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What is the BEST Evil Dead Movie? – Tony from Hack The Movies
- “Crystal’s fine, but we all prefer Mint Salad”
- “How can anyone hate Crystal? when her devilish smile lights up her face when she says things like “I like evil Ash”, how can you not just feel happy!”
- “Um damn can Crystal be any cuter”
- “man crystal comin off a coke binge but shes still fine af.”
- “I love Crystal”
- “I love crystal and Monica! Crystal has beautiful eyes, but I also loved her nerdy look in the glasses. Congrats on the LASIK.”
- “Crystal should absolutely cosplay as Evil Dead Rise mom. She’s a dead ringer for Alyssa Sutherland.”
These people are on another planet.
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Point and Drink Adventure Podcast Episode 10 – What are our Favorite things? – Cannot Be Tamed
Ten fabulous episodes of Point and Drink Adventure. I think that this is the last one because this was uploaded three weeks ago and they were trying to upload every…week? Every two weeks at the most, I would think. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe Pam and Pele are going to come back stronger than ever with episode 11. Get those 1,000 views, ladies.
It’s fucking awful. Pam has negative charisma and Pele…I don’t even know. She’s not boring as fuck like Pam, but who is? Pam is a personality black hole. But I’ve never heard Pele say anything interesting.
The format does not help. The idea is to talk about alcholic beverages and video games. Basically, they’ve ripped off the Cinemassacre Podcast (What’cha Drinking, What’chat Playing) but it’s even MORE boring if you can believe that.
Pele works in the alcohol industry, in some capacity, so we’re supposed to give a shit about her opinions on alcohol. No. I don’t care. I don’t care about ANYONE’S opinion on alcohol, no matter how learned their opinion may be. I rarely drink. I’m not some fucking alcoholic like Pam over here. And even if I did drink, why would I care about how “hoppy” or “malty” some beverage is? All of that stuff tastes the same to me. Like shit. Please excuse my non-drunken loser palette.
And then they talk about video games and it’s obvious that Pele does not play video games. So…this is just really terrible. Do something else with your time, ladies. This is just an excuse for a couple of lesbians to get together, at least virtually, and get drunk.
In this particular episode, they’re together in person. And they’re just talking about whatever! Their favourite things! It’s like with the Cinemassacre Podcast when they quickly gave up on the “What’cha Drinking, What’cha Playing” format and just said, “Fuck it. Let’s talk about anything.” The podcast was cancelled a few episodes later. All good tv shows take a break.
0:00 – Pele introduces herself as “Michelle”. Don’t be confused. Her real name is Pele. Or something. It’s like how Chinese people adopt Western names when they move to a Western country. And only Chinese people do this. Nobody from the rest of Asia does this.
I knew a Chinese woman and she said that her professor, or somthing, gave her a Western name. He just went around the room and gave everyone in the class a Western name. So…that’s the name that she used. Just this random name that a professor gave everyone in the class. That’s the name that I knew her by. I don’t know her real name. It’s totally bizarre.
But Pele is from the Phillipines. Well, maybe she’s a Chinese woman from the Phillipines. Although, she doesn’t look Chinese. And I don’t even know if she was born in the Phillipines or her parents were or what. Anyway, she’s Pele. I think it’s something like Petee, actually.
So they’re in Pele’s apartment. Pele says that she’s been drinking with Pam for the past three days. I’m not even joking. Pele lives in…Maryland, I want to say. And Pam is looking chunky. Time to cut back on the drinking and start watching what you eat, Pam. You’re over 40. Your metabolism isn’t what it used to be. And the horntards aren’t going to watch some fat chick.
Then they describe what they’re doing as “day drinking”. Terrible promotion of alcoholism.
0:30 – Pele says that they went to a Broadway show. What? Where did I get Maryland from? Why would I have thought Maryland? She must have said it at some point. How far is Maryland from New York?
Three and a half hours. That’s within reason, I guess. It would be a journey but I guess that it could be done in one day. Go there, see the sites and sounds of fabulous New York City, and then drive back the same day.
Pele is in a studio apartment, isn’t she? She’s sitting on a sofa and the kitchen is behind her. Doesn’t this suggest a studio apartment? That job at the alcohol factory must not be paying too much.
5:00 – Pele says, “I’m so happy to share this wine with somebody.”
How about a husband, Pele? Enough of this embarassing bullshit where you’re trying to pick up chicks from the internet who live hundreds of miles away, in another country.
6:00 – Pam starts talking about LA Confidential. I saw it when it came out. I don’t remember anything about it. But I also wrote a review of it for a college course. I got an “A” because I have natural talent for the written word. I’m a real wordsmith. It’s a pretty lame assignment for a college class, though.
8:45 – Pele starts talking about Last of the Mohicans. Hey, ladies, have you seen any movies in the past 20 years?
9:15 – Pele isn’t sure if she should say “indiginous people” or “native” so she turns to Woke Pam for guidance. Fucking hilarious. Just call them “red men” and move on.
Anyway, this woman’s favourite movie is about a white man pretending to be an American Indian. The white savior movie. That’s what she likes. Turn in your SJW card, Pele.
“Historically, it’s very accurate.”
Oh, do tell. There was a white man who pretended to be an Indian and saved the tribe with his white man power? Let me look this up.
The movie was (loosely) based on an 1826 romance novel.
At the time of Cooper’s writing, many U.S. settlers believed and perpetuated the myth that Native Americans were disappearing, believing they would ultimately be assimilated or killed off entirely due to the genocidal structure of settler colonialism. Especially in the East, as Native Peoples’ land was stolen and settled on in the name of U.S. expansion and Jeffersonian agrarianism, the narrative that many Native Peoples were “vanishing” was prevalent in both novels like Cooper’s and local newspapers. This allowed settlers to view themselves as the original people of the land and reinforced their belief in European ethnic and racial superiority through, among other rationalisations, the tenets of scientific racism. In this way, Cooper was interested in the American progress narrative when more colonists were increasing pressure on Native Americans, which they, and Cooper, would then view as “natural”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_of_the_Mohicans
Right there on Wikipedia, ladies. This deeply racist movie was based on a deeply racist book.
