Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyIaDG-rbVk 

0:15 – He starts by saying that he can’t do many of these videos because he sold all of his comics to fund his idiotic movie and/or comic book.

I don’t know.  Maybe it’s good to sell the comics anyway.  They’re just taking up space.  Are these 1990s comics going to shoot up in value any time soon?  There are billions of these things in mint condition.

I have a recurring nightmare about what I’m going to do with my childhood stuff.  It’s still in my childhood home in the US.  How am I going to get a roomful of shit to the UK?  There are international movers but is it going to be worth the no doubt huge expense just to ship toys and whatnot?  And then where am I going to put it even if I got it here?  I rent and I move a lot.  

Almost all of it has to be sold from the US but how can I do that?  It would take an age and I’m not going to stay there for months selling this crap on Ebay and making dozens of trips to the post office.  And I don’t want to ask a family member to do that.  

And then there’s the fact that I don’t want to sell any of this.  There’s sentimental value.  Even though I haven’t seen the stuff in ages, I still like knowing that it still exists.  But it has to be sold, I guess.  

I didn’t sell anything before I left because I thought that I’d be back but it’s been 20 years.  I’m probably not going back.  

I read a post on Reddit before about an American woman who was going back to the US and she had a bunch of shit that she was selling.  It was a hot Asian woman who was here for university.  Her picture was in her profile.  So she had this list of household goods that she was trying to sell: plates and rice cooker and chopsticks and whatever.  She also had some clothes and bed linens and bath towels and whatnot.  She said that everything has been washed.  Everything was really cheap because she was trying to sell this stuff fast because she was moving soon.  The towels were like £5 each.

So some guy responds with, “I’ll give you £10 for the towels if they’re not washed.”

Anyway, back to Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen.

0:30 – He’s showing a comic called The Velvet Rope.  The comic was released in 2007.  Newt is a character in the book.  It seems to be about a sexy lady with giant tits who works in a movie theatre.  And Newt.  

Let me look this up.

It’s five dollars on Ebay.  And according to the listing, it was released in 2008, not 2007, but it doesn’t matter.  

“I’m drawn in as the hapless sap who goes into the movies and gets swallowed up by the theatre”.

Oh.  It’s about a haunted theatre.

1:00 – Newt says that being in this comic is one of the best things that ever happened to him.  As a kid, he wanted to get involved in the comic industry but because he’s from New Jersey, he can’t do that because the comic book industry is based in California and New York.

Did kid Newt not have access to a map?  Let me check the distance between, say, Trenton, New Jersey to New York City.

It’s a one hour train journey.  He wouldn’t even have had to move.  He could have commuted.  

3:30 – He says that he first met Horseface around the time that this comic was released.  Eugh.

3:45 – This comic has a depiction of Die Laughing, which was Newt’s movie script about zombie clowns.  He co-wrote it with Justin Silverman.  I’m guessing that that film’s plot was “tits and gore” like every other movie idea Newt has.  Too bad it never got made.  The world just wasn’t ready for it.

4:00 – This comic inspired Newt to follow his artistic dreams so he started the Underbelly Youtube channel with Justin.  He saw the comic and said, “I want to make stuff too.”

Yeah.  Can it be good stuff, though?  Why make crap?  Shark Vampire.  No.  It’s not going to work.

By the way, the cereal boxes are back.  He has a Monster Mash back there, along with the more popular ones like Frankeberry and Booberry.  It’s “family size”.  But Newt doesn’t have a family.  Not to worry.  Al from Happy Days will be there to assist.

5:45 – Newt was asked to write the film adaptation of this comic.  They didn’t like his script that he shat out in a month.  So over the course of five years, from 2010 to 2015, he worked on the script.  Tried different ideas.  They also shot some teasers using different actresses.

Do you want to guess who one of the actresses was?  None other than Crystal Quin.  Horseface McGee herself.

Newt.  This is pathetic.  She’s not fucking interested.  Why are you even interested?  Do something else with your life.

