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The Time I Went to Graduate School
Every Sunday, I’m going to talk about why I left the US, the process of moving, and my adventures in the UK. Sort of a biography ala James Rolfe, but for free, and in serialised form, and not written by Newt Wallen.
I’ll start with graduate school because this was the pivotal event. Had I not gone to this graduate school, I never would have left the US.
I wasn’t a good student in college. I got B’s and C’s and only managed to graduate by finding the easiest classes with the professors who pass everybody. I’d never studied for a test in my life. I don’t even know how. I also rarely did the assigned work. I just showed up every day and was able to bullshit my way through the tests. Fortunately, there were a lot of essay tests.
I remember one such test, it was on a book, and I didn’t even read the book. Not one page. I didn’t even buy the book. It was a book about smoking called Smoked: Why Joe Camel is Still Smiling.
So the test was some weird bullshit with just one question: “Why is Joe Camel still smiling?” Basically, summarise the book.
I didn’t fucking read it. So I just wrote a bunch of facts about smoking. And it was a politics class and the professor was a communist so I framed it in this sort of fashion. The tobacco industry is making billions of dollars. They have a history of exploiting farmers. They’ve successfully lobbied not to increase tax on cigarettes because they know that higher prices on cigarettes is the main reason why people stop smoking. Shit like this.
The tests get graded and the professor actually read my test answer to the class as an example of a good answer. The shit that I was saying probably wasn’t even in the book. But it didn’t matter. I was able to fake my way through it and I got an “A” on the test.
Graduation is getting close. I start panicking because I don’t know what to do with this useless degree. So I ask a fellow student what he plans on doing after graduation. “I’m going to be a rock star.” Well, okay. He wants to give an asshole answer. But I guess he just didn’t know what to do either.
I didn’t want to work. And I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what sort of jobs I should look for. I had no idea. I had a couple of part-time jobs during college and it wasn’t anything remotely prestigious.
So I said, “Fuck it. I’ll go to graduate school.”
I applied to ten or fifteen schools. All bottom-ranked places, because that’s the only sort of place that I could get into. Aside from my poor grades, my standardised test score was also really low.
I was accepted into two schools. One was the absolute bottom ranked school in the country and the other was…less than bottom ranked. But how much less, I didn’t know. It was a fairly new program at this school.
So I decided to go to the place that wasn’t the absolute bottom-ranked school in the country.
It was a long way from where I lived, but whatever. It’s fine. See a different part of the country. I got an apartment fairly near to the school and it was fine.
I also took out student loans. $50,000 for the year. But this is normal. This is what everybody does.
I had no concept of what it meant to owe $50,000. I went to a public, in-state university as an undergraduate and the tuition was reasonable. Nowhere near $50,000. I had no idea how long it would take to be able to repay this much money. I didn’t know what the monthly bills would be. It’s just, I’m going to school, it costs $50,000/year, here’s the money. I didn’t need a co-signer or anything. I didn’t have any previous credit experience. Nobody cared. They just gave you the $50,000.
This was also 20 years ago. The internet wasn’t what it is today. The information wasn’t out there.
So I get to the school, I’m looking at some of my fellow students, and I’m thinking, “Some of these people aren’t very bright. How did they get in here?” Then I’m thinking, “I’m not very bright. How did I get in here? They seem to take anyone.”
We get assigned to read a lot of shit but I don’t read any of it because this is what I did in college. But on these tests, you can’t just fake your way through it. You have to actually know what was written in the books. So I didn’t do well.
As the year went on, more and more people were leaving. There was a big drop after the first semester, when the grades came out.
The school had a harsh grading curve. The average grade in the class had to be a C- or something. And in order to continue to the next year, you needed a C average. So statistically, a large number of the students couldn’t continue to the next year.
This was all by design. It was a scam. They admitted students who had no business being in graduate school. Who had no prospect of completing the programme. And they had this grading curve that made it statistically impossible for large numbers of students to continue on to the second year.
This was all set up to get as many $50,000 tuition fees from as many people as possible. And this was all guaranteed loan money.
So I didn’t finish the first year. My grades weren’t good enough.
It was embarrassing. I moved all this way. I had to tell my family what happened. Now I’m right back where I was, with not knowing what to do in terms of employment, but now I also owe $50,000. This was a complete waste of a year and I have this massive debt now with nothing to show for it. And the school was a fucking scam.
But I had to do something. I had rent and bills to pay in addition to this massive student loan debt. So I started looking for work.
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Erin Plays and Mike Matei play spooky NES games! – Erin Plays (part 1 of 3)
That’s some costume, Erin. Thanks for making the effort.
It wasn’t too long ago that Erin would release four Youtube videos in October and however many Twitch streams and she’d be in a “sexy” costume in every one of these videos. She even once said that she was going to wear “sexy” costumes YEAR-ROUND. Not just for October.
Now what do we get? Erin in a jacket. This isn’t sexy. Shishi is watching this, he waited all year for this, his tiny dick is in his hand and…this. Erin in a jacket.
Oh, but they’re going to be playing WANPAKU GRAFFITI. This is one of Erin’s “favourite” games. She doesn’t even know the fucking name of the game. She made a Youtube video on this game and played it a couple of times on stream, for money.
0:15 – Mike is talking about WANKPAKU GRAFFITI and says, “You get a shotgun”. Erin says, “Yeah. I always forget about that part.”
What a way to start a stream. Erin “always” “forgets” that there’s a shotgun in WANKPAKU GRAFFITI. Probably because she only played the game three times in her life. Briefly. But yeah, it’s well known that there’s a shotgun in the Splatterhouse games, amongst people who have actually played the games.
0:30 – Mike describes the game as a “cute em’ up” because, presumably, he doesn’t know what the fuck the term means.
Erin has an inkling that what Mike is saying is incorrect. But she can’t put it into words. Because she doesn’t know anything about video games. But she knows that something isn’t right about this.
So after some hemming and hawing, she says, “Cute versions of games is what we’re saying.”
Well, it’s not what Mike was saying. He was saying that WANPAKU GRAFFITI, a side-scrolling platform game, is a “cute em up”.
By the way, this is off topic and I feel bad saying this, but Mike really struggles to read. Watch him reading anything in a game. There will be text in a game and he’ll read it out loud. He just skips any proper names because can’t read it. I don’t get it. Was he not taught phonics? It was all the rage when we were kids. He’s about the same age as me. Just sound the word out, Mike. He can’t do it. It’s unfortunate. He wasn’t given a proper education. He’s been failed.
4:30 – “I am very open. I’m probably too open. I’ll be like, ‘Hey, guys. I can’t breathe right now’ or ‘Oh, yeah. My hand doesn’t work today’. ‘Bad carpal tunnel day. I can’t breathe.”
This isn’t being open. These are lies. It’s the opposite of being open.
9:15 – “I like this game a lot. This is second year Erin Plays, I did a video on this.”
The first of three times, in her life, that she’s played this game. She likes it “a lot”.
So she’s playing the game, WANPAKU GRAFFITI, by the way, and she keeps hitting the attack button even when there’s not a single enemy on screen. Why is she doing this? I guess that she forgot how to play video games. Erin “always” “forgets” how to play video games.
10:30 – Some flying cross hit her. She says, “Fuck, I forgot about this part.”
Uh huh. YOU DON’T PLAY THE FUCKING GAME. STOP THE FUCKING LIES.
This is not a result of “forgetting” the game. She doesn’t fucking play it. She played this three times in her life. Briefly. For a Youtube video or on stream, for money. That’s it. Just admit it. We all know and we don’t care.
