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9/11
I was going to this scam graduate school. I’m watching tv and a plane crashes into the first tower. They’re showing this footage over and over again. Then they say breaking news, there’s a second plane, and they show the second plane crashing into the other tower.
So I think, “Well, this is certainly something. I better get to class now, though.” For reference, I had nearly perfect attendance throughout my academic career.
I drive to the college and I see a couple of classmates outside. Nobody else seems to be around. I say, “Is there class today?” They say that they don’t know. We try the doors. The doors are locked. So we decide that there’s no class today. So we go to our respective homes.
I go home and some English woman who I talked sent me a message on Microsoft’s messagenger or whatever, “That’s terrible what happened by you.” And I said oh, yeah. Yeah. That thing in New York.
Then everything just went nuts. Jingoism up the anus. All of your rights being stripped away. War on Iraq for some unexplained reason.
My landlady installed a huge flagpole in the front yard and erected an American flag. Flags were everywhere. Some people have a problem with flags. I don’t mind them. But why now? Why are you suddenly such a patriot? They just got swept up in the hysteria. Hysteria that was fueled by the Jewish media.
Every fucking day it was something new. Now you can’t bring fluids on planes. Now you have to take your shoes off. Now you have let the security guard fuck you in the ass for five consecutive minutes. And it wasn’t just travel difficulties. They went on a mass spying campaign.
I left the country not too long after and was glad to be out of there.
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The Time I Told Jehovah’s Witnesses to Fuck Off
This was just recently. I live in a little apartment building. Six or eight apartments share the same door. There are loads of these types of places in the UK, at least from what I’ve seen.
So some fucking moron must have buzzed in these Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I hear a knock on my door. I think, “Oh, it must be a neighbour in some distress because who else would have access to the building?”
I get up, open the door, and see these two clean cut homos in suspenders holding some kind of book or clipboard or something. And I just look at them. And they don’t say anything. Then it dawns on me that they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses so I say, “Get the fuck out of here” and close the door.
Then I hear them ringing the doorbell of my elderly neighbour. So I open the door and say, “Which part of, ‘Get the fuck out of here’ did you not understand?” and I indicate that they should leave the building. They look at me like zombies for a few seconds and then the one guy says, “We’re knocking on all of the doors.”
Well, no shit, retard. That’s my objection. People don’t want to talk to you. Get the fuck out.
But I just closed the door and they went away. There was no getting through to them.
People have all kinds of crazy reasons for hating on Jehovah’s Witnesses. They talk about how they don’t believe in blood transfusions or how they shun former members or whatever. Really? These are the things that annoy you?
Let’s be honest. It’s 100% the door knocking. I don’t give a shit what they believe in. They’re free to believe whatever they want. But when they start knocking on my door, all bets are off.
Years ago, I was approached by a black man and his young son on the street. I was just coming home from work. And the father nudged his son to start talking to me. So I stopped and this kid was nervously talking about Jesus of Nazareth. So I said, “No, thank you” and kept walking. And the father gives me attitude. Like I’m supposed to fucking stand there and listen to this.
And I was polite about it because it was a kid talking to me. That’s precisely why the father was using the kid for this bullshit. He knew that if he went around talking about Jesus of Nazareth, without this kid, people would tell him to go fuck himself. At least I would.
Another time, I was living in New England and a fat Hispanic guy and a slim white guy knock on my door. And the Hispanic guy says, “Do you think you’re going to Heaven?”
What? Go fuck yourself. Who would possibly go door to door saying this? Do you just enjoy harassing people? I know about the importance of spreading the good word but everybody already knows about Jesus by now. Come on. It’s the most widely published book ever.
As a kid, we always had to hide when Jehovah’s Witnesses were walking around. I remember the panic. My mother would say, “Jehovah’s Witnesses. Everyone hide.” And I’d hide under the table or behind the sofa or something. And they’d ring that doorbell like 20 times before leaving.
Why didn’t my mother just answer the door and say that she’s not interested? Or tell them to go fuck themselves? They’re human beings. They’re not going to talk to somebody who’s telling them to go away.
No, we just had to hide for like ten minutes while some lunatic keeps ringing our doorbell. It was traumatising.
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The Time I Got Banned from TheCinemassacreTruth Subreddit
I won’t be writing any new stuff for a few days, maybe up to a week, so I’m just writing some articles about whatever and I’ll schedule them to be released one a day. I don’t know how many I’ll complete and I’m not claiming that any of these will be good.
So TheCinemassacreTruth. I think that I’ve talked about this before.
I found the site, I don’t know, four years ago? Five years ago? Something. And it was all fucking pictures. Just “cute” pictures of James Rolfe and whatnot. “Memes”, as the young people say. I still have no idea what a “meme” is. Something that’s painfully unfunny is as close as I’ve figured.
But I would write somewhat lengthy messages about the videos that Cinemassacre would put out. Reviews, if you will. I was the first person who did that. Before I came along, it was literally nothing but these fucking gay ass pictures.
So I started to become a polarising figure on the sub. People who were fucking gay and retarded would complain about my posts because they weren’t fucking homosexual Photoshops of James Rolfe and the Screenwave gang. But there were also a lot of people who liked my posts. Why wouldn’t they? All I was doing was writing reviews of the videos. “The latest AVGN video sucks dick and here’s why.” Shit like this.
The moderators, as moderators tend to be, were on the less-intelligent side. And also, presumably, gay.
There was one guy in particular who was clearly mentally ill. He had a bunch of different names because Reddit kept banning his account for harassment. He would write pyschotic messages on the official Cinemassacre Subreddit claiming that Justin Silverman is a child molestor and there was a lot of anti-semitic posts about him. Really weird shit. This was a moderator there. And SlipperyPete, who was (and technically still is) the head moderator there continued to make this guy a moderator every time he got banned from Reddit.
This guy started to ban me like once a week. For nothing. Just because I was writing these reviews of the AVGN videos. His post history was entirely homosexual pictures of James Rolfe and the Screenwave crew. That’s what he wanted the sub to be.
There was another moderator there who told me that they were trying to get this guy to stop banning me because he was clearly unhinged. They said that as a result of this guy’s behaviour towards me, they established rules that the moderators have to vote before somebody can be banned. Nevertheless, this guy continued to ban me and this other moderator was getting increasingly annoyed as a result.
