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Butt-Dialed Confessions, The Largest Typo Ever, Florida Men! | KYN Live #37 – Destiny Fomo
This guy has a channel with 1,000 subscribers. He posts videos every day. The videos are about current events? I guess? He covers movies, sports, music, and nerd topics.
He also has a podcast. In the podcasts, he’ll talk to somebody over Skype. Some “guest” who nobody has ever heard of.
So Madam Fomo is here. Madam Fomo is here on this channel that has 1000 subscribers. This channel where the videos struggle to get 50 views.
According to the timestamps, he’s going to watch wacky videos with Madam Fomo and then, presumably, discuss the videos. Well, it’s different. Let’s check it out.
0:15 – “This year, my guest says that she’ll get her licence or get in an accident trying.”
Get it? Because she lives in New York and this is a thing that people from New York constantly talk about. Not knowing how to drive. Because New York has has a competent mass transit system.
Who gives a shit? Lots of places have competent mass transit systems. Any major city in Europe, for example. I don’t drive either. Who gives a shit? This isn’t interesting.
0:30 – “She’s a Twitch streamer and a model.”
Uh huh. “Model”. She’s a prostitute and she’s on OnlyFans.
How about an interview of her pimp? That’s what I want to see. Come on, TuanX. Don’t be bashful.
This guy’s name is Jimmy Van, by the way. He’s about 48 years old, according to his screen name.
And Madam Fomo is standing up in…oh my god. Is she in her “play” room? She buys a lot of weird children’s toys and they’re obviously for her clients. She apparently has a room dedicated to this. There’s a giant banana in a kiddie pool full of balls and…she’s getting fucked in there? Who would find this erotic?
She’s also awkward as fuck in this. No charisma.
1:30 – They’re starting with video number seven. As you do.
The video is of a man stealing a tractor. So…the idea here is that Madam Fomo is going give her thoughts on the video.
What thoughts is this guy hoping for? WHO GIVES A SHIT is my initial reaction. It’s just an excuse to talk shit about people from rural communities.
3:00 – This guy mentions that Madam Fomo is from New York for the third or fourth time. That’s at least one time a minute. We get it. She’s from New York. Allegedly. She used to say that she was originally from Florida. That story went by the wayside along with her comic writing story and a heap of other lies.
3:15 – “I don’t even know how to drive a car so I don’t know how anybody would know how to operate a tractor.”
That’s Madam Fomo’s contribution.
4:00 – He asks if Madam Fomo has ever driven on any farm equipment. There’s a joke here but I’m not seeing it.
She says that she rode on a horse.
4:15 – “In what situation did a New York girl ride on a horse.”
Is this guy out of his fucking mind? Has he never met somebody from New York before? There are fucking millions of people from New York. And even if he hasn’t met somebody from New York before, how is it at all noteworthy? By accident of birth, you were born somewhere. Great. We were all born somewhere. Who gives a shit? It’s not your entire identity.
4:30 – Madam Fomo hesitates because the following story is complete and utter bullshit. She had to quickly think of a lie. And her lies are SHIT. CHILD-LEVEL lies.
“I was working retail at the time and a few friends of mine wanted to go horseback riding so we found a place in the BRONX, weirdly enough, that had horseback riding. So we went and we rode on the back of horses.”
Uh huh. What’s the real story, Madam Fomo? Because you’ve never worked in retail. You’ve only had one job in your life: prostitute.
What does working in retail even have to do with the story? Nothing. Because it’s a lie. The real story is probably some really freaky shit involving horses, Madam Fomo, and some degenerate with $1,000 in his hand. She obviously couldn’t tell that story. So she came up with this completely generic story that went nowhere.
4:45 – Oh, then this guy raises the same question that I had.
“You said that you were working retail. How does the retail and horse riding come together?”
It doesn’t. She’s lying. This is what she does. She always panics and gives a completely absurd story that doesn’t make any sense whenever somebody asks about her past. Because the reality is that she’s a prostitute.
Then Madam Fomo gives a stupid, generic, unsatisfactory answer. She provides no further information on this story. No further details. And Jimmy Van over here clearly doesn’t believe a word of it. Because it makes no fucking sense.
6:00 – Oh, SuperGeoff is in here. Somehow he always seems to find these gamer grrls. Super Geoff is a legitimately mentally retarded man who works in a grocery store.
6:30 – So now we’re at story number six. I don’t know why this guy is doing this is reverse order but whatever. It’s a video about a dog. Oh no. Now Madam Fomo is thinking about all of the creepy shit that she’s had to do with dogs and trying to come up with a wholesome lie about dogs.
8:00 – Jimmy Van asks, “With the exception of your hair, have you ever had anything dyed?”
What? What kind of idiotic question is this?
So Madam Fomo thinks about it for a while. She’s trying to come up with a lie. She says that when she was a child she and her sister used to dye each other’s hair and the dye got all over.
Well…it’s plausible. I’ll give this lie some credit for being plausible. It’s still a lie. Everything that Madam Fomo says is a lie. But this lie is at least plausible.
9:15 – Now story number five. It’s about a Texas state senator and food labels or something.
Do you suppose that Madam Fomo knows what a state senator even is? There’s no fucking chance.
I knew somebody who worked in a state senator’s office and people would regularly call in complaining about the US senator. The guy in Washington DC. And she’d have to explain that it’s a different guy and that state senators don’t do shit.
9:45 – Jimmy Van asks, “What is the ingredient that Senator Hall wants properly labelled on food items?”
Madam Fomo says glutton, which was a sensible answer. But the actual answer was aborted human foetal tissue. Then the guy shows the proposed legislation and acknowledges that the word “aborted” doesn’t appear anywhere in it. Nevertheless, he keeps saying “aborted”.
Then he quotes somebody as saying that there is no food that has human foetal tissue in it.
14:00 – Madam Fomo says that the most adventurous food-related thing she did was when she went to Japan and tried different food.
Oh yeah. I saw those pictures. She had a Japanese Domino’s pizza. She had a Japanese gyro. She had a Japanese Big Mac. Really adventurous.
14:15 – Madam Fomo says that she’s never tried heroin. Uh huh. Moving on.
Then the next story is about a banner with a typo in it. Who cares? Who cares about any of this?
Somebody in the chat says, “We know she likes bananas.”
This is boring. I’m skipping to the next chapter.
18:30 – Florida men arrested.
Is he going to ask Madam Fomo if she’s ever been arrested?
What? No. His question is, “Have you ever had to replace something on a vehicle using some kind of makeshift artistry?” What the fuck? As you’ve gone over extensively already, she doesn’t drive.
Yeah. I’m skipping to the next chapter. Missed opportunity to grill Madam Fomo on her arrest record.
23:00 – Gamer butt-dials the police. Admits to murder. He was just talking about killing people in the game.
Next chapter.
27:30 – Russian recruitment video goes viral.
Nothing interesting.
30:15 – “I saw a video of you throwing axes and you’re from New York so this might be an easy one.”
STOP THIS SHIT! WE FUCKING KNOW THAT SHE’S FROM NEW YORK.
If she was from any other city, would this happen? Well, you’re from Sioux City so you probably don’t drive. You’re one of those Sioux City girls, aren’t you? There’s a lot of crime in Sioux City. Did you ever shoot a gun?
