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Popeye the Sailor Man – NES, Arcade, Famicom Video Game Review & History! – Irate Gamer
He starts by begging you to go to his Patreon. To entice you, he promises videos of NES porn games. “Too hot for Youtube!”
What? We’re supposed to be jerking off to Chris BORES now? It’s a hard pass from me.
0:15 – “Ah yes, the world of Pupeye.”
Get used to this. He can’t pronounce “Popeye”. It’s going to make for very uncomfortable viewing for a video about Popeye.
Popeye has nephews named Papeye, Pepeye, Pipeye, and Pupeye, I believe. Do you suppose he pronounces “Pupeye” as “Popeye”?
0:30 – He says that Pupeye is one of the first NES games that he had and played it “Pretty much since I puked.” Whatever that means.
He sings the “I’m Popeye the Sailor Man, I live in a garbage can” song. But only that much. He says that he heard the song in the first grade.
That’s probably my experience as well. But what’s the next set of lyrics? Because my understanding is it continues, “I poop in my pants like Veronica Gants”, which can’t possibly be right. I think that I just made it up, as a kid. I don’t even know who Veronica Gants is. I think it’s some Judy Blume character.
I’m not seeing it but there is a Veronica Ganz young adult book.
https://www.amazon.com/Veronica-Puffin-Novel-Marilyn-Sachs/dp/0140370781
But that was published in 1995. There’s no way that I was making up lyrics to this song in high school.
There’s no Veronica Gants or Veronica Gantz. And I don’t think Judy Blume wrote for any character called Veronica.
So I don’t know. I just totally made it up then. What are the actual lyrics then?
“I turned up the heater And blew up my wiener” seems to be a popular one. There is no way that I heard that. It definitely involved pooping in your pants.
I don’t know. It’s perhaps unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
I went to a playground once with my friend and there were some rowdy girls who we knew from school riding some like four-way see saw type thing and singing a song about Ronald McDonald beating his balls with a monkey wrench. The wrench got hot and his balls fell off. At least, that’s how I remember it. But we were kind of intimidated by these girls and their aggressive song so even though we knew them, we just left the park.
How old must we have been? Fifth grade? Sixth grade?
What other schoolyard classics? Oh, the diarrhoea song. For some reason, I think that they stole it from Stand By Me, a movie which I don’t think that I’ve seen. This one I remember distinctly because it had a baseball theme.
“When you’re sliding into first and your pants begin to burst/When you’re sliding into second and you can’t wait another second/When you’re sliding into third and you feel a little turd/When you”re sliding into home and your pants begin to foam.”
Now, obviously, the “second” rhyming with “second” is the weakest one but the foaming pants is a close second. If you’re excreting foaming stuff, maybe see a doctor.
Here’s something that was definitely stolen from Stand By Me from the unimaginative retards from my school. Saying “boom bada boom” in reference to fat kids.
Why can’t people make up their own shit? It’s so fucking pathetic to steal shit from movies. You should be embrarassed. Even 40 years later, you should be embarrassed.
Anyway, back to fucking Chris BORES. I’m surprised that he’s even able to release videos given that his computers are all haunted.
2:00 – Chris BORES refers to a singing Olive Oyl as “Taylor Swift.” Oh, what a timely reference that is.
3:45 – Shout out to the Pupeye movie. What a piece of shit that was. I saw it in school. One of the few movies I remember seeing in school. I’m sure that we saw plenty but this was so bad that it was memorable. We saw it in some health class or something. I remember the teacher. It was a fairly young woman. “Here’s what the young people like…that awful Popeye movie starring Robin Williams.”
6:45 – The video ends with some bizarre song over the credits. “Butterfly in the sky/I can go twice as high” and all the while, you see, “Written by Chris Bores, Directed by Chris Bores, Starring Chris Bores, Help by Chris Bores” and so on. What the fuck is this?
Oh. Reading Rainbow. That PBS show for children that I was WAY too old to watch. I was probably in my 20s when it was on. But Chris BORES, who I think is my age, was watching this?
Then at the very end he shills for Patreon again. Chris, I’m not giving you any fucking money so that you can blow it on ghost prostitutes. Fuck off.
When was Reading Rainbow actually on? Maybe I’m way off.
1983 to 2006. I definitely never watched it.
So that’s Pupeye for the NES. At least there weren’t any poop or homosexual references this time around. He’ll never top “boner biting dogs” for a pure insight into his fantasies.
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Radical Reggie re-tweets Darius Truxton hit piece by Smash JT
(Note: This started off as a simple article about some boring Radical Reggie video but it took a turn.)
0:00 – Ooh. Baby got back. This is how he starts the video? Well, sex sells, I guess.
Apparently, the audio didn’t record so he’s just going to play some kick ass tunes while he shows us this nerd convention. I’m hoping for lots more shots of dudes bending over.
5:00 – He’s replaying footage that she showed in the beginning of the video. Unfortunately, it wasn’t footage of that guy bending over.
God, I’m bored out of my mind. How much more is there? What? This video is 22 minutes? I’m not even a third of the way in. Is it just going to be this for the next 15 minutes? This muzak playing while he films videos games for sale?
9:15 – Again, he’s reusing footage. I don’t know if he doesn’t realise this or he’s trying to pad this out or what.
14:45 – More recycled footage.
Then there’s immediately DIFFERENT recycled footage. Recycled footage of stuff that we saw like less than a minute ago.
Reggie, I’m calling a halt to the video. I’ve given you nearly 15 minutes of my time for THIS. If you lost the audio, either record something new or don’t release the video. Because this is trash.
Radical Reggie re-tweeted a hit piece on Darius Truxton. What a buffoon Radical Reggie must be.
Let me see if I can find this video. It’s from Smash JT, apparently, somebody who Darius Truxton regularly made videos about so I don’t think that we can expect an unbiased account.
2:45 – Smash JT is upset at Darius Truxton’s video where he proposed to Ircha Gaming using Amibos. Which was CLEARLY a joke. Is this the best that he has?
3:45 – He shows footage of this proposal video and Darius Truxton has a list of 50 reasons why Ircha should marry him. It’s a reference to former “Youtuber” Wrestling Jesus. Even if you don’t get the references, it’s clearly a joke. Nobody expects a marriage out of this.
4:30 – Then Smash JT shows footage of Darius Truxton complaining about some ZZZ-list “Youtuber” selling his art even though he lacks talent. Darius Truxton is clearly right. But Smash JT puts a message on screen saying that this “artist” Youtuber is talented and Darius Truxton is not.
Are we going to ever get to something worthwhile? The video started with some woman talking about being stalked and sent penis pictures or something. But she never said it was Darius Truxton. Can we get to the alleged stalking?
There’s her video. I couldn’t listen to Smash JT waffle on any more. I made it to the five minute mark. This woman is clearly a lunatic. Even if the person she’s talking about is Darius Truxton, which we don’t know if it is, because she just gives a first name, and I don’t know his name anyway, the story goes NOWHERE.
THIS woman thinks she’s being stalked? She’s out of her mind. If Darius Truxton is stalking this woman, which I don’t accept, he needs up raise his standards.
She’s talking about getting pictures of his penis and whatnot for 14 years. Did you consider blocking him at any point?
