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SMILE review – Newt Wallen
It’s Newt Wallen, PVC Bondage Girl, that smoking woman from a previous video, and a mystery man all in Newt’s car. At night. Can’t see anything. Is the dome light even on? I don’t know.
I talk about that smoking woman here:
She was awful. But at least she had a job. I’m all about finding the good in people. Horrible people. But even horrible people have good qualities.
0:00 – They introduce everyone. Newt introduces the guy as “that guy”. So we’re off to maybe the worst start of a Youtube video ever.
And PVC Bondage Girl has that terrible, terrible makeup running down her eyes. I can not believe that she goes out in public like this.
The smoking woman is still smoking. What’s the cancer rate like for vaping? High or…what?
Some potentially dangerous chemicals have been found in e-cigarettes. But levels are usually low and generally far lower than in tobacco cigarettes. Exposure may be the same as people who use nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) such as patches or gum. There is no good evidence that vaping causes cancer.
What? And that comes from Cancer Research UK. Can that be right? I’d like a second opinion.
Well, then forget about the wishing cancer on people angle. It’s scumbag behaviour to constantly smoke. Especially in a fucking car with other people in it. Can she not at least stop smoking the 15 minutes it takes to make the video? Nobody wants to see this. Fortunately, nobody can see her because of the terrible lighting in Newt’s car.
2:00 – Newt complains about a puff of smoke from this woman. It’s true. What the fuck is she doing? Can she not stop this? Total scumbag.
Then PVC Bondage Girl says, “You know what’s funny? When I was sitting there, I saw the vape smoke come up and I was like, ‘What fucking asshole is vaping in the theatre?’ and then you were like, ‘Oh, come down to this row.’”
PVC Bondage Girl may have just found herself back in my good graces. It’s true. What kind of total asshole is smoking in a movie theatre? This fat woman has no concept of acceptable social behaviour. It’s not hard. Don’t smoke in public venues. How long has this been a law? Twenty years?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_smoking_bans_in_the_United_States#New_Jersey
New Jersey banned smoking in public places in 2006. This isn’t enough time to catch on?
2:45 – So then this fat chick just fans the smoke away every time she blows out smoke. You know…rather than just STOP SMOKING like a normal person would do.
And given that Newt was surprised by this smoke, I’m thinking that this woman didn’t start smoking until the video started. What a fucking moron. Like we’re supposed to find this cool? Oh, there’s this fat chick smoking in a car. She must be really hip.
No. She’s a total scumbag. Even the other total scumbags in the car are calling her out for this scumbag behaviour. This is scumbag behaviour even for scumbags.
3:00 – Nice bracelet, Newt. I think that he was wearing this in a previous video with PVC Bondage Girl. Is he coming out of the closet with this? It’s a big fake pearl bracelet. In what way can this possibly be considered masculine? Does a masculine bracelet even exist?
3:45 – “Everyone in this car has some form of mental illness so that’s good.”
That was a Newt line. The guy in the back said something to prompt this. I couldn’t really make it out. But yeah, Newt boasting about mental illness.
Then the fat chick starts talking about her fondness for “shroom”. Let’s just move on. She’s a piece of shit. How many times can I say it?
5:00 – Then PVC Bondage Girl dropped some popcorn that she’s been eating throughout this and Newt complained about this. These are the hazards of allowing scumbags into your car.
8:30 – Then they start theorising about which part of New Jersey this movie was filmed in. For the two people out there who might give the slightest of fucks about this.
12:00 – This guy in the back puts his arm around this fat smoking woman. So they’re obviously a couple. And earlier, Newt talked about how PVC Bondage Girl was grabbing on him during the movie when she would get scared. So come on. This is a date. I don’t care that PVC Bondage Girl has a girlfriend who lives in Minnesota. This is clearly a date.
14:00 – Newt retells the myth that John Wayne had a bunch of undigested meat in him when he died. But Newt says this as if it’s a fact. Let me look this up. This has long been debunked, I’m sure.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/meat-your-maker-2/
Yeah. It’s not real.
So that’s the video. Let’s check out The Ideas Man’s Twitter.
Oh, he’s less than 600 subscribers away from 10,000. That’s great, Newt. Keep us posted with hourly updates. I never tire of this information.
Say…here’s a picture of Newt with his arm that prostitute who he pays to hang out with him. Way to go, Newt. You’re a real stud. Go fuck that diseased prostitute.
Oh, I didn’t even see the picture properly. His arm isn’t around her. He’s just standing awkwardly while she puts her knee close to his genitals. That’s hot, right?
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DOOM – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)
Thirty minutes? What the fuck? For a guy who’s so concerned about time, he certainly doesn’t value the time of the audience.
0:30 – But first a word from our sponsor.
I’m going to continue to make the Keeps joke until Keeps is actually a sponsor. Keeps. The sponsor should be Keeps. Because James is experiencing male pattern baldness. It would be funny. Come on. Fucking Joe from Game Sack shills for Keeps and he’s also bald. So why can’t James do it? Shamelessly feed on the insecurities of middle aged men.
Oh. A VPN. I haven’t seen this a billion times already. Why does this VPN continue to pay for these ads for Jimmy? There are surely diminishing returns. Everybody who watches these videos already knows about the VPN.
1:45 – What the fuck. I saw this intro video where he’s simulating being in the Doom game on Reddit. And the Doomguy is bald. I assumed that it was the boys on Reddit who Photoshopped this as a joke. No. This is the actual video.
2:00 – Oh god…this…what? Just invest in some clippers, Jimmy. Put a number two guard on them and go all the way around your head.
2:30 – Weird, edited footage of Data from Star Trek playing Doom. And Jerry Seinfeld from his titular show.
3:00 – Jimmy says that Doom was the first time that he heard about “system requirements”. What? When was Doom released? In 1993. Well, I guess. I knew about system requirements as soon as I got a computer but Jimmy is a bit younger than me and maybe he didn’t get a computer until later.
7:00 – Jimmy talks about how awesome it is that the dead bodies don’t go away. I also thought that this was cool but it’s a pretty autistic thing to mention.
11:30 – The world’s worst acting. He yells “Doom” repeatedly.
Then there’s like a two minute skit. Really bad.
13:45 – Super Nintendo Doom. This is all footage from Mike Matei’s streams, by the way. And I assume that Mike wrote all of this. Or Kieran. The only person who I know didn’t write this is James Rolfe.
Then for the next 12 minutes or so, he briefly discusses various Doom ports. When he runs out of official ports, he just talks about fan-made shit.
24:15 – Poop. Lots of poop. Poop from the butt. Jimmy is jerking off over this.
I…what? Then James inserts a giant gun into his anus and says that he’s going to defecate on some demon. Why would anybody…this is just James’ masturbatory fantasies. Nobody is laughing at this. They can’t be. This is just jerk off material for James Rolfe. It’s gross. I don’t want to see this guy’s disgusting scat fetishes.
27:00 – Ummm…just disgusting, unfunny shit from Jimmy “Scatman” Rolfe. I won’t even describe it.
27:15 – Then it ends with Jimmy entering the video game. Shoots various Doom ports. Then he meets the guy who made Doom, and this guy actually voiced his character, but…the writing is shit and it goes nowhere. That was a wasted opportunity.
28:45 – Written, directed by, and starring James Rolfe.
Uh huh. Sure it was.
Somebody named Marshall Halligan got a “help” credit. Let’s see who that can be.
He’s on Facebook and it says that he works at Screenwave but I can’t see the pictures because I don’t have a Facebook account.
The guy who made the rubber armour in this video also got a credit.
