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  • Tony from Hack the Movies is Single!

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7f4_SsBn5A

    He reveals this information during a disgusting ad for a testicle shaver.

    23:45 – “I don’t want to get too personal but I am currently back on the market, Kieran, and I have to make sure that my balls smell pristine.”

    This doesn’t even make sense.  If he’s single, why would he be so concerned about the smell of his own testicles?  I mean, basic hygiene is always good but if Tony is single now, who’s sniffing his balls?  

    He’s implying that now that he’s single, it’s even MORE important that his testicles smell good.  What’s the logic to this?  Is Tony spending a lot more time jerking off and he wants his gonads to smell their best?  This is just for him?  He’s shaving his balls and putting lotion on them just for his own pleasure?  

    Tony talked about his girlfriend, in a round about way, in a Castszilla vs the Podmonster video that I discuss here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/04/godzilla-vs-kong-first-impressions.html

    Her name was Nicki (unsure of the spelling) and she seemed like a total bitch.  She was in the audience for one of these Talking About Tapes things and she was needlessly aggressive and insulting to Johanna.

    Tony also told an interesting story about playing basketball either with this woman or some other girlfriend.  I don’t know why I find it so interesting.  Just the idea of playing basketball with a girlfriend.  It seems quaint to me.

    I don’t know how long they were dating but in that video, Tony suggests that it was a serious relationship.  He seemed to think that it would last a long time.  

    That video was in April of this year.  I don’t even know if it’s the same woman.  Or when they started dating.  So…there’s no point in the doing any arithmetic, I guess.

    But now that Tony is single, let’s think about his options.  The first person I thought of was Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining.  She lives in…Toronto?  I don’t know.  I’m pretty sure that it’s a major city in Canada, though.  Let’s assume Toronto.  How far is that?

    Ooh.  Why does Google me the distance in kilometers?  They use miles in the UK.  I think.  It’s 500 miles away.  An eight hour drive.  That won’t be easy but it’s doable.  Plus, Tony says that he’s never left the US before so it’s the perfect opportunity to get some culture.  Soak up some of that Canadian culture.  Pam can soak him in other fluids too.  Not to get too gross.

    But maybe Pam doesn’t want to cheat on her dog.  So who else is available?

    Well, there’s what’s her name, Horseface McGee.  She’s no longer talking to Newt, apparently.  And she seems really interested in continuing these Talking About Tapes appearances.  You know what I’m saying?  A little of that sexual harassment action.  Crystal has experience with this.  She told that story about her boss who wanted to have sex with her.  Everybody wants to have sex with her.  She’s just so fucking smoking hot.  

    By the way, this Spider-Man 3 video, the one that ball shaver ad appears in, I’m not watching that shit.  I had it on as background noise up until that ad but the video is two hours and twenty-six minutes.  No fucking way am I or ANYONE watching that.  The video has to be almost twice as long as the actual movie.  It’s ridiculous.

    Let’s check out Crystal’s Twitter.  Maybe there are some gems.

    https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1467649035356057612

    Whoa!  Why did my pants suddenly get tighter?  Another super sexy picture of Crystal Quin.

    https://twitter.com/CrystalQuin/status/1467205868441772042

    Oh, and here she is with Johanna sucking on candy canes.  That’s sexual, right?  Maybe if your penis is the circumference of a candy cane.  Hot dogs or get the fuck out.

    That’s enough of that unpleasantness.  Hey, what about Kieran?  Is Kieran single?  We never hear about him having a girlfriend.  Maybe him and Tony can be an item.

    Or Justin.  Justin revealed in this episode that he used to be married.  What the hell?  I wasn’t expecting that.  To a woman, presumably.  But these are more open times.  And the Screenwave gang likes to joke about homosexuality.  Maybe it’s not really a joke.  Also, Tony says that he almost did a sex scene with Justin so…there’s that.

    I don’t think that it’s that hard to get a girlfriend, though.  Just go on Tinder, drop your standards to zero, and see who replies.  

    My dating experience largely involves Asian women.  Not that I’m interested in Asian women, quite the contrary, but these are the women who replied.  You can only go out with the women who are agreeable to going out with you.  

    Not many lookers.  I’ll just say that.  But Tony isn’t much of a looker.  I wasn’t much of a looker.  You have to emphasise what works for you.

    What I did was emphasise my height and nationality in my profile.  I’m tall and an American in the UK is something different.  Indeed, it’s perhaps the pinnacle of foreigners.  I’d even place Americans above the natives (British people in this case) in terms of general desirability.  

    One might say, “Well, that explains why you met so many Asian women” but I don’t think so.  First of all, none of these relationships were successful so if they were looking to move to the US, why would they say, “I can do better than this guy”?  And secondly, I just didn’t get that vibe.  Except from one woman.  She was Chinese, but most of these women were Chinese so I’m not calling all Chinese women gold diggers.  But this woman was.  Big time.  Fortunately, I didn’t have much gold to mine.

    Things that Tony can emphasise on his Tinder profile…tough to say.  Do you really want to mention that you make Youtube videos?  And then the woman would watch these videos and…let’s just say that she might not be impressed.  He’s talking about his balls and nerd shit.  

    On the other hand, won’t any woman find out eventually that he makes videos?  So maybe he should be up front about it.  Or maybe he shouldn’t.  Let her get to know you a bit and then start dropping the embarrassing stuff on her.  Wait until she’s somewhat invested.

    But then you also have to look at the local market.  Are the women of rural Pennsylvania sophisticated ladies?  They’re interested in “mudding” and shit.  I don’t even know what that means.  Just assume that it means “anal” and swipe right.  

    So these women can’t have sky high standards.  It’s fucking Tony from Hack the Movies, he’s a minor celebrity on the internet, his anime form is on the Gamer Grrls Mount Rushmore, what more can a woman ask for?  You think that Sadie, who works at Walmart, isn’t going to go for that?  She’d be thrilled.  

    Most of these Youtubers aren’t doing well with relationships, though.  Pam is getting it on with her dog.  Tony is single and has a Star Wars bed with a USB charger on it.  Mike and Erin are in a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship.  Newt is forever chasing ZZZ-list porn stars and wondering why nothing ever comes of it.  Bobdunga moved in with some guy she barely even knows and it’s just a matter of time before the crazy allegations start flying.  Madam Fomo has been engaged to her pimp for many years now.  

    So will Tony from Hack the Movies ever find his ideal partner?  It’s not a bet that I’d take.  But there’s also something to be said for being single.  So shave and perfume those testicles and just enjoy yourself on your Star Wars bed.

  • The Time I Did a (sort of) Internship

     https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/11/screenwave-is-hiring.html

    Nobody is uploading (except for boring as fuck Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining) so I’ll just talk about my internship.  My recent article about Screenwave and interns got me thinking about it.

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/11/screenwave-is-hiring.html

    In the mid 2000s, I moved from the US to the UK.  I was living in London in a grossly overcrowded, dilapidated tower block.  What would you call this in the US?  High rise tenement building?  They were former council flats so the US equivalent would be…subsidised housing?  The projects?  It was a big building where poor people lived.  Mostly immigrants, some just really, really poor English people.  And the immigrants were overwhelmingly…I don’t know…from Pakistan?  They were Muslim and the women wore that ninja garb.

    There were six people in this two bedroom property.  The living room was converted into a bedroom so three bedrooms, I guess.  The guy who leased the place from the landlord then sub-let the place out to everyone else.  So this guy paid nothing on rent because he was charging everyone else a higher amount to cover his rent.  This was very common in London and it probably still is.  None of us were on the lease except for that one guy but the landlord knew about this and didn’t have a problem with it because he was doing shady shit too.  He had a bunch of different properties under different names.  

    It was two people to a bedroom.  I actually had to share a bedroom.  A tiny bedroom.  In this tiny, shitty apartment.  It was with some guy from Italy.  Everyone else was from Eastern Europe.  The main tenant was some criminal from Lithuania who had prison tattoos.

