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  • Brand VS Product – Zap Cristal

    So Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” has a new podcast. And a new haircut. And a new partner. And about 50 pounds of new weight.

    0:00 – It starts with some R&B intro. Uh huh.

    So we’re introduced to TJ. Zap really has a type. She got divorced or separated or something from Mr Wright Way, who was a black man. And now we have TJ, who’s a black man. What are the odds?

    Before we get any further, I have to look up the article where she literally said that she was too hot to be an influencer. BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS WOMAN. You’ll never believe it if I don’t come up with proof.

    SEGE 2021 So We Did A Thing…A Panel!! – Women In Retro Gaming – ZapTV

    Okay, the quote was actually that people tell her that she’s “Too pretty to be an influencer.” I must have changed that to “hot” at some point. But the sentiment is the same. THIS woman thinks that she’s too attractive to be an “influencer”. I know that she’s allegedly quoting unnamed horntards who are telling her this, but the fact that she felt the need to repeat these alleged comments suggests that she thinks that it’s true.

    And that video was only from two years ago. Holy shit. Can she possibly still think that? How did she even think it at the time? But now she’s gained 50 pounds and chopped all of her hair off. It looks like she was taking clippers to her hair and then had second thoughts so went to the hairdresser and they cut it really short to try to try to match it up.

    TJ has no charisma, by the way. None. Erin Plays levels of charisma.

    They’re also reading from notes.

    2:00 – So the first thing they talk about is whether a chicken sandwich is a sandwich or a burger.

    This is what they start the podcast with. Isn’t this thing supposed to be about video games or something? I don’t even know. But chicken sandwiches.

    Miss Cristal. You do not need any more chicken sandwiches regardless of the nomenclature. Get your fucking life together.

    I have to skip ahead. This is awful.

    Holy shit. They’re still talking about this at the 8 minute mark.

    9:15 – “Re-set time” That’s the next segment. They have names for all of these segments. The first segment was called “Re-something” as well.

    Don’t set me up like this. RE-TARDED should be the name of this podcast.

    They’re talking about brands versus products. Whatever that means. And Zap says that this conversation started while she was in the car with TJ. So this confirms that TJ is her boyfriend. She really moves fast. Mr Wright Way was done with her boring, unintelligent, self-absorbed self like two months ago and she’s already found another black guy to replace him.

    TJ says that he’s in the music industry. Uh huh. Tell me more.

    I can’t. I’m turning this off. How far did I get? 11:21. And that’s with me skipping about seven minutes of this shit.

    34:45 – Zap says to TJ, “I want to thank you. I have a brand new website. Talk about building a community and owning your community. This is the importance of having a website.”

    Apparently, TJ built this website for Zap. But WHAT COMMUNITY? Nobody is fucking going to ZapCristal dot com or whatever the address. Nobody is watching her videos, so why would they take the extra step of going to her website?

    Oh, it is ZapCristal dot com. This is poorly designed. There are a lot of problems on my end. If I made this full screen, it would look fine but I always browse in a smaller window.

    And why would anybody even go to this website? There are no interactive features like a message board or something. This is just a collection of her fucking social media shit. She could have just started a LinkTree or whatever it is.

    Oh, she also has a store. I thought it was broken at first but no, it just takes a while to load the page. For £2.65 you can get a jpeg of Zap Cristal dressed as a vampire. And judging by her weight, this picture was either taken many years ago or it’s heavily Photoshopped. So for £2.65 you get a JPEG. Unbelievable.

    And actually, now that I see the higher resolution version (which is free, by the way) she’s pretty chunky even in this picture.

    Then the video ends with more awkward bullshit.

    This video has 178 views after three days. These are Gamer Girls numbers. The blog is doing as well as Zap Cristal’s Youtube channel.

    Here’s ZapCristal with her son and this guy who she just met. What a fucking piece of shit scumbag she is. Maybe she thinks that her son won’t notice the difference. “Wait a minute…did Mr Wright Way just shave his head?”

    But she’s spending Fourth of Ju-ly with the family, ya’ll! Reminder: she’s from New Jersey. But she lives in Texas so apparently that means that you forget how people speak in New Jersey.

    Fucking Fourth of July. Fuck you.

    I had some hillbilly neighbours who would celebrate Independence Day from like June 4th to August 4th. Just constantly lighting fireworks. Every year, the youngest child would walk around with severe burns. I’m not even joking. He was like five years old and covered in burns but he’d still be out there lighting this shit.

    They also had a son about my age. He was a real scumbag. The whole family was, of course.

    But they were honest, no fooling hillbillies. So when I was like 11 or 12 this guy took me to the lake to get “cat tails”. Cat tails were a plant, the tip of which vaguely resembles a cat’s tail. And he said that we can dry them and use them as a substitute for “punks”. Punks were sticks that you would get from the fireworks store which you would light and then use that to light the fireworks. It was like a safety thing so you can light the firework from further away.

    And I said what are you talking about? This isn’t going to work. But he insisted that it would.

    So we got some cat tails and he said just leave them outside on your porch to let them dry. By the time Fourth of July comes around, they’ll be good to go. This was like a month before, I’d guess. I was sceptical but I went with it.

    It actually worked. You’d light the cat tail and it would stay lit for a long time. It was a slow burn. Perfect for lighting fireworks.

    This was before the internet or anything. People just knew these things. This was real hillbilly knowledge.

    And I’m looking this up just now and this information isn’t even on the internet. You never have to buy a punk again. Just dry some cat tails. They work much better than punks and it’s FREE. Maybe the big punk manufacturing companies are conspiring to bury this information.

    Anyway, these neighbours lit loud fireworks all fucking summer and they were giant scumbags. I think that they’re all homeless and unemployed now.

  • June 2023 Wrap Up – Hack The Movies Live – Tony from Hack the Movies

    He’s doing a live stream. Is this new?

    No, he’s apparently doing these for the past six months. About the same time that Newt’s been doing them, I think. Gee, Tony. Where do you get your ideas?

    Actually, let me check the dates. It wouldn’t be the first time that Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen stole somebody’s else idea, after all.

    Oh yeah. Newt’s been doing them for four months. This was a full two months before Newt started doing livestreams. Not that Tony invented livestreams, of course. I’m just saying…the timing is suspicious.

    In most of Tony’s livestreams, it’s between two and four people talking over Skype or whatever. But in this latest livestream, we’re treated to SIX people. We’ve got Tony, of course. He’s the star of the show. But then we also have that anti-abortion Jesus nut. And then we’ve got JoeyC. You might remember him from a couple of previous Hack the Movies episodes. He was the one guy who WASN’T 300 pounds and bearded. And then we’ve got three guys who I’ve never seen before. But one of these guys is in a big wooden crate. This might be interesting. Maybe he’s going to do some Houdini type escape trick.

    Three of these guys have a bunch of crazy shit on their walls. I bet that they get a lot of babes with that shit. Ooh, I love your Infinity Gauntlet limited edition print. Sex later?

    The guy who lives in a crate is getting more pussy than those nerds.

    Ha. Somebody in the chat says, “I hope Crystal isn’t on the panel.” There’s a sentiment that I share.

    2:30 – Casey (the Jesus nut) says that June is her “birthday month”. What? Eugh. Let’s just move on. We can’t get bogged down already. There’s another 85 minutes of this.

    3:00 – Tony tells JoeyC to shill for “superchats” and then that’s what happens. This is painful.

    So I guess the idea here is to talk about films that are out now. Even though some of these people haven’t seen the movies.

    6:00 – Oh, somebody gave a $10 “superchat”. He wants to get the panel’s opinion on some nerdy DC movie bullshit. Totally worth ten dollars.

    I wonder what the oldest Action Comics you could get for $10. Oh yeah. I still remembered my account details from comicspriceguide dot com. I registered like 20 years ago.

    I believe that Action Comics #450 from August 1975 is the oldest comic that you can get for under $10. It’s $8. It’s crazy that these old comics are worth so little. It’s not just this one. Everything post-March 1968 (with the exception of “key” issues) seems to be going for less than $100. This is obtainable. I’m tempted to start building an Action Comics collection. This seems way undervalued. A near-mint copy of a 55 year old Superman comic for under $100? And they’re almost all like this. Where can you even find a near-mint copy of such an old comic?

    Action Comics #71, from 1944, is only $1,800.

    Anyway, back to this boring video.

    This is really dragging. You know what would have helped? Time stamps.

    Oh, in the description they at least list the movies that they talk about: The Boogeyman, Based on a True Story (peacock), Spider-man Across the Spider-Verse, Transformers Rise of The Beasts, Asteroid City.

    Am I interested in any of this? No. But the Ideas Man did do that Spider-man movie and he cried about it. So…I don’t know…let’s check that out, I guess.

    21:00 – They answer a variety of “superchats”. I can not believe that people are giving money to this shit. Their comments are all completely idiotic. You might as well just flush that five or ten bucks down the toilet.

    28:15 – Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse.

    Wait. Casey isn’t here now. What happened?

    26:30 – I don’t know. She just left. What the fuck is this? Couldn’t be bothered to stay.

    Oh wait. I’m still doing this. No. It’s just Tony talking about this Spider-Man cartoon. I’m turning this off now. If Casey can’t even be bothered to show up for this thing, why should I?

    Fucking disgusting. They bring this Jesus nut in to boost views and then she can’t even stay for the full thing. What was the emergency? She had to go protest outside of an abortion clinic?

    Oh, it seems like Tony is cutting his hair short now. Well, good for him. He’s losing his hair so going the sensible route: buzzing it really short.

    God, every single tweet is just him promoting his videos. No wonder I don’t remember looking at his Twitter before.

    Let’s check out the Ideas Man’s Twitter as a slight palette cleanser.

    “This past weekend. Loosing Cristay and her influence on my life. Just hammered home the idea that in whatever time I have left. I just wanna make weird art with weirder people”

    Loosing, you say. Uh huh.

    But yeah, look at this self-absorbed bullshit. His friend died so said, “You know what? I need some more me time.”

    WHEN WERE YOU NOT HAVING ME TIME?

    And it’s to spend time on his stupid fucking shit “movies” that will never get made and are based on absolutely horrendous (and stolen) ideas anyway. God, if he’s going to steal, at least steal something fucking decent. Rip off Hoop Dreams. I want to see a Newt Wallen documentary about inner-city youth trying to become professional basketball players.