Go fuck yourself. It’s insulting and it makes you sound like a fucking retard. Sure, I might be from Sioux City but I know about other places. I’ve travelled. I read. I’m an educated person. I’m not just hanging out on Fourth Street every day. I’m my own person with my own opinions. Not everybody in Sioux City thinks like I think. We’re not a homogenous group. Fucking asshole.
So then this giant fucking penis, who’s from Toronto, by the way. TORONTO! WE’VE GOT A TORONTO BOY OVER HERE! SO YOU PROBABLY HAVE SEX WITH OTHER MEN, RIGHT? THAT’S WHAT THOSE TORONTO FAGGOTS DO, DON’T THEY? DIP EACH OTHER IN MAPLE SYRUP, JERK EACH OTHER OFF, AND EAT THE SYRUP/CUM MIXTURE? IT’S CALLED A TORONTO DELIGHT?
Fucking piece of shit. Expand your mind.
Oh, I got side-tracked. He asks Madam Fomo is she ever fired a gun. Here come the lies.
She says that she shot a gun while taking a vacation in Hawaii. She posted pictures of this. Her mother was in silhouette. It was really weird.
30:45 – “So you travelled 16 hours to shoot a gun. All you had to do was walk out in the street in New York.”
Yeah. And if you want to suck a dude off who’s covered in maple syrup, all you have to do is step outside of your home in Toronto. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t also enjoy sucking dudes off when you’re travelling.
Then Madam Fomo, rightly, alludes to the fact that New York has strict gun laws. Did you know about that, you fucking Toronto piece of shit?
I’m done with this shit.
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I GOT CAST IN A HORROR MOVIE (XXX-MAS) – Newt Wallen
Newt’s here talking with James Dean. Over Skype. Not James Dean the long-dead actor. And not James Deen the guy who does porn. This is James Dean, the total nobody who only made one movie in his life. And it was shit.
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm12263458/
Why wouldn’t he change his fucking name? We already have a James Dean. He couldn’t be Jimmy Dean either because of the country music superstar/talk show host/sausage magnate.
What about Jimbo Dean? That would work.
So let’s watch this fucking terrible shit. A fucking Skype call.
0:15 – “My name is James Dean. Not the porn star. Not the 50s dead guy. I’m James Dean…this James Dean.”
The James Dean with no charisma. Fine.
So the guy is aware of the problem but is continuing to use the name.
I mean…he’s just some guy making movies in his basement. He’s not some Hollywood big shot. So I guess there’s no need to change his name. But what if XXX-Mas becomes the next Blair Witch Project? Of course it won’t but he’s obviously not even striving for that.
Then Newt says, “That porn star got really into the old Youtube channel I used to do, Underbelly. James Deen, he loved our Beauty and the Beast one where we sang at the end. It was really bizarre.”
Uhh…what? Let’s just move on. I don’t care if this is truth or not.
0:45 – Jimbo Dean is giving the plot (such as it is) of the movie. Santa Claus killing porn stars. Uh huh. This guy better clear his mantle of those Voltron figures to make way for his Oscar award.
1:30 – Newt says, “When I first heard of this movie, I was like, ‘Cast me in your movie. I love slasher movies and I love porn. What else is there?’”
Acting talent? Acting experience?
Here’s the IndieGoGo, by the way:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/xxx-mas-christmas-slasher-film#/
They’ve raised about 60% of their $30,000 goal. And unlike that Newt Wallen project with that prostitute, this is a fixed goal. So if they don’t reach the goal, they don’t get any money. I guess that’s how it works. I’ve never given any money on IndieGoGo because I’m not fucking retarded.
And I guess that this is being filmed in this guy’s hometown of St Louis. Probably the film capital of Missouri.
So who are the stars of this thing going to be? Felissa Rose. You guys know Felissa Rose, right?
She was in some shitty horror films that nobody has ever seen. And she’s fifty-three years old. She’s, presumably, going to play a porn star in this thing. A 53 year old porn star. We can all look forward to that.
Drew Marvick is going to be playing Santa Claus. You might know him better as that meth addict who wanders around the 7-11 parking lot.
Dolly Leigh is also in this. Oh, she actually does do porn. All of her stuff on XVideos dot com seem to be incest-themed. Because she has small breasts. But this is just, with respect, an unattractive woman. This woman should not be doing porn. She needs to find something that’s right for her. This shit isn’t it.
According to her Twitter, which I won’t link to but you can easily find, she’s a “former porn star.” Well, that’s a step in the right direction. But she’s on OnlyFans. No. Nobody wants this.
By the way, this is a horse-faced woman with red hair. This is clearly Newt’s type. But how many other people can possibly have this bizarre fetish for women who look like Rocky Dennis?
Jonathan May is also playing a porn star. There’s no information on the internet about this guy. He has a short video on that IndieGoGo page which is…bizarre on many levels. He’s just some fucking crackhead.
Jessa Flux will also be playing, presumably, a porn star. I think that there are only two roles in this movie: Santa or a porn star. She was in a few zero budget movies that nobody has ever heard of before.
She has an Instagram account where you can see photos of this chubby woman that are heavily, heavily, MASSIVELY filtered. Newt would look sexy if he used this many filters.
She’s also on OnlyFans, of course. Will any of the pictures look remotely like a human being or will they all just be run through ten filters?
She’s also on Tiktok. She has 1,000 followers. She’s a superstar.
You’re wasting your life with this shit, madam. It’s not going to get any better if you continue down this path.
Speaking of people wasting their lives, let’s get to The Ideas Man.
Newt is just talking about all of the big projects that he’s working on. Because Newt is really in demand. Everybody wants a piece of The Ideas Man. 2023 is the Year of Newt. Horseface is going to go crying back to him.
Too bad that he couldn’t get a decent webcam. Why is the video quality so fucking bad? Jimbo Dean’s video quality is okay. But Newt’s is total shit.
3:15 – “In the last year, I’ve sold 11 screenplays.”
This is just an example of the sort of shit he’s saying. He keeps fucking talking about himself and what a big superstar he is in the “Indie film community”.
First of all, it’s delusional.
Secondly, THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU, NEWT! SHUT THE FUCK UP! Jimbo Dean is here to promote his shit. Not listen your fucking delusions. Newt can not stop talking about himself. It’s impossible.
4:30 – Jimbo Dean says, “If you don’t mind, can we talk about the cast a little bit?”
He actually had to ask permission. He had to interrupt Newt because Newt just continually talks about himself. Absolutely no social awareness.
Let’s remind ourselves of the situation. Jimbo Dean hired Newt to appear in Jimbo’s shitty little horror movie. In a sense, Jimbo is the boss. Jimbo is the big director. Newt is just an actor. An actor with absolutely no acting experience. Jimbo Dean is doing a favour for Newt by doing this. Because Newt isn’t a fucking actor.
So to thank this guy for giving him a role in his shitty little movie, Newt invites Jimbo to do this video on Newt’s little-watched channel. The idea is CLEARLY so that this guy can promote his movie. Instead, Newt just talks about himself and how great he is.
Now when this guy asks to talk about the movie, WHICH WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF HIM AGREEING TO THE VIDEO, Newt looks bored as fuck. He can barely keep his selfish head up. Newt just wanted to talk about himself some more.
