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OSW Awards 2022 | 8th Golden Noggers!
First a little background.
This is a wrestling podcast. They talked about old wrestling. Like early WrestleManias.
So I’d listen to it. It was fine. “Hey guys! Remember The Honky Tonk Man? I do remember The Honky Tonk Man”. Shit like this.
But then after they got through the first seven or whatever WrestleManias, they clearly ran out of ideas. They started reviewing Scooby Doo and shit. This is when I started to tune out.
What really made me stop listening, though, was the abhorrent racism sprinkled throughout every episode. And this is me saying this. This shit was too racist for me, somebody who sometimes makes comments that could be perceived as racist.
It was just disgusting, casual racism in these podcasts. I wish that I could give examples but I can’t remember any. I suppose the fact that they refer to their fans as “Noggers” and have a “Golden Nogger Award” is an example. This is a reference to them calling Virgil, a black former wrestler, a “nogger” due to his alleged resemblance to some Irish ice cream bar. And the “joke” was obviously a racist one.
I should mention that the three guys who do this podcast are Irish, which made it all the more unpleasant. These people have never seen a black person in their lives.
Later, they started “jokingly” referring to themselves as, “three racist Irish lads” or something, in reference to the comments that they would get calling them out for their racist behaviour.
Another unpleasant trait that these boys have is their unrelenting self-congratulatory bullshit. Every year, they give awards TO THEMSELVES. “Which one of our videos had the best editing? Which one had the best racist joke? Which one was the best overall?” Shit like this. They’re completely up their own ass.
I could not imagine going through my articles and picking out a “winner” every year. “Boy, this one was pretty funny. But this other one where I called Erin a lying bitch was also awesome. I just can’t decide.” Have some humility.
So let’s watch this piece of shit. I think that it will quickly become clear what I’m talking about.
For the first 90 seconds, it’s a montage of their “best” comments over the past year.
2:45 – So here are the categories. There are NINETEEN of them. Best original music, best song cover, best artwork, best animated segment, best intro, best episode, what bar of the year, favourite segment, state of your hair, best Nitro backstage blast axclusive, Roidy Magoo, cunt of the year, what a pittance, ARC MVP, best running gag, best Nogger U Axcloosiv, halle of fame.quote of the year.
Don’t know what half of that shit means? Neither do I.
3:45 – They’re going through the videos that they’ve released in the past year. Each one of these guys picked a topic that they wanted to do an episode on. Guess what? THEY WERE ALL AWESOME! According to these guys.
5:45 – They’re talking about the results of some vote for best…something. One of the guys says, “Oh, fine choice. That was a banger of an episode.”
Uh huh.
6:15 – Now they’re talking about covid. “We released a tonne of our Nogger U content, old and new. alongside our regular content to help people get through this horrendous time in the world.”
Apparently, they have videos that you can only get if you pay for Youtube Premium. Or something. But these guys are so generous, they care so much about saving lives, that they released some of these for free.
You know what? I didn’t watch any of those videos during the lockdown. And yet, somehow I survived. How did I do it? Well, I watched slightly less racist content instead. Like Birth of a Nation and the complete works of Stepin Fetchit.
9:15 – Somebody is complaining that Youtube has classed “cunt” as a “hate word”, “On the same level as the ‘N-word’ or the homophobic ‘F-word’. So it just means we can’t say ‘cunt’ any more. So I don’t know what’s going to happen with the editing of this.”
Well, maybe you can say “cont” instead. Problem solved.
11:15 –
Guy 1: Any overarching thoughts on how we’ve progressed with the show from watching our old stuff?
Guy 2: The show is much better. It’s much tighter. The slow growth of the show, it’s slicker. We’re definitely nicer now. We were way meaner back at the start. Holy fuck. We were just giving out about things. Maybe a couple of dozen episodes in, we did a total 360 and we began to, rather than look for faults to pick apart, we began to look for things that we love.
Okay. We get it. You’re awesome. There’s been nothing but improvement.
12:45 – They’re giving the Youtbe stats. View numbers. Top five most watched videos. They’re just complimenting their own work. “You talking about politicking in an e-fed is fabulous.” “We do a great job with all of the videos.”
20:30 – Best original music. I think that we can skip straight to the end. Let’s see these guys talk about their best video of the year.
Oh, it’s not even the last category.
48:15 – “Some great episodes here.” “I think Halloween Havoc is an amazing episode.”
God. I can’t. Aside from them sucking their own metaphorical dicks, this is just BORING.
What’s the last category? Quote of the Year. Great. “Hey, guys! What was the funniest thing I said last year? Cast your vote!”
1:52:30 – There’s actually a top ten list. Their top ten wittiest quotes from the past year. They laugh after every quote and slap each other on the back.
Anyway, I’m stopping here. Dogshit, boys. But they’re saving lives with their Scooby Doo reviews and racist jokes. Apparently. That’s what they think, anyway.
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Ninth Grade Gym Class – 1,000th Article Spectacular!
Wow. One thousand articles on the GamerGrrlsOfficial blog. I should have bought a cake at the grocery store and had them write “1000” on it in icing.
What better way to celebrate the occasion than talking about my ninth grade gym class?
So this is every memory I can think of from ninth grade physical education.
I’ll start with the shower story.
Before the first day of gym class even began, we all knew that there were mandatory group showers. I don’t know how we knew. There was just a rumour going around the school. People were talking about it.
And people were obviously anxious about it. You have to get naked and shower with your classmates. It’s fucking weird. I didn’t sign up for this. Why wasn’t I told about this?
It also begs the question, were the parents told about this? I’m thinking no. But wouldn’t something like this have to be discussed and agreed to? You’d think so but…no. I mean, today parents would probably have to be informed and agree to this but…I don’t know. I guess in the early 1990s, it was still anything goes. Parents just assumed that schools weren’t going to do anything weird. Like make the students get naked around each other.
And this sort of shit was…done. It was normal. Professional athletes took showers together like this. Probably at the YMCA, there were group showers. And from a quick Google search, professional sports teams and the YMCA still use communal showers.
So it’s normal but…I don’t know. If I’m an adult and want to shower with a bunch of sweaty men after a workout or something, that’s one thing. I have a choice in the matter. I can choose not to shower at all. But forcing a bunch of ninth graders to shower together? It’s weird.
So in English class, right before our first gym class, this one kid was prancing around in a stereotypical homosexual fashion sarcastically talking about how excited he was to, “See my whole class naked.”
I’m still not sure that any of this is going to happen. It’s crazy. Are they really going to make us shower together?
We get to gym class. We do whatever. Then when class is finished, the teacher tells us that we have to take a shower. And he sits there and makes sure that we do it.
He didn’t actively watch. I’ll give him that. He would pretend to grade papers or something. But he made us all take a shower.
I don’t particularly remember the experience so it couldn’t have been that traumatising. I mean, we had towels. You would just get undressed, put a towel on, go to the showers, take the towel off, take a literal three second shower, put the towel on, leave, and then get dressed. It wasn’t that big of a deal. But still odd.
One time, a nerdy kid was standing there fully naked, in the middle of the room, talking to the teacher and some guy said, “God. Put a towel on.” I have no idea why he was just standing there naked talking to this teacher. He was getting off on people looking at his penis, I guess.
That’s another thing, nobody was looking. You went in the shower, you focused on your own business, and you got out of there. You weren’t checking anybody out.
And oddly, there was no bullying of any kind. There were fat kids and whatever. Nobody was making fun of them. You just didn’t want to think about it. You did your own thing and you got out.
For the most part, this gym teacher didn’t enforce the showering. Because I got away without showering loads of times. But once in a while, he’d be out there making sure that everyone showered. Or later, he’d come back and check people’s hair. This happened to me at least once. If your hair wasn’t wet, you had to shower. And now, since everybody else had already showered, you’re doing it in front of everyone. It’s unpleasant.
