Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4fvNhjjMZ4

Hey, Hamburglar top.  We’re in for a treat.

She was mentioning this game in the previous stream where she played Wii Sports.  At least in the 10 minutes of that shit that I was able to stomach.  Erin said that she played Wii Sports Resort before.  Then somebody in the chat asked her if she had a particular type of controller and she said that she did not.  Then the chat informed her that you need that controller in order to play Wii Sports Resort.  So Erin said that she must have the controller somewhere and just “forgot”.

I didn’t explain it well but basically, Erin was caught in a lie again.

Let me check.  Did she do a Valentine’s Day stream?  Not yet…but the day isn’t over.  I have faith that she’ll use this opportunity to shake down her horny, mentally challenged fans.

0:30 – “I was thinking of doing a Wii Sports video but I don’t know how fun that would be.”

So she’s trying Wii Sports Resort instead.  All research is done on stream, for money.

0:45 – “Am I using Wii Motion Plus?  I am”.

This is what I was talking about in the second paragraph.  She didn’t even know what this was the previous day.  But now she’s an expert.

1:15 – She makes a reference to Fruit Ninja.  I don’t remember her doing such a stream or video but she must have done.

“I want to play this with Mike.”

What’s stopping you?  Here’s how that exchange could go:

Erin: Hey Mike!  Want to play Wii Sports Resort with me?

Mike: Sure.

No problem.  Why does everything have to be on stream, for money?

2:00 – “It’s been years since I’ve played this.”

Uh huh.  She also claimed to have played Wii Sports and we saw how clueless she was at that game.  This is all made up bullshit.  And why?  Just say that you never played it before.  She’s said that HUNDREDS of times in the past.

Oh, I just noticed a benefit of the Hamburglar top: we don’t have to look at Erin’s arm fat jiggling. 

4:15 – She sniffles.  “My allergies!”

If you don’t want to see a doctor, have you at least considered taking some Claritin?  Just go the local CVS and they’ll sort you out.  They have CVS on the “East Coast” don’t they?  Maybe things have changed since my day, but I recall CVS being the big pharmacy chain there.  

I used to have really bad allergies as a kid.  So my parents took me to the doctor like normal people.  I had to take medication every day and go for injections like every week.  Then it became every other week.  Then it was every month.  Then just whenever.  It took years but eventually, the allergies went away.  And the medication worked as soon as I started taking it.  So there’s absolutely no need to suffer.  

4:45 – “This is giving you flashbacks to Skyward Sword?  Yeah, I haven’t played that one.”

You don’t say.  

5:00 – “I’m so like sniffly right now.  I took some Benedryl.”

Well, okay.  Maybe time to see a doctor then.

Then she inhales a tissue and says, “Sorry.  I know this is really attractive.”

Why doesn’t she just go off camera to do that?  Or at least turn around?  Do we need an extreme close up of you stuffing your nose with a tissue?  

She must have this on super easy mode, by the way.  It looks RIDICULOUSLY easy.  I don’t know how ANYONE can’t win.  She’s doing some sword fighting shit and the enemies don’t even do anything.  

11:15 – “This reminds you of the rope bridge of Indiana Jones?  It does, huh?”

She has no clue what this guy is talking about.  She never saw the movie.  Of course.

15:30 – “There are like so many Wii games that I don’t have any recollection of playing but, like, I own them.”

There’s no recollection of playing them because you never played them.

I’ve played a fair amount of games in my life.  WAY more than Erin.  Show me a game, today, and I’ll tell you whether or not I’ve ever played it.  Even if it was 35 years ago.  Even if I only played it for a short while.  I can recall every single game if I’m just shown the cartridge or some game footage.  

I don’t think that I’m some sort of savant.  I just think that Erin is a massive liar.

17:00 – The instructions say to hold the remote horizontally and Erin says, “Like this?”

She doesn’t know the difference between horizontal and vertical.  This is somebody who allegedly has a degree in English.  Here’s my tip: think of the horizon.  The horizon appears horizontally, right?  Oh, this is fucking genius.  I love these word memory things.

18:15 – She’s in practice mode and is getting frustrated at all of the prompts telling you how to play the game.  She also gets upset because she doesn’t know how to play the game.  

19:30 – “My arms are getting tired.  That practice took too much out of me.”

She’s playing with one hand now.  This is a good time to stop.  At least I made it further than in her Wii Sports video.  

