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Sixth Grade Christmas Door Decorating Contest
In the sixth grade, there was a “door decorating contest”. We had to decorate our classroom door. Who gives a shit? Well, people gave a shit. It was a contest between the fourth, fifth, and sixth grade. We were all on the same floor.
It was basically a contest between the teachers. Because the teachers clearly planned everything. For example, there was a tasteful, too tasteful fifth grade class whose door was adorned with a lion and a sheep. That’s it. It was a reference to the biblical story of lions chilling with sheep, as opposed to eating them.
But all of the other doors were the usual shit that you would expect from such a children’s contest. Decorate the door with as many green and red streamers as you can fit.
Obviously, this teacher didn’t accept suggestions from the students and just appointed somebody to make a lion and a sheep.
Our door was more ambitious but also lame. It was a cardboard chimney that was affixed to the door with hooks. I don’t know who made this thing. I had absolutely no involvement in this. Like any of these classroom projects, it was probably three or four people who did all of the work.
Then somebody had the bright idea, “Let’s put a tape recorder in the fireplace and have it play Christmas music.” So that was done.
Then there was a big controversy. A door decorating contest doesn’t permit you to hang stuff on the door. No 3-d decorations, effectively.
The teacher got really upset over this because, again, this was just a contest between the teachers. She wanted to see where in the door decorating rulebook it says you can’t have three dimensional decorations. There is no such rule or rulebook so it was just left there.
So then some students, who were appointed as the judges, came around and looked at all of the doors. People liked the door. That fucking chimney. But the controversy around the three dimensional decor was too great. So we got second place and that lion and sheep bullshit got first place. The judges even cited this 3-d controversy for the reason why we didn’t win.
What did the winners get? No idea. But people were pissed off.
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Johnny Cash Christmas Show [1970]
0:45 – Shout out to Jesus of Nazareth.
Interestingly, there was no mention of Jesus in Dolly Parton’s Christmas special in 1990. Not that I saw, anyway. I skipped around a lot.
I’m sure that Dolly was just as big of a Jesus fanatic as Johnny Cash was. Their public personas, anyway. But by 1990, you could perhaps no longer voice your appreciation for Jesus of Nazareth on television. Not even in a Christmas special.
Anyway, then Johnny Cash and some random nobodies start singing Twelve Days of Christmas. Oh god. This is going to take forever. I’m skipping ahead.
By the way, this seems to be what these Christmas specials are. They sing public domain Christmas songs. I complained about this in the Dolly Parton article. But no. I checked out a few other Christmas specials and this is what they all are like. I never watched any of this shit so I don’t know.
5:30 – The Everly Brothers. Everybody loves the Everly Brothers.
And they’re singing…something. It’s an original song, not some fucking Christmas carol. So this is an improvement. And he’s inviting other people onto this thing, unlike the Dolly Parton special which was all Dolly, all the time.
14:30 – There’s some Christmas Story skit or something. I’m not watching this.
27:30 – That skit went on for quite a while. Now we’re back to the Everly Brothers. They’re singing about Kentucky and really emoting. It’s gay as fuck.
29:15 – Roy Orbison. He’s singing something. Not a Christmas carol and not Pretty Woman.
32:30 – Now Ike Everly, the patriarch of the Everly clan.
35:00 – Johnny is talking to his father about meeting President Nixon. The story is boring. Goes nowhere.
35:45 – Now Johnny’s mother is playing the piano and they sing Silent Night.
38:30 – The show ends by Johnny Cash giving another shoutout to Jesus of Nazareth. And he actually says “Jesus of Nazareth” during these shoutouts.
Anyway, sorry for the shitty articles the past few days. I’m on “holiday” so I needed to shit out a few articles in advance and then schedule them to drop each day. I’m doing this Newt Wallen style. The faster I write, the faster I get paid. But I’m not doing this for money. I’m just doing it for the pure enjoyment of writing.
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DOLLY PARTON Home For Christmas 1990 TV Special
0:00 – It’s Dolly Parton in a set made to look like a toy store and there are a bunch of kids around who clearly are not professional actors. Dolly will sometimes break from her script to interact with the kids when they say something, not knowing that they’re not supposed to talk.
What’s more wholesome than a woman with giant tits? This is just weird.
1:30 – Now she’s talking to her band. “We have a camera on so I don’t want any of you cussing.”
Is this a problem with her band? They’re just randomly throwing out profanity?
1:45 – Oh god. Now she’s singing. I didn’t even realise that Dolly Parton was a singer until just now. I thought that she was just that woman with the giant tits. I don’t want to watch 45 minutes of this woman singing.
2:30 – Now she’s bouncing out of that fake toy store. A graphic appears saying that she’s in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Is this a real place?
Yes. Dolly Parton has a number of “business interests” there. Whatever that means. So this special is just promoting her “business interests.” Maybe Dollywood is there.
2:45 – People on this fake set of a city stree are wearing heavy winter coats and Dolly is just bouncing around in her little dress, carrying bags full of empty boxes, and then putting these boxes into the backseat of a fake pickup truck that has fake hay in it.
There’s just something about this that’s insulting my intelligence. It’s obviously all a set and she’s reading a script. But it’s being presented as though this is all real.
3:30 – “Just about everyone in these parts is related to us in one way or another.”
Ummm…hmm. I don’t think that inbreeding in rural America should be something that’s promoted as a positive thing.
By the way, that pickup truck was supposed to be her father’s truck. She can’t get him a better car than this piece of shit? She was a millionaire at this time. Many times over.
4:30 – Are any of these people her actual family? I don’t think so. Whoever they are, they’re going to be really pissed off when they see that she got them empty boxes for Christmas.
5:00 – Now she’s in her alleged childhood home. But again, this is a set. I think. Or a huge house. It looked small from the outside.
5:30 – Her fake brother is singing insulting songs to Dolly now. Comparing her appearance to that of a collie. And Dolly is becoming fake enraged. Threatens to throw him off the show.
What is this? Is ANY of this real? Are any of the 100 people in this “house” actually related to her or are these all actors?
Randy Parton. No, I think that is really her brother. He died last year. But this is corny as fuck and you get an uneasy feeling throughout because you don’t know what’s real and what isn’t.
