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Man-Thing is The Marvel Horror Movie You Forgot About! – Tony from Hack The Movies
Oh, the terrible and awkward MintSalad is the guest host this time. What has she been doing lately? I haven’t checked out her Twitter or Fansly in ages.
https://twitter.com/itsmintsalad
Her banner says, “Being autistic doesn’t mean I lack agency.”
Then why keep mentioning that you’re autistic? Most people with autism who don’t want people talking about it or treating them differently, don’t fucking advertise that they have autism. But she’s CONSTANTLY talking about how she’s autistic. It’s her entire personality, such as it is.
It’s the same on her Fansly. I won’t link directly to it but it’s on her Linktree.
https://linktr.ee/titsmintsalad
“I’m Mint, I’m 22 and I am autistic!”
Nobody gives a shit. Not one person.
And she is posting CONSTANTLY on this thing. More than once a day, every day. That fat pimp is really working her.
In one of these, she’s wearing a shirt that says, “Fuck off. I’m autistic.”
Ummm…I think that we get it. Why are you constantly telling us that you’re autistic? Who the fuck knows? Just for the attention, I guess.
Stefan70 says, “Super sexy. Whenever I see these photos, I get hard instantly. It takes less than 2 minutes for me to cum to these photos. LOL”
Wow. Really? To this shit? As a 52 year old man? It’s impressive, in a way. I guess. There’s no way that I could even get a semi over this shit.
Oh, she’s also going topless now too. As here:
It’s the moment a lot of y’all been waiting for hehe, I’m finally showing my nipples for the first time! November 1st is my 22nd birthday and on my birthday I’ll be dm’ing you THIS super cute bat-mint boobie pic from today’s EXTRA SPICY set completely uncensored so you can see my batnips in all their symbolic glory!
After this I’ll be a lot more open to custom requests with topless nudity so if that’s interesting to you, keep an eye out and hit me up! Have a good day/nightDoes anybody want this? I guess that people are paying for this but…I don’t get it.
She also posts really, really awful movie reviews every day on Youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/c/ASEPresents/videos
Her pimp doesn’t even do anything any more. He used to make Youtube videos but he doesn’t do it any more. He just makes Mint Salad do everything now.
Nobody at Screenwave has any problem with this. Not Tony, not Horseface, not Johanna. Nobody. They’re enablers of forced prostitution. Mint Salad is clearly a vulnerable person, she mentions that she’s autistic a hundred times a day, she had a bad childhood, her parents died or were drug addicts or something so she was raised by foster parents. And she clearly has a pimp. They’re all promoting this. They’re complete degenerates.
0:15 – But first a word from the degenerate Tony from Hack the Movies. He’s looking for “holiday gifts.” Which holiday? He’s wearing a Santa hat. There’s a fir tree in the background. So…Ōmisoka? He’s looking for Ōmisoka gifts?
1:15 – Mint Salad says that she does movie reviews every day. And this looks like a hostage interview. But Tony just moves on. He doesn’t ask any questions. “Why are you doing movie reviews every day? Is your pimp putting you up to this?”
No. Just ignore it. Ignore the people trafficking. Of an autistic woman.
4:15 – Tony gives a vague reference to Mint Salad doing porn. You want to mention the pimping at all, Tony? No. Just ignore the fact that this is an autistic woman being pimped out by some fat fuck.
I’m reading the comments because I’m already bored with this. Somebody asks if Mint Salad is doing a “bit”. Tony replies, “She is autistic and Hack The Movies is super inclusive.”
Why keep mentioning that she’s autistic? And why no mention of the forced prostitution?
- “She’s terrible…. Can’t watch these episodes with her”
- Ugh. I hate to say it, but this video was pretty rough. I’m sorry, but Mint Salad can be very annoying to listen to. Conversation had awful flow — like trying to have an in-depth conversation with a 6 year old
- Where is Newt? How come you people never mention him anymore? Bunch of fake ass friends
Fired for plagiarism. Check out my 50 articles on Newt Wallen to learn more.
Actually, how many articles have I done on Newt? Is this easy to find out?
Seventy-one. Seventy-one articles tagged with “Newt Wallen.” That’s a lot.
7:00 – “I have to focus autistically on this.”
You say you’re autistic? I had no idea.
- This is the worst video you have ever put out.
I don’t know about that. I’m not going to listen to much more but I find Horseface WAY more annoying. Mint is actually talking about the movie.
So I’m going to stop here. I made it to 16 minutes. It’s pretty much unwatchable. Like all of Tony’s videos from the past year or so. Around the time when they got rid of Newt. Nobody wants to watch an hour long movie review. Even if the people are charismatic, which they clearly are not in this case.
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Working as a Substitute Teacher
After the casino and mental asylum jobs, I continued to look for work but couldn’t find anything. All of this student loan money was gone and it was getting to the point where I wasn’t going to be able to pay the rent and whatnot. So with massive reluctance, I moved back to my childhood home.
I won’t get into it but I hated living there. I hated it since high school. I couldn’t wait to get out. And now I had to be there again.
I was getting massive bills from the student loan companies. More than what I had been paying in rent. And it was all for this fucking scam school. One year.
I was never going to pay this off. Not with the jobs that I was doing. And I wasn’t working at all at this time.
I became massively depressed and started thinking about ways to get out of this. But in the meantime, I also had to find a job.
So I applied to a place that I worked at, part-time, while in college. No reply. I applied to every job I could find on the internet. I must have been really desperate because I even remember getting a response back from a “recruiter” who wanted me to pay something like $30 for him to get me a job. And I actually considered that. But it was obviously a scam, and even at the time I knew this, but I was really desperate.
I applied to a police department. This was sort of my plan at one point. That’s why I took the job as a security guard. So I saw a place that was hiring, I filled in the online application and that was that.
I got a reply at some point asking me to come in to do the written test. You had to take a written test first and if you passed that, you’d be invited to take the physical test. You had to do a certain number of push ups and sit ups in a minute and shit like this.
So I started working out. Trying to get huge.
I drove hours to take this test. It was nowhere near me. It was two states over. I get to the test room, it’s like theatre or university seating where the seats are higher as you go towards the back. There might have been 100 people there. Something like this.
It was a reading comprehension and vocabulary test. You needed a 40% to pass and get moved on to the physical test.
So I’m taking the test and thinking, “Wow. I know all of this shit.” There were a few vocabulary questions that I had to kind of guess on but I was able to give educated guesses. Certainly, I got 40%. No problem. I turn the test in and I’m feeling great.
I mean, 40%? Come on. You’d have to be a fucking retard to get a 40% on this thing. I’m a shoo in to go to the next part of the exam process. I just have to keep working out. Doing those push ups and sit ups.
A week later, I get the exam results. I got a 99% on the test. Holy shit. That’s way better than 40%. Nearly two and a half times as good.
Next day, I get a letter thanking me for attending but that they won’t be proceeding with my application.
What? A 99% isn’t good enough? They’re only taking people who got 100%? Wasn’t 40% the cut off?
So I called them up. There was a number on the letter if you wanted to talk to somebody about their decision.
The guy says, “We just didn’t think that you had enough work experience.”
What? Then why did you invite me to take the written test in the first place? You knew how much work experience I had. If you didn’t think I had enough work experience, you wouldn’t have done that. This was all part of the application process. They didn’t invite everybody to take this written test. It was only people who they were potentially interested in hiring.
They didn’t progress me to the next part of the process because I scored too well on the written test. That’s the actual reason. It’s well known that police departments will refuse candidates who score too well. There was a lawsuit about this 30 years ago. It’s what they do.
So I gave up on that idea. I’m not going to bang my head against a wall until I’m dumb enough to fall within the preferred parameters of this test.
Back at home. Really depressed. These enormous student loan bills keep coming every month. How am I going to get out of this?
I have to get out of the country. It’s that or suicide because I can’t fucking pay this loan back. I’m thinking about this shit every day. I’m going to be a slave to this loan for the rest of my life. And for what? I went to a scam school for one fucking year? This isn’t right.
Teaching English in Asia. This is the easiest way to leave the country. From what I read, it seems like they hire anybody. If you’re under 30 and white, that’s preferred, so I was good there. And most countries just required a degree in anything. I had that. China didn’t even require that much. No education requirement to teach in China. This was the case 20 years ago, I don’t know about today.
So I started looking into this shit on Dave’s ESL Cafe, which is a website and message board. It still exists. I didn’t particularly want to go to Japan. It was just too cliche. But I read that Korea paid well so I was thinking maybe that would be good.
In any event, it was recommended that you have some teaching experience before you apply to these jobs. It was also recommended that you get some kind of English as a Foreign Language certification. Neither of these things were requirements but it helps. That certification looked like a scam. You pay some “company” fifty bucks or something, take a few online “courses”, take a “test” and then they give you the certification. Who cares? This means nothing.