This woman is a complete cretin. She thinks that she’s a hot chick, an affliction that seems to be rampant in the online retro gaming “community”. Smash JT is a closeted homosexual, as Darius Truxton has pointed out many times. And Smash JT’s video is clearly just a hit piece full of lies. You might be able to fool retards like Radical Reggie with this shit but not me.
At 11:00 in Smash JT’s video, he FINALLY gives the citation to where she claims that it’s Darius Truxton. And she’s nuts. She keeps talking about “beefy content” and the word “beef” appears constantly. It’s her screen name. This is 40 year old woman.
So I watched the video now. All it seems to be is somebody sending this woman pictures of his penis. She went to the police and the police said, “There’s no crime here. Just block him.” Indeed.
This is a crazy cat lady who thinks that she’s a hot chick. Smash JT is a homosexual who Darius Truxton has made numerous videos about in regards to his shitty videos. So Smash JT is using this crazy woman to try to get back at Darius Truxton for making all of those videos about him about how he’s gay and his videos are shit. But…Smash JT IS gay and his videos ARE shit.
Darius Truxton is an odd fellow. I’m not saying otherwise. But he’s no more a lunatic than anyone else involved in this story.
There’s a simple solution here. If Darius Truxton is sending this woman picture of his penis, which, again, I don’t accept, then he should stop that. Instead, send pictures of your penis to Joe from Game Sack. He seems to like that.
Actually, now that I think about it, Newt Wallen showed his penis to Joe from Game Sack AND 8 Bit Eric. 8 Bit Eric was like the number one guy who Darius Truxton talked about. So send pictures of your penis to him. 8 Bit Eric is also the guy who recently talked about “touching tips” and “gay chicken”. 8 Bit Eric is CLEARLY a homosexual.
So simple solution. Send pictures of your penis to 8 Bit Eric. Darius Truxton gets the thrill of showing his penis and 8 Bit Eric gets the thrill of seeing his penis. Everybody wins.
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Tales of Kenzera: ZAU is a good game… but not a good Metroidvania – Cannot be Tamed
Melons out. Choker. She’s going all out today. She really wants that 100,000 subscribers.
2:15 – I don’t even know what she’s saying. I’ve already tuned out. It’s some game about African tribal characters and…they’re dealing with death and..their feelings…and capitalising on the woke movement.
Not for me, Pamela.
3:15 – She says “bin” as in “garbage” or “trash”. Is this what people say in Canada? Or is this a British term that only seeped into the broader Anglophone lexicon due to the internet.
“Recycle bin” on your computer. It’s called the same thing in the US, right? It used to be called “trash”. Then they wanted to make it more politically correct so they changed it to “recycle bin”.
Was the icon called “trash” in the UK too? I have to assume so. They’re not renaming it to “rubbish” for the UK market, surely.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trash_(computing)
Oh, my god, they did rename it. At least for MacOS (whatever that is).
With macOS Mojave, the Trash was renamed “Bin” in the Australian English localisation, and with macOS Catalina, “Bin” also appeared in the UK localisation
Windows 95 was the change from “trash” to “recycle bin”. That sounds about right.
4:45 – I’m losing the will to live and I’m only halfway through this. She’s a total bore.
6:30 – “The game’s soundtrack is incredible: a mix of African traditional music, synths, and electronics. It’s one I would listen to in or outside of the game.”
Uh huh. What’s your favourite African traditional song, Pam?
She ends the video by telling you to go to her Patreon. No thanks, Pam.
Well, actually, let’s check it out. Now I’m intrigued.
275 members. £197/month. How does that work? People are giving less than £1 a month?
Yeah, I guess so. There are only two tiers. One is £1, the other is £4.50. In the US and Canada, it’s presumably $1 and $5. As per usual, prices get jacked up in the UK.
She offers nothing extra for the higher tier. And there’s basically nothing in the lower tier. You can vote on polls. Whoopdeedoo. I mean, I like polls and all but I’m not paying £1/month for that.
African tribal music. Come on. Who’s rocking out to that shit?
My lady friend seems to know a lot about music but it’s not something that we talk about much. But you can mention a singer or band or song or something and she’ll know it.
Even old shit. There’s some corny as fuck shit that they play on New Years Eve on the BBC. They get some old time singers to sing their biggest hits. It’s to appeal to the elderly, who are sitting at home and watching this shit. I’m listening to this shit and saying, “Who would possibly know any of these people” but she knows the names of the songs and who these people are.
Another time, we were watching some game show, I don’t remember, Pointless or something. And one of the answers was Rosa Parks. There was something about Rosa Parks. And I thought, “That’s a ridiculously easy question.” But she didn’t know it. Instead, she knew some stupid question about S Club 7 or something.
So I start mocking her lack of knowledge about civil rights in relation to her wealth of knowledge about shitty pop music. I’m telling her that she should be embarrassed that she knows S Club 7’s obscure releases but not Rosa Parks. She says, “I knew but Rosa Parks is an American thing. She’s not so well-known here.”
It’s much like Erin. She’s a total fucking dope. Well, I’m not saying that my ladyfriend is a total dope but this is how a lot of people are. They’re interested in stupid trivial bullshit like Britney Spears and Weezer at the expense of of more substantial things.
We were in Pizza Hut and every song being played was from a black band. So I said this is completely bizarre. Everybody in here is white, the city is overwhelmingly white, why is this the playlist? She said, “This isn’t a black band this is (whatever).” She gave the name of the band, I don’t remember, but one of the members is black and the rest are white. So I said, “Okay, whatever, but this seems a very peculiar playlist to me given the clientele.” She said, “Good music is good music.”
Another time, many years ago, I was telling her about a co-worker of mine who was a fat white woman. And whenever this woman talked about music, it would be hip hop or the like. So I said that it’s obvious that this woman is taking advantage of the black guys who like fat white women situation. She made a face and this is when I was still trying to impress her so I backtracked and said, “Maybe she just likes the music, I guess.” She said, “Yeah, just because she likes that type of music doesn’t mean that she likes that type of man.” But of course I was right.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Pam and her bondage gear and tits and whatnot. I don’t know. How is she going to get that 100,000 subscribers? I think that my nude reviews on OnlyFans idea was a bad one. Because that fat hillbilly who pimps out MintSalad stole this idea from me and it doesn’t seem to be working for him.
https://www.youtube.com/@ASEPresents/videos
Oh, I see that she’s watching Star Trek now and other nerd shows. Like that Galifrey Girls that I…eugh…have attempted to watch a few times.
It’s so insulting. These women are obviously not interested in Star Trek and this nerd shit but they’re intentionally choosing to make videos about it to pull in horny nerds. Can it possibly work? They’re nerds, not retards. They can see when something isn’t genuine.
I enjoyed Star Trek and science fiction and nerd shit in my adolescence. I can not imagine finding any erotic inspiration from some woman pretending to like that shit. It’s totally beyond my comprehension. Does this exist? Are there men out there stupid enough to find this erotic?
According to Mint Salad’s views numbers, no. Not really.
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KINGDOM OF THE PLANET OF THE APES Review – Newt Wallen
Alright, Ideas Man. Let’s hear what you’ve got. Apes. A whole planet of them. A planet where apes evolved from men.
