Erin Plays and Mike Matei stream Lords of Exile! A Castlevania-inspired game

0:00 – “Here I am with…Mmmmmike?”

She wasn’t as confused by Mike as she usually is but she still seems to never remember this guy’s name. Or like she’s choking on bile just thinking about saying his name. This is the love of your life, Erin. Come on. You moved across the country to be with him. Chasing that sweet Youtube dream. How’s that working out for you?

1:00 – After talking about what a big Castlevania fan she is, she doesn’t know which Castlevania begins with the horse carriage running. I mean, she got it right but by pure chance. Mike thinks that she got it wrong and she just went along with him because she doesn’t have a fucking clue. She doesn’t play these games. She played them once, on stream for money, and then never again.

3:15 – Erin says that she has her stream set to 18+ “Because I curse a lot and I don’t want to offend anybody.”

I find the term “curse” for “profanity” annoying. “Cuss” is no good either. Seems like a hillbilly term. I just say “use profanity” but maybe that’s pretentious.

4:45 – Mike is talking about a game that he’s been playing off-stream. He says, “I do play games off-stream too.” Erin is totally silent because she doesn’t.

“That looks like butter. Like sticks of butter.”

Oh, that’s fucking hysterical, Erin. Give us some more “X looks like Y” “comedy”. Because to me, it looked like gold. But Erin is saying butter. Isn’t that a scream?

5:15 – You have to climb fences like in Super Mario World. Mike points out that it’s like Super Mario World. Erin immediately agrees and says that every time she sees a “gate” like this she thinks of Super Mario World because it’s the first game she ever played. She then refers to this fence as a “gate” about five more times and Mike says nothing because he knows that she’s a complete and total fraud.

5:45 – Erin gets annoyed because Mike, off-stream, questioned her gameplay abilities. And Erin, I think totally seriously, says, “Who do you think I am? I’m Erin Plays.” Then she immediately died.

She must know that she’s terrible at video games and has no experience with them. How can she not? Is she so delusional that even she believes her lies now?

She’s continually sliding in this game for reasons that only she knows.

8:45 – Erin says, “I’m stuck in my retro bubble.”

Uh huh. You’re a real gamer, Erin. We’re all jerking off over here.

9:45 – Erin is talking about the Care Bears glasses that you got from Pizza Hut. You know, from before she was born. She’s a big fan of media that pre-dates her birth.

These were released in 1984. Erin aka Cykill1986 was allegedly born in 1987.

I had a little Care Bear figuring as a kid. I got it as a Christmas gift. I was insulted. But it was kind of cool. It found its way into the rotation. He became an honourary GI Joe. Similar scale.

10:30 – Erin keeps dying on LEVEL 1 because she sucks cock. So Mike takes the controller from her.

12:30 – Then there’s a huge edit for reasons that I can’t explain. Let’s look this up. What are they hiding?

A horntard complains that one of the ads he saw on Erin’s stream was for diapers. Erin makes a joke about people watching the stream being too lazy to use the bathroom. Well, she might be on to something. I’d wager that a fair number of these mentally-challenged viewers wear diapers.

Then Mike gives the controller to Erin. This is all cut out, by the way. I don’t know why. He’s at some boss.

Erin jokes about a character looking like he’s defecating. Okay. Why was any of this cut out? These are recognisable jokes coming from Erin for a change. They’re not funny and they’re all about stool but at least it’s not “X looks like Y”. Why is she cutting out the parts where she seems to be almost human?

Oh wait, no. All of that was in there. The only part that was removed was Mike making a joke that due to the thunderstorm outside, they might lose power and the stream would end. Why would that be removed? I guess for the benefit of the retards who think that this is being streamed live on Youtube.

22:30 – After Erin barely beats the level 1 boss, Mike says, “I think that’s a crazy boss to have as boss 1”.

No. Erin just sucks dick. You can say it.

And Erin didn’t even understand why he said that.

23:00 – A horntard asks, “What’s your favourite old dead theme park?” Erin’s answer: Epcot Center.

Well, Wikipedia does describe it as a “theme park”, I guess. But I think that they were looking for an independent theme park. Not something within fucking Disney World.

23:45 – Erin immediately moves on but Mike is still thinking about the question, trying to give a proper answer. He says, “I can think of a million lost attractions, extinct attractions that are in Disney but I’m trying to think of just full theme parks.”

Well, that was the question. You want to field this one, Erin? Or was Epcot Center your final idiotic answer? And no elaboration, of course.

28:00 – Mike is complaining about the “…” that appears in video game dialogue. Erin says, “I know, I hate that too.”

Of course you do, Erin. You don’t have an original idea in that empty head of yours.

29:00 – Erin took a break because she has “allergies.” I think I’m done too.

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