6:30 – Now they’re singing Deck the Halls? Fuck off. And why is everything about Dolly? There are 100 people in this “house”. They’re all just sitting around talking about Dolly? Nobody else has anything else going on in their lives?
Second verse? No way. I’m skipping ahead.
8:30 – Now she’s singing something else. Some other fucking Christmas carol. By herself this time. And she’s covered up. I’m skipping ahead again.
14:00 – What? Now she’s back with the 99 members of her “family” in this “house” and she’s wearing a giant pair of reindeer antlers. I’m skipping ahead again.
17:00 – More singing. This time she’s wearing a wedding dress or something. For a prostitute’s wedding. And she’s singing for her “family” in this “house”.
Couldn’t she buy implants for the rest of her family? She’s with five of her sisters in this thing now. I don’t know how many, if any, are her real sisters.
20:00 – Now she’s singing Jingle Bells. And earlier, some creep was showing her how the actual jingle bells work. She said that she didn’t know. Really? So he came up behind her and made her do a jerking off motion.
This is…why is she singing Christmas carols? I’d expect her to sing her actual songs. Not public domain Christmas carols.
Well, I don’t know. As a kid, I think I’d prefer Christmas carols to her songs. Because I didn’t know her songs. But…this wouldn’t appeal to me in any event. At any age, this doesn’t appeal to me. Nothing could save this thing short of Dolly taking her top off.
21:45 – Now she’s in some other dress. And why does she always have a corset on? Around her family? Isn’t that weird?
She introduces us to “Elwood, our silly hillbilly from Dollywood.” And it’s a stereotypical dumb, toothless Appalachian guy. This is offensive and totally baffling. Is there really a fucking hillbilly mascot at Dollywood? Or was there? I can’t imagine that there would still be such a thing.
26:00 – Now she’s singing Santa Claus is Coming to Town on a fake carousel with a foot a cleavage showing and a bunch of kids are around. Could she not at least cover up a little for the musical numbers that involve children?
28:00 – Now she’s talking to fucking Santa Claus. Santa Claus has an American Southern accent, apparently. Dolly says that she wants some large brownies. Great stuff.
34:30 – She’s in a white dress now. I don’t know. I’m guessing that she’s going to sing another public domain Christmas song.
41:15 – She’s singing in some fake church. The entire congregation is white. Possibly, these people are all supposed to be her family. And then from out of nowhere, the doors to this “church” swing open and an all-black choir comes in and starts singing. What the fuck is this?
So with this black choir having entered, the song suddenly becomes some kind of jazzy number. Because black people are cool and don’t like that square honkey shit. So Dolly, being the progressive, non-racist person that she is, goes along with it. “Oh, you guys like some of that soul music? Okay. I can do that too. I can sing any kind of song. I’m Dolly Parton.”
42:30 – Now they’re leaving the church, the black people are nowhere to be seen, so she goes back to that boring white people music.
The video ends with Silent Night. Didn’t they already do that one? I don’t know. This thing all ran together.
I was waiting for her “family” to be in the credits. But no. They’re not here by name, anyway. It just says, “Dolly’s Family & Friends.” I’d like to know how many of them are actually her fucking family.
The Bobby Jones Choir gets mentioned but, again, not everybody by name. This is bullshit. Let me look up The Bobby Jones Choir. Are they still around?
There’s a guy named Bobby Jones. He had a tv show called Bobby Jones Gospel that featured different gospel choirs. The show ran from 1980 to 2015. Somehow, this passed me by. I wasn’t watching enough Black Entertainment Television, I guess. It was probably shown early in the morning or something as well.
It had a good run anwyay. Thirty-five years.
Anyway, that was awful.
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Is Easy Rider (1969) a Christmas Movie?
I think it is. I’ll enumerate the reasons below.
In the movie, the characters are traveling across the US, just like how Santa travels across the world and delivers presents.
In the opening scene, Wyatt and Billy (the protagonists) sell a large quantity of drugs to the Connection (played by Phil Spector). Phil Spector is driving a Rolls Royce. There’s a closeup shot of the hood ornament: The Spirit of Ecstasy. This hood ornament looks like an angel. Sort of like how cherubs are associated with Christmas? Think about it.
Also, Phil Spector wrote the 1963 Darlene Love song Christmas (Baby Please Come Home). Phil Spector also produced an album, again in 1963, called A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector. Why did the producers of Easy Rider choose Phil Spector for this role? Phil Spector wasn’t an actor. It was obviously a subliminal message relating to his Christmas songs to suggest that Easy Rider is a Christmas movie.
One of these Mexican drug dealers is a character called Jesus. Need I go on?
Wyatt (aka Captain America) wears a leather jacket with an American flag on the back of it and his motorcycle and helmet are also American flag-inspired. What are the colours of the flag? Red, white, and blue. Red is a Christmas colour.
The second song in the movie is Born to Wild. It includes the lyrics, “Like a true nature’s child, we were born to be wild, we could climb so high, I never want to die.” Just like Christmas is a celebration of Jesus, who was born to be wild (in the sense of shaking up the Jewish orthodoxy and Roman establishment not to mention bringing God’s kingdom on earth), he was born lowly in the manger but climbed high to become King of Kings, and he never truly died. He’s still with us today, in spirit.
Wyatt and Billy try to get a room in a motel and they’re refused service. Just like how Mary and Joseph were refused a room in the inn, leading to Jesus being born in a barn. It’s all right there in the movie.
There’s a scene where Wyatt and Billy visit a large family and they all have a meal together. Christmas movies are usually about families. And this was a big family so even more Christmas-y. It was like a big Christmas dinner.
Wyatt and Billy pick up a hitchhiker and the hitchhiker gives them LSD. What could LSD stand for? Maybe El Santa Day? Or “el” as a letter is “L”. The opening scene in this film is in Spanish. So a Spanish speaker might refer to Christmas as “El Santa Day” or phonetically as “L Santa Day”. L-S-D.
One of the songs in the movie is The Weight by The Band. Lyrics include, “I pulled into Nazareth, just feeling about a half past dead, I just need to find a place where I can lay my head, Mister can you tell me where a man might find a bed? He just grinned and shook my hand and ‘No’ was all he said.” Another reference to Joseph and Mary not being able to find a place to stay in Nazareth.
The hitchhiker takes Wyatt and Billy to a commune. The commune has a barn with animals in it. Yet another reference to the birth of Jesus, which is what Christmas is all about.
