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A Boy and His Blob – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) – Cinemassacre
This has got to the worst AVGN thumbnail of them all. I know that he’s not an attractive guy but come on. This was intentional. They chose the worst possible picture.
It’s like in the Guardian or whatever newspaper that really hates Trump, they’ll always use the worst possible photo of the guy. Like when he’s in mid-sneeze or something. We’re not fucking retarded. We see what you’re doing here. This is childish bullshit. Just present the facts. Like journalists.
0:15 – But first a word from some VPN. He’s going to tell us all about how you can bypass region locks now. We get it, Jimmy. It’s also against the terms and conditions of the services.
I wonder if Jimmy could be held liable if Netflix or whatever terminated your account due to bypassing their region locks? I know that they won’t but I guess that they could. And James Rolfe is here telling you to do it. A good brain-teaser for a first year law student, perhaps.
2:30 – Extended discussion of David Crane, Kaboom, and Pitfall. Mike wrote this shit. It’s obvious.
2:45 – Nice hair, Jimmy. At least he’s foregoing the…whatever the fuck he was doing before. Hair in a can or CGI hair or something.
Maybe he should just draw some hair on. Get a marker and fill it all in. I think that people do that. Not with markers but as a tattoo. I think the idea is that you have to keep your hair basically shaved but at least it looks like you have a full head of stubble.
Also, Mike has fucking played this game before. Not too long ago. And watching this video, I’m being reminded of Mike’s complaints about the game. This is fucking ridiculous. Well, maybe Mike will at least get “help” credit for this one.
17:30 – Shout out to jelly beans being Ronald Reagan’s favourite candy.
I remember this. I remember a third grade teacher talking about this. But it’s a myth. It’s just some Jewish media bullshit.
This is what it’s based on. There was some media event. Just some stupid, staged, hokey bullshit. And one of Reagan’s staff offered some jelly beans to Reagan. The jelly beans were in a jar. They must have been the chosen snack for the event. No big deal.
So Reagan takes some jelly beans and starts eating them. Okay. So?
So then the Jewish media ran with this story and talked about how jelly beans are Ronald Reagan’s favourite candy. Just because they happened to be there at this press event. No. They were just there. I doubt that Reagan requested jelly beans be served.
Why was the Jewish media so invested in this totally ficticious story? I don’t know. Maybe prominent Jews were large shareholders in Jelly Belly.
17:45 – “As a kid, I didn’t know the difference between Ronald Reagan and Ronald McDonald.”
Well, that might be because you’re retarded. Or he’s just too young. Let me think. He was president from 1980 to 1988. So Jimmy would have been six in 1988? Okay, I can understand not remembering him then.
But I remember Ronald Reagan. I remember being puzzled by the term “presidential race”, though. How the fuck did this old man win a race? I pictured it as some kind of epic foot race up a mountain path like in a cartoon or something. Really? This 80 year old man is America’s fastest runner? Well, whatever.
Then, for reasons that aren’t explained, James just gets “angry” for some reason. Oh. That’s…funny stuff.
Credits. Directed and written by James Rolfe. Uh huh. Sure it was.
Edited by Sean O’Rourke. Fuck that guy.
Gameplay by James, Sean, and Mike. Uh huh. I’d like to see the percentage breakdowns here. I’ll say 0% Jimmy, 10% Sean, 90% Mike.
As for the video it was…boring. Boring but not awful. That seems to be what the Sean O’Rourke era of Cinemassacre is all about. The Kieran era was awful. The Sean O’Rourke era is boring. I’m not sure which is worse. For my purposes, awful videos make for better reviews than boring videos.
Let’s see what the homos on Reddit had to say.
Oh, first I have to scroll through ten repetitive “jokes” about “A Boy and his Slob” and it’s pictures of James Rolfe with Justin Silverman. Great. Each one is funnier than the last.
Top comment is “A boy and his slob”. Very original. Good stuff, boys.
- “one of the most boring AVGN episodes yet”
Finally we get to something that isn’t a “meme” or about how James is bald.
- “It’s completely and utterly forgettable. The jokes are unfunny, his line delivery is terrible but it’s not bad enough to actually be memorable. It’s nothing content. No one will remember this episode in a month from now.”
Yeah.
- “
- “My gosh, dude, shave the head or get a wig. Wear the old glasses. A reason why people liked the recent Indiana Jones video was because of 1) bald head was blocked and 2) old glasses be better. I’m not shaming anybody who goes bald. I’ve dealt with it before and started taking propecia, which has helped. But he’s a public figure and it would be so easy to just recapture that nerd look or if anything, do something in your videos that alludes to hair loss.”
Propecia, you say. Let me look this up.
Propecia is a brand name for a drug called Finasteride. You want to know the side-effects?
“Finasteride can cause several sexual side effects, including erectile dysfunction, low sex drive, and difficulty ejaculating. In terms of erectile dysfunction, this is often a temporary, short-term issue that ceases once you stop taking the drug.”
I…oh. So this guy is going on the internet and BOASTING about his impotence.
“Golly gee wilikers, guys. I don’t want to bald-shame anyone but I’ve got a full head of a hair and a limp dick thanks to the fine folk who make Propecia.”
Umm…well…you do you, I guess. But I think that I’d rather be bald.
But it’s only short-term, at least in terms of the erectile dysfunction. So I guess the low sex-drive and difficulty ejaculating is for life. But anyway, once you stop taking the drug, the erectile dysfunction goes away.
Great! So how long do I have to take the drug?
What? Until the day I die? And if I stop, my hair all goes away? Oh, man. This sounds terrible. Now I’ll be bald and have a low sex-drive and difficulty ejaculating.
This is why you need to think about these things before making the decision.
And any hair growth is dubious anyway. The most I ever saw in these claims is that it helps you keep the hair that you have. Really. How do we fucking know that? Total scam. A drug that you have to take from the age of 20 until you die.
Also, I believe that it’s a cream. So you rub this cream on your hands and then you rub it into your scalp. If this stuff actually worked, wouldn’t you be concerned about getting hairy palms?
Oh, Wikipedia talks about what happens when you stop taking the drug.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finasteride
Individuals claiming to experience PFS report sexual, neurological, hormonal and psychological side effects that persist for an extended period after stopping the drug. Reported symptoms include penile atrophy and tissue changes, decreased ejaculate volume and quality, reduced libido, erectile dysfunction, loss of penile sensitivity, decreased orgasm sensation, dry skin, metabolic changes, muscle and strength loss, gynecomastia, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, anhedonia, concentration problems, memory impairment and suicidal ideation
Wait…so my penis will shrink and I’ll grow breasts? And I’ll become suicidal? Well, that seems obvious given the cirucmstances.
And read this guy’s fucking messages. He seems to be pretty effeminate already.
“There’s no shame in getting a hair transplant or a very nice wig. If it makes you feel better it makes you feel better.”