It reminds me of that kid who made all of that cardboard Halo shit. Was it Halo? Penny Arcade did a comic strip about him. This was many years ago. I can’t find it now. Maybe it wasn’t Halo. But it was some game. He made all of the armour and weapons and whatnot.
Oh, here it is. I was right. It was Halo.
https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/07/18/the-man-maker
Anyway, this video. It was fine, I guess, if you appreciate that James Rolfe had no involvement in it other than to be a bad actor. And the ending with all of the defecating was really stupid and detracted from the video.
Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say. Something gay, no doubt.
Nothing interesting.
Some guy from Reddit was remonstrating with me saying that my blog is inferior to the defunct Irate Gamer Sucks blog because the guy who made that blog (Batdan, or something) supported the community whereas I call out the community for being homosexuals. That was the implied argument, anyway,
I guess that it’s true. I don’t support anything that goes on at TheCinemassacreTruth. It’s not the homosexuality that I object to, although many of the people who post there are openly gay and many of the rest of them certainly behave in a homosexual fashion so maybe they’re in the closet. But no, it’s the mindless harassment that I object to. Plus, the weird homoerotic Photoshops, but they haven’t posted stuff like that in a while.
I mean, how can I possibly support any of that? They’re fucking weirdos. If that’s the shit that you want to do with your time, feel free. But I’m not going to say, “Hey, it’s really cool how you keep talking about how big Mike’s penis is.” Because…it’s stupid. I’m not going to support stupidity.
GamerGrrls is not an extension of TheCinemassacreTruth. It’s a respite from that dumb bullshit. It’s a refuge for people who have at least half a brain and want to read something semi-intelligent about Cinemassacre or Erin Plays or what have you.
So no, I’m not supporting that community of cretins. Anyway, it’s 5:40! Gotta go watch my three memes.
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10 Spooky Levels from Non-Horror Games!
THIS is what we waited all year for? Erin in a hooded sweatshirt?
WHERE’S THE “SEXY” COSTUME?
I think that the last time she dressed up in a “sexy” costume was two years ago. I talk about it here:
She was a “sexy” Strawberry Shortcake. She looked like a chubby, tattooed, middle aged woman in a weird as fuck costume. Then she put a jacket on because she was uncomfortable with all of the creepy comments from the horntards.
Maybe she gave up on the “sexy” costumes because it finally dawned on her that she’s not a hot chick. Maybe she felt that she was getting too old for this. Although, frankly, even in her prime she shouldn’t have been dressing up in “sexy” costumes for public consumption. Who, other than horntards, are jerking off to this?
So we get sweatshirt Erin for Halloween. Well, I’m for it. I’m all for people embracing reality. She also rarely uploads videos on Youtube any more. Presumably, she’s realising that this scam is never going to work. Then I suppose the next step is to end the fake relationship with Mike. And go back to California. Get a job like a normal person. This would be the ideal scenario, anyway.
0:15 – “Now, this isn’t going to be every spooky level in a horror game ever made.”
Uhhh…duh, Erin.
“These are just some that I’m interested in discussing right now.”
Stuff that she found during “variety” streams or the hortards told her about or Mike or maybe through Google searches.
0:30 – “If you can think of other spooky levels in non-horror games, feel free to discuss them in the comments.”
She wants the horntards to do all of the work. Because Erin “always” “forgets” which non-horror games have spooky levels.
0:45 – “Remember this commercial for Paperboy on the N64?”
No, Erin. Nor do you.
By the way, she played this game on stream, for money.
1:30 – She likes the “Nickelodeon colour scheme”. Great commentary, Erin.
2:15 – Mario Party 2. Horror Land. Everyone is dressed up as a wizard. “They look so cute.”
Great commentary, Erin.
2:45 – “A very cute pumpkin patch.”
This is fucking awful.
And this is an odd choice. She never played this on stream, for money. So she never played this before.
3:15 – Gex 64. Another odd choice. Has she played this on stream, for money before?
3:30 – “I chuckled every time I heard the Rip Taylor reference.”
She’s a big Rip Taylor fan, guys. You guys know Rip Taylor, right? The guy who hasn’t been seen on television since 1985? One or two years before Erin was born?
4:15 – She’s talking about inconsequential things in the game that she likes. “A destroyed toilet floating in the basement. Maybe it means that the basement was flooded because of the toilet?”
No shit. Of course that’s what it means, you fucking moron. And it’s not floating. You can see water coming out of the fucking toilet.
“Maybe monsters take gigantic dumps.”
We’re supposed to be jerking off to this? She’s catering to the scat fetishists. Well, it works for James Rolfe, I guess.
“Recording this footage made me want to play this game more and get used to the controls.”
Fucking awful. She’s all but admitting that she only played the game once, for the purposes of this video, briefly. Hasn’t even figured out the fucking controls.
4:45 – She says, “I’ll probably be coming back to this one some time.”
Oh, great. We can all look forward to that boring as fuck stream.
5:00 – Duck Tales. Mike has talked about this game many, many times. Gee, Erin. Where do you get your ideas?
6:30 – Tiny Toons: Buster Busts Loose.
7:45 – Taz: Escape from Mars.
She must have been looking at some kind of list of video games based on cartoons. Or Mike just told her all of these and he happened to be thinking of cartoon-based games at the time.
8:30 – She makes a Contra reference that she obviously did not know. Mike told her this.
9:30 – “I like that it’s the Yosemite Sam from the episode Knighty Knight Bugs. And yes, I did have to look up the title of that episode by Googling “Yosemite Sam knight”.
What a bizarre comment. First of all, NOTHING in this entire video, is from Erin’s memory. Erin “always” “forgets”…everything. So everything in here was Googled or she got from Mike or the horntards.
So why focus just on the title of this fucking cartoon? It would be expected from anybody that they would look this up. Very few people know the names of every Looney Tunes short. But she’s self-conscious about this. “Oh, that GamerGrrls guy isn’t going to catch me on this one. I’m just going to beat him to the punch and admit that I looked this one up.” It’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t call her out for this.
But I will mention that she calls these “episodes”. Like they’re tv shows. No, these were theatrical shorts. You idiot.
Oh, and the screenshot she used from this short is taken straight from Wikipedia. Same exact picture.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knighty_Knight_Bugs
10:45 – “Like most people that grew up in the 80s or the 90s in America, I associate Pizza Hut with my childhood.”
I…what? One second, she’s talking about this Tazmanian Devil game, the next she’s talking about Pizza Hut. What’s the relevance? Is she moving on to a new topic? Pizza Hut?
And no, I don’t think that Pizza Hut was so widespread. I went to a Pizza Hut once as a child. Even as an adult, I never went to a Pizza Hut in the US. I didn’t even see any.
“When I think about my childhood Pizza Hut, I of course think about the red cups.”
Erin is all about those hues. She loves colours. All of them. The whole rainbow. And she wants you to know about it. If something has a colour, she’ll be sure to mention it.
Then she talks about the “little arcade area” in the restaurant. You know…the one that she never went to.
This is why she’s talking about Pizza Hut. It was a god awful segue to The Simpsons Arcade Game.
11:15 – “It’s also fun to slam into people with your ass. I wish I could do both of these things in real life.”
The other thing was hit people with a vacuum cleaner. But yeah. “Ass”. Hitting people with your ass. Erin is all about it. She loves to say “ass” in a gratuitous fashion. This is what Shishi and the gang need to cum. They just need to hear a middle aged woman in a sweatshirt saying “ass”.
12:15 – Shout out to “WANPAKU GRAFFITI”! She loves that game. She played a few times, on stream, for money. And she repeatedly referred to it as “Wanpaku Graffiti” even though nobody on earth calls it that. She’s since corrected herself.
