fomo.

    Then that’s…the video.

    Comments.

    • “Worst OF page ever. Trust me boys, don’t do it. It’s a total scam.”

    Madam Fomo must have given up on scrubbing the comments. This one was posted a week ago.

    But yeah, this video was just done to promote her OnlyFans. She has a link to it in the description. And yeah, her OnlyFans is AWFUL. At least it was when I saw some leaked pictures years ago. It was just her taking a bath fully clothed. What kind of bizarre fetish is that? There is no nudity AT ALL on that site.

    And then I remember seeing something, this is more recently, within the past year or so, where she was advertising a masturbation video if she got like $5,000 in “tips” or whatever they’re called. But she’d be masturbating using some big vibrating device OVER HER CLOTHES.

    Guys…there’s a lot of free porn out there. Porn where the women get totally naked and have intercourse. You don’t have to watch this weird scammy bullshit.

    It’s not even cheesecake photos like a woman in a bikini with a spraying garden hose between her legs. Or a dog pulling on a woman’s panties. Or a woman in high heels smoking a cigar. Those sorts of pictures have some sort of sexual inuendo to them. There’s also a certain artistry to it

    A fully clothed woman with a big vibrating wand is NOTHING. NOBODY has this fetish. It’s just some weird bullshit created by somebody who has absolutely no idea what men are interested in. And it all makes sense when you read Madam Fomo’s escort reviews. They were UNIVERSALLY NEGATIVE. I’ve never seen anything like this. Every single person gave her a terrible review. She doesn’t have the foggiest idea what men are interested in.

    I mean, it’s fine. I’m not saying that women should be sex symbols. BUT THIS IS HER JOB! She chose or TuanX chose for her to be a sex worker. So you have to put the fucking effort in. You have to know what men want. Men do not want a photo of a woman, in the bathtub, in a one piece swimsuit, with bubbles on her chest. Alright? That’s not what we want.

  • Food Mascot Retro Games – Erin Plays

    This video is under four minutes in length. According to the thumbnail, she’s going to be talking about Cool Spot, Chester Cheetah, and the Noid. You know…corporate mascots from the 1980s. Erin aka Cykill1986 was allegedly born in 1987.

    By the way, I was watching a Mike stream recently and he claimed that the Cykill1986 account is his. It probably is but why would he use the name Cykill1986? He was born in 1980. Is he trying to pick up chicks on his Playstation account? Chicks who are interested in guys with Gobot names? Would the six year age difference even change anything? There is NOBODY who is going to be interested in ANYONE who has a Gobots Playstation username.

    And his account was completely locked down anyway. There was certainly no picture of him on his account. You couldn’t even see what fucking games he has. So why didn’t he just go with Cykill1980? It doesn’t make any fucking sense. Who is he trying to fool with this? And to what end?

    0:00 – “I miss the days of turning the television on and seeing food mascots like the Noid, Cool Spot, and Chester Cheetah gracing the airwaves.

    I remember all of these characters. I’m going to guess that the Noid stopped appearing in commercials in 1988. I’ll say that Cool Spot stopped in 1992. Chester Cheetah was probably the last to go. I’ll say 1994 for Chester Cheetah.

    Reminder: Erin was born in 1987.

    Now let’s look this up. Maybe I can find official end dates for these characters.

    Noid was 1986 to 1995. That’s much later than I thought. It ended because a mentally ill guy with the last name of Noid thought that the commercials were about him and he held up a Domino’s restaurant. I remember that story.

    The only information about Cool Spot that I can find is that he appeared in commercials during the early 1990s.

    Chester Cheetah is allegedly still appearning in some form or another but in terms of mainstream, traditionally animated commercials, I think that that stopped in 1997 or so.

    So the oldest Erin could have been when she saw these characters was 11. That’s old enough to remember them but she was watching them when the characters were on their way out. Nobody gave a shit about the noid in 1992. Except for that one guy, I guess.