6:30 –
Jimbo: Jessa Flux. I think that she’s been in a couple of Donald Farmer —
Newt: Yeah. She’s been in a couple of things that I’ve written, actually.
He has done this CONSTANTLY. Throughout the entire six and a half minutes so far. He just keeps talking about how he knows all of the actors in this guy’s movie because Newt is a fucking bigshot who wrote thousands of films. Not a single one of which Newt has ever promoted.
Well, let’s just look at Newt’s IMDB. He has a page, right?
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2506350/
His latest credit is Monster Madness. We won’t discuss that.
He’s also credited for James Rolf VS Time. Those faggots on Reddit are really pissing themselves over that one.
Swamp Zombies 2. Newt has talked about that one a lot. He’s given credit here as a writer. That was in 2018.
Midnight Show. This was never released, as far as I’m aware.
Then a couple of shorts that were probably never released.
Then four episodes of Underbelly. This was Justin Silverman’s Youtube channel.
Then Silvermania. This was another Justin Silvermania Youtube channel.
Then The League of Science. Whatever that is. Allegedly a tv series. This was in 2011. Probably on Public Access or something.
That’s it. Those are his credits.
Show me the thousand movies, Newt. Just fucking name them. Then I’ll go watch them on Netflix or DailyMotion or wherever these alleged films can be found.
What was the movie that he wrote that Jessa Flux starred in? We want to know. And why isn’t he credited for it on IMDB?
He’s a fake writer who writes fake movies for fake actors. That’s what this is. Everybody involved in all of this shit is living in Cloud Cuckoo Land.
It’s like when James Rolfe talks about having made 500 movies or whatever. What he’s saying has a tiny kernel of truth. He made 500…something. Five hundred child home videos and shit for Youtube like Top Ten Steve Urkel Moments or whatever. But films? No.
But James Rolfe believes this. Because James Rolfe is fucking retarded.
How do we explain Newt believing that he’s a prolific movie writer in spite of the fact that he has AT BEST one semi-legitimate credit? How do we explain some fucking fat chick with 1000 followers on TikTok claiming to be an actress?
They’ve done something. Newt knew a guy who wrote a shitty little indie film and Newt pitched the guy a line and the guy said, “That’s pretty good. I might use it” but then didn’t. Newt now considers that he “wrote” that movie.
Or that fat chick was in some student film and they took her to KFC afterwards and now she considers herself to be the next Marilyn Monroe.
These people are out of their fucking minds. They’re unemployed. That’s the reality. Not big time players in Hollywood. Unemployed.
8:00 – Now Jimbo is talking about how XXX-Mas will be a vehicle to expand people’s minds. It’s going to be a movie about how people shouldn’t look down on porn stars. “Sex work is work”. XXX-Mas is really going to change how society views porno sluts.
Then Newt…you’ll never guess. What do you think Newt talked about?
HIMSELF! And how he knows loads of porn stars in person. Because Newt is a bigshot. He’s a real mover and shaker in the rural Pennsylvania film industry.
Newt. Get your shit together and stop making these videos. It’s not helping with your mental health. I’m done with this shit. It’s making me nauseous.
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Is Child’s Play Still The Best Scary Doll Movie? – Tony from Hack the Movies
Oh, Horseface is in this one. Always a favourite here at Gamer Grrls. Is she going to talk about hot chicks? Almost certainly.
I always say that Tony should put people in the videos, man or woman, based on their ability to talk about a fucking movie, as opposed to trying to pull in horntards with “hot” chicks like Horseface over here. But then when he does that, I have nothing to talk about. When he has some competent bearded fucks, I just say, “Well, this was boring. I’m not watching this any more” and end the article. But Horseface always brings some cringe to the table.
And we’ve got Johanna. She’s boring as fuck and can’t talk but she seems to have adopted the Horseface coping strategy of just talking about hot chicks when she can’t think of anything to say. Which is often.
Maybe these two ladies are going to talk about how hot each other. That’s always a bonus.
So Child’s Play. Have I see this? No. I don’t think so. Certainly not in its entirety. In fact, I can’t remember anything from the first movie. I saw parts of a sequel where he was in a military school.
1:00 – Tony says that all of us have the experience of being in a video rental store, seeing Child’s Play, being afraid of it, but eventually watching the movie and finding it really funny.
Johanna and Horseface both vigorously deny having experienced this. And they’re right. What the fuck is this? This is a very specific set of circumstances.
I think that we’ve all at some point experienced growing up in rural Pennsylvania with our Italian immigrant father who owned a delicatessen. And then as we got older, we grew a beard and gained 200 pounds. And then we abandoned our dream of being a big Hollywood bigshot and got a job at Screenwave Media instead.
No, Tony. That’s your life. Other people have different experiences.
11:15 – Johanna is talking about a hot chick vis a vis some guy in the movie. “I want to know what the hell he is packing because how did he land Tiffany?”
Johnna…we don’t fucking care about hot chicks in the movie. Shut the fuck up if you don’t have anything half-way intelligent to say.
11:30 – Horseface, apparently speaking on behalf of hot chicks, says, “Because crazy bitches. like, you know, we don’t we don’t always go for the most hottest men.”
Horseface…you have the face of a fucking horse. Hence the name. You are NOT by any means a hot chick. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
21:30 – Horseface didn’t know that the character in the movie is called Chucky. What? She’s here on the show, she apparently has watched the movie, but she didn’t know this. How is it possible? I know this and I’ve never seen the movie. It’s just part of the zeitgeist. Everybody knows it. Except Horseface.
And she’s a big horror fan? How…this is insane.
30:00 – Somebody sent sex toys to the Screenwave office for Johanna. Then Tony says, “We’re not saying 100% what her job is but she orders stuff for the office.”
Why is it a secret? She’s does the payroll. Some kind of finance role.
What’s Horseface’s role at Screenwave? According to her, it’s nothing. And she regularly appears on Talking About Tapes, allegedly for no money. She always goes to events that Screenwave appears at like Magfest. She’s always presented as part of Screenwave for any nerd convention panels or whatever.
But she doesn’t work at Screenwave. Apparently. We’re missing some important piece of the information.
34:15 – They’re talking about gas versus electric stoves for some reason.
Horseface: Is anyone else petrified of leaving the gas on?
Tony: I have an electric stove, so no.
Johanna: Must be nice!
And Johanna said this in a really bitchy way. Like having an electric stove means that you’re part of the wealthy elite. What? No. If anything, it’s the opposite. Electric appliances are for poor people. Nobody wants that shit.
Almost every place I’ve lived in had electric heating and electric stoves. This is in the UK. And these were all low end properties. Electric appliances cost more to run and are less efficient than gas. But presumably, it’s cheaper to put electric heating and stoves in properties because why else would all of these landlords do this?
Then Horseface says that she actually removes the knobs from her gas stove every time she goes out because she’s afraid that her cat is going to turn the oven on and somehow start a fire. I’m not making this up. Horseface thinks that her cat is going to turn the oven on and start a fire.
She’s talking about the burners, I assume. But don’t you have to hold the starter button down and then turn a knob? And you do this all at the same time. She thinks that a cat is able to do that?
Well, according to Reddit, this is a known problem. And the top solution is to remove the knobs. So maybe I’m the idiot. Cats are, apparently, regularly turning stoves on.