12:30 Adventures in the Magic Kingdom. Oh, great. She made a Youtube video of this and probably played it on stream, for money.
“For whatever reason, I seem to reference it a lot.”
Well, it is one of the few games that you’ve played, Erin. This might have been her first Youtube video. It was one of the first videos, anwyay.
Erin’s original idea was to only make videos of “cute” Disney games. Maybe she would have branched out to “cute” games based on cartoons generally. But no, she didn’t go that way. Instead, she decided to do…whatever it is that she does.
14:30 – Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City. She’s a big Michael Jordan fan, guys.
“When I was first told about this game…”
WHEN? Tell us when? When were you first told about this game? I guarantee that it was recently, when she was doing a stream. Why not just say so? NOBODY GIVES A FUCK!
No. She has to constantly make nebulous statements like this to give the impression that she’s a big time “gamer”. Erin loves video games. She’s been playing them all of her life. Hundreds of thousands of hours wasted on video games.
16:45 – Micky Mouse: Land of Illusion.
This better be the last game. This is fucking brutal.
She thinks that some enemies are “really cute”. Fucking fantastic, Erin.
Yeah. That’s the video. This was awful.
Coments.
Oh, Joe from Gamesack replied. He’s a big Erin fan. I’ll just say that.
- “I agree about the controls on the SNES Tiny Toon Adventures game. A decently enjoyable “spooky” level that I can think of off the top of my head is the Transylvania stage in Quackshot. Super scary. If your underwear isn’t soiled after playing that level then perhaps you have no pulse? Actually come to think of it I wouldn’t be surprised if the very large majority of Disney games, at least the ones based on the proper cartoon characters from the past like Mickey, Donald, etc etc have spooky levels in them.”
Ummm…you know that this is a con, Joe. Why feed the lies? Fucking beta orbiter Joe over here.
- “Erin you are crazy beautiful and you make fun videos about video games! Perfect girl!!!”
Pathetic.
- “Prefect time to drop this, I’m ready”
Yeah. He has his dick in his hand, ready to go. Same with Joe from Gamesack.
- “You’re rocking that hair & costume combo, Erin!”
What costume? It was just a hooded sweatshirt.
- “Happy to see you again erin I hope you will post more video often I was worried you will leave YouTube”
Erin replies, “I’m not going anywhere :)”
Well, that’s disappointing on two levels. First, it’s disappointing that she’s not giving up on Youtube. But secondly, “I’m not going anywhere” can also be applied to her own life. She’s done nothing for the past five years. What is she going to do when this Youtube scam ends and Mike kicks her out? What is she going to put on a job application? “Fake Gamer Grrl: 2017-2022”? Nobody is going to be impressed with that.
Erin replies to a comment with, “I can’t believe I didn’t know about Windy City until recently.”
Oh, I can believe it. But why didn’t she say that she only found out about the game recently in the video? She left it intentionally vague.
Anything on Twitter?
“My Halloween video is finally done. Trying to decide when to post it. Do I go by what my analytics say and wait until most of my subs are allegedly on YT, or just post it willy nilly? Decisions, decisions. I’m proud of it, so that means no one will probably see it.”
Erin was “proud” of this piece of shit?
By the way, I copy and paste the comment even though I think that everybody can see the comment…like…in a Twitter format. WordPress automatically does this. I can probably turn the feature off but it’s fine. I just copy and paste it in case there’s some browser or something where this doesn’t show up.
Oh, and we’re treated to some “sexy” pictures. This is a rare treat. We have Erin looking like your childhood friend’s creepy mother, holding a skull. Uh huh. That’s…a fetish for somebody, I guess.
And we have Erin doing that anime pose where the girl makes the “V” sign, crosses her eyes, and sticks her tongue out. This is clearly a sex thing. I don’t get it but I’ve seen people request this pose before. Indeed, I saw somebody ask Erin to do this pose before. Erin isn’t crossing her eyes, though.
Anyway, that one went straight to Shishi’s voluminous Erin Plays spank bank.
Somebody replies, “I was always more of Christmas girl myself.”
But who gives a shit? This is about Erin and Halloween. I will bet anything that that’s a guy in a dress. No woman would make a comment like that, advertising that she’s a woman and trying to draw needless attention to herself.
Yeah. No pictures of this “woman” on “her” Twitter. .Only 41 followers. “She” has Star Trek shit on here. A lot of right wing talking point shit. Definitely a guy.
Somebody replies showing some pumpkins that he carved, it’s some video game nerd shit but he’s obviously a talented pumpkin carver. You know what Erin? You’ll never guess in a million years.
“That’s awesome.”
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Working in a Casino
After that disastrous graduate school experience, I decided to stay in the area rather than go back to my childhood home like a loser. I was going to try to make the best of things. Get a job. Whatever.
So I got a job in a casino. I had previous casino experience so it wasn’t difficult.
I remember the job interview. The guy was impressed by the college that I went to. Not the graduate school, I don’t think I put it on my resume, but the undergraduate. And I didn’t even go to any kind of prestigious place. But I think that very few university graduates were applying for jobs at this casino.
He asked where I saw myself in five years. That lazy question beloved by shitty job interviewers. And I said that I’d like to be a professor. I still had this idea that I wanted to do something that actually required a university degree. Because otherwise, what was the point of going to college for that whole time?
So I got the job. It was as a security guard. There were a bunch of security guards at this place.
It was a two hour drive from my home to this place and then a 30 minute bus “shuttle” from the parking lot to the casino. So I commuted five hours a day. I had to fill the tank with gas every day, which cost about $15. My rent was $500/month. And I was making $8.50/hour.
I did the orientation. It lasted about three days. All new employees had to do it. There were about 30 of us there. Different departments.
There were two other guys who were also starting as security guards. It was an old white guy and a black guy about my age.
A lot of these new employees didn’t speak English. They weren’t Mexican, though, as you might expect. They were from India and China. I don’t know where this casino was getting so many Indian and Chinese workers but they were there. And they had no idea what was going on at this orientation.
It was the usual orientation bullshit. Stupid group work and shit. I hated every second of that nonsense but put up with it.
Then after the three days, we get our assignments. We didn’t even know what days or times we’ll be working until after orientation.
So I’ll be working the evening shift (5.00 pm to midnight), as was this old white guy, and the black guy will be working overnights (midnight to 8.00 am). He was not happy with that. And it did stink of racism. But what are you going to do?
We were also divided into two teams. It was a big casino so half of the security team worked in one area and the other half worked in the other area. One team clearly had the better candidates. I was in this elite team.
And then I saw the overnight crew. Holy shit. Absolute dregs of society. There was a fat goth chick with a bunch of crazy makeup. Shit like this. And that black guy was there. Clearly the most professional-looking guy in the group. Some woman who trained us during this orientation kind of apologised to him for him going to the overnight crew.
The woman who trained us had absolutely massive tits. She was in her mid to late 30s and not a looker. But massive, massive tits. Like freak show material. She was from West Virginia. This casino was in New England.
Most of the security guards were either in their early to mid 20s or like in their 50s or 60s. Very little in between. It was either people who were in their 20s and desperate for any kind of work and people in their 50s and 60s who were only doing the job to get medical insurance and trying to coast to retirement. The job had medical insurance and in the US, at least 20 years ago I don’t know about now, the only affordable way to get medical insurance is if your job offers it. And if you don’t have medical insurance, you’re completely fucked, especially if you’re an old person who needs medical care.
So I was doing this job. It was fucking shit. I was the only person who had a degree.
