Home

  • Screenwave/Retroware's Copyright-Infringing T-Shirts

     https://retroware.com/collections/retroware

    They can’t blame The Ideas Man for this one.  So which intern is going to take the fall this time?

    There are six shirts.  By default, they’re listed from most popular to least popular.  That’s the order that I’ll be reviewing each shirt.

    These shirts are all $30 each.  They’re all in the “premium” range.  You can see the full “premium” range here:

    https://retroware.com/collections/premium-shirts

    It’s mostly just the Retroware shirts and, inexplicably, a Shit Pickle shirt that nobody would possibly want to buy.  But interestingly, the Shit Pickle shirt is apparently a bigger seller than all of the Retroware stuff.  Maybe that’s because the Retroware stuff is newer.

    But most of the shirts that they sell are $20.  Here’s the Cinemassacre collection:

    https://retroware.com/collections/cinemassacre

    What’s the difference between the shirts?  Are the premium ones better quality?  Thicker material?  We don’t know.  No explanation given.

    Oh, I should mention that Retroware is the new name for Screenwave.  Ryan is rebranding the company because the Screenwave name has become completely toxic.  So just change the name and do the same bullshit you’ve been doing that caused the problems to begin with.  It’s not going to work but a lot of scumbag companies will do this.  They’ll get a lot of negative reviews on the internet, business will drop, so they’ll shut down and start a new company as a new name.  I’ve seen this a lot with letting agents, who are always scumbags.

    So here’s the first shirt:

    https://retroware.com/products/copy-of-retroware-logo-black-t-shirt

    That bears a striking similarity to the Nintendo 64 logo.  They’ve seemingly even rebranded yet again to Retroware 64.  

    There’s an in-house lawyer at Screenwave.  I’ve seen his Twitter profile before.  It’s a great big fat guy.  Of course.  

    Anyway, why would this guy sign off on this design?  Did Ryan even run this shirt past him?  It’s clearly the Nintendo 64 logo.  

    You see stuff like this all the time in the t-shirt market.  Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes urinating on a Ford logo or whatever.  I don’t think that either Bill Watterson or the Ford Motor Company authorised these shirts.  

    But if either one of these entities wanted to sue the makers of these shirts, they’d win no problem.  But who’s going to sue some guy cranking t-shirts out in his basement?

    Screenwave/Retroware is a legitimate company.  Well, kind of.  They should not be doing this.

    And yeah, it’s common for nerd companies to tweak an existing logo of some nerd shit and put it on a t-shirt.  It’s not a direct copy.  Maybe they change it just enough so that it’s not copyright infringement.  But it’s still pathetic.

    PLAGIARISM SCORE: 9

    And the only reason that it wasn’t a 10 is because it’s not the exact Nintendo 64 logo of an “N”.

    Here’s the next shirt:

    https://retroware.com/products/retroware-qbert-t-shirt

    I’ve definitely seen something like this somewhere.  In an anime or a video game or something.  And if I’ve seen it, somebody who doesn’t watch hardly any anime or play hardly any cyberpunk video games, this must be really common.

    And the URL has “qbert” in it.  I didn’t get it at first but it’s because of the “@!#?” shit, I guess.  Q-Bert communicates like this in the game.  So they’ve ripped that off as well.  They’re ripping off two things here.  I don’t know what connection there is between Q-Bert and cyberpunk, though.

    But I’ve definitely seen this…it’s from like a billboard in some anime version of Japan.  It’s probably in a lot of things.  Maybe this is just how Japan has their commercial signage.  Vertical like this.  In downtown Tokyo, anyway.  But yeah, you see in a lot of anime and cyberpunk games.  I think.  

    Plagiarism score: 7

    https://retroware.com/products/retroware-tiger-t-shirt

    For the previous shirts, they were slightly coy about what they were ripping off.  Here, they just announce it.  They’re ripping off Tiger Handheld games.  They put the word “Tiger” in both the product description and the URL.

    This reminds me.  Going back to the first shirt, the Nintendo 64 one, the URL has “copy-of-retroware-logo-black-t-shirt”.  This is unusual because in all of the other shirts, they have a more accurate product description.  They have “qbert” in the Q-bert shirt and “Tiger” in the Tiger handheld shirt.  

    So logically, they should have “n64” or “Nintendo” or something in the URL of the first shirt.  But they don’t.  They just have this weird “copy of retroware logo black t-shirt” URL.  And they do have a black t-shirt that this is what they’re referencing.

    I suspect that the original URL did have “Nintendo” or something in it.  But then the fatass lawyer working for them said, “No, we should probably change that” and Kieran, or whoever was working on the site, just took the URL for the black t-shirt and added the word “copy”.  Because he’s lazy as fuck and not getting paid enough to come up with a descriptive URL.

    Back to this Tiger Handheld shirt.  It’s just straight up ripping off Tiger Handhelds.  I don’t know if you can copyright a controller layout but if you can, whoever owns Tiger’s intellectual property can take Screenwave/Retroware to the cleaners on this one.  I don’t know how much money the company or companies have but it must be something.  Maybe they can go after Ryan personally.  Make his sell that mansion he lives in and the hundreds of arcade machines that he has.

    I’d like to see court officers hauling arcade cabinets out of Ryan’s home.  Just wheel those things out, put them on a truck, and send them to Tiger’s corporate headquarters as payment for a copyright infringement judgement.  

    Plagiarism score: 8

    https://retroware.com/products/retroware-atari-t-shirt-1

    It’s a very slightly altered Atari logo.  They were even brave enough to put “Atari” in the URL because Nintendo might sue but it’s unlikely that whoever owns the Atari copyrights has the time or money to sue.

    It’s recognisable as the Atari logo but at least they changed it up a bit.  Not like the N64 logo which is just blatant.  They used a different letter but otherwise it’s the exact same logo.  This Atari one can at least be considered “inspired by” as opposed to “direct rip off”.

    Plagiarism score: 6

    https://retroware.com/products/retroware-atari-t-shirt

    This is supposed to be an arcade board.  I guess it is.  I don’t know if it’s based on a specific arcade board or if different boards look much different anyway.  In any event, I don’t think that you can copyright the look of arcade boards.  

    But again the URL is strange.  All they did was take the URL from the Atari logo shirt and remove the “1”.  Or, more likely, this URL was the first one and then they added the “1” to the other one.  But then why isn’t this one the one with the “1” in it?  Because this shirt has nothing to do with Atari.  Maybe it’s based on an Atari arcade board.  

    Anyway, is it the chubby Asian woman who’s modelling these shirts?  As here:

    She’s modelling half of these shirts.  And she doesn’t look so chubby here.  Is it the same woman as before?  I think it is.  

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/10/van-helsing-2004-is-lame-talking-about.html

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/12/ps5-vs-xbox-real-people-decide.html

    Yeah, it definitely is.  Maybe she lost weight.  

    Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.  Smokeshow, babe.  You’re looking fantastic.

    Oh, and she’s in front of the fucking Hack the Movies set.  Why aren’t they doing something with this woman?  Tony brings all of these fucking losers on, who have nothing going on upstairs, can’t talk for shit, and aren’t much to look at while you’ve got a hot Asian chick right here.  And I’ve heard her talk.  She can speak.  She’s the most erudite person at Screenwave, for what little that’s worth.

    I’m sure that they’ve asked her and she just doesn’t want to do it.  It’s unfortunate.  

    Plagiarism score: 3

    https://retroware.com/products/retroware-logo-black-t-shirt

    Just a black shirt with the logo.  No other design.  No other colours.  But black is slimming so that’s what the fat fucks who might buy this shit need.

    Plagiarism score: 1

    So as I said, these shirts are sorted according to sales figures.  So the Nintendo 64 shirt sold the most and the plain black shirt sold the least.

    There’s a direct correlation between plagiarism score and sales.  The more a design is ripping off an existing logo or whatever, the higher the sales.  

    This is clearly a lesson that Screenwave has learned.  They’re all about ripping off other people’s ideas at Screenwave.  They don’t have any original ideas of their own.  

    This is why Newt thrived there for so long.  But then he went too far.  You can’t rip off other people’s work verbatim.  You have to change it a teeny, tiny bit.  Then it’s okay.  

    If Newt was in charge of these t-shirts, he would just straight up turn it into a bootleg distribution centre.  Sell fake Gap shirts and whatnot.  Whatever brings in the sales.

    But here’s my crazy idea: come up with an ORIGINAL design.  I’ll bet that they’d sell.