But I looked for some teaching jobs. I sent my resume to the public school system that I went to as a student and applied for a job as a substitute teacher. And they said, yeah come to our office.
So I did that. It was a shitty little office for their administration. And they started putting me down in their schedule. Asking what days I can do and whatnot. I expected an interview but no. There was no interview. Anybody who’s willing to do this job for $70/day, they’ll take them.
I received no training. I wasn’t told what to do at all. One day, I just got a call in the morning saying, “Go to such and such school at whatever time”. Okay.
So I get there and I don’t know what I’m doing but it’s just babysitting. The teacher leaves a note of what they want done. Usually it’s just watch a movie. So you press play on the DVD and you’re done.
I did this for quite a while. It was nine months. It wasn’t so good at first but as time went on, and the students recognised me, things became easier and I started to enjoy it more. There were fewer behaviour problems.
You’d get sent to different schools in the district. The high schools were mostly fine. Except for the really ghetto one. This school was like 90% black and I’m not here to make racist comments but certain observations have to be made. Conclusions have to be drawn. It was shit. The behaviour of the students was dramatically worse. Not from everybody, of course, but I’m saying overall.
You had to ask a student to send the attendance slip to the principal’s office every day. You try to look for somebody responsible to do this. So I asked a girl in the front row if she would do this, she was black, almost everybody in the class was, and she gets up and she’s heavily pregnant. Oh fuck. I wouldn’t have asked if I knew. But she was fine with it. She went to the principal’s office and came back. No problems.
The middle schools were also bad. Really bad. All of them, regardless of the demographics of the students. And some of the schools were combined middle school and high school.
So I spoke to the people in the office who give the jobs out and said that I don’t want to work in middle schools. They said, “We don’t know which teachers teach middle school and which ones teach high school” which is preposterous. I knew. I knew from when I was a student at one of these schools. And if they don’t know, why don’t they just get a list?
So I said, “Okay, just don’t send me to any school that has a combined middle school and high school”, which meant that I would no longer go to the school where I was a student and where they sent me the most. The school was like 50% Mexican, 40% white, 10% black. It was fine. The high school wasn’t a problem, other than the odd problem with a certain demographic.
But I was able to go to this ghetto school that was 90% black because it was strictly a high school. Great.
They ended up giving me way less work after I complained about not wanting to go to schools that had middle schools. But I’d occasionally get a job at this ghetto school. They were all ghetto schools in the sense that the students were impoverished but when I’m saying “ghetto” here, I mean “black.”
One day, I just had enough. I spoke to the teacher who I was covering for, who was in school for some reason, and she said that it’s the worst class she’s ever had in 30 years of teaching. I don’t think that she was sick or anything, she was just taking time off to get away from them.
Personally, I found them reasonably manageable the first day (compared to the absolute chaos that I’d see in the middle schools) but on the second day, it was horrendous. Throwing shit at the one white kid in the class and shit like this. So I finished the day and decided that I was never going to do this again. The next time I got a call asking me to go to some school and I told them that I’m not interested and to take me off the list.
But I did it for nine months so I got a good run out of it. By the end, I was only working like one or two days a week so it wasn’t too bad in that sense. But I was still getting these massive student loan bills. Bills that were more than my entire paycheque.
So what was I doing for that nine months? Was I looking for work in Korea? Was I trying to get this scam certificate? No. None of that shit. Because I had discovered a better way to leave the country. I’ll discuss this in next week’s thrilling article.
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Happy Birthday to Erin Plays!
I’m now 35! I’ve felt more “myself” and more comfortable in my skin in my thirties than I ever did in my 20s. I don’t usually announce it’s my birthday but I figure 35 is a big one so whatever
Thirty-five years YOUNG, am I right? Negative thirty-five years old.
Thirty-five years totally wasted. What does she have to show for her life? That Britney Spears t-shirt? That god awful tattoo?
And if this is Erin when she’s “comfortable”, how insanely awkward must she have been in her 20s? She has no social skills. No job. No interests. No hobbies. She’s in this fake relationship. It’s an incredibly sad, pathetic, miserable life.
But let’s see what the horntards have to say.
Oh, Marcus is the top comment. Haven’t seen that guy in a while. I did a whole article on him here:
He wishes her a happy birthday and calls her “friendo”. Erin says, “thanks so much.” Because Erin is Marcus’ friend. There’s just so much warmth between the two of them.
Aw yeah. Joe from Gamesack replied. Let see what witty words of wisdom he has to share.
- “Twitter put moving balloons all over your profile today. Soon you’ll start getting AARP stuff in the mail. Exciting times!”
You card. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about but it sounds like it’s supposed to be funny. Chicks like funny guys, don’t they, Joe? Keep plugging away at Mike’s sugarbaby, you pathetic omega orbiter.
- “I was going to say my 20s WEREN’T awful, but honestly, yeah, they kind of were. It was a tumultuous time in a lot of ways. Got fired from some jobs, crashed and burned out of grad school, some heart break, some surgery. 30s hasn’t been perfect but it has felt more stable.”
A heartfelt summary of a difficult decade of this guy’s life. Erin replies with, “I know what you mean. Mine weren’t horrible either, but I like my brain better now lol. Thanks!”
What a fucking joke. She likes her “brain” better now. That’s the only difference between now and when Erin was in her 20s.
And it’s true, I guess. Erin did NOTHING in her 20s and she’s done NOTHING in her 30s. So there’s no change. And when you do nothing, life isn’t that bad. I guess. It’s just nothing. It’s a total waste. You can’t fail at things if you never try to do anything. But also, we see what this philosophy gets you in life. She’s getting fucked in the ass every night for Youtube promotion. She’s making fifty bucks a month from this.
- “35 through 40 was the besssssst time for me as a woman. So much adventure and self confidence”
Uh huh. How about now? She has a lot of pictures of her dog on her Twitter but not much else. No husband? Maybe the dog is the husband.
- “Happy Birthday beautiful!!!!!!!!”
That was from Crystal Quin aka Horseface McGee. I’ll come back to this. But yeah, Horseface has to constantly talk about hot chicks. Why not just say, “Happy birthday”? Why comment on Erin’s appearance?
Because this is all part of Horseface’s narcissism. She thinks that if she calls everybody a hot chick, they’ll return the favour by calling her a hot chick. Not happening, Horseface.
Did you see this awful picture that she posted recently? Let me find it. I don’t take pleasure in this but…Horseface REALLY needs to reign it in, no pun intended.
I’ll just let that picture speak for itself. I probably should have put a trigger warning on that one, so I apologise if you were triggered.
Super Geoff, a legitimate retarded man, says, “Happy Birthday, Erin” and posts a picture of Bugs Bunny doing a dance. Erin has no idea who this is. “Why is there a fucking rabbit doing a dance? I better just pretend to know who this character is. Say something generic.”
Other people post “cute” gifs of Mario, Charlie Brown, and Hans Moleman. Erin has no idea who any of these people are.
Oh, Horny Goriya replied.
- “Hope you’re having a very happy birthday!”
Erin replies with, “thank you! I ate a cupcake so yes :)”
Horny Goriya asks if it was Erin’s favourite kind. Erin said, “No”.
Way to splash out, Mike. Couldn’t go to Wegman’s for a nice birthday cake? “No, I’ll just get her a cupcake from Wawa’s. Fuck it.”
- “Happy birthday. I’ve still never seen a single one of your videos 😅 but you’ve been so fun to follow on Twitter. It’s the nostalgia trips honestly haha”
This tickled me. Somebody is actually following Erin on Twitter but never watched any of her videos. Was never tempted. But there’s something about these boring as fuck tweets that he finds entertaining.
Tony from Hack the Movies wishes her a happy birthday.
By the way, notice that nobody other than Horseface is commenting on how hot Erin is. Because this is how normal people behave.
Then about 100 more people say “happy birthday.”
So let’s talk about what Erin did on her birthday. Besides enjoying that delicious cupcake.
She spent it drinking with her sugardaddy’s obese work colleague.
What the fuck? Maybe make some friends, Erin. This is extremely sad.
Get some fucking hobbies. Get a job. Then maybe you’ll meet people. You’re not going to meet people crying in the bathtub all day.
Or what about the horntards? How come Erin doesn’t hang out with any of the horntards? Some of them must be local.
She’s not doing that because they’re fucking mentally retarded. She’s happy to take money from these retards but of course she’s not going to spend time with them socially. It’s ridiculous.
By the way, this picture was in response to Horseface inviting Erin to go get drinks. Justin replied saying that it’s too late, he already went to get drinks with Erin.