    I didn’t have a job.  I was getting “benefits” or “welfare” as it’s called in the US but only like £70/week.  I should have also got my rent paid but because my name wasn’t on the lease because of this scummy sub-letting shit, I couldn’t get this money.  So I paid my rent from this £70/week.  My rent was £55/week.  So I had £15/week for food and whatever.

    I had been looking for a job for at least six months and nothing was happening.  The problem was that I couldn’t get references that satisfied these scumbag employment agencies that dominated (and probably still dominate) the London job market.  If you want to work, it almost has to be through these parasitic middlemen.  Very few companies advertised directly.  It was all done through these agencies because if a company hires through an agency, the company can hire and fire them whenever they want and the company doesn’t have to give whatever benefits like sick pay and whatnot.  It’s a scam.  Everybody knows it and nothing gets done about it because this is what the people at the top want.  It’s a way to erode workers’ rights.

    I worked in the US and I had references.  It was no problem.  I left on good terms, I was a model employee.  But these agencies in the UK wanted written references.  They wanted the former employer to fill out a form.  The form asked questions like, “Would you hire this person again?”  

    No company in the US would do this because if you put “No” or in any way impede the person from gaining future employment, it opens you up to litigation.  So the only thing that US employers ever say when asked for a reference is, “This person worked here between X date and Y date”.  And it’s all done over the phone, or at least was at the time.  Not emails.  

    So I would explain all of this to the agencies.  “They won’t fill out a form but if you just call them, they’ll tell you that I worked there.  It’s no problem.”  No.  These agencies refused to do that.

    So I begged my former employers to fill in this form.  “It’s just a short form.  I need it to work.”  No.  They always said that they would do it when I was speaking to them but it was just lies.  They refused to fill out these fucking forms.  Repeatedly.  I had dozens of them sent to them, from dozens of agencies, and they always refused to fill them out.

    Okay then.  If I’m going to get a job in this shit country, I’m going to have to think outside of the box.  I already tried setting up fake references using a free Gmail account.  That didn’t convince anyone.  I just need a fucking reference and then I’ll be able to work.  These people REALLY want references for whatever reason.

    So I started looking at volunteer work.  But what could I do?  Let’s try the political parties.  

    So I sent my resume to all of them.  And I mean all of them.  Even the British National Party.  I don’t give a fuck.  All I wanted was a reference, although perhaps a reference from the British National Party wouldn’t have helped with my job search.

    I got one reply.  I won’t say which party but it was one of the major ones.

    So I go for the interview.  It was in their big national headquarters.  They were looking for somebody to do data entry.  I can do that.  Great.  When can you start?  

    So I’d go in every day and input data.  No messing around.  I got to work.  People who worked there (i.e. were getting paid to work there) actually complained to me.  “You don’t have to work like you’re chained to your desk.  You can get up.  You can take breaks.”

    No.  That’s not my style.  It’s nothing to do with trying to impress bosses, it’s just when I go to work, I’m there to work.  It probably has to do with the difference between work culture in the US and work culture in the UK.  It’s a slave driving mentality in the US.  If I were to do it now, I would have slowed down just to make everyone else look better.

    Anyway, I did more work than the people who were actually employed.  I was doing the same job that they were doing but I was doing it for NOTHING.  No, that’s not true.  I got £30/week from the petty cash box to pay my travel expenses.

    Five days a week.  Forty hours a week.  Shit got done.  

    So one day, my “manager” comes to me and says, “There’s an opening in the call centre.  Would you like to talk to the people there?”  I had absolutely zero interest in working in a call centre but I needed a job, I was in this dire living situation, so I said, “Yeah, sure.”

    I go to the interview.  There are a couple of stooges there.  They were about my age.  We just have a brief discussion.  I gave brief answers.  I didn’t even really realise that this was an interview.  I had been working there for three months, everything was impeccable, I thought that I already had the job and I was just having an introduction.

    I’m asked to do a sample call.  I just read from a script that they gave me.  It was on the phone.  I was in one room and one of these guys was in the other room.  It went fine.

    Next day.  The stooges come back and they say, “You did a good job on your phone call but I just don’t think that we really got to know you.”  I said, “What are you talking about?  I’m right here.  You can ask whatever you want.”  They said, “No, you just didn’t talk much during the interview so we’re not going to give you the job.”

    Fine.  So I go to my “manager”, tell him what happened, and that I’m leaving.  He was sympathetic.  I ask him if he can provide a reference for future work and he says that he can.  Then I said goodbye to everyone and left.

    He was true to his word.  I got the reference, I got a job, then another job, and another job.  References were never a problem after this.

    So I looked this guy up.  He was a few years older than me.  Not by much.  He talked about running for MP (member of parliament).  That was a common thing there.  Lots of people ran for MP.  These are the people who run for office.  Just random people who work for the fucking party.     

    But no, he didn’t do that.  He left the organisation within a year of me leaving.  I don’t know if he was fired or quit but looking at the rest of his resume, I suspect that he was fired.  

    There’s a five year gap in his resume after he left.  Then there’s some weird company that he started.  It ceased trading within two years.  Then he started a blog that nobody read.  He did that for a few years.  And now…nothing.  He gives a “comedy” job for his current job.  It’s a reference to Twitter, I guess.  That’s his job now.  Twitter.  He has less than 100 followers.

    He’s unemployed.  And has been for most of the last 15 years.

    What did I do during that same span of time?  I worked.  Numerous shitty jobs.  But everybody was thrilled with my work.  I had people beg me not to quit.  Then I learned a trade and got a good job.  

    So what can we learn from all of this?  Well, it goes to show that an immigrant, properly motivated, can do better than a lazy native.  The job was the peak of that guy’s career history whereas it was the lowest point of mine.  He completely floundered after he left whereas I went from strength to strength, every job better than the last.  

    I wonder what those stooges are doing now.  Still working in a call centre?  Comedy job like “professional blogger”?  

    Anyway, maybe I’ll give that Screenwave channel manager position a shot.  Something to fill some time.  It says that they’d consider remote working for the right candidate.  

    The boys on Reddit suggested that they should all apply so that they’d have “content” to write about.  Imagine how obsessed you’d have to be to work for a company just to get dirt on them.  “Wow!  Tony really DOES smell bad!  Spending the past six months of my life at Screenwave and moving my family to Chalfont, Pennsylvania was totally worth it!”

  • Erin is visiting her parents yet again

     https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1468098633446744066

    “No cam stream tonight since I’m out of town and didn’t set up my camera. I’m nervous but kind of stoked lol. Anyway, continuing Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow! Prob gonna be lot’s of back and forth and grinding but if you want to say hi, please do!”

    Then I actually went to the stream on Twitch, and by “no cam” she means that she’s not on camera.  It’s just game footage.  And she was really concerned about doing this, thinking that people wouldn’t watch, because she knows full well that people are just there to jerk off.  

    Anyway, in the stream, she says that she’s back in California.  Is Mike also there?  I don’t know.  She’s always vague on the details.  You wouldn’t even know that she’s in California from her tweet.  She’s just “out of town”.  But in the stream, as I said, she clearly says that she’s in her parents’ home.

    Why is she always there?  She must go back to her parents’ home…I’m going to say…about ten times a year.  No exaggeration.  And this is during fucking covid.  The bodies are piling up.  Mass graves of covid victims.  Borders are closed.  Government advice is to stay home.  No.  Erin is making cross-country trips ten times a year.

    I won’t officially time stamp this because it’s just her shitty Twitch stream, which will only be around for the next couple of weeks, but around the 11 minute mark, some horntard says, “LA Comicon was last weekend, good times.”  Erin says, “Oh yeah.  LA Comicon did happen last weekend.  I didn’t go.  I didn’t know it was happening until the day of.  I was like, ‘Oh.  Okay.’”

    Is Erin implying that she would have gone had she had more notice?  Because that’s fucking ridiculous.  She has no fucking interest in comics or video games or anime or any of the fucking nerd shit that these horntards are into.

     But back to Erin and visiting her parents ten times a year.  This is not normal.  At all.  Even without the covid travel advice.  

