Earthworm Jim Trilogy – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) – Cinemassacre

Oh great. A 26 minutes AVGN video. That’s what I want. Twenty-six minutes of this green screen, scat fetish bullshit.

0:15 – But first, a word from our green screened sponsor: some VPN.

1:30 – “When you think back to the 90s, you think of two things: slapstick and crude humour.”

What? Who thinks that?

And there’s footage of the PAINFULLY unfunny Chris Farley. Who are these people who are watching Saturday Night Live? I remember people talking about it in elementary school but I just never got it. How could anybody possibly find this shit funny? The same fucking three jokes repeated ad nauseum. Sketches that never seem to end. The “actors” just laughing at their own terribly unfunny material. It’s completely bizarre. You watch that shit, you hear the people laughing, and it’s an uncomfortable feeling. How stupid does somebody have to be to find this lazy, lowbrow shit funny? But they do. The show is hugely popular. So then you start to despair humanity.

Anyway, James Rolfe, a confirmed, straight up retard, finds the show funny. I can see that. But a normal functioning person? How? It just goes to show that the average intelligence in America is extremely low. How else do you explain Saturday Night Live being on the air for fifty years?

So James’ next example of how the 1990s was all about slapstick and crude humour is…LOONEY TUNES. You know, those theatrical shorts from the 1940s.

Is he fucking retarded? Oh. Okay.

Then Jim Carey. Another bafflingly unfunny thing. Retard Jimmy enjoys him.

2:00 – Footage of a man defecating on a toilet while Jimmy says of the movie Dumb and Dumber, “Piss shit and puke.”

Here we go with the scat fetish nonsense.

2:30 – Extended talk about excrement. I won’t even transcribe it. It’s stupid. James is a stupid man. And I don’t want to listen to this.

3:30 – Holy shit. James, just fucking shave your head. This is ridiculous. It looks terrible. Who are you kidding with this? His hairline is to the middle of his scalp. And we can’t see the back but there’s a huge bald spot there. All James is doing is working with this thin strip of hair that he has on the middle of his scalp and not showing the back. No. That’s not going to work. Come on. He can see this. His wife can see this. Why is nobody saying anything to him?

What is he paying Screenwave for? They have a responsibility to tell James that his hair, or lack of hair, looks like shit. It’s time to let it go. He has more hair on his arms than he does on his head.

Hold the phone. I may have stumbled onto something brilliant here. What about a hair transplant from his arms to his head? Presumably, it would only grow as long as arm hair grows. A quarter of an inch or whatever. But James’ arms are so fucking hairy that he could easily cover his whole head with it. Just a whole head of thick, quarter inch arm hair. Plus, it would solve the problem of his disgustingly hairy arms.

5:30 – Shout out to Don Bluth. Did Mike write this? Who else talks about Don Bluth?

6:15 – Disgusting reference to “farting assholes”.

This stuff is not funny, James. Your handlers at Screenwave should be telling you this. Your wife should be telling you this. Why does it continue to happen?

7:45 – World’s worst acting. Jimmy is “angry”.

Then he hits the game with a hammer like he’s fucking reta — oh.

And as he’s “hitting” the game, the footage skips back and forth to him kneeling on the floor and him pretending to sit on his green screen sofa. It doesn’t even make sense. If he’s sitting on the sofa, he wouldn’t be able to reach the game, which is on the ground.

10:00 – Jimmy is clearly sexually excited when he’s talking about a level that takes place in some intestines. I don’t want to see this. Put your penis away, Jimmy.

11:00 – Then the next stage is Buttville. Here we go again with this scat fetish bullshit.

11:45 – “I’d like to introduce the balance of shit justice.”

Not for me, Jimmy. This is not a video that I want to watch. Is this a video that ANYONE wants to watch?

It’s a scale and on one side are video games and on the other side is human waste. Mm hmm. Yeah. Seven and a half years in special education.

So then Jimmy pretends to play Earthworm Jim 2.

14:15 – More scat talk from Jimmy…

20:00 – He finished reading the review of the game and then goes back to that scale that has human faeces on it.

Then it’s Earthworm Jim 3D.

22:00 – He keeps yelling “brain”. It’s annoying. It’s not funny. And it’s making me want to stop the video. Is this what he wants from the viewer?

23:45 – Jimmy makes a Donkey Kong stuffed novelty look like it’s defecating. Uh huh. Something to discuss with your psychiatrist, Jimmy.

25:00 – Terrible footage of Jimmy pretending to get angry as he pretends to play the game. He’s the world’s worst actor.

Then we’re back to the scales with poop on them.

This is awful.

Then the video ends with the fake credits. Directed and written by James Rolfe. Sure, it was. The poop “jokes” maybe but not the rest of it.

Edited by Sean O’Rourke. Gameplay by James & Sean.

One of these guys is the helium-voiced faggot who banned me from the Cinemassacre subreddit. I was referring to some transgender person and put “woman” in quotation marks so he banned me. But he wasn’t content with just banning me from the subreddit. He also reported me to the Reddit admins who banned me from the whole site for like a week. Just because I put “woman” in quotes while referring to a man in a dress.

Why was this faggot so upset by this comment? Is there something that he wants to tell us? Is he “transitioning” just like his boss Ryan. Well, he’s already got the voice of the woman. So he has that going for him at least. Voices are one of the harder things to work on as far, as I’m concerned. Anybody can get giant implants. But speaking in a convincing feminine voice? Not easy to do. But this guy already has that part down pat.

I had a job once where there was a woman from the Philippines. Smoking hot. Maybe mid to late 20s. Big tits. And she came in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend was a white English guy in his 50s.

So I’m thinking, “Wait a minute. Something isn’t right here.”

Later that day, a co-worker tells me that that Filipina with the big tits is a guy. Now it all made sense. And you’d look at him, with this knowledge, and you’d see that it’s a guy. Masculine hands is what I remember.

But yeah, this stuff has been going on in the Philipines for many years. They’re way ahead of the game when it comes to ladyboys. Thailand, same thing. I wonder why it’s so popular in those countries.

5 thoughts on “Earthworm Jim Trilogy – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) – Cinemassacre

  1. “One of these guys is the helium-voiced faggot who banned me from the Cinemassacre subreddit”
    They are becoming more and more restrictive with what is allowed to be discussed there. Can’t talk about Ryan, can’t talk about April, can’t talk about Newt. I’ve seen people ask about April and Ryan in a neutral, non-trollish manner and still get their threads locked or deleted. Draco would be proud.

    1. He’s a piece of shit. I’ve never seen a competent moderator. It’s always like this. You give somebody the tiniest bit of power, even something as insignificant as “moderating” an internet message board and they abuse it.

  2. I fell asleep while watching this video. When I watched the video about Contra, I was getting optimistic. With that video, something changed. It seemed more… mature. We all have grown up since “dr jenkins y mr hyde”, right?

    But here we are, going back in time. I got really bored with this video. But I can’t honestly pinpoint what the problem is. I mean, there’s nothing wrong technically (I’d like to think the hammer scene was presented like that on purpose, as to say, it’s still done by amateurs). The sound and image quality are ok.

    He’s not a real actor, so his performance is passable.

    But there’s something that just does not click anymore. Yes, I can always unsubscribe. But I don’t want to. I mean, subscriptions are free, so there’s nothing to lose.

    I believe it’s just YouTube, generally going to shit. No one is actually making videos out of passion. It’s just money grabs. I paid for a year of YouTube premium (to be expired this June), but it makes no difference. There are just as many ads embedded in the videos. YouTube has become a place of past glories and money beggars.

    And women getting naked for the sake of subscribers, ads, and money.

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