    Or what about a Newt Wallen It’s a Wonderful Life? It’s got to be in the public domain. That’s why it’s played so frequently. Let me check.

    Yeah.

    https://blogs.loc.gov/copyright/2017/12/its-a-wonderful-life/

    Let’s see it. I want Newt Wallen’s take on It’s a Wonderful Life. It’s about death. Newt enjoys death. It’s his second favourite topic after the topic of Newt Wallen.

    I don’t want any fucking greenscreen. Most of the movie takes place outside, in a house, in a store, in a bank, in a tavern. Shit like this. It’s imminently doable. Use the cinema as a set instead of, for example, the tavern. So instead of the scene being about the “good” tavern where George Bailey lives and the “bad” tavern where George Bailey dies, it’s about the good and bad cinema. The “good” cinema is staffed by polite and courteous professionals and for the “bad” cinema, you can just use Newt Wallen and his actual staff. No need to hire actors for that part.

    But no. We’re getting Shark Vampire instead. Actually, has there been any progress on Shark Vampire ever? He changed the name to Nosfersharktu or something that was the last update on Shark Vampire that I recall.

    ,

  • Mint Salad Saw The Terminator (RECAP & REVIEW)

    So the description is, “Has anyone stopped to consider that the best way to deal with a Terminator is the same way to deal with an Autistic? Play a loud noise right in their ear, then stomp on its head!”

    This is clearly something that her fat hillbilly pimp wrote. Advocating extreme violence. I’ll bet money that he’s violent with Mint Salad. That’s the way that pimps typically control their girls, after all.

    And he puts this in the fucking description. Like it’s a joke.

    In the comments, somebody says that they like Mint’s chipped tooth. Somebody claiming to be Mint Salad says that she chipped it herself. I assume that this is a recent injury. All related to my previous comments, I’m sure.

    In another comment, somebody claiming to be Mint Salad says that Kieran edited this video. In a recent Tony from Hack the Movies video, Jess the Former Intern said that she was editing videos for Mint Salad.

    Why are these people working for a guy who’s clearly pimping out a vulnerable, autistic woman who was in the fostercare system? Does it get any lower than this? I appreciate that Kieran and Jess need money since leaving Screenwave but can you be a little more discriminating with your clients? Maybe don’t do work for fat, violent, pimps?

    Let’s just watch this terrible video then, I guess. This fat pimp makes Mint Salad make a video every day. They struggle to get 200 views each. Then of course, there’s all of the revolting stuff on Fansly that he makes her do.

    0:00 – So it starts with like the opening of Terminator where the Terminator enters that alley and there’s all of the electricity and shit and he comes through the time portal or whatever. But Mint Salad is in the title role and her fat hillbilly pimp made her wear skin-tight trousers.

    Then she encourages you to sign up to her Fansly. This is disgusting.

    1:30 – “Why does Sarah Conner even deserve to be saved? She’s a woman. Her value is none.”

    What? Kieran edited this. This woman’s fat hillbilly pimp is not subtle. Kieran didn’t see anything wrong with this? Oh, haha. It’s just a little joke. No, you fat fucking retard.

    And she has a massive chip on her front tooth. How did Kieran think that that happened? She ran into a door?

    It’s not even about putting all of the clues together. This fat hillbilly pimp is screaming what he’s doing. He doesn’t hide it. And yet Kieran and Tony and Jess the Former Intern have absolutely no problem promoting this guy and they just pretend like it’s a big joke.

    4:15 – She starts talking about Terminator is autistic. You know, in case you forgot that Mint Salad is autistic. She only mentions it 300 times a day, after all.

    6:30 – “Why do women have to ruin everything?” And then she goes into another extremely misogynistic rant that her fat hillbilly pimp told her to say. All of this shit was written by her fat hillbilly pimp. There’s no way that Mint Salad picked up on all of these Terminator issues like a “time loop” from her first viewing of the movie. She surely hasn’t even seen the movie.

    So that’s the video. If you ignore all of the weird and unsettling shit, it was fine, actually.

    But speaking of unsettling shit:

    I think with each video, her fat hillbilly pimp also makes her do some “sexy” cosplay for her Fansly.

    And look at these comments.

    • “Damn! …. youre fine”
    • “oh wow”
    • “What a hottie!”
    • “Nice”
    • “That’s the hottest I ever seen Mint”
    • “More like The Sperminator”
    • “You been a bad bad Terminator!”
    • “F yea!!”

    These people are on another planet. Have they not seen a woman before? Have they not seen a woman who does porn before? I know the background for this and it’s surely not Mint Salad’s decision to be doing this, so I feel bad saying this, but she should not be doing porn. I mean, come on.

    She has a perfectly fine body that she can share in a loving, non-exploitive relationship with a nice guy who will appreciate it and appreciate her. But for porn? No fucking way.

    And a lot of these guys who replied have Twitter feeds that are full of pictures of these OnlyFans type women who they follow. And loads of nerd shit. One guy’s Twitter is dedicated almost entirely to Dungeons & Dragons, for example. These people could not get a date if their fucking lives depended on it. This is their life. Following these revolting little-known OnlyFans women.

    And not even a hot woman on OnlyFans. That’s what makes it all the sadder. Because there must be millions of hot chicks on OnlyFans. But these guys are following the bottom feeders of OnlyFans because they think that they have a shot with them. No. There’s no shot. She’s with her fat hillbilly pimp. Actually, I suppose if you scrape together $50 and go to rural Kentucky then you would be able to have a go. But is that what you want? Aim higher.

  • NES Variety Stream! Monster Party, River City Ransom and more! – Erin Plays

    Her last couple of streams, at least of the ones that she uploaded to Youtube, didn’t have the face camera. How is ShiShi supposed to jerk off to that? So in order to make up for that, she’s back with an extra large face camera. Whoa! I’m getting excited over here. Look at that 1980s white denim jacket that she loves wearing. Hot stuff.

    She’s doing a “variety stream”. She says that she hasn’t done one of these in a while. So instead of watching Erin suck at one game, you can watch her suck at many games. How innovative!

    0:30 – She edited something out. I’m not going to check what it was. I don’t give a shit.

    She got hit by the first enemy.

    Then she said that she “doesn’t remember” how to play the game.

    It’s just the same shit every time, isn’t it? How have I gotten over three years of articles out of this? She sucks at video games, doesn’t play video games, doesn’t give a shit about video games, and she’s a compulsive liar. I think that I’ve covered all of this already.

    She’s getting hit by absolutely everything. This is the worst Astyanax gameplay ever recorded.

    She’s also talking about the previous time that she played this game which, of course, was on stream, for money.

    2:30 – Somebody asks if she likes The Pixies. Erin says that she does. She then tells a story about how they did a “show” with Weezer and…she didn’t go. But she wanted to go. Wasn’t that a great story, guys?

    “I don’t know why I didn’t go.”

    Because you have absolutely no interests and you’ve never done anything in your entire life.

    “But yes, I do like the Pixies.”

    SO FUCKING SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.

    This is so fucking easy. If she never went to any concerts, fine. You don’t have to. But fucking say something about the band that you like. What’s your favourite song? What’s your favourite album. ANYTHING. This isn’t hard. But all she can say is, “Yeah, I like them.”

    Well, that’s great, Erin. I’m totally convinced. She’s a big Pixies fan, guys. Can’t name a single fucking song that she likes.

    Let me look this up. Fucking Pixies.

    I never heard of any of these songs. But Erin is all about them, apparently. Can’t tell you anything about them, though.

    3:00 – “Kind of like the Cure, my introduction to them was I had a greatest hits compilation.”

    Okay, great. So names one of their greatest hits that you enjoyed. Of the Pixies or the Cure. Just one song, Erin. You can do it. Enough of this generic bullshit.

    She says that the first album she got from them was Do Little. Let me see if this is a real album. Doolittle. It was indeed. Holy shit. We finally got a normal answer out of this fucking retarded zombie.

    6:15 – “This won’t be an energy-packed, action stream.”

    She’s saying this in the context of her having drank a Red Bull before the stream to try to wake up. Have I missed the energy-packed, action streams from Erin? Because to my mind, they’re all like this.

    6:30 – Then she shows a stuffed Castlevania novelty that Mike bought for her. She doesn’t say that Mike bought it but that’s implied because Erin has no job.

    How much are these? $32.99. Doesn’t seem too unreasonably-priced, I guess. I don’t know what a stuffed novelty goes for these days.

    7:30 – Then there’s another edit. I think that I should check this one. She might have been saying something stupid.

    Well, it wasn’t stupid so much as boring and pointless. She just said “cute” about half a dozen times while looking at the Konami store.

    8:00 – Then she starts playing Batman. This Astyanax gameplay was shockingly bad, even by Erin’s standards.

    She says that it’s been a while since she’s played it. Yeah. When was the last time you played it on stream? That was the last time you played it.

    I haven’t played any NES games in many, many, many years. I used to play this shit on emulators, once in a great while, but it’s been ages. At least ten years. So I understand Erin not playing this shit.

    But why can’t she just admit it? Just admit that you only the games on stream, for money? It’s not a big deal. Nobody would care. But she has to constantly try to pull this con that she plays games in her spare time even though it’s insanely obvious that she doesn’t.

    She’s talking about Monster Party. The horntards want her to play it. She says that she likes the sprites and it’s cute but she doesn’t like the game. Again, she only played it briefly, on stream, for money.

    Erin…we don’t fucking care. About any of this.

    9:15 – “It’s been so long that I forgot the controls for this game.”

    Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” the controls to Batman. That’s what happens when you don’t play the fucking game.

    “I used to play this way too much.”

    Oh, do tell, Erin. When did you play it? On stream, for money? Great.

    Erin considers playing a game for 30 minutes, on stream, for money, to be “way too much.”

    I’m at 15:00. This is boring as fuck.

    I’m sorry. I have to skip ahead. She’s not even saying anything.

    Okay, so I’ve skipped around about 30 times throughout the video. In 27 of those instances, Erin wasn’t saying anything. In one, she said “That’s cute.” In another she said, “I haven’t played this for so long.” And in the third she was talking about some Scott Pilgrim game that she knows nothing about.