Just put your wig on and jack your limp, atrophied dick off with your bony girl arms, you homo. But personally, I’ll stick to being bald, thanks.
- “did Matei stream this recently?”
He did. Coincidence? No.
What’s adhenia? That was one of the side-effects.
Oh. Reduced ability to experience pleasure. Yeah, that’s a good one too.
Hey, retards, if this stuff worked, nobody would be bald.
I’m doing some more research. Apparently, this stuff blocks DHT, which is some kind of male hormone. And transgenders (guys in dresses) take this drug because they want to be more feminine. Smaller penis, bigger tits, you know how it goes.
Maybe James should take it. I don’t know. It might make the videos more interesting anyway. He’d be there with a full head of hair and a couple of fabulous breasts. “Hey, my dick isn’t working any more but that’s okay. I already have two kids. Now let’s talk about my favourite character from the Mario universe: Birdo.”
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Rex Viper’s YouTube channel! – Cinemassacre
0:00 – “Look what I did. I started a Youtube channel. Yeah.”
Sure you did, Jimmy. Was it Mike or one of the Screenwave flunkies who started the channel? Because we know it wasn’t James “Seven and a Half Years of Special Education” Rolfe. Creating some kind of online account is too challenging for him.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve started a Youtube channel.”
It’s all agreed and accepted that Mike Matei started the Cinemassacre channel. So what channel is Jimmy talking about that he started? Constant fucking lies from this retard.
0:15 – From now on, this is where I’ll be posting all of the band’s content.”
Again with this shit? YOU will be posting the content here? Why can’t he just be honest. You can be honest and still vague about who’s doing the actual work. “From now on, all of the band’s content will be posted here.” What was so hard about that? It leaves it ambiguous as to who will be uploading the videos. But for whatever bizarre reason, Jimmy wants you to think that he’s the one uploading the videos. He’s the one who started the channel. It’s all James fucking Rolfe.
“Sure, I could post it on that other channel of mine.”
You mean the one that’s 50% owned by Mike Matei and 50% owned by Screenwave? Is that “your” channel that you’re talking about? God, the fucking nerve of this fucking lying sack of shit.
That’s some hair, by the way, Jimmy. Holy shit. Just shave it.
0:30 – “Rex Viper is working on an album. Covers and medleys of retro video games and movie songs.”
Absolutely nobody wants this. NOBODY. I don’t even understand the fucking band. Nobody does.
The songs aren’t parodies. They’re just…I don’t even know. They’ll take a word from a video game and combine it with a word from a movie and make a shit song out of this. None of it makes sense.
0:45 – “Workout music for nerds.”
No. Nobody is working out to this. Not a single fucking person on earth. But it’s nice to know what he thinks of his audience. They’re nerds.
Maybe some of them are. Almost certainly some of them are. Maybe a lot of them are. But I think that most people who watch the videos are fairly normal people. They’re just on Youtube. They subscribed to this guy ten years ago. They check out the videos once in a while. They say, “Well, that sucked” and then they go about their day. No big deal.
“Honestly, it’s something that I would listen to.”
Well, we’ve found one person who likes Rex Viper. James Rolfe. He really enjoys his own product.
How about joining us in reality, Jimmy? Rex Viper is the worst fucking thing in the world. It even edged out cancer. And yet Jimmy is listening to this trash and saying, “Hey, I’m really digging this. Those Rex Viper lads have it all figured out.”
No, Jimmy. It’s awful and you need to realise this. Not everything you do is great. Indeed, AVGN was a total fluke. It was successful despite of your involvement. You’re not some creative genius. You’re a straight up, no fooling, retard.
1:15 – “If you want to support the band, you can buy our new shirt.”
Awful design. And it says “retro nerd rock”. Yeah. That’s what I’m going to wear, Jimmy.
And the shirt is $35. THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS. I was thinking $15. $20 tops.
Anyway, he (or, more accurately, some intern from Screenwave) will be putting all of the Rex Viper shit on this new Rex Viper channel. This must be some algorithm thing. Because Rex Viper is presumbaly poison for the Cinemassacre channel.
Then you read the comments. About 90% of them are from those faggots on Reddit repeating the same three “memes”. These are the only people who want this shit. Gay men who have absolutely nothing going on in their lives.
Rex Viper is awful, no question, but am I going to make cute little Photoshops of Dino as a woman? No. Why would I? I like women. But this terrible “band” is a convenient excuse for those fags to do their faggotry.
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Destiny Fomo’s Horrible Shorts Plus the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
It’s Madam Whoremo in a skirt and bikini bouncing around. Oh. Yeah, those are breasts alright. What else do you have, Whoremo? Have you considered trying to put out an interesting video?
Here’s Whoremo in a different bikini. She’s dancing to Shawn Michaels’ theme music. Well, “dancing” is too strong a term. It looks like her pimp TuanX is forcing her to dance at gunpoint. What the fuck is going on with this one?
Here’s an abysmal video where Destiny Fomo advertises her streams channel. It has like 1,700 subscribers and no videos. How does TuanX plan on making this a success? Oh, and she shakes her tits.
Here’s Whoremo as Chun-Li and she’s miming some “intercourse” song from Family Guy. According to the reviews on that escort review site, you most definitely DO NOT want to have intercourse with Madam Whoremo. People said that she behaved like she hated it and was being forced to do it. They also described her vagina as being unusually odorous. That’s me being kind.
So those are the videos. Umm…well, you’re not going to set the Youtube world on fire with this shit. We’ve seen all of this already. Has it worked so far? We get it, Whoremo. You have breasts. Who cares? I’m not in the 7th grade. TuanX had one fucking idea: show Madam Whoremo’s tits. And then when that didn’t work, he panicked. “SHOW THEM AGAIN!”
No. TuanX. Listen. It’s a bad idea. We need something fresh and creative. Not tits.
So I was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this past weekend. It’s basically a homosexual convention. But I’m secure in my masculinity so I go. With my female girlfriend.
It’s a place where anybody can put on some kind of show. It’s mostly plays, dances, singing, stand up comedians, shit like this. And EASILY 90% of the stuff is gay. Openly gay.
For example, I went to see a play about Leopold and Loeb a few years ago at this thing. They were two murderers, if you were unaware. So you might think that the play is about the murder. You’d be dead wrong. It was about their homosexual relationship.
“Wait a minute. There’s no evidence that Leopold and Loeb were gay.”
Doesn’t matter. This is what the play was about. Everything has to be gay at this thing.
In years past, we would just go and see whatever and it would result in seeing some shocking bad shit. I spent 90 minutes in a hot, sweaty attic, while some posh English woman talked about her vagina. I PAID for this.
You might think, “Wait a minute. That might be kind of hot.”
Let me assure you that it was not hot. It was boring. We get it, madam. You have a pussy. Do you have anything else? An interesting story to tell, perhaps? No. Let’s just talk about your pussy for the next 80 minutes.