    As a 20 year old in college, living 100 miles from my family home, I didn’t visit this much.  I went back maybe four times a year.  

    Erin is 35 years old and constantly visiting her parents 3,000 miles away.  This is not normal, adult behaviour.  Why is she not interested in living an independent, adult life?  

    Part of the problem is that she’s in this fraudulent relationship with Mike Matei.  Getting fucked in the ass for Youtube promotion.  It’s not real.  This is not a real relationship.  So she’s in this creepy limbo.

    Plus, she doesn’t have a job.  This adds to her aimless existence.  

    It’s just pathetic.  I don’t know what else to say.  She’s totally wasted her life.  She’s getting $10,000/year from playing video games, poorly, for horny retards.  She doesn’t even like doing any of this.  How long can this possibly continue?  

    How could somebody fuck their life up this badly?  This can’t be mere chance.  This had to be intentional.  She made a series of catastrophically bad decisions.  This was a concerted effort to ruin her own life.  

    This won’t be covering new ground but maybe if we go back in time and recreate the events, we can come a step closer to figuring this all out.  

    The year is 2016.  Erin aka Cykill1986 is 29 or 30 years old.  She’s living in Los Angeles, California.  The entertainment capital of the world.  A city of dreamers.  And she’s working in a record store.  Living with her parents.  

    Obviously, she can’t afford a place of her own in Los Angeles on a record store shop assistant salary.  But she could probably find a place with a roommate or roommates.  

    Let me check Craigslist.  

    Yeah, there’s definitely stuff here in the $500-600 range.  That’s affordable.  I paid $550/month 20 years ago and I was making $8.50/hour.  So it’s equivalent to what she was probably making at the record store.  Indeed, minimum wage in California is like $14/hour and was probably not too much less than that in 2016.  

    Oh, here’s an interesting ad.  

     $1 Looking for a live in Cuddle Buddy (: (Beverly Hills) 

    About the place, it’s an average private studio just me, and whoever takes me up on this offer and I’m usually not home that often, the coolest part about the whole thing is I added a theater to the studio, so one whole wall turns into a screen ( used to be built in at my old studio, but I added it here it’s still dope 🙂

    A little about me: 29m slim/ skinny not too skinny lol, I have a great sense of humor, I’m usually the loud funny one in the group, it’s hard for me to be too serious unless I’m at work then it’s easy. I’m spontaneous, Adventures, Most of my friends are girls, but I’m not into them. Just looking for a live-in cuddle buddy, nothing more unless you’re down for more over time and if the vibes right. I would have to be in a relationship for anything more. If you can also help me keep my place clean/organized, that be awesome or you can chip in a few hundred for rent or a cleaner. If I were trying just to get laid and sleep around, then I’d go Swype on tinder, lol. I was born and raised in LA. I’m usually either invited to a birthday or busy with work stuff. If you’re new to LA, I can show you around.

    It’s very centrally located in Beverly Hills, walking distance to almost anything and everything restaurants, shopping, Rodeo Drive, Hollywood, and the bus stop, which can take you to downtown LA, mid-city, UCLA, Westwood, USC, SMC, miracle mile.

    If you’re interested, feel free to send me a pic or your IG for a response, and if you like your number, I can text you back pics of me and my spot.

    Fun fact I used to DJ.
    Pet peeve I can’t stand the smell of cigs, but I don’t mind if your 420 friendly

    Update:
    I’m not desperate. I’m not old or ugly, and I’m Not a sugar daddy, lol; I’d prefer someone around my age, between 18 and 34        

    The guy lives in a shitty studio apartment but expects somebody to want to live with him in exchange for “cuddling”.  But this isn’t a sugar daddy situation.  Then what the fuck is it?  And if you don’t want to “cuddle” with him, you’re expected to spend “a few hundred” for rent and/or a cleaner.  Why…I wouldn’t want to share a fucking studio apartment even if I wasn’t getting fucked in the ass by some creep.

    Anyway, that’s effectively the type of ad that Erin replied favourably to.  And you can see from this guy’s update that he was getting roasted by the ladies over this ad.  Nobody is going to fucking do this.  It’s ridiculous.  The guy is totally broke, a drug addict, and can’t get a girlfriend.  Form an orderly queue.  Who wants to fuck this guy in exchange for low-quality room and board that may or not be free?  

    Why did Erin decide to be a fake gamer grrl in the first place?  Well, it was just a hobby at first.  I can understand that.  She heard that fake gamer grrls can make a lot of money.  So she’s testing the waters.  

    But it wasn’t a success. At all.  People saw right through her shit.  And she had no fucking charisma.  Her videos were boring as fuck.  This is never going to be successful.

    But then she started spamming the big retro gaming “Youtubers”, trying to get into a relationship with one of them.  This was a calculated move.  This was her intention.  She wanted to get into a relationship with a bigger Youtuber to grow her channel.  

    This is what’s puzzling to me.  How could she possibly think that this was going to work?  She could have got with PewDiePie and her channel was never going to take off.  She knows NOTHING about video games, has no interest in that shit, and she’s a personality blackhole.  She had to know at least the first two of those things.  And her channel is already not successful.  She was probably making $20/month at the time she started looking to nab one of these retro gaming studs.  

    And the person who responded favourably to this totally transparent, desperate con, was Mike Matei: somebody who didn’t even have their own Youtube channel.  He owned Cinemassacre but only because James Rolfe, the actual face of the channel, is deeply autistic.  

    So Erin thinks that Mike Matei, somebody who’s best known for producing a shitty video on Inspector Gadget, years earlier, is going to launch her gamer grrl career?  How?  

    But she was so confident that this was going to work that she quit her job and moved across the country to live with this total stranger.  And she exchanged buttsex for Youtube promotion.  I don’t say this to be crude.  That was clearly the agreement.  This was all discussed beforehand.  It had to be.  This was not a romantic relationship.  This was a business agreement.  This was a sugar daddy situation.

    Mike promoted her a few times on the Cinemassacre channel, she got a slight increase in views, and now she’s making $10,000/year on Twitch and Youtube.  

    She was making at least twice that at her record store job.  Five years earlier.  This was a total disaster.  What did she expect to happen?  

    Nobody would do this unless they expected at least $100,000/year.  How many “Youtubers” are getting $100,000/year?  

    She’s getting sodomised on the regular by a man she doesn’t love for $10,000/year, free room and board, and all the trips to California she wants.  

    Why would she continue with this?  Does she still hold out hope that her channel is going to become a success?  There are only so many horny retards out there.  I think that she’s fully tapped this market.  

    At this point in her life, I don’t even know what she can do.  She has a five year gap in her resume and her last job was at a record store.  She’s 35.  Go back to live with your parents and then what?  Get another minimum wage job?  Get into a relationship with some loser?  

    Maybe getting fucked in the ass for $10,000 and entertaining horntards is the best thing that she can be doing.  That’s a terrifying thought.  But it didn’t have to be like this.  She’s totally wasted her life by moving in with Mike.  That’s where it all fell apart.  Had she just kept the fake gamer grrl thing as a hobby and continued to work a real job, it would have been fine.  She could have found a decent guy, got married, have kids, whatever.  She threw it all away to try to be a big fake gamer grrl and it failed spectacularly.

  • LJN History & Movie Games (Episode 200) – Angry Video Game Nerd – Cinemassacre

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9io5dyRvmI

    Hey, it’s finally here.  Episode 200.  Sort of.  But not really.  The whole numbering system is fucked up.  Plus, this is in three parts.  But Jimmy is calling this episode 200 and that’s a big deal to Jimmy.  Jimmy likes his numbers.

    I wish I would have bought a cake for this.  I’ll make due with a pack of Maoam Bloxx.  They’re like Starburst but German.

    0:00 – But first a word from our sponsor.  Some…podcast…collective?  What is this?  What a terrible ad this was.  I don’t even know what the fuck he’s advertising and I have no interest in finding out.