There were a lot of hot chicks there, though. Many of them prostitutes. I remember seeing this one Chinese woman, big tits, in a little dress, and she’s with some old fat white guy in his 50s who spent a lot of time in some poker tournament.
I saw a homosexual couple at the slot machines just feeding $100 bills into the machine. It was $100 a pull. And they were getting nothing. Hundred dollar bill after hundred dollar bill. They didn’t get anything back.
And a lot of old people. REALLY old people. They would literally bus them in from nursing homes. So you’d see these senile people in front of slot machines everywhere you look. Some would have colonoscopy bags and respirators and whatnot. This is the lifeblood of the casino industry: dementia patients.
A lot of Chinese people too. There was a whole section of the casino just for Chinese games. There are casino games that are popular in China and they’d be played here. All of the dealers were Chinese. All of the players were Chinese. And it was overwhelmingly old men. Gambling is popular in China but mostly with old men.
I made friends with an 18 year old guy from New Mexico. He was a security guard too. He started a little bit after I did. He said that that Chinese prostitute with the big tits talked to him. Just asked how he liked working here and shit like this. So I was jealous of that.
He had moved to New England to be with his girlfriend. They met on the internet. This was a pretty new thing 20 years ago. He said, “I know it’s nerdy but whatever.” His girlfriend’s parents had a separate part of their house that they rented to this guy and their daughter.
A lot of hot Asian women there. There were a lot of entrances into the casino floor and you’re supposed to check ID’s and whatnot if people look under 21. But whenever I worked one of these entrances, my policy was to only check ID’s if you look under 21 and you’re not a hot Asian chick. Hot Asian chicks got a free pass when I was working there.
There was also a middle aged black guy who started working there. He was a security guard too. And he was really unhappy with the pay. I don’t know what job he had before this but he was not pleased with $8.50/hour.
One time, I was guarding the entrance to the bathroom and I noticed a woman sitting on another woman’s lap at the slot machines. Just right in front of me. They were carrying on. People would walk by and stare. Some guy came over to me and said something like, “I bet you wish that was you.”
Then this middle aged black co-worker guy came over. And he’s looking at this and I thought that he was going to make a comment about how sexy it is that there’s these two hot chicks getting it on with each other. But no. He was really disappointed with what he was seeing.
He said, “Look at that. Two women wasting their lives. These are good looking women. They could get husbands. They could have families. But they’re doing this instead.”
Anyway, another perk of the job were the free meals. We got one free meal a day. That’s why people would work there, along with the medical insurance. People worked just for the free meal a day.
And it was like a buffet style thing. You could take as much as you want. They had a big Chinese food selection to cater to all of the Chinese people working there. I’m guessing more than half of them weren’t in the country legally. None of them seemed to speak English.
There were a lot of Polish people working there too. They were exchange students at some college or something. They would work there in the summers.
One time I was in the hotel, there was a hotel attached to the casino, and a prostitute got into the elevator with me. And she said, “It must be fun working in a casino.” She was just trying to be friendly. But by this point, I really hated the job and I wasn’t thinking, and I said, “This is the shittiest job I’ve ever had.” And she just smiled.
It didn’t occur to me that this is a prostitute and I shouldn’t complain about my job because she’s getting fucked in the ass every night for a living.
There was a manager there who was a real asshole. He was in his 30s and like five foot two. He had little man syndrome. And he didn’t like me because we had an argument over some bullshit. So he started giving me the shittiest jobs. Every two hours, you worked a different job. You could be at an entrance or wandering the casino floor, or whatever. I don’t remember exactly but some jobs were easier than others. Some jobs allowed you to sit, for example.
But whenever he was in charge of the schedule, he would be all the shitty jobs. So one day, I just said fuck it, I’m quitting.
There were like five managers. So I speak to the two top managers, tell them that I’m quitting and it’s because this manager keeps me the shitty jobs. And one of the guys says, “Well, what jobs would you like then?” And I said, “It’s not my job to do the schedule but he’s intentionally giving me all of the bad jobs, every single time.” So this manager said, “No, don’t quit, I’ll talk to him and it will all be resolved.” So I didn’t quit.
And I told these managers, “I don’t need this job. I have a degree.” At the time, I was thinking that having a degree counted for something.
Things were fine for a few days. I got the really cushy jobs at first. That’s not even what I wanted, though. I just wanted things to be done fairly. Give everybody an equal turn at the good and bad jobs. But no. You give somebody the tiniest bit of power and they abuse it.
So things quickly just went back to how it was. When I saw the schedule that had me in the basement all day, that’s when I quit for good.
The whole experience lasted three months.
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Nintendo Power Live Stream! Volume 168 – Erin Plays
This is nearly two hours. It’s one of her fake carpal tunnel syndrome streams. I’m just going to breeze through it. Try to listen to as much of this as I can. I’m going to try to comment as little as possible. Just do this in one article. But I skimmed and at some point, pretty late in the video, she starts talking about Britney Spears. So I’ll have to be sure to mention that.
0:00 – She says that she’s streaming at 4:19 in the morning. Hello, unemployment.
Then she apologises for the shitty camera. It’s true. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to read anything. It’s complete shit. She put no effort into this, as per usual.
5:00 – “During 2002, I didn’t have a Gamecube and I was pretty busy with school and music stuff so I was pretty much just playing, you know, I’d got back to my Super Nintendo and N64 but I was playing a lot of Game Boy Advance. So that’s what I was playing.”
Uh huh. But you said that you were busy with school and “music stuff”. So why were you playing anything? What’s the truth?
The truth is that she wasn’t busy with anything and she wasn’t playing any games. She has no interest in that. She was just staring at a wall all day.
6:15 – Shishi is in the chat. At 4:00 in the morning. How is it that he’s ALWAYS there? At any hour, day or night, every day? How is it possible? How does he get notified? Does Erin personally send him a message?
And he clearly doesn’t have a job. His entire life revolves around Erin Plays and her unbelievably shitty “content”. He’s there every fucking time. He has nothing else going on in his life. He’s never working. He’s never at a doctor’s appointment. He’s never going grocery shopping. He’s there for every single stream.
7:15 – She reads a letter about Animal Crossing, obviously written by a child, and she has NO IDEA what this guy is talking about. None. She gives her usual, bizarre, pointless, generic response. I won’t type it all out because it’s too stupid.
8:15 – Then she turns the page. “So more pictures. I don’t know what they are.”
They’re pictures of Animal Crossing. Two have the boy from Animal Crossing and one has one of the villagers. She doesn’t recognise this. She has NO IDEA what Animal Crossing is. Never played it. Never saw any videos of it. Never read anything about it. And yet, on the previous page, she read a letter about Animal Crossing and pretended to know what the game was about.
No. Complete lies, as usual from Erin.
8:30 – Then she turns the page and says, “Ooh, more pictures. This Super Mario RPG one is really nice.”
She’s only able to identify stuff if it’s labelled. In this case, the words “Super Mario RPG” are on the picture. That’s why she knew the game. If it’s not labelled, she has no fucking idea what it is. This is that Star Trek t-shirt stream all over again.
She also recognised Shadow from Sonic the Hedgehog for the same reason. The kid who drew the picture labelled the character. Erin just read it. If that girl didn’t label the picture, Erin would have no fucking idea. She would have called him Sonic. No question about it.
9:45 – Next page. It’s an ad. Megaman & Bass. She reads the names. Fortunately, they’re labelled. But she doesn’t know if it’s “Bass” as in the fish or “Bass” as in the instrument. So she pronounces it both ways to cover all of the bases. Too bad they don’t give the phonetic spelling. That would have really helped Erin.