    You don’t even have to outsource this.  Kieran went to art school or something.  He made cartoons.  You’re telling me that Kieran can’t come up with an original t-shirt design?  

    It doesn’t have to be anything fancy.  Just stylise the letter “R”, for example.  Work from that.  He could have something whipped up in an hour.  Then you can tweak it.  See what looks good.  Whatever.  Put the effort in.  Don’t just rip off existing logos.

    Anyway, if you’d like to vote on your favourite shirt, you can do so on my subreddit:

    https://www.reddit.com/r/CinemassacreTruth/comments/xgi5jd/which_retroware_tshirt_is_your_favourite/

    Voting closes in six days.

  • CLERKS 3 Review – Newt Wallen

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGzm386EF8c

    0:00 – “I don’t want to be a whiny bitch.”

    That ship has sailed, Newt.

    “You see nothing but negative of everything any more from thirty-something to forty-something year old white dudes on Youtube complaining about The Little Mermaid or Lord of the Rings or Batgirl or whatever.”

    Newt really hates white people.  A lot of people who have this belief will have a lot of black friends or whatever.  But Newt’s friends are all white.  Maybe Newt tried to make friends with black men but the soul brothers just weren’t interested.  

    Newt: Hey, Darnell.  Want to go to a midnight screening of Blacula with me and then maybe we can go to the all-night fried chicken place?

    Darnell: Uhhhh…yo, yo, yo.  I think I’m busy that day, dawg.  But thanks for looking out.  Gotta go now.  Bye.

    But here’s why people don’t like a black Little Mermaid and shit like this: it’s pandering.  Nobody wants that. It’s the same with the female Ghostbusters and shit like this.  

    There’s nothing righteous about any of this.  It’s just the usual Chosen People cynically trying to cash in on this lowest common denominator bullshit.  Take an existing property, change all of the characters to be black/women/transgender/whatever and hope that enough of the people in this demographic and their “right on” “allies” pay to see this shit.

    If you want to make a movie about a black mermaid, by all means do so.  But don’t use the existing movie.  It’s lazy and it’s pandering and it’s insulting to one’s intelligence.  

    If these people were racist, they’d be boycotting all films that have predominately black casts.  But nobody is doing that.  Nobody has a problem with films that have predominately black casts or predominately female casts or whatever.  The problem is this fake, bullshit pandering where they take an existing movie (or whatever) and make everybody black/female/transgender/whatever.

    0:30 – Then Newt tells his riveting story about how he learned about Kevin Smith in the fifth grade and it really inspired a young Newt Wallen to pursue his plagiarised tits and gore dreams.

    2:15 – Newt doesn’t like the movie because, in reference to Kevin Smith, “Everything he says in this movie, he’s already said elsewhere and better.”

    Yeah.  It is annoying when somebody keeps repeating himself.  You know what I mean, Ideas Man?  Tits and gore?  New Jersey?  

    3:00 – Newt went to see this movie and the Screenwave crew (presumably Horseface too) happened to be at the same cinema and Newt says, “There was some whispering and that kind of stuff and that sucked.”

    It is petty.  Yeah, Newt is a scumbag and a plagiarist.  And Horseface is a scumbag.  Tony is a scumbag.  Justin is a scumbag.  But just get on with it.  You don’t have to talk to each other.  But apparently, rural Pennsylvania is so small a community that you just happen to bump into each other.  So just ignore each other but be adults about it.  

    3:30 – He says that he intentionally didn’t laugh during the movie because he didn’t want Horseface and the gang to hear him.

    9:45 – Newt says that he went to the same film school as Kevin Smith.

    Oh yeah.  This seems to check out.  It was apparently Vancouver Film School and Newt has said in the past, many times, that he lived in Vancouver.

    Established in 1987.  I see.  I’m getting scam vibes here.  Let me look for the acceptance rate.

    It’s 84%.  Tuition is between $25,000 and $40,000 a year.  Yeah.  I see.  

    It’s not too far off from that lunatic abortion nut from Hack the Movies who went to a “film school” that had a 100% acceptance rate.  Literally 100%.  

    https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/comments/1xmwh5/honestly_how_hard_and_expensive_is_it_to_get_into/

    This thread confirms my suspicions.  It’s a predatory school.  Why are these things so common in the US and, apparently, Canada?  Why is nobody cracking down on this shit?  People are being enslaved for the rest of their lives with these fucking scam schools.  

    I’m at 12 minutes.  I’m sorry but this is boring.  I can’t watch another 15 of this.  Newt didn’t like the movie.  Okay.  Great.  Moving on.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmPQGNc814c

    Here’s some *bonus* content.  Newt is talking about how he made it to the second round of some weird Twitter “contest”.

    This one minute video was “filmed” on the same day as he saw that movie and Horseface was in the same cinema.  He starts crying in this video.  He’s so moved by the support of his loyal ladyboys who gave him a thumbs up or whatever was required in this thing.

    Oh.  I just looked this up.  It’s even weirder than I suspected.  

    You can vote every day.  So it’s obviously just promotion for the website.  They want people to keep going to the website every day for whatever reason.

    But you can also just give them money and you’ll get more votes.  Who would do this?  

    And if you win, you get $13,000, a “walk on role” in an “independent film”, and a two night stay at Buffalo Bill’s House.  Whatever that is.  Oh, and the winner will also “go head-to-head with horror legend Kane Hodder in a photoshoot for Rue Morgue Magazine”.  That’s even more confusing.  What exactly is being awarded here, if anything?

    It’s just a stupid popularity contest.  There’s no way to see who the “competitors” are.  You only know who they are if they’re spamming this shit on their social media and telling you to vote, like Newt was doing.

    There are a lot of easier ways to make $13,000.  I wouldn’t even want this other shit.  The other shit is just a chore.  It’s a job.  For $13,000 you want me to be a background character in some shitty student movie, travel to some shitty house or something for two days, and take part in a photoshoot with some 67 year old man?  Fuck no.  Maybe add a zero to that sum and I’ll consider it.

    But these are the PRIZES.  The “prize” is having to deal with all of this weird bullshit.  Just give me the money and fuck off.  No.  I’m sure that you have to do all of this weird bullshit to get the money.  And even then you might not get it.

    Well, he did better than Macy Jarry, the Horror Whore.

    https://faceofhorror.org/2022/macy-jarry

    It just shows how pointless this “contest” is.  You’re telling me that you’d vote for Newt Wallen over her?  It’s just some weird promotional thing for the website.  But I can’t even figure out what they’re promoting.

    Whether they give a prize away or not, it’s a scam.  Just like Newt’s film school.  They’re selling a dream that 99.99% of the people won’t get.  You’re better off buying lottery tickets.  

  • Blunt Vietnam Vet Marine Tells You Exactly What Happened To Him

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tixOyiR8B-8

    This is an interview from 1990.

    0:00 – He talks about how when he first arrived in Vietnam, he expected to be welcomed as a liberator but the people just ignored him.  He also says that the people were strange and had animals and smelled bad.

    It’s an apt title to the video.  This guy seems to be dropping some knowledge.  No PC filter.

    He goes on to say that at first he was shocked by the atrocities he saw but then he began to understand why they were happening.  He continues that the news reports were all wrong.  Nothing they did advanced the war aims.  The Vietnamese hated him because he destroyed their villages and whatnot.  And he decided that he no longer cared about the war and just wanted to survive long enough to go home.

    14:15 – While all of this was going on, his girlfriend decided that she was no longer interested in him.  When he got back, he thought that he could patch things up but it wasn’t to be.

    Anyway, it ends with him returning to “The East Coast”.

    I worked with some guys who were Vietnam veterans.  They seemed like old men but they were probably only about 25 years older than me.  So about my age now.

    I was also thinking about an episode of Alf recently.  They did an episode where Alan Hale and Bob Denver were guest stars.  It was a Gilligan’s Island thing.  

    Gilligan’s Island was on like 25 years before Alf was.  But at the time, it seemed like Gillian’s Island was some ancient show.  

    Today, Alf is about 25 years old.  The tv show, not the character.  I don’t know the character’s age.  

    Well, I suppose that Alf isn’t particularly contemporary.  You don’t think of it as a modern show.  That gay crack addict father died a few years ago.  

    Oh, the kid who played Brian joined the navy in 2003.  He was honourably discharged in 2005.  What happened?  Then it says, “Since retiring from show busines, Hertzberg (Gregory) has decided to take things easy, and live a stress free life.”