By this time, I was also writing about Erin Plays. Same thing, I was reviewing her videos. Like I do with the blog but they weren’t as long. And these lunatic moderators were complaining that I was writing about her on the sub so fine. I started an Erin Plays sub and I posted there. And people went.
This moderator who told me that he was constantly trying to get me unbanned told me to cross-post my Erin Plays posts onto the TheCinemassacreTruth sub because they were really good. So I would do that and people liked them but again, it was these lunatic moderators who had a problem with it. They just wanted the place to be these fucking gay pictures and talking about Mike Matei’s cock.
This was literally the origin of that sub-reddit. They wanted a place to talk about Mike’s dick. And the sub was started by a 17 year old “trans” boy. A boy in a dress. And it was nothing but Photoshopped pictures of Justin as a woman and whatnot. When I say that the place was full of homosexuals, I’m saying that genuinely. And many of the moderators were clearly gay. It was just some weird Cinemassacre gay porn site for them. They didn’t want the semi-intelligent reviews stealing focus for their jack off material.
Nevertheless, I would say that 90% of the people enjoyed my posts. I never had any problem with anyone there except for these lunatic moderators. Nobody ever told me to stop posting or anything like this other than the moderators.
So SlipperyPete, who was always an asshole to me, and who I always ignored, one day threatened to ban me from the site. Again, over NOTHING. Just because I’m writing these posts reviewing the Cinemassacre videos as opposed to the blatently homosexual bullshit that went on there.
So I finally had enough and told him to suck my cock. Given the circumstances, I’m surprised that he didn’t take me up on the offer.
I got banned for a short while but this one moderator was sensible was always trying to get me unbanned. And this moderator gave me the password to an alt account that he had and said just continue to post using the alt account.
I would post using different names and I’d be fine for a while but then SlipperPete and/or his psychotic co-moderator would ban me. This sensible moderator said that he was talking to SlipperyPete trying to get him to stop banning me but that apparently SlipperyPete was really upset that I told him to suck my dick.
So I just said fuck it. I’m not going to post there any more. It’s their loss. I’ll take my intelligent posts elsewhere and you faggots can keep posting your gay Photoshops.
I had an Erin Plays sub. People went there until it got shut down. I had a GamerGrrls sub, people went there until that prostitute Destiny Fomo got it shut down. Then I had the blog on WordPress for a couple of years. People went there until it got shut down. Then I went to Blogger for a short while before it was shut down. People went there. And now there’s this site.
I also opened a CinemassacreTruth sub-reddit. This was actually the backup sub of TheCinemassacreTruth but it got abandoned for disuse or something so it became eligible to register. So I registered it and just used that sub-reddit to cross-post the blatantly gay shit that would get posted there. They don’t really post gay stuff anymore so I think that my work on the sub paid off.
Also interesting is that now they have a review post for every Cinemassacre video. Again, I know it sounds insane but before I started posting there, nobody talked about the new videos. It was all just these gay Photoshops.
So you look at who had the biggest impact on that sub. It wasn’t that psychotic moderator who nobody remembers. It wasn’t SlipperyPete who nobody remembers. It was me and my semi-intelligent posts.
People don’t want trash. You can get trash anywhere. That sub was nothing but trash before I posted there. The Youtube videos I talk about are nothing but trash. But if you give people something with even trace amounts of intelligence and/or creativity, they’ll come to it. This is why I have the largest blog about gamer girls on the internet, despite the consistent efforts of complete dimwits to try to silence me.
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Monopoly (NES) & Clue (GEN) James & John – Neighbor Nerds – Cinemassacre
It’s pretty much unwatchable.
The homosexuals on Reddit like John. I guess because he’s a relatively slim guy compared to the Screenwave crew. And those homos on Reddit are REALLY concerned about sexy men. But I find John…I don’t know…okay, I guess? I’m sure that he’s a pleasant enough person but he’s not bringing much to the table.
A large part of the problem is that James is a negative factor in everything that he does. And then you have Screenwave fucking things up even worse.
So this video is about Monopoly for the NES and Clue for the Genesis or something. These are terrible, terrible, AWFUL, terrible games for this format. They even mention this in the video. These games take hours to play. You’re going to condense that into eight minutes per game?
So we just get random footage of them rolling dice in Monopoly and buying property. Then after a few minutes, they quit. What the fuck? What was the point of this? The game just started and they quit.
And John calls James bald and a virgin. It’s this level of “humour”. And James gives his usual autistic non-replies to this.
Then they play Clue. They don’t even know the rules. They don’t know how to play Clue. So they accuse somebody, just guess at all of the answers, and are then surprised when they get eliminated from the game. Yeah. Guys. That’s how Clue works.
So it’s not even a game that they’re familiar with. Why did they pick these games? They’re totally unsuitable for short videos like this and they obviously hold no *nostalgia* value for these two buffoons.
There are a fair number of negative comments on Youtube, which I think is unusual for Cinemassacre. I think that whoever owns Cinemassacre scrubs the comments hard. The comments are mostly complaining about John. So I feel bad. I don’t want to add to the dogpile but this video is just bad. I think that John is only part of the reason why this is bad. And probably not even the biggest part.
Now I have to fucking pad this out. Monopoly. I played it with my family. The actual board game. And I played Clue at a friend’s house. Again, I’m talking about the board game. It was…fine, I guess.
Just recently I was thinking of something related to this. Didn’t Clue have printed checklists that you can use when you play? Because if they did, that really limits the amount of times that you can play the game.
Obviously, you can just get a sheet of paper and make your own checklist but I’d be afraid to use the “official” checklist because I know that I’d be using something that I’ll never get back.
So I was thinking of Hero Quest. I had the boardgame as a kid. I played it with my friend. And at the end of the quest book, there was a blank map and quest description area. The idea was that you can make your own quest. But they only gave you one of these things. And I think it even said in the quest book that you should make copies of this blank quest.
Who the fuck was going to do that? You’re going to go to the library and pay $0.25 for each copy? It’s prohibitively expensive. But that was the only way to do it at the time. People didn’t have scanners or digital cameras or any of this. The Xerox machine at the library was your only option.
So that blank quest just sat there tantalizingly. But you couldn’t fill anything out because then you could never copy it. You need to copy it in an unmarked condition, obviously.
So that was some bullshit. You could have just got some graph paper but that’s a lot of work, first of all to acquire the graph paper at all (where am I going to find graph paper in 1989?), but then also to make the map. I guarantee that I would have fucked it up.