    This is awful. Thank fuck I stopped when I did. Imagine watching a 90 minute video where NOTHING HAPPENS.

    In the comments, somebody called John Hightower asks Erin. “How are you?” That old chestnut. Erin says, “I’m good and you?” Great stuff, guys. Erin really attracts some great conversationalists to her channel with her own witty repartee.

    I used to listen to some guy called Jim Hightower on the radio. He would talk about black UN helicopters and shit. Let me look this up.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Hightower

    Yeah, it says that he had a radio show since 1993. It’s sparce on the details, though. It says that he’s a progressive political activist. That’s probably accurate but where did the black UN helicopters come into this? That’s a typical right wing conspiracy theory.

    Oh, speaking of conspiracy theories, Erin is worried about Twitter going down again. That dastardly Elon Musk guy is wreaking havoc again. He’s not one of the good billionaires like the previous owners of Twitter. He’s a bad billionaire. Why? I don’t know. The billionaire Jews writing these stories just say that he is.

    Erin gave up on Mastodon, I guess. Remember when Mastodon was poopular? That was a scary few days. Everybody thought that Twitter was going to go away. What are we going to do? How will I keep up with Erin’s fake interests without Twitter? Is she pretending to like Jem today?

    https://mstdn.social/@ErinPlays

    On Reddit, some nerd was recently talking about some kind of open-source…or something…alternative to Reddit. This was when people were panicking over Reddit charging for third party apps.

    I mean, on the one hand I’m all for a system with less regulation that isn’t owned by some greedy billionaires. But these things rarely take off. Look at Mastodon. Or the blogging platform Steemit. You all know Steemit, right? Or Only1, the decentralised OnlyFans rip off. Never even heard of it.

    Let me look this up. Maybe Only1 is the future.

    Well, they’re not noteworthy enough for Wikipedia.

    https://only1.app/Giselle

    From what I can tell, Slim Giselle is like the top person on the platform. She has 19 followers. The more followers you get, the more cryptocurrency you get. Or something. So what does 19 followers get you?

    Anyway, I’ll have to consider getting an Only1 account.

    What was that bootleg OnlyFans that Horseface and Mint Salad were on? Oh, Fansly.

    https://fansly.com/titsmintsalad/posts

    She’s not giving free previews any more. Well, thank god for small favours. Those were fucking nauseating.

    Her subscriptions go up to $100/month. Who would possibly pay that?

    https://fansly.com/CrystalQuin/posts

    There’s Horseface. Her top tier is $15/month. I can not imagine anyone paying $100 for Mint Salad’s shitty Fansly. Or anybody’s, frankly. But Mint Salad? No. With respect, that woman needs to start spending a lot more time in the gym if she’s planning on making a living in the exciting world of pornography.

    Her fat hillbilly pimp should at least be telling Mint Salad to do this. Fucking TuanX does it for Destiny Fomo. He knows what’s up. You have to be in shape if you want to make money from porn. Mint Salad just finishes off a bucket of fried chicken and says that she’s ready for her pictures. No. It doesn’t work that way.

    But back to Crystal Quin over here. Mercifully, her preview pictures are all censored now. And she has half as many subscribers as Mint Salad.

    I wonder if Newt is a subscriber of Horseface’s Fansly. He’s got to be, right? He’s a gold member. Oh, you get dick ratings if you’re a gold member. Yeah, he definitely wants that. What score do you suppose Joe from Gamesack gave to Newt’s dick?

    There’s also vagina ratings. Yeah, nice try, Horseface. No woman is going to send you a picture of their vagina for you to rate. That’s not happening. Even if women did that, which they don’t, they’d find somebody else.

    Dick ratings. How preposterous. And she says that she only gives a 1-10 rating. Is that it? For fifteen bucks, you send a picture of your dick and she just replies with a number? That sucks. That’s not worth fifteen cents. I need to know the reasons why she’s giving the score that she gives.

    And what if you get a low score, what then? You’ve got to unsubscribe, right? Unless that’s your thing. Some people are into people mocking their genitals.

    Why only genitals anyway? Let’s branch out. I know. I’ll do a full body review of Horseface. I won’t even charge fifteen bucks for this. Let me find a picture for reference.

    This is the first full-body picture I could find. It’s not ideal but we’ll go with it. She’s wearing her usual half of a top at least.

    We’ll start at the bottom and work our way up.

    Feet – Tough to say. I’m not a feet guy. But feet guy are interested in arches, right? She doesn’t have arches. It looks like she’s suffering from flat foot. She’d never be able to join the military. I’ll give her feet a 3, I guess.

    Legs – Again, I’m not great at legs either. But from the picture it seems like she has reasonably slim legs. Or shapely legs? I don’t even know the criteria for good legs. I’ll just say 6.

    Hips/Ass – You obviously can’t see her ass in this picture but from memory, it was large and not in a good way. She’s obviously positioning herself in such a way to make her hips look bigger in this picture. Fuck…I don’t know…I’ll go 4 for hips/ass.

    Vagina – Score pending. I’ll have to wait until Horseface sends me a picture before I can do a “V rating”

    Stomach – I’ll give Horseface credit for having a nice stomach. I don’t know if she does sit ups or what but it looks slim, especially in this picture. I’ll go 7.

    Tits – It feels like I need more reference before I can make a judgement here. Let me check her Instagram. Yeah, this was helpful. She has a bunch of bikini pictures. They’re not big, obviously, but I’m scoring this based on a sort of slim woman in her 30s. I’ll say 6.

    Arms – Surprisingly chunky. Not just her speedbag upper arms but her lower arms are also bigger than you’d expect. I’m saying 2.

    Face – Come on. She’s not called Horseface for nothing. She’s a 1.

    I wonder how much I can charge for this. Horseface obviously thinks that there’s a market out there for women to have their vaginas rated. I’m willing to do the whole package. And not just scores. I give reasons for my scores. How much would this be worth? Fifty bucks?

    Well, if there are any women out there reading this and they want to have their body rated, we can work out a price. Send all pictures to gamergrrls at protonmail dot com

    , ,

  • The Triumphant Return of Retro Ali

    Kind of. She’s always been uploading videos to her second channel, where she uploads her Twitch streams. Those videos struggle to get 50 views.

    https://www.youtube.com/@RetroAliLive/videos

    But this is her return to her main channel, RetroAli, not her secondary channel of RetroAliLive. But she’s only posting streams. No “original” content. Her “original” content mostly comprised of “reaction” videos where she would insanely fake, over the top “reactions” to mundane bullshit like a commercial for a video game. And she would always be sure to make that “O” face, as is immortalised in the banner.

    She’s not appearing in person, though. She’s a “Vlogger” now. Why the change? Because she gained about 30 pounds. And instead of losing the weight, she said, “Fuck it. I’ll just be a crudely-animated anime girl instead.”

    Maybe I should start streaming but use the Retro Ali horse cock sucking picture from the banner.

    4:45 – “You guys might be wondering why I’m streaming on Youtube, where have I gone, why am I an anime character? Basically, I guess the tl;dr is I don’t know, I got burnt out on Youtube, basically.”

    And you gained 30 pounds. Go on.

    “So I just went back to my little Twitch dungeon.”

    She says that she doesn’t think that she has monetisation any more. How much money could she possibly have been making from these awful “reaction” videos anyway?

    She’s complaining about Twitch ads and partner agreements. I think she’s complaining that she’s not getting paid enough. For doing these awful Twitch streams where she plays Pokemon as an anime girl. So she wants to get paid by Youtube for these awful videos now.

    I think that she has a job. Or at least she’s had one in the past. Maybe stick with that. And instead of this desperate anime girl shit, just fucking eat less and exercise more. And the exercise is optional.

    Let me go over my own boring weight loss journey because I know that Retro Ali will have NOTHING worth talking about.

    I was a slim kid. I was like 60 pounds when I was 12. And I remember going to a talk in school, some propaganda shit, where they brought a local “hero” who was in Desert Storm. What are they calling that? The Gulf War. Fine. And after his talk about what a hero he was for fighting a primitive, ill-equipped army with the overwhelming force and vast technological superiority of the US military, we had to shake this guy’s hand. So alright. I’m not there to debate the rights or wrongs of this conflict in Iraq. I’ll shake the guy’s hand.

    So we line up and it gets to my turn. I shake his hand and he says, “You need to eat more.” What? This guy’s a hero? He sounds like an asshole to me. He doesn’t know my condition. Maybe I have cancer or something. It could be anything.

    Would he say to a fat kid, “You need to eat less?” Probably not. But it’s okay to thin-shame me? Fuck you, you fucking baby killer.

    When I graduated high school, I was 120 pounds.

    That’s where I stayed up until I was about 23 and I started working out. I gained about ten pounds from that and then when I stopped working out, like six months later, I went down to 125 pounds and that’s where I stayed up until…fuck…I don’t know…when I was 30 I was maybe 130 pounds. And that’s how it was up until covid when I reached a high of 150 pounds. It’s a result of the sedentary lifestyle and also I was eating a lot of takeout because I was convinced that I was unable to gain weight. This was an issue throughout my life. I just couldn’t gain weight no matter what I ate.

    So when I saw that I was 150 pounds, I decided that I should go on a diet. For what it’s worth, 150 pounds is well within the normal weight range for my height. But I thought let’s try to lose some weight and work on the Adonis.

    First, I started counting calories on everything. I remember Kieran how when he was trying to lose weight, he would measure his beer out by the cups and shit like this. I did a similar thing, not quite to that degree, but I tried to calculate how much food and drink I was consuming and I kept a diary. I tried to only eat 1000 calories a day and then when I started to see results, I went up to 1200, and then 1500.

    After three months, I lost 10 pounds. So I thought, “Well, 140 pounds. That’s pretty good. I don’t have to stress about this. But I’d still like to maintain my weight so I’m only going to eat one meal a day.

    I did that for, I don’t know, a year. And I only weighed myself once in a while. I was clearly losing weight but I wasn’t concerned about checking every day or whatever. Clothes were fitting better. I had to put a new hole in my belt to make it an inch tighter. Shit like this. It was obviously working. I was down to like 130 pounds.