    This is on fucking Wikipedia.  What does that mean?  He’s unemployed?  And they misspelled “business.”  Who wrote that?  Probably Mr Hertzberg himself.  No mention that he’s Jewish in this article, by the way.  Why not?  Be proud of your heritage.

    I remember watching a World War II documentary where they were interviewing German soldiers.  And the guy was giving candid answers.  He was asked if he had any beef with the Chosen People and he said no.  No problem with them.  He knew Jews in his personal life, they were pleasant people, whatever.  But the problem was the overrepresentation of Jews in the media, in banking, shit like this.  I’m not sure if he mentioned the entertainment industry, perhaps because it wasn’t such a big deal in those days.  

    I saw another interview with a Russian soldier from World War II and he talked about some castle or stately home of a politician that he took over.  This was in Germany.  And he was so outraged by the opulence that he started ripping up the fancy sofa with his bayonet. 

    Where was I going with this?  I wrote all of the above two months ago, by the way.  This is my emergency article.  I forgot to write anything for tomorrow so I had to go with this.  Oddly, I talked about Alf.  That’s on point.  I talked about Alf in a recent article.

    Military documentaries…Alf…oh, I was reading an article about “long covid” today.  Let me find it.  

    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/sep/15/long-covid-is-keeping-millions-out-of-work-and-worsening-our-labor-shortage

    “Long covid”.  This means people who had covid and are still suffering from it long after it should have been over.  It seems to be just people who don’t want to work any more.  I get it.  I’ve had long covid for over twenty years.

    I was also looking at the Wikipedia article for that book The Outsiders recently.  That book was written by a 16 year old girl in the 1960s.  Why did nobody tell me this?  I read it in high school, like so many other Americans with unimaginative English teachers.  I just thought that it was a shitty book written by some out of touch old man.  No.  It’s much worse than that.  The author was 16 years old.

    This explains why the book is fucking terrible.  Greasers and sochs…I mean, come on.  I’m supposed to identify with this?  As a kid in the 1990s?  

    And then I read That was Then This is Now, which is the sequel and also sucked.  Totally new characters.  Fuck off.  How can a sequel have totally new characters?  Just call it a new book.

    To be honest, I don’t really remember anything about either book. I probably didn’t even read them.  But I was supposed to read them.

    One book that I definitely did read was Animal Farm.  This was in the 12th grade.  “Business” English.  Some corpulent woman from New Jersey taught the class.  Have I told this story before?  Let me check the archives.  Maybe we can save everybody some time.

    Yeah.

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/08/ender-lilies-is-metroidvania-you-should.html

    I also had to read some book…Track of the Beaver or something.  It was some Indian shit, I think.  He also had a few books that you could borrow to read just “for fun”.  I don’t think that anybody did that.  But he had Black Like Me on that display, which was always good for some laughs.  There were like two black kids in our class.  And no Indians.  But this guy was woke before it was cool.  Trying to be all-inclusive.  

    And you look at the books that he was assigning, it was all shit from the 1960s.  I am the Cheese is another one.  They were just books that he read as a kid.  It’s kind of selfish when you think about it.  And lazy.

    When he was reading those books, they were new.  They were contemporary.  He could possibly relate to them.

    So why didn’t he just do some fucking research and find out what the contemporary 1990s young adult novels were and assign those?  Maybe this would have instilled a lifelong passion for reading in me.  

    Instead, we got this hippie bullshit from the 1960s.  

    It was the same in band.  The teacher would make us play songs from the 1960s because this was the stuff that he listened to when he was in school.  So that means that we have to play this shit.  

    And who even goes to a children’s band concert to hear popular music?  “I really like 25 or 6 to 4 but I want to hear how a children’s brass band plays it.”

    You go to a children’s band concert to hear classical music.  Don’t dumb it down for the fucking idiot parents out there.  

  • Newt Wallen is from New Jersey

     https://twitter.com/stillnewtwallen/status/1569814807108538368

    In 94 I was in 5th grade. I read an article in the paper about a guy in a town 30 mins away who made a #movie and It blew my mind. And set me on the path. Anything is possible. No matter where you are from @ThatKevinSmith#clerks3 #NewJersey

    WE KNOW, NEWT!  Why does he have to repeat himself so often?  We get it.  New Jersey.  Great.

    Why would he think that New Jersey disadvantages him in any way?  I could see, for example, somebody from a rural coal mining town in West Virginia who has ten siblings and two unemployed parents thinking that they’re disadvantaged.

    But now that I say that, I knew somebody from a poor West Virginia family like that.  She moved.  Moved to New England.  Worked the same fairly shitty job that I was doing.  But it wasn’t retail or fast food or dealing with food in any way.  

    God, that woman had the biggest tits I’ve ever seen in my life.  No exaggeration.  She’s the all-time champion.  I’m never going to see tits bigger than those.  She was in her late 30s, I’d guess, and not a looker but they were like…there had to be a medical explanation for this.  Or maybe it’s from all of the inbreeding.  But just massive.  They nearly went down to her waist but they were also really out in front of her.  They had to custom make her uniform they were so huge.  There was nothing erotic about any of this, it was just interesting from a medical standpoint.  They must have weighed 15 or 20 pounds each.

    Oh, the point of my story is that she said that when she was a child, she never felt that she was poor or couldn’t do whatever she wanted.  Even though she was poor.  But her parents never gave that impression to her.  

    Or take somebody from the inner city.  Madam Fomo, for example.  One of the places that she claims to be from is New York, although she’s also said Florida.  For the purposes of this story, let’s go with New York.  And she said that she had a lot of siblings.  And my suspicion is that her mother was a prostitute and her father was her mother’s pimp.

    I can see somebody in that situation saying, “Hey.  This is awful.  I’m never going to be able to achieve my dream of being a dentist” or whatever.  And unfortunately, in Madam Fomo’s case, she did just get into prostitution.

    But New Jersey?  No.  There’s nothing especially terrible about New Jersey.  

    I know that Newt’s mother was 16 when she had him, and that suggests an upbringing that probably wasn’t ideal, but that’s separate from living in New Jersey.  Everybody in New Jersey isn’t having children at 16.  

    But Newt was really inspired by Kevin Smith and Clerks.  He saw it in the fifth grade, oddly. 

    Why doesn’t he just rip off Clerks then?  It doesn’t have to be a direct rip off, as he’s so fond of doing, but something similar.  Do a movie about working in a movie theatre.  Write some snappy dialogue.  This is all you need.  Get PVC Bondage Girl to act in this and whatever other skanks you scrape up and you’re done.  You had the fucking job at the movie theatre.  You could have filmed there.  I’m sure that he still can.  He seems to be on good terms with the people at the cinema.

    Here’s the problem: he can’t write snappy dialogue and he has no ideas.  All he knows is tits, gore, and plagiarism.  

    But he’s right.  If you watch something like Clerks or Slacker or My Dinner with Andre, you realise that all you need to make a good movie is a good script.  You don’t need a huge budget and special effects and explosions and sexy ladies in bikinis.  Just take the time and write a good fucking script.  That’s all that you have to do.  

    Newt refuses to do it.  Tits, gore, and plagiarism.  That’s his big plan.  That’s what he quit his job over.  This is what he thinks is going to make him a millionaire.  You know, because there are so many tits, gore, and plagiarism millionaires out there.

    If Kevin Smith could write a good movie, why can’t Newt?  They’re both from New Jersey.  There seems to be some significance to this in Newt’s mind.  

    Kevin Smith didn’t say, “I’m going to make a tits and gore plagiarised movie”.  He set out to do something new and original.  

    What was I doing in 1994?  I was in the 10th grade.  I was slacking, as was the style at the time.  Didn’t care about school.  

    The school let you pick what classes you wanted to take.  So even though I was in the “smart” track in grade school, I decided to take all remedial classes.  Basic math.  Business English.  Shit like this.  The people in these classes weren’t mentally retarded but they were pretty close.  Some of them had limited English abilities.

    But I figured, what does it matter?  We’re all getting the same diploma.  Why take difficult classes when I can take easy classes?

    I was dead on.  It’s kind of surprising that I figured this out so early and that I went through with it.  Because other people were concerned about their transcript and their grades and their extra-curricular activities and getting into a good college and whatnot.  But I didn’t give a shit about any of that.  I knew that it was all meaningless.

    So I went to class with these remedial students.  Did the absolute bare minimum.  Passed most of my classes.  And that was that.  I got a diploma afterwards.  

    Some of my classmates went to marginally better colleges than I did but not really.  Nothing that would make any difference.  Nobody went to Harvard or anything like that.  Nothing even close.  

