Erin Got "Partnered" on Twitch!

So I didn’t tell anyone I applied again for Partner because I didn’t want to jinx it, but. . . I’M NOW A TWITCH PARTNER! To those of you in my streams, thanks SO much for sticking with me and for making such a fun community (three purple heart emojis).  You know what this means- MORE EMOTES! (smiling face with open mouth and smiling eyes emoji)

I looked this up.  Pretty extensively.  I was trying to figure out what the benefits of being a Twitch “partner” are.  Here’s what I found:

– Custom chat badges
– Custom emoticons
– Access to subscriber-only chat
– Exclusion from Slow Mode
– Unrestricted access to broadcast archives
– Unrestricted access to video quality
– Ad-free viewing experience

So…who gives a fuck?  It’s basically what Erin said.  More emojis.  

You also apparently get a share of the revenue from ads that are played on your channel.  But this must be pennies.  

Why would anybody even want this?  I mean, I guess that more emojis is better than fewer emojis and more pennies is better than fewer pennies but who cares?  This is trivial in the extreme.

How much more satisfying would it be if Erin came home and announced to Mike that she got a promotions and a raise at her record store job?  She went from floor staff making $7.25/hour to assistant manager making $9/hour.  That would be worth a celebration.  

But Twitch partner?  More emojis?  A few pennies more per months?  Who gives a shit?

Erin decides to do a stream to celebrate.  Shake the horndogs down for money.  And she decorated her…”set” for lack of a better word.  She just put blue streamers in front of her posters and threw an Elmo balloon in there.  Elmo isn’t even her thing.  That’s Mike’s thing.  But she doesn’t have a thing because she’s completely devoid of a personality.

Before I go any further, JOHN RIGGS replied to that tweet.  Of course he did.  As did Retail Archaelogy.  She’s mentioned this guy before.  He must be trying to get something going with her now too.  He says, “That’s rad”.  That’s what a lot of her loser horny fans say, for whatever bizarre reason.  

Of course, Shishi replied.  Marcus replied.  That goes without saying, though.  The usual crew.

Crazy Bobdunga replied.  Retro Ali replied.  Ircha Gaming replied.  All boring as fuck messages, by the way.  

I didn’t see anything from Joe from Gamesack.  That’s unfortunate.

Anyway, back to the stream.  Maybe she’ll upload a bizarrely edited version of this to Youtube later but I’m watching on Twitch in it’s full, unedited glory.

So the stream starts, Erin isn’t even there, it’s just a shot of this “new” set, Erin is building suspense, and all the horndogs are saying “congratz” and suchlike.  This guy Savage_kyus gifted like 20 subscriptions.  Somehow Erin gets money for these.  That’s why the horndogs do this.  

Finally, a chubby Erin bounces in and she starts thanking these horny losers for giving her money.

I don’t want to mention her weight just for the sake of it but it’s really obvious that she’s gained weight.

She’s wearing an unflattering Sailor Moon t-shirt.  Hey guys!  Remember…no, I can’t.  Fuck this fake *nostalgia*.

Oh, and she’s still standing up.  Maybe time to see a doctor?  It’s been over a week.  Has she been standing for the past week?

Then a bunch of other people gave a bunch of gift subs.  Erin is just overwhelmed by the “generosity” of these horny, mentally challenged losers.

She says “holy moley” a lot.  Really, really annoying.

“Thank you Hungry Goriya for gifting five subs.  You didn’t have to do that.”

She makes a special point to tell Hungry Goriya, who’s a fellow gamer grrl, that she didn’t have to do that.  Gifting subs is something that only horny, mentally challenged men have to do.  

Mike is in the chat and he’s just spamming emojis that are supposed to be of Erin.  What the fuck is this contributing?  He should be banned for spamming.

Then she mentions that Hungry Goriya was partnered not long ago.  “Everyone is getting partnered now.”

That’s probably right.  How low must the bar be for this thing that even Erin can get in?

Then she starts showing off the set.  These decorations must have cost…I don’t know…five dollars for the streamers and the balloon…maybe $20?  Oh not even.  I see it for £10 on Ebay.  That’s like $12 to 15.  Presumably, you have to then fill it with helium and I don’t know how much that is but it can’t be much.  Now that I think of it, maybe you can just use air.

NewWaveJunkie then gives a bunch of gift subs.  This is really annoying.  She keeps talking about how unexpected this all is and that just encourages the horndogs to do it more.

Mike continues to spam emojis.

She suggests that she’s going to take some emoji suggestions from the chat.  God.  Who cares?  This is fucking trivial in the extreme.  Why would anyone possibly want new emojis?  

Oh god.  She takes a sip from her Red Bull to try to keep awake and I notice that she’s wearing a crop top.  Please let’s not see her chubby midriff at any point during this.

Oof.  I spoke too soon.  A couple of seconds later we’re…”treated” to a peek.

Somebody asks what being partnered even means.  Erin says, “It just means that you’re dedicated to streaming on Twitch and that you’ve met certain requirements for them to want to partner with you.”


“You get more emotes.  I don’t know.  Somebody else can probably describe it better than I can.”

Let me get this right.  She’s celebrating something that she doesn’t even know what it is.  She just knows that’s it’s a good excuse to shake down the mentally challenged horndogs for money.

ClassicG78 says, “I’m out 100 dollars.”

That guy, who quite possibly is mentally challenged, just spent $100 on Erin and now has buyer’s remorse.  “Wait, I thought that if I spent $100 on you, I’d somehow get a date out of this.”  There was no date.  Just an empty, unfulfilling, “Thank you for the gift subs”.

She says that Shishi sent her a Bugs Bunny Castlevania rom hack and she’s going to play that.  Oh great.  Castlevania.  What a way to celebrate.  We haven’t already seen Erin play that game a billion times.  Poorly.  On stream, for money.  With cheat codes.

Then some horndog asks about her shirt and she says that it’s a new shirt that she got from Forever 21. 

Then she shows off the shirt and raises her arms to fix her glasses, thereby exposing her midriff again.  Please can we stop with this?

She then takes another sip of Redbull.  Please get some shirts that fit.  I don’t need to see any pasty stomach rolls.  

She then lifts the Elmo balloon.  “Whoa, you just saw way more of my tummy than I wanted you to.”

That makes two of us.  It was about six inches too much.  But Shishi has already clipped that and shared it with John Riggs and Joe from Gamesack.

Mike then appears with the Elmo puppet.  Commence awkward as fuck dialogue between the two of them.  Erin couldn’t have an interesting conversation if her life depended on it.

I’m done.  Fuck this.  She plays Castlevania hacks for the next 90 minutes.  Great stuff, I’m sure.

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