But Daniel Day Lewis was so hot, so that’s why Pele likes it. Despite the fact that Pele is obviously a lesbian. Some lesbians like to pretend that they’re interested in men, the same way that some straight women (like Horseface) like to pretend that they’re interested in women.
11:30 – Pam is talking about Moulin Rouge. This is the play that they saw. How cultured. Watching a play based on a movie. I’m waiting for the Broadway version of Thunderpants.
14:00 – Pele is talking about Blade Runner. These are some peculiar choices from Pele. They’re not particularly feminine and they’re not particular woke. They’re also not particularly highbrow. Well, maybe she’s not feminine, woke, or highbrow. Maybe she’s just pretending that she is to try to get something going with Pam. No. You don’t need to do that, Pele. Just be yourself. Pam is fucking her dog. She doesn’t have high standards. She’ll go out with you. She’s already “going out” with you. Come on. You can drop the charade.
17:15 – Pam is talking about The Handmaiden. It’s an Asian movie. Pam likes to talk about Asian movies with Pele. It’s fucking racist. She does this to try to appeal to Pele.
No. Ladies. Listen. You’re both already clearly having sex with each other. You can stop the lies. Just be yourselves. Be your boring, lesbian selves.
19:15 – Pele is talking about Ru Paul’s Dragrace. Both Pam and Pele love stuff where men dress as women. They love emasculating men.
Pam says that there’s a Filipino version of this show. STOP THE CASUAL RACISM, PAM. Just because Pele is Filipina, that doesn’t mean that it’s her entire identity. Indeed, Pele NEVER talks about enjoying Asian movies or tv shows. But Pam has to fucking fetishise Pele. Everything has to be about how “exotic” Pele is. No, she’s a normal person, same as you, Pam. You’re just a couple of boring as fuck lesbians. Pele is a boring as fuck lesbian who happens to be Asian. Can you get over that and start treating her as an equal?
These fucking fake SJW bitches.
Then they start talking about video games for like an hour. No thanks, ladies. I’ve got stuff to do.
Oh, SupaPixelGirl aka SupaNintedoGirl aka Supa…there were a lot. But she’s Pixel Weaver now. She leaves a comment.
- “Omg Pam we need to talk about Ru Paul drags race!! I’ve watched all the seasons and I’m a huge fan”
Yay! We love emasculating men! Isn’t that “woke” of us?
No. It’s deeply misandric and something that you should perhaps speak to a psychiatrist about. Speaking of which, how’s the job searching going, Dr OnlyFans? In case you’re unaware, SupaCrazyBitch apparently graduated with a degree in psychology and then she moved to Boston or somewhere to look for a job and then that was the last I heard of this job search. This was years ago. I don’t think she found a job. How could she? Who would possibly go to this insane woman for therapy?
Anyway, it seems that she’s making video again. It seems to have coincided with the time that the blog got shut down. As soon as she sees this, I think that she’s going to stop making videos and possibly shut the channel down again. She’s DEEPLY mentally ill.
https://www.youtube.com/@pixelweaver/videos
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My Healing Journey: How VIDEO GAMES Changed My Life – Zap Cristal
Video games and mental health. Everyone’s favourite two topics. Well, by “everyone” I mean women who make Youtube videos about video games. Everything is, “Me, me, me. My mental health. My problems. My inability to solve my problems. Oh, and Mario is so cute.”
0:15 – Animal Crossings: New Horizons. This helped her with covid. She worked in a school and couldn’t go to the school because of lockdown. So she played Animal Crossing instead.
“For the very first time, I had to celebrate my birthday in the middle of a lockdown and that was a lot to process.”
Ummm….I’m pretty sure that this was the same for EVERYBODY. But these mentally ill gamer girls LOVE talking about themselves. Everything is about them.
Oh, by the way she has “inspirational” quotes before each of these games. I won’t give all of them because they’re infuriatingly trite and stupid. But this one is, “Pain has an expiration date. Treasure the good moments.”
2:00 – Now she’s talking about another game that saved her life. I don’t know what it is. She gave the title but I couldn’t understand it. Spririt Feral? I don’t know.
She had a miscarriage so played this game. I’m sympathetic but at what point do you move on? Miscarriages are not uncommon.
Let’s not look at miscarriages. Let’s say that you have a close family member who died. Obviously, I’m sympathetic. But you can’t go the rest of your fucking life talking about it. Who does that? Self-obsessed, mentally ill, gamer girls on the internet do that. They mention every fucking tragedy that they ever experienced at all times. It’s a way to constantly bring the attention to themselves.
Everybody knows people who have died. It’s the nature of things. But you move on.
3:30 – What Remains of Edith something. This is also about her miscarriage.
4:45 – Florence. This helped her cope with being in a long distance relationship. But…she’s married. I think that she’s been married for years. Maybe she’s talking about her long distance relationship with John Riggs.
By the way, this is the woman who gave a talk at a nerd convention and said that people constantly tell her that she’s too attractive to be an “influencer”. I’ll let you decide how accurate that statement is.
6:30 – Unpacking. She says that she’s moved a lot. She moved from New Jersey or somewhere to Texas. I think that her husband is from Texas.
She finds it traumatic that she moved from her hometown. So move back. Problem solved.
Or be an adult and appreciate where you’re living now.
8:30 – HA! “Self-love” is the “inspirational” title this time. This is going to be about how excessive masturbation has traumatised her, I guess. Then stop fucking doing it. Have some self-control.
She’s talking about Two Point Campus. What does this possibly have to do with onanism? Maybe she was that weird kid in school who got caught playing with themselves. Typically, it’s a guy who gets caught but…whatever. She must be REALLY into self-love.
She says that this game helped her overcome the tragedy of getting burnt out on making awful Youtube videos. So we have Two Point Campus to blame for these videos.
She says that she nearly had an “identity crisis” because she didn’t want to make videos any more and therefore “didn’t know who she was any more”.
Well…maybe I can assist. You’re a weird narcissist who makes your son record bizarre, vaguely sexual Youtube videos of you. And you’re under the complete delusion that you’re a hot chick.