So Horseface replies, “Also I’m totally more fun to go drinking with than Justin.” Talking about herself in a thread about Erin’s birthday. Then Justin posts a disgusting picture of himself with vomit all over him. Not sure why he thought that that was appropriate.
Then 8 Bit Eric replies with, “Wish I could grab drinks with everyone”
Who’s 8 Bit Eric? I don’t know. Some guy. He has a Youtube channel. I’ve never watched any of his shit but Darius Truxton used to always talk about him.
So Erin replies with, “Me too. Let’s all go to Chili’s.”
Why only Youtubers? Why not the horntards? Aren’t the horntards your friends?
And what about people outside of Youtube? Why don’t you make actual friends instead of this weird networking bullshit?
By the way, I checked and 8 Bit Eric lives in Texas. So…yeah, he’s not going to Chili’s with you any time soon.
Then, to top it off, Horseface replies with, “I was invited! Unfortunately I am a career woman and I work… a lot.”
This isn’t about you, Horseface. Can you stop talking about yourself for two seconds? Nobody gives a shit about you or how much you claim to work.
And what a slap in the face to Ms Plays over here. She’s the fucking birthday girl and Horseface is saying, “Hey, at least I have a job, you unemployable bitch.”
And I don’t even think that Horseface has a job. Not a reputable one, anyway. She claims to be a “model” and she does “events” and she has “work” pictures of her where she’s dressed like a stripper and whatnot.
But Horseface has to constantly try to be the centre of attention.
Here’s something that Horseface did for work or maybe for her own “enjoyment.” Wow. You’re so cultured, Horseface. You’re seeing a children’s play. Let me know how this one ends. Does Scrooge become a good person by the end of the play?
That reminds me. I was in A Christmas Carol play in the 7th grade. What stories can I regale you with?
Well, during rehearsals, I tried out for…some part that had a few lines. Not many lines but a few. And this was unusual for me because I was a quiet kid. I didn’t like doing this shit. But I thought that I could try.
People really liked my line reading. The line was “All right. I’m leaving.” And the other kids would read it like fucking robots. “All right. I’m leaving.” A pause between sentences. And they would put an emphasis on “right” and “leaving.” But I read it like a human being. “Alright, I’m leaving.” Like somebody who’s annoyed.
The other kids were really impressed and encouraging. They were surprised that I was able to do this because I was such a reserved guy. I didn’t like this stuff. And the teacher also seemed impressed.
Then the cast list came out. I didn’t get the part. The teacher must not have thought that I could have done it. I’d be too embarrassed on stage or something. I got some other part. Some part with no lines.
People were genuinely outraged. One kid spoke up and told the teacher that she has to give me a line. She agreed. So I got a line. “A toast. A toast to Mr Fezziwig. And to Mrs Fezzig too”.
I wasn’t able to do much with that awkward shit. And that line wasn’t even in the play. The teacher just made it up. I don’t know what character I played.
Anyway, I don’t have any harsh feelings towards the teacher. It’s a difficult decision. There are a lot of kids in the class and only so many parts.
But it was perhaps a pivotal moment. In the 8th grade play, I didn’t try out for any part that had lines. I just gave up. Maybe had I got that part in the 7th grade, I would have become a more sociable person or it would have instilled a passion for theatre in me or something. But by not getting the part, I just became more withdrawn and sullen.
In any event, Horseface went to see this children’s play and she thinks that this makes her some kind of big shot. No, it makes you an uncultured buffoon who’s pretending, poorly, to be cultured.
Happy birthday to Erin Plays, though. The first 35 years of your life have been a total waste but there’s nothing to say that the next 35 have to be a waste. Go out and fucking do something with your life for once. It’s not too late. Get a job. Go back to California. Get in a real relationship. None of this is difficult.
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Pam being delighted by video games… and also swearing at them for 18 minutes – Cannot be Tamed
More completely baffling anti-comedy from Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining. She’s done a few of these videos. If these are the “highlights” of her streams, I’m not missing anything.
0:00 – She’s playing some game. There’s a cat in it. She says, “Hi. Hi little kitty. Hello. I love you.”
Get it? No. Nobody does. But it’s going to be this for 18 minutes. Pam thinks that these are jokes. It’s just a window into her insanity.
1:00 – Whoa. Views must be going down on her Twitch. She’s wearing a pink tank top. Then she pans the camera down. Shows her gut. Might be time to start doing some sit ups, Pam. And lay off the poutine. Your metabolism has obviously changed. It happens as we get older. There’s no shame in it. But don’t just let yourself go like Retro Ali has done.
I’ll say this about Erin, there was a time, maybe a year or two ago, when she was starting to pack on some weight. But then she lost it. So I assume that she went on a diet and/or started exercising. So good for Erin.
But Retro Ali? No. She just gave up. She gained 40 pounds and then she said, “Fuck it. I just won’t make Youtube videos any more.” Probably for the best. Her videos were horrendous. Still, she should probably get into shape just for her own health. But whatever you do, please don’t go back to making videos.
1:15 – “This could also be a stream where two men with great hair never kiss.”
She said something like this. She’s slurring her words because she’s a fucking drunk.
But yeah. There’s nothing cool about refusing to accept people’s sexuality. Turn in your woke card, you fat, dog-fucking drunk.
2:45 – She mentions that she didn’t link to something on Reddit. She registered a sub-reddit shortly after I started the Erin Plays sub-reddit, whatever it was, three or four years ago. Retro Ali also did the same thing. Like I would fucking be interested in starting entire sub-reddits for these women. I don’t even like writing about them on my blog twice a month or whatever. Both of these women are aggressively boring. And nobody wants to read this shit.
But yeah, she has a sub-reddit. And apparently she uses it. I don’t know because it’s set to private. But you can check it out here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/cannotbetamed/
Maybe you can try to get invited in. I have no interest so I won’t be attempting this.
4:00 – She’s talking about some fundraiser. I don’t know what the fundraiser is. Pam is raising money for the Indians again, I guess. Pam is all about those Indians. They need money, I guess. For what? They’re not going to be able to buy their land back.
6:00 – She’s basically just saying “fuck” and “bullshit” a lot. This is “comedy” in her mind. Gratuitous profanity.
6:45 – Oh, she talks about ordering poutine from DoorDash. No. Pam. We’ve been over this. You don’t need it. Try a homemade salad instead. Light dressing.
“I love fish and chips.”
You’re not listening, Pam. Maybe once in a while, on your once-a-month cheat day, you can have some poached fish and baked sweet potato fries. But your days of going to the local fish and chip shop, which I’m pretty sure don’t exist in Canada, are over.
Fish and chips. Fuck you. That shit barely even exists in England any more. I NEVER saw such an establishment in London. I’ve seen a few in other parts of the UK but not many and they’re not popular. Tastes have changed. Restauranteurs have changed. The people opening restaurants nowadays, and for the past 40+ years, are immigrants. So they’re selling their native food. Not fucking fish and chips.
I’ve seen some bullshit, though. Fucking white British people running a Chinese restaurant. It’s ridiculous. How authentic can this possibly be? And I’ve seen this numerous times.
Why aren’t these white British people opening fish and chip shops? Because nobody wants that shit any more. The only time when that was a viable business was when there wasn’t any other kind of food being sold. Once the first Indian restaurant opened, people said, “Let’s not go to the eel pie place any more.”
7:45 – Pam tries to emasculate some horntard who was trying to help her with the game.
10:00 – She’s talking about poutine again. This is funny, right? Repetition? Just keep mentioning a food. Preferably a regional that isn’t available to the lion’s share of your audience.
Hey. Look at me. I’m different. My passport has a different design than yours.
Yeah. Nobody gives a shit, Pam. Here’s an interesting Canadian stereotype that you can mention: the people are boring. And Pam certainly fits that stereotype. Aggressively boring.
13:30 – “I would love the world’s sexist monsters to compete for my affection.”
She’s just repeating something that was said in the game. But Pam. You’re 40 years old. The sexy monster ship has sailed.
14:15 – “I did have an existential crisis on my birthday. But I got over it.”
Well, look at your life. Look at what you’re doing. Playing video games for horny retards for pennies. Single. No children. It might be time to do some further reflection.
14:30 – “Look at those cum gutters.”
I think that she’s referring to this male vampire who, as far as I’m aware, has never said that he’s a homosexual. I mean, I’ve never played the game. Maybe this vampire is openly gay.
But even if he is, it’s not appropriate to objectify people. Isn’t that common sense? You don’t objectify gay men, straight men, gay women, straight women, women who fuck their dogs. None of this. Don’t we all know this?
Then you have Woke Pam over here talking about the patriarchy and the plight of the American Indians and whatnot. No. You’re offensive. You’re an offensive person, Pam. You’re an illiberal reprobate.