Is that even right? I know that the Charlton Heston character said that in the first movie but he was just speculating. He didn’t even know that he was earth.
In Battle for the Planet of the Apes (I think) it’s revealed that there was an epidemic that killed dogs and cats so…apes became pets. I guess that fish, rabbits, hamsters, ferrets, lizards, turtles, et cetera weren’t considered suitable. It was apes. And then these apes became slaves and did all kinds of shit. Couriers and hairstylists and shit. There were big training houses. And then these apes rebelled, with a super-intelligent ape (from the future or at least his parents were from the future) leading the revolt.
When did the apes go from looking like apes to looking like men in ape suits? That part is never explained. Because there’s definitely a scene with a real gorilla or at least a man in a suit that looks like a real gorilla. And I’m sure that there’s a scene with a real chimpanzee as well.
Anyway, speaking of simian-level intelligence, we have Newt Wallen.
0:00 – “I have no slept in over 24 hours.”
And he’s in his car. What an asshole. He loves putting the general public in danger over his own stupidity.
“If you watched the Coin Slots video…”
Which I didn’t and won’t.
He’s talking about his jobs.
I went to a job interview recently. It didn’t go well. Very strange interview. They just asked totally generic questions that they clearly asked everybody. And they didn’t ask a single thing about my work experience. It’s bizarre. I’ve never seen anything like it.
So I didn’t get the job. But I’m going to keep at it.
Maybe I should say that I’m autistic so that I can get some preferential treatment. Get the questions in advance or something. Do you have to provide proof of a diagnosis? Would this be a completely insane idea?
Because the interviews always go poorly, which makes it difficult to get a job, but once I get a job, people are always thrilled with my work. There’s never been anybody who said, “This guy sucks cock. We don’t want him.” To the contrary. When I inevitably say, “This job sucks cock, I don’t want it” they beg me to stay. “You’re the only one doing any work around here. Can you reconsider?” And my professionalism is beyond reproach.
Newt is wearing a sweater, by the way. Not even a sweater like a pullover sweater, which would be gay enough. This is a button up sweater. A cardigan, if you will. Like Mr Rogers might wear. What the fuck is this?
But, I noticed that he’s not wearing his bracelet. He didn’t want to go overboard with the homosexuality.
4:45 – Some kind of whore walks past giving a Nazi salute. Newt gets distracted.
Oh, and then Newt starts talking about his “ex”. You know, that woman who died of cancer who Newt enjoyed fucking up the ass. He’s upgraded her to “ex”. She used to be a “friend.”
14:00 – Newt is still droning on.
He was talking about the other movies in the series. And even mentioned the cartoon and the tv series.
I’m surprised that he didn’t mention Play-Mate of the Apes and/or Planet of the Babes. This guy presents himself as a Planet of the Apes enthusiast?
17:45 – “There were times that made me get emotional.”
Wait…what? From an ape movie? Newt’s an emotional guy.
“Maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m a fucking weirdo who gets emotional about talking monkey movies.”
Well…I wasn’t going to say it but…yes.
20:45 – Newt is working three jobs. Doing inventory in a retail establishment is one of them. Whatever that entails.
That’s the video.
What about Time of the Apes? I know it’s not official but I remember really being into it. I don’t know if I was watching the actual movie Time of the Apes or if I was watching that Japanese tv series that was cobbled together to create Time of the Apes. But this was in the late 1980s. I was a kid. It was on Nickelodeon. And I distinctly remember a scene where somebody gets trapped on some kind of ice world. And that’s how it ends. I don’t know if that’s in the movie or not. I’m skimming it on Youtube and not seeing such a scene.
Is the Japanese tv series even in English?
According to this, no. So it must have been Time of the Apes that I saw. Plus, I knew that it was called Time of the Apes.
It was also a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. I remember they kept making “crap in hand” jokes.
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GEEKOM IT13 w/ Intel i9 – the Only Mini PC You Need – John Riggs
Alright, Riggs, what have you got? Doing a little shilling today?
0:00 – He says that this is a good computer for emulation. Why would I need a separate computer for that? My main computer does that just fine.
0:15 – He says that this little piece of shit can do Wii U emulation. I don’t know anything about Wii U emulation or this device but I’d be astonished if that’s true.
0:45- “This company did send me this for the purposes of this video.”
Well, at least he admits it. It’s not like his bike reviews, which apparently are hidden now, where he pretended that he was suddenly really interested in motorised scooters and bicycles. Because they were being sent to him for free in exchange for a video promoting them.
Whatever happened to his fucking bike channel that he promised us? He should do a channel exclusively for promoting shit. Let’s see how well that does.
“As you’ve seen in my videos, I don’t really review stuff, I just look at stuff.”
But you still get the shit for free. Don’t try to downplay what this is. He’s actually boasting that even though he’s lazy and incompetent, these companies STILL send him shit for free in exchange for a video.
3:15 – It comes with some thing so you can attach it to your wall. I’m trying to think of a reason why somebody would want a computer bolted to their wall. How is this a feature? John Riggs is struggling to come up with an explanation too but he’s desperate to shill for this shit so he’s trying.
4:00 – “I have a decent laptop but it can’t do Steam.”
What? Any laptop made in the last 15 years should be able to run Steam just fine and the available games. Not recent games, of course, but old games. Steam itself, the software, hasn’t been laggy in many, many years. When did it come out?
It was 2003. Yeah, I remember when it came out. I used to play Team Fortress Classic and that used an online service called WON. WON was perfectly fine. No problems. But Valve (the makers of Team Fortress Classic and Steam) wanted people to switch over to Steam. At the time, Steam was…I don’t even know what the problem was. But it was slow as fuck on my computer. So I, like a lot of Team Fortress Classic enthusiasts, resisted the switch to Steam.
Eventually, the switch was forced on everyone as WON was shut down. WON was strictly a platform to play games online whereas Steam is mainly a platform to sell games. But I’m not even sure if that was the case at the time. Nevertheless, this was clearly the motivation to push people on to Steam. They wanted to get people to download their software that sells games.
But it’s been absolute ages since I had any problem running Steam. Even on shitty laptops. So I don’t know what the fuck John Riggs is using. A Hewlett Packard netbook from 2003 perhaps.
4:15 – Default Windows wallpaper. I have the same one. I haven’t cared about my wallpaper in at least 10 years. Nevertheless, if I was making a video, I’d put something kooky on there to give the horntards a little something interesting to look at. Not John Riggs.
He also has the taskbar shit in the middle of the taskbar, as it (inexplicably) is by default. He couldn’t be bothered to spend ten minutes customising this. He’s not going to use this thing. It’s going straight on Ebay after this video.
4:45 – He’s shilling for his JOHN RIGGS controller. Why ANYBODY would want a John Riggs controller is totally beyond me.
And why is he playing Steam on this thing anyway? He spent the entire video talking about how great it is for emulation. Why doesn’t he run an emulator? Play some of those Wii U games that can allegedly be run on this thing.
5:45 – He claims that he uses his computer to stream on Twitch and Youtube. Does he do this? I don’t think he’s streaming on Youtube, certainly. I was unaware that he’s on Twitch but I’m not a real John Riggs enthusiast, I have to say.