There was another one where it was two young American women putting on a play with like 15 people in the audience in a little room that seated 15 people. “Oh, this is going to be hot.”
No. It was awkward as fuck. And the play went NOWHERE. NOWHERE! They just talked about friendship or something. I don’t know. And then the play just abruptly ended. Nothing happened the whole fucking time. But you’re sitting there in this tiny room, like two feet from these women, and you have to smile and pretend that this is good.
So this year I said, let’s do this right. I’m only going to go to shows that got good reviews from legitimate sources.
So we saw some puppet show. Not in a childish way. It was for adults. But it wasn’t good. The puppetry was good. There were good visuals. The acting was good. But the story was awful. It was just random stuff that kept happening. There was no connection from one event to the next. And then it just ended.
Then we saw a one woman show where a 40 year old posh English woman pretended to be Medusa. And she talked about the character and whatnot. Heavy doses of feminism. Heavy doses of lesbiansim. And that was it.
Who’s the audience for this? Are militant lesbians interested in Greek mythology? I don’t get it.
Then we saw a “dance” show. Some gymnnast/acrobat shit. These women with no tits took their clothes off. They had some kind of skin-toned body suit on. And the guys had some simulated nudity as well. They also kissed each other. Of course. Because everything has to be gay.
And then whatever, they twirled on ropes and spun hula hoops around themselves and stood on each other’s heads and shit like this. The usual shit for…whatever this is. But I’ve seen this sort of thing before at this event so it’s obviously something.
Then we saw the world’s worst comedian. I remember distinctly searching for comedians with my girlfriend the day before. I said let’s find somebody good. We found a black guy. I said, “Our search is over. This is the guy.”
So we go to the show. Within 30 seconds, it was revealed that this guy was obsese, black, and gay. That was the entire act. The entire act was about how he’s a fat, black, gay guy. An hour of this shit.
He’s literally bending over and begging people to fuck him in the ass. THAT’S THE JOKE! Get it? Because he’s a sodomite!
Look, we get it. We get that you’re fat and you’re black and you’re gay and these have shaped your views and your experiences and whatever. But TELL US about some of these views and experiences. In a humourous way. You know, like a comedian. Don’t just say, “Hey, I’m a big fat, black guy, fuck me in the ass.” That’s not a joke. That’s nothing.
Then the next day we saw some more fucking trash.
But it was inspiring. These people have spent a lot of time and a lot of money putting these shows together. They felt strongly that these stories, which go NOWHERE, had to be told. Poorly written. Poorly conceptualised. Poorly structured. These are stories that these people wanted to tell.
They hired actors. They reheared. There were re-writes. They printed promotional leaflets. They rented the venue. They actively advertised the show. And the show is complete shit. They had to have known this. They had to have known that they were telling a story that goes nowhere and nobody wants to hear but they did it anyway. It’s magical. This is the human experience.
When Erin makes a terrible video that nobody can possibly be enjoying that’s not an anomaly. This is the norm. This is what Youtube is all about. This is what entertainment is all about.
Think about it. How many horrendous sitcoms are there? Like 95% of them. At least. I’ve seen every episode of Growing Pains. Never laughed once. It was on for years. Hugely popular.
I’m not singling out the Seavers. Diff’rent Strokes, Webster, Mr Belvedere, Small Wonder, Who’s the Boss. You name a sitcom and chances are that it’s complete and utter trash.
Same with movies. Same with plays. Same with everything.
But it’s inspiring. Because if THIS shit can get produced, what would happen if somebody actually made something halfway decent? Something with an ounce of creativity? I’m not saying that it has to be good. It just has to have a little something that isn’t horrible. And sometimes it happens. And it takes off. It becomes a hit.
So I’m going to start working on my show for next year’s festival. I want it to be something different. All of these shows are trying to cater to the homosexual community. Why? Expand your audience. I’m going to write a play that heterosexual men can enjoy. Not in the “Hey, there’s going to be tits and gore” crude variety. My target audience is intelligent heterosexual men. Why not? The theatre industry has been actively excluding this huge demographic probably since the dawn of theatre.
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Life Update: New Job, New Fridge, & SoCal Gaming Expo News – Super Retro Gal
The triumphant return of…this nutjob.
So the video starts with a cat massasging her tits. What the fuck is this? Why is this in the video? Is she not embarassed by this?
What she does with her cat in the privacy of her own home is her own business. I guess. I mean, there are obviously moral issues. But in any event, don’t put it on fucking Youtube.
This is almost as bad as the time when she showed her husband’s decrepit, senile grandfather taking a bath. Shortly before she killed the man. She has absolutely no fucking sense. Elder abuse and bestiality are not things that should be on Youtube. Should I really have to say that?
0:30 – “I put on some makeup because I was feeling a little down about myself so sometimes I do that.”
Eugh. Great. You guys like women talking about their depression, right?
It’s not limited to women, of course. You don’t want to hear anyone talking about their depression. But women are more prone to doing this, of course.
0:45 – She’s talking about how she hasn’t “vlogged” since some Disneyland video. “So many things have happened since then that are…emotional.”
Who fucking cares? Just get on with it.
“Heartbreaking.”
She didn’t care this much when she killed her husband’s grandfather.
“And absolutely motivational for me to just continue on with continuing to try to be the best person that I can be every single day.”
Put that jumbled mess on a fucking motivational poster.
1:15 – “If any of you follow me on social media, you’ll know that I sold the fridge that I absolutely loved and adored.”
It was a refrigerator from the 1960s and she has it repaired by some guy who repairs vintage appliances. She made a video about it. And then…she sold it? Let’s hear an explanation. My guess is that it kept breaking and it was a pain in the ass.
1:30 – “We don’t know what our future holds, especially here in California.”
What? First of all, no explanation given for the refrigerator. But secondly, she fucking killed “Pops” to get this fancy house. Now they’re just going to move?
1:45 – “We sold our fridge because we are anticipating somewhere moving.”
Well…yeah. But where are you keeping your food now? In a cold, wet sack?
They have no concrete plans of moving but they sold their refrigerator. What’s next? The stove?
2:15 – Another reason for selling it is because it used a lot of electricity and she’s moving into “energy-focused hippyism.”
She is the absolute worst type of person on earth.
She’s broke. She said that she can’t afford to pay her bills. So what does she do? She gets a vintage refrigerator, pays some hipster douchebag god knows how much money to get it running again, she claims that all of the internal workings were replaced, and then she fucking sells it. Because now they’re “energy-focused hippies.”
How about being job-focused hippies? Have you considered that?
Like that fucking refrigerator was destroying the planet. I hate all of that shit where the blame gets shifted to the individual. Oh, you can’t travel because of the “carbon footprint”. Oh, you have to recycle. Oh, be sure to compost.
No. How about you fuck off? How about you go after the people who are actually responsible for pollution: giant corporations.
2:30 – Then she says that she got a new refrigerator and a new microwave. What? What happened to your “energy-focused hippyism”? What happened to you moving soon? THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.