Then you’d have to come up with a code for the monsters and shit. In the blank map, they gave you little monster icons like they use in the real maps but obviously I can’t draw those. So I’d have to use letters, I guess. “G” for “goblin”, “S” for “skeleton”, whatever. But I don’t think at the time, I’d even have been able to come up with that idea. Plus, I’d have to create a key. I’d have to constantly check the key. It would a whole ordeal.
Then what about the furniture? How am I going to represent the furniture on my graph paper map? I’d have to draw little representations. Like in the real maps. But I can’t fucking draw that.
So anyway, I never did a custom quest. I remember the last time I played the game, my friends characters all died. And I was really gloating about it and putting big “X”s on the character sheets that he had been building for at least a year. I was saying, “This guy’s dead. This guy’s dead” and so on. And he was getting really pissed off and insisting that his characters aren’t actually dead. But I wasn’t having it. I was an asshole. It’s no wonder I didn’t have many friends.
When he would come over later, I’d ask if he wanted to play some more Hero Quest. I said that he can start new heroes. He wasn’t going for it. He always refused. So I think at some point, I said that he can use his old characters but by then he wasn’t interested in any more so we never played again.
But we got through the main game and some of that goblin or whatever expansion. I also had the skeleton expansion. We never got to play any of that one.
I even remember the map that he died on. It was that one where the dungeon master rolls a dice every turn and this causes a boulder to enter the map. Something like this. There would be a new boulder every so often. And he couldn’t figure out how to avoid these boulders. There was a secret door or something. I don’t remember. So his characters all got crushed.
Anyway, I also had a version of Monopoly for the PC. The 1995 one. It was okay, I guess. The FMV animations were annoying but you could turn them off, I believe. I liked experimenting with the AI. You could make your own AI opponents but I don’t know how detailed this was and I certainly never made anything good with it.
And I had Clue: Master Detective for the PC too. That was from 1989. I played that a fair amount. I think just by myself, though. Not even against the computer. I would just control all of the characters and I made some non-Clue game out of it. Like a race around the board or something. Basically just who can roll the highest numbers on the dice, among players who I all control. Really goes to show the lack of entertainment options in those days.
I had Risk too. Both the 1989 and the 1996 PC games. I got them both when they were fairly new. I played them quite a bit. The 1996 one was lightyears ahead of the 1989 game. That’s just how it was generally. There were huge leaps in technology.
Then I got Risk II in 2000. I don’t know. I don’t think that I really liked that one.
The 1996 had some kind of alternate rules Risk with different maps and shit. Like there was an American Indian map. I didn’t like the alternative rules (they had leaders and weather and stuff like that) but I liked the alternate maps, and I think you could play the alternate maps with the normal rules. Because I definitely played that American Indian map a few times.
So anyway, that’s James Rolfe’s continual slide into having to get an actual job. At least John works so we don’t have to worry about him. He’s a wedding photographer, I think.
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Tuesday Night Schlock stream – Newt Wallen
I’m not watching this but I did get an anonymous message from the Newt Wallen Tip Line that I got a mention in this livestream. So let’s check it out.
1:52:00 – “There’s something about me that makes conservative men want to turn me.”
Actually, nobody gives a shit, PVC Bondage Guy. I’m sorry to burst your bubble.
“I told you about the guy who I met at the concert who wanted to turn me into like a trad girlfriend.”
Maybe he recognised that you’re mentally ill and was trying to assist.
“And then there’s the British blogger dude.”
Let me clear up a misconception. Well, actually, I suppose she’s right. I am a citizen of the UK. So yeah. I’m British. Thank you for your sensitivity, PVC Bondage Guy.
Just today I was talking to somebody from work. I’ve known this guy for years. I’ve spoken to him many times. And I mentioned that I’m an American. He couldn’t believe it.
How is it possible? I live in Scotland. There’s no way that I sound Scottish. And I’ve never said “aye” or “wee” in my life.
My accent has obviously changed from living here for 20 years. But I used to always get, “So what brings you to England/Scotland Mr American Man” type comments as soon as I opened my mouth. Nobody ever said, “Hello there, fellow British man.” And that annoyed me because I’m just here to soak up the local culture and integrate into this fine society.
But PVC Bondage Guy gets it. I’m living in the UK. I have citizenship in the UK. I should consider myself British. And so should other people.
It’s similar to PVC Bondage Guy considering herself to be a man. When she said that, I said no problem. She’ll be PVC Bondage Guy now instead of PVC Bondage Girl. It’s all about sensitivity.
But astute observers of the blog will note that my knowledge of American popular culture between the years 1985 and 2005 is vast and deep, having been born and raised in the country.
“Who in the beginning wanted to turn me into a pretty little trad wife.”
She’s referring to me. No. I’ve made comments that she would look better without all of this makeup and doing something with her hair and, you know, not wearing the bondage gear. But there was no romantic interest. No offense to PVC Bondage Guy but my heart belongs to that chubby Asian woman who appeared in a couple of Screenwave videos. God, I would eat that chubby Asian pussy every day. But I digresss.
“And he’s still talking about it. He’s still like, ‘We should wash that ugly makeup off of Metz, put her in a pretty pink dress.”
She’s referring to this article:
“Look, you can do all of that but I’ll still be me.”
I’m not trying to change PVC Bondage Guy’s personality. I was giving her appearance advice.
1:52:30 – Then Newt, who was stewing this whole time, interrupts and says, “I blocked that dude’s site. I don’t look at any of it. I don’t go over there any more.”
Newt, if you don’t want to go to the site, just don’t go. Exercise some self-control. But no, he has to actively block the site through the “hosts” file or whatever he’s doing because he’s just such a huge fan of the blog. “Oh, I’ve got to read that magnificent prose. I just can’t help myself.”
“He had some nasty things to say about Madilyn because she told me that she saw it.”
So now we know that this old prostitute also reads the blog. And all I did was call her an old prostitute. I mean…she’s an old prostitute. What can I say? I’m a journalist. I can’t lie.
But Newt is upset because this old prostitute told Newt that I said nasty thing about her. So Newt has to pretend to give a shit about this. Because he doesn’t want to lose his old prostitute “friend”.
I think that’s the article. It got a lot of comments. Did anyone talk about her?
Not really. Nothing too bad anyway.