6:45: He says that Cory Feldman was involved at one point in this project.  Wow.  2015 Cory Feldman.  Was he even alive then?  Let me look this up.

Oh, he’s still alive today.  

Who could they have gotten to play this giant breasted usher?  The brunette from Two Broke Girls?  No, was the show still on in 2015?  Yeah, so that’s out.  She’d probably be willing to do it now, though.  I think that she’s homeless.

Big-titted actresses of yore…oh, somebody prepared a list.  This is helpful.

https://www.imdb.com/list/ls062514607/

“Actresses from big to huge boobs”.  Good title.  I wish there was a way to filter out the big boobs and only get the huge boobs, though.  Because look at the concept art that Newt shows in this video.  It has to be somebody who has some kind of medical problem resulting in giant breasts.

Kirsten Dunst?  She’s pretty washed up.  But does she have big tits?  Mmm…maybe?  The pictures I’m seeing tend to vary.

Oh, Jenny McCartney.  She’d be good.  She’s definitely washed up.  Tits aren’t super big though, are they?

It reminds me, though.  What about somebody who used to be on Baywatch?  A lot of them were also in Playboy.  What about Donna D’errico?  She’d be perfect.  Totally washed up, never had much of a career to begin with, and she has big tits.  I have her issue of Playboy somewhere.

7:30 – “What kid doesn’t imagine being drawn into a comic book?”

I’m guessing most of them.  What a weird aspiration.  “I wish that my visage was in a comic book.” 

That’s the video.  

I’m still thinking of actresses with big tits.  Who was that woman who replaced Jenny McCartney on Singled Out?  She was also in Baywatch.

Carmen Electra.  That’s it.  I also have a Playboy of her.  Maybe it’s the same issue as the Donna D’errico one.  

She was also in the Naked Women’s Wrestling League.  She never got naked or wrestled but her name was used to promote the videos.  Jimmy Hart was also in this, oddly.  And Sabu’s girlfriend, who recently died.  She actually got naked and wrestled.   Melissa Coates.  That’s her name.  She wrestled April Hunter.

My favourite was Annie Social, who was apparently a legitimate wrestler on the indie scene.  I read an interview saying that she regrets doing it.  

Most of the other wrestlers were clearly just local strippers.  And not even strippers who you want to see naked.  Plus, obviously, they couldn’t wrestle.  This stuff was filmed in Canada where apparently it’s legal to have fully nude wrestling matches.  There was a full audience and everything.

I was obsessed with these videos for a while.  There were apparently three DVDs.  I’m only familiar with one.  I have the full rip somewhere.  

I’d also see videos on various porn sites from this organisation.  Just the odd match, not a full DVD.  But it was never nude.  At best, it would be topless, but a lot of it was just they’d be in a crop top and booty shorts or something.  This doesn’t fit the theme.  You expect nude wrestling from Naked Women’s Wrestling League.

Anyway, it’s an obscure bit of wrestling history.  The fact that Jimmy Hart was in it is insane.  He was genuinely there, in the ring.  It wasn’t some bullshit like how Carmen Electra barely had anything to do with this.  He managed April Hunter in the DVD that I saw.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yt6OQOMjzpc

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1V0F-ABtXQ

The Newt train rolls on.  This time Newt is trying the Little Caesars Batman pizza.  I’ve already seen a video of this a few weeks ago.  Some guy bought it for his children.  But here’s Newt Wallen, a 40 year old man, eating a novelty pizza.

0:00 – This is being filmed in the cashier area of the theatre that Newt works in.

“Mel” purchased this pizza.  This is the woman filming the video.  Her name is Melissa but apparently goes by “Mel” for short.

0:15 – Newt says that he hasn’t had Little Caesars since 1991 when his parents divorced.  His father didn’t cook so he would order pizza a lot.