15:15 – “I would love to do voice acting. I don’t know if I’m emotive enough to do that but if anyone knows any game developers who are like, ‘We need a monotone robot voice’, that’s me.”
Well, at least she has some self-awareness.
I’m going to stop here. There’s another two minutes but…no. Fuck this.
Let’s check out her Twitter.
Whoa! She went as Elvira for Halloween. I tell you in advance so that you can grab your tissue.
It’s an interesting take on the Elvira costume. I like it. Because we’ve seen these slut Elvira Halloween costumes a billion times already by a billion other women.
But Pam has an interesting twist on the costume. She’s not going as the youthful Elvira from the 1980s. She’s going as Cassandra Peterson as she looks now, as a 71 year old woman.
One of the horntards in the comments suggests that she should do a video as Elvira. Uh huh. He’s a big fan of the Elvira games, I guess.
Who’s asking her about assless chaps? Did her dog learn to speak?
And here’s Pam in her “sexy” costume.
Good thing she had a girdle available to suck that gut in.
Well, I’ll say this. Pam at least delivered on the “sexy” costume this year. I mean, I’m totally flaccid but at least she tried.
As opposed to, say, Erin Plays. Erin didn’t do shit. A sweatshirt? A basketball jersey? Fuck off. That’s not remotely sexy. That’s not even trying. Zero Effort Erin strikes again.
Ooh. What about Madam Fomo? Did she do anything for Halloween?
Yeah. She went as a prostitute. Oh wait. That’s not a costume. These are just her normal pictures.
But she does have this interesting tweet:
She’s just…I don’t know…complaining about somebody. Nobody knows or cares who.
But the interesting part is that she says that Youtube pays $4.37 for every 1000 views.
So Pam averages about 8,000 views a video. Something like that. So that’s $35. Even if these videos don’t take hours to edit, which I think they do, it’s not worth it. Just go get a regular job and you can make $35 in a couple of hours. Even a minimum wage job is going to get you $35 in three or four hours.
And Madam Fomo is dismissive of Youtube’s pay structure because she’ll give you the world’s worst handjob for $35. For Madam Fomo, $35 is five minutes of work.
-
Erin Plays and Mike Matei play a Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle NES Hack! (part 2 of 16)
Sorry that I missed the past two days. I has some personal errands. But I’m back, ready to enjoy some Erin Plays goodness.
7:00 –
Mike: You know what I like about this game? It’s got a lot of brown bricks.
Erin: (pauses for about two full seconds…then finally gets the joke) It does, doesn’t it?
Good stuff, Erin. You’re oozing charisma.
Erin: What is it with Bugs and Brown Bricks? It’s almost like there’s a connection. I don’t know what, though.
Nor does Mike. Nor does the audience. What the fuck is she talking about? More negative charisma, mindless bullshit.
7:45 –
Mike: Hey Lola!
Erin: Yeah?
Mike: What’s up, Doc?
Erin: What’s up? Nothing. I don’t know. Ahhh.
Could this be any worse? She doesn’t even recognise this as Bugs Bunny’s catchphrase. She’s never heard this before. She’s never seen a single Bugs Bunny cartoon.
But even if that’s the case…wouldn’t you still pick this up as part of the general American culture? Doesn’t every American know that Bugs Bunny’s catchphrase is “What’s up, Doc?” Even if they’ve somehow managed to go their entire lives without seeing a Bugs Bunny cartoon?
Erin doesn’t know it.
Mike: I like your ears there, Lola.
Erin: Thank you, Bugs.
That’s it. She can’t contribute AT ALL to any conversation. She’s a fucking moron.
Erin: Your ear…it’s really intense when I have your face just looking me in the eye.
She’s awful. Horrendous. And she thinks that she’s going to make money out of this. Out of what? Her sparkling wit and charm? Her personality? She has no wit, no charm, and no personality. Worse than that. Negative everything.
8:00 – Then Mike tries to salvage this complete disaster yet again. And we’re only eight minutes in.
Mike: I’ve got a joke for you.
Erin: What’s the joke?
Mike: What’s up, Doc?
Erin: What?
Mike: What?
Erin: What’s up?
Mike: What’s up, Doc?
Erin: What?
Mike: Isn’t that a good joke?
Erin: I don’t get it.
Mike: I don’t get it either.
Erin: Do people like that joke when you tell it?
Mike: No.
Erin: Then why do you tell it?
It’s so fucking bad. It’s like she’s a fucking zombie.
8:30 – Mike is sick of doing 100% of the work in this conversation so he puts this fucking mindless zombie to task.
Mike: Do you have any jokes?
Erin: Ummmmm….
Mike: You can’t go criticising my jokes if you don’t have your own jokes.
Erin: You know what, that’s very fair. That’s very fair.
Is she on fucking drugs? She seems stupid even by her usual rock bottom standards. She can’t contribute AT ALL. To ANYTHING.
8:45 – Mike encourages Erin to continue to play the game because he knows that this conversation is going absolutely nowhere. Erin then says, “Oh my god. It’s Marvin the Martian.”
How does she know the name? She must have played a Marvin the Martian game recently, on stream, for money.
“I like him. He’s funny.”
Give us an example of Marvin the Martian’s humour. Do you remember anything that he’s ever said? Or any plots from cartoons that he was in? Can you give us anything at all?
No. Because she’s never seen a single Marvin the Martian cartoon in her life. She’s making all of this up. And these are terrible, terrible lies. It’s just generic bullshit all of the time.
9:00 – Hold the phone. We’re getting a “memory”, although not actually of the cartoon. “I remember the Warner Store used to exist in malls and when I was little I liked to go into the spaceship and then you could press buttons and different clips from the cartoons would play.”
Well…okay. So did you do that, Erin? Or did you just want to? Maybe this is her only exposure to the cartoon. The clips that she would see at the Warner Store. And she said “Warner Store”, right? Yeah. Is that right? Not Warner Bros Store? Let me check.
Yeah. It was the Warner Bros Store. Erin is a moron who doesn’t know anything.
9:30 – A horntard asks about Michael Jordan and Space Jam. Mike changes the subject and says that Michael Jordan also appeared in a recent Erin Plays video. He goes on to say, “I watch all of Erin Play’s videos.”
Then, rather than trying to contribute to this conversation at all, Erin changes the subject. She talks about the game that she’s playing. And how bad she’s doing at it.
9:45 – Mike tries to save this shit YET AGAIN.
Mike: I’m her biggest fan.
Erin: Really? I didn’t know that you liked her stuff so much.
Mike: Yes.
Erin: Well, that’s great.
She’s fucking awful. Completely incapable of having a conversation.
10:15 – She awkwardly name-checks Gossamer. She wants you to know that she knows the character’s name. But it’s only because she must have done a stream or something that had this character in it recently. She doesn’t know any of this shit. She’s never seen any of the cartoons.
10:30 – Then Mike starts talking about Peter Lorre. Erin says, “Ew, I don’t like Peter Lorre.”
I’m not sure if she even knows who it is. I certainly didn’t. Who the fuck is talking about Peter Lorre? But I suspect that Mike recently made Erin watch some movie or something that has Peter Lorre in it.
10:45 – Erin ignores Mike, because she can’t have a conversation, and then she reads the chat. “Roger Rabbit? Roger Rabbit’s not here.”
It’s horrible. What the fuck? Why would she even bother to read the comment if she has nothing to say about it? She doesn’t even know who Roger Rabbit is. Maybe the person was making a Roger Rabbit comment because Crazy Castle was originally a Roger Rabbit game. Erin doesn’t know any of this, despite the fact that she “loves” this game.
Oh, then Mike has to try to save this bullshit again.
Mike: Wasn’t this game based on Roger Rabbit?
Erin: Yeah. Originally, this was on the Famicom Disc System, I believe, and it was Roger Rabbit.
And yet, earlier in the stream, Erin was surprised to see hearts as a collectible item. Even though hearts were the collectible item in the Famicom version of this game, which had Roger Rabbit in it.
She “loves” the game.
12:15 – Mike was making some Inspector Gadget and iPad references. Erin didn’t contribute to the conversation at all. Of course. Then Mike asks if there are any good iPad games that he could try.
What the fuck do you think, Mike? Erin doesn’t know any fucking games.
But let’s find out. I paused at Erin saying, “ummm.”
Erin: “This is all you need.”
That’s what she managed to say. Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle ISN’T ON THE IPAD YOU FUCKING RETARD.
God, it’s fucking unbelievable. How does Mike put up with this? I’m 12 minutes into this video, I’ve been watching it over the course of two days, and I can turn it off whenever I want.
Mike has to listen to this fucking retard give her generic, idiotic answers to everything ALL FUCKING DAY. FOR YEARS! And he can’t turn it off. He’s listening to this complete airhead, who’s never seen or done anything in her entire life, every god-forsaken day of his life.