She also had some health problems that required medication. Whoop dee doo.
10:00 – “I was also leaving a relationship behind to find my own true self”.
So is she not married to that black guy any more? What the fuck is this? Did she leave him for John Riggs? She just made a video with her husband AND John Riggs a few months ago.
10:45 – Two Point Campus helped me escape reality and make me realise that I was able and capable of handling things, of managing things, of running things on my own and that I don’t really need someone who is going to drab(?) me or belittle me or talk down to me or to my son.”
She is/was married to Mr Wright Way.
https://www.youtube.com/@MrWrightWay/videos
I’m not seeing any recent videos of him with Zap Cristal. But I’m not sure if he ever really made videos with Zap Cristal.
She’s also not mentioned on his Instagram. Or his Twitter. So I’m guessing that he dropped Zap Cristal like a sack of crap. Guess she wasn’t so hot after all.
Oh yeah. And this confirms it:
So allegedly Mr Wright Way was talking down to Zap Cristal. Well, she is a dummy. It’s kind of required to down to unintelligent people. Otherwise, they won’t understand what you’re saying.
Or maybe it’s because he’s a black guy and black guys aren’t known for being good, reliable, long-term partners. But then this goes back to her being a dummy. Because she picked him. This is who she wanted to be with.
So that’s the video. To summarise, the traumas that she went through in life are: covid, miscarriage, not being sure if she wants to make Youtube videos any more, moving home, taking medication, and Mr Wright Way finally having enough of her nonsense.
It’s a fucking joke. You call that a difficult life? I’m not saying that Zap Cristal is living the good life. She seems to be doing a low-paying job, she’s a single mother, she lives in Texas. But these are all the results of her own poor decisions. Nobody wronged her. And she didn’t get cancer or something.
Too hot to be an influencer, my ass. Too DUMB to be an influencer. Too SELF-ABSORBED to be an influencer. Too dumb and self-absorbed to even run her own life.
This is some weird hate video about…Mr Wright Way? Maybe? It’s some complete scumbag, who, I guess, is trying to woo Zap Cristal with this.
He has videos about Andrew Tate as well. I don’t know anything about that but I think it’s some weird bullshit.
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Living with Indian Guys in Wembley (and College Dorm Story)
My last blog got deleted and I lost about a month’s worth of posts. So I’ll have to redo some stuff. In terms of where I was living, my last surviving autobiographical post was this one:
You can check that out if you’re so inclined. But after I left that property, I moved just down the street with some Indian guys. It was five Indian guys and an Australian aboriginal guy. I’ve never seen an Australian aboriginal guy before or since, as far as I know. But I was talking to an Australian aboriginal woman on some dating site around this time. Nothing came of that.
The new place was very close to my old place so I just carried everything over by foot. It was like a five minute walk.
Before I got the place, there was an interview. They wanted to find somebody fun to have around the house. They made a really poor decision.
But the guy who was the main tenant wanted to move to the US. That’s why I got the property. He thought that maybe he could get some inside information about living in the US or whatever. Unfortunately for him, I don’t really socialise, especially in these circumstances. I just fucking hated living in a shared property. Nothing against anybody, it’s my own thing, but I need privacy.
Actually, let me go back further. If you remember this story of the Indian house from the last time I wrote about it, I was only there for a month so there’s not much to tell.
So let me give some bonus “content” about my semester of living in college dorms.
I spent a year going to a local college and I didn’t like living at home so I thought, “I should be out living the crazy college life. Fucking sorority skanks and whatnot.”
So I applied to some in-state, public universities and I think that I got into all of them, but I picked the one that I did because it had a reputation for being a party school. It’s probably not true. I don’t think that these reputations mean anything. It’s only a party school if you’re going out and partying, which, of course, I was not going to do. But this was my idiotic thinking as a 19 year old. I wanted to maximise my chances of fucking bitches by going to this party school. Even though I hated socialising and just wanted to stay inside and hide all day.
I go to the school. It was like a three hour drive from my home. And I’m assigned to a dormitory. I think that I could have got my own apartment because I was a sophmore (only freshmen are required to live in the dorms) but I was trying to save money or something, even though an apartment probably would have been cheaper than the dorms.
There were male dorms, female dorms, and mixed dorms. I obviously went with the mixed dorms. Again, I have no idea what I thought would happen. The ladies are just going to be banging my door in as I hide in my little room. But the whole thinking behind all of this was to have sex with women. That was the whole reason why I was going to college.
I recognised a woman who I went to high school with. She lived on the same floor of this dorm. I didn’t even say hello to her. This would have been a great way to start talking to somebody, maybe I could get something going with her, maybe she could introduce me to her friends, whatever. But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I didn’t know how. It was all really awkward.
My roommate was a Mexican guy. I don’t know if he was an asshole or he was just really annoyed having to live with me. Because he was fine at first. But then there was some issue towards the end of the semester where he would play music really loud when I had the tv on. And I asked him to turn it down and he said no. And he would do this regularly.
By the end of the semester, we weren’t talking at all. Not that we were talking much at any point, but by the end of the semester, there was clearly animosity from both sides.
This was before computers, by the way. So the only way to entertain yourself was with television and video games. I had a Playstation that I bought specifically so I could play it while he’s playing this loud music. I put the sound down. The sound wasn’t necessary.
The guy was an idiot, by the way. I was getting C’s and he was getting F’s.
There were communal showers. When he was in the shower, I decided to go out for dinner. I locked the door. He didn’t have a key. I knew this, that’s why I did this, but fuck him. So he was pissed off about that when I came back but he didn’t do shit.
The other people in the dorm were fucking hillbillies. It was a rural town, in a rural state, and it was just a bunch of hayseed-chewing fucks. I was from a major city.
We had construction paper signs with our names on them outside the door. Everybody did. Somebody at the school made them. But by the end of the semester, somebody ripped my sign and took my name off.
I didn’t talk to anybody. That was the problem. They didn’t like that. I wish that I was more sociable but I’m just not. That’s not how I am. Especially at the time and in that circumstance. I shouldn’t get abuse for this. But people find it offensive.