The members of this commune also put on a play. These are popular in the UK around Christmas time. “Christmas pantomimes” they’re called. Did the writers know about this British Christmas tradition? Probably. Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, and Terry Southern were all educated and worldly guys. Terry Southern was stationed in England during World War II. You think he never saw a Christmas pantomime? Of course he did.
There’s also a large dinner at this commune. Again, a reference to family and Christmas movies are usually about families. These people might not all be biologically related (some of them are) but it’s saying that anybody can be your family. You can choose. They also say grace before eating, a traditional Christmas thing. They also said grace at the meal with that farmer.
The freaks in the commune sing Does Your Hair Hang Low, which includes the lyrics, “Can you throw it over your shoulder like a continental soldier?” They’re talking about hair but it can also be applied to Santa throwing his sack of toys over his shoulder.
Wyatt and Billy take part in a Fourth of July parade in some small Southern town. This shows that the movie takes place in July, which is the opposite of Christmas. But that’s the beauty of this. This is a Christmas without Christmas.
They get arrested for being in the parade without having a permit. In the jail cell, there’s a sign that says “Jesus Christ: The same yesterday, today, and forever.” Another reference to Jesus. Jesus is the reason for the season.
While in prison, they meet George (played by Jack Nicholson). Jack Nicolson was also in another Christmas Movie: The Shining. But that’s not the point here. George is an alcoholic. What do a lot of people do on Christmas? Drink alcohol. Exactly.
After George gets Wyatt and Billy out of jail, they invite George to come along with them. They’re going to Mardi Gras, by the way. They ask if George has a helmet. George says that he does. It’s a football helmet. In America, there’s always a big football game on tv during Christmas. Also, families will often play football in their yard on Christmas. It’s a tradition in the US. Football and Christmas.
There’s a lot of outdoorsy scenery in the movie of trees and whatnot. Trees are green. Green is a Christmas colour.
Also, George’s helmet is gold. Gold is a Christmas colour.
George is wearing a shirt with a big “M” on it. What does “M” stand for? Michigan? No. I think that it stands for “Merry Christmas.”
George tells a story about seeing UFOs in the sky. This is a reference to seeing Santa and his magical sleigh in the sky.
One of the songs is “Don’t Bogart that Joint”, which is about the importance of sharing. Just like the phrase often heard about Christmas, “Tis better to give than to receive.”
Another song is If 6 was 9 by The Jimi Hendrix Experience. Lyrics include, “If the sun refused to shine, I don’t mind.” Just like how Christmas takes place in December, typically the darkest month of the year.
They stop at a diner. A sign on the diner says “home made pies.” What do people eat at Christmas? Home made pies.
Wyatt and Billy (minus George) finally make it to Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras is famous for beads. Like the beads used to decorate Christmas trees? Exactly.
They also meet prostitutes while in Mardi Gras. Jesus loved prostitutes.
While high, they have a meal (like one does at Christmas). The brothel is covered with religious paintings. There are a bunch of brief glimpses of these paintings. It’s a brothel but it’s also like a church. People go to church on Christmas. Even non-religious people. If you’re ever going to go to church, Christmas is the day that you do it.
Then they have sex with the prostitutes and there’s a bunch of religious iconography shown throughout and somebody is saying The Lord’s Prayer. Again, Christmas.
Billy says, “We’ve done it. We’re rich, Wyatt.” Wyatt replies, “You know, Billy, we blew it.” This is a reference to the hysteria of consumerism around Christmas. People spend all of their money on bullshit because they feel obligated. If you want to celebrate Christmas, you have to spend a lot of money.
The movie ends with Wyatt and Billy being killed by a redneck. Then the camera pans up into a wide overhead view. Sort of God’s view of the scene, sitting on his cloud. This is a reference to Jesus’ promise of life ever after if you believe in him.
So is it a Christmas movie? Clearly.
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Erin’s Most Played Games of 2022
Well, what do you know? This coincides exactly with how long she played these games on stream, for money. It’s the only time that she’s played these games. Why not just admit it? Why the constant obfuscation?
Then she says, “I want to play BOTW some more before the new one comes out.”
So fucking do it. In your spare time like a normal person.
So Christmas. Christmas is coming up. And I need some easy articles to crank out because I’ll be away for a week or so.
I got a TurboGrafx-16 for Christmas one year. I was probably in the 8th grade. Maybe 7th grade. I couldn’t decide between the Genesis and the TurboGrafx-16. I don’t know why I didn’t even consider a Super Nintendo. Maybe because my friend had one? But did he have one? I don’t even know. I never played it, if he did.
Maybe I thought that the SNES was a console for the younger crowd.
Where did I get any of this information from? Maybe just commercials and whatever video game tv shows were on at the time. Maybe Wizard magazine.
People in school didn’t really talk about video games. Not that I remember. You were considered a nerd if you played video games, although I think most everybody had a console. I was one of the few people who didn’t. I had a computer when I was like 10. That was it. And that was unusual. Nobody had a computer in those days.
Video games just weren’t talked about. Not that I ever heard, anyway.
But somehow TurboGrafx got on my radar. That was the system that I wanted.
Nobody had one of these things. Maybe that was the appeal. I wanted something different.
So Christmas rolls around and I got one. It was used. My parents bought it from some guy who put an ad in the newspaper. It was the console and like six games.
Why didn’t they buy it new? Maybe it wasn’t even in stores any more. Maybe my parents were poor. Maybe they thought that it was a better deal to get it used. I don’t know what they paid for it.
The guy who sold the system said that he just didn’t have time to play it any more. So I assume that it was a guy in his early to mid 20s. He was probably starting a job and/or a family.
Everything worked. There was never a problem. As far as I’m aware, if it still exists, it still works. I haven’t played it in over 20 years, though. Still, it seems weird that they got it used.
The games that came with it were Keith Courage, Bonk’s Adventure, JJ and Jeff, Neutopia, Dungeon Explorer, and maybe something else.
Keith Courage was awful. JJ and Jeff was bad. Dungeon Explorer wasn’t good. Neutopia was pretty good. And Bonk’s Adventure was fun. I played all of them, even the shitty games. This is what you had to do. I only had a few games and I’d get bored of the good ones so I’d have to play the shitty ones for a bit to keep things fresh.