0:30 – Then he gives some weird trivia about the son of the owner of Little Caesars apparently being in some shitty horror movie that nobody has ever heard of.  Also, the former owner of Little Caesars apparently paid Rosa Parks’ rent in her later years.

1:00 – He didn’t want to eat it because it’s cold but Melissa says, “Just eat it.”  This is so weird.  This is her boss?  Maybe?  And Newt really lords it over the teenage workforce at the cinema.  But he seems pretty chummy with Mel.

I wouldn’t want any of this.  I just want to go to work, do the job, and go home.  I don’t want to watch you make Youtube videos and buy you pizza and watch movies with you and all of this stupid shit.  I’m there to work.  That’s it.  

This is a horrible work environment.  I mean, it’s fine for the people involved.  They’re all friends, they’re going to give each other promotions, whatever.  But if you’re not part of this group, if you just view work as a place to work, forget it.  Look for another job.  This is going to be a nightmare every single day.

1:15 – “Cold pizza is still good pizza.  Cold pizza and sex: even when it’s bad, it’s good.”

Here we go with the sex comments again.  And this is “his” employee.  It’s totally inappropriate.  Just go on fucking Tinder.

I met my girlfriend from a job that I had but I waited until I was fired before I contacted her.  That’s the only way this should go down.  Dating  or having sex or whatever with somebody who you’re working with is a terrible idea, not just for the two of you, but for everybody else who has to watch this shit.  

There was a woman who was dating some guy at a job I had and they had a little fight and she was crying about it.  Unbelievable.  I don’t fucking care.  I’m here to work.  

Then there was a time when I asked a woman out who I was working with, because I thought that she was interested, but no.  She declined.  It turns out that she was just really, really friendly.  So then it was awkward as fuck seeing her after that.  I ended up having to quit not long after, partly because of this.

So it’s also bad for you.  Even if you do get into a relationship with somebody from work, is this relationship going to last forever?  It’s unlikely.  It’s going to end at some point.  And then what?  It’s awkward as fuck.  Somebody has to find another job after that.  

Anyway, then Mel says “lies” and laughs with her marijuana laugh.  Hehe.  This is so fucking gross.  I don’t even work there and I’m uncomfortable as fuck.  This is totally inappropriate.  Nobody wants to see this weird flirting.  Get the fuck out of here.  We’re here to work, Newt.  What do you want me to do?  Sweep the popcorn from the theatre?  Fine.  Anything to get the fuck out of here.

2:00 – Oh, this is part of Little Caesar’s “Hot and Ready” line.  Make a sex half-joke about this, Newt.  “Hey, Mel!  Are you hot and ready?”  Then she’d laugh with her marijuana laugh.  

3:45 – Newt says that he’s been working “open to close shifts” for the past two weeks so now he’s “burned out and in a rut.”  Then he talks about how he discusses this with his psychiatrist. 

This is definitely not how you get the ladies.  But this is the strategy that Newt is clearly employing.  He’s going the pity route.  “Please feel sorry for me and have sex with me.”  I really don’t think that it’s going to work.

Then Mel ends it by saying, “Laters”.  Some of that delicious stoner talk.

Little Caesars is probably the worst chain pizza place I’ve encountered.  I had it a lot as a kid because it was cheap.  

I used to deliver pizzas.  There’s no particular story associated with this, though.  I never had sex with any of the customers or anything like that.  That would have been a perfect Newt story.  But anyway, as a result of this experience, I always make sure to tip delivery drivers generously.  

In the 9th grade, there was a teacher who told a story about a pizza delivery man who ejaculated on a pizza and this resulted in the consumers having to get tested for AIDS or something.  This was a biology class, I think.  It was a fairly young teacher.  She must have just recently graduated.  

So then we were playing a game of Pictionary.  You had to draw on the chalkboard whatever was on your piece of paper and the other students had to guess what it is.  The things on the paper were all chosen by the students.  We were told, “Pick something that we learned in class.”  So, for example, you could have written “photosynthesis” and then the person would have drawn a sun and some plants and whatever, and the other students had to guess what it was.