It’s the first level, by the way.
11:00 – Erin is talking about a TikTok video that she made. What? Is she back on that? She made a handful of GOD AWFUL videos, years ago, and then I thought she gave up. Let me check.
https://www.tiktok.com/@erinplays87
Oh, she has indeed. Six videos this year. I missed all of these. I’ll have to review them in a separate video. I’m sure that they’re all excellent.
14:30 – “This is kind of like Adventures in the Magic Kingdom, isn’t it?”
A game that she played for a Youtube video. And I think streamed once or twice, for money.
16:15 – “I forget if I have to kill the chairs too.”
Eugh. Moving on.
18:45 –
Mike: I always like this game.
Erin: It’s so good. It makes me happy.
Literally. THREE TIMES IN HER LIFE. That’s the number of times that she played this. Why can she not just be honest?
20:15 – She died so handed the controller to Mike, citing hand problems. Uh huh.
21:30 – Mike is at a boss.
Mike: What do you do here?
Erin: You…have to keep killing — this is hard. So you have to keep…uhhh…you have to keep trying to go forward.
Mike: How? That’s what I’m asking.
Erin: You have to…hit…every mouse. In like…I forget. There’s like a technique to it and I’m blanking. Trying to remember. Yeah, you have to like jump and do it. I think. I don’t know. I don’t remember. I just remember this part sucks.
Brutal. Just be honest with people and then you don’t have to repeatedly look like a lying jackass in every stream.
So when Mike said, “How do you do this part?” Erin could have just said, “I don’t know, Mike. I only played the game three times in my life. So your guess is as good as mine.”
What’s so hard about that? What’s so hard about being honest? Nothing is easier than telling the truth. Lying is difficult. Try telling the truth for once, Erin.
Then Mike figures it out. You had to press some other button. Like a “run” button. Erin “always” “forgets” about the run button.
Then Erin is reading from the chat. “I did beat this before”.
You couldn’t guess by her complete lack of “remembering” ANYTHING about the game.
24:15 – Erin is reading from the chat. “Erin changes her name to ‘1 HP Erin’ and then she’s literally put on life support for her terrible allergy and the doctor says, ‘She’s literally 1 HP Erin.’”
This is comedy to these people? Imagining Erin on her deathbed? I don’t care much for Erin but that’s going too far.
25:30 – She’s talking about some game. I don’t know. “People will say, ‘Well, are you playing it on a CRT?’ Yes. I have a fucking retro game Youtube channel for five years. Like, I think I know that you play it on a fucking CRT. ‘Well, are you doing this?’ And I’m like, ‘It didn’t fucking work. That’s why I’m using the D-pad.’ Because I did a video on it like two years ago.
She’s a real retro gaming pro, that Erin Plays. How dare anybody question her retro gaming knowledge and experience? Five years of having the world’s worst, most ill-informed, fraudulent, retro gaming Youtube channel. This makes her an expert. Anyone who doesn’t recognise this is a sexist retard.
“I love that video but there are so many comments like, ‘Well, did you know that it has to be not on an HD television?’ Motherfucker, do you know who I am?”
Is she being serious?
“It’s like, look at my fucking channel. All of my videos are retro gaming videos.”
Yes. And you exhibit a shocking lack of interest, knowledge, or ability in ALL of them. We see the videos. That’s exactly why people are questioning your fucking credentials. You’re a fucking fraud.
Mike: (in retard voice) Are you sure it’s a CRT and not like a flatscreen LCD?
Erin: I’m going to be like, “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Some normie ass bitch? I know what I’m doing.”
She can’t be serious. But I think that she is. She doesn’t have a fucking clue what she’s doing. She’s a total fraud. Any moron can see this.
Is it possible that she thinks that she’s a real “gamer”? She’s convinced herself? She’s told so many lies about this that now even she believes it?
If you only play video games for Youtube videos or on stream, for money, you’re not…do I even need to explain this? I have three years worth of articles detailing exactly why Erin is a complete and total fraud. She knows NOTHING about video games. She only started playing them when she started her fucking channel five years ago. And she NEVER plays games in her spare time. Not for one fucking second. She has no interest in any of this. It’s a scam to shake down retards for money. Erin is the epitome of the fake gamer grrl.
Mike: Meanwhile, that fucker has like a plasma television from like 2006.
Can Mike possibly believe any of this? Mike thinks that Erin is genuinely interested in video games? He can’t think that.
And his argument is insane. The type of television that one has determines whether or not one is a real “gamer”? It’s ridiculous. Nobody uses this as the test for determining if somebody is a “gamer” or not. There are plenty of people without CRTs who enjoy retro video games. And there are plenty of people who have CRTs who are complete and utter frauds. Like Erin Plays, for example.
26:45 – “I’d understand if I was somebody who’s like, “Hey guys! I usually play Overwatch but today I’m going to try a retro game. Like, if it was out of my realm of what I do then I would get it. But all I do is retro, pretty much.”
The person who plays Overwatch may very well be an actual “gamer”, though. On the other hand, you’re a total fraud, Erin. Having a fraudulent Youtube channel for five years and a CRT doesn’t change anything.
Although, it does raise a philosophical question. How many years of being a fake “gamer” on Youtube and Twitch does it take to become a real “gamer”? Because even though she’s just playing for Youtube videos or on stream, for money, she’s still playing the game. She’s gaining some experience with video games.
I can say that five years isn’t long enough because we can see that Erin still doesn’t know jack shit about video games. She “always” “forgets” everything. She has no interest in this shit.
But in ten years? Twenty years? I don’t know.
Maybe if you only play video games for money, you can never be a real “gamer”. Because real “gamers” play video games for their own enjoyment, not for money. Although, I suppose you could enjoy playing the game while getting paid. But Erin clearly doesn’t enjoy playing the games.
But just look at the volume of time that she’s playing video games. It’s maybe two hours a week? Something like that. Is that enough to consider yourself a “gamer”? Most “gamers” play video games two hours a day, easily.
Even two hours a week is a fairly long time to spend on a hobby, though. If you were a coin collector and you looked at your coins for two hours a week, I think that that’s enough to consider yourself a coin collector. Or if you crocheted for two hours a week, I think that’s enough to consider yourself a crochet enthusiast.
I don’t know. It raises some interesting questions. But what I know is that Erin, as of today, is not a “gamer”. She has no interest in video games. She has remarkably little experience with video games. She has almost no knowledge of video games. And she never plays video games in her spare time. Ergo, not a “gamer.”
31:30 – They’re talking about emulation versus real hardware. Erin says, “When I started Erin Plays, I was like, ‘Everything has to be authentic.’”
Uh huh. Erin is all about authenticity. She’s a real “gamer”. She’s using this bizarre definition, that she got from Mike, that having real hardware makes one a “gamer”.
No. It’s about what you enjoy doing. If you enjoy playing video games, you’re a “gamer”. It’s as easy as that. You can have all the consoles and CRTs in the world but if you don’t like playing the fucking games, as Erin doesn’t, you’re not a “gamer”.
32:15 – “Back in 2007, when I started getting more into retro stuff, because I grew up with the Super Nintendo but (incomprehensible mumbling) before that I started to learn with like DSNES(???) and shit. It’s like that got me REALLY into games again. You know?”
Oh, we know. When I think of retro gaming enthusiasts, Erin Fucking Plays. Who knows more about retro video games than her? NOBODY.
In 2007, she was just chilling with the DSNES. What the fuck is that? Is this an emulator that passed me by? Let me try to figure this out.