I’m at 45 minutes. It’s just Tony summarising the fucking movie. This is what he does every time. A scene by scene summary of the movie. Who cares? This is not interesting. And it’s not a review.
I was looking at old article recently where I talked about Rental Reviews. As here:
I gave a break down of the genre of movies that they covered.
31 comedy films
26 action films
10 horror films
8 science fiction films
7 video game films
4 superhero films
3 dramasHorror films weren’t really a common thing. Comedies were the most popular genre covered.
Why don’t they go back to the Rental Reviews format? Get a fucking retarded man to say “yeah” repeatedly while you summarise a comedy movie. It’s got to be better than what they’re doing now. This shit is not working. Tony summarising a horror movie? No. I’m not interested.
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ALF stops by my stream – Erin Plays
You guys like Alf, right? Erin is all about Alf. She was born in 1986 or 1987. Alf was cancelled in 1990. Erin would have been three years old, according to her “official” birthdate. Alf was not shown in reruns, as far as I’m aware.
So she remembers this show from when she was three years old. She watched the show with a diaper full of stool.
I wrote a full article about Alf recently. Erin only knows about the show because a horntard recently mentioned Alf on one of her streams, trying to “remind” Erin of stuff that Mike likes. So now Erin is pretending to be all about Alf.
0:00 – “Ooh. I just gave myself a charley horse.”
How? From sitting?
Let me look this up. I know what she’s talking about but I haven’t experienced this in many years. Probably not since I moved to the UK and started getting some exercise. I don’t drive so I walk a lot to train stations and whatnot. In the US, you just drive everywhere. It’s the same in the UK, if you have a car, but I don’t have a car.
“A charley horse is a painful involuntary cramp in the legs and/or foot, lasting anywhere from a few seconds to a day.”
A day? I never had that happen. I’ve only had the few seconds variety.
I think staying in one position too long is a cause. So yeah. Erin sitting on her ass all day causes this.
“Elf! Elf! I haven’t seen you!”
Clearly. She doesn’t even know the creature’s name. It’s not Elf. This is so fucking bad. But at least she’s being honest. She never saw the show. She was three years old when it was cancelled. It makes sense.
0:15 – “I haven’t seen you in years.”
No. Never. You’ve never seen “Elf”.
1:00 – Mike is pretending to be Willie Tanner and Erin has NO IDEA who this is, or what Mike is doing.
1:45 – She calls the character “Elf” again.
There are multiple edits in this video. Erin has negative charisma. She can’t respond to ANYTHING that Mike says because she’s an idiot. That’s the first thing. But also, she has no idea who any of these characters are. She doesn’t know “Elf”, she doesn’t know Willie Tanner. She certainly doesn’t know Mrs Ochmonek. This is pathetic. It’s fucking horrible. And this clip is supposed to be like a “best of” thing. The best of Erin’s multiple Splatterhouse “practice” streams.
2:15 – “You like the full shots of Elf walking in the show? Those creep me out.”
Then you’re in luck, Erin. You only see it in the intro and maybe one or two episodes in the first season.
She’s never seen the show. Not once. Not for one solitary second. So she’s just saying generic bullshit like usual.
“There’s one episode I saw where he was, like, at the pound because they thought he was a dog and he runs, and for some reason, Elf running is kind of horrifying.”
Maybe Mike forced her to watch an episode recently. So now Erin is an expert on Elf. Because she watched the one episode. Under duress.
3:00 – “The Elf video game? Is there an Elf game?”
Of course there is. Mike streamed it recently. She must not be watching the streams.
3:15 – She’s reading from the chat. “It sounds like I’m saying Elf? I can’t pronounce words sometimes.”
Yeah. Especially words that you’re totally unfamiliar with. Like “Alf”. That’s what happens when you’ve never seen the fucking show before.
Then she looks the game up, finds it hilarious for reasons that aren’t explained, and then says, “Okay, I’m going to do an Elf stream.”
Why does it have to be on stream, for money? Just play it in your spare time like a normal person. You’re such a huge fucking Elf fan, after all.
Fucking Elf. Fuck you, you fucking fraud.
Then the video just ends awkwardly. Of course it did. It started awkwardly, the middle was awkward, and it ended awkwardly. Erin could not be remotely engaging to save her life.
- “There is now lore and a story with Erin living with Alf and Elmo and Ernie. This silliness could be made into a series!!”
Oh, sure. A woman with negative charisma lives with three puppet characters who she pretends to be familiar with and just says generic bullshit. Sounds like a hit.
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Filming Fallons Sucks2suck Shower scene – Newt Wallen
Hello, desperation. Newt is going to show us some titties on Youtube. I guess. That’s clearly what’s being implied here.
Newt…if I want to see breasts there are a billion porn sites out there. There are also women out there. Women who will take their clothes off if you spend some time with them and play your cards right. People aren’t going to fucking Youtube for their booby fix.
But you can see breasts on Youtube. You just have to be creative in your searches. You can see some boobs with, “breast exam”, for example. Or “mamogram”. You know, things that have a legitimate medical component to them.
You also used to be able to see dramatisations of breast exams. Like Meredith Baxter (the mother from Family Ties) was in a 1994 movie called My Breast. And there’s a scene where she gets them out. Totally normal. It’s a medical procedure. But it’s not on Youtube any more. Only porn sites.
Also, music videos will sometimes slip some nudity in. Like here:
From about 3:30 to the end of the video, you get a few quick glimpses of breasts. You have to either pause the video or really time yourself well.
I suppose that music videos can get away with it because it’s “art.” But yeah, you can see a lot of artistic boobs on Youtube. Like with this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvGmZDpc4P8
You can only watch it on Youtube and you probably have to be logged in so I just made it a link. But it’s a woman posing another woman for some “artistic” nudes. I’m not into the tattoos but it’s art. We’re just here for art. The only people watching that video are people who want to learn more about posing people for fine art.
Topless protests. It’s a big thing these days. And Youtube allows these videos to be shown because it’s news. It’s important that we all stay abreast on the latest developments in the world.
That smut is right there on the Associated Press channel. Doesn’t get any more prestigious than that.
So as long as there’s a medical, artistic, or news-related reason, you can show breasts on Youtube.
Anyway, Newt is here with his haircut and showing off his latest prostitute. It’s all to make Horseface jealous. And Horseface wasn’t ever his girlfriend. He just paid her to hang out with him. Same as what he’s doing with this woman. Same as what he does with every woman he knows. It’s the only way he can get women to spend time with him.
So let’s watch this fucking trash.
0:00 – The prostitute is taking a shower. She’s looking rough. That’s what no makeup and no filter does.
Then Newt just immediately promotes the IndieGoGo. I’m not paying for this. What am I supposed to pay for? So you can make a video of a prostitute in the shower? You’ve already done that. You’re already filming. Apparently.
0:45 – Newt says that this video was her idea. He continues, “I made her cover her breasticles with tape so that nothing sees.”
He’s totally flummoxed. Can’t even speak properly. Newt. It’s a prostitute taking a shower. Who cares? Relax.
Then the video ends with Newt joking about what a stud he is and the prostitute says, “I’m so wet…from the shower!” Get it? We were supposed to think that her pussy was wet. From being around sexy boy Newt.
- “Dude, why did you cut your hair? I was digging the long scruffy look. This looks like it’s going to be the summer of Newt!”