“I don’t know anything about this game but there’s an ad for it.”
Riveting stuff, Erin.
Then a horntard tells her the correct pronunciation.
10:30 – Then Erin tells a boring story from her childhood where she told a girl that she took bass lessons and she mispronounced “bass” four times.
12:00 – There’s a best selling games chart. So Erin just reads the fucking chart. Oh my god. This is awful. She doesn’t know any of the fucking games so she can’t comment on anything. She’s reading the fucking chart.
12:45 – “I wish I liked Animal Crossing. I tried. I just can’t get into it.”
She didn’t recognise the villager boy from Animal Crossing. Or one of the villagers. And this was all on a page that was about Animal Crossing. So she couldn’t even guess that these pictures were of Animal Crossing.
And yet she wants us to believe that she played Animal Crossing. She knows absolutely nothing about the game.
“I think it’s cute-looking.”
Fuck you.
“Super Mario Sunshine is number 10. That’s one Mario game that I have yet to play.”
You don’t say. She doesn’t stream Gamecube games so of course she hasn’t played it.
13:15 – “Sonic Mega Collection. Oh, I forget that Sonic stuff started coming out on the Gamecube.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” that Sonic stuff came out on the Gamecube.
“So I guess that it was appropriate that there was Sonic fan art. What do I know? I don’t know anything.”
Indeed, Erin. Even though she was being sarcastic, she was dead on. She knows NOTHING about video games. Nothing. She knows nothing about ANYTHING.
Then somebody asks if she played the recent Disney game that’s similar to Animal Crossing. You’ll never guess her answer.
No. Of course she hasn’t played it. Have you seen her stream it? Then she hasn’t played it, you fucking retards. What aren’t you getting?
14:30 – The second chart that she’s going to read and say nothing about any of the games is entitled, “Player’s Choice.” She doesn’t know what this means. She even says this. She has to guess what it means, even though there’s an asterisk after “Choice” and if you go to the bottom of the page, it surely tells you what this means.
But the bigger issue is that Erin says that she’s a big Nintendo Power fan. She had a subscription. She’s collecting all of the issues. She’s all about Nintendo Power.
So this is the first time she’s seeing this list? Surely, it was in at least several issues. Maybe this thing went on for years.
Erin’s never seen it before.
21:00 – Now she’s at another chart. She’s surprised to see this. It’s labelled “Game Boy”. So Erin says, “Do they mean regular Game Boy?”
In 2004? No, you fucking cretin. She doesn’t know ANYTHING.
You know what? I’ve had it. That’s all the mendacity that I can stand today. So let me just hunt for this Britney Spears reference now.
1:24:15 – It’s some comedy awards page. “‘Worst hair goes to Britney Spears’ Dance Beat’? Well, I’m offended. She should have won…for…best hair. They just did that because at the time everyone — like — especially — like boys were like, ‘Ew. Britney Spears.’”
Negative charisma. She can’t talk at all. She has nothing to say. She doesn’t know anything.
Well, that wasn’t worth hunting for. That’s all she says. It’s dogshit. She can’t even talk about Britney Spears. She doesn’t know anything about Britney Spears.
Let’s check out the comments.
Only 35 comments. And half of them are Erin’s. She’s responding to every comment.
Her first response is “That’s awesome!”. I knew it. I knew she was going to say that before I even clicked the response. Well, I thought she was going to say, “That’s cool” but “That’s awesome” is her alternative.
Actually, let’s guess how many times she says “That’s cool”/”That’s awesome.” There are like 17 comments so I’ll say that she says it…seven times. She’s at one so far.
She says “Nice!”. Should I include that? It’s the same meaning but…no, I guess I won’t include it.
Aw. It was just that one time. And she only responded to about half of the comments.
But there were some good spam comments.
- FIND LOVE ON THE BEST DATING SITE
- NЕW А DАТING FОR АLL ТАSТЕS & АGЕS
Maybe the horntards could make use of this. There’s no actual link to anything, though. Or a name of the site. But just a general reminder that dating sites exist might be all the help that they need.
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Spirit Halloween The Movie (2022) Review – Monster Madness – Cinemassacre
Newt beat you to this one, Jimmy.
I’ve already watched this video from Jimmy, just for my own “enjoyment” and I’m not going to watch it again to timestamp shit. But he has such a bad take on this.
Newt commented on the ridiculous nature of having a movie based on a store. It’s obviously ridiculous. Who would possibly disagree with that?
James Rolfe would. He loves the idea of a movie based on a store.
This is the opinion of a total dope. Who gives a shit what he has to say?
There was something toward the end of this video that really bothered me. I had to turn it off a bit early. Let me see what it was.
Oh, well one thing is that he talks about his fondness for going to Spirit Halloween every year. He calls it a “tradition.” The whole commercialisation of Halloween in the US is pathetic.
But that wasn’t it. What annoyed me was Jimmy giving his idiotic, autistic movie idea at the 8:00 mark. A horror film about old die cut Halloween decorations coming to life.
This is every fucking movie idea that he has. Some inanimate object comes to life and chases the protagonist for the entire “movie”. It’s dogshit, Jimmy. Get a new idea.
And his idea for the title is “Die Cuts”. Get it? DIE? Fuck off with this bullshit. Newt does this kind of stupid shit where he comes up with a pun title and thinks that it’s clever. Is Jimmy ripping off Newt Wallen? James is going to release a “movie” about a shark vampire next.
Then Jimmy finishes the video by saying that this movie, which is clearly a giant piece of shit, is worth watching for “nostalgia sake”. What nostalgia? Jimmy said that these stores didn’t exist when he was a child. And I’ve never seen them. So it must have been something that took off within the last 20 years old so.
Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.
A few people suggest that this was a paid advertisement. I don’t think so. They’re just desperate for shit to complain about. Weird conspiracies.
- “Want to give James Rolfe a hard on?”
I can honestly say that I don’t, CreamyHampers. But you do you.
Oh, yeah. I’m reading the weird Youtube comments for this video now and it reminded me of something else. In the beginning of the video, Jimmy talks about how great it is to see Christoper Lloyd in this movie.
No. He looks like a fucking zombie. How old is this guy? 90? Let me look this up.
He’s 84. Now, should an 84 year old not be allowed to appear in movies? No, of course not. But let’s not pretend that this is anything other than depressing and a reminder of our own mortality.
- “James thank you for this I love Christopher Lloyd and now have a new age appropriate horror movie to watch with my daughters.”
Oh, sure. “Daddy, who’s that 100 year old zombie? He scares me.” “That’s Christopher Lloyd. He was a spry 60 when I was your age.”
You look at all of these actors from the 1980s and they’re all old as fuck now. Or dead. It’s depressing.
But it’s not just actors. It’s everybody. It’s your parents. It’s your childhood neighbours. It’s your former teachers. Every adult you knew in the 1980s is either really old now or dead. You’re *nostalgic* for this? “I’m so glad that this person from the 1980s is still alive.” Yeah, but now they’re old and decrepit and live in constant pain and their mind is gone. It’s not the same person from the 1980s.
And you’re not the same person from the 1980s.
This is why Newt always re-tweets every celebrity who dies. He likes to wallow in this sort of depressive state. Thinking about celebrities who he knew as a kid and how they’re dead now. And how this means that he’s also a lot older now and closer to death.
If you’re making the most of your own life, you don’t need to concern yourself with the continuous cycle of death. These old people used to be young, hopefully they also made the most of their lives, and this is the natural order of things. If you’re wasting your life on plagiarised movies and comic books, that’s on you.