They’re moving soon. Apparently. And they’re concerned about the environment. They’re also broke. So let’s buy a whole slew of new heavy appliances.
Fucking retard.
Then she shows the refrigerator. It’s fucking gigantic. It takes up half of their kitchen. Do you need a refrigerator this size for two people? What happened to the environment, you dumb bitch?
Their microwave was also enormous.
Get small, energy-efficient appliances, you complete and total buffoon. You’re killing the environment with your giant appliances.
And why get rid of her old one then? It makes no fucking sense. She had a perfectly good refrigerator. Use what you have. Don’t add to the landfill problem. Stop consuming.
It’s seriously the biggest refrigerator I’ve ever seen. It’s like a walk in closet.
3:15 – She says that they got rid of the old refrigerator because it didn’t keep food cold. Okay. So why is this now the third or fourth reason given for why you got rid of it? Why didn’t you just start with this one? This was your most convincing argument for why you should get rid of it. The other excuses were complete bullshit that made no sense. But okay, it didn’t keep food cold. Fine. That’s a legitimate reason to get rid of it.
God, is this fucking imbecile annoying.
4:15 – Then she says that she has a “deep freeze” outside. This is another freezer, I guess. She says that it’s because they have a “meat service”. I assume that this is a thing where meat gets delivered to your door.
Umm…dumb bitch….are you still thinking about the environment? Home delivery of meat? And to the point where you can’t even eat it all, it has to be frozen in a separate freezer dedicated just for that purpose?
Plus, let’s not forget about the harm that the meat farming industry does to the environment. Methane gas and whatnot.
4:30 – They also got a new washer and dryer. I can not fucking believe this. Which part of being an “eco-focused hippie” does ANY of this relate to? Mindless consumerism contributes negatively to the environment. She’s getting all new appliances. Needlessly. Also, aren’t they moving soon? Why are they doing this? Plus, they’re broke. Can’t pay the bills.
7:00 – “So you may be wondering, am I still working for a major California theme park?”
To be honest, I wasn’t.
And she says that she is. So what a fucking disappointment this. She’s a food and beverage manager. Let the good times roll.
“I absolutely love it. I am from food and beverage, actually.”
Is this really happening? Is she actually promoting “food and beverage” as some kind of dream job?
I’m not disparaging the “food and beverage” industry. Like most people, I’ve worked in food and beverage. It’s a common job that one does in one’s youth.
But is this what you want to do as a middle aged woman? I mean, it’s an honest job. I’m not taking anything away from it. People do it. But are they skipping to work every day and saying, “Oh, I love my job so much”? Only if they’re mentally ill are they doing that.
“I come from food and beverage”. Fuck off.
Then she says that her first job was at a restaurant called Ruby’s in “Warshington” (sic) state. She had to lie on her resume and say that she’s a cheerleader because they only hired cheerleaders. Uh huh. But actually she was emo. I see. Well, this is…this is all kinds of awful.
But that’s how she “comes from food and beverage.”
It would be like me delivering pizzas again. Yeah, I would do it. It’s better than doing nothing. But I wouldn’t say, “Wow, it’s great to be back to delivering pizzas again. This is where I want to be as a middle aged man.”
Then she goes over her career trajectory, which was mostly restaurants. She says, “Food and beverage is where I need to be and want to be.”
It is so fucking delusional. It has to be. She’s like 40 years old.
Take Newt Wallen, for example. He’s working in the movie theatre. But he openly says that he doesn’t want to do it. He does it because it’s a job and it pays but he doesn’t want to do it. I get it. That’s the normal response.
He doesn’t make out like it’s his dream job.
But this woman is talking about “food and beverage” like it’s something that she was put on this earth to do. Food and fucking beverage.
And she was talking about a manager that she had in some restaurant who taught her that you could be a manager AND be a little silly. So she takes that philosophy to her new role as a food and beverage manager.
This is…this is so bad. How can they afford all of this shit on a food and beverage salary? I don’t think that the husband is an investment banker. Well, this is why they can’t pay their bills, I guess.
8:45 – “Probably the number one question I get right now is why did you sell So Cal.”
This is the nerd convention that she became part-owner of. And then sold it within a year.
She didn’t have time. That’s the answer.
9:45 – “I will tell you that that expo is my heart and my soul. It is my passion.”
AND SHE STARTS CRYING!!!
Let me recap:
- She buys a nerd convetion.
- She says that she has NO TIME to run it.
- She sells it within a year.
It’s her “soul and passion”. She’s just so passionate about it that she can’t spend any time on it. So she says, “Fuck this. Let some other sucker buy this nerd convention.”
“Sometimes you have to learn to let stuff go.”
She didn’t cry after she killed “Pops.” But she’s here getting emotional over a NERD CONVENTION that she didn’t give two shits about, didn’t spend any time on, and sold within a year.
This is fucking psychotic behavior. She just all of a sudden starts crying. OVER NOTHING. A real contrast to that video where she dispassionately talked about “Pops” dying (from her killing him).
Then she complains that her business partners weren’t as passionate about the nerd convention as she was. But…SHE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! So…they did less than nothing? Fuck off.
Then she ends it in her usual awkward fashion where the camera lingers for like three seconds longer on her weird expression than it should.
- “My reality hit was not that I was happy you sold to focus on you being your best you, but came to the realization that, if you’re not involved with the expo, I may never run into you in person again. I hope that’s not the case.”
Well, well, well. John Riggs back in the house. Perving on the ladies as per usual. And what a fucking mess that is. Does it even make sense? I think that he was typing that with one hand.
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9/11
I was going to this scam graduate school. I’m watching tv and a plane crashes into the first tower. They’re showing this footage over and over again. Then they say breaking news, there’s a second plane, and they show the second plane crashing into the other tower.
So I think, “Well, this is certainly something. I better get to class now, though.” For reference, I had nearly perfect attendance throughout my academic career.
I drive to the college and I see a couple of classmates outside. Nobody else seems to be around. I say, “Is there class today?” They say that they don’t know. We try the doors. The doors are locked. So we decide that there’s no class today. So we go to our respective homes.
I go home and some English woman who I talked sent me a message on Microsoft’s messagenger or whatever, “That’s terrible what happened by you.” And I said oh, yeah. Yeah. That thing in New York.
Then everything just went nuts. Jingoism up the anus. All of your rights being stripped away. War on Iraq for some unexplained reason.
My landlady installed a huge flagpole in the front yard and erected an American flag. Flags were everywhere. Some people have a problem with flags. I don’t mind them. But why now? Why are you suddenly such a patriot? They just got swept up in the hysteria. Hysteria that was fueled by the Jewish media.
Every fucking day it was something new. Now you can’t bring fluids on planes. Now you have to take your shoes off. Now you have let the security guard fuck you in the ass for five consecutive minutes. And it wasn’t just travel difficulties. They went on a mass spying campaign.