    Why doesn’t she make *nostalgia* videos for things that are appropriate to her age? Things that she actually saw?

    She’s said before that she never saw a single episode of Friends. Or Seinfeld. The two most popular shows of the 1990s.

    But she does talk about Buffy. A show from the 2000s.

    It’s accurate. I don’t take any issue with her talking about Buffy. That’s a show that she apparently saw and the timeframe fits. The show ran from 1997 to 2003. She would have been 10 to 16 years old.

    I’m ten years older than Erin and it fits with tv shows that I’m *nostalgic* for. So we’re talking 1987 to 1993. Mr Belvedere. Perfect Strangers. Small Wonder. Shit like this.

    But I’m not talking about shows from 1977 to 1983. I wasn’t even fucking born for the early part of those dates. I have no idea what was on television at the time. I’ve never seen a single episode of Charlie’s Angels. I don’t even know what it’s about.

    She does this shit because she knows that her audience is comprised largely of horny, mentally retarded men in their 40s. So she makes videos pretending to know about this shit. Poorly.

    Then there’s a picture that she took from the Dinosaur Dracula website. This is FLAMING homosexual who does *nostalgia* content. He’s been doing this for like 20 years. He has a blog. I remember going to it regularly, back before it became Dinosaur Dracula. It was called X-Entertainment or something. He would mostly post around Halloween, a very popular holiday for gay men. “Hey guys! Remember Double Bubble?” Shit like this.

    Anyway, apparently Erin talks to this guy now. I saw him posting on her Twitter before.

    0:30 – Now she’s talking about the games that had these characters in them. “It didn’t matter if the games were good or not, we were just happy to play anything that contained these characters.”

    Really? “We”? Erin was sitting at home, in 1990, playing Yo Noid? With a diaper full of stool?

    You know what I remember from 1980? NOTHING. I was two years old. But somehow, Erin was really living it up. Playing Yo Noid on the NES. And she was happy to do it. She just wanted to play a game based on her favourite advertising mascot the Noid. He ruins pizzas.

    Cool Spot. Released in 1993. You know what I remember from 1983? NOTHING. I was five years old. But in 1993, Erin, as a five year old, was chilling with the game based on the 7-Up mascot.

    Does she think that we’re all fucking retarded? She was not playing these fucking games. Fuck off. She never even heard of them until she was desperate to make a video and asked Mike for some ideas.

    The Chester Cheetah game was released in 1992, by the way.

    “Because we already had an emotional connection to them from seeing them for years on television.”

    AS A FIVE YEAR OLD? She had an emotional connection to Cool Spot, as a five year old, from watching him for years on television.

    Why is she incapable of honesty? Just tell us what you like, Erin. Enough of the bullshit. We don’t need to hear FAKE interests. What’s the point of that? Tell us something that you actually like?

    She never fucking did anything. Her parents were fucking monsters who locked her in a closet for her entire childhood. And when you do that, this is what you get. Erin Plays. A total sociopath who can’t tell the truth and only exists to use people.

    0:45 – “Drinking soda out of a Spuds MacKenzie glass.”

    I barely remember the charter. I was a little kid when these commercials were on. And they were beer commercials. I wasn’t interested in beer.

    But Erin, who’s ten years younger than me, is pretending that she’s all about Spuds MacKenzie. The character stopped appearing in advertising in 1989. Erin was two years old. Do two year olds drink from glasses?

    “Going to the grocery store and picking up a bag of Cheetos with your grandmother. They weren’t just mascots. they were a part of our lives.”

    Interesting that she didn’t say that she went to the grocery store with her parents. Her parents wanted absolutely nothing to do with her.

    But yeah. Mr Peanut was a part of Erin’s life. AS A TWO YEAR OLD. And she remembers this. She’s a big Mr Peanut fan. She makes Mike dress up in a top hat, cane, and monocle before he has anal sex with her in exchange for Youtube promotion.

