Erin Didn’t go to PRGE this Year (Five Years Running)

“Sad I didn’t go to PRGE this year. I haven’t been in like, 5 (?) years and it’s a great convention. Too much shit going on rn so hopefully next year. I wish everything cool wasn’t happening in October but it IS the best month, so I get it.”

Oh. Another riveting tweet about something that Erin DIDN’T do. What even is PRGE?

Portland Retro Gaming Expo. What? Why would she even go to that? It’s on the other side of the country. Of all the nerd conventions out there, why did she talk about not going to this one?

But no. Erin’s October has just been too action-packed. She wanted to go but she couldn’t. She has too much shit going on right now.

Like what? Tell us, Erin. We want to know. Personal errands?

It’s completely insane. A tweet about something that she DIDN’T do. And she does this constantly. Because she never fucking does anything. So the only left to talk about is stuff that she DIDN’T do.

Five years of not going to PRGE. Riveting stuff, Erin. Tell us more. What other nerd conventions haven’t you been to?

Totally preposterous. She has no interest in this shit anyway. She’s a grown woman. And doesn’t give a fuck about video games.

The boys on Reddit uploaded some creep shot that one of them took of Erin with Mike at some nerd convention. It was so sad. Erin clearly did not want to be there. Why bother? Why fucking take her there? If Mike wants to go to a nerd convention, go to a nerd convention by yourself. You don’t have to fucking drag Erin along. She hates every second of that shit. And I can’t blame her one bit. I wouldn’t go go one of those freak shows if you paid me and I’m actually interested in video games.

Too much shit going on for old Erin. NO TIME for nerd conventions, one might say.

Justin Silverman replies. “Yeah, every weekend has a convention or some streaming event. But I’ve been just trying to do a lot of spooky stuff since the last few years were a washout.”

Like what? What spooky stuff have you been doing? Anything? This guy’s ripping off Erin’s gimmick here. Pretending to do stuff but really all they’re saying is “I haven’t done ANYTHING.”

Oh, indeed, Erin replies with, “I haven’t even done anything that spooky yet! But yeah. Hopefully next year things are more spread out and I’m more organized”.

But what have you been fucking doing in the first two weeks of October that kept you from achieving all of your nerd goals? Tell us. Why is your schedule so packed?

She has no job. Mike pays for everything. She has nothing but time on her hands. Maybe she was visiting her parents again. Twice a month, she has to check that they’re still alive.

Justin comes back, “Some spooky hayrides and haunts are going into mid-November. There’s time! I’ll let you know what else we’re up to.”

Spooky hayrides? What are you? Eight years old?

“Can the 500 pound man please exit the cart to allow children to board?”

Then some “spooky nerd mom” suggests that Erin should do a panel at PRGE. Fucking classic. Imagine such a thing.

So Erin replies, “Thanks! Yeah maybe one day I’ll be comfortable enough with the idea of a panel, ha. It’s just hard when it’s just me and I don’t know what the hell to talk about”

She wouldn’t have the slightest idea what to talk about. What could it even be? Britney Spears? Sailor Moon? She doesn’t even know about this shit. She doesn’t ANYTHING about ANYTHING. She has no interests whatsoever.

Somebody else says, “Guy Fawkes night is coming up, save the celebrating for that”

Oh, yeah. Guy Fawkes Night. Huge in the US. And what’s not to like? Burning effigies of the pope? Singing anti-Catholic songs? This is the actual fucking holiday. We have to celebrate our beloved tyrant and his fondness for divorcing women.

How any even remotely switching on person can not see this holiday for what it is: extreme bigotry, is beyond me. But people do it. It’s a national holiday.

“Finally finished my Halloween video script (I know, I’m running late on everything 🫠,) dyed my hair, and Rick Rubin let it slip that a new album from The Strokes is coming. I am at peace.”

Ohhhhhh. THIS is what Erin has been doing in October. She wrote a “script” for a Youtube video and she dyed her hair. I can see this taking a lot of time. No wonder she didn’t go to PRGE. She had to dye her hair. It took two full weeks to do that.

Oh, and she read about a new Strokes album. It takes a lot of time to read that.

She does NOTHING.

Somebody says, “Can’t wait!! I love your holiday themed videos”

That reminds me. She used to do these Halloween videos where she would dress in “sexy” costumes. Where are the “sexy” costumes? Where are the videos? She hasn’t uploaded a video in fucking two months. Can we just declare Erin’s Youtube channel to be dead? She’s done with Youtube. Official reason: carpal tunnel syndrome. Unofficial reason: she finally realised that this con is not going to work.

Somebody says, “Mike still a racist?”

To which Shishi comes to Erin’s defence, “Still stalking people you don’t even like?”

Then the guy comes back. “No recommended unfortunately. Loco Bandito.”

Some braindead gay man from TheCinemassacreTruth. I’m surprised that Erin didn’t delete this, though. She must not even read the comments.

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