    So I said fuck it. I’m not going to bother with this one meal a day thing any more. But by this point, I had made so many changes to my diet that I continued to lose weight anyway. I stopped eating chips or “crisps”, if you prefer. I ate candy just a few times a day. I stopped eating cookies. I rarely ordered takeaways. Shit like this. And this just became the normal way that I eat now.

    I had to put another hole in my belt. So that’s two inches that I lost from my waist. And I’m down to 125, which was my weight when I was 23. And I’m continuing to lose weight so I’m trying to reintroduce more Doritos into my diet to maintain this because I don’t particularly want to lose any more weight.

    So what was the point of this? Oh, yeah. Retro Ali. She gained a lot of weight. It’s not inevitable. Of course your metabolism changes as you get older but that just means you have to put some effort into this. Show some self-discipline.

    You look at somebody like Tony from Hack the Movies, for example. The fags on Reddit will show pictures of Tony when he was 17 and talk about how hot and slim he was and Tony will say, “Of course I was slim. I was 17. I’m 33 now.” Like it’s inevitable to be 250 pounds when you’re 33. No, that’s a result of years of overeating. If Tony would start eating right and maybe exercising (although, that’s optional) he would be well on his way to his high school weight.

    Kieran lost something like 50 pounds in…I don’t know…six months? A year? I don’t know how safe that is, my figures might be all wrong, but it didn’t seem like he was dieting for very long and it was noticeable that he lost weight pretty quickly. Then of course he regained it all but that’s because he gave up on the diet and went back to his old eating habits.

    So let’s get back to Retro Ali. She’s going to be playing Pokemon Stadium. I can’t wait for this.

    7:45 – Somebody asks if she put most of her videos on private. She says that she did. Really? I’m looking at her list of videos and it’s still mostly the usual shit “reaction” videos. How did she determine what stayed and what went?

    All she’s doing is repeating what the announcer in the game says. It’s really annoying.

    I made it to 17:00. That’s enough for me.

  • Bratz of the Lost Media: The Mystery of [COOOOL TV] – Tales of the Lost – Ray Mona

    I can’t watch this. I can’t even attempt to watch it. I’m only human. I know what it’s going to be. It’s going to be crazy Bobdunga doing a PAINFULLY drawn out and boring “documentary” about “lost media” about some inconsequential bullshit that isn’t even “lost”. And she’ll frame it all like it’s the most boring episode of the X-Files ever made.

    If you’d like to learn more about Bobdunga’s “documentaries”, I’ve covered them all. Kind of. As much as anybody can possibly cover these absolutely unwatchable videos. Just search for the “Bobdunga” tag.

    However, I was able to find the spot in this video where a certain Erin Plays made her voice acting debut. It’s at 40:00.

    I wish that I could be positive but oh my fucking god. You’ve never heard worse voice acting. You know how Erin is boring and monotone when she’s speaking off the cuff? Take that and transfer her to reading a script for the first and last time ever. A script that she struggles to read. And she pronounces the word “a” in a long “A” sound. You know…like the letter “A”.

    I always have to explain “long” vowel sounds and “short” vowel sounds in these articles. Do people know what I’m talking about? Because I’ve NEVER heard anyone talk about “long” or “short” vowel sounds outside of, whatever it was, second grade phonics class.

    Anyway, she’s HORRIBLE. It’s completely lifeless. Just like Erin’s normal speech but…EVEN WORSE.

    And there are parts where I can’t even understand what she’s saying.

    It goes on for two minutes. I think that she’s reading message board comments, in Japanese, that have been translated into English. She says “cute” three times in this two minutes.

    What was being said in these messages? I don’t even know. This was so fucking painful…it was just droning. It quickly just became a buzzing noise. I wasn’t listening at all. And I tried to listen because I’m writing this thing but I couldn’t do it. And I can’t bring myself to listen to this two minutes of torture again.

    Don’t quit your day job, Erin. Not that you have one to quit.

    Let’s check out Miss Plays’ Twitter.

    Somebody asks for their favourite Saturday Night Live memory. And you guys know what a big fan of “SNL” Erin is, right? She’s ALWAYS talking about that show. That show that hasn’t been popular since…when was that Gumby sketch? Early 1980s.

    Well, I guess that the Wayne’s World sketches were also somewhat popular. But were they? I think it’s only after the movie was made that it became popular. I don’t remember anyone talking about this shit before the movie.

    But Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald? I guess that was popular? Again, I never heard anybody talk about it but…I don’t know. But this would have been in 1994, I guess, when the OJ Simpsons trial was on.

    Erin was born in 1987. Allegedly. So she would have been seven at the time. Not an age when most children are watching television at midnight. Especially PAINFULLY UNFUNNY television like Saturday Night Live.

    But Erin’s favourite moment was when…Britney Spears was a guest. You guys remember that? Oh, sure you do. Everybody does. She was in that famous butter churning sketch. It was all over the news for the next week. “Fresh cream and a little bit of salt” became a catchphrase in schools across America. It was HUGE. It was a phenomenon.

    More fucking lies from this fucking podperson Erin who doesn’t have a single hobby or interest.

    Oh, the video is on Youtube. It’s from 2000.

    I couldn’t even make it two minutes. It’s the least funny shit in the universe.

    And here’s Erin promoting that AWFUL Bobdunga/Ray Mona “documentary”.

    I thought that she meant TikTok. No. She’s promoting her Instagram. She’s putting videos…where she looks through magazines…on her INSTAGRAM. WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO SEE THAT?

    But somebody on Twitter comments.

    “I went to college with one or two of The Strokes. Before their 2001 tour in Europe, they couldn’t get classmates to see them play. Then after it was different :-)”

    Oh, that sounds interesting. And Erin is a big Strokes fan. She just went through the magazine. And she regularly cites them as one of her favourite bands. So here’s a guy who went to college with them before they were famous. Tell us more.

    You know what Erin said? If you guessed, “That’s cool”, collect your prize at the door.

    “Aw haha that’s cool you went to college with them. Poor guys XD”

    She couldn’t even say something remotely interesting or engaging when this guy was telling an interesting story that directly relates to one her alleged favourite bands. Unbelieveable. Everything is just “that’s cool”. It’s like she’s fucking retarded.

    And what is this picture that she’s using as her profile image?

    What look is she trying to go for here? Vacant imbecile? If so, mission accomplished.

    , ,

  • AEW Fight Forever is Flawed, but Fantastic! – John Riggs

    This might be the first John Riggs video that I’ve ever been interested in. I was huge into wrestling games for many years. And I’m saying as an adult. I started when I was about 20 and got the internet. I played a rom of Fire Pro Wrestling X Premium or whatever it was for Super Famicom. I became obsessed with the game. So then I bought a Dreamcast and a boot cd and I got an import copy of Fire Pro Wrestling D, which I think cost something crazy like $70. I spent thousands of hours on that game.

    Then I tracked down all of the other games in the Fire Pro series, either the roms or physical games. I was able to find an ISO of Fire Pro Wrestling G. And I was downloading this shit on a 56k modem, like 600mb or whatever it was. I couldn’t find a copy of Six Men Scramble so I had to buy it. It worked in the Saturn emulator, though. I bought a PS2 and all of that fiddly swap disc shit that you need to play imports, solely so that I could play Fire Pro Wrestling Returns and I also got Fire Pro Wrestling Z. Thousands of hours put into Fire Pro Wrestling Returns.

    I got Fire Pro Wrestling World when that came out a few years ago. Thousands of hours playing that. I’ve devoted large portions of my life to Fire Pro Wrestling. I tracked down all of them, mostly in rom form, which was something of a challenge back then. I even got the Wonderswan game. I bought one of the GBA games.

    And in amongst this time, I also tried out the whole range of wrestling games, pre-PS2, at least. King of Colosseum and whatever sequels there were, by the people who made Fire Pro. Those games were great. I spent a lot of time with Virtual Pro Wrestling 2 for the Nintendo 64. That was great and a huge improvement over the US version which was…WrestleMania 2000, I think? I also played a lot of No Mercy for the Nintendo 64 but Virtual Pro Wrestling 2 is still better.

    God, I played fucking everything. I looked for every wrestling game ever made. I played the Atari 2600 wrestling game. I played sumo wrestling games for the Famicom and Super Famicom. The arcade wrestling games like WrestleFest and that shitty Mortal Kombat style WWF game. I tried to play every wrestling game ever made. Fire Pro is, by far, the best, although King of Colosseum is also really good.

    So I’m an expert at wrestling games. And I know that fatass John Riggs also enjoys the virtual grappling. I’ve been cautiously looking forward to this AEW game, even though I haven’t watched wrestling since I was like 19 years old, being an adult and all. So let’s check it out.

    0:15 – The game came out today, apparently, but John Riggs is showing the created wrestler that he made of himself. Really? Is this the largest body type that they had? John Riggs has never been as slim as his created wrestler looks. He also gave the character a hat. So even John Riggs’ wrestling character is deeply self-conscious about his baldness.

    1:15 – He’s showing the match types. Usual shit.

    2:15 – He says that intergender matches are possible. This is a weird thing that I guess recent WWE games don’t allow. I don’t know when it started. I’ve downloaded a few bootleg versions of the modern WWE games and they all suck dick. My main problem is that the characters all seem to be equally good. They have equal stats. You can put, whatever, Hulk Hogan against some shitty modern guy low on the card and it’s a complete coin toss who’s going to win.

    By contrast, if you’re playing a Fire Pro game and you put Hulk Hogan against some job guy, it would be a real upset if Hogan lost. I’m talking about AI vs AI matches, by the way. That’s how I “play” these games, which is really, really pathetic. Like playing with dolls as a kid. But I don’t actually like actively playing wrestling games. There’s a whole scene of GIANT nerds in the Fire Pro community who likewise only enjoy “simming” matches.

    He goes through the various things you can do to create a wrestler but doesn’t talk about the stats. He just talks about appearance and moves. Are there stats in the game? Frankly, that’s my main concern with any wrestling game. Only Fire Pro got the stat system right. With every other wrestling game, all of the characters are equally as good.

    As a test, I once made a created character in No Mercy with all 1’s for their stats and then another character with all 5’s (or whatever the highest number was). It made no different. I’d pit these two characters against each other and each one won an equal amount of times. They were identical characters but one had maxed out stats and the other hand bottom stats. No difference. Fucking bullshit.