Oh, I said that she was anorexic as well. And called her Skeletor. Well, look at her. And she mentions drinking a protein shake. She obviously has an eating disorder. That’s not something to insult somebody over, in normal circumstances, but she’s also a highly objectionable person. AND A PROSTITUTE! An old prostitue. An old, annoying, unpleasant, conceited, deluded prositute. Am I allowed to say that? I’m just dining on some of that delicious free speech. Voltaire would be proud.
And she wouldn’t have even known about the blog had Newt not, bizarrely, mentioned it in the video that he was doing with her.
Newt say, “I love the thing where he says, ‘He’s clearly paying these women but where does he get the money from?’ because I’m apparently not allowed to have friends.”
These aren’t your friends, Newt. You must know that. You can not possibly be this retarded. What happened to your “friend” Fallon when the movie ended? These are prostitutes, Newt. They’re using you for whatever tiny bit of money they can milk out of you. Anyone with a brain knows this. How many times can the same thing happen to him before he figures it out?
And then PVC Bondage Guy goes on about religious people who want to change her. And the previous discussion was about just general conservative people who want to change her. She mentioned Trump supporters. I hope that I wasn’t included in this. I’ve made it plain every time I’ve mentioned politics that I don’t care about Trump or any of this bullshit. I’m interested in wealth redistribution. None of these billionaire politicians represent my interests.
2:55:00 – Then PVC Bondage Girl again refers to “The fucking British dude”. Such sensitivity. I like it.
She claims that I say that she’s “always shaking things”. I think that I’ve been misquoted.
But anyway, she’s wearing a corset in this video and constantly shaking her tits.
So that’s PVC Bondage Guy and her obvious infactuation with me. Well, I’m flattered, PVC Bondage Guy. But I like the ladies. You know? Not dudes like PVC Bondage Guy.
She’s a pleasant guy. And intelligent. I’ve always said this. But she’s also really mentally ill. And I’m not interested in wooing this man for that reason as well. I think that she should get the help that she needs. I’d be a complete scumbag like Newt Wallen over here if I pursued anything with this man. I’m not here to take advantage of the mentally ill. That’s just common decency.
But Newt is all about exploiting the mentally ill. Put your corset on and bounce your tits and maybe we can get 15 cents for this video. Keep up the scumbag behaviour, Ideas Man. You’re saving the blog in these lean Erin-less times.
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Erin’s Recent TikTok Output
Erin is still wasting everyone’s time with that “playing every NES game for two minutes” bullshit so let’s check out her TikTok. I haven’t talked about it since this post:
So TikTok. Let’s check it out.
An inexplicable 10,000 views on this one. She got like 250,000 views on some video where she boringly flips through an old JC Penney catalogue so she’s been trying to capitalise on this shit ever since with similar (boring) “content”. It hasn’t been working.
“I recently found a bunch of my old issues of Spin Magazine from when I was in high school.”
Have you done anything since high school, Erin? You’re 35 years old.
I’m a minute in and she’s said “iconic” twice already. For two different things. First, iPod or whatever. That’s “iconic”. Second, the Windows XP background is “iconic.”
Oh sure. Who doesn’t remember the Windows XP background? So “iconic”.
I have no fucking idea what she’s even talking about. I don’t even know if I had Windows XP. No, I don’t think that I did. I had Windows ME and then I skipped to whatever came after that. Vista.
So this must be why this background isn’t “iconic” to me. I just wasn’t living. I wasn’t keeping up to date on default Windows backgrounds.
What was I doing when Windows XP was out? Let’s see…it was 2001. So I would have been…going to that scam graduate school. And then working. I was doing stuff. I wasn’t jacking off to “iconic” Windows backgrounds.
Actually, speaking of jacking off to Windows backgrounds, I remember my Windows background at the time. It was some woman in a pool. I think she was topless. Too bad I don’t have that picture any more. Look at that iconography on that woman. But I was living on my own, like an adult, and it was a novelty to be able to change my Windows background to something pornographic.
By the way, all that Erin is doing is showing the fucking ads. WHAT’S THE POINT? She could have shown ANY magazine and the ads would have been pretty much the same. When you’re looking through Spin magazine, isn’t the idea to look at the articles? See what people were talking about in the 2001 popular music scene?
No, this fucking moron is just showing “iconic” ads, which clearly are not “iconic”.
1:30 – She’s actually looking at an article now. It’s about file sharing. Bizarre pronunciation of Kazaa and Limewire. EVEN “LIMEWIRE” was pronounced oddly.
So she talks about the demise of record stores. Her one fucking job in her life. Working in a record store.
2:00 – “So this made me laugh. This is a commercial for the N-Gage.”
It’s an ad, Erin. Commercials are on television. But stop looking at the fucking ad, you complete cretin.
And then she talks about the N-Gage and she obviously has NO IDEA what it is. “It even had games”. NO SHIT, YOU DUMB BITCH! IT WAS A GAMING DEVICE!
2:30 – Erin says that she was “obsessed” with Homestar Runner. Whatever that is. Some Flash cartoon, apparently.
“And finally, the RCA Lyra. Don’t remember it!”
Wow. You really went out on a high, Erin.
Fucking retard.
Here’s another issue of Spin. From 2005 this time. This video only got 500 views. So a real climb down. People must have realised that there’s nothing REMOTELY interesting about these videos.
“So I think that this was when McGriddles were new. Ha!”
Great commentary, Erin. She’s just showing the ads again. Here’s the “iconic” McGriddle. Do you have anything to say about McGriddles, Erin? No. Of course not. She’s never eaten a McGriddle in her life. Nor have I. I was off doing shit. Shit that doesn’t involve the McDonald’s corporation.
“Ooh, and ad for…Super Monkey…Ball…Deluxe. I’m horrible at that game but I like it.”
She’s never played it. Or if she did it was only briefly, on stream, for money during a “variety stream”.
0:15 – An advertisement for Coachella. Then she just reads the names of all the bands who are scheduled to appear. THIS IS BORING AS FUCK, ERIN! DON’T YOU GET IT? GROW A PERSONALITY!
0:30 – “Remember when Drew Barrymore was dating Fabrizio from The Strokes?”
No, Erin. None of this shit was on my radar.
0:45 – “Finally an ad for Napster. Remember when it was a monthly…uhhh…subscription? I don’t know anyone who had but it good on them for…uhh…trying to keep it…uhh…legal. (nervous laugh).”
So she ended on a high note again.