No. Not that I’m seeing. This is nothing. Let me listen to this again.
ZSNES? I think that’s what she’s saying. But she said “Zee-Sness”. She said “SNES” as a word. Like British people do. And how Americans DON’T do. And this is something that Mike regularly rants about. He doesn’t like people saying “SNES” as a word.
I always called this “Z-S-N-E-S”. Letters. Like a normal American who knows about video games. So of course, Erin didn’t pronounce it this way because she doesn’t have a fucking clue about video games.
“Because I got, like, kind of out of it for a while.”
This is…just constant lies. Lies and mendacity.
“And then I got into buying the original hardware stuff.”
Uh huh.
33:00 –
Mike: Wait. Do you like video games?
Erin: They’re alright.
Mike knows that she’s a total fraud but for whatever reason, he continues to feed the lies.
33:30 – “It’s so funny. Watching video game content used to be an escape for me, like after work, and now it’s not. It stresses me out.”
Remember going to work, Erin? Remember the feeling of doing an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay? Why don’t you try it out again? It beats scamming horntards for pennies, doesn’t it?
I’m at 35:30. We can stop here.
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Didn’t Expect To Find This At A Video Game Convention – Zap Cristal
What didn’t she expect to find at a nerd convention? I’ll say…a guy who had sex with a woman.
0:00 – Whoa! She’s getting the titties out. This is Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” Cristal, for those who don’t know. She got this moniker from a HORRIBLE nerd convention panel that she did a few years ago. I talk about it here:
Was it really only a year ago? Wow.
“One of the best ways to connect with the community is visiting gaming conventions.”
She might be right. All the more reason NOT to go to these things.
I’m not saying that I’m The Fonz or anything but the people who go to these video game conventions seem to revel in being undatable nerds. They’re dressing up in gay little outfits, they’re pouring gravy on their burritos, they’re going to panels lead by complete nobodies like Zap Cristal. What’s the appeal to any of this? What normal adult would ever want to go to such a thing?
And if you’re going there to try to pick up chicks, forget it. First of all, the odds are heavily stacked against you. There’s like one woman for every fifty guys. And the few women who are there tend to be wives or girlfriends who were dragged along by some guy. And in any event, any woman there is going to be seriously undesirable. Some fat, green-haired freak who’s looking for a fourth guy to be in her “poly” relationship. No thanks.
0:15 – So anyway, Zap went to Pittsburgh Retro Gaming Expo. She’s from Texas. She shows a map of the screen of her route that bears absolutely no resemblance to the route she actually took. It was just a random zig zag thing that she found on the internet.
0:30 – She did a panel with her husband. Hopefully, we won’t be seeing much of that. God. I can not believe that she’s still being invited to panels after that GOD AWFUL panel she ruined by just talking about how hot she is.
If you haven’t seen the video, there were like five women there, the subject was some generic “women in gaming” thing, and Zap made it all about her. All about how hot she is.
Zap is a chubby, middle aged mother in Texas.
0:45 – I’m not sure what message we’re supposed to get from this serious of videos. First, it’s Zap French kissing a Pac-Man statue. Then in the very next video, there’s a kid about to roll dice but it obviously looks like the “jerking off” motion.
Is Zap trying to tell us something? Something about how hot she is? And she uses this kid as an example? It’s gross.
1:00 – “I’m excited because I just bumped into NES Pro Magazine. I am a writer for them.”
Oh. So this is just more self-promotion from this woman.
Then she shows you the article that she wrote in the magazine. Nobody gives a shit. Talk about something other than yourself. Please.
2:00 – Oh, what do you know. A 400 pound guy with some kind of “comedy” fedora and a fat green-haired woman. Actually, I guess it’s more of a “comedy” bowler hat.
Zap is there. Watching them play some board game. Looks like fun. This is really how I want to spend my time.
They could not pay me enough to go to this shit. I don’t know how those cosplay girls do it. The ones that they pay to attend. Those women must REALLY need the money to agree to be around these absolute dregs of society.
2:45 – You guys like really loud musical montages, right? With generic, royalty-free music? Then strap in.
4:45 – Cringe as fuck “sexy”…I don’t even know how to describe this. Let’s just move on. I don’t want to think about this any more.
6:00 – A toddler looking at a pink R2-D2. This is fucking terrible. Who would go to this thing? What responsible parent would bring their children to this? And how did such a person procreate in the first place? We can’t see the mother. Probably 400 pounds and green hair.
6:30: Then the nerd who made this pink R2-D2 gives a look at the internal workings and points out the kill switches. You know…in case this pink R2-D2 ever becomes sentient and starts going on a murder spree.
Then the creator of this thing hands the pink R2-D2 head to his wife. His wife is 400 pounds. At least she doesn’t have green hair.
I don’t like commenting on people’s appearance like this but…you can’t fucking miss it. Obesity seems to be the norm at these nerd conventions. Why? Why can’t you be a giant nerd ANY watch what you eat?
I understand that playing video games or building pink R2-D2s is a stationary activity. So you’re not getting any exercise. But LOADS of hobbies are stationary. You don’t see many obese crochet enthusiasts. Or stamp collectors. Or whatever. But video games seems to either attract really fat people or create really fat people.
And the guy who made this pink R2-D2 is 500 pounds.
7:30 – Zap Cristal says, “I played video games when I was a young little lad, back in the day.”
I…what? She was a boy? Did I mishear this? She said “lad”, right? As opposed to “lass”?
What a fucking moron. Either she’s coming out as transgender or she thinks that “lad” means “kid” or something.
“But nowadays, I don’t really have time to play games.”
Oh. Sure you don’t, James Rolfe. Zap is just too fucking busy. I don’t think that she has a job, but I don’t know. Maybe she does. I’m not sure why I think that.
7:45 – “So I went to the tabletop section and I was like, ‘Oh my god. Oh my god. It’s your girl.”
And she’s dancing while saying all of this. Oh my god. I do not want to see this. This is cringe as fuck. Zap thinks that she’s a hot chick. No. You’re a fat middle aged Texan. Think of your son. He has to go to school. You’re a total fucking embarrassment.
So she ended up playing Dungeons & Dragons with some GIANT FUCKING NERDS. Even though she didn’t play the game before and she didn’t know the rules. She just wanted more attention. She thinks that she’s a hot chick.
And look at this fucking crew. Pause the video at 8:24 exactly. A fat, middle aged guy in a flannel shirt; a fat guy in his 30s in a flannel shirt; a fat middle aged woman; a fat 12 year old mixed race girl; a fat, middle aged Texas woman, and the dungeon master is a fat, middle aged guy.
Then the camera pans out to show the two remaining people in this game. A corpulent middle aged man; and a fat middle aged guy with a ponytail wearing some kind of wizard attire.
What the fuck. Who would possibly want to go to this thing?
Then Zap says, “I kicked everybody boo-tay in that session.”
Now, I’ve never played Dungeons & Dragons but…is that how the game works? Isn’t it a cooperative game? Aren’t you fighting monsters as a team?
But no. Zap kicked everybody’s ass. The first time playing the game. She’s just a natural Dungeons & Dragons pro. She kicked the shit out of that 12 year old girl.
8:00 – Then there’s some cringe as fuck bullshit by this dungeon master as he recreates an orc getting hit in the chest with a +1 sword of flaming or something. This guy’s flaming alright.
The fat middle aged woman just avoids eye contact while he’s doing this. She wants to be anywhere but here. She’s re-evaluating her life. Trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong.
9:15 – “This is my son’s favourite activity. By the way, he’s behind the camera.”