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Erin’s 2022 TikTok Output
https://www.tiktok.com/@erinplays87
I can’t believe she’s still doing this. She made a few GOD AWFUL TikTok videos last year. I talk about them here:
Don’t get excited. She’s not using TikTok the way it’s supposed to be used. There’s no dancing. She doesn’t even appear in the videos. She just shows “cute” games and shit that she got from some capsule machine during one of her many, many, many trips to visit her parents.
But maybe she’s improved. Let’s check out the new “content”.
This one is called, “Super cute Hello Kitty blind box unboxing! Polly Pocket vibes.”. Uh huh. Sounds like it could be a good one. Who doesn’t like super cute Hello Kitty blind box shit?
Ummm….this might be one of the most pointless videos I’ve ever seen. It’s 30 seconds of Erin showing some piece of shit little Hello Kitty trinket that she got. This is a 35 year old woman. And royalty-free “cute” music plays throughout. No commentary.
How many views did this thing get? 613. And it got comments? What?
Oh. Pity comments from Mike.
Mike: Why is it raining in Hello Kitty land?
Erin: It’s always raining in hello Kitty land
Mike: no it shouldn’t be
Negative charisma from Erin. She has no idea what to say to anything. Why would it always be raining in Hello Kitty Land? It’s a cute, happy place. That’s what Mike was clearly referencing. But she doesn’t know anything about anything, not even Hello Kitty (which is something that professes to like) so this is what you get. Weird comments that don’t make any sense.
Well, we’ve got five more of these so let’s not get discouraged. Maybe one of these will be good.
This one is called, “This Kirby blind box is insanely cute! I wish I bought more than one.” Oh fuck. It’s not looking good.
Some sort of Chinese bootleg version of the Kirby song is playing.
It’s a little Kirby guy holding a tray like he’s a waiter. He’s carrying a little glass.
That’s it. That’s the video. Does she think that this is going to take off? Nobody wants to watch this.
Let’s see Mike’s pity comment.
Oh, he didn’t bother this time. It’s just a couple of horntards.
“Lets see which Pokemon I got in this blindbox!”
Again with this. It’s not interesting. At all.
It’s a Pokemon in a bottle. Which Pokemon? I don’t know. Nor does Erin.
You know what MIGHT be interesting? MAYBE? If Erin actually spent some of Mike’s money to get some vintage Hello Kitty shit that was only released in Japan. Stuff from the 1970s. Start a little collection. But not a collection of cheap garbage like a child would do. Spend some money and get some good Hello Kitty shit. If you do it like this, you can present yourself as some kind of antiquarian as opposed to just a pathetic 35 year old woman collecting shitty children’s toys.
Erin actually appears in this one. It’s “Mario movie teaser trailer thoughts”. She gave her thoughts on Twitter not too long ago. What was that generic as fuck comment again?
“Actually pleasantly surprised with the Mario teaser trailer. I’m optimistic.”
Riveting. But she has 30 seconds here to flesh out her non-thoughts so let’s check it out.
Oh, it’s nearly two minutes. We’re in for a treat.
“First of all, I’m pretty optimistic.”
Yeah. We got that, Erin. Stop repeating the same fucking shit all the time.
Okay, this was nothing. This was NOTHING. She said NOTHING. For two minutes.
She ran out of non-stuff to say after a minute so she started talking about Mario’s buttocks. Why? Who cares? We’re supposed to be jerking off to this?
Anyway, that video got twice as many views as most of her other videos. Because she appears in the thumbnail. This is what people are watching the videos for. They want to jerk off. Then when these TikTok people see that it’s a 35 year old woman they’re like, “What the fuck? If I want to watch an old woman waffle about nothing, I’ll just talk to my mom.”
“My teens – mid 20s iPod”. So…oh, I think she’s going to show the songs that she had on her iPod from 20 years ago. Who cares?
Oh my god. No. Not even. What I described might have been half-way interesting to somebody out there somewhere in the universe. What this video actually is can’t be interesting to anybody. It’s impossible.
She just fucking turns the iPod on and says that she got it in 2007 after high school. THAT’S THE VIDEO. She doesn’t show what’s on the thing. Nothing. IT’S TOTAL DOGSHIT.
Why in the name of fuck would she make a video like this? It’s beyond pointless.
So some kid who stumbled on to the video asked the obvious question, “Who asked?” Erin replies with, “Your dad.”
Yeah, way to insult these 12 year olds, Erin. As if the video wasn’t insulting enough. It’s wasting people’s time. There’s absolutely no reason to show this. The video exists for no reason whatsoever. Nobody on earth can possibly find this interesting. It’s impossible. There’s no fucking “content” here.
Last video. Maybe she’ll redeem herself. Anything is possible, I guess.
“What is your favorite Atari 2600 game? Fast food is one of mine!”
Eugh. She won’t. She’s just going to talk about “cute food.”
Oh my god. Fifteen seconds of nothing. Is she fucking retarded? How could she possibly think that these videos are good?
I have the same question about her Youtube videos. And her Twitch streams. But these TikTok videos…it’s a whole other level of bad. They exist for no reason. The potential market for these videos is nobody. Nobody would ever want to watch these. They’re completely pointless.
Holy shit. Look at these videos in the “related videos”. Section. These videos are not related AT ALL.
There’s a woman in a nurse costume, at a nerd convention, sitting on some nerd for nine seconds. I won’t link to it because it’s annoying as fuck but I can see people wanting to watch this.
Another video is just 25 seconds of somebody’s big-titted teacher. Again, I can see the appeal.
And there’s another video of some skank showing her ass.
THIS is what TikTok is about. Not these as boring as fuck, pointless videos about garbage that you got from the 25 cent machine. As a 35 year old woman.
Now, maybe, MAYBE if Erin was showing this shit while wearing yoga pants it would make more sense. But even then. Come on. She’s 15 years too old to be on TikTok. She has no charisma. Nothing to talk about. She can’t dance. Personally, I don’t want to see her shaking her ass and/or tits. Just give this shit up. You’re done. Forget about TikTok.
Just go out and get a fucking job like a normal person. That’s the answer to all of her problems. Fucking TikTok. It’s ridiculous. And these fucking unbelievably pointless videos.
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Mike Matei Doesn’t Know Shit About Doom
I’m not going to review this seven hour stream but I’ve watched a few of his videos where he plays Doom. He’s been playing a bunch of them recently. Different ports. He’s makes some shockingly ill-informed comments.
He was playing the SNES port in one of these. And he kept complaining about the lack of music. “When you think of you Doom, you think of the rocking music.” He said something like this.
No. There was no music. Not in what I was playing, anyway. I had fucking Final Doom. PC. No music.
He’s playing Final Doom on the PC (I think it was only released on PC) in the video I linked to above and there’s music. So I don’t know if it’s because of my system being really slow back in the day so music was disabled or if the music is due to the many, many mods that I think he’s using on this thing.
Maybe there was music in Final Doom. Maybe I just had the volume down too low. But I certainly don’t remember any rocking tunes. I just remember the sound effects. Shooting guys and the monsters yelling.
Second issue is that he’s playing this with a mouse and keyboard. There’s no fucking mouse control in Doom. It was keyboard only. So you couldn’t aim up or down or whatever. Just if you were facing the target and they were on the same vertical axis as where you were aiming, they’d get hit. Didn’t matter if they were way above you or way below you.
He’s using some mod that lets you use the mouse to aim like a modern first person shooter. But that’s not what Doom was. I thought that he was all about the original, authentic experience. This isn’t it.