    8:30 – John Riggs is schilling for RGT85. John Riggs was playing this game with RGT85. RGT85 is the guy who looked at Newt Wallen’s penis, along with Joe from Gamesack. I wonder if John Riggs is also looking at Newt’s penis. Maybe this is what they all do. They sit around showing their penises to each other.

    So anyway, John Riggs finishes the video by saying, “Eh, it’s alright, I guess.”

    I think I’m going to hold off. And I’m never going to buy it. The money-grubbing DLC is too much for me. I got all of the Fire Pro Wrestling World DLC, with great hesitation, but only to support the fine people who made Fire Pro Wrestling World.

    I don’t have the same affinity for the people who made this AEW game.

    Let’s see what the boys on Steam have to say. Oh, you have to pay £4 for Matt Hardy. This is what I’m talking about. Bullshit DLC. And on Day 1. Fuck you.

    Oh, somebody mentions Wrestling Empire. Yeah, I played all of that shit too. All of those weird MDickie games made by some Jesus nut English guy. And it’s not just wrestling games, he also has prison simulator games and classroom simulators, and Jesus of Nazareth simulators and a lot of weird shit, but they’re all about solving your problems through powerbombing people through tables. Even the Jesus simulator. It’s hilarious.

    And I contacted MDickie once because I had a problem registering the game or something and he replied right away telling me how to fix it and said if it doesn’t work, let him know and he’ll give me the money back. I got it to work, though so I thanked him and told him to keep up the good work. It’s good service, though. And it’s just the one guy doing all of this, I’m pretty sure.

  • Today I lost someone I loved very much – Newt Wallen

    Let me start by saying that I’m going to be as sensitive as possible. I know that Newt reads the blog. I also know that he didn’t mean for this video to be in any way offensive. But the fact is that this was just another weird, self-obsessed, sexual video from The Ideas Man. His friend died and yet the video is all about him and all of the sexy time that he had with this woman. Even the fucking thumbnail is tits and gore bullshit.

    0:30 – Newt starts the video by talking about how this woman was getting chemotherapy and they would talk to each other. Thirty seconds into the video, he says, “She would shit talk people who were fucking with me or people from my old life and stuff like that.”

    It’s all about him. This woman died and the first thing he talks about is how this woman would defend him against the fags on Reddit and fucking Horseface and Tony. Who cares?

    You’d think that with somebody dying, it might put things into perspective, about how insignificant Reddit and Horseface drama is. No. It’s the first thing that he talks about.

    0:45 – “We talked about all of the movies that we were going to make.”

    Now he’s talking about his delusional movie plans.

    You know what might have been interesting? Talking about what this woman was interested in. What her hopes and dreams are. Not fucking Newt’s hopes and dreams.

    Then he starts talking about how this woman did the makeup for Swamp Zombies 2.

    I mean…why does it all have to be about Newt? I know that he’s giving a personal account of this woman so he has to somehow be involved in the story. But why is it all just about shit that he’s promoting or that he’s obsessed with? What about a story about the delicious muffins that this woman would make and they would share? That would be a touching story and totally appropriate. No. Just what dumb projects of Newt’s has this woman had some involvement in.

    1:15 – “She was one of — she was the first love of my life. We met on my birthday in 2002. I used to run a comic book store in (some mall) in South Jersey. My grandfather passed away on my birthday. My dad’s dad. I didn’t know him very well.”

    Newt…this is not about you and your hangups. This is about your friend who died. Can you get on with it, please?

    “I couldn’t get anybody to cover for me. So I was at work and these two girls came in. I just started making conversation with them. I thought the one was adorable. She had a little crooked tooth.”

    Newt…IT’S WHOLLY INAPPROPRIATE. In 2002, Newt was about 20. I looked it up and I think that this woman was about two years younger than Newt. So anyway, he’s implying that the other woman wasn’t attractive so he went after the attractive one. And he gives this creepy ancedote about her teeth. What the fuck is this?

    But it gets worse. MUCH worse. Just hold on.

    “We talked for quite a while in the mall. And then I followed her around like a lost puppy after that.”

    This girl that he just met. In the mall. Okay. I know that he was only like 20 and she was, let’s just say 18, but it’s still creepy. It’s somebody who he just met. In a comic book store in the mall.

    2:15 – “So she kept coming into the mall. On Halloween, she came in dressed as (somebody). Then when the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake came out, that was like our first date. We went to go see that. And then I went to her house for the first time.”

    I assume that this is all happening on the same day. After the movie, he went to her house. You might think, “Well, maybe it was an innocent thing. They just talked about their shared passion for tits and gore movies.” No. Hold on. The Ideas Man is building the creep story.

    2:45 – “So we were together for quite a while. She was the first person who ever told me that she loved me.”

    Uh huh.

    “I didn’t have a family who was very affectionate. This is stupid. I’m a 41 year old man. It shouldn’t matter but…”

    Then he tells the story from two years ago when he was in the hospital and asked his mother why she never said that she loves him. He’s told this story before.

    Newt…IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR HANGUPS. THIS IS ABOUT THIS FRIEND OF YOURS WHO DIED.

    Imagine this guy giving the fucking eulogy. It would be all about Shark Vampire and how Horseface doesn’t talk to him any more. This woman’s family would have Newt physically removed from the premises. It’s disgraceful.

    3:15 – “Cristay used to tell me to write. She was an actress. She was a model when she was younger. I still have all of her modeling pictures in a photo album.”

    Eugh. Technically, this is about this woman but really, it’s about Newt about how he’s had sex with all of these hot model/actresses. And he still keeps her modeling pictures in his personal spank bank. We don’t need to know this.

    3:30 – “I lost my virginity to her.”

    This is the part that I was waiting for. This is where I turned the video off when I was watching this just for “fun”. It’s fucking vile. Why on earth would he think that it’s appropriate to share this information?

    “But she was my sounding board. She was my editor.”

    It’s all about Newt. What did this woman do for Newt. Well, she listened to his shitty ideas, she did editing work for him, and she fucked him.” He’s not said ANYTHING about this woman yet. We don’t know ANYTHING about her. All that we know is about stuff that this woman did for Newt.

    Then he gives some creepy, embarassing, superficial, insulting stories like when she laughed, it sounded like a seagull.

    4:00 – “She was the person who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but I messed a lot of shit up. One of the downsides of how much she loved me and how much she told me that I was good at this, that, and the other thing is that it built my confidence in a bad way and I started giving my attention to other women and spending time with other people.”

    Newt thinks it’s important that you know exactly how much this hot model/actress loved him, and would tell him how awesome he was. Then he goes on to say that he dropped this hot model/actress for Horseface.

    I don’t want to watch this any more. I don’t know who this woman was. I assume that if she was hanging out with Newt that she was, with respect, a scumbag. But nobody deserves such a disrespectful video as this.

    And this is somebody who he’s never talked about before. Not once. Now that she’s dead, he releases this revolting video. It’s just another example of his obsession with death. Death and Newt Wallen. Those are his two obsesssions. This video combines both of his passions.

    6:00 – Newt starts talking about how he got cancer in 2006, this caused him to lose his job, and for some reason it caused him to no longer talk to this woman’s friend group. They had a mutual friend group. He stopped talking to this woman years earlier, by the way. So he says that he had to start over and find new friends and he compares this to what happened a few years ago when he lost his job at Screenwave for massive plagiarism.

    We’re still talking about Cristay, right? No. We haven’t even started talking about Cristay. This is all about Newt.

    7:00 – Then he says that he met Horseface.

    Newt…what about your friend Cristay who just died? Do you want to say a few words about her? A few non-creepy words?

    No. He just wants to talk about himself. This is every fucking video. He’s completely self-obsessed.

    Then he says that Horseface took the position of Cristay. It’s just so shameful. Can I stop the video? I’m trying to give him a chance to say SOMETHING about this woman but it’s also extremely off-putting when he’s just fucking talking about himself the whole time.

    7:45 – Now Newt briefly mentions that he was dating Justin Silverman’s sister when he was living in Arizona. What on earth does any of this have to do with Cristay?

    Then Newt says that when he returned to New Jersey or rural Pennsylavania or where ever he lived, he got a message from Cristay that she broke up with her husband. She got married and had a child, by the way. He mentioned that in passing earlier. And he says that Cristay said that she heard about this show Underbelly that Newt was doing with Justin Silverman.

    Newt…IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. He’s going to tell us about how fucking great Underbelly was now. And how much this woman loved Underbelly and wanted to have sex with Newt.

    8:00 – So he goes on a date with this woman. He says that they went to his car and talked until the sun came up. Then he says, “All the anger and the animosity and everything was gone. It was just — it brought me right back to those times when we used to…you know…when we were together.”

    He’s literally talking about the times when he had sex with this hot model/actress.

    Newt. I’ve given you every chance in the world. I’m turning this off now. It’s completely disgraceful. You should be deeply ashamed of yourself. This woman deserved better than to know a piece of shit like you.

  • Rarity: Retro Video Game Collecting in the Modern Era | Full Movie (Part 3 of 3)

    35:00 – “I’m glad that there are people grading video games because they’re doing history a favour.”

    This is shameful. I don’t know who this guy is, by the way. He appeared earlier in the video but I don’t know him. But no, people who grade video games are not doing anything. This is completely inconsequential. When I go to the museum, I don’t see baseball cards and Elvis commemorative plates. This is not history that’s particularly worth preserving in this fashion. We certainly don’t need thousands of sealed copies of Super Mario Bros 2. There aren’t enough museums in the world for keeping this shit and it’s of limited historical value.

    How many books do you even see in museums? It’s boring as fuck. Who wants to look at an old book? You obviously can’t flip through it. It’s just open to one page in a display cabinet. You can look at the nice handwriting (because if a book is old enough to be displayed in a museum it probably pre-dates the printing press) and then you move on.

    But there must be loads of books that are are of historical significance. Maybe this all-American hero Deniz Kahn or whatever should start “preserving” those. For free. Because this guy who was talking was kind of suggesting that this is an altruistic act.

    35:30 – Now we get Deniz Kahn openly promoting his company.

    By the way, Deniz Kahn is not a big fat guy with a beard. So we know what that means. FAKE GAMER! This is all just a money-making endevour for him.