    1:00 – “And maybe, just maybe we felt more comfortable with them than we did with our own friends and family.”

    Well, I can see Erin prefering corporate mascots over her particular family. But not corporate mascots from 1989. Not as a two year old. It’s patently absurd.

    1:00 – Then there’s a waving American flag and Erin says, “God bless Cool Spot, God bless Chester Cheetah, and God bless the United State of America.”

    What is this? Some unbelievably weak attempt at comedy. Some of that delightful female comedy that the world loves. But it’s all preposterous. We’ve already established that Erin’s CAN’T POSSIBLY have any memories of these characters. Just by the fucking years that these characters ceased to be on television in relation to Erin’s date of birth. Why does she do this?

    1:15 – Then she starts “reviewing” the games. We’ve got two minutes of this shit. She’s going to “review” three games in two minutes. Three games that she OBVIOUSLY has never played before.

    1:45 – The game is cute. Great stuff, Erin.

    2:00 – The SECOND reference to McKids in this video. McKids is a game that she’s played on stream, for money. That’s the only reason she knows anything about it.

    2:15 – Then she reviews Yo Noid for like ten seconds. Literally ten seconds. But this game has so much *nostalgia* for Erin. I don’t get it. She was playing this game as a two year old. She can’t give it more than ten seconds. All she said is that she can’t get into the game and doesn’t like it. Well, okay, but didn’t you like it as a two year old? Tell us some stories about how you used to play this game as a two year old.

    2:30 – Some Chester Cheetah game that she’s never played before. She likes the colours. Great stuff, Erin. And she “reviewed” this one for about 15 seconds. She also “reviewed” numerous Cool Spot games for like ten seconds each.

    3:00 – Now Kool-Aid Man for the Atari 2600 gets a shout out. This is a game that was released in 1983. Erin was playing this out in the ether somewhere, in whatever realm that one occcupies before you’re born. She was a collection of cells in her father’s ass just chilling, playing some Kool Aid Man on her Atari 2600.

    Oh, I almost missed this. I assumed that she was talking about Kool-Aid Man on the Atari 2600. Because that’s how I played it. But the game she’s holding is the Intellivision port. She mistakenly calls it “Coleco” and then corrects it in post-production by having “Intellivision” appear on screen. Can’t be bother to do another take.

    3:00 – The THIRD reference to McKids in this video.

    3:15 – “I miss the wackiness of food mascots. Let’s have a Geico Gecko game on the Switch because why not.”

    Oh, sure. Who doesn’t enjoy eating their car insurance policy?

    But aside from the fact that the Geico Gecko is OBVIOUSLY not a food mascot, this is an age-appropriate example that she gave. When Erin is forced to come up with corporate mascots, without the aid of old NES games, this is the shit that she comes up with. Corporate mascots from the 2000s. This is what she remembers. It makes perfect sense.

    What doesn’t make sense is pretending to be *nostalgic* for characters that haven’t been seen on television since you were two years old.

    “Why do these mascots mean anything to me?”

    They don’t. You’re just completely full of shit. You enjoy lying. It’s the only thing you know. You’re incapable of telling the truth.

    3:15 – Chester Cheetah has been around my whole life and it’s good to see him around.”

    Has he really? According to Wikipedia, the character had a new voice actor in 1997. That’s probably around the time that the character was being phased out. In 2003, they say that there was a CGI Chester Cheetah. I certainly don’t remember that. Then from 2008 to the present, he was internet only. Has anybody on earth ever been to OrangeUnderground dot com? No. But Erin wants us to believe that she’s all about Chester Cheetah. She’s followed his whole career. It’s fucking ridiculous.

    3:30 – “The world kind of sucks now.”

    No it doesn’t. You suck. You suck big time. Get your life together and suddenly you might find that the world doesn’t suck. The problem is you, Erin. You’re getting fucked in the ass every night for $3.000/year and bi-weekly trips to visit your parents in California. Yeah. That sucks. That’s a sucky existence. But get a fucking job and start behaving like a functioning adult and then you might find that your outlook on life changes.