But why would you use a shitty, cheap mini PC for that? Surely, your standard, powerhouse PC would be better for that.
6:00 – He says that this mini PC would also be good for demonstrating games at conventions if you’re doing a panel. You know…for all of you who do panels at nerd conventions.
Why wouldn’t you just use a laptop? I mean, you’d still need a fucking monitor. Are you going to lug a monitor with you or just hope that there’s a monitor there and you can hook everything up and it will work? What advantages, if any, does this thing have over a laptop in this situation?
6:30 – “Can you imagine what it would be like if we had these during the days of LAN parties.”
But we didn’t. So what are you suggesting? This thing would be good for time-travelling? “If I ever go back to 1995, I’m bringing this thing with me.”
I think that somebody in 1995 would be more impressed with the sleek laptops that we have today. Also, would a monitor in 1995 have the necessary ports? Didn’t they have those big multi-pin connections? What are they called? Serial ports? Surely, this mini PC doesn’t have a serial port.
So you’d be in 1995, ready to join your LAN party, with a brick. Also, there are USB connections. How are you going to plug your 1995 keyboard into this thing? 1995 keyboards have those circular pin connectors. Same with mice. You’d be totally fucked. You’d be the laughing stock of that LAN party. “You fucking retard. You travelled back in time and brought THIS? This useless piece of shit? Why didn’t you bring one of those sleek laptops that I read about in Omni magazine?
I wonder about the voltate too. Even if you could hook this thing up to a 1995 monitor, would it blow the monitor up? Because I had a tablet that was just a few years old and when I plugged it into a modern computer from just a few years later, it fried.
What would I bring back to 1995? My phone, I guess. Imagine showing the touch screen and the camera and the internet access. Did they have wifi in 1995? Perhaps not. Well, the touch screen and the camera then. The high resolution. It would blow minds.
John Riggs would just be jerking off with his useless mini PC.
So anyway, if you use his promo code you get 5% off. FIVE PER CENT! How much does this thing even cost?
I won’t click his links because I think he gets a penny if I do that.
SIX HUNDRED BRITISH POUNDS! Or 829 Freedom Dollars. What the fuck? I was thinking £100. For that money, why wouldn’t you just get a pretty good laptop or desktop computer?
And on the website, they give you a 5% discount. Do you get another 5% discount if you use John Riggs’ promo code? I doubt it.
And 5% is an insulting discount. I don’t think that I’ve ever seen a 5% discount on ANYTHING. Nobody would advertise a 5% discount. Anything less than 10%, forget it.
Staying on the subject of time travel, imagine going back in time to, say, 1924 with a copy of Juggs magazine from 1995. You’re hanging out with Al Capone and flappers and shit and you show them this copy of Juggs. It would blow their minds. They had magazines in 1924, of course, but it was all print. There weren’t any pictures. And they didn’t have glossy pages. And they didn’t have women with giant fake tits.
People would think that you’re some kind of wizard just by bringing a MAGAZINE back in time.
People talk about bringing a medical kit back in time or a laptop or some kind of modern gun or something. No. I’m bringing a copy of Juggs every time. Doesn’t matter what the year is (as long as it’s pre-1970 or so).
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A Big Fat Channel Update (1 Year of Mad Panic Gaming)
If this is anything less than news that he’s going to start reviewing prostitutes and/or brothels, I’m going to be disappointed.
0:00 – So we see Jim in his apartment with his 8 year old boy haircut. I’ve never seen anything like this. He’s in his mid 30s, I think. I used to think that that he was much older than that. But he has this 8 year old boy haircut. What is wrong with him? It screams, “I’m a creep.” And he is a creep. But why advertise?
He jokes that his apartment isn’t luxurious. Well…maybe don’t spend all of your money on prostitutes and you can get something better.
I’m four minutes in and losing the will to live. He’s saying nothing. He’s just talking about the type of videos that he makes. Who cares?
7:00 – “Shooting videos with Destiny, my little buddy Destiny Fomo. Any time she comes out here…for a vacation, we’ll make time to get together. To go game hunting or, you know, we’ll go hit some arcades or even hit a bar or two, you know. Get up some shenanigans. So I always appreciate that.”
Uh huh. We know what you do. Don’t insult our intelligence. Your “little buddy” (creepy as fuck) is not there for “vacation”. She’s a whore, getting pimped out by TuanX, and you’re a john.
I feel like “john” isn’t used any more. Am I old fashioned? Or is it a regional thing? I think that “trick” is the preferred term nowadays.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Client_(prostitution)
Well, “john” is on there and seems to be given equal status to “trick”.
“In 2018, Pope Francis described clients of prostitution as criminals.”
What a weird comment for a pontiff to make. No shit, they’re criminals. That’s just a legal issue. Can you give an opinion on the morality of it? Surely, people should be more concerned about going to Hell than going to prison.
I’m trying to get through this video and you know what I’m reminded of? Charlie Bucket from the 1970s Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Same hair as “Kid” Shoryuken.
I saw an interview with the guy who played Charlie and he said that when he showed his son the movie, his son asked him why he was wearing a wig during the movie. It’s true. It looks like a wig. But that was the the style, I guess. For 8 year old boys, anyway.
He’s been talking about his plan for upcoming videos. Spoiler: it’s nothing interesting. Prostitution isn’t even mentioned in passing.
I’ve got to turn this off. I can’t made it to 11 minutes or something. He’s boring.
Bring on the prostitutes. The Newt Wallen strategy.
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Should you buy the Nintendo Gameboy or the Analogue Pocket? – Lydgendary
Interesting question, Lydia. Do I want a system from 40 years ago that plays only Game Boy games and requires the actual cartridges (which cost money) or a brand new system that plays everything, for every system, for free? Umm…I think that I’m going to go with the latter.
0:00 – Oh baby. Get those milkers out, baby. I just like having an excuse to say “milkers”. I think that’s the main appeal of Lydia’s videos for me.
Why is she talking about *nostalgia* with the Game Boy? She wasn’t even born during the thing’s lifespan, surely.
Oh, and here’s another reason not to get a Game Boy: green screen. Is that what you want? Or do you want the full colour of the Analogue Pocket? Also, more buttons on the Analogue Pocket. Not that you need more buttons on the Game Boy because the fucking thing only plays Game Boy games. Assuming you can get this ancient hardware even working.
She says that she doesn’t have an original Game Boy because they’re really expensive. Really? Let me look this up.
Fifty pounds on Ebay all day long. Lydia, you send me a video of you doing jumping jacks (or “star jumps”, if you prefer), topless, and I’ll send you a Game Boy. I think that I can swing the £50.
1:15 – No backlight. Oh yeah. That’s another thing. Reason number ten billion not to get a Game Boy over an Analogue Pocket.
5:00 – “I don’t think there are many pros to having the Game Boy consoles.”
Well, no shit. Nor do I. So what was the point of this video?
7:00 – “I hope I didn’t come across as too negative because, like I said, I still think it’s a really great console.”
This was YOUR stupid idea. You don’t have to make me feel better. I never claimed that buying a Game Boy is better than buying an Analogue Pocket. NOBODY is saying that.