But can you believe that Shishi and the gang were watching this for another hour and a half?  More than that.  How do they do it?  

And this is pornography to them.  So…why don’t they just turn it off when they blow their load like a normal person?  Maybe they have difficulties ejaculating.  

– “Hello can you Play Donkey Kong ?”

I don’t know why I found this so funny.  That was from Tibor Pastor.  

Well, Tibor, she never played Donkey Kong before.  That’s the bad news.  But you never know.  Maybe one day, she’ll decide to finally play that hidden gem, on stream, for money.  Won’t that be a treat?

“How do you jump?”

– “I was writing to say good video and happy Valentine’s Day to you and Mike and all on here. I’m doing a valentines night Matt dragen show that stats at 10pm Eastern time. Have a great day.”

I don’t even want to know what that is.

– “I am well at bowling.”

Glad to hear it, Tevin.

Oh.  I should not have done this.  Here’s what that Dragen guy was talking about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgmDJshEi_M

He’s clearly mentally challenged.  Just watch it.  I’m not saying this as a joke or to be cruel.  It’s true.  He’s mentally retarded.  Or massively autistic.  I don’t know what it is but he clearly has serious problems.

He does these weird streams MANY TIMES A DAY.  

These are the people who are watching these gamer grrls.  These are the people who are giving them money.  

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cwHpC7AJ3Y

Hello, desperation.  Wii Sports.  

I recall Erin saying that she played this game with her parents.  When was this game released?  Late 2006.  So Erin must have been…like 18 or 19.  At least.  That’s assuming that she bought it soon after it was released, which seems unlikely.

What’s the official lore regarding Erin and her history with video games.  She had about three games as a child…then I think in high school she wasn’t playing any games, and then she got into it “again” after high school.  So that checks out, I guess.  Playing Wii Sports with your parents as an 18/19 year old.  That’s what hardcore “gaming” was about in 2006.

I just thought of something.  Why don’t Erin’s parents start a Youtube channel about retro video games?  They played Wii Sports, after all.  And her father bought Return of Arcade for the PC.  He’s just as much a “gamer” as Erin is.  Maybe moreso.  I don’t know his full history with games.

Or here’s an idea, why doesn’t Erin move back in with her parents and they can all be on the channel together?  Who sucks at Mario worse: Erin or her mother?  The world wants to know.  And it would be wholesome stuff.  Yeah, it would be boring as fuck but can it be any worse than her channel currently is?

0:00 – “Oh my god.  We have so many Bulbasaurs.  It’s Bulbination in the chat.”

People spam Bulbasaur emojis in her chat.  I don’t know why.  I also don’t know why this is allowed.  Who wants to look at this shit?  But Bulbasaur is like…Erin’s…Pokemon.  If you want to discover Erin’s knowledge of Pokemon, you can check out her “My Favorite Dumb Pokemon” video.  Spoiler: she’s completely clueless.  I did a review of that video but it was on my sub.  I’ll re-upload it at some point.  It was quite possibly the worst video she’s ever done.

0:15 – Speaking of emotes, I do have some ideas.  I think that I might do an emote stream.”

She got “partnered” on Twitch, which basically just means you get some more “emotes”.  

Why do they keep changing the names of these stupid things anyway?  It went from smiley, to emoticon, to emoji, and now emote?  Just fucking pick something,.  Fucking nerd shit.

Anyway, apparently this stream is just going to be Erin introducing the new “emotes”.  That will be riveting stuff.

0:30 – “I haven’t played this in years so please be kind.”

She has more experience with this game than just about any other game she’s ever played.  She apparently actually played this one before.  With her parents  When she was 18/19 years old.  I can’t imagine that it was for very long but it’s still more than her usual SECONDS of experience with a game.  Or even not even that much.

Then one of the horndogs wants the Elmo balloon back so she brings him in.  She says that she had to get rid of the streamers because there wasn’t enough room.

This is just fucking pathetic.  She’s doing this for $200/month.  Is this at all worth it?  An actual job would pay so much more.

Oh, I should reference Erin’s larger physique.  Maybe this is her way to get some exercise.  Even her exercising has to be done on stream, for money.

And wait a minute.  Doesn’t she have a crippling back injury?  How is she able to play this?

1:45 – She’s reading from the chat.  “Have I played the Famicom Crazy Castle game with Roger Rabbit?  No.”