    Then she ends the video by talking about Mr Peanut. She talked about Mr Peanut a number of times in this video. But it’s totally unrelated to anything. The video was supposed to be about the Cool Spot, Noid, and Chester Cheetah games.

    This was fucking awful. Even by Erin’s standards. No effort AT ALL was put into this video. And it’s just four minutes of lies. What’s the point of this?

    She can’t possibly be making much money from this. If she was, wouldn’t she be more motivated to make videos? She’d be making them regularly. And putting effort into them.

    • Are you old enough to remember all of this? You look young af”

    No. Even the fucking retards on her channel don’t buy this shit. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why the fake *nostalgia* for stuff that you can’t POSSIBLY have remembered seeing?

    Mike has the same affliction. “Hey guys! Remember the A-Team cartoon? And the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon? That’s my era!”

    Really? Because I’m two years older than you and have absolutely no memory of those cartoons. They’re before my time.

    • Erin, are you running for Congress???? “…and G-d Bless the United States of America.””

    Erin replies with, “Nope, I’m just insane :D”

    Oh, look at me. Aren’t I kooky and “random”? That’s funny, right?

    No. No, it’s not funny, Erin. It’s painfully unfunny.

    And that guy censored God because…he has an Arabic name. Do Muslims do that? I know that Jews do. Well, I can see Muslims doing it too.

    • “The reason you notice the simularities with the GameBoy version of Cool Spot and M.C. Kids is because its a sprite swap of the same game 😛 | Don’t feel bad for not knowing that, I interviewed the dev and he didn’t know that has game got sprite swapped either lol”

    Erin replies with, “I had no idea about this, wild! I definitely need to look up game play lol.”

    So Erin didn’t even know. Erin is a big McKids fan. She played it once, on stream for money. And she didn’t realise that this Cool Spot game, which she played for a few seconds, for the purposes of this Youtube video, ARE THE SAME FUCKING GAME.

    What a gamer!

    She just got caught out in another lie. This is all that she does. But these fucking retards overlook it because they’re just there to masturbate.

    • “U guys have a staus of celebrity not many can match so if u only stay on you tube well there’s a lot of ppl who know u guys all exist and James Rolf pioneered this type of fame something u can be very proud of even if u never make one Hollywood appearance u done things in ur life most ppl can only dream of ppl like me this girl the fact she likes games and is pretty and on camera has a really chill personality makes it seem possible to get a woman like her they far and few between but good luck to the whole crew here”

    This guy is admitting that he’s only here to jerk off. And Erin replied with something totally banal, as usual.

  • The Return of the Blog

    What an ordeal getting this thing going. But after that video of James Rolfe waxing idiotic about what a great writer he is, I was motivated to get things moving again. These scumbags were running amok for the past month. Nobody was keeping them in check.

    Look at fucking Erin. She posted that picture on her Twitter where she took the Powepad thumbnail and superimposed it on the Barbie logo. It’s some “meme”, I guess. You think that she would have done that if I was still writing the blog? Fuck no. I’d be all over that.

    And then she posted that THREE MINUTE video where she’s dressed as a “sexy” nurse. Just out of nowhere. An unbelievably low-effort video clearly designed to pull in the horntards.

    She must have thought, “Hey, that Gamer Girls guy is gone, I’m free to do whatever I want.” No. Party time is over.

    Actually, I don’t give a fuck. Do whatever you want, Erin. It’s you wasting your life, not me.

    I haven’t been watching any of these videos, from anyone in the past month. I only watch that trash for the fucking blog. So it was a nice vacation. Didn’t have to deal with The Ideas Man or Tony from Summarise the Movies or Erin.

    Oh, but I missed Kieran quitting Screenwave. Well, I can still do an article on that. And all of the videos that I’ve missed.