12:30 – After Erin repeatedly dies, there’s the following “conversation”:
Mike: I’ve got a good tip for you.
Erin: What?
Mike: Get good, bro.
Erin: Mmm.
Mike: That’s what they say.
Erin: I know.
Mike: Have you heard of John Cena?
Erin: Yes.
(short pause as Mike basically gives up)
Erin: Have you…uhhhh….have you ever met John Cena?
What kind of questions are these? Just generic bullshit. You want to say something about fucking wrestling, maybe? No. Because she doesn’t know that John Cena is a wrestler. She doesn’t know who John Cena is. She has no fucking idea.
13:00 – Erin, finally, manages to kill Gossamer. You know what she says? You’ll never guess.
“Oh look at him when he dies! He looks cute!”
She’s a complete and total idiot. Look at this fucking John Cena conversation. “Have you heard of John Cena. Yes. Have you been to his house? No.”
What is this? This is not a conversation. This is not entertaining. This is complete and utter dogshit.
And Erin is absolutely god awful at this game. She’s struggling on like the third level. She’s struggled on every level.
She “loves” the game.
14:00 – She’s reading from the chat. “Did the hacker make these sprites? I assume so.”
Well, they’re not the same sprites as in the actual game, are they, Erin? You know what the sprites in the original game look like, right, Erin? You’re a big Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle fan, after all. You “love” the game.
14:15 –
Mike: Do I smell at all? Am I a stinker?
(Erin smells Mike)
Erin: A little bit.
Erin didn’t get the reference. She doesn’t even know who Bugs Bunny is. She’s looking at Mike and thinking, “Why the fuck is this guy in a rabbit suit? I don’t get it.” And then she just gives generic answers to everything hoping that we don’t notice that she has no fucking idea who Bugs Bunny is.
So that’s another seven minutes of this bullshit. So we’re on track. Only 14 more articles on this video to go.
-
Erin Plays and Mike Matei play a Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle NES Hack! (part 1 of 16)
0:00 – Oh, we’ve got a “sexy” costume. I guess. More so than that fucking skeleton hoodie that she was wearing in a previous video.
She claims that she’s “Lola”. Umm…I’ve heard the name but I’m going to have to look this up.
Oh. A sexualised female rabbit from Space Jam. Remember Space Jam? Yeah, I remember it, Erin. I’ll say that I was 14 when the film was released, to terrible reviews. This would mean that Erin was about four years old. So does she remember? Let’s get the actual dates here.
No, I was more like 19. So whatever. I guess she’d remember. But did she see the film? No. She’s never seen any film.
Oh, and Mike is also here. He’s in his Bugs Bunny costume that he used in that AVGN episode…fucking…12 years ago? Longer than that?
Then Mike starts singing and Erin doesn’t know what to do because she’s awkward as fuck and has zero charisma. No, that’s not right. Negative charisma.
1:00 – “I love Crazy Castle.”
She’s a big Crazy Castle fan, guys. She’s never played this thing for even ONE SECOND in her spare time. But she played it at least once on stream, for money. In Erin’s bizarre misuse of the English language, that means that she “loves” the game.
So then the game starts and Erin says, “I don’t know which way to go first.”
The first level. The first seconds of the first level. She doesn’t know what to do. She’s completely clueless. But she “loves” this game.
She’s completely ignorant about what to do in the game because she only played it once or twice, on stream, for money.
Then she immediately gets lost in this easy as fuck first level. This is like a tutorial level. There are no enemies. And she repeatedly gets lost on this tiny, easy stage. It’s unbelievable.
She loves the game.
2:00 –
Mike: Have more faith in yourself, Lola.
Erin: Okay. That’s something that I need to work on.
Mike said this after Erin pointed out the obvious: that she can’t play these games because she gets lost easily. But no. Erin was right. She’s fucking shit at this. And by “this” I mean “video games.” But she seems to be particularly bad at Crazy Castle, this game that she professes to love.
Why does she continue to make these videos? She’s getting pennies for this shit and she humiliates herself every fucking time. She has negative charisma, never has anything even remotely interesting to say, can’t play the fucking games, and hates this shit. So why do it?
2:15 – Somebody in the chat says, “It’s too early for this.” Erin says, “This is a great way to start your morning, I think.”
They’re doing this in the morning. Dressing up like fucking buffoons and playing video games in the morning. Probably early morning.
Just get a job, Erin. It’s not that bad. And it’s not like you have to work in a record store. There are plenty of office jobs out there. Even in small towns. Insurance places, veterinarian clinics, banks, real estate offices, car dealerships, whatever.
And they live near a number of large cities. So she doesn’t have to be a receptionist at some local insurance place or something. She can get an office job in a medium to large sized company and just be a drone hidden somewhere in the back, doing some low-level administrative work. Wouldn’t that be preferable to what she’s doing now? Way more money, you’re not humiliating yourself, the work is easy, and it’s an honest job.
2:30 – “God, there’s hearts? What do the hearts do?”
Erin “loves” this game. Doesn’t even know what the items are. They’re obviously the same fucking thing as the carrots were in the previous stage. You just have to collect them all to advance to the next stage. Erin doesn’t know this? She doesn’t know that there are hearts in the game?
I know that this is a “hack” but these hearts are in the normal game. Right? I’ve never played it before but I remember this from her previous fucking stream of this game. Let me look this up.
The Roger Rabbit version of this game, which is the original version and released only in Japan, for the Famicom, had hearts that you had to collect instead of carrots.
Erin didn’t know this? She’s talked about this game before. She’s played it before. She talked about this game like she was a fucking expert before. Doesn’t remember the hearts?
Let me check the archives.
1:45 – She’s reading from the chat. “Have I played the Famicom Crazy Castle game with Roger Rabbit? No.”
That was in February 2021. But does she play it later, on stream, for money?
Not that I’m seeing. So, okay. Erin fully admits that she never played the Famicom version of this game. Even though she “loves” the game. So she never saw the hearts before. Okay. Maybe Mike will be able to illuminate matters.
2:45 – No, he doesn’t. They just change the subject. But then a horntard says, “I like this Lola better than the one in Space Jam.” Erin says, “Well, I am a Space Jam Lola but I’m like…ummm…(pauses game)…oh no…do I have a weapon?”
Negative charisma and doesn’t know shit about the game. She just picked up a fucking hoxing glove three seconds earlier. She didn’t know what this was. She has no idea what any of this is. She doesn’t remember the game. At all. She only played it once, after all. On stream, for money. So it’s not surprising. By why then present yourself as an expert who “loves” the game?
Back to this awkward shit, “I’m like…not…ummmm…I’m not…practicing right now so.”
What the fuck is she talking about? Her being Lola or the video game? I have no fucking idea. Then Mike immediately changes the subject to try to save this abomination.
Erin. Go get a fucking job. This is not for you.
3:15 – Then the horntards come to the rescue with, “Off-season Lola” and Erin says, “Exactly.”
Yeah. That was right on the tip of your tongue, wasn’t it Erin? She doesn’t even know what “off-season” means. This is fucking horrendous.
Negative charisma. Average, at best, appearance. 35 years old. No interest in video games. No experience with video games. No knowledge about video games.
She thinks that she’s going to be a big Youtube and/or Twitch and/or TikTok superstar. It’s not fucking happening, Erin. There is no conceivable way of this working out. Not even the constant promotion from one of the biggest retro gaming Youtube channel can make this happen. All of that buttsex was for nothing. I’m sorry. But I could have fucking told you all of this even before you moved in with Mike. Anyone with a brain could have told you this. Cut your loses and go get a fucking job. Don’t spend one more second on this bullshit. You’re wasting your fucking life.
Back to the video. Erin dies repeatedly, on level three. Mike has to explain basic enemy AI because Erin has never seen any of this before. She “loves” this game.
4:30 –
Mike: You know what you should have done?
Erin: What?
Mike: Taken a left turn at Albuquerque.
Erin: (fake laugh) You like that, don’t you? That Albuquerque?
Erin doesn’t get the reference. You know how Bugs Bunny REGULARLY makes a “left turn at Albuquerque” joke? Erin never saw any of this. She never saw a Bugs Bunny short before. She doesn’t know who the fuck Bugs Bunny is. She doesn’t know where she is. She doesn’t know what’s going on.
Then she immediately changes the subject, because she knows that has no idea what Mike is talking about and she’s embarrassing herself yet again, but Mike brings it back.
Mike: Well, I don’t like it. I don’t go there. It’s just a good place to turn around.
Erin: (clueless) Oh. Okay. I thought you, like, really liked Albuquerque.
She literally doesn’t get the reference.