I don’t understand these fucking idiots.  Have you seen her do a stream or Youtube video of the game?  Then she hasn’t fucking played it.

Then she says that she wants to play other Crazy Castle games.  It’s implied that she means on stream, for money.  Because if she wanted to play these games, why wouldn’t she just do it?  Play in your spare time.

3:15 – “I would play this for hours.

She’s talking about how she used to play this game for hours, not that she would theoretically play the game for hours.  It has to be a lie.  

And speaking of lies, there is no way that Erin had a crippling back injury and is able to play this.  She’s playing the tennis game.  

Then she shows off her Jem t-shirt.  Hey guys!  Remember Jem?  

Yeah, I remember Jem.  It was a cartoon that was broadcast from 1985 to 1988.  Erin wasn’t even born.

Oh, and she doesn’t know the rules of tennis.  Never mind the odd scoring system, she doesn’t even know HOW you score points.  She would play this game “for hours”.

4:00 – “I kind of want to do a video on this, actually.”

No surprises there.  That’s why she’s doing the stream.  This is her “research” for the upcoming Youtube video.  All done on stream, for money, of course.

And I don’t want to be needlessly offensive but I REALLY don’t need to see Erin’s arm jiggling.

4:30 – “This is what’s going to happen.  I’m going to leave it hooked up and I’m just going to play Wii all the time.  Even if I don’t stream it, in my spare time I’ll just play so much Wii.”

She’s saying this as a joke.  In her mind, it’s totally absurd to play video games unless you’re playing on stream, for money.

4:45 – “Yeah, this is good for a standing stream because I still can’t really sit normally.”

Oh, sure.  I hear that doctors recommend that when you have a crippling back injury, you should play tennis.

She’s really bad at the game, by the way.  She lost the first game.

5:30 – “I don’t have a Wii U.  I was going to get a Wii U but then they announced the Swtich.  I missed out.”

The Wii U came out in 2012.  The Switch came out in 2017.  Erin started her channel in 2017.  This is why she skipped the Wii U.  She wasn’t playing video games at that time.  She only started when she started her channel.

And Erin gets shut out.  Match goes to the computer.  Final score of that set: 0-40.

She would play this for hours.

7:45 – “The Atari 2600 is the best console?  I mean, it’s a good contender.  I like it a lot.”

She played Atari games ONCE.  On stream, for money.  

Actually, I can’t even remember her doing any Atari stream.  But I remember her playing some other ancient console and repeatedly calling Breakout “Breakaway”.  

8:30 – “More Amiga streams?  I’ve never played an Amiga.  I would like to.”

First of all, it’s not at all shocking that she never played an Amiga.  We never saw a stream of it, after all.

But secondly, WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO?  She went her whole fucking life without playing any Amiga games.  WHY NOW?  Why does she want to play these ancient games now? 

And why on an Amiga?  Virtually all of these games had PC releases.  Or DOS or whatever the term would be.  Why does she want to play them specifically on an Amiga?  

Maybe the graphics or sound was slightly better on an Amiga.  I don’t know.  But do you think fucking Erin knows?  

8:45 – “What’s it called?  The ZX Spectrum?  Never played that either.”

Why is she just listing ancient computers that she never played before?  And again, WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO?

If you want to play old games that were compatible on the Amiga or the ZX Spectrum JUST PLAY  THEM ON YOUR FUCKING COMPUTER.  Use fucking Moslo or whatever that program is to get it to work.  Dos Box.  I don’t know.  I haven’t done this shit in 20 years.  

I know that there are Amiga and ZX Spectrum emulators but that’s only for HARDCORE NERDS who for whatever nerdy as fuck reason want to play on an emulator rather than their PC.  

I know that there were some games exclusive to the Amiga but without even knowing what they are, I’m going to go on a limb and say that they’re all shit.  They were probably shit in their day (which is why they weren’t given PC releases) and they’re definitely shit today.

Were there ZX Spectrum exclusives?  Yeah, it seems about…forty or so.  Again, without knowing anything about it, they’re probably all shit.  Each was made by some British nerd in his basement in about two weeks.  

I’m not interested in that shit.  But Erin is interested?  But not interested enough to have actually done it.  She’s waiting to do it on stream, for money.

“The Atari 5200?  Yeah, I think Mike finally got that to work.”