    As for the blog name, the name of the site used to be “Gamer Grrls” and that’s how I had the URLs as well. “gamergrrlsofficial”. I had to do it like that because “gamergirls” was taken. Even “gamergirlsofficial” was taken. So I reluctantly went with “gamergrrls”, which did not help people find the site. It just made things more difficult.

    I noticed like a year ago that some buffoon registered gamergrrlsofficial dot com. I suspect that it was Mike Matei for no particular reason. Maybe it’s just some random lunatic from Reddit. But like I’m going to fucking pay for that misspelled domain name. Or maybe they were just doing it to try to hassle me. No. I don’t care. Continue to pay for that misspelled domain name.

    So daily blogs starting from…hopefully Saturday.

  • Mike Matei and Erin Plays stream Splatterhouse

    Hey, Erin is wearing her iconic Hamburglar top, which was immortalised in anime form by artist extraordinaire and pride of the Philippines: CursedCat182. That banner amuses me every time I look at it.

    0:00 –

    Erin: I am here with…Mike? From Mike Matei Live. And I am going to show him how to play Splatterhouse. Because I beat it and I know how to play Splatterhouse and you don’t know how to play Splatterhouse. Right?

    Mike: Uhh…

    Erin: It was his idea. So before anybody gets their little panties in a twist, his idea.

    Yeah. And a bad idea. A horrible idea.

    Here’s how the conversation went down at the Matei/Plays household.

    Mike: So I see that you beat Splatterhouse on stream. How about you do a stream where you teach me to play Splatterhouse?

    Erin: What? That GamerGrrls guy is going to have a field day if I present myself as a pro at this game. He’s going to call me a “fraud” and a “lying bitch” and talk about how “preposterous” this whole thing is.

    Mike: Don’t worry about that loser. I know what people want to watch.

    Erin: Well…if you’re sure it’s a good idea.

    It’s totally idiotic.

    1:00 –

    Mike: So how should we do this?

    Erin: Well…do you want to start playing first? And if you have any questions, you can ask me?

    WHAT QUESTIONS CAN THERE POSSIBLY BE? It’s not a complicated game. There are two buttons. Jump and attack. You go through the lineal stages, walking to the right, and killing the enemies.

    1:15 –

    Mike: I just want to see how well I can do. Don’t give me tips.

    Erin: Okay. I won’t say anything. I’ll just let you do it.

    WHAT TIPS CAN ERIN POSSIBLY PROVIDE? It’s fucking ridiculous. She played the game ten times, on stream, for money, and now suddenly she’s an expert?

    Mike got hit by the first enemy. Not a good start. Here’s my tip: don’t walk straight into the enemies.

    While that’s going on, Erin is doing her Romper Room thing. “I see Guido and ShiShi and Marcus and NINFan.”

    1:45 – Mike says, “First of all, I’m trying to figure the buttons out.”

    There are only two of them.

    8:00 – A horntard asks, “Favourite cute enemies in games.” Erin says, “There are so many, like, top ten lists that I want to do.”

    Don’t worry about top ten videos. He’s asking a straight forward question. What are your favourite cute enemies in games. Think of some. You’re a professional gamer, Erin. I mean, technically. She’s getting paid to play video games. It’s a pittance and her ability is abysmal but it doesn’t matter. She’s still a professional. So just name some cute enemies.

    Goombas. See how easy that was? Goombas are cute.

    Erin can’t do it because she doesn’t know shit about video games.

    8:30 –

    Mike: So I’m already on stage three? Aren’t there only five?

    (long pause)

    Erin: I forget how many stages there are.

    Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” how many stages are in this game. She’s a real Splatterhouse expert.

    10:45 – Erin is talking about this guy Zophar who came in the chat. From Zophar’s Domain, apparently. And she says, “When he first came into the chat, I was like, ‘Are you really Zophar?’ and he was like, ‘Yeah’”.

    This guy must be in his 50s at least because that website has been around forever.