She should make this a whole series. The possibilities are endless.
“Which should you buy: an Atari 2600 or a Playstation 5?” And then she just says, “Well, duh. Obviously, the Playstation 5. What’s wrong with you? Why would you even think of purchasing the Atari 2600? It’s old.”
“Which should you buy: a 1993 Ford Fiesta or a 2024 BMW 1 Series?” “What are you fucking retarded? If you have the money, you go with the BMW. This isn’t a choice. The 1994 Ford Fiesta offers no advantages over the 2024 BMW 1 Series.”
Oh, and here’s another advantage of that Analogue Pocket has over the Game Boy, according to Lydia: IT’S CHEAPER.
So it’s cheaper, the games are all free, it’s in colour, more buttons, it’s new, it doesn’t require batteries, and you can play every game ever made for every console.
7:30 – “I can’t see why you wouldn’t want to be playing the games on this.” Yeah. No shit. Who was the retard saying that Game Boy is better? The strawman is really getting a pounding today.
8:00 – Oh, it actually is more expensive than the Game Boy. Way more. She says £350 and that’s for a USED one. Can this be right?
I’m seeing it for £220, new, on what I assume is the official website. Why did she say that it’s sold out?
11:45 – Now she’s doing a side by side comparison of how the games look. Can we just assume that they look better on the Analogue Pocket? For one thing, I think that it has a backlit screen.
17:30 – “That’s the video. Please let me know down in the comments which you prefer.”
WHO’S THE MORON WHO’S GOING TO SAY ‘GAME BOY’? The video made no sense. I’m sorry, Lydia. I’ll still give you some loving but this video was complete nonsense.
I think that it could have been easily fixed if you just framed it differently. Instead of making it a question, “Which one is better?” just state the obvious “Here’s why you should buy an Analogue Pocket instead of a Game Boy.”
Apparently, this Analogue Pocket doesn’t use emulation. It’s replicating the actual hardware. And I think that you have to buy adapters if you want to play games from other consoles.
That’s a big negative for me. Why are uber nerds so opposed to emulation? It works. As far as I’m concerned, it works 100%. At least as far as 16 bit and previous consoles are concerned. And my experience is from 20 years ago. It was perfect. No problems. It’s surely only improved since then.
“Oh, but there’s one frame of lag per hour with emulation.” I dont’ give a shit. It seems to work perfectly fine to me. Take your missing frame and shove it up your ass.
It’s denigrating the work of these hard working nerds who devoted their lives to making these emulators so that we could play these games for free. And with scandalous exception, they released these emulators for free. You’re going to spit in their faces over ridiculously imperceptible lag?
What do you think the guy who made ZSNES is doing today? Probably getting fucked in the ass.
http://www.emulationzone.org/articles/interviews/zsknight.htm
There’s an interview of “zsKnight_”, one of the creators of ZSNES. It’s undated but judging by the website design, it was probably from at least 20 years ago.
He says, “
Currently, I’m single, 20 years of age (going 21 within a couple months), and currently studying at Simon Fraser University in BC, Canada.”
Guarantee that that guy is still single. Single or gay or both.
I, for one, value the contributions that these sexless nerds gave to the world. I’m not going to hold that phantom lag over their heads and insist that their work is shit and that we should all buy hardware that replicates the original hardware. There’s no fucking need. Thanks to these social retards we have software that does it for us. Totally free software. Totally free software that will turn ANY computer made in the past 20 years into, for all intents and purposes, the original hardware in question.
Somebody should build a memorial to these people. Untold millions of hours spent on this and they did it not expecting a penny and not receiving a penny. While their fellow students were out getting drunk and having sex, these guys were sitting at home, hunched over a computer, trying to get Super Punch-Out to run on their computer. Other people might dismiss their work and sacrifice but not me.
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The Crow is A Tragic Tale On And Off Screen – Tony from Hack the Movies
I’m not watching this. Not for one fucking second. “Joey C” is on here. That guy who’s so desperate for attention that he dresses like a woman.
But I’m reminded of some guy, at the end of my martial arts experience, talking about Brandon Lee. It was some guy in his 30s or 40s. There were some real weirdos doing martial arts in their 30s and 40s when I was a kid. And this guy…mistakenly called some kid Bruce and somebody corrected him and said that his name is Brandon and then this guy said something like, “Well, Bruce had Brandon”.
Brandon Lee had died a year or two previously.
Anyway, I started taking tae kwon do in probably…the fifth grade? Maybe fourth grade. I was inspired by The Karate Kid, a movie that I don’t even think that I had seen.
I went to some place near my home. I’d walk there, in my uniform, which even at the time I found embarrassing.
Originally, I went with some hillbilly neighbour but he quickly lost interest. He only stuck with it for a month or two. But I kept going.
I was one of the older people in the class but…I couldn’t have been older than in the fifth grade because I know by the sixth grade, I was already a pro. How old are you in the fifth grade? Ten? I find it hard to believe that I was one of the older students at 10 but I was.
Anyway, I’d go there. The instructor was a Mexican guy. Oddly, one of the first Mexican guys I knew. Now, you’d go to that town and it’s mostly Mexicans but at the time, the town was overwhelmingly white.
He actually knew about tae kwon do and I would come to learn, from later going to other schools, that this is rare.
It wasn’t some McDojo where they push belts and belt tests and fees for belt tests. He rarely had belt tests. Two years went by and nobody had a belt test. In these McDojos, you can go all the way to black belt in two years. And he didn’t charge for any tests or the belts. This might explain why the tests were so infrequent. He didn’t have money. He wasn’t making money from this place and he worked full time in an industrial job.
But it wasn’t about belts. It was about learning how to do tae kwon do. And he knew the correct form. He knew the movements. And we would go in and practice this. He taught the class. It wasn’t some bullshit like I’d see elsewhere where he would just open the class and then some weird middle aged “student” would take over. This guy gave the lessons.
I was never good at any sport or any physical activity but tae kwon do was where I was at. I was limber, I was tall, I was quick. It was not long before I was kicking the shit out of everyone.
There was only one time when I had to put my skills to use on the streets. I’m sure that I told this story here before. It was the sixth grade. I was in the playground and somebody threw a football at some kid’s face. I was then blamed for it. Anyone with a brain would know that I didn’t do it. I literally never threw a football in my life at that point. I didn’t fucking play football during recess. I never did any of that shit. But I got blamed for it, almost certainly by the guy who actually threw the football.
So this kid who got hit is looking at his glasses and indicating that they might be broken. This kid is the biggest nerd in the school. I tell him that I did not throw the fucking football but he doesn’t believe me. So a crowd forms as this kid starts lightly punching my arm. And I’m saying “ow, ow, ow” sarcastically as he’s doing this. The mob of people are all cheering for this kid, sarcastically. The only person cheering for me is my friend.
As this kid continues to punch my arm, I realise that he’s not going to stop. So as he goes to punch me again, I shift back, grabs him by the wrist, twist his arm, and with my other hand, I punch him in the stomach. All in one swift movement. I didn’t hit him particularly hard but he acted like I broke his ribs. Then everybody scattered and the fight was over.