I made a complaint to the RN. Whatever the fuck that stands for. Some upperclassman. It was a woman. She didn’t do shit, of course.
Then I went back to my previous college after that semester. And that dumb fuck roommate went to some private school because he flunked out of this college that we went to. He got all F’s. I don’t even know how it’s possible.
All in all, the treatment I got wasn’t that bad. Nobody ever confronted me. Nobody ever gave me a swirlie or whatever. It was all just this feminine, passive-aggressive shit.
A few months later, I got a bill for $17 for damage to the communal entrance. There was like a windowed entrance and the windows kept getting smashed up by the hillbillies there. So the school decided to charge everybody for this. I didn’t pay. They threatened to withhold my academic transcript but I had already transferred the transcript to my old/current university.
They went after this $17 for YEARS. Numerous debt collectors. For seventeen fucking dollars. It cost them more in postage, sending all of these threatening letters, than the $17 that they were trying to collect. But it’s the principle of the matter, I guess. They thought that they were owed $17. No. I had nothing to do with those fucking windows breaking. I was hiding in my room all the time.
Anyway, from redneck America back to sophisticated London. I was living with these Indian guys.
The main tenant told me that I had to leave every week or so because the landlord does an inspection. I’m not sure why the landlord is doing weekly inspections or why I have to leave but I just went with it.
I cooked hamburgers a lot. Like every day. And these Indian guys didn’t like that. They worship cows or something. I don’t know the particulars. But if they wanted a vegetarian flatmate or at least somebody who doesn’t eat beef, they should have got an Indian flatmate. That’s just common sense. I’m not going to convert to Hinduism just because I’m living with these Indian guys. Tolerance isn’t a one-way street. You also have to tolerate my belief in eating hamburgers every day. It’s a part of my culture.
My room was just a tiny boxroom. It fit a bed and nothing else. It was also really humid. So I had a fur hat that got destroyed. Just from the humidity. I should have opened a window but I’m an idiot. I didn’t want these huge mayflies to get in, which inevitably they would. So the hat got mouldy and just disintegrated. Just from a month of being in that humid room. That hat had a lot of sentimental value but I had to throw it out. It couldn’t be repaired.
Then the landlord found out that we were all living there. And we weren’t supposed to be living there. The flat was only supposed to be for students. The only student was the main tenant.
What would happen is the people who originally lived there, who were students, moved out. This main tenant was supposed to then tell the landlord that they moved out so that the landlord could find new students to move in. The landlord gets a tax break or something if the property only has students in it.
But this main tenant didn’t want to do that. The main tenant wanted to just get people off the street to move in and jack the rent up so that it covers his portion of the rent and probably more. So he was making money off of this sub-letting.
When the landlord found out, he said everybody has to go. He gave us a month to move out.
This main tenant was talking to me and saying that he hopes that he gets to stay. Yeah. I really feel sorry for you. I hope it all works out. Meanwhile, I just moved in a month ago, assuming that this was all legitimate, and now I have to find another place to live.
I never talked to any of the people in this place. I don’t know their names. I don’t know anything about them. But on the last day we were there, we agreed to go out for drinks one day. That day has not yet arrived but it’s only been 15 or 20 years.
I think that I was doing data entry at the time in a property management company. I already wrote about that but that’s one of the articles that got lost so I’ll have to do it again. But the next property is in North London and it’s the last shared property that I ever had. So the nightmare is almost over.
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Earthworm Jim Trilogy – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) – Cinemassacre
Oh great. A 26 minutes AVGN video. That’s what I want. Twenty-six minutes of this green screen, scat fetish bullshit.
0:15 – But first, a word from our green screened sponsor: some VPN.
1:30 – “When you think back to the 90s, you think of two things: slapstick and crude humour.”
What? Who thinks that?
And there’s footage of the PAINFULLY unfunny Chris Farley. Who are these people who are watching Saturday Night Live? I remember people talking about it in elementary school but I just never got it. How could anybody possibly find this shit funny? The same fucking three jokes repeated ad nauseum. Sketches that never seem to end. The “actors” just laughing at their own terribly unfunny material. It’s completely bizarre. You watch that shit, you hear the people laughing, and it’s an uncomfortable feeling. How stupid does somebody have to be to find this lazy, lowbrow shit funny? But they do. The show is hugely popular. So then you start to despair humanity.
Anyway, James Rolfe, a confirmed, straight up retard, finds the show funny. I can see that. But a normal functioning person? How? It just goes to show that the average intelligence in America is extremely low. How else do you explain Saturday Night Live being on the air for fifty years?
So James’ next example of how the 1990s was all about slapstick and crude humour is…LOONEY TUNES. You know, those theatrical shorts from the 1940s.
Is he fucking retarded? Oh. Okay.
Then Jim Carey. Another bafflingly unfunny thing. Retard Jimmy enjoys him.
2:00 – Footage of a man defecating on a toilet while Jimmy says of the movie Dumb and Dumber, “Piss shit and puke.”
Here we go with the scat fetish nonsense.
2:30 – Extended talk about excrement. I won’t even transcribe it. It’s stupid. James is a stupid man. And I don’t want to listen to this.
3:30 – Holy shit. James, just fucking shave your head. This is ridiculous. It looks terrible. Who are you kidding with this? His hairline is to the middle of his scalp. And we can’t see the back but there’s a huge bald spot there. All James is doing is working with this thin strip of hair that he has on the middle of his scalp and not showing the back. No. That’s not going to work. Come on. He can see this. His wife can see this. Why is nobody saying anything to him?
What is he paying Screenwave for? They have a responsibility to tell James that his hair, or lack of hair, looks like shit. It’s time to let it go. He has more hair on his arms than he does on his head.
Hold the phone. I may have stumbled onto something brilliant here. What about a hair transplant from his arms to his head? Presumably, it would only grow as long as arm hair grows. A quarter of an inch or whatever. But James’ arms are so fucking hairy that he could easily cover his whole head with it. Just a whole head of thick, quarter inch arm hair. Plus, it would solve the problem of his disgustingly hairy arms.
5:30 – Shout out to Don Bluth. Did Mike write this? Who else talks about Don Bluth?
6:15 – Disgusting reference to “farting assholes”.