    1:30 – Oh, it starts with a clip show.  Remember clip shows?  They don’t do them any more.  They stopped doing clip shows with the advent of DVDs.  Even before that, clip shows were unpopular when shows started to become syndicated while still on the air.  Why watch a clip show when there’s fucking reruns being shown on a regular basis and I’ve seen the rerun 10 times already?

    But Jimmy wants to do a clip show.  Even though we can all watch the episodes with the click of a button.

    1:45 – Then the clips end with a bad CGI explosion and the number 200.  

    Jimmy…the only one who gives a fuck that it’s episode 200 is YOU.  Enough with this.

    2:00 – Now they’re doing a remix of the theme song.  So the clip show wasn’t the intro?  There’s an intro after the intro?  Fuck off.  This is ridiculous.

    2:30 – This is CGI, right?  Jimmy is standing in front of a greenscreen and he’s projected his video game collection on to the green screen.  Is this right?  Why didn’t he just film in front of his fucking games?  

    I don’t know.  Maybe it isn’t.  But it looks fake to me.  Maybe I’m just so used to Jimmy greenscreening everything that I assume that it’s all greenscreen.

    Now this is definitely greenscreen.  He’s in front of some dungeon wall with NES games stuck into the wall by daggers for some reason.  This is…why the constant bad greenscreening?

    By the way, that’s some hair on Jimmy.  I think that his hair is CGI too.  Everything looks so fucking fake.

    I mean…at this point, Jimmy’s hairline goes to the middle of the top of his scalp.  And that’s WITH the CGI and Ronco’s hair in a can and whatever else he uses.   Why not just shave it at this point?  It’s gone, Jimmy.  Your days of having hair are behind you.  It’s traumatising, I get it, but it happens.  Get over it.  You’ve had years to prepare for it.

    3:45 – Jimmy starts a history of LJN according to Wikipedia, presumably.  He’s reviewing all of the LJN video games, by the way.  The ones that he hasn’t already done, at least.

    “We all know their distinct brand of game, the same way you’d recognise the specific smell of your dog’s farts.”

    And there’s a royalty-free PG picture of a dog sniffing another dog’s anus.

    But no.  I don’t smell dog farts.  Does Jimmy do this?  We all know that he does.  Let’s just move on and try not to think about what a sick, poo-obsessed freak this guy is.

    4:30 – “Bottom of the turd totem pole.”

    I guess that I’ll just be recording all of the scat references.  There’s nothing else to talk about.  This is boring.

    5:00 – “In a sense, they were the colon and the developers were the anus.”

    And there’s a diagram of the human digestive system that you just know Jimmy jacks off to.

    7:00 – Oh, the lore starts.  The company who owns LJN sent “the Nerd” a letter granting him ownership of LJN.  Whatever that means.  I’m sure that Jimmy will produce an amazing skit full of time-travel and zombies to explain it all.

    7:30 – Oh.  Jimmy is going to remake the LJN library of games.  Because he’s the owner of LJN now.  And that’s…what you do when you become the owner of a defunct video game company.  I guess.

    7:45 – Now we’re introduced to Sam, the game designer.  He’s some middle aged guy who we’ve never seen before.  He refers to James as “the Nerd”.

    Sam is English?  Australian?  Something.  He doesn’t sound American, though.

    8:30 – “It’s like cleaning the cat piss stain on the back of the litter box.”

    Fortunately, the camera is at chest level and above so we don’t have to look at Jimmy’s giant boner.

    Then there’s a picture of a filthy, shit-stained bathroom.

    These must be all of the funny “jokes” that Jimmy said he was really proud of.  

    “With a few lone poop nuggets.”

    And then there’s a picture of realistic-looking shit.  It might be real excrement from Jimmy’s personal collection.  

    So yeah, these are the funny “jokes” that Jimmy was talking about.

    9:00 – Oh, now there’s a fucking clip show again.  Maybe he’ll do a clip show of all of the poop that’s he’s inserted into these videos.

    9:45 – “These are just going to be samplings.  Every LJN game will be shown.”

    So this is just easy bullshit.  Play a game for two seconds and then move on.  This is the Erin Plays school of “reviewing” video games.  He’s actually ripping off Erin Plays.  Has it worked for Erin?  

    10:00 – More clip show bullshit.

    16:45 – The cavalcade of clip shows is continuing but I think that he’s inserted some new footage.  I haven’t really been paying attention, to be honest but definitely at 16:45, I think that this Beetlejuice Game Boy footage is new.  It’s not interesting or funny but it’s new.  I think.

    18:00 – Yeah, he’s “reviewing” the Bill & Ted Game Boy game and I think that this is new.  It’s lazy but it’s new.

    18:45 – Alien 3 on Game Boy.  Yeah, the only new footage in this shit are 30 second “reviews” of the Game Boy games where he just says, “I don’t have anything to say about this.”

    20:00 – True Lies for the SNES or something.  He doesn’t say.  But this is apparently new footage.

    21:00 – A picture of a man’s head in a urinal.  This is straight from Jimmy’s spank bank.

    21:15 – Now a few seconds for the Game Boy version of True Lies.

    By the way, they showed Jimmy being “angry” over this SNES (or whatever) game and it’s just so embarrassing.  You have 40 year old, bald, Jimmy Rolfe in a ridiculous shirt, pretending that he’s angry.  He doesn’t want to do this any more and I don’t want to see this.  

    And with this clip show format, it’s just a stark reminder of how the show used to be compared to how it is now.  And it’s not a favourable comparison.  

    21:30 – Bad CGI of a True Lies console being shot at a helicopter.  I say “CGI” a lot, and I don’t know if I’m using the term correctly, but hopefully we all know what I mean.  Like special effects.  Really “special” in Jimmy’s case.

    21:45 – Warlock for SNES.  This looks like new footage.  I can’t even tell what’s going on.  Why does he put new footage with the old footage?

    22:15 – Atrocious acting by Jimmy.  He’s “angry” again.  Over a game that he’s not even playing.

    It’s so fucking bad that I’m embarrassed for him.  

    23:00 – Cutthroat Island for the SNES.  This is new footage as well.

    24:00 – So that’s the clip show/new “review” portion of the episode.  Now Jimmy goes to check on Sam.  Remember Sam?  He’s the guy who’s re-making Back to the Future for the NES.  

    Sam gives him the game and it’s a bootleg or something of a side-scrolling game.  Jimmy says that he wants time travel inserted into the game.  Jimmy loves his time travel.

    That’s the episode.  There’s a message that says, “Episode 200 Part 2 Coming Soon!!”  We can all look forward to that.  

    Edited by Kieran and they give his Twitch.  He must be getting desperate.  Looking for alternative income streams.

    And Sam Beddoes played Sam.  They give the URL to his website.  Let’s check it out.

    Oh.  This guy made the AVGN game.  And some other games.

    And yeah, he’s English.  Gives his pronouns on Twitter.  He/him.  It sort of suggests that he was born a woman.  Because how many “CIS” people put their fucking “pronouns” on their Twitter?

    So that was the video.  It was boring and full of poop references.  This is what AVGN has become.  

    And James wrote all of this.  Or so he says.  James wants full credit for this masterpiece.  All of those poop jokes?  Plucked straight from Jimmy’ delightful coconut.  

    This was bad.  Not funny.  Not interesting.  It was boring.  At times, it was disgusting.  

    Jimmy was proud of this?  Jimmy was hyping this?  Jimmy got a cake out of this?

    After seeing this, that cake that he got was too thoughtful.  Too decadent.  Jimmy didn’t deserve that cake.  

    Jimmy should have got a cake made out of poop.  And the frosting is turds.  And there’s a layer of shit inside.  

  • A couple of Destiny Fomo sightings – Pat the NES Punk

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye_ShqPziZM

    It’s some creepy gay man named Lon TV.  But he went to some nerd convention and Madam Fomo was there.  

    9:00 – You can see a picture of Madam Fomo and the nerds here.

    RetroRGB is there.  He seems to spend a lot of time (and presumably money) on Madam Fomo.  