    They’re showing footage of these sealed games behind a glass display case, like in a museum. And it just dawned on me how preposterous this would be. Who the fuck would go to a museum to see BOXES?

    38:15 – Some complete lunatic in front of shelves of games. He says that he has $20 million worth of sealed games. He promotes Deniz Kahn’s company. This is fucking shameless. This is just an ad for the guy’s company.

    Then this guy starts shitting on VGA, which is another company who grades video games. It’s unbelievable.

    43:00 – This guy goes on and on about how people are jealous of him. What the fuck? How sensitive is this guy? This is playground behaviour. Nobody cares about your fucking game collection. Nobody says, “Oh, I wish that I had an alleged $20 million worth of boxes.” You do your thing and if you’re confident in yourself, you won’t give a shit what other people have to say. Even if they are saying these things, which they aren’t.

    By the way, this guy is in a cavernous room, sitting behind a huge table, and there’s a huge painting behind him like he’s some mafia don. He’s a dentist. He’s a dentist with a small penis so he’s buying all of this extravagant shit to make himself feel better about himself. No. You’re still a giant nerd who women aren’t interested in. No amount of boxes will overcome that.

    44:30 – Now some other nerd is confirming what this dentist nerd had to say about jealousy. Yes, you fucking faggots. We’re all deeply jealous at your VIDEO GAME collection. That’s right. I wish that I had that pussy repellant in my home.

    You look at Justin Silverman, for example, and he had that Gengar collection. He made a video on it. And I thought, “Well, that’s kind of cool. He has some interesting stuff here. It’s nice that he has a hobby.”

    Not once did I think, “Oh, I wish I had a Gengar collection. I’m so jealous of Justin Silverman and his Gengar collection.”

    It’s completely delusional. NOBODY is jealous of these giant fucking sexless nerds. If you want to spend money on video games, feel free. Is this a bad investment? I don’t know and I don’t care. You do your own thing. I don’t give a shit.

    45:30 – Fedora Faggot is talking about Deniz Kahn getting death threats. WHAT IS THIS ABOUT? WHY IS THIS IN THE “DOCUMENTARY”? It’s totally irrelevant. Why is there this hyperfocus on on Deniz Kahn’s business? THIS IS AN ADVERTISEMENT. And now we’re supposed to see Deniz Kahn as some persecuted Christ-like figure.

    Then Fedora Faggot starts talking about his long “relationship” with Deniz Kahn. Uh huh. I’ll bet. And what a great guy Deniz Kahn and how he’s a true collector.

    WHO CARES? WHY IS ALL OF THIS IN HERE? THIS IS NOT THE DENIZ KAHN STORY!

    46:45 – Now we get to hear from our Lord and Saviour Deniz Kahn some more. He’s showing some Disney art that he got. What the fuck is this? What does this have to do with…this is supposed to be about collecting retro video games, right? Not The Life and Times of Deniz Kahn.

    46:45 – Now Deniz Kahn is showing some “standees” (large cardboard cutouts). It’s Goro from Mortal Kombat wearing an uncomfortably small thong. And a plastic statue of Mario is pointing at Goro’s genitals. What the fuck? Does anybody really need to see this particular part of this man’s collection? Maybe Fedora Faggot would be interested in this but I’m not.

    52:30 – Now we’re on Level 3. Like in video games, you know. “The Rarest Console in the World”.

    Oh, I’m on tenterhooks over here.

    52:45 – Donny Fillerup. Uh huh. He’s from the Netherlands. And you know that he’s from the Netherlands because they have fruity music playing and stock footage of canals and people on bicycles.

    God. Fuck off, Edward Whoever, who “directed” this piece of shit. Enough with the casual racism. People are not stereotypes. Your identity is more than the place that you were born or the place where you live. People from the Netherlands have a wide range of behaviours and beliefs, just like people from the US do. They’re not all jacking each other off in romantic canal trips.

    When JOHN RIGGS was introduced, where was the stock footage of cowboys and 1920s gangsters? John Riggs is an American, right? That means that he’s a cowboy and/or a 1920s gangster. Show us via stock footage. We need to know what to expect when John Riggs talks. He’s going to be talking about his love of wrangling cattle in his thick American drawl. “Yes, ma’am I reckon I do enjoy ya’ll purple-haired ladies.” That’s totally John Riggs. He’s an American after all, isn’t he?

    By the way, Donny Fillerup is quite possibly the fattest man in the Netherlands but probably only average-sized when compared to the rest of the people in this video.

    53:15 – I could swear that this guy was talking about a “condom controller” but maybe he said Gundam.

    They’re playing weird, staticky tecno music throughout this. You know, because he’s from the Netherlands. They love staticky techno music over there.

    58:30 – Now we’re on Level 4. So Level 3 was a short level. Who designed this game? It was just this Dutch guy talking about his console collection. It was interesting enough but it seems out of place.

    So Level 4 is “The Anti-Nintendo Game”. Whatever that means. Non-kid-friendly, I guess. Maybe John Riggs is going to talk about his hentai game collection.

    58:45 – John Hancock is talking about his childhood in rural California. But…the story is just about renting video games. I don’t care. Why did he introduce rural California? I was expecting a story about…you know…life in rural California.

    59:45 – John Riggs. He’s talking about going to the video game rental store even when he didn’t have money, just to look at the games. Why his parents didn’t take him to see a therapist, I have no idea. But this is what happens when you neglect your child’s mental health needs. You end up with John Riggs.

    By the way, I think that they’re showing footage of a game that John Riggs made. So…it’s an ad for his game.

    1:01:45 – Finally, we see this amazing director again, Edward Payson. I’d recognise that hair anywhere.

    1:06:45 – By the way, this Frank Zappa impersonator gets my award for the least annoying person in the video. For whatever that’s worth. He’s also the only person in this thing to denounce graded video games.

    1:07:21 – What the fuck? If you’re jerking off to this video, time yourself to here. Inexplicably, there’s public domain footage of two Slavic strippers. This is in reference to some guy talking about how people were trying to make “adult” games for the NES. But…what do the strippers add to this? It doesn’t help illustrate anything. This is just gratuitous.

    And then immediately after that, this guy is talking about companies wanting to sell Christian games so there’s public domain footage of a family eating dinner. Somehow this indicates that they’re Christian? Maybe they were praying. It only flashed on screen for a second.

    1:07:30 – Fedora Fag holding a copy of Bible Adventures. Leviticus 18:22, my friend.

    Hallelujah is playing. Thanks for really plumbing the depths of theological music. This guy is clearly a scholar on the subject.

    1:09:45 – Deniz Kahn again. Eugh. Fuck this guy. I understand why people hate him.

    He finds the word “dongle” funny. It seems that he’s never encountered the word before and thinks that it’s unique to these games that he’s showing. No, you moron. It’s common in high end commercial software.

    He just thought it was funny because of “dong”. He was thinking about Fedora Fag’s dong.

    1:14:15 – This Swedish woman again. She’s talking about erotic video games. Uh huh. Tell me more.

    Actually, for the past five minutes, that’s been the topic. Porn games and that retarded Chiller game. Not interested when fat, bearded gay men were talking about this shit, but suddenly my interest is piqued.

    1:16:30 – This Swedish woman is talking about a game called Softporn Adventure, which was apparently the prequel (of sorts) to Leisure Suit Larry. She points out that Roberta Williams is on the cover and she made the game. Let me look this up.

    Oh, it’s a text-only adventure game and the first Leisure Suit Larry does seem to be based on this game.

    Is Roberta Williams really on the cover in this hot tub though? Holy shit, she is. I learned something then.

    Then this woman goes on to say that Roberta Williams also made “Knight’s Quest”. It’s just an interpretation error from this woman, presumably.

    I had a deck of playing cards from Sweden as a kid and the jacks were called knights. Instead of a “J”, there was a “K”. How crazy is that? Playing card differences. Wild stuff. Makes more sense, though. What the fuck is a jack?

    1:18:00 – Level 5. This better be it.

    1:21:15 – This guy is basically saying that his hoarding of video games prevents him from getting a girlfriend. Or probably in his case a boyfriend.

    1:21:45 – Deniz Kahn talking about his family in Turkey, presumably. “It’s a cultural thing, like I said. It’s very American to collect stuff.”

    This guy doesn’t have a fucking clue. And in this very video, they showed a Swedish woman and a Dutch man showing off their collections.

    But this fucking imbecile keeps insisting that obsessive consumerism is unique to America. And he’s presenting it as a POSITIVE thing.

    He says that his relatives in Turkey don’t understand this guy’s hoarding because it’s not part of Turkish culture. I don’t even know where to begin with this. He’s a fucking moron. Let’s move on.

    1:22:15 – Now “Kid” Shoryuken is talking about how collecting video games is kind of “taboo” in Japan. He gives examples of people who are obsessed with manga, for example, so they have extensive manga collections.

    Please explain how this disdain for giant nerds is in any way unique to Japan. IT’S UNIVERSAL!

    1:24:30 – Super Video Gamer Gal aka Super Retro Gal aka Super Awkward Gal. She says that she met her husband two weeks after she bought a Nintendo 64. What’s the relevance?

    She says that for her marriage, she walked down the aisle to a Legend of Zelda song. And she says this without even a hint of embarrassment or regret.

    There was also a Nintendo 64 at her wedding, which was in like 2015, I assume. Maybe later. They met in 2014. I don’t think she gives the date of the wedding. And there are pictures of her and her husband holding N64 controllers at their wedding. How fucking humiliating is this?

    How awkward must it have been for the people who attended the wedding? You go to a wedding and you expect a certain level of decorum. These fucking morons have a Nintendo 64-themed wedding. They’re playing Donkey Kong Country music at the wedding. And I don’t just mean the reception, which would be bad enough, but I mean during the actual wedding.

    1:25:30 – Now she’s showing her husband’s Mario Underoos from when he was a child. What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Vintage skidmarks?

    She says that she loves them. Direct quote. “I love them.”

    When she found them in a box of her husband’s old shit, she said, “We’re putting these on the wall.”

    What? WHO HANGS UNDERWEAR ON THEIR WALL? And these are CHILDREN’S underwear. Not that it even makes a difference. I can’t think of ANY underwear that’s suitable to be displayed on a wall.