0:00 – “So this 2002 issue of Spin is going to be a doozy.”
Oh. I can not wait. What doozerific ads is she going to show this time and then say that she didn’t have the item in question or doesn’t remember it?
Erin…show the fucking articles. Show the pictures. It’s a magazine about music. You’re interested in music, right? Are you? Demonstrate your fucking knowledge and passion about music.
No. It’s just the fucking ads. She’s a moron. Why does she make these aggressively bad videos? She must know that these are awful.
So she starts with a PS2 ad. Great stuff, Erin. Tell us all of your experiences with the PS2.
0:30 – “Want a real blast from the…past? Do you remember Truth? I forgot about Truth.”
WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? WHAT THE FUCK IS “TRUTH”?
I mean, as a concept I’ll agree entirely that Erin has absolutely no familiarity with truth. But she’s talking about…something. I don’t know. Something that she can’t remember. Was it a band? What the fuck is this?
0:45 – “Does anyone remember the Emo Game. It was a Flash game that you can play online and nobody remembers it. I remember it. I used to play it so much. You used to be able to play as (some faggot) and (some other faggot) I think as the enemy. It’s great.”
Great story, Erin. You’re a real “gamer”. She was just sitting at home playing the Emo Game all day.
Do a stream on The Emo Game. It must still exist. I know that Flash is gone but there was some project to download every Flash game and you could play them using some software. I downloaded it but then I quickly lost interest. Oh. Flashpoint.
https://flashpointarchive.org/
And Emo Game is in the database. And Emo Game 2.5 too. So there you go. I just gave Erin an idea for her next video. The Emo Game. Play it once, for a Youtube video, and then never again.
1:15 – Now she’s just reading a long list of bands again. She must be legitimately retarded. Any normal-functioning person knows that this is boring as fuck.
Then she ends the video in another boring as fuck fashion which is so boring that I won’t even describe it.
Thank fuck we’re on the last one. Another copy of Spin, this time from 2003.
0:15 – She’s reading a list of bands again. Hello, autism.
“If you’re over the age of 30, you probably remember the OC.”
No, Erin. I don’t. I have a vague recollection that it was a tv show but my knowledge ends there. Let me look this up.
A teen drama that ran from 2003 to 2007. So…I don’t remember it. I wasn’t a teenager in 2003 to 2007. I doubt that anyone older than me remembers it. So it’s not really about being over 30, is it? It’s about being in a very specific, narrow age range when the show was first broadcast.
1:15 – She’s reading more band names. Do you have anything to say about these bands? ANYONE can just read the names?
1:30 – “I totally remember this article. Oh my gosh. Cameras.”
That’s how she ends the video. By stating that she remembers reading this article and that cameras exist. It’s unbelievable. This is the least charismatic person on the planet.
When was this uploaded? Late June. So it’s possible that she’s still planning on continuing with these videos. These videos are unbelievably bad.
Why are her parents not begging her to do something with her life? They must have seen her videos. And she’s visiting these people twice a month. Why don’t they tell her to get her fucking shit together and start doing something with her life? Why would they enable this self-destuctive behaviour? This is their only child. Don’t they care?
She’s been doing this for YEARS. Six years at this point. Why don’t her parents say, “You gave it a shot. It didn’t work out. It’s okay. Let us help you find a job.” What’s so terrible about that? Then they can just email her interesting jobs that they find from whatever job sites. It’s called parenting.
No. Just keep making these horrendous videos and giving up your ass to the proprietor of Manbaby Gaming in exchange for $6,000/year. This is what every parent wants for their children.
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WTF Wednesday Review : Carrie – Newt Wallen
He’s with that mental case PVC Bondage Guy, who’s eating a burrito.
The initial reaction is to be annoyed by her idiotic behaviour but you just have to remind yourself that she’s mentally ill. She’s suffering.
So sure, a normal-functioning person knows not to eat a burrito when you’re reviewing a movie but this woman has serious fucking problems. Video etiquette is pretty low on her list of problems.
She’s on Instagram. I can’t in good conscious link to it but I learned of it from a comment on the blog. The whole thing screams insanity. She’s sticking her tongue out in literally at least 90% of the pictures. In one picture, she’s sticking her tongue out with her brother, who is also sticking his tongue out, and she mentions that he has a “self-made forking”. Something like this. So her brother cut his tongue in half himself. Mental illness is obviously a problem in her family.
She has pictures where she’s talking about guys cutting her breasts and how exciting she finds this.
She has pictures of her pet snake, who she refers to as a “noodle”.
She talks about selling nudes.
She uses the letter “V” every time the letter “U” should be utilised.
She posts weird bikini pictures of her in a hotel during some swingers thing.
And these pictures are from like five years ago. So she was…I don’t know…20?
She also talks about being “trans”, even five years ago.
This is all obviously the product of severe mental illness. So am I going to call her a dumb bitch for eating a burrito during this stupid Youtube video? No, there’s a different standard for the mentally ill.
I was in the grocery store recently. And some woman was on her phone the whole time and invading my personal space. And she’s just piling items into her arm. No basket. And even though I tried to avoid her, we ran into each other a few times during the trip. Talking on the phone the whole time. And I’m thinking, “This dumb fucking bitch. Just put your phone down.”
Then we get to the self-checkout at the same time. She’s still on her phone. She scans the items, pays for them, puts them all back in her arm, and leaves. No bag. She’s just going to walk around town with a pile of food in her arm. We were in the city centre, by the way.
Mental illness. It had to be. What healthy person would behave like this? So then I felt bad about wishing death on this woman earlier in the day.
So Carrie. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen the movie. So let’s see what a lunatic and a complete scumbag have to say about this 50 year old movie.
1:30 – Newt is drinking from a large bottle. It’s too small to be some kind of family-sized bottle but too big to be a single-serving bottle. Is this the size of single-serving beverage bottles in the US now? This giant fucking bottle?
5:15 – PVC Bondage Guy is talking about how religious classmates of hers were going to take her to some kind of retreat but her father intervened because he thought that they were going to have sex with her. Ummm…I refer to my previous comments about mental illness.
Then in the middle of this story, Newt interrupts and starts talking about himself. Good job, Newt.
9:00- PVC Bondage Guy says, “I used to have all kinds of fantasies about lashing out against my parents, people who were tormenting me in high school and all of that, and earlier.” She goes on to suggest that she would have killed somebody if she had seen this movie earlier.