Looking back, I don’t think that I’ve ever seen a good playground fight. They happened sem-regularly but I can only remember one and it sucked. It was between two pretty fat guys. One of the guys got into a lot of fights because people would pick on him. I guess that this guy got sick of it so he started swinging at this other kid. Really full force haymaker punches. And he missed every fucking time. This other fat kid just danced around and after every missed punch, he would slap the kid around a little. Literally just open hand little slaps. It was comical. But he was able to win the fight like that and nobody got hurt. So that’s good.
So tae kwon do. I did it for years at this Mexican guy’s place. Then in the eighth or ninth grade, he closed. Just one day, it wasn’t open. I still kept going for a while to check and then one day I saw him in there so I went in. He told me that he couldn’t afford to keep the place open any more. I was a little tearful, which makes me think I was younger than I think I was. Could I really have been in high school and tearing up over this? Maybe. And then he suggested that I join some other tae kwon do place that had opened a couple of years earlier and was the driving force for this school shutting down.
So I went there and it was fucking dogshit. Total conman running the place. McDojo all the way. Belts adorned the walls of all colours of the rainbow. It was me and some six year old in some free “trial class”. And I remember this guy saying, “Okay, who has the magnet in their pocket?” It was some stupid “joke” about how we were standing too close to each other.
He also had a questionaire that we had to fill out. Some bullshit. “What do you want to be when you grow up” and shit like this. Hey. Guy. I’m here for tae kwon do, not the bullshit. Can you just teach some tae kwon do?
He also charged ridiculous amount of money.
He didn’t know shit and he was a total fraud so I told my mother that I didn’t want to go.
But later, I’m thinking in the 10th grade, I did end up taking classes from that guy, briefly. By this time, he had moved to a small McDojo, in a little…what do you call it…the word “mall” is in the term but it’s just like three or four stores.
His students were shit. He was shit. And I ran roughshod over everyone. He hated it. He hated it because it exposed how little this guy knew about tae kwon do and consequently how ill-prepared his students were.
Everything I did was better than everyone else. Those people couldn’t do forms, they didn’t know how to throw a proper kick, they couldn’t do shit. To give a small but important example, when doing forms (which are a series of block and punches, mostly…I think it’s called “kata” in karate, I don’t know the Korean term) they would just lumber along. But I was taught to slide your feet together and then out. So you move your feet together and then out in a graceful motion as you walk. But these clowns just stomped around. And when this joke of an instructor saw me doing that, he said, “Oh yeah. Slide your feet together when you take a step.”
I had to fucking show him this. He didn’t know it.
I also beat the fuck out of him. We would spar. He was shit. He’s getting his ass kicked by a 10th grader.
I was there for maybe six months. Maybe not even that long. I fucking hated it. I hated that guy. Fuck that conman.
I also went to the guy who taught this guy, and now that I think of it, maybe I went to this guy’s instructor before I went to this guy. I can’t quite remember the order now.
But the guy who taught this conman was a total conman himself. But at least this guy knew tae kwon do. It was an old Korean guy. This conman instructor was a white guy.
So anyway, this Korean guy was really good. On the rare ocassions when he would demonstrate a kick or something, it was clear that he knew the technique. The problem is, this lazy piece of shit didn’t teach anything. He’d open the class and then sit in his office and jack off while some 17 year old brown belt “teaches” us.
I went there originally with some little kid who my sister used to babysit for and his mother. His mother took tae kwon do as a kid and now she was one of those weirdos doing it as an adult. They didn’t last long, though. Maybe two or three months. And that instructor basically let her run the class. This woman who just started. I mean, she took tae kwon do as a kid and got a black belt but this was years ago. And in the class, she was a white belt because this guy didn’t recognise belts attained elsewhere, not even black belts. So you had this white belt woman, who only started recently, teaching this class of like 8th to 12th graders, with a few weird adults mixed in.
Once again, I beat the fuck out of everyone. These people were never taught anything. And it was all the more embarassing because I was a white belt and I was kicking the shit out of their black belts.
The instructor even told me, “You’re better than the others.” He said this in private to me and this wasn’t something that he was saying to everyone to boost their self-esteem or anything. He was genuine. I was genuinely better than everyone. I had been doing this for like seven years at this point. And I was taught by a guy who actually knew what the fuck he was doing. That Mexican guy.
Looking back, there were a lot of things I didn’t like about that Mexican guy. He could be a dick. And he was teaching us aikido or something on some days because he was taking aikido classes. So it’s like rolls and shit. Tumbling bullshit. I don’t want to do this. This isn’t what I signed up for. And this guy isn’t even qualified to teach this. I don’t think that he was a black belt or whatever the ranking system is.
One guy actually complained. He said that he comes here to learn tae kwon do, not anything else. And this guy was encouraged by his parents to complain about it.
So the next day, the instructor comes out and compares his school to college. “When you go to college, you don’t just take classes in your major. You also have to take classes in foreign language, and history, and art, and…” Yeah. And that sucks dick too. Why copy the bullshit parts of college?
For a month, in like the 10th grade, I also went to some other place but they shut down shortly after they opened because the instructor got injured or something.
Anyway, then there was the final place that I went to. By this point, I had exhausted all of the tae kwon do schools in like a 20 mile radius. So I went to a karate school. Another conman who didn’t know shit. It was some creepy old white guy. I was probably in the 11th grade.
He was dismissive of tae kwon do. He didn’t like that I had long hair. And he didn’t like that I was better than everyone. The only saving grace is that he never had any sparring in class so that it would become demonstrably clear how much better I was than everybody else.
There was some like 8th or 9th grade girls in the class who he would make creepy comments to. There was a girl handing out birthday invitations to the other girls and this guy asked if he was invited and she said, “You can come if you want” and he declined. Then there was a mark on her wrist one day, or something, and he asked if it was from handcuffs. I don’t remember the exact context but it was definitely a sexual comment and she was offended by it and stopped coming to lessons not long after.
This is also the guy who kept punching my balls over and over just to confirm that I wasn’t wearing a cup. I told that story before. He was clearly getting off on it.
There was another time where we had to take our shirts off. This instructor wasn’t even there, it was some middle aged guy who always taught the class anyway. But he tells us to take our shirts off since there weren’t any girls there. He even commented how uncomfortable I looked.
Guy…I am not there to take my fucking shirt off and do your fucking nonsense. It was some complete bullshit about seeing how your muscles move when you do particular moves. And I had absolutely no musculature and didn’t want to fucking be there, as a 16 year old, with my shirt off, with a bunch of a fucking creeps. Just teach us the fucking moves. These people are shit. Do you want me to take over? They don’t know anything.
I quit that place after three or six months too. It was over that “osu” shit where I failed my impromtu yellow belt test because I didn’t give a shit about belts. I told this story before too, presumably in the same post as the other one.
So I was taking martial from…the 4th or 5th grade to…maybe the 9th grade with that Mexican guy and then sporadically until the 11th grade. And then I quit. I ran out of places to go to. I still wanted to do it but these places all sucked dick and I knew it. Only that Mexican guy knew what he was doing.
It was a good experience, though. It was the one sport-type thing that I did that I was good at. So it was good for self-esteem and balance and maybe even some discipline.