    Imagine going to somebody’s house and seeing a pair of children’s underpants on the wall. You would jump from the nearest window to get out of that place. These people are obviously lunatics and they’re going to torture you if you stay any longer. This is John Wayne Gacy shit.

    1:25:45 – “We’re really not too sure where these came from.”

    FROM YOUR HUSBAND’S ASS! AS AN EIGHT YEAR OLD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

    By the way, speaking of John Wayne Gacy, this is a woman who killed her husband’s grandfather to inherit his house. I documented all of this. Here’s a particularly egregious video that she made when this poor man was still alive.

    Taking care of an elderly person (A day in my life vlog) – Super Retro Gal

    He had dementia or something. One morning he fell and was disorientated. So Super Awkward Gal said, “Oopsie. Up you go, Pops” and then went to work, leaving this man with severe dementia alone all day. When she came home, he fell again. He probably fell numerous times during the day. So they took him to the hospital and it turned out that he had a stroke or a heart attack. Probably multiple strokes and/or heart attacks.

    I talk about this here:

    I'm Back! Life, expo, and work updates! – SuperRetroGal

    She HATED that man. You saw it in every video. Hated him. Resented him. She was unable to work because she had to take care of him. But then one day she just said, “Fuck it. I’m going back to work. You’re on your own, Pops.” And he died shortly after.

    Absolutely hated that man. I’ve never seen something so evil. She would take videos with that man and the contempt was obvious. In that first article I link to, she’s shown PUTTING HIM IN THE BATHTUB. Right there on fucking Youtube. How undignified. Do you think Pops wanted his bathtime activities to be on fucking Youtube?

    Well, they got his house now so mission accomplished.

    1:26:15 – Super Awkward Gal is still holding these children’s underpants and she says, “Everybody is always like, ‘Oh, that’s gross’ but you wash underwear and you wear it all the time.”

    Yeah. You wear it. You don’t display it on your fucking wall. What is wrong with this lunatic?

    People are telling her, “Hey. Take the fucking underwear down from the wall. It’s making me uncomfortable” and she still doesn’t get it.

    Are these even worth anything? Let me check Ebay. I do not want to know who’s selling used children’s underpants.

    I’m not really seeing anything similar and frankly, I don’t want to look any more.

    1:26:30 – “If my husband one day walked away from the retro video game world, I would be so excited because I would get all of these video games.”

    What? How does that follow? Same way that she got the house from Pops, I guess. Is she suggesting that she’s going to kill her husband too?

    What a bizarre comment. Why would she assume that she would get all of his games? It doesn’t make sense. They’re his games. If he’s not longer interested in them, he would sell them, surely. He wouldn’t just say, “I’m not interested in this shit any more. Here, you take this collection that’s worth thousands of dollars.”

    And her response is all about her. What she would get if her husband stopped collecting.

    Why is this even a question? What would she do if her husband stopped collecting? Who asked this question? I suspect that she did.

    Oh my god. Then she says that she would divorce her husband if he stopped being interested in video games. Not even joking. I have to get the quote now because people won’t believe me otherwise.

    “If he walked away from it and said, ‘I don’t want to see a retro video game for the rest of my life’, we would probably have a bigger issue than just our collection because there’s no way I think I could be with somebody who could not be into video games or support somebody who likes something. It’s a big thing to be supportive of each other and have those connections with something.”

    Unbelieveable. This is straight up psycopath behaviour. No empathy for other people. It’s all about her.

    She talks about being supportive of each other but she’s just talking about him being supportive of her. Because she made it clear that he’s out the door if he ever loses interest in video games. Forget about all of these other shared interested and experiences and whatever that they presumably have. Video games is it. I don’t care about all of the time that we’ve spent together, the connections we’ve made, or you as a human being. If you don’t like video games, it’s over and I’m going to get Pops’ house in the divorce.

    It’s fucking digusting. And she submitted this video. She thinks that these are appropriate comments.

    1:27:15 – So now there’s some other psychopath talking about how his wife had cancer. Unfortunately, it’s not Super Awkard Gal’s husband speaking. So he says that he needed something to distract himself from his wife having cancer.

    Un-fucking-believable. He’s actually going to tell a story about how he sunk all of his money into video games after his wife’s CANCER DIAGNOSIS. You know, instead of maybe saving it for the inevitable MEDICAL BILLS.

    “I needed something to distract myself from that part of my life and wanting to get into something new.”

    I’m completely speechless. His wife gets diagnosed with cancer. So what’s his response? “Well, out with the old (my cancer-ridden wife), in with the new (video games).”

    This guy saw nothing wrong with any of this. He released this video. And there are pictures shown throughout this of this guy’s wife, bald from chemotherapy, and their daughter. Fuck those people. I want to play some Wario’s Woods now.

    “So I basically started liquidating my toys and comics and started funneling, it en masse, into a video game collection.”

    And there’s footage of this man’s daughter, whose mother is near death, toddling along and putting video games into a bag. This guy sold his toy collection over this. Toys that this girl probably enjoyed and played with. So first she loses her toys, then she loses her mother. And this was all orchestrated. This guy is in a “documentary” BOASTING about this. Boasting about how he sold his comic book and toy collection to buy VIDEO GAMES right after his wife was diagnosed with CANCER.

    This guy really needs to get with Super Awkward Gal after Super Awkward Gal kills her husband. This is a couple who were made for each other.

    Then he says that his wife died and he was her primary caretaker, “For that entire journey, which was about four years.”

    It’s the same fucking disdain and resentment that Super Awkard Gal would give when talking about her husband’s grandfather. What a burden it is to have to care for somebody. IT’S YOUR WIFE, YOU FAGGOT.

    “When she was diagnosed terminal, which means no chance of ultimate survival, she wouldn’t be able to be cured at that point, then her life insurance policy unexpectedly paid out.”

    AND HE’S LAUGHING AT THIS! His eyes lit up when he mentioned the life insurance. I can’t fucking believe this. Have the police been shown this video? It seems like this guy should be prosecuted for something. Check under the floorboards of this guy’s home.

    Oh my…what? I have to back up and quote this too.

    1:28:00 – He’s talking about what he did with the money. “So we did lots of responsible, adult things with most of that money but then afterwards, she had some left over and she came to me and she said, ‘Hey, you stuck through me with this, and you took care of me, and I love you. I’d love to do something for you. What do you want? This was the copy of Stadium Events that my wife bought me.”

    Unbelieveable. This guy thinks that he deserves a reward for taking care of his WIFE.

    My girlfriend comes to me and says, “I have cancer. It’s terminal. I don’t have long to live. But I appreciate you sticking with me and taking care of me. What can I do for you? What do you want?”

    I’d tell her that what I want is to spend as much time as possible with her. I’d tell her not worry about how I took care of her. I’d tell her that I was happy to take care of her.

    You know what I wouldn’t say? “Well, I could use a Stadium Events.”

    It’s unbelievable. This guy’s wife, the mother of his child, is dying from cancer, and while she’s still alive, he’s spending TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS on a VIDEO GAME.

    This is so beyond deplorable that I don’t even know what to say. And this is being presented as a positive thing?

    Maybe put that money away FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. No, I’m going to get Stadium Events.

    Then he says that it’s his favourite “piece” but not because of the monetary value, but because of the sentimental value. Oh my fucking god. This guy is insane.

    And he only started collecting like four years earlier. After his wife’s cancer diagnosis. But now he’s all about video games.

    And he’s showing this game in his room that’s full of shelves of games. Shelves of games that he purchased within the past five years or so. And he’s a single father to a young child. He must have put tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars into this.

    Then he just starts talking about the goals he set for his video game collection. Okay, dead wife, that part is over. Now it’s time to focus on video games.

    He says that he got an entire Super Nintendo set of games in two and a half months. Reminder: his daughter’s mother recently died or was terminally ill. And he’s spending this money on VIDEO GAMES.

    1:29:45 – “I started to get to the point where I started to get bored with games.”

    Just like he got bored with his wife. Presumably, this guy has a large insurance policy on his game collection. Expect a house fire soon. Hopefully, he’s not also bored with his daughter so he brings her with him while the house is ablaze.

    So anyway, this guy is showing the various non-video game shit that he has in his collection now. They’re video game related but not actual cartridges or whatever. He’s showing a lot of rare and expensive stuff. Reminder: he only started collecting within the last five years, when his wife was diagnosed with cancer.

    I just can’t get over this. Let me get this guy’s name.

    Stephan Reese. He owns something called The Art of Nintendo Power. Whatever that means. Let’s see if I can find this guy. Hopefully he’s in prison.

    https://www.instagram.com/art_of_nintendo_power/

    There’s his Instagram. Bunch of pictures of his unfortuante daughter who has short, pink/purple hair. In some of these, she’s nearly bald. Hopefully she doesn’t have cancer too. Well, if she does have cancer that just means another copy of Stadium Events for this guy.

    https://www.youtube.com/@ArtofNintendoPower

    There’s his Youtube channel. Three thousand subscribers, he rarely uploads, and nobody is watching the videos. So at least there’s that.

    “I’m Stephan. I have been collecting rare and unique retro gaming artifacts for a number of years now”

    That’s from his description. Yeah. FIVE years. Why be vague about it? It’s FIVE. Since your wife’s cancer diagnosis. You wanted a distraction from that unpleasantness.

    God, this might just be the worst human being I’ve ever encountered.

    https://twitter.com/ArtofNP

    “Please remember to be kind to those of us having a hard day today for whatever the reason. It takes no effort to be kind.”

    This from a man who absolutely reveled in his wife’s painful, cancer-ridden death. Fuck you, asshole.

    1:35:45 – Back to the video. We’re at Deniz Kahn. You know things are bad when it’s a relief to see Deniz Kahn. Deniz Kahn is a complete scumbag piece of shit but he’s Mother Theresa compared to Stephan Reese.

    So anyway, Deniz is apparently BFFs with Stephan Reese. Eugh. I should have guessed.

    1:37:00 – Stephan is back. “Rarity is a subjective thing to talk about especially when you’re talking about the value of things. At the very rare end, where you’re talking about one of a kind or just a couple of something in existence, it’s very hard to talk about value.”

    This faggot’s wife was one of a kind and he easily placed a value on her: $0.