This stuff is not funny, James. Your handlers at Screenwave should be telling you this. Your wife should be telling you this. Why does it continue to happen?
7:45 – World’s worst acting. Jimmy is “angry”.
Then he hits the game with a hammer like he’s fucking reta — oh.
And as he’s “hitting” the game, the footage skips back and forth to him kneeling on the floor and him pretending to sit on his green screen sofa. It doesn’t even make sense. If he’s sitting on the sofa, he wouldn’t be able to reach the game, which is on the ground.
10:00 – Jimmy is clearly sexually excited when he’s talking about a level that takes place in some intestines. I don’t want to see this. Put your penis away, Jimmy.
11:00 – Then the next stage is Buttville. Here we go again with this scat fetish bullshit.
11:45 – “I’d like to introduce the balance of shit justice.”
Not for me, Jimmy. This is not a video that I want to watch. Is this a video that ANYONE wants to watch?
It’s a scale and on one side are video games and on the other side is human waste. Mm hmm. Yeah. Seven and a half years in special education.
So then Jimmy pretends to play Earthworm Jim 2.
14:15 – More scat talk from Jimmy…
20:00 – He finished reading the review of the game and then goes back to that scale that has human faeces on it.
Then it’s Earthworm Jim 3D.
22:00 – He keeps yelling “brain”. It’s annoying. It’s not funny. And it’s making me want to stop the video. Is this what he wants from the viewer?
23:45 – Jimmy makes a Donkey Kong stuffed novelty look like it’s defecating. Uh huh. Something to discuss with your psychiatrist, Jimmy.
25:00 – Terrible footage of Jimmy pretending to get angry as he pretends to play the game. He’s the world’s worst actor.
Then we’re back to the scales with poop on them.
This is awful.
Then the video ends with the fake credits. Directed and written by James Rolfe. Sure, it was. The poop “jokes” maybe but not the rest of it.
Edited by Sean O’Rourke. Gameplay by James & Sean.
One of these guys is the helium-voiced faggot who banned me from the Cinemassacre subreddit. I was referring to some transgender person and put “woman” in quotation marks so he banned me. But he wasn’t content with just banning me from the subreddit. He also reported me to the Reddit admins who banned me from the whole site for like a week. Just because I put “woman” in quotes while referring to a man in a dress.
Why was this faggot so upset by this comment? Is there something that he wants to tell us? Is he “transitioning” just like his boss Ryan. Well, he’s already got the voice of the woman. So he has that going for him at least. Voices are one of the harder things to work on as far, as I’m concerned. Anybody can get giant implants. But speaking in a convincing feminine voice? Not easy to do. But this guy already has that part down pat.
I had a job once where there was a woman from the Philippines. Smoking hot. Maybe mid to late 20s. Big tits. And she came in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend was a white English guy in his 50s.
So I’m thinking, “Wait a minute. Something isn’t right here.”
Later that day, a co-worker tells me that that Filipina with the big tits is a guy. Now it all made sense. And you’d look at him, with this knowledge, and you’d see that it’s a guy. Masculine hands is what I remember.
But yeah, this stuff has been going on in the Philipines for many years. They’re way ahead of the game when it comes to ladyboys. Thailand, same thing. I wonder why it’s so popular in those countries.
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Temple of Doom is the Best Indiana Jones Movie! – Tony from Hack the Movies
Another non-horror movie. That’s always good. And I’ve seen the movie. Many times. I’ve seen all of the trilogy many times. I haven’t seen any of the later movies.
So Tony is here with everyone’s favourite porn star Johanna. She’s wearing some kind of cowboy hat? I guess? Must be sunny in Tony’s apartment.
Tony and Johanna both like the movie. Of course, it’s considered the worst of the trilogy. That’s the hook here. You’re supposed to be interested in hearing a contrary opinion. But it’s not working for me.
I don’t even really remember the movie. I probably last saw it when I was in my early 20s. It must have been on television. I remember it being in India and caves and eating monkey brains and was that annoying screaming woman in this one? With that annoying Asian boy? I don’t know. But I don’t remember anything about the plot or the antagonist.
4:00 – Tony says that he went to a karate school as a kid. Uh huh. Then why was he so unknowledgable about the martial arts in the Bloodsport “review”? Maybe he just went for a short while.
5:00 – Johanna takes her hat off and says, “It’s not even brown.” Oh. So this was supposed to be like the hat that Indiana Jones wears. I thought it was like the hat that Freddy Krueger wears. But anyway, that was the reference, I guess. She wasn’t wearing it for fashion.
6:00 – Tony doesn’t know what language they speak in China. He suggests Mandarin and then “Chinese”. Johanna says, “No, that’s not it. It’s Madarin or what’s the other one?”
Cantonese. Mostly spoken in Hong Kong. The only reason you know about it is because a lot of people from Hong Kong moved to the US. But they speak many languages in China. Not just Mandarin and Cantonese. How could they not know this?
Then Tony starts talking about his high school musical theatre experiences. GAY!
9:30 – Johanna goes on and on about how hot Harrison Ford was in this movie. Eugh. Can you at least TRY to say something worth listening to?
I’m at 22 minutes. Nap time. I’m going to put this pause and I’ll possibly continue this when I wake up. But I probably won’t.
That was refreshing. I’ll let this shit play in the background. Maybe something semi-interesting will be said, although I doubt it.
24:30 – Johanna goes on and on and on and on and on and on about the scene where that annoying woman doesn’t want to eat whatever she’s being served by these Indian people. Tony agrees. The idea is that it’s outrageous to refuse to eat food when people around you are starving?
What? How does that follow? That woman refusing to eat doesn’t mean that other people in the village are going to have even less food. If anything, the complete oppostite is true. By her not eating, it means that somebody else can eat her food. What’s the problem?
I remember in like the second grade being served a hamburger patty with a scoop of mashed potatoes on it. It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen in my life. So I started crying. I don’t want to eat this shit. But I knew that I couldn’t throw it away because the cafeteria ladies scold you for throwing food away.