There was also a middle aged priest who taught swimming. He would sometimes come in and get his fill. He would really watch.
I think those are all of my shower stories. Overall, it wasn’t too terrible. I can understand that this is just how things were done and people wouldn’t question it. You think in the 1940s, 50s, 60s, 70s this is just how people did things. There weren’t so many hang ups about nudity. It wasn’t a sexual thing. It’s just you have a gym class, you’re sweaty, of course you’d take a communal shower. What’s the problem?
But I think my class was the last class to use those showers. Times were changing. They blocked off that shower and even if you wanted to take a shower, you couldn’t. So after gym, you just were sweaty the rest of the day. And it doesn’t really matter. How much sweat are you working up after 30 minutes of light exercise as a kid?
Speaking of changing times, we had uniforms. Just a fucking t-shirt with your last name written on the front and a pair of shorts. And if you forgot your uniform, the teacher would give you a replacement uniform. The replacement uniform had “Fairy” written on it. This was apparently from a kid who had the unfortunate last name of “Fairy”. But the teacher knew what he was doing. It was a joke about homosexuality.
Couldn’t do that today, of course. That teacher would be fired immediately.
I got in trouble for something, I don’t know what, so I had to write a three page paper on a sport. So I chose lumberjack games. It was a stupid topic, of course. ESPN used to show lumberjack games and I watched it. It was the only sporting thing that I watched.
So the teacher gets it and complains about the stupid topic and my handwriting. But whatever. He accepted it and that was that.
Oh, I should probably talk about the actual sports that we played. Probably the worst part of gym.
We played baseball. I had never swung a bat in my life, which put me at a real disadvantage against everyone else. Virtually everybody had Little League experience. It’s just what you did. Only the handful of kids who had completely neglectful parents weren’t in Little League. So yeah, I was in that unfortunate group.
But I guess that we weren’t actually playing baseball. It was using a softball, first of all. And the pitcher wasn’t on the opposing team. He was on your team. So he was trying to give you easy pitches that you could hit.
I always managed to avoid having to bat but one day, I was caught out. So I had to go there. I hit the ball. It was fine. I’m sure that my form could have been improved but whatever. It didn’t instil a lifelong passion for baseball in me.
We played volleyball. I’d serve the ball, it would go over the net, and then I’d just stand there. Way back there where it’s unlikely that the ball is going to come to me.
So the teacher is talking to this priest about this. “He serves the ball, it’s good, it goes over the net, but then he just stand there waiting for the ball to come to him.” And the priest says, “Yeah, he was the same way in swim class.”
I fucking hated gym. I couldn’t have been the first person these guys met who hate gym. It’s very common. I was a slim kid with little experience and no interest in sports. I hated every second of it.
We also ran track. Actually, this wasn’t bad. It’s just running. Who cares?
So we’d run around the track and for some reason, the girls would be playing badminton in the centre area. The girls usually had their own gym but for the days when we ran track, the girls would come to our gym and play badminton.
So it added to the embarrassment. Girls watching you run around. Losing races. Getting winded. Shit like this. Also, just the uniform was embarrassing.
But there was a girl who liked me. It was a Mexican girl. And she would sometimes make a little comment to cheer me on. I never really talked to her and she ended up getting upset about that but what were we going to do? I was in the ninth grade.
I guess that ninth graders go to school dances and maybe…I don’t know…hang out in some capacity. Have their mothers drive them to the movies or something. But I didn’t do any of that shit. So she got upset.
I looked her up on Facebook when I was like 22 and she already had two kids. So…that’s just her life.
It’s fine, of course. I’m not knocking the joys of raising a family. But I don’t know.
Oh, we also had inspections. This was some pretty weird shit now that I think of it. Before class would officially begin, we had to line up and stand up straight like we’re at attention. Like in the military. And this teacher would walk past us and look for things that were wrong with our uniform. Wrong colour socks or whatever. So people would really try to get their uniform right.
But no matter what you did, he would find something. Lint was a common excuse that he would use. If you had a piece of lint on your uniform, he would make you do fifty push ups.
It was just a joke. He made everybody do these push ups. So why people obsessively tried to remove all the lint from their uniform, I have no idea. They were just idiots. They didn’t realise that this was just this guy’s idea of humour.
We played soccer. That sucked dick. And we just used tape on the wall to denote the goals.
Actually, all of the sports that we played were pretty lame and the rules were lax at best. For volleyball, for example, there’s a certain way that you’re allowed to hit the ball. You can’t just do whatever. But he told us to just do whatever. He didn’t teach us the proper technique or anything.
Same with baseball. We weren’t playing proper baseball. Or proper softball. It was just whatever.
Soccer, we didn’t learn anything about positions or strategy. It was just, “Go out there and chase the ball”.
I can’t remember playing basketball but surely we did. Maybe that was during the quarter that I was doing swimming. I know that they also had a weightlifting thing while I was doing swimming. Fortunately, I got out of that.
And then yeah, swimming. The worst part of gym. It was this creepy priest who was the teacher. Our class got divided into four groups based on skill level. And then for one quarter of the year, each group would take swim classes instead of regular gym classes.
I was in the lowest group, of course. I never swam in my life. Again, I had completely negligent parents who didn’t do any parenting.
The swim classes were co-ed. So the worst possible class to be co-ed. You have to be there in your little fucking shorts with a bunch of girls as you struggle to swim.
It was dogshit. This priest was an asshole. He was a creep. But I did learn how to swim. So that’s something, I guess.
Oh, there was also a tenth grader in the class. He joined in the second semester. He failed the second semester the previous year so had to do it again.
He was a little fucking faggot. He tried to bully me. Make fun of me and whatnot. But people didn’t go for it. He would try to get people on board to join in the bullying but…no.
This sort of thing happened a few times in my school life. Somebody unfamiliar with me would start giving me the business. “Oh, look at this weird kid who doesn’t say anything.” And then they’d try to get people to join in and they don’t. “No. What are you doing? He’s a cool guy. Leave him alone.” That sort of shit.
I think that those are all of the stories. Overall, I hated it at the time but it wasn’t a terrible experience. It was bad but nothing traumatic happened. Just playing sports and shit. And that weird showering.
I learned to swim so that’s something. Although, I never swam subsequently.
Could they have done something to better appeal to kids who don’t like sports? I don’t know. I can’t think of anything. I mean, given the nature of the class, you have to play sports. And I was allowed to put minimal effort into this shit. The teacher wasn’t abusive or really looking to humiliate anyone. So whatever. It was fine.
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Point and Drink Adventure Episode 5 – Clover Club cocktails and movie musicals? Maybe? – CannotBeTamed
You know I’ve hit rock bottom when I’m reviewing this shit.
Who do I even have left?
Retro Ali hasn’t uploaded a video in ten months. She’s done with Youtube. Gained too much weight to be seen any more.
Bobdunga hasn’t uploaded in a month and she’s only doing “documentaries” now. Like three videos a year.
Pam aka CannotBeTamed seems to have had her spirit broken following a particularly poor video. She used to upload every week but now it’s just whenever. And these side projects that she does are always fucking abysmal.
Erin is basically done with Youtube. Nine videos last year. The only “content” we get from her any more are her shitty Twitch streams.
Destiny Fomo hasn’t uploaded in three months. She’s also done with Youtube. Three videos last year. She’s just OnlyFans and prostitution now. I’m not interested in reviewing either of those services. And besides, we’ve already had PLENTY of reviews of her prostitution services. They were overwhelmingly negative. The worst prostitute reviews in the history of prostitute reviews. Also, her OnlyFans is fucking terrible. At least it was from what I saw of it, like a year or two ago. Pictures of her in a one piece swimsuit taking a bath and shit like this. Fuck you.