I beat Bonk’s Adventure many times. I got pretty far in Neutopia but it took years to get to that point. I never beat it. The other games weren’t good so I didn’t get too far in them. Dungeon Explorer was impossible on any class other than “fighter”. The game was designed to played with up to five players at once but there was no scaling. So if you were playing solo, you were facing the same amount of enemies as if you had five people playing. Only the fighter could get through even the first fucking level like that. Maybe I was just bad at the game.
In the ninth grade, some classmate sold me a few TurboGrafx games. So he must have had the console too but he was getting rid of it. I got China Warrior from him and I think something else but I can’t remember. It was like $10 or something.
Oh, Bomberman was the last game that I got on that Christmas. Yeah, Bomberman was good. I beat it. You had to beat it without dying because you lose all of your powerups when you die.
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Is The French Connection II (1975) a Christmas Movie?
The French Connection II (1975) is the sequel to The French Connection (1971). It stars Gene Hackman as Jimmy “Popeye” Doyle, an American police officer on the hunt for French drug dealer Alain Charnier aka Frog One. The film takes place in Marseille, France.
I posit that The French Connection II is a Christmas movie. My first reason is that Popeye Doyle wears a hat throughout the movie. It’s a porkpie hat. Pork pies are a traditional food eaten in the UK during Christmas.
Popeye Doyle doesn’t like the desk that was assigned to him at the Marseille police station. He complains, “It’s right next to the shithouse.” This could be a reference to the foul smells that were probably emitted from the manger. Because the manger was a barn. There were animals there. They defecated indiscriminately.
Colours are another thing that could make this a Christmas movie. For example, in the scene where Popeye Doyle is ordering a drink, he suggests that the bartender pour a drink for himself. The bartender does so. Popeye doesn’t know what the drink is (chartreuse), so he just refers to it as, “That green shit.” The beverage is green. Green is a Christmas colour.
While at the bar, Popeye also eats a boiled egg. An egg is more of an Easter symbol but it can be Christmas too. It represents the birth of Jesus. Although, I guess the egg isn’t really…born yet. But no, life begins as conception according to Christian dogma. Christmas is a Christian holiday.
There’s a scene where Popeye Doyle goes to the beach. Jesus was born in the Middle East. The Middle East has a lot of deserts. Deserts have a lot of sand, just like beaches. This could be a reference to Jesus being born in the Middle East.
The chief of the Marseille police department is a character called Inspector Henri Barthélémy. “Barthélémy” looks a lot like “Bethlehem”, the place where Jesus was born.
Popeye Doyle is captured and forcibly injected with heroin for weeks. A street name for heroin is “snow”. Christmas movies usually have snow in them. There you go.
During Popeye Doyle’s recovery, he says, “Mickey Mantle sucks.” Mickey Mantle was a three time Golden Glove award winner. Gold. Gold used to be the colour of Christmas. Coincidence? I think not.
There’s no drug rehab programme. Popeye Doyle has to quit cold turkey. Cold. Turkey. You see where I’m going with this? Cold turkey sandwiches are a popular meal after Christmas.
Also, Popeye’s Chicken was named after Popeye Doyle (not Popeye the cartoon sailor, as you might assume). And a chicken is basically a small turkey. People eat turkey at Christmas.
There’s a long foot chase at the end of the movie. Where are they going? It’s reminiscent of walking to a family member’s house for Christmas. Assuming that your family lives within walking distance. Maybe you’re in a hurry so you’ll run. Same thing think as in the movie.
Then somebody gets shot and the movie ends abruptly. Christmas ends abruptly. There’s all this build up to the movie (and to the festive period) and then suddenly, at 12:01 am on 26 December, Christmas is over.
So on balance, I’d say that The French Connection is a Christmas movie. It has to be. There are just too many examples of Christmas things for it to be a coincidence.
Maybe director John Frankenheimer didn’t want to make an overt Christmas movie because his father was Jewish and his mother was Catholic and he was conflicted. He was raised Christian but maybe as a kid, he had to hide his love for Christmas so as not to offend his father. So he did the same thing in The French Connection II. Just subtle clues to let us know that this is a Christmas movie.
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Die Hard But it’s a Christmas Movie – Tony from Hack the Movies
Well, it’s only eight minutes. I should be able to do this. I’ve never seen Die Hard so I won’t get any references.
I’m 30 seconds in. That anti-abortion nut was in here for a second. Now it’s Tony as some Christmas Carol character. He’s wearing a top hat. And Frank Sinatra is also in this thing, as an elf. I don’t know any of these people’s real names so I apologise if you don’t know the GamerGrrls lore.
0:45 – Oh god. Now it’s Horseface. She’s…I don’t know. She’s wearing a red sweater and she’s in a barn or something.
Oh. Her character name is Holly. If that’s helpful to anyone. I don’t know any of the characters.
1:00 – Now Johanna is here as the Grinch. And one of those faggots from Reddit who banned me is also here. The annoying guy from that Youtube show…something about movies. I refuse to look any of this up.
Oh. It’s in the description. His name is Sean and the channel is Movie Dumpster. He’s playing…Marv. There’s also Harry played by his partner from that show. It’s a Home Alone reference…I guess.
Also, that anti-abortion nut is playing Cindy Lou Who. So I guess that this is a mash up of different Christmas movies. I’m not following any of it so far but maybe it will all come together.
And Tony is Scrooge.
1:45 – There’s a Gremlin puppet.
2:15 – Now there’s fucking…god, what is anyone’s name? Oh, Jessica. She’s playing…let me check the description…the kid from Home Alone. And she’s in a car with Carl Winslow. The actor who played Carl Winslow in Family Matters was also in Die Hard. I know that much.
2:30 – Something falls on the car. I don’t even know what it is. I re-watched this three times trying to figure it out. A skeleton? I don’t know. Then Jessica yells like that Home Alone kid. She’s really annoying, but I suppose so was the character.
4:00 – I have no idea what any of this is.
5:00 – Now there’s a bunch of shooting and punching and whatnot.
5:30 – Ummm…now Tony comes in and says some stuff breaking the third wall about how they couldn’t film somebody jumping from a building. So he does his own intentionally bad special effects version.