She never played this either.  But she probably wants to.  On stream, for money.

“I want to do a 7800 stream.”

She never played any of these games either.  Why not play the games first IN YOUR SPARE TIME and then do it on stream, for money?

I mean, WHY would she want to do a 7800 stream?  She doesn’t know anything about the games.  She never played them before.  She doesn’t even know what they are.  

Because she’s desperate for “content” and wants money from mentally challenged, horny losers.

9:45 – “Isn’t the 7800 a repackaged 2600?  Well, the graphics are better.”

Thank you for that dazzling insight.  It’s not like every single fucking person in the chat, no matter how mentally challenged, didn’t already know that.  But that’s the only piece of trivia that she’s able to relay because she knows NOTHING about either console.

“It’s a little different.”

It’s MASSIVELY different.  There’s a huge improvement in graphics.  But of course, Erin doesn’t know this.

11:00 – She finds the word “deuce” funny.  She’s totally unfamiliar with this tennis term.  In spite of the fact that she would play the game for hours.

11:30 – “Use the front Erin?  Like this (makes motion).  I don’t know what you mean.”

The chat brings up an excellent point.  She’s playing this game in doubles but she only uses the back character.  The front character hasn’t been used ONCE.  You must be able to control both characters.  You press a button to change characters, I would assume.  She hasn’t done this ONCE and DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS GUY IS TALKING ABOUT!

She would play this game for hours.

Now that this guy mentions this, it makes this whole thing even more preposterous.  She’s just using the fucking back character.  This is stupid.  She doesn’t have a CLUE how to play this game.  She CLEARLY has NEVER PLAYED IT BEFORE.

Then she loses.  Again.

12:15 – “Oh.  You mean there are two players front and back?  Ohhhhh!  I forgot.  How do you switch?”

How could she possibly have forgotten?  She would play this game for hours.

“Oh.  You switch by pressing B.  It’s called B, right?  It’s been so long.”

You know what?  I’m done.

https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1357144779952427009

So I didn’t tell anyone I applied again for Partner because I didn’t want to jinx it, but. . . I’M NOW A TWITCH PARTNER! To those of you in my streams, thanks SO much for sticking with me and for making such a fun community (three purple heart emojis).  You know what this means- MORE EMOTES! (smiling face with open mouth and smiling eyes emoji)

I looked this up.  Pretty extensively.  I was trying to figure out what the benefits of being a Twitch “partner” are.  Here’s what I found:

– Custom chat badges
– Custom emoticons
– Access to subscriber-only chat
– Exclusion from Slow Mode
– Unrestricted access to broadcast archives
– Unrestricted access to video quality
– Ad-free viewing experience

So…who gives a fuck?  It’s basically what Erin said.  More emojis.  

You also apparently get a share of the revenue from ads that are played on your channel.  But this must be pennies.  

Why would anybody even want this?  I mean, I guess that more emojis is better than fewer emojis and more pennies is better than fewer pennies but who cares?  This is trivial in the extreme.

How much more satisfying would it be if Erin came home and announced to Mike that she got a promotions and a raise at her record store job?  She went from floor staff making $7.25/hour to assistant manager making $9/hour.  That would be worth a celebration.  

But Twitch partner?  More emojis?  A few pennies more per months?  Who gives a shit?

Erin decides to do a stream to celebrate.  Shake the horndogs down for money.  And she decorated her…”set” for lack of a better word.  She just put blue streamers in front of her posters and threw an Elmo balloon in there.  Elmo isn’t even her thing.  That’s Mike’s thing.  But she doesn’t have a thing because she’s completely devoid of a personality.

Before I go any further, JOHN RIGGS replied to that tweet.  Of course he did.  As did Retail Archaelogy.  She’s mentioned this guy before.  He must be trying to get something going with her now too.  He says, “That’s rad”.  That’s what a lot of her loser horny fans say, for whatever bizarre reason.  

Of course, Shishi replied.  Marcus replied.  That goes without saying, though.  The usual crew.

Crazy Bobdunga replied.  Retro Ali replied.  Ircha Gaming replied.  All boring as fuck messages, by the way.  

I didn’t see anything from Joe from Gamesack.  That’s unfortunate.

Anyway, back to the stream.  Maybe she’ll upload a bizarrely edited version of this to Youtube later but I’m watching on Twitch in it’s full, unedited glory.