So it seems that PVC Bondage Guy’s mental illness goes back some considerable time. It’s unfortunate. Why is Newt not telling her to get help? Why is Newt, instead, exploiting this woman for pennies? Because he’s a total scumbag.
9:30 – “People stare and laugh at me all the time. I mean, I get it. I know I look a little nuts.”
If it were only the physical. You have genuine mental health problems, PVC Bondage Guy. Go get the help you need.
10:00 – Now Newt is talking about tits and gore…
11:00 – PVC Bondage Guy finished his burrito. She nearly choked on that last bite. She was taking tiny bites throughout but the final piece was big.
Then PVC Bondage Guy starts talking about some video game where you kill your family or something. I’m not even listening at this point. I was too engrossed by PVC Bondage Guy eating. But she says that she played this clearly psychotic game “a million times.”
Newt doesn’t give the slightest of fucks about any of this. Because it’s not about Newt. So Newt starts eating his burrito. I think that they’re just wraps, actually but I’ve already said “burrito” so I’m sticking with it.
14:15 – “My parents seem to be realising that they fucked up. And how much am I forgiving them, how much am I trusting them?”
Issues to be discussed with a competent therapist, PVC Bondage Guy.
On the subject of therapists, or alleged therapists, SupaPixelGirl aka SupaPixelWeaver aka a hundred other names is gone from Youtube, Twitter, Instagram, and whatever else again. If anyone knows her new name, let me know.
20:45 – PVC Bondage Guy starts pouring some…what is this? It’s in a jug. Like fucking moonshine. Well, that’s rural Pennsylvania for you, I guess.
21:30 – Now she’s pouring some other beverage from a different container. It’s a huge white bottle. What is any of this? Why are the bottle sizes so large?
She also said that there’s cat hair in her beverage but she said it’s fine. She continued to pour from these gigantic bottles despite the fact that there was cat hair in her cup.
25:45 – Newt says that he never went to his prom. Neither did PVC Bondage Guy.
27:00 – Now PVC Bondage Guy is trying to scoop the cat hair out of her drink.
28:00 – Newt is talking about Citizen Kane now. This is probably a good time to check out.
Comments. Oh. A comment about the blog. I better watch the rest of the video then. Maybe he mentions the blog.
30:30 – PVC Bondage Guy is talking about an ex-boyfriend who took acid. And then the boyfriend created his own “religion”. And then the boyfriend “forced” her to join this “religion”.
What? What is any of this? This is all stuff to tell your therapist. Not the horntards on Youtube.
Oh great. So I watched that last five minutes for nothing. Newt didn’t mention the blog. This horntard just took it upon himself to mention the blog. So here’s the comment:
- “Newt always remember that whatever people blog about you or post about you doesnt mean anything toward the type of person you have become. When I was broke and had no job you encouraged me and wanted to help anyway you could. I will never forget that as there was times i was staying on a friends couch and wanted to end it all. It makes me mad when i see these things online, but i know none of it is true. I didnt know you live in Manayunk, I’m over in Lansdale now. hope one day we can get a beer and meet up.”
Newt must have been talking about the blog again in one of his four hour livestreams. Newt, I don’t have the fucking time to watch all of that shit. If you have something to say, leave a comment, give me the timestamp in the video, I don’t give a shit. But you can’t expect me to watch these four hour livestreams to get your latest opinions on the blog. And that last one with PVC Bondage Guy and that prostitute was UNWATCHABLE. I couldn’t even get two minutes into that one.
But anyway, I’m sympathetic to this guy who left the comment, of course. And I’m glad that he’s doing better.
But Newt is a piece of shit. Clearly.
And this isn’t me saying, “Oh, he plagiarised for fucking Monster Madness. What a ‘slob’ he is. I want to suck on James Rolfe’s phallus.”
To the contrary. I was supportive of Newt when he got fired. I thought that it was total bullshit that he got fired. You can read the blog posts about this. I also regularly said that he was good on Hack the Movies.
But the more I learned about Newt, the more I realised that he’s a piece of shit. Talking about fucking a dead chick up the ass? The irony of a guy calling himself “The Ideas Man” when all of his “ideas” are plagiarised and things that a sixth grader would be embarassed by? Hiring literal prostitutes to be in shitty “movies” that may or may not ever get released? Exploiting the mentally ill like PVC Bondage Guy for these videos that get 1000 views? Creepily obsessing over Horseface, who’s one of the few people on earth even worse than Newt?
I’ve given this guy 100 chances to redeem himself. I don’t enjoy calling people pieces of shit. I wish that I could put more positivity out in the world. But I’m bound by the truth. And the truth is that Newt is a piece of shit. I’m sorry. I wish it wasn’t so. But it is so.
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XXX-MAS Completion Fundraiser – Newt Wallen
I’m two minutes in. I want this woman to stop talking. But she isn’t. She’s still talking. And she’s annoying as fuck.
She’s making rape “jokes”.
3:30 – I can’t even…fuck off.
4:30 – Fuck the fuck off.
She’s still talking.
She thinks that she’s a hot chick.
6:00 – “James, I don’t know how you did it but you knew exactly who I was.”
She’s been saying stuff like this the whole fucking time. She refers to people by their first name. People who WE DON’T FUCKING KNOW.
Oh, Steve was in that movie too? Really? Steve? In that movie that I’ve never heard of? Sounds great.
Who the fuck is the audience for this?
6:30 – She’s suggesting that you should get XXX-Mas as a gift, “For friends and family members, anyone who likes sleaze or horror” and Newt interjects, “Or Christmas.”
Are you fucking retards out of your fucking minds? You’re going to give this shitty zero budget softcore porn movie to your friends and family as gifts? I don’t care how much of a scumbag your friends and family are, they’re going to be creeped the fuck out by such a gift.
“Hey, I know you like jerking off to zero budget softcore porn movies, so I thought I’d get you this. It’s called XXX-Mas.”
“Umm…well, I do enjoy jerking off to zero budget softcore porn movies but…it’s kind of a private matter. Can you please take this back? I’m not comfortable accepting this.”
And Newt suggests giving this to anyone who likes CHRISTMAS.
“Here you go, Mom. I know how much you like Christmas so I thought you might like it.”
“Newt, you know how I never told you that I loved you? It’s because of things like this.”