This just detracts. It detracts from…whatever the fuck I was watching. I had no idea what was going on, I wasn’t enjoying it, but this part with Tony is so bad that I wish I could get back to that confusing experience.
Then…uhhh…we’re back to the movie, some stuff happens, I don’t know what, and it’s all over.
7:00 – Now Tony is in his video store set and doing the closing…speech or…something.
Tony says that this was a hard video to make. You know what might have helped? Spending a little time on the script. I know that I never watched Die Hard but I’ve seen parts of it. I know the gist of it. I know enough of it to be able to follow what’s being referenced in this video. But none of this made fucking sense. It was stupid. It certainly wasn’t funny.
Then he shills for his Patreon and says “Happy Holidays.” Which holiday? This video should have been entitled “Die Hard but it’s a Holiday Movie.” Be consistent. There are a lot of Jews out there who are going to be offended by the mere mention of Christmas.
Everybody in the comments seems to love it. Either Tony is scrubbing these comments hard or…I don’t know. Could my opinions really be this wildly different? This was fucking awful. Maybe my standards are too high. It’s just a Youtube video. But is it asking too much for the video to MAKE SENSE? I don’t think so.
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Guess what I found?? This is Norway’s Biggest Gaming Convention – SpillExpo 2022! – Ircha Gaming
She’s at Norway’s biggest nerd convention.
1:00 – Cosplayers. Nothing exciting. Just some skanks trying to…I don’t even know. What’s the angle for these women? Are they being paid to attend? I’m thinking no. So…why would they do this? Why would they want to dress as slutty video game and anime characters and be around a bunch of giant fucking nerds? They want to get a date with these horny retards? Do they just like the attention? I don’t get it. It’s a lot of work for little to no payoff.
1:30 – She’s showing some anime body pillows now. Yeah. This is shit that nobody but the absolute rock bottom of humanity would be interested in.
“Never understood the appeal of body pillows but there are fans out there for that.”
They sleep with them. Rub their penis on them. Pretend that it’s their girlfriend. Their anime girlfriend. It’s not hard to figure out. It’s pathetic in the extreme but the appeal is obvious. It’s some weirdo shit that massive nerds do.
1:45 – Whoa. Freeze frame here. If you want the actual time, it’s about 1:49. It’s some fat Norwegian chick in a costume getting her fat tits out. If you’re into this stuff, get your body pillow and go to work.
2:00 – She advertises her website where you can get 10% off…something. Video games? Let me check.
Okay, I’ll link to this but…it’s a good idea, poorly executed.
She sells video games on her website. First problem is that you keep getting prompted for your country and language. I pick the country and language but every time you click another tab, it comes up again. And for a long time, it kept saying “no products available” anywhere I clicked. It wasn’t until the site finally accepted my country and language that the items appeared.
So what are the items? Official Nintendo gift cards and new Nintendo digital games. Shit like this. She’s just a re-seller. She’s making some tiny commission from each sale.
Why would I buy this stuff from her? I can just go directly to the Nintendo website for this shit. The prices aren’t any lower. So what the fuck?
She should be selling USED games. Shit that she gets from conventions, for example. Stuff that she’s actually held. That would be the appeal. And if these games appear in a video, so much the better.
People would want a game that she actually handled. They’d get off on that. Maybe she could lick the game or wipe her ass on it and charge extra for that.
She also has a ridiculously overpriced TeeSpring store. At least the design is okay. Tasteful. Not like that abortion that Bitch Duo did for Erin Plays with the VHS tape and the Famicon disc. But £36 for a t-shirt? That’s a hard pass. Typically, a t-shirt costs about £15.
But again, similar idea to my previous one, sell USED clothes. Sell your old fucking panties. You’re telling me that people wouldn’t buy that shit? And the filthier, the better. You charge MORE for not washing them.
I don’t know why people aren’t doing this. Porn stars do this shit. Sell their old bras and panties and whatnot. Why aren’t there any gamer grrls doing this? Too fucking lazy is my guess. They don’t want to deal with shipping stuff. So they just take the easiest fucking route. Put some shit on TeeSpring, take a few god awful pictures for Only Fans or whatever, and call it a day.
No. Put some effort in and you can make some money. Not even a lot of effort. I know that it’s a pain going to the post office to mail a bunch of packages but if people are paying $50 or whatever for your old, soiled underpants, isn’t it worth it? You were just going to throw them away anyway.
And it would be innovative. It would be something different. Nobody else is doing this, as far as I’m aware.
How much money and publicity did all of that bathwater generate? Similar premise.
It would also be less degrading than fucking Only Fans and whatnot. If some loser wants to buy your old panties, fine. What’s the big deal?
She also has her Patreon on there. For £23.50/month, you can get a mug after three months. So this mug costs nearly £75. Are you fucking kidding me? NOBODY is going for that.
She has 24 “patrons”. Yeah. This is abysmal.
Now, if she said, “I’ll send you a pair of my used panties if you subscribe at £25/month for three months” that would make a whole lot more sense.
Let me state that I’m not interested in Ircha Gaming’s fucking panties. I’m simply saying that from a business perspective, if she would sell her used panties to the horntards, she would make money. Plenty of it. Fucking any of these women who I talk about would make money from this.
And look at this ridiculous tier. For £9.50/month, one of the “rewards” is a “potential shout out.” What the fuck does that mean? MAYBE she’ll give you a “shout out”. Somewhere? What…it’s shit. And that’s the ONLY additional reward that you get for this tier.
For £5/month, which is the basic tier, she’ll add you to her friends list on Switch, you get access to a private Instagram, and you’ll get a “role” on her Discord. Whatever that last one means.
This makes more sense. I mean, she’s not going to talk to you or play games with you on Switch, but if she WOULD do that, that would be a good reward. And the “private Instagram” is clearly implying that there are some jack off pictures there, but in reality, there aren’t. It’s just a con.
Anyway, nobody is biting. Used video games. Used underwear. These are my ideas. She’d make stacks of cash. I should be managing some gamer grrl. I’m full of great ideas. And these gamer grrls are universally completely clueless about what they should be doing. They seem to have no idea what people want. And they refuse to put any effort into anything.
9:00 – Let me preface this by saying that I feel bad for saying the following.