How creepy is this? This woman’s son is filming his mother, who’s showing a lot of cleavage and dancing around talking about what a hot chick she is. Can you imagine such an upbringing? Social services should be called.
“Mom, I really don’t want to film you dancing around in your little MILF outfit talking about how sexy you are. It makes me uncomfortable. Can somebody else do this? Or just get a fucking tripod?”
Then she just talks about this cringe as fuck video game musician.
10:30 – “I am originally from the East Coast. I am from New Jersey.”
Oh great. Newt will be happy to hear that. Newt is always inspired by people from New Jersey who become big success stories. Like Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” Cristal over here.
And for somebody from “the East Coast”, she sure does say “ya’ll” a lot.
Then she starts like, pretending to have an orgasm over bagels. Is that what she’s saying? Or is it “bake offs” I can’t make it out. “Bagels” would make more sense unless bake offs are a big thing on “the East Coast”.
“Hey. Mom. Can you not have an orgasm on camera here? It’s making me really uncomfortable.”
11:30 – Now we’re getting some “power tips” and she inserted audio of children screaming. It’s just weird as fuck. All of this is bizarre.
And…there are no tips. Not one. She teased this shit at the start of the video. She said that at the end of the video, there would be some tips of what to do at nerd conventions.
So what did we get? Just “click here for another video”. That’s what this was. It was all just to advertise another video. People don’t enjoy being lied to. You’re not going to get views like this. And this video has 900 views after two days. She has 5,000 subscribers.
- “The community aspect of conventions is really why I go. I could find items on ebay, but I can’t find human experiences.”
Very sad comment. Maybe lose 200 pounds and you’ll be able to get a girlfriend.
That’s what this is. It’s enormous people, overwhelmingly men, whose obesity prevents them from forming relationships. So they pay to go to these nerd conventions to pretend to have friends for a day. It’s sad.
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Is The New Hellraiser A Worthy Reboot? – Tony from Hack The Movies
New co-host. I can picture how this came about.
Johanna: Hi Tony. Sorry for calling you so late. I’m in Disney World again so can’t film one of your little videos.
Tony: Fuck. Now I have to find another fat chick with no charisma. Which one of my scumbag acquaintances can I scrounge up for this one?
Ohhhh. I’ve read the description. It’s his cousin Monica. How nice.
What are the odds that Horseface is going to talk about how hot this woman is? And do you suppose that she has a “sexy” Instagram? Or even an OnlyFans or Fansly? Let’s find out.
Well, here’s her Twitter:
Nothing interesting there. She also has an Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/storyintheend/
It’s private. And the public picture is her at her wedding, I assume. So maybe this is a normal person for once. How refreshing.
I also had the same jacket as this woman, back in 1994, when flannel was fashionable. So it’s a good start. I’m cautiously optimistic.
I’m six minutes in and Crystal is REALLY OBNOXIOUS. She keeps talking over everybody. I don’t want to fucking hear it.
I’m thinking I might take a nap already. Let my subconscious deal with this shit.
I think that Tony is cutting his hair shorter. Maybe he should just buzz it all the way down. Because his hair is thinning.
I’m at 14 minutes. Horseface HAS NOT SHUT UP. She’s ranting about homosexuals in Hollywood and how it’s wonderful that they create their homosexual visions so openly now. Wow. Horseface is really progressive. Extra brownie points for Horseface here.
17:15 – Horseface interrupts Tony to talk about an orgy scene. She is fucking awful. And she CAN’T STOP TALKING. It’s AWFUL.
God. I can’t with this. She’s not shutting the fuck up. At all. This fat chick hasn’t said ANYTHING. She’s not given a chance.
Let me check out the comments while Horseface drones on about hot chicks or whatever.
- “Damn, Tony’s cousin is hot.”
Dude. Come on. Is this a joke? I can’t tell. It very well may not be. These horntards have no standards whatsoever.
- “I was gonna say your cousin was cute, but then I found out she loved Hellraiser 4”
No. They weren’t joking.
20:45 – Back to the video. Tony asks what the term is when a man solicits a prostitute. It’s “John” but Tony isn’t sure. Horseface doesn’t know either. She says that she doesn’t know enough about sex work.
Uh huh. But anyway, yes, of course it’s “john”. How can you not know this? It’s common knowledge.
23:15 –
Tony: Then we have our main character Riley. She’s getting ploughed by her boyfriend.
Horseface: Yeah, she is!
Tony: Then he pops the “L” word out a little too early for her.
Horseface: Don’t do that. Guys, don’t do that. Oh, can I just tell you, the most awkward thing that’s ever happened to me during sex was this guy literally said, “We make cute theatre babies together.” I was like, I don’t know what the fuck was that.
Tony: What the fuck does that —
Horseface: Because he knew I liked theatre and…like, that was it.
Horseface. Please. Listen to me. NOBODY FUCKING CARES! Take your boring, pointless sex stories and shove them right up your fucking ass.
Horseface: This was right after I graduated high school.
Tony: (clearly exasperated) Okay…
Horseface: And I was going to school for theatre, and he’s like, “Ummm…naked girl, she likes theatre”. Just, you know what, just don’t talk?
This is advice that Horseface should be taking right now. This fat chick clearly doesn’t want to listen to this shit. Tony clearly doesn’t want to listen to this shit. And I, along with everyone watching this who isn’t a horny retard, also don’t want to listen to this shit.
The story is fucking stupid and goes nowhere. She just has to talk about sex constantly. She has to promote the illusion that she’s a hot chick and people want to have sex with her. She’s not and they don’t. Fucking look at her. We’re not blind.
24:00 – Tony asks if Horseface is in therapy. Horseface says, “I actually am. I have a Fansly now and it pays for my therapy.”
They bleeped “Fansly” out because, apparently, you can’t say that on Youtube.
Then Tony starts talking about how hypocritical it is for Youtube to say that they support women but not when women want to make porn. I’m not sure if Tony understands the full argument but let’s move on.
Then Horseface says that Fansly isn’t a porn site and attempts to continue this absolute bullshit lie but Tony interrupts her. You know why? Because this is supposed to be a review of Hellraiser. Right? Why are we talking about a horsefaced woman having sex? I don’t want to hear that. It’s revolting.
I’m going to have to stop here. Will Horseface talk about hot chicks in the movie? Almost certainly. Will she give some more nauseating and pointless sex stories? Yeah, probably. But I don’t give the slightest of fucks about any of that. This is supposed to be a fucking movie review. Get rid of this loud, obnoxious, narcissistic retard so that maybe people can actually get a word in edgewise and perhaps discuss the movie.
Let me search the comments for “Crystal”. This is how Horseface reads the comments as well.
- “Thank God Crystal is back without that mouthy Newt guy.”
Did this guy just wake up from a year long coma?
It’s like on Reddit, I saw a comment asking what happened to Rental Reviews. It’s been gone for like three years, you fucking moron. How can you not know this if you’re such a big fan of the show?
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SupaPixelGirl is Dating a Man 17 Years Older than Her
https://linktr.ee/supa_xo
It’s in her Discord. The link should be on there, unless she removed it by the time you see this.
Here’s a screenshot:
I’m dating a man 17 years older than me
I’m so glad I tried dating an older man
Not sure I can ever go back
There’s no context to this. She rarely posts on this Discord but one day, she just woke up and decided to post this.
And you look at the replies…nobody gives a shit.
She posted an almost identical comment when she started dating a “chocolate” man.
Everything has to be some weird, sexual fetish with her. How about dating somebody because you like them? Have you tried that, SupaNeurodivergent?