    There’s his Twitter. Apparently, he only owned the site from 1996 to 2000. Recently, he started streaming on Twitch. Yeah, he’s in his 50s. A fat, bearded fuck. Can you believe it? This description fits 90% of Erin’s audience. Fat, bearded men between the ages of 40 and 55.

    16:45 – Mike asks Erin who her favourite He-Man character. Eugh. She’s never seen the fucking show. It was cancelled before she was born. And it was for 8 year old boys.

    But she said Man-at-Arms. Okay. Tell us why. “Because of his stupid moustache.” Well, she actually gave a reason, as braindead as it was.

    23:45 – Mike can’t jump on these platforms. Because he’s fucking retarded, apparently. He keeps trying to kick the enemies (who can’t be hit, by the way) instead of just jumping on the platforms.

    26:30 – She’s reading from the chat. “I am not a pro speed runner of this game, no.”

    Then why present yourself as such?

    27:30 – Mike compares these platforms that he can’t navigate to a Double Dare obstacle course. Erin says, “That’s a good way to put it.”

    Erin is a big Double Dare fan. When was this show cancelled? 1993 for Family Double dare. Erin would have been about six years old. She remembers watching this as a six year old?

    Maybe she’s referring to the short-lived Double Dare 2000.

    Or maybe she’s just pretending to know what people are talking about, as usual.

    31:00 – Now Erin is playing.

    39:30 – They’re talking about powdered chocolate beverages.

    I remember a promotion where they put one of those pink Muscleman figures into every carton of Nestle Quick or whatever it was. That was a stroke of marketing genius. I even remember which figure I got. It was some feminine robot. Then I think I got another figure in another carton but I don’t remember which figure. But it was good promotion because those Muscleman figures were popular. I had 300 of them.

    Another good promotion was they gave little stuffed Dino figures in Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles. It wasn’t in the actual cereal, it was in a separate compartment on top of the box. This way, it wouldn’t get dirty. And it was too small to fit in the box anyway. You got a purple Dino in Fruity Pebbles and a brown one in Cocoa Pebbles. I definitely got a purple one. Possibly two. And I also got a brown one, I think. That was the best cereal promotion of all time.

    Wow. You can get one of these things for $15, still in the box, on Ebay. That’s tempting. But what do I need a plush Dino for?

    56:00 – “I thought these were chilidogs falling from the sky.”

    Really? Because a normal person would assume that they’re rocks. But retard over here thought that they were chili dogs.

    56:30- A horntard says, “Flaming logs sounds like a name for a rock band.”

    He stole this “joke” from Dave Barry. You guys know Dave Barry, right? Nationally syndicated newspaper columnist from the 1990s?

    Let me look this guy up. He must have retired years ago.

    Yeah, He wrote the column from 1983 to 2005. A running joke would be when he came across a weird couple of words, he would say, “Which would be a great name for a rock band”. This fucking retard in the chat stole the joke from Dave Barry.

    Did you think that nobody would notice? I noticed and I’m calling you out for your lame joke stealing.

    Oh that’s right. Dave Barry also had some role in that AWFUL television sitcom Dave’s World from 1993 to 1997. It starred Harry Anderson of Night Court fame. He was also in a few episodes of Cheers.

    But I saw that they were rebooting Night Court. What a disaster that’s going to be. Have any of these reboots been successful with the possible exception of the Roseanne reboot? And that one ran into problems when Roseanne made a comment that was perceived to be racist and they killed her character off.

    The Punky Brewster reboot was quickly cancelled. Is Fuller House doing any good? No. Negative reviews and cancelled after five seasons. That lasted longer than I would have expected.

    There was a Murphy Brown reboot? Who would want to watch that? Nobody, it would seem. Negative reviews and lasted one season.

    A One Day at a Time reboot? I don’t even remember that show. It was from the 1970s to the early 1980s. I only saw it in reruns. Briefly. And apparently the reboot has a whole new cast. Because the original cast must all be long dead. Fucking Schneider. Yeah, he’s dead.