Obviously, I wrote “masturbating on a pizza” on my slip.  

So the guy is at the chalkboard.  I’ll never forget this.  It was a Mexican guy.  His race isn’t important to the story, that’s just background.  He gets the strip.  He opens it up.  He’s looking at it for a while.  Then he starts laughing and he gives it to the teacher.  The teacher looks at it, gasps, gets really animated, and then throws it away.  People are asking what it is and she just says, “Something disgusting.”  Then the guy says, “I should have just drawn it.”

There was another time, again in the ninth grade, where we had to submit questions that we had.  About anything.  “About life” was the instruction given by the teacher.  She was some hippie, I guess.  Wanted to have a rap session with us.  

Oh my god, I remember who this woman was now.  It was a middle aged woman with giant breasts.  Not in any attractive way but I remember them being huge.  I made a joke to my friend that a small wheelbarrow would really help this woman.

So anyway, we have to write some questions about life.  I wrote a bunch of shit about jerking off, of course.  “Is masturbating a sport?  Could it be?  Do animals masturbate?”  Something weird like that.  For the sport, I was thinking like the first one who ejaculates wins.  

So she gets to my question, she’s looking at it for a while, and then she says, “This person really has some problems.”  I knew it was my question and I was fucking dying but I couldn’t laugh because it would give it away.  

Then she started talking about how the “experts” say that everyone masturbates but that Catholic teaching is that it’s a sin so it’s a difficult issue.  She didn’t have an answer.  I stumped her.  If everyone does something but it’s a sin, what does that mean for the catechism?  Everybody is just doomed to go to Hell?  Heaven is completely empty, bar Jesus?  Jesus is just chilling up there by himself?  And Jesus was half-man, so wasn’t he jerking off too?  So does this mean that not even Jesus is in Heaven?  Is any of this blasphemous?  This was a Catholic school, by the way.  

And as for animals, she just said that she didn’t know.  I guess that she never visited the monkey house at the zoo.

So anyway, that’s Newt Wallen and his Batman pizza.  Hopefully nobody jerked off on it because then he’d have to go to the doctor to have an AIDS test done.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g29MTtUl7H4

I didn’t even know that a Batman movie was being released.

People make fun of old people for being out of touch with technology and popular culture but I understand now why these old people become so out of touch.  You reach a point where you don’t give a shit about any of this.  

Take Batman movies, for example.  I was interested in new Batman movies coming out right up until I was about…16?  Something like this.  The second movie was out and by the time that third one with Mr Freeze came out, I stopped giving a shit.  

I don’t think that it’s because the franchise declined (although, that clearly happened with the third movie) but it’s just the genre.  Normal adults don’t give a shit about superhero movies.  You lose interest in this stuff.  

It’s the same with popular tv shows.  You don’t keep up with this shit as you get older because you don’t care.  “Everybody” (dimwits under 30) was talking about Honey Boo Boo for a while and then they moved on to the next thing.  A healthy person doesn’t keep with this stuff because it’s trash.

But for a young person, this is all new and they’ve got nothing else going on in their lives, so this is what they’re interested in.  It’s fine for young people but…why is Newt, a 40 year old man, at all interested in this stuff?  It’s not the sign of a healthy adult.

0:15 – Newt says that he saw the movie with some “new friends and old friends and employees”.  He goes on to say that somebody had invited him to attend a press screening of this movie two weeks earlier but he declined because he wanted to see it with his friends.  He’s a real man of the people, this Newt Wallen.  No press screenings for him.

Who the fuck is inviting Newt Wallen to a press screening?  Is he a member of the press?  

“Hey, let’s invite that guy who plagiarised scripts for the Angry Video Game Guy.”

“You mean that guy who was on Talking About Tapes, that Youtube show that gets 15,000 views an episode?”