    And none of it mattered anyway.  I never had a job that required any education whatsoever.  Nobody ever asked to see any diploma or degree.  As a 13 year old, I knew that it was all a giant waste of time and I was proven right.

    I took a lot of typing classes in high school.  I took a lot of these “business” classes.  It was just the re-named “remedial” shit.  That turned out to be a great decision.  I learned how to type really well.  I got a lot of jobs because of that.  

    Everything else in high school was a waste of time.  How many times did my U-boat knowledge come in handy?  Or dividing fractions?  Or young adult novel I am the Cheese?  I haven’t used any of this shit even one time.

    In 1994, there was a girl who liked me and would constantly flirt with me but I was like 15 years old.  I didn’t have a car or anything.  Are we going to hang out at my house and play Quest for Glory 2?  

    So eventually she lost interest.  Then when she was 17, she got pregnant by some Mexican guy in his late 20s who quickly abandoned her.  Then she gained about 150 pounds.  She’s done a variety of low-paying jobs and still lives in that same ghetto.

    I’d say that 90% of my former classmates still live in that ghetto.  How come?  Why am I the only who moved abroad?  

    Pure moxie.  They’re not teaching that in the schools.  

    Having a good plan also helps.  Take Newt, for example.  Newt’s plan is idiotic and doomed to failure.  It’s so stupid that he must intentionally be sabotaging his own life.  Plagiarised tits and gore movies made in his mother’s basement?  There is no conceivable chance of this ever working.

    So New Jersey.  Newt is all about New Jersey.  That’s good because that’s where he’s going to stay.  This tits and gore shit is not his ticket out.  It’s his cursed guarantee of never getting out.

  • PAX 2022 – New Games, Cool People and What I Bought – John Riggs

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbClX4pk-ag

    John Riggs is with his two fatass besties.  There’s his friend Jon, who’s obese, and Conner, who’s merely fat.  

    Why is this such a problem with “gamers”?  They all seem to be fat.  This isn’t something that I’ve noticed in real life, although, I don’t think that I’ve ever known any “gamers”.  This wasn’t a thing when I was a young man.  The term didn’t exist.  That’s why I always put “gamers” in quotes.  It’s stupid.  

    I don’t keep up with the “gaming” news or play all of the latest games but I play video games probably six hours a day, on average.  Surely, that makes me a “gamer”.  But I’m not some fucking mastodon.  

    What can the problem be?  They’re just eating all day?  How do games figure into that?  What is it about video games that causes overeating?  

    I can understand not exercising if you play a lot of video games.  But it’s the calorific intake that’s the issue.  These guys must be eating all the fucking time.  Why?  And what’s the connection to video games?  I eat modestly and play video games.  Am I crazy for doing this?  Should I be eating all of the time?  I don’t get it.

    I find that when I’m playing a game, I don’t want to eat.  I’m focused on the game.  I don’t want to take a break to go eat.  

    0:00 – John Riggs is on an escalator.  Try the stairs, John.  It might do you some good.

    There’s a brief shot of some slim Asian guys at this thing.  This raises another question.  Video games are very popular certainly in Japan and probably much of Asia.  Why don’t you see any fatass Asian “gamers”?  

    Obviously, you don’t see fat Asian people very often just generally.  I don’t know if they have a different metabolism or there’s some physiological reason for this.  I’ve seen fat Asian people, no question, but they never seem to reach the MASSIVE sizes that John Riggs and the like have achieved.  Obviously, I’m excluding sumo wrestlers because they’ve made it their professional goal to amass weight.

    But the average Asian person, no.  They’re not fat.  Diet could be a reason but what about Asian people who live in the West and have adopted Western diets?  They don’t tend to be fat.  

    Anyway, the point is that it seems perfectly possible to be a “gamer” and be slim.  If you’re Asian.  What are they doing that’s different from Western “gamers”?  Is it just physiological or is there a cultural difference or what?  Maybe they’re just not constantly shovelling food in their mouths.  But why do Western “gamers” evidently embrace gluttony?  

    0:45 – John Riggs is wearing a tiny, tiny mask.  It’s ridiculous.  

    Actually, maybe it’s a normal-sized mask but it just doesn’t fit John Riggs’ giant, fat face.

    1:30 – “What a great photo op”.

    Of what?  I can’t figure it out.  Who or what am I looking at?

    3:45 – There’s actually a McDonald’s booth.  This is shameful.  And John Riggs is excited over this.  He loves eating.

    6:30 – John Riggs starts flirting with a woman called CeliaBee.  She’s the Kosher Gamer, according to her Instagram.  “Nice Jewish girl”, in case you weren’t sure what she’s Jewish.  The giant Jewish nose is another clue.  But she really wants you to know that she’s Jewish.  Great.  Be proud of the accident of birth.

    Here’s her Instagram.

    https://www.instagram.com/koshergamer/

    There sure are a lot of pictures of her in skimpy outfits.  What a gamer!  And she’s not a looker.  

    This seems to be the requirement for female “gamers” on the internet.  You have to be fairly unattractive and dress like a whore.  The male “gamer” equivalent is just “be a big fatass.”

    So it’s these fatass guys forever coming on to these unattractive women.  This is the environment that’s developed around “gaming” culture.  

    Anyway, back to the video, this Jewish woman is saying stuff, she’s promoting some game for some company that I guess she works for, but I didn’t understand one fucking word.  She’s wearing a mask, as just about everybody at this thing is likewise doing.  

    I rarely see people wearing masks any more.  Is this still a thing in the US?  Hey.  Guys.  It was all a big scam.  You can take the masks off now.  And they don’t fucking do anything anyway.

    I mean, if there was actually a horrible disease out there, let’s say one that causes bleeding from all of your orifices, and this disease could be spread through sneezing or respiration or whatever, would you just wear a mask and go out in public like it’s no big deal?  Fuck no.  I’d never leave my fucking house.  Or maybe I’d build a shack in the wilderness.  

    The fact that people put these masks on shows that they’re not remotely concerned about covid, they know that it’s all bullshit, but they want to make some kind of political statement.  Liberals wear masks, conservatives don’t.  Somehow, this has been how things were framed, particularly in the US.  What any of this has to do with politics, I still haven’t figured out.

    7:15 – Pink Gorilla booth.  Shout out to that woman who is or was in the Metal Jesus crew.  But no mention of this from John Riggs.  Shameful.  

    Paublo Smith is the owner.  He’s a big fat guy.  Is this who this woman married?  It can’t be.  Let me look this up.  What was her name?  Kasey?

    No, Kelsey.  Kasey is that fat blond woman.  I “always” get them confused.

    https://twitter.com/kelslewin

    I don’t know.  I’m not seeing many pictures of her with a man.  And she’s wearing a mask in almost every fucking picture.  Completely ridiculous.  

    9:00 – He’s showing some John Riggs…I don’t know…some kind of game accessory that somebody is selling.  Who would possibly want this?  

    11:00 – Some nerds playing video game music on actual instruments.  Everybody is wearing a mask, of course.  Except for anyone playing a wind instrument.  They’re completely fucked.  Also, they’re super spreaders.  Spreading covid all over.

    14:30 – John Riggs is showing some “magic trick” where he pokes his leg and…something happens?  I guess?  What?  I have no idea what this is.  I don’t want to see this.

    15:15 – Oh, here we go.  John Riggs is eating.  This is what I was waiting for.  He’s at the buffet.  He’s pouring gravy over a burrito.  I’m not making this up.  What the fuck.

    Now he’s eating with that corpulent man who we saw at the start of the video.  That guy is eating a taco.  Actually, probably many tacos.  With gravy?  I’m not sure.  Maybe it was chocolate that John Riggs was pouring over his buritto.

    15:30 – John Riggs describes his food as a “wet burrito.”  This is all new to me.  

    15:45 – Now there’s footage of the previous night.  John Riggs is there with those two fat fucks and there’s a giant glass of beer in front of him.  I’d say that it’s half a gallon.  And the fat fucks are eating.

    16:00 – Then John Riggs shows off the food that they’ve been eating.  John Riggs had orange chicken.  He couldn’t finish it.

    How massive must that portion have been that even JOHN RIGGS couldn’t finish it?  It must have been three full chickens.

    Then they walk out of the bar and John Riggs starts talking about a Subway that he sees.  And one of the fat fucks says, “That’s fine American cuisine.”

    Can you stop talking about food?  This is why you’re 400 pounds.  Easily.  

    16:15 – Now they’re in a grocery store, in the snacks section.  Stop this.  This is the fucking problem.  They need to get professional help.