    Mad About You. Lasted one season. I didn’t watch it when it was originally on, I’m certainly not going to watch it when the cast is elderly.

    How about a reboot of Perfect Stranger but Balki and Larry decide to retire back in Mypos and they get into all kinds of zany antics with the rural life there. It would be like Green Acres. Instead of Larry being embarrassed that the rube Balki doesn’t know how about life in big city America, it would be Balki who’s embarrassed by Larry for not knowing how to tend sheep and deal with gypsies and whatnot. You reverse the formula. Balki becomes the straight man. They can bring their wives from the later seasons or stay true to their early roots as a homosexual couple.

    57:00- Holy shit. Then Erin says, “Have you watched the Night Court reboot?”

    How did I even get on to that? Oh. From that guy stealing a joke from Dave Barry. There’s no way that the horntards drew the same series of connections. That’s weird.

    58:45 – Now Erin’s hands hurt. Or so she claims. And she’s looking for her “hand thingies”.

    1:06:15 – Erin starts doing stretches. Her hands, guys. They REALLY hurt. She has carpal tunnel syndrome. She’s suffering. Don’t you have any compassion?

    1:08:30 – “I really like Pac-Land.”

    She knew NOTHING about the game when she did a Youtube video about it. “Power pellets? That sounds wrong to me.”

    1:09:30 – She’s reading from the chat. “Do you like the Cobra-Kai tv series? I do. I do like Cobra-Kai a lot.”

    Go on. “I love Johnny Lawrence.”

    Oh. That’s all that she had to say about that particular topic. It’s more than we usually get, I guess.

    1:11:15 – “Ayy! I beat it for the SECOND time. Fuck you. Piece of shit.”

    Wow. Two times. Erin is a pro at this game.

    Then there’s 25 minutes of “just chatting”. Do I really want to watch this? Let’s look at the comments while they drone on.

    Nothing interesting.

    Twitter?

    Oh my god. She talks to this woman who recently promoted her channel on Erin’s Twitter. This woman plays video game music on piano. And Erin has a TWO HOUR conversation with her on Twitch. It’s somehow a part of some nerd convention. You just know that that’s a disaster. But I don’t want to watch it.

    Back to the Youtube video, Erin is going on about her history with video games again. “Growing up, my first console was a Super Nintendo.”

    FUCK OFF! I’m done with this shit. I’m done with the lies. I’m done with Erin pretending to know ANYTHING about video games.

  • What Cut of Little Shop of Horrors (1986) Has The Best Ending? – Tony from Hack the Movies

    Oh, Jessica the Intern is here. Along with…some guy. Does he have a beard? Of course he does. Every guy has a beard on this show. They should call it Talking About Beards. When is this faggot beard trend going to go away?

    But first a two and a half minute commercial for a mobile game.

    Tony goes on about how he’s watched this movie many times. He really enjoys musicals, it would seem. I see.

    Jessica says that this is her favourite movie. She goes on to criticise the performance of one of the singers in a high school play that she saw. Her school did a rendition of Little Shop of Horrors.

    5:15 – Speaking of which, this bearded guy was also in a high school play of Little Shop of Horrors and we get some clips from that. Pretty gay. Pretty really gay. But you do you.

    Who is this guy, by the way?

    I don’t know. Nothing in the description. Oh, here’s his Twitter.

    Oh. This is Johanna from Hack the Movies’ fiance. That explains my gaydar going off. I just remember him saying a lot of gay shit on Twitter.

    And he apparently got a Star Wars tattoo of a sexy alien and a “meme” phrase that’s probably already passe. Great idea, Mr Gay Man.

    9:15 – The summary begins.

    Well, I made it to 28 minutes. There’s another hour of this. You’ve got to be out of your fucking mind.

    Comments.

    • “Jessica is so hot”

    Uh huh.