I don’t even recognise the game he has so many fucking mods on here. He has like a machine gun shotgun and shit like this. What? There was no machine gun shotgun. And there are a bunch of crazy melee kill animations and shit. None of this existed in Final Doom. This is all from the mods. Brutal Doom and whatever other mods he put on here.
Why not just play the game properly? There’s your “challenge”. Beat Final Doom the way the game was actually meant to be played. No music. No mouse. No crazy weapons. No crazy animations. 20 frames per second.
People, including myself, gave Erin shit for playing Doom with some mod that lets you use the mouse to look around. I talk about it here:
It was one of the first posts on the blog. This was years ago. Erin obviously got the game from Mike and Mike’s version of the game is laden with mods. So much so that it makes the game almost a full conversion. It’s a totally different game.
I expect Erin to not know this shit. But Mike doesn’t know it?
Yeah, being able to look around with a mouse is better than not being able to do this. And all of these other mods probably make the game better too. But that’s not the fucking game. This is not Final Doom that he’s playing.
Anyway, I fucking hated the game back in the day. I got it years after Doom became popular, probably in 2000 or so, and I didn’t get it. “People are playing this shit? Shooting up schools over this?” The game sucks cock in its original form. Its intended form.
And Final Doom in particular. I never played the original two games. To this day I haven’t played them, such is my contempt for Doom, as a result of my experiences with Final Doom. But I know what it looks like, having seen Mike play the game many times.
Final Doom is basically impossible. The difficulty was cranked up massively over the previous games. I didn’t know this at the time. So I would just play on god mode and no clip and whatever. Check out the levels.
The last level in particular, of at least one of the…wads or whatever they were called, is impossible. Endlessly respawning enemies. Even with god mode and no clip on, I couldn’t figure out how the level was supposed to be beaten.
So that’s Final Doom. It’s a complete and total piece of shit. Whatever Mike is playing is not Final Doom. Get rid of the mods, play the game properly, then let’s see how you do.
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei play spooky NES games! – Erin Plays (part 3 of 3)
57:00 – “Frankenstein on NES. Yeah, Shishi kept mentioning this.”
You can’t disappoint your number one fan.
“I don’t remember how I feel about that game.”
Eugh. Have to do this “joke” again. Erin “always” “forgets” how she feels about Frankenstein for the NES. BECAUSE SHE ONLY PLAYED IT ONCE, ON STREAM, FOR MONEY, BRIEFLY. It’s not a case of “forgetting”. It’s a case of NOT KNOWING. She has no experience with the game.
It’s not how the fucking language works. I don’t know anything about trigonometry. I never took a trigonometry class. So I wouldn’t say that I “forgot” everything about trigonometry. I’d say, “I don’t know anything about trigonometry.” I’ve NEVER known anything about it. So there’s nothing to “forget”. It’s a total lack of knowledge.
What is trigonometry anyway? Now I’m curious.
“”he branch of mathematics concerned with specific functions of angles and their application to calculations”
Oh yeah. Fuck that shit. Not to be anti-intellectual. If you want to learn that shit, by all means do so. But I’m not interested.
58:10 – “My BBM’s fucked up.”
At first, I thought that she said, “My BM’s fucked up”. That’s way more information than we need, Erin. Eat a banana or something. I don’t know what to tell you. But no. “BBM”. What’s a BBM? I have no fucking idea. I “always” “forget” what a BBM is.
58:45 – So the game starts and Erin says, “Oh, shit. I have played this.”
Earlier, she said that she can’t remember how she feels about this game. But from her subsequent comment, it’s clear that she didn’t recall the game AT ALL. Why didn’t she just say that? Everything has to be a lie with Erin. She’s incapable of telling the truth.
“Recently-ish. Meaning in the past two years.”
That’s recent in Erin’s mind? Playing a game briefly, on stream, for money, within the past two years? It’s ridiculous.
“I totally forgot this was what it was.”
We all know the joke. Let’s just move on.
58:45 – “I already drank almost all of my water.”
Who the fuck cares? Why would she say this? Negative charisma. That’s why.
1:03:30 – Mike is at the Grim Reaper boss of stage 1. Erin says, “There’s little Death. He looks cute.”
I’m getting very close to ending this.
1:04:00 – I’m glad I waited. Erin does the world’s worst Jon Lovitz impression. I don’t even get it. At all. She just looks down. That’s the impression. You know…Jon Lovitz is always looking down. I guess. What the fuck is this?
Oh. I had this video playing in a window but when you enlarge it, you get some more of the nuance. Here it is:
Yeah, that’s Jon Lovitz alright. He’s always putting his head down and looking up. Right? I guess? Erin is a real Rich Little.
Let me look this up. Maybe she’s right about Jon Lovitz’ mannerisms. I don’t know much about him. I enjoyed his work on The Critic and I know what he looks like but I’m not the world’s biggest Jon Lovitz fan.
I’m searching Google Images for a picture where Jon Lovitz is looking down like this. Nothing so far.
No. Nothing. And I even tried a few search terms to look for that expression. I have a vague feeling that he does do some weird expression but I’m not seeing anything. Anyway, I’m sure that Erin’s impression is dead on. She’s all about Jon Lovitz.
What other impressions could Erin do? Why not Britney Spears? Maybe she can put on some kind of Britney Spears costume for Halloween. Then maybe she could sing a little. Dance a little. Shishi would shit his pants.
Or what about Gene Rayburn? Erin is a big Gene Rayburn fan, or as she calls him, Ray Borne. She could put a brown three piece suit on and ask some inuendo-laden questions. “Dumb Dora is so dumb that when the baker asked if she wanted extra cream in her buns, she pulled down her blank.”
Man, I’ve been there. Bakers always asking if you want extra cream in your buns. I won’t say how long it took me to come up with that.
1:04:30 – “When I was little, the first nightmares I remember were being about J-Lo.”
Fascinating stuff, Erin. Maybe I should just think of some more Dumb Dora questions.
“Probably means something. I should probably talk to a professional.”
Yeah, it means that you’re fucking boring and possibly racist. Let’s talk about something interesting for a change.
I wouldn’t mind putting some extra cream in J-Lo’s buns, though.
Mike ignores all of this, by the way.
1:05:00 – Erin asks something about the game and Mike says, “I don’t know. I haven’t played this in ten years.” Erin replies, “Yeah, I don’t remember what you’re supposed to do here.”
I’m done. Let’s check out the comments.
- “I would love a misses that playes games mfm you lucky duck”
Misses indeed, you fucking retard.
- “Erin got a nice little wap”
I have no idea what this even means.
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei play spooky NES games! – Erin Plays (part 2 of 3)
Alright, Erin and Mike. What do you got? What spooky Halloween game is next?
Oh, that was Mike’s question as well.
Mike: What video game to play now?
Erin: I got a new cup, though. Look. It’s pretty. So for Halloween they had like purple and they also had a green and an orange one.
Erin was unable to answer the question so she just started talking about colours, perhaps her only true passion. “What game do you want to play next?” How is she possibly going to answer that, Mike? You know even more than I do that Erin has NO INTEREST and NO KNOWLEDGE about video games. You live with this parasite. You see that she never plays games. You hear her totally ignorant comments about video games all day long. How could you possibly expect her to name a spooky NES game that she wants to play? SHE DOESN’T KNOW ANY!
So colours. You guys like hues, right? Orange. Red. Green. All good choices.
She’s a moron and a fraud.
Then she starts talking about how she doesn’t care much for Starbucks coffee. So don’t go.