Johanna and Tony from Hack the Movies…it’s unwatchable. Every time I write about them, it’s the same shit. I watch it for less than ten minutes and have to turn it off because I’m bored out of my fucking mind. All he does is summarise the fucking movies. And they’re always horror movies. I have no interest in this.
Pelvic Gamer. Unbelievably boring videos and she’s largely done with Youtube.
Super Retro Gal aka Super Awkard Gal hasn’t uploaded in five months. She’s done with Youtube.
TheGebs24 couldn’t release an interesting video to save her life. How many top ten Amiga games can there possibly be? I’m only interested in her videos when she’s showing what her homelife is like with her obese American girlfriend.
Zap Cristal is equal parts boring and disturbing. I’m not watching that shit.
John Riggs…fuck him. He’s only interesting when he’s going to some nerd convention and I can enumerate the amount of times that he’s stuffing his fat face.
Cinemassacre is just fucking James Rolfe sitting in front of a greenscreen reading the Wikipedia entry for some fucking movie that he’s already discussed ten times. It’s aggressively boring. Totally unwatchable.
Oh, but there’s Newt Wallen. Is there? Every fucking review is just him repeating the words “tits and gore” over and over and over again. I’ve wrung a lot of material out of Newt’s craziness but he has to really change it up.
I’ve got nothing to work with. How am I still writing articles every day?
Wesley Berry…Pushing up Roses…Jess the Intern…Zuvi…Adam the Woo. Yeah, I guess that I’ve been exploring some of the lesser known GamerGrrls topics. The deep cuts. The autobiographical stuff helps pad things out too. God, I can get ten articles just out of crazy shit that I saw at that asylum.
Anyway, Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining. What has she been drinking? I’m dying to know.
A clover club cocktail. Mmm. Okay. What does a clover club cocktail consist of, Pam?
Gin, “simple syrup” or raspberry syrup, lemon juice, and egg white.
Uh huh. Riveting. I have none of these ingredients. And now I’ll have to find a place that sells “simple syrup”. Whatever the fuck that is.
UNWATCHABLE, LADIES. I’m skipping ahead.
10:00 – Pam watched Angel Heart. It’s “a noir-style detective movie but it takes place mostly in New Orleans.”
No. Not doing this. Next chapter.
12:45 – The Lobster. It’s about a world where you have to be in a relationship and if you’re not in a relationship, you go to a hotel where, “You have to find somebody to…be with.”
Oh, Pam is getting excited here. This is right up her alley. A world where you’re required to be in a relationship. No longer would her abhorant personality be a bar to companionship. Somebody HAS to be in a relationship with her upon fear of…I don’t know. What’s the punishment for people who refuse to be in a relationship?
Oh. You get turned into an animal if you refuse to be in a relationship. Yeah, I’d take my chances with the animal transmogrification if I was paired up with Pam in such a dystopian world.
Wait. But what if they turn me into a dog? I might end up doing stuff with Pam anyway.
Unwatchable. Next chapter. Fortunately, Autismo over here puts timestamps in everything. And I appreciate the irony in me saying that.
16:00 – Easter Sunday. Some Filipino shit. Michelle aka Pele is Filipino. I guess. I mean…maybe her parents were from there. Or grandparents. Or at least one of these people. But she’s…she lives in the US. She was presumably born there. She sounds American. She doesn’t sound Filipino. So why so much Filipino shit?
Skipping ahead.
18:45 – Fiddler on the Roof. Really? Is Pam Jewish? Maybe it’s Pele who’s Jewish.
By the way, the real Pele died recently. I mentioned him in a previous Point and Drink Adventure and asked if he was still alive. He was at the time. But no longer. I didn’t see Newt tweet about him, though.
Okay, so I watched this entire section of the video. The part about Fiddler on the Roof. You want to know what they talked about? NOTHING! “It was good. I liked it.”
22:00 – Cabaret. No. I’m not going to be burned twice. Moving on.
26:15 – Thoroughbreds. No. I’m not doing it.
28:15 – Vicky Cristina Barcelona. This is a Pele pick. She says that she took an edible before watching the movie. Uh huh. Maybe take an edible before doing the podcast. It might make this shit approach watchability.
Pele talks forever about how Woody Allen is “problematic” and Pam just nods solemnly.
Moving on.
32:30 – Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Fuck. This is going to be one of Pam’s, I just know it. She’s trying to get something going with Pele. And she’s doing this really misguided, racist thing where she watches Asian movies. You know…because Pele is Asian.
They start talking about how hot the lead actress is. Eugh. Go masturbate before you make the video, ladies. I’m moving on.
37:45 – Halo 2. I could not care less. Moving on.
41:00 – Pentiment. Oh. This is the video that killed Pam’s Youtube channel. I don’t care. I’ve already watched her awful video. Or at least parts of it.
48:15 – Vampire Survivors. Pam says that the game is “stupid” and “all you do is walk around” and “boring.” “It’s just like sitting at a slot machine”.
This is why Erin plays the game so much, on stream, for money. It’s an easy game.
52:00 – Excavation of Hob’s Barrow. Point and click adventure. Pam played this on stream, for money. BORING!
55:00 – Arcadegeddon. These two dullards played the game together during “Wednesday Co-Op” or something. They have a day set aside to play games together…I guess. Weird. Let’s see what else you ladies have.
1:01:15 – Pick ups. Pele bought some records. Or “vinyl” as the hep cats call them. A Kirby “vinyl”. She says that Kirby is cute. Three times so far. No. A thousand times no.
1:11:15 – The merciful end of the podcast. I didn’t even watch this shit and I’m exhausted. I watched like five minutes total of this video. It was still too long. I could not imagine watching this entire 72 minute video.
They encourage you to leave a comment or email. They’re really pushing the email. Pele says that she responds to every email but only a few of the comments.
Well, this video only has fucking seven comments. And nobody replies to any of them.
“It depends how much you make us laugh. If you make us laugh, maybe.”
She wants you to dance like a fucking monkey in order to get a reply. And like a response from this woman is some kind of prize.
Hey, ladies, why don’t you try making me laugh? Why don’t you try to entertain the fucking audience in some way, shape, or form? The miniscule audience. This video has 858 views after a month.
Maybe if you start putting out interesting videos, people will fucking watch them.
“Make me laugh.” Fuck you and fuck your replies or lack thereof.
Then they give a shoutout to polymedianetwork dot com where you can listen to more absolutely dreadful podcasts. There’s a picture of all the people who work on these podcasts. It’s Pam, Pele, and six pathetic middle aged men. Five of these men are in short pants.
Guys…once you hit the age of 12, your days of wearing short pants should be over. Put some trousers on like a big boy. For what it’s worth, both Pam and Pele are wearing jeans. They’re the most masculine people in this lineup.
But yeah, fucking shorts…fuck you. Shorts and a video game t-shirt. You’re grown men. Try to dress as such.
And at least one guy couldn’t even be bothered to put fucking shoes on.
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PLANET FRANKENSTEIN proof of concept teaser (2016) – Newt Wallen
It’s Horseface and some black woman holding Nerf guns in front of a greenscreen.
What the fuck? Proof of concept? More like proof of dogshit. Proof of not wasting your time on this. Proof of just focus on your job at the cinema.
The acting, what little there is in this, is bad.
So I’m reading the comments. Newt says, “I am plotting it as a 90s sega CD style fmv game and maybe adapting into a comic. Just to so something with it”
It’s just one terrible idea after another with this guy. Newt “The Horrible Ideas Man” Wallen.
Sega CD was a massive failure. People didn’t want FMV games. People still don’t want FMV games. FMV games are shit.
And what experience does he have making such games? Major game publishers have made FMV games. They’ve employed entire teams of the greatest game designers in the industry and they still produced shit games. There’s never been a good FMV game ever released.