    This guy has apparently spent hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars on this collection that he only started within the past five years, after his wife’s cancer diagnosis. Where did this money come from? According to his Twitter, he works at some video game company. How much can that job possibly pay? Maybe his wife had an enormous life insurance policy.

    Then the video just abruptly ends. WITH THIS GUY! This is how they ended the video. With this complete psychopath.

    8,800 views after ten months. This thing was not a hit. But Edward Whatever, according to his IMDB, is already working on a “sequel”.

    Let’s check out the comments. This article went on WAY too long but I just could not believe that last guy and his unconscionable behaviour towards his wife and daughter. And it was just presented like this was normal. Oh, sure, everybody disposes of their wife after her cancer diagnosis and moves on to video games instead. Totally normal.

    • “Screw this, i didn’t know this was a giant commercial. Stopped watch, get this trash out of my feed”

    It’s true. This was an ad for this grading company. It was also full of complete psychopaths from Stephan to Super Awkward Gal to Deniz Kahn.

    • “Did wata sponsor this? All the wata stuff felt so scripted, especially the dentist dude.”
    • “One of the most irresponsible “documentaries” I’ve ever seen. There is some good stuff peppered throughout but the shilling for WATA and the time spent with that disgusting dentist upset me when I watched this a year ago and I’m still mad.”

    A lot of comments like this.

    • “Old mate that lost his wife to cancer, rough story, I bet he’d give it all back for his wife. I don’t say that to be an arsehole, just an observation on the important of ephemera. Very very cool collection though.”

    I’m not sure that we were watching the same video.

    • “What a weird way to start the documentary with the quote of a child murderer.”

    I didn’t even notice but it’s fitting, given the inclusions of Stephan and Super Awkward Gal.

    I was watching the credits just now, because somebody in the comments mentioned Screenwave, and at 1:40:30, it says, “In Memory of Heather Reese.” This is the woman who Stephan reveled in the death of. Absolutely disgusting. Would she want to be associated with a video where her husband talked about how he wanted to move on from her cancer diagnosis by purchasing video games?

    Anyway, did Screenwave have some involvement with this “documentary”? It would make sense if they did.

    , , , , , ,

  • Rarity: Retro Video Game Collecting in the Modern Era | Full Movie (Part 2)

    Let’s resume the “fun”.

    10:15 – This is Heidi. She’s a big “gamer” from Sweden. She has a blog here:

    https://retro-video-gaming.com/about/

    Hasn’t been updated since 2018.

    She’s also on Youtube. That ended in 2017. Her Twitter must still be active though, right? No. She quit Twitter in 2019. Instagram? “Site not found.”

    So why is she in the video? Because the video exists just as a circle jerk promotional vehicle. The “Youtubers” get to advertise their channels in this “documentary”, and in turn the “Youtubers” will advertise this “documentary” on their channels. But this woman has nothing to promote and no way to promote the “documentary.” So what’s the point? This “director” just decided that he needed to fill a quota? “It can’t just be all fat guys. Let’s try to find some reasonably slim women.”

    Oh my god. It took me a while to figure out what she’s saying. She’s talking about vinyl records. And she says “vin-el” as opposed to “vine-l”. Short “I” instead of long “I”.

    I know that she’s Swedish and English isn’t her first language and it makes sense that “vinyl” would be pronounced with a short “I” but why didn’t this “director” tell her about this and ask her to re-do her segment? Or at least ask her if she wants to redo it.

    11:15 – Literal fat bearded guy in a fedora with a nasally voice.

    12:00 – Pretty sure that this is a gay couple. The one guy has numerous piercings and is wearing nail polish. Couple of fat old bears.

    Can we get some twinks in here? Why is everybody a fat bearded guy in the retro gaming sphere? And it’s not just the “Youtubers”. Whenever I see a video of one of these nerd conventions, 90% of the people in attendance are big, fat, bearded guys. Hot young studs aren’t interested in video games, I guess.

    12:30 – Speaking of fags, we’ve got this guy again. I can’t remember his name or why he was annoying but he was.

    13:30 – James Rolfe is back. He’s not a big, gay, bearded bear at least. Of course, he’s also not interested in video games.

    Oh my god. The truth was right in front of us the whole time. We should have known that James wasn’t a “gamer” from day one. “Wait a minute…a gamer who isn’t a big fat guy with a beard? Impossible.”

    “I wouldn’t recommend to the common person to fill up an entire room in their house of video games…or movies or anything, which is what I do.”

    Yeah. Movies. James hordes movies. But…this is about video games. So why even include this guy? He’s at pains to CONSTANTLY say that he’s not fucking interested in video games. And that’s fine. What the fuck do I care what hobbies anyone has? But he doesn’t belong in this “documentary”.

    And his use of the phrase “common person” is telling. James has an extremely inflated sense of his own self-worth. You saw this constantly in his autobiography. I reviewed his horrible book here, by the way:

    James Rolfe: A Movie Making Nerd Omnibus
    A Movie Making Nerd by James Rolfe – Review

    I did a pretty good job of it, I have to say. The omnibus is better but the review is shorter so it’s up to you and your time commitments. Something for everybody.

    Then after James gets through talking, there’s a weird animated credit sequence…like the video is over. But…sadly…it’s not. That was…a really weird artistic choice by my new favourite director Edward whatever his last name is.

    By the way, speaking of this director, he constantly will intersplice some kind of random, possibly public domain “gaming” footage into these talking head videos. Footage of somebody playing a video game or footage from a video game store or something. It’s really distracting because you know that he’s only doing this to break up the monotony of having to stare at John Riggs for 30 straight seconds or whatever.

    14:15 – James says that it’s more special to find a game in person. Then he concludes with “That’s a lot more rare for me nowadays.” Yet again, he’s saying that he doesn’t fucking buy video games. SO WHY IS HE IN THE VIDEO?

    16:30 – Some other guy guy with a beard. At least he seems reasonably fit.

    17:15 – Fedora faggot again. I mean, I know it’s not entertaining for me to just call everybody gay and move on but this is fucking painful and there’s nothing else to say. It’s a gay fat man with a beard and a fedora. Does it get any more stereotypical than this? Where’s that fucking Swedish woman? Bring her back.

    So this guy tells a story about getting into a guy’s car, a guy who he didn’t know, being driven 45 minutes away, and going to a house full of “cocaine-addicted swingers.” He never mentions anyone’s gender, by the way. THESE ARE ALL DUDES. I GUARANTEE IT. And this guy got into this stranger’s car, not because he wanted to check out video games but because he wanted in on this gay, coke-fueled orgy.

    Amazingly, this director was able to get public domain footage of a gay orgy involving a guy wearing a fedora. I’m not even joking. So I give full marks to the director for being able to find footage that specific.

    20:45 – This gay duo is back. The one guy says, “So much pain. So much misery.” And they’re in a dimly-lit sex dungeon or something. I really don’t need to know about this. I mean, I’m an open-minded guy but I don’t want to think about this. This is supposed to be a video about retro video games. Not gay BDSM.

    I’d be equally outraged if I was watching a video about gay BDSM and then suddenly somebody started talking about retro video games. It’s just that there’s a time and a place.

    By the way, the topic of this segment of the video is how these various scumbag “Youtubers” got video games for pennies from impoverished people who didn’t know any better.

    24:30 – Back to Deniz Kahn. Fuck this guy. He’s going to talk about how graded games are the bedrock of America.

    Then he’s showing home videos. I could swear that this guy is Jewish. Is he not Jewish? No. Deniz is a Turkish name and he had on Linkedin that he spoke Turkish. Well, his lust for money accords with the Chosen People anyway.

    Wait…is it possible that he’s a Turkish Jew? Are there Jewish people in Turkey? Who knows?

    26:00 – Oh, it’s “Kid” Shoryuken. He’s wearing his trademark beanie because he’s a bald man who’s self-conscious. He has the bangs of an 8 year old boy, though.

    Credit where credit is due, he’s a big fat guy but at least he doesn’t have a beard. So at least he has that going for him. Mix it up a little. It’s not a strict uniform, guys. You can do you what you want.

    Why do these fat nerds seem to gravitate to beards? Does it make their face look slimmer? I think that might be it. But you know what else would make your face look slimmer? Diet and exercise.

    So anyway, “Kid” whatever is talking about how he moved to Japan in 2005 and that’s when he started buying games, in stores at least. And as soon as he says “Japan” some racist Japanese music starts playing. The music itself isn’t racist but it’s stereotypical Japanese music. Why include this? When that Swedish woman was talking, they didn’t start playing Abba’s greatest hits.

    27:30 – I’m on chapter 2 now. I guess. They call it “level 2”. Get it? Like a video game.

    28:00 – You have got to be kidding me. “Kid” whatever says that Japanese people take good care of their games because of the history of Shintoism in Japan. Oh, do tell. I have to hear this.

    “You can have an attachment to something. It’s my understanding that in Shinto, even something like a doll can develop a soul if you attach an emotion, an attachment to it. Maybe there’s some soul that’s attached to a piece of art because of the emotion that you attach to it. It compels people to take better care of things that you can put into an artistic context. You could argue that this box is a piece of art. This manual is a piece of art. The cartridge, all of this, it’s all art.”

    This New York prostitute is a piece of art. This 20 year old ladyboy is a piece of art. I just want to stick my dick into all of this art and give it a soul. That’s what Shintoism is all about. Oh, and taking good care of your video game collection.

    Yeah, I think I’ll do a little more research on Shintoism before I take your word on this one, “Kid” Whatever.

    28:45 – Oh, John Hancock. I never got into him. I know that a lot of people hate him but I just never watched his videos or investigated his scam museum or whatever the problem is. But I’m sure he’s an asshole like the rest of these people.

    30:15 – Fedora Fag is back.

    31:45 – Some other fag is talking about how great it is to get your games graded. A significant portion of this video seems like an advertisement for that one asshole’s video game grading company. The guy who owns the company also shilled for his company during a segment.

    Well, the next guy does start out by saying that grading games has had a negative effect on collecting. So maybe it’s not a straight forward advertisement.

    32:45 – Some new guy is talking. A fat Indian guy. You don’t see that often. You don’t see many fat Indian guys. So this guy must have REALLY tried to fit in with the fatass “gamer” demographic. No beard, though. That’s disappointing.

    I made it to 35:00. That’s as much as I can do today.

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