“Yeah!  But he’s not on there any more.  He’s doing his own thing now where he reviews movies in his kitchen and gets 3,000 views on average.”

“Holy shit.  We have to get this guy.  Send the invitation.”

0:45 – Shout out to Newt’s bladder.  Eugh.

3:15 – Newt is talking about how he’s 40 and therefore interested in leaving a legacy.

I don’t think this is anything to do with age.  I have no interest in leaving some shit movie and/or comic book as my “legacy” or anything similar.  If you’re doing something with your life, you don’t care about that.  If Newt got his life together, all of this bullshit about bad movies and bad comics would go away.  He’d be too busy living his life in a contented fashion.  

5:15 – Newt talks about how Gotham is inspired by New York City.  You don’t say.  Wow.  Newt must be a real Batman expert.  

Maybe he was just talking about the movie’s version of the city but…even then.  It’s obviously New York.  It would be noteworthy if the city DIDN’T look like New York.

What about Mega City 1 from Judge Dredd?  Is New York officially a part of that city or is it just implied?  Let me look this up.

Yeah, it’s official.  The entire “East Coast” comprises the city.

I used to really like Judge Dredd as a kid, which is odd because the comic wasn’t even sold in the US, until late in my comic book collecting days when it came to DC.  But by then, the series was no good.  

I liked reading the comics from these companies who I never heard of.  I remember Fleetway was one of them.  And Quality.  And for a while, they published under Fleetway/Quality.  There must have been a merger.  There was also another company…oh, Eagle.  

I also got a copy of 2000AD.  This was a newspaper sold in the UK.  It’s Judge Dredd and associated comics (Sam Slade: Robot Hunter and whoever else) but it’s in the form of a newspaper.  And it’s on really shitty newsprint.  It’s interesting that this sort of thing was being sold and people bought it.

The Dollar Store is where I got my first Judge Dredd comic.  They were three for a dollar.  Then later, I bought an assortment of like 50 Judge Dredd comics from some mail order company for probably $25 or something.  There were duplicates but no more than three each.  They gave a good range of the comics.  

It’s just an odd English thing that I was interested in for reasons that I don’t understand.  I wasn’t interested in any other English shit.

9:30 – Newt tells a story about what he was doing when he got the news that Kurt Cobain died.  He was riding his bicycle.  Well, they can’t all be great stories.

Oh, he’s just going over what happened in the movie, by the way.  This happened, then this happened, then this happened.

I don’t know.  It seems like there’s a need for some of this, because not everybody saw the movie, but I just find myself zoning out.  Tony from Summarise does the same thing, of course.

17:45 – Shout out to Calendar Man.  What?  I never heard of this.  I’ll look it up.

First appearance was in 1958.  This one just passed me by, I guess.  I didn’t read much Batman, though.  Or DC in general.  Or comics.  I bought them but I just put them in bags, hoping to save them for my retirement.  It didn’t pan out.  I read Spider-Man for a few years, though.  The three main titles of the time: Amazing, Spectacular, and Web of.

20:30 – Newt give the film a B- and says, “Pee before you go in.”

Newt, we do not need to hear about your bladder issues.  And don’t assume that we all have bladder issues.

Here’s the part of the blog where I boast about my urinating records.  I used to drive 18 straight hours on trips across the US and I didn’t want to stop to urinate because there was no time.  I was trying to do all of this in one day so that I didn’t have to stay in a hotel.  So I didn’t.  No urinating all day.  

This was years ago but I think that I could still do it.  Whenever I’m out on a date or something, the lady will often go to the toilet after the meal or after the movie or whatever.  But I don’t do that. I don’t need to.  I can wait.  

You see this on trains as well.  People using the toilets on trains.  I’ve never used a train toilet in my life and I take trains a lot.  For many hours sometimes.  I can hold it.  

Also, at work, I think that most people will urinate during the day but I rarely do.  If I have the time after lunch or whatever, and I’m bored, I’ll go but it’s not necessary.  I can easily wait until I’m home.  