I left the country not too long after and was glad to be out of there.
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The Time I Told Jehovah’s Witnesses to Fuck Off
This was just recently. I live in a little apartment building. Six or eight apartments share the same door. There are loads of these types of places in the UK, at least from what I’ve seen.
So some fucking moron must have buzzed in these Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I hear a knock on my door. I think, “Oh, it must be a neighbour in some distress because who else would have access to the building?”
I get up, open the door, and see these two clean cut homos in suspenders holding some kind of book or clipboard or something. And I just look at them. And they don’t say anything. Then it dawns on me that they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses so I say, “Get the fuck out of here” and close the door.
Then I hear them ringing the doorbell of my elderly neighbour. So I open the door and say, “Which part of, ‘Get the fuck out of here’ did you not understand?” and I indicate that they should leave the building. They look at me like zombies for a few seconds and then the one guy says, “We’re knocking on all of the doors.”
Well, no shit, retard. That’s my objection. People don’t want to talk to you. Get the fuck out.
But I just closed the door and they went away. There was no getting through to them.
People have all kinds of crazy reasons for hating on Jehovah’s Witnesses. They talk about how they don’t believe in blood transfusions or how they shun former members or whatever. Really? These are the things that annoy you?
Let’s be honest. It’s 100% the door knocking. I don’t give a shit what they believe in. They’re free to believe whatever they want. But when they start knocking on my door, all bets are off.
Years ago, I was approached by a black man and his young son on the street. I was just coming home from work. And the father nudged his son to start talking to me. So I stopped and this kid was nervously talking about Jesus of Nazareth. So I said, “No, thank you” and kept walking. And the father gives me attitude. Like I’m supposed to fucking stand there and listen to this.
And I was polite about it because it was a kid talking to me. That’s precisely why the father was using the kid for this bullshit. He knew that if he went around talking about Jesus of Nazareth, without this kid, people would tell him to go fuck himself. At least I would.
Another time, I was living in New England and a fat Hispanic guy and a slim white guy knock on my door. And the Hispanic guy says, “Do you think you’re going to Heaven?”
What? Go fuck yourself. Who would possibly go door to door saying this? Do you just enjoy harassing people? I know about the importance of spreading the good word but everybody already knows about Jesus by now. Come on. It’s the most widely published book ever.
As a kid, we always had to hide when Jehovah’s Witnesses were walking around. I remember the panic. My mother would say, “Jehovah’s Witnesses. Everyone hide.” And I’d hide under the table or behind the sofa or something. And they’d ring that doorbell like 20 times before leaving.
Why didn’t my mother just answer the door and say that she’s not interested? Or tell them to go fuck themselves? They’re human beings. They’re not going to talk to somebody who’s telling them to go away.
No, we just had to hide for like ten minutes while some lunatic keeps ringing our doorbell. It was traumatising.
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The Time I Got Banned from TheCinemassacreTruth Subreddit
I won’t be writing any new stuff for a few days, maybe up to a week, so I’m just writing some articles about whatever and I’ll schedule them to be released one a day. I don’t know how many I’ll complete and I’m not claiming that any of these will be good.
So TheCinemassacreTruth. I think that I’ve talked about this before.
I found the site, I don’t know, four years ago? Five years ago? Something. And it was all fucking pictures. Just “cute” pictures of James Rolfe and whatnot. “Memes”, as the young people say. I still have no idea what a “meme” is. Something that’s painfully unfunny is as close as I’ve figured.
But I would write somewhat lengthy messages about the videos that Cinemassacre would put out. Reviews, if you will. I was the first person who did that. Before I came along, it was literally nothing but these fucking gay ass pictures.
So I started to become a polarising figure on the sub. People who were fucking gay and retarded would complain about my posts because they weren’t fucking homosexual Photoshops of James Rolfe and the Screenwave gang. But there were also a lot of people who liked my posts. Why wouldn’t they? All I was doing was writing reviews of the videos. “The latest AVGN video sucks dick and here’s why.” Shit like this.
The moderators, as moderators tend to be, were on the less-intelligent side. And also, presumably, gay.
There was one guy in particular who was clearly mentally ill. He had a bunch of different names because Reddit kept banning his account for harassment. He would write pyschotic messages on the official Cinemassacre Subreddit claiming that Justin Silverman is a child molestor and there was a lot of anti-semitic posts about him. Really weird shit. This was a moderator there. And SlipperyPete, who was (and technically still is) the head moderator there continued to make this guy a moderator every time he got banned from Reddit.
This guy started to ban me like once a week. For nothing. Just because I was writing these reviews of the AVGN videos. His post history was entirely homosexual pictures of James Rolfe and the Screenwave crew. That’s what he wanted the sub to be.
There was another moderator there who told me that they were trying to get this guy to stop banning me because he was clearly unhinged. They said that as a result of this guy’s behaviour towards me, they established rules that the moderators have to vote before somebody can be banned. Nevertheless, this guy continued to ban me and this other moderator was getting increasingly annoyed as a result.
By this time, I was also writing about Erin Plays. Same thing, I was reviewing her videos. Like I do with the blog but they weren’t as long. And these lunatic moderators were complaining that I was writing about her on the sub so fine. I started an Erin Plays sub and I posted there. And people went.
This moderator who told me that he was constantly trying to get me unbanned told me to cross-post my Erin Plays posts onto the TheCinemassacreTruth sub because they were really good. So I would do that and people liked them but again, it was these lunatic moderators who had a problem with it. They just wanted the place to be these fucking gay pictures and talking about Mike Matei’s cock.
This was literally the origin of that sub-reddit. They wanted a place to talk about Mike’s dick. And the sub was started by a 17 year old “trans” boy. A boy in a dress. And it was nothing but Photoshopped pictures of Justin as a woman and whatnot. When I say that the place was full of homosexuals, I’m saying that genuinely. And many of the moderators were clearly gay. It was just some weird Cinemassacre gay porn site for them. They didn’t want the semi-intelligent reviews stealing focus for their jack off material.
Nevertheless, I would say that 90% of the people enjoyed my posts. I never had any problem with anyone there except for these lunatic moderators. Nobody ever told me to stop posting or anything like this other than the moderators.
So SlipperyPete, who was always an asshole to me, and who I always ignored, one day threatened to ban me from the site. Again, over NOTHING. Just because I’m writing these posts reviewing the Cinemassacre videos as opposed to the blatently homosexual bullshit that went on there.
So I finally had enough and told him to suck my cock. Given the circumstances, I’m surprised that he didn’t take me up on the offer.
I got banned for a short while but this one moderator was sensible was always trying to get me unbanned. And this moderator gave me the password to an alt account that he had and said just continue to post using the alt account.
I would post using different names and I’d be fine for a while but then SlipperPete and/or his psychotic co-moderator would ban me. This sensible moderator said that he was talking to SlipperyPete trying to get him to stop banning me but that apparently SlipperyPete was really upset that I told him to suck my dick.