This was basically me at every one of these McDojos that I went to, except I kept my gi on:
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What Is the Best Castlevania? – 20th Anniversary of Angry Video Game Nerd – Cinemassacre
James Rolfe, who has autism and is obsessed with numbers, chooses THIS to “celebrate” the 20th anniversary of “the nerd”? Some boring as fuck, “What’s the best Castlevania?”
0:15 – “But first, a word from our sponsor.”
That’s all that this is about. Getting these fucking sponsorships out.
James is dressed as a bald vampire, by the way.
2:15 – “I became somebody who you now know as the fucking Nerd.”
I HATE when he refers to himself as “the Nerd”. It’s the second time in this fucking video that he’s said this. Does anybody actually call him that? Not “AVGN”?
He says that’s not going to appear in this video because he didn’t appear in his first video. Or, much more likely, he’s doing this because he’s lazy as fuck and just threw this video together last minute.
3:15 – “Spiteful fart cloud of frustration”. And a disgusting CGI graphic of a fart cloud appears along with the accompanying sound effect.
Even after 20 years, this guy has NO IDEA why people watch his videos. I’ll give you a hint, Jimmy: it’s not the disgusting scat fetish references.
4:15 – He says that he’s already said what the best Castlevania game is in his Castlevania IV video. So what, pray tell, is the fucking point of this?
7:30 – James says that he beat some Playstation Castlevania game in three hours on “easy” mode. God. This guy is all about not spending time on anything and playing games on “easy” mode. Erin, a complete fraud, does the same exact shit.
Why even pretend that you’re interested in this shit? Why do it at all? Why force to play video games? Just get that faggot Sean to play the games, you read the script, and that’s that.
And he keeps just saying that Castlevania IV is the best game. Because you can whip in eight directions. That’s his only criteria.
Mike Matei recently made a tweet or something where he said that Castlevania IV is the easiest Castlevania game because you can whip in eight directions. That’s clearly where this video came from. Mike was already writing the script for this episode when he tweeted that.
Oh god. I’m only halfway throught this shit. It’s 25 minutes long. I’m bored as fuck. We get it, James. You just want a game where you can whip in all directions. And can be beat in under three hours on easy mode.
14:00 – For the 100th time in this video, he says that whatever game he’s playing (Rondo of Blood, I think) isn’t better than Castlevania IV BECAUSE YOU CAN’T WHIP IN EVERY DIRECTION.
Can somebody just sit this moron down and explain to him that it was a gameplay choice because otherwise the game becomes too easy? I’m sick of fucking hearing this. Twenty five fucking minutes of James Rolfe complaining that you can’t whip in all directions?
18:00 – “It still bugs me that they never brought back the eight directional whipping.”
WE KNOW!!! This is unfuckingbelievable. He’s talking about yet some other Castlevania game and he can not stop fucking talking about this. It’s his complaint in every fucking game. If a game has eight directional attacking: good. If it doesn’t: bad.
This was the big 20th anniversary video. James Rolfe’s autistic fixation on eight directional attacking.
21:15 – He’s talking about why Castlevania IV is his favourite. “Why is the eight directional whipping so important?”
BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING RETARD WHO CAN’T GET PAST THIS.
22:15 – “If it wasn’t for Simon’s Quest, you might not have known about me and I might not have known about you.”
What the fuck does he know about his audience? He doesn’t engage AT ALL with the people who go to his channel. He doesn’t respond to a single comment. His Twitter is run by Justin Silverman. He’s certainly not interacting with those homos on Reddit.
Is he reading the blog? I dare say that he is. Like half of the hits that I get are from Pennsylvania. And a blog is James Rolfe’s idea of the internet. Every time a new Cinemassacre video comes out, he’s eagerly checking the blog. “What did he think of THIS episode? Aww…dang.”
23:00 – Then it ends with a montage of James Rolfe’s receding hairline. It’s in black and white with maudlin copyright-free music playing throughout.
Let’s see what the homos on Reddit had to say.
They seem to mostly be complaining that he doesn’t appear on screen (making it more difficult to jerk off) and that this is recycling Mike’s work. Does nobody mention his obsession with the eight directional attack? That was the whole fucking video. Maybe they haven’t watched it yet. I’m writing this shortly after the video was released.
Anyway, another awful video from Screenwave, Inc. If anyone at Screenwave knew how to make an interesting video, why wouldn’t they be doing it themselves? It’s not like it’s difficult to get on Youtube. So you get these guys have absolutely no talent for this shit.
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Ghost Doctor LIVE Q&A Podcast – Irate Gamer
So we’ve got Chris BORES doing his ghost hunting scam.
God. How stupid does anyone have to be to fall for a GHOST HUNTING scam? What is the level of education and mental health care in the US like that people are falling for GHOST HUNTING scams?
I was doing some looking at business that are open in my hometown. There’s some sort of a psychic. She took over a shop that had recently closed. People are leaving Google reviews of this psychic.
What fucking year is this? How fucking stupid do you have to be to give your money to a psychic? It’s sub-retard.
1:00 – So speaking of sub-retards, Chris BORES thinks that ghosts haunt his computer and didn’t want him to do this livestream. He shows his laptop with the blue screen of death.
Just take the fucking thing to a computer shop. Tell them that ghosts haunt your computer and you’d like to get it working again. They’ll do a clean install of Windows and you’ll be off to the races. Nothing to do with ghosts.
Also, he has a fucking Hewlett Packard. What a piece of shit. How much did he pay for that? A hundred bucks?
1:45 – “I had to really bless my house last night to make sure I got a good night sleep.”
This guy is married. Apparently. From what I can piece together, he married a woman who has at least one child. This guy really needs a professional to come and see him and make sure that he’s not a danger to himself or anyone else.
I mean, it’s a delicate issue, I guess. People believe in all kinds of crazy shit. Are you going to lock up every religious person? Every UFO nut? Everyone who believes in Bigfoot? Fucking retard James Rolfe and his Loch Ness Monster obsession?
I went to that Loch Ness not long ago. Maybe a year or two ago. I went with my girlfriend. There’s just some ruined castle near to the water that you can wander around in. It was rainy as fuck when we went. I think there’s a boat tour that you can also take.
Everybody there was an American. It’s a tourist thing, obviously, but fucking embarrassing. They’re doing the old, “We can’t understand what you’re saying because you’re Scottish!” thing. Nobody finds that cute. You think that they’d be used to it, frankly, but no, Scottish people find it offensive. And rightly. It’s true that they can be difficult to understand but if you just shut the fuck up and listen to what they’re saying, you’ll quickly figure out what they’re saying. It’s not that challenging. They’re speaking English.
We had to take a taxi to this castle from the nearest town. It was a 30 or 45 minute drive. And the driver is talking about the Loch Ness Monster, how it’s theorised that it was just a pod of dolphins or something. And my girlfriend, who must not have been listening very carefully, excitedly said, “So there’s really something in there?” He had to repeat that it was a pod of dolphins. I mean…come on. Can she honestly believe that the Loch Ness Monster is real? Maybe I should get her that book that James was reading from in that podcast.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. People who believe crazy shit like Chris BORES and his ghost mental illness.