So the stream starts, Erin isn’t even there, it’s just a shot of this “new” set, Erin is building suspense, and all the horndogs are saying “congratz” and suchlike.  This guy Savage_kyus gifted like 20 subscriptions.  Somehow Erin gets money for these.  That’s why the horndogs do this.  

Finally, a chubby Erin bounces in and she starts thanking these horny losers for giving her money.

I don’t want to mention her weight just for the sake of it but it’s really obvious that she’s gained weight.

She’s wearing an unflattering Sailor Moon t-shirt.  Hey guys!  Remember…no, I can’t.  Fuck this fake *nostalgia*.

Oh, and she’s still standing up.  Maybe time to see a doctor?  It’s been over a week.  Has she been standing for the past week?

Then a bunch of other people gave a bunch of gift subs.  Erin is just overwhelmed by the “generosity” of these horny, mentally challenged losers.

She says “holy moley” a lot.  Really, really annoying.

“Thank you Hungry Goriya for gifting five subs.  You didn’t have to do that.”

She makes a special point to tell Hungry Goriya, who’s a fellow gamer grrl, that she didn’t have to do that.  Gifting subs is something that only horny, mentally challenged men have to do.  

Mike is in the chat and he’s just spamming emojis that are supposed to be of Erin.  What the fuck is this contributing?  He should be banned for spamming.

Then she mentions that Hungry Goriya was partnered not long ago.  “Everyone is getting partnered now.”

That’s probably right.  How low must the bar be for this thing that even Erin can get in?

Then she starts showing off the set.  These decorations must have cost…I don’t know…five dollars for the streamers and the balloon…maybe $20?  Oh not even.  I see it for £10 on Ebay.  That’s like $12 to 15.  Presumably, you have to then fill it with helium and I don’t know how much that is but it can’t be much.  Now that I think of it, maybe you can just use air.

NewWaveJunkie then gives a bunch of gift subs.  This is really annoying.  She keeps talking about how unexpected this all is and that just encourages the horndogs to do it more.

Mike continues to spam emojis.

She suggests that she’s going to take some emoji suggestions from the chat.  God.  Who cares?  This is fucking trivial in the extreme.  Why would anyone possibly want new emojis?  

Oh god.  She takes a sip from her Red Bull to try to keep awake and I notice that she’s wearing a crop top.  Please let’s not see her chubby midriff at any point during this.

Oof.  I spoke too soon.  A couple of seconds later we’re…”treated” to a peek.

Somebody asks what being partnered even means.  Erin says, “It just means that you’re dedicated to streaming on Twitch and that you’ve met certain requirements for them to want to partner with you.”

BUT WHAT DOES IT ACTUALLY MEAN?  WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS?

“You get more emotes.  I don’t know.  Somebody else can probably describe it better than I can.”

Let me get this right.  She’s celebrating something that she doesn’t even know what it is.  She just knows that’s it’s a good excuse to shake down the mentally challenged horndogs for money.

ClassicG78 says, “I’m out 100 dollars.”

That guy, who quite possibly is mentally challenged, just spent $100 on Erin and now has buyer’s remorse.  “Wait, I thought that if I spent $100 on you, I’d somehow get a date out of this.”  There was no date.  Just an empty, unfulfilling, “Thank you for the gift subs”.

She says that Shishi sent her a Bugs Bunny Castlevania rom hack and she’s going to play that.  Oh great.  Castlevania.  What a way to celebrate.  We haven’t already seen Erin play that game a billion times.  Poorly.  On stream, for money.  With cheat codes.

Then some horndog asks about her shirt and she says that it’s a new shirt that she got from Forever 21. 

Then she shows off the shirt and raises her arms to fix her glasses, thereby exposing her midriff again.  Please can we stop with this?

She then takes another sip of Redbull.  Please get some shirts that fit.  I don’t need to see any pasty stomach rolls.  

She then lifts the Elmo balloon.  “Whoa, you just saw way more of my tummy than I wanted you to.”

That makes two of us.  It was about six inches too much.  But Shishi has already clipped that and shared it with John Riggs and Joe from Gamesack.

Mike then appears with the Elmo puppet.  Commence awkward as fuck dialogue between the two of them.  Erin couldn’t have an interesting conversation if her life depended on it.

I’m done.  Fuck this.  She plays Castlevania hacks for the next 90 minutes.  Great stuff, I’m sure.