The Batman Review (Spoiler Free) – Cinemassacre 

Another entry in Jimmy’s Green Screen Classics.  

0:00 – “But first, a word from our sponsor.”

Some shitty point and click adventure game that uses real life actors.  I didn’t even realise that they still made video games using real life actors.  That shit was tried in the 1990s, the games were all awful, and they stopped.  Let me look this up.

Yeah.  Abysmal reviews for this game across the board.  Not that many people even reviewed it.  The only reviews on Metacritic are from “companies” who you’ve never heard of.  “KeenGamer”, for example.  It’s just some guy with a blog, I assume.  

Also, this seems to be a French game and the actors are all French so they were speaking French but there are English actors who dubbed the lines in English.  Who would want to play this?

French games are never good.  It’s all superficial “I am an ar-teest” bullshit and no substance.  The games usually look nice but the gameplay is horrible.  

Little Big Adventure, for example.  The game looked nice but just try to play that shit.  Or the sequel.  

5:15 – “I also like how it goes back to the detective aspect of the original comics.  You know, Detective Comics.”

Autistic wordplay from Jimmy.

6:45 – “I got to be honest, before today, I didn’t know who Robert Pattinson is.”

I only mention this because the boys on Reddit REALLY found this appalling.  I don’t know who it is either.  Let me check Wikipedia.

He was in some Harry Potter film.  I never saw any of those because I was an adult when those were released.  He was in “The Twillight Saga”, same issue there.  He was in a bunch of films that I never even heard of.   

Oh, The Lighthouse.  Yeah, I saw that.  But I wouldn’t recognise this guy.

So…I’m supposed to know this guy?  Or Jimmy is supposed to know him?  I know that Jimmy called himself a “film curator”, once, many years ago, but I don’t think that he claims to keep up with current films.  

Oh, this guy was also named one of the sexist men alive.  THAT’S why the boys on Reddit are outraged that Jimmy didn’t know him.  Jimmy doesn’t know this sexy man and that annoys them.  I get it now.

8:15 – “Ever since the Jim Carey version, I was always curious to see what a serious take on the Riddler would look like.  I’m surprised that Nolan never wanted to use the character, especially since the Nolan movies are so much like riddles anyway.”

More autistic wordplay from Jimmy.

11:30 – Shout out to It’s a Mad…World.

13:00 – Jimmy says that he wants to see a Batman movie that takes place in the 1930s and 1940s.  Jimmy really likes time travel.  It’s another autistic fixation of his.

That’s the video.  It was…boring but inoffensive. 

I’d like to see Batman Versus Shark Vampire.  They’re similar characters, aren’t they?  Newt “The Ideas Man” Wallen strikes again.

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