    Metal Jesus was also at this convention and this guy mentions meeting him but Metal Jesus isn’t in this picture.  Metal Jesus has done “collabs” with Madam Fomo and he’s commented extensively on her Twitter so…you have to assume that they met at this thing and that Metal Jesus put the $200 down or whatever to spend some quality time with Madam Fomo.

    I’m not seeing TuanX but I assume that he’s there.  He’s not going to let his bitch go somewhere without being close by.  He was there during the trip to Japan where KidShoryuken made use of Madam Fomo’s services.

    Also, BeAsT1x5 is sitting next to Madam Fomo.  He seems to spend a lot of time with Madam Fomo too.  Here’s his Twitch:

    https://www.twitch.tv/beast1x5

    He’s a fat, bald man, covered in tattoos, and he’s wearing a white wife beater in every single stream.  How can he afford spending time with Madam Fomo?  Maybe he pays in Snickers.

    Here’s his Twitter.

    https://twitter.com/beast1x5

    Wow.  He is…shockingly stupid.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFsjrCsRCGA

    This last one is from Pat the NES Punk.  I describe the video where they first met here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/11/lost-destinyfomo-videos-destiny-fomo.html

    He didn’t know who she was and she just giggled all of the time.  That video is now gone, sadly, as is the article that I wrote about it.  Madam Fomo got it taken down using false copyright claims.  This is what she does.  Repeatedly. 

    Anyway, it seems that Pat was also at this same nerd convention: Retro World Expo and he also met Madam Fomo.  He must have brought his wallet because she texts him during the podcast.

    6:00 – (I met) Destiny Fomo, who just texted me before starting, saying, “I hope you have an Amico day.  They say that’s supposed to be a good thing.”  

    And then he smiles and looks at Ian.  Ian is having none of it.  He knows that this is creepy as fuck.  He knows what Madam Fomo is.  How can you not?

    Is it possible that these people are unaware that Madam Fomo is a straight up, no fooling prostitute?  Do I have to get the escort reviews and her escort advertisements?  Even without that information, it’s fucking obvious.  I knew that she was a prostitute from the very first video that I saw of her where she was dressed like a prostitute and flashing $25,000 in cash, asking to purchase a copy of Stadium Events.

    There’s no way that these people can be this naive.  They know and they’re paying her for sex.  What else can it be?  

    “And Destiny gave me the physical product.”

    I’ll bet.

    “…from the Amico.”

    Oh.

    It’s some video game, I think.  

    6:45 – “So thank you Destiny for giving me that.  It was nice to see Destiny.  I haven’t seen her since Long Island, a couple of years ago.”

    That might have been the video that I talked about.  

    He also put a picture of Madam Fomo up.  

    But yeah, it’s creepy as fuck.  Madam Fomo is literally fornicating her way through the retro video game Youtuber community.  Soon there’s going to be an STD that only exists within the Youtube retro video game community.

    Who’s going to be next?  I’m surprised that JOHN RIGGS hasn’t been sighted with Madam Fomo.  Maybe not even Madam Fomo will stoop that low.  She had to plead with TuanX not to make her do it.

    ,

  • The Second Death of Normal Boots – Pelvic Gaming

     https://www.youtube.com/c/NormalBoots/videos

    Normal Boots is like an all-star team of retro video game “Youtubers” who you’ve never heard of before.  The original incarnation consisted of: PeanutButterGamer, Did You Know Gaming. The Completionist. ProJared, Continue?, and Satchell Drakes.  Then the team disbanded because ProJared…let’s just say that there was a scandal.  Don’t make me think of that picture again.

    Fifteen months later, a new crew assembled.  This time it was: PeanutButterGamer, Did You Know Gaming, The Completionist, Chadtronic, Pelvic Gamer, and Proton Jon.  People were pumped.  YEAH!  Normal Boots is back!  They’re going to talk about video games!  I love video games!

    Then they played Minecraft.  And a little more Minecraft.  Then there was a video on ranking the Mario Kart items.  Then a video on some Pokemon movie.  Then back to Minecraft.  Then more Minecraft.  Then a couple more videos on Mario.  Then a video on a cancelled Metroid movie.

    Then they decided to go back into retirement.  The re-launched channel lasted less than five months.  

    What went wrong?  Well, a literal 16 part series on Minecraft probably didn’t help.  Pelvic Gamer was in at least some of these videos and she admitted to never playing the game before.  I couldn’t watch this shit.  It was just a bunch of camp gay men and Pelvic Gamer screaming like girls and playing this game for children.  

    They also did Tiermaker videos.  Painful stuff.  A bunch of GIANT nerds talking about video game minutia, they’re all in front of weird greenscreen backgrounds, and there’s OCD editing.  Just edits every three seconds.  Don’t linger on the same nerd for too long.  Keep switching to a different nerd.  Every three seconds.  And look at that zany 1980s background.  This is what people want to watch.

    Really, the relaunch of the channel only lasted two months.  It went from 19 May 2021 to 21 July 2021.  They released videos regularly during that two month period, even though the vast majority of it was low-effort, unwatchable Minecraft shit.

    But then, over two months later, they released a video wherein Pelvic Gamer talked about some cancelled Metroid movie from 2005.  This is something that they would do a few times.  Their “content” seemed to consist of horrible Minecraft videos, lost/forgotten/cancelled tv and movie projects related to video games, and video game Tiermaker shit.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJRmbfvFYrk

    So here’s their final video.  It’s just Pelvic Gamer talking about this cancelled Metroid movie.  It’s boring as fucking shit but I don’t know.  If you’re interested in Metroid maybe you’d find this interesting.  Maybe not.  It certainly doesn’t have mainstream appeal, though.  I consider myself something of a mainstream viewer.  I play video games and all but…I’m not really interested in this shit.  I’m not reading the “gaming” news sites and looking forward to new games and whatnot.  I also don’t care about the nerdy details about video games.  “Ooh, what does (some Japanese guy I’ve never heard of who looks like an old woman) have to say about the possibility of a Metroid movie?”  I don’t give a fuck.

    The videos got about 45,000 views, on average.  That’s pretty good.  Way more than Pelvic Gamer gets.  She averages about 10,000.  But what about PeanutButter Gamer?  Yeah, he’s getting about 250,000 views on average.

    So it just wasn’t worth his time, I guess.  God, that guy is super gay.  Just look at these thumbnails.  He’s not just a little gay, he’s massively gay.  This is Richard Simmons levels of homosexuality.

    And the videos themselves…oh my god.  It’s unwatchable.  Nobody over the age of 8 is watching this shit.  He’s catering to toddlers. No exaggeration.  

    Wasn’t there something about Youtube planning to demonetise videos aimed at children that aren’t somehow educational?  If this guy got demonetised, that would be fantastic.  No more spending $1000 on shitty Nintendo toys just to to make an awful video.  He’d have to go out and get a job like a normal person.  Let’s see how much he can spend on shitty toys when he’s working at Applebee’s.

    But yeah, Pelvic Gamer has seemed to largely given up on her channel.  Her last video is from a month ago but it’s been like this for quite a while.  Just lame, formulaic, zero-effort videos.

    The reason I started watching her videos in the first place is because she would do weird shit like go to a nerd convention, dress up like a man, and say that she was going to seduce herself.  Or she would give “sexy” Valentine’s Day advice to the horntards.  Or she would put a toddler’s train costume on and pretend that the front of the costume was a giant phallus.

    What happened to that content?  That’s what we want to see.  A delusional woman in blue lipstick thinking that she’s some hot chick and doing insane things.  

    But no.  Instead, we get cookie cutter videos reviews on JRPGs.  Not interested.  I finally had to take her off of Mount Gamer Grrls.  It was just endless.  These endless boring as fuck videos.

    And then you go to her Twitter hoping for some craziness there and no.  It’s just video games.  Everything is about video games.  She never talks about anything other than video games.

    Retro Ali does the same thing.  It’s boring as fuck.  Get a personality, ladies.  Go fucking do something with your lives so that you have something to write about.