    They just fucking ate.  They ate so much that they couldn’t eat any more.  And then they’re immediately buying more food.

    Then John Riggs says that he’s going to get chocolate milk with cereal.  Who the fuck does this?  I have never even considered putting chocolate milk in cereal.  This is why I’m not 400 pounds.

    And again, he just fucking ate.  He can not stop eating.

    17:00 – Then they went to Pax and John shows off a free Red Bull that they were handing out at Pax.  You could have said no, John.  You don’t have to accept free food and drink.  He chose to approach that person handing out promotional Red Bulls and said, “Can I have one, please?”

    It’s constant.  Constant eating.  

    17:15 – John Riggs tells a story about how he “ran into” Reggie Fils-Aime.  I had to look this up.  He was the president of Nintendo of America.  He’s also a big fat guy.  Of course.  That seems to be a requirement.

    Also, you look at like Gabe Newell or George Broussard or whoever.  Anybody involved with video games seems to be a fucking giant fat guy.  The Westerners, anyway.  Again, you don’t see this problem with Asian people involved in the video game industry.

    So anyway, John Riggs asked this Reggie guy for a picture and Reggie told John that he wasn’t interested.  Who the fuck would want a picture with Reggie Fels-Aime?  Who even knows who this is?  Just leave this guy alone.

    And John Riggs was talking to this guy on the escalator.  Again, John Riggs was on the escalator.  Try the fucking stairs, John.

    19:15 – Now John Riggs is at a restaurant again.  He says, “I’m literally drinking water”.  He’s annoyed by this.  He wants to drink something sugary or something alcoholic.  Or both at once.

    The video ends with John Riggs saying that his feet hurt and he did too much today.  Too much walking.  

    This includes the several times in the day when he stopped to eat.  

    But it’s too much for John Riggs.  Too many escalators.  It wore him out.

    – “Can’t tell if John is wearing a kids mask or just has a much bigger face that makes it look that way.”

    – “I have to say, it’s kinda weird to still see facemask when we stopped wearing then in the Netherlands.”

    – “So lame theyre making yall wear masks still”

    – “Sooo many masks. Do all of you people have covid?”

  • Erin is a Big Alf Fan

     https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1569362308400353285

    “I wish I was able to be more carefree and laid back. Like Alf.”

    You know where this comes from?  A recent stream where the horntards were suggesting things that Mike likes because Erin has absolutely no idea what sort of things Mike likes.  So somebody suggests Alf.  I discuss this stream here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/09/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-fall.html

    Everything she ever says is a reference to something that she did on stream, for money.  Because she doesn’t do anything else.  If she’s not streaming she’s staring at a wall, crying in the bathtub, or getting fucked in the ass.  Oh, or visiting her parents.

    So Alf.  She doesn’t even know the fucking character.  She’s never watched a single episode.  The show was cancelled when she was three years old.

    Why the constant lies?  Why does she pretend to be interested in stuff from before she was fucking born?  It’s idiotic.  Why can’t she come up with PLAUSIBLE interests?  

    So here’s everything that I know about Alf.  I was pretty young when it was on and I haven’t seen the show since it was cancelled.  But I liked the show.  It was about a furry “alien life form”, hence the name Alf.  Like with ET and “extra terrestrial”.  They just ripped that off, Newt Wallen style.

    But Alf’s real name is Gordon Shumway.  Why does he never correct them?  Alf is just a name that fucking Willy Tanner gave him.

    By the way, Alf crashed into the Tanner’s garage in the first episode.  Then Alf is shown trying to contact his homeworld to rescue him.  Then that whole subplot just goes away for the rest of the series.  Alf doesn’t give a fuck about going back to his planet any more.  He likes living with the Tanners, I guess.

    Oh, and Alf can’t go out because he’s an alien.  And there’s some alien task force who are looking for Alf and if they find him they’re going to dissect him.  So the Tanner are hiding Alf.

    There’s also some nosy neighbours, I think.  Is it Eddie McClurg or am I thinking of Small Wonder?  Small Wonder had a similar premise to Alf in many ways.  

    Alf is a puppet, by the way.  Most of the time.  Once in a great while, for shots that show his body, there’s a midget in there.  But apparently, the midget would pass out from heat exhaustion so he only appeared very sporadically and only in the first season.

    Then in like the third season, Alf started wearing shirts.  I don’t know why.  Maybe the puppet started getting dirty so they needed to cover it up.

    There’s a blooper reel on Youtube wherein Alf says “nigger” a lot, which is apparently a reference to an episode of LA Law, or something, that had a character with Tourette’s syndrome.  In that same video, Alf makes some creepy comments to Lynn, who’s the daughter on the show.

    Anyway, I liked the show and I had an Alf stuffed animal.  I have some good memories of watching Alf with my family.  

    Like five years after the show was cancelled, there was an Alf tv movie.  The Tanners weren’t involved at all and I didn’t watch it.  I wasn’t interested.  

    And like five years after that, Max Wright, the weirdo who played Willie Tanner, was caught smoking crack while in bed with a homeless black guy.  The National Enquirer ran a whole story on it.  There were pictures and everything.  It’s him.  In bed smoking crack with some hobo.

    Even on the show, you could tell that there was something not right with that guy.  Oh, also on the last episode, Max Wright just left the set without saying anything, after filming ended.  There was going to be some wrap party or something but he just left.  He hated working on the show and he was in a big rush to go smoke crack with homeless black dudes.

    He was also married, I think.  To a woman.  But it was all fake.  He was fucking gay.  And into some pretty weird shit even by the freaky standards of the homosexual community.

    There were a lot of trap doors on the set, like behind the couch in the living room and where ever, where the puppeteer had to stand to control Alf.  So it was a difficult set to work on because there were these open pits all over the place.  And I think Max Wright found this particularly unpleasant.

    He died in ignominy a couple years ago.  He could never live down the crack smoking with homeless black guys.

    There was also an Alf cartoon that aired while the Alf tv show was on.  I watched that too.  It was like a prequel.  It showed what Alf’s life was like on his home planet of Melmac.

    There were Alf trading cards too.  I had quite a few of those.  It was the usual shitty still images from the tv show, that these sort of cards would have, but in every pack there was also a Bouliabaseball card.  Something like that.  This is the version of baseball that they played on Melmac.  It was basically the same as modern baseball but they threw a fish instead of a ball.

    These baseball cards were pretty cool, though.  They were drawings of the various Alf alien baseball players.  What’s Alf’s species called?  They must have given it a name but I don’t know it.

    There was also a short-lived talk show called Alf’s Great Talk Show or something.  This was in like 2004, maybe.  Let me check.

    Yeah, I was dead on.  It was called Alf’s Hit Talk Show.  And Ed McMahon was the sidekick ala The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.  I was really hyped for this show, which is crazy because I was in my mid 20s at this time.  But I watched every episode and I was really willing it to do well but it only lasted about four episodes before it was cancelled.

    I think that the guy who voiced and possibly puppeteered Alf died a few years ago.  Something Fusco.  Let me check.

    Paul Fusco.  No, he’s still alive. 

    But that reminds me of something else.  Somebody (quite possibly Max Wright) complained about the Alf scripts because all of the funny lines went to Alf.  Everybody in the family was just playing a straight man to Alf.  

    I think that Paul Fusco was also a writer on the show.  And he was really protective of Alf and probably still is.  So, yeah, it’s true.  Alf did get all of the funny lines.  The family is totally forgettable.  

    There was also an Alf comic book during Alf’s heyday.  From Marvel.  I had a couple of them.  It went on for quite a while.  At least fifty issues.  

    Oh, I was dead on again.  Fifty issues plus an annual plus two specials.  What don’t I know about Alf?  I should do a Ted talk on Alf.  

    I’m a real Alf fan.  Erin doesn’t know jack fucking shit about Alf.  But here she is on Twitter, talking about her fondness for this character from a show that was cancelled when she was three years old.  What’s the point? 

    Because she’s trying to appeal to older horntards.  But how fucking stupid do you have to be to believe any of the bullshit that Erin says?  I know that a lot of these guys are mentally retarded but…how retarded can they possibly be to believe these obvious lies?

  • Erin Streamed for Six Hours Recently

     https://www.twitch.tv/erin_plays

    What happened to her carpal tunnel syndrome?  

    And she streamed for seven hours over the course of two days last week.

    Maybe since Mike lost his Talking About Games job, he’s told Erin that she has to put some work in.  Get those horntard pennies.