In a previous video, she talked about how much she enjoyed some Bugs Bunny short. And she gave the title of the short and everything.
She’s never seen any of this shit. She has never seen even a single Bugs Bunny short. And the character has probably made this stupid joke in every subsequent media that he appeared in. He probably made the joke in fucking Space Jam. Erin is totally unfamiliar with it.
She knows nothing about anything so she just pretends to know things. This is how she goes through life.
Mike: Have you ever been to Tahiti?
Erin: I don’t know. I feel like that would be too hot.
Add Tahiti to the never-ending list of things that Erin knows nothing about. “Too hot” was her response. Negative fucking charisma. Give us some witty trivia about Tahiti, Erin. Do you know anything about Tahiti? No. She has no fucking idea. It’s a cute-sounding word. That’s all that she knows.
5:00 – A horntard says, “Glad the music is the same.” Erin says, “Yeah, that good old Crazy Castle music that just keeps going.”
She’s totally unfamiliar with the game but, once again, presenting herself as an expert. And the only thing she had to say about the music is that it “just keeps going.” She’s a fucking moron. Doesn’t know anything.
5:15 – “Oh my god. Witch Hazel is here.”
And yet, Erin knows the name of obscure characters like this. She must have done a video featuring this character recently or something.
Oh my god. I was dead on.
5:30 –
Mike: You know the last time I saw that Witch Hazel?
Erin: Hmm?
Mike: She was in a video that I was watching on Youtube by Erin Plays. Have you heard of her?
Erin: Yeah, I’ve heard of her.
Mike: I think she did a whole video that had to do with Halloween and it’s Halloween right now.
That’s where she knew the name from. From her recent Halloween video. Everything has to be a reference to something that she did recently, on stream, for money or for a Youtube video. Because she has absolutely no knowledge of anything because she’s never seen or done anything in her entire miserable life.
Oh, Witch Hazel. You guys all know Witch Hazel, right?
No, Erin. It’s not a popular character. But she doesn’t even know that much. So she brings up this information like we all know it. No. It’s a little-known character.
But what is well known is Bugs Bunny saying “left turn at Albuquerque”. It’s one of his fucking catchphrases. Erin never heard it before.
How am I going to get through this two hour video? I’m already way past the point where I should be stopping the article and I’m only five minutes into the video.
Oh my god. I have to transcribe all of this. This whole fucking video needs to be transcribed.
Mike: It’s Halloween right now, isn’t it?
Erin: Yeah! That’s probably why she put it out. Just now. A few days ago. It’s about Halloween. It’s about spooky levels in video games that aren’t spooky.
Mike: I certainly like to watch Erin Plays.
Erin: Yeah?
Mike: I’m a big fan.
Erin: You would be.
(awkward pause while nobody knows what to say because Erin’s comment made no sense)
Mike: Every day when she goes to sleep, I like to look through the window at her.
Erin: I thought we talked about that. You can’t be spying on people through the window. That’s illegal.
Mike: Watch out. It’s purple Wile E Coyote.
Erin: I like him.
Mike: He’s taking after Batman on the NES.
Erin: He is. I like Batman on the NES. Do you? It’s fun.
Mike: I like Batman:
Erin: Do you like the Joker?
Mike: I like it because it’s DC. I like DC.
Erin: (clueless) Cool.
Erin doesn’t know what DC is. I’m not making any of this shit up. I’m not exaggerating. She clearly doesn’t know what any of this shit is. DC. She doesn’t know what Mike is saying.
And look at these fucking responses. Everything is just generic garbage. “I like it”. That’s her response to everything. No matter what it is. She never expands on anything. WHY do you like any of this stuff, Erin? She can’t answer because she doesn’t know what the fuck it is. She doesn’t know what any of this is. This is how she goes through life. Not knowing anything about anything so she has to pretend. Poorly. REALLY poorly.
6:30 – She’s reading from the chat. “‘Does Bugs know about Vampire Survivor’ asks Shishi”.
This is a game that Erin has been playing recently on stream, for money. And Mike also streamed this a while ago. That’s where Erin got the idea.
But never mind what Mike knows. Does ERIN know about Vampire Survivor. I know that she recently streamed it but she probably already forgot about it. Erin “always” “forgets” about EVERYTHING. Because she never fucking does anything. She sits and stares at a wall all day. This is her entire life.
Then Erin says, “It’s so fun. It’s really fun.”
Tell us more, Erin. Why is it fun? What do you like about it? Compare and contrast it to other games that you may have enjoyed. Can you do any of this?
No. Of course she can’t. Negative charisma and no knowledge or experience with video games.
So I’m at 7:00. At this rate, I’m going to have to break this video down into 16 articles. But I have to continue. There were so many gems just in the first seven minutes of this. This video is probably chock full of this shit. What else doesn’t Erin know about? I need to know.
-
Working in a Mental Health Facility
After the casino experience, I decided to try my hand with the mentally ill. The job advertisement seemed to suggest that having a degree is preferred. So great. Maybe I can get some use out of this thing.
It paid $15/hour. So nearly twice what I was making at the casino.
The downside was absolutely everything else.
This was a fucking nightmare. Most of the people there were children but there were also adults. Most of the adults were mentally retarded, often REALLY mentally retarded.
Well, let’s just start with orientation. There were like 15 of us there. This place was CONSTANTLY hiring large groups of people like this because people were constantly quitting en masse.
I was the only white person. No, that’s not true. There were two other white people, a man and a woman, and I think that they knew each other, but they only lasted a couple of days. The orientation was like two weeks.
Everybody else was black. And 90% of them were from Africa. African immigrants. Everybody there, myself included, was really, really, REALLY desperate for work.
The trainers were all white, oddly. There were three trainers. All white Americans.
The training was like self-defence and how to restrain people and shit like this. I could get into the creepy history of this place and all of the problems that they’ve had but I’ll just focus on my own experiences there instead.
One of the things that we had to do was do a backwards roll. This was part of the training. And if you couldn’t do this roll, you couldn’t do the job.
So there’s this one woman there, an African woman, with the biggest ass I’ve ever seen in my life. She was a slim woman but she had a giant fucking ass. She could have made a fortune in porn just from the pictures. But instead, she was in this fucking nightmare factory.
She couldn’t do the roll. Just physically. Her ass was too big. She’d get stuck with her ass in the air. She couldn’t get the momentum going. It was impossible.
So the trainer just watched as she struggled with her ass in the air and then he pushed her over. They let her slide but technically, according to their own rules, she should have been fired. For having a giant ass.
We had to watch a video of what goes on in this place. And the video was from like…I don’t know….the 1970s? 1980s? It didn’t look current (2000s). And fucking…oh my god. How much detail do I want to put here? People banging their heads. People ripping out the interiors of their mouths. Eyeballs being gouged out. Weird toilet shit.
So after the video, we’re all in the hallway, and I fucking pass out. When I come to, some paramedic or something is talking to me. But I said that I was okay and I continued with the orientation.
I would get doughnuts with some guys there during lunch. It was an African guy and some black American guy. And we’d talk about the horrors of this job. It would be compared to training animals. And it’s true. It was like that. A lot of these people were so badly off mentally that they had animal or less intelligence.
This American guy had a degree, as I did. I don’t know if the African guy did.
And the owners of this doughnut place were immigrants from Poland or something. And we were there for Christmas. I don’t remember if it was Christmas Day or Christmas Eve. And I remember them being friendly and wishing us a merry Christmas. We were the only ones in the store. Nobody else is getting doughnuts on Christmas. And it was all extremely depressing. These immigrants working on Christmas, trying to eek out a living selling doughnuts, and the fact that we have to go back to this horror show soon.
A lot of the people at the orientation said, “I’m just going to do the orientation and then quit.” Because we got paid for this two week orientation. The same $15/hour as we’d get on the regular job. But the regular job was…indescribably horrible. So people didn’t want to do it.
One of the trainers was a giant asshole. He was fine the first couple of days, but after a few people quit, he just became a huge dick. He knew that if you were still there after two days, you really, really needed the job so he could do and say whatever he wants.
But I put up with all of the bullshit and finished the orientation. Now I had to do this job.
I’m on a bus with these mental patients. We’re each assigned our own person because everybody needs constant monitoring to prevent them from killing themselves and others. And my kid keeps eating his diaper. This is his thing. He’s constantly eating inedible things. When there’s nothing around that he can put in his mouth, he would scrounge on the carpet for lint to put in his mouth.
Now he’s eating his diaper. On the bus. This is my first day of the job. This black American guy who I would get doughnuts with points out that he’s eating his diaper. But what can I do? The guy has to be physically restrained all fucking day. His brain is mush. He can’t speak. He doesn’t understand anything you’re saying to him. You can’t reason with him.