  • Resident Evil: Welcome to Racoon City is Fun and Fine – Tony from Hack The Movies

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxIDipLy47Y

    Let’s try to watch this shit.  I just woke up, it’s 9.00 in the morning, so surely I won’t fall asleep.  Plus, this is “only” an hour.  I can do that.  He’s been releasing two hour “reviews” recently.  Come on.  NOBODY is watching this.  It’s impossible.  A two hour movie summary.  Fuck off.

    This is about Resident Evil, by the way.  I’ve never played any of the games, I didn’t even realise that there were Resident Evil movies, and I have zero interest in this shit.  So this should go well.

    0:30 – Extended autistic word play.  It’s like, “Resident Evil?  What does that mean?  There are evil residents?”

    What the fuck is this?  Are they doing a parody of Jimmy Rolfe?  

    3:45 – Shout-out to their Patreon for “trailer reactions.”  Mmm…no, that doesn’t tempt me.  I think I’ll keep my £2/month.

    It’s kind of annoying how they don’t give you the equivalent price from dollars.  Because I’ll bet that the minimum price in the US is $2.00.  Let me see if I can figure this out.  Here’s where a VPN would come in handy.  Where’s Shilling Jimmy Rolfe when you need him?  You can just use a proxy but I don’t want to bother with that right now.

    Well, the two tiers are £2 and £4 in the UK.

    It’s €2 and €4.50 in the Eurozone.

    Here we go.  $2 and $5 in the US.  I knew it.

    The price is the highest in the UK.   Why?  Why not just give us the actual conversion prices?  

    Let’s figure this out.

    £2 = $2.65 = €2.34

    £5 = $6.62 = €5.85

    So you’re paying $0.65 more per month, at the lowest level, for this complete horseshit.  That’s 25% more than Tony from Hack the Movies fans in the US are paying.  Why?  Why am I getting fucked out of an additional 25% of my money?  It’s a 25% tax for living in the UK.

    Charge us £1.51/month.  That would be the accurate amount.  Or round down to £1.50.  Fine.  And update the price periodically to reflect changes in exchange rate.  

    He actually has 500 people on Patreon.  He’s making $1500/month from this shit.  

    Anyway, back to this trash video.

    7:00 – They went to this movie with Jessica, who’s the intern.  Tony calls her the “editor”.  Then Jessica puts some unfunny female comedy notes up.  “Hi!  yes, I went!” and “I knew jack shit!” and “Nemesis is in Dead By Daylight and he looks super cool!  That’s all I know about the Nemesis!”

    It’s not something that I want to criticise.  I really don’t.  It’s not a big deal but…it’s bad.  This is bad female comedy.  And I don’t like it.  I don’t want to know who the editor is.  Especially when they’re not funny.  

    20:15 – They’re talking about if you have problems with your eye bleeding, you should go to the hospital.  This is some kind of running joke.  Tony has a problem with one or both of his eyes.  Cataract or glaucoma, I assume.  

    Then he says, “I know if you don’t have insurance it’s rough, but trust me, no amount of debt –“

    This suggests that Tony doesn’t have health insurance.  What kind of shit company is Screenwave?  Let me check these job listings again.

    Oh, this is bullshit.  I realised why I couldn’t look at these jobs before.  If you’re not in the US, you can’t view the fucking jobs on Ziprecruiter.  You can only view jobs in your country.  What if you plan on moving?  What if you’re just on vacation?  What if it’s a remote job?  They’re all hidden.  Any job not in your country is hidden.  It says, “This job doesn’t exist.”  But it does exist.  They just don’t want people not in the US to see it.  Fuck off.

    Fortunately, I found a way around this.  Again.  And according to this ad for a “Influencer/Talen Account Manager” at Screenwave, they offer 401k, dental, medical, and vision insurance.  

    So what’s Tony’s problem?  Is he considered an “independent contractor”?  What a scam that is.  I worked for one company, this was in the UK, and we all had to be “self-employed”.  But 100% of my jobs came from this company.  That’s not self-employment.  That’s employment.  The company did this because they didn’t want to give whatever benefits that employed people get.  Holiday time and whatever.  And if you’re “self-employed” they can fire you for any reason, with no notice.  Because you’re not even employed by them.  You’re “self-employed”.  

    Apparently, this shit has been challenged in the courts and the companies pulling this shit have been found to be in the wrong but would it even be worth pursuing?  You don’t get the big money judgements in the UK that you do in the US.  

    Back to the video, Kieran and Tony start saying things like, “Just don’t pay it” and “There’s no debtor’s prison.”

    This is a common problem in the US.  People get into extreme debt from medical bills and student loans.  And here we see two examples.  It’s extremely common.  People leave the country over this.  

    Anyway, I can’t watch this video any more.  I’m at the 30 minute mark.  They’re just summarising the movie, as usual.

    ,

  • Pam aka CannotBeTamed complaining on Twitter again + I review Skyrim

     https://twitter.com/Jasyla_/status/1463961177583755272

    She’s outraged that somebody didn’t like her “content” again.  So she attempts to publicly castigate him.

    Horntard: Sure you’re hot but you never played this game and you are not a gamer.  You sound like you are reading a gamespot review

    CannotBeEntertaining: Oh no, someone’s got my terrible secret figured out.  It’s true.  I am hot.

    She was so angry at that comment that’s both benign and ass-licking that she went through the trouble of screenshotting it, putting it on her Twitter, and coming up with a “witty” remark.  

    The guy rightly pointed out that she has a monotone voice.  MANY people have pointed this out.  This is what makes her Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining.  It’s immediately apparent that she’s boring as fuck.  

    But Pam turns this into a feminist thing, or at least her bizarre idea of feminism.

    So someone else responds.

    Horntard: What about reading a script that you wrote after playing? I’m sure everyone (including you) doesn’t like fake gamers but I’ve watched a few things and there are while I agree and disagree with some takes you at least appear authentic

    CannotBeEntertaining: I find the concept of a fake gamer utterly ridiculous

    Horntard: Fair enough. It is a good term for someone exploiting a hobby they’re not actively involved in though *I don’t think you are fake honestly). If you have a better or more accurate term though I’m all ears.

    CannotBeEntertaining: I feel like creating videos/streams/content around video games makes you actively involved in the hobby

    This is how Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining justifies Erin making videos about video games.  “Hey, if she’s making videos about video games, she’s by definition a real gamer.”

    It’s absurd.  But she views everything through her insane, misandrist misinterpretation of feminism.  If you make videos on video games, you’re a real “gamer”.  Even if you have zero interest in video games.  Because “fake gamer” is largely a label that’s applied to women and any criticism of women, even if it’s totally justified, is something that Pam doesn’t abide by.  So she just made up this insane justification to resolve her own cognitive dissonance.  

    It’s interesting how Pam regularly calls these detractors out but never the big dog.  Never the proprietor of the largest gamer grrl blog on the internet.  It’s easy to tear down the attacks of the mentally retarded but a little more challenging when you’re dealing with somebody who’s capable of dressing himself.

    By the way, all of the horntards just told Pam that she’s hot.  Great.  Good luck getting a date with that shit.  She’s also a lesbian, you idiots.

    So anyway, I’ve been playing Skyrim recently.  I’m about ten years late on this.  But I was looking for a game similar to Fallout 3, which I liked, and Skyrim was always the game that people recommend.

    This is no Fallout 3.  I’ve been playing it sporadically for the past couple of weeks and can’t get into it.  I keep restarting just to create a new character.  That’s the only thing that they got right: you can customise your character’s appearance pretty extensively.

    I’m playing whatever the recent version is, by the way.  The 10th anniversary edition or something.  They’ve apparently re-released this game many times.

    So I create the character and then I walk around.  I discover a house or something.  I go into the house, and something attacks me.

    This happens all the time.  Why is everything trying to kill me?  This is not fun.  This is stupid and unrealistic.  Why is every location full of people who try to kill you?  

    I understand that if you enter somebody’s home, they might not react too favourably.  But give us the option to knock on the door.  Let’s have a discussion.  Even if it’s just, “Go away right now or I’ll kill you” that would be a step up.  At least I’d be able to make an informed decision about what I’m going to do.  Because as it is now, you have to save before every fucking location.  It’s annoying.