    I didn’t watch the entire six hour stream, of course, but I skipped to the end to see if she would be complaining her hands or something, which is something that she often does when she wants to end a stream.  No.  She was fine.  She only quit because she beat the game.  She could have gone another six hours.

    Maybe those cortisone shots are finally kicking in.  Or maybe it’s all just made up bullshit.

    https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1566970430447132672

    “Dumb sappy tweet incoming: I just really enjoy making videos and being able to play video games on stream while talking to nice people about stupid shit. Taking the night to edit/work on stuff but feeling very content.”

    Aw.  Erin feels all warm and fuzzy inside when she talks to the mentally challenged sexual deviants in her streams.  That’s great.

    You know, in that six hour stream, I was skipping around looking for anything interesting and I just casually read the chat.  It was full of horny comments from losers.  

    For example, Erin was jumping from platform to platform (and having trouble doing so, of course) and one of the horntards said, “Jump to me, Erin.”

    Another time, a horntard said that he had to go eat but that he would take a bite for her.  Some weird creepy comment.  But Erin didn’t seem to mind this awkward come on.  She said something like, “Okay, (name of horntard).  Thanks for stopping by.”

    These guys are total fucking losers.  A lot of them are mentally challenged.  A lot of them are mentally ill.  There’s not a single person in that chat who doesn’t have something wrong with them mentally.  And Erin enjoys spending time with them?  Really?  Is that what we’re expected to believe?

    She hates every second of this.  And you can’t blame her for this.  Who the fuck would want to spend time with these people?  

    Even as a guy, I wouldn’t want to spend time with these people.  A lot of these same people go to Mike’s streams, for example.  And he’ll sometimes read from the chat.  It’s mindless bullshit about penises and whatnot.  Who would want this?  

    And with Erin, you get all of that brainless shit AND constant awkward sexual advances.  She likes it.  She likes when omega males give her attention.  And money.  

    So let’s see what the horntards say to this tweet.

    – “Its that old saying; Do what you love you’ll never work a day in your life. I’m glad you have found your passion.”

    Well, she definitely doesn’t work.  But this shit is not paying any bills.  

    – “Not sappy, per se. Your wrists/hands had been giving you trouble. You’re back at it now and you’re happy. That’s a good thing and we’re happy with you”

    Just bizarre.  He’s fuelling the lies.  

    – “Erin, that’s the best thing about Twitter, talking about videogames, music, favorite cartoons, and sometimes movies”

    Does she even do any of that?  By the way, that was from Super Geoff who’s a confirmed literal retard.  I feel terrible saying that but it’s true.  He’s mentally retarded.  Works in a grocery store.  Lives in a group home.

    But she doesn’t talk about any of that shit.  She doesn’t know anything about any of that.  So what does she talk about?  I don’t even know.  Nothing.  She doesn’t know anything about anything.  She’s never seen or done anything.

    – “Oh man your personality is radiant”

    What personality?  She’s a personality blackhole.  I don’t think that I’ve ever seen a less charismatic person.

    https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1568430220545327104

    “Happy Friday! Let’s play some more Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness on N64!”

    For six hours.  This is the stream where she was there for six hours.

    – “That was a long stream. You know, I think I joked “Let’s go for 6 hours” earlier in the stream, and you really did 6 hours lol. I ended up falling asleep while watching.”

    Erin replies, “haha, yeah I was shocked I was able to stream that long! Took a lot of chatting breaks though but still 😀 Thanks for being in the chat!”

    Oh.  So that’s her excuse.  She was able to do it because she took breaks to talk to the horntards.  Couldn’t she have done that to begin with?  Why start now?  

    Because Mike isn’t going for this shit any more.  She releases one video a month now.  Mike is looking at these dwindling Youtube cheques and saying, “Get to work, bitch.”

    – “I was shocked you did 6 hours; maybe this is the new Erin trend?”

    It might be.  Erin either starts putting some work in or Mike will find some other skank who thinks she can be a big Youtube superstar if only she had the right connections.  Maybe Pam aka CannotBeTamed aka CannotBeEntertaining.  She’s single.  Oh, maybe Crystal Quin.  She’s single now too and she’ll have sex with ANYBODY.  Apparently.  That’s the persona that she presents, anyway.

    Bobdunga.  Same thing.  She’s single.  And crazy as fuck.  And always looking to do better on Youtube.  Maybe the ManBabyGaming rub could help her.  

    And we know that Bobdunga is into white guys.  All of her relationships that I’m aware of have been with white guys.  

    Maybe Mike is open to black women.  I know that he made racist comics but this was years ago and that doesn’t necessarily mean that he wouldn’t be into black women anyway.  And anyway, Bobdunga is half-Indian.  Mike never made any comics about Indians.

    So there are options out there.  A lot of sexy, desperate Youtubers and Twitch streamers out there.  Mike knows it.  Erin knows it.  So Erin needs to step up her game or her next trip to visit mama is going to be a one-way ticket.

  • WWE2K22 Destiny Fomo Vs Amouranth

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuNwe4Y4kvM

    I’ve seen these Madam Fomo video game wrestling things a lot over the years.  Some nerd (presumably a kid but maybe not) will make a Destiny Fomo CAW or edit or whatever in their little video game and then set the players to AI control and record the match.  They’re getting off on this stuff.  

    On the one hand, it’s quaint that somebody can get an erection over a wrestling video game.  On the other hand, it’s extremely pathetic.

    0:00 – Well, it does actually look like Madam Fomo.  Who’s Amouranth, though?  And why does the game give her name as Kaitlyn Siragusa?

    Oh.  Amouranth is a large-breasted Twitch streamer from Texas.  Her real name is Kaitlyn Siragusa.  She does ASMR streams.  I see.  

    She’s also on OnlyFans.  Makes $1.5 million every month, according to this.  

    This woman is leagues above Madam Fomo in money earned and physical appearance.  At least according to this picture on Wikipedia.  Let me look for some other pictures.  Just for research purposes.  I’m a journalist.

    I don’t know.  I think a lot of this is just that she has better camera equipment and whatnot than Madam Fomo presumably has.  Maybe a professional photographer is taking these pictures.  Because in a lot of these candid photos, she doesn’t look so great.

    She doesn’t seem to be nude in any of these.  So she’s making $1.5 million a month for these fucking bikini pictures?  You can see this shit for free with a simple image search.  And why would you want to anyway when there’s a proliferation of hardcore porn out there?

    Anyway, this guy likes Madam Fomo.  So let’s check it out.

    This is taking place in Chicago.  And on Smackdown.  Wow.  Presumably, that’s still WWE’s B-show.  I haven’t watched wrestling since like 1997.  But yeah, it makes sense.  You can’t have two fucking OnlyFans skanks on Monday Night Raw.  Although, the women’s division is probably full of similar skanks so maybe they would fit in.

    0:15 – Madam Fomo comes out first.  Yeah.  She’s clearly lower on the roster than Amouranth is.  Way lower.

    She’s doing like a Four Horseman pose for her entrance.

    The ring announcer introduces her as “S-O-S-O” or something.  It’s hard to hear because the entrance music is so loud but it’s clearly just letters and I don’t think that it’s F-O-M-O.  The game must let you have the announcer read letters but…that doesn’t seem terrible useful.

    And the entrance music is just “rear naked choke” repeated over and over again so this is definitely this guy jerking off to this shit.  

    Madam Fomo has brass knuckles on both hands that spell “boss”.  Maybe that’s what the announcer was spelling.

    1:00 – Now it’s Amouranth’s entrance.  She’s wearing a bikini and a hooded jacket.

    She runs to the ring like the T-1000 in Terminator 2.

    Her entrance music is, “I can’t fly.  I really, really want you.  Sit outside.  Meet me at the park.”  Some woman is singing this.  These must be actual songs but I can’t find them.  But yeah, another song that this guy is jerking off to.

    The referee is just some generic guy.  He missed a trick here.  He could have had a sexy lady referee.  Maybe WWE2K22 doesn’t let you edit the referee.  Yeah.  I looked it up.  That seems to be the case.  That sucks.

    Well, Madam Fomo starts off strong.  Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for Amaurnath to wrestle in high heel boots.

    Oh, according to the announcers, this is an “extreme rules” match.  Whatever that is.  No disqualifications, I guess.

    2:30 – Oh, Amouranth made a comeback and she’s going to the top rope.  Big frog splash.  Already a two count.  What the fuck?  We’re like 20 seconds into the match.

