BATMANIA ! Why BATMAN 89 is the most important movie EVER MADE – Newt Wallen

It isn’t.  Not by a long shot.  Shitty clickbait title.

He did one of these videos in the theatre he works in recently and it was so bad that I had to turn it off after a few seconds.  Let me look this up.

I think it was this one:

He just keeps coming on to this woman.  He’s talking about his sexual prowess and all of the women who he had sex with and whatnot.  Why are we hearing this?  What is he hoping to achieve?  Does this work?  Is this what women want to hear?  Has it worked so far?  He’s 40, single, never married, no children.  

Forget about this not working with wooing the ladies.  Why are we hearing this as the viewer?  This is supposed to be a movie review, right?  Why is he including all of this bullshit where he’s coming on to this pathetic woman?  

Anyway, he’s back in the movie theatre.  This woman is presumably filming again.  And he’s going to talk about Batman and hopefully nothing about the size of his penis or all of the bitches who he’s fucked over the years or how hot this woman filming the video is.

0:00 – Weird filter or something.  What is this?

And the previous video, the one I was talking about, the camera is way too high.  You see Newt’s head at the bottom of the screen and then a bunch of space up top.  How hard is it to frame the fucking video?  Newt is a professional…whatever it is that he’s done.  Couldn’t he have checked this before the filming started?  Given her some guidance? 

This Batman video is a slight improvement in terms of framing but just barely.

0:30 – Newt’s dad stole the cardboard Batman cut out that’s in this video.  Maybe thievery runs in the family.

0:45 – Newt actually referenced Screenwave.  By name.  Is this a first?  He usually says, “That other place” or something.

1:15 – Newt learned about Batman because a babysitter let him stay up to watch “SNL”.  Who wants to bet that Newt is going to talk about how he had sex with this babysitter?  

2:30 – Newt says that Batman was the inspiration for him wanting to make movies.  His shitty “movies” are nothing like Batman.  Newt’s idea of a movie is “tits and gore”.  That’s it.  That’s the plot.  That’s the entire plot of every movie idea that Newt has ever had.  

Fucking Shark Vampire.  I just can’t get over it.  He legitimately thinks that Shark Vampire is a good idea.

Also, he did a horrible short video on Florida Man recently.  It’s coming out in April, allegedly.  So people in the comments were saying, “Great.  How can we get a copy?” which was also my question.  Newt said, “I’ll let you know.”

What’s the point of hyping this shit if you can’t even tell us where to fucking get the product?  Does he not know?  Has he not figured out the distribution method yet?  If that’s the case, how does he know that it’s going to be out in April?

Oh, by the way, Batman is NOT the most important movie “EVER MADE”.  Not even by Newt’s story.  He’s just talking about how much it meant to him.  He’s not actually claiming that it’s the most important movie “EVER MADE”.  So why the clickbait title?

3:30 – Then he starts talking to some woman there.  I think that there are two women doing this.  One is holding the camera is one is off…doing whatever.  Newt just surrounds himself with bitches.  The ladies can’t get enough of Newt Wallen.

5:15 – Marijuana laugh by this woman holding the camera.

5:30 – “One of my employees over there.”  

It’s some guy for a change.

Isn’t Newt an assistant manager at this place?  Why is he elevating himself over the common worker?  “Oh, I’m making two dollars an hour more than this guy so I’m better than him.”  

He’s not your employee.  You’re all employees.  You’re employees of whoever owns the fucking cinema.  

What a terrible boss Newt must be.  Lording it over the teenage stoners who work there.  

Also, Newt keeps talking about “gateway drugs” but not in an actual drug sense.  Like how this movie was the “gateway drug” to…some bullshit about Newt.  Maybe it’s just because he’s hanging out with these stoner high school kids and he’s trying to relate.

God, this is sad.  I don’t even want to continue the video.  Or any video of Newt’s.  These are sad.  And then he’s making those shitty movies.  And that shitty comic book.  He’s sold all of his stuff to fund this trash.  Why?  It’s all to get the attention of Horseface McGee.  It’s just terrible life decisions.

9:00 – Newt adjusts the camera.  So he must have known in that previous video that it was bad.  He must have seen it while it was recording.  Why didn’t he fix it then?