But fucking Newt over here thinks that he’s going to release a good one? He’s never made a fucking game in his life. If he has, we surely would have known about it. He would mention this every day on Twitter. “Remember that game I made? It was pretty sweet.”
None of that. No experience making a game.
And do people want a fucking Planet Frankenstein game? What is this even about? From the sparse information in this trailer, it seems to be about two Frankenstein monsters, one with a horse head, in space, and they’re going to shoot stuff. They’ll probably get their breasts out as well.
This…I mean…what? I’m not interested in this concept, Not even a little bit. I don’t want to play this fucking game. And it’s an FMV game? No fucking way.
By the way, Justin Silverman edited this video and he’s credited as the director. Newt says that in fact, Newt was the director but Newt gave Justin director credit because Newt is just such a swell guy.
Somebody else in the comments asks Newt if he’s at MAGFest. Newt says that he’s not welcome at those events.
It’s a reference to Screenwave but does Screenwave run MAGFest?
Not from what I’m seeing. It’s in Maryland in any event. At the Gaylord National Convetion Center. Classic.
So yeah, there’s no reason that Newt can’t go. He’s going to boycott every event that Screenwave attends? Set up a booth and sell your terrible merchandise. The comic book and…just the comic book, I guess. Everything else is just concepts. You can’t sell concepts, Newt. Well, not to the general public anyway. And you can’t sell your particular concepts to ANYONE.
And what about doing a panel at MAGFest? Who the fuck are the people doing panels at this thing? Let me check.
I’ve never heard of any of these people. But if “Latin Dancing for Nerds” can get a panel at this thing, surely Newt Wallen can.
But instead of teaching the Macarena or whatever, Newt would be sharing his wealth of knowledge about…umm…script writing? He seems to have written a lot of scripts. I’ve never seen any but he regularly says that he writes scripts in a day or two. So…you have to assume that the quality is awful but the quantity is there.
Or his film making. He made one movie, apparently. Swamp Zombies 2, if I’m not mistaken. I haven’t gotten around to watching that but even from his own accounts, the movie is bad. Nevertheless, it’s a movie.
The Latin Dancing for Nerds people probably aren’t the greatest Latin dancers. So you don’t have to be the best in your field to get a panel.
- “Shit’s fuckin’ cool.”
Newt replies, “Yea. We have an awesome script and some amazing designs”
Can we see any of this? Because I didn’t get this impression AT ALL from the trailer. Wasn’t the trailer supposed to showcase the awesome script and amazing designs?
Fucking Planet Frankenstein. Nothing Newt does can be described as “awesome”. His writing is fucking horrible. Everything is tits and gore and then slap a stupid pun title on it.
I’m not sure what “11 of 13 projects I wrote in 22 for Indie Film or comic book producers that will begin releasing in 2023” means. Can we expect 11 or 13 Newt Wallen projects to be released in 2023? And actually, not even. They’re slated to BEGIN releasing in 2023. So…they can be released anywhere from 2023 to the end of time.
And why is “Indie Film” capitalised? Is this an organisation? I don’t think so because then he just says “comic book producers”. And do comic books even have producers?
Newt doesn’t know how to write. He can’t even write these fucking tweets so that they’re coherent. But he wants us to believe that he has 11 or 13 projects coming out in the near future. People are paying him for these terrible scripts that he says he’s written. These people are going to somehow employ Newt to work on their films. Newt is going to be the director or fluffer or…something in these movies.
It’s pure delusion. I want to see Newt’s tax returns. Show us proof of all of these Hollywood bigshots paying you money. Newt is just in so much demand for his god awful tits and gore scripts.
All of his ideas are exactly the same. You don’t need to buy 13 of his scripts. Just buy one and then change the names.
Newt, I wish you continued success in your therapy sessions.
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The Hasidic Jewish Landlords of London
In my previous article, I said that I moved to Wembley after living with those Brazilian guys. But upon further reflection, the next place was actually in a borough called Tottenham in North London. The place in Wembley was after this.
Tottenham is, apparently, one of the major crime areas of London. This was also allegedly the case with Tower Hamlets, where I lived previously. But I never saw anything too sketchy. I rarely went out at night, though.
You saw a lot of Hasidic Jews in Tottenham too. At least the area where I was living. The area was called Seven Sisters.
So when I viewed the property, there were two mountains of trash on both sides of the front lawn. The lawn was completely covered with trash and it was piled high. I thought that this is odd but whatever. It will get cleared.
It was a couple of French guys who showed the property. I assumed that they lived there. No. They didn’t. They were just showing the property.
The reason why I was interested in the place was that it was for a single room. Not shared. Perfect. It was like £60/week so not much more than the £50 or £55 that I was paying elsewhere for a shared room.
Then they showed me the room. It had a bed in it and that’s it. It was a single-sized bed. You had to shimmy along the wall to get into the room. It was the smallest room I’ve ever seen in my life.
But fuck it. I don’t have to share this with anyone? I’ll take it.
I moved my shit in. There was room for my tv. I had a small tv. And there was a built-in wardrobe. You had to pull a hatch from the wall and there was a rod to hang clothes and store shit. But insanely small.
It was a house. In normal circumstances, this would be a family house. It was three storeys. I lived on the top floor. But they just turned this into a shared…property. There’s a term for this in the UK. HMO. “House in multiple occupation”. You have to get a special permit to turn a property into such a dwelling and there are costs involved and whatever.
There were two French guys living on the bottom floor (not the two French guys I mentioned before), another French guy, two Polish girls, and a Brazilian guy in his 30s or 40s living on the middle floor, and two Polish guys, a Hungarian couple, and me living on the top floor. Something like this. I don’t fucking know. People moved in and out and changed rooms. But this is roughly the line-up that I remember. It was like ten people living there.
The day I moved in, two of the Polish guys and the two Polish women were drunk and watching television and they invited me to join them. So I did. Reluctantly.
They’re asking where I’m from and whatever. The normal questions. They give me a beer.
Then one of the guys starts saying things like, “If you don’t want to be here, you don’t have to.” He was saying this because I was really bad in social situations. And by pointing this out, it doesn’t help. It only makes it worse. It only makes me dread being in social situations that much more because I know that this is going to happen. People are going to get offended.
But he was also right. I didn’t want to be there. But I didn’t want to be there because I knew that it would go poorly. So it’s something of a cycle.
I think that these two guys were dating the two women. But they weren’t living together. Not in the same room anyway. It was the two guys in a room and the two women in a different room. Maybe they weren’t dating that long or maybe they were just taking things slowly.
Those guys worked construction. I don’t know what the women did.
One of the French guys was a goth or something. He always wore black and leather. He constantly smoked.
He was actually relatively okay but the other two French guys were rude as fuck. The stereotypes are true. I also went to France years later. These are some horrible people.
One of them worked as a waiter. I don’t know what either of the other two did. But I know that the one worked as a waiter because he told me that he worked as a waiter in France too.
So it’s not like you hear about people who worked as doctors in their home country and then they work as a waiter in their new country. I can understand that because the language problems and whatnot. But no. Even in France, this guy worked as a waiter. He was a giant piece of shit. I don’t even want to get into it. Both of those non-goth French guys were assholes.
The Hungarian couple were fine. They moved in after I did. Very quickly, that woman started hanging out with one of these Polish guys, though. They got really friendly. It was uncomfortable.
The Brazilian guy kept to himself. He was quite a bit older than everyone. We were all in our late 20s or early 30s.
At some point, a fat Polish guy moved in. He was friends with the other two Polish guys. He was an asshole.
Every week, these French guys who showed me the place would knock on the doors and collect the rent. It was just paid in cash. These things were always done in cash.
I couldn’t leave any food in the refrigerator because these Polish guys would always eat it, possibly while drunk. I couldn’t even leave peanut butter in there. They would eat the peanut butter, seemingly just scooping it out with their hands. They’d eat half a jar in one day. So I had to leave all of my food in my room.