Here’s another gem I mined from her Discord. No screenshot, just take my word on this one.
I want to check it out for sure
I actually am wanting to get into dnd
She’s a big Dungeons & Dragons fan, guys. Maybe get your 52 year old boyfriend to play too.
Fucking Dungeons & Dragons. What woman would possibly want to play this? What adult man who isn’t a giant fucking nerd would want to play this?
Erin pretended to want to get into Dungeons & Dragons a while ago. What happened with that? We haven’t heard anything about it since. Maybe this is one of the things that she’s been so busy with lately. Dungeons & Dragons campaigns.
And that Discord is nothing but horntards licking SupaCrazy’s giant fucking ass.
Imagine going to this woman for psychiatric treatment. How come we never hear about SupaMentallyIll’s job search? Did she ever get a job as a psychiatrist or what? Last I heard, she was going to…fuck, I don’t know…Boston or somewhere to do some…program? I guess? Or to look for work? I don’t know. And that’s the last update that I saw on her job search. This was before the global pandemic that wiped out half of the earth’s population.
Oh, her Twitter is public now. What a treat.
It’s nice when 250 pound, middle aged women think that they’re sexy. Hey, confidence. I’m all for it.
Although, I suppose that it does cross into delusion when you start an OnlyFans or a Fansly or whatever. And SupaMastodon did have that infamously bad OnlyFans.
Do you suppose Mike ever lies awake at night and wonders what his life would have been like had he gone with SupaLunatic instead of Erin?
Well, for one thing, he might have a partner who actually brings in some income. Maybe not as a psychiatrist but surely, SupaManiacal is doing some job. How else is she supporting herself? She never seems to be in any long-term relationship. She just goes from guy to guy trying to itch whatever bizarre fetish she has on a particular day. She’s going to be fucking some American Indian midget next.
SupaNuts also seems genuinely interested in video games, much unlike Erin. So Mike would like that, I guess. Even though she only seems to be interested in RPGs, which I don’t think is a genre that Mike particularly likes outside of Legend of Zelda, if you want to call that an RPG.
Her Youtube videos are horrible. They’re probably just as bad as Erin’s videos, although in a different way. But maybe with Mike’s guidance, SupaPsycho could start putting out some interesting content. She’s certainly more interesting than Erin. I mean…who isn’t? She has some personality, I guess. She’s certainly “different”. So maybe if Mike catches her on her manic days or avoids her manic days or whatever is best, he could get some good videos out of her.
Mike has plenty of experience dealing with the mentally ill. Look at what he did with James Rolfe. He took this deeply autistic man and made hundreds of thousands of dollars off of him. And he was able to mask James’ autism for many years. Screenwave couldn’t do it.
I think on the whole, you have to give it to SupaDemented over Erin in terms of who would make a better girlfriend. Sure, she’s nutty as a fruitcake but just the fact that SupaSchizo has a job (I assume) is a huge plus for her. Erin is just a complete parasite. She brings no money in and she’s constantly taking expensive trips to visit her parents. And no personality AT ALL for Erin.
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Erin Didn’t go to PRGE this Year (Five Years Running)
“Sad I didn’t go to PRGE this year. I haven’t been in like, 5 (?) years and it’s a great convention. Too much shit going on rn so hopefully next year. I wish everything cool wasn’t happening in October but it IS the best month, so I get it.”
Oh. Another riveting tweet about something that Erin DIDN’T do. What even is PRGE?
Portland Retro Gaming Expo. What? Why would she even go to that? It’s on the other side of the country. Of all the nerd conventions out there, why did she talk about not going to this one?
But no. Erin’s October has just been too action-packed. She wanted to go but she couldn’t. She has too much shit going on right now.
Like what? Tell us, Erin. We want to know. Personal errands?
It’s completely insane. A tweet about something that she DIDN’T do. And she does this constantly. Because she never fucking does anything. So the only left to talk about is stuff that she DIDN’T do.
Five years of not going to PRGE. Riveting stuff, Erin. Tell us more. What other nerd conventions haven’t you been to?
Totally preposterous. She has no interest in this shit anyway. She’s a grown woman. And doesn’t give a fuck about video games.
The boys on Reddit uploaded some creep shot that one of them took of Erin with Mike at some nerd convention. It was so sad. Erin clearly did not want to be there. Why bother? Why fucking take her there? If Mike wants to go to a nerd convention, go to a nerd convention by yourself. You don’t have to fucking drag Erin along. She hates every second of that shit. And I can’t blame her one bit. I wouldn’t go go one of those freak shows if you paid me and I’m actually interested in video games.
Too much shit going on for old Erin. NO TIME for nerd conventions, one might say.
Justin Silverman replies. “Yeah, every weekend has a convention or some streaming event. But I’ve been just trying to do a lot of spooky stuff since the last few years were a washout.”
Like what? What spooky stuff have you been doing? Anything? This guy’s ripping off Erin’s gimmick here. Pretending to do stuff but really all they’re saying is “I haven’t done ANYTHING.”
Oh, indeed, Erin replies with, “I haven’t even done anything that spooky yet! But yeah. Hopefully next year things are more spread out and I’m more organized”.
But what have you been fucking doing in the first two weeks of October that kept you from achieving all of your nerd goals? Tell us. Why is your schedule so packed?
She has no job. Mike pays for everything. She has nothing but time on her hands. Maybe she was visiting her parents again. Twice a month, she has to check that they’re still alive.
Justin comes back, “Some spooky hayrides and haunts are going into mid-November. There’s time! I’ll let you know what else we’re up to.”
Spooky hayrides? What are you? Eight years old?
“Can the 500 pound man please exit the cart to allow children to board?”
Then some “spooky nerd mom” suggests that Erin should do a panel at PRGE. Fucking classic. Imagine such a thing.
So Erin replies, “Thanks! Yeah maybe one day I’ll be comfortable enough with the idea of a panel, ha. It’s just hard when it’s just me and I don’t know what the hell to talk about”
She wouldn’t have the slightest idea what to talk about. What could it even be? Britney Spears? Sailor Moon? She doesn’t even know about this shit. She doesn’t ANYTHING about ANYTHING. She has no interests whatsoever.
Somebody else says, “Guy Fawkes night is coming up, save the celebrating for that”
Oh, yeah. Guy Fawkes Night. Huge in the US. And what’s not to like? Burning effigies of the pope? Singing anti-Catholic songs? This is the actual fucking holiday. We have to celebrate our beloved tyrant and his fondness for divorcing women.
How any even remotely switching on person can not see this holiday for what it is: extreme bigotry, is beyond me. But people do it. It’s a national holiday.
“Finally finished my Halloween video script (I know, I’m running late on everything 🫠,) dyed my hair, and Rick Rubin let it slip that a new album from The Strokes is coming. I am at peace.”
Ohhhhhh. THIS is what Erin has been doing in October. She wrote a “script” for a Youtube video and she dyed her hair. I can see this taking a lot of time. No wonder she didn’t go to PRGE. She had to dye her hair. It took two full weeks to do that.
Oh, and she read about a new Strokes album. It takes a lot of time to read that.
She does NOTHING.
Somebody says, “Can’t wait!! I love your holiday themed videos”
That reminds me. She used to do these Halloween videos where she would dress in “sexy” costumes. Where are the “sexy” costumes? Where are the videos? She hasn’t uploaded a video in fucking two months. Can we just declare Erin’s Youtube channel to be dead? She’s done with Youtube. Official reason: carpal tunnel syndrome. Unofficial reason: she finally realised that this con is not going to work.