Newt replies, “Got cast in a horror movie and they needed my hair short”.
Oh yeah. Newt is really going places. He’s cutting his hair for big, important movie roles. Must be one of his 11 or 13 projects that he’s releasing in or around 2023.
So that video was released three days ago. How much money are they up to?
About $2,000. Well, that’s more than I expected. Twenty-two people gave money.
As for the masturbatory merits of this shower video, it’s fucking zero. You’ll see more skin in one of Erin’s videos where she goes through a 1992 JCPenney catalogue, assuming that Erin ever goes to the bra section. Which she never does.
I say that the best porn video on Youtube is this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q28nnRi5ZCA
Best of Price is Right Boobs. I did a whole review on it. As here:
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BEAST IN BLACK & CINEMASSACRE Official Interview
This is awkward as fuck. I made it to two minutes and then decided that I have to do an article on this.
Beast in Black is a band whose lead singer is like a Finnish Tiny Tim. And according to Wikipedia, they do “power metal”, which, presumably, is a genre still popular in Finland.
Who the fuck would want to listen to this? Some faggot singing “power metal” in falsetto?
Oh, wait. The singer is Greek? I guess? But the band seems to be based in Finland.
One of the suggested questions on Google is, “Does Beast in Black have a female singer?”
No. That’s a fucking guy. Apparently. A guy who sounds like a woman.
Let me try another video. Maybe the first two that I listened to just weren’t very good.
No, this is…this is embarrassing. It’s this gay man singing in falsetto about, like, Dungeons & Dragons shit. Murder and destruction and whatnot. This is music for angry 13 year old boys in 1977. But apparently, this band was formed in 2015. Some of the band members look pretty old, though. So I don’t know what’s going on.
I can see Jimmy liking this shit, though. His musical tastes haven’t evolved since he was 14 and listening to Judas Priest, while in special education.
0:00 –
Jimmy: Loving the stuff. Yeah. Just love the music.
Guy: Oh, I appreciate that.
Jimmy: Yeah. I listen to them all again on the road. I was listening to them going down to a convention. Magfest. I don’t know if you’ve heard of that one.
Guy: Doesn’t ring a bell.
Jimmy: Yeah. It’s in the DC area. It’s a big music and gaming…festival.
Guy: Hmm.
Jimmy: Yeah, I introduced you to a lot of guys there too, like, “You have to hear Beast in Black. It’s awesome.”
Guy: Cool. Thanks very much.
It’s so fucking awkward. On so many levels.
First of all, none of these guys know what James is talking about and they don’t give a fuck.
And Jimmy is talking to them like…of course they don’t know what fucking Magfest is. They don’t know what the “DC area” is either. Are you talking about Washington DC? English isn’t these guys’ native language. And they’re not intimately acquainted with American geography.
Finally, Magfest IS NOT a music festival. It’s for fucking video games. It’s a nerd convention. But Jimmy is trying to impress these complete nobodies about what a rock and roll superstar he is and it’s awkward as fuck.
0:30 –
Guy: Your place looks a lot more rock and metal than our place.
Jimmy: Yeah. It’s just a spot where I record stuff and usually do Zoom calls and everything.
More cringe. Jimmy is in a room that has Led Zeppelin posters on the wall and there are a bunch of guitars and speakers behind him. And then he says, “Oh, yeah. Don’t mind all of the guitars, speakers, and 1970s rock paraphernalia. This is just where I do my Zoom calls. Nothing special.”
Meanwhile, the guys who are actual musicians have a plain background.
Jimmy is also wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, by the way. Under his Mr Rogers cardigan.
0:45 –
Guy: So you’re a musician as well? Because I think I know you the least, in a way, from the guys. To be honest.
Jimmy: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess aspiring musician. I play music to only really get closer to the music and get a closer understanding to it. It gives me more appreciation to everything that I listen to.
He literally has FIVE guitars in the background. “Oh, no. I’m not really a musician. I’m just…you know…this is my all-purpose room. For Zoom calls and whatever. What gave you the idea that I was interested in music? The $20,000 in recording equipment? No. I just like to tinker.”
Then Jimmy threatens that he’s working on a album of cover “medleys” of “video game tunes”. Eugh. Stop all of this. Sell those fucking guitars and shit and put the money in the bank for any childrearing costs that may arise.
1:30 –
Guy: You mean with the Rex Viper thing?
Jimmy: Yeah. That’s right, yeah.
Yeah. The Rex Viper thing. That fucking pile of crap. The guy couldn’t even bring himself to call it a band. I know that there’s a language barrier but this is fucking hilarious. Because their English isn’t perfect, they’re more honest. They lack the tools to cover up their true thoughts with flowery language. They’re just interested in getting their point across so it’s more blunt and truthful.
I think that I’ve figured out who’s who, by the way. The guy on the left is the Greek guy. The singer. The guy in the middle is the Finnish guy. And the guy on the right is the Hungarian guy.
2:45 – These guys are talking about how they made a video game. The Hungarian guy says that he only likes older stuff, from the 8 and 16 bit eras. Then James says, “Yeah. I’m pretty limited when it comes to newer stuff but…yeah, the old stuff. Uhhh…yeah, yeah, I love it.”
This guy can’t have a fucking conversation to save his life.
And why is he doing all of these interviews anyway? This is why he stopped the fucking podcast. He acknowledged that he can’t speak. But he has no problem doing all of these interviews.
And compare these interviews to the podcast. For the interviews, he’s always switched on and engaged. As switched on as James can get, anyway. But for the podcast, it was like James was given a full lobotomy. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to talk to anybody. It was like he doing the podcast under duress. Like Ryan had his family tied up somewhere and wouldn’t release them until James recorded some podcast episodes.
That Hungarian guy is 42. Must be some rough living in Hungary.
3:30 – Jimmy is telling some insane story about how he compares himself to characters in film, based on age. So he’ll compare himself to a character who’s 42 years old, for example, when Jimmy is 42. It’s so fucking stupid. I have a hard time understanding what he’s talking about and my English is perfect.
Then he starts going on about some character from The Exorcist who’s 42. He gives the name of the character. He gives the name of the director.
Then you cut to the these three guys. They have NO IDEA what he’s talking about.
I have to stop this. I’m sorry. I made it to 6:00.
James can not talk and these guys are not interviewers. They’re a band. What the fuck is this? So it’s just a bunch of awkward people saying, “yeah”.
This needs to never happen again. Screenwave does not have James’ best interests at heart. They keep sending him out to do these horrible things that damage the brand.
James Rolfe is a fucking no fooling retard. Prop him up for the AVGN episodes, make him read the lines, and that’s it. Don’t ever send him out to do something that isn’t scripted. He fails miserably every fucking time and you know it.
Where is his wife for all of this? Why would his wife not have James’ best interests at heart? They’re her best interests as well. James is her meal ticket. If James is out on the street, she’s out on the street.
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Various Shit Jobs that I had in England
I don’t know where any of these jobs slot in time-wise. I don’t even know what my first paying job was. A lot of these “jobs” were for one day so they’re not memorable. But I’m going to try to only talk about jobs that I had during this period when I was in Wembley with these Sri Lankan guys.
After I got the reference from this volunteer job, I was able to get paying jobs through these parasitic job agencies that dominated the employment market. I’m thinking that the first job was a teaching assistant job.