So I don’t know.  Is there something to this?  Does having an exceptionally strong bladder mean something?  It’s a testament to my great strength and virility, I guess.

21:15 – Newt says that he got home at 5.00 am yesterday because he was working so late.  How is it possible?  When is his job supposed to finish?  

People talk about “salaried” jobs and how you don’t have a set work schedule.  You only leave when the job is done.  Or something.  I have no idea how it works.  I never had a job like that.  

But there’s no way that an assistant manager in a theatre is this sort of job.  When it’s time to leave, you leave.  It’s not complicated stuff.

Newt then shows the whiteboard where “his” staff drew a picture of the people who work there.  They’re stick figures.  Newt says that he made himself have a frowny face because “I’m a frowny boy.”

Please love me, ladyboys of Twitter.  I’m so lonely.  Horseface McGee isn’t returning my calls.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3NTBSVsnjo

It isn’t.  Not by a long shot.  Shitty clickbait title.

He did one of these videos in the theatre he works in recently and it was so bad that I had to turn it off after a few seconds.  Let me look this up.

I think it was this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4PTtSEyITI

He just keeps coming on to this woman.  He’s talking about his sexual prowess and all of the women who he had sex with and whatnot.  Why are we hearing this?  What is he hoping to achieve?  Does this work?  Is this what women want to hear?  Has it worked so far?  He’s 40, single, never married, no children.  

Forget about this not working with wooing the ladies.  Why are we hearing this as the viewer?  This is supposed to be a movie review, right?  Why is he including all of this bullshit where he’s coming on to this pathetic woman?  

Anyway, he’s back in the movie theatre.  This woman is presumably filming again.  And he’s going to talk about Batman and hopefully nothing about the size of his penis or all of the bitches who he’s fucked over the years or how hot this woman filming the video is.

0:00 – Weird filter or something.  What is this?

And the previous video, the one I was talking about, the camera is way too high.  You see Newt’s head at the bottom of the screen and then a bunch of space up top.  How hard is it to frame the fucking video?  Newt is a professional…whatever it is that he’s done.  Couldn’t he have checked this before the filming started?  Given her some guidance? 

This Batman video is a slight improvement in terms of framing but just barely.

0:30 – Newt’s dad stole the cardboard Batman cut out that’s in this video.  Maybe thievery runs in the family.

0:45 – Newt actually referenced Screenwave.  By name.  Is this a first?  He usually says, “That other place” or something.

1:15 – Newt learned about Batman because a babysitter let him stay up to watch “SNL”.  Who wants to bet that Newt is going to talk about how he had sex with this babysitter?  

2:30 – Newt says that Batman was the inspiration for him wanting to make movies.  His shitty “movies” are nothing like Batman.  Newt’s idea of a movie is “tits and gore”.  That’s it.  That’s the plot.  That’s the entire plot of every movie idea that Newt has ever had.  

Fucking Shark Vampire.  I just can’t get over it.  He legitimately thinks that Shark Vampire is a good idea.

Also, he did a horrible short video on Florida Man recently.  It’s coming out in April, allegedly.  So people in the comments were saying, “Great.  How can we get a copy?” which was also my question.  Newt said, “I’ll let you know.”

What’s the point of hyping this shit if you can’t even tell us where to fucking get the product?  Does he not know?  Has he not figured out the distribution method yet?  If that’s the case, how does he know that it’s going to be out in April?

Oh, by the way, Batman is NOT the most important movie “EVER MADE”.  Not even by Newt’s story.  He’s just talking about how much it meant to him.  He’s not actually claiming that it’s the most important movie “EVER MADE”.  So why the clickbait title?

3:30 – Then he starts talking to some woman there.  I think that there are two women doing this.  One is holding the camera is one is off…doing whatever.  Newt just surrounds himself with bitches.  The ladies can’t get enough of Newt Wallen.

5:15 – Marijuana laugh by this woman holding the camera.