She met a woman who goes to her Discord. This woman is…how to be tactful about this…rotund. Very rotund. And Ircha Gaming says that she hung out with her and went shopping with her. I don’t know how accurate this is. I suspect that they only spent about five minutes together, if that. There’s no footage of them shopping or anything, after all. But this is fucking sad. A giant nerd trying to make friends with a “Youtuber” by probably paying for her Patreon and shit like this. This woman probably has the £75 mug. And Ircha Gaming feels obligated to spend time with her.
“You are so cute”.
And compliment her. False compliments. Come on. She’s fucking 400 pounds. No exaggeration. Would you hang out with her and go shopping (which I don’t believe anyway) if she WASN’T giving you money? It’s pathetic for both of you. Ircha Gaming is taking advantage of lonely people and these lonely people are pathetic for giving money to these disgusting “Youtubers”.
9:30 – She also met “Norway’s two biggest Youtubers”. She means by popularity, not weight. Sara Høydahl and Viktoria Skau. Really? These women? Two chubby, plain-looking women? Too much Smalahove for these gals.
Imagine getting fat from eating too many sheep’s heads. Anyway, let me look these ladies up.
There’s one of the recent videos of one of these women. She did a two part series on Jeffrey Dahmer. Why? It’s related to the recent movie but…why? It’s all in Norwegian so good luck understanding anyway. She has 111,000 subscribers, which is good, but not anything amazing.
But why Jeffrey Dahmer? If you’re so interested in murderers, why not Anders Behring Breivik? Wouldn’t this be more relevant to her audience? Talk about a local murderer. Fucking scumbags trying to profit off of murderers.
The other woman, Viktoria Skau, who’sthe fatter of the two, doesn’t even appear to be on Youtube. She’s TikTok only. 71,000 followers. And her videos do seem to have a fair number of views for what are…really, really, REALLY plain videos. They’re just quick slideshows of pictures that she took during the week. Nothing interesting. “Here’s what I ate at a restaurant” type of pictures. Who gives a shit what this fat chick was up to?
She also dances sometimes, but not often.
I don’t get it. People in Norway must be starved for entertainment if they find any of this shit even remotely engaging.
10:00 – She also met Nathan from her Discord server. Same as that obese woman from earlier. So did she hang out with him and go shopping with him?
No. Why the fuck not? He’s like 1/3 of the size of that woman. Why doesn’t she talk about how cute he is? He’s clearly much more attractive than that enormous woman. Why doesn’t he get any compliments?
So then this guy asked her to sign a video game that he had. She did so and made a special point of saying that she left a “special message” inside.
Then this guy gives her a picture that he drew of her.
What the fuck? Why doesn’t she give anything back? Why can’t she even compliment this guy’s appearance? She talked about how cute that 400 woman was. Why not show Nathan some love? That fat chick didn’t draw a picture for her.
It’s disgusting. No matter how unattractive a woman is, these pretend lesbians will talk about how hot they are. And no matter how attractive a guy is, these women will never give a compliment. Why not? Why do women get off so easy in this compliment game and why do men have it so difficult? What’s so hard about saying, “Nathan is a good looking guy”? That’s all I ask. She doesn’t have to gush like she did over that mastodon. Just, “Hey, you’re looking pretty good today, Nathan. Thanks for stopping by.”
Then she just talks about that fat chick some more. She talked about that fat chick THROUGHOUT the time that she was talking about Nathan.
So that’s the video. Unbelievable.
- “I am an American but my family immigrated here from Norway about 100 years ago. My wife and I are planning a visit to “the old country”. I may have to make it coincide with this event!”
Yeah. So you’re not Norwegian, you fuck. I think once 100 years have passed, the culture is no longer being passed on. And do you suppose all of his ancestors are Norwegian? None of his ancestors decided to marry an American? An American who wasn’t full-blooded Norwegian? For three or four generations? Fuck off.
The guy has GREAT-GRANDPARENTS who came from Norway. Or maybe it was their parents who were from Norway. It’s preposterous. This guy doesn’t know Norway from a hole in the ground.
- “How are you hotter than all these other female Norwegian streamers?”
What he’s saying is true but the question is idiotic. It is surprising that these plain-looking women are doing so well in Norway but maybe Norwegians aren’t such superficial people. Although, Ircha Gaming did make a special point of talking about how hot these ladies are. Even that 400 pound woman.
- “was so much fun meeting you! it was one of the best days ever❤️❤️ i love ypu so much!”
That was from that large woman. Now that I see her channel, I feel bad for saying so much cruel stuff. She looks like she might be in high school. And she’s probably only about 300 pounds.
But I didn’t even say anything cruel until Ircha Gaming had to point out how hot this girl is. That’s when I became annoyed. Because come on. Why does it have to be like this? Fuck these disingenuous compliments that women love giving each other.
Ircha Gaming replies, “Awesome meeting YOU!!!” and there’s an emoji with hearts for eyes. So more disingenuous compliments. Wow! You’re such a babe! I love enormous girls.
It’s just…DON’T MENTION APPEARANCE. That’s all that you have to do. She didn’t mention fucking Nathan’s appearance. Do the same thing with this girl. What’s so hard about that?
Anyway, to this girl, I apologise for my cruel comments. It’s Ircha Gaming who I have a problem with, not you.
- “your looking adorable and dazzling as always and have a happy thanksgiving weekend.”
Yeah. Happy Norwegian Thanksgiving. Everybody gathers around the Thanksgiving sheep’s head. And you go around the table and compliment everyone’s appearance. Only to the ladies, though. The guys can all fuck off.
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Destiny Fomo is Touring Japan Again
But first, some Thanksgiving greetings. She’s thankful for all of her friends pushing her to do better. Well, her reviews on that New York escort site were all abysmal so there’s really only one way to go from here.
She sure does seem to have a lot of old men as friends. How about making some friends your own age, Madam Fomo? Women. Women who aren’t prostitutes.
And here she is with Justin Whang, that guy who does those “remember these old Youtubers?” videos. I think that can do a video on himself at this point.
But here he is, a “respected” “Youtuber” taking pictures with a known prostitute. He knows it, I know it, we all know it. If he wants to frequent prostitutes, that’s his business. But why would he advertise this? It’s not good for his “brand” is it?
Oh, here’s an interesting recent video that he did.
That’s no way to talk about Madam Fomo, you racist fuck.