I had a few sporadic days as a teaching assistant. A teaching assistant is something that they seem to have in England for like…I don’t even know the terms. But for children in grades lower than secondary school. So like middle school. Or elementary school. Whatever term you want to use. Children who are like 12 years old and younger.
Every class, seemingly, for this age bracket would have a teaching assistant. It was just somebody to help the teacher maintain order in the class. You’d stand in the back. So when the teacher’s back was turned to write something on the board, you could see if anybody is causing problems. And if somebody needed help with their work, you could help them? I guess? I don’t even know. This was part of the problem. I have no fucking idea what the job entails. This job does not exist in the US. I don’t know what the role is.
So I’d get there and just try to figure things out. Take it all in.
They didn’t like that. I was never invited to return for another day. I’ll have more to say about this teaching assistant bullshit later because I did this job, very sporadically, up until the time I got a proper job, which is like two years down the line.
I also did exam invigilation. Again, this is not a job that exists in the US. You just have to watch the students take some kind of exam. What’s the exam? I don’t fucking know. I think that it’s some kind of standardised test. They were like high school kids. You were just supposed to check for cheating and give people erasers (“rubbers” as they’re called) and shit like this. Sometimes you’d be there with a teacher, sometimes just by yourself. It was easy as fuck. I never saw anybody cheating.
This job went better but it’s tough to fuck it up. Nevertheless, I think that even with this job, schools were telling the agencies not to send me back there. So I’d do one of these exam invigilating jobs at a school for a day or two and then maybe a month later, I’ll get another day or two from a different agency, at a different school.
I also did a day of construction work. This was, of course, through an agency. I had no construction experience.
So I’m told that there’s a job on a building site and they need people to clean. They tell me that I need protective shoes to do the job. Fine. So I go to some shop that sells gear for construction workers (they’re called “builders” in the UK) and I get some shoes. They were like fifty pounds.
I go to the job. There are like twenty people who are also there for the same job. They needed twenty people for the job, apparently. It was a good mix of immigrants and just desperately impoverished English people. Maybe a 50/50 split.
So they send us out to different parts of this building and a manager comes and gives us all a vacuum cleaner (or “hoover” as it’s called in the UK, based on the Hoover brand of vacuum cleaners). He tells us to vacuum the various rooms.
I do my section. Then I do it again. Then I do it again. I’m looking around. How long should we keep doing this?
I don’t know what the building was, by the way. It was just a big, I assume recently built building.
I meet some African immigrant. He’s confused about this whole situation too. We’ve already cleaned everything three times. Should we look for the manager?
The manager comes over. “Are your hoovers not working?” Oh. So we cleaned everything again. And again.
This African guy starts telling me about Africa. How people don’t see Africa as a tourist destination. He asks if I would want to travel to Africa. I tell him that I don’t have any money now so I’m not thinking about travel. It was a shit answer but this is how I was. I didn’t want to have small talk especially while I’m always in this desperate financial situation.
Some guy comes up to me, he was from the Caribbean. A black guy. And he says, “Don’t you have protective shoes?” And I say, “Yeah, these” and I point to my shoes. He says that I need steel toed shoes.
So he got some other manager. Some Polish woman. And he said that I shouldn’t be working here. I need steel toed shoes. The Polish woman looks at the shoes and she says, no, it’s fine. This Caribbean guy looks really annoyed.
Then after I cleaned everything ten times, this Polish woman comes and gets us. She assembles everybody in a room. The twenty of us who were there at the start. And she’s talking about how there was some kind of delay with the work. That’s why we were cleaning the same area all day. But we’re going to need everybody to come back tomorrow.
Well, almost everybody. She takes me to a room and says that I don’t need to come in any more.
It was because of the shoes. I’m trying to remember what shoe-buying guidance I was given. I remember that there was a phone call from some guy at the employment agency. He may have specifically said that I don’t need steel-toed boots. And he must have given me the address of this construction shop because where else would I have found out about it? It was a shop that only sold gear for construction workers. And they only had one type of shoes. They were chunky, construction type shoes.
But I remember that they were £50 because that’s what I got paid for the job. So I made nothing from this job. It all went to those shoes.
There was a plastic keychain on the shoes. I still have this keychain on my keys today to remind myself of the absolute shit jobs that I’ve done. It helps to appreciate what I’m doing now.
Groundwork is the brand name of these shoes.
https://www.lyndhurstshoeco.com/featured/sk21.html
These were the shoes. They’re £40 on Amazon. And they apparently do have a steel toe. So I don’t know what the problem was. The guy just didn’t like the shoes. Maybe it was a fashion thing.
I never heard from the agency again, of course. That’s the way with these things. But there are so many agencies that it doesn’t matter. You just go to all of them. You can even go to a different branch in the same company.
The problem that I kept having with jobs, and interviews, is that I was, “Too quiet and won’t fit in.” So I started looking for jobs that don’t require any interaction with anyone. I was perfectly capable of having work-related conversations with people. I was capable of working in schools. I did all of this in the US and there was absolutely no problem. But in the UK, they’re looking for somebody “fun” to work with.
So I started looking for data entry jobs. You sit in front of a computer, you input the data, you go home. Don’t have to talk to anyone.
Even with these jobs, I had difficulty at interviews. I’m apparently too quiet and won’t fit in for a job that requires no social interaction at all.
But I did get a data entry job through an agency. They needed like forty people. The agent said that if I knew anybody who needs a job, let him know. He’ll take anybody. They were really desperate for people.
I quickly figured out why. The job was from midnight to 8.00 am. It was in some warehouse. It was a one hour bus journey from my home.
Almost everybody was an immigrant. I remember one South Asian British guy but everyone else was an immigrant. The boss was an immigrant. He was from Pakistan or something. A lot of the people there were South Asian immigrants. There were also some European immigrants.
The boss was a total asshole. He ran the place like a sweatshop. He would regularly yell at people. If you stopped typing for a short while, he’d tell you to get back to work. You had to keep working right up until 8.00. If you stopped even one minute before, he’d give you shit for it.
I don’t remember what data was being inputted. A lot of it was numbers. Some of it was words. It was filling in some forms.
One day, I was speaking to a German guy before work. And I said that this is the worst job I’ve ever had. Which may be true. I don’t know which was worse, here or the asylum. Anyway, this German guy just said that he’s had worse jobs. He just said it in a matter of fact, Teutonic way.
A lot of the people there didn’t speak English or their English was poor. So obviously they’re going to have difficulty with the job.
Also, I think that I was the only person there who knew how to type.
So this guy was a giant asshole to me, as he was to everyone, right up until he saw my work. A few days into the job, he was walking around and checking on everyone and saw that I was doing phenomenally. Then I became his favourite. He moved me to the back of the room where the best workers went. That South Asian British guy was there and some other people who used a computer before.
I was clearly the best worker there. Clearly. No question. I mean, the competition wasn’t good but it was overwhelmingly immigrants and I typed 80 words a minute. I was doing the work of ten of those people.
There was a guy there who was really bad at the job. Because he didn’t speak English. This was a problem with a lot of the people there. They didn’t speak English.
So this boss is going over this guy’s work and berating him. “How could you write that? That doesn’t even make sense.” Then he turns to this British Asian guy, reads what this other guy wrote, and says, “Does that make sense to you?” This British guy didn’t reply. This manager’s behaviour was absolutely abhorent and everybody knew it.