I complained about this to these two French guys who come to collect the rent and they said, “So call the police.” I said, “I’m not going to call the police over food” and then I deducted £20 from the rent for the food that these people stole.
They also hung up pictures of naked women in the kitchen. They’d get them from some porn magazine. Totally nude. Why they did this, I have no idea. I think eventually their girlfriends would tear that shit down.
There was always some low level chaos going on and it’s because these Polish guys were always fucking drunk. It wasn’t a restful place to stay.
I was doing volunteer work during all of this. I worked five days a week. I’ll discuss the volunteer work in the next article.
I was also trying to collect benefits during all of this and my application was refused. I discuss that saga here:
So I had no money coming in. And these fucking assholes are eating my food. It was an extremely difficult time.
People from the council, which is the local government, would sometimes knock on the door and ask for the contact details of the landlord. They wanted these mountains of trash to be removed. But we didn’t know who the landlords were. We only knew these French guys who came to collect the rent.
One day, three Hasidic Jews came in. They were really aggressive. And they went into the basement. One of them, some old man, asked why I was there. I said, “I live here.” He said, “Do you have a job? Do you work?” I said that I do.
Then they left. Then the electricity shut off.
Later that night, one of the Polish guys went down to the basement to see if he could figure out the problem. The Jews had put some kind of metal cap somewhere on…whatever it is that controls the electricity. So he took the cap off and the electricity was restored.
The French guys stopped coming around to collect rent.
About a week later, the Jews came back. This time I decided to watch what they were doing. They would block me and they were aggressive. They would say things like, “This is his property. He can do what he wants.”
They went in the basement and they removed some big thing that controlled the electricity. So the electricity went out again. I called the police. I gave the police the license plate number of these Jews. The Jews weren’t remotely concerned. They just made mocking comments.
The police never arrived.
So I went to the council. I spoke to somebody at the housing department. I told them what happened. She couldn’t understand why they were doing this. Indeed. None of this made sense. These Jews just one day decided to turn the electricity off.
She wrote down my statement and said that she’d send somebody to investigate.
One of the Polish guys did something to the electricity to get one outlet to work. So we had power from one outlet. I put a power strip there and people were able to use electrical stuff from that.
Then one of the French guys, the one who was a waiter, destroyed a toilet. I don’t know how he did it. I don’t know when he did it. I just saw that one of the toilets was destroyed. It was just shattered into a bunch of pieces and only a part of the very base remained. I never saw this French guy again.
The other French guy also moved out.
There was an incident where the fat Polish guy stole a lighter from the goth French guy. The French guy asked if he could use my window. I said that he could, not understanding why. So he went out my window, went into the window of this Polish guy, and stole his lighter back. The Polish guy caught him doing this and was unhappy with the behaviour.
That French guy moved out that day.
The Hungarian couple moved out.
I believe that the Polish girls moved out.
Some other Polish guy moved in.
So at this point, I think it was just four Polish guys and the Brazilian guy. Now that I think of it, there were also two Italian guys. I don’t know at what point they moved in. Maybe they were there from the beginning.
This guy from the council was coming to investigate my complaint. And we were all cleaning up. There were loads and loads of bottles of alcohol from these Polish guys that we had to dispose of.
The guy comes in and we’re telling him what happened. He’s writing shit down. He’s sympathetic. He’s also baffled that any of this has happened. And he says, “Okay. Somebody come to the council tomorrow.” I guess it was to discuss what to do from there.
I was working but one of the Polish guys said that he could do it.
Next day, I come back from work and ask how the meeting with the council went. He didn’t go. He was drinking.
The Italian guys move out.
The Brazilian guy moved out.
Everybody was moving out. And I had no fucking money. I didn’t have a paying job. By this point I had won my appeal against the decision not to give me benefits so I was getting benefits again.
One day, the Jews come back with a police officer. And the police officer starts asking how we hooked up the electricity. I explain what happened, that we live here and then these guys came in and turned off the electricity. One of the Jews says, “Do you pay rent?” And I tell the police officer that the guy who collects rent stopped coming.
The police officer makes some reference to my accent and asks if I have a visa. I say, “What difference does it make? I’m here legally and you’re here to investigate this electricity issue.”
Then they leave.
After that, even the Polish guys say that they have to leave. So it was just going to be me staying there. The Polish guy who moved in most recently said that I could move in with them. There’s a spare room. But it’s £70/week. This was more than I could afford, I was living on £72/week, so I had to decline.
I quickly found another place. It was in Wembley with some Sri Lankan guys. But I hadn’t moved yet.
Then one day, the Jews come back along with a big, burly Jew and like a high school aged Jew. They say that everybody has to get out. Really aggressive. They were insulting. They were demanding money. They were locking all of the doors and confiscating keys.
Then the police arrived. There were also two Polish guys who were going to stay in the house overnight to make sure that nobody entered. And we all had to get out.
I moved all of my stuff to the pavement. I called a taxi. I’m talking to the police officer and I tell him that this can’t possibly be legal. You can’t come in and demand that everybody leave immediately. He says, “It depends what you agreed to in your lease.” I said, “Nobody would agree to no notice.” He said, “That’s true.” And yet he was still there enforcing this.
So the taxi arrived, I put my stuff in, and I moved to my new place in Wembley.
I was at this place for, I don’t know, six months maybe.
They just wanted to evict everybody and didn’t want to go through the proper channels because the whole thing was shady from the start. Rather than even telling us that we have to move, they just turned the electricity off.
This is why Jewish landlords have such a bad reputation. Especially Hasidic Jews. They consider non-Jews to be sub-human. This is why from here on, I was always careful to make sure that my landlord wasn’t Jewish.
I slipped up one time, years later, because the woman used a fake surname. But yeah. She was Jewish. And there were the usual problems that come from dealing with the Chosen People. Things don’t get fixed, everything is done on the cheap. So I moved out a month after I moved in. Not going to deal with that shit.
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WTF Wednesday Review: Hard Ticket to Hawaii – Newt Wallen
Whoa! Look at that sexy thumbnail! We’re going to get some boobies in this one! Like always! I’m fully erect over here. Newt Wallen talking about breasts. This is my fetish.
PVC Bondage Girl is also in this one. I run hot and cold on her.
But Newt? I’m always hot for Newt. Lay it on us, Ideas Man. Tits and gore, I’ll bet.
0:00 – Newt says that it’s cold outside. PVC Bondage Girl says, “It’s very cold.”
Then look at what she’s wearing. What even is this? A bustier?
0:45 – Newt is talking about somebody. I don’t know who. I’ve already tuned out of this shit. But he says, “So you know what I’d much rather do than spend time with football guys? Big old titties and guns.”
He’s totally oblivious to how off-putting this is. PVC Bondage Girl doesn’t want to hear this shit. He just doesn’t get it. There is no woman ON EARTH who wants to sit next to Newt as he talks about large breasted women who he jacks off to. This is not how you woo the ladies. I can’t believe that he’s gone this far in life and hasn’t figured out this day one stuff.
1:15 – Newt continues his TED talk on the history of big breasts in cinema and PVC Bondage Girl covers her breasts with her hands. She’s uncomfortable with this shit. Anybody would be.
2:45 – Newt describes the trousers that PVC Bondage Girl is wearing as “yoga pants”. So she’s wearing extremely tight trousers.
5:00 – PVC Bondage Girl reveals that she owns a snake. The snake is named Sunset. Uh huh.
7:15 – Newt says, “You’re looking for plot in this and all this movie is is tig ole bitties.”
I’m about to turn this off. She was talking about the fucking movie, as Newt asked her to, and then he stops her to say, “Oh, tits and gore.”
I just don’t get it. How can he possibly think that this is interesting to anyone? Are we supposed to be jerking off to this? Does Newt find this arousing? Does talking about breasts to women who he pays to hang out with him sexually excite Newt? How can we explain why he does this in every fucking video?