Maybe Erin should apply for a job at Starbucks. It would certainly pay more than what she’s getting from Youtube and Twitch. WAY more. Folding money. Plus, you can probably get some free doughnuts and whatever every day. I don’t mean stealing them but a good manager lets the employees have whatever stuff is left over at the end of the day. Let me look this up. It surely varies by store but let’s see what sort of perks Starbucks employees get.
It seems that you can get free drinks before and after your shift. “Partner drinks” they call them. Cringe as fuck to call your employees “partners”.
Another thread says that you get a free drink and food item each day. Yeah, this is normal. You get a free lunch when you work at these places.
Anyway, back to colours.
37:30 – “He says he was playing Family Feud on NES. Oh, that’s cool. We like to play…uhhh…the ummm…I can’t talk.”
More lies from super retro game enthusiast Erin Plays. She’s all about Family Feud on the NES. Ricky Lawson. Jay Crumb. She loves that show. Watches it all the time. It’s her favourite.
“I hope you had fun at Portland. I wanted to go but it didn’t work out this year.”
Yeah, she also tweeted about this. She tweeted about how did she didn’t go to the Portland Retro…something. Some nerd convention. It was her fifth consecutive year of not attending. I talk about this complete non-event here:
Erin is the Cal Ripkin Jr of not doing shit. She’s gone 35 consecutive years of not doing anything. Keep that streak going, Erin. You’re doing great.
37:45 – “So anyway, what are we playing?”
Well, that was the original question, Erin. Mike wants to know what YOU want to play. He’s being polite. It’s your stream. YOU pick the games.
So she just starts reading from the chat. The horntards are always there to help fill in the gaps of Erin’s memory. She “always” “forgets” what game she wants to play.
Nightmare of Elm Street. Family Feud. These are really great choices. And Erin says that she hasn’t played Nightmare on Elm Street in a while. Yeah. Not since that stream that she did a year ago or whenever.
They decide on Monster in My Pocket. Then Erin says, “Then maybe after that we can do Concentration…Classic Concentration.”
Mike gives her a quizzical look. What the fuck does Concentration have to do with Halloween?
And do you know who calls this game “Classic Concentration”? NOBODY. The game show was just called “Concentration”. But Erin uses the official title because she doesn’t know jack shit about the game show or the NES video game based on said game show.
Yes, when they did the intro for the show they would call it “Classic Concentration”. This was, I guess, to indicate that it was closely replicating the gameplay of the original game show, which ran from 1958 to 1978, according to Wikipedia. But that original game was just called Concentration. And in the 1980s remake, Alex Trebec (the host) and everybody else just called the game “Concentration”. NOBODY called it “Classic Concentration”.
Certainly, when I was sitting at home sick from school or in the summer or whatever, I never said, “Hey, Classic Concentration is on. I love that show.” I called it “Concentration” like a normal human being.
But Erin doesn’t know anything about this shit. She might have seen one episode. Under duress. The show was cancelled before she was born. But now suddenly she’s an expert. She’s all about “Classic Concentration”.
40:00 – She’s reading from the chat.
Erin: Target of Dollar Tree for my Halloween decorations? It’s a combination of vintage…some of it’s Target.
Mike: Dollar Tree? This is from the 1950s.
Erin: You’re from the 50s.
Negative charisma from Erin.
41:00 – “I haven’t played this in a while.”
We know, Erin. Whenever you played this on stream, for money, that’s when you last played it.
41:30 – “I forget there’s a double jump.”
Erin “always” “forgets” that there’s a double jump in Monster in My Pocket. Probably because she no experience playing the fucking game.
41:00 – “Oh my god. Is he wearing like sandals or flipflops or house slippers?”
Nobody gives a shit.
And while she was saying that negative charisma bullshit, Mike was trying to talk about whether or not the sprite looks like him. She basically ignored it because she doesn’t know what to say. She’s incapable of having a conversation.
43:45 – “Do I have another attack? I don’t remember.”
Eugh.
45:45 – Erin couldn’t “remember” the name of a game that she did a recent video on. So, of course, the horntards remind her. “Yes, Harley’s Humongous Adventure. Thank you. I totally forgot.”
Uh huh. “Forgot”.
She has NO IDEA how to play this game, by the way. Worst Monster in My Pocket footage ever recorded. And she says that she likes the game. It doesn’t show from the gameplay. She just going around in circles. On a LINEAR platformer.
46:30 – So then she goes around the level a second time and says, “What am I missing?”
Did you “forget” how to play the game, Erin? This is level 2. You “forgot” how to finish level 2?
“I think I’m missing something because this is the second time I’ve gone up here.”
And she tries to go down a coffee cup like it’s a pipe in Mario. What a…how can she “forget”? And she “forgot” that the cups in this game don’t work like warp pipes in Super Mario Bros?
46:45 – “I keep going in circles. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know how to progress.”
Indeed. She “forgot” everything about this game. Level 2. She can’t “remember” how level 2 works.
47:00 – You know what she had to do? Jump in the right spot. That’s it. She missed an obvious her first time. Erin “always” “forgets” the obvious jumps.
49:00 – Erin pronounces “schtick” as “stick”.
She’s a big Yiddish fan.
49:45 – I think that Mike starts petting a cat off-camera. What is this? They have a cat? Why wouldn’t they mention this? Why wouldn’t they show the fucking cat?
Yeah, it must be. Because he’s bending over and saying, “You’re so good.” He’s either talking to a cat or his own penis.
Why they haven’t shown this cat or ever talked about it before, I have absolutely no fucking idea.
Then Erin says, “Twitch kitty.”
CAN WE SEE THE FUCKING CAT? This is ridiculous. This is how you get views. You show the fucking cat.
What if there is no cat and this is all just some kind of a joke? They’re pretending that a cat is in the room but there’s no cat.
50:15 – “Oh, he’s shooting me with things.”
Erin “always” “forgets” that the level 3 boss shoots things.
50:45 – Mike goes to feed the cat and Erin reads from the chat. “Remember Barbie on the NES? Yeah…that game. Eugh. That’s the most…that’s the most fucking bizarre game. Oh. The really fucked up one is the version on Gameboy? I…what did I do recently where I talk about it? But I could do like — I talked about — what — oh my god. What video was it? Was it Ocean? No, not Ocean. Mmm…Hi-Tech.”
Erin “always” “forgets”…everything.
51:30 – So then Mike returns with a green hat and no cat.
Has she mentioned this fucking cat on Twitter? No. Not that I’m seeing. Why wouldn’t she post pictures of the cat? I mean, I don’t give a fuck. I’m not looking for cat pictures. But people who get cats tend to post pictures of them. Especially people who are big time Youtubers, for example.
No cat.
Erin: That’s the wrong holiday, Mike.
Mike: No, this is my Halloween costume.
Erin: Oh. Are you a leprechaun? Did you get Lucky Charms? I want Lucky Charms.
Mike: I’m Milligan.
Erin: (clueless) Cool. But where’s the charms?
Mike: Aren’t I charming?
Erin: Hahahaha.
Mike: Those are the charms. Ha dash ha.
Erin: (in nerd voice) Erin’s not impressed with Mike’s stupid jokes. She hates it.
I don’t know if this is a reference to Erin thinking that I would write about this or not. Because I wasn’t even going to before she said that.
But what I find interesting that Erin didn’t know who Milligan is. I didn’t either but then I looked it up.
https://disney.fandom.com/wiki/Milligan_Wetherall
It’s from a recent Disney show called The Mysterious Benedict Society. Erin isn’t watching that? Mike is obviously watching it. Why isn’t Erin? Erin is all about Disney.
57:00 – Mike doesn’t want to play any more so they turn the game off. We can stop here. Still an hour of fun to be had here.