That guy didn’t come back. A few people probably got fired. I didn’t really notice. People probably quit as well.
I worked there for a month maybe. Maybe not that long. Then I had a job interview for another data entry job. I needed to take a day off to go to the interview. The interview was at 10.00 or something and because it took so long to get back from that job, I wouldn’t be able to get there in time.
So I called the agency.
Me: I can’t come in tomorrow.
Agent: Why not?
Me: I’m sick.
Agent: You’re sick.
Me: Yeah.
Agent: How are you sick?
Me: I don’t know. I have the flu or something.
Agent: You have the flu or something.
Me: Yeah.
Agent: I have to say that I have a hard time believing that.
Me: I don’t know what to tell you. Do you want a list of symptoms?
Agent: Okay, okay. Fine. You’re sick. I’ll let them know.
Then I go to the job interview, I’ll cover the details in another article, and I got the job. That day. The day of the interview.
So I called the agent up.
Me: I won’t be coming in.
Agent: What? You mean ever?
Me: That’s right.
Agent: Well…okay.
Absolutely deplorable agency. Deplorable job. Deplorable manager. And the job paid like £7/hour.
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Crystal Quin was at MagFest
What did she do there? I don’t know. This is the only insight we got. A single picture of Horseface and Johanna. And…eugh. I have to describe Horseface for the blind viewers out there.
It’s…eww. She’s wearing skin tight PVC pants. I don’t want to see that. She’s wearing three-quarters of a shirt, which is an improvement over the half-shirt that she usually wears. It is winter, after all. She’s dressing warm. She’s showing off her sexy arm fat. And she’s wearing a whole lot of makeup. It is not helping, Horseface.
What do you suppose causes that arm fat? Did she used to have buff arms and then she lost it? Let me look this up.
“What Causes Fat In Arms? Arm fat is often a result of excess fat in the body”
Oh. Maybe it’s as simple as that. I was thinking how like when fat people lose weight, there’s a lot of loose skin and it can only be removed through surgery.
Why am I going into this embarrassing detail about Horseface’s appearance? Because she’s convinced that she’s a hot chick. But fucking look at her. It’s total delusion.
Oh, and I neglected to mention that Horseface is wearing some kind of bondage gear. In public.
I wouldn’t jerk off to this shit in a million years. But this is what she thinks people are doing. Everybody wants to have sex with fucking Horseface over here. In her mind.
How long can this narcissistic delusion even hold out? At some point, she’s going to have to realise that she’s not a hot chick. Right? Is she still going to be thinking this when she’s 60? And what is going to happen to her when the day of enlightenment comes? Because her entire personality, her entire sense of self-worth, is based on her gross misconception that she’s a hot chick. You take that away from her, what’s left?
And ironically, this whole delusion of hers makes her way less attractive. If she just presented herself as an average looking woman, dressed normally, behaved normally, had some humility, she’d be…whatever…a 5/10. But her unbelievably horrid personality requires a two point deduction. She’s a 3/10. And I’m being generous with my scores.
- “You both look NUCLEAR Hot!!!”
That was from Collector Chris.
That guy is…no nuclear hot. He’s in his 50s, I’d guess. Giant nerd. Has a Mystery Science Theater 3000 banner. And all of his tweets are about 1980s nostalgia, video games, and “hot” “nerd” women who he jerks to.
Oh, Kris Glavin also replied. FOUR TIMES.
- “Stunningly beautiful young ladies”
- “Have a great time”
- “Crystal queen looking badass”
- “So unbelievably gorgeous”
Here’s one from Frederick Tarsatana
- “Looking great like the outfit”
He has no tweets but in his grainy, low-resolution picture, it’s some fucking fat guy in a wrestling t-shirt.
Where are the hot guys at? I never see any buff guys showing the guns on these gamer grrls’ Twitters or Youtube comments or whatever. It’s always the same type of people. Guys in their mid-30s to mid-50s who are giant fucking nerds and are hard to look at. Many of them are obese as well.
If we reverse the genders, it would be like an average-looking guy making videos and tweeting about knitting, and everybody who comments is a total dog of a woman.
Actually, maybe that wouldn’t be far off from reality. Let me look for a Youtube channel of an average-looking man who knits.
https://www.youtube.com/@RJKnits/videos
This right here. This is the guy. He’s a 5/10 and all of his videos are about knitting. I chose knitting because it’s a stereotypically female hobby just like video games or horror movies are stereotypical male hobbies.
Unfortunately, this guy is gay but I’m not sure if that will matter.
All of the comments are going to be from women. Right? Let’s check.
Yeah. TheHermitChick. Eva Harr. Trish Kimble.
I may have stumbled onto something brilliant here. If you want the adoration of women on the internet, just start talking about a topic that women enjoy. Doesn’t matter what you look like. They’ll watch the fucking videos. Same fucking strategy that these basic gamer grrls employ.
Is this guy on Twitter? Yeah.
He’s not having as much success there. But he doesn’t actually talk about knitting. It’s just random bullshit.
I think that if he focused on knitting talk, he’d have all kinds of bitches replying to his posts. And I’m betting that they’d all be the equivalent of Kris Glavin or that enormous black guy or any of these other omega males who post on Horseface’s Twitter. And they’d all be talking about how hot this guy is. Even though he plainly is not.
This is what people should be doing. If you’re looking for a date or just the adoration of random women on the internet, start doing some shit that women enjoy doing. Knitting, cooking, pop music, horticulture, theatre, jewellery making, flower arranging, dancing, yoga. This sort of thing.
It’s exactly what fugly bitches like Horseface are doing. Exact same strategy. Be a fugly bitch but do it in a sub-culture that’s overwhelmingly male. This is how you get male attention. This is how you get guys talking about how hot you are.
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WTF Wednesday Review: Big Trouble in little China – Newt Wallen
0:00 – “It’s Melissa. She’s on camera.”
I…think that this is somebody who Newt used to do videos with at some movie theatre. She would film the creep show videos with Newt and PVC Bondage Girl. She was also at some convention with Newt and she was dressed as…some kind of masked prostitute. I don’t remember.
But here she’s dressed normally. From what I can tell. She’s barely in frame. She obviously doesn’t want to appear on camera.
“She promised that if we got to 10,000 subscribers, she’d appear on camera.”
Newt, nobody gives a fuck about your subscriber numbers.
Then Newt complains that the original plan was to have PVC Bondage Girl also appear in this video.
2:30 – Shout out to Bolo Yeung.
I’ve never seen this movie, by the way. I have no interest. But I saw Enter the Dragon many times. Also Kickboxer.
Anyway, years ago, I remember seeing a video of Bolo Yeung’s son. He was in some body building competition. Totally roided out. And somebody in the comments, apparently seriously, said, “Is he natural?”
I think that this was the video:
4:30 – Newt tells a creepy sex story. And, as anyone with a brain could have predicted, this woman is not digging it. At all.
5:00 – Then Newt tells a story about how Justin Silverman’s father owned a gay bar. And Newt was dating Justin Silverman’s sister. I don’t like saying this, especially since I don’t even know my memory is correct, but I think that I heard that his sister was a prostitute. But…this would fit with Newt’s lifestyle.