On another day, he took a shit in his diaper, reached behind himself, and smeared the shit all over his face.
We would get attacked every fucking day. Spit on. Punched. Kicked. Every day. There wasn’t a single day that I wasn’t attacked. It was like dealing with animals.
This job was like 90 minutes from my home. So not as far as the casino but still a long commute. But I did it because this is the only job I could find and I was trying to make the best of it.
I worked there for three months and there are a thousand insane, disgusting stories that I could tell. But I’ll just skip to my last day.
We were in one of the group homes for these kids. And I get there and I’m told by a co-worker, at the start of the shift, that I have to work with this kid who eats everything. So I make an offhand comment suggesting that I really don’t like working with this kid. So the guy says, “Oh, I’ll tell the manager then.” I tell him not do that, it’s okay. But he insists that it’s not a problem. He’ll tell the manager and the manger will surely move me to a different job. Fine.
The manager comes over. He’s an African guy. And he says that we all have patients who we don’t want to work with but this is the job. So I say it’s fine, I didn’t tell that guy to say anything to you, this was his idea, whatever.
This kid is constantly putting things in his mouth and I’m constantly having to stop him. His friend comes over and attacks me a few times. Then this friend ends up getting restrained by other people and they threaten to put him into an even worse group home if he doesn’t stop. To think that there’s a worse group home than this place.
Then the manager, who clearly doesn’t like me, starts telling me that I have to stand over here, now I have to stand over here, now I have to stand over here. There were like 20 people working in his house, by the way, for about 15 kids. It was necessary because it was chaos constantly.
But the manager was shit. He was an asshole. I never saw him before. There were loads of managers at this place. You never saw the same manager twice. People quit so frequently and were promoted so quickly. The turnover of staff was ridiculous. Every day, probably ten people quit.
So then the manager says that I have to stand outside of some other kid’s room and make sure that he’s not killing himself or anyone else. This was the usual job. This guy was below average intelligence but he was able to speak and reason and learn and whatever. He was just a stupid, violent kid.
He’s talking to himself and he starts using profanity. So a nearby co-worker says that he can’t use profanity. He gets punished for that. I’ll spare you the details of the punishment. But this co-worker tells me to go get this guy’s sheets.
Everybody in this place had their own sheets. The sheets listed all of the behaviours that they’re not allowed to do and what the punishment is if they exhibit one of these behaviours.
So I go get the sheet. Some other African immigrant was handing them out to people. And as I get mine, the manager comes over. “What are you doing here? I told you to watch that kid.”
This was my limit. I was told by that co-worker to get the sheet. That’s what I’m doing. Nobody has a problem with any of this. There’s a crowd of other staff doing the exact same thing. There’s nothing wrong with any of this. It’s the appropriate protocol. But this asshole manager has some problem with me. He wasn’t behaving like this to anyone else.
So fuck it. I said, “Okay, that’s it”, I got my coat, and I left. And as I’m leaving, he’s trying to explain, “No, all I did was tell you…you have to be at the…” Fuck you. You deal with these people.
A few days later, I went back to this place to return their stuff and they didn’t even want it. I just had some kind of exit interview where I explained what happened. The guy said that I should report him. You were actually required to report misbehaviour by your co-workers at least twice a week or something. I never bothered. And if you didn’t report people, you got in trouble somehow. I don’t remember exactly what it was. You got some kind of demerits and if you get too many demerits they fire you or don’t give you work for a couple of weeks or something. You also got demerits if people reported you, of course. Maybe there was some kind of investigation first and you had to be found guilty of whatever it was that was alleged. I don’t know. I didn’t give a fuck. You want to fire me, go ahead.
So anyway, I didn’t report this guy. Then this guy doing the exit interview said that I’d be getting demerits or whatever for leaving the job early on that day. But…I quit. So who gives a shit?
Anyway, worst job I’ve ever had. And there are some real contenders.
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In Memoriam: Kris Glavin
It’s Horseface’s birthday. I’m going to say that Kris Glavin calls her both a smokeshow AND a young lady.
A couple of people respond saying that their birthday is also coming up soon. Crystal doesn’t respond because she doesn’t give a fuck. It’s all about Horseface. Everything is about Horseface. Horseface only cares about Horseface.
Somebody with the name “47Cartoonguy- Proud Crystal Quin Simp” responds. That’s his actual Twitter name.
I think that I talked about this guy before. He’s an absolutely corpulent black guy. But his avatar is a white woman.
Oh my god. Kris Glavin didn’t even reply. Is he dead? Let me check his Twitter.
He hasn’t posted since 24 October. And he used to post many times a day. It just suddenly stopped on 24 October.
I’m not seeing any tweets from Horseface to Kris Glavin. She’s not at all concerned about this guy? This was her number one fan. I care more about Kris Glavin than Horseface does.
What could have possibly happened? Did that enormous black nerd have Kris Glavin killed so that he could become the new number one Horseface “simp”? Who knows?
One minute Kris Glavin is talking about the “hot teacher vibes” of some skank on the internet and the next minute, he’s dead. It really makes you reflect on the fragility of life. And what you’re doing with your life, or not doing.
Let me Google “Kris Glavin”. Maybe there’s an obituary.
Well, he’s on Facebook. I don’t know if he posted anything recently. I don’t have an account. But his profile picture is him as a child with his parents and siblings. That’s weird.
Somebody named Kris Glavin donated $200 to somebody’s GoFundMe to pay for a funeral. I don’t know if it’s the same Kris Glavin. But they didn’t reach the goal. They only raised $5,000 and the goal was $12,000. So what happened? This woman didn’t get buried? It’s a sad system. Why should it cost $12,000 to get buried? Why should people have to beg on GoFundMe for funeral expenses?
That’s it. That’s all that Kris Glavin ever did, according to the internet, anyway. There was also a news article about a Kris Glavin who enjoyed fishing but I think it’s a different Kris Glavin.
You look at that picture of a young Kris Glavin and his family. They’re at the beach or something. Kris Glavin was from Massachusetts. Some idyllic New England picture. His mother was something of a smokeshow. His father was all buff and muscly. What the hell happened?
Is this what this young couple wanted for their son? To be some loser who creeps on internet sluts all day?
And obviously the feelings are entirely in one direction. Horseface doesn’t give the slightest of fucks that Kris Glavin is dead. She didn’t even notice. Didn’t notice that he stopped replying to all of her tweets.
Is Horseface going to give any money to help pay for funeral costs for Kris Glavin? She should. How much money has Kris Glavin given to Horseface over the years on Twitch or her porn site or where ever else Horseface is shaking retards down for money. Time to pay it back.
No. She’s just talking about food instead.
Wawa messed up her order. That’s important. Wawa. We all know about the fairly small regional chain of convenience stores called Wawa, right? Horseface isn’t happy with the service there from the minimum wage employees.
So go somewhere better. Spend money at higher class establishments and maybe you’ll get a better product and better service. But no, she just wants to tweet out self-obsessed bullshit. Fuck that weird loser Kris Glavin. Hopefully his Fansly subscription continues to auto-renew long after his death.
Kris Glavin could have done anything. He could have got a job. He could have got a girlfriend. Maybe not a great job. But a decent job. A job that he enjoys doing. Reasonable pay. And maybe he couldn’t have got a hot girlfriend. A smokeshow, if you will. But he could have got a girlfriend. An actual woman who wants to spend time with him. Maybe a fat chick, maybe a single mother, but who cares? It’s somebody real who’s spending actual time with you.
Instead, Kris Glavin wasted his time and money on various horror sluts on the internet, some of whom have equine-like faces, and not a single one of these women gave the slightest of fucks when he died.
So Kris Glavin, we hardly knew ye. But hopefully somebody out there will be inspired by your tragically wasted life.
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Monster Squad is The Greatest Creature Crossover – Tony from Hack the Movies
Oh, it’s 97 glorious minutes with Tony from Hack the Movies and that crazy anti-abortion nut. We’re in for a treat. And I’ve actually seen the movie. Or at least parts of it.
This movie was, briefly, all the rage with a group of dumb kids who I knew in like…the fifth grade? Sixth grade? They formed their own little monster squad. In order to join the club, you had to know how to kill a variety of different monsters. And they even used the bizarre terminology that the film used. Like “nards” for testicles.
Even as a fifth or sixth grader I thought, “This is fucking stupid.” I had no interest in movies as a kid and I thought that people who were interested in movies were fucking morons. And I was right.
My sister babysat for some kid and he would always quote from movies. It was annoying and he was obviously a dumb kid. Had shitty parents who just let him watch movies all day.
I remember one day, he kept calling me “McFly.” For no reason. I’m playing some video game with him, trying to keep him entertained and he just keeps saying, “McFly. McFly. McFly.” I couldn’t understand what he was saying. It was more like “McFry”. And I never watched Back to the Future anyway. And I didn’t care.