So I’m freaking out and a teacher comes over to me. She starts talking about starving African children. What’s the relevance? You served me complete shit. A hamburger patty with a scoop of mashed potatoes on it is not a meal. It’s not appetising. There are ways to prepare meat and potatoes that are much more palatable than this. And I’m not a starving African child. I had absolutely nothing to do with the famine in Africa.
This teacher keeps encouraging me to eat the food, though. This fucking disgusting shit. There’s no chance. So finally she gave up and I was allowed to throw it away. The cafeteria never served that dish ever again. So a victory for common sense. A hamburger patty with a scoop of mashed potatoes on it. Fuck you. That’s disgusting. That shouldn’t even be served to starving African children.
This is awful. I made it to 30:00.
- “hey i know i fuck with you a lot. But good content. This is the only time im saying it.”
That was a comment from Mike Matei. What? Why did Mike, apparently, like this? What year did this movie come out? 1986? No. 1984.
Yeah. I see then. This is Mike’s era. He was four years old. Mike is all about things that happened when he was between the ages of two and four. Those were Mike’s prime years.
Now I’m going to go watch Conan the Barbarian. And listen to Hungry like the Wolf by Duran Duran. And enjoy a bowl of Most cereal. 1982 was truly the pinacle of human civilization and I was there living it to the fullest, as a four year old.
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Discovering The Lost Saint Seiya Cartoon | The Secret Stories of Saint Seiya Part 2 – Ray Mona
Let’s try to get through this shit. It’s going to be another boring as fuck anime thing from crazy Bobdunga aka Ray Mona where she has to pretend that she’s Agent Scully from the X-Files.
I attempted to review part 1 here:
0:30 – Yeah. It’s the same shit. Crazy Bobdunga is going to pad this out with fucking ridiculous cloak and dagger bullshit. And let me remind you that we’re talking about a CARTOON. Not fucking international intrigue over nuclear secrets.
God, this is fucking insufferable. I’m about to quit after one minute.
I was watching that Litvinenko series a few months ago. I saw the first episode. It was about the investigation into the poisoning. It was alright. But I didn’t watch the remaining three episodes. Not to diminish the man’s death but I’ve got other stuff to do. I don’t need to watch another two hours of this dry bullshit detailing the day to day minutia of police investigations.
So take that idea and then apply it to ANIME. And instead of following the actions of actual detectives, it’s following the actions of a fucking crazy woman who’s pretending to be a detective. She’s trying to solve the case of the missing anime.
It’s pretentious in the extreme. It’s a 60 minute video that can EASILY be edited down to 10 minutes. She talked to some people who made the anime, they told her that the anime can be found in the Library of Congress, so crazy Bobdunga contacted the Library of Congress and they send Bobdunga the anime. That’s it. That’s the story. Who gives a shit?
But she’s going to completely pad this out with stupid bullshit about her life being in danger and meetings with shadowy informants and possibly an extraterrestrial abduction. Maybe she’ll get anally probed this time. Then she can go on a many year campaign about how the aliens “gaslighted” her and try to get the aliens removed from Youtube.
1:45 – During one of these obnoxious recreations of crazy Bobdunga doing some “research” on her laptop in her bedroom in her mother’s house, she has a framed picture of the father from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air on her wall. I’m not even joking. That’s him, isn’t it? It’s blurry but I’m pretty sure it’s him.
Why would she have a framed picture of Phillip Banks in her room? Maybe because her own father left her as a child so Phillip Banks is her surrogate father. The man died years ago, by the way.
She also has Christmas lights strung up on her bed. Why? Just some more crazy bullshit from this very disturbed woman.
3:00 – So now we’ve finished with the prologue so we’re into the intro. Yes, there’s both a prologue and an intro.
The intro is just some rocking tune that crazy Bobdunga found from some free music database. Or maybe a horntard made it? Or maybe it’s the them from this anime? I don’t know.
I’m seven minutes in. This is so bad that I can’t even describe it. I just want this to be over.
I’m sorry. I made it to 10 minutes and still nothing has happened. I’m turning this off. I don’t give a shit about any of this and crazy Bobdunga REFUSES to just fucking get on with it.
Let me look at the chapter headings.
No. It’s just crazy bullshit. None of this tells me anything.
Comments. I’m done. Fuck it.
Nothing interesting. Of course. There was a comment where Bobdunga said that she made the dolls that appear in the video. I did wonder about that. Because their costumes appeared to be paper. So that was just crazy Bobdunga playing with her dolls. Making clothes for them.
So she put fake stuff into this “documentary”. Well, I suppose it’s full of fake shit.
She links to the first “documentary” that she made which was done in the same exact ridiculous X-Files style. She was so happy with how it turned out that she’s used that same style for her other “documentary.” So now everything has to be a big conspiracy that only crazy Bobdunga can uncover. Who can solve the mystery of why my underpants always get skidmarks on them? Bobdunga is on the case. She’s going to make a three hour video on it where she interviews a whistleblower from the Hanes corporation in silhouette. She can’t just say, “Hey, maybe you should just wipe your ass more.”
Here’s Erin shiling for crazy Bobdunga. Bobdunga is closing in on Erin’s subscriber numbers. Bobdunga has 68,000 subscribers and Erin has 76,000. Good for Bobdunga. Bobdunga did it WITHOUT resorting to being a sugarbaby for anyone.
At least she’s not writing about her homosexual ex-boyfriend any more. Not from what I saw, anyway. What was his name? Oh. RelaxAlax. What’s he up to these days?
https://www.youtube.com/@relaxalax/videos
Oh, about two months ago he started making videos again. He took a year old break. All good tv shows take a break. So good for him. The videos are unwatchable, though.
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Extremely RARE Castlevania Arcade Machine – Erin Plays
Another zero effort video from Erin. THREE MINUTES. And it’s a compilation of footage that she’s already shown like a year ago.
No, it was more than a year ago. She wrote about this trip to the arade in 2021. On Twitter. I discussed this memorable event here:
Mike forced Erin to go to some nerdy arcade and Erin played some Castlevania arcade game. Poorly. REALLY poorly. That’s the video. Do we really need to see it again? This happened YEARS ago.
0:00 – “Did you know about THIS Castlevania arcade game?”