Somebody says, “Mike still a racist?”
To which Shishi comes to Erin’s defence, “Still stalking people you don’t even like?”
Then the guy comes back. “No recommended unfortunately. Loco Bandito.”
Some braindead gay man from TheCinemassacreTruth. I’m surprised that Erin didn’t delete this, though. She must not even read the comments.
-
FIRST LOOK: Garbage Pail Kids for NES
Hey guys! Remember Garbage Pail Kids?
Yes, John. Those cards/stickers from like 1986 that were capitalising on the Cabbage Patch Kids trend? I remember them. What about it?
Well, apparently there’s a new game for the NES based on this property. Some nerd made it in his basement. And John Riggs is showing it off. He was at some nerd convention where this was available to play.
This video is a “short” but it’s the longest “short” I’ve ever watched. I actually had to pause it to make sure that it was a “short”. No. It is. It’s just really, really boring. What seems like an eternity is actually under 60 seconds.
I had a fair number of Garbage Pail Kids cards. The first series are the most valuable and I had, I don’t know, maybe half of the set but I didn’t keep them in pristine condition. With the later series, when I realised that these were worth some money, I started taking better care of the cards. But for the first season, I would write on the checklist to mark off which cards I had and I carried them around with so the corners got a bit rounded and shit like this.
How much are these worth anyway? It can’t be that much.
Maybe $50 for Blasted Billy. I think I had that one. That seems to be the most expensive card that I had. So no big deal.
They also had giant sized cards. These were like, I don’t know, half the size of an A4 sheet of paper. I didn’t have any of those.
The Garbage Pail Kids line started to get really disgusting by…I don’t know…the fifth series? The tenth series? I lost interest after the first series but I’d still buy them on and off. But there came a point where every fucking card was some character eating his own mucus. I don’t want to see this. And there’s nothing clever about this. So that’s when I stopped buying them.
What was cool was imagining an actual doll in the style of the characters on the card. Joltin’ Joe was my favourite. It was just a guy in combat gear with a gun and a stack of dynamite. That would be a cool. What I don’t want is a doll eating its own mucus.
There were also tiny red figurines. I had a couple of them. I remember looking this up before and those seemed to be surprisingly valuable now. I had an Adam Bomb/Blasted Billy and some character with a weird, melted face or something.
Oh, I found it on Ebay. I think. I don’t remember it being a girl but maybe it was. Muggin Megan. Forty bucks. No big deal there.
https://www.littleweirdos.net/2016/02/garbage-pail-kids-cheap-toys-classic.html
They were called Cheap Toys. I guess. And they came in a few different colours. Mine were both red.
Somebody is selling an Adam Bomb for about $100. So it’s not too big of a deal if I still have it or not. It’s not like I’d be able to retire off of this shit.
I never had a Cabbage Patch Kid but I wanted one. My sisters had them. I guess my parents didn’t want to turn me gay. But I did get a knock off version. His head came off a lot but I liked it. I brought it to show and tell in the first grade and then the kids and even the teacher laughed at me so I kind of got off of it after that.
There were also animal-like Cabbage Patch Kids. What were those called? Let me look.
Koosas? I don’t remember that word. But my sister had one. It seemed kind of cool but looking at the pictures now…I’m not impressed.
There was also a World Traveler line of Cabbage Patch Kids. It was just the regular doll with ethnic clothing from some part of the world.
I also had a bear that had a flannel shirt, overalls, and a felt cowboy hat. It was a similar size and concept to Cabbage Patch Kids but less overtly feminine so I was able to get one. The hat quickly got destroyed but the rest of the outfit was fine. What were they called?
Ah. Furskins. Made by the same people who made Cabbage Patch Kids. That makes sense. And yeah, they had shoes. It’s just that shitty hat that immediately got destroyed. Once it gets crumpled, you can never get it back in shape. And it gets crumpled immediately.
I also had a My Pet Monster. Again, similar to Cabbage Patch Kids, I guess. Bit larger. But later, they had different sizes. And a football version. Just the monster in football helmet. They got so desperate.
I mean, if you already have the original My Pet Monster, why would you want the football version? It’s the same fucking character, just with a football helmet.
There was also My Buddy and Kid Sister. I didn’t get any of that shit. I had zero interest in that. It was too gay even for my doll-playing self.
Also, I was probably older by the time that thing came out. Because I remember kids joking about the commercial in school. Let me check.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Buddy_(doll)
Well, it says 1985, so same time as Cabbage Patch Kids. I don’t know.
I remember that commercial, though. That kid riding around on his Big Wheel with the doll in his lap. And were they wearing matching outfits? There’s no way he wouldn’t get beat up.
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Wait they made a movie based on a store ? (SPIRIT HALLOWEEN Movie Review) – Newt Wallen
Newt is in a car with that woman who gave that scumbag story about how her pitbull killed another dog and bit off her finger. As here:
And Newt didn’t give the slightest of fucks about this woman or her story. He, like always, just talked about himself.
Nevertheless, even with this total social unawareness and lack of anything even resembling tact or charisma, Newt managed to get this woman in his car, at night.
Well, she is a large, middle-aged woman. So there’s that. Her standards are low.
0:30 – Newt says that he used to throw this woman’s ex-husband out of the movie theatre that he worked at. Why? What are grown men doing to cause them to get thrown out of movie theatres? Nothing is explained.
3:45 – Newt mentions Mona from Who’s the Boss and I don’t think that this woman knows who this is. Is it possible? She’s too young to get the reference? Well, I guess. I’m surprised that Newt even gets the reference. I’m a few years older than him and Who’s the Boss was cancelled when I was…I don’t know…13? Something like that.
This might be of interest to the boys on Reddit. I remember seeing a disgusting picture of Danny Pintauro that he had put on Grindr or something. Fully naked. And then later, he got AIDS.
This is why there will never be a Who’s the Boss reunion. Plus, everybody is so old now. Tony Danza and Judith Light must be nearly 80 now.
Oh, and what about that little kid? God, I hated that guy. They brought him in for a season or two after Johnathon started getting older.
Billy. That’s it. Played by Jonathan Halyakar. Well, the good news is that he couldn’t get any acting roles after Who’s The Boss. But what’s he doing now then? We don’t know. No social media presence. He’s probably some junkie turning tricks for sandwiches.
4:15 – Newt says that he liked the character who told jokes based on the periodic table because, “I know the periodic table.”
Well, look at big-brained Newt over here. He knows all of the elements. And their atomic weight.
I have no idea what Spirit Halloween is, by the way. Newt says that this is a store but I’ve never heard of it. Let me look this up.
They have 1,400 locations. Only open during the Halloween season. Somehow, this passed me by.
9:00 – This woman, who’s said basically nothing this whole time, says, “Is there anything that you liked about this movie? There’s one thing that I liked.”
And instead of pitching to her, like any normal person would do, Newt just keeps talking. Everything is about him.
Okay, I’m at 13:00. It’s only the midway point but I’ve reached my limit. Let’s peruse the comments.
Nothing interesting. Twitter?
More celebrities who have died. Newt REALLY likes re-tweeting about dead celebrities. People who he’s never talked about once. He just has a morbid interest in dead celebrities. He thinks that when he dies, people are going to re-tweet this information. No. I’m sorry. Nobody is going to re-tweet Newt’s death. And that’s okay. Focus on leading a fulfilling life and don’t concern yourself about the re-tweeting afterlife.
What the hell is this? An eye test? I’m not reading this.