    And these quests all suck penis.  “Go to some place, collect three lilies, and bring them back to me.”  Get your own fucking lilies.  I don’t want to play an errand boy simulator.  

    Or quests will just start without you knowing it.  There’s one where you enter a house, it looks like a regular house, but actually the house is haunted.  So you go in there and then a voice tells you to kill the guy who brought you into the house.  I don’t want to kill the guy.  So the guy then starts attacking you.  You can’t run out of the house because the doors are locked.  So you have to kill this guy.

    It’s shit.  This is stupid.  I didn’t want to kill this guy, I didn’t know that I couldn’t exit the house.  How could I possibly have known any of this?  The answer is you have to save before every encounter.  It’s annoying.  There’s nothing fun about this.  

    The combat also sucks.  You just mash the attack button until your opponent falls down.  You can block but I’m not doing that shit and it doesn’t seem to be a problem so far.  

    The magic is shit.  I haven’t got far with it but it looks to be much the same thing.  You just keep throwing fireballs or whatever at your opponent until he dies.

    Oh, and the enemies level up along with you.  So when you’re at level 1, the enemies will be at level 1.  When you’re at level 50, the enemies will be at level 50.  Again, it’s stupid and unrealistic and not fun.  

    The thing that’s most disappointing and makes me not even want to play is the fact that you can level up every fucking stat to the maximum level.  So it doesn’t matter what race you choose.  And you don’t pick stats at the start of the game like in so many other RPGs.  It’s just each race has their own stats.  But again…it doesn’t matter.  You can be a big orc or whatever and still get 100 in “stealth” if you just keep grinding your stealth skill.  Indeed, you can max out EVERY stat by grinding.

    Not interested in that shit.  A big part of the appeal for Fallout, at least for me, was trying to trying to figure out the stats.  You could only level up so far so you had to think about which stats you wanted to level up and which you could do without.  Same thing with the abilities that you would get after levelling up.

    But no.  In Skyrim you can be a god who has all the abilities and 100 (or whatever the maximum is) for every stat.

    I don’t want to play this.  It’s stupid.

    How did this game become so critically acclaimed?  Why have we not advanced at all from Fallout 3?  

    Oh.  Fallout 3 was only from 2008.  I thought that it was older than that.  Still, it’s been nothing but a regression since then.  There should be realistic games now where your actions have a genuine effect on the world.  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s expecting too much.  But in Skyrim and Fallout and every RPG I’ve ever played, the NPCs that you encounter clearly only exist for one stupid quest and then their life becomes meaningless after that.  Can’t we make something more dynamic by now?  

  • It's the Itsmintsalad Show #3: Too Minty Games – Mint Salad

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izLUG2a9fWE

    This hillbilly deviant again.  I talked about the first “episode” of this “series” here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/07/asepresents-its-itsmintsalad-show-1.html

    She harassed people at Walmart.

    Now she’s at Too Many Games.  Tony from Summarise the Movies seems to have set this up.  I think that this is a nerd convention that Screenwave operates.

    0:00 – What the fuck is she saying?  I’ve listened to this twice already.  Let’s try a third time.

    “I’m (something), it’s Mint Salad, and I’m interviewing people at Too Many Games.”

    What a way to start a video: with completely incomprehensible gibberish.

    Then she talks to Fat Chris (as he calls himself) who says that he’s the “world’s biggest Stay Puft fan”. 

    Mint: Amazing.  How do you like Stay Puft fan?

    Chris: How do I like the Stay Puft fan?

    Mint: Yeah.

    Chris: I like myself pretty well.

    Then he goes on to give some lame jokes.  But obviously, her question didn’t even make sense.  

    0:45 – “How do you like this CON-vention?”

    Is this because she can’t speak or is it because she’s from the South and they emphasise the first syllable in certain words?

    This question is inane, of course, but at least it makes sense.

    This guy is trying really hard to turn this interview around by asking Mint questions instead of the other way around.  Because he can see immediately that she’s fucking retarded and totally incapable of speaking.

    Then he makes his excuses and leaves.

    1:15 – Now she’s with that “Italian” woman who sometimes appears on Talking About Tapes.  Again, Mint Salad can not speak so I can’t even transcribe this.

    “I’m here to ask her about her questions about the con.  How do you like this con?”

    This is terrible.  It’s intentionally bad.  Why do this?  Why not make something that’s intentionally good instead?  Because that’s a lot more difficult.  That’s why they don’t do that.

    2:45 – Now Tony from Summarise the Movies is talking to some gay man with green hair.  I think that this guy was in the awful Talking About Tapes that featured Mint Salad’s fat boyfriend/pimp and there was a gimp as well.  It was so bad that I refused to watch it.

    3:00 – Now Mint Salad is “interviewing” this poo pusher.

    She said, “What are your at’s” and he actually understood what she was saying.  Is this something that people say?  She was asking what his social media shit is.

    Mint Salad says “amazing” a lot.  She intentionally says this to be awkward.  Again, she’s incapable of making something that’s good so she’s making something that’s “ironically” bad.  

    Then there’s an awkward conversation about Gundham or something that never ends.

    6:30 – Now Mint Salad is “interviewing” a couple of nerds in costumes.

    I don’t want to get all body fascist here but this guy in the alien costume…it’s just a fat guy.  And the woman in the Samus (or whoever) costume…it’s just a fat woman.  She’s not obese but…this is not a flattering costume.  I’ve never played Metroid but the main character isn’t a chubby single mother in her late 30s, is it?

    8:00 – Then she interviews some 10 year old who happened to walk by and he just keeps saying “donkey”.  He out-autismed Mint Salad so she doesn’t know what to do.  She just keeps repeating “donkey” too.

    8:15 – Now she’s interviewing a man and his girlfriend who is having serious second thoughts about her choice in a mate.  They’re both in costumes.  I don’t know of what.

    Oh.  It’s some kind of Mario shit.  That woman is so embarrassed by this.  What are you doing with your life?  There aren’t any other men around?  This is all that you can get?

    This guy has a gut as well.  God.  How did he manage this?  The woman looks fairly slim.

    Then he talks about how he collects (some nerd shit that I couldn’t understand), Hot Wheels, and action figures.

    Honey…what are you doing?  Go outside and find a man.  Don’t hitch your wagon to this loser.  He’s not going anywhere.

    Then this woman gives her “at” but I have no idea what she said.

    10:15 – Now she’s “interviewing” some fat nerd in a Kirby shirt.  He has one of those long “I don’t need a girlfriend” beards.

    12:30 – Now she’s interviewing some Asian woman who’s trying to…I don’t even know.  What can the angle be?  Why would a slim Asian woman be cosplaying at a nerd convention?  Nobody is paying, right?  Is she just doing this for the attention?

    Actually, I don’t know if she’s slim.  She looks pretty chubby for an Asian woman.  

    Oh.  I see.  BugCatcherSam.  She’s not Asian.  She’s just cosplaying as an Asian character.  And yeah, she’s chubby and not a looker and presumably a lesbian.  It all makes sense now.

    16:45 – She’s “interviewing” some nerd holding a low-calorie beer.  His mask keeps falling down.  I think that he’s drunk and he’s talking about how he blacked out at a previous convention.  Or something.  Probably woke up with his ass hurting.

    19:30 – Mint Salad is wearing some harlot outfit while her fat boyfriend/pimp is dressed as Batman.  They’re doing karaoke, I guess.  Justin Silverman is in the background eating something.  

    Yeah.  This is karaoke and nobody gives a shit.  Again, they’re intentionally bad because they’re incapable of doing anything that’s intentionally good.

    21:15 – Some Asian woman is taking down Justin’s Burger King order.

    It just dawned on me, this fat guy in a Batman costume is a professional singer.  Of sorts.  Listen to this.  He’s not even trying because he knows that he’s incapable of producing anything that anybody wants to see or hear.  So he creates bad “content” out of “irony”.