YES. From your fucking tweet in November 2021.
And she’s wearing her iconic Hamburglar top. That must be the top that she wears whenever she’s doing something special.
Then there’s footage of Erin playing other Castlevania games, on stream, for money.
Then she’s going to Wikipedia dot com to get information about the history of the Castlevania franchise.
0:45 – Then there’s footage of Erin swinging the remote thing AWKWARDLY AS FUCK.
You know what might have helped? Handing Mike your purse. Don’t worry about emasculating him. He’s already emasculated himself thousands of times in his sycophantic promotion of your atrocious videos. “Hey, guys! Go watch my sugarbaby on Twitch.” No thanks, Mike. I’d rather do absolutely anything else.
The purse seems to be getting in the way but I think that she’s wearing it just for this video because it tightens her Hamburglar top and shows whatever breasts she has. Without the purse, of course she’d still be swinging that remote awkwardly as fuck but it might help a tiny bit if she got rid of the purse.
1:30 – “After playing it for a bit, it does get a bit tiring and I wish I knew what I was doing.”
Indeed. This comment can be applied to every single game that Erin plays.
Sorry guys. I have to end the stream there. Carpal tunnel. Sorry that I had no idea how to play the game. Bye!”
2:30 – Shout out to “Round 1 Arcade in Pennsylvania” where Erin plays this game. YEARS AGO.
According to Google, there are at least three locations in Pennsylvania. Exton seems to be the closest to Philadelphia. I think that they live somewhat near there. Do you suppose that was the one? Or was it the Lancaster location?
Ooh. They also have bowling. Do you suppose that Mike made Erin bowl?
What about go-karts? Any go-karts there?
Not that I’m seeing. But they have karaoke. Oh, I’m sure Erin would love that. And billiards. Guarantee Erin never played billiards before. Her game is 8 Ball.
They also have something called “spo-cha” at the Lancaster location (which is the one that I think they went to).
https://www.round1usa.com/spo-cha
“Spo-Cha is an indoor sports complex, catering to all your recreational needs under one roof.”
And then they have a list of activities.
Basketball. Mechanical bull? Oh my god. Shishi is changing his underpants imagining Erin riding a mechanical bull. Hoverboard? Whatever that means. Arcade.
Batting cages? That’s going to be fun for Erin. Work on her swing.
Trampoline? Oh my god. No way. Shishi can’t take this sort of imagery.
Food and bar. Mini bowling. Karaoke. Kids play area.
Pocket Bike? Oh, that’s like a go-kart thing but…even gayer.
Roller rink. How 70s. Catch ball and frisbee. Whatever that is. Billiards. Dodgeball. Soccer. Ping pong.
And of course the old massage chair. Poor Shishi.
But yeah, this sounds like a fucking nightmare. And Erin went to this place as a 35 year old woman. It’s clearly for children. Children and creepy man-children. But Erin went there and pretended to enjoy it. She only went the one time, though. YEARS ago. She must not have enjoyed it so much.
Then Erin ends the video by suggesting that a “modder” should get this game to work on the Wii. Oh, sure. That sounds like a simple task. Not to mention the legal issues.
But this is something that Mike often talks about in his streams. He talks about how “modders”, or whatever term he uses, should make various homebrew games that he says he would like. “Why has no modder made a Thunder Cats game?” Shit like this. Erin just stole this idea or Mike specifically told her to say this. Maybe Mike wrote this whole fucking “script”, for whatever that’s worth.
Absolutely abysmal video. Erin has totally given up on Youtube.
- “Step on me, Erin-sama.”
- “Hey Erin, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”
- “I’m speechless…this is really amazing thank you ma’am” (crying emoji) (heart emoji)
- “Hi Erin, have you played the Psp one?”
Anyone want to guess what Erin’s answer was to this one? “Not yet.”
Did you see her play the game on stream, you fucking retard? Then she didn’t play it.
- “Love hearing you pronounce Grimoire as “Grime More.” (For future reference, its pronounced “grim wha”)”
Erin says, “Yeah, I goofed.” I guess that Erin “always” “forgets” how to pronounce Grimoire. She’s a big Castlevania fan, guys.
Oh, and in the comments she says that she went to the Exton location. The Exton location is in a mall. Do you suppose that Erin went to the mall as well? What exciting stories she could tell about that trip? Hey guys! Remember Sears?
- “you are so beautiful and wonderful”
- “My favorite E-girl besides Shoe On Head. Liked, engaged and done!”
Oh, here’s a comment from Joe from Gamesack. Joe from Gamesack loves Erin. He also loves Newt’s penis so…I don’t know. Maybe he’s just a horny guy who takes whatever he can get.
- “We have one of those at the Round 1 out here. I’ve only walked through Round 1 once or twice. I can’t remember if I took video of it or not.”
Fascinating, Joe. Then Erin says, “You should play it while you still can! And win me something from one of the crane games while you’re there, thanks.” Joe replies, “Well, shit. OK.”
Absolutely shameless. She’s with the love of her life, Mike Matei, Joe. Stop trying to be a homewrecker. And Erin, I know that Joe is a sexy boy but try to control yourself. Mike will get jealous.
Oh, Erin even tweeted about Joe recently.
She was saving his video for her plane ride. She must be on one of her twice-monthly trips to visit her parents in California. Mike is of course paying for all of this. And on the trip, she’s watching Joe from Gamesack videos. And tweeting about it. It’s disgusting. We all know what this is. We’re not fucking retards. Well, I’m not. I appreciate that most of her fans are mentally retarded. But this is Erin keeping a beta orbiter like Joe around. Feeding him bits of attention. This thing with Mike isn’t going to last forever. She wants to keep Joe as an option.
- “Erin you are so damn pretty! Can we go to the arcade for a date?”
- “Hey Erin! Hope you had an awesome weekend! Keep it retro!”
You know it, Tony De Luna. Erin is all about those retro video games. Just kicking back and playing Defender all weekend.
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Murderous Muses – An FMV Murder Mystery – Cannot be Tamed
Shout out to Newt Wallen and his muse Horseface.