Anyway, this was all Thanksgiving shit. After Thanksgiving, she went to Japan. You know…she was “touring”. If you know what I mean? Am I being too subtle? Sex for money.
She was playing Uno with her doll at the airport, apparently. She buys a lot of children’s toys. They’re on her Amazon wishlist. It’s creepy as fuck. What is she doing with this stuff? It’s for her clients, of course but…how is a Lite-Brite being used in a sexual fashion?
“someone found me in Tokyo lol I was sure this was gonna be the one place I didn’t get recognize😭but I ain’t mad at it lol”
Nice Ebonics. But yeah, prostitution doesn’t have the stigma in Japan that it does in, say, the US. I don’t know. Maybe it does. But you hear about all the creepy shit that goes on in Japan. I don’t need to enumerate them here. It seems to be a permissive country in terms of prostitution. So I can see why Madam Fomo enjoys going there.
But still…it must be illegal for Madam Fomo to go there and ply her trade. At the very least, she’d be working without a visa.
So then Adam Koralick replies:
“Honestly, it happens to me more often there than here. One dude jumped out of a (slow) moving car because he saw me walking down the street. You’d be surprised how often that will happen there.”
You guys all know Adam Koralick, right? He’s HUGE in Japan.
https://www.youtube.com/@AdamKoralik/videos
Japan LOVES fat, unattractive white nerdy guys who can’t get a date in their own country so they give Japan a shot. And even then, with the lower standards and white-worship that Asian women seem to have, he had to resort to prostitutes.
Here are some more pictures. Madam Fomo is wearing a corset on a train. And it’s like a costume corset. Uh huh. In case anyone needed confirmation about what I’ve been saying thus far about what Madam Fomo is doing in Japan, there you go.
Justin Wong replies. Not to be confused with Justin Whang. Justin Wong is a fat Chinese guy who says that he’s a “girldad” and a professional fighting game…guy. Okay, Mr Wong. Very good. Go spend time with your children. And maybe get a job. But whatever you do, stay away from the prostitutes. This is embarassing.
More pictures of Madam Fomo with johns. That nerdy white guy is literally wearing a fedora. Actually, it might be a trilby or something. But whatever it is, it’s very similar to a fedora.
Here are some pictures of Madam Fomo with dogs. I won’t make the obvious joke. This is a classy blog.
Oh, and here’s Madam Fomo enjoying the local cuisine. “I want to try the Japanese take on an American chain pizza.”
Now here’s Madam Fomo trying out some Japanese soul food. What does a Japanese chitterling taste like? I’ll have to find out if I ever go to Japan. Japan is renowned for its soul food.
Here’s Madam Fomo eating Japanese tacos and hamburger.
Here she is eating a Japanese gyro.
She also got some Japanese McDonalds.
Hey…Fomo…are you fucking retarded? This is fucking embarrassing. Who the fuck goes to Japan to eat at fucking America Town? Maybe try the JAPANESE FOOD while you’re in Japan.
I mean…what do you expect? She has an 8th grade education and is the world’s worst prostitute.
And where’s TuanX in any of these pictures? You know he was there. He’s her fucking pimp. He’s always there. But she always presents these pictures like she’s traveling alone. She isn’t. TuanX is there with her for all of these. Maybe he’s the one taking the pictures.
And why isn’t TuanX splashing out at all? Fucking McDonalds? Domino’s? How much money has Madam Fomo made you over the years? You can’t give ANY of it back? Take her to a decent fucking restaurant, you scumbag.
Madam Fomo also took some pictures with this woman:
She’s a prostitute in Japan, I assume. The pictures all seem to suggest that. And there’s also this video:
She’s with Madam Fomo and some other prostitutes. And some pathetic horntards are getting excited over this.
Anyway, that’s Madam Fomo’s “business” trip. She’s still there, I think.
Madam Fomo made a bizarre comment a while ago about coming to the UK and she suggested that I meet her. I obviously declined. I mean…what the fuck? No thanks.
But I suspect that she thought that I’d jump at the opportunity. Because look at how all of these other people respond. Even big time “Youtubers” like Pat the NES Punk, Mike Matei, Metal Jesus, John Riggs, Johnny Whang (or whatever his name is) they all have responded favourably to Madam Fomo and some of them have met up with Madam Fomo and agreed to take pictures.
Personally, I’m not interested in prostitutes. Okay? That’s number one.
Secondly, I’m not interested in meeting any of these fucking Z-list Youtubers. Who gives a shit?
I think that Crystal Quin aka Horseface McGee similarly expected me to be thrilled that she left a message on my blog. Oh, I can DM you with any questions? I’d love to, Horseface. Let’s smooth this all out. You’re a swell woman.
Fuck no. I keep it 100% over here, homeys. You know what I’m saying?
Similar with Tony from Hack the Movies when he posted here. Trying to be buddies.
I don’t have anything against these people, really, but I don’t want to fucking hang out with them. It’s ridiculous.
You look at what happened when Justin Silverman posted on that homosexual sub-reddit. These lunatics, who posted irrationally hateful stuff FOR YEARS against Justin, suddenly started kissing his 150 pound ass after he posted there. “Oh, you gave such a great performance as Violator. Are you a professional actor, by chance?”
Guys…these are “Youtubers”. Most of them don’t have jobs. They’re not people to sit in awe of. They’re people to be pitied. These are the dregs of society.
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Is The Shining a Christmas Movie? – Cinemassacre
Who cares? Twenty-one minutes? Go fuck yourself.
0:45 – “But first, a word from this video’s sponsor.”
I’m going to say Keeps until it’s actually Keeps.
Oh, and James is wearing a Santa hat because he’s self-conscious about his hair, or lack thereof.
Oh my god. He’s even wearing a Santa hat in the ad. IT’S JUST HAIR, JIMMY. YOU’RE OVER 40! IT’S TOTALLY NORMAL TO BE BALD. ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON.
Jimmy is pretending to play “Raid” on a regular basis. Why does he have to lie? Just talk about the game. You don’t have to say that you personally play it because we know that you don’t.
2:30 – “The Shining is probably one of the most analysed movies of all time.”
Really? I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s in the top 500.
4:15 – So Jimmy is going through some autistic criteria to try to decide if it’s a Christmas movie. Whatever significance that even has. His first question is, “Does it take place on Christmas?”
He doesn’t know. This is going good so far.