    22:30 – Kieran is in the background too.

    Then the video ends with a shot of Mint Salad’s ass as she’s walking through the nerd convention in his harlot costume.  It says “property of puddin” on her ass and her boyfriend/pimp is filming this.  There’s a message that says, “Check out Patreon for more”.  No, I’m okay, thanks.

  • Favorite Angry Video Game Nerd Episodes – Cinemassacre

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr2QhYN2wkQ

    Eugh.  This is going to be death.  Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say first.

    They didn’t much care for it.

    So anyway, Screenwave is no longer putting “Cinemassacre Podcast” in the title.  They did the same thing shortly before Rental Reviews ended.  They stopped putting “Rental Reviews” in the title.  It’s a desperate attempt to trick the viewer into watching something that they don’t want to watch.  People don’t like that shit.  They don’t like being made a fool of.  Justin hasn’t figured this out yet?

    You can’t force people to watch something.  People aren’t going to watch a video and say, “Oh, I was tricked into watching something that I’ve already decided is shit but this is actually pretty good.”  People have watched this podcast, decided that they don’t like it, and don’t want to watch it.

    It’s no criticism of Justin or Kieran.  I place 100% of the blame on Jimmy “Mr Autism” Rolfe.  And I don’t even criticise Jimmy on a personal level.  As his nickname suggests, he has legitimate problems.  I have no doubt that Jimmy wishes that he was more personable, that he was able to have a conversation, whatever.  But he can’t.  That’s the reality.  So that’s why this podcast was doomed to fail from the start.

    It’s the exact same reason why The OverAnalyzers failed.  It’s why Rental Reviews failed.  It’s even why James & Mike Mondays failed.  And that last one didn’t even require much talking from James.  But he was AGGRESSIVELY disinterested in talking AT ALL by the end of it.  

    So let’s see what episodes of AVGN Jimmy Rolfe and Screenwave think are the best.  Shameless self-promotion.  This is fucking boring.  Without even starting the video, I’m already bored.

    0:15 – “But first a word from our sponsors.”

    That’s what this is really about.  These videos are simply made to get money from some shitty wallet company.  

    I was going through airport security recently and I put my money clip in the tray.  And the security guy was looking at it for a while and he said, “What’s this?  A belt buckle?”  And I said, “No, it’s a money clip.”

    I don’t think that money clips are used outside of the US.  Let me look into this because this will undoubtedly be more interesting than anything that this podcast is going to be about.

    Everything seems to be from an American perspective so I suspect that I’m right that money clips aren’t used in the rest of the world.  And even in the US, it seems to be something that your grandfather would have used.  

    I’ve been using a money clip since high school.  When I got a driver’s license, I largely moved to a wallet but I missed the simplicity of a money clip.  I just loaded the wallet up with trash to justify it’s existence.  Social security card, MST3K fan club card, an expired condom.  I even had a fucking draft card in there.  Who’s going to ask to see my draft card?  There hasn’t been a military draft since before I was born.  

    So maybe a year after moving to the UK, I got rid of the wallet and bought a money clip.  It was some American Indian guy who made it.  Money clips are a big part of native culture, of course.  That’s where their ancestors would put their wampum.  

    It’s been no problem.  Money goes in there, debit card goes in there, and you’re good to go.  You can also put a driver’s license in there but I don’t drive.  As for train tickets, I use a separate little plastic wallet that you can get at your better train stations but even that, you can put the tickets in the money clip.  

    But back to Jimmy Rolfe and the Screenwave Gang.  

    1:45 – Justin’s favourite is the TMNT episode.  Riveting.

    4:30 – Kieran says, “I have too many, to be honest.”  Then Justin makes a subtle gesture of derision.  

    This is terrible.  It’s some sycophants sucking up what’s effectively their boss.  

    Kieran goes on and on about how much he loved the AVGN and especially the poop jokes.  

    6:15 – Jimmy then re-creates a poop joke.  He makes a noise like he’s defecating.  And he finds this hilarious.  It’s not even relevant to what Kieran is saying at the time but Jimmy is still caught up on how Kieran found a poop joke to be funny.  

    Then Kieran continues his story about he showed an AVGN clip as part of some college assignment and it was of Jimmy defecating on Bugs Bunny.  Jimmy can barely contain himself.

    Kieran and Justin basically just talked about the first time that they discovered AVGN.  And that became their favourite video: the first one that they saw.

    I don’t even remember what the first episode I saw was.  It’s hardly life-changing stuff.  

    I do remember when I discovered AVGN.  It was actually a woman from some band’s website that I went to.  She wrote a message about it in passing on some forum.  “I’m going to go back to watching AVGN” or something.  So I checked it out.  This must have been within the first couple of years that he started doing these.

    10:45 – Kieran again is talking about his favourite poop jokes in that episode and Jimmy loves every second of this.  Whenever there’s a lull in the conversation, Kieran just talks about poop some more, and Jimmy perks right back up.  It’s fucking disgusting.

    11:00 –

    Justin: I think that there’s a controversial take on this one but definitely one of my favourite ones is the Chronologically Confused About Movie Sequel Titles.

    Jimmy: (stunned and insulted) Oh yeah.  I mean, people like that one.

    Justin: (fearful for his job) I just meant in the sense of, ‘Oh, when you think of your favourite AVGN episodes, like —

    Shameful.  Jimmy was offended at the suggestion that this forgettable episode was anything other than a masterpiece.

    Just talk about poop, Justin.  Haven’t you figured it out by now?  Kieran certainly figured this out.

    Then Kieran talks about other episodes that he likes.  This is all that this is.  They’re just talking about how amazing AVGN is.  I can’t watch this any more.  It’s boring.  Fuck off with this.

    I never thought that I would miss James reading from his Atlantis book.  At the time, I thought, “Well, they can’t get any lower than this.”  I was wrong.  THIS is lower.  

    I know that the idea is to get Jimmy to talk about video games.  But he can’t.  He can’t talk about anything.  

    I have no feedback that I can give.  There is nothing that can save this podcast.  And I want to make it abundantly clear that the problem is 100% James Rolfe.  I don’t want another situation where somebody gets made a scapegoat and they’re fired or whatever.  The problem is James.  He’s fucking horrendous.  The only thing that he can talk about is SHIT.  LITERALLY SHIT.  POOP.

    He’s never done anything in his life, he doesn’t read things, he doesn’t watch tv, he doesn’t play video games.  What the fuck can he talk about?  Plus, he’s severely autistic.  

    Get rid of James Rolfe.  That’s the only way that this can work.  That’s what happened with Rental Reviews.  With Jimmy out, it became something watchable.  Not good, mind you, but…people are watching it and it’s widely accepted, even on Reddit, that Tony from Summarise the Movies is doing a much better job with this than Jimmy was.

    I watched a recent episode while asleep again.  It was on the Matrix.  They brought some gay man from California in.  As soon as I heard that camp voice, I drifted off to Dreamland.  Two hours later, the show was over, and I awoke refreshed and ready to spring into action.  

    That’s what Talking About Tapes is for me.  Just listening to Tony’s dulcet tones puts me right to sleep.  

    And I’ve actually seen The Matrix so I was interested in watching the video but I just can’t.  Not with that camp man from California.  But as a sleep aid, it was great.

    Let’s see what Newt is up to.  Feeling sorry for himself, no doubt.

    Oh, he suggested going to a Golden Girls convention and everybody pitched in to try to cheer him up.  “I’ll go with you!” says the chorus of horntards and even some unattractive ladies.

    JOHN RIGGS also replied.  Good for John Riggs.  Well, what’s the ulterior motive here?  Because John Riggs typically only responds to gamer grrls who he wants to have sex with.  Newt should be very careful about John Riggs’ friendship.  Riggs might just be after the buttsex.  

    But maybe John Riggs is just a stand up guy who doesn’t abandon people over plagiarism allegations.  It’s fucking ridiculous.  It’s not like he killed someone.  Who hasn’t plagiarised?  People are this concerned about “academic honesty”?  I refuse to believe it.  There’s something else going on here.