    3:00 – Nice fireman’s carry by Madam Fomo.  But here’s something else.  How did this guy come up with the move lists?  Are these just the default moves?  Because Madam Fomo wouldn’t do a fireman’s carry.  

    This is the problem with so many wrestling edits.  People don’t put the fucking time in.  They spend all of their time making sure that the characters look good but then they play like shit because no time was spent on the moves or the stats or the logic.

    For Madam Fomo, you have to do brawling moves.  Because she’s not a fucking wrestler.  Kicks.  Punches.  Maybe some easy wrestling moves because this is a wrestling game but nothing even remotely complicated.  

    And let’s look at the stats.  I don’t know what kind of stats WWE2K22 has.  I’ve played other WWE games in this series and they always suck ass.  Their edit system is shit.  All of the characters are basically the same.  Some jobber can beat John Cena or whoever the big wrestlers are.  It’s trash.

    So stats for Madam Fomo.  She gets 1’s.  1’s for everything.  Arm power, leg power, offence, defence, doesn’t matter.  Everything is a 1.  I’m looking at this from a Fire Pro perspective, by the way.  It goes from 1 to 10 for most stats.  She gets 1’s because she’s not a wrestler.  

    I have no doubt that this guy gave her decent to good stats.  

    3:30 – He gave Amouranth like a Hulk Hogan muscle pose taunt.  It’s ridiculous.  She wouldn’t do this.  

    4:15 – Madam Fomo with a bow and arrow.  Yeah, I don’t think so.

    6:00 – Actually, maybe this guy did spend some time on the moves because Madam Fomo is doing a lot of stomps and mount punches to the face and shit like this.  Both characters seem to use weapons a lot too.

    7:30 – Madam Fomo does a hadouken or something.  That’s just stupid.

    Madam Fomo with the pin.  Maybe the hadouken was her finishing move.  

    Oh yeah.  And the announcer is saying “F-O-M-O”.  

    If that’s not enough Madam Fomo video game wrestling action for you, he also did a battle royal.  

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTlhc_OAX2U

    There’s Pokimane and some women I haven’t heard of, along with Madam Fomo.  Fomo was like the third one to be eliminated, though.  Out of eight.

    Is this all that this guy does?  

    No, he also had Limp Bizkit vs Kid Rock.  So maybe he’s not a kid.  That’s worrying.  Because what kid would care about Limp Bizkit or Kid Rock?  I’m thinking that this is just a really emotionally stunted middle aged man.  

    He has 2000s porn star Gianna Michaels in one of these.  Again, it suggests a man at least in his 30s because he’s interested in porn stars from 20 years ago.

    He plays the entire Poop Killer trilogy.  This is some really stupid horror game, apparently.  Suggests somebody with real mental deficiencies.

    John Wayne Gacy vs Jeffrey Dahmer vs Ted Bundy.  Serial killers from the 1980s and 1990s.  So yeah, this guy is probably at least in his 40s.  Just…mentally challenged.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIYSzfQGfo0

    There’s a porn star Royal Rumble with his favourite starlets from the 1980s and 1990s.  He really likes Gianna Michaels.

    He does a serial killer Royal Rumble.

    Oh, and he’s not even making these fucking edits.  He’s just downloading them.  He leaves a comment saying this.  That’s lazy as fuck.  I expected this guy to carefully handcraft every edit.

    He plays a lot of childish horror games.  That seems to be popular with these stunted men.  Tony from Hack the Movies and Newt and all of the weirdos who leave comments on their videos and Twitter and whatnot.  Kris Glavin and Shishi and whoever.  They all seem to like horror shit.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1r_qEQi81g

    He does a “scream queen” battle royal there.

    Carmella Bing vs Mia Khalifa.  More porn stars from when this guy was a young man.  He’s stuck in this mentality.  

    Oh, and here’s Madam Fomo vs Amouranth for WWE2K20.  

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-2frutVJbI

    So what we saw is the rematch.  Wow.  And this match from 2020 took place at WrestleMania.  This wasn’t just some shit on Smackdown. 

    Oh, and Amouranth won this match.   Well, good that Madam Fomo was able to tie things up.

    This guy has A LOT of Amouranth wrestling videos.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VQXBxDp5I4

    Dee Snider vs Nikki Sixx.  This guy might be older than I thought.  Maybe in his 50s.

    Anyway, that’s enough of this lunatic.

  • The Faculty is Scream Meets The Thing – Tony from Hack the Movies

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMhSo8IWRLA

    Back to the old school format of summarising a horror movie.  Great!  It worked so well.

    I was listening to Quentin Tarantino’s podcast recently.  It can be found here:

    https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-video-archives-podcast-with-quentin-tarantino/id1627069896

    Similar format to to Hack the Movies.  It’s Quentin Tarantino and the guy who co-directed Pulp Fiction or something.  And in each podcast they talk about two or three movies.  One after another.

    But here’s where it differs: they’re not just going over the fucking movie scene by scene.  They’re having an intelligent conversation about the movie.  And I haven’t even seen any of the movies that they talk about or even 90% of references that they reference within these talks but I’m still able to listen, follow along, and enjoy it.  This shit doesn’t insult your intelligence.  

    Well…usually.  There’s like a 24 year old female co-host they also bring in for her own segments and she’s awful.  Clearly just there to pander to some kind of diversity quota.  We need to hear a woman’s perspective.

    But all it does is highlight how fucking bad she is compared to Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avary.  They’re having an intelligent conversation about cinema and then they kick it to Briana who says, “Dur…I like colours.”

    Maybe it’s intentional.  Because they didn’t have to get this 24 year old woman.  They could have got somebody nearer to their own age.  Somebody who actually knows something about movies and can have an intelligent discussion about it.  

    Oh.  I looked it up.  This is Gala Avary, daughter of the guy I never heard of who’s the co-host of this thing.  Now it’s starting to make sense.  Some of that glorious nepotism that everybody enjoys.

    Anyway, on to the talented Mr Piluso.

    0:15 – The co-host is Joey C from Screen Rant.  He’s REALLY annoying.  But maybe he’ll tone it down as we go on.  Come on.  Give him a chance.

    This guy has an earing in each ear.  When I was a kid, the rumours around the schoolyard were that if you had an earing in your left ear, you were gay.  Or something.  I’m not sure which ear it is.  But one ear was the gay ear.  

    Because back then, this was the 1980s, straight men were getting earrings.  But just one.  It’s crazy.  Why was this popular?

    But here we have a guy getting BOTH ears pierced.  This solves the problem of not knowing which ear is the gay ear.  This faggot probably didn’t know which ear was the gay ear either.  So he went to the piercer and said, “You better pierce them both just to make sure.”  

    Let me look this up.  Is in this fashion now?  I haven’t seen guys with pierced ears, either or both, in ages.  Maybe I’m crazy.  

    Yeah.  I searched for “guys pierced ears” and the results were:

    “Which ear should straight guys pierce?”
    “Is it normal for guys to have their ears pierced?”
    “Do straight guys have both ears pierced?”

    Shit like this.  So it seems like this is still a gay thing.  There’s still a stigma over which ear should be pierced.  And the consensus seems to be that only gay men have both ears pierced.

    This isn’t really related but for some reason, I’m reminded of a Dave Chappelle routine where he talks about how AIDS came from guys in Africa having sex with monkeys.  And years ago I had a discussion with some nerd on the internet about this.  This guy insisted that the whole routine was made up.  

    But no.  I was taught the same thing.  I was told that AIDS came from guys in Africa having sex with chimpanzees.  It was somehow forbidden to have sex with a woman while she was menstruating so when their wives were having their period, these guys would go out and fuck chimps.

    I don’t know if this is true.  I don’t know how widespread this practice was.  I don’t know what the religion was.  But I was definitely told this, by a teacher, in a classroom, during a sex education class.  This is what was being taught as late as 1994.  

    1:15 – Tony goes over his thought process on what movie to pick.  “What do people on my show like?  They like 90s kind of horror stuff.”

    Just concentrate on putting out a good product.  

    1:30 – This guy says that he’s 26.  What is he doing with his life?

    Oh, I’m looking up the Wikipedia article for The Faculty.  It says that the movie has “developed a cult following.”  Tony used this exact phrase earlier in the review.  Way to do your research, Tony.  Wikipedia dot com.

    3:30 – Tony is just reading a list of songs from this movie.  He’s up to like 20.  It just keeps going.  This is not entertaining material.

    5:15 – Now he’s listing everyone who appeared in the movie.  Come on.  This is terrible and he knows it.