So I just said fuck it. I’m not going to post there any more. It’s their loss. I’ll take my intelligent posts elsewhere and you faggots can keep posting your gay Photoshops.
I had an Erin Plays sub. People went there until it got shut down. I had a GamerGrrls sub, people went there until that prostitute Destiny Fomo got it shut down. Then I had the blog on WordPress for a couple of years. People went there until it got shut down. Then I went to Blogger for a short while before it was shut down. People went there. And now there’s this site.
I also opened a CinemassacreTruth sub-reddit. This was actually the backup sub of TheCinemassacreTruth but it got abandoned for disuse or something so it became eligible to register. So I registered it and just used that sub-reddit to cross-post the blatantly gay shit that would get posted there. They don’t really post gay stuff anymore so I think that my work on the sub paid off.
Also interesting is that now they have a review post for every Cinemassacre video. Again, I know it sounds insane but before I started posting there, nobody talked about the new videos. It was all just these gay Photoshops.
So you look at who had the biggest impact on that sub. It wasn’t that psychotic moderator who nobody remembers. It wasn’t SlipperyPete who nobody remembers. It was me and my semi-intelligent posts.
People don’t want trash. You can get trash anywhere. That sub was nothing but trash before I posted there. The Youtube videos I talk about are nothing but trash. But if you give people something with even trace amounts of intelligence and/or creativity, they’ll come to it. This is why I have the largest blog about gamer girls on the internet, despite the consistent efforts of complete dimwits to try to silence me.
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Monopoly (NES) & Clue (GEN) James & John – Neighbor Nerds – Cinemassacre
It’s pretty much unwatchable.
The homosexuals on Reddit like John. I guess because he’s a relatively slim guy compared to the Screenwave crew. And those homos on Reddit are REALLY concerned about sexy men. But I find John…I don’t know…okay, I guess? I’m sure that he’s a pleasant enough person but he’s not bringing much to the table.
A large part of the problem is that James is a negative factor in everything that he does. And then you have Screenwave fucking things up even worse.
So this video is about Monopoly for the NES and Clue for the Genesis or something. These are terrible, terrible, AWFUL, terrible games for this format. They even mention this in the video. These games take hours to play. You’re going to condense that into eight minutes per game?
So we just get random footage of them rolling dice in Monopoly and buying property. Then after a few minutes, they quit. What the fuck? What was the point of this? The game just started and they quit.
And John calls James bald and a virgin. It’s this level of “humour”. And James gives his usual autistic non-replies to this.
Then they play Clue. They don’t even know the rules. They don’t know how to play Clue. So they accuse somebody, just guess at all of the answers, and are then surprised when they get eliminated from the game. Yeah. Guys. That’s how Clue works.
So it’s not even a game that they’re familiar with. Why did they pick these games? They’re totally unsuitable for short videos like this and they obviously hold no *nostalgia* value for these two buffoons.
There are a fair number of negative comments on Youtube, which I think is unusual for Cinemassacre. I think that whoever owns Cinemassacre scrubs the comments hard. The comments are mostly complaining about John. So I feel bad. I don’t want to add to the dogpile but this video is just bad. I think that John is only part of the reason why this is bad. And probably not even the biggest part.
Now I have to fucking pad this out. Monopoly. I played it with my family. The actual board game. And I played Clue at a friend’s house. Again, I’m talking about the board game. It was…fine, I guess.
Just recently I was thinking of something related to this. Didn’t Clue have printed checklists that you can use when you play? Because if they did, that really limits the amount of times that you can play the game.
Obviously, you can just get a sheet of paper and make your own checklist but I’d be afraid to use the “official” checklist because I know that I’d be using something that I’ll never get back.
So I was thinking of Hero Quest. I had the boardgame as a kid. I played it with my friend. And at the end of the quest book, there was a blank map and quest description area. The idea was that you can make your own quest. But they only gave you one of these things. And I think it even said in the quest book that you should make copies of this blank quest.
Who the fuck was going to do that? You’re going to go to the library and pay $0.25 for each copy? It’s prohibitively expensive. But that was the only way to do it at the time. People didn’t have scanners or digital cameras or any of this. The Xerox machine at the library was your only option.
So that blank quest just sat there tantalizingly. But you couldn’t fill anything out because then you could never copy it. You need to copy it in an unmarked condition, obviously.
So that was some bullshit. You could have just got some graph paper but that’s a lot of work, first of all to acquire the graph paper at all (where am I going to find graph paper in 1989?), but then also to make the map. I guarantee that I would have fucked it up.
Then you’d have to come up with a code for the monsters and shit. In the blank map, they gave you little monster icons like they use in the real maps but obviously I can’t draw those. So I’d have to use letters, I guess. “G” for “goblin”, “S” for “skeleton”, whatever. But I don’t think at the time, I’d even have been able to come up with that idea. Plus, I’d have to create a key. I’d have to constantly check the key. It would a whole ordeal.
Then what about the furniture? How am I going to represent the furniture on my graph paper map? I’d have to draw little representations. Like in the real maps. But I can’t fucking draw that.
So anyway, I never did a custom quest. I remember the last time I played the game, my friends characters all died. And I was really gloating about it and putting big “X”s on the character sheets that he had been building for at least a year. I was saying, “This guy’s dead. This guy’s dead” and so on. And he was getting really pissed off and insisting that his characters aren’t actually dead. But I wasn’t having it. I was an asshole. It’s no wonder I didn’t have many friends.
When he would come over later, I’d ask if he wanted to play some more Hero Quest. I said that he can start new heroes. He wasn’t going for it. He always refused. So I think at some point, I said that he can use his old characters but by then he wasn’t interested in any more so we never played again.
But we got through the main game and some of that goblin or whatever expansion. I also had the skeleton expansion. We never got to play any of that one.
I even remember the map that he died on. It was that one where the dungeon master rolls a dice every turn and this causes a boulder to enter the map. Something like this. There would be a new boulder every so often. And he couldn’t figure out how to avoid these boulders. There was a secret door or something. I don’t remember. So his characters all got crushed.
Anyway, I also had a version of Monopoly for the PC. The 1995 one. It was okay, I guess. The FMV animations were annoying but you could turn them off, I believe. I liked experimenting with the AI. You could make your own AI opponents but I don’t know how detailed this was and I certainly never made anything good with it.
And I had Clue: Master Detective for the PC too. That was from 1989. I played that a fair amount. I think just by myself, though. Not even against the computer. I would just control all of the characters and I made some non-Clue game out of it. Like a race around the board or something. Basically just who can roll the highest numbers on the dice, among players who I all control. Really goes to show the lack of entertainment options in those days.
I had Risk too. Both the 1989 and the 1996 PC games. I got them both when they were fairly new. I played them quite a bit. The 1996 one was lightyears ahead of the 1989 game. That’s just how it was generally. There were huge leaps in technology.