10:30 – PVC Bondage girl was talking about the movie and once again Newt interrupts her. You’ll never guess what about.
Newt: If you really think about it, exposition drops are the worst part of movies.
PVC: Sure.
Newt: What can make an exposition drop better?
PVC: Titties.
Newt: Titties. Exactly.
I’m done with this shit, Newt. It’s not amusing. It’s not erotic. It’s not interesting. I can’t even understand how anybody, anywhere, can find ANY of this AT ALL entertaining. On any level.
It’s just fucking repetitive. And stupid. And juvenile in the extreme. And you’re making a total ass of yourself with this shit. Paying women to talk about breasts? It’s bizarre. Pay them to have sex with you. That would at least make sense.
- “You think we’ll ever go back to these tits out scenes in movies? They sure did make for some really memorable moments in flicks”
Newt replies, “My scripts are full of em”
But nobody will ever see that shit. Nobody will ever make a movie out of your fucking god awful scripts. So what’s the point of any of this?
- “I’m gonna check this one out on tubi before the review.”
Newt replies, “Its wild cheesy boob filled fun”
Yeah. So I’ve gathered.
I don’t get it. How can anybody possibly find it erotic to talk about breasts in Youtube comments? But he obviously does because why else would he keep doing it, in this obsessive fashion? He’s jerking off over Youtube comments? Talking to OTHER MEN about breasts? Breasts from 30 years ago? And to fucking retarded men?
- “Can we get a Metz backstory. A lovely young lady. But Trans, Furry. Both great. I am confused.”
It’s a good thing that I stopped the video when I did. I don’t want to hear that shit.
Let’s check out his Twitter for more dead celebrities.
Newt re-tweeted this. Some guy seemingly getting sexually excited by Newt Wallen talking about breasts.
How can this possibly be exciting to anyone?
Then you look at his profile. He starts with his pronouns. That’s the first warning sign. Then he says, “Hat wearer, husky, depressed, fearful of crowds, nerd”…”Plump is beautiful”…”I’m a weirdo, don’t be afraid.”
So it’s somebody who obviously has massive mental health problems. This is Newt’s audience.
It’s like mentally retarded people get horny just like anyone else. But maybe they don’t like porn. Maybe they don’t like porn as a result of whatever their neurological condition is. They find it too stimulating, for example.
But they like listening to a middle aged man talking about breasts. That’s their level of eroticism. Just a middle aged man talking about breasts. They find that to be the right level of excitement. And they’re sitting there jerking off to this.
I mean…this has to be an extremely niche audience. And is this an audience that Newt wants to cater to?
Here we go. Newt had to re-tweet the death of Barbara Walters. She was so young. Only 93 years old.
How many times has Newt ever mentioned Barbara Walters? Zero. You think that he was watching 20/20? Or her vapid interviews of celebrities? If you were a tree, what sort of tree would you be? He liked that shit? Fuck no.
But here he is tweeting about it. Why? Because he has an obsession with death. Speak to a psychiatrist about this. A competent one. Not the one you’re currently seeing who, apparently, is telling you to stay the course.
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A short TurboGrafx-16 Variety Stream – Erin Plays
Ninety minutes is a “short” stream? What happened to her carpal tunnel syndrome? It seems to come and go when it’s convenient.
0:00 – “I hope you had a good holiday.”
Which holiday? But yes, I had a very restful Soyal. Thanks for the sensitivity in not assuming that I celebrate Christmas. I celebrated Soyal with my fellow Zuni people. You guys remember the Zuni, right? They’re still around. Anyway, we just danced and chanted and whatnot to bring the sun back. And just look outside. See that big fiery thing in the sky? You have me to thank for it.
Oh, by the way, Erin went to visit her parents over Christmas. At least I assume that she celebrates Christmas. Maybe I shouldn’t be so insensitive. Let’s just say “holidays”. Here she is drinking a beverage from that California chain restaurant Hot Dog on a Stick.
She’s drinking it in front of JC Penney! How epic is this? Erin is ALL ABOUT JC Penney. It’s her thing. Hey guys! Remember JC Penney?
I do remember JC Penney, Erin. Tell us a story about JC Penney. Oh. You don’t have any. Because you’ve never been to one in your life. Disappointing.
“I was going to start with some Splatterhouse practice again but I was really upset because before I started I was trying to remember how to do the stupid slide kick and I can’t remember how to do it.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” how to do the slide kick in Splatterhouse.
She’s been playing this game A LOT lately, on stream for money, of course. She’s running this shit into the ground like she’s done with Castlevania and Vampire Survivors. God forbid that she plays in her spare time. No. She has to subject the world to this tedium. She needs those pennies from horntards.
And if I recall, you do the slide kick by jumping and then pressing the attack button right before you land. It takes some timing. I haven’t played the game in like 20 years so I could be wrong. But I’ve actually played the game. This is how I know this stuff. I played it in my spare time, like a normal person. You know…for fun.
“And you can’t look it up because everything I look up is either about the second game or it’s not correct.”
I just fucking told you. And how did I know how to do this? I don’t think that I owned the game as a kid. I rented it once. But I played it whenever I started looking at emulators. I don’t know. It was shortly after I got the internet. I was 20 years old or so.
0:30 – “We’re going to start with some Super Star Soldier. I haven’t played this game in a really long time but I remember that I liked it.”
She played it once. On stream, for money. That’s why she doesn’t “remember” anything. She just doesn’t fucking know.
Would you remember the details of a game that you played once, years ago, for five minutes? Of course not.
She’s also editing stuff out of this. It was just Mike, in the chat, telling to increase the volume and suggesting games that she can play. It’s completely baffling that he apparently takes an interest in what she does, offers suggestions on how she can improve, and still…we get this. This absolute dogshit that Erin produces again and again. There’s been absolutely no improvement.
1:15 – “Aren’t I supposed to be picking out a ship or am I thinking of…maybe I’m thinking of something else.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” if you can choose your ship or not in Super Star Soldier.
Then she comments on every single weapon upgrade. Like she’s never seen any of these. Because she hasn’t. She played the game ONCE. BRIEFLY. ON STREAM FOR MONEY.
But she likes the game. She remembered that she liked the game. Even though she obviously can’t “remember” ANYTHING about it.
2:30 – “TurboGrafx has a lot of good schmups.”
Great chat, Erin. You’re a real pro gamer. Look at this keen insight that she gave us. It’s also something that Mike, coincidentally, always says.
“And, you know, PC Engine. All of that.”
It’s the same fucking console, Erin. Different regions. You don’t have to mention both of them.
I know that there were games exclusive to Japan but that’s how it is with every console. If you’re talking about the great library of Dreamcast games would you say, “Also, the Japanese Dreamcast.” No. Nobody would do that. But Erin, because she knows absolutely nothing about video games, has to always mention “PC Engine” whenever she’s talking about TurboGrafx. This is a pathetic attempt to pretend that she knows about video games. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t know shit about video games.
If you’re talking about Genesis games would you say, “Also, the Mega Drive games were pretty sweet”? No. It’s the same fucking console. Different names. Who cares?
3:00 – She’s reading from the chat. “Turbo controller? No, I’m not using a turbo controller.”
What? Then what the fuck is she using? All of the TurboGrafx controllers were turbo controllers. They had the fucking switches on them to adjust the turbo speed.
She just doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about, I assume. When somebody said “turbo controller” she must have thought that it was some special controller. Like how with the NES, there was the NES Advantage.
“I’m using an XBox Elite controller.”
Oh, she really wasn’t using a TurboGrafx controller. Won’t this make the games significantly more difficult? Because I looked it up and there’s apparently no turbo function on that XBox controller. And a lot of TurboGrafx games basically require a turbo controller.