5:30 – “One of my employees over there.”  

It’s some guy for a change.

Isn’t Newt an assistant manager at this place?  Why is he elevating himself over the common worker?  “Oh, I’m making two dollars an hour more than this guy so I’m better than him.”  

He’s not your employee.  You’re all employees.  You’re employees of whoever owns the fucking cinema.  

What a terrible boss Newt must be.  Lording it over the teenage stoners who work there.  

Also, Newt keeps talking about “gateway drugs” but not in an actual drug sense.  Like how this movie was the “gateway drug” to…some bullshit about Newt.  Maybe it’s just because he’s hanging out with these stoner high school kids and he’s trying to relate.

God, this is sad.  I don’t even want to continue the video.  Or any video of Newt’s.  These are sad.  And then he’s making those shitty movies.  And that shitty comic book.  He’s sold all of his stuff to fund this trash.  Why?  It’s all to get the attention of Horseface McGee.  It’s just terrible life decisions.

9:00 – Newt adjusts the camera.  So he must have known in that previous video that it was bad.  He must have seen it while it was recording.  Why didn’t he fix it then?

This woman is definitely a stoner.  This is the stoner laugh.  Do the young people still say “stoner”?  

11:30 – Shout out to Horseface.  That’s what this is all about.

13:30 – Newt says that the best Batman movie is Mask of the Phantasm.  I had to look this up.  It’s a cartoon.

I don’t think that he was joking.  A cartoon.  It was based on the Batman: The Animated Series cartoon.  Yeah.  I vaguely remember watching this.  As a child.  I enjoyed cartoons as a child, as children are wont to do.

14:45 – He mentions Swamp Zombies 2 and his sycophantic high school stoner employees are really impressed by this.  This is…I have to turn this off.  I’m sorry.  It’s cringe as fuck.  That’s what the young people say today, right, Newt?  “Cringe”?  

What the fuck is this?  He’s hanging out with high school stoners.  

My high school friend was a big time stoner.  I knew him from grade school.  Then he left that school in like the fourth grade and I didn’t see him again until the 10th grade.  By this time, he was heavy into drugs and music and the usual shit.  He had a guitar and he listened to The Doors and shit like this.

He went to high school for four years, same as me, but he never finished the ninth grade.  He’d come to school for a while and then there would be long breaks where he wasn’t in school.  So he kept failing these classes.  

It didn’t really have an effect on his life, though.  Last I heard, he was working on a ship or something.  Some industrial job.  He also worked as a bartender at a different job.  So realistically, even if he graduated high school, or college, he probably would have done jobs like this anyway.  

He also had a girlfriend who had a mentally challenged child from a previous relationship.  That didn’t look good.  But whatever.  Maybe he liked her.

I remember having a conversation with my girlfriend about how I smell marijuana every time I go out.  She contended that she NEVER smells marijuana when she goes out.  She went on to say, “How would I know what it smells like?”

How could somebody possibly be this sheltered?  I literally smell marijuana every time I go out.  This was in London, by the way, we both lived in London, but I also smell it in every major city in the UK.  Every time I go out.  She didn’t know what it was.  

So one day I’m with her, and we go into one of these clouds of marijuana and I say, “This is it right here.  This is the smell of marijuana.”  She didn’t know what it was.  She smelled it.  She must have smelled this every fucking day, same as me.  But she just didn’t know what it was.  What did she think it was?  Who knows?  

Anyway, that was Newt Wallen and his crew of high school kids talking about Batman.  They’re all hopped up on goofballs.  He probably got a pizza with them after this.  Down at the mall.  The best pizza is at the mall food court.  Then they played Never Have I Ever and it turned out that Newt was the least pure.  Everybody was really impressed by Newt having intercourse.  Then Mimi (the actual name of this stoner girl) said, “This has been fun, Mr Wallen, but I have to be getting home now.  My mom doesn’t like me being out past 9.00 on a school night.