7:00 – Amber is doing something with some plagiarised, zero budget Amityville thing. Who’s Amber, you might be asking? I don’t know. Nothing is explained. We’re just supposed to know these people. Amber Melons, I guess. That would be my stripper name.
7:45 – “If you want me to sign stuff, you can send it to the theatre.”
I think I’ll pass, Newt. He’d probably plagiarise the signature anyway.
8:00 – This horrible woman suggests that she’s leaving soon. Oh thank fuck. But then suggests that she might be back in a couple of weeks. The Ideas Man must be paying her for some shitty movie that will never get released. Eugh. Well, at least she’ll be gone for a while.
8:15 – This awful woman continues to shill for the DVD and blueray and t-shirts. And if you can’t do that, you should at least re-tweet or…something this movie. “Sharing is caring”. Well, I’m doing my part, I guess. I’m sure that everybody is going to rush out and buy this piece of shit on my glowing recommendation here.
Why are they even saying this? The movie isn’t out, as far as I’m aware. I’m supposed to talk about how great a movie is based on…what? I have to see the movie first, Newt. It’s sort of the first rule of movie recommendations.
9:00 – Eugh. Fuck off. This shit is so objectionable that I don’t want even talk about it. Fuck Newt. Fuck this fucking emaciated troll. Go away and don’t come back.
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/xxx-mas-christmas-slasher-film#/
According to this, they’ve sold eight copies of the movie. Well, that’s more than I thought.
I don’t know how they raised $35,000 from that.
Oh, and two t-shirts have been sold. This woman was constantly shilling for them. It’s a limited edition design. Supplies are limited.
Well, it’s true. They seem to be limited to 45. But I think that they’ve grossly over-estimated demand for these t-shirts.
Who the fuck is going to wear a t-shirt that says “XXX-Mas” on it. Again, imagine the fattest, smelliest, most pathetic loser on earth. Would even they not have enough self-respect and common sense not to wear this?
These are the sorts of things you have to consider when you’re a big time movie maker like…Bill or whoever made this thing. The marketing. The merchandise.
Here’s another problem: there are already a billion other things called XXX-Mas. This is not a REMOTELY original name. So when you search for it, you get completely unrelated projects.
Present a single scenario where it would be appropriate to wear a t-shirt that says “XXX-Mas” on it. Birth of your child? No. Going to church? No. Grocery shopping? No. Going to the AVN Awards? No because it’s not even relevant there. AVN is for hardcore porn, not this weird zero budget softcore shit that hasn’t been popular in 40 years.
And yet there are two people out there who, apparently, have found an appropriate venue to showcase this shirt. Who are these people? Where do they plan on wearing this?
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What Did I Buy from this kid for $150 at MoGameCon ’23 – John Riggs
Spoiler: a video game. It was nothing weird. Just a video game. Why he couldn’t just put that in the title, I don’t know. He had to use this weird clickbait title. But who is he baiting? What audience is he going for?
0:00 – So he’s at a nerd convention in St Louis, Missouri. Where even is Missouri? Let me check a map.
Oh right. Between Kansas and Illinois.
I was talking to a guy a couple of years ago on the phone. I was looking to buy a property. I ended up not doing it because of the fucking incompetent…well, let’s not get into it. But the guy was involved in mortgages. And I’m talking to him, you know, about mortgages and you can tell that he thinks something is up with me.
So he says, “Where I’m from, Kansas, mortgages are like 20 years long.” So I just said “Oh right” or whatever similarly witty remark I tend to come up with. I knew that he was an American from the moment he started talking. He didn’t have to tell me. But he was saying this because he wasn’t sure if I was an American or not. And frankly, I don’t think it’s any of his business so I didn’t volunteer the information. So then he says “Where…where are you from?” And I told him.
I had another conversation with somebody recently, again over the phone, and they thought that I was Irish. I’ve had similar experiences with taxi drivers and whatnot. One guy said that I have a “mixed” accent. It’s cool. It’s cool that I can pass as…something. Something other than American anyway. Even when speaking to other Americans, which is surprising.
0:15 – John Riggs is talking to some guy who’s a total douchebag. This guy is talking about installing some pachinko machine in his “air B&B”. Go fuck yourself, you parasite.
0:45 – John Riggs says to this guy and his pachinko machine, “Can it use some twinkering?” What? Maybe John Riggs was just thinking about twinks when talking to this guy.
2:30 – John Riggs is talking to the father of the kid who is aluded to in the video. Apparently, this kid’s plan is to bring some piece of crap into this nerd convention and “trade up”. It’s suggested that this is a thing that people make videos about. So they’ll bring in a pretty leaf or something and, through a series of clever trades, leave the nerd convention with a Faberge egg. Yeah, I don’t think so.
3:45 – Wooden NES cartridges.
5:15 – A shot of the people lining up to this nerd convention. These are the fattest fucking people in the universe. Look at that guy in the pink shirt. Then there’s some fucking huge guy with a fox tail coming out of his grossly oversized ass.
It’s gross. What normal human being would want to go to this thing?
5:45 – But now a word from our sponsor. Some fucking…you can get shitty custom shirts. Well, at least he’s not advertising an outright scam this time. That’s a change of pace.
He’s talking about the types of shirts that this place has. “They have baseball, they have hockey, they have…uhhh…baseball, of course.”
Great job, John Riggs. Couldn’t be bothered to do a second take?
And this wasn’t even a joke, I don’t think. It was just a fuck up.
6:15 – “I normally wear a 2X. This is 3X. And it fits perfectly.”
Just go on a fucking diet. Is it really that hard?
10:30 – So now, John Riggs is going to buy Brave Fencer Musashi from this kid for $150. Apparently, this kid made a series of trades to get this game. Let me look up what this game is being sold for. It can’t be much. It was a popular game.
I don’t know. Maybe $100 on average on Ebay.
But John Riggs doesn’t haggle at all. He just says, “Participation tropheys for everyone. Here’s the $150.”
Kids aren’t fucking stupid. They know when they’re being patronised.
I would have liked to see John Riggs drive a hard bargain and say “I’m not paying more than $70 for that thing. Just look up the prices on Ebay. You’re insane for asking $150.”
And if the kid starts complaining, you can say, “Look, you came here with a shiny rock and thought that you could trade yourself up to a Playstation 5. No. Life doesn’t work that way. Money is earned through hard work, not trying to con retards at a nerd convention. I’ll give you $70. Take it or leave it.”