I was reading an article just today about how how the concept of a “muse” is sexist. I suppose that I knew it was creepy but I never thought about why. But yeah, some creep show director or artist or whatever claiming to need a young woman to trigger his “creativity”. Yeah, I don’t think so.
Whoa. Speaking of creep shows, Pam is showing off the goods in this one. Views must be going down again.
0:00 – “Today I’m talking about a new FMV game about art, inspiration, and murder.”
Ummm…can you just take your dress off instead? NOBODY cares about FMV games. Even in the heyday of FMV games, 1998, nobody liked them.
She implies that she got this game for free by the publisher. This is an ad. When you’re making a Youtube video that’s just an ad, aren’t you supposed to declare it?
1:30 – Whoa. Sexy school marm over here.
Ew. Then we see her god awful new tattoo. Totally puts me off. Sorry, Pam. Back to the dog fucking for you.
God damn. This is insufferable. This looks like the world’s most pretentious game. It has a bunch of English people with posh accents potraying rich English people from…I don’t even know. But I think from the somewhat distant past. 1920s maybe? But I think that they’re wearing modern clothes so…this is garbage. I can see Pam enjoying it, though. This has Pam written all over it. Boring and pretentious.
That’s the video. Total fucking trash.
Comments.
- Not nearly enough females who clearly know what they’re about when talking about videogames. Love this channel!”
Some nerd replies, “Whenever someone says females it always reminds me of the Ferengi from Star Trek.”
Yeah. Nice Star Trek reference. Jerking off to large eared Ferengi over there. So the original poster comes back, “Well I didn’t know what else to say. Is there a better way to refer to the fairer sex?”
Pretty gay to say “fairer sex” but whatever.
Then Pam, who loves being patronising, says, “Women.”
No, you dumb bitch. Because that doesn’t include girls.
Then some other guy says, “What a weird and sexist comment lol.”
Was the original post weird and sexist? Maybe? He’s suggesting that there aren’t many channels run by women who are knowledgeable about games. But is he wrong? I’m not an expert by any means on video game Youtube channels run by women, but from what I’ve seen, it’s not at all uncommon for the woman to be a total fraud who knows nothing about video games. And you NEVER see this with guys. Show me the fake gamer Youtube channel run by a guy. Chris Bores? Maybe. But he seems to know something about video games.
Anyway, then the guy who wrote the original message comes back. “Well I give a compliment and get called sexist. I honestly meant no disrespect. Now that I know what the community is like you can be sure I will never post again.”
Then he replies to Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining directly, “I sincerely apologize for using the wrong term. I meant no disrespect.”
You’re not going to get a date with this shit, I’ll tell you that. And that’s clearly what he’s trying to do. Pam enjoys being a patronising bitch that gets on her woke high horse on a regular basis but that’s not what she’s looking for in a man. She was dating that Mexican guy for years. Do you think he was some woke pussy? He was probably demanding a cooked meal every night. Foot rubs. Rough sex. Calling her a bitch. And then when he got bored of Pam, he dropped her like a sack of shit. And now she’s fucking her dog.
This is what women are looking for. I wish it was otherwise. I wish there was a way for gentle nerds like John Prezioso over here to say, “Oh, please. You’re so pretty, Pam. Can we go on a date to the feminist film festival this Saturday?” to get a date. But there isn’t. No woman wants that. They’re looking for a take charge guy.
Is this a sexist comment? No. It’s the unfortunate reality.
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Last Stream Before I move – Newt Wallen
Where is he moving? Maybe he’ll say.
1.45 – PVC Bondage Guy and some other woman he pays to hang out with him will help him move. Not that PVC Bondage Guy is a woman. He’s obviously a man.
Newt says that he worked all day.
2:30 – Newt says that he’ll be closer to the “mainline” in this new place. He says that it’s closer to his new job…I really hope he’s talking about an actual job as opposed to this tits and gore shit.
3:30 – Newt says, “We’ll be up by Bath, PA.”
Who’s “we”? Him and PVC Bondage Guy? And where is Bath?
He says that he helps run a theatre in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
Bath is a small town, population 2,000, near Allentown.
4:30 – He’s talking about the Amish.
5:00 – “I’m in Bucks County which is, you know, white people”.
Yeah. Like almost all of rural America. What is his problem with white people?
6:30 – Fallon, the prostitute who Newt pays to hang out with him, is in the chat. She says, “What’s shakin.” That’s hot, right? A 40 year old prostitute saying, “What’s shakin”? Like boobies, you know? 40 year old boobies.
7:15 – He says that he’s going to be living over a bar, a pizza place, and a nail salon. What? Why would he choose this place? Apartments above shops are always awful. Must because it’s cheaper, I guess.
Newt says that his current place doesn’t have a washer and dryer in the actual apartment but there’s some in the complex.
It’s crazy. In this day and age? 20 years ago I was living in a place in New England that didn’t have a washer. But I’ve NEVER seen a place in the UK that doesn’t have a washer in the property. Maybe this is still a problem in the US, no matter how shit.
16:30 – Newt says that it was his idea to review Alien 3. This is, apparently, some thing that Tony says a lot. Newt claims responsibility for just about every idea ever conceived. Well, he is The Ideas Man, after all. I believe him.
17:45 – Newt is talking about what he did for Passover. You guys all celebrate Passover, right?
24:00 – “We’re doing an overhaul of the comic book because we have to change some likenesses and stuff like that?”
What? CHANGE THE FUCKING NAME! It’s Florida Man, by the way. He stole this idea from the existing Florida Man “meme”. And there’s also a pre-existing Florida Man comic. And he knows this. And he went ahead with this anyway.
I wonder what likenesses he’s changing, though. I think that there was a character who looked like Horseface. Maybe that’s it.
But he said that this thing would be released…he keeps changing the fucking dates.
32:00 – Newt suggests that he’s still kind of friendly with Mike Matei and Erin Plays. But everyone from Screenwave blocked him.
He says that he deleted James’ phone number and email address from his phone. It’s suggested that James doesn’t want to talk to Newt ever again.
I made it to 35 minutes. I’m going to turn this off now. I have work in the morning. I can’t stay up watching this fucking three hour stream.