Then I got Risk II in 2000. I don’t know. I don’t think that I really liked that one.
The 1996 had some kind of alternate rules Risk with different maps and shit. Like there was an American Indian map. I didn’t like the alternative rules (they had leaders and weather and stuff like that) but I liked the alternate maps, and I think you could play the alternate maps with the normal rules. Because I definitely played that American Indian map a few times.
So anyway, that’s James Rolfe’s continual slide into having to get an actual job. At least John works so we don’t have to worry about him. He’s a wedding photographer, I think.
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Tuesday Night Schlock stream – Newt Wallen
I’m not watching this but I did get an anonymous message from the Newt Wallen Tip Line that I got a mention in this livestream. So let’s check it out.
1:52:00 – “There’s something about me that makes conservative men want to turn me.”
Actually, nobody gives a shit, PVC Bondage Guy. I’m sorry to burst your bubble.
“I told you about the guy who I met at the concert who wanted to turn me into like a trad girlfriend.”
Maybe he recognised that you’re mentally ill and was trying to assist.
“And then there’s the British blogger dude.”
Let me clear up a misconception. Well, actually, I suppose she’s right. I am a citizen of the UK. So yeah. I’m British. Thank you for your sensitivity, PVC Bondage Guy.
Just today I was talking to somebody from work. I’ve known this guy for years. I’ve spoken to him many times. And I mentioned that I’m an American. He couldn’t believe it.
How is it possible? I live in Scotland. There’s no way that I sound Scottish. And I’ve never said “aye” or “wee” in my life.
My accent has obviously changed from living here for 20 years. But I used to always get, “So what brings you to England/Scotland Mr American Man” type comments as soon as I opened my mouth. Nobody ever said, “Hello there, fellow British man.” And that annoyed me because I’m just here to soak up the local culture and integrate into this fine society.
But PVC Bondage Guy gets it. I’m living in the UK. I have citizenship in the UK. I should consider myself British. And so should other people.
It’s similar to PVC Bondage Guy considering herself to be a man. When she said that, I said no problem. She’ll be PVC Bondage Guy now instead of PVC Bondage Girl. It’s all about sensitivity.
But astute observers of the blog will note that my knowledge of American popular culture between the years 1985 and 2005 is vast and deep, having been born and raised in the country.
“Who in the beginning wanted to turn me into a pretty little trad wife.”
She’s referring to me. No. I’ve made comments that she would look better without all of this makeup and doing something with her hair and, you know, not wearing the bondage gear. But there was no romantic interest. No offense to PVC Bondage Guy but my heart belongs to that chubby Asian woman who appeared in a couple of Screenwave videos. God, I would eat that chubby Asian pussy every day. But I digresss.
“And he’s still talking about it. He’s still like, ‘We should wash that ugly makeup off of Metz, put her in a pretty pink dress.”
She’s referring to this article:
“Look, you can do all of that but I’ll still be me.”
I’m not trying to change PVC Bondage Guy’s personality. I was giving her appearance advice.
1:52:30 – Then Newt, who was stewing this whole time, interrupts and says, “I blocked that dude’s site. I don’t look at any of it. I don’t go over there any more.”
Newt, if you don’t want to go to the site, just don’t go. Exercise some self-control. But no, he has to actively block the site through the “hosts” file or whatever he’s doing because he’s just such a huge fan of the blog. “Oh, I’ve got to read that magnificent prose. I just can’t help myself.”
“He had some nasty things to say about Madilyn because she told me that she saw it.”
So now we know that this old prostitute also reads the blog. And all I did was call her an old prostitute. I mean…she’s an old prostitute. What can I say? I’m a journalist. I can’t lie.
But Newt is upset because this old prostitute told Newt that I said nasty thing about her. So Newt has to pretend to give a shit about this. Because he doesn’t want to lose his old prostitute “friend”.
I think that’s the article. It got a lot of comments. Did anyone talk about her?
Not really. Nothing too bad anyway.
Oh, I said that she was anorexic as well. And called her Skeletor. Well, look at her. And she mentions drinking a protein shake. She obviously has an eating disorder. That’s not something to insult somebody over, in normal circumstances, but she’s also a highly objectionable person. AND A PROSTITUTE! An old prostitue. An old, annoying, unpleasant, conceited, deluded prositute. Am I allowed to say that? I’m just dining on some of that delicious free speech. Voltaire would be proud.
And she wouldn’t have even known about the blog had Newt not, bizarrely, mentioned it in the video that he was doing with her.
Newt say, “I love the thing where he says, ‘He’s clearly paying these women but where does he get the money from?’ because I’m apparently not allowed to have friends.”
These aren’t your friends, Newt. You must know that. You can not possibly be this retarded. What happened to your “friend” Fallon when the movie ended? These are prostitutes, Newt. They’re using you for whatever tiny bit of money they can milk out of you. Anyone with a brain knows this. How many times can the same thing happen to him before he figures it out?
And then PVC Bondage Guy goes on about religious people who want to change her. And the previous discussion was about just general conservative people who want to change her. She mentioned Trump supporters. I hope that I wasn’t included in this. I’ve made it plain every time I’ve mentioned politics that I don’t care about Trump or any of this bullshit. I’m interested in wealth redistribution. None of these billionaire politicians represent my interests.
2:55:00 – Then PVC Bondage Girl again refers to “The fucking British dude”. Such sensitivity. I like it.
She claims that I say that she’s “always shaking things”. I think that I’ve been misquoted.
But anyway, she’s wearing a corset in this video and constantly shaking her tits.
So that’s PVC Bondage Guy and her obvious infactuation with me. Well, I’m flattered, PVC Bondage Guy. But I like the ladies. You know? Not dudes like PVC Bondage Guy.
She’s a pleasant guy. And intelligent. I’ve always said this. But she’s also really mentally ill. And I’m not interested in wooing this man for that reason as well. I think that she should get the help that she needs. I’d be a complete scumbag like Newt Wallen over here if I pursued anything with this man. I’m not here to take advantage of the mentally ill. That’s just common decency.
But Newt is all about exploiting the mentally ill. Put your corset on and bounce your tits and maybe we can get 15 cents for this video. Keep up the scumbag behaviour, Ideas Man. You’re saving the blog in these lean Erin-less times.
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Erin’s Recent TikTok Output
Erin is still wasting everyone’s time with that “playing every NES game for two minutes” bullshit so let’s check out her TikTok. I haven’t talked about it since this post:
So TikTok. Let’s check it out.
An inexplicable 10,000 views on this one. She got like 250,000 views on some video where she boringly flips through an old JC Penney catalogue so she’s been trying to capitalise on this shit ever since with similar (boring) “content”. It hasn’t been working.
“I recently found a bunch of my old issues of Spin Magazine from when I was in high school.”
Have you done anything since high school, Erin? You’re 35 years old.
I’m a minute in and she’s said “iconic” twice already. For two different things. First, iPod or whatever. That’s “iconic”. Second, the Windows XP background is “iconic.”