3:30 – “I think I was thinking of another game when I chose this but I don’t hate this. I like it.”
Erin “always” “forgets”…every fucking game in the TurboGrafx library. Every name of every game. Everything that you do in every game. And let’s broaden this out further. She “forgets” everything about every game ever released for every console.
3:45 – She says that she’ll be taking requests soon. “Yeah, we can do TurboGrafx or PC Engine.”
Well no fucking shit, Erin. It’s the same fucking console. What aren’t you getting about this?
And I’m skimming this video…she plays this game for TWENTY MINUTES. This is awful.
She just seems to play shit games in this video. What about Bonk’s Adventure? Have you considered that one? I don’t think that she’s ever played it. Show me the stream.
6:30 – She’s talking about how much “hard work” she put into her recent Castlevania video and that she’s happy with the result. She says, “What’s the difference between just summarising the gameplay and reviewing it.”
Apparently, she hasn’t figured that out because this is what I complained about in my article. She just fucking summarises the gameplay.
“Because, you know, there’s a difference between summarising something and reviewing something.”
Oh, I know. You’re preaching to the choir here, Erin. This is every fucking article that I write about Tony from Hack the Movies’ god awful “reviews”.
“And I feel like that’s why I don’t do movie reviews or anything because I feel that I would accidentally just summarise it.”
Yeah. Like Tony from Hack the Movies and his crew of braindead degenerates.
“Which is fine but then I wouldn’t call it a review.”
Indeed.
Then she edited out her sticking an entire tissue up her nose.
8:30 – “X looks like Y”. We haven’t heard this “joke” in a while.
10:00 – “I haven’t played a schmup in so long. It’s like I forget the words for things.”
Eugh.
This is dog shit. I’m skipping to the next game.
21:45 – Samurai Ghost. This was a Mike suggestion. She says that she chose Mike’s game because he was the first one in the chat. Uh huh. Also, Mike is her sugar daddy.
22:00 – Shout out to Retail Archaeology. He’s in the chat. Mike better watch out because this Omega orbiter is also regularly on Erin’s Twitter.
This is awful. Erin is terrible at the game, of course, and she’s just saying, “Oh look at this! Look at that thing! Oh, that’s cute!”
Moving on. Next game.
32:15 – BravoMan. Another fucking piece of shit game that people are choosing for the alleged “comedy” value. Oh, and this one was suggested by Retail Archaeology. Fucking pathetic. And Mike is right there in the fucking chat.
Does this guy ever appear in a video? Oh, I think that he does.
Which one of these guys is he, though? The bearded fuck starts the video by talking about him having a wife. That’s good because that guy has no chance with Erin.
The other guy’s name is Mark. But it’s this bearded fuck who seems to own the channel. So which one is in Erin’s Twitch stream coming on to her? The married, bald, fat, bearded guy or…well, the other bald, fat, bearded guy who might be slightly younger? I assume that this other guy is bald because he’s wearing a hat indoors.
33:15 – She pronounced “corps” as “corpse”. What a fucking doofus. She has a degree in English. Allegedly.
This is just more of the same. “Look at this! Now look at that! I like the colours!”
FUCK OFF! Next game.
38:00 – Some other bad “comedy” game. I’m done.
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I’m back! Chatting about my Trip to Japan – Zuvi
She went to Japan with her husband/pimp. She lives in the US. Her husband/pimp is a white American guy. They live in the US.
She’s just talking about the travel restrictions to Japan in regards to covid and whatnot.
By the way, you can see this woman straight up naked. It’s on her Gumroad.
https://linktr.ee/zuvinyan
There are her links. You have to be at least 20 years old for the Gumroad stuff. Apparently, she’s following Japanese laws in spite of the fact that she’s not living in Japan.
She didn’t visit her parents while in Japan, by the way. They’re probably deeply ashamed of her.
But yeah. She’s totally naked on Gumroad. Everything. Pussy spreading, the whole thing.
I never understood the pussy spreading shot that’s so common in the world of erotica. It’s gross. Am I wrong?
I remember seeing this shot in a porn magazine when I was, I don’t know, 17 or something and…yeah. It’s gross. But I thought, “Maybe when I’m older I’ll be able to appreciate this.”
No. It’s still gross. There’s nothing erotic about it.
Oh, she’s also on OnlyFans and Fansly. Her Fansly account has a banner where she’s…stroking a cat’s leg. What? I don’t even want to know. That poor cat.
By the way, I mention that you can see this woman nude because you might think that this would lead to her Youtube channel having a lot of views. No. NOBODY is watching this shit. It doesn’t help that the content is unwatchable.
It’s hard to understand what she’s saying. That’s the first problem.
Second problem is that she’s boring. At least in English. Maybe she’s more interesting in Japanese.
She does a lot of “What does Japan think of X” kind of videos. “X” being some video game or franchise or whatever.
But what does she know? She’s lived in the US for years. I don’t know how many years. Her information is grossly out of date.
16:15 – She had plastic surgery done while in Japan. On her eye. I don’t know if it’s just one eye or both eyes. Maybe she had that eyelid surgery that makes your eyes wider. I think that this procedure is popular in Asia.
What about breast implants? Have you considered that? We’re not jerking off to your eyes here.
So that was the video. Wow. You talk about boring, this was it.
I don’t know what that husband is doing exactly. They live in the Los Angeles area. Is he pimping her out in the traditional sense or just online? Because if it’s just online, he’s not making any money on this. He can’t be. Nobody is watching these fucking Youtube videos and I doubt that she’s popular on OnlyFans or Fansly or this bizarre Gumroad site.
And she said that her parents are elderly so how old must she be? Late 30s? Early 40s?
It’s just another person totally wasting her life. And the cause is greed and sloth. There’s no reason why she can’t move back to Japan and get a normal job. But she wants easy money for doing little work. And it’s not happening. Nobody is paying to see a middle aged Japanese woman with no tits.
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Is Blade 2 The Best Blade Movie? – Tony from Hack the Movies
It’s Tony at his home with two guys. I’ve seen one of these guys before on this “show”. He mentioned that he’s from Cuba about 17 times. Or maybe his parents or some relatives are from Cuba. But otherwise, he’s fine. I don’t know the other guy.
But let’s look at Tony’s home here. It’s full of shit on the walls. Comic book posters and toys and whatnot. And he has loads of shelves that are full of DVDs and toys.
How old is he? This is the bedroom of a very spoiled 14 year old boy.
You know what I have on my walls? Nothing. I’m an adult. Well, I have an art print but it’s not some fucking comic book shit. It’s classy. And what do I have on my shelves? Nothing. I don’t even have shelves. I’m an adult. I don’t need shelves. I don’t need to display my toys. I don’t have any toys to display.
Why limit yourself with this shit? Tony is a big fat guy. And I think that he’s below average height. And his job is…what it is.
These things are already limiting his potential dating pool. It’s tough for fat guys to find dates. It’s tough for guys who are shorter than average to find dates. And it’s tough for guys with jobs like he has to find dates.
He doesn’t have much control over these things, though. There’s nothing that he can do about his height, of course. He could go on a diet but how many fat people successfully lose weight and maintain it? And he could get a normal, respectable job but he’s not going to just waltz into a job as an investment banker or something.
So those things are hard or impossible to change. But what’s easy to change is his fucking interior decorating.
The vast majority of women would look at this room, say, “What the fuck have I gotten myself into”, and leave. And these would be women who already overlooked Tony’s height, weight, and unimpressive job at Screenwave Media.
Sell all of this shit. Put it in storage. Hide it in closets. I don’t care. Just get rid of it.
Not even nerdy women would be interested in this shit. Do you think that nerdy women want to find nerdy men? No. They want to find big, jacked up, 6’2″ doctors like every other woman. Just because they’re nerds doesn’t mean that they don’t have standards.