Then his scumbag, idiot mother says, “McFly is a nerd in Back to the Future. So he’s calling you a nerd.”
Okay, well that’s great. I’m here trying to entertain your idiot son and not only is he apparently insulting me, but you feel an obligation to spell it out for me.
That kid now weighs 400 pounds, is a truck driver, and lives in Texas. In a trailer. With his elderly mother. And his mother weighs 500 pounds.
Anyway, Tony from Hack the Movies. Do I even want to watch this? The answer is no, frankly. Maybe I should just think of more annoying kid stories.
Oh, on the train there was an American woman with her son. And her son kept saying, “I’m going to knock your block off.” Repeatedly. Then this woman said, “Of course you have find the one bad thing about Charlie Brown to repeat.”
Eugh…let’s just do ten minutes of this shit video and then I’ll take a nap.
1:15 – This anti-abortion nut shows her “Wolfman’s got nards” t-shirt. So…she’s about as dumb as those dumb kids in the fifth grade. And they were borderline retarded.
Then Tony shows his “Goro’s got nards” t-shirt. I make the same observation.
1:45 – This anti-abortion nut is really going on about how much she loves this movie and talking about her boring as fuck childhood discovery of it.
2:30 – Then she says, “When I moved to LA, I couldn’t believe that other people knew about it.”
Yeah. She’s a big filmmaker, this anti-abortion Jesus nut. Show us your filmography.
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm5110866
Oh. That is…not remotely impressive. She was there for about a year? I guess. And she has a couple of “assistant to the director” credits of zero budget Jesus nut movies.
I’m five minutes in. I’m going to bump that nap up to right now. When I wake up, I’ll MAYBE continue this snoozefest, but probably not.
Yeah, that was refreshing. I’ll go another five minutes.
7:15 –
Lunatic: When I was living in LA, I went out for drinks with one of the characters in the movie at Smokehouse.
Tony: …Okay?
Lunatic: So if you know Smokehouse.
Tony: I don’t know Smokehouse.
Lunatic: (stunned silence) Smokehouse?
Tony: I’m usually really —
Lunatic: George Clooney…I don’t know if he owns it but he named his production company off of Smokehouse. That’s how important an LA staple it is.
GET TO THE POINT! We don’t all know Smokehouse. We’re not all living it up in Los Angeles (or “LA”) like your fucking mentally ill ass, pursuing our Jesus nut dreams.
She got a drink with one of the “characters” in the film. What the fuck does that mean? She got a drink with the Wolfman? And if she means one of the ACTORS in the film, they all must be in their 50s by now. At least. The adult actors must be in their 70s by now. She’s getting drinks with elderly actors? And she’s boasting about this?
Let me look this Smokehouse up. Crazy Casey REALLY wants us to know about it.
It’s a restaurant. Big. Fucking. Deal.
8:30 – The story went nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. So Tony, trying to bring this back on track, says, “Casey, would you please read the back of the box?”
Ummm…no. I’m done. I don’t want to listen to this airhead Jesus nut struggle to read.
- “Where’s Kieran”
Tony abandoned his old crew for Dumb Skank of the Week shit.
- “Wow this girls annoying. Cant imagine how she got noticed
A rare voice of reason in the comments.
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The Top Five Most Re-Played Portions of the Power Pad video – Erin Plays
I reviewed this video here:
That article is a re-post of the original article so it comes with a preamble, giving some of the history of the article.
Anyway, the Power Pad video is Erin’s most popular video, by far. She’s just in a little outfit, bouncing around, showing her feet, and constantly pulling her shorts down because they keep riding up.
She’s a real gamer. This is how you play Track and Field for the NES. I remember playing this game as a kid. My neighbour just got a Nintendo. So I went over and he handed me a little spandex outfit and I said, “Wait a minute. What’s this for?” He explained that we’re playing Track and Field and it requires the Power Pad and this is what you have to wear when you use the Power Pad. Well, okay. I was just ignorant about the NES back then. It was a new thing. I didn’t know the protocols.
Anyway, Youtube lets you see what the most played parts of the video are now. Which parts will be the most popular? The beginning where she gives a history of the Power Pad? The part where she shows the Japanese version? Gameplay footage of some game that has cute food in it?”
Spoiler: no. None of that.
2:10 to 2:42 – Here’s the first spike in views.
“This one has you reaching all over the pad kind of like a less intense version of Twister.”
And Erin is completely bent over and…well, rather than describing this, let’s just get a screenshot.
Uh huh.
“But if you’re someone like me who sits on their butt all day playing video games, you may need to prepare yourself.”
That’s another thing. She says “butt” a lot in this video. And derivatives of “It’s so hard.” I won’t even mention the obvious lie of Erin playing video games all day.
Then she starts kicking her legs out.
Uh huh.
“I failed the first time playing because my ass kept landing on the back buttons.”
Uh huh. Ass. And then she demonstrates same in the video.
So that was the first most re-played section. If your heart can handle all the titillation, let’s move on. I’m doing these in chronological order, by the way. There are four large spikes in replay and one huge spike in replay.
3:12 to 3:30 – Here’s the next one. This time Erin is playing some Barbie dancing game. You’re supposed to follow the digitised Barbie as she dances on the pad. But Erin says, “See? I do my own movements” and Erin demonstrates her own dance techniques. As below:
This is hot, right? A 32 year old woman in front of children’s posters, pretending to be interested in video games while wearing a little outfit? I’m totally flaccid here. I need to make that doctor’s appointment.
Then we see Erin’s feet.
“All my years of drill team and cheerleading are finally paying off.”
It’s just creepy.
3:55 – 4:22 – Here’s the third increase in views. These first three are all sort of back to back and then we get a long lull in the middle of the video where she mostly shows game footage. So no feet.
Here’s where the spike starts. Erin is pretending to celebrate the completion of some Barbie game for children.
But here’s the money shot.
“Uh oh. We’re sitting down for this one.”
And we see a middle aged, unemployed woman on a Power Pad playing a children’s game that’s older than she is and pretending to enjoy it. Kicking her legs out.
“Ooh, this is getting hard.”
So you claim, Erin. Repeatedly. I’m not one to boast about impotence but this is just not working for me. I’m sorry. YOU might think that this is hot, the horntards might think that this is hot, but to me this is just creepy and pathetic. There’s nothing erotic about that.
16:46 to 17:25 – This is, by far, the most replayed section of the video. Erin is playing a game where she’s jumping hurdles. Uh huh. You guys enjoy looking at middle aged, flat-chested women jumping around, right? Then this is for you.
Here she is jumping. She does this a couple of times and then she says “yeah” with her terrible acting as if she’s enjoying any of this depravity.
Then there’s extended footage of her feet as she runs and jumps on this thing.
She continues to yell “yeah”. She also grunts. Then in a breathless voice she says, “This is so…hard.”
We get it, Erin. We’re all hard. Hard and ass.
It ends with Erin passing out from fake exhaustion. She exclaims, “I just started.”
18:40 to 19:27 – The final peak is a longer section than the previous ones. She’s playing some game where you have to jump obstacles while on a wooden log. Or something. There’s probably some sex half-joke in there.
It starts with Erin jumping around. Then she screams, “Oh my god”. Okay. Great.
Then we get to see some more of Erin’s feet. She says, “Rafting. I forget what we do here.”
Probably because you’ve never played the game before, Erin. So this is not a case of forgetting. It’s not knowing. It’s not being at all familiar with the material. Why not just say it? Nobody cares. They’re here for feet, not for pro gaming.
Then she jumps a few times.
“Oh my god. We have to jump really high.” And she’s out of breath again.
Then she keeps failing at the game because she never played it before.
Then it finishes with her bending forward like this, showing whatever cleavage she has, and saying, “I’m going to jump the second it starts moving.” Then she fails again because she has no idea how the game works, owing to the fact that she’s never played it before.
So these were the top five most played sections of the video. I don’t get it.
Does she even have nice legs? They look chubby to me. This isn’t toned. But maybe this is what people are looking for. I don’t know. I have no idea what a nice leg looks like. This isn’t the 1920s. I’m not impressed with seeing a woman’s legs.
The whole video is baffling to me. If I found any of this even remotely arousing, I’d say so. But I don’t. It’s pathetic. It’s a pathetic middle aged woman, with no job, in a little outfit, whose appearance can be described as “average at best.” How is this even remotely a hot chick?
And body-wise, there’s nothing that appeals.
Take Madam Fomo, for example. She has big tits. So I get it. I get why those horntards are giving her money.
But Erin? No. It’s a total mystery to me. It’s a dumpy woman with chubby legs and no tits. Not interested.