10:15 – Newt is drinking a beverage right from the large bottle. One of the benefits of living alone. Not something you want to advertise, though.
Newt keeps talking about how awesome Asian people are and white people suck.
Well…I mean…all the white people who Newt seems to know do suck. So I can understand where he’s coming from. But…maybe find some people white people who aren’t scumbags. They’re out there. There are plenty of them.
And not all Asian people are great. They’re all not all kung fu masters either. Plenty of scumbag Asians.
I read an article that said that Chinese people were the most dishonest people on earth. They did a scientific study. They made people from various countries flip a coin and then report how many times they got “heads”. And the more times that they got “heads” the more money they would get. Something like that.
The results were all self-reported. Nobody checked that they actually were getting heads or tails and how often. But obviously, the average percent of “heads” should be 50%.
Chinese people reported the highest percentage of “heads”, suggesting either that Chinese people are really lucky, or they’re liars.
I sent this article to some Chinese woman I was talking to. She said, “What’s the margin of error?” She completely discounted the accuracy of this study.
But it’s true. Chinese people have some real fucking problems. They’re rude. They don’t wait their turn in lines. Their table manner are non-existent. And they think that China is the best in all facets of human achievement.
I’m not saying that China is wholly without merit. They’ve done some good stuff. Paper, for example. We all like paper. Lao-Tzu had a lot of good stuff to say. I read loads of books on Taoism as a young man. And sweet and sour chicken balls.
But the best country in the world? Fuck no. Not even close. They’re not in the top 20. In terms of where I would want to live, not in the top 100.
12:00 – Newt starts complaining that this woman isn’t talking enough. It’s a sure fire way to ensure that she never appears again.
12:45 – Newt starts talking about how hot she is.
14:30 – Newt is outraged about the outrage over The Little Mermaid being black in the latest Disney movie. “Mermaids aren’t real. They can be anything.”
Yes, but we’re talking about a specific mermaid. Arial. She’s white. She’s a Caucasian mermaid.
Just another example of Newt hating on white people. It’s adolescent white suburban kid behaviour. You think that white people aren’t cool. You want to hang out with the homeys. The vatos.
I hung out with Mexican kids when I was in like the 9th and 10th grade. No Mexican person has ever given me any problem in my life. And who doesn’t like the big titties that so many Mexican women have? You know what I’m saying, Newt? I get it.
But still…you shouldn’t shit on your own race. You can like Hispanic people and black people and Asian people and whatever but also like white people. Just an idea.
15:15 – Newt says that he was drinking and smoking with this woman before the movie. Smoking those jazz cigarettes.
Didn’t Newt say not long ago that he hasn’t done any drugs? Now he’s smoking la cucaracha and doing edibles and whatever. What’s going on? All part of his descent, I guess.
Anyway, I’m not watching this any more.
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Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed is WAY better than Velma – Tony from Hack the Movies
It’s Tony from Hack the Movies with two random guys. I looked them up. It’s just…I don’t know. Friends of Tony, I guess.
They both have Youtube channels but nobody is watching the videos. One of the guy’s latest video is of his trip to an aquarium in Atlanta. Just some vacation video.
Well, who doesn’t enjoy aquariums? I went to one…where was this…I think it was in Amsterdam. And they had a conveyor belt around like the shark tank. Is conveyor belt the right word? It was a moving…platform. Like at the airport. You stand on it and…it moves you around.
This was genius. It went slow enough that you could take in all of the sights and it eliminated the worst thing about aquariums: assholes who hog the window. You’re standing there, waiting patiently to see the seahorses or whatever, then the people who were looking at the seahorses leave, then some kids immediately jump in front of you and start looking at the fucking seahorses. And their immigrant parents don’t give a fuck that their feral children are running around. It’s awful. So you just have to fucking move on and look at the zebrafish or something instead.
There’s a similar setup to see the crown jewels at Buckingham Palace or where ever the crown jewels are. You just go on the conveyor belt and it takes you around the crown and whatever else comprises the crown jewels. It’s great because otherwise, you’d get some fat fuck Americans standing in front of them for ages. Blocking your view.
Anyway, Scooby Doo. Do I really want to watch this? No. No, I don’t. But let’s give it a chance. You have ten minutes, Tony.
0:45 – Tony is making a joke about how these guys were on a previous episode, also about Scooby Doo, and the views were 10% lower.
Who gives a shit? The numbers are negligible. This is exactly why his views aren’t as high as they could be. He’s constantly trying to work the algorithm. “How can we get slightly more views? Oh, I know. Let’s review horror movies for every episode with a horsefaced woman.”
No. You get more views by putting out consistently engaging content.
I’m three minutes in. It’s fine. I guess. But I’m taking a nap. Tony has this effect on me. I’ll get back to this later.
How long was I out? I think about an hour. Maybe 90 minutes. Anyway, I’m going to go eat something now.
I put a pizza in the oven. I’m kind of doing that OMAD diet. You guys all know about the OMAD diet, right? One meal a day? It’s slightly quicker to say “OMAD” and there’s the added bonus that you sound like homosexual asshole.
I’ve been doing it since about November. I’ve lost about ten pounds. That was already my target so I’m kind of trying to find the right balance to maintain the weight. Adding Pringles to the diet. Have to determine the right number of Pringles.
Maybe Tony should try the OMAD diet. He’s a big fat guy. And personally, I don’t get hungry during the day. Not ravenously, at least. If I do get a bit hungry, I just eat some gummi bears or something. Not a lot. Just a few.
I’m still waiting for the pizza to cook. What’s the weather like in Chalfont these days? Let me check.
It’s 52 degrees. That’s 11 Celcius. That’s not too bad. What’s the weather for me today? It recently got pretty cold.
Yeah. 36 degrees or 2 degrees Celcius. Way colder than in Chalfont. That’s surprising. It’s usually pretty mild year-round in the UK.
Still not ready. I’ll give it another three minutes or so.
Has the grocery store pizza situation improved at all in the US? Twenty years ago, it was only frozen pizza. And to their credit, the frozen pizza in the US is much better than the frozen pizza in the UK. Tombstone, Jack’s pizza, these were way better than the UK equivalents of Chicago Town or Dr Oeteker. Dr Oeteker is a fucking German brand. When you think of pizza, of course you think of Germany. I had it once. It was so fucking bad that I had to throw it away. This is memorable to me because it’s the only time that I’ve had to throw pizza away for being inedible.
But I don’t buy frozen pizza in the UK. I get fresh pizza. They sell them in the grocery store in the refrigerated section. Totally normal. They have brand name stuff and some stores that have an in-store kitchen even sell the pizzas that they make there. Way better than any frozen pizza that I’ve had.
I’ve never seen this product in the US, though. Only frozen pizzas. I wonder why. It’s clearly a superior product. And Americans like pizza. They can’t stop eating the stuff. Maybe there’s some logistical problem. Or maybe General Mills or whoever owns Tombstone has a lock on the market and won’t allow it.
That was delicious. So back to the video? I guess. Briefly.
7:45 – They start summarising the movie.
11:15 – Tony badly mispronounced “canon” twice. So it wasn’t an accident. What the fuck is this? I don’t even want…that’s your ten minutes up, Tony. Let’s look at the comments.
Nothing interesting. Oh, great. There’s a theme here. Twitter?
It’s all just promoting his boring videos.
Great job as always, Tony.