Only absolute bottom feeders would endure this room. “Okay. The guy is fat. He’s shorter than average. He has this embarrassing job. And now this fucking room of a 14 year old boy. Whatever. I’m no prize pig myself. The guy is willing to overlook all of my shortcomings so…fine. Who cares that he has toys and comic books shit all over his apartment? It’s better than being alone with my cat.”
Anyway, back to the video. Is that red thing behind Tony a ViewMaster? Oh my god, I think that it is. You see the window in other shots.
What is he doing with this? Looking at stereoscopic images based on the 1960s Spider-Man cartoon?
I had a bakelite ViewMaster from the 1950s. I also had a couple of the cheap red ones from the 1970s or 1980s like Tony has and enjoys. But ViewMaster was a product for adults back in the day. They’d have reels of Niagra Falls and whatever. Just scenic shit. I had some like that. But in the 1960s, it became a children’s toy and the reels were all of comic book and cartoon characters.
My favourite reel was some kind of claymation dinosaur thing. They were just pictures of dinosaurs in various scenes. Somebody obviously made a diorama and pictures were taken of the diorama. It was cool. Check it out, Tony. You might enjoy it. It was called The Little Yellow Dinosaur. It’s currently $12 on Ebay.
Okay. So I made it to 13 minutes. I just don’t care about this. I don’t care about fucking comic book movies. As mentioned previously, I’m an adult.
And you expect people to watch this for 90 minutes? It’s preposterous. They’re just summarising the fucking movie. “Oh, I really liked it when this character got brutally killed.” Great. Speak to a psychiatrist about it. I’m not interested.
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PELVIC GAMING 2022 | The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!
I’m going to take the high road and not make the obvious joke. On with the video. I think that she’s responding to comments from the horntards.
1:45 – “I don’t get it, why is Pelvic’s lipstick so fucking good every videos.”
Really? That’s the comment that she chose to read? Ass licking bullshit?
This is why we need blogs like this one. To keep these people based in fucking reality. I’m not criticising people to be an asshole. I’m criticising people because these are HONEST and ACCURATE opinions.
Pelvic Gamer looks like a fucking clown in every video. Her lipstick is ridiculous. Blue lipstick? Fuck off.
This is not an attractive woman and no amount of horny comments from retards will convince me otherwise.
And that’s fine. Who gives a shit if she’s attractive or not? It only becomes an issue when she presents herself as a hot chick. Come the fuck on. Pelvic Gamer?
If you don’t talk about your appearance, I won’t talk about your appearance. That seems fair to me. I almost never mention Erin’s appearance because she almost never mentions it. Erin rarely presents herself as some kind of sex symbol. Especially in recent years. So I don’t mention it.
“Believe it or not, I’m not a makeup guru.”
I can believe it. You look like a fucking bufoon.
2:45 – A guy takes issue with a review. He doesn’t agree with…whatever it is that she said. He either liked the game and she didn’t or the other way around.
Pelvic Gamer reacts like this guy just told her that her mother’s a prostitute. No. He disagreed with a review. Who gives a shit? He’s entitled to his nerdy opinion, just as you are.
“So this person took my review personally, clearly.”
No. What the fuck are you talking about? YOU took his comment personally.
5:30 – “Gross. Put some effort into your appearance. This is insulting to the eye and stomach.”
So Pelvic Gamer says, “One, I’m a confident woman. Your comments have no power here. I know I’m attractive. I feel attractive. I’m winning.”
You’re winning what? The Delusional Woman World Title?
“Even in my most muted videos, no makeup, I’m comfortable in the skin I’m in.”
And she shows a video of her, apparently, not wearing much makeup. She looks much better. This horrible fucking clown makeup that she wears does not help things. Nor do her clown hairstyles.
Then she asks to see a picture of this guy. What does it matter what he looks like? This is about YOU. And you’re the one, inexplicably, presenting yourself as a sex symbol. The commenter isn’t saying that he’s a hot guy who everybody wants to have sex with.
9:30 – Somebody said “objectively”. I don’t even know the context. But she says that “gamers” use this word a lot. So now she’s reading the fucking dictionary definition of “objectively”. This is awful. This is condescending bullshit. We know what it means. You think fucking Pelvic Gamer with her fucking GED is going to get one over on us?
I don’t actually know Pelvic Gamer’s educational achievements but I’m guessing that she didn’t finish high school. She lives in Florida. I think that it’s pretty common for people in Florida to not finish high school.
11:30 – Now she’s reading the definition of “subjective”. Go fuck yourself.
And this is all over some nerd leaving a comment disagreeing with her review. Who gives a shit? Not everybody is going to agree with you. We’re talking about fucking video games here. He liked the game. You didn’t like the game. WHO GIVES A SHIT?
Then she goes on about how this guy “insulted” her. The examples she gives is that he called her “ignorant” and “casual”. These are insults?
Who gives a shit? This is a nerd talking about nerd shit. Why does she get so upset about this?
Then she says that she wasn’t mad because she “disengaged” and did something that she wanted to do: stream on Twitch. She says that this means that she “won” because she was playing Vampire Survivor and got “raided”.
In what universe is this “winning”? You clearly lost the argument. As petty and pointless as the argument was. And he was 100% right. You did get angry. Clearly.
13:30 – Some guy left a comment complaining about an advertisement that she did. She shilled for a game that she was paid to “review”. So she says that Youtubers need to do ads because they’re unemployed. Basically.
Here’s my idea: go get a job.
14:30 – “I’ve been a fan of yours for years and I can’t believe that you still haven’t reached 100,000 subscribers yet.”
“I have to say it’s a little disheartening and that’s why 2023 might be my last year doing this on Youtube. It just is what it is.”
Then she goes to her channel page and shows that she’s been getting low view numbers. Her definition of low view numbers is less than 10,000.
She says that she wants to be a full time artist instead. Well, good luck with that, Pelvic Gamer. I think that there’s a lot of competition in that field and not many paying gigs but okay.
15:30 – “I’ve been doing Youtube for eight years and I was young when I started and it was a hobby but as you get older, having a hobby doesn’t pay the bills.”
So you’re saying that you should get a job? I agree. What’s so crazy about this?
Then she says that she gets $500/month, “Which isn’t a lot in today’s economy.”
Well, yeah. If you’re living on that. But what if you had a job like a normal person? That $500/month would be a nice bonus. You’re not supposed to be living on this shit.
Then she thanks the horntards for “gifting” her the games. She says that most of the games that she reviews have been “gifts”.
17:00 – She says that she’s considering getting an “agent” in order to get “sponsorships”. Uh huh. What about a job, Pelvic Gamer? Is that anywhere on your list of plans?
20:45 – After talking about not knowing what to do with her life, she says that she’s going to take a two month break from Youtube. All good tv shows take a break.
Then she ends the video by saying that she loves me. Whoa. I wasn’t prepared for this. It’s all happening so fast. We’ve never even gone on a date.
Here’s why her videos aren’t getting any views: they’re boring as fucking shit. Totally formulaic. Every video is the same. She reviews some JRPG that I never heard of. Fine. If you’re interested in the game…MAYBE you want to watch. But the reviews are just straight reviews. There’s no comedy or anything that I recognise as being entertaining.
She needs to get back to the craziness. Videos where she wears a children’s train costume and pretends that the front of the costume is a giant penis, for example. Or videos where she dresses up as a man and says that she’s going to seduce herself. This is what we want to see. Or at least it’s what I want to see.
This is why I don’t cover her videos any more. They’re just fucking boring. And I get it. A normal person doesn’t want to put humiliating videos out there but…then get a job.
And I think that she has a job. Or at least she had a job at some point. I have a vague memory of her saying that she lost her job during covid. Maybe I’m thinking of Retro Ali. Retro Ali definitely lost her job at some point during covid but I’m thinking that Pelvic Gamer did as well.