2:00 – “When you are tuned into something, like the secrets of the afterlife…like I am, the resistance man, it’s just like…uggggh.”
People with schizophrenia believe that they have superpowers. This is what Chris BORES is suggesting.
And he has a bunch of Buddhist shit in the background. I’m not sure how the Buddhism jives with his staunch Christianity. I don’t think that it does.
2:30 – He advertises his onling ghost hunting service. He can also cure sleep paralysis over the internet because he says that it’s a “dark attack”.
This has to be illegal. Can he advertise that he can cure medical conditions with this fucking blatent quackery?
He’s also describing himself as a “ghost doctor”. This can not possibly be legal. Shut this fucking nutjob down.
There’s his website. He says that his online ghost hunting methods are 100% effective and then goes on to say that they can be performed as often as needed. If they’re 100% effective, why would you need it done more than once? Just get the shit done in the first attempt.
So he has three different packages. For $50 you can get rid of “stage 2” ghosts, which apparently are responsible for things like “shadows” and “touching. I could go for some ghost touching. Find me a sexy lady ghost who isn’t afraid to touch me down there.
For $75, you can get rid of “stage 3” ghosts who are responsible for “voices”, “sleep paralysis” and “bed shaking.” Again, give me some of that big titted, bed shaking ghost action. But yeah, hearing voices is a serious sign of mental illness but retard Chris BORES is pretending that he’s a “doctor” and can “cure” people of this by doing an online ghost hunt.
For $100, you can get rid of “stage 5” ghosts. What if you only have stage 4 ghosts? You’re just fucked. Stage 5 ghosts are responsible for “physical harm”, “thoughts of suicide”, and “objects shattering.” Again, suicidal ideation and self-harm are signs of mental illness but this asshole Chris BORES is preying on the mentally ill with his idiotic online ghost hunting idea.
If he’s not mentally ill himself, he should be deeply ashamed of himself.
Oh, a homo on Reddit helpfully time-stamped everything. Well, I dont’ want to watch this shit so I’ll just take a page from Newt Wallen and plagiarise this guy’s post:
So Chris did a livestream Q&A for his Ghost Doctor channel and it was pretty funny through and through. Chris kept saying all kinds of crazy shit and generally gave off schizo vibes the whole time, he is very adamant through the whole stream that he’s better than every paranormal expert living today “I’ve evolved so much in this field that I can’t learn from anybody anymore”. If you enjoy listening to delusional schizo ramblings with a bunch of cope mixed in then I would recommend giving it a listen but the highlights are listed below.
Highlights: He has his Irate Gamer logo on the screen for the whole stream for some reason
0:47 Chris appears late to the stream and claims “Dark Forces” always try to prevent him from streaming and this was no exception. He believes there are spirits fucking with his computer giving it the “blue screen of death”. He also says he is feeling sick and gives the reasoning “when you are as attuned to something like the secrets of the afterlife as I am the resistance is exerted grunting“
2:35 Chris has opened a new Ghost Doctor website where you can hire the Doctor himself to cleanse your house of evil spirits, demons, and other “dark attacks” like sleep paralysis, remotely. He also once again claims that the “Dark Forces” try to stop the website from going up. He offers a few tiers for his “services”, the silver pack will get rid of shadow men and the gold pack will get rid of suicidal thoughts, because I know if I’m feeling suicidal I’m going to call the fucking Irate Gamer to save me and get charged $100. He also offers a book, a “Ghost Doctor Toolkit” and “Tar Water”. He says once you buy these you can protect yourself from Dark Forces forever https://ghostdoctorchris.com/
8:52 Chris says he was attacked by a cloaked demon with chains in the middle of the night.
21:50 Chris claims that he is so successful and amasses such huge crowds at paranormal conventions that he’s been banned from ever returning to them and that “household names” in the community have stolen his ideas to try to replicate that success. The example he gives is that he says he came up the term “parasitic ghosts” and he’s seen others use that term without crediting him. He refuses to name anyone specifically. He goes into this subject again at 37:07 and he desperately insists that he knows what he’s talking about and that these people are going to suffer in the afterlife.
24:40 Chris claims he has a new groundbreaking device that he doesn’t even want to elude to because it’s so crazy and he can’t risk it getting out.
25:25 Chris says he talks to schizophrenics and tells them the voices they hear in their heads actually are demons.
26:43 Chris says that he’s been told by other big names in the paranormal community “we don’t want you here” (lol) He then goes on to explain that “once the genie is out of the bottle” that the “shit will hit the fan” and it will affect everyone, he references the situation he went through with AVGN and Youtube in the past and says this will be much bigger. And apparently according to Chris he’s been warned by spirits to watch his back because things are going to come for him.
29:12 Chris tries to get viewers to send him money so he’ll answer their questions.
31:00 Chris says that demons embed demonic incantations into chart topping pop songs and the most popular Youtube videos (probably the most sane thing in the stream to be honest)
32:10 Chris claims he witnessed a satanic afterparty at E3 and once again claims that Youtube fucked his channel in 2012 because he didn’t fall in line (he doesn’t specify what he means by this, I guess he means YT wanted him to worship Satan or something?) and warns popular Youtubers to watch their backs. He says Microsoft is the worst offender for these practices.
36:17 Chris gets distracted by his daughter wandering into his room and then goes on a rant about how spirits commonly try to attack his family and children and it pisses him off. He calls these ghosts low lives which I find hilarious.
47:30 Chris says he is visited all the time by spirits through the night who killed themselves begging for his prayers.
48:37 Chris says he doesn’t care he has haters because they are going to be coming to him for help when they die and he will still not turn them down. What a nice guy.
51:58 Again, Chris desperately insists that he knows what he’s talking about.
53:08 Chris says he can’t talk about astral spiders because he’s worried that other people will “steal his knowledge”. What a nice guy. He later goes on to talk about them anyway and later says he believes that the tv show Stranger Things was “divinely inspired” because their interpretation of astral spiders was spot on. So essentially Chris watched Stranger Things and learned about astral spiders and then claims that if anyone else talks about them anywhere then they are obviously stealing it from Chris. What a hack lmao
1:00:18 Chris says the only other famous ghost hunter he likes is Zak Bagans (of course he is) but he is worried about him because he says Zak keeps getting darker and darker and he’s going to pay for that.
Chris then ends the stream saying that he plans on doing these weekly from now on because “some crazy shit’s gonna go down” and he wants to be on stream to talk about it.
There’s a lot of disturbing stuff here. He says that he speaks to people with schizophrenia (which he BADLY mispronounces) and tells them that voices they hear are ghosts.
Then at 36:00 his “little girl” comes into this creepy as fuck room to ask him something. Chris BORES then says that ghosts are coming after his children and says “the trials and tribulations of being a father.” I’m pretty sure that this is his step-daughter. God. This guy should not be anywhere near children. He’s mentally ill. What is wrong with that girl’s mother that she find CHRIS BORES to be a suitable partner?
And the retards in the chat are asking questions like they actually believe what he’s saying. Shit about ghosts and whatnot. “What do I do if a ghost kills me?” That’s an actual question.
Hopefully this guy gets the help he needs before he impacts any other mentally ill person’s life.