    Here’s Joey’s Twitter.

    https://mobile.twitter.com/TheDorkknight23 

    “Aspiring film editor and Barber but more importantly I’m a father to the greatest son.”

    And there’s a picture of a baby.  What?  How did this guy…with a woman?  I don’t think so.  

    11:15 – Tony answers a phone call from some scammer or something.  Why is this happening?  

    I made it to 20 minutes.  It’s tough to describe.  This guy is annoying but…it’s watchable.  But I don’t want to watch any more.  So…I don’t know

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyZVMTasW3I]

  • Castlevania Anniversary Collection: Ultimate Edition Unboxing! Limited Run – Erin Plays

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IitUjVMAjCU 

    Hey guys!  Remember unboxings?  Well, Erin is bringing them back.

    What’s next?  The Cinnamon Challenge?  Planking?

    So let’s watch as Erin opens this piece of shit that she doesn’t even want.  FOR EIGHTEEN MINUTES!  How long does it take her to open a box?  Maybe she forgot how to open boxes.  She “always” “forgets” how to open boxes.

    0:00 – What is this shirt?  A sort of anime girl with bunny ears riding a phallic rocket?  

    And we’re treated to seeing Erin’s god awful tattoo.  Just get that shit removed.  She doesn’t like it either.  Mike has the money.  Have him pay for the laser removal.  I think that it’s fairly painless and doesn’t leave much scarring.  In any event, however you look afterwards will be an improvement over this horrendous candy cane/ice cream trucker tattoo.

    0:15 – She’s struggling to get it out of the shipping box.  And she’s not showing this because, presumably, her address is on the box and she doesn’t want Shishi banging on her door tomorrow.  

    But then why not spend two fucking seconds taking it out of the shipping box BEFORE you start the video?  Because that would require effort and Erin doesn’t like putting effort into anything.

    0:30 – There are so many fucking edits already in this.  She doesn’t know what this thing is called.  She keeps having to look at the screen to remind herself of the name of this thing.  She keeps mispronouncing it.  This is awful.

    1:00 – A “trading card” came with this thing.  Just loose.  Outside of the box.  She holds it up and you can’t even fucking see it.  How about holding it close to the camera?  

    She keeps looking at the computer.  I assume that she did this on stream, for money.  Let me check.

    Yeah.  Of course she did.  This was during a Castlevania 64 stream.  I flat out refuse to watch any of these Castlevania streams.  And she streamed Castlevania for three hours one day and four hours another day.  What happened to her carpal tunnel syndrome?

    1:30 – She shows some…”poster” that she got.  But it’s just a shitty black and white promotional thing for the company who released this shit.  

    Then she just reads the games that are on this thing.  Fortunately, the titles are all on there, otherwise she would have no fucking clue.  This is Erin reading Star Trek t-shirts all over again.

    2:30 – “Oh is that the — I don’t even remember everything that came with it.”

    Erin “always” “forgets” what came in this Castlevania thing.

    “This is going to look so pretty on my shelf behind me.”

    Pathetic in the extreme.

    She keeps editing out every time she struggles with opening the box.  Why?  Who gives a shit?

    3:00 – “I forget.  The shadowbox, I think it lights up or it plays music or something.”

    Erin “always” “forgets” if the shadowbox lights up or plays music or something.

    Then Erin starts talking about her shirt.  It’s a Parodius shirt that she got from some website who’s probably paying her to talk about it.  She said that she “needed” this shirt.  You know…because she’s such a Parodius fan.  She played it once, on stream, for money, and then never again.

    3:45 – It came with a Castlevania pin.  What is Erin going to do with this?  Put it on her jeans jacket?  

    “That’s cool”.  

    Great stuff, Erin.

    4:30 – “This is a nice box.”

    She’s literally talking about the empty box.  She’s taken everything out of the box because she was too inept to just show things as she takes them out of the box.  So she’s showing the empty box at the end and says that it’s a nice box.  Really riveting content, Erin.

    4:45 – She’s showing the shadowbox.  That probably should have been the thing that she showed last as the grand finale.  Has she never seen an unboxing video before?  They show the cheap shit first and save the main thing for the end.

    It lights up.  It plays music.  Then she puts it on the little table behind her.  You can’t even fucking see it.  She puts it off to the side.  Off-camera.

    5:45 – She shows the “NES version slip cover thing”.  Whatever that is.  She doesn’t know and I don’t know.  But she has the advantage of holding the thing and being able to read what was in this thing.

    6:00 – It also comes with a book.  It’s more like a pamphlet with a hard cover.

    “I don’t think I’ve ever done an unboxing.  I’ve done like blind bag openings on stream but I don’t think that I’ve ever done anything like this.  I feel a little awkward.”

    You don’t say.  Your natural charisma and confidence is just shining through.

    7:00 – She’s reading from the chat.  “I should do more unboxing on the channel?  Maybe.”

    That would require Erin actually buying video game shit.  So don’t you see the problem, retards?  

    7:15 – “Then we’ve got Dracula’s Curse.”

    What is this thing?  We don’t know.  And Erin doesn’t know.  It’s just a piece of paper that says “Dracula’s Curse” so Erin read this piece of paper.

    9:00 – Tiny Castlevania boxes in some kind of frame.  It’s blurry as fuck.

    Then she reads the titles.  I knew it.

    “This is cute.”

    Good stuff, Erin.  You’re a real entertainer.

    9:45 – A Genesis box.  

    10:00 – “Unboxing stuff is fun.  I like watching it.  I just feel silly doing it.”

    Because you don’t have any idea what any of this shit is.  And you don’t care.

    10:30 – “Oh my god.  There’s more.  This makes me feel better about all of the money that I spent on this.”

    All of Mike’s money, surely.  How could it be her own money?  She’s making fifty bucks a month on Youtube and like $6,000/year on Twitch.  Then whatever she’s getting from her various promoted tweets and videos.  It can’t be much.

    11:30 – “Thank you so much Shishi for subscribing for 31 whole months.”

    It comes with a poster but it’s all folded up.  She says that she wants to frame it but doesn’t like that it came all folded.

    Surely, this poster is available somewhere, in rolled format, for five bucks.  Let me look.

    https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1277699063/poster-castlevania-artwork-cover-konami

    There’s something on Etsy for about $30.  I can’t figure out exactly what it is but it’s the same artwork.  I think this guy just makes these in his basement.  Some kind of bootleg art prints.

    12:45 – “And there’s more.  Are you guys sick of this yet?”

    Yes.

    13:00 – “So this is like the tin case.”

    There’s a word for this.  I don’t know what it is.  But these things come in a lot of these nerdy “premium” boxes.  

    13:15 – “It’s so cute.”

    Great stuff, Erin.  Keep up the good work.

    A horntard is talking about the double-sided folded poster that she was talking about earlier.  “Frame it so it’s glass on both sides.  Yeah, I’ll probably do something like that.”

    It would cost a hundred bucks easily to get this thing professionally framed.  That’s why I was looking for a rolled version of this poster.  Because you’re going to spend $100+ to frame a fucking folded poster that came in some stupid video game collection?  

    Even if she did it herself, the frame is going to cost, whatever, forty dollars.  Absolute minimum.  And then you’re going to spend hours trying to frame it and it’s going to look like shit?  

    13:30 – “This is the actual game and it comes in a little NES slip cover which is a cute touch.”

    Great commentary, Erin.

    13:45 – “I have a PS4.  I bought it for Doom Eternal.”

    A game that she played once, on stream, for money.  And there’s no way that she bought it.  Mike bought it.

    “Then right after I bought it, I remember that’s when my carpal tunnel started getting insanely bad so I haven’t touched my PS4.”

    Uh huh.  Fucking ridiculous.  Constant lies.

    15:00 – “So anyway, look at this box.  It’s a very pretty cardboard box.”

    Uh huh.

    17:30 – She’s showing the small video game boxes again.  She says that they’re cute.  Great stuff, Erin.

    17:45 – She shows the larger boxes again.  She says that they’re cute.  You don’t say.

    So that’s the video.  That was really interesting stuff.  I was on the edge of my seat.

    This thing was $175, I think.  It’s trash.  Who would want this?  What adult would want these fucking trinkets, most of which are paper or cardboard?  And what kid today would want a collection of old games?  Or a physical copy of anything?  

    The target demographic seems to be emotionally-stunted men who are giant nerds and can’t get dates.  

    Erin has absolutely no interest in any of this shit, of course.  This is just one of her fake interests.  But this thing is just a piece of shit.  And you had to pre-order a year in advance?  No.  No sensible person would do this.