More dead celebrities who he’s never talked about. Mike Schank this time. Fuck off. Nobody even knows who this is, particularly Newt.
“I’m looking for a shitty, plagiarised script.”
“Oh, I know just the guy.”
Yeah, sure, Newt. That happened. Don’t spend all your millions of dollars at once.
Newt also wants you to know that Anne Lansbury died. We know, Newt. Can you stop this obsession with death? It’s fucking boring. To say nothing of its effects on your mental health.
“1 year ago Tonight I had a total nervous breakdown. Lost my best friend. And attempted to take my own life when no one would answer my calls when i needed to explain myself. When i needed help. fucked a lot up. But also learned a lot about myself.”
Uh huh. This was over plagiarism, right? He always neglects to say that part. But his muse Horseface wouldn’t talk to him.
We’ve all lost jobs and muses. Maybe not so publicly. But just get over it. Both the job and the muse were shit.
So somebody asks him what he learned from this experience. Newt says, “To never allow myself to be that guy again. But I also learned a lot of strangers out here in social media land care about me. And I was not alone. A lot of us are suffering. And ill never let anyone feel alone when they needed help.”
Everything is about Newt. What he learned is that people love Newt. What kind of lesson is that? Maybe the less should have been “don’t plagiarise.” Or, “If you’re given too much work to do, speak to your boss and ask for less work.”
He goes on, “In the past year I’ve given my number to total strangers who told me they wanted to die. I sat up with them just to talk. And people have said i helped. I dont say this for pat on the back. I sat had to be a reason im here. That I am more than my mistakes”
More Newtmania from The Ideas Man. Look at how many lives Newt saved. Newt is a real hero. According to Newt.
Then everybody leaves comments talking about how proud they are of Newt and they’re glad that he didn’t kill himself.
This is why Newt continues to behave like this. These people are enablers.
What are they proud of? What has he accomplished? When he was working, yeah, that’s admirable. I was glad to see that Newt found a job straight away. But then he fucking quits to pursue this hopeless bullshit.
And who cares if some weirdos on the internet are proud of Newt anyway? Do your own fucking thing. He’s doing this shit for internet accolades?
There is no chance of any of his idiotic projects ever making a single penny. He’s wasting his time with this shit. And it’s all because he wants to Weinstein Crystal Quin. Fucking move on. You know what women like? Men with jobs. Try it out.
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Point and Drink Adventure Episode 1 | Sloe Gin – CannotBeTamed
This is Pam’s new podcast with her lesbian friend. They’re both lesbians. Pam has been on this woman’s podcast before where they talk about wine. I believe, according to the comments, that this podcast no longer exists. That’s a shame. Watching women with no charisma talking about alcohol had limited appeal? Who could have guessed?
0:00
Petee: Okay.
Pam: Alright.
Petee: Here we are.
Pam: Here we are.
Petee: (nervous laughter) What are we doing? What is this? What’s going on?
Pam: That’s a good question.
(long, awkward pause)
Petee: Yep.
Negative charisma from Pam. She could not be entertaining to save her fucking life. And this is how they start the fucking podcast. Couldn’t they just edit this out? Or start over? Why did they leave it like this?
By the way, this video has been up for about three weeks and it has 1800 views. This is not going to be a success.
Why aren’t women supporting this? Because women, much like men, tend not to want to watch utter trash.
0:30 – Pam explains that they’re combining Petee’s old podcast with Pam’s old podcast. So poop on top of shit.
And what podcast is Pam even talking about? Harpy Maidens? That thing ended at least five years ago.
0:45 – “I’m excited because it’s the best of both worlds because who doesn’t want to drink and just talk about all of the things that we’ve been watching?”
Would you like a list of names? Or can we just say “everybody on earth” and leave it at that?
And is that even what this is about? I thought that this was about alcohol and video games. But now it’s…what they’ve been watching? “What’cha Watching”?
Oh my god. I just realised that they’ve ripped off The Cinemassacre Podcast. There were three main topics that The Cinemassacre Podcast was supposed to cover: “What’cha Drinking”, “What’cha Watching”, and “What’cha Playing.”
This is shameful. Is Justin Silverman going to get any kind of credit for this? Is he secretly producing this? This is fucking Newt Wallen levels of plagiarism. They’ve ripped off THE ENTIRE CONCEPT of The Cinemassacre Podcast.
Also, they’ve ripped off fucking James Rolfe’s negative charisma. And the horrendous intro.
Pam is also autistic, like James Rolfe. As proof, her latest Youtube video is a ranking video and she ranked like fifty games, all alphabetically, and then she time-stamped everything in the description.
If you’re going to rip off a podcast, why would you choose to rip off a podcast that failed spectacularly? Maybe rip off a GOOD podcast.
I can’t wait until Pam starts reading about the lost city of Atlantis. Maybe she’s going to start a band next. Oh my god. She kind of did. She was in that cringe music video, along with her lesbian girlfriend here.
Well, let’s continue with the video. It’s over an hour long and I’m not even one minute in. I just know that I’m going to watch every second of this.
1:00 – Petee says that they’re going to record every couple of weeks. So they’ve ripped that off from The Cinemassacre Podcast too. Recording this shit in bulk.
2:30 – Petee said “lie-berry” for “library”. Come on. This is ridiculous.
Wait a minute. So now they’re ripping off James Rolfe’s special education speech impediments.
3:00 – “Let’s get into what we’re drinking tonight.”
Oh. One might say, “What’cha Drinking”?
Here’s Petee’s Twitter, by the way.
She has 169 followers. She’s been doing her terrible podcast FOR YEARS. She’s managed to amass 169 followers.
So Pam starts critiquing the bottle. She likes the writing on the bottle. Also, “the cork looks amazing.”
Oh my god. This could not be more boring if they tried. Can we get Pam’s childhood friend to make a guest appearance? It might liven things up a bit.
6:00 – Extended discussion about what this shit smells like. Fuck. This is terrible.
7:45 – Pam has her own tonic and slice of lemon ready to go. What kind of a fucking alcoholic slices lemons to put in their drinks?
I have to skip to the next chapter. This is brutal. UNWATCHABLE, LADIES. Do something else with your time.
Fortunately, Pam time-stamped everything.
11:30 – So now it’s “What’cha Watching.” Pam says that she’s been watching a lot of Park Chan-wook films recently. Oh, do tell.
This is so woke that I’m saying that it crosses into racism territory. Petee is Asian of some description. She’s mixed race or from the Philippines or something. So Pam decides that she’s going to watch some films by Asian directors to show how culturally sensitive she is.
No. It’s racist. Petee surely enjoys films by a wide variety of directors. She’s not just sitting at home watching Asian films. She’s a fucking Canadian woman, I assume.
13:00 – Then she watched The Handmaiden, another Asian movie. Come on. This is offensive.
And Petee hasn’t even fucking seen any of this shit. It’s just Pam summarising the movies. Now she’s ripping off Tony from Hack the Movies.
13:45 – Old Boy. Yet another Asian movie.
Imagine you meet an Asian person. At a job, let’s say. It’s a co-worker. And it’s an Asian person but they were born in the US or Canada or the UK or whatever Western country you might be in.
And you say, “Hey, I really like that Chinese food. They do good food. I like the kung pao chicken. And what about Bruce Lee? He’s made some good movies. I liked him in The Big Boss. You ever see that? And what about K-pop? That’s pretty popular now. I’m really digging that Gangnam Style. Oh, and anime. I love anime. What’s your favourite anime?”
You’d be fired before the day is over. Racist behaviour.
This is exactly what Pam is doing.