5:30 – Second question from Dr Autismo: “Does a Christmas movie need to take place on actual Christmas Day or just during the Christmas season?”
He suggests it has to take place on Christmas. So why even ask the question?
This is greenscreen trash, by the way. Of course it is. Every fucking video this year has been greenscreen trash.
7:00 – Oh my fucking god. He’s talking about the photograph at the end of the movie. Fuck…I have to type this all out. It’s too stupid just to summarise.
“Nothing patriotic is shown in the photo. It’s black and white so there’s no chance to look for anything red, white, and blue. I’m not seeing any stripes or stars. It’s just a random July 4th ball, which I think is a clue that this film might take place in a world where holidays don’t exist.”
You fucking idiot. He’s talking about a photograph from 1921. It’s some fancy Fourth of July ball. Guys are in tuxedos, women are in fancy dresses.
But Autismo over here can’t wrap his special education head around the fact that there would be a Fourth of July party without garish decorations and people wearing t-shirts with an American flag on it.
IT’S A FANCY BALL FROM THE 1920S, YOU FUCKING MORON. NOT AN 8TH GRADE PARTY IN THE SCHOOL GYMNASIUM!
Oh fuck. What an idiot.
“So the fact that Christmas is never mentioned could mean nothing or it could mean everything.”
What the fuck. This is the Tao of Poo Poo.
8:00 – He says that he remembers seeing scenes of the family decorating a Christmas tree. Or something. But no, there’s no such scene. So…I don’t even want to dignify this fucking retarded theory. To call this thing half-baked would be a gross understatement. It makes NO SENSE. It’s founded on pure idiocy.
Because James THOUGHT there was a scene with a Christmas tree, that makes it a Christmas movie? No, that makes you a fucking retard. Nothing to do with the movie.
He also mentions that snow should be in a Christmas movie.
8:45 – He says that families should be Christmas movies.
10:00 – There’s food that says “tree top” and “holly”. It’s like freeze-frame shit. So Jimmy over here is making the case that these might be subliminal clues that this is a Christmas movie.
Also, using an axe. You use an axe to cut down a Christmas tree. Uh huh. This is…this might just be the dumbest video that he’s ever released. Well, I don’t want to oversell it. There was that video where he yelled at his own anus for not defecating. But this is still pretty stupid.
It’s 25 miles to and from…somewhere. So Jimmy suggests that this is like how Christmas is on the 25th day of December. Oh boy.
10:15 – “Ullman tells him that one of his main jobs is to go down to the boilers heating different parts of the hotel on a rotating basis. Kind of like Santa Claus going down all of the chimneys?”
What in the fuck are you talking about? This makes NO SENSE. How did…how is checking on boilers at all related to going down chimneys? This is fucking stupid. In the extreme. Why did Screenwave agree to release the video?
10:30 – “He’s always on his typewriter making some kind of writing project, or maybe he’s making a list.”
HE’S WRITING A BOOK. THIS IS CLEARLY SPELLED OUT IN THE MOVIE.
“There’s even a frame where Danny is sitting on his lap. It’s framed just like a kid sitting on Santa’s lap.”
Yeah. Or your mother sitting on my lap. This is completely moronic.
10:45 – “When Jack is frozen at the end, I can’t but think of Jack Frost”.
I don’t want to do this any more. It’s stupid. Is The Shining a Christmas movie? No. Is James a retard? Well, he didn’t go to special education for seven and a half years for nothing.
“And with all the balloons scattered in the hall, it only makes you think of Christmas balls.”
Suck my balls, you mongoloid.
“It’s all a stretch for sure.”
THEN WHY MENTION ANY OF THIS?
“During the opening scene, the name Donner is mentioned, which makes you think of Donner the reindeer.”
I’m getting very close to stopping this video.
Also, some guy spills a drink. The drink is “related to eggnog”. Whatever that means.
11:30 – “Many have pointed out that film uses lots of red and green.”
Then he points out UNRELATED SCENES that have hues THAT ARE KIND OF red or green BUT NOT REALLY.
11:45 – “I need to add that the blood of Christ is said to be how Christmas got its red colour.”
He’s connecting this to the blood scene in the movie by the elevators. This is aggressively stupid.
12:00 – He says that the original “colour of Christmas” (whatever that means) was gold. You know…the magi gave baby Jesus some gold. And there’s a scene in the movie that takes place in the gold room.
James. You and Screenwave need to sit down and have a serious discussion about the future of the channel. These videos can not go on like this. This is the dumbest fucking thing in the universe. NOBODY is entertained by any of this.
12:15 – “Why would any of this be intentional? If it were meant to be a Christmas movie, why would it be subliminal? Well, that’s the beauty here. It’s like some kind of flip-sided Bizarro realm. A Christmas movie without the Christmas.”
Bruce Lee is rolling over in his grave.
I’m turning this off. I’m sorry. I can’t. How many times can I call James Rolfe a retard?
Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say. Something gay, no doubt.
- “I tapped out when he says one of the reasons is snow. Bimmy’s new flex is videos about ideas so stupid there is no way they could be plagiarized.”
- “he’s got to be trolling. “there is red and green”, “there is gold” “there are ghosts”Next video ‘Is Shrek a Christmas Movie?’ “There’s a donkey, donkeys are in manger scenes. There’s green – Shrek is green. Green represents Evergreen Trees.”
- “This has got to be one of the stupidest topics for any cinemassacre video ever. All of the justification is just absolutely retarded. The hotel owner says the road is 25 miles long, and Christmas is on the 25th. There are things that are green, and other things that are red. It’s absolutely stupid.”
Well, I’m glad that I stopped when I did. I seemed to have covered all of the bases. Or maybe everyone else turned the video off when I did as well.
Is The Hustler (1961) a Christmas movie? There are balls in it. Like Christmas balls. And the felt on the pool table is green. Probably. The movie is in black and white. And Minnesota Fats is corpulent like Santa Claus. And there’s a prostitute in it. Jesus loved prostitutes. There’s a character called Preacher. People go to church on Christmas and listen to the preacher. They bet on horses. In the Middle East, where Jesus was born, they bet on camels (which are similar to horses). Paul Newman had a famous line of salad dressings. People eat salad on Christmas. I mean…they could.
Might be time to dust off that resume, Jimmy. Shit Mart awaits.