Wouldn’t that be a much better lesson? And the kid would respect John Riggs for treating him as an equal, not some fucking soft-headed dope who needs coddling.
I hated people like John Riggs when I was a kid. I don’t mean fat creeps, I mean people who would patronise me. And you can see the way this kid responds that he’s not digging this. He knows that John Riggs is only doing this in a misplaced attempt at being nice. No. It’s not nice. You’re insulting this kid’s intelligence.
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Face/Off is Over The Top – Tony from Hack the Movies
This guy, I don’t know, Vito, is advertising his comic. As here:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/superkiller-1-a-blood-soaked-superhero-comedy#/
He raised $75,000. So that’s a success, I guess. Although…there’s surely a lot of costs involved. It’s not like he got $75,000 profit.
He has a Youtube channel here:
https://www.youtube.com/@vito/videos
250,000 subscribers. That’s good. But the average number of views per video is about 10,000. That’s bad. Considering how many subscribers he has, I mean.
He makes videos about comic books and movies and cartoons and shit. Let me check one out quickly
It’s just a big fat guy talking into a microphone about whatever the manbaby topic is. Like a vlog. I guess. I don’t want to watch this.
I’m ten minutes into this Face Off video, by the way. I have no idea what anyone is saying. I’m not listening to this shit. It’s just a buzzing noise. I’m going to go make a hamburger now. Leave this shit keep running. I won’t miss anything.
Oh, no. I decided to heat up this “peppered steak slice” instead. Because it was expired. Why do I buy this shit? They’re never good.
I’m 20 minutes in. Nothing interesting is going on.
But I got this “peppered steak slice” from Tesco. That’s the largest grocery chain in the UK. A “peppered steak slice” is a pastry with some kind of meat inside. And possibly potatoes? I don’t know.
Well, that was edible, I guess. I don’t know why I keep getting them. I always think, “Well, those last thousand times when I bought these things were just bad experiences. This time, it’s time it’s going to be delicious.”
At least I have enough self-control not to buy those Ruster’s microwavable hamburgers. I haven’t bought that shit in probably 15 years. I used to get them, though. Awful. Inedible. But I’d still buy them. I can’t explain it.
What Tesco is doing now is having a “club card” price and a “normal” price. It’s their “loyalty card.” They’re now basically forcing you to get the fucking card. Because who’s going to pay the higher price? I just don’t buy the product when I see that it has a “club card price” on it. Indeed, I basically stopped going to Tesco because of this shit.
But now Sainsbury’s, which I think is the second biggest grocery store in the country, is doing the same shit. So…what am I going to do? These two stores comprise probably 40% of the grocery store market in the UK. And the nearest grocery store to me is a Sainsbury’s.
I’m 30 minutes into the video, by the way. Nothing is happening.
So yeah, I could get one of these fucking cards. They’re free. But I don’t want to give them my personal data. That’s the point of these cards, after all. They want to use and sell your personal data and spending habits and whatnot. And in exchange, they give you pennies in discounts. Fuck off.
What else? What else can I talk about to get my mind off of this boring as fuck video? Oh my god, there’s another 70 minutes of this. God. This guy has absolutely no respect for his audience.
He’s basically doing what I’m doing now. Just putting complete shit out there and saying, “Eat up, horntards. You’ll watch anything.”
Let’s talk about my hopes and dreams. Because this video is really causing me to lose the will to live.
I’d like to move to a village, somewhere in Europe, and just do nothing. Find a place with generous welfare. I’ve been thinking of this for like ten years. I think I’m going to do it. Just get a little house somewhere and do nothing. Just colllect welfare.
I told my girlfriend about this years ago. And she said, “Can’t you do that here?”, meaning the UK. It’s true. I could. But I don’t know. That doesn’t appeal to me. That’s not really an adventure, that’s just giving up on life.
But if I went somewhere where I don’t speak the language, it’s expected that I don’t work. And it would also be a good way to learn a language, I guess.
I’m 42 minutes in. Tony is yelling for some reason. Please, Tony. I’m trying to concentrate on my story.
So I’ve researched this. I’ve researched the price of houses in villages in a couple of coutries. It’s totally doable. Just get a cheap little house and fucking do nothing. How awesome would that be? Everything would be new. And difficult. It’s a challenge.
It’s important to mix things up in life. Anything could happen. Maybe I’d find some hot, big-titted village woman who’s attracted to unemployed middle aged men. It can happen. How many times has an American moved into this village? Probably never. I’d be a pioneer of sorts.
I think I’m going to do it. Maybe soon. Then I’d finally have enough time to watch Newt’s desperate three hour livestreams.
By the way, Newt’s latest video is him talking about porn with that prostitute and PVC Bondage Guy. No, Newt. I’m not watching that desperate as fuck shit. It’s not happening. And I’m not alone in this. It’s at 311 views after 24 hours.
He seems to think that tits (and gore) equals views. No. Quality videos equal views. Figure out how to make quality videos and there’s your path to fame and fortune.
I wonder why more people don’t just up and move. I was on the train today and some old drunk guy was complaining about the broken sign on the train. The thing was reading that the next stop was in some other town, which was obviously wrong. And he said, “I’ve never even heard of that place. I’ve never left the city.”
He was drunk at like 1:00 in the afternoon, loudly talking to anyone who would listen about how he’s never left the city. He was probably in his 60s.
Why did he never say, “You know what? I’m going to try something different. Why stay in my rut? I’m going to move to Austria and see where that takes me.”
It’s the same with anyone. I’ve gone on this diatribe many times but I find it baffling. People just seem to lack a passion for life or adventure or something.
You look at Tony from Hack the Movies, for example. Why is he still living in fucking rural Pennsylvania? I could see if he had a good job or a family or something but he has none of this. When he quit Screenwave, why didn’t he say, “You know what? I’m going to move to the Virgin Islands. I can record the show there.”
There’s nothing stopping him.
He must enjoy living in rural Pennsylvania. So much so that he refuses to even try another place.
And I gave a somewhat ridiculous example, although he certainly can move to the Virgin Islands, but why not New York? Or Boston? Or a small town in a state other than Pennsylvania?
No. He was born in rural Pennsylvania and just by the cosmic accident of his birth, it just so happens that he was born in the best place in the world. Not even worth trying anywhere else.
Anyway, I’m turning this shit off now. I made it to 1:10:00. It was awful. There’s actually another 30 minutes of this.