18:00 – Now it’s Petee’s turn. Pam’s movies were all Asian. So…is Petee going to choose all films made by boring white Canadian women who fuck their dogs?
It’s just some boring shit. Let me skip ahead.
25:00 – Now we’re back to what movies Pam has seen recently. Leonor Will Never Die. It’s a Filipino movie. Petee shakes a bit when Pam says “Filipino”.
This is awkward as fuck. Pam. Are you fucking retarded? You can talk about normal, Western films with this woman. Didn’t you hear what she’s been watching? It was basic bullshit. A science fiction series on Netflix. The Blair Witch Project. What’s your fucking problem?
28:00 – Petee says, “I’m not super into anime”. She has to preface this because she’s going to be talking about Akira. She doesn’t want Pam to get the wrong idea about her. Yes, she’s Asian but that doesn’t mean that she likes anime. Don’t assume these things, Pam. It’s offensive. Don’t you get it?
30:30 – Petee says, “But you also watched an anime, I see.” And Pam says, “I did.”
This is unbelievable. And it seems like Pam doesn’t even like anime. She just watched this for the purposes of the podcast. It’s Grave of the Fireflies, by the way. I don’t know it because I don’t watch this shit.
But Pam chose YET ANOTHER Asian movie. This Petee woman is uncomfortable as fuck over this. She knows what this is. Pam is trying to get into this woman’s pants with this woefully misguided, racist bullshit.
I’m skipping ahead. Petee talks about some other white bread show that she enjoys. Oh. The show is about vampires. So she’s doing the same thing that Pam was doing to her but…I don’t know. Is this vampirism? I mean, Pam isn’t a real vampire.
35:45 – “Let’s talk about video games.”
Uh huh. Do you mean, “What’cha Playing”? God. Justin Silverman must be sitting at home seething over this. This is the biggest plagiarism scandal since Newt Wallen.
So what are Pam’s choices going to be? Romance of the Three Kingdoms? Some lesbian dating simulator, where you can have sex with anime girls, that was only released in Japan? And she learned Japanese just to play the game?
Oh. Return to Monkey Island. Hello, boring as fuck Pam.
Which do I prefer? Racist Pam or Boring as Fuck Pam?
Let’s just skip ahead.
57:45 – Pick Ups. God. Who cares? Who cares what these people bought? Why does Pam think that we want to know this?
1:02:30 – “So how do we feel about our first episode? Feel good?”
What a way to end the podcast. Well, it’s not quite over. They have been drinking a lot. I’m hoping that Pam says, “I have to go piss.”
1:03:00 – “If you like this, check out some more, future episodes.”
Oh god. Where to even begin with this? Let’s just move on.
Oh. No, it just ended awkwardly.
So…that was…that was Pam and her lesbian girlfriend’s new podcast. If you miss The Cinemassacre Podcast, maybe check it out. Petee has no charisma and Pam has negative charisma.
What they need is Justin Silverman and/or Kieran in there to mix things up. Bring some energy.
Maybe Justin could try to arrange for a real buffalo to take a shit on Pam’s face. Now that’s something I’d like to see. Or failing that, maybe Justin himself can take a shit on Pam’s face.
-
Did We Hate The Munsters? – Tony from Hack The Movies
Oh, Tony is hacking some movies again with…ohhh. Are these my two least favourite guests? It’s that faggot who banned me from Reddit and that anti-abortion nut.
Yeah, they have to be my least favourite. I mean, you might think Horseface but no. Horseface is probably more objectionable than either of these degenerates but you’re always guaranteed something to talk about when Horseface is on the show. At least I am. It’s always the same shit, “Here she is talking about hot chicks again” but at least I can roll with that.
These two clowns are just boring. And that faggot who banned me from Reddit can also be annoying.
But it’s The Munsters. I’ve already watched Newt’s video on this. And James Rolfe’s fabulous greenscreen spectacular. But I’m not Munstered out yet. I still have room for Tony from Hack the Movies’ take on the movie. Will he like it? I’m guessing no. But why not? That’s the important thing. Oh, and who doesn’t want to watch 75 minutes of a man reading a scene by scene summary of the movie? So strap in.
0:15 – But first a word from out sponsor…Southern New Hampshire University?
I’m going to look into this, but before I even do that, I’m going to tell you that Southern New Hampshire University is a for-profit, online, scam university.
Now let’s see if I’m right. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s a totally respected university with a long, proud history.
Established in 1932. Non-profit. But it is private. Non-profit is certainly no guarantee of the place not being a scam.
Well, it was an accounting and secretarial school from 1932 to 1961 so…not a university.
70,000 undergraduates? Really?
Oh. I see. No. 3900 undergraduate students and 135,000 online students. It’s a scam.
“Alumni and educators outside SNHU have criticized the university’s aggressive recruiting techniques and nationwide advertising campaigns, comparing them to those used by for-profit institutions such as the University of Phoenix and the now-defunct ITT Technical Institute”
Who’s fucking dumb enough to take university advice from Tony from Hack the Movies anyway? He doesn’t even have a degree. And he went to the same college that Terri Schiavo went to. It was some community college or similar.
Everything has to be a fucking scam in the US. Unless you want to be a doctor or a nurse, I say don’t bother going to college. Ninety percent of the degrees are a total waste of time that will never get you a job. And even in the tiny percent of jobs that require a specific degree, you can just say that you have a degree. People rarely check.
$15,000/year for an online college. Fuck you.
He’s specifically selling their video game design program, one of the most useless degrees out there. You don’t need a degree to make video games. You just need to know how to make video games. You can learn for free on the internet. Save yourself the $60,000+ for this bullshit. You’ll be paying that shit off for the rest of your life while you’re working at Jiffy Lube.
Actually, not even. You need marketable skills to work at Jiffy Lube. Where did Tony work…I can’t remember. Some plant nursery. Just a big store that sold plants and dirt and shit.
God…I’m back to the video…I’m past the ad…and this faggot is unbearable. Good thing I filibustered about college for so long because I don’t think I can watch this shit much longer.
9:15 – Horrible footage of Tony, Horseface, and Butch Patrick in some old tyme car and Horseface is being obnoxious.
9:30 – A picture of this anti-abortion nut, dressed like a prostitute, in front of some alleged Munsters car, and she’s holding up the devil horns.
She doesn’t seem to know much about Christianity, I’ll say that. The anti-abortion stuff, yeah, I guess that’s part of it. But not the dressing like a prostitute or the devil horns. That stuff is frowned upon, at least in my experience with Christianity.
Okay. I’ve made it to 20:30. This is boring. The faggot who banned me is annoying. The anti-abortion nut never has anything even remotely interesting to say. And Tony is just going scene by scene giving a summary of the movie. It’s terrible. I’m going to take a nap now.
Oh wait. Comments. And I found some good ones.
- Since Tony loves Seinfeld references. I’m surprised he’s never referred to Casey as the perfect Girl that Jerry was seeing during the sponge episode. She’s just to perfect.
Somebody replies with, “not creepy at all.”
By the way, a lot of comments about how hot and interesting this anti-abortion nut is. But she’s awful. These retards just want to have sex with her, that’s why they’re saying these things.
- “I’m just gonna say it for everyone..Casey is annoying. Ditsy and likes family friendly horror only.. zzzzz”
A rare negative comment about this lunatic.
- “Casey’s positivity is really infectious. Really fun episode!”
Somebody replies, “she’s better than Crystal, She’s the reason why I don’t watch Hack the movies much. I only watch the episodes she’s not in”.
Indeed.