Oh sure. Who doesn’t remember the Windows XP background? So “iconic”.
I have no fucking idea what she’s even talking about. I don’t even know if I had Windows XP. No, I don’t think that I did. I had Windows ME and then I skipped to whatever came after that. Vista.
So this must be why this background isn’t “iconic” to me. I just wasn’t living. I wasn’t keeping up to date on default Windows backgrounds.
What was I doing when Windows XP was out? Let’s see…it was 2001. So I would have been…going to that scam graduate school. And then working. I was doing stuff. I wasn’t jacking off to “iconic” Windows backgrounds.
Actually, speaking of jacking off to Windows backgrounds, I remember my Windows background at the time. It was some woman in a pool. I think she was topless. Too bad I don’t have that picture any more. Look at that iconography on that woman. But I was living on my own, like an adult, and it was a novelty to be able to change my Windows background to something pornographic.
By the way, all that Erin is doing is showing the fucking ads. WHAT’S THE POINT? She could have shown ANY magazine and the ads would have been pretty much the same. When you’re looking through Spin magazine, isn’t the idea to look at the articles? See what people were talking about in the 2001 popular music scene?
No, this fucking moron is just showing “iconic” ads, which clearly are not “iconic”.
1:30 – She’s actually looking at an article now. It’s about file sharing. Bizarre pronunciation of Kazaa and Limewire. EVEN “LIMEWIRE” was pronounced oddly.
So she talks about the demise of record stores. Her one fucking job in her life. Working in a record store.
2:00 – “So this made me laugh. This is a commercial for the N-Gage.”
It’s an ad, Erin. Commercials are on television. But stop looking at the fucking ad, you complete cretin.
And then she talks about the N-Gage and she obviously has NO IDEA what it is. “It even had games”. NO SHIT, YOU DUMB BITCH! IT WAS A GAMING DEVICE!
2:30 – Erin says that she was “obsessed” with Homestar Runner. Whatever that is. Some Flash cartoon, apparently.
“And finally, the RCA Lyra. Don’t remember it!”
Wow. You really went out on a high, Erin.
Fucking retard.
Here’s another issue of Spin. From 2005 this time. This video only got 500 views. So a real climb down. People must have realised that there’s nothing REMOTELY interesting about these videos.
“So I think that this was when McGriddles were new. Ha!”
Great commentary, Erin. She’s just showing the ads again. Here’s the “iconic” McGriddle. Do you have anything to say about McGriddles, Erin? No. Of course not. She’s never eaten a McGriddle in her life. Nor have I. I was off doing shit. Shit that doesn’t involve the McDonald’s corporation.
“Ooh, and ad for…Super Monkey…Ball…Deluxe. I’m horrible at that game but I like it.”
She’s never played it. Or if she did it was only briefly, on stream, for money during a “variety stream”.
0:15 – An advertisement for Coachella. Then she just reads the names of all the bands who are scheduled to appear. THIS IS BORING AS FUCK, ERIN! DON’T YOU GET IT? GROW A PERSONALITY!
0:30 – “Remember when Drew Barrymore was dating Fabrizio from The Strokes?”
No, Erin. None of this shit was on my radar.
0:45 – “Finally an ad for Napster. Remember when it was a monthly…uhhh…subscription? I don’t know anyone who had but it good on them for…uhh…trying to keep it…uhh…legal. (nervous laugh).”
So she ended on a high note again.
0:00 – “So this 2002 issue of Spin is going to be a doozy.”
Oh. I can not wait. What doozerific ads is she going to show this time and then say that she didn’t have the item in question or doesn’t remember it?
Erin…show the fucking articles. Show the pictures. It’s a magazine about music. You’re interested in music, right? Are you? Demonstrate your fucking knowledge and passion about music.
No. It’s just the fucking ads. She’s a moron. Why does she make these aggressively bad videos? She must know that these are awful.
So she starts with a PS2 ad. Great stuff, Erin. Tell us all of your experiences with the PS2.
0:30 – “Want a real blast from the…past? Do you remember Truth? I forgot about Truth.”
WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? WHAT THE FUCK IS “TRUTH”?
I mean, as a concept I’ll agree entirely that Erin has absolutely no familiarity with truth. But she’s talking about…something. I don’t know. Something that she can’t remember. Was it a band? What the fuck is this?
0:45 – “Does anyone remember the Emo Game. It was a Flash game that you can play online and nobody remembers it. I remember it. I used to play it so much. You used to be able to play as (some faggot) and (some other faggot) I think as the enemy. It’s great.”
Great story, Erin. You’re a real “gamer”. She was just sitting at home playing the Emo Game all day.
Do a stream on The Emo Game. It must still exist. I know that Flash is gone but there was some project to download every Flash game and you could play them using some software. I downloaded it but then I quickly lost interest. Oh. Flashpoint.
https://flashpointarchive.org/
And Emo Game is in the database. And Emo Game 2.5 too. So there you go. I just gave Erin an idea for her next video. The Emo Game. Play it once, for a Youtube video, and then never again.
1:15 – Now she’s just reading a long list of bands again. She must be legitimately retarded. Any normal-functioning person knows that this is boring as fuck.
Then she ends the video in another boring as fuck fashion which is so boring that I won’t even describe it.
Thank fuck we’re on the last one. Another copy of Spin, this time from 2003.
0:15 – She’s reading a list of bands again. Hello, autism.
“If you’re over the age of 30, you probably remember the OC.”
No, Erin. I don’t. I have a vague recollection that it was a tv show but my knowledge ends there. Let me look this up.
A teen drama that ran from 2003 to 2007. So…I don’t remember it. I wasn’t a teenager in 2003 to 2007. I doubt that anyone older than me remembers it. So it’s not really about being over 30, is it? It’s about being in a very specific, narrow age range when the show was first broadcast.
1:15 – She’s reading more band names. Do you have anything to say about these bands? ANYONE can just read the names?
1:30 – “I totally remember this article. Oh my gosh. Cameras.”
That’s how she ends the video. By stating that she remembers reading this article and that cameras exist. It’s unbelievable. This is the least charismatic person on the planet.
When was this uploaded? Late June. So it’s possible that she’s still planning on continuing with these videos. These videos are unbelievably bad.
Why are her parents not begging her to do something with her life? They must have seen her videos. And she’s visiting these people twice a month. Why don’t they tell her to get her fucking shit together and start doing something with her life? Why would they enable this self-destuctive behaviour? This is their only child. Don’t they care?
She’s been doing this for YEARS. Six years at this point. Why don’t her parents say, “You gave it a shot. It didn’t work out. It’s okay. Let us help you find a job.” What’s so terrible about that? Then they can just email her interesting jobs that they find from whatever job sites. It’s called parenting.
No. Just keep making these horrendous videos and giving up your ass to the proprietor of Manbaby Gaming in exchange for $6,000/year. This is what every parent wants for their children.