This woman is definitely a stoner.  This is the stoner laugh.  Do the young people still say “stoner”?  

11:30 – Shout out to Horseface.  That’s what this is all about.

13:30 – Newt says that the best Batman movie is Mask of the Phantasm.  I had to look this up.  It’s a cartoon.

I don’t think that he was joking.  A cartoon.  It was based on the Batman: The Animated Series cartoon.  Yeah.  I vaguely remember watching this.  As a child.  I enjoyed cartoons as a child, as children are wont to do.

14:45 – He mentions Swamp Zombies 2 and his sycophantic high school stoner employees are really impressed by this.  This is…I have to turn this off.  I’m sorry.  It’s cringe as fuck.  That’s what the young people say today, right, Newt?  “Cringe”?  

What the fuck is this?  He’s hanging out with high school stoners.  

My high school friend was a big time stoner.  I knew him from grade school.  Then he left that school in like the fourth grade and I didn’t see him again until the 10th grade.  By this time, he was heavy into drugs and music and the usual shit.  He had a guitar and he listened to The Doors and shit like this.

He went to high school for four years, same as me, but he never finished the ninth grade.  He’d come to school for a while and then there would be long breaks where he wasn’t in school.  So he kept failing these classes.  

It didn’t really have an effect on his life, though.  Last I heard, he was working on a ship or something.  Some industrial job.  He also worked as a bartender at a different job.  So realistically, even if he graduated high school, or college, he probably would have done jobs like this anyway.  

He also had a girlfriend who had a mentally challenged child from a previous relationship.  That didn’t look good.  But whatever.  Maybe he liked her.

I remember having a conversation with my girlfriend about how I smell marijuana every time I go out.  She contended that she NEVER smells marijuana when she goes out.  She went on to say, “How would I know what it smells like?”

How could somebody possibly be this sheltered?  I literally smell marijuana every time I go out.  This was in London, by the way, we both lived in London, but I also smell it in every major city in the UK.  Every time I go out.  She didn’t know what it was.  

So one day I’m with her, and we go into one of these clouds of marijuana and I say, “This is it right here.  This is the smell of marijuana.”  She didn’t know what it was.  She smelled it.  She must have smelled this every fucking day, same as me.  But she just didn’t know what it was.  What did she think it was?  Who knows?  

Anyway, that was Newt Wallen and his crew of high school kids talking about Batman.  They’re all hopped up on goofballs.  He probably got a pizza with them after this.  Down at the mall.  The best pizza is at the mall food court.  Then they played Never Have I Ever and it turned out that Newt was the least pure.  Everybody was really impressed by Newt having intercourse.  Then Mimi (the actual name of this stoner girl) said, “This has been fun, Mr Wallen, but I have to be getting home now.  My mom doesn’t like me being out past 9.00 on a school night.

5 thoughts on “BATMANIA ! Why BATMAN 89 is the most important movie EVER MADE – Newt Wallen

  1. Your girlfriend sounds so cute. I smell weed everywhere I go, and this is in Stoke. I drive and deliver for Amazon (occasionally) and all the rough benefits fraud areas reek of the fucking stuff. People open their door at 11AM for me and their house just smells of it. Even in the nice areas I get out of the van, look at the £450,000 houses and smell weed.

  2. I'd love to watch Newt flop around trying to explain how Batman 89 is more important a movie than Star Wars.Even people who hate Star Wars know full well how important as shit that single movie was to film and theater history.

  3. I don't really notice the smell being more prevalent in certain areas. It's just whenever. You're walking down the street and then suddenly there's a smell of marijuana. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason.

  4. I don't think that I'd put Star Wars on my list either. Wait, what was the clickbait title? “Most important”. Yeah, I wouldn't put Star Wars there. If anything, it marked a decline in the film industry. Artistic merit completely went out the window and it just became about maximising profits.

  5. Well I wouldn't look at it that way. I'm more looking at it from the perspective of how it was the first major seat filler movie and it heavily affected most scifi from that point forward and pop culture.I highly think Star Trek is better, but it's hard denying the impact Star Wars has had on the movie industry. Batman 89 is pretty good, but its global impact hardly can outshine Star Wars to be making some dumb reach like “most important” and be 100% serious like he probably is.

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